Work Text:
"You cannot be serious," Arthur growled at his knight.
"Aw princess what else could we possibly use truth serum for?" Gwaine chided smiling. As if there were not a thousand other more practical uses for such a thing.
Beside him Morgana and Gwen were smiling, around the camp his other knights also seemed amused. Only Merlin looked hesitant, well, he and Lancelot, who were trying very hard not to look at each other and failing. Neither seemed excited about the idea. Arthur would not admit it aloud but their collective appreciation was the catalyst for his resolve crumbling.
"Come on Arthur! I finally got the potion just right, I want to see it in action." Morgana pleaded.
Her magical studies had progressed under Guias’s watchful eye ever since Merlin had talked her back from the ledge and Arthur had signed a treaty legalizing magic in Camelot. He did want to encourage her studies, and more so he wanted to know what the looks Merlin and Lancelot were sharing meant.
He groaned. "Fine. We will play your silly game, how does this potion work exactly?"
Everyone gathered around the fire and awaited her explanation.
"You will be unable to lie anytime you speak, and if asked a direct question you will be compelled to answer it, but not forced, if you verbally decline to answer the compulsion will stop, the potion will accept that as a true answer. Or you can pick dare and avoid the questions altogether. I think we should refrain from asking any questions unprompted while under the effects of the potion." She glared around the circle and everyone agreed.
Merlin met her eyes, pleading with her to get him out of this, but she only smirked, she'd been trying to get him to tell Arthur about his powers since she'd returned. She would never do it herself, but she would not help him hide either. He was determined to only pick dare all night…
"I think there ought to be additional rules," Lancelot spoke up, he knew this was likely a ploy for Morgana to reveal all sorts of secrets. "Like you should have to ask a different person 'truth or dare' on each of your turns, so you have to work your way through everyone before going back to someone you've already asked."
“Not everyone, there are too many of us, how about you can only return to someone after you’ve asked three other people. Otherwise, we will lose track.” Leon countered. Everyone seemed to agree with him but Morgana, so the rule was added.
"And you can't pick on the same person twice in a row," Merlin said, "like if I ask Gwaine a question then it is Percival's turn he has to ask someone other than Gwaine, but then Arthur could ask Gwaine but not whoever Percival asked." He clarified going in order to his right.
This to the group agreed with.
"Anything else?" Morgana said, sounding annoyed.
"Yeah," Gwaine said, "if you decline to answer a question you have to do a dare."
"Fine, all fine, we have the rules, now, we pour the drinks." Morgana and Gwen measured and passed around cups of truth serum mixed in wine.
Everyone drank the serum, it was not unpleasant but it was a noticeable taste, “You’d never be able to sneak this to someone undetected.” Leon voiced, assuming that Morgana had other reasons for perfecting the drink than for games such as this. Everyone nodded and Morgana filled that information away for the future.
“How long will it take before the effects kick in?” Arthur asked, inspecting his hands as if he expected the magic to be visible, Merlin, Mordred, and Morgana rolled their eyes and shared a look of annoyance at the king’s continued lack of understanding of magic.
“It should be instant, should we test it?” She answered aloud.
Arthur’s face scrunched up, “How?”
“How about a standard question asked to the whole group? Everyone answers and maybe some of us attempt to lie and see if we can?” Elyan offered. Without a better suggestion, they shrugged and agreed.
“What question?” Percival asked.
Gwaine suddenly perked up and smiled, “Oh! Everyone’s first kiss, who with?”
He was met with a series of eye rolls and unimpressed looks. “That will work I guess, no more or less than anything else, and besides, some of us can corroborate or challenge people’s answers.” Morgana did not sound impressed either but she was not wrong, so she turned to her right “Elyan, who was your first kiss?” she asked.
Elyan smiled remembering, “Our neighbor growing up, Eliza.” Then he turned and asked Leon the same question.
Leon looked as if he was trying to make his mouth work but it wasn’t cooperating. “Annabell!” he finally ground out, then nodded thoughtfully, “I tried but it was like my body was physically holding in the lie, that is so interesting. She was one of my sister’s handmaidens, very sweet.” He turned to Lance. “Who was your first kiss, Lancelot?”
Lance looked apologetically around the circle, he did not try to lie, “Gwen.” He said, his face a little red. He was met with several laughs and some teasing, Arthur and Lance had both abandoned their courtships with Gwen when she announced she had found love elsewhere but they still avoided the conversation topic around each other.
He turned to Merlin and hesitated, Merlin realized he must think Freya was his first kiss, he was touched by the concern he saw there but he only raised a brow Guias style to indicate he was waiting. “Alright Merlin, and who was your first kiss with then?” He said, slightly indignant that he did not know the answer.
The others took notice of the exchange, curious as to who Lance thought Merlin’s first kiss was that he was so hesitant to ask.
Merlin laughed and felt the name on the tip of his tongue, but he thought a moment before deciding this round was for testing the potion, so he took a beat, and prodded at the urge to speak before saying, “I would rather not say.” Then he paused thoughtfully and felt for the urge again, it was not there. He nodded satisfied. “Hugh, well we know that feature works at least,” He smiled meekly at no one in particular. “My first kiss was also with Gwen.”
Everyone’s eyes went wide and Gwen and Merlin both laughed. It seemed all their friends were looking between the two across the fire confused. Merlin did not let them dwell on it though because he turned to Percival next to him. “Percy, I am dying to know, who was your first kiss?” He asked sweet and sarcastic at the same time.
Percival blushed at the attention. “My best friend as a boy.” He paused. “Oi, we do not have to say the name if we answer the question truthfully. I guess we don’t have to be specific then.” He announced to the group, then, shyer he added. “His name was Darius.”
Merlin noticed the surprise register on faces around the circle but he had always suspected he preferred men, though he was surprised he figured it out so young, he let his hand pat the giant on the back and they shared an understanding smile, one that came from shared secret battles. Percival wasted no time turning to the King on his right. “And you sire? Who was your first kiss?”
Arthur rolled his eyes and gestured vaguely across the fire. “Also Gwenevier.” He glared at Merlin but there was no anger, only curiosity. “Mordred, I suppose you are next, who was your first kiss?”
“A druid girl from my camp, Kara.” He blushed, still so much younger than them. He turned to Gwaine beside him, smirking. “Gwaine, who was your first?”
Gwaine smirked and thought hard. “Honestly I do not recall her name, I remember she was a visiting nobleman's daughter, she cornered me in the hall after the feast when we were eleven, her father caught us, and the resulting smack to the head makes the rest of their visit rather hazy.” He turned, “Lady Guinevere, which of our fair companies has the honor of being your first?”
Gwen giggled at his flirting but looked right at Merlin, “Merlin of course.” She said, which really got the group going.
“Wait, I was your first?” Merlin gaped, “You kissed me!” She laughed again.
“Oh come on Merlin, I’d been flirting for weeks, and you had just come back from the dead, I was an emotional wreck!”
“You died?” Percival turned on him.
“You kissed him?” Arthur asked at the same time.
“When was this?” Morgana asked before Merlin raised his hands to silence everyone.
“Wait!” He took a deep breath. “Yes, I died; briefly, it was when I drank from Arthur’s poisoned goblet.”
“Yes I kissed him, I was relieved, we said no unsolicited questions!” Gwen stammered, the group quieted realizing what had happened.
“I thought I was in time, with the flower,” Arthur said carefully, staring at Merlin in shock.
Merlin sighed and scrambled for an answer that would not reveal too much. “Guias gave me the antidote just before I stopped breathing. He told us it simply took time to work.” That was true, he had made all kinds of excuses until Gwen had left, then they privately marveled that it was likely his magic that had made the difference, they had not known at the time that he was immortal, but he did not want to reveal that now.
Arthur let out a breath he had been holding, the idea that he was so close to having lost Merlin back then… it did not sit well in his stomach.
“Am I the only one here who has never heard this story?” Gwaine asked no one in particular, Merlin glared at him.
“No unsolicited questions Gwaine!” he chided.
“I have not heard this story,” Percival answered.
“Nor I.” Replied Mordred.
“Ugh.” Merlin groaned and put his head in his hands. But Morgana had no reservations telling the tale.
She smiled and began without being prompted. “King Bayard and his whole royal entourage came to Camelot to sign a peace treaty; at the feast, he gifted Arthur and Uther a matching set of goblets for a toast. Merlin had only been in Camelot a few months, he was not even supposed to be at the feast, and yet he came running into the hall shouting that Bayard had poisoned Arthur’s goblet!” She laughed, all the knights turned to look at the still hiding servant.
“Every knight from both kingdoms drew their swords and King Bayard himself had his at Merlin’s throat before he finished talking,” Leon added, remembering the chaos of impending war.
“Uther made him drink the wine in front of everyone and said if it was not poisoned Bayard could kill him himself. Arthur tried to stop him, said he would drink it himself, but Merlin just looked the king in the eye and downed the poisoned wine.” Morgana continued, enjoying their reactions. “He choked and fell unconscious, Arthur carried him all the way to Guias’s chambers while we all had to deal with arresting the entire Mercian court. Arthur traveled all the way to the forests of Ballock to get the antidote. Uther was furious and arrested him the moment he returned for disobeying his orders. But a week later, when it was proved a sorceress had tried to frame Bayard, everyone was released, the treaty signed, war averted, and Merlin went right back to work.”
“You saved his life and yet you remained a servant. Ungrateful royals.” Gwaine mumbled.
Leon laughed, “That's how he got the job!”
“Oh how could we forget, ‘You saved my son’s life, you shall be awarded a position in the royal household!’” Morgana did her best Uther impersonation.
“I’d never seen anyone move so fast, it was Merlin’s first feast at court, he was there as Guias’s apprentice, but when a sorceress threw a dagger at Arthur, Merlin pulled him out of the way before anyone else even realized what was happening,” Gwen said, clearly in awe.
“Gods it was nothing, I just happened to be the closest to him!” Merlin complained barely getting away with the half-truth, he could feel the magic resisting but he knew if he had been any further away he’d have had to do something else to save him.
Arthur was looking at him with a complex emotion in those deep blue eyes. “Merlin, you saved my life, you hated me, hell I’d arrest you twice that week, and beat you with a broomstick in the marketplace, and yet,” he said smiling fondly at the memory, “you still risked your life for mine in front of the whole court.”
Merlin faked a pout. “You were a total prat… but you didn’t deserve to die.” He turned away and let his smile fall. “We are very off-topic, we have a game to play, and since I have been the topic of the conversation thus far I think I should get to go first. So Elyan, truth or dare?”
Elyan smiled, more than happy to go first. “Dare.” He said.
Merlin had known he would pick dare, but he hesitated; he had nothing to ask him to do, he just needed a distraction for the group. “I dare you to hold a handstand for one minute.” It was an odd request he knew, but despite his definite strength, Merlin knew Elyan could not hold a handstand for any length of time and the resulting struggle led to much teasing and laughter in the group until Gwaine had to get up and hold his legs for him.
“That was mean, you knew I could not do that!” Elyan complained good-naturedly. Merlin only smiled sweetly at him and winked.
Everyone turned to Percival then, he surveyed the group. “Arthur, truth or dare?”
Arthur perked up, surprised to be chosen. He thought a moment then said “Truth.”
Percival hummed, “What beast scares you the most?” he finally settled on.
Arthur seemed to think it over seriously before answering, “Probably the questing beast, I only saw it for a moment but it was the most painful bite I had ever suffered, the poison had me bedridden for days, I thought I was dead for sure.” Merlin kept his face carefully neutral, looking down at the ground. Morgana and Lancelot were the only two who looked to him while Arthur answered so his discomfort went largely unnoticed.
Arthur then took his turn, and much to Merlin’s surprise a whole round elapsed without him being targeted even once. The round was uneventful. Most of the knights selected dare which resulted in much shouting and laughing as stupid feats were performed ungracefully around the fire as the sun set.
“Merlin,” Gwaine hummed, pulling Merlin from his largely unnoticed brooding, it was Gwaine’s third turn, and Merlin realized they had taken care not to target him after all he had revealed at the start of the game. “Truth or dare?”
“Dare.” He replied instantly, knowing truth, from anyone but Lancelot was a risk too big to risk.
Gwaine smiled, clearly happy with his decision. “Hmmm, I think we shall start easy, pick anyone around the circle and sit in their lap, every time you get targeted you have to move to a different lap.” Merlin furrowed his brow, confused, not just because of the randomness of the request, but at how easy it actually would be, he expected something far more devious from Gwaine. Deciding not to push his luck he shrugged and turned to Lance with a raised brow. Lance also shrugged and sat up so Merlin could slide onto his lap comfortably. Other than Arthur’s glare no one seemed surprised or overly interested in what they were up to.
Gwen quickly rounded on her brother and had him dancing around the fire singing a silly nursery rhyme.
Once seated, panting heavily and glaring good-naturedly at his sister. Merlin’s own amusement dried up when he realized Morgana was staring directly at him. “Merlin, truth or dare?”
Merlin sighed and turned to Gwaine, “do I move before or after I take my turn?” He asked, biding his time.
Gwaine made a show of thinking about it but shrugged and said only, “after.”
Nodding Merlin turned to Morgana with an apprehensive glare, neither option was safe with her, not the way she was looking at him. At least truth would give him the option to choose dare later if he did not like the question. “Truth.”
Her eyes sparkled with mischief. “Have you ever been in love?”
It was not the question he had been expecting, it had not even been on his list of possible worries. “Yes,” he replies immediately, confused as to what she was up to. He scanned the circle and to everyone’s surprise, he simply got up and planted himself gracefully on Leon’s lap.
Lancelot smirked at Leon’s wide eyes but no one said anything when Leon let his hand rest against the boy’s hip.
Elyan turned on his sister, eager for revenge. “Truth.” She said, defiant and unafraid.
“What’s the most embarrassing thing you have ever done?”
Her cheeks pinked immediately and her eyes slid from Merlin to Arthur, confusing both of them. “The first time I kissed Arthur,” she admitted, and realization dawned on Merlin, awkwardly he cleared his throat, gaining more than a few curious looks. “Merlin fetched me in the middle of a duel, claiming he’d been enchanted and only a kiss would break it…”
Merlin sighed, cutting in to put her out of her misery. “He had been a right prat to her all week and nearly started a war with his outrageous behavior before we realized he was under a spell, but we could not very well tell anyone considering five kings were in attendance and Uther would have lost his head.”
Arthur’s cheeks were red and he looked pointedly away clearing his throat. “Right, yes, thank you for that.” He said awkwardly.
Everyone shuffled awkwardly before Leon’s voice in his ear made Merlin jump. “Percival, truth or dare?” Noticing Merlin’s flinch Leon’s hand absently squeezed before his thumb took to drawing small circles just above his pelvis.
“Dare.”
“I do not believe we have ever seen you drunk, I dare you to finish your wineskin before my next turn.” Merlin laughed and Gwaine cheered, it was truly unexpected coming from Leon.
Groaning, but with a smile, Percival sets about taking large swigs from his wineskin. Lancelot smiles and turns to Morgana. “Truth or dare my lady?” He asked with just a hint of challenge in his tone.
“Truth.”
His eyes never leave her face but Merlin can tell his friend is gauging his reaction. “Why did you really want to play this game?” Her smile widened, their eyes clashing in a test of wills, but she replied sweetly.
“I thought it would be fun to see what each of us was willing to reveal.” Merlin stilled, eyes suddenly drawn to Mordred, who was studying him curiously, clearly conflicted. You think she wants to reveal your magic, but she won’t push you.
You of all people know how dangerous this game is for me, even without the truth serum.
Mordred looks away guiltily, confirming Merlin’s suspicions that Mordred had helped her make it. “Mordred, truth or dare?” He asks, watching and guiltily enjoying the way the druid fidgets.
“Truth.” His voice is quiet but he is brave, Merlin sighs, knowing he could never actually call him out without feeling guilty later.
“Why have you stopped pursuing magic?” His eyes snap up, clearly surprised by the question. Merlin wondered if he thought no one noticed. The druids were welcome back in Camelot, but since the lifting of the ban, Mordred had thrown himself into his knight’s duties and all but abandoned even his most basic studies.
He bit his lip and took a deep breath. Merlin realized he was mentally phrasing his answer very carefully. “I was told some things by my old clan that changed my priorities.” In his mind he added guiltily, they told me about my role in the prophecy.
Merlin’s eyes widened, he was so surprised he did not even attempt to school his features until he noticed many curious glances his way.
Percival cleared his throat, “Lancelot, truth or dare?”
Lance smiled, eager to pull focus from the triad of magic users. “Dare.”
Lance was probably regretting this decision about the time he found himself in a foot race with Arthur and Elyan, both of whom groaned loudly about not being the ones who’d picked dare. Elyan won, but barely. Arthur falls hard onto his log panting heavily, and glaring at Percival. “Truth or dare?”
Grinning, the giant smugly picks truth.
“What is your least favorite castle duty?” Arthur smirks too, hinting strongly at revenge.
Reluctantly Percival admits his hatred of gate guarding. Mordred asks Gwen who her new love is and she tells them all shyly about one of the stable boys whom she has known since she was a girl.
Merlin smiles, he is happy she is outside of all the politics and danger that came from dating knights and kings. “Princess, truth or dare?”
Arthur rolls his eyes and chooses truth.
“If you had to marry someone in this circle who would you pick?” Arthur’s eyebrows rose, then he made a big show of considering each of them.
“I suppose I would have to pick Merlin. After all, he already does my laundry and cleaning… brings me my meals… He clearly knows how to treat a husband.” He is smirking when he says it, causing Merlin to glare, but his breath hitched, realizing not only that he had clearly separated each of his statements, making them definite half-truths, but that last sentence…
Gwaine laughed, “Yes I am sure he does.” he adds, suggestively, and Merlin turns his glare on Gwaine.
“Not that either of you would have any idea.” He growls, barely resisting adding that he never intends to marry. Lancelot sends him an understanding look, knowing exactly why such comments hurt him, and Leon must catch it because he holds Merlin a little tighter.
Another round passes with Merlin almost completely zoned out, choosing to focus on the fire before him and the laughter and smiles of his closest friends. At some point, Mordred dares him to arm wrestle with Percival. Everyone is surprised when he lasts a fair bit longer than any of them expected, even Percival. Though he is sure it has more to do with the knight being rather tipsy more so than his own strength. In the aftermath, Percy fairly pulls Merlin into his lap laughing when he asks if this is his way of apologizing.
Gwen gets dared to kiss Morgana and everyone is shocked when she does it without complaining.
Merlin is once again called out, this time from Leon, and he picks truth, having relaxed during the several rounds of easy fun that had nearly pulled him from his misery. “You said you have been in love, is there a reason we never met this sweetheart of yours?”
Merlin stilled, worrying his bottom lip, debating if he should answer that or not. Considering his words carefully he flicked his eyes to Lance before clearing his throat. “You met them, Leon, and so did Arthur, but they died before we had a chance to truly… um, court?” He did not mention their plan to run away together, assuming that would not go over well, though noticing the sad looks thrown his way after his answer he supposed that did not go well either.
“I’m sorry Merlin,” Leon said, clearly ashamed to have brought it up.
Merlin softened, getting up and returning to Leon’s lap, much to his surprise, and gave him a short hug. “It was a long time ago, you could not have known.” He is careful to keep his mood light through his next turn, convincing Arthur to attempt to juggle their waterskins. And laughing as Gwaine attempts to recite poetry to Percival.
Mordred tells them all of a time when he tried to learn how to shape water into images and ended up soaking four of the elders in the frigid river water.
It is Elyan who targets him next, he hesitates but asks for truth again, not eager to perform for the group as most of their dares had resulted in. “I always see you in the library, what pray tell are you always reading so studiously in the middle of the night?”
It is an innocent enough question but Merlin flinches, he cannot tell them he is studying every word ever written about magic that he can get his hands on. “I’d rather not answer.” He blurts quickly, being the first to decline a question, and such a simple one earns him many curious looks. “Ummm… dare?” He adds uncertain but eager to move on.
“Ummm, okay.” Elyan falters, surprise making him lose his train of thought. “I dare you to remain topless for the rest of the game.” He sounds as if it was the first thing to come to mind, and it probably was, he probably even thought he was going easy on him, they all seemed to be hedging around him which of course was having the opposite effect.
He felt more than saw Lancelot, and Morgana flinch, though it was clear the others noticed. “What?” Arthur asked, unable to keep ignoring the strange reactions.
Merlin bit his lip, behind him Lance all but whispered, “Merlin, you don’t have to.”
“No, it’s okay Lance, just… No questions please?” He practically begs the group. He does not look up as he stands, removing his neckerchief and then his shirt, and moves to sit with Lancelot, whose hands quickly join his around his chest, pulling him close.
If the muttered gasps and swears around the circle are anything to go by he is sure if nothing else they will avoid targeting him for a while. I’m sorry. Merlin’s head snaps up, unaccustomed to Morgana’s voice in his head, he knows she is thinking of all the scars which she caused, so he looks at her, she looks miserable and does not meet his eye.
It is in the past, Morgana, I am happy you are home. She flinches but does not reply.
Arthur’s eyes go cold at the sight of so many scars on his best friend, not little scars either, these were horrific, and the number was staggering. He knew he was not the only one who was struggling to hang on to his emotions, but the picture of Lance pulling Merlin close, arms so easily wrapped around him was almost worse, which he released made him a horrible person. Yet he could not deny he wanted to be the one holding him… wanted to be the one he trusted. That Morgana also seemed to have known did not help, her reaction told him enough that he was not sure he could look at either of them the same. It was not hard to put her past rebellions together with her guilty expression, at least a few of those marks she caused.
After a few minutes where no one spoke Merlin groaned and sighed, “Leon, I believe it is your turn. Do not stop the game on my account.”
“Merlin, do you really expect us to play a game right now?” Gwaine growled.
Merlin glared at him, but it lacked heat. “Please Gwaine, don’t let me ruin all the fun.”
“Merlin, I think this is a little more important than a fucking game.” Arthur also growls, groaning hearing his own tone. “I am trying really hard right now not to ask any questions because I do not want to force you to answer anything, but-”
Morgana puts her head in her hands, barely holding herself together. To all their surprise Merlin sighs and stands, walking over to her, he takes both of her hands in his and waits until she meets his eyes. “Hey, we talked about this, starting fresh right?”
Morgana laughs a short hysterical half laugh half sob. “I had not seen them then!” One of her hands hovers just above the chain marks burned into the skin of his arms, she motions for him to turn around, reluctantly he does, and her hand goes to his neck, then to the circular black and blue mark on his shoulder. “One of them got you, Merlin, I was so sure you escaped, but one of them got you.”
Merlin closed his eyes and sat on the ground where he was, leaning back against her legs. “I’m not mad anymore Morgana, it was Morgouse poisoning your mind, you were not to blame. I’m--” He was not quite able to say fine, apparently too much of a stretch for the truth serum to let slide. “I’m alive.” He manages.
“How?” Leon asks, he knows a serket sting when he sees one, not to mention all the other mortal wounds he has clearly suffered.
Merlin looks down, “I would rather not answer.” He says, barely able to force the words out because honestly, he did want to tell them, he just, could not bear their reactions. “I guess I should have just answered your question about the books, I did not think this through.”
"I'm so sorry Merlin, I- logically I knew there would be scars, but I never thought…" he had never heard her voice so broken, even in her darkest hours.
Merlin sighed, "let's not forget who poisoned who first. I am as much to blame as you."
She flinched, "That was not the same and you know it. I gave you no choice, and you gave us the antidote. We were never so kind to you."
Her hand was still at his neck tracing the line from the formorah. "I tricked you into drinking poison Morgana, whether I planned to save you or not I did try to kill you." He smiled a little, startling everyone who watched. "It is fortunate I'm so bad at killing Pendragons though isn't it Gwen?" He asks, feeling her gaze on his neck.
Despite herself, she giggles. "Yes, fortunate indeed, I don't know what Guias and I would have done had you not thwarted yourself at every turn." They shared a private smile and he gestured to the group, silent permission to tell the tale.
She nodded and rested a hand on his shoulder. "Morgana had kidnapped Merlin in the woods one day, and put a snake thing in his neck-"
"Formorah" Merlin and Morgana said in unison.
"Right, according to Guias it takes over the mind of the person it inhabitants, leaving them with one single-minded goal. In this case, Morgana tried to use Merlin to kill Arthur." She pulled her hand back and shuddered. "It should have been the easiest thing in the world for him to do but he just kept coming up with these needlessly complicated contraptions. I think some part of him was fighting the snake, so he made it as hard as he could while Guias and I looked for a cure."
"You killed my snake." Morgana tried to sound angry but she was just so sad.
After a tense moment of quiet Arthur spoke in a measured, level, and completely forced tone. "You said 'one of them got you' what did you mean?"
Merlin looked up at Morgana quickly "you do not have to answer that."
But she was staring at his arms, where the marks from the magic chains almost look fresh. "He followed me, into the woods one night after I came back to Camelot that first time. You all welcomed me back, but he knew I was lying, and he followed me when I went to meet with Morgause. She caught him and bound him in a magic chain that tightened more every time you struggled…" He closed his eyes and let his head fall on her lap, uncaring that they all stared at his arms. "She left him in a pit of Serkets… so sure he would die, and I went back to the castle. When he showed up for work a few days later, he didn't say a word, and I thought for sure I was seeing things. Morgause was furious, she hated you so much."
"Serkets are deadly, no one survives their venom," Elyan whispered, almost to himself. That it was an excruciatingly painful and slow death no one mentioned aloud.
"Merlin-" it was Gwaine, broken and dejected that made Merlin look up, he hated seeing them all so upset, hated being the reason for it. He stood and went over to his friend, pulling him into a fierce hug, neither spoke, scared of what they might say, holding tighter perhaps even than the chains had.
They let go in stages, a deep breath, loosening arms, a step back, staring at each other's eyes, then finally letting go. Merlin walked back to his place between Lancelot and Percival and pulled his shirt back on. "Lancelot, truth or dare?" He asked quietly.
With a heavy sigh "truth."
Merlin nodded thinking. "Do you have any scars?" He asked.
Lance studied him for a minute, then nodded, "yes, a few from battle and training, one from the griffin, when you patched me up." They smiled at each other.
Merlin looked around, but no one seemed inclined to say anything so he continued. "Mordred, truth or dare?"
The boy held his gaze when he asked for truth. "What is your biggest fear?"
A heavy silence fell, but he was not running away or carefully crafting his words this time. "Failing my king." They both know he did not mean Arthur, not really. He was scared of his destiny, as Merlin had always been.
"Percival, is there anyone you would give your life to protect?"
The giant started at his name, but nodded, "all of you." He answered immediately.
"Merlin, what are you doing?" Arthur asked, resigned and quiet.
"I'm proving a point." He answered, a little surprised at how sure he sounded. "I got every one of these scars facing fears and protecting my friends. They are big and scary, and they hurt like hell when I got them… but I'm proud of the outcome." He looked at each of them. "There is nothing I wouldn't do to keep you all safe, I'm just… it has cost a lot." He said instead, thinking of all those he didn't save… of Will, and Freya, and Belinor… of all those he'd killed. Nimueh, Segan, Morgause… so many more.
He chewed on his lip, considering his next words carefully. "There is a lot you don't know about my time in Camelot, things I've done, things I'm not proud of, laws I have broken to keep you all safe. I'm not who you think I am." He refused to look at them, refused to back out now. At least they would know that he was telling the truth.
Around him everyone looked apprehensive, Lance carefully watched Arthur, hoping he would not need to step in, but most of them only had eyes for Merlin, so strange it was to think of him as anything other than the clumsy to loyal manservant with a heart of gold.
Merlin did look up then, eyes pure molten gold, swirling with power and strength. They all gasped, fully unprepared for the change, the flames left up and broke out of the fire, a dragon flapped its wings and roared, hovering in a semblance of the Pendragon crest. It was only a few minutes but it felt like an hour before they fizzled out and Merlin’s eyes faded back to blue, in all that time no one spoke.
"I'm sorry." He whispered, looking down, "I- I hated lying to you but it was necessary. You needed protection, Uther made too many powerful enemies, you needed magic on your side."
No one knew what to say, it wasn't illegal, not any more… and they knew about Morgana and Mordred… but it was clear this was bigger somehow.
"Merlin, truth or dare?" Mordred asked, hesitant.
Merlin almost laughed, "truth."
"Who among us is the most powerful?"
"Me."
"Merlin, truth or dare?" This time Morgana.
"Truth."
"How long have you been practicing magic?"
"I was born with it."
"Merlin," Lancelot this time.
"Truth." He said without being asked.
"Who gave you the burn mark?"
"Nimueh, when she tried to kill Guias."
"Who whipped you?" Arthur.
"Uther or I guess one of his guards technically."
"How powerful are you?" Elyan.
Here Merlin paused, for the first time, not sure how to answer that… his three cohorts chuckled, "Come now Emrys, don't be shy." Morgana teased.
"I don't know." He said honestly.
Which caused Mordred to scoff. "He is the high king of the druids, though some worship him as a god. According to legend, he is all-powerful."
Merlin glared at him, "I am no one's king, and I am certainly not a God. Those are only stories."
Mordred met his gaze, "Oh? Raised by druids were you? Because we do not consider them stories , they are true enough, as you have already proven."
"Tell me, Merlin, what would you call an immortal being made of magic, with unlimited power worshiped by half the living creatures in the whole of Albion?" Lancelot asked, smirking.
"I would call him a myth. Or greatly over-exaggerated."
"You are immortal?" Percival asked.
Merlin flinched, "we can only guess… the times I have… well died, it was always brief, and each time there were better explanations for why I survived, I have not tested it, but if you believe the prophecies then yes, I am immortal." His voice was distant and unable to stop himself, Lancelot pulled him into a hug.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up such bad memories. I know you don't like to talk about it." He whispered so only Merlin could hear.
"What was the better explanation for the serket sting?" Morgana asked, genuinely curious.
Merlin cleared his throat, nervous now, he looked at Arthur hesitantly, but Arthur was staring at the ground, giving no indication of his mood. "I summoned Killgarah, he killed the serkets and rescued me, then spent the next few days tending to me in his cave. He used many healing spells while I was unconscious, I cannot say for sure whether I died at any point or not."
"Who is Killgarah?" Mordred asked. Only Lancelot knew he was a dragonlord, it was another one of those things he hated discussing.
"The great dragon… the one Uther had chained under the castle." Arthur did look up then, confused and more than a little angry.
"You told me I killed him."
"Yes, well, I lied. I could not tell you the truth, you'd have killed me, or handed me over to your father, that's if you believed me at all." Merlin bowed his head. "Belinor was my father, when he died his powers passed to me. I am the last of the dragonlords. I sent Killgarah away and forbade him ever attacking Camelot again. Occasionally I summon him when I need help or knowledge."
"So all-powerful, immortal, high king, God, dragonlord… is there anything else we should know?" Gwaine counted them off on his fingers like he was making a to-do list. Merlin shuffled his feet, embarrassed and ashamed.
"Not about me, no." He answered quietly.
"If all of this is true, why the hell have you been living as a servant for the last five years, and in Camelot of all places?" Leon asked, thoroughly confused.
Merlin's eyes darted to Arthur, then Mordred, and finally Morgana. "I was brought into the world in the wake of the great purge, balance, for all the magic stripped from the land. I was meant to make amends, fix the order. But I am only half of the coin, half of the prophecy, Arthur is the other half." The two men locked eyes, surprise, and confusion laced in the eyes of his king. "Arthur is the once and future king of Albion, destined to be the greatest king to ever live. He will unite the land under one banner, set the balance right, and bring about a golden age of peace and prosperity. All I was meant to do was keep him safe. Uther made too many enemies, you'd have been dead a hundred times over before bringing about your golden kingdom, so the earth made me, your own personal guardian. I could not risk telling you because if you had sent me away, or arrested me I could no longer protect you. It was never easy, keeping this from you, any of you. I hate lying, sneaking around."
"Is that why you told Lancelot?" Gwaine sounded hurt.
"No. I never told Lancelot."
Everyone looked up then, confused. Lance just smiled and ruffled Merlin’s hair in a way that left the warlock annoyed and pouting.
"He did not really have the whole stealth thing mastered when we met. When I charged the griffin he was shouting a spell from less than ten meters away and my weapon suddenly burst into blue flame. He tried but that's not an easy thing to explain away. I promised to keep his secret, then left Camelot. When I came back he had far more skill, and at that point, there was no reason to hide from me."
"Before you ask, I did not tell Mordred either, Druids can feel my magic, he recognized me when we met. Luckily as we can speak telepathically I was able to warn him away from mentioning it. I did tell Morgana." Merlin threw a stick he had been messing with into the fire and looked up at the stars. "Everyone else I've ever told died or sacrificed themselves protecting me. Will, Freya, Belinor, Guias, Lancelot… so many others none of you ever even met. I barely saved Guias, and bringing Lance back was no small feat. A miracle I should not have been capable of, let alone abused because I missed a friend. I could never bring myself to tell any of you, even knowing you would not harm me or turn me in. Because I was so sure I would lose you anyway." He felt the tears fall thinking of the deaths… the loss, and loneliness. "You are far more important to me than my secret, I could not be selfish with you."
He yelped when Percival grabbed him and pulled him into a tight embrace, but quickly recovered and hugged back just as fierce.
When he pulled back Percival had a mischievous look on his face, "truth or dare?"
Something in his face made Merlin smile, "dare."
Beaming Percival released him and gestured to the group, "show us some magic."
Merlin smiled then and wondered what might impress them, without scaring them. He really did not know much performing magic, having focused on studying battle and healing out of necessity, but logically he knew he did not need to know the spell to pull it off, so he focused on his magic, and asked it to come out and play. He felt his eyes change and purposefully did not look away. The fire abruptly died, plunging the camp into darkness for the barest of moments, before all manner of creatures made of luminescent happy magic energy burst into the air around them. Butterflies, frogs, dragonflies, bunnies, deer, foxes, wolves, anything you could imagine leaped and played on the air like it was a meadow in miniature. The soft glow of various colors lit the camp around them in dancing lights and shadows.
No one could mistake the scene before them as anything other than magic, pure, sweet, playful magic so at odds with the deadly, painful, hateful magic to which they were all accustomed. Even Mordred and Morgana had never seen such a display.
"Merlin, it's beautiful." Gwen breathed, not wanting to disrupt the display by speaking above a whisper.
"Magic is meant for beautiful things, for nature, it can do so much good, bring so much joy. It hurts to see it so abused by hate and pain. To have to twist it to violent acts just to keep people safe. I much prefer this type of magic to any other." They watched the display in silent reflection for a few minutes more when Merlin finally let the magic fall and the fire roared back to life as the light began to fade.
"You didn't use a spell." Arthur mused.
"I rarely have to, unless it is something specific, or new. It is safer to use spells for things like healing or battle because they are less likely to wander from their purpose. However, if I need to, I can simply act on instinct, or ask the magic for what I need."
"Wander?" Morgana asked.
"Well, let's say I needed something, like a plant, and ask for it to appear, will it grow spontaneously from the ground around me, or appear in my hand as if picked from Guias’s shelf? Or maybe I want to fly, do I start to levitate, or grow wings? Maybe I even turn into a bird. If I am not specific I may get what I ask for but I will have no idea the shape it will take."
"You could simply do those things, couldn't you? If you wanted you could probably turn into a bird right now, even though you never have before and do not know a spell to do it." Mordred sounded somehow awed and incredulous, which was an odd combination.
Merlin considered it… could he? "I wonder…" and before Lancelot could voice the objection so clear in his suddenly bulging eyes Merlin jumped up and let his magic swirl around him.
"I didn't mean to do it, you idiot! Are you crazy?" Merlin screeched back at him from the air where his wings gracefully lifted him up above the camp. Yes, I dare say I am. He answered cheerfully because he was still compelled to answer even the rhetorical question. He swooped down around them and asked to be himself again, the abrupt change in shape proving he was an idiot because he did not even consider landing before asking and he barreled out of the sky ready to faceplant into the fire when two pairs of strong arms caught him at the last moment, attached to two very panicked knights. All he could do was laugh.
"Well, that answers that, I should have landed before changing back…" he smiled, amused despite the glares sent to him by his rescuers. He sighed, “I am magic personified, according to my father, literally a child of the earth and sky, as such I am capable of almost anything, which is why everyone seems to think I’m a god or a king, but I like just being me, I like being a servant. Besides, it makes protecting you easier.”
“How many times have you saved my life?” Arthur asked, his hand still on Merlin’s shoulder from catching him, Percival on his other side had also not let go.
Merlin considered him for a moment, “I honestly have no idea, Guias and I argued once about me losing count… you would not last a day without me.” He added smirking.
Merlin squeaked when Arthur pulled him in for a tight hug, and really, how many times was this going to shock him tonight? He should just go around and give each of them a long hug and be done with it since they were so intent on comforting him.
“Thank you,” Arthur whispered in his ear, sending shivers down his spine.
“Anytime.” He whispered back.
Arthur reluctantly let go and stepped back and Merlin sighed standing before them. "Merlin, truth or dare?" He turned to Mordred beside him, his voice was sad and his head was down, he looked miserable.
Frowning, he said "truth."
Mordred nodded, not looking up "when did you find out I was destined to kill Arthur?" Merlin's eyes went wide, his weren't the only ones, but he forgot everyone but the druid boy in front of him, so distraught under the weight of his destiny… one no one should ever have told him. He knew what that felt like, his face and voice softened. He sighed.
"I knew the day we met. I was advised to let Uther catch you." Mordred's head snapped up.
"Why didn't you?"
"You were twelve Mordred, and the only druid I had ever met. I could not have let you die… and I did try, when you were making your escape I tried to ignore your cries for help, but in the end, I could not condemn you for something you might do in the future. I've never been very nice to you, it was too hard to trust you when you came back. But I finally decided if I could change Morgana’s destiny then why couldn't I change yours?"
Morgana studied him. "You knew about me too then? Before I mean."
Merlin nodded, "Guias and I argued constantly about telling you what your dreams actually meant. Everyone told me you couldn't know about your magic, that you were destined to be a dark witch, but I always thought not telling you, not helping you when I could have would be the reason you turned. I was outnumbered, but that's no excuse for leaving you alone when I knew you were scared." He knelt before her. "I am sorry I left you to suffer alone." He said seriously. They both had tears in their eyes, and this time, when she lunged forward to embrace him he was not surprised and pulled her tight against him. "I promise you'll never be alone again." He whispered just for her.
They pulled away eventually, and he kissed her cheek before retreating to his own seat. "Well, that was all very dramatic… We have a few hours left in this truth serum if there is anything else you want to know." Really it should last until morning but he did hope they planned to sleep at some point.
"When you drank the poison for me, with King Bayard, I traveled to the caves where the flower grew. I was trapped, hanging from a ledge in the pitch black surrounded by spiders." Arthur looked as if he were working a puzzle over in his mind. "A light appeared, it showed me the way out and kept me going. It was clearly magic, but you weren't there. You were in bed, delirious with fever and dying."
Merlin smiled. "I was completely out of it, don't remember a thing. But if you believe Guias, I was casting protection spells and shouting for you to climb faster, apparently even unconscious and a day's ride away you are my first priority."
“When you came back you told me you had help, Merlin was the one helping you?” Morgana asked her brother incredulously.
Arthur pursed his lips, “apparently.”
Merlin studied the group around him. “You are my very best friends, all of you, I am truly sorry for all the lies, but thank you, for always being there.” His voice is serious and heavy, they all smile sadly at him. There would be more questions, he knew, and they would be awkward around him for a while until they learned how to act around him now that they knew. But he also knew there would be no more lies, that he was safe and loved, and he could never thank them enough for that.