Chapter Text
It had only been three days since Phil left with Techno on their training trip to the city. Wilbur had only been once before, but he guessed that they were probably near the nether portal by now. It was a long trek through the forest, then the snow-covered tundra before even getting to the portal. Then it would be about two days hike through the dangerous nether, and once you got out the other side, it was another three days hike through the birch woods into the city.
Wilbur had only gone once, and though he had a lot of fun, Phil had informed him upon their return that he would not be going again. Wilbur was apparently too much of a liability in the nether. The mer-hybrid understood. Wilbur knew he was too dependent on water to be of much use when defending oneself in the hot wastelands of the nether. Techno was much better suited for the trips, not only being a pigeon hybrid but also having incredible fighting instincts. Wilbur looked up to his brother in some ways, despite Techno being a year younger than him. Phil had taken an immediate liking to Techno when he found him in the nether on a solo trip to trade with piglins. When he couldn’t find his parents, Phil elected to bring Techno home with him. He realized that a hybrid was not warmly welcomed in the nether, where you had to be all of what you were to survive. Wilbur remembered when Phil would tell him stories about the nether and his adventures there. Now, he hardly saw Phil anymore. Once in a while, he heard from Techno in a letter hastily written and sent with two too many stamps. Wilbur knew Techno put too many on because he was always worried it wouldn’t reach home.
It had been three days since Phil and Techno left to go to the city. They had stayed longer this time, and it almost felt like a family in that house again. But just as Wilbur was beginning to relax, Phil announced another trip.
“How long will you be gone for?”
The way Phil’s eyes gave a flicker of surprise, Wilbur guessed he’d forgotten about Tommy for a moment.
“Just a week or so.” He answered the youngest.
Tommy reached for Wilbur’s hand under the table. Wilbur squeezed his fingers reassuringly. Don’t worry. I’ll be here. He thought. I’ll always be here.
“We’ll leave in the morning,” Phil said, starting to clean up the dinner table.
“So soon?” Wilbur asked, not meaning to let his disappointment slip into his voice. Luckily Phil didn’t seem to notice, but Wilbur saw Techno throw an apologetic glance his way.
“Don’t worry! We’ll be back before you know it.” Phil said.
Wilbur let go of Tommy’s hand and got up to help clear the table.
It had been three days since Phil and Techno left home.
“When are they coming back?” Tubbo asked, standing up from where he had been playing with Tommy on the kitchen floor.
Wilbur sighed and sat up straighter in his chair.
“I’m not too sure Tubs,” He said. Tubbo pushed himself up onto Wilbur’s lap, and Tommy gave the two of them a mock-betrayed look before standing to join them at the kitchen table. Wilbur lifted Tubbo and let him sit on the table with his legs dangling off. Tommy now climbed up onto Wilbur’s lap and them onto the table to sit next to Tubbo.
“Phil said they’d be gone for about a week, but knowing them, that probably means two,” Wilbur smirked and raised his eyebrows and the two boys giggled.
“Because they’re always late,” Tommy said, nodding in understanding. Wilbur’s smile faded slightly.
“Yes,” he said. “that’s why.”
It had been a week since Phil and Techno had left home.
Wilbur usually received a letter from them by now, but nothing had come.
In the back of his mind, something told him to be worried, but his logic overruled this time. They’re probably just busy.
He opened the kitchen window and called out into the yard.
“Hey, lunch is ready!”
Tommy and Tubbo raced each other from the wheat fields to the back door, tripping and stomping on seeds that Wilbur made a mental note to check on later.
He slid three bowls of soup onto the table and pulled out a chunk of cheese from the icebox. When the boys sat down, he dramatically shredded the cheese onto their soups like a restaurant, and they smiled excitedly. He realized that they’d never been to a restaurant, but he enjoyed his own act.
That night, Wilbur sent the two of them upstairs to get ready for bed, and he sang them a song as they fell asleep. He tried not to think about it too much, but he let himself breathe in the cool summer air as he watched his brothers fall asleep to his melody. He felt in that moment an indescribable feeling. It was as if all of a sudden, he realized something that he didn’t know yet. He chalked it up to love, and weariness, but something told him it was more.
He finished his song and carefully set down his guitar on the floor under Tommy’s bed. He stood up and latched their bedroom window shut and drew the curtains closed. He tried to be as quiet as possible as he exited the boy’s shared bedroom, though he knew they were deep sleepers and once they were out, they were out. He didn’t shut the door all the way, just enough that only a sliver of light from the hallway made its way into the room.
In Wilbur’s room, he sat on the edge of his bed, allowing himself to collapse inward. Why hadn’t Phil and Techno written to them yet? Maybe their letter had gotten lost on the way? No, Phil always enchanted his writing paper to find its way to the receiver regardless of circumstances. Were they just busy? Doing what? If Wilbur had enough time at night to sit alone and cry about shit, they had enough time to write a simple “hey, we’re okay don’t worry” and throw it into the air to send. Had they run out of stamps?
Wilbur found himself running through every possible excuse he could think of other than the obvious two that kept rushing back and he kept pushing away.
Finally, he couldn’t stand it. There were only two options left to consider.
Either Phil and Techno were in danger, or they just didn’t care.
Despite not wanting to think about it at all, Wilbur found himself weighing each option and sorting them by likelihood.
There would be no sleep tonight if he kept this up.
There would be no sleep ever.
He rubbed his eyes and realized he’d been crying silently. He wiped away the tears with his sweater sleeve, which had been getting progressively thinner with time and wear. The yellow thing had been a gift from Phil on his 15th birthday. Now at 17, he still wore it as often as he could because it smelled like his father. When Phil wasn’t there, that sweater was the closest thing he had to a hug.
God, that’s pathetic. He thought, tugging at his sleeves.
Just then, he heard small footsteps coming down the hallway. A little head poked out from behind Wilbur’s door and gazed at him with big blue eyes.
“Tommy?” Wilbur asked. “What are you doing, you should be asleep.”
“Are you crying?” Tommy asked quietly.
Wilbur nodded. “Yes, I was. But I’m feeling a bit better now.”
Tommy nodded in understanding. “Sometimes I cry when I’m sad.” He said. “Are you sad?”
Wilbur took a deep breath.
“Yes, I am. I’m worried about dad and Techno.”
Tommy stepped in and closed the door behind him, the light disappeared from the hallway leaving the room dark and blue.
“When I’m sad I like hugs.” He said, lifting his arms out. “Would you like a hug?”
Wilbur felt hot tears staring down his face again. He opened his arms and Tommy dashed into his embrace. He was only 7, but that kid was smarter than most adults Wilbur had met. He considered it could be from what he had taught Tommy about feelings and emotions, but he also knew that Tommy had learned some on his own. He was only 7, but he’d already seen so much of the way people worked. Wilbur envied his brother’s maturity, but also hoped he wouldn’t grow up too fast.
Adults like it when kids were ‘mature’. It means that the adults can unload all their bullshit onto the kid like they’re a therapist, without having to pay for a real one. Wilbur knew he shouldn’t feel responsible for everyone’s feelings. But ‘shouldn’t’ and ‘doesn’t’ are two very different words.
Tommy slowly fell asleep in his arms, Wilbur stroked his brother’s blond curls affectionately, quietly crying into his shoulder. He was trying to remind himself that it was okay to lean on someone. But he also knew that it shouldn’t be his own kid brother.
That night, though Wilbur’s thoughts were racing, the air was still and calm.