Chapter Text
LES MIS ERA?!?!?
wednesday, 29 june
2:23 AM
farmerbitch: aragorn can you not
lmaoeowyn: oh god what’s he doing now
borrowmir: he’s watching reels about how to escape north korea
pippipcheerio: god forbid a man wants to stay informed…
merrychristmas: yeah like what if we need to know how to escape north korea
borrowmir: WHEN ARE YOU EVER GOING TO NORTH KOREA
borrowmir: actually nvm getting stuck in north korea is definitely something you guys would do
samnotsowise: seconded
pippipcheerio: sam :(((
merrychristmas: that’s not very nice
leggy: it’s just the truth
leggy: that sounds like your problem though our hostel room is very nice and peaceful
gimgimgeree: if you don’t count kili SNORING loud enough to wake up half of continental europe
filithegastank: he always does this maybe if we text enough his phone will ping loudly and it’ll wake him up
notlikeundertale: remind me to never come on a trip with you again
assagorn: guys
assagorn: do you think i could swim the tumen river if i wanted to escape north korea
assagorn: i’m from the coast i can do it
arwening: how stoned are you
assagorn: are there stones in the tumen river
bagthegins: yeah no he’s a lost cause
lmaoeowyn: ok mx “still high from two days ago”
bagthegins: don’t be mean to me i have a small body
loleomer: ANYWAY what are we doing tomorrow/later today
filithegastank: ah yes consult the map
arwening: ahem
arwening: we’re going on a canal tour then lunch in chinatown and then the van gogh museum
arwening: and there Might be clubbing in the evening ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
filithegastank: did you really copy paste the lenny face for the sake of one text
arwening: yes and what about it
arwening: i am nothing if not committed to the bit
lmaoeowyn: i love you
merrychristmas: GAY CLUB GAY CLUB GAY CLUB
lmaoeowyn: immaculate luck for our group that none of us are straight
pippipcheerio: get me in a tiny tanktop NOW
merrychristmas: NO I FORGOT ABOUT TWINK PIPPIN
bagthegins: i thought twink pippin was limited to term time only…
merrychristmas: oh no he comes out whenever there’s a club involved
samnotsowise sent a photo
(image ID: a slightly blurry picture of pippin at one of the clubs in bristol. he is wearing a very tight hello kitty tanktop and black eyeliner. his curls are damp with sweat as he poses for the camera, face scrunched. he is holding a vodka cranberry in a plastic cup. end ID.)
pippipcheerio: SAM DELETE THAT RIVHT NOW
lmaoeowyn: sam is being so messy i love it
arwening: IS THAT MY HELLO KITTY TANKTOP
pippipcheerio: uhhhh
pippipcheerio: goodnight guys!
assagorn to borrowmir
3:08 PM
assagorn: i’m too stoned for this museum rn
borrowmir: oh dear
borrowmir: where are you maybe i can find you and we can get you some fresh air and a sandwich
assagorn: i genuinely started tearing up at the thought of a sandwich
assagorn: i’m standing next to the sunflowers painting
borrowmir: idk where that is bear with me i will Locate You
assagorn: thanks babe x
borrowmir to farmerbitch
3:12 PM
borrowmir: so aragorn just called me babe
borrowmir: i know he’s high off his ass but do you think that means something
farmerbitch: oh my fucking god
farmerbitch: boromir
farmerbitch: where have you been
borrowmir: wdym….
farmerbitch: that man has had the fattest crush on you for MONTHS.
borrowmir: 👁️👁️
farmerbitch: WE TRIED TO SET YOU ALL UP IN PARIS W THE RESTAURANT
borrowmir: WHAT THE HELL YOU SAID YOU GOT MONO FROM A WATER FOUNTAIN AND THAT’S WHY YOU COULDN’T COME TO DINNER
borrowmir: IS THAT EVEN HOW WATER FOUNTAINS WORK
borrowmir: IS THAT HOW SALIVA WORKS
farmerbitch: FOCUS BROTHER.
farmerbitch: this is good
farmerbitch: intoxicated aragorn says what sober aragorn is thinking
farmerbitch: the question now is whether You like Him
borrowmir: it sounds dumb but i feel like he’s all i can think about sometimes 🧍
borrowmir: like since i met him
farmerbitch: omfg it’s true love
farmerbitch: you HAVE to catch him alone at the club tonight and see what happens
farmerbitch: i can distract the others dw 😛😛
borrowmir: are you sure this is a good idea
farmerbitch: boromir if you don’t do this you will regret it for the rest of your life.
borrowmir: shit ok
borrowmir: anyway duty calls i have to go get him a sandwich he is too stoned to be in a museum rn
farmerbitch: LOVE IS REAL
borrowmir: you have a boyfriend.
LES MIS ERA?!?!?
thursday, 30 june
12:57 AM
lmaoeowyn: in da clerb we all fam
notlikeundertale: are you RACIST????
loleomer: so who is cutting eowyn off
lmaoeowyn: ok first opf asl
lmaoeowyn: fkcuk u emoer
lmaoeowyn: let me ejnoy my lfie
loleomer: … you do that
gimgimgeree: has anyone seen the children
notlikeundertale: + fili and kili
gimgimgeree: yeah they’re included in the children now
notlikeundertale: ykw fair enough
farmerbitch: i think they’re playing the boxing machine??
pippipcheerio: GUYS KILI GOT A 0 ON THE BOXIBG MSCHINE EVERYONE LAUGH
kilingit: HES LYING
kilingit: PROPAGANDA
filithegastank: it’s somehow true and very funny
leggy: eowyn arwen come back to the dance floor they’re gonna play red wine supernova we need to lock in
lmaoeowyn: MY FUCKING SONG???????
loleomer: she did just spill her drink all over me trying to get me to hold it for her
borrowmir: since when was legolas such a good dancer
loleomer: how does ANYONE get their hips to do that
arwening: oh they humble us all every night out
leggy: OK THE SONG IS STARTING EVERYONE GET OVER HERE
merrychristmas: she red on my wine till i supernova
assagorn to borrowmir
1:30 AM
assagorn: wya
borrowmir: smoking area
assagorn: i didn’t know you smoked
borrowmir: i don’t i’m just getting some air
borrowmir: lung health is v important
assagorn: my lungs can go fuck themselves
assagorn: can i join it is Loud
borrowmir: yes ofc
farmerbitch to borrowmir
1:33 AM
farmerbitch: what’s the update
borrowmir: he’s coming to the smoking area
farmerbitch: OMG OK phase 1 is a success
farmerbitch: now i need you to lock tf in like you’ve never locked in before.
borrowmir: what do i even say
farmerbitch: jfc do i have to come up w everything around here just be romantic idk he’s obsessed w you
borrowmir: you better be right otherwise this is about to be the most embarrassing night of my life
LES MIS ERA?!?!?
2:05 AM
arwening: has anyone seen aragorn and boromir? idk they’ve been missing for a little bit
farmerbitch: boromir went to get some air outside idk where aragorn is
gimgimgeree: any possibility they might be together?
leggy: i can go check i lowkey could steal a cigarette off aragorn if he’s there
loleomer: guys there’s no way
loleomer: my cousin theodred is at the bar.
lmaoeowyn: HELLO WHAT
lmaoeowyn: WHAT IS HE DOING IN AMSTERDAM
lmaoeowyn: are you sure it’s him??
loleomer: i’ve lingered awkwardly near the bar for like 10 mins now to stake it out and yes it is in fact him
bagthegins: is this a good or a bad thing
lmaoeowyn: it’s a neutral thing it’s just surprising lmao
loleomer: he’s uncle theoden’s son we grew up together & live w them when we’re in hertfordshire
loleomer: he used to hate us when we were kids lowkey
lmaoeowyn: when we first moved to the uk from ireland he did a whole presentation for theoden on why they should send us back
lmaoeowyn: he had chocolate on his face tho so it wasn’t extremely convincing
pippipcheerio: GO SAY HIIII
loleomer: i’ll text him
leggy: ok so uh
leggy: aragorn is in fact in the smoking area
leggy: he’s making out w boromir tho
arwening: UM
loleomer to redtheodredredemption
2:11 AM
loleomer: THEODRED
loleomer: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING CLUBBING IN AMSTERDAM YOU HAVE A MASTER’S DEGREE TO DO
redtheodredredemption: baby cousin it’s so nice to hear from you :)))))
redtheodredredemption: it’s spring break is it not
loleomer: i KNOW you have essays to finish get your ass back to exeter
redtheodredredemption: i am too crossfaded for your chastising baby cousin
loleomer: get a job
loleomer: at least come meet my friends
loleomer: eowyn is here too
redtheodredredemption: omg who is that person w the long hair she’s dancing with
loleomer: ah that’s legolas
redtheodredredemption: their fit is fire i need to hang out w them right now
loleomer: sigh i should’ve known you guys would get along
LES MIS ERA?!?!?
2:15 AM
leggy: EOMER YOUR COUSIN IS SO COOL
pippipcheerio: he showed me how to roll a joint properly like that’s aura
loleomer: i have aura too 😐
lmaoeowyn: that’s the funniest joke i’ve ever heard
loleomer: ok then 🧍
merrychristmas: can we go to theodred’s airbnb for afters plsplspls he’s offering
loleomer: NO
gimgimgeree: you are literally the least fun person on the face of the earth
arwening: we are NOT all gonna fit in his airbnb be serious
bagthegins: where there’s a will there’s a way ✊✊✊✊
samnotsowise: his place is closer to the club than ours arwen pls 🙏🙏🙏
gimgimgeree: sam i did not expect you to be on board w this
loleomer: theodred is doing an environmental management master’s and his diss is about soil ofc he and sam are gonna love each other
samnotsowise: i want to talk about soil ph without kylie minogue yelling in my ear . i love kylie minogue but it gets to a point
filithegastank: also kili just threw up so i think we should get out of here
notlikeundertale: he needs a sprite and a doner kabab asap
loleomer: ok FINE but someone has to go get aragorn and boromir i think they’re still eating each other’s faces
loleomer: i am not doing this bc i love my cousin i am doing this for kili’s health.
borrowmir to assagorn
3:00 AM
borrowmir: how did we end up here
assagorn: wjere ssre we
borrowmir: theodred’s, he put you in the spare bed bc you were #not looking good
assagorn: who tf is theodred
borrowmir: eomer and eowyn’s cousin
assagorn: eomer and eowny have a cousin
borrowmir: we’ve really missed a lot haven’t we
assagorn: this bed is comfy
assagorn: bit lonely tho :(
borrowmir: i do kind of want a break from watching legolas and theodred do trivia
borrowmir: they’re doing a shot after every question they get wrong
borrowmir: which is often
borrowmir: and the whole lounge smells like weed someone needs to hide the baggies from merry and pippin
assagorn: they took MINE as well
borrowmir: ok that one was actually a good idea
assagorn: what are the others up to
borrowmir: uhhh a couple have fallen asleep involuntarily, i think eowyn found theodred’s switch and is playing tomodachi life w arwen and tauriel
borrowmir: apparently barack obama and marge simpson are getting married on there
assagorn: congrats to the happy couple
borrowmir: gimli and faramir are just?? singing?? for some reason??
assagorn: is that what that noise was
borrowmir: what noise
assagorn: ok that does not sound like singing anymore
assagorn: just heard fili yell “THEODRED WHATEVER YOU DO DON’T COME TO THE UPSTAIRS BATHROOM AND ESPECIALLY DON’T LOOK AT THE TOILET LID” so i assume there’s been a casualty
borrowmir: that whole bathroom is out of commission now i think legolas clogged the sink earlier somehow
borrowmir: anyway i’ll come up now
assagorn: wait can i ask you something
assagorn: ik we kissed at the club and we’re both not really sober but did you mean everything you said
borrowmir: that i think you’re adventurous and smart and beautiful and i want to be more than friends?
borrowmir: aragorn love i’ve been wanting to say that for months
assagorn: ok good bc i did too :)
assagorn: come cuddle me
borrowmir: already on my way <3