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Merlin opened the door to Arthur’s chambers grinning, feeling lighter than he had felt in a while.
The curtains were drawn, the door almost entirely dark except for a few slivers of light that managed to get through.
He replayed the memory of the last time he stood here, saying goodbye to Arthur.
“I need to leave, Arthur,” Merlin kept his voice even, his eyes never leaving his king’s face, (and maybe searching for a reason to stay). Arthur only nodded, his expression closed off, his jaw tense.
“I know”
“It won’t be forever” Merlin assured, he realized how desperate he sounded, “it’s just for a few months, a year, maybe. I think the druids can teach me what I need to know-”
“I know, Merlin. I just wish you weren’t going”
Arthur sounded sad, resigned and maybe a little disappointed. Merlin’s heart sunk. He had expected anger, he had expected some sort of fight, but Arthur’s reaction was much worse than he could’ve predicted.
“I’ll be back” that comment made Arthur’s lips twitch into a smile.
“I know that too”
Merlin realized just how close they were. It was pure instinct, to be this close to Arthur, like something inside them both pulled them towards each other. Arthur’s eyes dropped down to Merlin’s lips, and for a moment the warlock’s heart sped up, his breath hitched. And then Arthur was clearing his throat and stepping back, and the spell broke.
He had left quickly after that, his heart beating out of his chest and his ears uncomfortably hot.
He couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he walked over to the windows and let light spill over the body sleeping on the bed.
“Rise and shine” he said happily.
“Shut up, Merlin” Arthur mumbled. A second later the king was sitting up, looking at him in quiet disbelief.
“Merlin!” His mouth broke into a grin, mirroring the smile on Merlin’s face.
Arthur stumbled out of bed, always a little clumsier in the mornings, and grabbed Merlin’s shoulders, grinning as he studied his servant’s figure.
“When did you get back?”
“Yesterday night, I told George earlier this morning that I would take over”
They looked at each other, Arthur still gripping Merlin’s arms.
“It’s good to have you back”
“Good to be back, sire. Did you manage without me?”
Arthur scoffed as he let go.
“Barely. It got so boring without you” he walked over to the tray of food already on the table, missing the way Merlin smiled in mild amusement.
“Nothing interesting happened in the whole year I was away?”
Arthur shook his head.
“I think you might be the one who attracts trouble, Merlin. I’ve never had a quieter time in my reign”
“Maybe I should leave more often then”
Arthur turned around, serious as he could manage, which wasn’t much because Merlin was finally back.
“No. Absolutely not, if we can’t have something trying to kill me every other week I’ll just die from boredom”
“There’s just no pleasing you”
Arthur could feel the tension and anxiety from these last months draining away at the easy banter. Merlin was the one who’d come back, but he felt like it was him who had come home.
They looked at each other, pausing for a moment. Merlin studied Arthur, his blond hair messy and his eyes dull from sleep, his clothes rumpled and feet barefoot.
Arthur in turn studied Merlin. His servant had been out in the sun, if the freckles peppering his cheeks were anything to go by, and his hair was a little longer, enough that it started to curl and stuck out messily. Arthur wished he would grow it out.
He had missed Merlin, not just his jokes and the trouble he seemed to bring anywhere he went. He had missed his smile, his laugh, his teasing remarks. He'd missed the way his eyes glowed gold, the way he dressed Arthur in the mornings, the fleeting looks across rooms.
He wanted to tell him, but the words seemed to be stuck on his throat.
Merlin seemed to be having the same trouble because he opened his mouth a few times before he managed to say.
"I’ve missed this, sire"
I missed you.
Arthur’s honest answer got stuck in his throat.
"A year is a long time," he agreed instead.
I missed you too.
They smiled at each other, and once more Arthur was grateful at the way they seemed to understand each other without having to talk.
Maybe one day he would be able to tell Merlin what he wanted to say, what he felt.
One day.
(“Also, you’re getting a haircut”
“Arthur!”
He was too distracting this way, Arthur would never get anything done.)
…
Arthur waited with bated breath for the tell tale knocking of hooves on stone that would signal the court sorcerer's return.
The moment his eyes met the piercing blue of the warlock's, he could feel his ears turning red, and his blood hummed in his veins. God, he had missed the dork. Merlin was grinning, his eyes never leaving his face, studying him, drinking him in.
Subtle. Arthur refrained from rolling his eyes.
"Lord Merlin" that title was so weird. It sounded so wrong. (King consort sounded better) . "Did you have a successful journey?"
Merlin still wouldn't take his eyes of him, scanning every inch of his face.
Arthur gave him a look. Stop it.
Merlin coughed what might have been a laugh and dismounted his horse, handing the reins to a servant.
"Very successful, sire. The druids have signed the new treaty. There was a minor mishap I should tell you about, my lord"
Oh. Oh. Arthur tried not to look too excited at this.
"Alright then, come with me, we'll discuss it in private"
Merlin reached him and extended his hand. Arthur's body warmed over, as if every muscle in him realized his other half was close after so long apart.
Granted, 5 weeks wasn't that long, but to Arthur it had felt like it.
He shook Merlin's outstretched hand, and Merlin's easy grin melted into something soft, just for Arthur to see.
They reached Arthur's chambers, shoulders brushing occasionally. Arthur turned to the guards accompanying them.
"You may leave us now"
The guards bowed and excused themselves with a "sire".
Arthur let Merlin in first and then closed the door behind him.
The moment he turned around, lips crashed onto his, Merlin’s arms around his neck as Arthur’s back hit the door with a soft bump. Arthur wasted no time in circling Merlin’s waist and pulling him closer, pushing so hard Merlin bent backwards slightly.
They pulled back for air, Merlin grinning.
“The guards probably heard us”
“I don’t care”
Arthur kissed him again, Merlin let out a little hum, which only made Arthur bring him closer, his teeth biting Merlin’s lower lip softly.
They broke apart again, their foreheads resting against each other, eyes closed.
“I missed you” Arthur whispered in the little space between their lips, his heart seemed to be attempting to escape his chest. Merlin huffed out a laugh.
“Really? I couldn’t tell”
“Dollop head”
“Prat”
“Why the hell did I fall in love with you?”
“It must’ve been my stunning looks and charming personality”
“I can’t fall for something you don’t have, Merlin”
Merlin laughed and pulled away, untangling his fingers from Arthur’s hair. Arthur frowned and pulled him back by the waist, letting their bodies pressed together.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?”
Merlin rolled his eyes and ignored Arthur as he trailed his neck with kisses.
“There are things we need to take care of” his breath hitched as Arthur’s teeth brushed the skin over his pulse point. “We have a council meeting in ten minutes” his voice was higher now, making Arthur grin.
“You’ll be dismissed when I say you’re dismissed”
“Yes, my king”
…
Merlin opened the door to Arthur’s chambers and crept silently to the bed, watching for a moment his partner sleep.
He wasn’t too worried about being loud, Arthur had always been a heavy sleeper. Still, he quickly got undressed, leaving his tunic draped over a chair and eagerly climbed into bed, relishing in the already warm feel of the covers. He had missed Arthur of course, but the royal bed was something he would never take for granted, especially after being gone for three weeks.
Arthur shifted in his sleep, surrounding Merlin’s frame with his arm. Merlin grabbed his hand and smiled, knowing better than to try to talk to Arthur, who was definitely still asleep.
Merlin woke to a kiss on his cheek and fingers pinching his nose, forcing him to splutter for a moment and breathe through his mouth.
He glared through half lidded eyes at this partner, who smiled at him, the living picture of innocence.
“You’re insufferable”
“Hello to you too, love”
“There are nicer ways to wake me up, you know”
“That’s what you get for not waking me up tonight when you arrived”
Merlin raised an eyebrow.
“You would’ve grumbled, turned around, and continued sleeping, you ass” Arthur shrugged.
“Maybe, you can’t know that”
“I woke you up every day for ten years”
“Are you saying I’m predictable?” Arthur’s tone bore mock offense. Merlin grinned.
“You are to me” Arthur smiled in challenge
“Oh yeah? What am I thinking right now?”
Merlin propped himself up on his arms, trapping Arthur between them.
“You’re thinking you want to kiss me, even though you hate my morning breath”
He dipped down, swallowing Arthur’s response in a kiss.
It was sweet, lazy in the way only morning kisses can be. When they broke apart, they locked eyes.
“Elope with me”
Arthur’s voice had risen barely above a whisper, but somehow it seemed to echo.
Silence reigned for a moment.
“Boy did you take the predictable comment to heart”
“I’m serious”
Merlin scrambled to sit up, ending up on Arthur’s lap as the latter sat up too.
“You do realize our actual wedding is in two months”
Arthur huffed, reaching up to push Merlin’s hair out of his eyes. “Yes, but that will last for days and there will be so many people...“
“So your solution is to piss off every noble by running away and creating a scandal”
The tone was mocking, skeptic, but the light in Merlin’s eyes told Arthur that he was savoring the idea.
“We won’t tell. We could go away for a long hunting trip” Arthur suggested, running his hands up and down Merlin’s bare arms. “We could take the knights, just the six of us”
“Eight” Merlin corrected, his smile widening with every word that came from Arthur’s mouth, “I’m not doing this without Gwen and Morgana”
“They can meet us there,” Arthur agreed.
“Where would we go?”
“To Ealdor, Hunith would kill me if she found out I married you without her there to see it”
Merlin laughed, mirth etched in every line of his face. Arthur kind of wanted to laugh too.
Footsteps approaching. They both quietened immediately, reading each other’s thoughts. Merlin was not supposed to be there.
With a grimace, Arthur pushed him off the bed. Merlin landed with a thump and a muffled groan on the stone floor just as there was a knock.
Gwaine popped his head in, grinning.
“Good morning, princess” he said cheerfully, “Merlin arrived yesterday night, in case you were wondering”
“Thank you, Sir Gwaine” Arthur responded, trying to look somewhat dignified as he sat straight on the bed, bed covers rumpled and hair disheveled.
“We have a meeting in an hour” Gwaine reminded him, “to discuss Merlin’s trip”
“Yes, I know”
“Hear that, Merlin? You have an hour to get Arthur to look somewhat decent” Gwaine called.
A thumb appeared from the edge of the bed before Arthur could protest.
Gwaine left with a laugh.
“We’re taking Gwaine off the eloping list” Arthur grumbled.
Merlin jumped into the bed again, laughing.
“I haven’t said yes yet” He reminded him. Arthur rolled his eyes.
“Come on Merlin, I let you do the proposal, let me have this”
Merlin looked offended.
“Let me? I beat you to it, you prat”
Arthur looked down at his lap, lips down in a pout as he rolled his eyes again.
Merlin cupped his cheeks and lifted his face until his lips met his. He pulled back after a few seconds.
“Yes”
Arthur immediately brightened, kissing him once again, chest light and head swimming from happiness.
…
"Go to hell, Arthur"
"I AM YOUR KING YOU CAN'T TELL ME TO GO TO HELL"
" NO , YOU ARE MY HUSBAND AND I CAN TELL YOU TO GO TO HELL" Merlin bellowed back, chest heaving and one hand on the door. There was silence for a few moments in the chamber. "I'm going away for two weeks, Arthur," he said coolly, "I suggest in that time you figure out what's more important to you, being my king or my husband"
He closed the door with a bang, fury making his eyes glow gold for a second before he managed to push his magic back. It hummed in his veins, begging to be let out, to act on his fury.
He stopped for a moment in the middle of the corridor, sighing and running a hand down his face, ignoring the way tears pricked in his eyes.
When he left for his meeting with the druids, Arthur was there to see him off, just like the rest of the court.
Arthur didn't look at him, didn't say anything but the usual formalities to the knights accompanying him.
He could feel Gwaine and Elyan's eyes on him, sending him a questioning look, but he ignored it, just as he ignored the pain in his chest at thinking of leaving without reconciling with his husband.
But they were both stubborn, and when their eyes met neither backed down, neither tried to apologise. Icy blue eyes met their equals. Merlin turned around his horse and left, chest heavy with sorrow.
2 weeks later…
Merlin almost cried when he saw the great doors that led to Camelot's citadel. The journey had been long, summer was leaving to let autumn take over, and with it came heavy rains that chilled him to the bone.
He just wanted to be home, to sleep and to kiss his husband, not necessarily in that order.
Merlin wanted to forget their fight had ever happened, but that wasn't a choice, not really. Arthur sometimes forgot that he wasn't only a crown, a symbol of power and prosperity; he was also a friend, a brother, a husband. Merlin wondered if Arthur had forgotten that.
His musings (sulking, if you asked Gwaine) distracted him until his horse stopped in front of the castle's doors. Merlin looked up at Arthur, who stood at the top of the steps. He looked terrible, almost as bad as Merlin felt. There were dark bags under his clouded eyes, he hadn't shaved in a few days. He looked tired, hurting. Just like Merlin.
Merlin ignored how Arthur approached them, climbing down from his horse to land on shaky legs.
When he gathered the courage to look up, Arthur was standing in front of him, hesitant but determined at the same time. Merlin looked at him, trying not to give away his fear and sadness. Arthur reached forward and grabbed his hands, leaning towards him. Without even thinking about it, Merlin met him halfway, their lips meeting in a desperate kiss. Merlin's hand reached up to cup Arthur's cheek. Arthur broke the kiss and pressed his lips against Merlin's brow. The raven kept his eyes closed, leaning against his husband as his arms wrapped around his waist. When he dropped his head on his shoulder, Arthur whispered in his ear.
"I'm your husband, Merlin. I'll be your husband until the day I stop breathing or the day you get tired of me" Merlin could hear the grin in his voice at that last part. "Whichever comes first"
Merlin huffed out a laugh. He was vaguely aware that most of the court was watching, as well as quite a few servants. He found he didn't mind much.
He was home.
…
Merlin wasn’t coming back.
That’s what people kept telling Arthur. Well, to be fair, they weren’t outright telling him that his husband was dead, but they were implying it, telling him the kingdom needed him to continue on, to lead them.
But how could he do anything when the love of his life was missing?
Not gone, just missing. That’s what he told himself every morning when he woke up to an empty bed, that’s what he told the people of Camelot.
“The king consort has gone missing” he stated.
Immediately gasps and cries filled the citadel, reminding him once more just how much the people loved Merlin. A lump had formed in his throat, he could see from the corner of his eye how Morgana was gripping Gwen’s hand. He swallowed and continued.
“If anyone has any information on the whereabouts of king consort Merlin, please contact Sir Gwaine, who is leading this investigation”
Gwaine nodded behind him. He looked almost as bad as Arthur felt, with bags under his eyes and the pale skin of someone who has been skipping meals. He couldn’t blame the man, Arthur himself had seen better days. He had stopped shaving two weeks ago, when Merlin hadn’t come home from a trip to the druids’ camp.
He hadn’t believed it at first, Merlin always came back home, back to him.
To his horror, he could feel tears welling up in his eyes. Morgana, ever the big sister and trusted advisor, took over, her voice magically amplified.
“We have not given up hope, and we ask you to keep vigilant and be kind in these difficult moments. Anyone who wants to join on the search parties that will be sent out later today is welcomed, and will be rewarded with a meal in the castle’s dining room”
With that, she grabbed Arthur’s hand and squeezed it, pulling at it lightly. Arthur turned around and marched into the castle, Morgana and Gwen in front of him.
“You did great,” Gwen assured him. She was lying, he knew it. Still, he smiled at her, trying not to let his eyes fall at the way Gwen was gripping Morgana’s hand, as if she too would disappear into thin air if she let go.
That night, Arthur laid in bed, his eyes heavy but his mind spinning, pulling his thoughts in a million different directions, searching for something he had missed, somewhere they hadn’t looked for Merlin.
He fell into an uneasy sleep that he knew would only last a few hours until he woke up from nightmares. Tonight seemed to be no different.
He was running through a forest, but nowhere he recognized.
Arthur…
Someone was calling him, but he couldn’t recognize the voice. There was an ache on his chest though, like his very soul was mourning.
Arthur please…
It was familiar, as familiar as the beating of his own heart, and yet the name seemed to slip from his very fingertips.
Find me.
Merlin. Images flashed through his mind, so fast he could barely process them, so he focused on the sounds, in the phantom feelings running through his body.
A valley. Screaming. The clashing of swords. A sharp pain in his leg. Panic. Running. Pleading. And then a warm feeling, like being wrapped in a blanket that had been left by the fire.
The last image took longer to dissolve. A waterfall over a creek, with an oak tree by the shore, it’s leaves swaying gently, but he couldn’t feel the wind.
Find me, my soul.
He sat up with a gasp, Merlin’s name on his lips, his cheeks wet and an urgent feeling in his gut, like he was running out of time.
He jumped out of the bed, running to the door and ordering a guard stationed there to gather the knights.
He knew where Merlin was.
By the time Arthur and the knights rode out into the forest the first rays of sunlight peeped through the forest leaves.
They rode for a few hours, never asking Arthur where they were heading. Arthur had only one thought, he kept the image of the creek in his mind, determined not to lose it. Something in his gut tugged him towards the right direction, a funny feeling, if you will.
They finally arrived. Arthur knew it was the right place, because the leaves of the oak tree swayed even when there was no wind.
The knights said nothing, awaiting Arthur’s orders.
“Spread out” his blood was rushing in his ears, Merlin was close, he could feel it. “Scout the perimeter, he’s close”
The knights obeyed immediately, except for Gwaine, who stayed by his side.
Gwaine watched as Arthur’s eyes followed the movement of the leaves. He dismounted his horse and walked over to it, almost as if in a trance.
The closer they got to the tree, the more everything around them dulled. The knights became mere blurs, the sound of the waterfall fell into a dull hum.
Arthur’s eyes snapped to the tree’s trunk, where he could’ve sworn something had moved.
“I’m looking for my husband,” he said, not really knowing who he was speaking to, “Emrys, have you seen him?”
“Emrys” A voice echoed. It was feminine, musical but not fully human.
From the tree trunk a young girl emerged, with big black eyes and skin the color of the tree. Her hair was a rich green, the color of the leaves, and she looked at Arthur with curiosity and apprehension. A dryad.
“You’ve been protecting him?” Arthur asked, his heart on his throat.
The dryad nodded slowly.
“Please” He sounded desperate, but he didn’t care. “He’s injured, I want to take him home”
The dryad waited for a moment, then she stepped away. The tree’s roots moved, opening up until a small passageway appeared, big enough for someone to crawl into.
“Sleep” the dryad said, “I heal”
There was pride in her voice, pride at helping the great Emrys.
“Thank you.” Arthur said. The dryad beamed and disappeared, melting into the tree trunk once more.
Arthur turned to look at Gwaine, who looked both helpless and amazed. Crouching down, Arthur crawled through the hole.
It was bigger on the inside, big enough that Arthur, Gwaine and maybe even Percival could’ve fit comfortably. Light filtered in through small holes in the walls and ceiling, a little stream ran down one of the sides, the water disappearing into the earth.
Arthur didn’t take notice, because Merlin was laying there, his head pillowed in some moss, eyes closed and breathing swallow.
He looked pale and gaunt, his lips chapped and colorless. There was a nasty looking gash on his right leg, which had been wrapped in a cloth that was already soaked through with blood.
Arthur ran to his side, his heart pounding, trying to escape his rib cage.
“Merlin” he whispered, feeling a lump in his throat. He reached over and ran a hand down his cheek, Merlin’s stubble prickling his palm. When Merlin didn’t stir, he patted his cheek a little harder, desperation crawling up his throat.
“Come on, Merlin, wake up”
Merlin frowned and opened his eyes to squint up at Arthur. He closed them again with a grunt.
“Took you long enough,” he muttered.
Arthur laughed. He couldn’t help it. He crouched down and kissed Merlin’s brow, then his cheek, then his lips. Merlin smiled weakly at his administrations and opened his eyes once more, his shaking hand reaching up to cup his husband’s cheek. Arthur placed his hand over Merlin’s, letting out another breathless laugh as he pushed his forehead against his husband's. Merlin hummed and closed his eyes once more.
“You are shaving the moment we get home” he said.
Arthur rolled his eyes to avoid letting the tears spill. They rolled down his cheeks anyway.
“I missed you so much”
The words made his lips tremble, made his chest shudder with a sob. He hadn’t let himself ponder over what ifs for the last two weeks, but now that Merlin was here his mind raced with them.
Merlin sat up with a wince and rubbed at Arthur’s cheek with his thumb to wipe away the tears.
“I missed you too”
Arthur leaned into the touch, taking a moment to control himself. There would be time for this later, when Merlin was back home and had been treated for his injuries.
“Come on,” Arthur finally said, gripping Merlin’s hand, “let’s go home”
Getting out was harder than getting in with Merlin’s leg in the shape it was in.
By the time they had made it out, which had involved Gwaine pulling Merlin out as Arthur helped from inside, Merlin was gray in the face, his breathing shallow and barely conscious.
“Didn’t the dryad say she had healed him?” Gwaine grumbled after giving Merlin a crushing hug. Merlin huffed out a laugh from where he sat on the floor with his legs outstretched, his eyes clouded with pain as Leon checked on his injured leg.
“Only any superficial wounds I had. A dryad’s idea of healing is inducing the patient into a coma and hoping they heal on their own-”
He stopped talking and closed his eyes, his complexion dropping into a new shade of grey that looked almost green.
“Merlin?” Arthur put an arm around his shoulders when he fell sideways.
A muscle on Merlin’s jaw ticked, his neck tense as he waited for the wave of pain and nausea to pass. Arthur ran a hand through his sweaty locks and pressed his lips against his forehead, which burned with a fever. Merlin melted into his side.
“It’s infected, sire. We need to hurry”
Arthur got on his knees and passed Merlin onto Gwaine, who picked him up as if he weighed nothing. Merlin frowned but didn’t say anything, didn’t even open his eyes.
Arthur mounted on his mare. With Percival’s help, Gwaine passed Merlin onto Arthur, who sat him in front of him, his arms around his waist to secure him.
“We’re going home, Merlin”
Merlin hummed and pressed himself against Arthur’s chest, lifting his head for a moment to leave a kiss on Arthur’s chin.
Arthur was bringing Merlin home.