Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Intertwined under the covers, Kakashi attempted to soothe his mind by clinging to Sasuke, but he was spiraling in a way he hadn’t for half a year, at least.

He recognized it too well, and no effort could stop the surge of doom filling him.

It was the feeling that usually seeped into him at night. Filled him with unrest, thoughts swirling like dark molasses in his brain, looping and sinking their claws into him. Over the years, he’d come to recognize the pattern; he’d learned to anticipate the inevitable outcome.

Sasuke was awake. Kakashi knew he’d noticed that he was worsening, unable to find rest. He wanted to be able to say what the problem was, resolve everything with words, but he didn’t fully understand it himself. Didn’t understand why this feeling had seized him now.

Miraculously, since he had found himself coexisting with Sasuke, his mind hadn’t lost control as fully as now, but he should have known he couldn’t escape his own head, and while Sasuke provided stability and comfort, his mere existence couldn’t cure Kakashi’s instabilities.

“Stay,” was all he managed to whisper before he got up and walked out of the room. There were no specific thoughts now, just a physical sensation, as if he were severely ill. Dying, even. There was no better way to describe it than to say it felt like the world was ending, his body imploding in on itself.

Hiding away in the bathroom for a few minutes seemed as good as any option. He found a nice corner where he could sit down and unleash the built-up panic attack.

He’d felt it building for hours, maybe days, or weeks, and while he’d shared a lot with Sasuke, he couldn’t bring himself to make the other man witness this.

Finally, alone, the dam burst.

It always started the same. He sweated profusely, body cold and hot at the same time, body shivering uncontrollably. He couldn’t breathe – every gasp of air was a labor. All he could do was curl in on himself, a mantra of “you’re not dying, this will pass, this will pass” repeating in his head.

Even in the throes of being at the mercy of his own body’s reaction, a small part of him was aware of what was happening and talked to him. Observed him.

“You’re not dying, this will pass, this will pass.”

It had happened before. Too often. And he had survived this before.

The attack was probably long overdue, the aware part of his mind commented. The last weeks had been challenging, to put it mildly. There’d been no room to react to the battle against the Kaguya, the threat against Sasuke by Tajima and Masamura, and then being separated before he knew whether Sasuke was safe or not.

Before then, there’d been the whole thing of losing everything he knew and loved. His home. His dogs. His people.

His reaction was, in a way, understandable.

He’d had many panic attacks linked to the fate of Obito, Rin, and sensei. Even things that had reminded him of his father. Now there was Sasuke.

After a few minutes of trying to catch his breath, he felt too constricted sitting and attempted to stand up, but ended up on his hands and knees, resting his forehead on the cold floor. It helped. A bit. After an unknown amount of time, he finally managed to get his breath somewhat under control. Enough to push himself up to sit, whole body shaking with nerves, his fingers digging into his thighs, painful, yet not painful enough.

“Fuck,” he mumbled, angry and embarrassed that even after all this time, he couldn’t control this aspect of himself.

When the panic abated, he was of a mind to notice the tears and felt old emotions wash over him. The worn-out crippling grief from the past meeting something new and Sasuke-shaped in his brain. He had an easier time reeling the emotions in than the panic attack, and when everything subsided, he rested a bit by lying on the floor, staring up at the ceiling.

He always felt as if the attacks happened to him from an outside source, rather than something that originated from him. More physical than emotional, although the emotions were there as well. He viewed it as a loss of control. Drop upon drop filling his cup until he spilled over the edge. He’d never found a way to completely avoid it, didn’t fully know how to handle it, just how to contain it after the best of his ability.

Finding a semblance of balance within himself, Kakashi allowed himself a few minutes before he got up, washed his face with cold water, and dried it with his sleeves. It wasn't until then that he noticed his clothes were soaked with sweat. Sasuke would easily be able to smell the stress on him, even without an enhanced sense of smell. He decided to undress and wash his body with freezing water as well, allowing the coolness to chase the numbness away.

He ignored the exhausted headache the outburst had caused and went back to the living room, not bothering to find new clothes. He knew Sasuke would understand, which was novel and nice, but it also made him feel bad for hiding away rather than allowing Sasuke to help. He wasn’t sure if it would have helped, though. While he had crashed out emotionally in front of Sasuke before … for some reason, a panic attack felt too shameful. Too private.

Unsurprisingly, Sasuke already sat upright on the futon, blankets pooled around his waist, when Kakashi returned. He had waited, and his eyes swept over Kakashi, assessing, but his expression was thankfully neutral. The lack of emotions was a relief, and Kakashi didn’t realize how apprehensive he’d been of it before it wasn’t an issue. He just didn’t have it in him right now to see Sasuke being worried. It was enough that he knew he worried, and that Kakashi was the cause and –

“Can you sleep?” Sasuke asked, dragging Kakashi out of his head for a moment.

For all that he felt close to collapsing, he knew he couldn’t, so he shook his head. Sasuke nodded and got up, looking for his clothes.

“You should –” Kakashi started to say.

“No need,” Sasuke said, tone gentle, yet brokering no argument. “Get dressed.”

In all their time together, Sasuke had rarely – if ever – made something sound like an order when addressing Kakashi. This was an order. Automatically, he did as he was told, too exhausted to feel anything but a hint of curiosity.

When they were properly dressed, Sasuke led the way to the main house. Empty and asleep despite the late morning. They walked quietly down the hallways until Sasuke slid open a door. Inside were the dogs, whom Kakashi had thought about but been too busy and tired to deal with - and with them was Itsuki.

The boy looked up from petting the dogs, Shiro in his lap, guilty at being caught, only marginally relaxing when he saw who it was.

“Don’t tell mom,” he whispered.

“It’s our secret,” Sasuke promised. “They probably need training, don’t you think, Kakashi?”

Training. Yes …

“You couldn’t sleep either, sensei?” Itsuki asked.

“No,” Kakashi admitted. He glanced at Sasuke, a silent question.

“Madara is wrecking the forest, and Izuna is sulking on the rooftop,” Sasuke mouthed.

Right. Kakashi’s reeling mind slotted itself into familiar spaces; the dogs needed training, he and Sasuke needed to address each of their wayward child … it didn’t solve Kakashi’s problem, but it was a distraction he’d gladly seize.

“Itsuki-san, do you want to see how you train dogs properly?” Kakashi asked. The boy’s face lit up immediately, and Sasuke took it as his excuse to disappear off to wherever Madara was working through excess emotions.

Kakashi whistled low, as not to disturb the main house. Cross and Ben got on their feet immediately, ready for new orders. Shiro jumped out from Itsuki’s lap to walk along with the dogs, her legs too short, forcing her to run.

“She’s getting stronger,” Kakashi commented. Itsuki nodded.

“She’s a wolf, so she’ll probably get really strong, right, Sensei?”

“Strong, yes, but she won’t survive long in a fight with ninken without the right training,” Kakashi explained, relaxing marginally now that he could talk about dogs and training. “Instinct is like a muscle, and wild animals train it in a very singular manner, to focus on survival, but if we’re to make Shiro into a companion, she needs to hone her instinct like a shinobi.”

The dogs waited patiently on Kakashi and Itsuki, who dragged their shoes on before walking out in the soft snow. The meters of hard-packed snow that had consumed part of the compound had melted into small, uneven bumps, too soft to walk on without your feet disappearing down into them.

Shiro had the time of her life, running around in it, dirtying her fur, while the Hatake dogs watched her with barely concealed embarrassment.

“Sensei, can she learn to talk, like Sasuke-sama’s foxes?” Itsuki asked.

“Maybe, if she’s exposed to a lot of chakra.”

Kakashi surveyed the roof and spotted a lonely figure watching the sky.

“I think that’s Izuna-sama. Can you fetch him?”

Itsuki stared wide-eyed around until he spotted the figure. His face became grim for a second. Determined. The boy took a lot of responsibility onto himself when it came to Izuna and his well-being. He nodded at Kakashi with the seriousness of someone accepting a mission and jumped on top of the roof.

Kakashi took advantage of the few seconds alone to squat down and decompress the stress in his body. Focusing on the boys and dogs was better than trying to sleep, but ideally, he needed to figure his shit out. He just didn’t know how.

Idle hands make fretful minds … except, being busy all the time didn’t solve shit. It just postponed his reactions. But wallowing in his own misery wasn’t helpful either … why was he so useless?

He scolded himself for being so fatalistic. He’d been better. He was better. One panic attack wasn’t a world-ending catastrophe. He was bound to get them, he just ... he'd been placated by their absence, unprepared to deal with them again, but he was better now than he’d been. Everything was better than the lonely, isolated life he’d lived as a shinobi of Konoha. According to Sasuke, his sensei had gotten out of ANBU. That was good. That meant Kakashi was able to make some good choices, even if left to his own devices.

It almost seemed impossible, from his perspective. The rude awakening of landing in the past was what had jarred him out of the destructive pattern he’d been trapped in, in ANBU, but … things happened. Something probably happened to old Kakashi that forced him to confront himself.

And if a Kakashi without the support of Sasuke turned out ok, then he could as well.

“Sensei?”

Kakashi glanced up at Itsuki and Izuna, who both stared at him in confusion.

“Are you falling asleep?” Izuna asked, sounding annoyed.

“Almost,” Kakashi lied, and got up, stretching his legs. “The dogs have been neglected; they need training.”

Izuna clicked his tongue in the way Uchiha’s were wont to do. It wasn’t that other people didn’t; the Uchiha just did it in a specific way, which was typical for the clan. Sasuke had mastered it like fine art, able to communicate annoyance at others, himself, the world, and stupid everyday accidents like spilling tea through a mere, succinct sound, conveying thousands of nuances of irritation.

“Itsuki-san said as much,” Izuna said, still sounding annoyed, although it was probably a front to cover that he felt vulnerable. The meeting had been challenging, but most of all, Izuna had never been outside of the village without going to a battlefield, so Kakashi could only imagine how jarring it had to be for him to return after having his world turned upside down. He’d changed so much, yet the village and clan mostly remained the same. If Kakashi felt a dissonance between the cottage and himself, he knew Izuna must have felt it a hundredfold. Itsuki as well.

Which was probably why, instead of sleeping, the boys joined him in training the dogs. Maybe Kakashi should have been slightly hesitant to teach two Uchiha the whistle-language of Hatake ninken, but he couldn’t find it in him to care. He made obstacles for the dogs in the snow, which they mastered dutifully and gracefully, nudging Shiro along as she seemed eager to join in on the fun.

They were at it for hours, garnering Hitomi and her girl, Ayumi, and a few women as an audience at the end. Itsuki was tasked with leading Shiro through an easier obstacle course, with a few jumps and evasion maneuvers, and everyone watched in silence until it was completed. Shiro received six out of ten points from Kakashi to the thunderous applause of the women.

“A tame wolf! How fascinating!” One of the women said and crouched down to pet not just Shiro but the Hatake dogs. Kakashi knew he shouldn’t allow it. Ninken wasn’t supposed to be spoiled like regular dogs, and the Hatake might take offense at Kakashi undoing years of training by allowing the ninken to greet lots of people, but … dogs were dogs. They loved company and attention. His own dogs had turned out fine, even though he’d spoiled them rotten.

“Itsuko, you try it!” Itsuki said, carrying his little sister over to Shiro, pressing her palm down in the white fur.

“It’s safe,” Kakashi assured Hitomi, who watched the interaction keenly. Shiro was more than used to humans and showed, in general, a very trusting nature. Not too unlike Itsuki.

He noticed a familiar presence behind him and glanced over his shoulder in time to see Sasuke joining them.

Izuna sent Sasuke a searching look, receiving a gentle squeeze on the shoulder.

“You should head in, get some breakfast,” he said. Izuna nodded, the party dispersing, Sasuke and Kakashi heading back to their cottage, the dogs following. It was probably an hour or so before the meeting would recommence.

Sasuke eyed the dogs and Shiro.

“I assume they’ll live with us?” he said.

“Ehm …” Kakashi hadn’t thought that far, to be honest.

“It’s fine, I just don’t want them in the bed.”

“Noted. Shiro hasn’t been potty trained yet, but Ben and Cross will help her. We just need a place she can pee while they train her.”

They discussed what to use and where to place it while making their way in, dogs at their heels. Kakashi had to lift Shiro from the entrance where they left their shoes, up to the elevated floor, the edge too tall for her still.

Inside the living room, Sasuke lit a fire in the hearth.

“Is there even a point?” Kakashi asked. It seemed unnecessary, seeing how they’d leave again soon.

“Do you want to eat in the kitchen?” Sasuke asked, as if that was a genuine option. He didn’t. The short reprieve from people was nice.

Kakashi folded and got a kettle for tea and a small cauldron for porridge. Sasuke picked up their water bucket and disappeared out again to fetch water from the well, and they fell into the motion of silently preparing breakfast.

The dogs and Shiro lay down to doze off by the wall, staying out of the way.

Kakashi folded the futon up and moved it so he could bring out their table. Sasuke absentmindedly threw bowls, cups, and chopsticks to him, which Kakashi snatched up from the air, equally absentmindedly, to place down on the table.

Breakfast was rice porridge with fried eggs, soy sauce, and some of their pickles. The sight of Sasuke eating eased something in Kakashi’s soul. Soothed him.

He sensed, as they ate, that Sasuke was leaving room for him to say something, should he wish it. The silence wasn’t oppressive, nor did he feel forced to speak. As he didn’t know what to say, they ate in silence.

Sometimes, he felt as inept as a baby when it came to being anything but a shinobi, but if he were to be gracious with himself, he’d admit he had grown a lot over the past few months. It just felt uneven, as if he mastered life better one hour than the next.

When they’d cleaned up after breakfast, it was time to go. Kakashi was restless and tired at the same time, but as they were about to leave their sanctuary, he knew there was one thing he could do to alleviate some of that restlessness.

“Sasuke,” he said, stopping the other man in his tracks. He walked up to him, stroked a hand over his hair, and gently tipped his head down so he could kiss his forehead, expressing his gratitude for … everything. But maybe especially how Sasuke handled this morning. Allowing Kakashi space, and holding back, when he was too brittle for anything but neutrality.

Sasuke fought a pleased smile, and some of the worry and care he felt for Kakashi bled through his expression as he patted Kakashi’s chest.

“I’m ok, despite it all,” was what Kakashi conveyed with the kiss.

“I’m glad,” was what Sasuke conveyed with his action.

And that was what made Kakashi feel both as stable as he’d ever been, and more unstable than he’d ever been, because the easy camaraderie with Sasuke was everything he’d never known he could have. A significant other. A partner. Family.

His person.

They just fit so well, the depth of their affection for each other almost a tangible thread entwining them both.

He wasn’t aware he had moved until Sasuke knocked into the wall, their faces mere centimeters apart. Sasuke’s hot breath ghosted over his face, and he noticed he’d rested his hands on Sasuke’s hips. Huh.

“You’re such a distraction,” Sasuke murmured in a lazy tone.

“Oi,” Kakashi said, not really offended.

They had to leave.

Any minute now. Leaving. They had to go to the meeting …

Sasuke smelled of pine and snow, after his time in the nearby forest, and of home and breakfast and … Kakashi took a step back almost as if to prove to them both that he could. Sasuke cocked his head back, glancing down on Kakashi along his nose with a sly grin.

“You know, at least I flirt with you consciously,” he said in a lazy tone. “You’re all hindbrain in your approach.”

“Meeting,” Kakashi said, because he wanted to lie down and cuddle in front of the fire more than anything, but they had duties to attend, even when Sasuke was being an attractive bastard.

The meeting was much like it had been a few hours earlier, except now people had cooled down minimally.

Kakashi sat on the sideline, his attendance not as important as Sasuke’s, who sat alongside Madara and Izuna to address the clan. Hitomi and Yua had made their way over to him when they arrived. Ayumi was not invited, although she’d probably hear all about it from her friends.

As the discussion progressed, the three of them allowed themselves a quiet, private conversation.

“I didn’t get to thank you properly.” Hitomi was the first to speak, keeping a low tone so as not to draw attention.

“No need, I simply did my duty to him,” Kakashi said.

“I saw the memories yesterday,” Hitomi said, obviously unimpressed by Kakashi’s response. “I saw how you were with him this morning. He hasn’t smiled like that since his father passed.”

He cringed internally at her passive language surrounding Ryota’s murder, but it wasn’t his place to dictate how she should talk about it, least of all to him.

“How was Tsuruhashi?” Yua asked, whispering past Hitomi, offering a nice enough distraction, which seemed to be the theme of this morning. Kakashi in need of distractions. Both women raised inquisitive eyebrows at him. Kakashi sighed heavily and theatrically.

“Will you let it go?” He asked. Both shook their heads. “None of us spent much time with him, but Tsuruhashi-san is … nice. I owe him for taking the boys in while we were separated.”

“And?” Yua pressed.

“And he allowed me to claim my surname, but he also knows where my allegiance lies. They’re not really my clan or family. Sasuke is.”

“Would you want to be named Uchiha?” Yua asked.

Kakashi stared at her, too stunned to speak. Uchiha? That … wasn’t his name to carry. That was Obito’s clan. Sasuke’s clan. Uchiha Kakashi? No. Absolutely not.

“I’m not …” he started to say, not sure how to word himself so they didn’t misunderstand. He loved the Uchiha, he realized, but he wasn’t one, and he didn’t have the same urge to belong to a clan as probably Sasuke did, because Kakashi only grew up with his dad. He didn’t know what it meant to have extended family, and …

“… Hatake Kakashi!” Someone – an elder – said. It was the end of a sentence he hadn’t caught.

“The origin of my partner is irrelevant, seeing how neither he nor I grew up with our clans,” Sasuke said calmly.

“I will not tolerate any slander toward Hatake Kakashi,” Madara said, slamming a fist onto the table. Kakashi watched the conversation unfold, awkwardly, keenly feeling like he shouldn’t have been present for it.

“He has proven his services to the Uchiha,” Izuna said coolly. “Like Sasuke-sama, he is equally willing to help anyone in need, but he went above and beyond to ensure the safe return of myself and Itsuki-san. You saw the proof yourself.”

Both Hitomi and Yua did a double-take at Izuna, before staring wide-eyed at Kakashi. He shrugged. Something about bonding through trauma and such … but he understood it was a stark contrast to how they saw the two of them interact before their little adventure.

“I want to include him in the shinobi-share, due to his service,” Madara said, audible gasps filling the hall.

“That’s preposterous!” One elder, Kenta or something, shouted.

Kakashi sat frozen as what felt like hundreds of eyes sought him out.

“Uhm …” Was he supposed to say something?

“It’s only fair, as he’s protected the interest of our clan,” Madara insisted, drawing the attention back to him, thankfully. “Up until now, he’s lived on goodwill from Sasuke and at times, the main house, courtesy of me.”

A nice lie to cover for Yua and the other women.

“I want to make it official that the Uchiha provides for Kakashi. He might be a Hatake in name, but he stays with us and fights for us.”

“He’s not a Uchiha!” one man protested.

“So what?” Madara snapped. “The custom of adopting shinobi into the clan isn’t unheard of! We’ve had Hagoromo, Uzumaki, and Nara living permanently among us generations back. It’s rare, but not impossible.”

“Isn’t it enough that he belongs to Sasuke-sama?” another elder asked, carefully.

“No,” Sasuke said. “While Kakashi came into the clan as my prize, I cannot consider him my property, nor do I want to. He is his own person, and should be able to operate independently of me without issue.”

“This isn’t really up for debate,” Madara said, growing agitated.

“What my brother means to say is that it would be shameful for us not to grant rewards where they are earned,” Izuna injected smoothly.

Madara visibly restrained himself and said, “Many shinobi were willing to help us during our hardships, as you witnessed yesterday. It is beneficial for us to foster strong ties with these shinobi. We need to show we are willing to treat those who help us favorably, securing ties similar to those we’ve now developed with the Hyūga thanks to Sasuke. Their clan head, Haruki, backed me often at the capital, mediating matters with especially the Sarutobi and Shimura, who, despite Hashirama’s opposition, tried to negotiate worse terms for the Uchiha.”

Izuna injected, “And to strengthen our hold over a Hatake means we gain direct connections to a clan well known as allies of the Senju. We aren’t charitable just to be kind; we are looking out for our own interest.”

The room grew quiet and thoughtful.

“Very well,” one of the old men, Toshiro, said. “Hatake Kakashi will receive his share on equal footing with the shinobi of our clan.”

Everyone stared at Kakashi again after this conclusion, so he had no choice but to get up, bow to the crowd, and proclaim, “Thank you, Madara-sama, Izuna-sama, honorable elders. I appreciate your gracious offer and hope I will make myself worthy of it not just now, but in the future as well.”

After that, Kakashi, embarrassed by the attention, tried to melt into the wall. Thankfully, the meeting progressed into unbelievably dull territory, which had nothing to do with him and his person.

“Congratulations,” Yua whispered when she deemed it safe.

“It was about time,” Hitomi muttered, then, “I’d like to invite you for dinner on a day of your choosing. You can bring the master along, of course.”

“It’s common to celebrate a child receiving tuition from a seasoned shinobi,” Yua whispered in explanation.

“Oh, but –” He started to say, thinking about what the clan might say, how Itsuki might be treated …

“It’s a great honor,” Hitomi said with finality. “Without close family, boys are left to group training, missing out on vital skills that close family should have taught them. Madara-sama gives special attention to the kids, but it’s not the same. Itsuki is lucky to have your assistance. And he likes you.”

Kakashi had no choice but to concede and surrender.

“If you are happy with me as his teacher, then I’ll do my best,” Kakashi told her. And if Tobirama and Izuna joined the team down the line … ah … It was a foregone conclusion, wasn’t it?

“I’m sorry my son will cause you grief,” she added, and Kakashi was reminded that for all of Hitomi’s distaste for the shinobi way of life, she was a shinobi’s daughter, wife, and mother.

“Itsuki-san is diligent and steadfast,” Kakashi offered. “I’m honored to have him as a student.”

“He’s not strong,” she said with a frown, which was true, based on the clan’s standards.

“Not physically, and he hasn’t shown much aptitude for genjutsu, but there is nothing wrong with Itsuki-san. His fighting style might end up differing from the average Uchiha, but he’ll do well. His chakra control is amazing, and his eyes are very advanced for such a young age. Do not worry, Hitomi-san, your boy will grow into a skilled and competent person, although maybe not a typical shinobi.”

She stared out at the crowd, her eyes landing on Itsuki, who sat among the men from the capital. A sadness washed over her face, but also a sense of calm.

“I prefer that,” she said. “If possible.”

Madara didn’t allow the meeting to drag on as it had the day before. They ended all discussions around nine in the evening, which was late enough for Kakashi, who was starting to feel the full effect of the previous long meeting, a lack of sleep, the panic-attack, and another long day. All he wanted was to head home with Sasuke, but apparently, there were other plans.

All the men who had been part of the delegation to the capital, along with Hikaku and Yua, were invited to eat with Madara and Izuna. Yua looked extremely put out that she was asked to sit in on the dinner, not lifting a finger to help, but she accepted a seat next to Kakashi, who sat next to Sasuke, who sat next to the brothers, and Itsuki sat with Izuna and Kenji, and everyone else fanned out, slumping in their seats due to exhaustion. The mood picked up some, though, when they were served alcohol. Even Sasuke accepted a small cup of sake.

Madara held up his own cup, looking all of them straight in the eyes, giving an acknowledging nod.

“To the future.”

“To the future,” they chorused, drowning their drinks. Kakashi asked for water after that, not about to get drunk. He met Yua’s amused expression and knew she remembered.

As food was served, conversations popped up, Hikaku being the loudest of them all.

“At least you didn’t have to deal with the foxes!” He blurted loudly at one point, arguing with Kenji. Then he startled and gave Sasuke a terrified look. “Err, I mean, they are really handy in such situations, master, but –”

“They enjoyed bullying him,” Yua whispered to Kakashi. Ah.

“I know they can be challenging,” Sasuke said. “You did well, Hikaku.”

The boy blushed and bowed in his seat. “Thank you, master.”

Madara adopted a somber expression at the mention of the foxes.

“When do I need to go?” he asked Sasuke. Izuna looked like he’d bit into a lemon but sipped his small cup of sake rather than commenting. Everyone present knew about the deal that had been struck.

“The earlier, the better,” Sasuke said. “I assume we can expect news from the Senju at any point now, if we don’t send a messenger first.”

Madara eyed Sasuke thoughtfully before his eyes slid over to Kakashi.

“I thought about that,” he said. “I’d rather be the first to send word than wait for Hashirama. I want to show that the Uchiha will not shy away from their responsibility. While I’m gone, I want you to stay in the village, Sasuke. If Kakashi is amiable, however, I would ask him to accompany Goro.”

The clan head glanced at Goro, who nodded his acceptance of the mission.

“I’ll gladly go,” Kakashi said, which was true enough, as he was curious about how the Senju lived. He didn’t want to separate from Sasuke again so soon, but he knew that would be impossible, and there’d be no better opportunity to part than when Sasuke was safe in the village, surrounded by the clan. While some people were angered by all the new revelations, most people treated Sasuke favorably. He had strong allies here.

“Give me a few days,” Madara said. “I’ll prepare everything and convince the clan why this is necessary, then I’ll go and train.”

“Having two shinobi with the ability of sage-mode is a huge boon,” Izuna said. “The elders should be overjoyed. My only concern is how long it will take.”

“I had a friend who mastered it in a week,” Sasuke said in a casual tone. “He used clones – they collect experience, and can speed up the process, but you have to have a lot of stamina and chakra to train like that. You have plenty, Madara.”

Plenty of chakra was an understatement, Kakashi thought. Just how strong had Naruto been? Because he assumed he was the friend in question.

“Clones, huh?” Madara said, taking to the idea.

“Kakashi-san often used them to scout ahead,” Izuna said. “It was a handy strategy. We should use something similar during the war, instead of risking our scouts as we usually do.”

The poor boy almost choked on his spit when Madara slammed a jovial hand on his back with too much force.

“Hah! You guys won’t even need me around, not with Izuna having grown so wise!”

“Are you trying to kill me?” Izuna hissed at his brother. Then, composing himself, he said, “Of course, we need you. I understand why you must go, but I demand you return to us soon.”

“Of course, of course,” Madara said, looking toward Hikaku and Yua. “I ask you to assist him, as you’ve assisted me.” Both bowed, accepting the task.

Dinner was concluded, and around midnight, Kakashi and Sasuke walked back to their cottage, where they both were too tired to do anything but collapse under the blankets.

Blessedly, Kakashi had a full night of dreamless sleep.

The next morning, Hikaku stopped by to inform them they had the day to their disposal, that Madara had said he’d call on them, if necessary, but that he wanted to grant them a day’s rest.

A full day.

For themselves.

They were too shocked at the notion to do anything the first hour, settling on letting the dogs out, drinking tea, tidying their shelves and living room, and, well, one thing led to another. Suddenly, they were cleaning the rarely used storage room, sorting through the odd things Sasuke had collected here and there over the years.

He’d been all over the continent, visiting shinobi clans far and wide, made friends, made enemies, gathered information – there was loads to sort through.

“What should we do with the free space?” Kakashi asked, leafing through some drawings of villages and architecture. The sketches, Sasuke’s work, were dated a few years back and listed as being from Lightning Country. He knew Sasuke was fond of the country.

“I thought the dogs might have use of it,” Sasuke said. “I’ll buy some hinges. We can make a dog door so they can come and go freely.”

Kakashi pulled another stack of drawings out from under a clay jar with funny inscriptions on it. The sketches were of people, this time. The brown, smiling faces of people from Lightning. He leafed through them as well, entertained by the sight of civilians and shinobi alike and –

“Is this the first Raikage?” He asked, incredulously. The name under the drawing of a young boy was a simple one: A.

“Yeah,” Sasuke said, grinning at the drawing. “I hope you get to meet him; he’s the son of a good friend. Funny child.”

“You’ve collected impressive friends,” Kakashi said, handing the drawings over to Sasuke, who’d made space for them in one of the cupboards. It was amazing, really, that the storage room had managed to get so messy when Sasuke was far from a messy person. But maybe this cottage had been a pit-stop, nothing more, until recently …

“What’s the longest you’ve stayed in the village before this winter?”

“Two or three months.”

He must be climbing the walls then, Kakashi surmised. Despite their forays outside of the village, their missions hadn’t allowed much time for leisure, as Sasuke seemed fond of. From his drawings alone, one could decipher that he was the kind of person who always chose the scenic route. Any chance to observe buildings, people, and nature.

Kakashi tried to imagine himself strolling along, enjoying the beauty of the world Sasuke had put down on paper. It wasn’t hard to imagine. Too easy, in fact.

Maybe after the war.

When the storage room was as tidy as it could be, and they had made space for the dogs, and they’d walked the dogs, and had lunch, and still the clock was no later than noon, they utilised the mostly empty compound to borrow the training ground and do some light training for an hour or four. It was a nice day. Mild enough, the air refreshing as only early spring could deliver.

“Your stamina has improved a lot,” Sasuke commented while sparring. “And while your chakra control has always been good, it’s damn near flawless now.”

“All that walking on water,” Kakashi said. If he hadn’t tuned it perfectly, he’d have drowned, and he’d needed chakra to spare, in case the boys should exhaust themselves.

Sasuke seemed to realize the same thing. A flash of emotion crossed his face, their spar coming to an end.

“I’m sorry for worrying you,” Kakashi said, regarding … all of it.

“And I you,” Sasuke said, before adding, “Come. We need to wash up before dinner.”

The rest of the day was spent in quite a relaxed fashion, although neither of them was very relaxed. A peculiar mood hung over them; shared glances were abruptly aborted, and hands kept busy with domestic tasks. When evening came, when they usually would have read or cleaned their weapons or something like that, they ended up crawling under their blankets in silence, lying down on their sides, facing each other.

They’d forgone clothes.

Modesty wasn’t an issue, and ... and maybe there was a mix of anticipation and apprehension in the air. Unspoken wants and desires that had made looking so hard all day, and kept them separated, because they didn't know how to initiate something big like this. At least their bedtime routine offered a more natural opportunity.

The dogs slept in the storage room. Madara had managed the day without them. They weren’t needed anywhere anytime soon. Come morning, maybe someone would knock on their door, but morning was far off.

Sasuke had almost always been the first to reach out, but this time Kakashi reached out and allowed himself to glide a rough hand over Sasuke’s shoulder, down the remaining part of his left arm, then from his ribs to his back, which he used as an excuse to drag him closer. He received an amused grin and boldly maneuvered them until Sasuke lay halfway on top of him, similar to how they had rested and slept many times before, although never naked as now. Sasuke nuzzled his nose into Kakashi’s chest, a content sigh escaping him.

“I don’t know what I need, I just need … something,” Sasuke murmured.

“Closeness,” Kakashi suggested. “Touch.” He drew lazy patterns into Sasuke’s back with his fingers.

Sasuke studied him for a few seconds with the half-lidded expression of a curious cat before he leaned in for a kiss. It was chaste and nice, like their first, but also awkward and new.

They finally had the time to explore, though, and as Kakashi kissed him back, he put great effort into figuring out how to do what he’d seen others do. How to move his lips, how much pressure to use ... The heat of Sasuke’s body on top of him and the heat from the hearth made him dizzy, slightly delirious. His hands moved on their own, touching Sasuke’s hair, his face, his arm, his hips. While thinner than he'd been before the capital, he was also solid and warm and real, and there was a comfort in being weighed down by him.

Kakashi felt too aware of himself, clumsy and young in a way that was alien. He’d been stressed out for what felt like ages, knowing he wanted to explore everything he could explore with Sasuke, yet never having the time for it, nor feeling bold enough. Now they could, and he dared, and not even his own self-consciousness could halt him as he kissed Sasuke’s lips over and over again.

Kakashi got a bit too creative and attempted a more open-mouthed kiss, sticking his tongue into Sasuke’s mouth, which caused Sasuke to giggle in embarrassment.

“Sorry, sorry,” Kakashi mumbled, but Sasuke got the idea, and they tried it again, although they quickly abandoned the endeavor when neither was quite sure how it worked and it seemed too complex for now. Kakashi had read it was supposed to feel good, and everyone seemed to do it in the movies, but the arts didn’t really explain these things in a tangible manner applicable to real-life practice.

Kakashi had a great breakthrough when he sucked on Sasuke’s lower lip. The moan he was awarded with cranking the heat in the room from sizzling to scalding. Sasuke grabbed Kakashi’s shoulder and tugged. While drunk on kisses and affection, he wasn’t beyond reason – yet. He got the picture, tumbled them over, blankets pushed to the side, and pinned Sasuke down onto the futon.

Sasuke stretched languidly out beneath Kakashi, exposing his throat. Daringly accepting the invitation, Kakashi planted a faint kiss there, over the pounding pulse, tasting the salt on his skin.

Grabbing Sasuke’s wrist, he gently caressed it with his thumb, allowing himself to kiss Sasuke’s lovely neck, sucking bruises and biting lightly. It all earned pleasant sighs from Sasuke. The sounds went straight to Kakashi’s head and groin, and emboldened him to continue, planting kisses along Sasuke’s throat, along Sasuke’s jaw, his cheek, his lips, and – Sasuke grabbed Kakashi’s hair, forcing him to tilt his head to the side, exposing his neck. He waited for a second, maybe to see if Kakashi would object. When Kakashi remained passive in his grip, Sasuke conducted his own experiment. Dragged warm lips over already overheated skin, kissing gently and bruising in turn, until he suddenly bit down. Hard. Harder than Kakashi had dared to bite him. It didn’t break skin, nor hurt for real, but it came as a surprise, forcing a grunt out of Kakashi.

“Sorry,” Sasuke whispered, kissing it better. Kakashi chuckled.

“No, you’re not.”

“No, I’m not,” Sasuke agreed, eyes gleaming with mirth. Kakashi kissed him, and they lay intertwined, kissing for a few minutes more, until Sasuke caught Kakashi’s jaw in a steady grip, halting their actions momentarily, allowing them a moment to cool down and catch their breath.

Kakashi had time then to admire his handiwork; Sasuke’s lips were bruised and red, his usual composure close to non-existent. The Sasuke who stared up at him had the wilderness of nature about him and was as awe-inspiring as an incoming thunderstorm; that moment when the air felt light and heavy at the same time, the shift in biometric pressure dawning on the body, awakening anticipation for the incoming storm, which would be as striking and beautiful as it was terrifying. And that very greatness lay pliant under Kakashi, allowing himself to be held by Kakashi, composing a sight as enchanting and holy as any starry sky or sunrise could hope to compare to.

“How does it compare to those pervy books of yours?”

Kakashi, who had drifted on cloud nine, waxing poetry about Sasuke in his mind, slammed down to earth hard enough to hurt his head.

They lay sprawled over each other, naked, in the midst of the very first making out session either of them had partaken in, and it was good, great, dangerously so, and Sasuke –

“Are you really teasing me about that now?”

“Well, given the situation, isn’t it a good thing you’ve read all that porn?”

“Hold on!” Kakashi protested. “It’s not porn, it’s romance! It’s about the complexity of human relationships! The draw is the yearning, not … not the …”

“Sex?” Sasuke asked, amused, always bold in the face of Kakashi’s embarrassment.

“Personally, I’m tired of yearning. I’ve done a lot of that lately,” Sasuke said, part teasing, part earnest. Despite burning cheeks, Kakashi hummed thoughtfully and kissed Sasuke gently on the mouth.

“Whoever made you wait is an inconsiderate bastard.”

Sasuke laughed and kissed Kakashi back, a quick peck, peering teasingly up at him.

“Oh, I wouldn’t go that far. He was sort of busy saving some kids, fighting powerful enemies … trying not to die.”

“Excuses,” Kakashi murmured, stroking Sasuke’s hair out of his face, where it clung damply to the skin. They were both covered in perspiration, breaking more of a sweat than they usually did during training. “I’m sure he thought of you all the time.”

“Did he imagine this?” Sasuke asked.

“Yes,” Kakashi confessed.

Sasuke smiled, pleased, but hesitated to move in for any more kisses. Kakashi had sensed, already when Sasuke grabbed his chin, that they were at a crossroads for the evening. Either they continued, or they stopped. Either was fine with him as he was perfectly satisfied. There was no goal to reach. They were together, and that was all he wanted.

“Should we get some sleep?” Kakashi asked, offering Sasuke a way out.

Sasuke nodded, but there was an air of reluctance and frustration about him. Not aimed at Kakashi, but himself.

“Hey,” Kakashi said, cupping his face with both his hands, and struck by an urge to squish his cheeks, did so.

“Is that supposed to comfort me?” Sasuke asked, grimacing. Kakashi soothed him by stroking his cheeks gently, and found he liked this brand new world where he could touch Sasuke so easily and freely. The heat of his body was pleasant, as was the feeling of skin against skin. Kakashi assumed Sasuke liked the closeness; he seemed to seek it easily enough, but maybe they had moved too far, too fast?

“Don’t look like that,” Sasuke said, bonking him on the head. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“You just seem frustrated,” Kakashi said. Sasuke sighed and petted Kakashi’s hair for a while, contemplating something.

“I am,” Sasuke eventually said. “I didn’t want to stop, but I …”

“Maybe it’s a good thing, spacing things out,” Kakashi suggested. “You know, like portioning out a nice treat, instead of eating it all at once.”

Sasuke smiled in wry amusement. It was nice for about one second before he ruffled Kakashi’s hair violently, making a mess of it.

“Hey!” Kakashi rolled off him to get away and save his poor scalp, but Sasuke followed, holding on to a fistful of hair. It stung slightly, which his body apparently decided was more pleasant than painful. Sasuke laughed and leaned down to plant a bruising kiss on his mouth.

“Are you saying I should savour you like a good dessert?” Sasuke asked, consumed by dark amusement. “Mm, I intend to, you know. And unlike most treats, you don’t taste so sweet as to spoil my enjoyment of you.”

Kakashi blushed furiously. It was just teasing, Sasuke using the metaphor Kakashi had made up, but it sounded like he talked about … and Kakashi didn’t mind waiting, not in the slightest, and he didn’t need anything to be satisfied with their relationship … but he did want things, and Sasuke didn’t exactly make that wanting any easier by sitting on top of him, pulling at his hair while saying such things.

“Eh, good,” was all Kakashi managed to utter.

Sasuke’s gaze was heavy upon him, a glimmer of mischievous wildfire dancing in the depths of his eyes. He truly looked otherworldly, nature incarnated, but it quickly simmered down. He let go of Kakashi’s hair and lay down on the futon, dragging the blankets over them. Kakashi helped, and when they were properly covered, he pulled him into his embrace, thinking, not for the first time, that Sasuke, for all his civility and calm, possessed an unruly nature. It was like a fire trapped inside a human being, a fiery beast that only showed itself on occasions when the human part felt threatened.

He guessed it was something only those very close to Sasuke could catch a glimpse of. Them, and his enemies.

Sasuke kissed his cheek gently and dragged a soft hand through his hair, as if to apologize for the earlier harsh treatment, although there was nothing to apologize for.

He enjoyed that Sasuke wasn’t always careful with him, that he was a bit mean without being mean-spirited. In turn, Sasuke easily accepted Kakashi’s rough edges and oddities.

In a way, Kakashi was comforted by the fact that Sasuke didn’t always handle things perfectly, didn’t always have control of his emotions or his reactions. No human could, and he was no deity. If he had been, Kakashi amused himself with picturing him as a trickster God. And Kakashi … a scarecrow, so a guard of sorts. Maybe a local spirit protecting homeless dogs and children.

He snuggled closer, burying his face in Sasuke’s neck, and both fell asleep quickly enough.

Come morning, their respite from responsibilities came to an end, but they were granted time to eat breakfast before they had to head out and were thus able to enjoy a normal morning, letting out the dogs, cooking, eating, and exchanging mindless chatter.

Although …

“Hitomi-san invited me to dinner,” Kakashi said over breakfast. “To officially take on the role as Itsuki’s sensei.”

During their bustling the day before, he’d never thought to bring it up, but to be honest, neither had brought up much regarding the clan or politics at all.

Sasuke paused his eating. “Do you want to take on that role? It was very much thrust upon you.”

“Mah, it seems inevitable,” Kakashi said. “I already feel responsible for him, but …” And finally, he had the time and peace of mind to tell Sasuke about Tobirama’s request. As expected, he laughed, but with sympathy.

“A three-man cell, huh?”

Kakashi allowed his head to drop to the table and wallowed in his own misery for a bit.

“But it doesn’t make sense. I have nothing to teach Izuna and Tobirama; they’re both already excellent shinobi. The group would be incredibly uneven and unbalanced, with poor Itsuki struggling to keep up with them, and it’s not as if the shinobi of this age operate with such a system in the first place. Ah … what to do, what to do.”

“You could say no.”

“And squander a great political opportunity to create unity? No.”

Kakashi straightened up, although his shoulders slouched in defeat. “There's only one option, really. But I don’t see how it would work.”

Sasuke studied him, his careful expression warning Kakashi that he was about to say something Kakashi might not like to hear.

“Wel …” Sasuke said. “It’s not as if you wouldn’t have benefited from guidance at that age, rather than being pushed into ANBU. Skilled or not, they’re still children.”

Technically, he agreed. But –

It still stung, because Minato-sensei hadn’t pushed him into ANBU. Kakashi had been incredibly skilled, and so he’d surely have grown bored and squandered his talent if he’d remained a common Jōnin … it would have been a waste of his natural abilities and a waste for Konoha, to not utilise a resource such as himself properly.

Minato had relied on him. The Sandaime had relied on him.

If he hadn’t been guided toward ANBU, he might have been recruited by other organisations, worse organisations, such as ROOT.

However … he’d struggled so much, emotionally, and joining ANBU had not helped. From Kannabi bridge until he landed in the past, he’d felt like one big open wound, constantly tearing at the edges.

“I don’t say that as a critique of you –” Sasuke started to say.

“I know, it’s not … I guess I feel protective of sensei. He recommended me for ANBU because he thought it would help.”

The disbelief on Sasuke’s face was warranted, yes, but Sasuke had a unique perspective, as a rogue nin alienated from Konoha. Being a shinobi, operating within the system of the village, brought its fair share of limitations, which even great men like Sensei fell prey to.

If all you knew was fighting, of course, your only solutions were to fight harder or fight differently.

Being a shinobi brought a natural callousness with it, and Kakashi thought of Kanesuke, who had tried to show a terrified Itsuki that the Kaguya was dead, as if them being dead or alive had been the problem, and not Itsuki’s trauma awoken by the sight of blood and snow.

“He got worried about my position there, I think, because he eventually assigned me to shadow and protect Kushina-san while she was pregnant. Probably to keep me in the village for a while, in a sedated role … she visited Mikoto-san often.”

He’d never shared that with Sasuke before, and the other man perked up at the news.

“I know I saw you as a baby, but I don’t really remember little you, as my focus was on Kushina-san.”

“Time is weird,” Sasuke said. Kakashi chuckled in agreement.

“Did you know the Uchiha well?” Sasuke asked, and they’d never really talked about this either. Kakashi wondered why. It seemed like it should have been an early conversation in their acquaintance.

“Not really. After Obito, they weren’t very fond of me. They wanted his eye back. I suppose, among them, I knew your mother best, as she was Kushina-san’s friend. I never talked to her, but I observed her enough to form an impression of her. She seemed a kind and mild-mannered woman. At the funeral, she was at the very front and wept loudly, not bothering with decorum. I remember I felt grateful to her because everyone else was so quiet, and I wasn’t able to cry. I felt she grieved on my behalf … I know she asked to adopt Naruto, but the elders wouldn’t allow it. She was a Uchiha, and they wanted to keep the Kyuubi under their own influence.”

“I never knew that,” Sasuke said, faintly. “Thank you.”

Memories resurfaced, swirled lazily through his mind, and Kakashi found it felt both good to remember and good to share. He usually didn't enjoy remembering, but more often these days, he found parts of his past worth cherishing.

“You would have worked with Itachi in ANBU,” Sasuke said. “A year or so from now, if you’d been in your own time. I know Sensei quit ANBU in the aftermath of the massacre. He never said, but I assume that wasn’t a coincidence … in a way, I’m glad you never had anything to do with Itachi because I don’t know if I could have stomached to know what he was like, then. He was too skilled at such a young age, much like you.”

His tone took on the quality of steel; anger on behalf of his brother, yet angry at his brother. The knowledge of what would have happened in his own time was still shocking. A whole clan, gone. Killed by a mere child.

“They’re all too young,” Kakashi said, remembering what the conversation had started with. “I don’t know if I’m capable of guiding them, but I already consider them my responsibility, so I might as well go for it and become a sensei.”

“I think they need you more than any of you realize,” Sasuke said, always so confident on Kakashi’s behalf. “Besides, it’s good. You’re recognized as a shinobi of the clan and will be paid as such, and you’re soon an official sensei. It brings status and an importance which you’re worthy of.”

Importance … Kakashi, in a Hokage hat, flashed before his eyes. He hadn’t forgotten. He still shuddered in horror at the thought.

“I never set out to be ambitious or garner status,” Kakashi grumbled.

“Because you’re sane,” Sasuke said happily, patting his hand. “Only insane people need power.”

On their way out, Kakashi asked Sasuke if he’d like to attend the dinner, whenever it was to find place.

“I’d like to, but perhaps Izuna would be more fitting,” Sasuke said. “As a proper representation from the clan.”

“You’re scheming,” Kakashi accused, teasingly. “You just want me to become well-established within the clan so I can – ah, what was it, operate independently from you? Have you thought I might not want to?”

“While I’d love for us to live in each other’s pockets, that’s not actually possible,” Sasuke teased back. “I’ll attend the dinner, but you’d do well to ask Izuna to be the official witness on your behalf.”

The opportunity came faster than he expected; Madara was still busy ironing out details with the clan, running around town to discuss this and that, while Izuna was left to see to other affairs, including their father’s funeral, and, as Kakashi sensed would become a habit, Sasuke followed Madara while Kakashi ended up staying with Izuna.

Yua saw to the preparations of food for the feast, while Hikaku was sent off to see to the pyre building, and Izuna sat in his father’s old office, answering letters from merchants and minor clans. According to Yua, the mail just kept pouring in since Tajima’s death, deals either being renewed along promises of strong bonds between the Uchiha and their business partners, or were pulled, forcing the Uchiha to broker new terms with new connections. There were many new offers, though. And request for clarifications regarding this and that rumour, most of them pertaining to whether Sasuke had killed the Fire Lord or not.

Kakashi was, as if it were the greatest matter of course, given letters to read through, filtering out what was trash and what was relevant.

He wondered when it was decided that he was trustworthy enough to do such a task, directly assisting the clan heir. Everyone, but most of all Izuna, seemed to take it for granted that Kakashi would assist him as Sasuke assisted Madara.

And sure, he would, but receiving trust from Izuna here, in the village, felt weirder than receiving it when the boy had been forced to through circumstance.

“Izuna-sama,” Kakashi addressed him. The boy nodded, not looking up from his writing. The only sign of how stressed he was, was a constant furrow between his brows. “Hitomi-san has asked me to become Itsuki-san’s official sensei, and I’ve been informed that a dinner is to find place –”

“Good,” Izuna said. “I’ll oversee the procedure and stand in as witness.”

Well, that was easy.

“I’ll arrange the time with Hitomi-san,” he added, as if he didn’t have too much on his plate already.

“Thank you,” Kakashi said, fascinated by just how vastly different their relationship had grown.

He came upon an interesting letter when sorting through the mail.

“The Uchiha’s investment at Sora-Ku has struck gold,” Kakashi said, giving the letter to Izuna.

The Uchiha of this age wasn’t the worst-off clan, Kakashi knew, but they lacked some of the comforts he would have assumed they’d possess given their reputation and high rate of missions. Most profits went into the war machine, though their investments into other affairs were not as profitable as they could have been; apparently, that had just been a question of time.

The letter was from an inventor whom the Uchiha apparently had supported monetarily in exchange for a percentage from all his future inventions. It just so happened that the man had just invented an electric washing machine and asked for a small sum to patent it.

Kakashi had no idea if that was the case in his own timeline, but it was sort of funny if the Uchiha profited from people washing their clothes.

“How is this gold?” Izuna asked, and Kakshi suddenly remembered just how rare electricity was outside the bigger cities. Sora-Ku was far ahead, in that regard, an industrial hot-pot pushing for technological progress.

“The bigger cities have developed electricity to light their homes and heat their food,” Kakashi said. “They’ll need similar solutions to wash their clothes, especially since they don’t have access to clean rivers as the people living out here do.”

Izuna frowned but listened.

“When we went to Earth Country, we passed through Sora-Ku. The city is growing rapidly due to the work opportunities there. The workers live in cramped conditions, though, and everyday tasks are made harder to complete due to a lack of space and time. Many men live alone, far from their families, and the women there usually work in the factories as well. They’d welcome such an invention, I’m sure. The sum is small and will surely pay you back handsomely in years to come. Yua-san would probably agree that the only war more common than warring over land is the war against household chores.”

The boy raised a sceptical eyebrow, but wrote an affirmative reply to the inventor, attaching the few gold coins he asked for.

“If this doesn’t pay off within the year, I’ll dock your future salary,” Izuna said, reminding Kakashi that he’d soon have an income again, although income among the Uchiha was currently goods such as food, clothes, and weapons.

“That’s fine,” Kakashi said. Unless the inventor was a hack, the investment would be akin to striking gold. He started to doubt, though, that the Uchiha had invested in washing machines in his time, and knew he’d have to ask Sasuke later.

They worked in silence for a while, except for Izuna throwing out an order here and there. He asked Kakashi to make five copies of a letter at one point, and, as Kakashi was in the habit of doing for such tasks, used his Sharingan to copy the motion as Izuna wrote the letter, allowing him to easily make the five copies.

It caught Izuna’s attention, and after having observed Kakashi for a while, he spoke.

“How old were you when you received that eye?”

“Eleven,” Kakashi answered.

“And the Mangekyō?”

“Thirteen.”

Izuna tapped the table, lost in thought for a minute or so. Kakashi was done with his immediate tasks and so had nothing better to do than wait.

“It’s Sasuke’s brother’s, isn’t it?” Izuna asked. “The friend who gave it to you.”

“No,” Kakashi answered readily enough. “As I told you in the Hatake village, I knew of Sasuke before we met, the same day I met you, but I’d never met him or his brother. This eye belonged to one Uchiha Obito.”

“I still find it hard to believe you didn’t know Sasuke-sama before coming here,” Izuna said, his doubt evident. He had activated his Sharingan, however, which Kakashi took to mean he was willing to verify Kakashi’s truth.

“It’s an amazing coincidence,” Kakashi said. “I didn’t know he was the Uchiha Sasuke I knew of, and I had no idea he knew who I was when we met. He didn’t reveal our shared connection before after you’d been gone for three weeks on a campaign.”

Izuna’s disbelief deepened.

“You’re telling the truth, but did you truly share eyes after you’d known each other for less than two months?”

Kakashi shrugged. “When you know, you know.”

“That is –” the poor boy was speechless.

“We do share a peculiar background,” Kakashi said, in an attempt to explain without revealing too much. “And was connected to the same place, which exists no more, so … in a way, although he was a stranger, he is also the most familiar face I have left in the world. Everyone else is gone, and the only other person who remembers their names is Sasuke.”

That seemed to resonate with Izuna. The boy nodded in understanding, a shadow of sorrow crossing his thin face.

“When people die, they steal a bit of history with them,” Izuna said with the wariness and experience of someone far beyond his age. “It’s up to the living to carry their wishes and dreams … yet with a piece of paper, we’ve abandoned our ancestors, and I have failed my father.”

He seemed to regret saying as much, but Kakashi, who’d seen how much he struggled with returning to Madara, with returning to his home, wasn’t about to let this chance to comfort escape him. It wasn’t lost in him, the irony that he wished to comfort Izuna, the damned brat who’d been as close to a nemesis as he’d ever had, but along the way, Izuna had become his responsibility, as Izuna seemed to have taken on Kakashi as his responsibility.

“Life is often painful, so it’s no wonder people grow angry and hateful. In death, though, I’d like to think the earthly pains disappear, that the soul finds peace, rage giving way to tranquillity, and if they’re reborn, I’d like for them to enter a gentler world than the one they left behind.”

Kakashi personally thought there wasn’t much to the afterlife except nothingness. If his dead body fed the flowers and wildlife, he’d contributed more than he could hope for. But the ancestors mattered a lot to the Uchiha, and if he were to consider a life after death … then this would be his wish.

“Perhaps,” Izuna said.

“I think … if you don’t mind me saying so, Izuna-sama, that rather than thinking you have disappointed the dead, you can take pride in knowing that the future children of the clan will grow up safer and happier than you yourself have. Peace is, as of now, an abstract concept, since none of us has experienced it, but it’s something we hope for, and perhaps the only thing to do is to allow that hope to guide us.”

Izuna scoffed, but there was no real heat or disgust behind it, more an old peevish habit.

“No wonder you and Sasuke-sama go along so well … I can’t protect the clan with hope. Hope and dreams are for children. And those strong enough to ignore reality, I suppose … I hope they succeed with their idiotic little plan of a village, I do, because the repercussions of failure would be disastrous, but I don’t understand how it can work. I fail to see how Madara and Hashirama’s grand idea can come to fruition. I’ll grant them this: It could be possible had just the past ceased to exist, but it hasn’t. Too many among the Uchiha hate the Senju, and too many among the Senju hate the Uchiha. Whenever some of them eventually snap, we will have to punish our own for breaking protocol, but how can we …”

He got up to walk around the room as he spoke, agitated, and finally, after months, Kakashi saw the young heir, open about his worries, raising reasonable points without being clouded by hate. Yes, there would be trouble, and what would they do to the Uchiha who refused to follow? Those who refused to respect the peace?

“The only thing that can unite us, as far as I see, is hate. A new enemy,” Izuna said, halting his stride to scowl out into the air. “Oda will be a fine distraction, but we’ll win, and after the war, we’ll start looking askew at each other again. Especially if the Senju continues to be favoured. The Fire Lord would make an excellent candidate, a great challenge. He and the nobility both, but waging war on Fire Country to seize it contradicts all the lofty dreams of peace. We’d be warmongers, warlords, for our own gain, and would bring misery to all.”

Kakashi was glad he at least had that insight. He was beginning to understand that Izuna’s bloodthirst for the Senju might not have been bloodthirst in and of itself, but a conviction that it was the only solution. While Izuna hit hard whenever he needed to hit, and had little mercy for his enemies, Kakashi knew he wasn’t a sadist, nor was he, apparently, an opponent of peace. He was, naturally enough, sceptical of the method and its plausibility.

Which he had every reason to be, because the fear of the Uchiha had led to their demise down the lane.

Kakashi remembered well enough that while many shinobi respected the Uchiha's capability, they never spoke of them as they spoke of the other great clans. They feared the Sharingan and deemed it almost magical, despite clans like the Nara being able to control people through their shadows, and the Yamanaka controlling minds. The Byuakugan was awesome and considered deeply dangerous, but it was not feared like the Sharingan was, so the only conclusion Kakashi could draw was that the old prejudices of the Senju had lingered. Had grown ... roots.

The prejudice hadn't been obvious - he'd never caught on to it; everyone considered the Uchiha elite after all, nor had he ever had an inkling of what would have come to pass should he have remained in his own time. But the devious thing with prejudice was that it was as good as invincible if you weren't aware of it, and when you finally were made aware of it ... it was everywhere.

In hindsight, he saw every way the Uchiha had been othered and kept at arm's length from influencing the ongoings of the village.

It was in the distrust harbored by civilians and shinobi alike.

It was in the push to keep the Uchiha in the police force.

It was in how they'd been labeled elite, all the while never being allowed too much power.

It was the fact that they lived closed off from the rest of Konoha - a choice they had no say in, but people loved to mention it as them being too superior to mingle with the rest.

It was in how Hashirama had been honored and remembered, and Madara had been as good as erased from history.

The Sharingan could be violent and scary, yes, but that was just an excuse. Prejudice didn’t need a reason to exist; it would create its own to sustain its perceived relevance. Ultimately, it was a tool, wielded by the people in power, to appoint a common enemy, as Izuna himself had mentioned, to unite people's hate around said enemy.

In Sasuke’s time, the Uchiha were singled out in a time of imbalance to divert attention away from the real issues. Danzo had surely been responsible, but if Kakashi allowed himself to think deeply about it, the Sandaime as well, for allowing Danzo to exist. And, if he allowed his mind to go deeper still, Konoha. The anchor point of the shinobi system in Fire Country; a result of innocent childhood dreams poisoned by money, greed, and pride.

Kakashi struggled with critiquing the world that had shaped him, but he knew, even before he met Sasuke, that the core was rotten. He’d just hoped it would change. That a person like Sensei or Obito would come along and change the system by sheer force. That had been a pipe dream, however. Change happened in bits and pieces over time, through the effort of the masses, not due to the influence of a chosen one. And it was, unfortunately, Kakashi’s responsibility as much as everyone else’s.

If he wanted the peace to take hold, to cut deeper than it had in his own time, and if he wanted to protect the Uchiha, he needed to do his part.

“It will be hard work,” Kakashi said. “I agree that pitting those who grew up as enemies together, demanding that they ignore the past, won’t work. It will be too direct. And punishing them for lashing out will only make them angrier. I think utilising other clans, such as the Hyūga and hopefully the Uzumaki, might soften the relations between the Uchiha and Senju. And I think it will be wise to plan ridiculous but fitting punishments for those who do not respect the peace. Depending on how much damage they do, of course. If a Senju and a Uchiha get into a brawl, perhaps they shall be set to do tasks that they can only succeed at if they work together. Things that foster unity, instead of resentment, like tying them together and dumping them into a hole they can only climb out of if they cooperate.”

“That’s an insane idea,” Izuna said, but didn’t reject it outright.

“Well, yeah, surviving challenges together can transform former enemies into friends.”

Izuna eyed Kakashi, no doubt thinking about the two of them.

“If only the Uchiha as a whole were blessed with an enemy such as yourself, it wouldn’t be a problem,” he said, and Kakashi found he was capable of being flattered. So, this was what it was like when Izuna considered him a part of his flock, instead of a threat to it … he understood why Sasuke had liked Izuna. He’d probably seen these sides of him, while all Kakashi had seen had been the constant antagonism. It probably helped, as well, that they were alone. Izuna tended to be a bit more unstable regarding Kakashi in front of others; one minute nice, the next berating him to save his ego.

“Kakashi-san.”

“Yes?”

“… who was Uchiha Obito, to you?”

Oh.

“A friend,” Kakashi said. “He was my responsibility and died due to my mistake. Yet, with his dying breath, he asked me to take his eye, so we could watch the future together.”

Izuna nodded. Then …

“May I see him?”

His first instinct said no, but after a few seconds, he decided he would allow Izuna to see, and he would allow himself to share. It was clear, in Izuna’s face and voice, that there were no hidden schemes behind his request, only curiosity.

Forming his hands into a familiar dog, boar, ram, he transformed into Obito, dressed in one of the festival kimonos he’d seen him in when he was twelve. It had been New Year’s, and Sensei, Obito, and Rin had wanted Kakashi to join them, but he had refused. He wished he had gone with them.

Izuna came closer, inspecting him with open fascination.

“He doesn’t look at all like my mother’s side of the family. More like Kosei’s side of the family … that would include Goro-san.”

Kakashi hadn’t seen the resemblance, mainly because he hadn’t looked for it, but now that Izuna mentioned it … Huh.

“I suppose exchanging eyes with Sasuke-sama wasn’t too foreign to you, rather a milder version of your exchange with Obito-san.”

“I hadn’t thought of it like that,” Kakashi said, turning back into himself. “But you are right. I exchanged lifelong promises with them both.”

The boy hmm-ed and sat down by the desk, tapping his fingers on the sturdy wood.

“We write down the names of the dead in the ancestral shrine,” he eventually said. “Sasuke-sama has refused to add his brother, but if you wish it, I will add Uchiha Obito to the list of dead. He died a shinobi?”

The offer took Kakashi by surprise, caught his breath. It would mean the world to him to honour Obito in such a way. To have a place to mourn him.

“Yes. I do wish it.”

Izuna nodded, and Kakashi knew it would be done.

Their private conversation was interrupted by the demands of the clan; Yua returned to ask Izuna if he had time to meet with a few men, and so Kakashi was excused. He collected the dogs to give them some exercise, but as he was about to start, he thought of his little pupil who would soon be his official pupil, so he sent Ben to collect Itsuki.

The boy joined eagerly and helped with their training for an hour before dinner time arrived.

Sasuke wasn’t back yet, but Kakashi returned to their cottage to make dinner for two. If Sasuke ate with Madara, then they’d have leftovers for breakfast.

Fate would have it, though, that Sasuke returned a few minutes before dinner was ready. He came in with wet snow and mud hugging the hems of his kimono, and a flurry of wind, as the weather had taken a sour turn for the evening.

“Oh, great,” Sasuke said in relief at the sight of food. He dragged his wet clothes off and hung them up to dry before scrambling over to sit next to Kakashi by the hearth, stealing some warmth while the rice finished.

He leaned over to kiss Kakashi’s cheek, and Kakashi put an arm around him to offer some of his own warmth. It was sickly domestic.

“Summer can’t come fast enough,” Sasuke said. “Trudging around town today was miserable. How was Izuna?”

“Surprisingly nice,” Kakashi said. “Did the Uchiha invest in washing machines?”

“Huh?”

Kakashi explained the situation, and, as he’d suspected might be the case; Sasuke laughed his ass of, confirming that no, the Uchiha had not invested in domestic technology.

He kept chuckling about it throughout dinner.

“You probably just made the clan stupidly rich,” Sasuke commented as they washed the dishes.

“Here’s to changing history,” Kakashi said, clinking his soap-soaked cup against Sasuke’s elbow, earning an amused snort.

“We should invest in dishwashers as well.”

“Vacuum cleaners.”

“Oh, absolutely.”

“Sasuke … was it immoral of me?”

On one hand, it seemed quite harmless, and Izuna might have said yes without Kakashi’s prompting, and Kakashi might be wrong, and the investment might not bring any revenue, but …

“No,” Sasuke said quite easily. “We’re not going out of our way to become filthy rich for personal gain. You advised Izuna in a matter that you might have thought of, based on your knowledge from this timeline alone. Besides, I’d rather the clan invest in domestic chores than weapons and warfare. Maybe something good will come out of this.”

Tajima’s funeral would be held the next morning. They weren’t necessarily needed at the main house, but it wouldn’t hurt to offer emotional support, so they went. Madara had retreated to the office, writing his letter to Hashirama, from one clan leader to the next. Hikaku, Goro, and old Lady Akane were with him to aid him, while Izuna had taken a break to play Go with Itsuki and Kenji. Yua, Ayumi, and Hitomi drank tea over their own game of Shogi. The picture of all of them gathered together, occupied with different activities, was a bit jarring.

The mood at the main house was quite different from what it had been under Tajima’s thumb.

Chaotic but tranquil. More like a home.

They got roped into helping Madara, who was so stressed about the letter, he’d hardly accept a sentence unless it’d been rewritten a hundred times. He got angrier and snappier the longer the evening went on, but finally threw his pen down on the desk, ink splatting – thankfully not on the letter-, with a final “That’s it! This will just have to do!”

“Finally,” Izuna sighed, crushing Itsuki quite efficiently in Go for the fifth time in a row, Kenji mainly watching and trying to help Itsuki. The boy took the losses well, though, apparently just happy to play.

Hikaku collapsed in tears on the floor.

“I’m free,” he wept.

“Stop being dramatic,” Madara said absentmindedly, rolling his scroll together, sealing it with wax etched with the Uchiha symbol.

“You are the dramatic one!” Hikaku snapped.

“This is probably one of the most important letters our clan has written; some drama is required,” Akane said.

Madara handed the scroll to Goro and looked from him to Kakashi.

“I’m sorry to hasten this, but you leave before the funeral, while everyone’s busy. No goodbyes. No word to anyone. Just leave. We can’t take any risks with this – thankfully, the angry voices aren’t in the majority, but they are loud. Get some sleep, then leave quietly.”

They nodded, accepting their mission. Kakashi felt a bit bereft; he’d wanted a few more nights of sleep next to Sasuke. Logically, though, he agreed that there was nothing to gain from waiting. It was a mission that would not only affect them all personally but would affect history in an almost unimaginable way.

“I leave the future of my clan in your hands,” Madara said. “Goro-san. Kakashi-san. I have no words to express how important this mission is to me. You have both helped me tremendously already, and I’m sorry I have to rely on you so soon after returning home.”

Goro bowed, while Kakashi nodded. Not to be impolite, but he didn’t accept this mission as an underling of Madara. He accepted it as a friend, and judging by Madara’s expression, he understood.

“I can’t think of a worse time to leave the clan, for any of us, but … I’ll train hard and return with new strength before too many people miss me. I’ll utilize the mourning period and return before it’s over, and see all of you then, safe and healthy.”

His gaze rested on Izuna when he said the last part.

“Don’t be so conceited to think the clan will fall to pieces if you’re gone for a few weeks,” Izuna said, earning a rueful smile from his brother.

They packed up for the night. Izuna dragged Hitomi and Kakashi aside to agree upon a date for the dinner, saying they should hold it the day after Kakashi returned from the Senju, whenever that was.

The moment they were back at the cottage and under the covers, Sasuke crawled on top of him, and it was as if they had never ended their make-out session the night before. Now, though, they were less awkward, Sasuke more demanding, kissing the living daylight out of him.

It started out nice, both eager and curious still, as they’d hardly explored every way they could press their lips together to excite pleasure in the other. They found ways to use their tongues, their teeth, when to suck, and when to merely enjoy the drag of skin against skin.

It started out nice, but that frustration he’d sensed in Sasuke the night before came back tenfold, and Sasuke grew too desperate for Kakashi’s comfort.

“Slow down,” Kakashi managed to say between bruising kisses.

Sasuke stopped instantly, breathing heavily.

“Sorry,” and he did sound sorry, removing himself from Kakashi, both of them sitting up. Sasuke seethed with poorly contained frustration and shame, which was the last thing Kakashi wanted him to feel. He tried to understand when it took a bad turn, and why.

“Why are you pushing yourself?” Kakashi asked, because that was what Sasuke did. Whatever the issue from last night was, it was as if Sasuke had faced a wall, either mentally or physically, and instead of finding a way around it, taking his time, he tried to run through it with force tonight.

Sasuke groaned and pulled at his own hair, looking slightly mad. He opened and closed his mouth several times, unable to voice his feelings. Kakashi waited patiently.

“I want you,” was the first thing Sasuke was able to say, the words reluctant, as if pulled from him with force.

“I want you as well,” Kakashi assured. It didn’t soothe Sasuke in any way, but it unclenched his jaw and got him talking.

“I know that, idiot, you … when you’re hard against me, I want to respond. It feels amazing when you touch me, and I want to lean into it, but ... in the back of my head, there’s this insistent panic that keeps peaking along my arousal, as if I’m in a life and death situation. I know I'm not, so I don’t understand why all my internal alarms are misfiring, especially when I feel good. You’re so … and I want that. I want to feel good with you, but I don’t know if I can.”

Sasuke looked lost, and it was an expression Kakashi never wanted to see on his face again, if he could help it.

“That’s ok,” Kakashi said. He’d thought the issue might have been something like that. What he didn’t understand was why Sasuke thought he could overcome it by forcing himself past his limitations. “I’m happy with just cuddling. Everything else can happen if and when it feels natural. We’re not in a rush, remember?”

“But you …”

“Ignore my hard-ons,” Kakashi said, only blushing a tiny bit as he said it. “They’re barely a distraction. To me, at least. I don’t need intimacy from you because I need to get off. I want intimacy because I like being close to you.”

He held out an arm, inviting Sasuke into a hug. Sasuke hesitated, but crawled into Kakashi’s embrace, allowing himself to be tucked under the blankets again. Kakashi felt such a relief at being able to offer physical comfort, because while he could understand Sasuke’s problem to a degree, he had no idea how to solve it and didn’t know what to say.

“Have you?” Sasuke asked after they'd settled down in bed. Kakashi didn’t immediately understand, but his question died on his tongue as he realized.

“Yes,” he said. “Not often, but yes.”

And Sasuke hadn’t.

Being a shinobi was bad enough when it came to being capable of vulnerability and intimacy with others, but surviving a genocide and being a lab experiment in formative years surely made such a disconnect far worse.

In that regard, Sasuke had more in common with someone like Tenzō than someone like Kakashi, because Kakashi had, despite it all, enjoyed a semblance of freedom all his life. He’d had his own home, days off, his dogs, his books … a life. If he was as fucked up as he was, regarding his own body, usually viewing it as a tool to use more than an extension of himself, he couldn’t even imagine what a mess the connections between Sasuke’s brain and body were like.

But there was the dichotomy in Kakashi and the difference between the two of them: Kakashi’s neurosis around sex didn’t apply to the act itself, but to the meaning of it. Small mercies, but he was attuned to his body as one would be attuned to one’s sword. He knew the weight and balance of it, how to wield it to gain different results, and he wasn’t scared of it, like he at times was of his own mind and emotions.

Sasuke … might not have that familiarity with his body. Nor the mental aspects of sexuality.

Kakashi had never experienced sexual interest before Sasuke, had never been tempted by a pretty face, or been curious about sex pertaining to himself. He’d had an interest in fictional characters having sex and invested in fictional couples, but that had all been fantasy, and actual sex had seemed like something far removed from his own life.

But, at least he’d lived vicariously through his favorite characters. That meant that there was familiarity to build upon.

Sasuke knew what sex was, obviously. He knew the technicality of it, but if he’d never entertained the idea of engaging in sexual intimacy before he and Kakashi found each other, as was the impression previous conversations had left, then Kakashi couldn’t even begin to phantom how foreign and confusing it all must be.

Sasuke’s actions had often skirted around sexual intimacy with the boldness of someone brand new to it, seen in hindsight. Like a teen’s budding grasp on the realm of sexuality. It was innocent, brash, and exploratory. Which might explain why Sasuke struggled more the further they got, when it became less a game of flirting and more real, while Kakashi had mostly struggled in the beginning when he'd had to come to terms with their emotional intimacy, and was feeling more secure in their development now.

This was the issue with being a shinobi: being an adult in every way that mattered, including in age. Sasuke was twenty-five, as good as a senior by this era’s standards, yet he was young in ways that had nothing to do with age. It was the same problem Kakashi faced too often. Feeling ancient and like a perpetual toddler at the same time.

Treating Sasuke like a toddler in this matter and pulling the plug, telling him to wait until he felt ready, would be condescending and borderline cruel, though.

Sasuke obviously wanted sexual intimacy; to remove what he wanted entirely wouldn't fix whatever issue he was facing ... but how could Kakashi fix it?

“Kakashi?”

“Mhm?”

Despite speaking up, Sasuke grew quiet, burying himself in the hug. He seemed less agitated and frustrated, but was still tense, something Kakashi wanted to remedy.

“Are you playing coy?” Kakashi asked, hoping to either amuse or annoy him.

“Shut up,” Sasuke said, drawing back to glare at Kakashi. There was no real ire there, only embarrassment, which was good. Better than Sasuke’s previous shame.

“Sounded like you wanted to ask me something,” Kakashi prodded.

“It was stupid,” Sasuke said, glaring daggers, blushing furiously. It was cute, but Kakashi couldn’t get too sidetracked. The situation warranted a certain sobriety.

“You know there’s nothing you could ask me which would offend or scare me, right?” Kakashi said.

“It’s not – you don’t – fucking hell.”

Sasuke rolled out of Kakashi's embrace to lie on his back, arm slung over his face, and groaned in embarrassment. His dramatic action awoke Kakashi’s mirth and lightened the mood slightly. Sasuke had seemed so troubled, yet now he seemed so … well, young. Like a teenager in the throes of his first love rather than a traumatized adult lacking agency over his own body.

“How bad can it be?” Kakashi inquired, his interest piqued.

Sasuke mumbled something.

“Hm?”

Sasuke sighed loudly, still hiding his face. “I don’t know if it will help, and you’ll probably find it weird and off-putting, but I kinda wanted to … watch you …”

Now it was Kakashi’s turn to roll onto his back dramatically, staring up at the ceiling, feeling like he’d been engulfed in fire. He was sure his face was as red as a tomato, and there’d be steam rising from him if humans were capable of such feats.

“Yeah, ok,” his mouth said before his brain could cope. When it did catch up with his words, he didn’t panic as badly as he thought he would.

A demonstration. That was what Sasuke wanted. Something to bridge abstract knowledge with reality. Not a bad plan, really.

Kakashi wasn’t one to indulge in the flesh all that often, but he knew that an orgasm could be utilized to relax the body and mind when he still felt pent up post mission, high on adrenaline. Whenever he’d done it, it’d been methodical and quick, trying to think of nothing but the physical sensation and its result. He’d usually felt a sting of humiliation in the aftermath in his younger years, but he’d shredded that shame in recent years. His body was a tool, and sometimes it needed a … cleanse, of sorts. It was as neutral as stretching before practice.

Recently, he wouldn’t have been able to view the act as neutral, as his mind would have flooded with images of Sasuke, but masturbation hadn’t been an option for months, due to obvious reasons such as living with Sasuke. To sneak off to … no.

So, he hadn’t. For months.

To masturbate in front of Sasuke, though, because Sasuke asked …

He dared a glance to the side. Sasuke’s gaze was upon him, his expression a mix of fear, eagerness, and arousal.

“You don’t have to,” Sasuke said, as if he’d asked Kakashi to sacrifice his life.

“I want to.”

He found he did.

He wanted to erase all the fear and doubt Sasuke harbored. There was no real reluctance in Kakashi toward fulfilling his request, only a hint of shame at the thought of exposing himself in such a way, but even that wasn’t strong enough to stop him. Aside from the heart-stopping moment when Sasuke had asked, he felt calm enough. And maybe he was a bit excited, because Sasuke stared at him as something desirable. Someone wanted.

Kicking the covers off, he exposed them both to the cooling air. Sasuke signaled for him to wait and lit up a fire before scrambling back to the futon, lying down next to Kakashi, looking mostly excited now and having that ease about him that he’d had about all their touches and kisses until it became too much. Too personal, probably. If Sasuke wanted to explore sexual acts, this was most likely the safest way to do it. Remove the pressure from Sasuke, without stopping the exploration. Win, win.

Kakashi raised his right hand, catching Sasuke’s attention; mismatched eyes zeroed in on his hand and followed its journey down to – Kakashi’s chest. Sasuke, who’d tensed at the motion, relaxed marginally.

The most important thing, now, was to do this right. To show Sasuke how nice it could be, even if Kakashi himself didn’t know how nice it could be. He could only guess, but decided to act as if he were touching Sasuke, rather than himself.

He trailed his hand tentatively down to his stomach, stopped, and carefully drew it back up to his chest, the sensation slightly ticklish. He shivered, and shivered anew when he took in Sasuke’s flushed cheeks and active Sharingan.

Sasuke propped himself up on his elbow to get a better view, and the heady rush of being pinned under his rapt attention was enough to summon back the arousal from their earlier make-out session, before it grew desperate.

Kakashi closed his eyes momentarily; the sight of Sasuke too distracting. He focused instead on using both his hands to caress his chest and stomach and thighs, building up expectation for what was to come. He adjusted his position slightly, dragged his knees up, planting the soles of his feet on the ground to better brace himself.

At first, the sensation was weird, the touch of his own hand strange compared to that of Sasuke’s, but he came to like it. The careful trailing of fingertips ghosting over skin, the sharp sting of nails, the soothing rubbing of a rough palm easing the sting away.

His heart threatened to beat out of his chest, trickles of pleasure prickled under his skin, from the roots of his hair to the tip of his toes, and molten heat coiled excitedly in the lower pit of his stomach. He’d never felt like this, hadn’t known his nerves could produce such sensations.

After sufficient teasing, he took himself in hand, giving a few tentative tugs, testing to see what it was like to enjoy rather than exploit. It was too dry, and not knowing how else to do it, he released himself to spit in his hand. Sasuke made an aborted sound, almost a gasp.

Gods, it was easier than it should have been, Kakashi reflected, to let the embers of lust flare and enfold him, sucking him into a state of need, when Sasuke was so responsive, so affected, from merely looking. His eyes had adopted a glossy look, the redness on his face receding into a becoming blush high on his cheeks, not unlike how he looked when they’d soaked too long in the bath. His mouth was slightly open, his hand clenched in the sheets, white-knuckled.

Kakashi was glad neither of them spoke. It was clear Sasuke tried to make as little sound as possible, to stay as still as possible, as if he was afraid any disturbance would spook Kakashi and break the spell; disturb the pocket of safety where Kakashi could pretend this was a normal thing to do, and as if he knew what he was doing.

It felt better, though, than anything he’d indulged in before. Way better. He melted into the sheets, stroking himself, accompanied by the sound of Sasuke’s occasional hitched breath.

He attempted different grips and tempos to figure out what he actually liked. He found out by accident that he could prolong the act; could bring himself close to the edge, then stop himself with a hard grip at the base, pleasure washing through him in insistent waves, lapping at the edges of an orgasm, yet being forced to recede, muscles spasming, his body growing exponentially desperate for the release he withheld from it.

It was both exhilarating and horrible, because he’d never felt controlled by the urges of his body as he did now – he’d never felt such an overwhelming need, but he chased that feeling, imagining what it would be like if he could do this to Sasuke. If he could make Sasuke feel this good.

He continued caressing himself, raking nails over sensitive skin, finding pleasurable patterns to apply to his own body, enhancing the experience, diverting the pleasures to all of him, not just the groin.

Never before had he been so aware, so energized – it made sense why they called it being “turned on”. He was so very alive, brimming with vigor, sounds escaping his throat which he’d surely rather die than admit to later, but now he couldn’t find it in him to care, as every twitching muscle, every sound he uttered, had the effect of heightening Sasuke’s pleasure by proxy.

His attention was intoxicating, yet Kakashi could barely look at him if he hoped to last.

In a moment of inattention, Sasuke finally moved, breaking the spell, but Kakashi was too far gone to as much as startle.

Sasuke slid closer to sit right next to Kakashi’s legs. He wrapped his arm around the closest, resting his hand on top of the propped-up knee while pressing a feverish cheek to Kakashi’s thigh, gazing down along it to unabashedly take in the rhythmic motions of Kakashi’s self-pleasure. He looked wrecked, as if he’d run for days, his chest heaving, his eyes wide and wild.

Kakashi's strokes grew frantic, unable to prolong the inevitable much longer, toes curling into the sheets, and Heaven above, he moaned more wantonly than he’d ever thought possible, and with a few more solid tugs, he coated his own stomach with ribbons of white. He collapsed into the sheets, pleasure firing off like fireworks under his skin, a tranquil sense of calm following in their wake.

To say it was the polar opposite of Kakashi’s earlier experiences was an understatement. The pleasure had been so intense, borderline painful, yet that had made it all the sweeter.

Sasuke wrenched his head away from its resting place on Kakashi’s thigh, sweaty skin reluctantly parting from sweaty skin. He reached out and – Kakashi, mind blank, body boneless, became a silent witness to Sasuke touching the semen on his stomach, rubbing his fingers together to explore the texture, and, as if it was the most natural course of action, bringing it to his mouth to taste it.

“Sasuke,” Kakashi breathed out, too stunned to truly react.

Sasuke shrugged, unbothered. “I’ll probably taste you at one point.”

“That’s …” Kakasi had no words. He couldn’t even imagine – except he could, and he had, and got all flustered anew and felt waves of residual heat from his earlier arousal make its way throughout his body.

Fucking hell.

Sasuke would be the death of him.

“Did you think of me?” Sasuke asked curiously, causing Kakashi, who was wiping sweat from his brows, to laugh in surprise.

“Hah, I looked at you,” he answered. “I don’t have to think about you when you’re here.”

Sasuke preened at that in a way he rarely did when complimented. Then, carefully, he asked, “You enjoyed it?”

“Yes,” Kakashi answered, because he knew Sasuke wasn’t asking if the orgasm had been nice. No, the real question was, “Was the request acceptable? Are you freaking out? Is this ok?”

Sasuke stroked his hand absentmindedly up and down Kakashi’s calf, his eyes lingering on the semen. Landing down on earth from his heights of pleasure, Kakashi found he could feel embarrassed, but it wasn’t scalding. No worse than if Sasuke had said something saucy.

“I should probably – ” he started to say.

“Yes, of course,” Sasuke said, fetching water and a washcloth for him. Kakashi sat up, gingerly, and moved off the futon. It was damp with sweat, but he’d managed to keep the mess to himself.

Sasuke insisted on washing him. Kakashi accepted and relaxed into the lull of it. Despite what he'd just done, he felt normal. This felt normal. Until he met Sasuke's gaze and had to look away, feeling acutely shy now that he knew what those eyes looked like when Sasuke watched Kakashi ...

Sasuke lifted Kakashi's right hand to kiss his palm. Kakashi felt himself blush and watched with reverence as Sasuke kissed his left hand as well after washing it.

“Thank you,” Sasuke said, handing the cloth to Kakashi so he could wash his own groin, and just like that, they were back to normal. Sasuke hung the futon up in front of the hearth in the meantime, allowing the fire to dry it.

“Ah, well,” Kakashi said, throwing the dirty cloth into the washing basin, “is this when I say it was my pleasure?”

The quip earned him a loud snort of laughter. Sasuke shook his head, failing at hiding his amusement, and, sitting down, reached out to drag Kakashi toward him until Kakashi lay on the floor, resting his head in Sasuke's lap, his arms looped around Sasuke’s middle. A gentle hand landed in his hair, petting him.

“You’re always so good to me,” Sasuke said, echoing the sentiment Kakashi constantly, but particularly now, felt in return.

“It wasn’t a weird request,” Kakashi assured.

“No?” Sasuke asked.

“No,” Kakashi confirmed. He could easily fall asleep like this. Might be cold come morning without blankets, but right now he didn’t mind. A problem for future Kakashi.

“I’m happy you asked,” Kakashi added. “And I’m glad you seemed to, uhm, enjoy the view. You could have found it revolting.”

“I doubt I could find anything about you revolting,” Sasuke said, scratching his scalp. “I like you too much.” Fingers carded through his hair. “My Kakashi.”

It was a blessing that his face was hidden in Sasuke’s lap, or he’d reveal how utterly emotional Sasuke’s words made him, tears threatening to burst forth, but he managed to hold them back.

My Kakashi.

Oh dear, how could he ever recover? He blamed his recent mental breakdown and post-orgasm mind as the cause of the soft, sappy feelings overcoming him. Sasuke still petted his hair, sometimes scratching, sometimes stroking. It was nothing short of bliss.

*

Sasuke wanted to lean forward, to spit on Kakashi’s cock and see his own saliva be rubbed up and down the shaft by Kakashi’s strong hand. He wanted to know that a part of him had aided in Kakashi’s pleasure. He wanted to stick his fingers down Kakashi’s throat, to feel the vibrations of his moans. He wanted to kiss him all over, to grasp him with his own hand, to take him in his mouth, yet he sat frozen in place, watching as Kakashi finally succumbed to his orgasm, spilling all over his own stomach.

The sight was like a punch to the lower gut, but Sasuke’s excitement was matched with a surging panic that kept puncturing his bubble of arousal whenever he allowed it to grow too big.

His own cock ached, a foreign limb between his legs. His entire body buzzed with needs and wants, but he was unable to truly enjoy the fact that he had the object of his desire at his disposal. He experienced full-body tremors, as if freezing, yet he’d felt overheated for hours. Vaguely, he wondered if it was shock, but the heat felt like lust, and so he was left with an incomprehensible impression of his own body’s signals.

Kakashi groaned softly. The dazed expression on his face made Sasuke want to bite him hard enough to draw blood. Anything to unleash the lust he felt toward the other man and his pretty, stupid face, and perfectly muscular arms and clever hands and messy hair. Kakashi was always delectable, but now he was nothing short of exquisite.

If life were fair, Sasuke shouldn’t have struggled with getting his body on board with his mind, and Kakashi should have pinned him down into the sheets, crushing him down with his weight, while they kissed and touched and fucked as they pleased.

He was half-hard, which was a great success in itself, but the weird feeling of his dick swelling and filling with blood made him anxious in a way he couldn’t quite decipher. If he hadn’t known better, he’d said he was scared, but scared of what?

Tired of himself, he reached out to touch the semen on Kakashi’s stomach, curious about it. It was a cloudy white liquid and looked like runny glue. It was viscous to the touch, and when he raised his fingers to his face, he caught a whiff of the smell. The mild hint of bleach surprised him, as did the salty and bitter taste. Far from the worst flavour he’d tasted, though. If he’d managed to drink Kabuto’s medical concoctions, he could swallow this.

A breathless “Sasuke” came from Kakashi, who stared at him with a bashful expression.

“I’ll probably taste you at one point,” Sasuke said, and thought maybe that could be a safe next step. He wanted to. Still wished he did, when Kakashi so beautifully indulged Sasuke’s demand. He’d put on such a beautiful show. A pleasant wave of heat filled Sasuke’s belly at the very sight of Kakashi lying there, pliant and spent. He was such a vision.

“Did you think of me?” Sasuke couldn’t help but ask, wondering what went on in his head while he jerked off. That’s usually what people did, right? Think of something? It was annoying that he knew so little, but honestly, it had never been relevant. He’d never had wet dreams, as many teenage boys apparently experienced, and while he’d realized he could appreciate pretty men, and noticed them when he didn’t notice women, the thought of anything sexual or romantic had never crossed his mind. Frankly, he’d been scornful of the whole concept. It had seemed so dirty to him, but watching Kakashi, he couldn’t find anything dirty about it. In a way, he’d never seen Kakashi look as innocent as he did in the throes of passion. All the usual worries he visibly carried on his slouching shoulders and schooled features were completely erased.

“I looked at you,” Kakashi said with a surprised laugh, wiping sweat from his face. Sasuke wanted to lick him clean, but refrained. They’d adventured far enough for tonight. “I don’t have to think about you when you’re here.”

The notion that looking at Sasuke was enough to please Kakashi to such a degree stroked Sasuke’s ego more than he cared to admit. He knew people liked his looks, but when Kakashi looked, he didn’t just see a pretty face; he saw Sasuke. That was the difference. Kakashi wasn’t like Sasuke, who could appreciate people’s beauty. No, he never seemed to notice anything past people’s weak points and hidden weapons.

Sasuke still remembered when Kakashi had looked at Sasuke, as if discovering he had a face attached to his personality. He’d seemed confused, and hadn’t been able to stop looking, but it had still taken him a few weeks to discover why he was looking. Damn idiot, Sasuke thought fondly. He even hesitated to compliment Sasuke’s appearance, probably because he knew how little Sasuke cared for it from others, but from Kakashi, it meant everything.

“You enjoyed it?” He had to ask, even though he was mostly certain.

“Yes,” Kakashi answered in a serious tone, leaving no room for doubt. What a relief. And damn him for being so steady and self-assured. He was growing bolder still. Eventually, he’d outgrow his shyness and hesitations, probably sooner than Sasuke, and then he’d be impossible to be around, constantly leaving Sasuke at a disadvantage. An exciting thought, really. He loved watching Kakashi grow into himself, a distinctly different version of the man he’d been when they met, and different still from sensei. They all had the same core; the same mild manners and steadiness. Others often described him as aloof, but Kakashi was incredibly emotional, and his emotions ran bone deep. He was a passionate person, just not as violently so as Sasuke. While Kakashi’s emotions seemed to trickle through him like a stream, at times encountering rapids, Sasuke’s churned constantly around like waves in a storm.

“I should probably – ” Kakashi started to say, snapping Sasuke out of his musings.

The least he could do, after Kakashi had indulged him, was to wash him, so he fetched a basin of water and a washcloth. He scrubbed him clean with great care, always enjoying the task of tending to Kakashi. They looked at each other, both smiling, Kakashi acting a bit shy, which was ludicrous given what he’d just done. Silly man. Sasuke kissed the hand he’d just washed, both out of fondness and gratitude.

He kissed the other hand for good measure, thanked him, and moved away to hang up the futon to dry. It gave him a second to compose himself because he was so incredibly happy, but also wanted to weep in frustration. He hated how broken he felt. Like a machine malfunctioning.

“Is this when I say it was my pleasure?”

Kakashi’s comment took him by surprise and caused him to choke down a laugh. It was so stupid, but he loved him for it. Always trying to lighten the mood in his own awkward way.

Having to wait on the futon, he invited Kakashi to rest on his lap, gratified when Kakashi easily did so, looping his arms around his middle, grounding him.

“You’re always so good to me,” Sasuke said, playing with his hair. He’d always found it so inviting.

“It wasn’t a weird request,” Kakashi said, guessing Sasuke’s thoughts without problem. The difference between Kakashi and Naruto, Sasuke mused, was that while both instinctively understood Sasuke in ways other people rarely did, receiving understanding from Naruto had been like being hit by a sledgehammer. It was what Sasuke had needed in his youth, but now he needed Kakashi. Someone who could understand, could be an equal, but be more tactful about it. Kakashi really was a heaven-sent.

“No?” Sasuke asked.

“No,” Kakashi confirmed. “I’m happy you asked. And I’m glad you seemed to, uhm, enjoy the view. You could have found it revolting.”

In what universe?

“I doubt I could find anything about you revolting. I like you too much.”

Stroking fingers through gray hair, seeing Kakashi’s content face, dozing on his lap, he added, “My Kakashi.”

You are mine.

Never leave me.

Sasuke would have sighed aloud at himself if it could have escaped Kakashi’s attention. Whenever he thought too hard about his feelings for Kakashi, a scared young voice cried in the back of his mind, reminding him of all the fear and grief he’d felt at losing everyone once.

It was a part of him, always, but he could mostly ignore it.

However, that could be one of the causes of his conflict. Maybe the fear and panic he’d felt were linked to a fear of losing Kakashi? Could be. Could be many things, honestly, several complex issues merged, presenting as one; his inability to relax and simply enjoy himself past a certain point of arousal.

“Have you …” Sasuke started to say, uncertain how to word it, but thankfully Kakashi understood.

“No. Not since before,” he murmured, sounding half asleep. “I rarely did it, even then, and it seemed weird to do it here.”

Would he do it now, Sasuke wondered? There wasn’t much privacy to be had, and Kakashi had never asked for it, the recent exception withstanding, when he hid away to have a panic attack alone. It had hurt to know Kakashi was hurting, and it hurt to respect his wish to stay behind. Kakashi had accepted Sasuke’s comfort when he cried and when he’d been sick … but sometimes, space was needed, and Sasuke had to accept that.

The thought of Kakashi finding a moment alone to pleasure himself made for an attractive picture, but the scenario seemed unlikely, as Kakashi seemed fonder of cuddles than necessarily sex. He wasn’t averse to it, as he’d proven, but it was obvious it wasn’t the first place his mind went whenever they were close.

While Kakashi had often enough been excited around Sasuke, his urges seemed to draw toward closeness in general, not sex directly.

Sasuke felt like a creep because the lust he experienced toward Kakashi was so all-consuming, so overpowering, it drove him mad. He definitely wanted sex. He thought about it often, and faced with Kakashi’s easy restraint regarding his urges, Sasuke wondered if there was something wrong with himself to make him feel so crazy. A pervert out-perving the guy who read erotic books for entertainment.

“Kakashi?”

“Mh?”

“Do you ever feel … dirty?”

That came out wrong.

“Do you think about sex a lot?”

That was worse.

Sasuke felt hot with shame at his stupid questions, and when Kakashi moved, as if to get up, he rested his hand over his eyes, keeping him in place while making sure he couldn’t see Sasuke’s burning face. This entire night had been a disaster. First, he’d wanted to make a good memory before Kakashi went on his mission, then he’d become so frustrated he’d ruined it, and after doing a terrible job at handling the situation, he’d asked Kakashi to jerk off in front of him.

Kakashi had been great all evening, but Sasuke felt like a trainwreck.

“Both yes and no,” Kakashi said, thoughtfully. “Sometimes I think about it, and I grow heated thinking about you and being with you … I don’t think it’s dirty, wanting someone. I, uh, asked Yua about it, and she said it was normal to be attracted to your partner. Which makes sense.”

Sometimes. Said casually. And yes, it was probably normal to want someone, but was it normal to think and want what Sasuke thought about and wanted? Or was he exceptionally dirty? Abnormal? On top of being broken?

“Either way, it doesn’t matter if it’s normal,” Kakashi added. “We’re not exactly normal, and whatever works for us is what we’ll do.”

Sasuke had already said too much and figured he might as well come clean, mostly because he didn’t know what to do, and it wasn’t as if he had anyone else he could discuss these things with.

“I think about it all the time,” Sasuke said. “Maybe there’s something wrong with me.”

“Or maybe you think about it all the time because it feels unattainable right now?” Kakashi suggested, being far too reasonable. He had a very valid point, though.

“Sasuke,” Kakashi said, still allowing Sasuke to keep his hand over his eyes, keeping him blind and docile in Sasuke’s lap, and that was another thing that drove Sasuke crazy. How Kakashi didn’t seem to mind either being prodded into taking charge or subjecting himself to Sasuke’s charge. It was dangerous because it made Sasuke want to bully him a bit. Pull his hair and bite him and push to see how far he could go before Kakashi either got annoyed or protested.

“You know people like sex, right?” Kakashi said. “And think about it? Most people probably spend way too much time wanting sex and thinking about how they can acquire it. Honey pot missions are so widespread and successful for a reason. So, thinking about sex, wanting sex, I’d say it’s pretty normal. It’s not dirty. It’s just how humans are.”

“You don’t,” he couldn’t help but say in protest.

“Yeah, well, I’ve never been considered normal in that area. My teammates considered me a perfect shinobi because I never got tempted, but it’s easy to avoid temptation when it’s the wrong kind. I mean, all I needed to fall for you was a few weeks of forced proximity where I had no other choice but to get to know you, a shared past, bonding over trauma, and you being way too kind and understanding and perfect.”

Sasuke pursed his lips, wondering how Kakashi could consider him too kind and perfect, but it was nice. It didn't feel like unrealistic expectations; it felt like love. Like Sasuke was afforded all the grace and leniency of someone loved. He removed his hand. Kakashi blinked in surprise and glanced up at him.

“So, you’re saying I’m a normal pervert?” Sasuke checked, earning a chuckle from Kakashi.

“I’m saying you might not even be a pervert, but if you are … ah, am I not the one to reap the benefit? Why would I complain?”

Indeed. That was, among all the things Kakasi had said, perhaps the best point.

“When you jerked off, I wanted to spit on your cock and stick my fingers down your throat,” Sasuke said, enjoying the sight of Kakashi’s wide-eyed, slack-jawed expression, yet feeling mortified at himself for saying so aloud.

“Oh,” Kakashi said, voice rough, face flustered. Sasuke looked for any repulsion but saw none. All he saw was shocked arousal, which echoed with his own simmering heat. Oh, Sasuke thought, heart fluttering with excitement, because Kakashi looked eager at the prospect. Good to know, that certainly made Sasuke far less ashamed of his urges.

“Eh, yeah, you could … do that,” Kakashi said, sitting up, scratching his neck, growing redder by the second, avoiding Sasuke’s gaze. “Next time … if you want.”

Next time.

So tonight's disaster hadn't been enough to scare Kakashi away. What a relief.

“I hate that you have to go away,” Sasuke said. They'd just reunited and had so much more to explore. They'd yet had time to live together as a proper couple. He was glad Kakashi was trusted and relied on, but he also felt childishly jealous; Kakashi was his. Why did he have to let him go all the time?

“Pretty sure this mission will be torturous in different ways than the last,” Kakashi said with a light tone, which told Sasuke he wasn't too worried about enemies. Rather ...

“You’ll think of me?” Sasuke purred.

“I’ll try my best not to,” Kakashi said, half joking, half serious.

Sasuke felt a bit better and hopeful, because even if he wasn’t able to act and respond as he wanted, at least he could explore Kakashi’s pleasure, and that brought its own kind of satisfaction. He wanted to tease the other man, to wound him up until he couldn’t help but touch himself again, and he wanted to touch as well, instead of just watching, but …

Next time.