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“You might be the unluckiest person alive.”
“I feel like I’m the unluckiest person in all of existence.” You’re lying in a pile of pillows and blankets, feeling especially tired after the day’s events. Naturally, whenever you felt exhausted, you’d always find yourself going to the youngest of the brothers, Belphegor. He’s snuggled up beside you, his fingers running through your hair as the two of you enjoy each other’s company. “I mean, who the hell gets stuck with two lectures on the same day? And the fact that the lectures were from Lucifer and Satan only makes me that more unlucky.”
“I can’t argue that.” Belphie mumbles under his breath as he lazily gazes at you. “I don’t even think Mammon’s managed to do that yet.”
“Like I said, unluckiest person in all of existence.” You sleepily gesture to yourself before moving closer to the sleepy demon.
“And how did this happen?”
“I tried using pick up lines on them. Not to say that it was completely their fault, but the pick up lines went right over their heads.” Your head’s resting comfortably on possibly the fluffiest pillow you’ve ever felt as you watch his expression morph from confusion to humor. “Mammon managed to convince me that my idea was a good one. We even went as far as talking through walkie-talkies for Satan’s.”
“I expected more from you.” He brings a hand up to lightly flick at your forehead. “You shouldn’t believe anything Mammon says, especially if he says something is a good idea.”
“Well,” a sheepish smile forms on your lips, “I kind of forced him to help in the first place.” You can hear the sigh leave Belphie. “I really just wanted an excuse to use one on Lucifer since he claims he doesn’t like pick up lines and that they don’t work on him.”
“They don’t though.”
“I’m beginning to believe it’s because he’s too dense to understand they’re pick up lines.”
“I hope for your sake that he never hears you say that.”
“He’s everywhere, so he probably did.”
“He definitely did, given your luck.” He winks at you playfully before a rather loud yawn leaves him abruptly. “Well, do you plan on using anymore pick up lines? Knowing you and Mammon, I doubt you both decided to call it quits after Satan.” You sigh at his question, repositioning yourself so that you’re lying on your back. You didn’t want to admit it, but you’ve been thinking about it. Even though you hadn’t had a single win yet, it was fun using obnoxious pick up lines on your friends, but to use more on Lucifer or even Satan? It seems like too much of a gamble, especially if they aren’t receptive to them in the first place. Maybe you’ll just have to put your sights on someone else instead.
“I don’t know.” You finally admit. “I think both of them would become suspicious if I tried using another pick up line so soon.”
“Well,” the sleep deprived demon breathes out, now lying on his back as well, “why don’t you try one on me? I won’t lecture you like Lucifer or Satan, and chances are, if it’s that bad I’ll just fall asleep out of humiliation.” Your eyes narrow briefly, but it isn’t a bad deal. If anything, you could use this chance to develop better pick up lines and… you’d be able to use a pick up line on Belphie. A grin spreads across your lips at the idea of possibly flustering the boy.
“Alright, but are you prepared to be swept off your feet?”
“I doubt you’ll manage that, but for the sake of progressing things I’ll say that I am.” Before you can even think of a line to use on him, the demon raises a hand as he quickly sits up.
“I have a better idea,” there’s a devious smile on his lips that you both love and hate, “if you’re willing to hear me out.”
“I’m always willing to hear you out.” You respond a little too fast.
“I’ll bet you dinner duty that I’ll outperform you with pick up lines.” You squint and look at him suspiciously. “Meaning, if I have better pick up lines than you, you have to do my dinner duty, and if you miraculously have better lines than me, I’ll do your dinner duty.” Ever the naive person you were, this did seem tempting to you. “I’ll even let you go first. You can throw as many pick up lines at me as you want, and then when you’re finished I’ll use mine.” Shit. That definitely means he has more than one pick up line in his head while you only had… half of one. You inwardly sigh. You didn’t have to agree to his bet, you could just walk away and never think about it again. Yet…
“Deal.” You’re a little too prideful to back down from a bet so easily. With the bet now on, Belphie shakes your hand before leaning back into his pillows. He stares at you expectantly and you feel yourself break out into a cold sweat. Right , you’re supposed to go first. “Uh…” Your eyebrows pull together as your brain wracks itself for anything. “Do you remember me? We’ve met in your dreams.” You end the line with a cheesy wink, and both you and Belphie cringe as a result.
“Lame.” Is all he responds with.
“Yeah, I know.” You huff as you flop back onto the pillows. You find yourself trying to think of anything else to add. You didn’t want to lose the bet with only one pick up line, that would just be sad. “I think you’re suffering from a lack of vitamin me.” Another wink, and this time you get a snort from Belphie. You’ll take what you can get.
“Is that all you can do?”
“I didn’t think I needed to have a list of pick up lines to use on you when I came up here for my nightly cuddling session.” You try to defend yourself, but you know it’s fruitless. You could only hope now that Belphie’s were just as bad.
“Well then,” another yawn escapes him as his eyes close. Just when you think he’s fallen asleep, you see a small cat-like smile form on his lips. “Do you like bumpy rides?”
You stare quizzically at him. “What? Why?” You thought he was supposed to be giving you pick up lines, not questions about rides. You begin to ponder if he’s actually talking in his sleep when he speaks back up.
“Don’t interrupt me.” He startles you, sitting up in a flash and flicking you in the forehead before once again lying down, all the while without opening his eyes. “You’ve ruined it; now I have to ask it again, otherwise it just wouldn’t make any sense.” He opens his eyes just to send you a disapproving look before closing them once you apologize. “Do you like bumpy rides? Because I’m an emotional rollercoaster, baby.” He sounds proud of that one , you duly note. You feel your eyebrow twitch before a laugh bubbles up from the back of your throat. Okay, you’ll admit that’s a good one.
“Want to find treasure? Come and explore my chest.” He doesn’t add anything more and you’re left looking over at him in confusion. “With a knife.” He mutters under his breath.
“Belphie, these are slightly concerning.”
“I’d love to go to Uranus.” He continues without paying you any attention. “Why? Because it doesn’t have a breathable atmosphere.”
“Are you crying out for help right now? Is that what this is?”
“Want to give me the D? The D is for Death. Please, euthanize me.”
“Ah, Belphie, wait--” You’re actually growing concerned.
“Wanna Netflix and kill? Me? Please release me from the prison sentence that is my existence.”
“Belphie!” You lean forward and whack his chest. “What is wrong with you?”
“What do you mean?” He asks with a slight frown on his lips, though his eyes are still closed. “Are you not wooed by my pick up lines? I thought the younger generations liked those kinds of things.” You pinch the bridge of your nose as you stare up at the ceiling.
“Belphie, I don’t know if asking someone to end your existence is a pick up line.”
“Well, it should be.”
“Are you seriously suggesting that would work on you?”
“Are you seriously suggesting that wouldn’t work on you?”
You blink several times as you stare at Belphie before sighing softly. “I don’t think either of us won; you can’t actually count those as pick up lines.”
“What?” There’s an offended tone to his voice as he sits back up, eyes wide open now. “They were loads better than yours! And I actually had several ready, whereas you only had two! I totally won! In fact, I’d even be as nice as to lend them to you if you wanted to use them on Lucifer.”
“Why the hell would I use them on Lucifer?” You ask bewildered.
“You can’t tell me he wouldn’t like something like that. Lucifer and I are both equally dead on the inside. I bet Satan would like them as well.” You sigh as you listen to Belphie’s reasoning. You wouldn’t be getting out of this bet so easily. With a grunt you turn on your side to face the youngest brother.
“When’s your cooking duty?”
A grin’s back on his lips as he also adjusts himself to face you. “Tomorrow night.” Another sigh leaves you. Looks like you had plans tomorrow night.