Chapter Text
Chan knocked on Jisung’s door, a familiar pattern that had Jisung relaxing into his pillow as he called for his boyfriend to enter. Chan’s smile was gentle as he leaned against the doorframe.
“Hello, love,” he murmured, and Jisung flipped over to face him with a soft smile of his own, humming at the term of endearment. “You have been in your room for about two days now,” Chan noted gently, walking in and settling on the edge of Jisung’s bed. He let a hand settled on Jisung’s hip softly. “I believe it would be best if you got out for a little while. Perhaps I could teach you to ride a horse?”
Jisung sat up, eyes wide. “You have fucking horses?” he blurted, mouth agape.
Chan’s laugh was sweet, melodic, and he leaned forward to place a gentle kiss to Jisung’s cheek. “Yes, my love,” he laughed. “And cows, and ducks, and chickens.”
“I have not seen any of those animals.”
Chan hummed. “The horses are about a mile west, the cows about a mile east, and the ducks and chickens are behind the greenhouses. Speaking of--” Chan switched over quickly-- “I need to plant your garden.”
“My garden?” Jisung asked, face twisted in confusion.
Chan hummed again. “Each person in this house has a section in one of the greenhouses with their favorites.”
Jisung thought about it. “I like sweet potatoes,” he noted, swinging his feet over the edge of the bed and standing. He moved towards his chest of drawers. “And zucchini. Bean sprouts. Tangerines.” Jisung smiled over his shoulder. “But I bet you already have those growing.” He changed his shirt quickly before changing into jeans with good mobility.
“Only the sweet potatoes,” Chan replied. “But I shall plant your garden this evening,” he promised. Jisung nodded, slipping on his shoes. He grabbed Chan’s hand and tugged him out of the bedroom and down the hall, laughing in excitement.
The walk was long but satisfying as they conversed. Half way there, Jisung asked, “Who cleans the stables? And who cares for the other animals?”
“I do,” Chan answered, pulling Jisung closer and wrapping an arm around his waist. “Usually, I care for them at night, once everyone has gone to bed, or when I am alone during the day. I wake early most days to feed them all. If not me, though, Minho aids me in my chores.”
“Minho’s sweet,” Jisung noted thoughtfully, head tilted slightly. “He cared for me when I got here, right?” Chan hummed. “Sorry for scaring you,” Jisung said after a moment of silence. “When I got here, that is.”
Chan pressed a gentle kiss to Jisung’s temple. “There is no need for an apology. I would much rather you come here and give us a scare than stay where you were.”
They finished their walk in silence, and Chan was quiet as he introduced the four horses he had. “Amira, Wisteria, Ren, and Gawain.” He moved towards the horse he called Amira, a gentle hand against her neck as she nuzzled into his cheek. He laughed quietly. “Amira is our sweetest.”
He nodded to the all-black horse across from him. “Ren is our moodiest. He’s a pain to saddle most days.” Then, to the white and brown one. “I used to do perimeters with Gawain-- he was my first horse, but he is old and tired now and instead lays in fields and rests. And Wisteria…” He looked at the final horse fondly. “Well, I believe Wisteria is a bit like you. Excitable and reliable, always wants affection, wants to please.”
Jisung smiled back at Chan with a laugh. “Are you trying to tell me something?” he joked, and Chan smiled gently. “I think I want to ride… Ren.”
Chan didn’t look surprised, even as a brow raised. “Are you sure?”
Jisung nodded. “He needs a friend,” Jisung decided firmly. “He’s lonely, and he wants someone else to try to get to know him. I can tell.”
He moved slowly towards Ren, a hand held out, palm up. When Jisung had gotten close enough, Ren made him wait. And wait, and wait. His hand shook with the effort to keep it up, still weak from too little food for far too long. But he continued to wait.
And he was rewarded, finally, by Ren lowering his head, and Jisung let out a laugh. “Oh, you’re beautiful,” he whispered, absolutely delighted. Jisung looked back when Chan called his name, and he was rewarded with a sugar cube, which Jisung took eagerly and offered to Ren.
Ren accepted, taking it from Jisung’s hand, and Chan hummed from behind. “He never does that,” he murmured, soft and fond. “Now, shall we saddle our horses?”
“I don’t know how,” Jisung admitted sheepishly.
“I would surprised if you did,” Chan laughed, moving forward and placing a kiss to his temple. Jisung hummed and wrapped his arms around his middle in a hug. Jisung rested there for a moment, eyes falling closed as Chan pressed another kiss to his face. He pulled back, pressing a kiss to Chan’s cheek.
“Shall we?”
Chan hummed and got to work saddling Ren and Gawain. “We shall take it slow. Gawain is reliable and knows the area well, so he knows where to lead us, and Ren likes him better than the others.” Chan helped him up and gave him the reigns. “Nice and slow, Ren,” Chan murmured, running a gentle hand down his neck. “We shall not be out for long, so endure the saddle, just for now, hm?” Ren nudged Chan’s shoulder in understanding, and Chan returned the affection with a kiss to the top of his head.
Chan helped Jisung onto the horse. “Have you ever been riding before?” he asked quietly. Jisung shook his head. “Well,” Chan laughed, “just getting up there, you seem like an expert. Do you feel secure?” Jisung hummed, smiling sweetly down at Chan. Chan settled atop Gawain, petting down his neck and cooing.
Jisung laughed. “You’re so sweet to them,” he noted as Chan fed Gawain a sugar cube.
Chan just hummed. “We shall start slow, just walking. To the river?”
Jisung agreed easily. Chan clicked his tongue and Gawain began to move, steady and sure as he began the trek through the field. Ren followed without prompting, starting off with two slow steps to let Jisung get used to the sensation. Jisung cooed, grip on the reign tightening.
“I feel wobbly,” Jisung admitted after a moment, “like I’m going to fall off any second.”
“Hold your knees closer to Ren,” Chan advised, twisting so he could see Jisung. “Like that, good. And you can tell me to slow down at any point.” Jisung thanked Chan sweetly, smile saccharine as it dripped with honey, fond and loving, reserved for Chan’s eyes.
Jisung was sprawled out on the grass in the front yard, eyes closed contently. He listened to the sound of the birds and the rustling of the grass. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been outside, but he knew he was content to stay there for hours, the grass soft and bugs staying away.
He must have fallen asleep at some point because next thing he knew, there was a weight on his stomach and thigh. He yelped as his eyes opened to two large wolves resting their heads on his body. Both wolves perked up at the noise, one of them letting out a huff at being disturbed.
“I-I’m sorry. I was startled,” he rasped as he sat up. “Is-- Are you Jeongin and Seungmin?” The brown one nudged his hand, whimpering. “Do you… want to be pet?” The pup bowed his head.
Hesitantly, Jisung brought a hand to the top of his head and dragged it down the back of his neck. “Are you… Seungmin?” he guessed, and the pup nudged his arm, so Jisung assumed that was a yes. The grey wolf moved closer, resting his head on Jisung’s thigh, and Jisung huffed a laugh.
“This is the first time we’ve interacted alone, isn’t it?” Jisung noted quietly. “I’m sorry about… avoiding the both of you, I just… got scared, I guess. I hope you won’t hold it against me.” Seungmin gave a low huff, nudging Jisung gently, and Jisung laughed. “I guess that means all is forgiven?” Seungmin nudged him again.
“Do you two want to nap with me?”
Immediately, Jisung was pushed onto the grass by Jeongin, the grey wolf’s upper half snuggled into his chest, and Jisung giggled, both hands sinking into the grey fur in a hug. Seungmin, far calmer, settled across Jisung’s legs.
When Jisung woke, it was to a gentle nudge against his side, sun far lower in the sky than it had been, Seungmin staring down at him with his head cocked to the side, and Jisung hummed, sitting up slowly. “‘M up,” he mumbled, rubbing at his eyes. “Thank you for napping with me.”
It became a regular thing after that, to have a pouting wolf or sheepish human at his door, asking to nap together or be pet-- or even, sometimes, to run around with outside. And Jisung… found he was delighted to get out of his room, if it meant messing around with the pups.
Jisung sat in his room. Nothing was stimulating. His tiktok feed was shit, the games on his phone were blasé, his equipment took too much brainpower to man, and he could only do his makeup so many times before it got repetitive and downright wasteful. But now he was stuck in his head and spiraling.
And spiraling, and spiraling, and--
Jisung groaned loudly as panic built up in his limb, tense and painful as it pushed on his spine with enough pressure to fracture bone. He scrambled out of bed, cracking his back, trying to get rid of the panic in his limbs, but the relief bones popping brought was marginal, not nearly enough.
And spiraling, and spiraling, and--
What if this was his brain trying to warn him of something? What if something was about to happen? Was it his parents? What if they found him? Found Chan and Changbin and the others? What if they took him back? What if he wasn’t strong enough to fight them?
And spiraling, and spiraling, and--
A strong knock sounded on Jisung’s door, and Jisung flung himself towards it, ripping the door open, panting, cheeks flushed with anxiety. Minho started, hand still raised from knocking, before his features softened.
“Oh, Jisung,” Minho whispered softly, opening his arms. Jisung fell into his arms easily, breathing labored. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” he asked softly, petting through his hair. “Did something happen?”
“What-- What if-- What if- if-- What if--”
Minho shushed him gently. “Take a deep breath, and try again,” he coaxed, pressing a gentle kiss to his temple.
“What if they find me here?” Jisung blurted all at once, body a live wire, and Jisung wasn’t sure if he was about to electrocute Minho.
Minho hummed. “I see… While I understand why you’re worried about that, I’m pretty sure they don’t know where Chan lives. And even if they do, Jisungie, Chan and I have a protection spell around the house. People with malintent can’t find this home. It’s hidden to them.”
“And-- And if I go outside? What if they find me? I’m not- not strong enough to go against them, hyung! They’re going to take me back home and I’m never going to leave ever again!”
Minho cupped Jisung’s cheek, raising his head so they were looking at each other. “None of us are going to allow that to happen, Jisung. None of us. We will protect you with all that we are. We’ve had to protect Seungmin and Jeongin from their old pack, did you know? They ran into us when we were on an outing. And do you know what we did? We kept them from laying a hand on the pups or hurting them or taking them away from us. And we’ll do the same for you, Sunggie. You are not an exception to our love and protection.”
He flicked Jisung’s nose playfully. “You hear all that, you silly little boy?” he asked cutely, poking at Jisung’s side gently, causing the younger to squeal, squirming away from Minho with breathy laughter. “Hm?” Minho continued to tease, poking him over and over. “I can’t hear you, Sunggie,” he sang as Jisung continued to cackle, shying away from Minho’s fingers.
“I hear you!” Jisung finally managed to breath between laughs. “I surrender! Uncle! Whatever, please, oh my gosh!” he begged, breathless, and Minho acquiesced, pulling Jisung back into a hug.
“We’re here for you, Sunggie, and we won’t let anyone hurt you again,” Minho promised softly, hug tight as Jisung’s eyes burned with tears.
Changbin stood in Jisung’s doorway. “We’re going to see Mina.”
“Oh,” Jisung hummed, looking up from his phone. “That’s nice. You and who?”
“You. Now, up you go!” Changbin ushered. “Or we’ll be late to dinner.”
Jisung groaned dramatically. “And you didn’t even give me any warning? I need time to prepare, Binnie! Prepare!”
“Yes, and I have given you time to prepare. Twenty minutes, to be exact,” Changbin stated matter-of-factly. Jisung groaned loudly as he tore himself out of bed and shuffled over to his closet.
He only took ten minutes to get dressed, thank you very much, and he was quick to tell Changbin as much. They hopped in the car and made their way to Mina’s that way rather than walking, as Jisung’s knee was hurting. (A childhood injury, he assured Changbin with a soft smile and a kiss to the lips.)
Mina greeted Jisung with a squeal and a hug, planting a fat kiss on his cheek as she squished his cheeks and fussed over him. She didn’t say a word about his weight or the way he limped or the haggard eyes, but he knew that she noticed.
“Come in, come in! Goodness, I’ve got the two of you standing outside like I’m some barbarian. Come!” she urged, pulling them both inside. “Sana is upstairs, but they’ll be downstairs as soon as they have the energy! For now though… I’ve got you all to myself,” she sang happily as she flitted around the kitchen, taking down mugs and a kettle and a bag of tea leaves.
“Jisunggie,” she called over her shoulder. “Is your favorite still jasmine?”
Jisung hummed, cooing at her for remembering, and she cooed back through laughter. Jisung waddled over to Mina and, as soon as she’d put down the kettle, wrapped her in a tight hug, rocking them back and forth. She cooed louder, twisting in his grip so they were face-to-face.
“I love you!” she exclaimed, returning his grip in equal. “Oh, how I’ve missed you! How long has it been, Jisunggie? Months, at least.”
“Maybe even a year,” Jisung agreed.
She paused their sway-waddle-hug, and her grip tightened around Jisung’s body, reminiscent of what Jisung thought a mother’s touch should feel like. “I’m so glad you got out,” she whispered, voice tight with emotion.
“So am I, noona. More than you know.”
Sana joined them for dinner with a muted smile and a cat in their arms, and Jisung greeted them in a far more docile way, just a quick side hug, and Sana shot him an appreciative smile for the limited contact. Sana didn’t say a word over dinner, but that was okay, Jisung assured them when they apologized for not saying much half way through it, the others would talk enough for them.
“So, Jisung. Have you made any new tracks as of late?” Mina asked before shoving a large bite of salad into her mouth.
Jisung held up a finger as he finished chewing, clearing his throat. “A few things, but I haven’t been… leaving my room much, and to have a music set-up in there wouldn’t be ideal. Then I really wouldn’t leave my room.”
“Ugh! I know what you mean,” Mina agreed. “Sana’s like that, so we put their art studio in a little one-room shack out back. It’s got lots of windows so they get plenty of natural light! And it’s got a little patio-like area, so they can be outside without really having to wander and find a good spot to do art.”
Jisung hummed dreamily, leaning on his palm. “Wouldn’t that be nice… I’d love a set-up like that. Maybe I can use the porch and just do some minor things on my laptop out there. The weather’s been really beautiful.”
The conversation continued, between three of the people at the table easily. Mina brought out desert, baked sweet potatoes with marshmallow broiled on top.
After a while of silence, conversation seeming unnecessary, Mina murmured a gentle, “I’m glad you’ve found them all, Binnie. And you, Jisunggie-- I’m glad you found a reason to smile, I mean really smile, again.”
“You… know Changbin and I are dating?”
Mina hummed. “It was only a matter of time,” she admitted. “You two look at each other with stars in your eyes.”
Jisung was out with Hyunjin when it happened. It was supposed to be a good time out on the town, just the two of them. It was supposed to be a time to splurge. Jisung was supposed to get his books and new equipment and gossip about the fairies at Hyunjin’s tree. It was supposed to be tea and coffee and sweets and good things.
Until it happened.
Until his name was called.
Until Jisung was clutching Hyunjin’s wrist too tight with blinding fear too much for Jisung to handle as his parents ran up to him, tears in their eyes and hands thrusting towards his body-- too familiar, too alien, too terrifying.
It was Hyunjin’s hand that stopped either of them from touching him, from grabbing him and tearing him away from the happiness he’d built in Chan’s home, in his home. It was Hyunjin’s body that shielded him from the cage of his parents’ “love”.
“Jisung, baby,” his mother sobbed, still trying to reach him. “Come back to us, please. We’ll be better, we’ll give you back your things. Please, baby, come back. We love you, Jisung. Is that such a crime?”
“Please stop,” Jisung whispered, shaking violently as his eyes clenched closed.
“So I guess we’re just terrible parents, then?” his father sniffed. “We’re the bad guys for loving you? For trying to keep you safe?”
“Yes,” Hyunjin bit, voice colder than ice as he glared at the two humans in front of him with glowing eyes, Magick expanding at Jisung’s distress.
Jisung’s mother sobbed dramatically, throwing herself forward to reach Jisung, but Hyunjin pushed himself and Jisung to the side, and she landed hard on the pavement.
She screamed. Loud and piercing and painful, she screamed.
“My baby!” she screeched, clawing closer to her son, only for a green wall to appear around the two of them. The cage of green barely moved as two pairs of fists beat against it.
But, suddenly, Hyunjin didn’t have a grip on Jisung, and he panicked, whipping around with wide eyes. There’s no way he could’ve left him outside the shield--
There was a squeak at his feet and-- oh. That was a quokka at his feet.
Hyunjin was quick to squat down. “Jisung?” Hyunjin asked softly. “Is that you, sweetheart?”
The quokka at his feet whined, stamping his feet, and Hyunjin cooed. “No, sweetheart, it’s okay, I promise, shh, shh. C’mere,” he coaxed, opening his arms for Jisung to crawl into. He cradled the transformed Jisung in his arms, petting down his back as he rocked them back and forth.
“I’ll get us out of here. Minho taught me some magic I can do with my Magick. I just need you to hold on, okay, sweetheart?”
“ Okay ,” he heard whispered through a quiet squeak.
As the vines dropped to the ground and a veil of invisibility came up around them, Hyunjin booked it. He didn’t stop running until he reached Chan’s forest where he let the trees carry them forward far faster than his feet could. He didn’t drop the veil until they got to the house, breathing harshly as he cradled Jisung’s panicked body against his chest, tiny lungs working overtime to get air into his body.
“It’s okay,” Hyunjin whispered, holding him tighter. “I’m right here, Sungie, right here. They’re gone, sweetheart, they’re so gone.”
In a flash, Seungmin was tripping out the door with Minho on his tail. “What the fuck is that aura?” Seungmin gasped, eyes wide and brows furrowed.
Both of them honed in on Hyunjin at the same time. “What is that?” Minho asked quickly.
“It’s Jisung,” Hyunjin rushed. “We were out and having a good time and then his parents were just-- there , and he panicked, and I panicked, and I put up a shield around us and I turn around, and he’s like this!”
Minho let out a humorless laugh. “But there’s no way I wouldn’t have known Jisung was a shapeshifter. I’ve checked his core a hundred times since he’s gotten here. Even if he didn’t know, I should know.”
“Unless it was suppressed by trauma,” Seungmin murmured.
“What?” Minho asked.
“Trauma. It’s not just that Jisung didn’t remember or know he could do that, his body also locked away his Magick and suppressed his ability to access it,” Seungmin reasoned. “It happens, doesn’t it? It was mentioned in one of your books. Along the back wall. Am I wrong?”
Hyunjin shook his head with a whispered, “ No .” He sucked in a deep breath. “It happens. Even with fairies and other creatures, enough trauma, enough incentive to hide, and Magick can become inaccessible. But Jisung’s body panicked and tried to protect him.”
Hyunjin looked down at the quokka in his arms. “Jisung, sweetheart?” Jisung looked up. “Whenever you’re ready, I can talk you through turning back, okay? But take your time, we can stay like this as long as you need.”
“ I’m scared ,” Jisung admitted. “ I don’t know what’s going on .”
“That’s okay,” Hyunjin soothed. “We can wait until you’re human to explain it to you, okay?”
It took hours for Jisung to calm down enough to attempt to change back, and as soon as he did, he was running into Chan’s arms to sob. It took a while for him to calm down there, too, but he did. Hyunjin left the explaining to Minho and Chan, backing out to deal with Changbin, Felix, and the pups.
Changbin was allowed in after he promised to stay calm-- “More stress is the last thing Jisung needs right now,” Hyunjin hissed, hands shaking where they clutched Changbin’s. “Baby, I know you’re confused and angry about his parents, but Jisung needs you as calm as possible right now.” -- and Jisung reached for him the moment he was in sight.
Changbin shushed Jisung gently, arms full of Jisung’s too-small body. “I know, I know,” he cooed, “but we’re here. We’ll get through this. You’re not alone, we’re here, my love, we’re right here.”
It went like this: Chan and Changbin’s bodies wrapped around Jisung’s like parentheses, a shield. It went like this: Jisung sobbed and sobbed until he gagged, sick from tears and mucus choking. It went like this: Minho’s hand was gentle in Jisung’s hair as he whispered a calming spell.
It went like this: Jisung was scared and confused, but he listened. He took in every word about Theoretical Magick Suppression. He listened and asked questions and begged the gods to tell him why it had to be him given this life and thanked the gods it wasn’t a hand dealt to someone else.
It went like this: Jisung was confused and angry and wanted to march back to his parents who surely knew the truth. Jisung was confused and angry and never wanted to see his horrendous parents’ faces ever again.
It went like this: Jisung felt broken by the truth of himself. By the side of him he’d never gotten to know, didn’t know if he wanted to know. By all the things that had to have happened to him for this to be the case.
It went like this: Jisung really did wind up throwing up. He remembered. Distant and blurry, but he remembered. It was beaten out of him. It was hidden, and he was locked away. He was locked in his room, day in and day out, for his entire life. Because his parents were scared. Of the truth. Of him. They didn’t love him. They were afraid of him, afraid of what he was and all the unknowns. They didn’t love him. They’d never loved him. They’d been afraid of him. Of the truth.
It went like this: Jisung knew he couldn’t love this part of himself yet. It was painful and new and felt like it was the one to blame for the way his life had been.
It went like this: Jisung swore to the three of them that he’d learn to love it, one day, just so that he could spite his parents. So he could tell his parents “Fuck you” and mean it.
Jisung was in bed, curled up, his door locked, keeping out anyone who might try to talk to him. Someone still knocked despite that. Jisung called for them to identify themself.
“It’s Felix,” they called, voice muffled slightly by the door between them.
“What do you want?”
Felix huffed a laugh, humorless and a bit sad. “Well, I know you’ve had a rough week or so,” they reasoned, “so I made you something to hopefully give you a few seconds of serotonin?”
Jisung contemplated that before ultimately letting Felix in, eyes red rimmed and face puffy. “Cheesecake?” Felix offered with an awkward smile. Jisung gestured for Felix to enter, closing the door behind them. Felix settled on the edge of Jisung’s bed, and Jisung joined them, settling in the center of the bed.
Felix handed him a fork with a smile. “I don’t know if you want to talk about it, but… I’m here if you do. And I’m still here if you don’t.”
“Thanks,” Jisung whispered, stabbing his fork into the cheesecake and raising it to his mouth. “How’d you know I like this stuff?
“A little birdy told me-- said it might get you to open the door,” Felix admitted.
Jisung huffed a laugh at that. “Yeah, well, Changbin has a lot of practice when it comes to that. Many’a bribes were made through cheesecake in our early years of friendship.” He took another bite, eyes distant. “I had a dream last night. I’m not sure if it’s a memory or not, but it was about my parents, regardless. They um… they stopped letting me go outside after the first time I transformed, and then they threatened me, hurt me, isolated me until I stopped transforming.
“I couldn’t even control it. Didn’t know how, wasn’t told how, wasn’t given any sort of support. Just threat after threat… I eventually locked it away, I guess. It’s all blurry now, but I know that it felt real. More real than any of the others… Um. Sorry. I shouldn’t be dropping this all on you. Chan is… Chan is setting me up with a supernatural trauma therapist, so that should help.”
Felix reached out, grabbing Jisung’s cool hand with their own warm one. “I’m just glad you trust me enough to open up. And, anyway, I said you could talk to me. I’m emotionally available right now to have these talks with you, otherwise I wouldn’t have offered.”
Jisung smile was a bit wet as Felix was presented with it. “Thanks,” he whispered. “It means more than you probably know.”
Jisung woke from his nap to a gentle knock on his bedroom door. Groaning, he threw himself off the bed and crawled over to the door, eyes still closed as he opened the door with a yawn. He looked up through squinted, tired eyes before registering the two faces in front of him.
Jeongin looked to be holding back laughter while Seungmin looked more concerned. “Are you okay? It sounded like you fell pretty hard.”
“Hm?” Jisung questioned, rubbing at his eyes. “Oh, no,” he croaked. “‘M fine, ‘s how’a ged oudda b’d.”
Jeongin threw a hand over his mouth to stop himself, but he still snorted, catching Jisung’s attention. Jisung smiled gently. “C’m’in?” he offered, running a lazy hand through his nearly-too-long hair before shuffling out from in front of the door. Jisung crawled back over to his bed, hauling himself up as the door closed, shutting the three of them in.
“I didn’t know it took so much for you to wake up,” Jeongin admitted with a laugh. “You’re usually so awake when I see you in the morning.”
“Hm?” Jisung looked confused, eyes cracked open to peer through the early afternoon sun and at the pups. “Oh no,” he laughed, slightly more away. “I don’ sleep.”
“That’s… concerning,” Seungmin admitted, brows furrowed.
Jisung shrugged. “I nap, ‘s fine.”
“It’s fine,” Jeongin mocked. “Would you feel that way if it was Chan? Or Changbin? Or me? Or Seungmin? Or--”
“I get it,” Jisung groaned, falling sideways onto the bed. “Are you gonna come nap with me or not?”
Jeongin hissed in victory, flopping onto the bed and rolling until he was pressed against Jisung’s warm body. Seungmin rolled his eyes at Jeongin’s antics before transforming and crawling onto the bed, huffing out a laugh when Jisung and Jeongin both immediately rolled to rest on top of him. Still, he settled down quickly, and the two using him as a pillow were out as quickly as they had claimed him as bedding.
Felix knocked on Jisung’s bedroom door, entering when prompted. Jisung was peaking over the top of his phone, a TikTok still playing as he dropped it and sat up.
“Felix!” he greeted, smile bright.
Felix returned the smile shyly. “Hi,” they greeted in turn, voice nearly a whisper. “I made… some, uh, some… red velvet cupcakes with icing?” they tried, lifting the plate in their hands half-heartedly. “I wasn’t sure if that was really your speed-- honestly, I was going to make some, um, banana bread? But then, the next thing I know, I’m gathering ingredients for red velvet batter, so…”
Jisung’s smile was soft. “I’d love one,” he hummed. “Do you have a minute to sit and talk?” Felix looked at the door behind them, wings lifting them slightly off the floor before settling them back down as they looked back to Jisung, nodding.
Jisung’s grin brightened even further as he scooted over (unnecessarily) to make room for Felix as well. Felix sat the plate down in the middle of the bed before climbing in and settling cross-legged at the foot of the bed.
“So tell me about yourself!” Jisung began cheerily. “I feel like we run into each other a lot, but we never really talk-- not except for the cheesecake day. And-- please don’t think I’m blaming you, I think the way I just said that make it sound like that, but I’m totally not. I’m just saying that I’m locked in my room so often that I don’t talk to you or Hyunjinnie or Minho much. I get to see Jeongin and Seungmin since they come to cuddle but-- Oh my god, I’m getting so off topic. I’m sorry. Please, just-- tell me about yourself?”
Felix laughed at Jisung’s rambling, sharp teeth shown off as they smiled. “Sure. There’s not much to tell, though, I don’t think. Um, I... grew up in the Vampire realm, was moved into the fae realm after my caretakers died, and then I was forced through a portal where Minho and Channie-hyung saved me.”
They paused, rolling their lips. “Everyone here taught me the common language, and they were the first to accept my gender identity and the first people I’d opened up to. I’m... learning how to love myself beyond my Glamor, but it’s a slow process.”
Felix thought for a moment, absentmindedly fluttering their wings, legs still crossed as they hovered just above the bed sheets.
“You float when you’re lost in thought,” Jisung added softly with a playful grin, stretching out his foot to nudge Felix’s knee gently, “and you’re good at baking, and you’re so very infatuated with your partners,” he teased lightly, just to watch Felix’s freckles glow at the insinuation.
Jisung liked the way his stomach warmed at the sight of it, at the sight of Felix’s soft smile and shy nod.
“You look good with them,” Jisung noted gently. “Like you really belong. I saw you and Hyunjin in the back yard the other day, while the two of you were playing along the tree line. He loves you very much, and I can tell you love him, as well.”
Felix looked up at Jisung slowly. “I don’t know, actually,” they admitted quietly. “How do I know if it’s love or merely infatuation? I already have a hard time experiencing my emotions-- what if I’m misinterpreting them?” Felix asked warily.
Jisung softened. “It sounds like this has been bugging you for a while…” Felix shrugged, but Jisung took it as a very loud “yes”. “That’s okay, Felix. Trying to understand your emotions can be really hard, especially if you’re someone who has suppressed them for a large majority of your life. Why don’t we try to feel our feelings together?” Felix looked confused, wary, at that, head tilted to the side.
“We're both going to think of Hyunjin, okay?” Jisung explained. “And we’ll go back and forth saying out loud what we are physically feeling or emotionally experiencing as we think about him. I’ll go first so you know what I’m talking about. Get nice and comfy, lean back, lay down. Whatever. And when you’re ready, we’ll start.”
There was a solid minute or two of fidgeting and moving around before Felix whispered that they were ready.
“Okay,” Jisung started quietly, “so when I think about Hyunjin, my fingers tingle and... my brain says that I’m safe.” Jisung smiled down at Felix. “Whenever you’re ready-- take your time.”
Felix nodded, eyes slipping shut as they really focused in on their body. “When I... think about Hyunjin, my stomach gets twisted in a- in a good way? I think. I don’t... dislike it. And my- my brain says that... he’s really kind and warm.”
Jisung hummed. “That’s perfect... Okay. When I think about him, I can feel it in my shoulders, like someone is squeezing them while excited. My brain says he’s good and bright.”
“My brain says I feel safe with him,” Felix whispered, picking at the skin around their nails. “And my chest gets all wobbly in an excited, like, breathless way.”
“Good, that’s really good, Felix!” Jisung praised excitedly, laying a gentle hand over Felix's self-destructive ones, pulling one of their hands away so they couldn’t pick at their fingers any more. “Do you want to keep going? Or do you want to stop there?”
Felix thought on it for a moment before shaking their head. “I think I found the answer I was looking for,” they whispered kindly. “But I want to know more about you, now! I know that you- that you like cheesecake and that you make music with Channie and Changbinnie. What else?”
Jisung hummed. “Well, as sad as this is going to sound, I’m only just learning things about myself now that I’m allowed to. So I really don't know much about my likes and dislikes.”
Felix grinned excitedly. “We can learn together,” the proposed quickly. “I want to know when you learn things about yourself like... like you favorite color! Or your least favorite pattern design. The supposedly mundane and the absolutely extraordinary-- I want to know it all.”
Jisung grinned breathlessly as he searched their eyes, looking for... something beyond the excitement. Felix wasn’t sure if he found it, but they stayed still until he finished searching.
“I’ll let you know as soon as I do. I... learned I generally don’t like pastas unless they’re al dente, the other night. And that I don’t care for pesto. But, then, I also learned I like mango!”
Felix grinned just as bright, their hair and freckles lighting up as they nodded along eagerly. “That’s so exciting that you are trying new things and getting to form opinions on them! That’s such a big step!”
Jisung nodded shyly. “I learned that... I’m a napper. I’ve never really... never really been able to fall asleep at night unless I was sick, but I’ve learned that taking a few short naps during the day gives me energy that I’d never have otherwise-- that I’ve never really had before.”
Felix hummed encouragingly, nodding for him to continue. “I know that I nap better if I'm cuddling someone or something. I know that Changbin’s hugs help me fall asleep faster, and Chan's hugs help with nightmares, and cuddling with Jeongin or Seungmin helps me stay asleep, especially if they’re in their wolf form on top of me. Like-- Like pressure therapy!” he likened excitedly, snapping as he put the analogy together.
Felix nodded, listening with rapt attention. “That’s so cool,” they breathed.
Jisung grinned and squeezed their hand gently. “Now, tell me more about you,” he prompted gently.
Chan had been silent for the entire afternoon that he had been curled up on Minho’s library sofa, four cats making various parts of his body their beds.
Minho wasn’t surprised when Chan finally opened his mouth, the sky painted orange and pink with dusk. “I want to feed,” Chan blurted, startling two of the cats off of him.
Minho just hummed. “But…?” he drawled, turning the page and nudging the glasses higher up his nose.
Chan sucked in a long, deep breath before, all at once, blurting, “But I want to feed from Felix, but I have yet to discuss this with them and, thereby, feel as though I cannot ask them in fear of startling them. The others had a very long time in which they were allowed to adjust to the idea of being fed from and, by extension, being placed in an extremely intimate interpersonal scenario where I could, potentially, severely harm them, thereby breaking their trust, which they have only recently started to give. On top of that, there is also the knowledge that Felix has had bad experiences with feeding in the past, as it was an impersonal experience in which there was no connection between them and the vampire, which creates a very delicate, dangerous situation in which they could easily die.”
“But you are not that vampire and this would not be an impersonal scenario,” Minho countered absently, chewing at his bottom lip as he scanned the yellowed page in front of him. “You know not their opinion on allowing you to feed from them, and you will not until you propose such an idea to them. Moreover, Felix loves you very dearly, Chan, but they are not about to put themself in a situation in which they feel as though they are in danger, regardless of their feelings for you, and you need to trust that they have enough self-preservation to reject you, should they feel unsafe.”
Chan groaned. “You are the worst.”
Minho hummed, flipping the page and tearing at the skin of his lips with his teeth. “I’m sure I’m truly terrible.”
“And stop biting your lip or it will bleed!” Chan blurted, sitting up and displacing the last two cats that were resting on him.
Minho finally glanced over at him, eyebrow raised. “Are you are so worried about that because…?”
Chan pouted. “Because then you shall complain when I kiss you and I inevitably, but accidentally, reopen the wound later.”
Minho snickered at that, turning to face Chan fully. “If you are so worried about, then perhaps you should do something to incentivize me to stop,” he teased haughtily.
Chan sighed, as if put upon, before hauling himself off the couch to hover over Minho, a gentle finger under Minho’s chin guiding his head back. Chan leaned in, stopping a hair's breadth away from Minho’s lips. “Is this incentive enough?” he wondered breathily.
Minho smiled, meeting Chan’s eyes. “We shall find out, shall we not?” Chan hummed and closed the space between them.
Felix wrung their hands together harshly as they fluttered nervously in front of the doors to the greenhouse where Chan was busy tending to the new section of garden. The thunderclouds above their head did nothing to lighten their anxiety, sharp teeth puncturing the soft skin of their inner cheeks, causing it to bleed. They whined at the metallic taste, face scrunching, and Chan looked around himself inside the greenhouse, appearing startled before his eyes landed on the fae hovering outside.
Chan motioned for Felix to join him, and Felix opened the door with shaking fingers before flying over to Chan with a weak smile and whispered greeting. “Good morning, my love. What are you doing awake so early?”
Felix kicked their feet idly as they stared at the ground, shrugging helplessly. They tore at the skin beside their nails as they tried to push down the ever-rising anxiety. Chan grabbed Felix’s hands gently, smiling up at the fae.
“Would you like to talk about it?”
Felix nodded but made no move to speak as they crossed and uncrossed their ankles over and over. Chan led them to a bench, sitting them both down as he squeezed their hand comfortingly.
“I think I like Jisung,” Felix whispered after another moment of silence, staring intently at their joined hands. “I’m sorry.”
Chan gave a breathy laugh. “For what are you apologizing, my love?” Felix shook their head, hands trembling where they rested in Chan’s, and Chan brought their hands to his lips, kissing them gently. “For having feelings for Jisung? Is that why you are apologizing?”
Felix nodded, body stiff-- even their wings were still as they tried to take as shallow of breaths as were possible. “My love, having feelings for Jisung is nothing to apologize for.”
“But he’s your partner,” Felix whispered in turn, still unable to meet Chan’s eyes.
“Yes,” Chan agreed, “as were Minho and Changbin and Hyunjin and the pups. I understand why you are anxious over this, but it is unnecessary, my love.” Felix looked at Chan through their bangs, and Chan raised a hand to cup Felix’s cheek. He dropped a feather-light kiss to their lips, smile gentle. “You are allowed to have feelings for Jisung, Felix.”
Felix nodded slowly, and Chan hummed, pressing another gentle kiss to their lips, thumb caressing over their cheek. “Why don’t you tell me about it?” he prompted.
Felix shrugged, eyes darting away before focusing back in on Chan. “He’s just… really, really good ,” they whispered, voice tight. “He’s kind and caring and- and he makes me heart feel weird. Good weird, but still weird. Like you all do.” Chan hummed, nodding along. “And Jisung, he- we were talking and getting to know each other better since I’ve only interacted with him a handful of times, and he was talking about, like, getting to know himself, and it was… freeing. I don’t know how or why, but it was . And we were talking and he showed me how to… feel my feelings? Beyond just acknowledging that I was probably feeling an emotion, he was teaching me how to actually experience and, like, catalog it.”
Chan’s smile was soft as he watched Felix gesticulate as they spoke. “That sounds like him,” Chan murmured. “In all honesty, I am not surprised you feel the way you do about him. And should you wish to share your experience with anyone, I am sure the pups share your sentiment as well.”
Felix perked up at that. “Have they talked to you about it?”
Chan shook his head. “Not quite. However, it is not difficult to parse their emotions when they are constantly giggling and pulling each other up to Jisung’s room to nap with him.”
Felix’s eyes glowed at that, laughing excitedly. “I’m gonna go find them.” Felix stood, half way through turning away before they froze and swung back around, dropping a quick kiss against Chan’s cheek. “Thank you. For listening.” Then, Felix was racing out the door.
Changbin knocked on Jisung’s bedroom door, Hyunjin looming behind him. Changbin turned, squeezing Hyunjin’s hand gently. Jisung was sitting on the floor when the door opened, and Changbin couldn’t help the laugh that tore itself from his throat.
“Baby, what are you doing on the floor?” Changbin laughed.
Jisung shrugged, leaning into the hand that found its way into his hair. “Getting up was too much energy. I was already on the floor anyway.”
“Why?” Hyunjin asked, peaking over Changbin’s shoulder. Jisung shrugged.
“Okay,” Changbin drawled with a smirk, “well, we’re here to help you train your powers, if you think you have the energy.”
Jisung hummed. “Can we stay in here? I can’t do outside today.” Changbin agreed easily, helping Jisung to his feet and over to his bed to sit on, cross legged. “Okay,” he started with a huff. “So, we’ll start with an approach similar to the one we used when the pups were learning how to control their shifting. Hyunjin?”
Hyunjin hummed and moved to crouch in front of Jisung, “Alright, Jisung. I’m gonna ask that you close your eyes and focus on how I guide you through this.” Jisung nodded and followed Hyunjin’s instruction, eyes slipping closed easily. “Okay, I’m going to hold your hands through this so that you have something grounding to focus on if you get stressed.” Jisung hummed, sounding half asleep. Honestly, he probably was…
“Alright. So. I want you to feel around in your brain, think about when we were calming you down while you were a quokka for the first time. Think about the calmest moment you have during that memory… Feel what it felt like to be in that state, calm and warm and being held… Hold onto that sensation, let yourself feel it, all over your body… Now try to tap into that, the warmth and the size… Good, Jisungie, you’re doing so well. Keep focusing on that, try to bring yourself back to that feeling, to that calmness and warmth and size… Good, Jisung, good,” he soothed. “Now, I want you to try and will yourself into that, keeping the calmness and warmth in mind the whole time.”
Jisung nodded. “Good. Deep breaths while you think about it, just like that… In… and out… and in…” Hyunjin’s guidance continued, over and over, repeating, coaxing, calm.
Eventually, Hyunjin felt the hands in his shrink and soften, and he smiled down at the quokka that chirped happily in front of him. “Good job,” Hyunjin praised, leaning down to place a kiss between his small ears. “You did so well, Sunggie. Do you want to go to Changbin now?” The quokka chirped, jumping on the soft bed, and Hyunjin laughed, signaling for Changbin to come forward from where he rested against the wall.
Changbin came easily, a bright smile on his face as he cooed and praised Jisung, tiny quokka hands gripping Changbin’s shirt and trying to climb. Changbin had mercy on him, picking him up and cradling him to his chest and pressing a kiss to his forehead.
Jisung was curled up in Minho’s library, humming contently as the sun filtered through vines, warming his nearly perpetually cold skin. Minho laughed at the noise, glancing over his shoulder to check on the younger. Jisung smiled at him, a giggle lighting up the room. He’d almost fallen, blessedly, asleep, when he felt something land on his hip. Jisung groaned at the weight of the thing that had landed on him before another weight landed on him as well, something scratching at his side.
His eyes slid open, and he groaned as he took in the two fully-grown cats that had jumped on him. They began nipping at his fingers as he whined. “Minho,” he complained with a pout, “your kids are bullying me.”
One of the cats growled, biting down on his finger harshly. “Mao takes offense at that,” Minho commented absently, not even looking at him. “Mao, don’t be an ass-- it’s unbecoming, and people won’t want to pet you.”
Mao let out a sad yowl, and Minho just sighed. “Be nice, and maybe Jisung will pet you, but you know we don’t force anyone to pet you all.”
“It’s times like these I wish I could understand animals,” Jisung sighed, letting Mao headbut his hands a few times before giving in and scratching between her ears.