Chapter Text
So... when's the wedding?
So... when's the wedding?
So... when's the wedding?
Tyrion's little joke went around and around Jaime's head for days, weeks, months, and years after his brother had actually said it. It was not because he was scared or anxious about the prospect of being married to Brienne - the thought of her gliding up the aisle in a white dress looking that the angel he saw her as was a tantalising prospect - it's just he thought she wouldn't want to. Not after last time. Not after what he did. So, he didn't propose when they celebrated their second first anniversary, nor when they went on a romantic weekend to Venice, nor when Margaery got engaged for the four-hundred and seventieth time and Brienne started to feel a little inadequate. Jaime didn't even broach the topic in a jokey way at any point, because he feared her reaction.
"As if I'm ever going to try that with you again."
"You are never taking me back there... never. I won't allow it."
"It will be embarrassing. It will just remind everyone of the first time."
Even though he dreamed of it, and sometimes lingered a little too long outside jewellers wondering what ring Brienne would like, he never did anything about it. Never in his wildest dreams had he thought she would let him be her boyfriend again, and a proper father to Gal, so he didn't want to push his luck. He just focussed on being the best he could be for his family.
Jaime never dared ask for anything more.
For Gal's eighth birthday they took him to London Zoo. Earlier in the week, he had had a birthday party at the Rainforest Cafe, but on the day itself Gal wanted to lead his parents round the zoo telling him facts and asking questions about the animals they encountered.
"Did you know that capybaras are the world's largest rodents?"
"Dad, do you think zebra are black with white stripes or white with black stripes?"
"Hippos are actually really fast runners. They can get to speeds up to thirty miles an hour!"
Jaime indulged Gal's love for wildlife with enthusiasm, listening to all his stories and asking questions. It was a fun day, but Jaime couldn't help but notice that Brienne seemed a little distant; she only picked at her food at lunch and wasn't nearly so enthusiastic as Jaime in listening to Gal's excitement about the zoo. Her mood didn't improve when they got home and watched Gal open his presents and blow out the candles on his birthday cake.
"Are you alright, sweetheart?" Jaime asked her as Gal was running around the living room trying out a new remote controlled T-Rex.
"Fine," she said stiffly. "We can talk later."
After Jaime tucked Gal into bed, he went to have a quick shower himself, a coil of anxiety in his belly about Brienne. His feeling was validated once he went into his and Brienne's bedroom to find her sitting on the bed. Her skin was blotchy, her eyes red, and it was clear she had been crying. Jaime was at her side in an instant.
"What's the matter?" he asked gently, slinging an arm round her shoulder. "You've obviously been upset all day."
"I'm not upset," she confessed tearfully, "I'm just... a mix of emotions right now..."
That just confused him, so he shuffled closer to her. "Tell me. What's bothering you?"
She turned to look at him. "You are going to think I'm a right idiot."
"I promise I won't," he grinned. "Maybe an idiot, but never a right idiot."
That finally elicited a smile from her, and he could feel her shoulders relaxing underneath his arms. "So, I don't quite know how to tell you this... but I think Gal is going to have a sibling."
Jaime didn't know what he had been expecting, but it wasn't that, and his mouth dropped open. "You're pregnant?"
It was so different from the last time. With Gal, she had summoned him to a miserable little cafe - The Pennytree - to tell him. It had been the first time they had seen each other since the whole Winterfell Hotel debacle, and he had expected that she was offering him a chance to explain and find a way back into her life. Instead, she had been as cold as the North Pole and declared that she was having his baby and didn't want him anywhere near her until the baby was in her arms and then (and only then) could he be Gal's father. That time, Jaime had gone home and sobbed himself to sleep over what an idiot he was. Now, he wanted to cry with joy.
"Yeah," she admitted. "I've taken three tests and they've all come back the same. If only I'd been more diligent with the Pill. If only..."
Jaime didn't want to hear any more if only. Cupping her cheek with his hand he pulled her in for a deep kiss, and he felt her relax against him. When they broke apart, her blue eyes were shining. "You're not angry?"
"Angry?" he asked incredulously. "Why would I be angry? We're going to be parents again. I'm ecstatic!"
Her smile blossomed, warm and affectionate. "Really?"
"Really," he confirmed. "With Gal, I never got to be there for you in the way I wanted to be, in the right way. This time I'll be at every scan, every appointment. I'll hold your hair and rub your back when you get sick. I'll go and get you every stupid food you crave. I'll massage your shoulders and your feet when they hurt. I'll fuck you from behind and be gentle with your tits and eat you out to make sure you still get all your needs met, because I hear pregnant women are insatiable for nine months..."
That made her giggle. "Jaime!"
"What? I will. This is what I wanted to do last time and couldn't, so this time I'll be most attentive. I promise."
"Do you?" she teased.
"What?"
"Promise me that you'll eat me out when I ask?"
Jaime grinned at her. "Anything my wench asks of me, I will do."
She raised an eyebrow at him. "What if I asked you right now?"
"Your wish is my command," he smirked.
At the first scan, it turned out Gal wasn't going to have one sibling, but two.
"Twins!" gasped Brienne, slightly horrified both at the thought of having to push two babies out instead of one, and what that would mean for their little family. "How are we going to afford that?" she asked, turning from the doctor to Jaime.
He just grinned at her. "I don't know. I don't really care, but isn't it brilliant?"
Even though he was effusively positive to Brienne's face (whose natural disposition made her disposed to be fretful), inside he was a little worried. Jaime knew what it was like to be a twin. He and Cersei had grown up together like a tree and an ivy, never knowing who the solid trunk was and who the parasite. Gal was also jubilant about the news but expressed it in talking about animals.
"Did you know that armadillos normally have identical twins? Are you going to have identical twins, Mum?"
"I don't know yet, sweetheart," Brienne had said, "but you'll be the first to know when I find out."
Over the next few months, Jaime experienced the utter joy of watching Brienne bloom and swell with the weight of their babies. As promised, he massaged her feet, went to every scan, and generally looked after her as well as he could. He was rewarded for his dutiful service, because what he had heard about pregnant women turned out to be true. After one particularly adventurous evening of Brienne telling him how to fuck her, they spooned while he cupped her breasts, which were now more a handful than a mouthful.
"You've brutalised me, wench," pouted Jaime teasingly. "I hurt all over."
She just laughed. "You were just keeping your promises."
"I was," he conceded, "but I didn't realise it would make my jaw ache this much."
Brienne giggled as she turned her head to peck him on the cheek. "Awww. Poor Jaime. And I thought you liked giving me oral sex."
"Oh, I do," he smirked. "I just didn't know you'd be this demanding."
"Don't you know me by now? I've always been demanding."
"In some ways," he agreed, "but mostly you are just loving and giving and good."
Never one to take a compliment, she patted him chidingly and said, "oh hush."
"No, I won't," he said, his voice softening. "I love you so much, and I am just so thankful you are carrying our babies, and sharing your bed with me, and have let me back into your life."
Then it was her turn to be tender. "Jaime, please don't. I don't want you to feel guilty forever. You don't need to apologise anymore."
He squeezed her tighter. "But I do. What I did was so terrible, and I know that there are some things we just can't do because of what happened."
Brienne looked at him curiously. "What things?"
He tried not to blush. "I know I can't ever ask you to marry me again and have you accept. That would be too much for me to ask."
"Why do you think that?" she said, her eyes going wide.
"Well..." he began, trying to find the words. "I don't want to ever put you in a position where you have to relive what I did. It was bad enough the first time. And even though I want you to be my wife, it would be selfish for me to ask considering everything I put you through."
At that, Brienne rolled over, the bump and the babies pushing against him as she cupped his face with her hands. "But don't you see it could make everything better? It could wash away the past if we actually succeeded in walking up the aisle and saying I do in front of everyone? It would replace a bad memory with a good one."
He narrowed his eyes at her. "Are you seriously saying that you would say yes if I asked?"
"Of course I would."
The next day Jaime went to the jewellers and bought an engagement ring he had been eyeing up for some time, then that evening, after he massaged her feet, he got down on one knee and proposed.
He cried when she said yes.
After Brienne gave birth to the twins, Jaime made the most of his opportunity and hugged her, and them, and Gal, and told them all how much he loved them. Naming their daughter had been surprisingly easy; they both thought she was a feisty kickass sort of a girl, as she came into the world screaming her head off, so Rohanne Olenna Lannister-Tarth had seemed the perfect name.
For their son, they had agreed on Duncan as a first name as it was inoffensive to everyone, but Jaime kept fighting Brienne on the middle name. "No. It will be bad luck."
"Why would it be bad luck?"
"Because I'm bad luck."
She rolled her eyes. "No you are not. You are my lovely fiancé. You are a great dad. You are Jaime fucking Lannister. That's why we are going to call our son Duncan Jaime Lannister-Tarth."
In the end, he had given in. He always gave in.
Then, even though they were both tired, exhausted, and nearly permanently covered in baby sick, they set about planning the wedding. Jaime asked her if she wanted to go somewhere exotic, somewhere far away where it could just be the two of them. Brienne shuddered at that suggestion.
"No. That's what Hyle wanted to do so we could avoid inviting our friends and family. But surely everyone being there to wish us the best is the whole point?"
"As long as you are sure."
"I am sure," she smiled. "Besides, I've known where I want to get married since the age of five." That declaration made Jaime feel nervous; she was talking about the Sapphire Chapel in Edinburgh, where her mother was buried. It was where they had been planning to get married last time, and he knew how well that had gone. Reading his expression like a book, Brienne squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. "Calm down. I'm not going to get upset if some things are the same as last time."
"I might," said Jaime, trying to be jocular, but instead it came out tinged with seriousness.
Brienne sighed, "don't be. We can make it a happy occasion, a beautiful occasion. We won't need to be sad about it anymore."
Once again, Jaime had agreed, even though he had his reservations. They booked the chapel and Brienne went about ordering her dress and picking her bridesmaids. Gal was getting excited about being an usher. Their friends piled in making suggestions and volunteering to help. Catelyn Stark even offered them the Winterfell Hotel for the reception.
"I'm not sure we should accept that," said Jaime hesitantly when they were safely wrapped up together in bed. "After what..."
Brienne kissed him quite furiously then, stroking his face with her hands and the brushing his hair out of his eyes. When they broke apart, she smiled. "I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. It makes sense for us to take her up on her offer. It will save us so much money..."
"Brienne..."
"I'm not made of money! Are you?"
"No, but..."
"Things are different now," she whispered. "We have Gal, Rohanne, and Duncan. We have the support of our friends and family. We can make things work. It doesn't matter if we go back to that hotel again, because we're not going back to that place, that time."
Jaime tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I don't want to hurt you again."
"I know," she breathed. "And just because we are back in the Winterfell Hotel it doesn't mean you will. We've both changed. We're both different. I imagine they've even changed the decor in the hotel."
Jaime let out a little laugh. "As long as you are sure."
"I'm sure. I trust you."
They had to cross the car park to get to the hotel, and Jaime purposefully marched his way to the hotel doors. He was helped by Gal, who was very excited, so he dashed out of the car and across the space, totally unaware of its significance. Jaime didn't want to linger in the lobby and made sure they went out for dinner with the children and Selwyn that evening. Luckily, Brienne's dad had agreed to share a room with his grandchildren for the two days leading up to the wedding, so Jaime and Brienne had some time to themselves.
As their journey had been long, they went to bed quite early and, although he was a little stressed, Jaime fell asleep fairly quickly to the sound of Brienne's moose snoring. That night, his dreams were full of snow, coldness, and the Winterfell Hotel car park.
Stay with me, please... Stay.
He woke up, gasping, overcome by the fear his nightmare induced. It was worsened when he realised that Brienne was not in bed beside him, and for a horrible moment he thought he was back in his dingy basement flat, without Brienne or his family. Sitting up, panicked, he looked around. He shouldn't have been worried, because Brienne was still there, just perched on an armchair over by the door.
"Brienne," he said breathlessly, noticing her expression. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," she said, trying to smile, but he could tell it was false.
"No you're not. What's the matter?"
She bit her lip. "I know this was all my idea but... we're getting married in two days."
Jaime nodded. "We are. Are you happy about that?"
"Of course," she answered quickly. "Are you?"
"Yes," he replied, sensing her worry. It had been two days before their last wedding when he had run away. "Do you need proof?"
She looked at him quizzically. "Of what?"
"That I mean it."
To his surprise, Brienne nodded. Knowing he needed to soothe her, he said, "come with me".
Taking her hand, Jaime led Brienne out of the Winterfell Hotel and to the carpark. Like that night so many years previously, the moon was bright, and the stars were out. It was also cold, but there was no snow. Brienne was wearing a dressing gown, just as she had been before, but this time she didn't look worried or scared. She was holding his hand, and her eyes were full of trust.
"Ask me to stay with you, Brienne," Jaime said, trying to keep his voice steady.
Clearly not expecting that, she looked a little sad. "Do you want me to beg?"
He shook his head. "No, I just want you to ask me. With no frills, just say, Jaime, will you stay with me?"
Brienne's eyes bore a strange mix of emotion as she looked at him - both fear and hope - but she had always been brave, so she took a deep gulp of night air before whispering, "Jaime, will you stay with me?"
He didn't leave her question unanswered for more than a second. "Yes, Brienne. I will stay with you. Forever. For as long as you will have me."
The smile she gave him made all the colours of the night brighter. "Are you sure?"
"Always."
For Jaime, that promise in a chilly carpark meant more than the ones he made two days later in a little chapel in front of all their friends and family. Although during the wedding ceremony, Brienne was wearing a beautiful dress, they were surrounded by love and support, and making their vows in the sight of God, it did not wash away the past and let Jaime forgive himself in the way that his oath in the carpark had.
Even so, Jaime would never forget either set of promises. As he stood by the altar with Brienne - my Brienne - the vicar announced, "I now declare you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."
Brienne smiled at him and it was enough to make years of snow-covered nightmares feel more distant. He kissed her as everyone clapped, and she put her hand on his face, running her thumb along his cheekbone. When they broke apart, she was still beaming.
"At last," she mumbled.
"At last," he agreed.