Chapter Text
When he was young, Shi Qing Xuan found himself getting pulled towards weird places he’d never usually visit. He found himself going around food stalls, most often the Heji Xiaoshi. It was pretty cheap, though barely affordable for him, so he wouldn’t be able to order things very often. As he grew up, he saw the stall owner being replaced more and more often by his son, who was the same age as Shi Qing Xuan. They never talked, aside from “Hi”, “Thank you”, “Goodbye” and Shi Qing Xuan’s orders. Yet, he felt drawn to this little shopkeeper.
Then, came around the time where he found out he could talk with his soulmate. When he would write on his left arm, the other would be able to see it on their own, the other way around too… And it started with his soulmate complaining about the makeup powder staining his hand. He should be thankful his face wasn’t affected. Anyway, they started to talk quite often. To avoid their conversations to get confused, Shi Qing Xuan used colorful makeup products to write, and sometimes the other would use paint. With a different color each time, it was either to tell who wrote what. Their handwritings were also quite similar, though the other’s characters were sharper than Shi Qing Xuan’s rounder ones.
Like that, Shi Qing Xuan learned his soulmate was a cultivator that would ascend soon. He felt very happy for the other and kept asking them questions they couldn’t answer yet. They talked about the day they’d meet, their lives together, how happy they would be. Shi Qing Xuan started to cultivate along with his brother, hoping that he’d be able to at least lengthen his existence. If he was very happy to have such a great soulmate, he was a bit disappointed he wouldn’t get to grow old with them. Meanwhile, he kept going to the same food stall, still not saying a word to the stall owner’s son.
Shi Qing Xuan’s soulmate wouldn’t be talkative at all during the day. He probably had a lot of work and had to cultivate, too. But when the sun went down, they’d have endless talks about very silly things, but they never revealed their names. Maybe it felt like they didn’t need to know. Shi Qing Xuan would ask once they met.
Then, Shi Wudu ascended. Leaving Shi Qing Xuan on his own. He was very happy for his brother, of course, but he felt lonely. Very lonely. At least, his soulmate would keep him company.
Until one day, they stopped answering. Shi Qing Xuan was very worried. The stall he used to visit so often had closed, too. The other stall owners said the whole family had died in a tragic incident. Both things really saddened him, but at least, he could feel that his love was still okay. He kept sending little messages through his arm, hoping for an answer, until he eventually had to give up. Maybe the other had ascended. He was too busy with heavenly matters, that’s for sure.
One night, Shi Qing Xuan woke up in a cold sweat. Something terrible had happened, there was no doubt. He quickly lit up the oil lamp on his bedside, only to see his right arm covered in… Burnt skin?
He stared at his arm, eyes watering when it hit him. His soulmate was burning. Dead or alive, he was burning.
He sobbed. The whole night, he sobbed. The marks were fading, the skin became smooth and soft again. When the morning came, everything was gone.
The next evening, he ascended.
He wore a smile the whole time. In front of his brothers and the other officials. He drank with them, partied with them, and worked a bit too. He made some friends, hung out with his brother more often, and enjoyed his female form as much as he could. He loved to wear makeup, nice robes, expensive clothing and jewels he hadn’t been able to wear before. His worshippers loved him, and if he ignored all the crazy stories they made up, it was quite nice to be a God to them. He answered prayers and helped people. He had fun, really.
But he had never felt so lonely.
No heavenly official resembled what he had imagined his lover to be like. And no heavenly official spoke to him the way his lover used to write. After a few years of searching for him through the heavenly officials, he gave up, and accepted that all hope was gone.
It was a very long process. He’d be sad every time he saw his bare arm. Sometimes he’d find himself doodling on it. He’d think about their old conversations, until they completely faded from his mind. He imagined what it would’ve been like, if they had met earlier. If they had been together, and happy, like he wanted them to be. Maybe a wedding, maybe a pet, and maybe even children. They would’ve drunk together, laughed together, and loved each other… A nice life he had hoped for. But there was no way he could have it without his soulmate.
One day, as he was lazily drawing on his hand, his friend, Ming Yi, couldn’t help but watch with curious eyes. Both hands hidden in his sleeves.
“What are you doing?
-I’m talking to my soulmate, Ming-xiong!
-They don’t seem to be responding.
-They’re… In the afterlife. I just miss them.
-Ah. I’m sorry.”
Meanwhile, within those sleeves, his hands were getting covered in Shi Qing Xuan’s ink.