I've Never Seen a Diamond in the Flesh
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Listing Series
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Fili on the Lake by Tawabids
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
21 Jun 2026
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Summary
Wasn’t that how it worked in fairytales? The prince gathered up the sleeping maiden, promised to wed her, the curse was broken and they lived happily ever after. But Fili wasn’t a prince, he was a bookkeeper to a drunk carpenter, and the marriage offer hadn’t worked anyway. So his little act of valour was a failure.
In this world, the dragon failed to destroy Laketown many years ago, the King survived the battle of Five Armies, Bard is the properly elected leader of Laketown, and Fili and Kili are literally the boys next door who were raised with no idea of their royal heritage.
The lives Fili and Sigrid live are small and dull and rather damp, but at least they have each other; but the world beyond is about to come crashing in.
Series
- Part 1 of I've Never Seen a Diamond in the Flesh
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Bilbo in the City by Tawabids
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
05 Jul 2026
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Summary
Erebor was reclaimed, everybody lived, Thorin was reunited with the nephews he thought were lost, and Bilbo chose to stay in the mountain as Thorin’s “assistant” rather than return to the Shire.
Bilbo has settled into what he's sure will be many years of peace and homely comforts with Thorin, until a brutal war with a resurgent Sauron claims the lives of the king and both his heirs. The new king Dain returns alive from the last battle and begins to reshape the court of Erebor to suit his own purposes. Overlooked and underestimated, Bilbo is left to ask himself the big questions, like whether he still has a place in the Lonely Mountain.
And also, questions like: isn’t it awfully convenient for Dain, that everyone ahead of him in line for the throne died in the same battle?
And also: where are their bodies?
A story where Bilbo is basically The Constant Gardener, Dain is basically Richard III, and the descendants of Durin may be harder to kill than in canon.
Series
- Part 2 of I've Never Seen a Diamond in the Flesh