Chapter Text
The first thing Dean is aware of is pain.
It begins as a dull ache tugging him into consciousness, a simple awareness that draws him forward from his sleep into a hazy consciousness
Slowly, persistently, the sensation grows as the fuzzy edges of his thoughts begin to sharpen and his eyes twitch behind his eyelids, not yet willing to open.
His entire body throbs with an agony that forcibly tells him that he’s alive.
Such misery would not persist into Valhalla.
Dean groans and turns his face toward the source of delicious warmth he can sense at his side. The only bright spot in his bleak world of darkened torment.
His hand is pressed warmly and Dean forces his eyes to blink open. If the gods deigned him worthy of life, the least he can do to thank them is to acknowledge their gift.
Bright blue stares back at him from inches away and Dean’s shallow breath catches in his throat. He swallows hard and stares, unable to form words even as an ache forms in his chest that has nothing to do with his injuries.
“Hello, Dean,” Cas says, his voice rough from disuse. Dean’s heart clenches and he forces a smile. Yellowing bruises darken Cas’ cheeks and a thick line of scabs cross his brow but his white teeth and gummy smile are what hold Dean’s attention.
“Cas,” Dean manages to croak. His throat is dry and his tongue feels like it’s grown fur, but he smiles anyway. He tries to clear his throat with a cough but his attempt only ends with a whimper born from searing pain that reminds him further of the events that must be alive.
Cas shushes him and strokes light fingers through Dean’s hair and when he glances down, Dean sees their fingers intertwined between them. Cas rests on his side, facing Dean as he stares with glassy eyes. “I thought I lost you.” Cas swallows hard around his words and clenches Dean’s hand tighter.
Dean shakes his head as much as he’s able and his eyes slide closed. “I thought you left.” The relief he felt opening his eyes to see Cas begins to sour at the thought that Cas might have stayed just to make sure that Dean will survive and he’s been waiting to leave.
Cas huffs and pulls his hand away, making Dean’s heart quicken and he does his best not to whimper. His eyes flutter open with a frown and he searches Cas’ expression, begging for an answer.
“Never,” Cas says gently as he reaches a hand to stroke his fingers through Dean’s hair.
Dean is certain he’s dreaming. “Cas,” He says again and Cas smiles.
“Shhh.” Cas continues running his fingers through Dean’s hair and leans forward to kiss him gently.
Dean does whimper then, needing to feel Cas next to him, needing the promise that he isn’t going to leave.
“Rest, Dean,” Cas says softly as Dean’s eyes slide closed. Sleep tugs at him, demanding he succumb to the oppressive weight. “I’ll be here, I promise.”
Dean nods, ignoring the deep ache permeating his body. “Don’t leave me,” he mutters, words slurred by the call of unconsciousness.
“I won’t,” Cas says softly, just loud enough for Dean to hear and he can’t help the small smile that forms over his lips when he feels the gentle press of dry lips to the center of his forehead just before the hazy world falls away once again.
---
Dean wakes a little faster next time and he moves his hand to find the space next to him cold. “No,” he mutters, voice cracking when he realizes he must have been dreaming before. Cas is gone. Or he was never there, to begin with.
He struggles to lift his head and his shoulder lights up with searing agony that leaves him gasping as he falls back against the mattress.
“Dean!” A rough voice calls from nearby and Dean’s hammering heart stutters.
Cas.
He sucks in a ragged breath and swallows hard, words failing to come as tears burn in the corners of his eyes. He can hear footsteps approach and he chokes back a relieved sob. “Cas,” he finally manages to croak as he reaches blindly with his good arm.
“I’m right here, you’re okay,” Cas says gently as he takes Dean’s hand and knees his way onto the mattress. “You’re okay.”
Dean nods and tightens his hold on Cas’ hand to pull him closer.
Before Dean can say anything else, Cas is leaning over him and pressing their lips together. Tears flow freely from his reddened eyes and Dean wants nothing more than to kiss them all away.
Dean moans and deepens the kiss. He tries to reach for Cas but pain rips through his shoulder when he tries to move. “Cas,” Dean says with a whine. He wants nothing more than to feel Castiel’s grounding touch. He needs to feel him warm and solid under his palms to assure him that this isn’t a dream.
That Cas is really here.
Cas hums and quickly swings his leg over Dean’s waist and straddles him as their mouths work together. Dean’s hands come to rest on Cas’ sides, as high as he can reach without searing pain ruining the moment.
Cas’ hands wander and Dean hisses into the kiss when his fingers skin the fabric bandaging his shoulder. Cas pulls back sharply. “Sorry, Dean, I’m sorry,” Cas says, his eyes wide and red and glistening.
Dean shakes his head. He doesn’t care.
Cas moves to get off him with a sheepish smile but Dean tightens his grip and refuses to let go. “Cas,” Dean says, his voice barely more than a croak. “Don’t…”
Don’t move. Don’t leave. Don’t abandon me.
There are so many ways that Dean could continue that sentence but no words feel adequate. Nothing can express the sheer level of overwhelmed that Dean feels right now.
The creaking of a door opening catches his attention and both Dean and Cas look toward the source of the sound.
“Oh, shit. Sorry,” Sam says, already ducking to flee. “Glad you’re awake, Dean!” He calls over his shoulder and Dean snickers.
“Sam! Wait!” Cas calls as he scrambles from his lap, narrowly missing Dean’s groin with his knee as he stumbles from the bed. Dean grunts with the pain of Cas’ sudden movement and he presses his head back against his pillow with his eyes clenched.
Sam holds out a hand but doesn’t turn around. “That’s alright guys, I’ll come back later.”
Cas shakes his head and comes around the bed to gesture Sam closer. “You need to tell him.”
“Tell me what?” Dean asks through clenched teeth as he struggles to sit up. The endeavor proves to be more than he cares to manage and he gives up, settling flat against the bed and eyeing his brother impatiently.
Cas settles onto the edge of the bed and clutches Dean’s hand as Sam steps deeper into the room.
“Just, uh, you’ve been unanimously voted to become Jarl.” Sam picks at his fingers and gives Dean a shy smile.
Dean nods and narrows his eyes. “Since when do we vote?”
“Since, uh, I suggested it.” Sam smiles sheepishly.
“You suggested that we begin voting on who leads?” Dean finally does force himself to sit up as he fixes his brother with a disbelieving glare.
Sam nods sheepishly and lets his hands hang at his sides. “Yes. The Greeks implemented a concept called Democracy, Dean. For over a hundred years they’ve, well, they had great success and Gabriel was telling me...”
“The Greeks,” Dean says flatly. He is entirely unimpressed by his brother’s ramblings. Who cares about the Greeks? He only has a vague concept of the strange people who live far to the south and drink the fermented juice of grapes. He thinks he remembers hearing they are great warriors, but he isn’t certain he remembers correctly.
More importantly, he knows that the Greeks have nothing to do with them.
“Yes, Dean. The Greeks.” Cas smiles and Dean develops the impression that he and Sam have already had this conversation.
“Alright. Fine. Either way, I’m Jarl now. Samuel is dead. Asmodeus is dead and Azazel...” Dean trails off, struggling to remember.
“That monster is dead as well,” Cas says gravely with a dark look in his eye that Dean is wholly unfamiliar with.
Dean’s attention snaps to where Cas has come to sit on the edge of the bed. “Cas, what...what happened? You were captured and then, I don’t understand?” Dean rambles, memories of that day trickling back to him. “How long has it been?”
Cas bites his lip and nods. “Ephraim brewed a syrup that kept you asleep so you could heal. We’ve been giving it to you for six days.”
Dean’s jaw goes slack and he looks to Cas in horror. “Six days? I’ve been unconscious for six days?!” Dean feels the stirrings of anger and the spike in his pulse draws attention to the blinding pain in his shoulder and he winces with a hiss.
Sam shrugs. “Not entirely. You don’t remember?”
“You were badly wounded, Dean,” Cas says as he scoots closer to Dean as if that is an excuse.
“Ephraim claimed you would heal faster if your body slept, so we only let the medicine wear off to make sure you drank some broth,” Sam says, finishing Cas’ thought.
Dean shakes his head and looks between the two with narrowed eyes. A heavy fog still hangs over his mind and he doesn’t trust the barely-there haze of memories that may have just as easily been dreams. “Tell me what happened.”
Cas takes a deep breath and readies himself. “Gabriel and I, our capture was a ruse to get close to Azazel. Gabriel knew that single combat was inevitable, so we were to be a distraction if the fight went poorly.”
Dean clenches his jaw and his mind is suddenly sharp as he processes this new information. “You intentionally put yourself in danger.” His voice is grating and tinged with anger. His heart races all over again at the memory of seeing Cas bound and bloodied, struck to his knees when Dean was powerless to help.
Cas nods. “Knude and Frode were there to protect us.”
“Protect you!” Dean exclaims. “They turned you over to Asmodeus! They’re traitors.” His tone is nearly a growl and the look in his eye turns murderous in an instant.
“Uh, Dean. So…” Sam steps closer and his gaze darts everywhere but at Dean. “They didn’t. They were following Gabriel’s orders.” Sam winces, already seeing the outburst coming his way.
Dean’s eyes widen and bulge. “Gabriel’s orders…” Dean mutters and Cas scoots into his space and gathers Dean’s hand between his own.
“You told me to leave. Gabriel had a plan and I had to do something,” Cas says quickly with desperation in his eyes.
“I told you to leave to keep you safe, not so you would be reckless,” Dean says with a scowl.
“You wanted to push me away because you thought you knew my mind better than I do. I had to prove you wrong,” Cas says, seeing through Dean’s bravado a little too easily.
Dean huffs and shakes his head. “You should still go,” Dean says even though the words threaten to destroy him. “I stole you, Cas. I was a selfish bastard and took everything from you.”
Cas lets out a rush of air through his nose and nods. “You did,” He agrees with a nod. “But I don’t care about that anymore.”
“Why not?” Dean demands with a pinched frown. “I ruined your life and now you say you love me?”
“I’m gonna go now…” Sam mumbles and backs himself toward the door as Dean’s volume rises.
Cas ignores Sam’s retreat in favor of glaring at Dean. “Yes, Dean. You ruined the life I had, but you gave me something better.”
Dean scoffs and heat rises in his cheeks regardless of the blinding pain in his upper body. “I made you a slave.”
“And you set me free.” Cas returns Dean’s glare. “In more ways than one.”
Dean drops his head and lets out a heavy sigh. He closes his eyes against the throbbing in his shoulder and the guilt eating at his soul. Cas just doesn’t understand. His head shakes slightly of its own volition but he jerks back when Cas’ gentle fingers card through his hair. Tears burn behind his eyelids and he cannot bear to look up and meet Cas’ gaze.
He doesn’t deserve Castiel’s affection.
“I love you, Dean. We cannot change how we got here but don’t throw me away because you’re convinced you’ve done me irreparable harm. You haven’t. I may not have chosen this life in the beginning, but I do now.” Cas doesn’t let Dean pull away from him. He strokes his fingers lightly through Dean’s hair until Dean finally swallows hard and nods faintly. “I choose you.”
“What about Inias?” Dean asks, his voice little more than a croak. Apparently, he isn’t able to leave well enough alone. He needs Cas to be sure. He needs Cas to understand what he’s throwing away in his determination to be with Dean.
Cas tilts his head and Dean finally opens his eyes to look at him. “What about Inias?” Cas questions innocently and Dean scowls.
How can he be so obtuse about this? “I took you from him, and him from you,” Dean answers, feeling like he’s building his own funeral pyre but he isn’t going to let Cas play dumb.
Cas scrunches his brows and frowns as he shakes his head. “I do not understand?” Cas tilts his head as he regards Dean, searching his expression for an answer. “Inias is my best friend and brother. Nothing you have done changes that.”
“You were with him, though. He still loves you and I took you from him,” Dean says, hating himself more with each word.
Cas huffs a laugh and smiles at Dean like he’s most precious idiot Cas has ever seen. “You think you came between me and Inias?” Cas asks and Dean nods. “That’s what this is all about.” Cas smiles fondly when Dean nods again.
“I love Inias, but my love for him has always been like your love for Sam. I would give my life to save his, but I could never love him as I love you,” Cas says and Dean’s heart shifts from hopeless aching to soaring in a matter of moments. “I cannot help that Inias has feelings I cannot return.” Cas shifts closer and leans into Dean’s space until their breaths mingle and Dean can feel Cas’ heartbeat underneath his open palm.
“I have never desired him as I desire you,” Cas says as he presses a gentle kiss to Dean’s lips. “You are the one I want, Dean.” Cas breathes the words against Dean’s skin as he leaves a trail of feather-light kisses across Dean’s jaw. “Please don’t push me away.”
“Cas,” Dean says, his soul full to bursting. He wraps his arm over Cas’ shoulders and pulls him close. “May the gods forgive me, but I can’t help but be selfish when it comes to you.”
“Keep me, Dean, I want to be yours,” Cas as he leans into Dean’s better side. Together, they shift to lay down with Cas’ head pillowed by Dean’s arm. “Even if you are an idiot sometimes.”
Dean sighs as his heart hammers with happiness. He has no choice but to accept Cas’ will and chuckles as the slight dig.
Cas isn’t wrong.
He is an idiot.
His fingers stroke Cas’ back as best he can while barely being able to reach, but he tries anyway. “I will keep you as long as you want me,” Dean says softly into the space between them.
His heart still aches with uncertainty but he would be a fool to keep arguing. He wants this too much.
“Good. Now, are you hungry?” Cas asks as he lifts his head to meet Dean’s eyes.
At the mere suggestion of food, Dean’s stomach lets out an angry grumble that has him huffing an amused laugh.
Cas leans forward to kiss Dean’s brow before scooting away. “I’ll be back with some stew.”
Dean nods and swallows hard as he watches Cas go.
Once he’s alone, he lets out a heavy sigh and stares up at the ceiling with too many thoughts sifting through his mind. He’s Jarl now. Samuel’s funeral should have already happened and he wasn’t present.
He’s badly injured, but he still should have been there to light the torch and send his father’s pyre adrift. Sam surely took his place, Samuel was surely sent off with honor, but tears burn behind Dean’s eyes when he considers that he failed in a son’s most sacred duty.
And then there’s Cas.
Cas risked everything to help him even after Dean pushed him away.
Dean doesn’t deserve this but he’s too weak to resist what Cas is offering.
A knock sounds on his door and Dean tries to push himself up but he falls back with a pained grunt. “Enter!” He calls out, hoping that whoever is on the other side of that heavy oak door can hear his raspy cry.
The door pushes open after a moment and Dean cranes his neck to see his visitor. “Benny,” Dean says with a smile.
The man has a long scab across his throat, but even now his injury looks mild. Dean is grateful to see his friend well.
“Glad to see you awake, brother. Gave us quite a scare.” Benny strides across the room slowly but easily. He rakes his gaze over Dean’s body but the study feels comforting and assessing rather than judgmental.
“Been better.” Dean tries again to sit up and Benny quickly steps closer to help.
Benny grips Dean’s elbow and rests his hand on the warm skin at the back of Dean’s uninjured shoulder to give him leverage and soon, Dean is sitting upright and leaning against the wall.
“Thanks, Benny,” Dean says with a nod.
“So, you’re the boss now,” Benny smirks and the light in his eyes sparkles with mirth.
Dean nods. “Looks like it. Sam said everyone voted?” Dean looks at Benny doubtfully, needing to know if Sam was being entirely truthful. He finds it hard to believe that the people of his village would embrace such a change so quickly.
Benny nods. “We did. Everyone thought it was a little strange, but you know how Sam is. When he gets an idea in his head…”
Dean huffs a laugh and smiles knowingly. “He brings out those doe eyes and everyone is powerless to resist.”
Benny laughs outright, the sound especially loud in the quiet of Dean’s room. “Exactly.” He agrees as he sits gingerly at the edge of Dean’s bed. “Ephraim will be in soon to check on you. He has barely let anyone other than Cas and Sam in here while you’ve been out.”
Dean’s brow furrows at that but Benny beats him to the question. “Took a little while to root out those still loyal to Asmodeus. Everyone thought it best to keep your visitors to a minimum until we had them rounded up.”
Dean nods absently. “Then I suppose my first order of business will be holding trials.” His mind is already racing to determine how best to handle this treachery. Samuel ruled Laugar with very little compassion, he was only slightly less vindictive than his brother, and Dean does not wish to follow in his shoes.
Benny nods. “Looks like it. I also hear you’ll have a wedding to preside over.”
Dean cocks his head and narrows his eyes in faint confusion before Benny takes pity on him.
“Ezekiel and Ingrid,” Benny says with a prompting tone. “You remember what you told him, right?”
Dean huffs and nods. “I remember. Just didn’t expect it to happen so soon.”
The door to Dean’s room opens unannounced and Ephraim slides through the open gap. “Castiel informed me that you are awake,” He says by way of greeting and Dean gives him a jerky nod.
Without another word, Ephraim steps to Dean’s bedside and dislodges Benny from his position at Dean’s side to better inspect his healing injury.
“The wound looks well. This poultice will help with the pain. Are you feeling feverish?” Ephraim asks while Dean and Benny exchanged amused looks.
Dean hisses when Ephraim presses the mashed up medicinal paste to the wound and grits out a no to the question about feeling feverish. Dean feels fine other than the pain from his flesh knitting together.
Dean glances down and notices a straight row of perfect stitches holding him together and his brow furrows. “What is this?” He asks as he bats Ephraim’s hand away so he can look closer.
“Sutures.” Ephraim pulls Dean’s hand away and continues applying the poultice.
Dean frowns and Benny shrugs. After a moment, Ephraim huffs and shakes his head. “They are an ancient technique for closing wounds. It amazes me that you barbarians do not know them.”
Dean scowls and nearly shoves Ephraim from his side but the healer’s faint smirk stays his hand.
“There,” Ephraim says as he applies a clean layer of cloth bandages. “Eat the stew Castiel is bringing you and then I want to see you get up and walk around. Go outside, breathe fresh air.”
Dean scoffs but nods. He would be glad to get out of bed despite his lingering exhaustion. The aching in his bones from lying down for so many days is almost more pervasive than the agony lacing through his shoulder.
Ephraim leaves and Sam returns closely followed by Cas and the delicious smelling stew Dean was promised. The four of them discuss the goings-on of the village quietly while Dean eats a proper meal for the first time in nearly a week.
The food tastes heavenly and more than once, Cas reminds him to slow down. Dean grunts his disagreement while Sam snorts and shakes his head, grumbling about how Dean has always eaten like a pig and there is no hope for him.
Dean sticks his tongue out at his brother for that.
Never mind the mouthful of food currently stuffing his cheeks.
Or Cas’ snort of amusement while Benny rolls his eyes and grumbles about overgrown children.
These are his people. Dean doesn’t need to be all stoic and strong in front of them. He can damn well do as he pleases.
Especially if he can manage to make Cas laugh.
Each time he catches Cas watching him, he can’t help the way his lips curl into a smile and his heart patters happily. Once he’s slurped the last from his bowl, he passes it off to Sam in favor of reaching for Cas, needing his touch nearly as much as lungs need air.
After Dean eats, he’s helped from the bed and led outside. People stop to show their respects, thanking him for challenging Asmodeus and praising his victory. He leans against Cas once his body begins to tire and Cas wraps his arm around Dean’s back without hesitation.
They meander toward the water, Sam peeling off to find Gabriel and Benny leaves them to tend to his very pregnant wife. Finally, they have a moment alone and words fail to come. They aren’t necessary anyway. He leans into Cas’ side, savoring the warmth of his body and the confident way Cas holds him.
Cas is barely the same man that he was in the beginning. His fear and anger have disappeared, replaced by the steel that Dean recognized all along, buried so deep that Cas hadn’t known it was there.
Dean is so proud.
He leans his head toward Cas, his lips ghosting over the shell of Cas ear. “I love you so much,” he whispers, heart absolutely aching with the emotion behind his words. “So brave, so strong, so beautiful,” he continues even as Cas tenses and shakes his head.
“Dean,” Cas mutters and Dean doesn’t need to see his face to recognize the eyeroll in his voice.
“It’s true, Cas. All true.” Dean smiles as he pulls back and lets Cas lead him toward a log set a few paces from the water along the rocky beach.
“Sit,” Cas urges him down and Dean sees no reason to resist. The pain in his shoulder is steadily building into an all-consuming, nauseating, agony that has him clenching his eyes but he isn’t ready to return to bed yet. Not with the sun slowly dropping over the horizon and Cas pressed against his side.
---
The following days pass much the same as Dean heals and grows stronger.
The trials for Asmodeus’ followers pass unremarkably. Dean sentences them all to banishment and they go without protest, not wanting to live under Dean’s rule in the first place.
Cas beams with pride glowing in his eyes as Dean hands down the sentences and Dean finds himself almost insulted that Cas thought Dean would slaughter them all. Later that night, then they find themselves wrapped up in each other on Dean’s gigantic bed, Dean forgets to complain about Cas’ surprise at his mercy.
Two weeks after he becomes Jarl, Dean presides over Ezekiel’s marriage to Ingrid and Cas glows as he stands witness. The newlyweds decide to stay in Laugar and Dean shakes his head with amused annoyance when Ezekiel admits he only suggested they leave to test Dean’s resolve.
Dean is glad to have them stay.
The season is beginning to shift, the nights have grown cooler and Dean has been forced to find heavier layers for Cas to wear to keep him from making good on his threat to begin wearing his robes once again.
Dean would rather burn the ugly brown sack of a garment than let Cas wear it again. Unless, of course, Cas really wanted to.
Although, Dean won’t voice that admission.
“Dean?” Cas asks the night following the beginning of Ezekiel’s wedding. The wedding party will continue for several days still, but a day of feasting, drinking, and celebrating as left Cas warm and sleepy at Dean’s side.
“Hmm?” Dean hums as he runs his fingers up and down Cas’ back. They’re snuggled close together in their bed with watching the roaring fireplace cast a soft orange glow to the room.
“Have you ever thought about marriage?” Cas asks softly, burrowing into Dean’s good shoulder while staring ahead at the fire. The furs that once comprised Cas’ nest now provide warmth for their bed and Cas is thoroughly buried under them, much to Dean amusement.
Dean pulls him closer and presses a kiss into Cas’ hair. “Have you?” Dean purposefully dodges the question. His people have never allowed marriage between two men or two women. The purpose of marriage is to have children. Something he and Cas can never hope to accomplish.
The traditions of his people have very little bearing on what Dean wants though.
He wants to bind himself to Cas in every way possible. Since that night in the forest where they shared so much pleasure before Dean nearly ruined everything, they’ve barely touched beyond nighttime snuggles and careful kisses.
Dean wants more, but he’s terrified of destroying this idyllic bubble they’ve found themselves in.
Cas shakes his head against Dean’s shoulder. “As a monk, marriage was never something I considered.”
Dean hums and takes a moment to mull over Cas’ words. “And now? Do you still consider yourself a monk?” Dean asks, internally cursing his stupidity. He doesn’t expect Cas to abandon his beliefs nor does he want him to.
Cas’ fingers toy with the lacing at the collar of Dean’s shirt, silently lost in thought. He takes his time answering and for a moment, Dean thinks he won’t say anything at all. “Sometimes…” Cas says before trailing off, “I trust God has a plan for me, but I have questions. I…I have doubts. I don’t know what I am anymore.”
Dean squeezes him closer and leaves another kiss atop Cas’ head. “You’re a good man, Cas. That’s what you are. Whether you still want to be a monk or not, you’re a good man. And you’re mine.”
Dean can feel Cas’ smile in the way his shoulders relax under Dean’s arm and Dean can’t help but smile himself.
They stare toward the fire for a few silent moments before Dean realizes he never answered Cas’ question. “I have thought about marriage,” Dean says before trailing off to gather the rest of his thoughts.
Cas pushes up enough to lift his head and look into Dean’s eyes with an expression he can’t quite identify. Cas licks his lips and Dean’s heart stutters at the sight of his pink tongue darting out and dragging across his too dry looking lips. Dean knows from experience those lips aren’t as dry as they look, they’re soft and pliable, perfect against his own.
Dean would very much like to lift his head and taste, suck that beautiful tongue into his mouth and ravish Cas until he’s writhing beneath him, but he won’t.
Not until Cas makes it clear what he wants.
Cas seems to be waiting for Dean to continue speaking. His blue eyes narrow and his brows furrow in a way that Dean has come to associate with insecurity.
Dean takes a deep breath. “I am an old bachelor. By all rights, I should have been married years ago but I never wanted to. But now,” Dean says, pausing for a breath, “now I look at you and feel my heart long for something I’ve never felt.”
Dean shifts and props himself on his elbow so he can meet Cas’ gaze directly. His stomach squirms under Castiel’s heavy stare but Dean can see the wariness begin to shift in Cas’ eyes. “I want to hold you in my arms, share this bed with you and no one else. For the rest of my life, I want you by my side.” Dean leans forward to place a smoothing kiss on Cas’ furrowed brow. “If I am to ever marry, I want it to be your hand in mine.”
A single tear wells in Cas’ eyes and seeps from the corner to roll down his cheek. Cas lips press into a flat line and Dean’s heart sinks. He’s said the wrong thing. Again. This is why he should keep his mouth shut.
“My religion does not allow men to marry men,” Cas says softly and Dean feels himself nodding without giving himself permission as his soul fractures. “But I believe those are the rules of man, not God. I cannot imagine any other than you by my side, Dean. Wedded or not.”
“Cas.” Dean’s heart swells and he surges forward to capture Cas’ lips with his own, patience be damned. He needs this, even if nothing more is to follow, he needs to feel the grounding touch of Cas’ mouth against his. They meet gently and Cas’ lips taste of mead from the wedding feast, making Dean moan and pull Cas closer. He eagerly licks the honeyed sweetness from his lips and goes back for more with a whimper.
Cas’ fingers thread through Dean’s hair as he pulls him ever closer and he moans into the kiss, gravel rough and needy. “Dean,” Cas says when he finally pulls away. His tone is desperate and his eyes are blown wide in a way that has Dean’s pulse racing. “I want,” he says before hesitating. “I want...”
Dean sucks in a breath and hopes he isn’t wrong. His fingers drift lower, skating across the front of Cas’ shirt and sneaking under the hem to feel the warm skin of Cas’ stomach. Cas lets out a gasp when Dean presses his hand flat to Cas’ stomach. His fingers creep lower, drifting below the waist of the loose pants Cas wears before stroking over his hip smoothly, offering the chance to either push forward or pull away.
Cas squirms and gasps under Dean’s touch and his hands quickly begin pulling at Dean’s shirt. “Dean,” he whines as he fights to get his hands onto Dean’s skin.
“What do you want, Cas?” Dean asks between kisses. He sits himself up with barely a wince and releases Cas just long enough to follow Cas’ demands and tug his shirt over his head. Cas stares hungrily at the broad expanse of Dean’s chest and Dean nearly squirms under the scrutiny.
Dean weakly tugs at the ties holding the collar of Cas’ shirt closed, silently asking. Cas smiles softly with a nod and pulls the garment over his head without hesitation.
Dean’s eyes widen at his first real glimpse of Cas with so few clothes. Cas swallows hard and shrinks back from Dean’s heavy stare but Dean cannot look away. Cas chest is firm and skin golden as if kissed by the sun. He’s lean and strong and absolute perfection.
Dean groans his appreciation before kissing a line across Cas’ jaw and down the column of his throat.
Cas lets out a breathless laugh at Dean’s enthusiasm and clutches at Dean’s hair, pushing into Dean’s touch.
“Cas, please. Can I?” Dean questions breathlessly as he moves to hover over Cas.
Cas tenses only slightly before chewing his lip and giving a hesitant nod. Dean wastes no time in pushing himself up and over, his knees now hugging Cas’ hips as he licks a trail across Cas’ collar bone and downward.
His fingertips ghost over Cas’ sides, each rib tangible and padded by a healthy layer of muscle that moves smoothly underneath Dean’s hands as Cas watches Dean carefully.
Dean traces each plane of firm muscle with his tongue, drifting lower and lower until he finds himself kissing down the faint trail of hair beneath Cas’ navel. “Cas, please,” Dean mutters against his skin as his fingers toy with Cas’ waistband.
Cas lifts his hips gingerly and allows Dean to tug his pants over his hips and down until Dean is tossing them aside and Cas lays bare before him.
Cas’ cheeks flush crimson and his gaze is wary yet undoubtedly interested as Dean looks his fill. Cas’ cock twitches under Dean’s gaze, already full and hardened, standing tall against the thatch of dark hair covering Cas’ groin.
“Let me?” Dean asks as he strokes a single finger down the length of Cas’ cock.
Cas shivers and nods, still biting his lip. “Dean,” He whimpers, voice small and unsure as he watches Dean cautiously.
Dean smiles gently. “Tell me if you want to stop,” He says as he nudges Cas’ knees apart so he can settle in the space between. Dean prays to the gods that Cas doesn’t ask him to stop. He wants nothing more than to feel the weight of Cas on his tongue and have his taste on his lips.
Dean’s cock stirs at the thought and demands consideration that Dean isn’t willing to give quite yet. “I want to make you feel good,” Dean whispers as he begs Cas with his eyes to allow him this.
Cas nods nervously, still abusing that poor lip.
Dean reaches up to free Cas’ swollen lip from his teeth and then draw Cas into a deep kiss as his fingers circle Cas’ length. “I will never hurt you, I promised,” Dean whispers against Cas’ lips, reminding him of the promise Dean had made long ago.
“I trust you,” Cas says softly with a gentle nod before Dean reclaims his lips.
Cas moans into the kiss and begins to relax as Dean slowly moves his hand over his cock, squeezing just enough around the head to make Cas gasp and buck.
Dean inches his way down Cas’ body, licking, sucking, nipping gently at Cas’ skin until he’s bracketed by Cas’ knees. Cas trembles faintly and lets out quiet gasps and whimpers as Dean works his hand over Cas’ cock and he lifts his head to watch as Dean continues to kiss lower.
“Dean?” Cas asks nervously with a furrowed brow. “What are you…” Cas starts to say but his words are bitten off with a curse when Dean wraps his lips around the head of his cock and sucks. “Dean!” Cas cries and drops his head back with parted lips.
Dean grins around Cas’ cock as he sinks lower, determined to pull more delicious sounds from the man.
Cas whimpers and his fingers clench in Dean’s hair, the tug nearly painful as Dean continues to suck and lick at Cas’ cock. His head bobs and stomach swoops when Cas trembles and his body tightens as if to keep himself still.
Cas’ quiet pants and gasps fill the room as Dean continues to work him with his mouth. Dean delights in having part of Castiel in his mouth, in having him in a way that Dean had never thought he would. The pull of Cas’ fingers in his hair is nearing perfection as Dean tightens his lips around Cas’ girth and pumps his head up and down.
“Dean, please,” Cas whines as his hips buck and his cock is shoved against the back of Dean’s throat hard enough to make him choke and sputter. Cas props himself up, wide-eyed, when Dean pulls back with a gasp. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to…”
Dean shakes his head with a smile and waves Cas off. “I liked it,” He says, voice rough and Cas narrows his eyes in clear skepticism.
Dean takes the opportunity of Cas watching him and licks a long stripe up Cas’ cock while watching Cas’ mesmerized expression through his eyelashes. Cas’ lips part and his eyes blow wide and dark with desire as Dean eagerly resumes his ministrations and his fingers curl around the sharp cut of Cas’ hips.
Cas drops back with a drawn-out moan but his fingers remain clenched in the furs instead of where Dean wants them.
Dean blindly feels for Cas’ hand while he sinks low on Cas’ cock and swirls his tongue around the base, earning another whimper of pleasure from Cas. Eventually, he finds Cas’ hand and convinces him to release his white-knuckled grip on the bed and guides him to grip Dean’s hair once again.
Cas catches on and moves his other hand on his own and Dean takes a moment to guide Cas’ hands, trying to convince Cas to take control of this. He wants Cas to use him as he pleases, even if he chokes.
His stomach coils tightly when Cas seems to understand and presses Dean down slowly. Dean lets out a low moan of appreciation and Cas’ cock twitches hard at the vibrations.
Cas tenses below him and his back arches as Dean follows his guidance. “Dean, I…I…” Cas starts to say but his words are garbled and he lets out a drawn-out whine that turns into heavy pants as Dean hollows his cheeks and sucks around him.
Cas’ hips twitch and Dean’s eyes water as he struggles not to choke but soon enough, Cas is crying out and his cock kicks against the back of Dean’s throat as he tumbles over the edge.
Thick stripes of come coat Dean’s tongue and he struggles to swallow the bitter fluid. He moans and his stomach flutters as his mouth is filled, a deep sense of satisfaction washes over him as Cas falls lax beneath him.
Dean licks Cas clean and smiles when he pulls off to look into sated blue eyes and Cas’ sleepy smile.
“Dean,” Cas says softly, tone colored with wonder and disbelief.
Dean crawls up Cas’ body and draws him into a lazy kiss that has Cas moaning and breathless.
“But you,” Cas says, trailing off slightly as he reaches to palm Dean’s hard cock through the front of his pants.
Dean shrugs and leans back in for more delicious kisses but Cas pushes him off and quickly climbs over him.
“Let me,” Cas whispers as his fingers work to loosen the lacing of Dean’s pants.
Dean nods and lifts his hips when Cas urges him to. “Anything you want,” Dean mutters and lets himself relax against the bed.
Cas takes him in hand and slowly pumps his hand over Dean’s length, seemingly mesmerized at Dean’s happy hum and the pearl of precome that beads at the tip.
Dean bites his lip as he watches, afraid to move in case Cas loses his nerve.
Cas’ hand strokes over his length and it takes all of Dean’s resolve not to buck into the tight channel of Cas’ fist. Cas watches himself work with wide eyes and bottom lip pulled between his teeth in concentration as Dean gasps and whines.
The delightful pressure has Dean trembling with desire, the tendrils of pleasure reaching out through his veins until he can feel his toes start to curl and his mind feels weightless. “Cas!” Dean gasps when Cas leans forward and gives the head of Dean’s cock a tentative lick.
Cas does it again, the tip of his tongue tapping against the slit of Dean’s cock, and Dean throws his head back against his pillow as his back arches. “Please,” Dean begs as Cas licks a stripe up the length of Dean’s dick before pressing a kiss to the tip.
Cas’ lips part slightly, just enough to hesitantly wrap around the crown of Dean’s dick and he gives a gentle suck that has stars exploding behind Dean’s eyes. Dean lets out a strangled cry and wrenches the furs between his fingers. His hands hurt from how hard he squeezes, but he needs something to keep him grounded, to keep himself from bucking up into the wet heat of Cas’ mouth.
“I don’t know if I can...” Cas pulls away to mutter.
Dean lifts his head to meet Cas’ doubt clouded eyes. “You don’t have to,” Dean says, dying a little inside at his words. He wants, more than anything, to feel himself inside some part of Cas but he isn’t going to force anything. He will be content with his own hand if that is his option.
Cas swallows hard and nods. “I want to, but I’ve never,” he says before trailing off, “what if I’m not any good?”
Dean does his best to stifle his laugh at Cas’ ridiculous idea. “You will be.” Dean shakes his head. “Anything you do will be perfect.”
Cas huffs a disbelieving laugh and shakes his head before nodding. “Ok, just...tell me if I do something wrong.”
Dean nods, already knowing this will be the best he’s ever had simply because its Cas. Cas wraps his lips around the head of Dean’s cock once again and gives the barest of sucks before sinking down so slowly that Dean’s lungs burn from holding his breath.
His thighs quiver and his heart races as Cas slowly works his mouth over Dean’s shaft. Dean releases the bedding with one hand and rests his fingers lightly on Cas’ head, stroking his silky dark hair as gently as he can manage while the rest of his body tenses from the thrilling pleasure.
Cas hums at the touch and sucks just hard enough for the coil of tension low in Dean’s belly to tighten further and sink into his balls. He isn’t going to last. Not with Cas peering up at him through his lashes, the blue of his eyes barely visible, while he stretches his lips around Dean’s cock.
Dean drops his head back and sinks his fingers into Cas’ hair, scratching lightly at his scalp. “Doing so good,” Dean says softly, encouraging Cas when he feels his tentative rhythm falter.
Cas presses his tongue flat against the underside of Dean’s cock and Dean nearly sees stars as Cas begins to suck harder. Dean’s pleasure builds and crests, his entire body tingles with the simple joy and disbelief of having Cas in this way.
Cas bobs his head in earnest, gaining confidence as Dean continues to murmur gentle words of praise. Dean’s fingers tighten in Cas’ hair and Cas allows him to guide his motion. Up and down, swirling his tongue and pressing in all the right places as he goes.
“Cas, I’m close,” Dean says as his body goes taut. He presses Cas’ head down as far as he allows and a shiver runs down his spine, focusing and concentrating around the base of his dick. “I’m gonna…Cas!” Dean cries out just as his cock starts to buck.
Cas pulls off and wraps his fingers around Dean’s cock, stroking Dean through his climax. Thick globs of come coat Cas’ hand and Dean’s stomach as Cas watches with wide eyes.
Dean drops his head back against the pillow with a heavy sigh as the aftershocks begin to taper off and Cas releases his hold on him.
“Dean?” Cas asks, voice unsure. Dean lifts his chin to meet Cas’ gaze, intending to gesture for Cas to join him but his words die on his tongue when he sees Cas lift his come coated fingers to his lips.
Dean’s breath stills and his gaze darkens when Cas’ tongue darts between his lips to lick Dean’s mess from his finger. Cas’ nose wrinkles and Dean can’t help the snort of aborted laughter than forces it's way out. Cas glares weakly at Dean and leans over the bed to grab to Dean’s shirt to wipe his hand with.
Cas shakes his head. “Bitter,” He says in his native tongue but Dean doesn’t need to understand the word to know that Cas does not care for the taste.
Cas moves to wipe the mess from Dean’s stomach as Dean nods, certain that whatever the word means that it is an apt descriptor. “You don’t like it,” Dean says with a faint smile as he lets Cas clean him.
Cas shakes his head and then shrugs. “I think I will learn to.”
Dean grins inwardly even as he regards Cas with a serene smile. “That mean you want to do this again?” He asks, trying not to hope too hard. He’s still half terrified that Cas will decide to leave him when the raiding party heads south in the Spring.
Inias and Samandriel have already decided they wish to return home once the weather grows warm again. Sam will become the leader of their warriors now that Dean is Jarl, and he has already offered to take any of the monks who wish to travel with him.
Cas nods. “Yes. I want…” Cas trails off, his brows pinched as he searches for the right words. “I want more. With you. I...” Cas says and trails off again, gesturing his frustration.
Dean holds out a hand to urge Castiel to lay with him. Cas is beautiful in the glowing lamplight and Dean relishes the opportunity to look his fill. Shadows from the fire dance across Cas’ features and highlight the firm planes of muscle that shift under Cas’ smooth skin.
Cas crawls up the bed and snuggles into Dean’s waiting arms with a mild huff of annoyance. His Norse has gotten so good that these times when he cannot find the right word frustrate him to no end. Dean thinks he understands though, after what Cas has been through, what was done to him, he needs time and patience.
Two things Dean is certain he can give.
He presses a kiss into Cas’ hair and pulls him closer until Cas’ head is pillowed against Dean’s arm and Cas’ hand rests over Dean’s ribs. The heat from Cas’ bare skin has Dean sinking into comfortable bliss. “I love you, Cas,” Dean says softly as he stares at the ceiling. “I love you so much.” He squeezes Cas to him when he feels Cas tense and opens his mouth to speak.
Cas gives a slight snort and burrows his nose into Dean’s shoulder. “Dean,” He mutters softly but Dean shushes him.
“I want everything with you, when you’re ready.” Dean continues. “I don’t care what your god says, or what the laws of my people are. I want you in whatever way you’ll have me.”
Cas nods against Dean’s shoulder and presses a chaste kiss to Dean’s skin. “You have me.” Cas pulls back to prop himself up on his elbow.
Dean smiles softly as his heart swells and stutters. “I’m talking forever, Cas. Not just for now. From the moment I saw you in the woods you’re all I’ve been able to think about.” Dean thinks back to the moment those blue eyes burned themselves into his soul.
Cas huffs and shakes his head with a scowl, obviously remembering that moment a little differently. “I thought you were going to kill me.”
Dean huffs something resembling a bitter laugh. “I almost did, on accident.” Dean is quick to assure. “I thought you were a deer.”
“A deer?” Cas arches a brow and stares with his mouth pressed into a flat line that exudes how unimpressed he is with Dean’s error.
Dean nods. “Your robes were brown and you were bent over, I was exhausted…”
Cas’ scowl cracks as Dean starts to ramble and breaks into a snort of laughter. “You thought I was a deer,” he says through the amusement in his voice.
“I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean says, cutting through Cas’ laughter with his serious words, finally getting back to what he wanted to say in the first place. His stomach twists nervously but he knows he needs to push the words past his insecurities and fear that Cas might decide to leave.
Cas deserves to hear them.
“I’m sorry for destroying the life you knew, for letting Alastair hurt you, for stealing you…” Dean pauses and swallows hard when he sees Cas’ blue eyes start to water. “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done that’s brought you pain. By all rights, you should want me dead and I,” Dean trails off and shakes his head, feeling a lump forming in his throat. “I’m so sorry for everything.”
Cas stares, eyes watering and he swallows hard with a frown. Dean’s pulse races as he waits, wanting to shrink in on himself when Cas starts chewing his lip with a jerky nod. “Thank you, Dean,” he says just as a stray tear escapes from the corner of his eye.
“I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I promise…” Dean starts but Cas puts a finger over his lips with a soft smile, demanding quiet.
“I forgive you, Dean. I forgave you months ago.” Cas smiles crookedly, one side of his mouth pulling up as he huffs through his nose.
Dean lets out a rush of breath and leans forward to capture Cas’ lips in a deep kiss. “Gods, Cas. Really?”
Cas nods and bites his lip with a restrained smile. “Yes, Dean,” Cas says, shaking his head. “You’re a good man. Righteous, kind, merciful.” Cas nods faintly and sucks in a sharp breath as he comes to a decision and meets Dean’s eyes. “Beautiful.” His cheeks redden and he looks down at where their fingers have been slowly becoming entangled and swallows hard. “I’m talking about forever too, I’m not leaving.”