Chapter Text
The words rang in Neil’s head like a fly near your ear. Annoying. Loud. Buzzing, and unforgettable. “I’m straight. I’ve always been straight. I have Katelyn. W-we should give each other space” Aaron’s words were burnt into his brain. He’s been through so much. His father, his mother, knives, guns. Lola. So much. That scarred him so bad, but no. It’s his heart that hurts this time, and he couldn’t handle it, it was a new feeling, and so much more painful then everything he’s ever experienced, so he started planning, he respected Aaron’s wish and gave him space. But he stopped talking to basically everyone on the team. He still gave short responses and everything. But he focused on exy and studying. When he wasn’t at the court he was studying. Though he didn’t really need to, he was smart. But that doesn’t mean he’s smart in every subject like he is in math. Obviously the upperclassman noticed first. And at the perfect time for Neil to do what he needed to.
neil, Seth, Matt’s dorm.
the girls were there. All of them in the lounge room. Watching a movie and playing card games, Neil was in the room on his bed study materials around him as his wrote in his book and highlighted sentences and more (I’ve never studied a day in my life so idk), Matt walked in looking at him.
”studying again?” He asked walking over to Neil. Neil nods “mhm”, Matt looks at him “we’re watching a movie and playing games you sure you don’t want to play? You’ve been focusing on studying and exy so much, you need a break dude” Matt asks concerned. “No thanks I’m fine” Neil answers not even bothering to look up at him. Dan and Renee walk in “hey what’s going on?” Dan asks walking over. “Nothing, it’s fine let’s go back” Matt says gently holding her hand guiding her away from the bed. “Neil are you joining us? It’s not too late for another player. It’d make it even players” Renee asks gently. “No” Neil responds, “are you sure? We could really use you” dan says turning around before Matt could walk out of the door with her. Neil finally looks up, “you know what. Sure, a few games can’t hurt” he climbs down, and Dan and matt cheer, while Renee smiles but there was a glint of concern in her eyes as the four of them walked back to the lounge.
“Neil’s joining us, put another set of cards out!” Matt says as he sits back down on the couch. Uno cards covering the coffee table. And Allison shrugs adding another set of cards for Neil and they all sit down. Renee offering neil a bottle of water which he took with a quiet ‘thank you’.
They played until they all fell asleep. And once they did, Neil stood up making sure to stay as quiet as possible. He quietly grabbed all of their phones carefully smashing them as quietly as possible as to not wake them. The reason he smashed them? So they couldn’t call anyone to help him. Hopefully quickly enough. He’s sure they’d still somehow find help, this would just be a delay for them. He took some money out of his binder and writing a note ‘sorry about your phones, here’s money to buy new ones or repair these ones. I’m sorry but I couldn’t risk it’ leaving it on the bench near the coffee machine, he also hid their keys to the cars to delay them further.
he quietly went to the bathroom. Not bothering to lock it as he pulled out a knife he had bought earlier that day, and made sure he’d sharpened it. He sat on the floor shoving a shirt into his mouth so he wouldn’t scream. Which wouldn’t be likely this wouldn’t be as painful as other scars on his body, he carefully pressed the knife down, putting pressure biting down as he cut deep dotting from his wrist to his elbow two times on his left arm. The blonde was instant. He was crying, his hand shaking as he switched to his left hand. He was crying half because of the pain, half because he never imagined he’d be doing this, he’d spent his entire life trying to survive, his mother died to make sure he lived, he’s a disappointment. But he pushed those thoughts away as he cut deep into his right arm, his hand shaking as he cut from his wrist to his elbow, 3 lines this time. He didn’t let himself regret. This was his choice, his fault, nobody’s but his own, he knew it was stupid, but it was too late. And he wasn’t going to fix it. His body slumped against the wall his blood pooling in the floor as his wrists bled. He let himself lose consciousness. The shirt falling out of his mouth as his breathing slowed.
10 minutes later
seth woke up, having to go to the bathroom. Standing up groggily rubbing his eyes stepping over Allison who had fallen asleep next to him on the floor. Walking to the bathroom. As soon as he opened the bathroom door he froze, now wide awake after noticing the blood in the floor.
”fuck fuck, Neil?” He walked over to Neil’s body on shaky legs he shook him but he just fell even more. Seth looked at the knife and his wrists. “Oh fuck” he quickly went back to the lounge. “Wake up wake the fuck up” he shook mtg and Dan till they woke, then did the same with Allison and renne, they all groaned as they woke. “What the fuck Seth” Allison mumbled. “Wake up!” He finally yelled and they all woke up a bit more noticing Seth’s distressed face. “What’s wrong?” Matt and Dan asks as they all stand up. “Neil. He. Fuck” Seth mumbled. “Neil what?” Renee asks. “He fucking cut himself, and he’s passed out in the bathroom, and there’s so much blood” as soon as that was said the froze, the first to move was Renee and Matt, Allison and Dan quickly following Behind, all of them freeze at the sight before them. Neil on the floor. Slumped against the floor. Blood all over the floor, Renee snapped out of it first quickly moving over to Neil. Grabbing the shirt in the floor. Ripping it. Wrapping it around both his arms. “Call an ambulance, now!” That snapped the others out of it. They quickly looked for there phones but only found them smashed, they tried looking for their keys but they couldn’t find them either.
they ran back to the bathroom “the phones are smashed and we can’t find our keys” Matt says. Renee mumbles something. “Ok. Uh, Matt pick him up” Matt quickly picked Neil up.”come on” she runs out of the room and to the monsters dorm. The others follow behind. All pounding on the door, Andrew finally opened it up, Nicky, Aaron and Kevin behind him tired, the upperclassman shoved inside quickly. “Call a fucking ambulance. Or give us your keys!” Allison says and the minsters freeze “Neil” Nicky mumbles staring at Neil’s body in Matt’s arms, just like Aaron, Kevin and Andrew were. “What the fuck happened” Aaron said moving over to Matt, looking at Neil, then at his arms “I don’t know, Seth found him in the bathroom like this. Now we need an ambulance, or drive us to the hospital, he’s bleeding out” Matt says. Andrew grabs his keys “come on, I’ll drive. Only a few of you can come so hurry up” matt, Aaron and Dan followed quickly they got in the car. Dan in the passenger, Aaron behind her. Matt in the middle with Neil against him. Andrew drove fast to the hospital. Pulling up to the emergency room in record time. Matt carried Neil inside quickly. And a nurse got him a room surprisingly quick. The 4 of them stayed in the waiting room.
30 minutes later
the rest of the upperclassman, the monsters, Wymack, Abby, and Betsy all got there just as the doctor was walking over “for Neil josten?” He called out. And they all walk over and the doctor watches them. “I’m doctor Michael, he’s stable for now, lost quite a bit of blood, he’s asleep probably will be for a while, he should be able to go home in a day or two, depending on how observation goes” doctor Michael says before turning away and walking. They all sit down. “What the fuck happened?” Wymack speaks up. “Don’t know. I mean. He was acting kinda weird this week but we didn’t really think much of it. It’s Neil, Seth found him in the bathroom” Dan says. They finally all sit down, staring at the floor, quiet.
TO BE CONTINUED