Chapter Text
[group chat: park.j, kim.t, jung.h, jeon.j ]
Jiminie: omg
Jiminie: u guys
Jiminie: i need to tell u about last night
Jiminie: my boyfriend
Taebi: is dis about
Kookie: oh yep there it is
Taebi: "imaginary" boyfriend
Hoho: Tae if u put a word in quotes it implies sarcasm
Kookie: so ur saying you don't think Chim's bf is actually imaginary
Taebi: no no i do! he's not real
Jiminie: fuck all of u, ur just jealous
Hoho: we would b if any of your stories sounded legit
Jiminie: which one don't u believe?
Kookie: all of dem
Taebi: alluv them
Hoho: all of them
Jiminie: i kno you're all just afraid to pick one because then I'll b able to provide specific evidence
Hoho: planning on sending us one of your "bf's"
Hoho: (that's how u do it Tae)
Hoho: dick pics to prove the rumoured super schlong?
Kookie: monster manmeat
Taebi: "huge cock"
Taebi: (thx hyungie)
Hoho: coz it could be any dick off google
Taebi: we've all done it
Kookie: wait what?
Taebi: googled a dick pic of a bigger dick to send back to gross dick pic dudes u wanna get rid of?
Kookie: OH
Kookie: oh yeah
Kookie: yeah we've all done that
Kookie: that's a weekly thing for me, basically
Jiminie: wow jeon jungkook can u stop bragging about how much dick game u get for just one moment
Kookie: jealous?
Jiminie: I HAVE A BOYFRIEND
Jiminie: A REALLY HOT ONE
Jiminie: I JUST DONT WANT HIM TO EVER MEET ANY OF U
Kookie: convenient excuse, Mini
Jiminie: fine look what if I show u a pic
Jiminie: OF HIS *FACE*
Jiminie: sort of
Jiminie: obscured. I don't want any of u stalking him
Kookie: that's a dude in a hoodie and sunglasses from google
Taebi: ur not even in the pic with him how do we no u have ever even met this dude
Jiminie: SIGH
Jiminie: fine here
Taebi: awwwwww that's cute
Kookie: he looks like he hates u
Jiminie: that's just his face
Kookie: wow Park Jimin, u supposedly kiss him with that mouth?
Jiminie: I can say that sort of thing! we're boyfriends!
Jiminie: u disrespectful
Kookie: disrespectful what
Jiminie: hav u ever been rimmed?
Taebi: holy fuckin subject change Jimjams
Jiminie: coz last night I think my boyfriend's tongue in my ass gave me a glimpse of the heavens
Jiminie: figured it was easier to make u all read that
Jiminie: instead of yell
Taebi: Hobi-hyungiiiiiie r u dead?
Hoho: was just busy for a mo, soz my Taebi
Kookie: yeah what r ur screen names about anyway?
Taebi: mine is a play on Hobi! but using my name!
Hoho: and mine's a play on Taetae
Jiminie: couple screennames? r u guys fuckin now? did I miss this while I was getting crazy laid?
Taebi: if we decide to u will be the first to kno, my Chimchimineycheroo
Jiminie: anyway hyung since ur back hav u ever been rimmed?
Jiminie: I think it was the best experience of my life so far ever
Jiminie: I came like
Jiminie: oh god u don't even wanna kno
Kookie: you're right. We never want to know. About any of it.
Hoho: fuck
Hoho: this reminds me
Hoho: I owe someone money
Hoho: LOL WAIT FUCK
Hoho: I DONT OWE ANYBODY MONEY FOR RIMMING ME
Hoho: just a bet! a bet!
Hoho: but uh yeah my little Jimmie, rimming is definitely one of the best things a happy healthy consenting young gay man can experience
Taebi: hyungggg will u show me some time?
Hoho: anytime Taebi baby
Jiminie: ew
Jiminie: seriously tho omg his tongue
Jiminie: his MAGICAL GODDAMN TONGUE
-
[private chat: min.y, jung.h ]
Hoho: i owe u 50,000 won
Suga: which bet
Hoho: u know what
Hoho: I'd really rather not say
Hoho: just appreciate my honesty in this situation
Suga: whatever. I'm in my dorm
-
[group chat: min.y, kim.s, kim.n, jung.h ]
Suga: so
Suga: what's the record again for how many times any of us has made a sex partner come during one session?
Suckjin: Min Yoongi that's disgusting
Suga: hyung you might wanna consider your screenname before you attempt to take the high road here
Suckjin: oh
Suckjin: oh goodness me
Suckjin: I should've changed that before replying. I was only doing it to remind Namjoon.
Joonbug: Hyung, please.
Joonbug: Explaining it is making it worse.
Suga: Namjoon your screenname is fucking gross too is that a pet name from Jin-hyung
Joonbug: I plead the fifth.
Suga: we're not fucking American
Suga: and may I remind you both we have a *trophy* for this award
Suga: and Hobi and I only have hyung's word to go on to make Joon the current title holder
Hoho: we only ever have one another's word to go on! I wasn't gonna bring my ex to meet y'all just so he could tell u about the night of four times
Hoho: u all just had to trust me
Joonbug: Wait. Did I win because I got to five?
Joonbug: Shit, Jin, can you even come that much? When did this happen? Where was I?
Suga: holy shit this is getting juicy
Seok not suck: do I really have to discuss this in group chat?
Suga: for the sanctity of the trophy, hyung
Joonbug: Yeah, for the trophy hyung.
Joonbug: And for me. And my pride.
Joonbug: Please?
Seok not suck: okay fine
Seok not suck: Joonie, the last two times I came dry
Seok not suck: that's why you didn't notice
Joonbug: Oh.
Joonbug: Oh well.
Joonbug: I.
Suga: holy shit you rendered the language king speechless
Suga: anyway this just proves my point.
Suga: trophy. Mine now. Surrender it to me by the end of the day.
Joonbug: Sorry hyung but I'm calling bullshit. You made someone come six times in one night?
Suga: some were in the morning. But we never slept.
Suga: We fucked all night long.
Suga: so I win, right?
Joonbug: This would be the mysterious boyfriend we've never seen, hmm?
Suga: you wanna see him? Fine.
Seok not suck: the part I'm finding it difficult to believe is that you stayed up all through the night forgoing sleep, Yoongi.
Seok not suck: oh wait, the pic just loaded
Seok not suck: well, from what I can actually see of him
Seok not suck: he's really really cute
Seok not suck: so maybe it's almost feasible?
Hoho: more than cute. smoking hot. does he sizzle when you lick him?
Suga: Hands off, ho.
Hoho: I can sincerely promise u I have no designs on that cute piece of ass you've apparently been banging
Joonbug: How are you both so ready to believe any of this is true?
Joonbug: Min Yoongi with a boyfriend,
Joonbug: Min Yoongi voluntarily sharing information about, and pictures of, said boyfriend,
Suga: one picture
Suga: and I made sure to pick one where you can't see his whole face
Suga: none of you can have him he's mine
Seok not suck: Yoongi doesn't have the energy to make things up
Hoho: he'd rather be single than with someone
Seok not suck: which leads Hoseok and I to believe this is actually Serious
Hoho: capital S Serious!
Suga: I'd rather be with him than alone
Suga: I'd rather be awake with him than asleep
Seok not suck: OHMYGOD
Seok not suck: MIN YOONGI IS GOING TO PROPOSE
Joonbug: Seriously hyung that is so fucking gay.
Suga: I *am* fucking gay you soggy goddamn walnut
Suga: hurry up with my trophy
-