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The Bureau disbands, after everything.
It's not like Magnus didn't know that was the plan, so he doesn't feel justified being so sad about it. He should be pleased - he had a part in saving the world, ensuring safety and peace for millions of lives. But. He hasn't been feeling much of anything good, lately.
Things grate on him in ways they shouldn't as he and his former colleagues dig into the horrendous job of dismantling an entire moon base worth of buildings. He should be heading the heavy lifting team along with Killian and Avi, but Taako has to almost drag him out of bed most mornings, and he knows people are starting to notice. He's not rushing anywhere at all. He's not exactly digging his heels in, either; that would require an effort his tired mind seems to no longer possess.
It's not a feeling he's used to.
It doesn't leave, though. Not when they say their bittersweet but gratifying so-long-for-nows to dear friends. Not when Taako steps on his boot to kiss his cheek and tell him he's always welcome, always, you hear me? or when Magnus buys a small cottage not far from Faerûn with a big yard like he used to dream of having.
(When he moved in, he catalogued all the ways he could improve his new house - refurbishing the kitchen, knocking out that door, extending the patio - but it was like talking to himself through frosted glass. Magnus was a carpenter, he knew this objectively, just like knew how to do these things beautifully and right, but the haze in his head told him he wouldn't. Couldn't. Magnus was a carpenter, but he didn't know if he was Magnus any more.)
Taako visits after the fifth farspeech call that involves Magnus answering "I dunno, nothing" when Taako asks what he's been up to lately. Magnus suspects the elf thought he was harbouring some kind of secret lover, until he looked around his little cottage to find nothing but emptiness.
Magnus knows he's pathetic, and feeling sorry for himself is one thing, but having others pity him is too much.
He tells Taako he doesn't really like having guests over.
Not long after that, the nightmares start.
He's hardly new to the concept. Magnus could easier count the periods in his life that didn't cause him night terrors. But at least he'd had others around when it happened on the moon base, and even before. At least he could wake up to something other than blackness and silence and suffocating. Now, when he breaches from a dream with a thousand teeth and a grip on his neck, he struggles to realise he's woken up.
Merle is very adamant that his visit to the area is strictly business - he has to see a man about some fine Dwarven wares, Magnus wouldn't understand - but his visit to Magnus' house lasts almost a full day. They don't talk much. Merle seems more relaxed, definitely more tan, and he hedges looks at Magnus like he's on the precipice of breaking some bad news. Magnus understands. He feels like shit, and probably looks even worse, what with the lack of sleeping. He isn't himself, could barely remember the concept of himself, but the last dregs of his pride keep him from reaching out to anyone who might know what he was actually supposed to be like.
The nightmares continue. Save for himself, the cottage stays empty, but Magnus doesn't feel like he fills the space much at all.
The next time he sees Taako and Merle is a complete surprise. Opening the door to find them standing there causes anxiety to well in his chest, he should have cleaned, why doesn't he own a mirror he probably looks haggard right now-
Taako grabs his arm, politely doesn't remark on how much thinner it's gotten, and very impolitely drags him from his own house.
There was a place they wanted to visit with him, on the other side of town, and that was all the information Magnus gets from them until they arrive.
Even when they do arrive, the purpose of their exercise is still unclear. However- the sign labelled Wülfhaund's Canine Sanctuary makes Magnus smile, a little.
"You always wanted a dog, huh fella?" Merle jabs him in the thigh affectionately, as if that explains everything.
Were they- buying him a dog? Something in Magnus' chest curls in on itself. Fuck. He likes dogs. Or he used to? He's the same person who was once very passionate about dogs, and all animals, and woodwork and romance, but. That man feels very different than the one standing adjacent to a field of canines, trying not to cry because he can't muster up enough emotion to feel anything but guilt over how little he feels.
He hates himself so much in that moment, for not being able to give his friends the over-excited, rewarding response they deserve.
His silence must have clued Taako on to the fact that something wasn't clicking, because the elf is beside him in an instant, raising to his toes to gain leverage.
"Y'know, dogs aren't just for fun or farming, these days. It's this whole thing, right? They're trained special, to help people who need it, like when they're blind or can't walk good." Taako pauses, his fingers brushing subtle against Magnus'. "Or, when they aren't feeling so great."
Magnus cringes at that. He knows they know, of course they know, he's obvious and pathetic and a bad friend, but hearing it admitted like that stings especially hard.
Merle squeezes his other hand, and for a moment all he can think is how both of their touches are so warm.
"We can't be around to pester you as often as we like, kid. And- Taako and I, we get it. There's bad nights for us too. But while you're insisting on being alone in that little shack, we don't want you feeling lonely, alright?"
Taako hums in agreement. "There are dogs here that can help with nightmares. Wake you up, help make you smile 'n shit. Angus and I have each other for that. Merle's got his family. And you have us, don't get me wrong, just- maybe you need someone else."
Magnus nods, because it's all he trusts himself to do. No one had- it had been a long time, since someone had made this kind of effort for him. He doesn't know how to feel, but he figures maybe that's a step up from not feeling anything at all.
The dogs, being well trained, don't jump on him or lave him with affection. That's fine. It gives him time to think, especially once Wülfhaund himself greets them and guides him to the dogs trained in "therapy and healing of the mind". Magnus had never been the type to even consider therapy. Or, Magnus-a-year-ago wouldn't have.
Therapy in the form of something soft on four legs is easier to reconcile, though.
He sits with the dogs and lets them approach him; everything from a tiny, feisty chihuahua that reminds him of Taako (who doesn't appreciate the comparison), to a big grey wolfhound with paws as big as Magnus' own and a face infinitely cuter.
In the end, it's a breed he's never even heard of. More chubby ginger fluff than animal, on delicate paws with tiny, useless ears that sit at his mid-thigh, Magnus falls in love with all the apprehension and confusion of someone who hasn't felt so strongly about anything in a long time. Her name is Delilah, he's told, and she's a rare breed called a Chow Chow. She's quiet, save for a slight snort to her breathing, and her soft eyes are partially covered by a wrinkle of fluffy forehead fat. If the goal is to make him feel better, she does a great job in just moments, a smile breaking out on Magnus' face as he meets her dopey expression.
And, if the goal is to calm him, well. Having a soft mane of fur to bury his face into on the way back home certainly does the trick.
The haze in him that tells him he isn't Magnus any more, not who he used to be or should be, is also soothed a little by her presence. Magnus loves dogs. He loves Delilah. He is Magnus.
Nightmares still come. They come to Taako too, and Merle and Angus and even Carey and Killian. Sometimes, when he needs to, Magnus talks to them about it. But usually, waking up in his little cottage to a pile of fluff licking his cheek is enough to settle him back into dreams with far less teeth, a wet nose, and the softest fur.
