Chapter Text
Sometimes, Genkai’s passing felt recent, like a deep, unsettling agony. Other days, I felt like I was revisiting a memory from a lifetime ago. The intensity of loss ebbed and flowed, but some things stayed consistent. I had help managing her affairs, and maintaining the property. The barrier was eradicated; humans and demons were allowed to pass freely between worlds. There was no more fighting and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I could breathe again. When the smoke cleared, I was presented with the terrifying task of reinventing myself. Hana the demon perished at the Dark Tournament. Hana the human was alive and well, without a single clue. It felt like being reborn all over again. There was so much to learn and remember. The idea of muscle memory was obsolete. It was incredibly overwhelming. Some days, it felt like the task was far too great. But I had willing teachers. They were patient and kind. And I grew very fond of all of them.
Kurama visited often, like clockwork. His phone never went unanswered, if I had a question or needed advice. No matter how insignificant. He always made time for me. The gesture meant more to me than he could ever know. On a Tuesday, he came again, bringing treats from a company gift basket. It seemed scandalous, but Kurama assured me that it wouldn’t be missed. Another time, he brought me a bottle of imported whiskey as a running joke. He called it celebrating a sale. I didn’t dare turn it away.
Extravagant tea and cookies of endless assortment were scattered across the table. I poured a cup for each of us, feeling particularly spoiled. The aroma filled the entire room with warm scents of honey and lavender. I was instantly comforted by memories, wrapping me up in a sweet embrace.
“Are you sure it’s okay that I have all of this?” I asked, helping myself to a plate of buttered shortbread. “This feels like stealing. And Botan told me that I can’t pull anymore heists living as a human.”
“It’s okay to bend the rules sometimes,” he teased, chuckling. “I’ll take the heat for it, if anyone asks.”
“I keep forgetting, you traded in your fighting robes for a suit and tie,” I stifled a laugh. Often times, he would visit me straight from the office, still wearing his slacks and dress shoes.
“I wasn’t expecting my stepfather to offer me a position so soon after graduation. But I guess it all worked out in the end. They made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.”
“Fast tracking it to CEO?” I teased.
“Not for a while. The expectations of a twenty something are definitely more intense than high school. But I don’t think I’m ready for that just yet.”
“I assumed your stay in Gandara would be more permanent. The invitation seemed so formal. Did your family suspect anything?”
“No. I was able to keep in contact with my mother during my stay, and that kept her questions at bay.”
“What was it like? Working with Yomi? I’ve only heard pieces of stories from others.” The question had been gnawing at me for months. I stopped stuffing my face long enough to ask him. Over the years, I caught bits and pieces of his travels, but the rest felt like a distance adventure from a secret storybook. For the most part, Kurama was an open book. Except when it came to his past. The tales of his life as Yoko were sealed shut under lock and key.
“He is a complex case. Truthfully, I thought I would find answers by digging through my past. That didn’t work,” he replied.
“I visited once or twice. Never encountered Yomi, or the others in person. I’m surprised you decided to compete for a second time.”
“My connection to Yoko was fragmented. Unstable. I didn’t feel like I had much of a choice. It started after the last tournament. I had to know if I lingered too long in human world. If my demon counterpart was calling me back.”
“Did you find the answer you were looking for?”
“Only when I made the decision for myself. Like you did. Yoko’s aura fell away like a second skin. I lost the fight, but I decided to be human for the rest of my days. Right then and there. There was nothing else to second-guess.”
“I’m glad you came back.”
“So am I.”
His eyes darted around the room, and the back at me, taking inventory. As if he was seeing everything for the first time. His lax, tired expression morphed into a warm smile, beaming with sincere pride. It spread across his face, shifting his entire body language. He leaned back on his hands, breathing a sigh of contentment.
“You should be proud of yourself.”
“What?”
“Four years ago, you didn’t think you could do anything. Now look at you. You have a community of friends, and a job. The garden looks fantastic and the human world has never been more peaceful. You had a big part to play in that.”
I blushed, feeling particular modest. “The owner never would have taken me in for a working interview without your recommendation,” I muttered under my breath.
“It was your begonia arrangement that impressed the owner. My hands were tied.”
“You’re just filling me with hot air,” I chuckled. “I’m not sure if it’s something I’ll do forever, but for right now, I’m enjoying it. It’s more physically taxing that I anticipated, but it keeps me busy. The owner is patient and my coworkers have been really kind. Never in a million years did I think I would ever come back here, never mind taking on a nine to five.”
“You don’t need to decide anything right away. Even so, that’s a great sign.”
“As it turns out, I'm still a work in progress."
Taking some used dishes into the kitchen, I prattled on about the week prior with Yusuke. I updated him on whatever recent lead I had from Spirit World. Nowadays, those messages were few and far between. He reminded me about Yusuke's upcoming birthday party, and rattled off a list of supplies. Luckily, Keiko was in charge of the majority of the planning. I was just the help. But the idea of attending my first human celebration was thrilling. I was actually looking forward to the confetti and stupid party hats.
“Actually, there’s another reason why I came.” His voice was quiet. I had to crane my neck around the corner, asking him to repeat it.
“Oh?”
I flitted across the room delicately. As if the ground was made of glass. But why? His body language was relaxed, yet serious. Instantly, the suspicions set in. Was he keeping something from me? Were the others in trouble? Maybe something happened with the barrier. Or Koenma came to his senses and issued a warrant for my immediate arrest. As a distraction, I tried to clean the table. He caught my wrist, holding it firmly in place.
“Can you sit with me?” he asked, patting the empty space beside him. His gaze was soft, pleading. As if I was a fragile child. He was nervous, uncertain, and that made me uneasy. Kurama was always so confident, so unaffected. What could be bothering him? Was his mother unwell again?
“Sure.”
I took the seat beside him, hugging my knees to my chest. Through the window, overcast clouds finally broke, and a light drizzle of rain pelted the glass. I listened to the sound. It soothed the pounding in my chest. We sat in an uncomfortable silence for what felt like years, until he opened his mouth to speak.
“A connection of my stepfather reached out to me. He is impressed with my results. This past spring, he offered me an opportunity to cross-train in his department. They think it will help me rise up quicker than climbing the ladder. It’s a paid internship for the summer, in London.” His tone was even, but his words felt scripted. Had he practiced what he was going to tell me?
Truthfully, it was a prickly start. From the beginning, I was stubborn. I tried to do everything on my own, and failed miserably. Kurama's persistence eventually won me over, as I lost the strength to fight him. Over the past year, the dust finally settled. We became so comfortable with each other. Spending time with him was as easy as breathing. I felt like I could talk to him about anything. In that moment, my throat tightened painfully, and I couldn’t say a word. I was stupidly happy and excited for him. But I also felt a simmering feeling of dread. It radiated from my fingers all the way down to my toes. There was no ignoring it.
“That's an amazing opportunity. Congratulations.” The excitement was forced. But I had a convincing poker face.
Who was I to have any say? Life is meant to be lived.
I was right, but that didn't lessen the sting.
I knew exactly what he was going to tell me, before he ever said a word. Even so, I held out hope. Hope that he would stay behind, and I wouldn’t have to part with one of the few people who kept my head above water. When the words finally came, it felt like one of my limbs had been ripped from my body. Like a piece of myself was missing. The feeling was indescribable, and all-consuming. I was completely powerless. He covered my hand with his own, looking directly into my eyes. His stare possessed me, like a spell. I couldn't look away, despite my internal struggle.
“Hana, I’m leaving. I wanted you to hear it from me.”
My entire universe flipped on its axis.