Chapter Text
[Cameras open to multiple wide shots of Camp Gila, the new location for Disventure Camp this season]
Emily Campbell: Hello and welcome back to everyone tuning in! If you’re new here, I’ll explain how it works
We’ve selected 24 contestants to stay at Camp Gila for a few weeks, where their stay here will be picked apart by our viewers!
Divided into 3 teams of 8, our campers will compete in challenges to keep them from voting someone off!
Who will be the last one standing to win the prize, which is better than before, a whopping 4 million dollars!
This season’s campgrounds sit in the beautiful scenery of the Sonoran Desert, and it gets pretty hot, so luckily for our campers, we have cabins again!
However, I will not be hosting the sixth season of Disventure Camp, that will be the job of my new — now former — intern, Emmy!
Emmy Kelly: Oh! Uh, thank you Emily! But I’ve never hosted before, so is there-
Emily: Well, I’ve got to get going so I don’t miss my flight, I’m going on a vacation with Derek!
Emmy Kelly: Wait! But I don’t know what to do!
Emily gets into an Uber and the car drives her away from Camp and towards the airport.
Emmy Kelly: Shit!
[Cut to Emmy in the production tent]
Emmy googles “how to host a competition show” on her phone, and begins scrolling through results.
[cut to the main road outside of Camp Gila]
A bus full of this season’s contestants screeches to a halt in front of the main entrance to the camp.
Trevor McGregor: We’re Here! Everyone welcome to Camp Gila!
Emmy sprints out of the production tent and up to the bus, her hands on her knees as she catches her breath.
Emmy: Let’s welcome our campers this season!
Ayden!
Ayden walks off the bus first; the short young adult sporting rectangular glasses, short black hair, brown eyes, a blue T-shirt which read “I paused my game to be here”, off-white sweat pants, and flip-flops. Definitely not dressed for the occasion.
Hazel!
Hazel stepped off the bus next. She was an average height, had chest-length straight dark brown hair, brown eyes, a plain white T-shirt, black leggings, and gray tennis shoes. She also had a tan backback slung over her shoulder and a metal water bottle in her left hand.
Jaiden!
Jaiden exited next. He was taller than both previous contestants, and certainly muscular for a college aged guy, but not extremely so. He had slightly tanned skin, brown hair in a stereotypical Gen-Z broccoli cut (curly hair with a fade on the sides). He wore a red skin-tight tank top, black basketball shorts, an expensive wristwatch, white AirPods in either ear, and black sneakers. Around his neck he wore a gold cross necklace. He held his phone in his right hand.
Emily!
Emily departed next. Her complexion was mixed European-East Asian, albeit her skin very tanned. She sported a navy blue hat with an Australian flag embroidered on the front with her black hair tied into a ponytail under it, an ill-fitting soccer jersey of her national team, navy blue cargo shorts, and light pink flip-flops. She looked wholly disinterested with this situation.
Dorothy!
Dorothy followed. About the same height as Emily, she had a pale complexion, straight, dirty auburn hair, green eyes, and freckles. She wore a dark gray “I heart New York” hoodie, blue skinny jeans, and black Vans shoes. She held in her right hand a bag of chips she was eating very loudly.
Fanny!
Fanny was shorter than the other girls but taller than Ayden. She was slouched over, her slightly tanned skin only showing on her face, as her hands were shoved into the front pocket of her deep blue hoodie, its hood pulled up over her head, which obscured the ponytail in the back of her silver-dyed hair. She wore black Adidas sweatpants and some worn down black and white tennis shoes. She had a permanent scowl on her face.
Noah!
Noah departed the bus. He had slightly wavy black hair that went down almost past his neck. He wore a grey cargo jacket with leftist political patches and pins on it, ripped dark green cargo pants, and brown Doc Martins.
Brayden!
Brayden departed next; slightly shorter than Noah. He had a mixed-race complexion to him and puffy, curly hair that was dark in color. He wore an orange polo shirt and khaki shorts. His shoes were running shoes with white with lime green accents. He also had stud earrings and a nose piercing.
Ellie!
Ellie stepped off the bus after Brayden. She had long, straight blonde hair, blue eyes, a pink headband, a white T-shirt with a rainbow on it under an unzipped pink jacket, grey leggings, and black sandals. Slung around her arm was a pink handbag.
Steve!
Steve left the bus following Ellie. He was very tall and very muscular, having quite a broad frame. His curly brown hair surrounded all sides of his face and, while not a lengthy beard, his thick brown mustache and beard fused together as one, obscuring the lower half of his face. He wore sunglasses over his eyes, further shielding his face. He wore a bright teal polo shirt, blue jeans, and grey shoes.
Jackie!
Jackie departed next, her dirty blonde hair covered behind a white bonnet. She wore a brown ankle-length dress and a white apron atop it. She wore simple black work shoes. She wore no jewelry or other accessories.
Michael!
Michael left the bus. He had ginger hair and a ginger goatee framing his face. His blue eyes matched the light blue sweater he wore above a pair of brown corduroy pants held up by a black belt. He had grey tennis shoes on and almost knee-high socks.
Cassandra!
Cassandra left the bus after Michael, her poofy shoulder-length blonde hair bobbing as she stepped out from the vehicle. She looked to be middle aged and had a cream-yellow long sleeve shirt on above a maroon skirt that went down past her knees. She wore nondescript black shoes and had a guitar case slung across her back.
Lily!
Lily hopped off the bus next, a lot of luggage in tow. Lily had long, chest-length wavy blonde hair, brown eyes framed by round glasses, and a black front-facing hat with an Avicii logo on it. She sported a yellow t-shirt with a Tobu logo in pink on it. She had a black frilly skirt and black Vans shoes on as well. Around her neck was a pentacle pendant, and she currently had a pair of headphones on. She too carried a guitar case among the rest of her luggage.
Gregory!
Gregory departed next, also having a significant amount of luggage. With him he hauled canvases as well. His messy brown hair was tied back in a man bun, and he had rectangular glasses framing his gray eyes. He sported a small beard and an upturned mustache. He wore a white t-shirt under brown overalls and pants. He looked like a stereotypical millennial hipster.
Tim!
Tim was the tallest contestant to leave yet, almost bumping his head against the top of the door frame on his way out. He had short blond hair under a backwards hat and beard stubble. He had striking blue eyes and a white t-shirt with cobalt blue sleeves to match. He wore simple black pants and grey sneakers. He was currently on a call with his family, speaking Swedish, so no one there knew what he was saying.
Jayden!
Jayden left the bus next. She had her messy brown hair in a ponytail and had a gold-yellow jacket on. She had light-grey sweatpants that could easily double as pajamas on, the ill-fitting pants covering up her blue sneakers slightly. She wore a perpetually tired expression and didn’t look up from her phone once.
Madeline!
Madeline departed the bus next. She wore a deep green long sleeve sweater, khaki pants, white slip-on shoes, white bracelets on each wrist, brown rimmed glasses framing her blue eyes, and a rose gold necklace. Her red hair was short enough to not meet her shoulders.
Hannah!
Hannah departed next, her wavy black hair reaching down past her shoulders. Her pale skin contrasted with her brown eyes. She wore simple, nondescript casual attire: a black long sleeve shirt, light grey pants, brown sandals with white socks, and a small cross necklace.
Brad!
Brad left the bus, his wide muscular frame making him look quite intimidating at first glance. He wore a black tank-top and dark grey shorts with worn-out pink flip flops and plastic rainbow-rimmed sunglasses. He had short brown hair and lots of arm hair on display along his muscular arms. He was taller than most, but not to the extreme heights of Tim or Steve.
Sally!
Sally left the bus next. She had a large cowboy hat atop her blonde hair which complimented her similarly brown eyes. She wore a white collared shirt under denim overalls and dark brown boots. She looked more like an affluent plantation descendant than a true cowgirl, her disgust upon seeing the camp showed that.
Eugene!
Eugene left the bus next, his tall yet skinny stature rivaling that of the taller members of the cast. He had a light blue dress shirt under a navy blue sweater vest and dark grey dress pants and black dress shoes. Atop all of that clothing was a lab coat. He had short, grey hair that was slicked back, and glasses, and was clean shaven. He looked the part of a mad scientist. With him he had textbooks and other academic reading material along with his standard luggage.
Jude!
Jude was the penultimate person to leave the bus. He was the shortest of everyone, and the youngest by far. He had messy brown hair, brown eyes, a round face, a gap in his two front teeth, and a scowl on his face. He wore a red hoodie and blue shorts above flashy black and red sneakers. He looked pissed off already.
Charlie!
The last camper to leave the bus was Charlie. Charlie had to be brought out by Trevor, who lowered him onto the ground outside the bus. Charlie was a Target mannequin with a caster that began at his waist. The metal caster descended from Charlie’s waist until it met a four-point arms structure at the bottom with each of the four metal arms having a wheel attached to it to move Charlie around. Charlie had a smiley face drawn on him — at least a mouth, as his “eyes” were behind a pair of sunglasses. He also had a dark teal puffy winter jacket covering his torso, head, and arms.
Dorothy: That’s a fuckin’ mannequin! How are they competing?
Emmy: I don’t know! I wasn’t in change of selecting the cast!
Michael: At least it’ll make the game easier for the rest of us!
Emmy: E-enough talking everyone! Follow me into camp so we can get you in your teams!
Emmy motions for the competitors to follow her into the entrance of Camp Gila, where she picks up a clipboard she had set on a stool.
Emmy: Alright. Before you are three mats of different colors. When I call your name, go and stand on the mat of your assigned color! Got it?
Emily: Yeah mate, we aren’t fucking children. Except maybe that bloke.
Emily points at Jude.
Jude: Shut your bitchass up before I punch you!
CONFESSIONAL:
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Emily: As long as I’m not on a team with tha little brat, I don’t give a fuck.
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Emmy: Ok, so Ayden, Michael, Sally, Brad, Noah, Hannah, Hazel, and Jaiden, you guys will be the Pink Team!
Jaiden: But pink is for girls! Gross!
Ayden: Yeah, pink is a color only disgusting foids like.
Brad points at both Ayden and Jaiden.
Brad: Quit it, both of you, or I’ll make sure you two are medically evacuated outta here!
CONFESSIONAL:
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Brad: Great. We’ve got the misogynist eggheads on our team. Whoop-dee-doo!
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Emmy: Okay Pink Team, you guys sort that out while I get the other teams situated.
Emmy gives a tenuous double thumbs up to the Pink Team
Emmy: Moving on. On the Orange Team are: Cassandra, Lily, Dorothy, Fanny, Jackie, Steve, Tim, and Charlie!
Fanny: I HATE MY TEAM!
Cassandra: Well, we hate you too!
Tim: I don’t hate her!
Dorothy: Are you kidding me? We have the fucking mannequin on our team? That’s like a handicap! No fair!
Tim: Hey, let’s just be nice to all our teammates.
Lily: To be fair, Charlie isn’t alive.
Emmy: Can you guys please stop talking?
…
Thank you. Finally, on the Grey Team are: Eugene, Jude, Emily, Gregory, Brayden, Jayden, Madeline, and Ellie!
CONFESSIONAL:
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Emily: FUCK! SHIT! FUCK!
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Brayden: But how can Jaiden be on both teams at once?
Jude: There are two Jaidens, idiot!
Jude slaps Brayden on the head.
Brayden: Ow!
Emmy: Alright campers, please make your way to your team cabins using the maps I give you and meet me in an hour for our first challenge!
Emmy tosses one map to each team
Jaiden lunges in front of the girls to catch the Pink Team’s map, much to their annoyance.
Cassandra catches the map for the Orange Team.
Eugene and Madeline both try to catch the map but Eugene is successful, and is quick to shut down Madeline’s assertions that she should lead and have the map.
All three teams separate, walking to their corners of the camp where their cabins are located.
——
PINK TEAM
Jaiden and Ayden are leading the group, the map in Jaiden’s hands. Michael and Brad are behind them, and in the back of the group are Noah and the girls, all of whom are chatting amongst one another.
Hazel: Ugh. I hate Jaiden and Ayden already!
Noah: You can say that again.
Sally: I dunno guys, I wouldn’t be so quick to judge ‘em. They could win the challenge for us so I don’t go home.
Hazel: At least we know who to kick off first.
——
ORANGE TEAM
Tim: So, how about we introduce ourselves? I’m Tim, I’m from Sweden!
Where are you all from?
Fanny: I hate introducing myself!
Tim: …I’ll take that as a “no”, then.
Everyone else on the Orange Team looks around uncomfortably, no one wanting to be the first one to speak.
[The camera pans to the back of the group, where Dorothy pushes Charlie along begrudgingly]
Dorothy: This sucks! Why do I gotta push the mannequin?
Jackie: You were the one complaining, young lady!
Dorothy: I’m twenty-two.
——
GREY TEAM
Eugene: According to this map, we have only four point five kilometers left before we arrive at our campsite. We’re approximately 78% of the way there!
Jude: Ha! Nerd!
…
My feet are tired! Someone carry me!
CONFESSIONAL:
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Emily: I’m gonna feed this kid to the wildlife.
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Madeline: If I had been leading the group, your legs wouldn’t be tired, because we’d already be there by now.
CONFESSIONAL:
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Madeline: If I want to win, I need people on my side, and luckily, Jude and Ellie seem too stupid to catch on to my plans, so I’ll try to work with them for now.
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Brayden: You got this, little bro! Remember, no pain, no gain!
[The camera pans to the middle of the group where Emily, Gregory, and Ellie are]
Ellie: OMG! Hi everyone! I’m so excited to be on this show with you guys!
Ellie looks to her right to see Gregory.
Ellie: Hi, what’s your name? I’m Ellie!
Gregory: My name is Gregory.
Ellie: *Gasp* Wow! You, like, paint? That’s so cool! Could you paint me? Pretty please?
Gregory chuckled.
Gregory: I don’t do portraits usually. My passion lies in the transgressive modern art movement and abstract paintings. What do you do?
Ellie: …I don’t know that that means, but, like, cool!
I’m currently studying acting in college. My dream is to be famous on Broadway!
If I win the prize money I’m gonna buy all the clothes I want! Gucci, Louis Vuitton… Oh! And with what I have leftover, I’ll donate to charity so they can feed the starving kids in America!
Ellie puts her hands out her hips and puffs her chest out proudly with that last sentence.
Gregory: Don’t you mean Africa?
Ellie: Yeah! Like totally!
Emily moves forward, integrating into the group.
Emily: You Yanks really suck at geography!
——
[Cut to inside of Orange Team’s cabin]
Dorothy: I CALL DIBS ON TOP BUNK! Oh, and also the leftover bunk cuz Charlie isn’t gonna be using it.
Tim: But then he wouldn’t have a place to sleep!
CONFESSIONAL:
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Dorothy: I know Tim is, like, trying to be nice and all, but him treating Charlie like he’s a real person makes me think he might be… kinda stupid.
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Lily: Hey, that’s not fair. We should approach this in a more egalitarian manner. Maybe we can vote on who gets it?
Fanny: Voting sounds stupid. I don’t wanna do that.
Cassandra: Why does it matter? When we lose, there’ll be another open bed.
Tim: That’s a good way to look at it!
Dorothy: But I already called dibs!
Jackie: That’s very selfish of you.
Dorothy: Thanks, but I don’t need any of your, “what would Jesus do” bullshit.
CONFESSIONAL:
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Lily: Oh Gods, this is gonna be a looong few weeks.
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Steve says nothing as he wheels Charlie to the back corner of the cabin and begins silently unpacking his luggage, opting for the bottom bunk furthest from the door, next to where Charlie is now.
——
[Inside the Pink Team’s Cabin]
Everyone is unpacked and most are lounging about and some are talking to one another. Hazel is organizing the place.
Ayden is sprawled out on one of the bottom bunks, and somehow has already trashed it, with chip bags and crumbs everywhere. He’s busy on his phone scrolling Reddit, completely oblivious to his teammates all looking at him frustratedly because his feet stink.
Hazel approaches him, pinching her nose.
Hazel: Dude, either hop in the shower or go outside the cabin. The whole room smells!
Ayden: I don’t take orders from dumb libtards. Go make me a sandwich.
CONFESSIONAL:
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Hazel: I know it’s probably not the smartest or kindest play, but Ayden’s GOT to be the first boot!
…
Sabotaging our team to get him out might be too cruel though…
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Hazel: Ugh! Fine! Brad, help me out here please!
Hazel looks around to see Brad isn’t in the cabin.
Just then, Michael walks into the cabin.
Michael: Oh my days, Did something die in here?
Hazel: Bra—
Hazel: Oh, hi Michael. Have you seen Brad?
Michael: I think he said he was gonna walk around the desert a wee bit.
Michael pinches his nose
Michael: What smells though?
Hazel: Him.
Hazel points at Ayden.
Ayden: It’s called “Pheromonemaxxing”
Michael turns to Hazel, confused.
Michael: Is he taking the piss?
Noah: Unfortunately, probably not.
CONFESSIONAL:
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Michael: It looks likely that this feud between Hazel and Ayden will develop into voting blocs or alliances. An’ I got tae make sure I’m on the right side of the vote.
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Sally finishes wheeling in all her luggage and sits on a bed, poking at it.
Sally: They expect us t’ sleep on THESE THINGS? The pillows ain’t even soft!
Ayden: Welcome to the real world, Princess.
CONFESSIONAL:
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Sally: He called me Princess! As I deserve, of course. Ah like him, which means he ain’t goin’ nowhere!
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Noah scoffs at Ayden’s comment.
Noah: As if you have a grasp on what the real world is like. You don’t even know what class consciousness is!
Hannah: Noah, not now.
——
[Inside of Grey Team’s cabin]
Everyone is hanging out, some on the beds, some standing around. Luggage is set on beds to claim them.
Emily is already opening a six pack of beers she brought from home.
Ellie: You’re drinking already? Girl, we like, have a challenge in an hour! What if you’re drunk by then!
Emily: I’ll be fine. If I pass out, you lot will be totally good without me.
Eugene: I know it’s not my place to judge your habits, but, scientifically speaking, heavy drinking leads to many adverse health effects, and, most importantly for us, reduced decision making and impulse control.
Emily: Scientifically speaking, you need to shut the fuck up.
CONFESSIONAL:
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Emily: Great, more people telling me what I should and shouldn’t do. Fuck off!
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Emily downs a second can of beer, tossing it into the garbage can.
The loudspeakers in each of the three cabins click on, Emmy’s voice coming through, albeit slightly muffled in quality.
Emmy: OK guys, it’s challenge time! Meet me at the top of the big hill for our first reward challenge!
Emily, Jude, and Jayden groan.
Jayden: Why does it have to be at the top of a hill?
Jude: More walking? Awww…
Emily: I’m taking my beers with me.
——
[Cut to the top of the hill, where each team is standing on a mat of their team’s color. In front of each team is a pile of scraps and other materials.
Emmy is standing in front of the three piles of stuff with her megaphone. Behind her is the slope of the hill, outfitted with large rocks and other obstacles, with a finish line in the distance.
Emmy: Alright everyone! Your first challenge as teams is a sledding challenge! Each team will have thirty minutes to build a sled for their team and after the time is up, you will all sled down the hill, and the first one past the finish line will receive a reward! GO!
All the teams scramble towards the piles, parts being separated, thrown, and pulled out for use.
——
GREY TEAM
Eugene: This pile of raw materials is excellent! There’s enough intact metal parts for me to build propulsion engines on the back of our sled!
Jude: That sounds too complicated! It’ll never work!
Emily: Why can’t we just use that big wooden board there and just all sit on it? That would work. Then we’d already be done!
Jayden: I agree with Emily.
Eugene: Please just trust me. I know what I’m doing, and I’m very quick when building my inventions. I’ll have it ready in ten minutes!
CONFESSIONAL:
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Eugene: If I want to stay in the game long term, then I have to prove my usefulness to my team. And what better way to do that than building my inventions! My title isn’t Dr. Eugene Epstein, PhD, for nothing!
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Emily: Whatever, as long as I don’t have to do anything.
Emily gives Eugene a thumbs up.
Eugene begins to gather materials from the pile of scraps, pulling out a large metal sheet for the base of the sled and raking various metal scraps towards him with his hands.
He produces tools from his lab coat pockets and begins building the sled while everyone else on his team does nothing.
—
PINK TEAM
Hazel: OK guys, Brad, Michael, Noah, Hannah, and I will work on building our team’s sled. Jaiden and Ayden, you two go with Sally to scout out a safe route for our sled and to be on the lookout for any saboteurs from the other teams. Everyone okay with that?
Michael: Aye. I don’t know how much use I’ll be with the sled building.
[The camera pans over to Ayden and Jaiden]
Ayden: I’m not gonna let a woman boss me around! Hmph!
Jaiden punches Ayden in the shoulder.
Ayden: Ow!
Jaiden: We gotta listen to her just this once, man. Come on.
Ayden grumbles as he reluctantly follows Jaiden and Sally down the hillside.
Back at the main Pink Team group, Brad was assembling the base of the sled out of wood, nailing parts together Michael was holding the wood pieces steady for Brad as he nailed them in while Hannah and Noah worked together to rummage through the scrap pile. Hazel looked around for some way to be useful to her team, as there wasn’t any job left to do, and she didn’t want to sit around and do nothing.
—
ORANGE TEAM
Over on the Orange team, Tim was helping Steve to hammer the parts of the wooden sled together, Lily, Jackie, and Dorothy were making trips back and forth from the scrap pile to the boys building the sled, Charlie was set off to the side behind Steve and Tim, and Cassandra and Fanny were lounging around watching everyone else work.
Lily and Dorothy began to walk back to the sled with the small wood pieces Steve specified when Hazel emerged from behind a bush, startling them both.
Dorothy dropped a wood piece and yelped.
Lily literally jumped a foot into the air, throwing her wood pieces behind her as she yelled loudly.
Lily: GAH! What the fuck! You scared me!
Dorothy: Girl, fuck off! You almost scared the shit outta me!
Hazel: Sorry! My bad!
One of the flying wood pieces hit Charlie in the neck, causing him to start rolling down the hill. He started picking up momentum and was halfway down the hill before anyone noticed, miraculously ricocheting off of and avoiding all the large rocks on the hillside.
Tim shot up from his post at the team’s sled and started to run after Charlie, leaving Steve alone to build.
Tim: Fanny! Cassandra! Help me catch Charlie!
CONFESSIONAL:
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Dorothy: Charlie’s a real pain in the neck.
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Steve: Could someone else help me with the sled while Tim is busy down there?
Dorothy looks to her left and her right, and sees Lily and Jackie to her left as the only other teammates still present. Lily was leaving the area to go talk with Hazel, leaving only her and Jackie.
Dorothy: You help Steve.
She points at Jackie.
Jackie: Why won’t you help him? You’re not doing anything right now.
Dorothy: Yes I am! I’m… uh… the team’s quality inspector! Yeah!
Jackie just stared at her dumbfounded.
Jackie: So what do you… do?
Dorothy: I watch you guys build the sled and tell you if you’re doing it wrong.
With that statement, Dorothy’s mouth changed to a smug grin, as if she said something super profound.
Steve: …I don’t care who, someone please help me with this! I need someone to hold this railing steady while I saw.
Jackie comes to Steve’s aid, moving into position as he points and directs her on what to do as he begins cutting into the wood.
——
[Off in a secluded area on the side of the hill, inside a clearing of creosote bushes and cacti]
Hazel: Sorry I had to ambush you, but we’re on different teams, so not like we’ll get to talk much. But we’re on Disventure Camp! This is so awesome!
Lily: Yeah, I know! I’m glad there’s no elimination tonight. I don’t think I could vote anyone off just yet.
…
*Gasp* Wait, maybe it’s viewer voting this season! That would be so cool!
Hazel: Lily, no offense, girl, but there’s no way the Disventure Camp crew would know about BFDI, much less include challenges or voting mechanics from it.
…
Speaking of the game and voting, you, me, Noah, Dorothy as an alliance when we make it to the merge, got it?
Lily: If we make it to the merge.
Hazel: We’re making it to the merge. Now, I gotta go back to my team, I don’t want them to be suspicious of me being gone for so long, so, byeee!
[Both campers leave the clearing and return to their teams]
——
GREY TEAM
Gregory is helping Eugene with double checking that bolts are tightened on the rocket engines he’s crafted. Madeline is on the other side of the sled, feigning helpfulness as she pretends to inspect the sled upon Eugene’s request.
Madeline carefully and very slowly steals the vials of hydrogen fuel Eugene has in his lab coat pockets, hiding them in her own pockets for the time being.
CONFESSIONAL:
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Madeline: If the team sees Eugene’s skills as a failure, they will naturally look to me as their next leader. After all, I’m the only other one even attempting to do anything on this team.
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
CONFESSIONAL:
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Gregory: I don’t know what she’s up to, but whatever it is, Madeline seems to be playing her cards too early in the game.
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
——
ORANGE TEAM
Near the base of the hill, Tim, quickly followed by Cassandra and Fanny, all of whom are out of breath and sweating bullets, arrive to see Charlie stuck in a tall saguaro cactus.
Tim Oh no! Charlie’s hurt! Do you think he can still compete like this?
Fanny: He’s a mannequin. He isn’t alive. Let’s just pull him out and bring him back up the hill.
Cassandra: What’s the point? By the time we get back up, we’ll have lost so much time, and Charlie is already down here near the finish line anyways.
The three of them look at eachother for an awkward moment.
Fanny: I’m not gonna carry him up the hill. I hate climbing hills!
Tim: That’s OK! I’ll carry Charlie back up!
Cassandra: But we have to get him unstuck from this big cactus first.
Cassandra and Tim move forwards and grab ahold of Charlie and start tugging him away from the cactus. Fanny stands where she is, turning around and grossing her arms with an annoyed grunt.
——
PINK TEAM
Jaiden and Ayden are walking down the hillside, just chatting and idly kicking rocks around, not at all doing what Hazel asked them to do. Sally was off to their right, also doing nothing but walking.
Ayden: This is soooo boring dude! Like I wanna play Fortnite right now! Stupid foid host making us be outside! Women, am I right?
Jaiden: Yeah, bro, same. This is totally lame. I wish it was like, a weightlifting contest. Then I’d totally beat everyone!
But why does a stupid whiny GIRL gotta be the host? I remember watching Total Drama, and stuff, when I was younger, and, like, Chris is a better host than these fucking women!
Sally moved to her left, joining the two boys in their conversation.
Sally: What’re yall talkin’ about over there?
Ayden: We’re talking about straight blackpilled facts! You know, like, how it’s a fact that men are better than women!
Jaiden elbows Ayden to get his attention as he leans in to whisper to him.
Jaiden: Yo dude, we need her to not be all bitchy on us, maybe don’t bust out all the non normie shit just yet, we need her on our side!
Jaiden then stood back up like nothing happened.
Sally: …Except me, right?
Ayden: Yeah, tota—
Sally: Cause my momma always said I was the most special girl ever! I like you two! Everyone’s out to get me cause I’m so darn tootin’ amazing! But y’all recognize that I’m better than everyone, and that I deserve that damn prize money!
Ayden: Right…
CONFESSIONAL:
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Sally: Sally gets what Sally wants! And if I ain’t get what I want, I got my momma’s credit card right here!
She brandished her mother’s very opulent credit card, showing it off to the camera.
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Jaiden whispers to Ayden again
Jaiden: Fucking gold digger hoe.
Ayden: Like, for real, bro!
——
ORANGE TEAM
[The camera opens up to the Orange Team’s group on the top of the hill.]
Steve is completing the final touches on the wooden sled with help from Jackie and Lily while Dorothy watches them work.
Behind the group, Fanny and Cassandra trudge their way to the top of the hill, Tim trailing behind with Charlie in tow.
Tim: Sorry it took so long, Charlie got stuck in a cactus!
Tim grinned at his teammates at the top of the hill sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head.
Fanny: Going up the hill sucked!
Cassandra: Ditto to that!
Cassandra gave Fanny a fist bump.
Steve signed and then stood up, turning to the trio who retrieved Charlie.
Steve: Well, the Sled is finished. It would’ve been nicer if I had more people helping out with this. I mean, we’re supposed to be a team and all…
Steve shot Dorothy a look.
Dorothy: What?
CONFESSIONAL:
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Dorothy: Why is he pissed at me? I didn’t even do anything!
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
CONFESSIONAL:
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Tim: Helvete också! This is not good.
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Tim: I am so sorry I wasn’t helping! I’ll help the whole time next challenge, I promise!
But, at least it’s finished!
Steve: I guess you’re right. You’re welcome.
CONFESSIONAL:
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Steve: That was a lousy move from Tim back there, abandoning the challenge for the mannequin, but, It’s really hard to stay mad at the guy when he’s so optimistic all the time. I want whatever he’s on!
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
——
GREY TEAM
Eugene and Co. are working on the sled, with Ellie, Gregory, and Madeline helping Eugene put in the wiring for the remote controlled rocket thrusters.
Brayden and Jude are pulling out parts from the scrap pile — well, Brayden is, Jude is kicking things in the pile and pretending to help.
Jayden is on her phone standing next to the group, also walking around and pretending to help out.
Emily is sat under a large Palo Verde tree, the large green branches giving her face some shade. She leans backwards into a lying position, and sees a small immunity idol sitting on a branch. She takes it and inspects it.
Emily: The fuck is this thing?
She turns it around in her hands a couple times.
Emily: Eh, seems like a useless piece of junk.
Emily tosses the immunity idol, which flies through the air and bounces over towards Pink Team.
——
PINK TEAM
Michael, Hazel, Hannah, Noah, and Brad finish putting together their team’s sled.
The sled is a wooden base with a triangular front to it and a safety railing on the front to hold onto. Brad also added small wheels on the sides to help move it down the hill.
They all step back to admire their work.
Brad: Great work team! High fives all around!
Everyone high-fives him.
Michael gets hit in the head with the immunity totem.
Michael: Ow!
He picks up the totem.
Michael: Woah. An immunity totem!
He pauses.
Michael: This early in the game? This can’t be a real totem. They wouldn’t have them out this early.
Hazel: But in Seasons 4 and 5 there were—
Michael: Yeah. This is a fake.
Michael winds his arm up and throws the totem far away.
CONFESSIONAL:
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Hazel: Is he fucking crazy? That was a real totem!
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
——
[Cut to some random far away spot in the desert]
A gush of wind gets louder as the totem descends through the air, finally landing in the middle of a prickly pear patch, scaring off the birds perched on the cacti, who fly away.
——
[The cameras open up to the giant finish line at the base of the hill.]
Emmy was lounging in a white plastic lawn chair nearby, watching Disventure Camp season 1 on her phone.
An alarm on her phone goes off, startling her, making her drop her phone and jolt up in her seat.
Emmy: AH! What the-?
…
ALRIGHT EVERYONE, BUILDING TIME IS UP!
Emmy looked down at her phone again.
Emmy: Oh wait, sorry, that was my alarm to take my meds, false alarm!
Off in the distance, she heard Tim yell, “We’re done!”
Emmy: WHAT? I CAN’T HEAR YOU!
Tim: (from far away) WE ARE DONE!
Emmy thought about shouting back again but then turned to Marcus and Nina as they approached her.
Emmy: Can you go up there and tell them the rules to the second part of the challenge? Sorry, I just don’t wanna yell up to them anymore.
Marcus: On it.
——
[Cut to the top of the hill, as Marcus is just finishing walking up the hillside with Nina]
Marcus was about to speak to the campers when he got interrupted by Tim
Tim: Hi, I’m Tim! What’s your name?
Dorothy: What’s with the creepy puppet thing?
CONFESSIONAL:
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Hazel: I saw what Nina did to Aiden in Season 3. I would NOT piss her off if I were Dorothy.
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Marcus: Emmy send me up here to tell you all the rules to this part of the challenge.
You all have to hop on your sleds and ride them down the hill. The first team with all eight of their members across the finish line will win a reward.
Nina: You’re lucky there’s no elimination this episode…
Marcus: Nina’s right, there’s no elimination today, now, go!
—
Dorothy pushed Charlie, who started to roll down the hill and pick up speed.
Tim: Why did you do that? Charlie was supposed to be on the sled with us!
Dorothy: No offense, but that idea is totally stupid and wouldn’t have worked.
[The camera pans over to the Grey Team]
Everyone gets onto the sleet and stands on it, all seven of them turning to face Eugene, who has the remote control in his hands.
Eugene: Please, everyone, prepare yourselves the sudden increase in velocity!
He presses the button on his remote control. Nothing happens.
He presses it again, still nothing.
Eugene: I could’ve sworn I instructed you to put the fuel in the engines for me, Madeline. Wh—
Madeline quickly positions herself between Eugene and the rest of her team, a sheepish expression on her face.
Madeline: I’m sure you asked someone else to put in the fuel and you’re just misremembering! Anyways, since Eugene’s inventions are obviously faulty, I should be team leader!
From the crowd of the six other teammates, Gregory narrows his eyes, putting his hand to his chin thoughtfully.
CONFESSIONAL:
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Gregory: So it was the fuel she stole from Eugene’s lab coat. Interesting…
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
CONFESSIONAL:
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Ellie: What’s, like, going on right now..?
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Emily: I reckon we could still use it as a regular sled. I mean, looks like one.
Eugene: Astute observation Emily! Bravo!
Emily: You don’t have to hype me up mate, I’m not a kid.
[In the background, Orange, closely followed by Pink, push their sleds down the hill and start their descent.]
Brayden: Yo Science Man, we gotta go NOW! Push the sled!
Brayden hops off of the sled immediately and helps Eugene push the sled. They move the sled to the edge of the hill and jump on as the sled’s front tilts downwards.
——
PINK TEAM
Pink Team’s sled is almost a third the way down the hill, and their sled is moving fast enough that they’re gaining on Orange and might pass them.
The sled hits a large rock embedded in the side of the hill, the pointy part of the rock wedged in between the wheels on the side of the sled and the sled body.
Brad: Shit! We’re stuck. We have to ditch the wheel!
Brad bends over the side of the sled and starts tugging on the wheel, pulling it outwards first with one hand, then with both. Meanwhile, the Orange Team is getting further and further ahead, and Grey Team is approaching them.
Off in the distance behind them, Grey Team’s sled grazes against a tree on the opposite side of the hill, curving their sled’s trajectory straight for the Pink Team.
Michael: LOOK OUT! SLED INCOMING!
Michael points at the rapidly approaching Grey Team, all of whom are screaming in fear as they are about to collide with the Pink Team. Brayden jumped into Eugene’s arms out of fear, the both of them at the front of the sled.
Emily: You’re gonna bloody kill us!
CRACK!
The Grey Team’s sled slams into the rear of the Pink Team’s sled at a 45 degree angle from the right, splitting the wood base at the rear, and dislodging the rest of the sled from the wheel stuck on the rock, sending the Pink Team in motion down the hill.
——
ORANGE TEAM
The Orange Team’s sled, although now two thirds the way down the hill, starts to swerve side to side as the sled goes over loose gravel and sand.
Dorothy: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU STEER THIS THING?
Steve: THERE IS NO STEERING!
Tim: WHAT?!
Steve: I DIDN’T HAVE TIME TO BUILD ANY!
Their sled hits a loose patch of sand and begins spinning rapidly.
Cassandra: I think I’m gonna be sick!
Lily: AAAH! EW! I WILL JUMP OFF THIS SLED IF YOU DO!
Fanny: I HATE SLEDDING!
Tim moves to the front of the sled, grabbing both sides with his hands, and shakes the sled side to side in an attempt to steer the sled and get it to go straight again. It actually starts to work
Tim: I think it’s working!
Steve: We might win this!
——
PINK TEAM
The Pink Team’s sled is now in two parts: the front of their sled is almost caught up with the Orange Team again, and the back of the sled is slowly trailing behind.
Brad, Michael, Hazel, Sally, Ayden, and Jaiden are all on the front half of the sled.
Hannah and Noah got stranded when the back half broke off, Noah even having fallen off of the sled part and is now running after his team.
Hannah skids to a stop as the back piece loses momentum and just sits there on the side of the hill.
Noah: Come on Big Sis, we gotta run! Get up and fucking run!
Hannah: Okay, Okay, yeah, I know!
Hannah gets up and starts sprinting towards her team’s sled, with Noah quickly catching up to her, albeit catching his breath.
Hannah: We’re screwed! We’re totally gonna get last!
Noah quickly glances behind him, and sees that Grey Team has crashed into a tree, their sled having fallen apart badly.
Noah: Grey team is looking pretty rough. Their sled broke more than ours! We’ll definitely catch up first.
——
GREY TEAM
Grey Team’s sled sat in a crumpled mess at the base of a tree, wooden pices and metal scraps strewn about in the crash. Everyone groaned as they started to get up slowly.
Eugene: Is everyone OK?
Emily: Yeah, but I reckon your doohickey isn’t.
Madeline: See? This is why I told you all I should be team leader!
Gregory: Now is not the time, Madeline. People could be injured!
Ellie: I’m OK!
Brayden: Me too! Is the Little Man OK?
Jude coughs as he gets up, Jayden getting up as well.
Jude: I’m good.
Jude turns to Eugene.
Jude: Your machine thing fucking sucked ass, dude!
Emily: Shut the fuck up dude! No one wants to hear your whining!
Eugene: Well, if no one’s hurt, we should probably try to start running down the hill at least.
Brayden: You heard the man! RUN!
Everyone on the Grey Team starts running, with all seven members staying close together, except Jude, who was trailing behind.
——
ORANGE TEAM
Tim’s makeshift steering finally got the sled to go straight, and the sled is almost at the base of the hill now, the finish line only a few meters away.
The sled skids one last time as it hits the sand at the base of the hill, drifting and skidding across the finish line, and right up to Emmy’s lawn chair.
Tim: WE DID IT! Great work team! High fives for everyone!
Everyone high fives Tim and other people high five eachother — except Fanny.
Jackie: Praise the Lord!
She then turned to Steve
Jackie: Our handiwork on this sled was excellent. Good work.
Dorothy stood up and yelled at Emmy.
Dorothy: HEY HOST! What’s our prize?
Emmy: Oh, right, yeah, glad you asked. The prize is… uh… a pizza party!
Dorothy quite literally jumped into the air when she heard that.
Dorothy: WOOHOO! Fuck yeah bitches!
Lily laughed at her.
Lily: Of course you’re this excited about food, lol.
Dorothy: Shut up, let me have this.
——
PINK TEAM
The front of the Pink Team’s sled crossed the finish line just after Orange Team finished celebrating.
Noah and Hannah were booking it down the hill towards them.
Michael turned stout to shout to them.
Michael: IT’S ONLY A WEE BIT FURTHER! COME ON!
Hazel: YOU’RE ONLY A FEW YARDS AWAY!
Hannah and Noah sprinted past the finish line, Hannah skidding in the sand, while Noah’s momentum sent him forwards into a picnic bench.
Noah: For fucks sake!
——
[The camera zooms out to catch the whole finish line area, with Orange team, Pink Team, Marcus, and Emmy in frame.
Emmy: Congratulations Orange Team on their win today! Since there’s no elimination today, no one on the Grey team will be going home just yet!
Now go back to your cabins and get a good night’s sleep for tomorrow’s challenge!
——
[Cut to nighttime in the camp, completely dark, save for the full moon illuminating the desert landscape, and the city lights of the Phoenix skyline off on the horizon making a big smudge of light in the sky.]
Up on the big hill from the challenge earlier, a set of four picnic tables were moved together to make one long table, lanterns atop them illuminating the members of the Orange Team as they enjoyed their pizza party.
Dorothy stuffed her face with two pizza slices at once.
Dorothy: I thought the camp was supposed to be in the fuckin wilderness, but civilization is right over there.
She points to the Phoenix skyline, which is brightening up the dark sky.
Lily: I know. I bet you I can spot my house from here!
Fanny reached her hand into the pizza box in front of Dorothy, who swatted her hand away angrily.
Dorothy: Hands off! I said I could eat a whole pizza, I’m gonna eat a whole pizza!
Fanny: I hate you!
Cassandra: Don’t you ever get tired of saying that? It’s literally all you say.
Fanny: Pff, whatever.
——
[Out in the wilderness behind the Grey Team cabin]
Madeline yawns as she walks towards the cabin, walking past Gregory as he sits at his easel, painting.
Gregory glances up at her as she walks past.
Gregory: That plan of yours will never work if you go about it like you are.
Madeline scoffs.
Madeline: What’s that supposed to mean? What plan? I don’t have a plan!
Gregory: Cut the act, Madeline. What was that earlier today? You immediately asserting yourself as team leader the second Eugene’s machine sled didn’t work? To the ordinary observer, that was completely unrelated to the engine failure! So why did you bring it up? Because you had some “master plan” in play, huh.
Madeline: So what? Why do you care?
Gregory: Because you’re reckless! Your performance today with stealing the fuel on a whim and not seeing how that could’ve gone terribly!
The engines could’ve exploded! We’re lucky that all they did was simply not work.
Gregory sighed
Gregory: If that’s any indication on how you intend to play the game, don’t expect me to sit idly as you tear your way through our team with care only for yourself.
With that, Gregory stands up and starts to put away his painting materials.
Madeline hesitates for a moment, contemplating on either to rebuttal, but ultimately decides to walk away, heading back inside the cabin.
——
[Near the Pink Team cabin, in a clearing of bushes]
Hannah slowly sneaks out of her cabin, emerging from behind the building, phone in hand, eyes darting around to check if she’s alone, slinking her way over to a nearby cave.
Hannah enters the cave, the light of her phone revealing the back of the shallow indent into the rock. She sits down against the cave wall, tapping at her phone.
——
[Cut to Emmy in the production tent, watching Disventure Camp Season 2 on the large monitors.
Emmy grins as she clicks on Episode Three.
Emmy: Aha!
She looks down and scrawls something in a notepad.
——
END OF EPISODE 1