Chapter Text
present. (Sua)
A cheerful chime greeted Sua as she stepped past the automatic sliding doors of the grocery store. She snatched up a basket on her way to the produce section, head swiveling as she searched for ingredients on her mental checklist. When she got to the vegetable section, she paused. Curry was on the menu for tonight, but now she wasn’t too sure.
Her roommate was very particular about vegetables.
The potatoes are too mushy. I won’t eat them.
You know I hate tomatoes. Why would you put them in?
Did you put onions in this? What is wrong with you?
Sua huffed slightly as a series of complaints popped into her head, each one getting progressively more biting. The all-too-familiar voice made her eyes roll, but the corners of her mouth lifted slightly, unbidden. Ignoring the imaginary voice, she reached for a potato to inspect. She stuffed the potato and a few others into a bag once she deemed them acceptable.
Whether Mizi liked it or not, a balanced diet included vegetables.
After gathering other fresh ingredients on her list, Sua meandered through the rest of the store, swiping items into her basket as she went around. Sauces, spices, snacks… She mentally crossed off each category as her basket filled bit by bit.
When Sua got to the aisle with sweets, her feet stopped. She hesitated but ultimately reached for a bag of white rabbits, a wave of nostalgia overcoming her. Sua wasn’t really one for sweets, but her roommate was, or rather she used to be when things were simpler.
That habit changed a bit over the last few years as things got more… complicated. If Sua brought up sweets now, she was usually met with a frown and a few choice words. But honestly, she preferred that over the cold silence. That too was new. It wasn’t something Sua could ever get used to, but she was never a big fan of change anyway.
It made her head and heart ache.
Sua pulled at the loose skin on her bottom lip.
She didn’t really want to have another argument, especially not about sweets of all things, but she had a lot of fond memories of her older sister giving her handfuls of white rabbits when she brought home a good report card. (They were always good, but only Hia ever rewarded her for it.) She had even fonder memories of sharing the milk candy with—
“Oh, Sua.”
The sudden call of her name snapped her out of her intense contemplation. Sua dropped the bag into the basket and turned to the source of the noise. Jiho. Her coworker. A man with dull features—in Sua’s opinion. She’d heard some of the other women in her office call him handsome, but she couldn’t see it. She was a lesbian, but she wasn’t blind (though she suspected everyone else was).
Nostalgia turned into irritation instantly. Sua fought off a frown, offering a pinched smile instead.
“It is you,” Jiho chuckled. “I almost didn’t recognize you.”
Her smile faltered, and her thick brows furrowed. When she didn’t respond, the man scratched the back of his head.
“I just mean… This is my first time seeing you off the clock.”
Jiho made a gesture toward her, waving his hand up and down. Sua followed the motion and glanced down at herself. Her confusion intensified. It wasn’t like she was wearing anything outrageous. She wore plain clothes; a pair of black sweats and a purple jacket halfway zipped up, exposing her off-white tank top underneath. Was it really that strange? Her toes curled in her sandals self-consciously.
“I love the messy look. It's not your usual style,” he continued, unbothered by her silence, smiling widely at her. “Only you could make rolling out of bed look good.”
What.
Sua laughed uncomfortably, unsure how to take his comments. “Thanks…”
She internally grimaced. Thanks? Thanks? Great. She couldn’t have responded with anything worse. She just gave him a reason to keep talking to her. Her mind turned, thinking of an exit plan. Sua looked down at her basket and readjusted her grip. Perfect. Before Sua could speak, Jiho stepped forward, brown eyes flickering toward her basket.
“That looks heavy. Need help with that?”
“Oh, no, I’ve got—”
He took it from her, fingers brushing against the back of her hand. Sua’s breath hitched, a curdle of disgust forming in her stomach. She let go quickly. She took a few steps back, not even bothering to be discreet in the way she wiped her hand on her sweats.
Jiho either didn’t notice or didn’t care.
“You don’t have to do this, Jiho.” He seemed to preen at the sound of his name coming from her mouth, even though she thought her voice was pretty neutral at that moment. But maybe she was just overthinking it. “I was just about to check out.”
“I can help you.”
“No, really, it’s okay—”
“I insist.”
Her lips pursed.
Sua stuffed her hands into her jacket pockets, taking a moment to reassess Jiho. He stood up straight, chest puffed out. Everything about him seemed normal. All except for his eyes. There was an eager gleam in them—one that flashed brighter as their eyes met—but it lacked the warmth his smile was trying to convey. The hair on the back of Sua’s neck prickled.
At the office, Jiho always seemed like a regular guy. Inconsequential. He was always a character that Sua didn’t concern herself with, and she thought the feeling was mutual. Now Sua wasn’t so sure that was true.
She inhaled deeply, willing herself to relax a little. She didn’t have the energy to deal with this right now. Her time was limited.
“Well, okay then,” she simply acquiesced.
Sua walked past him, heading to the checkout. Turning her back on him wasn’t the brightest idea, but it was better than walking side-by-side. At least this way, she controlled the pace of their steps, and she walked briskly.
Thankfully, the store wasn’t big. They got to the checkout section quickly, but much to her dismay, they had to wait in line together. There were only two cashiers out of seven available, and both were busy with other patrons. She got in line, praying to a god she no longer believed in to make things quick.
Jiho stood just over her shoulder.
His hovering made her skin buzz with discomfort.
By some miracle, Jiho didn’t bother her with small talk as they waited. He was, admittedly, a little useful once it was her turn at the conveyor belt. Jiho dutifully took out each item from her basket. Sua stood safely at a distance, occasionally glancing at the cigarettes imprisoned in a glass cabinet. They were on her list, a request made by her roommate but… Violet eyes flickered to Jiho.
Sua didn’t smoke. She was one of the few office workers who didn’t, so if she bought them, it might seem out of place. And she didn’t want any questions.
Too many questions could lead back to Mizi.
Sua tore her eyes away as Jiho put the last item on the belt, briefly ducking down to put the basket away. It was only then that she realized he didn’t have a single item of his own lined up.
So… What did he even come to the store for?
Sua chewed on the inside of her cheek. She liked to think of herself as tolerant—she had endured screaming matches, slaps to the face, glass thrown at her, and more; so much more—but this was getting too weird even for her.
Everything in her was screaming to get away.
Frazzled, Sua fumbled as she took out her wallet from her sweatpants. The corner caught against the inner lining, and her grip slipped. Her wallet nearly dropped to the floor. Just as she caught it, a different hand reached forward to tap a card against the reader.
It chirped in acceptance.
Sua blinked dumbly.
Jiho chuckled, laughing at some joke she wasn’t privy to, and walked past her to grab the bagged-up groceries.
“What a gentleman,” the wizened cashier crooned, winking at Sua when her violet eyes snapped toward her. “That one’s a keeper.”
The stone in her stomach dropped.
Her stomach gurgled with discomfort.
Sua didn’t bother to respond, afraid that if she opened her mouth, she actually might vomit all over the cashier and herself. She walked hastily toward the exit. She breathed a little easier once she was hit with fresh air.
Jiho doggedly followed after her. Neither of them spoke as they walked through the parking lot, but it wasn’t because of a lack of trying from Jiho’s side this time. Sua blatantly ignored him. But he got the hint without any fuss and joined in her silence.
Only the rustling of plastic bags filled the space between them.
Sua didn’t park far from the entrance, but each step felt like a thousand yards.
It was a good thing she actually drove to the store instead of her preferred method of walking. Jiho could be weirdly insistent about carrying her groceries all he wanted, but he couldn’t worm his way into riding shotgun. At least, she hoped he wouldn’t be that shameless.
Sua wordlessly opened the trunk of her car, standing off to the side as Jiho dutifully packed her stuff away. She watched him carefully, watched for any signs of… misdeeds, but nothing unexpected happened.
If she really thought about it, was there anything to really worry about? Maybe she was overthinking this. Maybe she was just too paranoid. Jiho hadn’t exactly done anything to her. Sure, he was a little overzealous and crossed into her personal space a couple of times, but it wasn’t like he did anything wrong. He had even paid for her groceries without making a big deal out of it. He hadn’t even said a word about reimbursing him.
She should be grateful…
Right?
“Thank you, Jiho,” Sua said, starting to feel a little bit guilty. She managed a smile, one more genuine than any other she’s given him so far. “Really, I… I appreciate your help.”
He chuckled again, shrugging casually. “What are friends for?”
Out of his sight, her smile faltered.
“Right,” she said slowly, voice flattening a little. “Friends.”
They were hardly even acquaintances.
In fact, this was the most they’d ever spoken.
But then again, maybe that meant they had already crossed the line, and they now had a budding friendship. Sua wasn’t so sure. She didn’t have many people in her life to call friends. Well, she really only had one person who she thought of as a friend, and that person was more than enough in her mind. Mizi was special. As long as she remained in Sua’s life, then everything else didn’t matter. Especially not Jiho.
If he wanted to think they were friends, then she supposed there was no harm in it.
“Well, that’s everything!”
The thunk of her trunk closing cut off her musings. Her eyes snapped into focus again, settling on Jiho’s smiling face as he stepped in front of her. Again, his eyes lacked warmth, but Sua had once been told the same thing about her own eyes, so maybe it wasn’t as odd as she previously thought.
(It was her mother who said it. She said Sua had doll eyes—pretty but vacant. Just the way she liked them.)
Sua’s fingers twitched at the memory. Her improving mood dipped back down. An intense wave of fatigue washed over her. The feeling weighed heavily on her shoulders. She desperately wanted to be home at that moment, to be wrapped in comfort. She fished out her keys, unlocking her car.
Just as she reached for her door, Jiho lurched forward for the handle too, moving so quickly that their knuckles knocked against each other. Sua backed off instantly, head whipping in his direction. He didn't seem to notice her bewilderment, focusing on opening her door for her. He turned to her, bowing with a flourish as he waved her in.
One more act of incessant chivalry.
"Oh, um—" She moved past him and climbed into her car, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear nervously. "Thank you."
He gently shut the door behind her once she was settled inside, and she habitually locked it. Now isolated in her car, she was given room to breath. Finally…
Sua slumped in her seat, car keys dangling in one hand. The clock on her dash indicated she had only been out for an hour, but it felt like a lot more than that. She put her keys into the ignition, intent on peeling out of there. But before she could, knuckles rapped against her window. Her peace was shattered. Sua heaved a sigh and turned her key. The car sputtered to life.
Another knock came, and so Sua resigned herself to crack the window open. From her peripheral, she saw Jiho wave for her to lower it more—more and more until it was fully down, and she was face to face with the man once more.
He leaned into the space, hands curving over the edge of her door. "Drive safe, yeah?"
"Yeah, of course." She plastered on a smile. Her thoughts moved quickly, trying to conjure up words that would get him to let her go. "I'll… see you at work?"
Jiho visibly brightened and stood back again.
Bingo.
"Yes! I'll see you, Sua."
With him out of the way, she rolled the window up with a pull of the button, cutting off the rest of the world once again. She backed up quickly, continuing to fake her smile as Jiho waved heartily from the sidelines. As she drove away, she kept her eyes on his silhouette in the rear view mirror. He was back lit by the setting sun, making it hard to decipher his features. The only thing that stood out was his still waving arm, the pendulum motion consistent even as she got further and further away.
It was a 5-minute drive back home, but it took even longer since Sua looped around some blocks before heading to her true destination—her grandmother’s. It was a one story house that was left to Sua in her will, located in the suburbs. She never found much use for it; her job was in the city. But she and Mizi used to stay with her grandmother in the summer, often sleeping in a tent constructed out of sheets and cushions in the living room. They’d pretend it was a castle.
It had been their little oasis.
Sua practically rolled out of the car once she pulled up to the driveway and pulled the parking brake. She hauled the grocery bags out of the trunk, grunting as she struggled with their weight. Her palms stung as the bags dug into them, denting her delicate skin, but she endured the pain. It was only temporary.
Sua didn't go through the front door. She never did. She went around instead, through the gate and into the backyard where it was less likely for eyes to be on her. Once there she shifted some bags to her right hand and took out a ring of keys from her pocket with her left. She meticulously unlocked the numerous amounts of clunky locks that lined the backdoor.
To an outsider, this amount of security was probably unnecessary. Maybe it was even comical.
To her, it was necessary.
Even after getting all the locks open, she only cracked the door open, just enough for her to squeeze through with all the bags. She dropped them there, on the mudroom floor, and quickly reengaged the locks. Once satisfied, she turned on her heel to continue forward, but in her haste, her foot got caught in one of the bags.
Sua yelped as her knees buckled, and she practically kissed the floor. Rolling onto her back, Sua grimaced in pain. There was no doubt she'd have bruises by tonight. She sniffled lightly. Something welled up in her throat, making it difficult to swallow her mounting frustration. This was just great. Another thing to add to her already overwhelming day. She should have just stayed home, but she just had to cave to a request for a store run.
(She couldn’t stand to see the shake in Mizi’s hands from withdrawals. Sua tried to soothe her by locking their fingers together, but that hadn’t gone over very well…)
Her sulking was interrupted as dull footsteps bound toward her.
Sua perked up instantly. The air of negativity that had been suffocating her dissipated, replaced by an eagerness she didn't want to name. Sua sniffled louder, eking out a whimper. Those footsteps grew quicker, and soon enough a mop of pink hair entered her field of vision. Her lips split into a meek smile.
"Mizi."
"Hey there," Mizi replied, voice gentle (so, so gentle) as she took in her predicament with a curious tilt of her head. "What happened here?"
"I tripped." Sua flushed at her own admittance, feeling a little embarrassed now that she was vocalizing things.
"What am I going to do with you?" Mizi huffed out a laugh, low and raspy, causing a ball of warmth to form in Sua's stomach. The other woman offered her hand, long fingers beckoning toward her. "Alright, clumsy, let's get you up."
Sua took the hand, cheeks warming as their palms slid together. Mizi lifted her up easily, letting go as soon as she was on her feet, but her chartreuse eyes flicked over her as if to assess for any damage. Sua felt flustered by her staring, but she also welcomed the blatant scrutiny from her favorite pair of eyes.
"Well, you look okay." Mizi murmured, nodding in agreement with herself. "Hurt anywhere?"
"Maybe a few bruises, but I'll live."
Sua dismissed the concern lightly, though part of her wanted more. Ask me more, worry over me more—more, more, more. She bit her lip, banishing those thoughts, and bent down to grab the bags. Mizi clicked her tongue lightly and stopped her with a warm hand on top of her own. Sua stilled, watching helplessly as Mizi pried the bags from under her, taking all of the weight for herself.
"I've got these," Mizi said, already heading for the kitchen. She threw a smile over her shoulder when she saw Sua still standing there dumbly. "Go make yourself comfortable, idiot."
The term of endearment snapped Sua out of her stupor, and she was quick to follow Mizi's orders, toeing off her shoes and slipping her feet into slides before she ventured into their bedroom. It was small and barely contained any furniture, but it had become home for the last month or so. She changed quickly, not wanting to be away from Mizi for too long. Not when Mizi was in a good mood.
Now in a loose-fitting shirt and a pair of shorts, Sua ventured into the kitchen, intent on helping Mizi sort out the groceries as well as prep for dinner.
However, the peaceful sight of sorting she was expecting from Mizi was not what she got.
A cacophony of swears greeted her as soon as she crossed the threshold of the kitchen. Her feet slowed to a halt as she took in the scene. Empty plastic bags littered the floor. Groceries were scattered on the counter, half put away. Standing in the middle of the chaos was Mizi, her arms stuck in a bag, prying it wide open for her to look down as she inspected every inch of it.
"Where the hell are they?"
Sua blinked slowly. The warmth from earlier slowly cooled and balled up into lead, sinking. Taking a deep breath, she approached Mizi slowly, as if she was trying not to startle a wild animal.
"What are you looking for?"
She already had an inkling as to what the answer was, but she still hoped she was wrong, hoping that she didn't know this side of Mizi as well as she knew she did. The other woman's head snapped toward her, the scowl on her face softening slightly. A good sign, Sua thought. Maybe there wouldn't be a blow up after all.
Mizi pulled her arms out of the bag, having the decency to look sheepish as she finally noticed the mess she made.
"I… I was looking for cigarettes."
Of course.
Of course.
Sua didn't even know why she bothered to have higher expectations. Her eyes stung. Why couldn't it have been a different answer?
She mentally braced herself as she said, "I didn't buy any."
"What?" Mizi briskly walked to her, a blur of pink invading her space. Sua's lashes fluttered as she took their proximity in. Her heart pounded, but not exactly from fear. They were close enough for Sua to feel the heat radiating off of her. It'd been a while since they were this close, face-to-face like this.
(All this anger over some vice.
Sua wasn't sure if she should laugh or cry.)
"Why didn't you buy them?" Mizi continued. "I asked you—"
"I'm sorry," Sua quickly interjected, hoping to placate her friend's rising temper. Mizi's jaw clenched, but she didn't say another word. Sua scuffed the floor with the toe of her slipper and blinked rapidly, trying to stave off the tears threatening to form. "I forgot to ask for some. I ran into a coworker at the store and got distracted."
She watched as Mizi worked her jaw, digesting the new information. She winced internally as she heard the other woman's teeth grind. That wasn't healthy. Then again, a lot of Mizi's habits these days weren't.
After a few tense seconds, Mizi's shoulders dropped. Chartreuse eyes rolled. With a muttered fine, whatever, Mizi stepped back and bent down to grab the bags strewn around, beginning a clean-up process for the mess around them.
With Mizi's back turned, Sua let out a slow and quiet breath, willing her own shoulders to relax. Crisis successfully averted, she thought humorlessly. Though for some reason, a twinge of disappointment chilled her heart. But that was something she was decidedly never going to unpack.
As Mizi cleaned, Sua joined her efforts, putting the rest of the groceries away in their correct places and leaving out the ingredients she'd need for dinner. The two worked together blanketed in stifling silence. Neither were willing to break it.
But Sua much preferred that over watching Mizi leave to do something else, away from her.
Sua watched through half-lidded eyes as Mizi pushed the food on her plate around, silverware clinking endlessly against ceramic. Her friend had taken bites out of the chicken and rice, but once the chicken ran out and only the vegetables remained, even the rice became neglected. Sua had made sure to dowse Mizi's plate with extra sauce, but unexpectedly, the other woman refused to even entertain it without the protein.
She knew this would happen. She knew how Mizi was, after all.
Against her better judgment, Sua couldn't help voicing out her thoughts.
"Do you not like it?"
The clinking stopped, and Mizi sat up straighter.
"No, no, it's good! It's just…" She floundered briefly, unable to meet her eyes. "You know how I feel about vegetables."
"You're an adult now, Mizi." Sua tried her best to keep her voice even, but it was a little difficult with her heartbeat pounding in her eardrums.
"And I can refuse to eat this shit if I want to."
Mizi's voice rose with the introduction of the curse word. She groaned in frustration, letting her spoon drop with a clank, and carded a hand through her hair.
Sua's tongue darted out, licking her chapped lips.
"If you finish everything on your plate, I'll reward you."
"Yeah, no thanks." Mizi snorted, rolling her eyes. "I don't need an incentive. I'm not twelve."
Sua shrugged in a way that she hoped was nonchalant, but there was a slight tremor in her hands. She hid them away underneath the table. "You seemed to like the last reward I gave you."
But that, of course, was the wrong thing to say. Sua didn't even have time to flinch as a plate went sailing past her, just missing her head by a few inches. It hit the floor behind her, contents splatting everywhere.
Sua was just glad she remembered to move the carpet after last time.
"I told you not to mention that." Mizi's eyes were blazing, pupils blown wide. "You fucking pervert."
“Pervert?”
Sua huffed out a humorless laugh. She stood up. The legs of her chair screeched against the floorboards at the abruptness of the action. Her cheek muscles spasmed as a mirthless smile pulled at her lips. Even though her expression was cold, warmth flooded her, settling low until it dripped between her legs.
Mizi glared back at her, teeth bared in a snarl as she gritted out, “You heard me.”
Sua planted her hands on the table, practically draping across it as she invaded Mizi’s personal space. The other woman’s throat bobbed, but she didn’t back down, lifting her chin defiantly. Even though Mizi put on a front, Sua was delighted to see the way chartreuse eyes dipped down to where her shirt hung open, exposing her lack of bra. Her nipples pebbled and ached to be touched.
“I’m the pervert?” Sua repeated, voice quiet but no less lacking in intensity. Her violet eyes glanced down too. The table was mostly in the way of her gaze, but she was obvious about where she was looking. Mizi shifted in her seat, crossing one leg over the other. Sua peered back up at Mizi through her lashes, feeling like she won something. Her smile twisted into a smirk as the pallor of Mizi’s skin quickly colored with anger. “I’m not the one who gets hard every time we eat together.”
Mizi simmered in visible rage, steam practically emanating from her ears. Her hand launched forward, bunching up the collar of Sua's shirt and pulling her closer. Sua nearly moaned as she felt Mizi's breath brush against her lips. "Fuck you."
"Am I wrong?" Sua taunted, vision growing hazier the longer she spent in close quarters with the other woman. She struggled to maintain eye contact like this. Part of it was because Mizi's eyes were screaming I hate you. Sua wondered what her own eyes said. Did they say I love you, I love you, I love you? Did they reflect the kiss me, god please kiss me, Mizi, I need it so bad that kept looping in her mind? The allure of Mizi's mouth was too tempting, especially at this distance. "You can always stand up and show me."
"You're such a—"
Mizi's teeth audibly clacked as she cut herself off.
"A what?"
"Just shut the fuck up already."
"Make me."
The words barely left her mouth before Mizi lurched forward, kissing her harshly. Sua gasped. An eager tongue took the opportunity to sweep into her mouth, and she moaned, eagerly leaning in for more. Mizi's free hand caressed her cheek, fingers brushing against her skin. The touch was almost feather light, so different from the death grip Mizi had around her shirt.
Then that hand trailed down to stroke the side of her neck. Fingers splayed out. A thumb pressed right against Sua's pulse, pushing until Sua was all too aware of her thundering heartbeat. Spit dripped down her chin. Their lips smacked noisily. Her lips were already tender, stinging slightly. The table dug into her hips, and the angle was starting to kill her back, but Sua didn't dare to pull back. It wasn't romantic at all, not like their first kiss where Sua comforted Mizi after an altercation with her mother. This wasn't new either though, and Sua reveled in it. How could she not?
Mizi was finally giving her something.
Sua, greedy as she was, would take as much as she could.
(And more, and more, and, and—)
Teeth caught her bottom lip. It was a gentle tease at first, something pleasant that made her panties even damper, but soon the sensation had her hissing in pain as her lip was clamped and a canine dug in. It hurt. It hurt so good. Tears beaded at the corners of her eyes. Mizi let go and pulled back slightly, eliciting a whine from her. Sua followed after her blindly, and she sighed with relief when Mizi resumed kissing her. Her lip stung where it had torn open, and a hint of copper coated her tongue.
"Mm… Mizi."
"You're so fucking needy," Mizi muttered against her lips. Sua shivered at the rasp in her voice.
"It's your fault," she complained softly, voice lilting into a whine. "You made me like this."
Mizi inhaled sharply. A bang echoed through the room as something wooden went flying toward the floor. Then the hands that held her close now shoved her away. Sua had no choice but to back off with a wheezing oof. She coughed lightly, rubbing at her throat where Mizi's hand had pressed against. Her eyes opened, brows furrowing as she looked across the table to see Mizi now standing. Chartreuse eyes were wild as they glared back, and Sua felt cold sweat gather on the small of her back, unsure where she went wrong. The heat between her legs cooled too, leaving her wet and uncomfortable.
She was so certain that Mizi was going to fuck her out of frustration, but now they were on opposite sides once more.
Mizi's irises shook, and her shoulders jostled up and down as she breathed rapidly. Her skin had gone sickly pale. Despite her obvious discomfort, Mizi bared her teeth in a smile. It was a distorted thing, barely holding up as her lips trembled.
"Make you? I didn't— I didn't make you like anything!" The taller woman exploded, jabbing a finger in her direction. "That's fucking bullshit, and you know it. You're sick. You've always been sick! How else could you have drugged me and brought me here?!"
Sua flinched as if she had been struck. Now her own lips wobbled, and her vision grew murky with tears. It hurt. She thought that they had moved past this. She thought Mizi understood why she did it, thought that Mizi had forgiven her. Apparently not. It wasn't like she had wanted to do it. It was necessary! Mizi was too stubborn. She never would have followed Sua voluntarily, so she had to take matters into her own hands.
"Yeah, well," she croaked out, throat bobbing as she swallowed a sob. "The door's right there. You can leave anytime."
"You know I can't do that," Mizi said through clenched teeth.
Sua huffed out a laugh, feeling weighed down by sorrow. "Then I guess you do want to be here after all."
Now it was Mizi's turn to look stricken.
It was unfair. Sua knew that.
Mizi couldn't help that she couldn't leave this place; the very idea of it made the taller woman shake with—fear or rage, Sua couldn’t decide which one. It made Sua soften. Mizi needed help. She was helping. That was the whole reason why she kept Mizi under lock and key, under careful surveillance. She just wanted Mizi to rely on her.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it," she hiccuped, pawing at her face and roughly wiping the tears away. "I just want the best for you, Mizi."
"Well, you can keep your 'best,' Sua," Mizi muttered, almost sounding defeated. She almost seemed to fold in on herself. Her shoulders were up to her ears, but her eyes remained alert, flickering around for an exit. "I can't—I can't do this right now."
"No, wait," she stumbled forward, crossing over to the other side of the table and trying to grab her friend's wrist. Mizi yanked her arm away, scowling down at the ground, not once looking at her as she retreated to the bedroom. Sua followed after her, quickly wrapping her arms around her waist. She pressed her face between Mizi's shoulder blades, begging. "Let's talk about this, okay?"
When all that answered her was tense silence, she whimpered. "Please, Mizi? Can't we just talk?"
Don't walk away from me.
Sua cried silently. She knew that Mizi didn't really like to hear her cry outside of sex. She always seemed so irritated by it, clenching her jaw and turning away like the very sight of her tears disgusted her. But Sua couldn't help the way her breath hitched and hiccuped with her efforts to keep quiet. She couldn’t stop her tears from soaking the back of Mizi's shirt either. The taller woman took a shuddering breath. Then she turned around in her arms. It lit a spark of hope in Sua's chest, and she looked up eagerly.
But there was no warmth on the face that looked down at her.
Mizi pushed her back with a single arm, sending her to the floor. She winced in pain as she landed on her elbow.
"I—" A war of emotions crossed Mizi's face—was that guilt she saw? Did Mizi feel guilty for hurting her? As long as she did, even just for a second, Sua would accept it as an apology—but a stone cold mask soon settled over it all. "Just leave me alone."
Then, with the click of the lock, Sua was shut out once more.