Work Text:
To… Kookoo
I found a flash drive in my attic recently. It has one item on it. Running it, my computer’s performance increased. Mayhaps you might want to try it, too?
From… Drain
Once Kookoo’s read-aloud parameter finished off the letter’s words, his metal thumb felt its way to the bottom of the paper and found a small flash drive with what felt like a red rose painted on it. Said paint had been chipping away slightly, but there was no doubt about it. Kookoo was no stranger to folks attempting to slip him phony, malicious drives as pranks, having become hesitant to take them after one incident from Ire, but he could recognize the lineweight of the petals from a mile away. Surely, this was a genuine gift.
Even still… Kookoo never took Drain to be the kind of sin to have computers in her domain. The whole location was a very romantic one, or at least Kookoo assumed through her hospitality and the way the air felt on its metal body, but it could not even hear a single TV’s chatter whenever he stopped by.
Well, he did trust her significantly more than, like, every other sin aside from maybe Litany… So even though apprehension (moreso its better judgement) was tugging at it, he plugged the flash drive into its neck anyway, telling itself that this was just the fear of previous bad experiences coming back to bite him.
Nearly as soon as he properly ran the only file on the drive, he could feel a pop-up appear on one of its body’s screens.
YOUR COMPUTER HAS BEEN FUCKED BY THE MEMZ TROJAN.
…The jokes write themselves at this point.
“OH, GREAT. WONDERFUL,” Kookoo groaned to itself, letting the read-aloud parameter continue.
The rules were simple. The trojan simply wanted Kookoo to try its best to live through the incoming payload, and if he dared try to clean the malware from his systems, he’d be in for a world of hurt. So basically… he’s losing no matter what he does.
At first, he felt as though nothing was going to happen, honestly just kind of standing there once its internal cursor closed the pop-up. Though, this didn’t stop the feeling of the dread looming in him by any means at all. He usually considered itself to be an incredibly clear-minded sin, and many others would attest, but its circuitry continued to have a growing feeling of fire regardless as its oil tanks churned.
Shortly thereafter, his fears began to prove themselves correct.
Kookoo near instantly felt his legs begin to quiver and his hands shake, and it locked his fingers tightly together in response in order to minimize the problem. Certain locations on its body, notably the RAM itself, began to grow more and more arduous with mechanical pain as the port in which the drive was placed was beginning to produce a tingling sensation. Kookoo reached towards its neck, lightly grabbing the drive, but unsure if it were a good idea to pull it out.
“Indecision and illness? I can lend a hand!”
A uniquely abhorred and obnoxious voice echoed throughout the robot’s ears, one of which could be identified immediately as the sound of their jovial boots dropping down onto the ground rang throughout. Immediately, another, much louder groan left Kookoo’s speakers as it could feel Mime’s approach, tilting its head in an attempt to remove the drive, only for Kookoo to bite their hand in its fear and anger.
“Yowza!” Mime wiggled their hand out of his grasp. “You can remove it easy-peasy, you know! It’s not gonna piss off the virus or anything!”
“THIS ISN’T EVEN A WORM, LET ALONE A VIRUS.”
“Enough with the semantics!” The visitor demanded. “Your body’s sayin’ it’s a virus!”
Reaching again, with somehow more and less care than before simultaneously, Mime reached for the drive once more and yanked it out forcefully, causing Kookoo to immediately bring one hand back to the port and lightly caress it as he propped his arm onto the wall to keep his quivering legs standing. Despite its absence, however, the tingling sensation never went away, and Kookoo had the feeling that it never would.
“Doesn’t that feel soooo much better?” Mime teased.
“NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST,” Kookoo shouted, its voice carrying a newfound worrisome quiver mixed into its anger. “GO AWAY.”
“But the show is just getting started!”
Kookoo could feel Mime’s face get a bit closer to their torso than before, admiring the contents of the three screens plastered throughout. Now that it remembered, it did recall feeling another pop-up or two once the shakiness hit. Shifting his mind’s own focus to the screens, he enabled his read-aloud parameter once more to the contents that now decorated his torso.
what happens if you delete system32
“Such intrigue! Should we try it?”
“ABSOLUTELY NOT.”
Mime ignored the anger in Kookoo’s digital voice in order to access its core software components via touching the screens, but before their gloved hands could lay a finger on the blue sin, a new window popped up, albeit taking what felt like eons to load.
Server Not Found
Kookoo cannot connect to the server at www.goatlings.com
Learn more…
“How very disappointing.”
Before Mime could close the defunct new tab, Kookoo’s trembling legs could no longer support him, dropping it to the ground with a loud thud as its internal cursor closed the entire window in its wake, only for another window to take its place with another ridiculously frivolous inquiry to the search entry. Kookoo attempts to close this one, but his internal cursor begins to tremble all on its own and cannot be moved. Mime, not interested in the new tab, tries to close it with their finger, only for Kookoo to uncomfortably swat at them.
The robot’s slender steel hands lightly caressed its own neck as it let its legs down to the ground, with various error noises not even related to its operating system starting to play over and over again. With discomfort pooling like there was no tomorrow (and there wasn’t), Kookoo leaned its head to the side for a moment and vomited up a hefty sum of oil, wiping its mouth with its shaking arm as he could hear its internal fans kicking into overdrive.
Curiously and very quickly to avoid as much aggression as they could, Mime removed one glove and grazed Kookoo’s forehead with their pointer finger. He didn’t even have to try and bite back for Mime to draw away, as his body was already becoming that hot. Glancing back at his screens, Mime saw more idiotic inquiries being searched up with the added bonus of gibberish being typed into them for no real reason.
They didn’t even get a chance to properly read them before the colors on Kookoo’s screens began to invert and revert at a consistent pace. They let out a light chuckle in response, which somewhat surprised Kookoo, being the first real laugh that the dangerously thrill-seeking sin had let out the entire time.
Then again, when its entire body was being racked by a shitpost trojan, the surprise could only be so strong for so long.
With the heat that Kookoo’s body was reaching with all the trickery happening in its systems, he could feel more oil beginning to come back up, yet the urge to vomit wasn’t that strong at all. Tilting its head down, Kookoo held its mouth open and let the liquid drip down its face like drool, horrible groans and moans leaving its pained voice box.
Another pop-up, unrelated to the inquiries, had appeared. Mime, with curiosity burning just as brightly as Kookoo’s body, slipped their glove back on and tried to close it. To their surprise, they could touch the screen just fine with the glove on, but they missed the X button and ended up dragging it instead. However, they found this result to be more interesting, giggling quietly as they dragged the pop-up and watched as it left a trail inverse to the inversions of Kookoo’s colorations.
They watched as Kookoo began to scream, his voice incredibly fried, as more error objects began to decorate the screens. Mime, entertained by this, removed their finger from the pop up and closed it, despite another one appearing rather quickly in its place. They dragged an empty finger around the screen a bit more, mesmerized by the objects following their touch.
Eventually, though, Kookoo’s body became so hot that Mime couldn’t even touch it gloved, with them taking their hand off with a yelp after messing with the trojan’s payload for as long as they did. Suppose now all they could do was watch the last of this little movie and Kookoo’s behavior alike, and so they comfortably situated themselves in a safe spot where they could observe the robotic sin.
So that’s what they did. Their big, wide grin never left their face for a second as they watched Kookoo twitch and spasm, the oil dripping from their mouth getting so hot that it began to froth up. Their eyes shifted here and there from him to his screens, enjoying all of the tricky payloads that came together to make the most agonizing experience a machine could possibly endure.
Say, this kind of reminded them of Dozer’s behavior up until he died. Mime closed their eyes for a moment to get a better picture, watching as the former monarch would convulse and drool with a terror and anger in his eyes like no other. They began to wonder if Kookoo’s eyes would have appeared the same, should it have any. Either way, this was still enjoyable, and Mime wasn’t at risk of getting anything.
They did, however, regret not bringing a camera to film with. A certain someone might’ve wanted her hands on the sight of this if she were truly desperate. Big deal, once Kookoo gets repaired, they could always try again. The flash drive has returned to their hands with little issue, after all.
As a tunneling payload hit Kookoo’s screens, its screaming began to die down into pitiful, fried moaning as traces of smoke began to trickle out of him. Mime fidgeted with the flash drive in their hands as they watched, their light chortling having died down in favor of just watching and appreciating the fruits of their hard work eat away at him. Further and further down the rabbit hole of his screens, they lost a bit of themselves, captivated by the visualized beauty of Kookoo’s illness.
And then, abruptly, Kookoo’s noises ceased and all of its screens went black. As such, Mime found themselves snapped out of their trance, and grinned greater than ever before as this was the queue to their favorite part. At a speed faster than any action they had committed before, Mime reached for the back of Kookoo’s neck and hit a boiling hot power button in an instant.
[Your computer has been trashed by the MEMZ trojan. Now enjoy the Nyan Cat…]
Shortly thereafter, Kookoo’s screens displayed such. Music to Mime’s ears! They should really branch out with their creative abilities much more often. As much as they would have liked to stay, however, they’d certainly get in trouble, so Mime opted to abandon Kookoo displaying such a lovely tune in such a horrible state with a great satisfaction in their already elated expression.
The resulting fallout between Drain and him would certainly be a joy to witness, too!