Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Maki's fingers tapped rhythmically against the cold wooden armrest of the uncomfortable chair. In front of her sat Ms. Ieiri, the school guidance counselor, she was typing away on her computer with a focused glare.

“One moment please.” She told her, holding up her pointer finger to silence any questions from the girl. Ms. Ieiri closed her computer a few seconds later and smiled at the teenager sitting before her.

“So…Maki, here you go,” She hands Maki a piece of paper with her schedule typed onto it. “nine schools in ten years. Your family in the military?” Ms. Ieiri stood, and faced the window.

“No ma'am, my mother, my sister, and I just move around a lot. We never seem to find the perfect place for us, I'm afraid.” Maki replied, a forced smile plastered on her face.

“Well I hope Jujutsu tech makes you feel right at home.” As Ms. Ieiri said this, what looked to be an egg smashed against the window of her office. She didn't react, didn't even turn to look at the window, she only raised her middle finger to whoever was outside, and smiled at Maki “Just ignore the little ass-wipes around here and everything will be smooth sailing.”

“Excuse me?” In the nine schools Maki had been sent to, she had never met an administrator quite like this woman. She didn't mind though, at least Ms. Ieiri had a personality.

“Best you head to class, I have more of those jerks to see today, and it's best you're not here when they come in.” At that, Maki stood up and grabbed her bag from the floor.

“Okay, well thanks…you know for the schedule.” Maki said, walking out of the office. In the doorframe she came face to face with a tall pink haired boy with an unreadable facial expression. She only nodded to him then got the hell out of that room.

“Yuji Itadori. Why are we here this time?” Ms. Ieiri asked the boy. He smiled back at her in a cocky manner.

“Aw come on ma'am, you love our visits! We have a mother-son relationship blooming here.” Itadori smiled and pointed between the two of them.

“After you leave I will be calling my wife to tell her that I take back my compliance to adopt a child.” Ms. Ieiri took a seat back behind her desk. “I hear you completed more vigilante justice this morning. As much as I love to hear that the jackasses here are getting beat to a pulp, at some point we are gonna get hit with a lawsuit and we can't go through again.”

“Okay, I hear you, but this guy really deserved it he hit his girlfriend in the bathroom and-” Itadori wanted to continue but Ms. Ieiri told him to stop.

“Next time, please for the love of god just tell security. We hire them specifically for you and your antics. Okay?” Ms. Ieiri's stare bores into itadori and he shifts uncomfortably.

“Okay, but what was the previous lawsuit?”

“What? Oh yeah…was Miss. Mei Mei, ever your animal health teacher?” she interlocked her fingers against her desk.

“No?”

“Then I can not legally tell you. Have a good day.” Ms. Ieiri then shooed him out of her office, and shut the door.

Chapter Text

The hallways are crowded by the time Maki makes it out of Ms. Ieiri's office. When she makes it to her locker, she sees a boy with blonde hair and a boy with black and white hair walking her way. They wave and the black and white haired boy smiles.

“You're Maki right? I'm Panda and this is Inumaki Toge.” The boy, Panda, introduces.
Inumaki waves with a blank expression on his face. “Inumaki doesn't speak much, he communicates through sign language mostly. Anyways it's nice to meet you, we were told to show you around since it's your first day.”

Maki looks at the boys in front of her and smirks slightly “So this school gets the AV nerds to show the new kids around? My last school had the cheer team walk me to AP bio.” The boys stand there for a second, not knowing what to say, then Inumaki signs something to Panda.

“He says you're funny.” Maki signs a quick thank you and Inumaki looks at her surprised.

“That's all I know unfortunately.” And at that they walk down the halls of the school.

Panda starts leading Maki towards different cliques huddled in their own areas. “Over there we have your basic, popular, hot people. Never speak to them unless they start the conversation.”

“Is that your rule or theirs?”

“Watch,” Panda turns to a boy with blonde hair “Hey there, Noaya.”

“I'll fucking kill you.” The boy, Noaya, replies.

“See?” Panda leads the group away from them at a faster pace than what they started. Inumaki led Panda and Maki outside and started signing to Panda. “Inumaki says ‘These are the poetry kids, they seem like your average edge lords, but they insist they are deeper than anyone else you'll meet.’ He's completely correct.”

As they walked by, Maki could hear the poetry kids muttering what she thinks is the lyrics to I'm Not Okay (I promise), to each other.

“This next group here is endangering any future job opportunity that could come their way by committing major cultural appropriation. And over here we have the stoners, they never come to class, too busy smoking in the gym.”

As the group moves around the courtyard, students pass, and Maki takes a moment to look at any that caught her eye.

Inumaki starts leading again, and Panda starts interpreting his signing. “These here are the future ivy league students, they spend all their time studying,” Panda stops interpreting and walks over to the table by himself “The Big Pan is in town guys, how's it going!” Panda bends over the table where the smart kids are with a smile on his face, but everyone glares and groans in his direction. Maki thinks these guys must not be well liked.

“Did you see that Maki? You know yesterday, Inumaki and I ran that group like it was the navy.”

“Then why did they react like that?”

“Kokichi Muta started a rumor that our Lemaire dress shirts were actually from Macy's.” Maki just stared at Panda with a confused but amused expression.

“And they kicked you out because of that?”

“More like forced us out, but we will take over once more.” Inumaki only nodded and continued walking, he was obviously getting bored of the conversation.

While they walked, a girl caught Maki's eye. She had dark ginger hair, brown eyes, and the most beautiful smile Maki has ever seen. She wore a dark brown dress with light brown detailing and some black flats. Maki was so starstruck, that she stopped dead in her tracks, causing the boys to skid to a stop behind her.

“Woah…who is that? What group is she in?” Maki watches the girl as she walks by her, praying he wasn't in the group that boy Noaya belonged to.

“The “Not in Your League” group.” Panda replies, earning a “Hey!” from Maki.

“That's Nobara Kugisaki-Gojo, she's a senior.” Inumaki types onto his phone and shoves it into Maki's face.

“She's beautiful.”

“We know” Panda says, and Maki's guessing that's what Inumaki said when he signed at the same time. “She's super popular and swears she's super deep–She's not–but she is pretty sweet.”

The trio walks behind Nobara as she talks to another girl, who looks to be about their age.

“You know Fumi, do you ever think the silent letters in a word feel left out? Like the P in raspberry? I think it's borderline bullying that we don't pronounce those letters.” That's all they hear before she walks off into the thick of the courtyard, and all Maki wants to do is follow her so she can hear more of her thoughts.

Inumaki quickly starts signing and Panda translates “Forget about her Maki, her father is very very uptight, and will not let her date until they move out of his house.” But Maki doesn't listen, she's too busy trying to understand her own thoughts.

Maki has never felt like this for another person, it scares her but it also feels like she just took three shots in a row and ate 5 pixie sticks, in other words, the adrenaline is kicking in. Behind her, the bell rings signaling the start of class.

Chapter Text

Megumi Fushiguro-Gojo is not a negative person, at least that's what he tells himself, but today seemed to test his limits. The day started like most, he drove to school in the overpriced car his adoptive father insisted on buying him, while blasting his morning CD consisting of Bikini Kill, Green Day, Smashing Pumpkins, and anything else his sister would scream at him to turn off if she heard.

When he got out of his car and walked to the front of his school, there was a poster promoting the school prom that was taking place in a few weeks time. Megumi made eye contact with the paper, then promptly ripped it right off of the brick wall, as if it personally offended him. This caused a group of girls to yell at him in outrage, so he threw on his headphones and continued his cd from the car.

The walk to class was always annoying for Megumi, since everyone decided they would much rather spend their mornings huddled together in the middle of the hallway, rather than be on time to class. Megumi's sister, Nobara, was always in one of those groups. She would sit and talk with the other girls about the cutest boys and the newest magazines they saw during their last gas station trip. He knew Nobara didn't care for the boy talk, but he was ordered to drive her to their local 7/11 at 12 AM last night for the new Brittney Spears magazine.

Soon Megumi reached Dr. Nanami's first period English class, and sat down at his usual desk. By this point his CD ended so he hit replay and started over once again. Megumi liked Dr. Nanami, he was a very smart man, and he never took any shit from his students. What he didn't like about him, was the fact that he was a good friend of his adoptive parents Satoru and Suguru, meaning he was normally invited to family dinners.

While deep in thought, Megumi hears the door to the classroom open. He turns his head to see Dr. Namami, speak of the devil. Megumi was always the first in class, therefore he had a lot of conversations with Dr. Nanami that mainly consisted of any small talk topic you could think of. Today was no different.

The two spoke about grades and ongoing school projects. Around the time Megumi and Dr. Nanami started talking about articles in the New York Times latest paper, the bell rang and students started filling the space around him.

After a moment Dr. Namami clapped his hands to start class “Good morning class, what were your thoughts on yesterday's reading of The Sun Also Rises?”

Megumi watches as a girl he thinks Nobara is friends with raises her hand. “It was amazing, Hemingway was so romantic.”

Megumi rolled his eyes and spoke without raising his hand. “Hemingway was an abusive alcoholic who hated women and only stayed around Picasso to get with his women.” Megumi heard someone click their tongue behind him.

“You know Megumi, I agree with Remi, Hemingway is the type of man I want to be for my ladies.” A few students laughed and Megumi immediately recognized the voice behind him.

“Of course you think that Noaya, and the only women you get are the ones that your parents pay to go out with you. And don't call me Megumi.”

“Alright class, pipe down I'm too hungover right now.” Dr. Nanami said sternly from his desk, trying to regain the student's attention. His control didn't last long though, because the door burst open a moment later and a boy with pink hair flew in. Megumi recognized him as Yuji Itadori, his older brother is friends with his older sister, Tsumiki.

“What'd I miss?” Itadori asked, a little out of breath. Megumi guesses he ran here.

“Noaya continues to indoctrinate his patriarchal values over Jujutsu Tech.” Megumi responds, though he keeps his eyes directly on Noaya.

“...Good.” Is all Itadori had to say before he turned and left out the door he just entered.

“Hey, Hey!-” Dr. Nanami started, before getting interrupted by another question.

“Dr. Nanami, is there any way men can have a menstrual cycle, because I think that's what's happening to Megumi.” Noaya quips from behind Megumi. Before he can respond, Dr. Nanami answers for him.

“Someday you're gonna get punched in the face by Fushiguro and I'm not going to do a damn thing to stop it.” Noaya shut up at that.

“And Fushiguro, I thank you for your wonderful points of view, it must be so hard having the richest man in the city as a father. Now one of you, go to the office so I can continue, without having my headache worsen.” Dr. Nanami looks down at the two. Megumi gets up without a word and starts to the office.

Again, Megumi isn't a negative person, he just understands how the world works around him, and whether or not people read that as negative or positive, it reflects more on the world rather than him. That's something his cousin, Noaya would never understand, most people don't, except Tsumiki. But now that she's working full time at a hospital in Shibuya, she can only call once every 3 weeks.

When Megumi reaches the door to Ms. Ieiri's office, he sees her window open, as she sticks her head out of it. He also notices that the air smells suspiciously like cigarette smoke, a smell he hates with a passion. Megumi knocks on the door frame and Ms. Ieiri jumps slightly. She moves her hand against the outside wall, Megumi assumes she's putting out her cigarette.

“Yes, Fushiguro? What politically motivated comment pissed off a bigoted teacher?”

“Not a bigoted teacher this time,I only annoyed Dr. Nanami while debating Noaya. Again.” Megumi sat in one of the uncomfortable chairs in front of Ms. Ieiri's desk.

“You know, your peers are going to start perceiving you as…oh what's the word?”

“Turbulent?”

“Whiny little shit is what I would use.” Megumi stared blankly into her soul at that, but Ms. Ieiri only smiled. “You might want to work that out before your next debate.”

“Thank you for your guidance, as usual.” Megumi replied, standing up. This is not the first time Ms. Ieiri has called him something along these lines.

“You know it's always a pleasure, Fuahiguro.”
Megumi stopped at the doorway and stared back at the woman at the desk.

“I'll let you get back to your smoke break.”

Chapter Text

After the final bell rings, Maki and the boys hang out by the opening of the school. A blonde boy, that Maki recognizes as Naoya, catches her eye. He's standing with a group of boys as they stare at Kugisaki from across the entrance.

“Virgin alert, look out.” One boy says to Naoya as Nobara and the girl from earlier walk by.

“Looking good ladies!” A boy behind Naoya catcalls to the girls.

Maki mutters a quick “Ew.” under her breath before looking at Inumaki and Panda. “Who even are those guys?” Straight away, Inumaki begins typing an answer on his Nokia 3210.

“They're from the Zenin family, Naoya is the son of the mayor, and the rest of them are cousins or distant relatives.” Inumaki's phone reads. Maki is slightly taken aback by that, she wonders if they are distant relatives of hers due to the common last name. She pushes the thought away quickly, she didn't want to be related to those pigs.

Instead of wondering about her family tree, Maki looked over at Kugisaki, who was standing on her left. She was giggling with a group of girls about nothing in particular, but Maki wanted to hear everything that was being said. “Is she always so gorgeous?” Maki asks the boys, unknown to her though, they were already sharing a look over her shoulders.

“Look Maki, you should get over her. Fast. This is just going to end in heartbreak. People have been trying to ask her out for years, but her father will not have any of it. Plus she finds the attention exhilarating, and she does everything in her power to get it, including getting girls like you to fall for her.” Panda states matter-of-factly.

“But what if you're wrong about her? I think if I get to know her, you will want to eat your words.” Maki puts her hands on her hips to accentuate her point. Inumaki just shakes his head in disapproval and walks away.

“Alright fine, go for it then! She's looking for an English tutor.” Panda said, massaging his temples.

“That's perfect!”

“You speak English?”

“Well no…but I will!” At that, Panda looked at her like she was suggesting to kill someone, but they left the conversation at that.
____________________________

Megumi walked across the parking lot, weaving in between passersby. A sudden screeching noise caught his attention, and he turned to see Naoya's lime green car speed up to his left. He stuck his head up and looked directly at Megumi.

“Hey Megs, your little Winona Ryder get up is out of style. Didn't you read that in your dad's Cosmo?” Naoya looked so pleased with himself, Megumi bets he spent all of 3rd period thinking of that one.

“Don't call me that, dipshit.” Megumi spat out as Naoya sped away. He watched as he drove over to Nobara and her friend Fumi.

“Hey ladies, need a ride?” Naoya flashed a condescending smile as the girls giggled and hopped in the back of his tacky lime green convertible. Megumi scoffed, making a mental note to bring this up with their father's later.
__________________________________

Maki watches as Panda almost gets run over by a guy in a black car. “Remove head from sphincter, then drive!” The boy yells out of his car window, before driving off out of the parking lot. Panda drives his bike over to Inumaki and Maki frowning in annoyance.

“You okay?” Is what Maki assumes Inumaki signs, because Panda responds with a quick nod.

“Just the daily encounter with the shrew.” He exclaims.

“Who was that?” Maki asks

“Your girlfriend's brother.” Maki stands there in disbelief, she wonders how that boy could be the brother of Kugisaki, they didn't even look alike.

“That's Kugisaki's brother?”

“Adoptive brother.” Inumaki typed onto his phone. That's why they looked completely different, Maki notes.

“Alright guys I'm gonna head out” Panda says, as he steps back onto his bike. Inumaki does the sign for “Same.” and walks away. Leaving Maki to walk home on her own.
_________________________

Megumi sits in the living room of his ridiculously enormous house. He's reading “The Bell Jar” when his father walks in, holding a pile of mail. He's still in his police chief attire and sunglasses, but he looks put together as always.

“Megumi! My son, how are you today? Make anyone cry?” Gojo runs over to where Megumi is sitting on the couch, and gives him a giant hug around his shoulders. Megumi tries to shrug him off but it's no use.

“No, but it's only 4 o'clock.” Gojo finally gets up and stands before his son when Nobara comes barreling down the stairs.

“Hi dad!” She yells as she enters the living room.

“Hello my girl!” Gojo sets his sunglasses om the top of his head as he greets Nobara with a hug. “See Megs, Nobara appreciates my greetings.” Megumi ignores him and turns to Nobara.

“And where have you been?” He accuses. Nobara slightly shifts her feet under his glare.

“Nowhere.” She responds.

“Why do we have mail from Kagoshima University?” Gojo holds up an envelope from the mail pile in his arms, and Megumi snatches it immediately. He rips it open to see the four words he has hoping to read for months, “You have been accepted.”

Megumi springs up from his seat and screams
“I GOT IN!”

“Uh, bud, I thought we said that was too far from your family?” Gojo said, walking over to where Megumi stood.

“Thus the appeal.” Megumi stated, still staring at the letter.

“Well I thought you decided you were going to stay here and go to school. Maybe go to University of Tokyo, like Tsumiki? They have good classes there.” Gojo sat on the couch with his hands in his lap.

“No you decided that for me.”

“So you're just going to pack up and leave us?” Gojo put on his sad puppy face and frowned a his son.

“Let's hope so!” Nobara quipped from behind Megumi.

Megumi turned to her, then to Gojo. With a netural look on his face, he said “Ask Nobara who drove her home today.”

If looks could kill, Megumi would be six feet in the ground with the glare Nobara shot him. “Megumi, don't change the– drove? Who drove you home?” Gojo sat straight up and turned to Nobara, who was already staring at him.

“Okay don't be upset, but there's this guy…”

“Who's a privileged little asshole” Megumi added.

“Megumi we are privileged– whatever anyways, dad I think he might ask me-” before she can say anything, Gojo cuts her off.

“I think I know what he might ask you, and I think you know the answer Nobara, its no. The answer is always no. What are the two house rules? Number one, no dating till you move out. Number two…no dating till you move out. That's all I ask.” Their father runs a hand down his face in hopes to hide his annoyance from his children.

“Dad, that's so unfair.” Nobara crosses her arms and huffs.

“You know I just want to keep you safe, because what is unfair,” Gojo turns his head towards Megumi for a second, “This is for you too, is that this morning I had to take a statement from a girl about your age. She went out on a date with her boyfriend, and as they were walking back home, he got mugged and stabbed right on the street. I want to save you from that heartache while you are still young and have growing minds.”

“Okay, dad I get it, but can we focus on me for a second please?! I'm the only person in the school who's not dating!” Nobara exclaims, throwing her hands up in anger.

“That's not true, your brother doesn't date.” Gojo smirks at his daughter's annoyed face.

“And I don't intend to.” Megumi says, now sitting on the couch next to Gojo.

“And why is that?” Gojo asks, fishing for the answer he’s hoping for.

“Have you seen the unwashed insects that go to our school?” Nobara loses it at that.

“Where did you come from? Planet Loser?” Her voice pitches higher than usual due to her rising anger.

“As opposed to Planet Look At Me, Look At Me.” Megumi deadpans.

Gojo claps his hands to get the attention of the fighting children. “Alright here's a compromise, Nobara can now date…” He takes a dramatic pause and points to Megumi “when he does.” The he stands and walks out of the room, looking very pleased.

Nobara stomps after him. “But he's a mutant, what if he never dates?!”

Gojo turns his head to her over his shoulder. “Then you'll never date, ooo I like that. I'll sleep better at night. The deep deep slumber of a father who can rest easy knowing his children aren't getting heartbroken over one of the many horrors I've had to deal with in my line of work.” Then his pager beeps. He points at Megumi. “We'll talk about Kagoshima later.”

“Fine.” Megumi sighs as he makes his way to the spiraling staircase leading to the second level. Nobara follows behind Gojo to the front door.

“Dad! Wait!” She yells after him.

“Gotta jump!” Gojo yells back, closing the door behind him.

Nobara groans and yells up to Megumi. “Can you just find someone as jaded as you to go on one lousy date, so I can finally get a boyfriend?!”

Megumi slumps over the railing. “Sorry, guess you'll miss out on all the fine young gentlemen our school has to offer.”

Nobara groans. “You suck.”

Chapter Text

A few weeks had passed since Nobara's fight with her dad, and she had spent those weeks avoiding him like the plague, hoping to ice him out enough so he changes the stupid rule. Two days after the fight she tried getting her other father, Suguru, to change it, but he decided he didn't want to sleep on the couch for the rest of the year, and declined. So she sat in her English class brainstorming loopholes to get a partner, when a girl with green hair walked up to her desk and smiled. She's cute, Nobara thought.

“Hi there, my name's Maki. I heard you needed an English tutor and, well I wanted to throw my name out there for you.” She sounded hopeful, like tutoring this girl could make her like 40 times better.

“Oh my gosh, that would be great! Would you like to meet in the library free period today?” Nobara smiled. She really needed a tutor, Megumi offered to her many times, but she knew it would end in a fight. She doubts this cute girl will want to call her an idiot while learning about vowels.

“Yeah that works, see you then.” The green haired girl nodded politely, and made her way to the back of the class. Now all Nobara had to do was wait four periods to see her again.
___________________________________

When Nobara opened the doors to the library, she scanned the room for a girl with a green ponytail. She found her sitting at a table by the nonfiction section and made her way over to the girl. When she passed the nonfiction shelf, Nobara took a moment to look at the girl in front of her. She wore a black long sleeve shirt that clung a bit to her muscular arms, and some flared dark wash jeans. Her green hair was swept up into a messy ponytail with her bangs laying against her forehead. She had a focused glare on her face, as she stared at their English textbook.

Nobara sat her bag and textbook on the table to make herself known. Maki jumped a bit at the sudden noise, but relaxed when she saw it was Nobara.

“Hi, any chance we can make this quick? Hakari Kinji and Todo Aoi are fighting in the courtyard…again.” Nobara said, in the quick manner she always spoke with.

“Huh? Oh, okay yeah. I thought we'd start with pronunciation, if that's good with you.” Maki replied, a bit confused.

“I think I have that down, I mean that was the only part of the quiz I got a passing score on.” Maki smiled when she heard that.

“Alright well, there's another thing we can do.” Maki started.

“There is?”

“Yeah, English movies. We could go see one together, uh, Friday night?” Maki looked down at her book, hiding her face from the girl in front of her.

Nobara looked at her and smiled warmly. Maki was cute, and smart, and kind, she wouldn't mind going out with her. “Are you asking me out? That's so sweet, Maki!”

“I know your dads doesn't let you date, but since it's for English class maybe…” Maki was soon interrupted by Nobara.

“Wait a minute, cutie, my dad just came up with a new rule. I can date when my brother does.” She smiled, and Maki tried to ignore the new nickname.

“Really? So are we thinking Jaws or–” Nobara raises a hand to stop her before she says anything else.

“You're forgetting one thing, in case you haven't heard, my brother is a breed of loser you only find at your local gas station in the early hour of three A.M.” Nobara grimaced.

“Yeah, I noticed he was a bit antisocial. Why is that?”

Nobara smirked slightly. “No one knows. He used to be super popular in middle school, but he decided to beat the shit out of anyone who looked at him wrong. That lost him the status of popular pretty quickly. Plus, he's just a bitch.” Maki struggled to hold in a laugh.

“Well, okay, but I'm sure many people…would be into that. Some people love high adrenaline situations, so dating your brother would be like extreme dating.” Maki hoped Nobara's brother would find someone, and quickly.

“You think you could find someone extreme enough?” Nobara asked, like it was a challenge.

“Hm…I think so.” Maki prayed to any god that was listening, to give her a person crazy enough for Megumi Fushiguro-Gojo.

“Aw for me?” Nobara leaned over the table and giggled.

“Of course, I'll look into it.” Maki smiled, and hoped the gods were listening.
________________________

The bell rang for lunch, and thus started Maki's search for a crazy person. Kugisaki had given her some guidance before she left, she said that Fushiguro was pansexual and had come out in middle school, and he has never told her about having a type. In other words, Maki had no guidance at all.

She decided to bring Panda and Inumaki along for her quest, since they seemed to know everything about everyone. Panda led the trio down a flight of stairs, to what looked like a garbage storage unit. “Now I have gathered the perfect group of people for your brother in law. Jujutsu's finest.”

When they made it down to the storage area, Maki was met with 2 girls and 3 boys.

“Um…hi everyone,” Maki greeted. “Would any of you be interested in dating Megumi Fushiguro-Gojo?” When she asked, a boy hysterically laughed in the trio's face, and left up the stairs behind them. “Anyone else?”

A girl with a purple braid spoke up. “As much as I love strong men, I hate assholes.” And she left too, with the rest of the candidates following behind her. Maki starts to understand how hard this will be.
__________________________

After the bell rings, signaling the end of lunch, Inumaki and Maki head to their biology class. Today they are supposed to be dissecting frogs, but it's really just Maki cutting the dead animal open, while Inumaki texts his long distance boyfriend, Yuta, on his Nokia. Maki doesn't know how he has so many credits, but she doesn't care enough to ask.

“How hard can it be to find someone for Fushiguro? Everyone has a type, and someone's has to be a dark and brooding jerk.” Maki thought out loud. Inumaki just shrugged and went back to typing.

Then, Maki saw him. A boy with pink and brown hair, hacking away at a dead frog with zero caution whatsoever. Maki turned back to Inumaki. “Hey, what about that guy?” When Inumaki turned back to see, his eyes widened and he frantically wrote on a scrap piece of paper.

“Don't look at him, Maki!!! He's a criminal. I heard he threw a McDonald's worker out of the front window because he got his order wrong. He did a year in juvie before being allowed back here.” The paper read.

“So he's crazy? Isn't that what we're looking for?” Inumaki rolled his eyes and bent over the paper again.

“Yes, but he's genuinely insane. He took out his own appendix and sold it for some new boxing gloves.” Maki didn't believe that. Boxing gloves don't cost that much.

When she looked back over at the pink haired boy, he was lighting a cigarette over the cauterizer. Of course he smokes, Maki thinks.
“He's our guy.” She whispers to Inumaki, who buries his face in his hands.
_______________________

The next day, Panda and Maki walked to the art room hoping to find the Pink haired boy–Who's name she learned was Itadori Yuji–once again. As they walked in, the smell of paint, glue, and wood hit Maki's nose all at once. She scanned the room and found her target in the back, wood working. She walked up to him holding her English textbook.

“Hey there, could I borrow you for a moment–” Maki was cut off by the loud sound of a drill. When she looked down, her textbook was getting a hole cut through it.

“Okay…I'll uh, catch you later then.” She grabbed her book and sprinted out of the room, Panda followed close behind. They ran into the lunch room to debrief and form a plan.

Panda looked through the hole in the textbook and turned to Maki. “So how do we get him to date Fushiguro?”

Maki clicks her tongue, she's deep in thought. “I have no clue.” She sighs “We could pay him, but I don't have much money.”

Panda looks out to the rest of the lunch room “We need a backer,”

“What's that?”

“Someone with money who's stupid.” Panda answers. He looked around and let his eyes fall on Naoya Zeni'n. Bingo, he thought. Panda made his way over to his table, thinking of a good pitch. When he came close enough he saw Naoya drawing a pair of boobs onto his lunch tray. Panda rolls his eyes and takes the open seat next to him.

He smiles awkwardly as he tries to think of a way to start up a conversation. “Oh man, is that a peach fruit roll up because you don't see many of–” he starts but Naoya won't have it.

“The fuck you want, Panda?”

Panda smiles sheepishly. “To chat?”

“We don't chat.”

“Well I thought I'd run an idea by you, just to see if you're interested.” He wasn't backing down at this point, Panda was too far in.

“I can already tell you, I'm not.” Naoya responds.

“Okay, but hear me out.” Panda starts introducing his plan, but Naoya grabs his face and starts to draw on it. Panda already knows he's going to be walking around with a dick on his face for the rest of the day. “You want Kugisaki right? But she can't go out with you because her brother is an antisocial jerk who won't go out with anyone right?”

“Does this conversation have a purpose?” Panda can tell Naoya is getting bored.

“Yes it does. I think that you need to hire someone to go out with Fushiguro, someone who doesn't scare easily. Itadori Yuji.” Panda points to where Itadori sits.

“That guy? I heard he ate a guy’s fingers in juvie.” If Naoya didn't care so much about looking cool, Panda's pretty sure he'd be shuttering right about now.

“Bones and all. Clearly he's a solid investment.” Panda flashed a smile.

Naoya gave him a skeptical look. "What's in it for you?”

“How about, if I say hello to you in the hallway, you say hello back. And like you mean it.” Panda hopes this actually works, he wants to see Maki happy.

“So you're cool by association…I'll think about it.” At that, Panda left the table. He knew if he overstayed his welcome, he'd be dead in about 5 minutes.

When he made it back to Maki, she looked pissed. “Why are you getting him involved?!” She asked.

“Just let him think he's calling the shots. Then when he's busy, you'll have time with Kugisaki.”

Maki caught a glimpse of the other side of Panda's face and felt a bit better about the situation. While holding in a laugh she says. “That’s a good idea. Thanks buddy.” Then she's gone, probably off to tell Inumaki about the new situation.

Panda stands alone in the cafeteria now, with people staring at his right cheek. He sighs. “I have a dick on my face, don't I?”

Chapter Text

Yuji Itadori doesn't care for Naoya Zeni'n. Plain and simple. So when he saw his blonde hair and trademark smirk walking over to him, he was confused to say the least. Yuji sat on a bench on the sidelines of the soccer field, smoking while talking to his friend Hakari and Hakari's girlfriend, Kirara. They were having a pleasant conversation about last night's UFC fight that was sadly interrupted by an annoyingly cocky voice.

“Hey there, how ya doing?” Naoya sounded a bit out of breath, due to him jogging over to the group. “I went to McDonald's last night…the windows looked great.” Right, that was the newest rumor, Yuji thought.

“What do you want Naoya?” Yuji slowly faced the other boy, ignoring Kirara and Hakari's laughing.

“You see that guy?” Naoya pointed to a boy with messy black hair. He was playing soccer on the other end of the field.

“Yeah?” Yuji was becoming increasingly more confused.

“That’s Megumi Fushiguro-Gojo. I want you to go out with him.” Yuji choked on his cigarette smoke.

“I'm sorry, you want me to do what?”

“Look dude, I can't take out his sister until Fushiguro starts dating, and everyone knows you swing both ways.” Naoya replied, ignoring Yuji's question.

“Okay, yeah, but why me?” Yuji points to himself in a dramatic manner.

“You see, his dads have an insane rule that Kugisaki can't date until Fushiguro dates, but no one will date him cause he's a bitch.” Naoya states this as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

“Thats a touching story, but I don't really feel like dating someone everyone thinks is bitchy.” Yuji turns and shares a look with Hakari and Kirara.

“It's a paid gig.” Naoya states, hoping to reel the other boy in.

“You want to pay me to go out with some guy?” Yuji is sure he's never been this confused before, and that's coming from a guy with a 2.1 GPA.

“Mhm.” Naoya clicks his tongue.

Yuji laughs nervously. “How much?”

“Twenty bucks.” Naoya answers. As soon as the words exit his mouth, Fushiguro knocks another boy over and kicks the soccer ball into the net. “Fine thirty.”

Yuji needed money. He was living with his brother, who made a small income from an ENT salary and Yuji couldn't find anyone who wanted to hire him. In short, he was ready to negotiate a higher pay.

“Okay Naoya, let's think about this. We go to the movies, that's $15 for both of our tickets.” Yuji stands next to Naoya. “We get popcorn, and now we're at $53. He looks like an M&Ms guy, so we're looking at 75 bucks.” Yuji hates movie dates, if anything, he'd probably take the guy to the park.

“This isn't an auction, bubblegum, 30 take it or leave it.” Naoya rolls his eyes.

“Fifty and we got a deal, blondie.” Yuji pushing back, matching Naoya's tone. The blonde scoffs and pulls a fifty from his pockets.

When the PE teacher calls the end of the soccer match, Yuji looks up to see Fushiguro running to his water bottle, which sat right in front of where Yuji was sitting. The pink haired boy decided to make his first move. As he got closer to the other boy, Yuji decided he wouldn't mind this. Fushiguro was good looking, messy black hair, dark blue eyes, and a brooding expression that gave off murder vibes. Pretty much Yuji's type in dudes.

Yuji now stood in front of Fushiguro, awkwardly holding his cigarette in between his fingers. “Hey there…dude. How ya doing?” It was obvious Yuji hasn't flirted with many people.

Fushiguro eyed the boy before him cautiously. “You know, sweating like a pig. How about you?”

“Now that's the way to get a guy's attention huh?” Yuji half smirked.

“My mission in life.” Fushiguro sarcastically muttered. “But obviously, I caught your eye, so, it worked. The world makes sense once again.” Yuji takes note of how little his tone changes, it's like Fushiguro is being forced to speak to him.

Yuji forces a laugh. “Pick you up Friday then?”

Fushiguro doesn't stop, he keeps his head high and looks ahead. “Oh, Friday mmhm.” he adds an eye roll to the comment.

“I know a great park, lots of um…trees?” As much as Yuji hates assholes, this emo kid is making him nervous.

“Sorry boy, I don't feel like getting murdered on a Friday, check back with me next week.” Fushiguro turns back to look at Yuji. “Do you even know my name, Pinkie Pie?”

“I know a lot more than you think.” Yuji ran a hand through his hair.

“Doubtful.” Fushiguro mocks and walks off the field, leaving Yuji on his own while having complicated feelings to work through.
______________________________

Megumi stood in his bathroom, getting ready for bed when his sister barged in. She immediately reached for his hair. Megumi liked his hair, it was dark black–which Gojo tells him he got from his biological father–and always messy, in a way that seemed planned.

“You know, you should change up your look. You have some real potential buried under all of your hostility.” Nobara told him, poking at a strand of hair sticking up on the side of his head.

“I'm not hostile, I'm honest. There's a difference.” Megumi swatted his sisters prying hands away.

“You should try to be nice sometimes, you know, to people other than Tsumiki and me. People wouldn't know what to think.” Nobara made her way to her vanity, which sat on the other wall of the bathroom.

“You forget, I don't care about what others think.” Megumi said.

“You totally do.” Megumi sighed at Nobara's comment.

“I don't. You don't always need to be who people want you to be. You know that right?” The boy turned to his sister.

“Yes, but I like being liked, thank you!” Nobara smiled. Megumi looked down at her neck to see a string of pearls. He pointed down to them.

“Where'd you get those?”

“Tsumiki sent them! She told me she found them in a box father sent her. She says hello by the way.” Megumi smiled slightly, letting his normal deadpan face leave for a split second.

“I remember those now. I think Shoko got them for her when she was in middle school. Dad and father were so confused on how she bought them with a teacher's salary.” Megumi smiled at the memory and Nobara laughed.

“Okay freak, go to bed. Your eye bags are getting darker by the second.” Megumi's smile was then wiped away.

“Okay, Madonna, get your bedtime makeup look put on.” Megumi said, as he mocked Nobara's tone.

Megumi walked out of the shared bathroom and into his bedroom. He flicked off his lights and flopped onto his bed, thinking about his day. He thought about the pink haired boy from the soccer field and how persistent he was for a date. Megumi internally rolled his eyes, he was not going to go out with anyone anytime soon, especially not that guy.
___________

As Megumi left the music store, he pulled out the new CD he just bought, Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me, by the cure. He distracted himself by reading the song list until he got to his car.

“Nice ride, expensive though.” Megumi knew that voice. He looked up to see Yuji Itadori leaning against the hood of his car.

“Jesus. Are you stalking me now?” Megumi walked past the boy and tossed his CD in through the open car window.

Itadori moved to make room for him. “Don't shoot! I was at the video store across the street, saw your car and thought it'd be nice to say hi.” He flashed a smile that made Megumi grow increasingly more annoyed.

“Hi.” Megumi scoffed.

Itadori moved to stand before the door to the front seat of Megumi's car. “Not a big talker, huh?”

Megumi didn't move, but took note of how little space Itadori felt like leaving in between them. “I talk depending on the topic. My expensive car doesn't whip me into a verbal frenzy.”

Itadori sized up the boy in front of him.“You're not afraid of me, are you?” he smiled, like he just figured out the meaning of life.

“Why would I be afraid of you?” Sure Megumi had heard stories of the big bad Yuji Itadori, but they didn't seem to match the boy standing in front of her.

“Well, most people in this town don't take a big liking to me.” Itadori leaned into Megumi's space even more, causing Megumi to step back an inch.

“I don't either, but that doesn't mean I'm scared of you.” Megumi crossed his arms.

“Okay maybe you're not scared of me, but I'm sure you've thought about my date offer.”

In truth, Megumi had, but not in the way Itadori wanted. He found Itadori too cocky and smug for his liking, but some tiny, almost miniscule, part of his brain also found that endearing.

“Oh wow, was I really that transparent? I yearn for you, I need you.” Megumi said in a robotic tone. He pushed past Itadori to reach the front seat.

Itadori took that as his cue to leave, so he walked to the front of the music store, for a smoke. Megumi climbed into the car and started his engine, excited to be back in the comfort of his own home once more. Then his worst nightmare appeared, Naoya Zeni'n in a setting other than school. He had parked his lime green convertible right behind Megumi's car, making it impossible to leave.

Megumi groans and sets his forehead against the steering wheel “Ugh, what is it, asshole day?” He poked his head out of his car window as Naoya walked to the storefronts ahead of him. “Do you mind?”

“Not at all.” Naoya answered, not turning his head.

Naoya's smirk broke the last string of patience Megumi had in his body. He put his car into reverse and without skipping a beat, he rammed his car into Naoya's, leaving a giant dent. Itadori walked over to the source of the noise and burst out laughing when Naoya shrieked.

“You bitch!” Naoya screamed as he ran to his beloved–tacky–car.

Megumi faked a pout. “Whoops!”
__________________________

“Whoops?! Megumi, my insurance does not cover teenage hormones!” Satoru complains, reading through insurance files.

“Then tell them I was hallucinating.” Megumi sighs. Satoru moves to sit next to his husband on the couch adjacent to their son.

“Is this about Kagoshima? Are you punishing me because we want you to stay close to home?” Satoru pouts.

“Aren't you punishing me because of your own trauma?” Satoru's face drops at that comment, causing Suguru to take the lead.

“Megumi, your father wants the best for you, we both do. We picked you and your sister off from a horrific living situation, and now we want to see you succeed. Having a rage-filled fender bender is not our definition of success.” Suguru smiled.

“Can we have one serious conversation without my adoption being brought up?” Megumi sat up straight and looked at his fathers.

“Yes, sorry, but please stop acting out. Our insurance can only stretch so far.” Suguru replied, massaging his temples.

Satoru ran a hand through his hair as his pager went off in his pocket. “Goddammit, sorry guys I gotta go. Great parental from you My Love,” He bent down and placed a kiss onto his husband's forehead. “And Megumi, please stop terrorizing the streets. Makes me look hypocritical as police chief.” He bent down and ruffled his son's hair before leaving the house for the night.

Megumi said goodnight to Suguru, and headed upstairs for bed. When he passed Nobara's room, she ran to his side. “Did you total Naoya's car?!” She shrieked.

“I didn't total it, just left a dent.” He shrugged.

“Less of a dent, more of a hole!” Suguru yelled from the living room.

Megumi rolled his eyes and turned to Nobara. “Guess you'll have to ride the bus now.” She stared at him with a flabbergasted look on her face.

“Oh my god my brother is actually psycho…” she muttered before turning her heel and going back to her room. Megumi just shrugged.

“Goodnight to you too.” He whispered.