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Ahsoka had been nervous to see Rex again. Almost painfully so.
The entire flight to the Jedi Temple was spent in a Dejarik booth, arms crossed and right leg bouncing anxiously. She tried to use the grounding techniques that Anakin had taught her, but she could hardly remember any of them. Probably because he didn’t explain them well, since he never used them, anyway.
Any time she so much as thought his name, her heart plummeted into her stomach. She wasn’t too anxious to see Anakin, thankfully. He was her brother. Their love was unconditional. And she wasn’t necessarily excited to see Obi-Wan, but she also didn't work herself into a tizzy at the notion. Her feelings were hurt from the last time they’d seen each other. That was all.
And the rest of the boys… Ugh. She was beyond excited to see them. They’d never really gotten a proper goodbye when she’d left the order. Maybe after this mission they would go to 79’s, just like the old times.
But Rex.
Her chest squeezed uncomfortably.
Whatever they’d had… must have ended. Right?
What did they have? Ahsoka found herself pondering that more often than not on the nights she’d spent alone in the lower levels, and now once again on her way back home.
It was after their mission to Onderon that their feelings had surfaced. After that, they spent more time together. Held hands sometimes in private. But that was it. And it lasted for only a couple of months. To anyone else, it may have looked like a fling. In fact, it probably was. But Ahsoka’s whole heart was in it.
She’d wondered if Rex’s was, too.
It was childish. Truly, it was more of a primary school mutual crush than a big, dramatic forbidden romance. And it ended like one, too. The last normal interaction that they’d had was on the walk over to interview Letta, and then she caught a glimpse of him once more in the sewers, and then never again.
No official beginning, no official end.
She gnawed thoughtfully on the nail of her middle finger.
Rex was nervous.
Nervous in an entirely unfamiliar way. And Rex very much disliked the unfamiliar.
He paced the length of his quarter, eyes occasionally flicking to the helmet on his bed, painted orange and white.
Stupid.
Stupid, stupid Rex.
The doors whooshed open and he spun around to see Jesse standing in the doorway, his own bucket tucked under his arm.
“Captain,” he greeted casually, not bothering to ask before flicking on the lights. “Pacing in the dark?”
Rex sighed and scrubbed a hand down his face. “Come on in, Jess.”
“You doin’ alright, there, Rex?” the clone asked, sitting on his bed. It squeaked slightly, and the dip in the mattress caused Rex’s helmet to fall lamely onto its side. His fingers flexed, and he almost reached out to set it upright once more. Jesse caught the movement and smirked a little.
“Ah. I see.”
Rex avoided eye contact.
“You’re real twisted up about this, huh, vod?”
Rex ran his hand over his buzz anxiously and began to pace again. “The helmets are dumb.”
Jesse scoffed aloud. “What?”
“How quickly do you think we can paint them back?”
“We’re not doing that.”
“We could-”
“Rex,” Jesse said, standing and grabbing his brother’s shoulder. “Look at me for a second.”
The Captain glanced in his direction briefly, but Jesse wouldn’t let up until he made full eye contact. Rex looked over, and Jesse grinned.
“There he is.”
Rex cringed and pushed him away.
Jesse laughed. “Sorry, sorry. But in all seriousness, Rex, she’s gonna love it. Really.”
He eyed his helmet on the bed, now joined by Jesse’s, with contempt.
“It’s just… It’s been so long,” he muttered, his forehead creasing with worry.
What if she’s mad at me?
I should have helped her run.
What if she moved on?
His stomach twisted the moment the thought entered his mind, and he physically shook the thought out of his head.
“I’m calling the men,” he decided finally. “And personally making sure that every single one repaints their helmets back to blue and white.”
“The hells you are,” Jesse countered.
Rex turned to him, taken aback. “And why not?’
“She’s already landed, di’kut,” he chuckled, swatting his arm. “That’s why I came in here in the first place.”
Rex feared that he might throw up.
Everything had gone alright so far. She and Obi-Wan hadn’t spoken a single word to each other, which was… ideal? Ahsoka had spent so long coming up with things to say to him, but the opportunity was simply not presenting itself. Or it hadn’t yet. She was still going to hold out hope that there would be a time to use “Obi-Dumb Kenobi.”
Too harsh, maybe.
She and Anakin had fallen right back into their usual banter. He looked much older, and she did, too. But she wasn’t completely sure about the length of his hair.
“Don’t worry, Snips, it’ll grow on you,” he had assured her. “Everyone loves it.”
And then he told her he had a surprise for her.
…The nerves were back.
He led her through the halls of The Temple. The pair passed clone troopers, all of which saluted and greeted her with a formal “Commander.” The powerful ranking that she had once felt fit her perfectly now seemed far too big for her.
They shouldn’t salute me anymore,” she mumbled quietly to Anakin. “Not since I left the order.”
She felt a wave of exasperation from him in The Force. “Doesn’t matter to them,” he said, like the words were supposed to be reassuring. “It’s a sign of respect. They know what you went through for them. Day after day. Battle after battle.” He stopped and crossed his arms with a smug grin as the door closest to them flew open. “Loyalty… means everything to the clones.”
She raised an eyebrow marking, and he nodded in the direction of the archway.
Her heart might have stopped for a couple of seconds.
Rex.
The clone captain stood proudly, rows of clone troopers behind him at attention. He had a helmet tucked under his arm. They all did. She did not recognize the paint.
Until she did.
They were her markings.
Force. He didn’t forget.
She totally forgot.
Rex tried desperately to keep his voice from giving out as he called his company to attention. The stomping of boots on the durasteel floors felt a little bit too loud. He had his helmet in one hand, and a box with her lightsabers hidden behind his back in the other. He hardly breathed as Ahsoka walked down the aisle of men, looking over each soldier.
She had grown up a lot.
Rex stared straight ahead, each of his breaths very intentional. He jumped when Skywalker spoke.
“As soon as Rex and the guys knew you were back, they got to work.”
Ahsoka turned and walked toward Rex, who was very worried about asphyxiating. He looked at his own helmet and held it out slightly.
“Paint job’s a little crude,” he admitted. “But we think it gets the idea across.”
She reached out and gently ran her fingers along the design. To Rex’s surprise, she smiled.
“...Glad to have you back, Commander,” he said, the words coming out softer than he had anticipated. She looked up at him, and when their gazes locked, he was suddenly completely unconcerned with the imminent battle, and the war, and everyone in the room with them. Her big, blue eyes had always had that effect on him.
“Rex,” she said. His name in her mouth made him blush like a cadet. “Thank you. But you don’t have to call me Commander anymore.”
Don't be ridiculous.
“Sure thing,” he said, unable to keep the small grin off of his face. “...Commander.”
She looked surprised, but smiled bashfully, rolling her eyes in exaggerated annoyance.
“Oh!” general Skywalker remembered. “I have one more surprise for you.”
Rex dutifully handed him the box, and then Skywalker held it out to Ahsoka. She eyed it hesitantly, but reached to open it. Before she could touch it, though, the alarm went off.
Ah, kriff.
General Kenobi bolted in from seemingly nowhere and began barking orders. “Anakin, Rex. Prepare our forces. We’re jumping to hyperspace immediately.”
Rex snapped to attention. “Yes. sir.”
He ran off, putting on his bucket immediately to hide the stupid smirk that was threatening to show.
She watched as Rex ran off, trying to hide her disappointment at his sudden absence.
But there were bigger things to focus on. She turned back to Obi-Wan, but Anakin was already speaking.
“So the attack on Mandalore was approved?”
“No, it’s Coruscant,” Obi-Wan responded. “Grievous has attacked the capitol.”
Anakin looked perturbed. “What about The Chancellor?”
“Shaak Ti has been sent to protect him, but Master Windu has lost contact with her.” At her master’s concerned expression, Obi-Wan spoke again. “Not to worry. Our fleet can be there within the hour.”
What? What about Mandalore?
“So that’s it?” Ahsoka huffed. “You’re going to abandon Bo Katan and her people?”
Her grandmaster looked at her, and she had to physically stop herself from recoiling. The man was eyeing her with intense, unfamiliar disdain.
“Ahsoka, surely you understand this is a pivotal moment in The Clone Wars. the heart of The Republic is under attack.”
“I understand,” she countered. “That, as usual, you’re playing politics.”
Like you did at my trial.
“This is why people have lost faith in The Jedi,” she continued. “I had, too, until I was reminded of what The Order means to people who truly need us.”
Obi-Wan’s gaze was steely. “Right now, the people on Coruscant need us.”
This time, she didn’t bother to hide her disgust. “No,” she said simply. “The Chancellor needs you.”
Kenobi looked surprised at her open dissent.
Not being in The Order is kind of fun.
“That’s not fair,” he tried.
Ahsoka shrugged. “I’m not trying to be.”
Anakin looked severely uncomfortable. “I’ll…” he began uncertainly. “Divide the 501st. Make a new division under Ahsoka’s command!”
Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. “Unfortunately, Ahsoka is no longer a part of The Grand Army of The Republic.”
Oh, so that’s how we’re playing this, Slow-bi-Wan Kenobi.
Eh. That one needs work.
She looked to Anakin, who seemed to still be scrambling for ideas.
“We’ll promote Rex to Commander,” he offered. “Have him lead the division. Ahsoka can go with him as an advisor!” He grinned at her, clearly proud of his little scheme. “What do you say?”
Hells yes. Totally.
“I accept,” she said formally. “That is, is Obi-Wan agrees.”
She looked directly at him, daring him to try to keep her uninvolved.
The man stroked his beard, and for a moment she thought he would try and fight it but he relented. “Very well,” he sighed.
She nodded.
He pursed his lips in thought before adding, “May The Force be with you.”
The ship had taken off fifteen minutes ago.
Rex stood in an empty briefing room, staring through a map of Mandalore. He’d been trying to memorize the layout, but he couldn’t seem to focus on anything other than
She didn’t hate the helmets.
The thought alone was enough to have him smiling to himself again.
He jumped when a door behind him opened and he spun to see who it was.
Ahsoka leaned in the frame, arms crossed and smirking at him a little.
“Hey, you.”
Rex’s heartbeat skyrocketed.
“Hey.”
She sauntered in, the door whooshing shut behind her. Now they were truly alone.
“So, uh.” She bit her lip playfully and gestured to his bucket that was currently sitting on the edge of the holoprojector. “The helmets.”
Rex was certain that his face was crimson. “Yeah,” he breathed. “Uh… Too much?”
“Not at all. They’re perfect.”
He glanced up at her hopefully. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” she nodded, looking over the design again. “Yeah. Good to know I was missed.”
“You have no idea.”
Her eyes flicked up to his, part surprised, part… something else.
“You were missed, too,” she said quietly. “Just by me, though. Sorry I didn’t have a whole army that I could, like, make tattoo your name on their foreheads.”
Rex laughed. “I guess I can forgive that.”
“You’re gonna have to,” she chuckled before sobering slightly. “But, um… Yeah. If I did, I totally would have.”
She looked at him like she was trying to convey a message that he wasn’t getting. Some sort of silent question he didn’t know how to answer.
Ahsoka hesitantly took a step closer, and Rex responded immediately, pulling her into his arms. Hers locked behind his neck, and his wrapped tight around her waist. The hug was a sigh of relief, and he had been holding his breath for far too long. He rested his chin on her shoulder and breathed in her scent, closing his eyes. And suddenly they were right back where they were a year and a half ago, making eye contact across the table at long-winded briefings and sitting in silence after rough missions.
“I’m sorry we didn’t get to say goodbye,” she blurted. Rex’s eyes widened a fraction, and he pulled back and took her hand.
“Don’t be sorry,” he said immediately. “You had no control over that.”
“I know. I just… I went to like, the public holocomms in the lower levels, and I kept trying your frequency, but I guess, like, I didn’t remember it right, or something?” she rambled. “I would have made more of an effort to come see you before I left if I knew that I wouldn’t be able to talk to you later.”
His heart sank at the regret in her tone. “Well. We’re talking to each other now, aren’t we?”
She seemed to consider that for a moment.
“How were the lower levels?” he asked hesitantly. “I mean… were you safe?”
Ahsoka cringed slightly and paused like she was carefully wording her answer to that question. “I… made it out,” she said finally. Rex didn’t push. She didn’t seem to want to discuss it right then, and they’d have more time to talk later.
A small, selfish part of him wanted to ask if she’d met anyone. Fallen in love, even for just a night. But that was probably the worst thing he could do at this very moment in time.
“Are you okay?” Ahsoka asked, snapping him out of his thoughts.
Rex nodded, studying her face for a brief moment. The way her eyebrow markings scrunched, the slight downturn of her lips because she was concerned about him, a regular, run-of-the-mill clone. When she had left, he was reminded how lucky he was to have COs that saw him and his men as human.
“I really couldn’t be better," he answered honestly.
The chevrons on her lekku darkened, and she nudged him with the hand that wasn’t holding his.
“Flirt,” she muttered.
“Maybe.”
Her smile faded slightly, and she studied his face, that questioning look in her eyes coming back. He raised an eyebrow, a silent urge for her to say whatever was on her mind.
“Did…” she started, but cut herself off with a huff. “So, um.” She crossed her arms, which had the unfortunate side effect of her letting go of Rex’s hand. His heart sank at the loss of contact. “Have you… How have you been? Have you, like, made any friends? While I was gone?”
Rex smirked at her strange question. She’d asked it so awkwardly, too. Friends? Clones didn’t make friends. Except…
Could she be asking what I think she’s asking?
“I have not,” he said slowly. “...Have you?”
Ahsoka narrowed her eyes a little, like she was trying to gauge if they were on the same wavelength or not. “Nope.”
That surprised Rex. “You didn’t?”
She smirked a little. “What, did you think I would?”
“No!” he said quickly. “No, I just- It’s been so long, and-”
“You’re telling me.”
“-I’d honestly figured that you’d moved on completely.”
“You did?”
He shrugged awkwardly, at a loss for words. “Yes?”
“Rex,” she laughed. “I don’t think I could have moved on if I tried.”
Rex was dumbstruck. The whole time, he’d figured that he had put too much of his heart into the short involvement that the two had before Ahsoka left the order. He would never in a million years admit it out loud, but he would fall asleep with her on his mind and wake up the same way. When he was bored, he would plan a life for them once the war was over. They would move to wherever she wanted, find a house, and live together. Like regular people. Like Cut and Suu. He had often wondered if he could ever marry her, and had tried to map out the logistics, since he wasn't technically a "person" in the eyes of the law. It was idealistic and fantastical and utterly ridiculous, but it kept his morale through the roof.
“That’s… great,” he breathed. “Not ‘great,’ obviously,” he immediately corrected. “I just… I didn’t think it was mutual, I suppose.”
Ahsoka looked at him dubiously, hand on her hip. “You know I adore you, but you are so, so stupid sometimes.”
She adores me!
And suddenly, she looked incredibly nervous, which, in turn, made Rex nervous, too. He almost jumped when she touched his arm. Her long, slender fingers slid up to his shoulder, to his neck, to the bare skin on his face. He tried to read her expression.
“You alright?” he asked gently.
“Mhm,” she nodded. “Just… thinking.”
“About?”
“I dunno.”
He looked at her, unimpressed. “Yes, you do.”
She breathed a laugh at his certainty, and shrugged. “I just missed you. And it’s crazy that we’re here again. Because it was totally possible that we’d never see each other ever again.”
Rex nodded. Between the fact that he was shipped out to war on the daily, and the fact that she had been dealing with Force-knows-what in the undercity, it was possible that their paths were never going to cross again. In fact, it was kind of unreal that just a year and a half later, she was standing right in front of him. He had never bothered to come to terms with the fact that he could have lost her forever.
“Can I tell you something that I thought about a lot?” she asked after a moment. Rex’s interest was instantly piqued.
“Shoot.”
She sighed before she spoke, like she was already rethinking saying anything. “How we never kissed.”
Rex’s heart skipped a beat in a way that Kix would not have approved of. He’d be lying if he said that he hadn’t had the same regret racing through his mind, especially on the first nights after her departure.
“I guess I figured that we had more time.”
“Me too,” she concurred. “Pretty dumb thought process, considering we were both on the frontlines every other day.”
They both chuckled.
The ship lurched slightly, and an automated voice rang through the room.
“Entering planet atmosphere.”
Rex sighed. Terrible timing. “Guess we should go get ready.”
“We should,” she said, grabbing his arm before he could go anywhere. “But, you know. We are going off to battle…”
Rex furrowed his brow, but caught on quickly. He nodded. “That’s true. Something could happen to either one of us.”
She smirked at him and he damn near forgot how to breathe.
Her hand slid up his arm once more to rest on his shoulder. Rex stood awkwardly, his fingers beginning to go numb from anxiety. He was certain that whatever facial expression he was making was not sexy. Ahsoka shook him gently.
“You alright?”
Rex nodded. “Yeah. Sorry. Just… nervous.”
“Me, too.”
That made him feel better.
When their lips met, all of his nerves melted away. His hand came up to cup her jaw, the other one sliding around her waist to pull her closer, She rested hers on his chest. He tilted his head experimentallt, and the kiss deepened just slightly.
Though his eyes were closed, he felt that he was seeing a million colors at once. Fireworks were set off in his stomach and burst in his head.
They pulled back after a long moment, and Rex steadied himself on the edge of the holotable. He was physically shaking. He looked at Ahsoka, who was covering her hands with her face. She peeked at him through her fingers, and he laughed.
“That was kind of crazy,” she whispered.
“No kidding,” he breathed, trying to hold on to a coherent thought. He wasn’t quite sure how he was supposed to go and capture a Sith Lord after that. It seemed like there were more important things to be doing, anyway.
“I guess we should head to the gunships,” Ahsoka said with a twinge of disappointment in her voice. She jammed a finger at his chestplate. “You’d better make it out of here alright. For obvious reasons, but also because we need to do a lot more of that.”
Rex grinned. “You have my word.”
“Good,” she said seriously, grabbing his hand and leading him toward the loading bay. She gasped in excitement. “Oh my gosh. I get to jump off of ships. I haven’t jumped off of a ship in forever.”
Rex rolled his eyes. He didn’t like her Skywalker-esque habits of unnecissarily dangering herself then, and he certainly didn’t like them now. “No, you’re not. Just wait for the kriffing thing to land.”
“I'm definitely jumping,” she countered. “And I’m gonna find a way to get you to do it, too.”
Force knows she was right. He'd follow her anywhere.