Chapter Text
Pro Hero Dynamight doesn't date. Everybody knows that. There may be some people who wonder why that is, but mostly, people are just grateful.
“Tonight our star guest is HIM, the one who doesn’t need introductions, Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight!” Said Jimmy, the interviewer.
The small in-studio crowd roared, sounding like a full stadium. Shouts, cat calls, everything. The man of the night walked right in, with large strides and unshakeable confidence. He was wearing perfectly tailored pants, a bold high-fashion shirt, and obviously no tie. One will never catch Dynamight wearing a tie, his words.
As he took his seat on the couch next to Jimmy, the crowd was still screaming. He looked around, smiled to no one but himself, and flicked his perfect, messy hair, knowing people would still take a full minute to get used to being in his presence. The interviewer tried to start a few times, but people would not stop making noise, so he surrendered to the waiting, softly clapping together.
Izuku wanted so badly to turn the TV off and spare himself the suffering, but there was something he wanted much more than that: to watch the first interview Dynamight agreed to give to a TV show.
“What a welcome! This is definitely a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! How come you’re never on TV shows?”
“Well, aside from the schedule, I already say too much bullshit on live TV, so… Don’t see the point in giving you guys more fuel.”
People laughed politely.
“I’m sure many people would not agree to that! Live TV is not as flexible as us here, you know? Only in a studio can we ask you to watch this clip.”
The video quickly started on the on-stage screen, and was quickly full-screened on Izuku’s TV, with Jimmy’s and Dynamight’s faces in the corner to show their reactions. It was a sequence of shots of Dynamight on live TV, not the ones he was fighting, but the post-incident interviews, the ones that only aired live, and one gotta go deep in forums to find afterwards.
“... and what about the girl, is she gonna be okay?”
“I’m a hero, not a fucking medic. I pulled her out with all four limbs and head attached to her neck, if that’s what you're asking.”
Izuku could hear the studio crowd laughing as the next video started.
“Dynamight, sir! Hiraguma from channel 3. Are you okay? Was the villain apprehended?”
“No, no, I’m completely fine, just chilling in an ambulance with a stupid neck brace while the villain runs free.” The only answer to that was a suppressed laugh from the paramedic. The villain had been apprehended after a notorious, difficult fight, and the reporter had no further questions.
In the studio, people were laughing again, then back to the interviewer.
“Next one is my favorite!” Jimmy said excitedly before it started.
“... it’s always nice to work with a dedicated and competent local police force. This capture went so smoothly thanks to the Sendai PD.” Dynamight stated to the reporter in a rather polite and pleased manner.
“And that's not usually the case in Tokyo?” The live reporter asked boldly.
Dynamight opened his mouth and hesitated for a mid-second before answering.
“If you wanna get me in trouble, lady, I'd rather you ask me where I’m going after this since it ended so early.”
“So you wish Tokyo Police were more efficient so you could be free earlier to go on dates?”
“Oh my fucking god, I’m so done with you. No more questions.”
The TV cuts from the bold reporter to… the same woman, now sitting in the live audience. She was smiling and clapping with everybody else, her cheeks very obviously pink.
“Here on the Ultra Late Night Show, we don’t do very serious journalism, but oh boy, our team does investigate things thoroughly. Turns out Miss Sakae from that interview is now a colleague from the newsteam here on channel 5, and agreed on a follow-up of that interview, right?”
“Actually, I asked first if this wouldn’t get me fired, but yeah, I ended up agreeing.”
People laughed more, and Izuku wanted to die on the inside. That video was almost two years old, it was a classic among Dynamight fans, like every piece of video with Dynamight flirting was. He turned the volume two notches up.
“And I thought I was the one coming here to be interviewed, silly me.” Katsuki said, good humored and clearly briefed.
“My bad!” Jimmy apologized happily. “Let’s hear from you first! Do you remember what happened after that clip from the Sendai evening news?”
Dynamight looked a bit unsure, looking to the back stage.
“Did my manager really agree with me answering this? Did you know about this?”
One of the cameras quickly shuffles to briefly show someone backstage, a black short-haired woman dressed for business, her face mostly covered by a facemask. She was holding a tablet, and her only answer was a thumbs-up. Izuku knew she was Shoko, Dynamight’s PR director, since he opened his own agency.
“Fuck me. Yeah, I remember. She was still there after the cleanup, so we… went to a pizza place?” Katsuki was not so sure, looking for the woman in the audience to correct him.
“Actually, it was a gyutan place. Sendai, remember?” She provided.
“Oh, of course, local cuisine and shit. How could I forget, right?”
“And that’s it?” Jimmy, the host, interrupted. “The tongue action was just culinary?”
Gyutan was indeed made of beef tongue, so the joke was actually good. Izuku made a mental note to never have the dish ever again.
“Well, anyone who knows me knows I’m a very reserved person.” Katsuki delivered that flatly, and everybody just laughed because that was impossible coming from the youngest on the top 3 hero leaderboard, who was constantly featured in every possible media outlet, serious or not.
Izuku even read about the Dynamight effect on social media, a very serious study run by @dynastats proving that posts with Dynamight’s name or his picture would automatically perform 17% better on social media platforms.
But the truth is, people could hardly get Dynamight’s sincere opinion or something, or get him to talk about himself, about his plans, or anything. Reporters only get sarcastic answers, flirtings, and occasionally something polite and short. But Izuku knew that Katsuki was, for a fact, a very reserved person. And he was not sorry for the people who thought otherwise.
“I don’t run my mouth about people, especially regular civilians.” Katsuki made the point to explain after people stopped laughing.
“So you classify Miss Sakae’s here as just regular?”
Hell broke loose in the studio.
“I meant people who are not public or shitty villains!” Katsuki tried to fix it while people were laughing and petting Sakae’s back, as if she had just been rejected.
“So you don’t mind rating villains? I’m sure we can work with that!” Jimmy interjected brightly.
Quickly, the screen was showing a savvy picture of a villain who had an octopus quirk. Instead of legs, he had the tentacles coming from his lower abdomen, much like a mermaid would. His upper body was really buff.
“Are we seriously doing this? Should we rate on what basis?”
“Let’s say we rate them based on… your experience with them.” Jimmy said in a very vague and dubious way.
“Right, fuck me, yeah. Let’s do it. That guy was nuts, too many steroids and no brain cells left. The fight was pretty lame. Zero out of ten.”
The next picture was a villain with a very powerful flower quirk. As powerful flowers could be.
“Oh, that bitch gave me allergies for three days straight! Heard they need to build a special cell for her so she doesn't intoxicate people on Tartarus. Fat zero.”
Next was a guy with rocks for fists.
“He had a great right hook, and not much else. Blew him sideways to a wall, he dozed off. My insurance had to pay for the wall, so… Zero.”
“Tough analysis so far, only zeros.” Jimmy was amused. “But I have high hopes for the next one!”
Next was a plain-looking guy, his only recognizable feature was his hair split to the side, covering one of his eyes. It was not a villain that got media attention, Izuku knew for sure. His quirk was see-through; he had X-ray vision from the eye he covered. It had a short range but was good enough to pick locks, look inside purses, suitcases, and, well, people’s clothes.
Dynamight was assigned to his case because… well, the villain had asked for him. After leaving a couple of sidekicks tied to posts, he demanded that the police send Dynamight to get him, that he would turn himself in if they did. And Tokyo Police would never waste an opportunity for an easy catch.
Izuku knew all of that only because he could access the UnitySystem, the hero commission collaboration system to share hero reports and other important info between agencies. He should just use it for investigations, but… well, it didn’t hurt anyone if he kept tabs on his favorite hero's latest deeds.
“Oh, that’s recent. How did you get his picture?” Katsuki was curious.
“I told you our team does investigate things thoroughly.” This meant someone with access to the system gave them this, it was kind of impressive.
“Well, all I know is that guy was a fan, told the police he’d surrender to me. I got there, and he kept his word. Easy day, no harm done, so I’d say, a five?”
“Did they not tell you what his quirk was?”
“Something about his eye? People usually don’t know this, but when on the field, we heroes receive very brief reports on villains, the most important information being the threat level. It’s a grade from 0 to 10, so we know beforehand how dangerous the criminal is before engaging. They adjust the threat level according to the quirk match up, and for me, this guy's level was a zero, so.” Katsuki then just shrugged, meaning he couldn’t care less about what his quirk did.
The interviewer smiled knowingly, so they started showing the villain's profile on the screen. Quirk: See-through. Offenses: voyeurism. Frequently uses his quirk to look at people's private parts.
The studio started to laugh once again while Dynamight politely clapped and lagged with the audience.
“An easy catch is a catch at the end of the day. I’m glad he's off the streets, and people are safer.”
People clapped more politely now, because yeah, Dynamight was a hero through and through and deserved all the claps. Even Izuku’s from the comfort of his couch.
“But let’s get back to the most important point!” The interviewer started.
“How is Dynamight Agency completing two years?” Katsuki eagerly suggested.
“No, we can leave that for the real journalists. Let’s get back to Miss Sakae!” People laughed at Katsuki’s disappointed face, and Jimmy kept going. “You didn’t want to rate her, but the other way around is very possible, right? Let’s see what she has to say about you!”
For the first time, the studio was super quiet, eager to hear what she had to say about him.
“Oh, just a sec. They made me right down, so I have to use the exact same words.” She fumbled through her purse to produce a paper, making the studio laugh again. “My encounter with Mr. Dynamight on said occasion occurred way after our working hours, and it did involve acts of intimacy as may occur between consenting adults, with no further continuity.”
People clapped a little, unamused by the curated statement.
“That’s a way to put it. Sounds boring as hell though.” Dynamight commented.
“Yeah, our legal department tends to take the joy out of people.” Jimmy joked. “But do you know who doesn’t need a legal department? These people over there.”
A new clip started playing, and for once, Katsuki looked a bit embarrassed in Izuku’s knowing eyes. Maybe this part was indeed a surprise and not rehearsed. He upped the TV volume once again.
“My name is Kara, from @karadressandmake. If you don’t follow me yet, what are you doing, bitch?”
It was her catch phrase, Izuku had heard a million times. Her makeup reviews and tips on picgram were solid.
“I literally met Dynamight at the Hero Gala afterparty in 2024, and like, I was wearing this stunning BKG gown, so obviously he had to take pictures with me. I mean, it’s not like he had a choice, his mom would spank him otherwise, am I right? He was kind of grumpy at first, but honestly, people always end up loving me. He got over the party super quickly, either he was bored or just, you know, couldn’t wait to leave with me. Either way, it was a blast. And yes, the pun was absolutely intended. I am so excited to meet him again at Hawks’ Halloween Party this year. See you there, Katsuki!”
The casual use of his given name burned a hole in Izuku’s stomach. The audience thrived. The camera was quick to return to Katsuki to show his reaction and his answer.
“That’s… mostly true. My old hag would never spank me, though, she’s more keen on lawyering up and invoking penalty clauses. Then she invites me over for dinner as if I didn’t have to pay her for some bullshit clause that I didn’t remember signing. It’s a menace.”
“Sounds like a very normal family, who never, right?”
People laughed some more. Ready for the next clip. It was a guy now, you could see his well-defined physique, strong shoulders and neck, but his face was purposely covered in a shade.
“I met Dynamight at a hotel gym. I was in town for a big business event, and all the city hotels were crowded with people attending it. My company had no choice but to book me at this fancy ass hotel, good for me, I guess. I wasn't expecting to meet Dynamight at the crack of dawn on a treadmill. It was kind of annoying how quickly it all went, if I were to say. Not much talking, some looking, and a key card. I was bent over and back again before 8 in the morning. Best impromptu sex of my life, no comparison. It’s a shame I’ll never get this luck again.”
People clapped and made cat calls, very amused by the telling of events. Izuku was sure he had read at least a dozen of Dynamight x Reader fanfics with that exact same plot. It would probably blow over now, the hotel gym tag will be flooded.
“Hmm, the problem with this story is that it probably is true. I’m not gonna say I make a habit of meeting people in hotel gyms but… It’s not a bad place. It’s discrete and practical. Works really fine. So yeah… I’d say it’s true. But I don’t remember this guy specifically, I’m sorry.”
“I bet that for now, the percentage of use of hotel gyms will skyrocket, am I right?”
The next clip started as soon as people stopped laughing.
“Do we really have to record this?”
“Yeah! I promised I’d do this for Chiku-chan, you know, from channel 5?”
“But why do I have to be here? I don’t get anything from that!”
“‘Cause we are friends, dude! Friends help friends! And Mina is here to support you!”
“I’m here because you promised to pay me with tickets to the BTS soundcheck.”
“Yeah, yeah, and that!”
“Oh my god, you’re so full of shit. You're gonna own me big time!”
“Whatever! Let’s do it!”
The video was very badly recorded, but it featured Chargebolt, Red Riot, and Pinky. The three heroes were publicly known for being Dynamight friends.
“Okay, I’ll start!” Denki framed them all sitting on a couch and started. “I’ve lost count of how many times I tried to get on Bakugou’s pants! Like, since high school? Pfff, a thousand times. Dude was so hard to get. Then, I started dating Shinsou, and BOOM! Same week, best three-way ever. Sometimes you just need a brainwash quirk, and that’s it!”
“Shinsou is definitely going to murder you for implying that.” Mina was not amused.
“He won't! He loves me!”
“See how far it goes then…”
“Okay! Kiri is next!”
“Oh man, this is ridiculous… Can I ditch? I can’t do this. Is this going online? Who’s editing?”
“The more you make a deal out of it, the worse it gets.” Mina pointed.
“Right, okay… I… It was like… forever ago. Just a bro thing, you know? Helping each other out before this ridiculous chemistry test in 3rd year. I barely passed, and he got an A+ obviously. There, I said it.”
“See? Not that hard, baby. My turn! I was kind of bummed at the time ‘cause the jerk I was seeing was afraid of sucking my pussy and getting acid in his mouth or something stupid like that. Hence the famous sex tape that “accidentally leaked from my lost phone”. It was actually revenge porn, very well framed, if I may say so. It’s a top video on the hero-porn category even these days, I’m very proud! Bakugou never actually confirmed that it was him, but who didn’t know, right? Shoulders like that are not easy to find. Performance 10 out 10, I would definitely recommend it to a friend!”
“Dude, wish I had it filmed too… Any chance he’d do me again after this?” Kaminari was cutely pouting.
“Zero chances, bro. You just buried any possibility you had.”
“Meh… Chiku-chan will not disappoint me, right, girl? Tell Jimmy I want to be in his show!”
The studio audience was clapping to the infinite and roaring. The camera zoomed in on Dynamight’s face, where he was actually embarrassed now. He even covered his face with his hand at some point.
“I can’t believe they did this, I’m gonna murder them.”
“People wanna hear from you, Dynamight! Is that all true?”
“Of course it is, what can I say? Those were my best friends!”
“I’m sure you won’t have any trouble finding people willing to be friends with you now, at least.”
Izuku couldn’t handle it anymore. It’s not like Katsuki banged all his friends!! He was living proof that it was not the case! Oh gosh, he was so pathetic. Should he stoop so low as Denki and just ask for it? Add someone in the mix to make it more appealing? Like who? Ochako? Nah, Izuku was pretty sure Katsuki had already fucked her at some point. She just kept it to herself so Izuku wouldn’t be sad. Shouto, maybe?
The Late Night Show kept going with more embarrassing stories about people who claimed to have had sex with Dynamight, and Katsuki confirmed every single story. They even ended up with a sweet story of a girl who was so nervous with the prospect of going home with him, she downed some strong alcohol and was hammered by the time they were out of the taxi. She went on about how Dynamight put her to bed and even cooked her a meal before leaving, and how she was super sad she lost the opportunity of her life.
People clapped hard at the end. What an example of a man and a hero Dynamight was. Besides his body count being larger than the show could possibly survey, not a single bad scandal. No substance abuse, no cheating, no promises of love, only the prospect of a mutually consensual good time between adults. And by the retelling of the facts, satisfaction is always guaranteed.
Izuku felt utterly jealous, but worse than that, he felt invisible. So many random people, and so many not so random, and he was never even considered? Yeah, he was quirkless now, but he was still in the top 10! His body was definitely in shape, and… they were good friends. They see each other regularly, they have interests in common, they talk a lot, they… send each other memes? That was important, wasn’t it?
So yeah, Izuku was probably not his type. That had to be the answer.
After the show ended, Izuku needed some kind of assurance that his theory was right. There was nothing wrong with him, he was just not Katsuki’s type. So he boldly searched for @dynastats and happily found what he was looking for.
Here is the updated list on Dynamight allegedly bodycount by type.
- Female: 67
- Male: 59
- Other: 3
- Buff: 42
- Twinks/Petit: 69
- Heteromorphs: 18
- Asian: 102
- White: 15
- Black: 10
- Other: 2
- Dark hair: 71
- Light hair: 58
- Short hair: 79
- Long hair: 50
- Celebrities/Famous: 40
- Heroes: 19
- Regular people: 70
- 5 journalists
- 9 waiters/bar tenders
- 2 photographers
- 1 police
- 2 doctors
- 51 unknown.
- Between 25 and 45 years old: 56
- Over 45 years old: 2
- Under 25 years old: 1
- Unknown: 70
Yeah, Katsuki’s type was pretty much everyone that was of age, minus Izuku. Very reassuring. The slightly lower count on men was kind of expected since there were way more straight women than gay men. So maybe he was losing in the buff category? But that could definitely be just the fact that there were so few buff women to add to the numbers. 42 was not a low number either, he could definitely be one of them, right?
Maybe he could DM @dynastats and ask for his spreadsheet. He wanted to know the categories separated by gender. They wouldn’t deny him, right? Probably not if he used his official account…But that could be a bit scandalous…
Fuck that. Izuku had already lost so many hours trying to find a reason for Katsuki’s uninterest in him. He probably simply didn’t like him that way, there was no ulterior motive. He should forget this stupid show ever happened.
Plim!
“Hey nerd, I know you are awake. Open your door, don’t wanna wake up the whole floor by ringing your stupid ass doorbell.”
Shit, the universe has to be playing him. Bakugou Katsuki gotta be playing him.
Izuku fumbled to the door, then remembered to check himself in the mirror. He was wearing Shouto’s flannel pajama pants, one leg red and the other white, no shirt. Should he put something on?
“I heard you stomping in there. Open the fucking door.”
Fuck, fuck. Okay, he was opening the door.
“Oh, hi, Kacchan… Come in. Did something happen?”
Katsuki was not wearing any special clothing, just sweatpants and a hoodie. So he was not out on a date or anything, that was a plus.
“Nah, just that stupid TV show. I hated it. Did you watch it?”
“Ahm… me? What TV show?” Izuku pretended to be unaware.
“Hah, nice try. You can’t lie to me, Deku, don’t know why you even try.”
Katsuki walked to his bedroom like he owned the place, got the remote, and turned the TV on. Surely it was on channel 5.
“Okay! So I was watching! I thought it was really fun, and people were laughing too. Why did you hate it?”
“Bunch of freaks.” Katsuki shut the TV and walked back to the kitchen. “My official contacts are bursting with tits and dick pics, it’s a mess. Shoko is going to hire an AI or something to filter it out.”
“Well, it's good publicity, isn’t it? If anyone can handle it is Shoko, right? I read opinions online, and everyone sounded very pleased with you. No scandals, no bad press. I think it was good overall."
Izuku realized he was worried, but he genuinely didn’t think it was bad, on the contrary. This could help him get to his so-dreamed-of number 2 spot.
“Yeah, fucking great. Everything I needed, more extras expecting to have an easy go on me.” Katsuki looked a bit pissed, but nothing really out of his usual. “Aren’t you working tomorrow?”
“Ahm, me? No, not until noon.”
“Cool. Wanna fuck?”
If Izuku were drinking something, he surely would have spat it all on Katsuki’s face.
“W-what?!”
“You heard me the first time, nerd. Don’t make it weird.”
Izuku’s mouth opened and closed, and he was sure he didn’t know what to do with his hands anymore. What the fuck was happening?!?!
“I… what? Is this a joke? Hahaha. Very funny.”
Izuku outright escaped to the inside of his kitchen counter, maybe to get some water or make tea, but actually, he just started to open and close cabinets at random, desperately making himself occupied.
“Yeah, sure, apparently that’s what I am now. A big fucking joke. Absolutely no one expects anything serious coming from me.”
Katsuki sat on the high stool on the other side of the counter and sighed. Looking closely, he realized he was not angry, he was sad or disappointed. Izuku was very, very, very confused. This has never happened before. Katsuki didn’t simply complain about anything. He didn’t sigh, he didn’t show any signs of emotional distress whatsoever. It was usually Izuku who had to carve him up for any information on his actual feelings about anything and force him to talk about it, vent for a bit at least.
“Are you okay? Are you… drunk?”
Well, that was definitely the wrong thing to say. Katsuki raised his head, and his eyes were burning daggers furiously now. His demeanor changed from sad and vulnerable to his more common, angry, and loud persona in a brief second.
“Fuck you, you piece of shit. Do I look like I’m drunk? One fucking time I try to say something that matters, all people can think is that I’m drunk or out of my mind! Like I’m not a fucking real living person! Don’t know why I even try.”
And just as fast as he came, he left. Gone were his worries about waking up his neighbors because his door was slammed shut with a bang.