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Jeff sat on his mattress on the floor, surrounding by trash, old, dirty, bloody clothes that he had been too lazy to clean. Blades littered his floor and some of the old wood had been stained with what looked like old dried blood.
The lights were off yet there was a soft glow of the moon that let him see his surroundings, he sat there still in silence for a while not thinking of anything in particular, almost like he wasn’t even fully there within the moment.
He eventually blinked and snapped out of it and stood up slowly, he yanked his blood stained hoodie off and tossed it harshly onto his mattress, and went over to his closet, picking out and quickly shoving on a black tank top. He glanced down slightly toward where he’d shoved a couple shirts and hesitated for a moment.
He stared at that pile of clothes for a moment, he knew what was under there, he knew what he could do if he wanted too, he knew it wouldn’t be quick but he was too scared to do it any other way.
His finger twitched, and he slowly reached over lifting up the bundle of clothes to reveal a somewhat thick rope he’d bought a couple of years ago now, he’d thought about doing it before but never had the guts to. He held it in his hands for a moment, it was definitely long enough to tie let along hang.
He sat down on his mattress again the rope now in his hands he stared at it for a moment before folding it once then creating an ‘S’ shape and begun attempting to tie it.
He failed once, twice, three times.
Every time he pulled the rope tight just to watch it come loose and fall apart only made him more frustrated and made him feel pathetic.
He couldn’t even kill himself properly.
He tried again and again and again, he just couldn’t get it right, maybe it was the rope? Maybe he needed a better one? It didn’t matter either way.
Jeff tossed the rope across the room listening to it thud onto the wooden floor, he just sat there in silence for a moment before quickly swiping a clean-looking blade off of the floor and quickly holding it right up against his wrist. But he hesitated. He just stared and stared and stared.
He couldn’t do it, he could never do it.
All he could do was create more and more scars over his already ugly body, he hated it, he hated how weak he was. It pissed him off so badly he could never properly make that final step and just press down and swipe hard enough.
He tossed the blade aside with frustration, he groaned in anger that was aimed at himself and his subconscious. He stood up and quickly left his room, quickly walking down the hallway he knew there was only one person he could go to right now.
He was breathing heavily as he anxiously ran a hand through his long hair before biting down on his nails ripping them off without a second thought. He reached Jack’s door and didn’t even think about knocking and just barged in. Luckily, the demon was in his room for once and not tucked away within his surgery room.
EJ quickly sat up from his bed, his ears twitching at the sudden intrusion, he reached for his mask but noticed it was Jeff standing in the doorway and eased up. He looked over and pushed himself up and out of bed.
“Jeff?” He asked, his voice low and almost gentle, he took a step closer to the other man before Jeff broke any space between them and rushed over and hugged Jack tightly before starting to cry.
EJ was more than just confused but he’d seen Jeff like this before, he gently and slowly ran a clawed hand through the other’s hair and held him close with the other. He didn’t ask questions, he knew Jeff didn’t like that.
Jeff shoved his face into Jack’s shoulder not wanting to let the other see him properly cry, acting like this was embarrassing enough but Jack was the only one he could trust with this.
EJ stayed put before slowly pulling away and gently taking Jeff’s hands and led him to his bed and sat him down before sitting beside him before he pulled the other back into a gentle but firm hug again.
Jeff clung to Jack, he didn’t even fully understand why he was crying, it’s not like he didn’t want to die, because he did. So why the hell was he crying? He quickly moved away from Jack pushing him softly and quickly wiping his tears.
“Fuck…that’s embarrassing.” He muttered trying to force a laugh and pretend nothing happened.
EJ sat there for a moment looking at the other wanting to see if Jeff wanted to talk about it at all without pushing too hard because he knew if he pushed Jeff would just storm out and leave for who knows how long.
“It’s okay. Do you want to stay here for the night?” Jack offered casually still looking toward Jeff who seemed to stiffen up slightly at the offer.
“Sure…whatever.” Jeff tried brushing it off but in a way he was a little grateful, he couldn’t thank Jack not directly anyway. He’d figure out a way to show his gratitude another time or something like that anyway.
Jack climbed back in his bed and shuffled over making room for Jeff who mumbled something about ‘this whole thing is gay.’ Yet he still climbed into the bed next to Jack and immediately faced away from him.
Jack didn’t seem to mind this at all, though Jeff thought it was extremely awkward but at the same time he didn’t want to be alone. He stayed as still as possible and just closed his eyes he was admittedly worn out after crying, eventually finding peace and comfort within Jack’s presence and eventually fell asleep.