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It's been three weeks since Rocky started the process of becoming human. Or, as close as his biology could get. He actually woke me up when it started.
"Grace. Grace. Wake up. Is important." He tapped insistently on the xenonite above my face.
I groaned. "Lemme sleep, Rock."
"No, Grace. Rocky is sick."
I sat up quickly. It hit me then that he'd never actually woken me up before. He always let me sleep, preaching on about the importance of rest so I wouldn't "be stupid and make stupid science mistakes."
"What's wrong?" I pressed my hand to the xenonite in front of my bed, and he rested his carapace against the other side of the material with a low trill. I could feel his warmth. It was the closest thing I could get to touching him.
"Grace promise not be mad," Rocky said.
"Of course I won't be mad," I pet my hand over the clear material, trying to comfort him. "I'm your best friend, buddy, I'm on your side."
Rocky curled in on himself. "Is Eridian legend."
"What is?" I pressed. They had legends???
"When Eridian find mate outside of species, Eridian body change to match. Has not happened in thousands of years because Eridians eliminate other species on Erid long time ago."
"What?" Rocky thought of me... "You think of me as your mate?"
"Please no mad," Rocky warbled. "Tried to not express because Rocky no want make Grace uncomfortable. Is personal. But now Rocky body is changing and cannot control. Scared."
"Oh buddy," I pressed my forehead against the barrier, feeling myself go into the same protective mode as when one of my students would get teased or freaked out about their body changing. Rocky didn't know anything more about being human than a sheltered 13-year-old knows about her first period. And I was the only one who could teach him.
"You're gonna be okay, I promise. We can talk about the mate thing when you're ready. And we're definitely talking about it, but are you gonna be okay? What do you need?"
"Rocky need sleep for several Earth weeks. Change while asleep. Grace watch....question?"
"Of course, bud," I promised. "I'll take care of the breeder tanks and everything. Are you gonna...need oxygen? At some point?"
Rocky lowered his carapace sadly. "Not know. In past only happened on Erid, same atmosphere for both species."
"Oh," I let out a breath. "I can...monitor the atmosphere for you. Change it gradually. When it looks like you're breathing like a human, I'll make sure it's oxygen."
Rocky gave a weak little jazz hands. "Amaze! Rocky sleep now." He scuttled to a little corner and plunked himself down, curling his limbs around himself and going still. The gravity of how alone I'd be for three weeks hit me straight to the chest. But I needed to keep him alive, and I needed to do a lot of research on how to teach someone how to be human. So I had a job to do.
Around the three-week mark, Rocky looked mostly human-shaped, with his crust of inorganic material covering only a few little patches of his olive-toned skin. His face was soft and relaxed as he slept. We'd passed the "uncanny valley" stage and now he just looked.. he looked like he was my age, maybe a little younger. His hair was silvery and fluffy, with a little bit of brown streaking that matched his carapace. I wondered if he'd keep any of his inorganic material. It would be sad if he lost his mate mark from Adrian, or his family crest. I would miss the way the little embedded pieces of turquoise caught the light. Maybe we could tattoo him. I'd done a stupid stick-and-poke in college (it was a star, and the irony was not lost on me). I could figure out how to tattoo him. But I was probably getting ahead of myself. I continued to watch him sleep and started adjusting the oxygen/ammonia ratio a little bit more.
Four days later, Armando alerted me at 10:47 PM that Rocky was trying to breathe.
I had been monitoring and adjusting his atmosphere slowly, but now he needed to come to my side of the barrier, and that would be tricky. I put my EVA suit on and broke through his paneling. It wasn't too hard, and I felt kind of bad for ruining his hard work, but that was the plan from the start. I couldn't fit through his little airlock. I had to move quickly. He wasn't nearly as heavy as an Eridian now, so I could move him myself. I dragged him back out, where he coughed and shivered and finally, finally, took his first breath of air.
I could tell he was still asleep, and he looked so sweet curled up like that, but the floor was cold and he was starting to shiver. The poor guy was naked and I couldn't just leave him on the floor.
Was I supposed to wake him up now? Crap. He didn't say if I needed to wake him or if he'd wake up naturally. I settled for carrying him to one of the other bunks and tucking him in with my quilt. He could use the comfort more than me, now. His breathing slowly stabilized. He was still definitely in a deep sleep.
I had to stop staring at him. I had work to do.
I spent the next two weeks preparing for him to wake up. I deconstructed the xenonite barriers of his enclosure and tried to restore the space back to the lab and dormitory it used to be. We'd need the space, and it gave me something to do besides read articles on human development.
I had no way of researching Eridian bodies or culture except for what I had written down from Rocky's extensive conversations with me. I was glad I took notes, but I remembered most of it already just from living around him.
The biggest change would probably be sexuality. Eridians didn't have the same kind of pleasure that humans did, so he'd probably get overwhelmed and then very excited. He said he was changing to be my mate, and while I was finding myself less and less opposed to that (okay, fine, I think about it all the time) I knew it would also be a huge learning curve for him. Rocky was used to being the one in charge, and he'd definitely be freaked out and reliant on me. I didn't know how much instinct or knowledge he'd retain. Would he be able to use the toilet? Would he know how to speak? Would he have to eat the same taomoeba-and-coma-slurry that I was--
Oh no.
We'd run out of food twice as fast if that were the case. And I was already thin enough. Rocky would have to help me figure that out when he woke up, because I had no freaking clue how to fix that problem.
We were six months from Erid at this point, so it was possible we'd have barely enough food. But I didn't know how much food his developing body would require compared to mine. I felt hungry pretty much all the time, but the thought of him feeling hungry hurt differently.
I was running the math of the calories we had left one more time, now adjusting for me eating in a deficit, when I heard a strangled scream.
I dropped the laptop and ran to the sleeping pod. "I'M COMING!" I could hear Rocky start to hyperventilate.
When I reached him, he was sitting with his knees hugged to his chest, eyes squeezed shut at the too-bright lights.
He was also buck naked. Which made sense; I'd be more worried if clothes materialized out of nowhere. It was nothing I hadn't seen in a locker room.
(Except he was beautiful and Rocky).
"Hey, hey, I know it's a lot," I sat with him on the bed. "You wanna cover up?" I handed him the quilt.
"Not cold," Rocky shook his head, gripping himself tighter. "Is bright. I can't hear you the same. My voice sounds bad bad bad. Ugly music."
Okay. Well, that answered the speech question. "It's okay, deep breaths." I put a hand on his shoulder, and he jumped. "Sorry! I shouldn't...I should have asked."
Rocky kept his face tucked down, probably still light sensitive, but shook his head. "Put hand back," he paused. "Please, Grace?"
"O-okay," I said, starting to rub his shoulder soothingly. He let out a pitiful whimper and leaned into it. "Shhh, it's okay. Take your time."
Eventually, he got used to the lights and sat up to rub his eyes and look at me.
"Hey," I smiled softly. "There you are."
Rocky scowled. "Grace speak to Rocky like pebble."
"Uh, no, I'm speaking to you like someone who just went through an incredible and super traumatic transformation."
Rocky moved to hug me, and I hugged him back, but I quickly realized he was trying to crawl into my lap the way he did when he was a dog-sized space spider. "Whoa, hey, you're bigger now. I know we're mates now, but--"
Rocky froze and pulled back to look at me with a very intense gaze. "Grace want to be mate, question?"
I could see how hard he was blushing and I knew I looked about as red as he did, but I couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, Rock, I'd really like that."
He hugged me so tightly I felt like I couldn't breathe, but I didn't dare let go until he did.
He touched my chest, right over my heart, with his palm. "Can feel your heartbeat like can feel Rocky heartbeat. Disgust. Too squishy."
I put my hand over his. It felt so intimate.
"You won't always be aware of your heartbeat," I promised. "Just in times of stress or...excitement."
"Sexual excitement, question?" he asked.
"You know you don't have to say the word question anymore," I said. He huffed. "But, uh. Yeah. That can increase your heart rate. Exercise, too, but we can't run around in here very easily."
"Rocky learn human exercises?" Rocky asked.
"Eventually, yeah," I said. "You might not be able to right away."
He lay his head on my chest, probably to listen better, and I ran my fingers through his coarse silver-gray hair. He let out a whimper.
"Does that feel good, Rock?" I asked softly.
He ran his hand over my chest desperately. "Want, please, want--"
"What do you want? Tell me," I said. I had a feeling, but I wanted him to say it. I needed to know it was his idea. He was so vulnerable right now. I wouldn't be lying if I wasn't slightly aroused myself, having Rocky cling to me like that, but the adrenaline and the worry of the situation dampened it significantly. Sex was never something I felt like I needed, and I was usually the inexperienced one. I was usually the one who got all giggly and floaty and wanted to be told how good I was, and maybe Rocky and I could get there, could get back to a dynamic where he took the lead, but for now, it was on me to teach him how.
Rocky whimpered, a strange approximation of an overwhelmed Eridian trill, and gave the skin on my throat an experimental lick.
"Ohh, oh, Rocky," I laughed incredulously, my face heating up. "You wanna give me a real kiss?"
He broke out into an excited grin. "Yes yes yes. Kiss like movie. Show Grace what Rocky always wanted."
And before I could even respond, his mouth was on mine. He didn't quite know how to kiss, but hey, that was fine. It was wet and clumsy, but he slowly started making the movements that I did, until we moved together. I wrapped my arms around him because I could now. Until we were pressed close together with his knees straddling me.
I pulled him close by the hips and kissed down his neck, sucking on his skin and making him cry out.
"Grace, Grace, something's happening--"
"It's okay, it's normal," I murmured against his skin, burying my face in his neck. "M'right here."
"Grace help, Not know what human body want."
"You need touch, Rock," I said softly. "You need touch here," I brushed my thumbs over his small pebbly pink nipples, watching him bite his lip. "You need touch here," I scratched my nails on his back, the way I knew I liked. That's all I had to go off of. He leaned his head on my shoulder, thankfully enjoying it.
"Where else?" Rocky asked. "Reproductive organ feels sensitive, statement. Swollen. Need something. Grace."
"I know," I said. "Can I touch it? It'll make it feel so much better. Do you remember when you walked in on me masturbating?"
"Grace self-mate in toilet, yes," Rocky nodded. "You said it was important for stress relief."
"R-right," I said, trying to stay calm. "So I can touch you the same way, if you want me to."
Please say yes.
He sat up eagerly. "Grace explain how."
I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, trying to will my own body to calm down a little. I should have taken off my clothes a while ago. Now Rocky was the only one naked. And so far, I'd been avoiding looking at his dick, just to give the guy some privacy, but I could feel it against my belly. "Yeah, I got you, sweetheart," I panted. "Gonna make you feel good, just keep your hand on mine, like this."
I gripped his cock, and oh, it was bigger than mine was, and that should not be turning me on so much. Rocky let out a pained whimper, hips bucking into my grip already.
"Grace," he gasped. "So good, more, faster, Grace, yes yes yes!"
Rocky spilled over our hands quickly, fast enough that most men would be horribly embarrassed, but Rocky didn't know that and all I could think of was how badly he needed that. How badly he needed me, and how pent up and overwhelmed he must have been.
He was startled by the liquid, though, and pulled back, shaking his hand. "Disgust! Why messy, question?"
I pulled him back onto me and used the bottom of my shirt to wipe his hand. "It's normal, buddy," I said.
"Messy every time, question?" Rocky asked.
"You can have sex without having an orgasm," I said, "But it's usually messy in one way or another. That's just part of it." I brought his hand to my lips and pressed a kiss to his palm. He let out a little surprised squeal, just like he used to when he was Eridian. "Stop me if this squicks you out," I said, before sucking his fingers into my mouth. I kept my eyes on him, watching for signs of disgust and discomfort, but he was looking at me like I was the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen. He moved the pads of his fingers over my tongue.
"Can feel inside mouth," he murmured. I gave his palm a long lick, cleaning him up, before sucking hard on his fingers. He squirmed, moving his other hand to touch himself again.
"You want to go again?" I asked.
"Yes. Is bad?" Rocky asked.
"No, buddy, no, that's a good thing. We can go as many times as you want."
"All the time, question?" Rocky asked.
"I--yes?" I swallowed down worry about whether our libidos would be mismatched and slotted a knee between his legs. "Move against my leg here. Pressure."
"Make pressure," Rocky murmured to himself, rolling his hips until he found a rhythm that felt good. "More fingers in mouth please," he demanded.
"Feels good, doesn't it?" I slipped my thumb into his mouth and let him learn how to hump and grind until he gripped my arms and came, making even more of a mess on my pants. Something in me wanted to lick it up, to help, to clean, to give him the best time I could, but for now he was slumped tired in my arms.
"Grace," he whined.
"I'm here, buddy. You did so good."
"Want to make Grace feel good too," he said. "Rocky took all the pleasure, and Grace still swollen." He touched my bulge without warning, probably to just see what it felt like, and I felt a spike of arousal.
"Oh, God, Rocky," I groaned. "Do that again, please?"
Rocky traced his hand over the outline of my cock before cupping it and giving it a little squeeze.
"Okay, shit, this is coming off now," I kicked off my pants and brought my hand to my cock. Rocky zeroed in on it and put his hand over mine, just like we did on his.
"Is beautiful," Rocky said. "Different than Rocky."
"Oh, Rocky, yeah, some--some penises look different, yeah," I said in between gasps. I made a note to myself to explain circumcision and shaving and...size discrepancies later. Right now, I could only focus on how good his hand felt and how intensely he watched me. He didn't seem too keen on eye contact, but then again, he'd never had eyes until now.
I came with a choked off shout, and Rocky stroked me through it eagerly. Rocky looked so dang excited to be touching me now that he knew how. "Grace is good mate," he rambled. "Grace have orgasm like Rocky, and Rocky try taste. Keep Grace for mate with Adrian, happy and leaky leaky leaky human mate, so perfect."
"Yes, Rocky, that's enough, that's good, you can stop now," I gasped. Rocky pulled away instantly.
"Grace hurt?" he asked. He licked the cum on his finger and contemplated whether he liked it. He kept wide, worried eyes on me. "Grace hurt, question?"
"Not hurt." I gripped his arm like a lifeline, still catching my breath. "No pain. You just can't have an orgasm forever. Eventually you get too sensitive."
"Grace very sensitive," Rocky said with a devious smile.
I laughed. "I think you have me beat there, Rock."
He surprised me by leaning in for a kiss. It tasted like my own cum, and I liked it. That was something I'd have to explore more later. He was still clumsy and uncoordinated, but I could tell he was learning just as fast as he picked up anything else, which was alarmingly fast.
He finally met my eyes, and it hit me how similar they looked to the rich earth tones of his carapace. Streaked through with unmistakable teal. So he didn't lose his inlaid mating mark after all.
"You're so beautiful, Rock," I whispered.
"Grace more beautiful," Rocky insisted. "Wait, Grace. Need mirror. Get up."
"Oh shoot, you haven't seen yourself, have you!" I ran after him to the bathroom.
He gripped the edge of the sink and took it all in, leaning forward to look at his eyes. He looked at me and then looked back in the mirror, comparing.
"Grace very different," he said. "Different color hair. Grace have lighter arms. Different eyes."
"Your eyes look just like your carapace did," I admitted.
"Is good thing?" Rocky asked.
God, my heart could burst. He was too cute, and it made me want to grab him and kiss him again, but he was having a really important moment.
"I think it's really sweet," I said. Rocky got closer to the mirror to examine his face.
"Can't see leaky skin holes," Rocky said.
"What, you mean pores?" I asked. I'd explained pores to him at one point a while back, and he was horrified. "I told you, they're usually too small."
"Oh," Rocky said. "Grace have pores too?"
"All humans do," I said. "You have that in common with us."
"Is there other humans that look like Rocky?" he asked.
I thought about it. "Maybe a few that are similar, but not exactly alike."
"Not Grace," he frowned.
"Are you disappointed?" I asked. "That we're different?"
"Yes!" Rocky said indignantly. "Wanted to match with Grace."
"I know, but when we get to Erid, we can make matching clothes," I said. "Humans love to match outfits."
That piqued his interest. "Grace and Rocky wear special clothes for Eridian celebration. Modify to fit human body." he tapped his fingers together the way he did with his claws, before. Thinking it over like an engineer. "Can weave xenonite in bunk area with Grace?" he asked.
"We could," I said, "Or we could bring the mattress into the don't go crazy room and have a movie night."
"With xenonite," Rocky insisted.
"Yes, of course," I smiled at him. "Are you gonna make me something to wear?"
Rocky ran over to his workspace and started digging through his things. I hadn't been super sure how to arrange them when I tore down all of the barriers, so I tried my best to keep it like he had it. "Why hands feel so clumsy, question? Human body weak. Tools feel heavy. Why tools so heavy?"
I followed him and picked up one of his tools. It was in fact heavy. "Buddy, I think you were just used to being a lot stronger than you are now."
"Rocky strong!" Rocky huffed. "Rocky stronger than Grace."
"You sure about that?" I asked with a grin.
We ended up postponing the movie night to do some arm wrestling on the lab table. I was officially the first person to arm wrestle an alien. I was pretty confident I'd win--I'd had regular muscle stimulation for the four years I was comatose, and I was in arguably the best shape of my life.
Rocky, however. He was deceptively strong. It sort of made sense; his body was freshly...formed? made? He put up an honorable fight, and slammed my arm down at the last second. I guess I was also the first person to lose an arm wrestling match to an alien.
"Ow, fudge, okay, you win," I laughed, surprised. "I'm not gonna live that one down, am I?"
"What humans do when they are stronger than other human, question?" Rocky looked me up and down shamelessly. "Ooh. Grace find strength attractive."
I found myself blushing under his gaze. "Um," I said. "Yeah. Sometimes they hold each other down. When mating. I mean, like, having sex." Right. Real smooth, Ryland.
But Rocky was interested. "Grace enjoy that?" Now that we were in the lab, which was much colder than the dormitory, he started to shiver.
"Y-yeah, I like that a lot," I admitted, scratching my neck awkwardly. "Are you cold? Should we get you clothes?"
"Yes yes yes. Rocky want to wear Grace clothes for movie night," he said excitedly.
I had to help him get his arms in the shirt, and my jeans didn't fit him, so I let him have a pair of gray sweats. That was a terrible choice because he looked absolutely delicious in them and it wasn't fair.
He twisted and turned in the mirror. "Looks normal, question? Indistinguishable from average human on Earth?"
I wrapped my arms around his waist from behind and met his eyes in the mirror. "Yeah. You look good, Rock. Good enough to kiss." I kissed the side of his neck, eliciting a sharp giggle, before he turned around and pinned me to the wall.
"Grace needy, statement," he said, before crashing his mouth into mine. From there we were a tangle of limbs and I regretted us both getting dressed again because wow he was hot. The amount of human touch I was getting almost made me dizzy with excitement. I hadn't thought I'd touch another human ever again and now Rocky had his hands in my hair. He was copying me, but still. The little shit learned fast.
"Y-yeah," I gasped into his mouth, "Grace needy. Grace really needy."
I hadn't ever felt this desperate to be close before.
"Rocky weave xenonite for Grace to wear and be pretty pretty pretty like ceremony song."
"Mm, what kind of ceremony?"
Rocky pulled back to look at me. "Grace dumb human. Is mating ceremony."
My eyes widened. "And...and Adrian's totally cool with this?" I asked. He mentioned them earlier, and I knew Rocky was a very practical person and he didn't seem like the kind to betray anyone or do something that wasn't approved of on Erid. I still felt better getting verbal confirmation.
Rocky rolled his eyes. "Adrian will be very excited. Is normal to have more than one mate in a lifetime. Adrian would be sad if Rocky no find mate on trip. You pretty pretty pretty and Adrian see you in Eridian formal wear and...example," he faked swooning and falling over.
That got me laughing, too. "You're cute."
"Rocky not cute, Rocky beautiful. Grace cute."
A memory struck me, of when Rocky first showed me Eridian eating. "It look beautiful!"
Rocky was probably starving right now!
"Okay beautiful," I said, "How about I show you how to eat coma slurry?"
Rocky wrinkled his nose. "Is completely necessary?"
"Yeah, I'm afraid so, buddy."
"What if I cannot digest the human food?"
"Well, there's only one way to find out," I said. "It's not that bad; you'll get used to it."
“Rocky no want use up Grace food supply, statement,” he said sadly.
“We can ration it,” I said. “It’ll be tight but we should be able to survive.”
He thought for a moment. “We can divert some astrophage from fuel tank to feed taomoeba farm. Not all astrophage necessary for remaining journey.”
I felt a weight lift from my chest. “You think that will work?”
“Rocky not stupid, Grace.”
I laughed. “No, you’re smarter than me.”
"Grace touch Rocky again after?" he asked hopefully.
"As much as you want," I promised.
Rocky sighed. "Fine."
"We'd probably have to live in my human area on Erid, though," I was saying. He sipped the last of his bag of nutrient-dense slop and slid it to me on the table with a disgusted look.
"We can live in biodome, yes. But Adrian probably change too. Not sure," he said.
"Well, that would be convenient," I said. "If not, then maybe we could make a flexible suit for them."
"Flexible xenonite panels like Rocky suit," Rocky hummed, twisting and looking around for his tools already. "Need tools. Is weird to not see behind me."
"I bet," I said. "You'll get used to it, though. Humans are flexible."
He raced off to grab his things, but I heard him pause and gasp. "Grace!"
I scrambled to follow and found him at the big viewing window staring slack-jawed at the scene outside.
"It's stars, sweetheart," I murmured, hugging him from behind. "This is why humans love them so much."
"Is beautiful," he said, voice thick with emotion. I couldn't help but tear up, too. Suddenly, I was seeing the beauty of the universe through his brand-new eyes. "When we draw them, we connect the dots with lines to make constellations. The stars form pictures, and the pictures form legends. Some people even believe that you can use them to tell the future."
He buried his face in my shoulder. "Grace."
"I'm here, I've got you."
We decided to watch a soothing, animated movie, and Rocky curled up next to me with his head in my lap, just like he did for all the movie nights before. Only now we weren't separated by his flexible xenonite, and his hair was so soft. He'd gotten through weaving a necklace and a headband for me before he got tired and cuddled up.
"Movies are so colorful," he murmured in awe. "Need to know color names. Tomorrow Grace teach Rocky names for colors and visual texture. How long it take to make this on Earth?"
"The movie? A few years, for sure," I said, running my fingers over his scalp. I couldn't stop touching him. I was obsessed with him, okay? "Takes a whole team. Hundreds of humans, all with different jobs."
"Humans have teamwork for movie but no share food equally?" Rocky asked. "Very strange."
I knew he was asking because I'd explained early on that that would be a major effect of the astrophage on Earth. Wars over resources, especially crops.
"Some humans share food," I said. "Not...all of them."
"Inconsistent," he frowned.
"Yeah, well, we have 195 countries, or at least we did when I left Earth. Billions of humans. And Earth is a lot bigger than Erid, and we have more variation as a species."
"Explain species variation," Rocky said.
Where do I even start? "Um," I said, "There's physical differences, right, and then some humans have different identities, different groups they belong to, or different types of people they love, and that causes conflict between the groups."
"And groups withhold resources," Rocky said.
"They do," I said. "And sometimes they cause harm. But there's a lot of good people, too."
"Humans send Grace to die," he said in a low voice. It was sweet that he still hadn't gotten over that fact. He had expressed his anger at humans many times.
"Because they care about humanity," I said. "They sent me to die because it would save everyone else." I was mad about it too, but I'd had some time to cool off. I didn't want Rocky to think all humans were like that. I didn't want him to think he was now a part of a cruel, uncaring species. And if it hadn't been for Stratt, I never would have met my mate. I was excited for Erid. I was excited to teach Rocky about colors and run around in a biodome and teach pebbles about human biology. It bubbled up in my chest like butterflies.
"Grace deserve more than humans could provide," Rocky said finally. "Eridians provide everything for Grace. Especially touching. Is fun. We make schedule and regulate Grace nervous system."
I rubbed his arm. "Sounds good. And I think it's fun to touch you, too."
"Thank," Rocky said.
"You getting tired?" I asked.
He nodded and yawned. "Grace lay down."
"O-okay," I lay on my back, a little too eagerly.
"Grace enjoy following directions," Rocky grinned.
I rubbed my hands over my face. "Yeah, maybe!"
"Rocky give directions tomorrow. Time sleep."
He laid down right on my chest and I realized I was effectively trapped for the night. So much for brushing my teeth.
After a while of breathing together and listening to the movie, Rocky spoke.
"Love you, Grace," he murmured into my shoulder.
I wiped my eyes, trying not to cry, and wrapped my arms around him. "I.. I love you too, Rocky. So much. You're such a good mate."
I touched every part of him I could reach, just soothing, slightly desperate, gentle touch, until he started snoring and my eyes felt heavy too. It felt right for him to lay on top of me. He was always above me while I slept, keeping watch. I'd keep him safe, too. And I could do it all the time.