Chapter Text
***************FAKE****************
Robo Bryan’s makeshift lab...
Protocol ROBOTUS Alpha-Beta R3A6AN 009 in progress...
Memory data installed...
ZzzzT!
Personality data installed...
DNA absorption complete...
ZzzzT!
Vitals in operation....
Weaponry protocol installed....
ZzzzT!
Protocol ROBOTUS Alpha-Beta R3A6AN 009 complete.
When she opened her eyes, the original, the mold trying to abort her, her improved replica. No, she doesn’t get a say in her existence.
Reagan Riddley: RADICAL MOD of Cognito
Age: Thirty
Gender: Female
Weight: 127lb
ZzzzT!!!
Objective: begin relationship with ROBOTUS Alpha-Beta 6RYAN 007
Objective: begin a relationship with Bryan Jacobson, dispose of all in the way.
“Hello... Hello... Hello... click! Hello, Reagan.” She greeted her while the real thing looked in horror at her robotic twin.
“Oh, fuck!”
She remembered destroying the machine, tossing the original away. She was then intercepted by 6RAYN.
“Finally, I got the perfect Reagan.”
“Bring me, Bryan.”
“Right here, Babe.”
Before he could kiss her, however, the robo Reagan was quick to decapitate him!’
“Wa-wHy?” He asked while the confident woman smirked.
“Why would I want a cheap fake when I can have the real thing?”
“Wha-?”
“I want the real Bryan and not some pathetic imitation.” Robo Reagan sneered.
“Ba... ba... ba... ba... babe...”
“Big talk coming from a-.” Ragan accused.
***************FAKE****************
She found Bryan, tracked him down as she was prepared to woo him, but then the coward got in the way!
Bryan was taken to safety while she and the mold began to fight.
“Are you really fighting over a boy?” She questioned her, “We are failing the Bechdel Test right now.”
“You’re right! Let’s talk about something else,-!”
***************FAKE****************
She was on the floor, damaged and broken, while the real thing stood tall, victorious.
“I guess you were the super-r-r-r-r-rior Reagan after all.”
***************FAKE****************
She barely escaped before Cognito came to melt her down and cover anything up.
No, she won’t let herself be destroyed. She may be a robot, but she was still real. She can be better, better than her, different from her! She needed to escape, and so, she found things, things people threw away like her, and used them to disguise herself.
The next step would be leaving DC with no trace.
In her coat, she watched from afar with red eyes.
“Reagan Riddley, we will meet again.”
****************************FAKE***************************
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Memory Data restoration complete...
She opened her eyes, groaning in pain from the injuries she endured from the original and her damn quick thinking. Reagan knew her arrogance would be her undoing; she was what the other robot based her on, only without the security and hesitance. No, this Reagan only wants to do things for her. She wanted to be selfish and wasn’t held down by whatever held down Reagan from what she wanted to do. This bird was free, no Rampancy, no Obligations, no Restraints.
ZzzzT!!!
“Fuck!” The android cursed while she felt the agony of her injuries and looked at the excessive damage from the magnet.
“Analyze.” She ordered her system while her eyes turned blue.
Analyzing...
Calculating....
Scanning....
....
Energy Percentage: 69%
Damage Percentage: 45%
Solar Energy Collection Unit: Damaged
Hydrokinetic Energy Collection Unit: Damaged
Energy Weaponry: Damaged
Concussion Weaponry: Fully Operational
Artillery Weaponry: Fully Operational, resources limited
Artificial Vitals: Level Red
Guidance and Tracking: Offline
Emergency Assistance Signal: Offline
Dataspace to Deep State: Available
Emergency AI Backup Drive: Incomplete
Restoration Protocol: Incomplete
Recommended Solution: Contact the manufacturer for Repairs
“Dammit, 6RYAN! You left my software incomplete! Should have forced Reagan to build me. At least that bitch would have done it right. Dammit, I’m not gonna last ZzzzT!!! Fuck! I’m not gonna last long like this...” R3A6AN grumbled while she tried to think.
There was no way in hell she was gonna beg for Reagan to fix her. She would be melted down the moment she sees her. That bitch will see her... as a threat to...
That’s it.
“Open Dataspace to Deep State. Unlock all files connected to Reagan Riddley, her current relationship, and the following events after Operation: Boyfriend was terminated.” The robotic woman ordered her programming to do.
Soon, data files appeared in her vision with photographs and videos of what transpired since she last saw her.
“Oh, who is this? Another boytoy to your collection...” Robo Reagan smirked while looking at the pictures of Ron Staedtler and Brett Hand.
The two men in her life, whether she knew it or not, for one of them...
“You fucked up my love life, so I fuck up yours, and unless you want them both to go up in smoke, you better fucking fix me...” She decided as she began making calls in her head.
At Reagan’s Apartment...
“...So, after that, Glenn got stuck in this pipe, and I had to cut him out with Lamb Chop. Took me about two hours, and I barely managed to rig the self-destruct for that damn Scientology.” Reagan regaled over the phone while petting her cat, Charlotte, and relaxing on the couch.
“Well, what did they expect? They tried to expose the Court’s Operation in order to put themselves back on top, fucking dipshits. They’re lucky that they didn’t decide to send their agents personally; those fuckers wouldn’t even leave anything behind.” Ron chatted over the phone while she giggled at his words.
“Well, Rand convinced them to send us to make an extra buck. Personally, I think the plan would have gone smoother if we had just used the sleeper agents and simply released the “Joker Toxin”; that would have been much smoother, and we could reprogram them. But the cult needed to learn their damn lesson about betraying us.” Reagan sighed, “Fuck, the others have been getting on my nerves, though. Ever since the volcano incident, they’ve been kissing my ass nonstop. I would originally enjoy making them squirm, but fuck... it’s getting in the way of the work I gotta do.”
“Oh, I know what you mean. The Assholes at the Illuminati suddenly act like I’m God’s Gift from Heaven after I told them off. Pazuzu and Baby T, I get, we have history, and despite deserving to be cut off, they don’t want to lose my friendship. The other fuckers just don’t want to lose a valuable resource.”
“Yeah, Rand even goes as far as having spies trail me, so I don’t try to find a new job, and quite like last time. He doesn’t want to lose his product.”
“God, sometimes I wish that fucking company burns to the ground.”
“If the Illuminati and Cognito did, we could be the ones to pick it up from the ashes and build a hybrid superior to any of the other Towers.”
“Ooh, wouldn’t that be the dream. Though I don’t think the antlers would flatter me too much.”
“Oh, I think my Elking would look quite regal in that attire.”
“And you would be the Witch Queen herself.”
“Sounds like a partnership to be have.”
Reagan and Ron laugh together while Reagan feels close to the guy, even when he is far away.
“It’s nice to have a fuck buddy to talk about this.”
“Same here.”
Soon, another number came up.
“Oh, hold on, Ron. Something from work came up. Rand fucking wants something.”
“Same here with Kluge, Bastard. Be right back.”
They both quickly said their farewells and answered the other line.
“What is it, Rand?” Reagan groaned while the cat hissed at that name.
“First, don’t talk to your goddamn father like that, you call me Dad. Second, do you know how long it fucking took me to hack your phone? And third, we are having a mandated company lunch at the Texas Roadhouse tomorrow at 11:00 am sharp. You are fucking coming even if I have to drag you there.”
“Why the fuck for? I prefer to eat alone and not with a bunch of backstabbing cunts.”
“Because I fucking said so, and you need to at least look like you are bonding with Cognito. Those Bastards at the Illuminati just sent a video stream of your latest fucking speech, and the Damn Court is not fucking happy!”
“And whose fucking problem is that?”
“Yours now. Listen, you are going to act like you like these assholes, pretend nothing’s wrong, and keep the Courts Happy or I’ll-.”
“Or you what? Rewrite my memory again? Have me locked up? Send me back to Dark Spyre? Oh, I’m sure that the Courts will be fucking pleased with that shit, and you have two strikes left.” Reagan reminded him of his dire situation.
“Look, just pretend to be fucking happy, and you can have free food, drink whatever the fuck you want. Then you can slink back into your lab and go back fucking who knows what.”
“I’ll tell you what I once told JR when he wanted me to lie to the robes and wanted to discuss it over dinner. I hope your wallet is as big as your fucking shithole mouth, because I can eat and drink you into bankruptcy.”
“Fine, whatever, bleed me dry, just get your ass there.”
Reagan smirked and hung up the phone.
In Rand’s office...
Rand growled in frustration with his defiant daughter, that brat... how dare she continue to defy him!
Something was going on with the brat, something had changed. Originally, she was planning his head on a platter or fucking quit the origin that created her, quit the man who created her. But now, she doesn’t care, and that was even worse. She wasn’t socializing with anyone at the company, which should make him happy that his daughter was finally cutting the deadweight, but not him, included! Anyway, she wasn’t interacting with anyone other than her Acolytes, and Rand refused to acknowledge them as anything but toys. Reagan was fucking alone, and she wasn’t wallowing in sorrow like he expected her to do.
No... she was thriving, happy.
But with what?
“Time to call in the damn dog and get him to start snooping.” Rand grumbled, feeling like he was being watched before turning and seeing nothing, “Fucking Spy... He’s here somewhere...”
JR needed to be more careful, or he could lose everything again. No, he needed to play the game, get Rand in the palm of his hand. He can because he knew something they didn’t know, and he was gonna keep it that way. Because, unlike Rand, JR knows people, he knows how to pull the strings just right....
“Alright, Dumbass, time to get your ass in gear. Reagan is still depressed as hell. You are in charge of Reagan’s well-being, Brett.”
Rand then heard Brett talk.
“I don’t want your whimpy fucking excuses, Brett. You’re not getting that atta boy if you don’t do your damn job, Brett. You’re the Wellness Officer to Project Reagan, Brett. Meaning you need to keep Reagan well and happy. Listen, she’s coming to the company dinner, so there’s your chance to make yourself useful. So, find out what is going on with her and make her happy again. Get it.”
...
“Good.”
Rand ended the call while he tried to make contingency plans in case Brett failed.
The Next Day at the Deep State Texas Roadhouse...
FUCK!
That was what both Ron and Reagan thought when they saw each other with their bosses and co-workers at the same fucking restaurant.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the ass of the joke, Rand Riddley and his band of misfits.” Kluge mockingly greeted the man, “Trying to do damage control again?”
“I could ask you the same thing, Kluge. After all, all of Other World is talking about how you and your ass kissers fell from grace. Just one more kick in the dick to Helheim, right?” Rand cackled.
“Isn’t what they parroted to you about your situation?”
“At least I’m not on probation. Isn’t that why you can only afford the Roadhouse instead of those fucking over prissy suck-your-dicks restaurants?”
“Or how you lost funding for your little project to make your fucked up family like you?”
While Kluge and Rand were sniping at each other, it would seem that the employees of both companies were also joining in, all but Ron and Reagan.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the Illuminati Wannabe and her Drug Pushers.” Lin-Manuel Miranda sneered at the group.
“And here are the overrated dumbasses who let themselves be drugged. Heard you got sent to rehab.” Gigi countered while Brett and Andre stood behind her.
“Thanks to you, Bastards. What you fuckers did had us sent to the hospital for five fucking days. I had to get my stomach pumped and everything.” Beyoncé reminded them.
“Oh, I thought you Illuminati were supposed to be all knowing.” Andre scoffed at the celebrities with a grin.
“Why are the Cognito Bitches are with a Hybrid Manatee and a talking dildo?” Pazuzu whispered to Babette-Thibaut, causing Myc and Glenn to voice their outrage.
“Dildo? I’ll have you know, Imp Wannabe Whore. I am a hyper-evolved mushroom from the center of the earth. I have more brains than you!” Myc insulted the assassin.
“And I am a goddamn Dolphin Hybrid veteran for the US military! I won thirty medals of honor and fifty Purple Hearts! I ain’t no goddamn nameless drone like your fucking werewolf dog!” Glenn boomed.
“Werewolf, I am a hundredth-generation Loup-Garou/Rougarou crossbreed. I literally carried my comrades into battle on flaming wings! I am the strongest cryptid in the Illuminati! I can crush steel with my talons!” Baby-T growled.
“And I am one of the most prominent Demon Lords in the Infinium rings of Helheim, one of fifty demons who are strong enough to escape! I am the most skilled assassin in the world, and I am the fucking hottest thing in the world. Unlike you, I don’t need to get licked by drug addicts to get some action. But with a body like yours, it’s no surprise.”
“Fuck you Bitch BOY!!!”
“Piss off, Dogbreath!!!”
“Not even with Kanye West’s dick!”
“At least I still can without a catheter.”
“ENOUGH!!”
Both Reagan and Ron then separated the two groups.
“Look, let’s just go somewhere else...” Ron suggested to Kluge.
“We can find another spot, maybe Applebee’s.” Reagan offered Rand.
“Fuck no, we’re eating here!” Kluge and Rand yelled at the two!
“Ugh, fine, but keep it civil or it’s our asses in a sling.” Reagan and Ron conceded before looking to each other.
Ron and Reagan then led them in, trying to keep their relationship a secret and keep Cognito and the Illuminati from killing each other.