Work Text:
Good grief, how did I get myself into this mess?
It’s a Friday night, meaning Saiki should be in his apartment, watching TV, and undisturbed. Somehow, though, he’s not. He’s in the last place he would want to be, doing the last thing he would want to do.
It’s a Friday night, and Saiki is sitting at a house party playing seven minutes in heaven after drinking a single shot.
Now don’t get him wrong. His personality didn’t suddenly do a 180 after starting college. Far from it. Saiki Kusuo is still the same person he’s been for the past twenty years, even including the time loop years.
However, just as his character has remained the same, so have the circumstances of his disastrous life—the main one being his terrible ability to get roped into things no matter how much he tries to avoid them.
Saiki has been able to evade parties the last two years of college, mostly because of his preferential lack of connections and friends beyond typical classmate interactions. But of course the reason why he ends up at one such party is because of one of the few friends he does have. He’s being generous with that term, though.
☾⋆.˚☀︎
“Teruhashi, it’s your turn!” exclaims an all-too-excited random.
The guy’s thoughts, which Saiki won’t describe, make their way to him.
Even after having been surrounded by such thoughts for nearly his whole life now, it never fails to gross him out how disgusting people can be. Saiki decides to name the guy Idiot 1 in his head for convenience, since he doesn’t care to learn his name.
Idiot 1 is too busy imagining himself being a little more than friendly with Teruhashi to notice her apprehension. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, Saiki does.
The look on Teruhashi’s face is undoubtedly of great hesitance even if she tries to mask it with a smile.
“Okay, here I go!” she says, reaching for the bottle in the center of the group.
☾⋆.˚☀︎
Saiki had first noticed Teruhashi’s discomfort when she had looked so severely uncomfortable a week ago, after Idiot 1 and his friends had waited for the end of their seminar writing class to invite her to a party unprompted.
Saiki probably wouldn’t have noticed such a mundane interaction had it been anyone else, but Teruhashi had always been difficult to look over.
The sudden invitation sent Teruhashi into a conundrum, thinking about how she couldn’t outright turn the group down because it wouldn’t do for a perfect girl to heartlessly decline people’s invitation. After hearing that—accidentally, by the way—all Saiki could think of was that it wasn’t much of an invitation if the person invited didn’t feel as though they could say no.
It didn’t take much longer to realize exactly what the idiot and co.’s intention was. The idiots were fixated on one idea: to get a kiss from Teruhashi Kokomi, the campus’ perfect pretty girl.
Picking up on their thoughts, Saiki certainly wasn’t keen on letting it happen.
It would be a bother for… his conscience… yes, his conscience, as a good person himself and an acquaintance and classmate of Teruhashi’s, if something bad happened. He would do something about it, too, even if it wasn’t Teruhashi. He– Forget it. Why does he need so much justification for his actions?
So Saiki did the unthinkable.
Before he could have even considered what he was doing, Saiki shouldered on his backpack, made his way over to the group, and invited himself to their party.
In retrospect, he definitely should have done something like turned down the invitation on Teruhashi’s behalf.
But what’s done is done, isn’t it?
Idiot 1 had tried getting him to join in on a party ever since earlier in the semester, but Saiki had been firm in his rejection then. In that moment, Idiot 1 looked at Saiki with a mixture of annoyance, because of the fact his talk with Teruhashi had been interrupted, and pride, for he had finally gotten the unbudgeable Saiki to agree to go to one of his functions.
Teruhashi, who Saiki had ended up standing beside, gazed up at him with a kind of surprise different to what Idiot 1 and the rest of the group felt. Delusions had begun to crop up in her mind before she stamped them out in favor of gratitude for his timeliness. She gave him a small smile and turned back to the group to tell them she’d “love to go to their party,” to which she was met with cheers. One of the idiots even tried putting an arm around Saiki’s shoulders in celebration.
If Saiki didn’t know he had made a terrible mistake before, he certainly knew it then.
And knew it one more time as the group walked away from Teruhashi and him, giving Teruhashi the chance to swivel around to him with that angelic smile of hers.
“Saiki!” she had said, “I thought you weren’t a party person?”
“I have some time this Friday.”
Teruhashi tilted her head at his response. He did that to help me out, didn’t he? “Well, I’m glad you do. I was a little worried, you know?”
You? Worried? Saiki had thought. He raised a brow, and moved up the steps of the lecture room.
Teruhashi, having already collected her stuff when the group of idiots had ambushed her with their invite, readily followed him.
She explained as they walked, “Ah, I don’t think any of my other friends are going. I thought I would have to go alone!”
Saiki doesn’t point out that he never said anything about going together. At least she understood his intention.
“So, how’s your progress with the paper?” Teruhashi asked after a beat, hoping to extend their conversation. Saiki supposed he would indulge her that time. “I’ve been finding it difficult to connect my evidence with my claims and it’s totally ruining the flow of my writing….”
☾⋆.˚☀︎
Anyway, in present time, Teruhashi takes hold of the bottle and spins it.
She sits back down at her spot in the circle, the one directly across from him. Another coincidence. Neither of them put much thought into where they sat when a small group of the party goers dragged them into playing this weird game. But it allows Saiki to more easily check-in on Teruhashi, the whole reason he was here to begin with, whether he liked it or not.
As the empty bottle continues its gyrating, Saiki picks up on how Teruhashi’s nervousness has increased—marginally, of course, as she still has a near flawless hold of her expression, which also means he is still the only one to notice it. She’s fidgeting a bit with her nails, not taking her eye off the bottle for a single moment, but trying to be casual about it.
Honing in on her thoughts, he hears her pray.
God, please! Please let it be Saiki!
He almost instinctively redirects the bottle in response, before he remembers that the bottle landing on him would be the only good outcome out of this. He sighs in his head.
Just as Saiki decides that he’ll simply let the bottle come to a stop naturally and nudge it a bit towards himself before anyone else notices, the nose of the bottle ends up pointed directly at him, without any interference at all.
He gets a flashback to the last time this happened to them: that time Teruhashi had to draw names for her co-committee representative and willed his name on the slip of paper she drew.
Saiki sighs in his head once more, accepting the fact that there’s really nothing he can do about this.
When everyone in the circle registers the results of Teruhashi’s spun bottle, they—minus Teruhashi and himself—immediately erupt into protests.
“But–! But– but-...”
Nice popped bubble impression.
“Who even is this guy?!”
Your worst nightmare, probably.
“Teruhashi, it’s okay, spin again!”
Well, did anyone else get a second spin?
Meanwhile, Teruhashi lights up, appearing the most genuinely happy she’s been all night long. She’s thinking Yes! It really pays off to be God’s favorite! Thank you, God! I’m so glad it’s Saiki! Who else could it have been if not him? No one! while she politely covers with a hand her giggles directed at everyone’s reactions.
“I’m sorry, everybody, but it wouldn’t be fair if we let me spin again while others can’t!” she tells the circle, placating their objections with her signature smile.
The protests disappear in an instant and suddenly everyone agrees:
“I guess…”
“Wait, yeah, Teruhashi’s right!”
“We must uphold fairness!”
Idiots, all of them, Saiki thinks to himself.
Teruhashi gets to her feet and waits for Saiki to do the same. For the third time now, he sighs mentally. He stands and follows her lead towards the closet their whole group has been sitting in front of.
The circle remains reluctant as they watch him close the door behind him and Teruhashi, but none of them outright stop the two of them.
The moment the door shuts, Teruhashi scrambles to say, “I’m sorry we got paired together like this. Let’s wait this out—seven minutes isn’t that long!” accompanied by an awkward and nervous laugh.
Saiki simply nods and opts to sit down on the closet floor.
Seven minutes, huh? Time has never meant much to him. How could it, when he literally looped his last year of high school for six years in a row? Yet these seven minutes couldn’t be going by any slower.
Teruhashi, getting the hint that Saiki isn’t up for conversation, follows suit and sits across from him. And while she may be silent on the outside, her mind is rambling as it often is.
Wow, I can’t believe I’m stuck in a closet with Saiki! No, no, Kokomi, you have to be normal about this. You can’t make this situation any more awkward than it already is. Saiki must really want to go home right now. Ah, I wish I could too. My favorite show is on around this time…
Emboldened by Teruhashi paying him no mind, Saiki can’t help but stare at her as she gets lost in thought. They’re in a closet after all. There isn’t anything else interesting to look at.
But for some reason, it’s difficult for him to take his eyes away from Teruhashi’s lips. It’s strange. The closet they’re in is dimly lit, but her lips seem more vivid and inviting than ever—
Wait, what?
Saiki must be drunker than he thought. He only had one shot, didn’t he? Can that little alcohol really have this big of an effect on him? He’s never drinking again.
He closes his eyes and leans his head back against the wall behind him. It would help if he couldn’t see her at all, right? Never mind the fact her image appears so clearly in his mind’s eye.
“Saiki?” Teruhashi calls out quietly a moment later.
“Yes?”
“Are you okay?” Why does he look so good right now?! “I know I said seven minutes wasn’t that long, but should we leave early—I mean, the game, of course. Unless you also want to leave the party?” Oh my god, that sounds so suggestive, but I didn’t mean it that way at all! What is Saiki going to think? He’s going to think I’m weird and crazy! Great going, Kokomi! So much for being normal!
“I don’t think you’re weird or crazy,” Saiki says, eyes still closed.
“Huh?”
Oops, he wasn’t supposed to say that. This is the one time telepathy works against him. That thought of his must have been projected too clearly into Teruhashi’s mind. Had he simply said it with his mouth, Saiki’s sure it would’ve been completely mumbled and unintelligible.
He really swears he’s never drinking again.
Now, Saiki isn’t one for outlandish ideas. Never has been. But this time, with the bunch of weirdos outside the door, he’s willing to help Teruhashi get away from them. And what he’s about to propose seriously has nothing to do with how he kept staring at her mouth.
Good grief, let’s get this over with.
“It’s fine,” Saiki tells her, “We just need to kiss to get those idiots off your back, right?”
“I– That’s true… But–”
Oh my god, where’s this coming from? Is he finally interested in me— No, he’s just trying to help me out. I need to stop this. He isn’t wrong… This group has been annoying me. It would be easier to get them to back off… But this is Saiki! Is he really okay with this? Does he feel peer pressured? He’s already at a party, out of his comfort zone, for my sake…
“It’s okay. I’m agreeing.”
Teruhashi goes silent for a moment—both out loud and in her head. She’s so silent Saiki wonders if he’s just been dreaming all along and even opens his eyes to make sure he’s not.
What meets his view is Teruhashi with her eyes tightly shut and slowly leaning forward towards him.
Saiki has never kissed anyone. But he’s seen kisses in the shows and movies he’s watched. He has long learned that the people involved both keep their eyes closed for the action, so he closes his eyes then, too.
A second later, there’s soft pressure and tacky gloss on his lips.
The sensation is so unfamiliar to him that he parts his mouth in surprise, accidentally gasping a little against Teruhashi’s lips.
She pulls away immediately and her previously suppressed thoughts return with full force, not giving Saiki any time to process his own embarrassment for his reaction.
Is Saiki uncomfortable? Oh my god, am I a terrible person for liking our kiss just now? I want to kiss him again. Oh my god, I knew I shouldn’t have said yes to this party.
“I’m so sorry,” Teruhashi rushes to say, panicked, “Was that okay?”
“Don’t we have to really sell it to them?” Saiki reminds her. “A single kiss probably won’t be enough.”
Teruhashi’s thoughts break, making her freeze. He wants me to kiss him more? Am I dreaming right now?
She discreetly pinches herself and winces.
Okay, definitely not dreaming. Oh my god, does this mean something? No, it couldn’t. Saiki has never once shown any signs of liking me in the last four—no, eight? That doesn't seem right…—years. It couldn’t mean something—to him, anyway. But why would he offer, then? I’m so confused! Ugh!
“A-are you sure you’re okay with this? I might really smudge my lip gloss…”
“I’m just helping you, aren’t I? Don’t worry about it,” he reassures her again.
After all, if things get too out of hand, Saiki can just manipulate their classmates’ memory of tonight.
“Okay…” she says, eyes fluttering shut once more.
Saiki does the same, and this time, he’s more prepared when Teruhashi’s lips press against his. What surprises him this time, though, is that they don’t remain there.
Teruhashi slowly pulls away and hesitantly leans back in—not to Saiki’s lips directly, but instead, to the side of them. Before she allows herself to change her mind, she presses against the corner of his mouth firmly, ensuring a glossy stain is left behind.
“Um, Saiki…” Teruhashi begins to ask. Her question doesn’t leave her mouth, but it doesn’t matter. Saiki hears it anyway.
And he must have truly lost it, because he says, “Do whatever you need or want to.”
In a sudden rush of courage, Teruhashi shyly ducks her head and plants a series of light kisses to the right of Saiki’s neck. Then one against his jaw. As he tilts his head back to grant her greater access, all he can think of is gratitude for not being ticklish.
By the last kiss, Saiki feels like his world is spinning. He swears he isn’t using pyrokinesis—Teruhashi would be burnt to a crisp otherwise—so why does he feel so warm?
Saiki can hear the thoughts of their classmates on the other side of the closet door flowing in, all of them wondering why Teruhashi hasn’t ditched a nobody like him already, and bitter jealousy that it’s him and not one of them. They’re waiting for the seven minute timer to run out, to signal Teruhashi’s return to them.
“…That’s good, right?” Saiki manages to ask.
Again, it’s dark in the closet, but Saiki can see Teruhashi’s flushed face clear as day. She’s likely able to see his too, judging by the heat he’s felt rush to his face.
Saiki looks way too good covered in my lip gloss. This is so indecent for a perfect girl like me… What will my fans think!? Have seven minutes gone by yet? Why is time passing so slowly and so quickly at the same time?
Teruhashi looks so unwell Saiki gently clasps a hand on her shoulder to stabilize her.
“Relax. Everything is going to be okay.”
Immediately, her thoughts begin to calm.
If Saiki isn’t worried, neither should I be. He’s right, anyway. One word from me and any worries of my fans’ will be dispelled.
“Thank you, Saiki,” Teruhasi tells him weakly. She gives him a small bow as best she can while sitting in the small space of the closet. “I’m sorry for getting you into this situation. You must be beyond uncomfortable.”
At least she’s aware, Saiki thinks.
“I told you, it’s fine. As long as they leave you alone after this.”
She nods at him, still feeling unsure.
Footsteps begin to approach the closet door, and in those few moments before they get exposed to the room on the other side, Saiki does another thing he would never normally do.
He quickly leans in and pecks Teruhashi on the corner of her mouth, a simple and chaste gesture. He pulls away just as fast to see her face go aflame with a deep flush.
“Wha— Saiki!”
The door opens then, bright lights of the living room flooding their visions.
“You two were in here for so long, we were getting worried!” Idiot 2 exclaims, even though it’s been exactly seven minutes, extending a helping hand to Teruhashi.
Instantly, Teruhashi begins thinking of ways to decline Idiot 2’s offer. Ugh, who does this guy think he is! Does he think he can just sneak a way to hold my hand like this? How should I avoid accepting? Should I just ignore it and get up myself?
Saiki helps her make the decision by standing and gently pulling Teruhashi up with him, rejecting the idiot for her. The idiot retracts his hand to his side and observes Saiki’s movements a little too closely, but brushes off the interaction.
“Ah, but I guess we didn’t need to be so concerned, since… nothing… happened…?” Idiot 2’s sentence begins to trail off as he scans Saiki’s appearance and his gaze falls on Saiki’s lip gloss-stained neck. Idiot 2 falls silent, jaw dropping.
The silence afterwards piques the curiosity of everyone else in the room, making them all rush to crowd the closet to try and see what was so shocking.
Great, now the idiots are blocking the only exit.
Saiki glances down at Teruhashi beside him, an attempt to gauge if she had a specific plan of action in mind for this moment, only to find that she’s still flustered by his last second decision. Perhaps it was a bad idea.
They get further trapped by the release of what feels like a million words, all ranging the same few ideas.
“Teruhashi! Are you okay?”
“Teruhashi, what happened?”
“You’re a terrible person, Saiki!”
“How dare you corrupt Teruhashi like this!”
He’s one dumb question away from teleporting himself and Teruhashi out of the party when she tugs lightly on his sleeve. Saiki watches as she forms a flawless response in real time.
“Sorry everyone, we’ve had a lot of fun tonight, but we have to get going now! Thank you for inviting us!” Teruhashi says with her usual radiant smile, but she can’t hide from Saiki the underlying discomfort in her words.
The responses are immediate and overbearing, just as the questions were before.
“But we haven’t nearly had enough fun yet!”
“You should stay longer, Teruhashi!”
“How about one more drink?”
“No! Don’t go!”
In reply, Teruhashi merely maintains her angelic expression and begins to wave to everybody, easily making her way through the crowd with Saiki in tow as everyone instantly parts for her. It isn’t quite enough to enchant Idiots 1 and 2 from staying back, though, as they get in the middle of their path.
“Wait, Teruhashi, you can’t leave yet!” Idiot 1 says, blocking their way.
Teruhashi turns her beguiling face onto him. “Oh? And why not?”
Idiot 1 starts spluttering for some excuse, leaving Idiot 2 to come to his rescue.
“Be-because we were supposed to cut cake tonight! We, um, forgot to mention before, but this is actually kind of a birthday party,” he tells them in a cadence as though he’s unsure of his own words.
Idiot 1 looks at Idiot 2 in confusion until Idiot 2 nudges him.
Good grief, could they not be anymore obvious? Saiki doesn’t need to be a psychic to realize what they’re up to.
Idiot 1 chimes back in, exclaiming, “Yes, that’s right! You absolutely cannot miss this!”
“Well, wish that person a happy birthday for us! I appreciate the thought, but we really must leave now!” Teruhashi gives them a polite bow and moves to walk past them.
The idiots stammer, still scrambling to say something, anything that could get Teruhashi to stay.
Saiki is tired of watching them make a fool of themselves attempting to create a social trap for Teruhashi to get stuck in. He simply takes her hand in his and pushes past them and everyone else that stands in their way, getting the both of them all the way out of the apartment and down the stairs of the building in one go.
It isn’t until they’ve reached the lobby that Saiki realizes what he’s doing and finally pauses.
“Sorry, are you alright?” he asks Teruhashi. In his rush to get them out, he hadn’t had the chance to slow down and check up on her.
Teruhashi peers up at him with an odd glimmer in her eyes and a light blush coloring her cheeks. Saiki can’t tell whether it’s because of the running down the stairs or a remnant effect of the alcohol she’s consumed during the night.
Oh my gosh, I can’t believe we just left the party like that. If Saiki weren’t there, I really wouldn’t have known what to do. I probably would’ve been stuck there for another thirty minutes trying to get myself out. It’s… almost strange how comfortable I feel around Saiki. Why do I get the feeling he feels comfortable around me, too? Is it just because of how long we’ve known each other for? Ah… I’m tired… I want to go home.
“Yeah,” she breathes, “I’m okay.”
“Good,” he says. “Let’s go home.”
Teruhashi shines a genuine smile at him, one that Saiki can’t help but return a small one of his own to.
☾⋆.˚☀︎
Bonus:
”Um… Saiki?”
“Yeah?”
”You’ve got a little something– uh, everywhere…”
”Oh. Right.”