Work Text:
Sunday - Morning
Have you ever had a dream about someone?
Flux sat up quickly, heart racing. He could do little else but stare at the blanket that he’d bunched up in his fists. His head hurt… probably from sitting up so quickly. Looking down at himself, he found that he was wearing pajamas. …No blood. No dirt from the arena. No wound. But the memory of the pain still flashed in his mind.
He’d heard all sorts of stories about people having weird dreams before. Some people talk about having a romantic dream about someone they knew before. Just some random thing that all of a sudden made them fall for that person when they’d never seen them romantically before. Other people have talked about having dreams where they live a whole life just to find out that none of it was real. Flux had briefly seen a handful of people who claimed that this had happened to them. They mourn for a spouse or a child or a whole family that never existed. A life that never existed. Years of emotion, just to wake up.
…It wasn’t that Flux hadn’t believed them, necessarily. But he thought the idea seemed a tad absurd. Regardless, he had no interest in discussing dreams with random strangers. It isn’t like that kind of dream, assuming people did get them, could ever happen to Flux.
But Fluixon sat there for longer than he would’ve liked, in a bed that he realized to be his own, a room he slowly began to recognize, trying to prepare for the life he’d been returned to. The whole time, the memory of that arena choked his thoughts.
He didn’t know what time it was, but he heard an alarm from his… phone. By now, he’d more or less gotten his bearings and remembered what a phone was. Checking it, he looked at the time and felt a small panic before he could remember why. Oh, he was late. ..Shit–
Flux got out of bed, rushing to get dressed. Nothing felt real… He knew that everything was his. He knew where to find which clothes, he remembered having worn them before. But when he looked in the mirror, Flux… felt that didn’t look like himself. Which was ridiculous, he looked exactly the same as he looked yesterday. But in the several years that he’d imagined between yesterday and today… he’d looked different. The thought made him dizzy.
Flux rushed out of his room and slowed when he saw Saparata in his kitchen. …Their… kitchen. It wasn’t just his, they were roommates. They shared the apartment, so it was perfectly natural for Saparata to be there. But Fluixon wasn’t ready for the wave of hatred and heartache that washed over him at the sight of his roommate’s face.
He stared at Saparata, feeling his eyebrows furrow as he did. Fluxion had grappled with the emotions he had regarding Saparata for years. This volatile mixture of anger and yearning, followed by resentment directed toward himself. It wasn’t real. It wasn’t real and these feelings were ridiculous because those “years” had never happened. If anything, Flux’s opinion of his roommate was perfectly simple: the man was frustrating at times, but good enough company.
But Fluixon couldn’t help it.
…
(His lungs were on fire. Fluixon wanted to blame it on the dust from the arena floor, or maybe lingering smoke in his lungs from the Volcano. But really, he was probably just pushing his body too far. His arm and legs ached. The diamond sword looked strange in his hand ever since he’d gotten used to holding the netherite. The diamond was clean. Polished and untouched by war.
Rather.. it had been. Now, the blade had already begun to look tired. Fluixon had the briefest of moments to think that this is the only battle this sword would ever fight for him. Crafted only for the purpose of being pointed at Saparata. That was the man who would win this battle. Flux knew he was going to die here.
It wasn’t just the fact that Fluixon wasn’t as strong as Saparata. Of course, in that regard, he didn’t stand much of a chance. But it was also in the way Fluixon moved slower than he usually would. The way he’d hesitate ever so slightly before swinging his weapon. The knowledge that Saparata was better than Fluixon at combat didn’t kill the fear that any swing he made would take Saps down. Every time he moved forward and raised his sword, Flux was back in Theria, watching the man he loved bleed out onto the desert sand. And then the moment was gone. And he’d force himself to land the hit before his mind could recoil from the command.
Of course Fluixon wanted Saparata dead. Saparata had been the single largest issue with his plan ever since the initial trial. But Flux never wanted to be the one to kill Saps himself. He didn’t even want to be there, to see it again. So when that final blow came down on him, Flux almost felt relieved.)
…
“Oh morning! Sorry if I woke you up, do you want some?” Saps asked him.
“……What…?”
Flux was still holding his phone, gripping it slightly harder. How… how was it that Saparata still looked the same? Everyone in the Dream had changed over the years, to the point where Flux hadn’t even recognized his own face. But Saparata felt exactly as he… …no. This wasn’t the ragged image of the man standing opposite Fluixon in Westhelm. He looked like Saps. The President of Theria who would greet Flux with a smile and a kiss. Maybe with an “I love you” if they had more than a second before moving on to more important matters.
It made him sick.
“Do you want some smoothie?” Saparata asked again. Apparently, he’d been making smoothies, but now he was walking over, genuinely yapping his ass off. Fluixon just tuned out what he said, trying to figure out how to get around the man, before— …Hold on a moment..
“…What are you doing here.” The sentence was formatted as a question, but came out more clipped than Flux had intended. But Saparata was supposed to be out of the apartment by now. He usually was. Distant as the real past felt, Flux could remember that much at least. So why was this nuisance still in the house.
“What do you mean?”
“It’s— …” Flux began to answer before having a thought. …No. Already feeling more irritated, he lifted the phone and, turning it on, looked at the lock screen again. Specifically, the words at the top. …Today was a Sunday. He’d rushed out of his room for genuinely no reason. Fuck, that Dream really messed him up. Grumbling under his breath, Flux turned and retreated to his room, slamming the door behind him and leaving Saparata standing there.
He set his phone on the bedside table and laid back down, facing away from the door to the room. Immediately, he felt stupid. Was he really acting like this over a dream? Before he could dwell on that, though, Saparata was talking through his door.
“Wh— Flux????”
“What,” he spat back, not even rolling over to face the bedroom door. Fluixon hated Saparata. Just the very sound of that man’s voice pissed him off, and his self doubt was quickly forgotten.
“Is everything okay?? What’s got you so grumpy this morning?” Saparata asked, knocking against the door. Which was stupid, by the way, since Flux already knew he was out there. Fluixon resisted the urge to say “you” and go on a tangent over a ruined plan that had never existed. Approximately three years of frustration and suffering because of Saparata… years that never happened. So Flux decided to stay silent instead.
It would seem that this was not the right course of action, as Flux then heard Saparata open the door and enter his room. He tensed slightly on the bed, wary of facing away from his enemy. Before remembering that this was just his roommate. …who had never done him any true harm.
Flux felt the weight on the bed shift as Saparata sat on the bed with him. There was a tug on the corners of his mind with a memory… no, an imagination from the Dream… but Flux managed to kick it away.
“Are you sick?” was what Saparata asked him. And immediately, the question soured his mood further. Fluixon didn’t need his pity, nor did he want it. The audacity to use that tone toward Flux after what he did, how DARE HE— …Stop. It wasn’t real.
“No, I’m not,” Flux replied. It was something that he trusted himself to say. It was short, and he really just wanted Saparata to leave the room as soon as possible. So he opted to just ignore the other until, feeling iced out, the man decided to leave on his own. But then, there was a hand in his hair. Saparata began combing his fingers through Flux’s hair and the lurch that it caused inside him was sickening.
He thinks he may have heard Saparata ask something about Flux “just in another one of those moods again,” but he listened to none of it before he turned and smacked the hand away from him with as much energy as he could.
…
(Flux had found himself in bed surprisingly early, facing away from the door. The sun was just starting to set over the desert and he’d already finished all the work he was able to find. Anyone who knew him would understand how rare this moment was, given the amazing knack that Flux had for finding more work.
He was just about to drift off when he heard the door open and then close, footsteps approaching the bed. Flux didn’t bother looking up. It seems someone else had retired early for the day as well, though Flux had doubts that Saps was as diligent about searching for anything else that could possibly be done. Saps sat down on the bed and began combing through Flux’s hair with his fingers. For Flux’s part, he found the motion relaxing, so he gave no protest.
“Someone told me you finished early and I figured I’d find you here… special occasion?” Saps whispered.
Flux huffed at the joke, turning his head to look up at Saps, who was grinning. That stupid grin… Flux decided not to even dignify that question with an answer, but it didn’t matter, because Saps cupped his face and was soon kissing him. Mmm… Flux felt his eyes flutter shut as he melted slightly into that kiss. This idiot… Saps pulled away from the kiss after a long moment, and Flux returned his stupid smile. His hand was still in Flux’s hair, but Saps used the other to trace down Flux’s side, coaxing him into lying on his back so that Saps could get on the bed fully and crawl on top of him. Flux grumbled slightly, but he wasn’t really mad.
Saps kissed him again and Flux hummed against it. It was comfortable… Flux wrapped his legs loosely around Saps’ waist and pulled him closer. He’d been focused on his work all day, going around Theria and handling any papers or matters that needed to be addressed, maybe even the ones that didn’t necessarily need to be addressed. Which, naturally, meant Flux hadn’t been spending time with Saps, so the poor president was feeling neglected.
“I love youuu~” Saps said, pulling back to rest his head on Flux’s chest. Flux huffed a bit, looking away from Saps and shifting his gaze to the window where the sun was almost entirely gone.
“Yeah… I love you, too.”)
…
“DON’T TOUCH ME.” The response was hoarse, and with such aggression that Flux felt it scratch at his throat. He hadn’t been able to help it… Fluixon felt like a man possessed right now.
But it did the trick. Saparata pulled his hand back, apparently not expecting that response. …Of course he wouldn’t expect that response. Pushing the Dream down, Flux knew he’d stopped being bothered by his roommate’s touchy nature months ago, if not even earlier. But fucking hell, all he could think about–
“Oh. Shit. That bad?” Saparata asked. Why was he still sitting on Flux’s bed. And for fuck’s sake, why was he still talking.
“No. Just get out,” Flux snapped again. Ish, just take the hint already.
“...Okay. If you need anything, text me, okay?”
With a sound of irritation, Flux rolled back over, not even answering Saparata. Miraculously, he actually did leave the room after that. Good. Fluixon wanted to be left alone.
Tuesday - Afternoon
This was ridiculous. How long had it been? Two days? Three, almost.
Usually, Flux was more productive than this, but that Dream was bothering him. The two nights since he’d had it, there had been nothing out of the ordinary. As usual, he fell asleep in his bed and woke up the next morning with no memories of any dreams. That’s how it was supposed to be. Flux didn’t get dreams. If he did, they’d be hazy by the time he leaves his room and, by the end of his first class, would’ve entirely slipped from his grasp. But Flux could still remember everything. The betrayal he felt when seeing Saps’ death message while he walked past that tower. The tower he’d come to despise before Ish moved them to the next island, resurrecting Saparata and the others. …Which was also something that pissed Flux off. Of all the crazy things that Dream had contained, it additionally turned his roommate’s godfather into an actual god. That only made him feel more stupid when thinking about how much this was bothering him.
It felt like he couldn’t get any work done. Flux was productive enough that he’d finished many of his class assignments in advance. Fortunately for him, his professors were the type to have everything posted online at the start of the semester, meaning he could go at his own pace. Flux had a system. And these past three days, there were certain things that he wanted to get done. But every time he sat at the desk and looked at the work he wanted to do, he was just brought back to his office in the bunker.
…
(How was Saparata not dead yet. Fluixon slammed a fist down against the wood, disturbing the papers that sat on his desk. On top of the stack was the most recent edition of the Daily Break. Saparata remains on the run… How. He was charged with the murder of six leaders across Pandora; the entirety of the archipelago was after him.
This was supposed to be quick. Saparata should’ve been killed by now and that would’ve been that. Then, Fluixon could bury his guilt away and never again lay awake in his bed at night, wondering if he should leave the bunker and search for Saparata himself. He thinks he could do it, if he tried. …He knew Saps well enough, didn’t he? But if he saw Saparata’s face again… Flux isn’t sure he’d be able to do it. Do what? Kill Saparata, kill Saps? Or resist the urge to fall to his knees at the man’s feet, crying and begging for forgiveness.
…
Fluixon refused to beg. He wouldn’t give himself any room for weakness.
The border dropped recently. There hadn’t been any sign of an attack yet, but it was coming. It must be. Fluixon knew it was only a matter of time. …Could Saparata be over there? Surely not, how would he even have managed to cross? Someone would’ve spotted him. Hopefully, they would kill him. That traitor…
Saparata became a traitor the moment he decided to step off that desert tower. Not a day goes by that Fluixon doesn’t sit in the bunker, nearly trembling at the thought that, any minute, he might see that same death message again… when he decided not to just roll over and accept his fate at that trial. Fluixon had sent Thomas in his own stead. Saparata was the last weakness that lingered near Fluixon’s heart. Through his death, the Conspiracy’s plan to save this damned island would take another step forward.
But Saparata had, evidently, figured them out. Even tried to expose them. Luckily for Fluixon, he’d made a grave mistake in accusing 3Below as well. But that sort of risk couldn’t be allowed to repeat itself. …Soon. Saparata would die soon. And then, this horrible yearning in Fluixon’s heart would be silenced.)
…
Flux stood up so fast that he knocked his chair over, not even bothering to pick it back up at the moment. He needed to get some water… Stepping out of his room, he walked to the kitchen. Taking a glass from the cabinet and filling it up, Flux almost considered splashing it onto his face. Maybe the chill and shock of it would fix this. Probably not…
And then, Flux heard the voice of the person he most least wanted to see.
Saparata had peeked out of his own room and walked out, asking something. Flux stared right through him for a few beats, just noting that he wouldn’t be able to get back to his own room without dealing with Saparata, given that the bastard was in between Flux and the door. It was then that Flux realized he hadn’t heard any of what Saparata said. …He decided to look away, take a drink of the water, and just guess at a response.
“Everything is fine,” he said. …And it seemed like he’d correctly guessed whatever it was that Saparata had wanted to talk about.
“No, it’s not. You don’t usually go out of your way to avoid me.” That was true enough… Because of Flux’s intense work schedule during the beginning of the semester, he typically had plenty of free time during which Saparata could pester him. Usually, they’d just end up watching TV at the same time, but Flux hadn’t even touched the remote since the Dream. It felt too weird.
“Sapa– …Saps, it’s nothing.”
……Fuckkkk...
Flux knew he’d messed up as soon as the words left his mouth. He never called Saparata by his full name, not in a long time. That Dream, that stupid Dream. He cursed himself and just hoped Saparata hadn’t picked up on his slip.
Naturally, he had no such luck.
“...Okay, something is seriously wrong. What the fuck was that???”
“Was what.” Great… now he had to deal with this.
“You almost said my full name. Like, not Saps. Saparata.” Saparata took in a full breath, before sighing like he was tired. Flux took another sip of water, watching his roommate lift his arms and run his fingers through his own hair. The want that tried to spark in Flux’s chest was swiftly stomped out. “Dude… if you’re mad at me, can you just tell me?”
“I’m not,” Flux answered. Maybe a bit too quickly. He couldn’t even tell if it was true. Was it? Saparata… …Saps. No, he had to stop. His roommate was Saps. The Dream wasn’t even real. That’s why it was stupid for him to be upset or moody or whatever about this. …Saps... has done nothing wrong to Flux. Not more than the frequent bothering, anyway. What was Flux, a crazy girlfriend? “I had a dream you cheated on me,” more like “I had a dream where we lived in the desert and were in love, but then you killed yourself and I started resenting you for it, so when you were resurrected and we were all moved to a different place, I framed you for terrorism which set you on the run for multiple years before somewhat causing a war that ended with you killing me in a colosseum.” Besides being a grotesquely run-on sentence, it was also an insanely invalid reason to be upset. Somehow, the two of them being ex lovers felt like the least absurd part of the Dream.
“You are not slick, bro. You’ve been glaring and avoiding me for days.”
…Flux didn’t respond. What would he say to that? Sap–...s was right. Flux had, in fact, been doing that. All over a Dream, something that Saps had no control over. All of a sudden, Flux felt a new emotion, one he wasn’t expecting. …It may have been guilt? Saps didn’t deserve to be punished for this, annoying as the man may be.
Flux just drank the rest of the water quickly, setting the empty cup into the sink before trying to walk past Saps and return to his room. There was suddenly a hand on his shoulder, though, stopping him from leaving just yet.
“What’s wrong, Flux?” Saps asked. And damn this man, Flux felt like folding. The sudden contact made him startle a bit before glaring at Saps. It wasn’t a reaction as strong as the one on Sunday, but Saps did pull back, although he looked hurt by Flux’s response. …That was fair… Flux was the one who was being unreasonable…
“...It’s nothing, Saps. Nothing happened.”
“...Fine. Just– if you need something, I’m here.”
Flux held eye contact for a few seconds longer, resisting the urge to run away and hide back in his bedroom. In the end, it was Saps that left first. …He’d looked so hurt. Flux’s first thought was that Saparata deserved it, but he immediately shut it down. What a horrible person he was for thinking that. …Over a fucking Dream, of all things…
When Flux returned to his room, he didn’t go back to the desk. He could try to do more work later…
Thursday - Lunchtime
Flux barely felt well enough to eat. They were all sitting in their usual area for Thursdays, since a lot of them had free time between classes today. Except for Hvyrotation, who didn’t actually have any on-campus classes on Tuesdays or Thursdays, and just showed up purely for the sake of having lunch. He also had Gotoga and NewKids on the phone so they could join the conversation.
Hvyrotation, Saps, along with Micro and that group all sat together as usual, but Flux had moved a bit away and just… stared. It wasn’t just Saps… he struggled to look at his friends the same. The feeling of guilt had continued to grow since Tuesday, eating away basically all of the remaining anger he’d felt. Now he just felt… tired. How was he supposed to explain himself? The memories of the Dream were finally starting to fade, but he couldn’t just try to act like nothing happened, could he? And even if he did… somehow the hole in his heart remained. The most vivid memories, even as the rest disappeared, were those moments he’d had with Saps.
…
(Flux was never the first one to say “I love you.”
One late night in Theria, that long, magical night, a drunken Saps leaned over and whispered to Flux that he loved him. Flux was almost too stunned to speak but, having a couple drinks in him as well, managed to mutter out a quiet “I love you, too.” Saps giggled and pulled him closer. And that’s how they had their first kiss.
…
Flux, Saps, and Jophiel stood near the center of the town, discussing some of the happenings of the desert island. Flux suddenly remembered something that he’d wanted to get done that afternoon. He was already losing precious seconds and, cursing, excused himself and tried to rush off to do that. Saps grabbed his wrist, asking him to wait for a second. Moving in, Saps gave him a quick peck.
“I love you!”
Flux scrunched his nose like he was annoyed, but didn’t even try to hide the smile spreading across his face.
“I love you, too.”
…
… It was the dawn of that horrible day. But how could Flux have known that? He woke up earlier than usual, probably from the soreness of his muscles. As Flux squirmed slightly, trying to shift around under the covers. Saps, not even awake, whined and hugged Flux tighter, nuzzling his face into Flux’s neck.
“Mmmm…… …good morning, Flux. …I love you~”
Flux huffed, trying to get a bit more space from the koala that was his boyfriend, love be damned, but of course, he said it anyway.
“Hmph. …I love you, too, Saps…”
…
Mid-morning. The group had broken away from the rest of Luminara, deciding it would be a good idea to mine for resources, since it was their first day on this new island. Fluixon was holding a hand up, trying to cast shade over his eyes so he could see, when suddenly he was hugged aggressively from behind. He startled a bit, but froze. …There was really only one person it could be. … Fluixon turned around and saw Saparata. Saparata who had died. Saparata who had jumped without asking for any help. Saparata who had abandoned Flux without a word of goodbye. …And he hugged Fluixon again, from the front this time. He cupped Fluixon’s face and kissed him, and for a moment, Fluixon hesitated. But then he tried to relax into it.
“Flux! Ish, I missed you so much… I love youuu…”
And Saparata smiled at him. Fluixon smiled back, masking the emptiness behind his gaze.
“…I missed you, too, Saps.”
…
Now, it was the last evening. The last time they’d have this.
Fluixon gripped Saparata’s shirt, their lips pressed together as they moved toward the bed. Falling onto his back, he pulled Saparata on top of him, heated breaths passing between them as they undressed, and Fluixon knew this was the last time he would ever be held by Saps.
Saparata had no clue, but Fluixon knew what had to be done. Tomorrow, everything would be set into motion. Saparata would be dead again within the month and Fluixon wouldn’t have to see that bloody heartbreak every time he looked at the face of his love. Saparata held him gently, kissing Fluixon’s neck and whispering soft words as he clung to him. The last time…
They lay in bed together afterward. Fluixon curled up against Saparata, wishing it were still Saps. Saparata ran his fingers through Fluixon’s hair and he could almost believe it.
“…I love you.”
…Saparata paused when Fluixon broke the silence, fingers freezing in his hair. The room fell silent again until Saparata sat up, looking at Fluixon with excitement and disbelief.
“…YOU SAID IT. YOU SAID YOU LOVE ME. YOU SAID IT FIRST! I love you, toooo~”
He grabbed Fluixon’s face with both hands, nuzzling his cheek against him before placing dozens of kisses all over the other’s face. Fluixon started retaliating, grabbing Saparata’s hands and trying to escape the barrage.
“Okay, enough!! Shut up before I take it back—”
That was the closest Fluixon ever came to saying goodbye to Saps.)
…
Flux hardly noticed when Thomas sat down next to him. Thomas followed his gaze, leaning forward a bit and looking in the direction of the group.
“…dude, what the fuck are you doing??” Thomas asked, looking at Flux. Ish… NO— …fuck, that was going to be such a hard habit to shake. “…Did Saps do something to you, bro?”
That just made Flux want to pull his hair out… …Saps didn’t do anything. He did nothing wrong, and he had tried to get Flux to talk to him, but Flux had just kept snapping at him. Over absolutely nothing. “…No. No, Saps didn’t do anything.”
“Okay, so why are you locked the fuck out then?”
Of course, Flux couldn’t tell Thomas either. He couldn’t tell if that would be better or worse than telling Saps. He thinks the worst part might be that now he can’t stop imagining the real Saps romantically. …If he kissed Saps, would it be the same as in the Dream? Would they be as happy as they were in…… he couldn’t even remember the name of that place in the desert now…
“I just— …Haven’t been getting enough sleep, I think,” Flux muttered. Which was quite possibly the worst excuse he’d ever come up with in his life. Flux would stay up late all the time to do extra work and never have any issue, and Thomas knew this. There was no way he would ever buy that, but Flux couldn’t be bothered to make up something else.
“Uh huh. You been up thinking too much?” Thomas asked. Oh my g— Flux just wanted to change the subject at this point. He couldn’t keep thinking about Saps.
“…Yeah. Was thinking a bit too hard, it’s hard to have this much genius.” Please. Flux finally picked at his food and put a spoonful into his mouth, just hoping Thomas will take the bait and leave it alone. Instead, he pressed.
“Yeah? Thinking a bit too hard about a certain someone maybe?” Flux went totally still, eyes shooting over to Thomas and glaring at him. No… no, he couldn’t let Thomas get it in his head to tease Flux over this. It didn’t matter what Flux wanted, though. Thomas smiled and subtly gestured in Saps’ direction with a tilt of his head. “You are SO. Obvious. Have you finally figured it out?”
Flux didn’t want to ask. He didn’t want to know, didn’t want to hear what Thomas was about to say. But he also knew that this was going to happen anyway. He chewed his food and swallowed, responding to Thomas in a tone that sounded more like dread than anything else. “……figured it out…?”
“You’ve probably been thinking about Saps a lot recently, huh,” Thomas whispered conspiratorially to him, leaning closer to Flux and still grinning. Flux felt his shoulder slump, also lowering his voice.
“...It’s not what you think,” he said. Ugh… It almost would’ve been easier if Thomas was just right. It would’ve been so much simpler if Flux had just fallen for his roommate. Which, apparently, he had. …But he couldn’t help but feel bad about it. Besides him lashing out at Saps after the Dream… their relationship in that imaginary world had honestly ended terribly. And angry as he had been, Flux couldn’t help but feel like it was his fault that it had turned out like that. Not exactly the ideal dream to inspire romantic feelings.
“Then what is it? Because it seems clear as day to me.”
Of course Thomas was going to be stubborn about this… Flux grumbled, glancing back at Saps. Saps had… actually been looking at them, shit– Flux couldn’t process the expression on the other’s face before Saps turned away. Ugh, no… This entire week was horrible. Flux hid his face again, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It’s nothing, Thomas, you wouldn’t–”
“I wouldn’t what, understand?”
“Yes,” Flux snapped. How could Thomas understand? He wasn’t actually there. Thomas didn’t live out the years that never were. He didn’t have that Dream. But Flux couldn’t explain that, there was no one he could tell. Absolutely no one…
“Is it because I’m aroace? Are you being acephobic right now?”
…It was supposed to be a joke. Flux knew that. …Maybe, in any other situation, he would’ve laughed. Or at least said something to Thomas, probably tell him to shut up. But he just groaned a bit, glancing over at Saps again. The group over there was chatting and laughing. …It was normal. Usually, Flux would be over there as well, but he didn’t know if he could act the same. …Maybe if he waited longer, the rest of the memories would go away. And the Dream would finally leave him alone.
Flux sighed and gathered his things. Standing up, he made some excuse about being tired and wanting to go back to his apartment. Then he walked away. Thomas didn’t try to say anything this time.
Saturday - Evening
Saps left the apartment earlier that day. That made sense. Saps almost always went somewhere to hang out with one group or another on Saturdays. …And at the end of the day, he’d come back with food for both of them, take a shower, and then they’d sit together on the couch and hang out there. Every week. Flux remembered last Saturday… It had actually been really nice. They’d been watching a show together and Saps had actually fallen asleep against Flux’s shoulder. …This was one of the first times that the memory of their time last Saturday felt more real than the Dream. That was a good sign. Now was the time to fix this…
Flux was sitting on the couch, staring at the TV. It was turned off. …Still. He wasn’t really doing anything, just waiting for Saps to come back. Once they came back… Flux could talk to him. He sighed, closing his eyes. He was horrible. What was he going to say? It felt… selfish to ask for anything from Saps now. Maybe the Saps in his Dream hadn’t been real, but… it had felt like Flux was in control of his own actions. He’d chosen to do that to Saps. It wasn’t real. The memories that lingered were blurred… Flux was finally starting to feel right in his own life again. He’d even gotten caught up on the work he missed during the week.
…
(Flux sat… …office… …desert sun… …work…)
…
There was a click at the door and Flux opened his eyes to watch Saps walk in, holding a bag that probably contained food. He set it on the kitchen counter and looked at Flux briefly before turning and going to his bedroom, probably getting ready to shower. …Usually, Saps would’ve said something to Flux by now. Mmm… he’d ruined the entire mood all week… Flux closed his eyes again, just resting back into the couch and kicking himself. Saps’ shower would be short… …then Flux could talk to him when he came over and sat on the couch with him. It would be that simple. …But he couldn’t take apart the knot of anxiety that was forming in his chest.
…
(Group… …Saps… …picka–… …dripstone…?)
…
Saps stepped out soon, having basically dried off already. It was still silent in the apartment. …Flux didn’t like that. …and he didn’t like knowing it was his fault. Saps walked back to the kitchen and got the food. Flux felt his heart start trying to pound out of his chest as Saps started to walk toward him. He’d almost begun worrying that he’d fucked up so badly that Saps wouldn’t even sit in the living room with him. Saps set the food on the coffee table before sitting on the ground in front of the couch, making Flux stare at him.
“…I got food,” he said, settling into his spot.
“……What the fuck are you doing??”
…Saps looked up at Flux after he said that, as if he couldn’t believe what Flux had just said. “What do you mean what am I doing?? I’m sitting here??”
“I’m trying to have a serious conversation, sit on the damn couch,” Flux snapped, almost in a scolding tone.
“You didn’t even– ugh, whatever.” Saps huffed and pushed himself up to stand, just so he could sit down on the couch. …Flux hadn’t actually thought about his words before speaking, it had felt so natural. It was the closest he’d felt to normal ever since he’d woken up on Sunday. Something like relief washed over him when he realized that. Now, Saps had to settle into his seat again, just on the couch this time, and looked over at Flux again, visibly irritated. “What did you want to talk about?”
…
Flux took a breath in, staring into Saps’ eyes. He wanted to just say it… he already felt horrible, but… It still felt like he was averse to saying the words. So his eyes dropped to the floor, examining it as a distraction from the kick this was doing to his ego. “I… …I’m sorry. For… ……I’m sorry for everything. I know I’ve been acting mean and avoiding you and all of that, but… you.. didn’t do anything wrong. So, I’m sorry.”
There was a dreadful silence for a few beats that felt all too long. And then Saps spoke: “...It’s fine. I just wish you’d tell me what was wrong so I could help.”
…
(Stars… …Saps…)
…
Immediately, Flux shook his head. He couldn’t. He couldn’t do that, telling Saps would be even worse. Besides, the issue was fixing itself. He was feeling better already, the Dream was almost entirely gone. Flux was finally himself again.
“...It’s just me. I– …I was in a horrible mood and I just… I just took it out on you…” He muttered. Flux had a hand half covering his mouth and he turned his face away from Saps. Just looking at the floor wasn’t enough anymore.
“...You really worried me. And honestly, I’m still kind of worried about you.” Saps leaned forward a bit and Flux felt a gentle touch rest on his shoulder. “What’s wrong?”
Flux still flinched back slightly when he felt the touch, but this time it wasn’t from distrust or anger. …Flux couldn’t believe that Saps was still willing to do that so easily, even after how Flux reacted the last few times. Saps noticed his reaction, though, and Flux could sense him about to pull back. No… No, Flux didn’t want to lose that touch again. He just wanted to go back to normal. He quickly shot a hand up, placing it over Saps’ hand and keeping it pressed against his shoulder.
“...I… I don’t want to talk about it. …I just want to move on.”
“Mm. Okay. Need something to help get your mind off it?” Saps asked. Deciding to look back at his roommate's face, Flux felt his heart jump. …This idiot… He sort of hated how a specific idea jumped into his mind when Saps asked him that. Flux was supposed to be a composed, dignified individual, namely one that didn’t jump to the idea of kissing their roommate to shift the subject. But as he stared into Saps’ eyes, he was a bit amazed that it took some weird, freaky Dream for Flux to fall in love with him.
“That… depends on what you’d have in mind,” is what he settled on saying instead.
“Well, I did get us dinner again, so we should probably start eating that. And we could put on a show and just chill this time. I think new episodes came out of the one we were watching last week,” Saps suggested. Pulling his hand back, Saps turned his attention to the food containers on the table, picking them up. Flux mourned the loss, but he’d survive.
“Alright. …That sounds nice.”
“Cool. Could you set up the TV? I’m trying to get these open.”
Flux laughed at him a little bit, watching him mess with the boxes. He did hesitate before actually doing anything with the TV, just watching Saps get the stuff open. When he was sufficiently amused by that, he finally leaned over and picked up the remote for the first time all week. …It actually felt normal again.
Having finally opened the containers, Saps sat back, watching as Flux found the show they’d been watching. The two of them were sitting close but not touching at all. Mmm… in a moment of selfish indulgence, Flux leaned over, resting against Saps as he selected the right episode and put it on. Saps immediately relaxed against him, like finally getting permission to. In a way, that really is what happened. Flux didn’t glance over, but he also didn’t bother hiding the affectionate smile that got from him, even though his nose scrunched slightly like he was annoyed.
Flux set the remote to the side, taking the food that Saps offered him as they watched the show together. They couldn’t even watch the new episode yet, since Saps had fallen asleep halfway through the last one they’d been watching, but Flux didn’t make a fuss about it. He was just enjoying how normal this felt, Dream forgotten. …He was glad to have Saps back.
(Saps…)