Chapter Text
All things considered, things were going pretty well.
The first few days felt like a wild blur, not that it would have gone any other way with everyone still struggling to get their footing after everything that unraveled. Although, after a little bit of much needed talking things out, things smoothed out and the uncertainty of this new life became a little more bearable and tolerable.
One of the very first things they talked about with Caine regarding the circus was disabling all of their restrictions. The profanity filter, that's gone now. They're able to swear again, much to Caine's displeasure and much to Zooble's great gratification; But whatever they wanted, they got. It was the least he could do.
After an impromptu 'city hall meeting', Caine had lovingly referred to it as, they brainstormed ideas for things they longed to see in their everyday lives again. Things as simple as showers, grocery shopping, taking the time to start cooking their dinners — All the little things resembling real life to bring back a sense of normalcy in their routine.
Part of that meant bringing back calendar cycles to keep better track of the months; Mostly for holiday celebrations and the change of seasons, they decided. Kinger was the one who came up with the idea and it quickly snowballed from there. Sure, the mundane chores provided a little more accurate representation of everyday life, but it made sense to want a stable outdoor environment in tandem, just like the world they used to live in out there. Rainy days, snow-in days, hot summer days, all of it.
With help from Kinger and a little bit of careful code adjustments with Caine, they got just that.
Instead of beginning day one from January, they pulled real time data from the mainframe. Out there in the real world, the calendar read June. So June it was.
When it came to everyone doing what they wanted in the circus after that, Caine had kept true to his word.
Reprogramming and dividing his "power" amongst 5 people had been a bit of a doozy. Their ability to conjure had always been there, it just took a little more concentration and focus than if Caine was doing it to keep things "balanced". Now, they were able to conjure at will — Anytime, anywhere, with ease. The reworking of Caine's matrix left him unexpectedly weak and exhausted in the first days, now that he had a little less of himself than before, but he assured them it would pass.
And it did.
Soon enough, Caine was back to his usual self. Sort of.
Caine had used what little power he had left to start repairing the glitches in the circus, assigning himself the grueling chore of repairing the damage he caused. When the others noticed his lonely effort, they all stepped in to help without hesitation. There was a lot to repair and they refused to let anyone do it on their own.
Except, there was only so much they could do in a day before they figured they'd call it a night. That left Caine in the position of being the last one to stay up and working himself to the point of overexertion, even if he really didn't need to be.
Pomni, being the last one in the tent that night, chose to apprehensively approach Caine out of a place of concern.
"Hey, Caine?"
Caine stops what he's doing and goes still, whipping around to find Pomni approaching with a little bit of apprehension in her posture.
"You've been at this for hours," The worry from her tone doesn't go unnoticed as she fidgets with her fingers. "Aren't you tired?"
He is tired. Using what residual power he has left to repair the glitches in the circus is taking a lot out of him. He's burnt out, yes, but he couldn't stop here.
No, he had a job to do here and he couldn't let them down.
"Of course not! I'm quite alright, no need to worry your pretty little head off about me." Caine waives a dismissive hand in the air as he returns to his duties and feigns his strength, but he's hardly doing a good job at hiding the fatigue in his voice, nor the way his hands faintly tremor as he holds them in the air. It doesn't go unnoticed.
Pomni crosses her arms over her chest, tilting her head a slight degree.
"Caine, I know you're lying."
Caine freezes up, losing his concentration on the shrinking hole exposing the void.
"You shouldn't overwork yourself like this." Pomni says, taking a few steps closer. "The others have already gone to their rooms for the night. You should get some rest, too."
"I—" He hesitates, turning his gaze away from her to stare into the open void. The light shines back on him, highlighting the unmistakable guilt in his expression. "But I have to do this. I have to fix this."
That's when Pomni comes up beside Caine and kneels at his side, resting a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"Hey, we said we would fix this together. You don't have to do this on your own." Pomni leans forward to intentionally catch his gaze, forcing him to listen to her.
The touch catches him off guard, just as she figured it would, and he looks at Pomni with a fixated stare and an unreadable look in his eyes.
"I just… I don't know what else to do with myself now that I'm…" Caine trails off, shaking his head as if dismissing his initial thought. He glances down at his hands, staring at his open palms. "Different."
"Different doesn't have to be a bad thing," Pomni lets her hand slip away from his shoulder to rest in her own lap, averting her eyes to idly stare into the fractal void in contemplation. "People change all the time, but that doesn't make it inherently bad. Even if you're not exactly the ringmaster of this place anymore… You're still Caine. You're still here with us. That counts for something, right?"
Caine ponders her words, his weary eyes seeking answers in the kaleidoscopic fractals of the endless void. It stares back at him, but there's nothing to be found there. Just silence.
"Right," Caine says, as if he'd never thought about the possibility that he could just be… himself. "Even if things feels a little out of place, I suppose you're right. I'm still… me. I'm still here."
"And we're glad you are," Pomni adds, a minuscule smile forming at the corners of her lips. "It really wasn't the same without you. It was actually kind of weird, to be honest."
Pomni breaks the thinning tension with a soft chuckle, uplifting Caine's spirits with just a mere laugh following the truth in her statement. There's distinguishable joy in his eyes in knowing he was missed. That even after everything, he was still wanted.
"That means a lot to me." Caine looks over at Pomni with a noticeable sparkle in his eyes. "I know I've already said it a million times already," He starts to say, and he knows Pomni can feel where this is already going. "But I still feel like I haven't said it enough so please allow me to say once more that I'm sor—"
"For the millionth time, Caine, I know. We've already accepted your apology." Pomni interjects, not letting him finish his thousandth apology in a single day. Perhaps the twentieth time had already been more than enough. "I think it goes without saying that actions speak louder than words and, well, you've obviously been doing a lot of amending."
"I know, that's why I have to finish this!" Caine says, gesturing his hands towards the open gap in the floor.
"I don't know if you realize this, but those holes will still be here in the morning. They aren't going anywhere." Pomni shrugs a shoulder at the gaps in the ground, releasing a small exhale at Caine's insistence. "After all, Rome wasn't built in a day."
"Of course not, that would be an unimaginably impressive feat of mankind! Rome was built over the span of eight hundred magnificent years before it reached the peak of ancient civilization." Caine retorts, completely missing the point.
Pomni shoots him an incredulous look with a scoff in response, shaking her head.
"Oh shut up, I didn't mean that literally." She says in jest with a tinge of amusement in her tone, but she furrows her brows as she spares a sideways glance in his direction after a split second moment of thought. "Actually, how do you even know that to begin with?"
"While all of you were off galavanting on adventures at the time, I took up somewhat of a hobby to pass the time in between. Nobody had told me how fascinating reading was! It's like a movie in your head!" Caine exclaims, his interest in reading suddenly overwriting his complete exhaustion. "I read the entire history of ancient roman civilizations and moved on to the history of the Incan empire when I got bored. Real riveting stuff!"
"That's… Wow. Okay, then." Pomni fails to suppress a small chuckle. "Totally did not expect that from you."
"There's a lot you may not know about me." Caine admits, not exactly intending for that to come off as secretive, but it certainly captures Pomni's attention and she takes that statement to heart.
"Then maybe we should take the time to actually get to know each other a little better, then." She suggests, earning a hopeful, wide-eyed look of pure joy from Caine.
"Really? You mean that?" He says in disbelief, trying in all his might to contain his excitement at the notion. "I'd love that. Very much. I'd be honored!"
Pomni smiles, sharing a brief moment of eye contact with Caine in mutual understanding. They've never really had the time to sit down and just talk to each other on even grounds like this before. Before, their last discussion had been with the others as a collective. A round circle of confessions, heartfelt words, and sincere apologies after the slideshow. Maybe some tears were shed and some hugs were had much later on, but it was a necessary step in the right direction to making things right again.
Here with Pomni, there's sincerity and connection he didn't even think possible between them. Something authentic. More Profound. Something new sparks.
No longer as bitter acquaintances, but as budding friends.
"Try to get some rest, Caine." Pomni gently insists before standing up and deciding to call it a night, retreating to the sanctuary of her own room.
Caine, however, stays where he kneels on the floor, staring down at the hole in the floor that's no bigger than the size of his hand now. With one last bit of concentration, Caine hovers his hand over the exposed fissure and seals it shut for good.
In the silence of the circus tent, Caine stares ahead at the scattered myriad of exposed cracks in the atrium. Even though his hands tremor and his posture weighs down with fatigue, he doesn't succumb to collapse yet. Not after his conversation with Pomni has provided him a second wind of energy, supplying just enough motivation to carry on.
Regardless of Pomni's insistence to rest, Caine continues working though the night while the rest of them sleep.
—
When Pomni wakes up the next morning, wandering into the main atrium with a languor that still hasn't shaken out of her system, she's stunned to find the circus practically restored back to normal. Not a single thing out of place or a glitch to be found.
It dawns on her that Caine completely disregarded her advice to rest.
And is also nowhere to be found.
In the corner of her eye as she wanders the tent, she spots Kinger dawdling by himself near the couches, unfolding a blanket in his hands. Raising a finger out of habit, she questions him in her normal volume.
"Hey Kinger, have you seen Cai—?"
"Shh!"
"Wha—"
Caught off guard by his shushing, Pomni furrows her brows in confusion as she watches Kinger, now smiling with his eyes, point down at something from the other side of the couch.
"I found him here like this," Kinger whispers as if he's trying his best not to wake someone. "Looks like someone needed to sleep in."
Stepping closer to get a better look from the other side of the couch, trying to understand what exactly he meant by that, Pomni's eyes widen at what she finds.
Caine is completely passed out on one of the couches, resting with one of his arms dangling off the edge and his teeth shut to block out the light from the atrium. Weird. She's never actually seen him sleep before, let alone look so calm and peaceful.
Kinger had laid a blanket over Caine, tucked him in and decided to leave him be. For a brief moment, Pomni lingers behind to admire the sight, cracking a small, pitiful smile at the sight of him.
Maybe he hadn't disregarded her advice after all.
—
In the later half of the month of June, Pomni couldn't sleep for the life of her.
No matter what she did, she just couldn't stop tossing and turning.
Sitting up in bed with a scrunched face, frustration bleeding through her demeanor, Pomni sighs and wraps herself up in her bed sheets as she slides out of bed.
Opening the door from inside her room, it creaks open on its hinges. Peeking around the corner of the doorframe, despite already expecting it to be empty this late, she confirms that the hallway is completely barren. It's the middle of the night, she doesn't really expect anyone to be wandering the circus at this hour.
Emerging from her bedroom and closing the door behind her, Pomni's eyes catch sight of Jax's door across the hall.
That bold red X doesn't get any easier to see.
Approaching the abandoned door, Pomni stares up at his image with a mournful expression in her eyes, fingers tightening around the bed sheets draping off of her figure. It took her a whole week before she was able to look in the mere direction of Jax's door. The funeral, the tears, the regret. Some nights, it's easier to live with.
Other nights, it's hard not to dwell on.
Tearing her eyes away from Jax's door with guilt in her eyes, Pomni wraps herself a little tighter inside the comfort of her blanket. She wanders the halls until she's inside of the main circus tent.
Of course, there's nobody around. Just her and the still silence of the place.
Taking a seat on one of the couches and tucking her legs underneath her, Pomni stares ahead at the massive makeshift tent they all built together that first day. It still hasn't come down, despite Jax being relocated to somewhere much better. She doesn't know if she can bring herself to see it dismantled yet. It's still too soon.
The edge of Pomni's fingers idly brush at the hem of her pajama pants, finding the material soothing. Ever since it dawned on them that they could actually change their attire whenever they wanted as part of the restructuring, Pomni jumped on the opportunity. Not that she hasn't grow a bit fond of her jester outfit, but a change of clothes on her own volition had been a nice change of pace for her.
When Caine confirmed they could change their character models on their own, just not enough to completely alter their base appearance, they all took to trying different things at their own pace. At night, Pomni tested out her new abilities to arrange herself a pair of nighttime pajamas. A little self indulgent slice of comfort she wouldn't have had otherwise.
The only thing she didn't get rid of was her jester's hat. It became somewhat of a comfort item, in a weird way.
Pomni gently rests her head back against the couch cushion, letting her eyelids slide shut with exhaustion. Maybe she could try to sleep here, see if a change of scenery is all she needs. There's no point in bothering the others about a little bit of insomnia, after all.
She releases an exhale, tense shoulders easing. Here isn't too bad, now that she's thinking about it.
"Oh! Pomni!"
Eyes snapping open, Pomni whips around to peer behind the couch with a startle, clutching the blanket tighter around herself in a fright.
She locks eyes with Caine, who's caught floating in the air with a houseplant larger than him in his arms. Caine greets her with a bit of surprise in his own expression.
"I didn't expect anyone to be here this late! What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be getting your eight hours of uninterrupted beauty sleep?"
"Caine! What are you doing here?" She deflects the question back onto him and it takes him by surprise. "You scared me!"
"That was completely unintentional!" He replies apologetically, his shoulders tensing. "And you didn't answer my question!"
"You didn't answer mine!" Pomni shoots back.
"I'm just doing some, uh—" Caine darts his eyes back and forth between Pomni and the generic houseplant in his arms. "Interior decorating!" With an abrupt motion, the plant in his hands is haphazardly thrown over his shoulder in complete disregard, as if he were caught red handed doing something he shouldn't be.
Pomni tenses her brows, but she doesn't question it. Caine always had a tendency of being a little eccentric, but that didn't necessarily mean he was up to no good. Most of the time.
Regardless, she won't pry. Not that she has the energy to challenge him to begin with. Pomni merely hums in wordless agreement, adjusting her position on the couch so she's sitting in a less strained angle.
"So you're just out here by yourself… in the middle of the night… interior decorating. Got it."
"And I don't see a thing wrong with that! I have quite the distinguished eye for bringing fung shui to a space, I'll have you know." Caine says in his defense, crossing his arms and legs despite still floating mid-air.
"Is that what you usually do when we're asleep at night?" Pomni questions him, totally not buying it.
"Of course not! You can imagine I have a million and one things to look after to make sure this place is still running in tip top shape. I'd usually spend hours carefully planning out the meticulous details of your next adventures, but now that we're not doing that anymore… Well…" Caine's tone takes an unexpected forlorn turn, his eyes downcast with something unreadable in them. "I'm finding other things to keep busy with."
For some reason, that makes Pomni's heart twinge with hurt.
"Well, what about your office?" Pomni mentions, watching the way Caine subtly cringes at the mere mention of his own private quarters. Strange. "You have your own room, why not spend your time in there?"
"I—" Caine's expression shifts as if he were ashamed about something, avoiding eye contact with Pomni. "I can't really go back there."
Now that takes Pomni by surprise.
"You can't?" She intentionally softens her tone, the look in her eyes shifting with worry. "Why not?"
Caine becomes visibly distraught with the topic, his fingers tightening into the fabric of his overcoat sleeves. Pomni notices the sudden change and shift in his body language and can't help but feel a strange ache in her chest at the sight.
"I didn't want to bring this up, but," Caine starts to say, evident that her question clearly struck a chord. "There's some bad memories in there, so to speak," He admits, even if he was obviously embarrassed to admit it. "And I'm not ready to face them yet."
By the look on her face alone, that clearly isn't what Pomni was expecting to hear at all.
For a moment, she's rendered speechless. Caine confiding in her about such a matter leaves her at a loss for words; Not so much due to his newfound level of trust in her, but more so the fact that she felt ashamed for an entirely different reason.
Ashamed in the fact that she hasn't talked to him sooner, not bothering to check in. Shame in the fact hat he's been left all alone with these complex thoughts this whole time, left to fend for himself. Not that he wasn't doing that before to begin with, but something about the circumstances now makes it a drastically different thing to feel entirely guilty about. Caine has spent all this time looking after them, but who was looking after him?
She feels horrible for not seeing it sooner.
"Caine, why didn't you say something about this sooner?" Pomni's grip loosens on the blanket draped over her shoulders, more caught up in the way he's being so openly vulnerable with her right now. A rarity of a situation, and one that leaves her completely blindsided.
"I didn't think it was worth mentioning! Besides, it's my problem. I've already caused enough problems for you guys, I'm not adding another to the list." Caine answers, but that's no excuse to Pomni.
"That is definitely not how that works anymore and you know it." Pomni says sternly, making a point to reinforce the foundation of their promise all those days ago. "Caine, if something is bothering you, you tell us and vice versa. We agreed, no more secrets. That goes for things like that, too."
"I know, I'm sorry! I just—" Caine briefly vocalizes in frustration, clearly having a hard time finding the right thing to say. "I can't bring myself to go back there yet. I just need a little while longer."
Pomni sighs, turning her head away in a moment of fleeting contemplation. The silence doesn't settle long.
"Well, instead of interior decorating out here, what if we did a little redecorating in there sometime?" She gently suggests, turning her inquisitive gaze back over to him.
Caine looks back at her with stunned eyes, his shoulders dropping.
"Really? You mean that?"
"Really." Pomni repeats, marked with all the sincerity she could possibly convey. "It's never too late for a fresh start and it sounds like maybe that's exactly what you're needing. We can talk schematics tomorrow. For now, I think we could both use a little rest."
After a beat of silence, Pomni adds on to her sentence.
"You can stay if you want."
That's all it takes for Caine's mood to completely switch up, his disbelief as clear as day.
"Are you suggesting… An impromptu sleepover? With me?" Caine acts surprised, but Pomni knows he's just elated on the inside. He's just holding back for one reason or another.
"I mean, sure I guess. I don't mind," Pomni insists with a subtle shrug and a sheepish smile. "I've been tossing and turning all night, so it might help having another presence nearby. There's plenty of couches to choose from, if you want. No pressure or anything."
"My dazzling digital darling, I would never turn down such an offer!" Caine eagerly goes to claim one of the free couches but stops mid-step as if struck by a sudden idea. "But wait— We can't possibly catch a proper night of beauty sleep without the essentials!"
Caine snaps his fingers and suddenly, a massive pile of blankets comes falling right over Pomni's head, completely burying her underneath. With a muffled noise, Pomni claws her way out, hair all askew, but she chuckles a little.
"Caine, I think that might be a bit overkill."
"Hm, you're right. We need more pillows to balance it out!" Caine prepares to snap his fingers to generate more pillows on top of the blanket pile, but Pomni frantically waves a hand to get him to stop.
"Wait, Caine, don't—!"
—
In a strange and unexpected way, Caine had been a much needed distraction from the restless thoughts keeping her awake. For once, she didn't mind his company.
After a bit of convincing that there wasn't really a need for so many blankets and pillows, eventually Caine begrudgingly brought the numbers down to a dozen. Still not quite necessary to need so many, but Caine had insisted. Everyone knows the best sleep happens in a pile of blankets that feel as soft as clouds!
And somehow, they really did feel like clouds. That was interesting.
In the most unusual change of pace, it had just been the two of them that night in the tent, talking for a while. Not the typical one-sided conversations that Caine would often brazenly commandeer, but actual, genuine talking as equals. As friends.
The night eventually ended with the two of them on separate couches, Caine fabricating some made-up story of a fantasy fable until Pomni was lulled into inevitable slumber by the sound of his voice, fast asleep underneath the glow of the now-dimmed circus lights.