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“Spring break! Spring break!” Rick and Morty chanted out the door as they walked out to the driveway in camping outfits and full backpacks. They put their bags in the trunk with big smiles.
“Bye, honey, have fun!” Beth said.
“I will, mom!” Morty hugged her. Rick playfully honked the horn of the spaceship. Morty looked back then excitedly ran back to the spaceship door.
“Spring break! Spring break! Spring break!” They chanted again as the spaceship flew into the air and darted lightspeed into the sky.
They danced to hip-hop and pop music all the way there, heading towards a large, bright, purple-green planet that no intelligent species inhabits.
They set up camp on a spot with the most open view of the sky. Blue and yellow tents with two foldable chairs and an unlit fire pit in the middle.
“So, what should we do first?” Morty asked.
“I bet you can’t catch a bigger fish than me!” Rick ran off to go grab his fishing pole.
“I bet I can!” Morty happily ran after him.
Their time together was competitive and playful.
“Hell yeah, in your face!” Morty blew a raspberry at Rick after managing to reel in the biggest fish one could catch, only to fall into the water as it flopped around and swam away. Rick laughed seeing it run. Morty shook himself of all the water and laughed, too.
When they weren’t together, Morty took pictures of all the cool things he saw while exploring the planet, while Rick looked for stuff that he could either scrape for resources or eat for dinner without it poisioning him.
Some afternoons were for board games, playing cornhole, swimming and throwing water on eachother, while some nights were for making smores, toasting with hot chocolate, laughing at how terrible the meat on this planet tastes, telling improvised ghost stories, karaoke, and, Rick’s favorite, gloating to Morty about how he knows exactly which star is which in the sky.
“Oh really? What’s that one?” Morty pointed.
“That,” Rick said in a snobby and self-satisfied tone, “is Krombopula-five.”
“You’re lying.” Morty rolled his eyes.
Rick used a device to scan the sky and showed it to him.
“Check it.”
The screen zoomed in on the star, and the name was verified.
“Wow.” Morty said, amazed. “And what about that one?” He pointed to another.
“Plinkubis.” Rick scrolled for it on the device and it was exactly what he said.
He pointed to more. “That’s Blopee, Drindon-3, and that one’s Rao, where Krypton is.”
“Krypton is real?” Morty asked with a wonder.
“Well duh, where else did Superman come from?”
Morty looked confused. “Oh.”
One thing that was always consistent was breakfast. Nothing could top good-old Earth eggs and bacon for Morty. Waking up to it was the best.
On the very last night, he sat down to look up at the stars. In at least one of those directions was Earth, but he didn’t know which.
"Man, I almost don't want to leave." Morty laughed as he looked up.
"Sorry, Morty, it's gotta end at some point." Rick said warmly as he walked past.
"Yeah, you're right." Morty stood up. "I'm gonna miss it," He smiled sentimentally. "This was fun."
"Goodnight." Morty poked his head out of his tent.
"Night." Rick responded. He disappeared into his own tent.
Morty pulled the covers over himself, and turned off his lantern.
He tossed and turned. He couldn’t wait to tell everyone about all the types of alien fish he caught, and show them all the pictures he took, but he couldn’t do that if he couldn’t sleep. He eventually got up to try and grab something that would help him. He turned his lantern back on and checked all the bags outside, nothing. Maybe Rick has something he's hogging. He cautiously unzipped the tent. Rick's still asleep on his side. Maybe he can just reach over and....
"What the- Morty?" Rick woke up and turned around. He was still half asleep.
"Oh, uh, hey Rick." Morty hovered his hand over his bag.
Rick looked at him with a furrowed brow.
"I just couldn't sleep, and I thought you'd have some, um, melatonin or something." He stammered.
"Okay..." Rick got up to look for it.
He reached into his bag and showed him the pill bottle.
Morty grabbed the bottle from his hand, but then he looked up and stared. They both stared at each other. Silently. Nothing but the sounds of nature and the crackle of a faintly lit lantern outside.
Morty inched closer on his knees. Rick didn't move, only watched with a cautious look. It was like two people tentatively practicing telepathy through their eyes.
Suddenly their lips connected like strong magnets. Both moaned between the smack of quick and desperate kisses. Morty's hands on Rick's shoulders, Rick's hands on Morty's waist. After what looked like fighting for dominance, Rick rolled over and positioned Morty under him to kiss his neck, then they looked at eachother again.
The golden glow of the lantern on their half-lidded faces.
Mutual agreement.
They continued to make out furiously as Rick managed to unbuckle his belt, undo Morty's pants.
Morty whined Rick's name, Rick groaned from the pleasure.
They both panted rhythmically inside that tiny blue tent, nobody but them to hear it on that cold night.
They cuddled together, both shirts off, covered by a single blanket. Morty with a blushing smile on his face as he slept, and Rick, staring at the ceiling, contemplating what he had just done.
The crickets outside mocked him.
Morty woke up to Rick being gone, just a little bit after sunrise. Just him under the blanket. He ducked out of the tent, putting his yellow shirt back on. He looked around while rubbing his eye.
"Rick?" He didn't see anyone at first. He looked around some more.
"Oh, hey!" Morty smiled a little. Rick was already almost done packing everything up inside the spaceship.
"Hey." Rick said. He didn't seem too happy anymore, and Morty picked up on that. Blank expression, didn't look back, nothing like the last 6 mornings. Morty thought maybe he’s just tired. He still helped fold the blue tent and put it into the trunk.
The spaceship ride home was awkwardly silent and weirdly long.
Morty still tried to smile.
"Next stop, boob world!" Morty joked.
No response.
He looked around for something else to talk about.
"Hah, I can't wait for breakfast. Pancakes are just the best, am I right?" He chuckled.
Still, no response.
Morty looked down and twiddled his fingers. He had to be the one to say it.
"Do.. Do you regret what happened?" Morty asked nervously.
"Oh Jesus Christ, not this." Rick groaned.
"What?" Morty asked.
"Do you really have to bring it up now?" Rick said, still trying to look forward.
Morty looked offended.
"Oh I'm sorry for addressing THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM," he said sarcastically.
"Or, should I say, the DICK in my ASS," He lashed out,
"Because not talking to me doesn't suddenly erase the fact that WE HAD SEX LAST NIGHT!"
"SO WHAT?!" Rick snapped immediately.
"'SO WHAT??'" Morty yelled back. You could hear his heart shatter in the way his voice broke.
"Wha- uh, Did it really mean nothing to you??" Morty looked in his face. "None of it? Huh? Not even the part where we looked into eachother's eyes," Morty gestured with his hands in the air.
"Don't."
"The part where we made out,"
"Gross." Rick got angrier.
"Or the part where I let you CUM INSIDE ME?"
"GROSS, MORTY!" Rick yelled again. He had an especially enraged look on his face that made Morty jump backwards. "I swear to God, Morty, why is everything always a fight with you?!" He hissed through gritted teeth. "The stupidest, smallest shit, somehow you're always hung up about it and I'M the one who has to deal with whatever the fuck happens next! IT! DOESN'T! MATTER!" He almost lost his voice.
Morty looked at him, scared for a second. He wouldn't be able to win in this situation. He just crossed his arms and looked the other way, into infinite space.
"Fine, sorry I asked."
"Ughhh."
Rick embarrassed himself. He knew it. All he could do was drive the spaceship faster towards Earth as Morty's silence suffocated the ever so small space they had between them.
Finally they landed hard in the driveway, and got out as soon as it did.
Beth happily greeted them outside the door. "Hey Morty, Dad, so how was spring break?"
She immediately heard Rick bitterly slam his side of the ship, and flinched.
Summer heard it too and came outside.
"What happened...?" Beth asked, worriedly.
"Nothing," Morty said. "Apparently." He scoffed under his breath as he looked back. He walked off to his room through the garage door.
Rick wanted to scold him for being so rude, but instead he just growled and unloaded the trunk.
Beth and Summer looked at eachother, confused.
Morty went up to his room. Didn't slam the door, just closed it. He played video games for hours to try and blow some steam off.
Rick thought about what he just did to Morty. The only way to numb the guilt was to drink like he always does and watch TV.
Later, at the dinner table, it was awkward. Rick was tipsy, trying to eat as fast as he could, albeit messily, and Morty sat himself very far away from him, at the very edge of the table. He played with his food with his fork, left palm on his cheek.
Everyone else was worried. The scrapes of forks and knives were too loud.
"Alright, screw it. What the hell happened out there?" Summer asked angrily.
"Nothing." Morty said. "Everything's fine, promise." He faked a reassuring smile and went back to eating.
"No, really, first you're all excited about this camping trip, next, you don't even want to look at eachother. I want to know what's going on." Beth said sternly and concernedly.
Morty looked up from his potatoes with a frustrated expression.
"Seriously, it's just that... Y'know..."
He couldn't come up with any excuses, because aside from what just happened, the week was absolutely perfect. There was nothing bad that he could exaggerate or exploit. He wished Rick could jump in and tell them to leave him alone for a while, but he never did.
Everyone's looks of suspicion and frustration made him feel cornered. He started to sweat.
"Umm..."
Morty breathed in, then out.
"I'm gonna go eat in my room." He sighed, grabbed his plate, then rushed up the stairs.
Rick slapped down his fork after messily eating. Everyone turned their eyes towards him.
"And thank you, Beth, for an unforgettable dinner as always." He wobbily stood up with his hands still on the table to balance himself, tried to smile.
"Aww." Beth said, putting her hand on her heart.
Rick walked out of the scene, towards the garage again.
"Did you see Morty's neck?" Summer whispered.
"Yeah, I think I saw something. Why?" Beth asked.
Summer looked at her more. "Do you think they-"
"No." Beth said, completely shutting down that idea.
Summer was confused by her matter-of-factness, but decided to let it go.
Rick slammed himself on the Garage's table.
Morty didn’t even care to take the pictures out of his backpack. Rick looked at the selfie-style polaroids he took of himself pointing at random bugs, how happy he was. Then he came across a picture of them both smiling, and he immediately put it down.
"Stupid shit... Stupid, stupid shit. Fuck..." He muttered.
He sat for a while, then took the portal gun out of his pocket. He shot it at the wall and went through.
There he was, in front of an alien bar in a dimension where nobody in the entire universe knows who he is. It's night time there. Cracking asphalt parking lot, so cold you could see your breath.
He put his hands in his pockets and walked in.
It was nice in there. Vintage, not a lot of people, red walls with a wooden accent. Some music played in the background.
Rick sat in front of the bartender, elbows on the table.
"10 shots of vodka. ...Please." Rick looked at his own folded hands.
"Coming right up." The bartender said.
Laid out 10 glasses and poured out each one.
Rick grabbed the first one in the row, looked at it, and drank the whole thing in one gulp.
"Have you ever... Been too stubborn to admit you're wrong?" Rick played with the empty shot glass for comfort.
“When I was younger, more often than not.”
Rick took another shot. “Because I have this, uh, partner, and,” He put his head in his hand. “Man I really screwed up.”
“How so?”
“We were having a good time, then something happened and I was a huge dick about it,” Rick took another shot and teared up, “Why am I such an asshole?” He took all 7 remaining shots all in a row and nodded off so hard that he bumped his head on the table, and just sat like that making random noises for a few seconds.
“Could- Could I get a couple mmmore?” He lifted his head to ask.
“I’m sorry, but I think I’m going to have to cut you off tonight, mate.” The bartender said as friendly as he could, taking some glasses to clean.
Rick stood up wobbling. “Well FUCK you, too!” He reached in his pockets. “Here, take your god-damn money!” He threw it like confetti and stormed towards the door, looking at his hands trying to figure out which finger was which before holding up the middle one.
“That guy needs therapy.” One alien sneered, talking to his friend at a booth.
Rick walked back.
“What did you say?” He said angrily.
“I SAID you need THERAPY. You’ve got ISSUES.” The alien stood up to face him aggressively, then offered a business card. “I did too, brother. Dr. Gleepinstiel. He’s really great.”
Rick took it, and squinted at it. “Uhh, thanks.” He mumbled, confused.
The alien patted him on the shoulder. Rick stumbled out of the bar.
Morty was in his bedroom playing more video games, headset on, leaning far back in his chair, button mashing his controller, and occasionally taking a sip of a big gulp soda. He looked bored.
He heard 3 small knocks on his door.
“What?” He said annoyedly, still focused on his game.
Rick slowly opened the door. Morty wasn’t excited to see it was him. “Sorry, guys, I’m going to have to end early.” He paused the game and took off his headset. He turned his chair around and expectantly waited for Rick to say the first word.
“Heyy, bud.” Rick said carefully. He leaned against the door frame. Morty still didn’t say anything.
“I did some self reflection, and, I found a therapist to try and help with our issues. Doctor, uh,” Rick pulled the business card out of his pocket and glanced at it. “Doctor Gleep-in-sti-el.” He spelled it out, then put it back.
Morty’s face fell even lower, not angry anymore, just unamused.
“I was hoping you would go with me. I just found out he’s got… Couple’s therapy.”
Ugh, that word. ‘Couple’. Cringeworthy.
Rick waited for a few seconds, then headed out the door.
“Wait,” Morty said. Rick stopped. “I’ll go.” He sighed. They nodded at each other.
Rick buttoned up his light blue dress shirt, rolled up his sleeves, then layered a navy sweater vest over it. He put both his hands on the bathroom sink and could barely look himself in the eye. It was hard to do, but he had to. He brushed his hair back.
“You ready?” Morty asked. He was also wearing a white dress shirt, with a light yellow sweater on top. Rick came out of the bathroom. “Yup.”
They went through the portal that Rick just shot.
They walked towards the beige building. Rick had his hands in his pockets, Morty’s hands were clasped behind him.
“So, basically, we’re just going to talk, and the guy will ask questions to try and guide the conversation in the right direction.” Rick said.
“Sounds good.” Morty said.
They entered the office, and were immediately met with two blue grid lasers that scanned their heads up and down.
“Yo, what the fuck?” “Wha- Hey!” They both tried to use their arms to cover their eyes. As soon as it was over, they saw a fat, purple and cyan alien, wearing glasses, a suit and tie, and holding a clipboard.
“What the hell was that for?!” Rick asked. Morty tried to blink the blinding light out of his eye.
“It was a brain scan. It helps keep us all honest, and saves a lot of time.” The therapist said gently.
“‘Brain scan’?” Morty’s eyes almost popped out of his head.
“Please, sit.” The therapist requested. He pointed his pen at the small couch in front of him.
Morty sat on the farthest end of the couch, Rick followed. Morty rubbed his thumbs together.
“So,” The therapist looked at his clipboard and fixed his glasses. “I see that you’re a grandfather and a grandson who both recently found out that you’re attracted to each other.”
“EW!” “GROSS, GROSS!” They both made repulsed faces and squirmed uncomfortably.
“Is it not true?” The therapist asked.
Morty looked away and put his hands out in an attempt to shield himself.
“NOT WHEN YOU PUT IT LIKE... THAT!” He shrieked.
“Remember, guys, I’m not here to judge you. I’m simply here to be the middle-man, and I won’t be able to solve your problems if we don’t all know the truth.”
They both grimaced before forcing themselves to relax. That guy’s voice was too reassuring. They prepared to be read to death like books. Rick crossed his arms.
“Morty,” “Yes?” Morty thought it was weird that he already knew his name. “Tell us your perspective on this conflict.”
“Okay.” he said. He scratched his neck. “Well, we’ve always been close, but, during the trip we just had, we didn’t fight for a whole week, and you know, that’s a record for us.” He shrugged. “I thought that it was confirmed that we had a really good time when… It.. happened, but, then, he suddenly went all cold on me, yelling at me, and making it feel like it was my fault that the trip was ruined.” He looked down. “A-and I feel like, deep down, it is. I initiated it, I asked too many questions, I made it weird, I messed it all up.” He sniffled a little bit. Rick glanced at him. “And when he said that it didn’t matter to him, I felt… Dirty, because it actually mattered a lot… To me.”
“Now onto you, Rick, what’s your perspective?”
“Give me a minute.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “No, actually, you do it.” He said.
“Hm?” The therapist asked.
“You already know everything, you can say it for me. With your mind reader shit, go ahead. Tell him how I feel.” He leaned in a position that distanced himself from Morty.
“Very well,” The therapist said.
“NO!” Morty interrupted. He stood up. “This is what I’ve been talking about, you’re SCARED of your own emotions, you’re SCARED to communicate with me, even in PRIVATE, and I WON’T stand for it anymore! I had to tell you my feelings with my own god-damn mouth, and you’re going to do the same FUCKING THING!”
“FINE!” Rick stood up too. “After we made love, I felt disgusted at myself because I feel like I failed you,” He gestured his hands to his heart, then continued his tirade. “I’m supposed to be your protector who keeps his dick in his pants, but the truth is, I DO want to be in a relationship with you! I’m ashamed of it! I’ve never felt a better connection with anyone else, that night was the best I’ve had in DECADES because of how much I feel like we love each other, and I told you it doesn’t matter because I’ve gone on for YEARS having casual sex and getting into relationships that don’t actually matter to me while trying to chase that exact same feeling! I tell you the things I want to tell myself! I push you away because disgusting shit like this happens when we get too close! Because I know I don’t want to spend my life hiding a forbidden relationship that shouldn’t have even been a thought in the first place, so I try and pretend it doesn’t exist.”
The steam ran out and he finally really saw Morty looking up at him.
“I’m sorry.” Rick said, sincerely.
“It’s… Not okay, but I… I’m fine with that.” Morty hugged him. “Thank you for being honest.”
Rick hugged back.
“Well, I think my work is done here.” The therapist said.
“What work? you just sat there, and asked a couple questions.” Rick said.
He raised an eyebrow, knowingly.
Rick paid and they both walked out.
Morty whistled while walking outside.
“Remember, that didn’t happen.” Rick said.
“Sure.” Morty quipped with a smug smile on his face.
They both stepped into the portal back home.
(Roll credits)
Rick and Morty watch a movie together on the couch. Morty’s eating popcorn.
Summer comes up to them.
“Are you two fucking?”
“No, what the hell?” Morty said angrily.
“Why would you even ask that, dude, that’s fucking disgusting.” Rick said.
They both went on and on about how wrong of a question that was.
“Okay, just checking.” She rolled her eyes and walked away.
Their eyes followed her as she left, then instantly darted at each other.
Rick unpaused the movie and Morty went back to stuffing his face with popcorn.