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When I was little, I wanted to be a superhero.
I was an active little guy- always running around, punching things (including adults), and climbing anything taller than me. I wanted to feel as cool as the superheroes on TV. And as I got older, that stayed the same– I’d skip class just to go sit on the roof of the school. I’d challenge myself to get up there a different way every day, even, to see if I could do it. It was awesome.
I was friends with pretty much everyone back then, but the only one that would come climbing with me was Kat, so… she was basically my best friend. I liked the athletics of it, and she liked looking at the sky, and both of us liked talking to each other, so that was all we did– just climb things, mostly buildings, and hang out on the roof chatting.
We even went stargazing once, just the two of us. Not in a romantic way, or at least I didn’t think so, but… we got talking. She asked what my biggest dream for the future was, and I said “to protect the people I care about”, obviously, that’s always been it and always will be. And she said that her biggest wish was to be surrounded by sky– nothing around her, just blue. The eternal peace of the uninterrupted cosmos.
I asked, “so like, skydiving?” and she just laughed.
When we made it to high school… we kept climbing things, of course, but less frequently. And… Kat started doing more dangerous things?
I was excited, at first– before, she’d stayed far away from the edge, with me doing all the adrenaline-type stuff. But now, she was joining me at the edge almost every time– going even further than me, some days. I’m not sure what changed, but suddenly, it almost seemed like she wanted to fall. I never considered that maybe she did.
Until, one day, we went all the way up to the roof of a skyscraper. That day was a race– I mostly used the fire escape, just treating the bars as a ladder– and I don’t know how she beat me, because she started on the other side of the building without many resources, but… when I got up there, she was just sitting there like she’d been waiting for ages. Asked what took me so long, even.
I just wanted to sit up there for a minute, appreciate our win before heading back down, but she seemed like she had something she wanted to say. So I waited to see what it was.
And what she said was, "Do you remember my dream?"
Right away I knew what she was talking about, but I- I could just feel that something was wrong.
When I didn't respond, she told me, "I want to see the sky, Dakota. To be part of that endless blue. I want to fall."
Kat grabbed my hand and set it carefully on her shoulder, and I finally looked up at her. She looked determined, but distracted, like she could see something that I couldn't. Like even though she was looking at me, she wasn't seeing me.
And she said, "I want you to push me."
I stumbled back immediately, said– something about how I couldn’t do that, how she was crazy and we were too high up, and… she had walked to the very edge of the roof before I realized she wasn’t listening to me.
She took my hand, and then she leaned out over the edge of the skyscraper, above the road and traffic and such a long distance to fall.
What could I do but hold on as tight as I could?
She leaned even further out, so slowly, and I, I, I was too scared of dropping her to do anything. I still regret that. If I hadn't been so scared, I could have stopped her, could have saved her, but…
Finally she stopped, almost standing on the side of the building. I was crying. But she just smiled, and thanked me, and… let go.
[Deep, shuddering breath]
I should have fallen with her, should have caught her or taken the impact or something, but it took me a couple seconds too many to realize she was gone.
But as soon as I did, I ran after her, right over the edge.
Her eyes were fixed on the sky, as she fell— I could see clouds reflected in them. And then she disappeared.
I think the sky took her.
[Beat]
The next thing I remember… well, you don't just survive a fall from that high up. It was a miracle that I did.
It was almost underwhelming, when I realized she was dead. Just a voice on the radio, “Missing: Katori Blake, last seen August 5th 2144”, and I went, oh.
I still think I could have saved her. I still— if I had been a little faster, if I had held on tighter, if I hadn't brought her up there in the first place… she might still be here. She wouldn't have gotten her dream, but…. I would have mine.
But now I know what to do. If another friend falls, I'll be there to catch them. I won't fail again.