Chapter Text
The first instinct upon Yue Qingyuan's mind was often guilt.
There was so much he could have done, and it all weighed upon his shoulders more heavily than any responsibility that came with being the sect leader. Catastrophization would haunt him in the deep night and early mornings, his eye bags only lessened by the cultivation he practiced to make up for his weaknesses.
When he wasn't ensuring his strength, he would try to check in on his fellow martial brothers. Each peak lord possessed a varying degree of appreciation, but he knew them as well as the scars upon his hands, so he didn't mind their stubbornness. He simply tried to accommodate their schedules as he learned them.
Liu Qingge would either depart or return within the first rays of sunlight. Mu Qingfang was the least busy before midday. Wei Qingwei was able to be located by the nearest disciple on the peak. (His Xiao Jiu told him long ago that he preferred solitude, and he tried to obey that rule as much as he could.)
And then there was Shang Qinghua. He thought the man was predictable (perhaps the most predictable, given he tended to only have one location), but things felt different as of late. The air around him almost felt colder, as if it were devoid of the warmth the man used to possess.
Of course, Shang-shidi was never a warm man. If Wei Qingwei were sunshine, then his shidi would have been overcast skies. Even if he was a dutiful peak lord, there was often sarcasm laced behind his speech, a small smile as he looked out of the corner of his eye.
(One time Shang Qinghua had granted him with that joking look, and Yue Qingyuan remembered the warm feeling of being seen ever since.)
But things were different. The man was tired now.
Not quite from work deadlines- Yue Qingyuan often experienced a similar exhaustion during the busy times of the year. No, instead it was his shidi falling asleep at meetings. His skin looked paler, as if he had forgotten to indulge in the warmer months upon their sect.
And worst of all, his shidi's eyes would dart. Across the room, at whoever moved too quickly or banged the table right as they spoke.
(Even once at Yue Qingyuan, and the feeling made his stomach turn.)
The man had turned from a slightly arrogant man who'd cower at the first sign of threats from Liu Qingge into… some scared animal. Flinching and jumping at the slightest of startles.
Yue Qingyuan told himself for far too long that it was only the low sleep his shidi got. Mu Qingfang assumed the same, but the overworked peak lord often didn't go to his check-ups enough for the doctor to truly verify that.
So he stood in front of the peak lord's office. Waiting. Urging himself to get the confidence and have the conversation he wasn't quite ready to have. After far too much time of staring at the wooden door, he gave it a small knock. "Shang-shidi?"
After a few shuffling sounds inside, the door opened, revealing Shang Qinghua with his hair as messy as ever and a smear of ink on his cheek. "Z- Zhangman-shixiong!" He gave a slightly clumsy, ill-timed bow. "Come right in, what matter brings my shixiong here?"
Yue Qingyuan slowly entered. "Thanking my shidi for the invitation."
"Of course- is something wrong though?" The brow was furrowed, and it had done that enough times to provoke a slight crease in the man's forehead.
"Nothing dire," Yue Qingyuan soothed.
Shang Qinghua let out a breath. "That's good."
Yue Qingyuan stared at his shidi for a long time. Something was off once more yet his mind drew a blank. It was like a painting that missed a feature never seen before, yet he knew his shidi for years- he had already seen the portrait of Shang Qinghua numerous times. His lips were pressed into a fine line as he asked, "This shidi has been busy with work?"
"Yes," the confession was as smooth as an exhale. "There's always something to do."
His shidi swallowed- an action that Shang Qinghua often did, but the slight movement of his adam's apple led Yue Qingyuan's gaze to harden.
It must've been an unfortunate casting of the light, yet it couldn't have been. The darkened swell his eyes caught upon wasn't a slithering shadow mirroring the natural bone and tissues present- there was a bruise. Just as Yue Qingyuan opened his mouth, Shang Qinghua must've realized his mistake as he turned around, grabbing his outer robe with tight fists and pulling it over his neck as he stormed back to his desk. "Well if my shixiong only came for a check-in, then-"
"Shidi." There was a layer of accusation behind his voice, but no hostility to back it up. "Shidi, allow this one to look closer."
"There is nothing to examine." Those brown eyes met his, just to scan him over. "Have those nightmares returned? Perhaps this shixiong's vision has become spotted as a result."
"It is not that."
"So Yue-shixiong has slept without issue then?" The attack was bitter, shattering some of the mask upon Yue Qingyuan's face as he slightly faltered. Shang Qinghua bit the inside of his cheek. "That's what I thought." He shook his head. "It was only a trick of the mind, shixiong."
"Yet Shang-shidi knows what was seen."
Shang Qinghua barely tensed. His eyes eventually dodged back to the miscellaneous papers on his desk. "This shidi makes observations and conclusions. This one has forgotten the pleasantries of casual conversation, so he stated his knowledge without further inquiring." There was only a small pause before he added, "Please leave this one to his work."
His vision wasn't wrong, but perhaps he was. If his shidi wasn't polite then neither was he to come by An Ding without warning. Yue Qingyuan held a tight breath in his chest as he nodded. "Stay well, shidi." He walked out the door, only feeling more worn down than when he had entered.