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Anchored in the Bones, Deep in My Mind

Summary:

Rumi had always felt that she was a burden. From the moment she turned five, when Celine had told her about her patterns, about what that makes her, she's felt like a burden. A problem. A mistake Celine should have corrected a long time ago.

3 years ago, she started feeling even more of a burden when she went for a private checkup, only to find out she had severe anxiety and chronic illness. She pushed through for all those years, hiding her faults and fears, her anomalous nature. But what happened this morning was when she couldn't hold it in anymore.

She needed to let it out before one of her outbursts made the Honmoon's condition even worse; she needed Zoey and Mira. She needs to apologise and tell them. The pain's too much...

Or

An early pattern reveal because Rumi couldn't take her meds and spiralled about the fight she had with her girls on the train.

Notes:

Author's Note:

 
This is from an idea I posted on my Tumblr right here: https://www. /feedsonpolytrix/818379286843162624/sooomy-brain-cooked-up-something

Feel free to check out my other posts if you wish for a blender. This is my first actual fanfic, so feel free to leave your suggestions on how I can improve. English isn't my first language, so yeah...

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Chapter Text


 

It's always on the same line.

 

—When your patterns start to show, it makes the hatred wanna grow out of my

 

And they've stopped again. Mira sighed for the fifth time that morning, clapping twice to get Rumi and Zoey's attention, "Let's take ten. We still have a week to the Idol Awards now that it's postponed."

Right, the Idol Awards were rescheduled for Friday. Bobby was helping with the load-ins when a fire broke out in the stadium's electrical grid. Nobody was hurt, thankfully, but it would take a few days to investigate the problem and repair it.

The studio's air conditioning was switched on, and the cool air made contact with the sweat beading on the back of Rumi, sending an involuntary shiver down her spine. Zoey was lying down, starfish style, while Mira pulled out a chair to sit on as she took small sips of water. 

"Why do we keep stopping, Rumi?" Mira asked, Zoey sat up straight to look at Rumi with the same expression as Mira: confusion and worry.

"It's just... these lyrics are throwing me off. I don't think they're right just yet." That was true...Well, half-true. Another reason was that she had yet to take her meds. Mae, her concierge physician, had recently prescribed a stronger dosage to combat Rumi's growing anxiety (due to her patterns growing further up her neck), alongside the chronic pain left behind by the increasing number of demon attacks. But because the new prescription was so potent, Mae had insisted on a strict time frame between doses. She’d taken one last night, leaving her next dose nearly three hours away—right after breakfast.

"Seriously? Now?" Mira and Zoey looked at her in disbelief. They'd spent the last week and a half writing this song to win the Idol Awards, to crush those stupid Saja Boys. They still needed to get a lot of practice in, and the extra week due to the Idol Awards being postponed was a blessing. 

Zoey's expression quickly changed to a tight smile that didn't reach her eyes like it usually would. "No, it's fine. It's the second verse, right? Uh, how about: when the patterns start to show, the whole world will finally know that you're deprived?" Rumi shook her head—both as a no, and as a desperate attempt to quiet the dark, loud thoughts in her mind as the effects of her last anxiolytic dose slowly wore off. Zoey tried again, "Um, my sword will happily show you to your grave?" Rumi shook her head again. Zoey tried again, hoping that this would be right, "You’ll be pummeled till there are no remains?!" Zoey was growing frantic.

 

 

Rumi stopped her, slightly raising her voice, "No Zoey, it’s just...it's the whole song." Zoey went still, her frantic expression clearly visible, her eye twitching lightly, "Oh. Okay, great. Well, I might as well tear these all up!" Zoey struggled to tear the notebook, letting out grunts of frustration as she finally threw the book on the ground instead. Mira looked Rumi dead in the eyes, unfolding her crossed hands, "Rumi, we can't change the lyrics even if we wanted to. We've already sent the song to the event managers! We barely even have a week, and we still need to practice the choreo!" 

 

Rumi took a deep breath to steady herself, looking back at Mira with a stubborn gaze, "Well, I...I don't think I can sing this song." Mira and Zoey looked at her wide-eyed, in disbelief, worry, a tiny bit of anger and hidden concern. The tension was so thick, you could cut it with a dull knife. Bobby's voice broke through the heavy silence as he walked into the studio, bags of snacks and water in his hands, putting them down on a table to take out the snacks, "Hey girls, figured you might be hungry since you've been up and practising for nearly 2 hours. I know things have been really stressful lately, and you've been working really hard on the idol routine. Just know that I'm very proud of you."

 

Magenta flashed through the Honmoon, and the girls looked at each other, leaving immediately towards where the tear was. 

 


 

"Seriously, what is your problem?" Mira asked Rumi, aggressively stabbing a faceless demon breaching the Honmoon, while Zoey watched their backs, taking out more demons. 

"I told you, the song. It's—" Rumi stabbed a demon while maintaining eye contact with Mira, her heart rate spiking up due to adrenaline and the anxiety Mira's confronting tone was bringing out. "I'm not talking about the song, I'm talking about you!" The blade of Mira's Gok-Do pierced the roof of the train with a sharp thud synchronising with her rising voice. Zoey turned around sharply to look at both of them, a hint of fear in her eyes as the sight brought back memories of her parents' arguments. 

"Why are you questioning everything we stand for when we're so close to sealing the Honmoon?! What are you not telling us, Rumi?" Mira walked towards Rumi, killing two more demons as she pressed on. Rumi's anxiety was rising, her chronic pain acting up as her muscles tensed under the flow of adrenaline and cortisol. Rumi couldn't find her words, causing her to stutter as she broke eye contact with Mira, her heart beating frantically. "What are you hiding from us?!" Mira's fingers dug into Rumi's shoulder, causing the pain to get out of control as Mira harshly yanked her back.

"Not everything is about your insecurities, Mira!" Rumi pushed Mira's hand off her shoulder, the coil of restraint finally snapping under anxiety and pain, eyes narrowing as if she were looking at an enemy. It took her a moment to realise what she'd just said, her eyes widening as she looked at Mira's furrowed brows and Zoey's worried gaze. Rumi knew she'd gone too far, but a small part of her felt good about it because Mira had finally stopped pressing. However, that quickly vanished as she stuttered out an apology, only to be interrupted by Zoey's panicked voice: "Would you guys stop fighting and look?!"

Zoey pointed at a huge tear that had opened up above, causing their eyes to widen in slight terror. This was the largest tear they'd faced since their debut.

"The tear..." 

"It's huge."

A horde of faceless demons led by a purple, ogre-like demon with a spiked club rushed towards the train, ready to devour the souls of every passenger. 

"If you're with us, prove it", Mira challenged Rumi, to which she received a nod as they launched forward into the horde, Zoey belting out the lyrics Takedown while Mira and Rumi joined in with their respective lyrics.

 

It's a takedown, I'ma take you out, you'll break down like, "What?"
It's a takedown, I'ma take you out and it ain't gonna stop

정신을 놓고, 널 짓밟고, 칼을 새겨놔
You'll be beggin' and cryin', all of you dyin', never miss my shot

 

Zoey dodged and twisted, retaliating with a lethal throw of her Shin-Kals or a precise stab through the demons' heads. Mira spun her Gok-Do with the elegance of a dancer, slicing the faceless in half while simultaneously clearing a path for Rumi to strike. It took far more energy than usual to execute these kills, the weakened state of the Honmoon making their weapons less effective.

 

I don't think you're ready for the takedown
A demon with no feelings don't deserve to live, it's so obvious

 

Rumi sliced through another faceless demon as she forced out the lyrics, but her voice drifted, gradually softening at the end. Her mind was slipping back to Jinu's words about demons because what she was singing contradicted what demons do: feel.

In that split-second of dissociation, the world slowed down. Rumi couldn't dodge the heavy club swinging directly at her torso. It struck her square in the ribs—a sickening, hollow crack echoing over the roar of the wind. Before she could even gasp, the ogre struck a second time, slamming the club right between her shoulder blades.

The double impact sent her vision completely black as she was thrown back several feet across the train's roof.

A high-pitched ringing flooded her ears, drowning out Zoey and Mira's muffled, frantic screams of her name. Cracked ribs, a deeply bruised back, and her flaring chronic pain combined with the racing tempo of her heart, forcing hot tears to slip from her eyes. She wiped them away with a trembling hand, forcing her eyes open just in time to see Zoey and Mira going completely ape-shit crazy. Fueled by raw fury, they utterly demolished the ogre that had touched her, clearing the remaining faceless horde with a single strike of Mira's Gok-Do.

They snapped their heads back toward Rumi, whose eyes widened in sheer terror. "The passengers..." she choked out. They rushed towards the train doors, opening them to see all the passengers gone, the Saja Boys' voice playing mockingly over and over in the background. The girls sat in silence, looking horrified as the dreadful realisation that these passengers would never be coming back, that their families wouldn't even be able to mourn them properly, sent a chill down their spines. Rumi was having the hardest time amongst the three, both physically due to her wounds and pain, and emotionally due to guilt and her sense of failure. Her whole life, she'd trained for just one purpose: to protect the world from Gwi-Ma and his minions. She had failed all those innocents she was supposed to protect, and also Celine, in her mind. 

The girls got off at the next station. Rumi masked her pain to the best of her abilities, barely concealing the whimper that threatened to slip past her lips as she looked up to see both Zoey and Mira's backs turned to her, avoiding eye contact. 

"Whatever you think about the song, it doesn't matter right now. Everything is at stake, and we just need to get through this, together." Those were the only words Mira had spoken before she walked away, leaving Rumi alone with Zoey, the sound of Mira's footsteps fading. 

"You know I'm always on your side, but it's really hard to understand this time. We can't win this without your voice, Rumi", Zoey had briefly looked Rumi in the eyes before walking away too, leaving her alone with her thoughts. 

Left alone with not even the remnants of her failure, Rumi replayed Zoey and Mira's words in her head over and over, and her anxiety had reached a fever pitch, twisting them into thoughts that could be compared to Gwi-Ma's manipulation. She needed to get home. She needed her meds.