Chapter Text
Spencer doesn't remember coming down from the drug that Tobias injected him with hours earlier, he doesn’t even know it’s been an hour since he came down from the high.
He knows he’s shaking like crazy, he knows why he’s shaking and he hates it, but what he hates more is hearing Tobias enter the barn again. Because Spencer knows that he’s either going to get drugged again or get beat again by Charles Hankel, an alter of Tobias’, that formed when Tobias killed his father.
Spencer barely heard Tobias enter the barn, but he does feel the coldness of the alcohol swab, and starts squirming as much as his weak body lets him. He knows what’s to come and each time he doesn’t want it, but it gets harder to fight.
“I- I don’t want it, please I don’t want it.” Spencer hears himself whimper out. Spencer knows he’s speaking logically, but he’s so panicked that logic isn’t making sense to him.
He doesn’t even know if he hears Tobias start speaking to him, but he feels the injection of the needle, feels the dilaudid enter his system and he starts drifting. He felt dread, wondering what his brain will show him this time, but the drug starts to calm him, drowning the dreadful feeling underwater.
When Spencer comes down from the drugs again, he notices Charles yelling at his computers that show the video of the murder of a couple, who Spencer was forced to pick.
“No. No! They're trying to silence my message.” Charles yells.
“I can't control what they do.” Spencer tells the man. “I'm not with them. I'm with you.”
“Really?” Charles taunts, switching on the computer.
“Reid, if you're watching, you're not responsible for this.” Spencer hears Gideon's voice from the computer.
“You understand me? He's perverting god to justify murder.” Gideon pauses. “You are stronger than him. He cannot break you.” Gideon says.
Spencer watches as Charles walks towards him, frowning all the while until he’s standing in front of Spencer.
“Do you think you can defy me?” Charles angrily snarls at Spencer.
“I don't know what he's talking about.” Spencer whispers.
“You're a liar!” Charles yells at him. And moves fast, pulling up Spencer’s sleeve, seeing the injection marks from the needles.
“You're pitiful!” Charles hisses, throwing Denver’s arm back down. “Just like my son.” Charles says.
Spencer watches Charles turn on the camera that connects to his at home computer. “This ends now.” He says.
“Confess your sins.” Charles orders, slapping Spencer in his face, hard. “Confess!” He orders.
“I haven't done anything.” Spencer sobs out, and Charles punches Spencer. Spencer whimpers, hazed slightly.
“Tobias, help me.” Spencer pleads again.
“He can't help you.” Charles bites out. “He's weak.”
“Confess!” Charles orders again.
“Tobias.” Spencer sobs, and Charles slaps Spencer again.
Spencer whimpers again, crying a bit from the slap.
“Confess your sins.” Charles says angrily and Spencer’s head swims.
“Help.” Spencer gasps out. And Charles shoves Spencer’s chair to the ground.
Spencer starts gasping when he hits the floor, convulsing as well.
Spencer feels a state of brief euphoria, before his breathing starts to slow. He’s unable to speak then he feels an intense drowsiness, and one thought he had is that he’s overdosing.
As he keeps gasping and convulsing on the ground, unable to breathe, it goes on for a bit he thinks, before his head hits the floor.
He feels himself start to black out, and then his breathing stops completely and his eyes rolling back to his head.
He comes to gasping for air, his vision swimming slightly.
“You came back to life.” He hears a voice speak, his brain taking a bit to process who.
“Raphael.” Spencer whispers.
“There can be only one of two reasons.” Raphael continues, ignoring Spencer.
“I was given C.P.R.” Spencer tells him, voice hoarse.
“There are no accidents.” Raphael says. “How many members are on your team?”
“Seven” Spencer whispers.
“The 7 angels who had the 7 trumpets prepared themselves to sound.” Raphael pauses. “The first sounding followed hail and they were thrown to earth.”
Raphael sets Spencer’s chair back up, and Spencer sniffles.
“Tell me who you serve.” Raphael orders.
“I serve you.” Spencer replies, lying.
“Then choose one to die.” Raphael says blankly.
“What?” Spencer asks in disbelief.
“Your team members. Choose one to die.” Raphael says.
“Kill me.” Spencer insisted.
“You said you weren't one of them.” Raphael replied.
“I lied.” Spencer confesses.
“Your team has 6 other members.” Raphael pauses. “Tell me who dies.”
“No.” Spencer hissed quietly.
Raphael pulls out a gun, cocking it and pointing it at Spencer’s forehead.
“Choose, and prove you'll do god's will.” Raphael says.
“No.” Spencer whispers.
Raphael pulls the trigger, and nothing comes out, as that shot had no bullet. “Choose.” Raphael orders again, cocking the gun again.
“I won't do it.” Spencer says, determined. Raphael pulls the trigger again, and nothing comes out, as that shot also had no bullet.
“Life is a choice.” Raphael tells him.
“No.” Spencer says, and the gun clicks again.
“Choose.” Raphael replies.
“I- I choose Aaron Hotchner.” Spencer whispers, feeling guilt. “He's a classic narcissist.” He pauses. “He thinks he's better than everyone else on the team.” He then continues.
“Genesis 23:4: Let him not deceive himself and trust in emptiness, vanity, falseness, and futility, for these shall be his recompense. In emptiness, vanity, falseness, and futility, for these shall be his recompense.” Spencer recites.
“For God's will.” Raphael replies, showing him one bullet is left in the gun.
A bit later, Tobias comes back, giving Spencer water to drink, and he greatly does.
“Tobias, is that you?” He whispers, drinking the water again. When he sees Tobias nod, he relaxes ever so slightly. “Thank you. You saved my life.” Spencer’s voice was hoarse as he thanked him.
“I'm sorry.” Tobias whispers.
“Why?” Spencer asks gently.
“He'll win in the end.” Tobias replies.
“Tobias, I need to know something.” Spencer mutters, he watches Tobias stare at him.
“It's important.” Spencer insisted. “Are we in a cemetery?” He asks and watches Tobias nod.
“Yeah.” he says, “I used to come here to get high.”
“I was right.” Spencer whispers, watching Tobias.
“No one bothers you here.” Tobias says. “I never told anyone about it.”
Spencer hears Tobias’ words as he injects dilaudid into Spencer’s arm again. His eyes fluttering close as the dilaudid and memories drown him before he can even think.
Spencer finds himself dragged into a memory. Oh he hates this memory, he finds himself leading the psychiatric workers into his mother’s room, when his mom looks up confused, he starts feeling guilt settle in his stomach.
“What are these men doing here?” His mom asks, her eyes flicking to the two men at his sides.
“They're from a hospital.” He says softly, briefly looking at the men as well. “They're here to help.” He tries to soothe her, hoping it’d work.
“I don't need help, and you can't be here without permission.” His mom says, sharply. “You can't be here without permission. Tell them, Spencer.”
“I called them.” He replies, shifting slightly on his feet after seeing her hurt reaction to his words.
“Spencer.” His mom sounds hurt, but she says his name softly, she usually does when she’s not having an episode, and he hates how he’s going to hurt her, no matter his good intentions.
“I'm doing this for you.” Spencer whispers out, his voice wavering slightly.
“This isn't legal.” His mom says, looking at the two men again, expression hard.
“Your son's 18, ma'am.” One of the men says, and Spencer hides a grimace, that man wasn’t helping his mom’s reaction, and Spencer felt more guilt.
“He can act in your welfare.” The same man says, emotionlessly and Spencer wants to tell him to stop.
“You need help.” Spencer says, trying again to soothe her, hoping again that it’d work this time.
“I want to stay here.” His mom says, not begging hard but sounding close and Spencer wants to cry, he might.
“I'm sorry.” He whispers to his mom, hoping he’d know how sorry he is, hopes she knows it’s eating him up inside as well.
“Please, these are my things.” His mom begs now, begging to the men, begging to Spencer, her son. “This is my life.” She tries again, and he watches the men gently lift his mom up from her chair and start walking her out.
“Spencer, please don't do this to me.” His mom begs as the men escort her out.
“I'm so sorry.” Spencer whispers, his eyes watering as she leaves.
“I'm so sorry.” He whispers, slowly coming out of the drug inducted dream, his voice wavering.
“What are you sorry for, boy?” A voice snaps, Spencer barely notices it’s Charles Hankel this time.
“I sent her away.” Spencer whispers out, feeling his guilt resurface.
“Who?” Charles snaps again.
“My mom.” Spencer tells the man. “I couldn't help her.”
“Is that a confession?” Charles asks, demanding an answer from Spencer, who weakly opens his eyes.
Spencer sniffles. “I confess.”
“You know your bible.” Charles pauses, grabbing Spencer’s hair hard. “Exodus 21:17.” Charles continues.
“And he that curseth his father or his mother shall surely be put to death.” Spencer recites.
Charles walks over to Spencer, unlocking his handcuffs.
"Grab a shovel.” Charles orders, walking away.