Archive of Our Own

April brought a warm breeze. The air smelled sweet, sunlight streamed through curtains making clever patterns on the floor, butterflies twirled around people on streets. His downstairs neighbour’s dog jumped at the sight of a squirrel running up a tree. Winter was over.

Jeongguk had zoned out again, watching people walking by outside. He sighed and smiled to himself, sitting on the window sill, tilting his head just right to capture a patch of sunlight on his nape. It was finally spring and he was looking forward to the next chapter of his life.

He shifts his eyes to the living room, boxes (mostly taped and ready) next to piles of miscellaneous papers and notebooks ready to be sent to a local recycling place. Jeongguk yawned, all the work suddenly catching up to him.

Stretching, arms over his head, Jeongguk decidedly gets up to finally put the last few clothes into one of the boxes - neatly labelled shirts. He looks around one last time, he's going to miss this odd little flat. He only rented for roughly four years, strange as the neighbours were, he had some core good memories here. 

Jeongguk had finally finished his masters. He was planning on putting his degree to good use — leaving for Japan, keen on finding material for his research. He probably needs to sit and figure out the budget of being in another country for over two years, but he can't be bothered right now.

Currently, he needs to pack his decade-old shirts and get himself mentally prepared. Jeongguk’s dad seemed a little concerned about him packing a month in advance, but supports him nonetheless. “If that helps you, son” he'd said.

From the corner of his eye, he spots a photo-frame lying face-down on his table. 

Jeongguk plops down on the sofa and reaches over a pile of books, picking up the frame. He stares at the image, a small smile forming on his lips as he revisits the moment captured. 

“Jeongguk-ah, hold the phone still damn”

“Ouch, Cheol! You elbowed me!”

“You pushed me first, Gyu!”

Mingyu stands there, squished beside Seungcheol, bending down awkwardly to fit into the frame. Taehyung holds Jeongguk’s wrist, trying his damned best to keep the phone from shaking. Myungho smiles fondly at the boys pushing each other, whispering something to Hoseok that makes him laugh out loud. 

Jimin shakes his head and finally gets their focus back on the camera, throwing an arm over Jeongguk and touching their cheeks. 

“Guys, guys, say cheese!” 

“Ah!”

Reminiscing always felt too sad. He feels prematurely lonely, thinking of the future away from home, but it's not like he will never see these people again. He’d recently met up with some of them for drinks. They were doing well, they’d said. He’d broken the news to them then, receiving varying levels of congratulations and threats (mostly from Taehyung and Seungcheol) with the boys patting his back (Myungho) and taking turns dramatically, fake-crying (that was all Hoseok).

He observes the photo for a minute more, noticing little details. Like how he’d worn glasses for that one semester, how Taehyung never fixed his hair, Mingyu’s leather jacket phase, Seungcheol’s refusal to let go of that studded belt, Hoseok’s obsession with those mini side-bags and how, even then, Myungho looked like he wanted to go home.

He chuckles to himself and feels a little sting come to his eyes; he will really miss them. He sniffles once before his eyes stop on one of the boys.

Clad in all denim, a black t-shirt under his jacket, a peace sign thrown in the air, donning a big smile and squishing his cheek against a twenty-one-year-old Jeongguk. Park Jimin. 

Park Jimin was easy on the eyes, an enigma. He was basically the college equivalent of an eligible bachelor, he was polite, a straight-A student, and a party animal who was a social butterfly. Jimin checked all the boxes of society in being a ‘good student’ and a ‘cool student’. No wonder people of all genders were falling at his feet for ‘one chance, please’.

He also happened to be Jeongguk's best friend throughout college. Somehow, Jeongguk lucked out and managed to be roomed with the angel of a boy. Honestly speaking, he doesn't know how that gangly, awkward nineteen-year-old boy even made friends with someone so very… notable. He never expected to grow so close to him. Jimin felt like the person you would aspire to befriend but in reality you knew would be way out of your league. 

Except, Jimin was the sweetest most empathetic person Jeongguk had met on that entire campus. Jimin made Jeongguk feel welcomed and loved, never letting him feel left out or ignored, to the point of them becoming inseparable.

They weren’t just roommates turned into friendship either, somehow their relationship evolved to become the ‘it’ duo. If there was a party and Jimin was invited, it was natural that ‘so Jeongguk's coming too right’ would follow immediately after. If there was an event, Jimin’s plus one would automatically be him, it was common knowledge to everyone.

It was just how they did things. Jimin and Jeongguk. The best friends, the roommates, two boys. Two names that existed right next to one another.

But at some point, in one of Taehyung's parties, one thing led to another, a few drinks too many, and the boys found each other on Jimin’s bed at 3AM — fumbling to push down Jeongguk's skin tight jeans, hands uncoordinated in their drunken haze. 

Jeongguk never regretted it, neither did Jimin. It was normal in college; boys fucked around with each other all the time. They were hormonal messes anyway, so this change in their dynamic made practical sense too — ‘It’s better than sleeping with half the campus’ were Jimin’s words, not his. 

They fell into place perfectly, never straying from their friendship and never compromising on the ‘benefits’ of said friendship. Nothing really changed, they would still fight like dogs while flirting obnoxiously (to piss off their friends) in the same breath. 

Jeongguk made a deal during graduation. Through teary eyes and shaky voices, the boys made a pact to reconnect. A promise to get back in touch the moment they are free from academic pressures.

Some promises were kept, Taehyung and Mingyu called almost every weekend, explaining in detail how their days went. Myungho went radio silent for a few months before spamming Jeongguk with all the pictures he took when he went back home. Seungcheol kept joining their monthly Valorant matches while Hoseok kept sending him memes every day. But somewhere along the way, he didn’t get to catch up with Jimin.

They never ended up talking after college. There was no bad blood, no awkward silence and yet, he was the only one Jeongguk hadn't reached out to, suddenly going from best friends to strangers. Park Jimin and him fell out of touch.

Their promise long buried under his bed along with his college notes, catching dust. 

Jeongguk thought that's just how it is, you have memories in college to last a lifetime and after it's over, you never see each other again. It was also reinforced by the media he consumed. So when he'd turned twenty-three, he had no choice but to believe it. But fate, or maybe just Jimin, had other plans. 

The buried promise was uncovered again two years ago, when Park Jimin private-messaged him on his Instagram. Jeongguk had been taken aback, reading and re-reading the notification bubble that informed him that @jiminpark had in fact wished him for his birthday. 

jiminpark: Happy Birthday, Jeonggukie <3
jiminpark: How are you these days? :)

When he’d finally blinked out of his daze to reply, they fell back into easy conversation, as if they'd never stopped talking. It felt like they were back in their dorm room — sitting face-to-face on Jimin’s bed, bitching about how much of a dick Hyunwoo from Lit is.

Of course, they never fully got back to the exact level of frankness, Jeongguk is not a good texter, but it felt nice to revisit memories. They've been in touch since, sending funny videos to each other and occasionally asking a casual ‘What’s up :)’

Although having drinks with Jimin the way he could with the others still felt far on the horizon, Jeongguk was happy with just texting him regularly. Either way, meeting up felt like it would need to be planned out more with Jimin still living in Chuncheon while Jeongguk had moved to Goyang, with the other boys dispersing in different parts of Seoul. 

He's brought back to the present with a chime on his phone, his favourite streamer was now live (and playing Stardew Valley apparently). Jeongguk shook his head and swept the notification aside, he'll come back to it later, continuing to have a one-sided stare-off with Park Jimin’s picture.

Jeongguk thought for a bit, would it be appropriate? Suddenly? Out of nowhere? He mulls over it in his head before groaning and deciding ‘fuck it, we’ll see’ and reaches for his phone. He swipes through his contacts and easily finds Jimin’s sitting there, untouched for years in the directory. Sure, they’d chatted pretty frequently, but calling each other was not something they did very often.

Jeongguk initiating it had last happened when they were in college, when Mingyu had injured himself and was bleeding everywhere at his place and Jeongguk didn’t know who else he could trust in a panic.

He still remembers his hands shaking, hearing his heart beat in his mouth, as he described the cut and saying ‘What the fuck do I do hyung I’m so scared’, and remembers hearing Jimin’s voice remain calm and gentle as he described how to properly apply the first aid on Mingyu.

Jimin being a med student may have helped but Jeongguk stays firm on his belief that it was his hyung’s voice that kept him level-headed throughout the process.

Jeongguk‘s finger hovers over the call button, they haven't talked on call since December last year when Jimin voice-called to wish him a Happy Christmas as it ‘seemed more personal’, he'd said.

Jeongguk never thought he would be friends with Jimin in college. When he saw the boy for the first time, he’d decided Jimin would never want anything to do with him. He never thought he'd be his best friend. He never thought he'd lose his virginity to this boy. He never thought he’d develop awkward breathless feelings towards him, stealing glances when he thought the elder couldn’t see. But here he is, sitting on his bed, rethinking whether he should have pressed call on Jimin’s contact.

----- ✿ -----

The phone rings for a while, Jeongguk bites his lower lip as he waits. He inhales, thinking to himself that this was probably a bad idea. He bites on his lip harder and is about to hang up when the other side crackles to life. An angel voice speaks out. Jeongguk closes his eyes. He hears Jimin call his name a few times, he breathes, not really knowing where to start.

“Hello? Jeongguk-ah? Did you butt-dial me?” he hears Jimin snicker, a wave of affection rolls over him when he finally decides to reply back.

Clearing his (now dry) throat, he manages to croak out a ‘Hello’. Jimin hums.
“Well, good to know you still remember my number” Jimin’s voice takes on a playful lilt as Jeongguk sputters.

“Of course, hyung! I have it memorised I’ll have you know” Jeongguk huffs. Okay. That was a little too much information that Jimin definitely did not need to know, but he’s gone and babbled now so he simply waits for Jimin to speak.

He hears the tell-tale sound of Jimin’s giggles, which still sounds like bells ringing to Jeongguk. He finds himself back in his college dorm, secretly observing his roommate when he thought the boy wasn't looking, watching Jimin slowly become the beautiful man he is today.

He had feelings for Jimin, used to, past tense. He doesn’t think there’s much chance of those feelings carrying forward seven years into the future, probably. 

The two talk for a bit, catching up with the polite ‘How are yous’ and the ‘How’s eomeonims’. They chat a little about their days, the exchange Jimin had with a rude guy at the gym yesterday and how Jeongguk saw a cute dog this morning.

It was almost as if they did this every day, calling and chatting like some sort of long-distance boyfriends, catching up right where they left off. Jeongguk stops that train of thought before he spirals further and decides to finally bring up what he’d called for.

Jeongguk clears his throat and speaks out, he says he actually wanted to tell Jimin something, needed to inform him. Jimin makes a worried hum at the back of his throat, his words sound more serious than it is, he knows, so he rushes to clarify that it’s simply a move to a different place to further study and research, Jimin hums again.

“Where are you going, then?” he asks from the other side, voice a little quieter now. Jeongguk’s eyes travel back to the photograph he’d placed down on the coffee table without his permission. He’ll really miss these guys.

“Japan”. Jimin stays silent for a while. Jeongguk fidgets with a thread that had escaped from his jumper, struggling to shove it back into the stitching. Jimin exhales, the air crackling from Jeongguk’s phone speakers. Jimin hums again, this time sounding a little more like he was coming to a realisation. Jeongguk chewed his lip.

“I actually called to ask if it would be possible to…hang out?” Jeongguk mutters out, his eyes on the photo still. “I can go whenever you’re free, but I was gonna visit my parents tomorrow anyway, so I could come say hi…” he suggests, sighing out his entire plan in one breath.

He hears silence on the other end before he hears rustling, Jimin huffs on the other side, his voice sounding pouty when he replies back, whining out a 'Jeongguk!'

He sounded playful but there was an undertone to it, a shaky lilt to his voice that made Jeongguk think.

“You can always come say hi, you know that!” Jeongguk giggles back, yeah, his hyung hasn’t changed. He definitely wanted to see Jimin as soon as possible, it was evident the man missed him too, giving him more reason for the impromptu plan, all triggered because of the photo on his coffee-table.

Jeongguk also sneaks in to mention that he was probably going to return sometime in the future but he didn't want to regret not seeing Jimin before leaving. It had been nearly four years and three months since they’d met in person after all. Not that Jeongguk was counting.

Jimin was silent again for a bit before he heard throat clearing. Jimin spoke again, but his voice sounded a little strained. This might be affecting Jimin more than he was letting on, Jeongguk thinks distantly.

“Of course, Gguk” Jimin croaks out from the other side. He missed that nickname, aside from his family, only Jimin called him Gguk, somewhat cementing himself as his own type of ‘family’ in Jeongguk’s brain.

“Well, then, where do you wanna meet?” Jimin asks. Jeongguk thinks for a bit and decides that asking him to come over to his parent’s place would be too much, even if his parents loved the man.

So instead, he asks him to meet in a café closer to Jimin’s place. He misses the old neighbourhood they used to hang out in.

So, after shutting down a fretting Jimin, who insisted that he could ‘come over to his place too!’ and that he doesn’t ‘need to spend money the one time he’s back home’, he reassures him that they would share the bill, getting the man to agree reluctantly.

Going over to Jimin’s place would also be a little too much for Jeongguk to take right now. Especially with the violent flashes of the past he’d felt sitting right there on his sofa.

Jeongguk shakes his head, he needs to remain normal for this meeting, this is why he was too scared to reach out in the first place, he cannot be acting like a puppy in love anymore.

They’re grown men, he can manage himself. That was years ago anyway, Jeongguk probably doesn’t feel all that now anyway. He laughs and chats a little more with Jimin before confirming the place, hanging up the call with a promise to meet tomorrow. 

He immediately exits his call logs and opens up the Korail app, looking for the first train to Chuncheon. He finds two different trains that leave Oksu station from Seoul at 1240 hours and grins ear to ear. Lunch it is, then.

He scans over the ticket prices before opening KakaoTalk to confirm the timing to Jimin via text.

Jeongguk: [Attached IMG]
Jeongguk: gonna take this train! 
Jeongguk: see you at lunch, hyung!

jimin-hyung <3: Good!!
jimin-hyung <3: See you, Gguk :))

----- ✿ -----

Jeongguk wakes up the next morning as soon as his bed feels too warm to stay in any longer. He frees his legs from the tangled sheets and pads over to the bathroom. He is up entirely too early, the adrenaline of seeing Jimin after years made him eager enough to rise at 6:30AM. 

Jeongguk brushes his teeth and smiles at his reflection. He feels a little giddy — the warm feeling, which he hadn’t felt since he was twenty, settling in his chest. He washes his face and calms himself. It’s just a little meet-up, a catch-up between old friends, there’s no need to get so hyped.

His heart, however, refuses to agree and keeps interrupting his thoughts. After contemplating what to do now that he’s wide awake, sitting on his bed and scrolling through Twitter for half an hour, Jeongguk decides to go for a run.

This way, Jeongguk reasons, I’ll work up an appetite for breakfast and get the adrenaline down. It was a fair enough way to work through his morning jitters, so he grabs his running shoes and heads off to Ilsan lake park. Being near the lake in the early hours of morning never failed to calm him down.

He finishes up his morning run and steps back into his apartment at 8:30AM. An hour and a half, the time does pass by faster when you’re simply staring off into nature. He decides that he has put it off for long enough and starts getting ready. He has managed to somehow have exactly enough time to get everything done.

Jeongguk doesn’t know why he’s putting this much effort in washing up so thoroughly. He finds himself using Jimin’s favourite body-wash (that he used to steal from him in their second year) and putting on the earrings he'd gifted to Jeongguk on his twenty-first birthday.

Dressing himself exactly like the men Jimin used to fawn over excitedly, rambling to him about their sense of style on their dorm room floor. He is uncomfortably aware of how much effort he’s putting into this.

‘It’s literally just Jimin’ his brain tries to tell him as he brushes on a light eye-liner into the corner of his upper eye-lid. But, he exhales, that’s exactly the problem, he reasons with his brain. It’s Jimin. Park Jimin. And he knows, he’s never been normal about Park Jimin.

Jeongguk gets ready way before time, underestimating how fast he would get ready. He checks his clock, huffs to himself and decides to have some breakfast while booking his ticket, it was only 10:00AM. He wraps up relatively fast and leaves his flat by 11:00AM.

He hums to himself as he walks, taking his time to reach the subway station, feeling the spring breeze on his face with the sounds of birds and people out on the streets accompanying the wind, bustling, wrapped up in their own daily chores. It was a comfortable day, the sun was shining just enough to provide a cover from the cooler morning wind that ran between the trees, turning it into a pleasant, warm, breeze. Jeongguk inhales the smell of fresh leaves and keeps the bounce in his step.

He passes a tiny shop as he walks down the street, the sweet, rich smell of flowers overwhelms him for a moment before he backtracks to take in the place. A local florist had seemingly started up their new business. The little wooden sign, hanging in front of the glass doors, informs Jeongguk that they are trying to set up and it's still a work in progress. He smiles, a familiar feeling washes over him. The shop reminds him of himself in some ways, still in transit, figuring out how to exactly adapt to the new street. Jeongguk shakes his head and enters the store, might as well support them a little.

He feels a little silly holding a bouquet of daisies on the subway. He clutches the flowers a little closer, not letting it tip over, lest one loses a petal or two. He keeps his gaze focused out of the train, feeling the eyes of people looking at him like he’s shooting a music video. He catches his own reflection in the windows of the subway facing the abyss of the underground tunnels, fixing one of the strands that have persistently remained out of place, he huffs. He feels like he's going on a date, which this is not. Absolutely not.

What would Jimin say, when he shows up with a, albeit small, bouquet of flowers? Maybe he’ll smack him and call him a punk, like he used to. Jeongguk huffs again.

He changes trains, getting down at Oksu station. Jeongguk makes a beeline for the next train to Namuchuncheon as it starts being announced, realising the 12:40PM train is very close to making it into the station. Somehow, he manages to make it in the train while also finding a seat near the doors. A miracle, truly.

The train was as full as one would expect on a Saturday at noon. Full, but not packed. Comfortable enough for the boys, returning from their schools after half-days, to be standing and chatting by the doors opposite to Jeongguk, for the old ladies to be sat with their massive side-bags also finding a seat beside them without it turning into a debate topic for the entire row of passengers.

Jeongguk smiles a little, he always preferred train journeys over buses or subways, it was a unique type of peaceful.

Buses forced him to share an oddly intimate seat with a stranger while subways forced him to feel the strangers' eyes on him, judging him all the while he stood beside them. Trains provided an unexplainable silence, most of the passengers being foreigners or people who are entirely too tired to engage in small-talk and arguments. Jeongguk preferred trains.

He turned his head the moment the first ray of the sunshine made its way into the compartment. The windows lit up with the afternoon sun, the train finally making its way above ground and taking the scenic route around towards the town-side.

Jeongguk fidgets with a single white petal between his thumb and forefinger. He leans back and rests his head on the window, focusing on the landscapes fleeting by as the train rushes down the tracks.

As the train passes through Sangbong and continues east-bound, Jeongguk notices the little patches of green fields, yet to be overtaken by some new office building to-be-erected in its place, the wild grass swaying in the wind alongside the occasionally dotted, barely standing, fences. He watches the clouds float, static next to the ever-moving blue-grey buildings that have now come into view, the residential and commercial areas providing a harsh contrast to the earlier green. The sky has turned a deep, rich, blue; birds cut through it with speedy, blurred, black lines. The clouds remain the same.

Jeongguk feels himself getting a little lost, appreciating the beauty of the Gyeonggi-do, he hasn’t been here in a while. He used to get bored of the same grey buildings and the parks which were barely large enough to fit two swing-sets. He yearns for the tiny parks now, living in a concrete jungle has made him miss the town-side even more. He makes a pact with himself to move to a less commercial part of Japan when he gets there.

He closes his eyes and turns his neck again, catching the ray of light on the left side of his face, soaking in the April afternoon sunshine. He could stay here forever, but he remembers the reason for his visit and rushes to get ready to off-board the train when the mechanical voice announces his stop being next.

His train whistles to its stop at Namchuncheon and he, along with a few other travellers, get down and start making their way out of the station. He walks with the small crowd until they reach the bus-terminal. He checks the time again and walks down to Jimin’s neighbourhood.

The sun was still overhead, it was almost 2:00PM. He feels the warm presence on his back as he walks, humming to himself before reaching the Anmasan-ro entrance within ten minutes, close enough to the café they decided to meet at. He fishes his phone out and shoots Jimin a text,  balancing the bouquet on his left arm. 

Jeongguk: here!

He waits a beat, fiddling with the worn cover of his phone before getting a text back.

jimin-hyung <3: turn around ㅎㅎ

Jeongguk turns around and sees him. Jimin stood there, perfectly framed by a large tree, as if bowing its head down to him, glowing under the afternoon sun.

He had a loose-fitted plain black t-shirt on, matched perfectly with baggy denim blue ripped-jeans. His outfit looks almost like an updated version of the Jimin he'd been clinging on to for the past few years.

Jeongguk focuses back on his face, his hair is blonde now, the ends of it curling at his shoulders, longer than Jeongguk remembered or expected. His face is framed by the fluffy fringe falling delicately against his eyebrows, which are turned up in a mischievous smile, alongside the squinted and pursed lips, barely containing a grin. Jeongguk realises he’s been staring and clears his throat.

He walks across the road to Jimin, the man finally giving in and giggling as he takes in Jeongguk’s awed expression. He reaches out and bats a hand on Jeongguk’s arm.

“What are you staring at? You look like you’ve seen a ghost, Gguk” he says in between his giggles. Jeongguk lets out an amused huff and shakes his head, allowing his voice to find its way out.

“Hyung, you didn’t mention you were growing out your hair” he speaks out, resisting the urge to run his fingers through the tufts glowing in the sun by clenching his fist around his phone. His thumb hurts.

Jimin giggles again, presenting a playful look before reaching up and brushing a lock aside.

“Well, I was trying out something new, don’t really know how long I’ll keep it though…” he pauses, running his hands through the ends of the strand. Jimin’s expression gets pouty, “they’re quite a handful to maintain” he finishes, blowing off a lock from his eyes.

Jeongguk smiles fondly, this man has not changed in seven years, somehow. Apparently, his heart confirms, his feelings hadn't either. Jeongguk sighs, he had a feeling, ever since his heart gave in after seeing Jimin's name pop-up on his phone.

Jimin keeps fidgeting with his hair, now apparently conscious of it before Jeongguk jumps in to give his opinion.

“Well, you look very pretty”, he mumbles, face turning a little red. The compliment came too easily to him, is this normal? Not seeing your hyung, your best friend from college after years and the first thing you call him is… pretty.

Well, it’s true. Jimin is very pretty, with pretty clothes, pretty hair and a pretty face. Park Jimin is pretty.

Jimin seems to be in the same baffled boat as Jeongguk because he too has gone a little red, containing a small smile before it escapes him and takes up his whole face in a bright grin. He tugs Jeongguk’s jacket and smiles, his eyes catching the sunlight just right to show off his pretty hazelnut-brown eyes. Jimin bites his lip, Jeongguk follows the movement.

“Thank you…you look very pretty too” Jimin mumbles out. Jeongguk has been called pretty by Jimin before, doesn’t mean it won’t make his heart jump still, like it did seven years ago. He sighs and hugs Jimin by the shoulders, the shorter man jumps a little before returning it enthusiastically, squeezing Jeongguk’s sides. 

“I missed you, hyung” he feels a smile on his shoulders, Jimin turns his head and mumbles in his chest. 

“Missed you too, Gguk”

"So those flowers are for me, then?"

Jimin asks as they separate, waggling his eyebrows, pulling the same teasing grin. 

"Ah! Yes, oh my god, I almost forgot"

Jimin giggles and bats an arm on his shoulder again. 

"What a gentleman"

----- ✿ -----

They eventually end up in the nice, quiet café, which stood beside them when they were busy being sappy outside. Jeongguk picks a table and they sit to observe the menu in a comfortable silence.

Jimin had placed the bouquet of daisies carefully next to his glass of water, Jeongguk kept flushing red whenever he caught sight of it and remembered that he was the one that brought it. Hiding his face in the menu, partly due to embarrassment, Jeongguk decides to look around. 

The café is decorated well — warm overhead lighting which is just dark enough to be moody and not strain your eyes, clean cream-yellow walls, exposed wood beams running across the ceiling, wooden chairs and tables with spots of green plants thriving near the windows. It was a nice place.

They end up ordering a coffee each with a croissant and a bagel (croissant for Jeongguk because he craved chocolate). Jimin leans forward after their waiter leaves and raises his eyebrows at him, challenging him to start a conversation. Jeongguk smirks and gives in.

They talk for what feels like hours where technically Jeongguk knows they have been here for twenty minutes, max. It’s a usual catch up about their life, the small updates they would text to each other when they were still 114 kilometres apart. 

They talk about the elephant in the room first, Jeongguk’s move to Japan, the reason they met in the first place.

He explains that he’s finished his masters and was planning on moving to Japan to finish his research on Manga and consumption of the media through the lens of the readers as compared to the Mangakas or authors who have to navigate through the unfairly tight deadlines.

It was an interesting topic and he wanted to get some in-person experience and interviews which would be authentic to the opinions of the local population who consume and engage with such media.

Jimin nodded along and hummed as he spread cream-cheese over his bagel. The research clearly meant a lot to Jeongguk as he was genuinely thrilled to finally work on something he’s wanted to talk about since college. Jimin knew it too, he would not shut up about his favourite author getting sick again trying to release new volumes while also complaining about the pace of releases.

Heck, he was a participant of the culture himself, making it even more interesting to study others’ perspectives.

They moved on from Japan pretty fast, not wanting to ruminate on Jeongguk’s eventual absence from Korea, instead focusing on sharing the less important, seemingly insignificant parts of their lives. 

Jimin got himself a cat, much to his roommate’s dismay (who is very allergic). Jeonnguk’s brother got married, the ceremony was in the winter, he didn’t get any good pictures of himself. They talk about what's been happening in their respective lives. Talking to Jimin feels like the most natural part of his day, it’s as if he’s been there every day to chat with.

The conversation takes what is closest to an ‘awkward turn’ when Jimin asks if Jeongguk ever got a partner after college.

Jimin had mentioned his ex in a fleeting story, Jeongguk has been on a slight edge since then, and lo and behold Jimin asked the inevitable. His eyes unfairly fall back on the stupid bouquet lying next to Jimin's hand. 

How does Jeongguk explain that he set his standard too high after Jimin, that he physically can’t be with someone who isn’t him. It’s too intense to blurt out so he stays quiet. Jimin doesn’t need to know the details of everything.

He’s probably forgotten most of the things that Jeongguk still keeps in a hidden locker deep inside his heart.

He sips his coffee and laughs a little, attempting to be self-deprecative but coming off more agitated. He says no, not really and leaves it at that. Jimin reads him like an open book again and frowns, not buying the casual demeanour he’s tried to put on, but eventually lets it go after a moment of observation.

They talk about love-lives a little more, the conversation has unfortunately (for Jeongguk) switched over to dating sites and how exhausting the dating scene is.

Jeongguk finds himself agreeing and nodding along to Jimin’s rant, his reasoning is a little different but he related to not being able to date around, it is exhausting. 

He starts getting a little nervous again when Jimin asks if he has a profile on any apps. He hums, takes a long sip of his coffee, shakes his head and confirms it as a no.

Jimin frowns again, he asks Jeongguk if he’s tried dating around, that he’s so sweet and handsome, he must have some people wanting to be with him at least. Jeongguk doesn’t know how to respond, his face reddens again. The air around them gets a little heavier than before.

Jimin sits in the silence for a bit before sighing and pouting. He shakes his head and apologises in a small voice; he seems to think he’s made the conversation awkward. In a way, he’s right, but it wasn’t Jimin’s fault really. It was Jeongguk getting in his own head if anything. So, he rushes to say he did no such thing and vehemently defends Jimin from his own self.

Jimin chuckles in response and replies with his classic sarcastic drawl, ‘sure’ he says. They both laugh off the awkwardness; they haven’t known each other for over seven years to sit around and clumsily skirt around one another.

Jeongguk shakes his head and decides to answer him anyway, he hums once before leaning in like he’s telling a secret. Jimin’s eyes widen as he leans towards Jeongguk, excited.

Jeongguk thinks it through one last time before thinking fuck it, what’s the worst that could happen?

It was silly to hide things from Jimin-hyung, he had his ways of finding out sooner or later. Not like he doesn’t already know how I feel about him. Jeongguk sucks in a breath and finally speaks out.

“I never dated after college” Jeongguk picks at a piece of the paint on their table, chipping off on the edge where they might get banged around during a move. Jimin tilts his head, not very different from the cat that visits Jeongguk near his apartment from time to time. 

“I couldn’t…after…” he looks up to see Jimin’s mouth open in a small ‘o’, his eyes falling back to the bouquet lying innocently on the table. He seems to have already deduced Jeongguk’s next sentence.

Jeongguk smirks, gaining something close to confidence as he continues, looking directly at the man across from him.

“After you” his smile extends further when he spots the patch of red growing over Jimin’s cheeks, travelling down his neck.

Jeongguk smiles, he realises Jimin still gets flustered by him decides to keep going, now or never, he clears his throat. 

“You...you kinda ruined everyone else for me” he shifts his eyes downwards, a sudden rush of shyness washes over him, the earlier confidence flying off into the wind as it picks up, blowing into the room and tangling up Jimin’s hair on his shoulders.

Jimin still looks somewhat surprised, but not shocked. Like he expected him to feel this way but never expected the feelings to be voiced so confidently.

“Gguk-ah…” Jimin starts, fidgeting with the spoon dipped into his coffee, his eyes still focused on the table. Jimin’s expression was a little hard to read, with his face being half-hidden by his hair, Jeongguk didn’t know whether he should proclaim his love (again, clearer) or he should run away.

However, judging by the shakiness of his voice, Jimin might not have been ready to hear this from Jeongguk yet. And that…yeah, it sucks a little. Jeongguk swallows the lump in his throat from holding his breath too long. He sighs, once.

“That was… unnecessary. Please ignore it, sorry for making it weird, hyung” he mumbles out, ready for Jimin to swiftly move past this and for them to continue talking like they were best friends again.

He hated this, this feeling like he didn’t know how to talk to Jimin anymore, this feeling that they might not be able to go back to being friends again. Every time Jeongguk thinks about this, it carves a deeper hole into his chest.

The overwhelming feeling stabs at his fingertips before Jimin gently picks up his hand, abruptly stopping his fidgeting with the tissue, now ripped to shreds. Jimin takes his hand and simply holds it there, close to the middle of their table, he would’ve moved it closer if he could reach it, maybe closer to his heart.

Jeongguk looks at Jimin, maybe a little more eager than he would’ve approved of in the past. Jimin tightens his hold on his hand.

“I…I know what you mean” he mumbles out, looking out the window in a moment of hesitation, catching a bird eavesdropping before it flies away at Jimin’s movement. He gasps out a breath.

“I felt it too, Gguk-ah. It was a big reason why I couldn’t stand to be with anyone else for a while”

“What” 

Jimin hears Jeongguk’s voice finally squeak out and looks over at the man, his hand still firmly in his grasp. Jeongguk has all but melted on the table, his eyes sparkled with the tell-tale sign of tears, a rosy tint has overtaken his entire face, his mouth had dropped open and his hands were shaking.

Jimin lets out a surprised huff, not expecting Jeongguk to get so emotional so fast. Then again, it’s Jeongguk, he should’ve expected it. The man wears his heart on his sleeve, the same one that’s filled with tattoos that show off his hyper-fixations and interests.

Jimin smiles, squeezes his hand again and nods. It’s enough confirmation for Jeongguk to let out another squeak and hide his face in his free hand, not quite believing what he’s heard.

It cannot be possible. Jimin, Park Jimin, was just as obsessed with him after so many years as he was with Jimin. Being obsessed with Jimin was a given, the man was literally perfect. But Jimin? Obsessed with Jeongguk? Unheard of! Absurd! Is what he would’ve said approximately ten minutes ago.

Now, Jimin’s smile tells a different story. Jeongguk gulps, holy shit.

They drink the rest of their coffee and finish up their food in a moderately charged atmosphere. How they went from blushing confessions to exchanging glances that felt like they wanted to devour each other, is beyond Jeongguk. But he doesn’t try to think too hard about it, thinking is his kryptonite, Jeongguk decides.

After paying their bill, Jimin does the honours and asks him to come over. He said something about wanting to show Jeongguk his room and maybe go over some printed photos he still had from Jeongguk’s old film camera. Take some home Gguk-ah, he’d said, I know you already have a few but keeping extra never hurts, Jimin had simply winked.

Now, Jeongguk knows going to Jimin’s place was a bad idea. Horrible idea, in-fact. 

He knows how this will go down, he’s been through this exact conversation with the same man back in college, except this time he won’t stay there after — unbothered about tomorrow and cuddling till the sun sets. Jeongguk thinks a little, he can’t stay at Jimin’s tonight, he has to meet his parents. But.

He looks over at Jimin, the man standing beside him, clutching the same bouquet in his hand, sniffing at the daisies monetarily, his hair glowing in the afternoon sun. Jeongguk sucks in a breath. 

He reaches out and holds Jimin’s free hand, watching a little smile creep up on the man’s face from the corner of his eye.

They were standing outside the café, feeling the sun on their necks, the warm air had risen up again, making the wind a little cooler to the skin.

Jeongguk holds up Jimin’s hand and places a small peck on his fingers. The man jerks a little, not expecting Jeongguk to suddenly become bold. Jimin looks at him questioningly, Jeongguk smiles. He could spare the afternoon; he’ll crash at his parents’ for the night. 

----- ✿ -----

So, Jeongguk went ahead and did what he didn’t want to, he went over to Jimin’s place. He settled on Jimin’s shared apartment’s sofa as the man immediately produced an ornate vase to move the daisies in, taking his wrist-watch off and tossing it on the coffee table as he rushed to get Jeongguk a drink.

“Soda or beer, Ggukie?”

“Don’t you have…water?”

A giggle sounds from the kitchen.

"Sure”

Who drinks beer at 3:00PM anyway.

After sitting around, Jeongguk started observing the little Jimin-isms of the flat as his hyung babbled about this new show he was watching, half-listening while his eyes soaked up his surroundings — the small trinkets littered across the TV stand, the neatly arranged series of the Zelda games in their console, the tiny potted succulents lining the window-sills, the giant yellow dog plushie taking up the armchair as if it belonged there, the big sofa-cushion that looked like a yarn-ball but was actually a squishy toy, the cat food bowls and litter-trays shining in the sunlight filtering through the window, everything had a touch of Jimin, whether it was through a little sticker on the corner or from the bright colours.

Jeongguk sighed fondly. He’s so glad he came over.

Something possesses him as his gaze shifts from the room back to Jimin, who was seemingly also more interested in picking out a thread from the rip in his jeans. His hair was a little frizzy from the wind constantly hassling it outside, his skin was flushed from the sun and his oversized tee was drooping down slightly, exposing the nape of his neck.

Jeongguk holds his breath, what a beautiful man. And this man was apparently (still!) interested in Jeongguk. He may have won in life, he can die peacefully now.

The dramatic thoughts push Jeongguk to lean forward and tuck a stray hair behind Jimin’s ear, causing the man to pause mid-sentence and slowly look towards him. Jeongguk smiles and places a hand under his own chin, observing, he chuckles at Jimin’s shocked expression, he speaks up and clarifies gently.

“No, please, continue. Sorry, couldn’t help but touch you…just to confirm you’re real” he presents Jimin with a lazy grin as a devastating blush explodes on his face. He cannot be real.

Jimin looks at the ceiling, seemingly containing himself if Jeongguk goes by the tiny fist balling up by his stomach. He breathes out carefully and looks around, as if assessing the best route of escape. Jeongguk watches on, intrigued and a little amused.

Suddenly, Jimin grabs his hand and marches them down the hall, essentially dragging Jeongguk with them who protests in the form of giggles and shouts.

Jeongguk gets dragged to Jimin’s bedroom, his face deepening with the same shade of red on Jimin’s as he realises the implications of being in the room he stood in. 

The man in question hurls Jeongguk down, making him sit on the bed before standing in front of him, arms crossed and face still red.

Jimin pouts, Jeongguk holds back a coo.

“UGH” Jimin groans out as Jeongguk smiles again and promptly drops himself on Jeongguk’s lap.

To say Jeongguk was stunned would be an understatement. The moment Jimin’s body collided on his chest, he felt a sharp spark of heat travel up his spine; his heartbeat went up to a degree which should not be safe, frankly, and his hands started sweating as if it was the middle of June.

Jimin simply exhales and places his head on Jeongguk’s shoulder, very well aware of what he has caused.

Jeongguk’s hands are still shaking when Jimin sighs on his shoulders, stroking his back gently, mumbling away.

“It’s unfair Ggukie, I wanted to touch you too but I was trying to keep decorum…”

Jeongguk almost laughs, as if they can keep decorum. No point in acting like this is a first date when they have already been inside each other before, several times.

Jeongguk shifts so they’re facing each other, regaining a little more confidence after learning Jimin’s plans.

“Fuck decorum.” Jeongguk grumbles, his voice already dropping to a seductive drawl.

“C’mon hyung, it’s not like we haven’t done this before” Jeongguk mutters as he runs his hands to the hem of Jimin’s t-shirt, teasing the edge to let his wants be clear.

Jimin shivers in his arms, clearly affected by his words. It’s reassuring to know how bad they both still have it for each other. 

Jimin leans in and finally relents, it’s true after all, they already know what gets the other riled up, why pretend to be strangers?

Soft lips fall on Jeongguk’s as his grip on Jimin’s waist tightens, the gentle touch contrasting his desperate attempt at controlling himself a little longer.

Jimin’s lips are as sweet as he remembers, a hint of peach-flavoured lip balm escaping between the delicate, hot, touches of his tongue.

Jimin starts taking over, shifting them around to tighten his grasp around Jeongguk’s neck and get a better angle on his lap.

They fall back into the practiced choreography, Jimin leading the routine as Jeongguk claws at his back, desperately trying to keep pace. He feels drops of sweat roll down within his jumper, now entirely too hot for the air in Jimin’s room.

Jimin pulls away, tracing a finger up his cheek as he looks down with that same intense stare. Jeongguk feels his heart in his mouth, he can never get enough of this man.

“Tell me, Ggukie, what d’you want?” Jimin’s words were slurring a little, his lips bitten red and shining with spit, his eyes darkening with each word.

Jeongguk exhales and closes his eyes.

“Whatever you’ll give me, Minie-hyung” the nickname slips without his permission. It seemingly amuses Jimin because he smirks before going back in for another kiss, capturing his lips, tasting him deeply until they’re both breathless.

By the time their clothes littered the floor of Jimin’s bedroom, the air was sticky and hot, Jeongguk couldn’t breathe.

Jimin was left in his boxers while Jeongguk held the man tightly against his bare thighs. Jeongguk grips Jimin’s thighs hard, an anchor to the real world, probably bruising his soft skin.

Their tongues were tangled, Jimin’s boxers were riding up and Jeongguk was sweating profusely. Jimin should invest in an air conditioner.

Jimin suddenly gains strength and pushes Jeongguk until his back hits the soft mattress. Jimin’s sheets smelled like him, they smelled of his subtly fruity detergent mixed with a little bit of Jimin.

Jeongguk’s train of thought was all over the place as Jimin proceeded to pepper little kisses up his neck. The kisses started turning feral as he replaced them with small bites and nips, eventually settling in the juncture between his neck and shoulder to leave a deep purple bruise.

Jeongguk groans out and holds on to the man’s hair as he continues marking him up, creating a small constellation of hickeys, joining together in a pretty shape. 

Jeongguk is already close to blacking out when Jimin slowly starts making his way down from his neck to his chest, giving a cheeky bite to his nipples, continuing down his stomach until he's licking a stripe down his naval.

Jimin looks up at him from his position, Jeongguk wants to pass away.

He did not think he would be so lucky to have Jimin this close again, he only expected a kiss; maximum, a make-out session, but this is going way too well.

Jimin raises an eyebrow and Jeongguk nods hard enough to get dizzy. Jimin giggles again and proceeds to sink down on him. Jeongguk’s eyes roll back in pleasure but he makes sure to keep them open to witness the sight in front of him.

Jimin had his hair held back in a fist, holding it away from his head with his right hand as he repeatedly sunk down on and pumped Jeongguk with the other.

Jeongguk might die here today.

After nearly passing out from the prompt oral mastery as presented by Park Jimin, Jeongguk finds himself transfixed again. He watches as Park Jimin straddles his lap again, throwing a leg around each side and reaches for the lube in his bedside table.

For someone who is so soft, gentle and shy, Jimin is really muscular. Jeongguk zeroes in on Jimin’s abs, flexing under him as he extends his arms (Jeongguk’s eyes trace up) also flexing with defined biceps and deltoids. Jeongguk feels himself get turned on again embarrassingly fast, apparently alerting Jimin who glances at him with a knowing smirk.

“Control, Gguk. Hyung isn’t going anywhere” he teases as he finally collects the bottle and leans back. Jeongguk takes another long look at him, Park Jimin was truly easy on the eyes.

He watches as Jimin reaches behind himself, fingers already slicked when Jeongguk was distracted by his smile, and his face contorts into a slight discomfort.

Jeongguk almost rushes to say ‘We don’t need to go all the way’ but he knows Jimin will shoot it down, he was a little scary when he was determined to see something through.

So, Jeongguk sits back and watches in fascination as Jimin’s face transforms into pleasure, his voice pitching higher, letting out little huffs and whines as he starts babbling about how good it feels.

Jeongguk clenches his fist, he knows better than to touch Jimin without explicit permission so he just hums in eager agreement and exhales.

Soon, he thinks, just a little more.

Jimin lets out a high-pitched moan, Jeongguk lets out an involuntary whine in response, he exhales shakily, god he missed this. He missed Jimin-hyung.

“Ggukie, should I…?” Jimin asks after a few more minutes, pointing at Jeongguk’s very leaky problem. Jeongguk nods hard enough to make Jimin giggle again, the sound abruptly cutting off as he lowered himself on Jeongguk.

The moment Jimin bottoms out, they cannot keep their hands off each other. Jeongguk constantly runs his hands up and down Jimin’s back, soothing, feeling, grounding, doing anything to get more of Jimin on him.

Jimin holds Jeongguk’s hair tight, pulling it just enough to draw out breathless whine from the man below him. Their pace never falters, moving in a practiced rhythm until Jimin’s thighs start burning and Jeongguk feels a sharp heat run down his spine.

They keep up the pace until Jimin is gasping out, shivering, and Jeongguk is shaking, groaning out. They come to a still, catching their breath, gasping until both their throats hurt.

Jeongguk was panting on Jimin’s bed — lying face-up, watching as the evening sun started creeping into the room, lighting the ceiling on fire with a bright orange, reflecting off the shelves in Jimin’s room, casting little crystals of light on the opposing wall. Jeongguk closes his eyes. He’s not ready.

“Gguk…” he hears Jimin’s little voice next to him. He’s not ready for this. Jeongguk keeps his eyes closed as he responds back with a hum. He feels Jimin’s hand crawl up to his neck, winding around his arms resting on his head to land on his cheek. He feels Jimin pull, gently turning his cheek to face the man. Jeongguk opens his eyes and swallows.

Jimin is right there, next to him, flushed and sweaty, still catching his breath, next to him.

Jeongguk closes his eyes again. Jimin looks ethereal. He cannot do this, he can’t confess to falling again, can’t risk being rejected with an unsure frown, again. But Jimin taps his cheek, once, and he’s opening his eyes again. He has a worried frown on his face now, different, not better.

“We need to talk, Jeongguk”, Jimin whispers.

Oh, not Ggukie, not Gguk, Jeongguk. Okay, it’s serious now.

Jeongguk feels the onset of tears with a sting under his nose but he holds back and hums again. He’s terrified, he cannot lose Jimin again. Jimin sits up and holds Jeongguk’s hand, catching up to the feeling something might be off, he leans in and asks him, his voice deepening with the heavy accent slipping out.

“What’s up, you good?” he hums gently. Jeongguk nods but can’t respond, his voice might be shaky if he speaks. 

“Oh Gguk, why are you scared?” Jimin read him so easily again, just like that. Jeongguk whines and climbs into Jimin’s arms, encasing his waist within his arms. He whines again, rubbing his face into Jimin’s shoulder, prompting a giggle from the man.

“I’m just…I’m scared of losing you again, hyung”

“Why would you lose me, silly?” Jimin asks, it’s simple for him to ask that, but Jeongguk’s mind is going a mile a minute now and he doesn’t know how to control it.

“We…we really drifted for a while hyung. I know today felt like nothing ever changed, but it did. We did, hyung. We haven’t talked face-to-face in like four years and the first time we do we end up fucking…is this really all we do, hyung? Will we ever be more?” Jeongguk gasps out in a breath, his tears threatening to fall as his voice finally breaks.

Jimin frowns again, he looks like his heart is broken into pieces before he pulls Jeongguk back to him and holds him as tight as he can. 

“I’m never making that mistake again, Jeonggukie”, Jimin sighs, his voice shaking now. He confesses he was stupid and didn’t know how to handle feelings.

He was embarrassed of his past and wanted to seek out Jeongguk as soon as he realised he was also in love with him.

In Love? With Jeongguk? Jeongguk’s breath hitches and he looks at Jimin with wide eyes.

Jimin only smiles back at him, a little guilty. Jeongguk finally lets his tears fall, causing Jimin to go into a panic, he can stop pretending Jimin was just a friend, he can stop telling people it wasn’t a big deal.

Finally, he could breathe. Jeongguk gathers Jimin as he panics and kisses him breathless, bruising both their lips in his haste, coaxing even more giggles out of both.

----- ✿ -----

Jeongguk sits on Jimin’s dining table as he bites his nails, already having gotten his hand smacked off twice by Jimin. He is visibly jittering, legs shaking, eyes shifting around with a fingernail stuck on his teeth. Jimin sighs.

“Relax Gguk, we’ll be fine. You’re not going forever” he pats Jeongguk’s cheek, who whines in response. He can’t believe that after all these years, after finally getting Jimin to himself, he’s moving out in a month. Internationally. Jeongguk shakes again.

“But! I’ll be gone for two years! Two whole years, hyung!” Jeongguk whines out, clutching Jimin’s hands.

It’s a scary thought. Jimin was already so far away from his place in Goyang. They hadn’t even confessed to anything then, yet whenever Jeongguk used to think of Jimin, his heart hurt. They were only 114 kilometres away then. 

Going from that, to finally getting to talk about their feelings, to being far apart again, being some 1000 kilometres away was not gonna end up well for Jeongguk. He will cry himself to sleep every night.

“How will I live without you for two years?!” he groans out, adding an extra whine to his tone. Jimin huffs at him and pats his head, amused at the man’s sudden wallowing.

“Like you did these years, dumbass”, Jimin chuckles out. Jeongguk looks up from the table and pouts. Jimin softens his eyes.

“Don’t be mean, I’m prematurely missing you”

“That’s really sweet, Ggukie”

Jimin kisses the top of his head, spreading warmth across Jeongguk’s back, running all over. He massages a shoulder before mumbling into his hair.

“Give us a chance, jagiya” he whispers. Jeongguk shivers with his entire body and whines out, Jimin knows nicknames are his weakness.

Jimin giggles and pats his hair. Jeongguk looks up from his chest and nuzzles himself deeper into his collarbone, trying to memorise his smell and warmth. Jimin caresses his hair and promises with a kiss that he’ll call to check up on him every day while Jeongguk swears he’ll consistently send pictures from his days.

He smiles to himself, eyes falling back on the daises swaying gently in their new vase-home, greeting the wind swirling in from the slightly creaked-open window. The flowers twist and glitter in the setting sun. Jeongguk exhales. Yeah, they’ll be just fine.

----- ✿ -----

Jimin is briskly walking down the wide stretch of Gimpo airport. His heels click and squeak against the plastic floor as he drags a heavy suitcase behind him, having wrestled it off Jeongguk at the entrance.

“Hyung! I can carry that, I’m not a child!”

“Shh, let me pamper you for a bit more… now, which gate, quick”

Jeongguk’s 8:00AM flight was bound to leave by an hour, so they had a little more time. Jeongguk jogged behind Jimin, struggling to keep up with his fast strides, overtly amused at how seriously Jimin was taking this.

When the announcement crackled out over the speakers for his flight to start boarding, Jimin hugged him tight before looking at him for a breath. He looked so very proud and near tears, Jeongguk smiled and squeezed him back.

They hold each other for a beat before pulling away. Jimin leans up and leaves him with a gentle peck on his lips, fussing and nagging about eating on time and drinking lots of water, ‘I better not hear you getting dehydrated, Gguk’.

As Jeongguk starts leaving, Jimin calls out a final goodbye, waving his arms furiously over his head, Jeongguk snickers.

“Call me when you land!"
“Of course!”

Jimin smiles a little before adding a little more.
“You promise?”

Jeongguk sniffles, this man will be the death of him.
“Promise”