Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

It was nearing evening when there was a knock at the door. Bilbo bid his visitor enter, and was surprised to see Boromir of Gondor on his doorstep.

"Yes?" Bilbo said, smiling slightly. He didn't get up, but the young man didn't seem to mind.

"Ah, Master Baggins... may I come in?"

"Of course."

Boromir shut the door behind him, and stood in front of Bilbo, his hands on his back and his legs apart.

"What can I do for you, Lord Boromir?" Bilbo said.

"Actually, I am here to apologize," Boromir said, "I laughed when you offered to take the ring. I had not right to."

"Oh, don't be silly, lad!" Bilbo chuckled, "It must have looked quite comical to an outsider! Besides... while I did mean it, I fear I would not have come far. Not with these old bones."

"Old bones speak of wisdom. Or so we say where I come from."

"Flatterer." Bilbo chuckled.

Boromir kneeled, and made sure they were at equal height. His eyes seemed almost to glitter, and his long, dark hair fell over his shoulders, "Every word I speak is true," he took Bilbo's hand in his, and pressed it to his forehead, "and as such, I hope you'll accept my apology."

Bilbo, taken aback by the intimacy of the act, cleared his throat, "Y-yes, of course."

Boromir let go, rose, and bowed deeply for him, "I thank you. And I hope to speak with of your adventures at breakfast tomorrow."

Bilbo's lips parted, and he almost told the man to kindly mind his manners, but he did not drag Bilbo towards the bed, or even stay, instead headed for the door and smiled at Bilbo as he closed it behind him.

The hobbit was left quite alone, his heart pounding in his chest in a way it had not since the king under the mountain had taken him by the hand and decked him out in mithril.

Chapter Text

The fellowship had been living off of cold food for far too long when it was finally deemed safe to light a fire.

Sam immediately leapt up and got all the necessities, helped by Merry and Pippin, who were so excited at the prospect of something hot that the usually dull task of peeling carrots and potatoes was done without the slightest complaint.

Soon enough, the smell of food spread throughout he camp, and the fellowship congregated around the fire, eagerly accepting bowls of stew from Sam.

Boromir made a low rumble of contentedness as he swallowed down the last bite.

"Seconds, Mr. Boromir, sir?" Sam nearly chirped.

"If we have enough." Boromir said, holding out his bowl.

"Why wouldn't we!" Sam said, "Finally we can have some proper food, and I wasn't raised to let folks go hungry!"

Boromir smiled at him as he handed him another portion, "So I see, Master Hobbit. Once our quest is over, you must come to Minas Tirith and cook for me and my family."

Just then, Aragorn started discussing Moria with Gandalf, and Gimli joined in.

As such, and because of the steam coming from the bowl, Boromir didn't see Pippin's wide grin, Merry's shocked expression, nor the furious look in Frodo's eyes.
Sam, for his part, turned beet red, and dropped the ladle he'd been using.

"I-I'll have to think on that, Mr. Boromir!" Sam muttered, and hurried away to find something else to serve with.

Chapter Text

"Watch out for the man, Frodo-lad."

"Who? Strider?"

"What? No, of course not! He should be trusted on almost any matter! No, I mean the Gondorian."

"Boromir?"

"Mhm. He looks innocent enough, but he is... well, quite forward."

"What ever do you mean by 'forward'?"

To his horror, a slight blush appeared in Bilbo's cheeks, "Well. I suppose 'worldly' might be a better word for it."

"Uncle, what..."

Just then, Pippin came to get them for breakfast, and the matter was set aside. 

Frodo finished his tale with gritted teeth, and looked at his companions.

Pippin could easily be mistaken for crying on Merry's shoulder, hidden as his face was. Sam was still red, and refused to look anyone in the eye.

"Are you telling me that Boromir... seduced Bilbo?" Merry whispered, looking equal parts impressed and scandalized.

"Nonsense!" Frodo hissed, "But he... well, he might have attempted!"

Pippin drew a deep breath before returning to helplessly giggling into Merry's coat.

"And now, going after Sam like that..." Frodo said, fists balling up.

"M-Mr. Frodo, I'm sure he didn't mean..." Sam said shyly, before trailing off.

"Come cook for my family? And he has the AUDACITY to say it in public! No, Sam, this will not stand! You are entitled to be courted with respect, and at least be given a bouquet and a homemade meal first!"

Frodo was about to continue when they all picked up the sound of rustling leaves. They had not grown more careless despite their new companions, and each of them rose, swords drawn.

"Ah, there you are." Aragorn said, stepping out between the trees.

"Strider, you scared us!" Pippin said, sheathing his sword, "Here we are, conducting important Hobbit-business, and you're lurking about?"

"I do apologize, Master Peregrin, but it's time we got moving."

"Not until the matter is settled, we can't! It's not every day Sam gets proposed to!"

Aragorn looked at each hobbit in turn, before were gently muttering: "Forgive me, what?"

Frodo explained the matter, once again told about Bilbo's words, and voiced a deep concern for Sam's honor, as well as the general disrespect that had been shown.

"To offer marriage so soon, and without proper courtship speaks not only of terrible manners, but of greed and other things that shall not be discussed in front of young ears! And I will not have a dear friend and companion subjected to such!"

"Frodo..." Strider looked as if he was working very hard not to laugh, "I assure you, Boromir has not laid eyes on a halfling until he came to Rivendell. Why would he understand your customs? They are foreign even to me."

"Well... how do you humans flirt, then?" Pippin asked, only to be elbowed by Merry.

"Don't tell him, Strider! Do not give this one ideas!"

"Spoilsport." Pippin snorted.

Strider turned to the others, "Sam, Boromir's intention was to have you visit and grace his family with a meal, as he is so in awe of your cooking skills."

"Well, yes!" Sam said, "That's how it's done! To see if I can be reliable!"

Strider rubbed his chin, struggling to hide his smile.

"Perhaps we should have Gandalf explain things to him?" Merry said, "After all, we are going to be on the road for a while."

"Don't you dare!" Pippin cried, "I can hardly wait to see what happens next!"

Pippin did not have to wait long.

That very same night, Frodo stretched and sighed, "Goodness me, I need at least a week of sleep!"

Boromir then came up behind him, and poked his back, "I say you need a stitch or two."

Merry choked on his water, and Frodo grew pale. A 'stitch' in the Shire was a crude metaphor for a passionate evening; two bodies coming together, and being locked as such. 

"I'd be happy to attend to it, Master Baggins, I'm rather adept." Boromir said, leaning closer. 

"You...!" Frodo began, then cleared his throat, "Do not concern yourself, Master Boromir, goodnight."

He rose and walked off as quickly as he could, blissfully unaware of the tear in the shoulder of his jacket.

Chapter Text

"Oh, but Merry, please... I'm so hungry!" Pippin whined.

Breakfast was nearing it's end. Gandalf and Aragorn were consulting maps, while Legolas and Gimli were readying Bill (assuring Sam that they were not trying to steal the pony's affection but thought it was more than earned since Sam kept insisting on cooking for them), while Boromir and the hobbits were enjoying a second breakfast.

"I already gave you my tomatoes! Where do you store it all, your toes?" Merry said, keeping his plate away from Pippin's fork.

"But that was just vegetables! I can't live on that alone!"

"Here, have mine." Boromir said, and pushed the rest of his mushrooms and bacon onto Pippin's plate, "You need to keep your strength up.” 

"Cradle robber..." Frodo muttered, glaring as Boromir walked off, not having heard him.

Pippin, however, happily dug in, "Don't be so hard on him, Frodo. After all, humans come of age when they're 19 or so!"

"19!" Sam looked scandalized, "But that... that's nothing! Not even a tween yet!"

"It is strange..." Merry agreed, "But then, they don't always live very long."

Frodo abruptly rose, and started gathering up the finished plates.

"Are you alright, Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked.

"Just busying myself before I say something I'll regret." Frodo answered, and poked Pippin's shoulder, "And don't you DARE encourage this."

"What? You both got attention!"

"Mr. Boromir doesn't know our ways! And you shouldn't make fun o' him for it!" Sam said.

"I'm not making fun! I'm HAVING fun! There's a difference, Sam!"

"What is so fun?" came Legolas' voice. They still struggled to hear when he appeared, and they all started a bit.

"Boromir wants to court me, and Frodo thinks I'm too young!" Pippin smiled.

"I see." Legolas said, tapping his chin. He was most likely going to say something more, but Gimli appeared beside him, "He shared half-eaten food with you?"

Merry stared, "How did you know?"

"My father's company made that mistake more than once with your Master Baggins. The poor thing thought he'd have a harem by the end of his journey."

Legolas chuckled lowly, "What an odd reward."

"Mind your manners, Master Greenleaf, I can hear more insults dancing in the back of your throat!" Gimli said. "Boromir must not know the significance of what he does and says."

Frodo sighed, "No, he does not, but it's still quite uncomfortable... he has flirted now with both Pippin and my uncle, proposed to Sam, and propositioned me! I fear for Merry!"

Merry chuckled, "Don't, Frodo-dear. It doesn't seem that he's able to follow through on what he promises, does it?"

"Even so." Frodo said, and put the plates away.

Chapter Text

"MERRY!"

Frodo's call was interrupted by a splash, and Merry resurfaced, flinging his wet curls back with a deep sigh.

"HAVE YOU GONE MAD!" Sam cried, "GET OUT OF THERE 'FORE YOU DROWN!"

They had stopped to make camp, and Merry, overcome with the way the sun shone on the water, had done as any Brandybuck would. 

"Merry..." Frodo said, joining Sam, "Merry-dear, you don't know what's in there..."

"Cold water, cousin!" Merry replied, bobbing in the water like a cork, "I would certainly prefer a warm bath with soap, but I am absolutely caked in sweat and dirt, and I cannot stand it for one moment longer!"

With a small groan, Merry leaned back slightly, and his feet surfaced, toes wiggling.

"'S not natural," Sam muttered while hurriedly folding Merry's clothes and putting them on a log, "hobbits belong on land, with good earth under their feet..."

"Come on, Sam! I'll teach you to swim!"

"You're not teachin' me anything, Mister Merry, save how to get a cold! No, I'll go fix us up some supper! I..."

Sam abruptly cut himself off when Aragorn, also naked, ran past him, and leapt into the water. He disappeared under the surface, only to appear a good distance away, swimming in large circles.

Sam, blood red in the face, stammered something and walked away, followed by Frodo. 

Pippin dipped a toe in the water, and withdrew immediately.

"Aw, come along, Pip!"

"Enjoy your lips turning blue, Merry, I'll go see if Sam needs help."

Aragorn swam back to shore, picking up his discarded clothing before disappearing between the trees. 

Merry shrugged to himself and took a few more strokes.

He wasn't sure how time had passed when he heard footsteps. 

Boromir stood in the clearing, shielding his eyes from the sun, "I have been tasked with bringing you out of the water, Master Merry."  

"Why don't you come in? It's not that cold!"  

Boromir cocked his head to the side, "I'll take your word for it. But apparently the food is nearly ready..."

"Why didn't you lead with that!" Merry said, and set course for the shore. 

As he stepped out of the water, he found himself facing a long, cream-colored shirt, "Take this. I'd rather you not catch a chill."

"And I don't know if I should feel right using your finery to dry off." Merry said, but took the shirt and pulled it over his head. 

"It's hardly finery. Just clean."

"That must count for something in the wilderness, eh? Come, I dry better in the sun and with some company!" 

And with that, he leapt up on a flat rock with just enough room for them both. Perhaps this was his little flirtation-story. A shame, really. He was the only one who wanted Boromir to attempt to seduce him, accidentally or not, and yet he was the only one who had not been asked. Still. Boromir sitting next to him in a sunny spot, while he wore his shirt was more than he could have hoped for.     

His hair had stopped dripping when Boromir cleared his throat, "I am glad to finally be alone with you." 

"Aren't you a flatterer." Merry chuckled. 

"I mean it. There is something I have wanted to tell you, and I would rather do so in private." 

Merry did his best not to sigh. Here it came. At least it would be fun to tell the others.  

"I have grown very fond of you, Master Merry. In fact, I... I have no desire to be parted from you when it comes time to disband our fellowship. Nor after that." 

Time seemed to come to a halt, and Merry turned to look at him, "I beg your pardon?" 

"You'll forgive me for being so blunt. I am a soldier at heart, and..."

"No, no. Are you asking to court me?" 

"I am. But it IS a question, not a demand. If you do not feel the same way, we will forget the matter entirely." 

Merry could barely pay attention to what was being said, and he flew to his feet, "Wait just a minute! You have... you...! What about the others?"

"What others?" Boromir seemed genuinely confused, and Merry felt like laughing. 

"Frodo! Sam and Pippin!"

"Would they disapprove? Oh... perhaps my services were unsatisfactory?" 

"Services?" 

Boromir looked incredulous, "I offered Master Samwise to come cook for my family, which would allign our houses. I know he is not in your employ, but Frodo IS of your family. And I asked him if he needed help with the tear in his jacket, as a show of respect for your elder. And I offered Master Pippin my food to show that I treasure the younger members of your family. I will have you know that I also asked Master Bilbo Baggins his forgiveness for laughing at him at Lord Elrond's council. Did he not tell you?" 

Merry could only stare at him. Boromir started to shrink under his gaze, and suddenly he turned pink, "That... is at least how it is done in Gondor." 

Laughter finally bubbled up through Merry, and he sank down on the rock, holding onto Boromir's sleeve. Once he finished, he was teary-eyed, and Boromir was rigid and more red than pink. 

"My dear man..." Merry giggled, "Oh, my poor thing, if only you KNEW of the chaos you have caused!"