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hwang minhyun loved his teammates, this was no secret. nu’est was tight knit, however unsuccessful they were deemed commercially by company standards. he still remembers the day he secured a spot in wanna one, a group that would become legendary in it’s own right- the dna behind boygroup survival shows. his affection for wanna one was and remains evident in the way he treats the fellow members. nagging, coddling & caring in quiet ways. keeping in touch even amidst busy schedules.
minhyun, by nature, was gentle- masculine in a way that felt non threatening, somewhat safe. the usually skeptical general public had mostly positive thoughts on him- quiet, composed, sensible, cute when forced to do a bit and most importantly, handsome. which was true, mostly. he was the caring, humble person they thought he was to some degree- but, minhyun had a tendency of being a bit unpredictable. sometimes he was quiet, more observant, withdrawn in a way that people in turn were instead drawn to him more. the lack of smiles alone was enough to give him an edge. sometimes he put up a wall between himself and the rest of the world- unwilling to come apart with eyes glued to him most times. he tried not to cry on screen, his dignity wouldn’t allow it. he was vaguely aware, however unwillingly, that some liked to see him vulnerable for their own unsettling entertainment. minhyun had come to a realisation that he didn’t care enough to be disturbed. he learned a long time ago that attention, however unpleasant, was always desired.
right now, however, anything edgy or politely aloof (a privilege usually not granted to many, and a rare privilege he enjoyed thanks to his face alone) about him was gone. minhyun was crying- the day had been unpredictable, in his defense. kuanlin was on the screen, hair shorter than he ever remembered and the same determination in the youngest’s eyes that had made him feel proud in the past. he didn’t mean to cry, not really, but as the video progressed and kuanlin shared his experiences further- even biting back his wobbling lips wasn’t enough. tears streamed freely, streaking his face as he tried to blink them away, sensing the camera fix onto him- he tried not to think about it. kuanlin had matured, had a stable job- and just like that, once again, minhyun was reminded how cruel the korean entertainment industry could become to optimistic youngsters. it must’ve been way harder for a foreigner alone in an unfamiliar atmosphere.
when kuanlin revealed he didn’t want to enter the entertainment industry again, minhyun was nearly bawling. not because kuanlin was withdrawing but, maybe- because he could see the hurt and worry in the youngest’s eyes resurface. why hadn’t he texted kuanlin more? why hadn’t he called kuanlin often? minhyun was older, he should’ve done more. guilt was crawling to minhyun’s eyes and falling through the slope of his cheeks. he had kept his head low the whole time, unwilling to face the others let alone the cameras. when he finally dared to look up, almost all of them were crying. jihoon’s face was red along with his eyes- tear streaked, jisung was quiet; wiping his face with his sleeves. minhyun had to avert his gaze, it had been almost 8years, it was certain not everything would remain the same. (yet minhyun had still dared to hope, foolishly) time had moved and life brought them to very different places, it’s a wonder that they were even together under the same roof right now.
once the video ended, everyone remained quiet for awhile before gathering in the living room. the mood was suddenly heavy, it seemed no one wanted to break the ice. but eventually they tried; minhyun himself tried to join the budding conversation and cautious banter. he couldn’t, not wholeheartedly, when his heart felt too heavy. a cut of guilt infused grief he couldn’t couldn’t hide by placing a bandaid and distracting himself. someone laughed beside him, he couldn’t tell who; suddenly everything felt far away, dreamlike, the conversation around him losing it’s volume. he decided to excuse himself then; quietly stepping away from the living room and entering daniels guest room instead of his own. he stood in the dark for awhile, gloom surrounding his lean figure. he didn’t want others to see how bothered he felt by the minutes long clip, didn’t want to dampen the mood further while others were trying to stay light. (they probably felt the same pain but atleast they were handling it better than him) eventually, minhyun covered himself under the blanket, curling up like a cat facing rejection. he tried to sleep off the heaviness in his heart, not bothering to wear an eye mask.
when minhyun woke, he knew he saw a dream but couldn’t recall it. a pit was forming in his stomach. there was noise outside, it was late but the guys showed no interest in sleeping. they probably left him alone because- could they tell he was bothered? minhyun sat up after a while, dazed- before the lights turned on and he hissed at the sudden assault on his eyes. “thought you’d sleep through the rest of the night,” said the voice he knew too well, tone neutral in a way that was anything but. minhyun chose to ignore the comment, resting his head on his knees, eyes closing. “go away,” silence followed, he couldn’t hear footsteps retreating instead the lights were clicked off again, darkness engulfing the room once more. the person climbed into the massive ‘bed’ and flopped next to minhyuns slumped figure instead. “minhyun-ya, you’re gonna worry the others, you know that? they already treat you carefully, if you couldn’t tell,” minhyun wanted to say so what but he also knew that would be unreasonable. he stayed quiet, shifting slightly away from the figure next to him. “i know. im being childish at my grown age. i know that. but are you worried, ong seongwu?”
it was seongwu’s turn to remain silent. minhyun was ready for a quip, a deflection and maybe even rejection because he was half convinced the other would get up and leave at that. they had left alot of things unsaid as it is, this interaction might just be another addition. seongwu remained quiet, unmoving but not unphased. minhyun found himself laying back down, coming to terms that the conversation had already ended; facing the ceiling. there were no working cameras forcing minhyun to act friendly in this dark corner. daniels cutout kept them and their silence company as minhyun’s thoughts started wandering, back to produce 101 days, hours of training and 24/7 monitoring. he began to silently recount the past- meandering, mapping and… regretting.
hwang minhyun was calm by nature. most people would put him in the same box that was used to describe ‘handsome but boring’ idols. they were not entirely wrong, minhyun was too… okay, scratch that, they were probably fully right. but it was fine because minhyun liked to think of himself as friendly, attentive and maybe, just a bit kind. the team liked him enough, other trainees were slowly becoming less wary of him (and the rest of the nu’est members too, thankfully) and a trainee named seonho was starting to even hug him too often and minhyun didn’t really mind. it was a bit tiring, being showered with affection so openly, but the kid was cute at least. It pleased minhyun that he was no longer making amateur mistakes under pressure anymore, the coaches words were morphing into something a bit more positive each time. even as exhaustion and lack of proper food in his system made him lose weight and stamina. he was even helping hyunbin (an F rank trainee who was struggling with the oppressive atmosphere) learn the choreography faster. everything was going well, he might still just have a chance to start over.
he should’ve noticed it before- the way a certain ong acted around him. never overbearing or touchy- but always close by. hovering with such grace that minhyun (too busy with everything and nothing that really mattered in the end : hyunbin sneaked out again to nap somewhere, jaehwan’s voice cracked in front of the vocal coach, jonghyun was stressed about their progress and once again was choosing to overwork himself to exhaustion.) never really noticed. when seongwu chose him as his visual pick- minhyun only felt grateful and strangely, a bit warm. but he brushed it off, there were a lot more important things to think about. however, not before he shyly (more eloquently put- embarrassingly) thanked the other, “thanks for choosing me, seongwu-yah.” he pretended not to notice a slight smirk that formed briefly on the shorter’s face before quickly turning into a shit eating grin accompanied by a singsong tone. “you chose me as well, that means i’m more handsome,” minhyun thought, ah, ive finally made a friend. as he turned around to face the mirror, ready to practice with more vigour- (and maybe find another subject to talk about) he thought he saw something unreadable flash through seongwu’s eyes before settling into the focused gaze minhyun knew meant chat time was over. he liked ong seongwu, he was so far proving to be both a good friend (if minhyun could even call him that) and a teammate. minhyun secretly wished seongwu would be in the same team for future missions.
shooting went on and more missions were assigned to the gradually decreasing number of trainees. minhyun got sorted into and was glad to see familiar faces. the hype surrounding him (mostly his looks) was growing and it was evident in the way his screen time increased- a smile, a laugh, a gesture; all captured to air to the watchers. it wasn’t really surprising when he was chosen to be the center, they were all rambling nonsensical things about his looks as minhyun’s ears got redder by the second. he knew he was attractive, people didn’t exactly make their attraction subtle, but it was still embarrassing for minhyun regardless. he wished someone would compliment his voice or singing skills instead of just his looks. practice went smoothly, however, the fluctuating ranks and stress (maybe even fear) that never seemed to cease made him a bit sluggish sometimes or a bit lightheaded. but, hwang minhyun hid it well. (acting was a talent that came to him naturally, after all) fortunately, jonghyun was, once more (and unsurprisingly), too occupied with team balance and performance overall to pay attention to minhyun alone. he sometimes wished jonghyun could let his guilt rest and relax just a little.
minhyun thought he had been putting on the act well enough until- well, something unexpected happened. “your breathing is uneven,” said a voice that startled minhyun from where he was slumped against the mirrored wall. “ah- it’s nothing, i was dancing just now-“ minhyun tried to reason, he was cut off promptly. “you’ve been sitting still for about fifteen minutes now, and- in case you forgot, i have a pair of working eyes.” minhyuns ears reddened at that, he decided to stay quiet- hoping seongwu would take it as hint and let him be. “you might think you’ve been pretending well enough but guess what? we can all tell. jonghyun-ssi already worries enough about us and a lot more about you. don’t make it harder for him sunbae,” that stung more than minhyun would ever admit, he just nodded, getting up slowly and stumbling a little. (minhyun knew most of his teammates tended to treat him better than the rest, he just didn’t know why) seongwu exhaled sharply and minhyun felt the sting worsen, warping itself into something akin to shame. he felt small, probably looked pathetic and left the practice room and seongwu behind to return to the dorms. maybe seongwu… wasn’t a friend after all. this was a survival show indeed.
it happened on the same night, minhyun was used to tactile acts from others, but he had never been kissed quiet like this before. every kiss he had ever experienced didn’t include… well, they didn’t include tongue. it happened in the shower, of all places. minhyun just finished washing his face on the sink, after the encounter that left him in even lower spirit and a sad look in his eyes- when seongwu seemingly teleported beside him. “as expected…” minhyun turned to him, head tilting slightly in confusion; he thought seongwu wanted nothing to do with him- at least for awhile. “hm? what is it-“ before he could finish, seongwu was cornering him behind the door. minhyun, a bit slow when it really mattered, could only back away until they were fully hidden behind the slightly ajar door. “im sorry, sunbae-nim,if i don’t do it, i’ll definitely regret it,” then, the inevitable happened- (well, not exactly. minhyun could’ve pushed him off, had he been a fast thinker and his limbs complied to his wishes instead of freezing) they were kissing. no, seongwu was kissing a startled minhyun. it was a peck at first, then another. minhyun let out a quiet gasp when seongwu deepened the kiss, one hand slipping under the olders sweatshirt. minhyun felt seongwu tracing the slight dip of his abs, running his fingers along them only to feel the way minhyun jolted and his stomach flattened with yet another gasp. another hand pulling minhyun closer by the waist. (minhyun- years later, revisiting his subdued memories, would wonder if this kiss was what seongwu regretted the most instead.) minhyun didn’t kiss back, reluctantly reaching for seongwu’s shoulder and gripping tightly. his mind was blank, and the taste of cheap candy the only thing he could decipher. when seongwu pulled away, minhyun was panting- lips a bit swollen, a pretty flush rising to his cheeks (not out of exhaustion or embarrassment) and most predictably, ears reddening once more. ong seongwu had just kissed him… what the hell? was it because minhyun was agreeable? minhyun’s not sure, thirty minutes ago the other had looked at him like minhyun was a nuisance. this wasn’t something new to hwang minhyun, however, he had kissed guys before. it didn’t make him- it didn’t make him… gay, okay? a few dares and natural curiosity gave him a bit of experience. that was all. it’s not like he could kiss girls even if he wanted to, he was an idol since the age people usually started dating, for fucks sake.
seongwu stared unabashedly, also panting. watching the way minhyun covered his mouth with one of his pretty hand as the other rested on the wall for support. “wha- what the hell was that?” minhyun whispered, stammering in a way that made seongwu’s stomach twist. seongwu was still staring and it was only making red crawl down minhyun’s neck. “a token of affection? it’s a new trend these days,” seongwu deadpanned, sounding slightly smug. what do you think i kissed you for? minhyun didn’t respond, trying to regulate his breathing even when it felt like his heart will beat out of his chest any moment. then slowly he stood straight, oddly calm even when seongwu might’ve expected a punch or at least any sign of agitation. there was none of it. only minhyun’s clear eyes shining brighter than usual, looking strangely vulnerable for a moment. “let’s not do that again,” the taller finally said before sauntering out. the red still bright on his throat as he tried to straighten nonexistent wrinkles on his sweatshirt. (seongwu would learn, months later, that hwang minhyun- debated to be the most handsome trainee on the show, had no real dating experience. he would also wonder if he was the first one to kiss minhyun. he wasn’t, but the thought alone would make seongwu feel hot all over.)
when minhyun finally came out of his trance, he could feel seongwu’s gaze settled on him. they were older now, minhyun didn’t have the energy to deal with this kind of attention from… a friend. “you know, you’re still exactly the same,” seongwu’s voice whispered as if afraid of being heard. minhyun didn’t know what to make of that sentence or the slight shiver going through his body, he decided to face away from the ceiling and turn towards the other man. “boring in a calculated way, trying to stay detached on a personal level. but i see through you, minhyun-ah. always have,” minhyun shuts his eyes close, “go somewhere else, ong seongwu. you’re annoying.” seongwu just chuckles, pulling himself closer to where the other lay curled, just like a cat. minhyun could feel seongwu hovering over him, the cameras were turned off in daniel’s guest room for now- probably because most of the members were out playing games or chatting, thank god. when minhyun opened his eyes after awhile, seongwu was still staring- years back, minhyun would’ve blushed red as roses, now he finds himself staring too. the years had been harsher on seongwu, the fame from wanna one didn’t grant him success after… the break. but the man minhyun was looking up at looked- beautiful. age had run it’s course on seongwu but it couldn’t dim his appeal, minhyun had always found him handsome. “you’re exactly the same as before,” minhyun mumbles out defiantly, earning a small smile. “is that so?” they both know it’s not true. silence engulfs them again, only this time neither of them hid. seongwu leans down further, until he’s laying sideways and resting his head on his palms. “i should’ve treated kuanlin better,” minhyun whispers, voice rougher than usual and closing his eyes unwillingly. before seongwu can say anything to placate him- minhyun continues on, “he got a tattoo of our debut date, can you imagine? i close my eyes and still remember him as a teenager- asking me to practice korean with him- he kept in contact with me, and i thought-“ minhyun’s voice quivered in a way seongwu had never heard before. he had to stop temporarily, uneven breaths giving away the instability within minhyun. seongwu tries to get a hold of the others shoulder but minhyun smacks the hand away, “let me finish- if i don’t, i really think i will break. i thought he was doing okay… i should’ve asked how he’d been doing more sincerely… seongwu-ya my heart hurts…” at that moment, seongwu realises belatedly, in that dim room that held them- hwang minhyun was crying again. seongwu tries, “i’m sure kuanlin knows what’s best for him. you know him, he was sensible even when he was younger. what he chose for himself, he must’ve thought a lot about it.” minhyun remains silent, and seongwu knows what that means. he had seen minhyun do it a few times before, whenever the taller felt strong emotions- he’d rather lock them up behind silence than let others help. it pained seongwu every time, regardless. “let’s visit him once our schedules are free, what do you say?” minhyun perks up a bit at that, seongwu can see his eyes glistening even in the poor lighting, “yeah, lets do that.”
ong seongwu was in love with hwang minhyun. he had been in love for years now, unable to confess and unwilling to let go. it had to start with the god forsaken team of course. seongwu was a survivalist- he’d do anything to keep himself afloat. so when minhyun picked him out of every trainee in that room, he was expecting the worst. hwang minhyun was already an idol, a sunbae with years of experience and… a reputation at the dorms. everyone knew about minhyun getting demoted to rank d from c. maybe all he had to offer was his face after all? he expected minhyun to be snarky, obnoxious the way most industry seniors were. seongwu was rightfully wary. but, since the moment the team formed, minhyun made it clear that he had no intention of leading the team or assigning roles. minhyun instead, chose to remain passive and didn’t even offer himself as the center. it surprised seongwu, yes, but it didn’t lessen the suspicion he had. maybe hwang minhyun was putting up an act in front of the cameras? that must be it. there’s no way someone like minhyun could actually be that nice. there had to be a catch.
seongwu remembers the day he fell in love for the first time. they had been practicing nonstop, it was a few days after assigning trainee’s to their very first mission. minhyun had a mild fever and was low on energy, (seongwu was getting to know that minhyun burned through energy quickly and was physically weak, even weaker than seongwu who was practically bones at that point) but insisted that he was perfectly capable of practicing. the team leader, jonghyun, reluctantly let him practice- both of them communicating through their eyes until jonghyun finally relented. kahi was specifically hard on the taller that day, her words sounded hurtful to seongwu’s ears and he wondered how much worse it could’ve sounded to minhyun. jonghyun had stepped forward when the scolding continued on for minutes to let the dance instructor know that minhyun was feeling sick. but the pleading look in those fox-like eyes stopped him in his track. jonghyun instead chose apologise on his behalf and minhyun looked like he wanted to do nothing more than to disappear into thin air. later, jonghyun and minhyun locked themselves in an empty storage room for a good thirty minutes where cameras couldn’t record them. when jonghyun finally came out- alone, the rest of the trainees reluctantly approached him. “how’s minhyun hyung? is he alright?” jaehwan questioned, his voice thick with worry. jonghyun only shook his head, “just let him be, he’ll come around eventually.” no one dared to question him. if anyone among them knew minhyun the best, it would be the leader. they could only nod and go back to practicing, feeling uneasy yet afraid of overstepping.
free period went by quickly yet when there was no sign of minhyun’s return, everyone began exchanging secret looks which jonghyun chose not to address. eventually, they all headed for the dorms without minhyun, feeling a bit helpless. seongwu closely monitored the team leader, saw the worried expression that crossed the other’s face before he quickly schooled it. eventually, seongwu decided he’s had enough of the suffocating environment and returned to the practice room alone. what he saw, he still remembers vividly to this day. seongwu expected the practice room to be empty, minhyun still hiding somewhere. but when he peeked through the door, minhyun was propped against the mirrored wall- cheeks flushed from the fever, gaze set on the ground. from where seongwu stood, minhyun looked… he looked unreal. the hair that usually sat neatly was falling into his eyes, the delicate curves of his lips paler than usual, nose tip a subtle shade of pink. seongwu had seen people in misery before but he had never seen someone look so alluring while miserable. seongwu looked for a long while until he noticed minhyun’s breaths were getting uneven. that day, seongwu didn’t have the courage to approach the latter. he just turned around, willing himself to walk away even when it was the last thing he wanted to do. there’d have to be another chance for seongwu to maybe act on his thoughts. now was too early, too unsafe and risky. but what if there was no next time at all? he had to, there was no other way.
seongwu stepped in, trying his best to stay nonchalant, relishing in the way minhyun stammered a little in reply, “ah- it’s nothing, i was dancing just now-“ what happened next, seongwu regrets to this day. see, ong seongwu was blunt by nature; it didn’t mean he was looking down on others- okay, maybe he did do that but the point is this time he didn’t have ill intentions. minhyun was always sweet to him, was competent- there was no reason. but the straightforward words he blurted out, though unintentional, hurt minhyun- seongwu could see it in his eyes. as seongwu inwardly cursed himself, minhyun slowly got up from where he stood. ong seongwu hated the height difference, and as if that wasn’t bad enough, it got worse when minhyun stumbled; it was so pathetically adorable that, without even realising, seongwu was smitten. he sucked in a sharp breath, controlling himself to not step forward and touch- no, help minhyun. minhyun, on the other hand, flushed deeper and hurried off towards the dorms. ah, ong seongwu was screwed.
seongwu stayed behind, standing in the middle of the empty practice room with his head in his hands. what had he done? what if minhyun held a grudge? worse, what if minhyun hated him? seongwu thought about the mild mannered trainee, the way minhyun tried to hide his worries and frustrations, always deciding to remain gentle. the way minhyun could be oddly silly and still pull off being somewhat cute- and, the thing he loved most, when he used satoori on seongwu once he felt comfortable enough. a few moments ago seongwu’s tone had been harsh, harsher than he himself expected. his famished, anxiety filled brain couldn’t process all these thoughts at once. instead, it was fixed on minhyun’s collarbones that peaked through when he had stumbled before (bless that oversized sweatshirt). seongwu had seen minhyun shirtless briefly before but glimpsing only at the collarbones had sent a shiver through him. he felt like a pervert, less than innocent scenarios clouding his thoughts. minhyun had a beautifully lean waist, now that he thinks about it… he shook his head, ruffling the strands of his hair in an attempt to rid his mind of such useless thoughts. get your shit together, seongwu-ya seongwu chided himself mentally.
seongwu couldn’t believe his luck. when he got back to the dorms, most were already passed out on their respective bunk, tired. few probably went to another teams room to loosen up a bit. hwang minhyun was alone in the bathroom with the door open, in front of the sink washing his face. seongwu entered the bathroom, feeling feverish, and stood beside minhyun. the other startled, once he realised that he wasn’t alone. “hm? what is it-“ minhyun’s voice didn’t hide his surprise as he looked towards seongwu. fuck this. seongwu began cornering the other behind the bathroom door, unable to hold back further. “im sorry sunbae-nim,if i don’t do it, i’ll definitely regret it,” seongwu heard himself whispering before minhyun’s back hit the bathroom wall. “don’t hate me,” seongwu murmured against the taller’s ears before leaning in for a kiss. minhyun’s lips felt soft and he tasted like reluctance and mint from toothpaste. seongwu wanted more. he wrapped one of his hand around minhyun’s slim waist, pulling him in until they were touching, joined at the hips. it wasn’t enough. he slid his free hand under minhyun’s sweatshirt, immediately drawing a surprised gasp from the other. seongwu’s fingers traced over the slight dip of minhyun’s abs, the smooth expanse of his stomach making seongwu feel dizzy. for how long had he been sexually repressed? seongwu’s fingers pressed down on the abs beneath them, drawing another gasp from minhyun. he wanted to know what kind of noises minhyun could make. would he be loud? or would he try to stay quiet? his grip on the waist tightened at the thought and minhyun jolted in response, eyes sqeezed shut and his grip on seongwu’s shoulder tightening desperately. seongwu wished the kiss could last forever. soon, however, he ran out of breath and had to pull away but not before biting minhyun’s lower lip gently and pressing another kiss there. minhyun felt hot, face bright red and so inviting. seongwu’s hand underneath the sweatshirt reluctantly retreated, almost immediately feeling itchy to touch again. he almost leaned in to kiss minhyun a second time but before he could do that, the taller finally straightened and leaned on the wall for support. seongwu decided not to push his luck further, it was a miracle that minhyun had not punched him yet.
seongwu expected anger, hostility or anything that would indicate minhyun was uncomfortable. when there was none, he paid attention to jonghyun (and the other nu’est members whenever they came to visit minhyun every now and then) to catch a glare or a look of disgust. had minhyun kept the kiss a secret? if so, why? countless questions swirled in his head along with a dull hunger that didn’t show any sign of dissipating. minhyun had acted normal the next morning, seemingly back to his usual self. he even greeted seongwu with a smile. was this minhyun hiding behind forced normalcy? professionalism? ah, whatever, seongwu doesn’t know. the showcase day arrived both too quickly and too late. seongwu hadn’t done anything out of line after that incident, choosing to focus on winning the mission instead. (even when seongwu’s gaze followed minhyun everywhere subconsciously) their performance went well, and seongwu wished he’d never be on the same team as hwang minhyun again, for his own good. ( unbeknownst to him, they’d debut in the same team- and seongwu would be forced to be in close proximity but unable to act on his instincts) if only fate worked in ways seongwu wanted it to.
right now, seongwu was staring at minhyun as the taller recklessly sipped from a glass that held liquor kuanlin had sent for them. not even a full glass in, minhyun’s neck and ears were turning a familiar pretty pink shade. minhyun was wonderfully bad at drinking. they were in their thirties now yet minhyun somehow managed to look pretty. seongwu remembers thinking the other was handsome before but now, minhyun looked softer- ‘handsome’ wasn’t befitting to his beauty anymore. (at least to seongwu alone) the conversation they had prior to this impromptu drinking session still buzzed in his head, brain rewinding the way minhyun’s gloomy demeanour vanished behind a delicate smile and glimmering clear eyes. all these years later and still hwang minhyun had seongwu wrapped around his fingers without even knowing it. seongwu couldn’t really blame minhyun for his obliviousness, he was a bit… stupid and it was something that seongwu found endearing in the first place. but when a person has kissed you multiple times before, how can you dismiss it without a second thought? seongwu was probably staring for too long because he caught woojin shooting him a look- not pity or sympathy, rather something you’d give to a person in a truly pathetic situation. seongwu chose to ignore him, woojin was annoying as is.
the conversation went on, one drink became two and eventually everyone collectively lost count. jinyoung and minhyun were in their own world, chuckling at seemingly nothing. everyone made themselves comfortable on the living room couch, some of them laying on the carpet and others fighting for single stools. seongwu sat close to minhyun, but not so much that it’d be easily noticeable. jisung was sitting next to him with daehwi cozy between his legs who was resting his head on the eldest’s thigh. “seongwu-yah, you’re scowling too much. stop staring.” seongwu jolted at the sudden words, forcing his gaze away from where minhyun sat. “wh-what are you even saying hyung-“ he decided to feign innocence which earned him an unimpressed look in return. “hyung, you’ve been staring at minhyun hyung for too long. at least try to be subtle,” daehwi chimed in, looking up at seongwu then looking towards minhyun. “seriously, it’s a mystery how minhyun hyung hasn’t caught on yet,” he mutters the last part loud enough that it earns him a light smack on his head from jisung. “it’s painful to look at you, you know? just confess already. rejection wont be as painful as this,” jisung whispered and sungwoon, who was quietly listening in, nodded along. so they all knew? it couldn’t get more embarrassing than this. seongwu decided to focus his attention elsewhere, choosing to banter with the others. spending time with them reminding seongwu of how much a younger version of him had fought for a place within this group. the time spent with them was short but to seongwu it was the best times of his life. he looked around, eyes landing on each member before it finally rested on minhyun, he had missed the chaos and shared laughter. more than anything, seongwu missed the feeling of belonging which was fleeting but cherished nevertheless.
seongwu should’ve known this would happen the moment minhyun picked up his glass for the second time. minhyun was wasted after just two drinks, giggling at everything and nothing at all- unguarded in a way most people rarely got to see. this state of minhyun’s was also one that seongwu favoured. he loved how blunt minhyun’s usually careful wording style would get, how he would stammer and laugh freely. what caused seongwu a headache, however, was how touchy minhyun could get sometimes. right now, minhyun was heavily leaning against jaehwan who was also a bit tipsy. they all had moved on from alcohol and switched to playing random games. it was getting late, seongwu felt the urge to nag them about sleeping on time. in the end he decided otherwise. jihoon and woojin were bickering over which game to play next, jisung was trying to secretly film them but was failing miserably at the ‘secret’ part. they all looked full of life, younger and seongwu didn’t have it in him to ruin this fragile, fleeting moment.
seongwu was busy nagging daehwi about getting too serious while playing games when he noticed minhyun getting up and heading towards the bathroom. he sighed as minhyun stumbled by himself and swayed a bit too much for seongwu’s liking. “hyung, just go. or that hyung will slip and hit his head for real, seriously,” daehwi had followed his gaze and was now also watching minhyun haltingly walk away. seongwu knew for a fact that the only reason daehwi was urging seongwu to help minhyun was because he didn’t want to hear more nagging. he thought about lecturing daehwi some more but decided otherwise- unable to bury the slight worry he felt. as he got up, he couldn’t help but notice woojin and jihoon who were throwing thumbs up at him in what seongwu guesses is exaggerated encouragement. as seongwu reluctantly follows minhyun’s trail of clumsy accidents, jihoon whispers, “will minhyun hyung be okay?” jinyoung, who’d been mostly quiet replies will a sense of surety “hyung, you should be asking whether seongwu hyung will be okay.” sungwoon, a bit fed up with similar scenarios that occurred in the past, waves his hand dismissively at them. “the same thing will happen as always, those idiots will do everything before they even come close to confessing. ah, my hair will turn white from stress,” sungwoon complains. jaehwan who’d been quietly listening tries to pick up the conversation, “back then, i think- i also loved minhyun hyung-“ he’s unable to finish as a halfhearted groan falls out of his mouth due to a light slap on his shoulder. “don’t even try to start some cliché love triangle.” jisung warns as jaehwan visibly whithers. i love hyung too, what do you know? jaehwan sulks for awhile.
ong seongwu was no stranger to dating. though, it was only with women- who were beautiful and lively. who had high alcohol tolerance and made seongwu feel at ease. hwang minhyun mostly didn’t have any of those traits. he maybe pretty but he was lethargic and kind of reserved when the cameras were turned off. his alcohol tolerance may as well be nonexistent and most things he did made seongwu feel restless. at first, seongwu didn’t even bother questioning the reason he even began to compare minhyun, who was notably a guy with his past girlfriends. your brain gets weird thoughts every once in awhile, after all. during the break, seongwu had tried dating a few more times but nothing really worked out. sometimes he’d find himself thinking about minhyun- pale, awkward, clumsy at times. nothing like his usual type. yet seongwu thought about that one stolen kiss in a building full of cameras and ninety something trainees far too often. minhyun always smelled nice, even while they were practicing for hours on end. in fact,seongwu remembers how minhyun smelled that night- fresh lavender and light sandalwood. masculine in a way that felt almost inviting and not overbearing. it made him wonder how things could’ve turned out if seongwu had confessed back then instead of holding it back for years. instead of stealing glances and satisfying himself with occasional light, casual touch. would minhyun reciprocate his feelings if he had really confessed? the question haunted him most nights. minhyun, in turn, dated too. seongwu never asked for details- just vaguely aware of it as a casual friend might be but far more relieved than any friend would’ve been when minhyun would get dumped or break up by himself. it was such a shame that minhyun didn’t seem to know how to use his face to the fullest.
“you’re like a toddler, why are you so clumsy? why did you even down two glasses? are you crazy or what-“ seongwu was nagging minhyun who was now leaning heavily on the other for support. seongwu had an arm wrapped around minhyun for support while the taller rested his head on his friends shoulder, quietly listening to the scolding that held no real heat. minhyun had proved his status of being a wonderful lightweight when he almost fell face first, stumbling on nothing in particular. seongwu had jogged up to him and was now leading minhyun to the bathroom that felt too distant. “you’ve gotten stronger…” minhyun mumbles from where his head rests on seongwu’s shoulder. seongwu, on the other hand, holds back a shiver as minhyun’s breath lightly tickles his neck. this was such a bad idea. “anyone’s stronger than you. are your muscles only for aesthetics?” seongwu continues to nag and earns an embarrassed huff in return. “yes…” the confession is so ridiculous that seongwu can’t hold back the chuckle he lets out. “it’s okay, you look good with them,” seongwu comforts and minhyun shuffles closer on instinct. “i do?” the question was so genuine it threw seongwu off, taking seconds to process. “yes, you do. you always look so pretty, you bastard. tone it down a little, will you?” seongwu doesn’t have to look down to know minhyun was flustered, he had always been so bad at receiving compliments. they had reached the bathroom door by the end of, let’s say, seongwu’s sudden confession. “i’ll stay here, you go in but don’t lock the door. don’t want you to slip and die.” seongwu tells minhyun who just nods but doesn’t move. “what now?” minhyun hesitates before mumbling something that seongwu doesn’t quite catch. “what?” seongwu asks and sees minhyun flush deeper. “can you…can you come with me? i don’t need to uhh… use the toilet? help me wash my face…?” what nonsense was hwang minhyun spouting now, of all times? “minhyun-ah, you’re too old for-“ seongwu tries to decline but minhyun doesn’t let him. “my hands don’t cooperate when im like this,” your whole body doesn’t is what seongwu wants to say but he relents anyway. the sight in front of him- minhyun fidgeting and refusing to meet his eyes, does something to him. “fine.” it wasn’t fucking fine.
the faucet was running. seongwu’s hand gently rested against the back of minhyun’s head, guiding it down as his other hand cupped cold water from the sink. he’d never seen minhyun this out of it before. the liquor was strong but the hwang minhyun seongwu knew always liked remain a bit distant and independent, so unlike this version of him. seongwu tried to splash the water in his palm as gently as possible on minhyun’s face. “ah- it went- in my nose-“ minhyun managed to get out between rapid bouts of coughs. seongwu couldn’t even think to say sorry, he sat minhyun down on the closed toilet lid beside the sink and began slapping the other’s back but careful not to slap too hard. by the time the coughing stopped seongwu was rubbing circles on minhyun’s back. “are you okay?” seongwu asked, worry imperceptibly laced in the question. minhyun doesn’t bother replying with words, he just nods and leans further into the touch. “seongwu-yah, i almost died,” ah, he’s being sulky. seongwu doesn’t reply which prompts minhyun to continue, “aren’t you gonna say sorry?” seongwu thinks before answering “wasn’t planning to,” it was fun teasing a drunk minhyun. “why?” the taller almost whined, clearly annoyed. “i’m going to give you something better.” minhyun looks up at that only to find seongwu staring back at him. “what is it, then?” the taller warily asks, probably thinking it’s one of the many pranks seongwu pulls on him. minhyun doesn’t get a reply.
a weird sense of deja vu floods minhyun’s foggy mind. he’s experienced something similar before. seongwu had leaned down without notice before pressing his lips on minhyun’s- the kiss felt careful, feather light. when seongwu pulled away, he watched minhyun’s face for any trace of discomfort. minhyun couldn’t bring himself to say anything, choosing to tug at seam of the striped tshirt and hoping seongwu will get the hint. seongwu looks down at where minhyun was clutching his tshirt. when he looks up there’s a soft smile on his face that makes minhyun feel even more shy. in the end, minhyun doesn’t have to ask. seongwu places his knee on top of the closed toilet lid, between minhyun’s thigh and dangerously close to the groin area, and leans down. his hands gently fist on minhyun’s hair, pulling minhyun’s face up. minhyun tenses, involuntarily bucking his hips against the other. seongwu feels it and places multiple chaste kisses- on the taller’s lips, neck, adams apple, gently biting to hear the noises the man under him makes. minhyun wishes these kisses could last forever but seongwu gently starts to nibble his lower lips, asking. minhyun lets him, lips parting as seongwu licks the lower lip he’d been assaulting before going in. the kiss is messy, minhyun lets out a gasp when seongwu’s grip on his hair tightens- hands coming up to pull seongwu further down. seongwu leads the kiss, one hand slowly traces minhyun’s back- sending shivers and something warmer through minhyun. once they pull apart, seongwu presses a kiss to the corner of minhyun’s mouth. “you make pretty noises,” seongwu comments, panting and leaning in to kiss the other’s neck; careful not to leave hickeys or anything noticeable. he wanted more, he wanted hwang minhyun beneath him- those clear eyes pleading and desperate. he wanted all of hwang minhyun- his lips, his toned stomach, his pale arms and his tears if things got rough. “kiss me again?” seongwu looks up from his neck, brought back to reality, an evil grin painting his lips. “if you want,” this time seongwu doesn’t kiss immediately, preferring to pull minhyun’s tshirt up, stopping once he gets one of minhyun’s arm freed. “you’re so pretty,” seongwu praises, voice smooth. “hurry up and kiss me already!” minhyun’s usually gentle voice has an urgency in it now, seongwu just chuckles. minhyun had no idea how much seongwu had daydreamed about kissing him once more. seongwu doesn’t listen, instead his tongue lays flat on one of minhyun’s nipples. it makes minhyun jerk from surprise, biting his lips to stay quiet. seongwu’s tongue starts swirling, slow and torturous. minhyun’s head falls back, feeling dizzy. “seongwu-“ minhyun calls out in a hushed voice. it only prompts the free hand by seongwu’s side to reach the other peak, two fingers rubbing the hardening bud. it earns seongwu another moan, louder this time. “the others-“ minhyun doesn’t complete the sentence, head thrashing side to side as seongwu bites down. the whimper minhyun let’s out goes straight to seongwu’s hardening dick. he’s so fucked. only this time, it might be literally.
when minhyun looked up at seongwu from where he was perched, the shorter could tell minhyun had sobered up a bit. they’d kissed many times, minhyun’s lips were red and glistening and proof of what had taken place. the bite mark around minhyun’s nipple was a bright pink, seongwu had to hold back the urge to start again, he didn’t want to want anything more than what minhyun could take. “you’re hard,” minhyun mumbles. “so are you.” is the answer he gets in return. “are we dating now?” the question was unexpected, even more so because it came from seongwu. “…do you want to date me?” seongwu wants to shake minhyun by his shoulders, how come a person was this oblivious. “yes.” is the only answer seongwu could manage. “okay, i’ll think about it.” it earns minhyun a chuckle, one that he always found captivating. “take your time, im in no rush. but, we might get scolded if we dont return within five minutes. hurry up!” seongwu says before adjusting his clothes and heading for the door. “hey- but i’m still-“ seongwu turns around and grins, a grin so blinding minhyun almost gulps. “figure it out, you dense idiot.” the singsong voice ends abruptly as seongwu leaves first, minhyun could hear him humming from inside. hwang minhyun hates that guy.
as daehwi and jaehwan watch seongwu basically leap out of that bathroom- practically glowing, and skipping over- daehwi whispers “they definitely made out, didn’t they?” jaehwan doesn’t reply, too busy watching. woojin agrees, “they definitely did. you guys think they’re gonna date now?” his voice is flat, almost disbelieving. “nah,” jihoon replies, equally unimpressed. “minhyun’s probably gonna stay in there for the rest of the night,” jisung muses and the group collectively nods. those two still had a long way to go.