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"Beako, wanna make some homemade brownies?"
"Hell yeah, in fact!"
"The first ingredient we'll need is..."
In the kitchen, with a giant pot on the stove in front of them clearly not used for making brownies, Beatrice stands on a stool and reads Subaru her homemade recipe that was absolutely not made in less than two minutes.
"..eggs, in fact."
"Alright! Pass me the eggs, Beak-aptain!"
"Here you go, I suppose."
Taking the container of ground dragon eggs Beatrice slid over to him, Subaru cracks open an egg on the pot's edge, and—
"...What's this green thing coming out?"
"Hm? That's the yolk of the egg, I suppose. Don't tell Betty you don't know what yolk looks like, in fact!?"
"Yolk in this world is green!?"
"Yolk in your world isn't, in fact!?"
Ground dragon eggs do not have green yolks, but yellow yolks.
Sighing, Subaru fails to notice that the fact that every egg Beatrice ever has touched somehow immediately rots.
Can this dish get any worse?
"Alright, what's next, Beatrice."
"Milk, I suppose."
"Alright, I'll—"
Echidna—manifesting out of thin air—interrupts, "Here you go," and pours an entire gallon of mysterious liquid in the pot.
"..."
"..."
"Should we restart?"
"We have no more eggs, in fact."
"What do you mean!? The container was just full!"
"Roswaal snuck in and broke every egg as soon as Mother put something in the pot, I suppose."
Roswaal interrupts, "Apologies, Su~baru-kun."
"Go fuck yourself!"
"I'll be looking forward to the brownies, Su~baru-kun!"
Sighing, Subaru fails to notice that he can just stop making the brownies.
Can this dish get any worse?
"Subaru-kun, Subaru-kun, Roswaal-sama told Rem that Subaru-kun would put his own fluids in the brownies as well."
"Rem!? How are you even awake right now!? And no, I'm not nutting in the—!"
Rem collapses on the spot and falls back into her coma—from the grief of false hope, of course. Ram, jogging by, picks her up in a princess carry and runs off, cracking and putting another rotten egg in the dish to spite Barusu, not caring to even take out the shells.
Can this dish get any worse?
"I'll take ten kilograms of your finest, please!" Al's vet says.
"I heard the people of Chaosflame have a high weed tolerance, but I wonder if they have a higher weed tolerance than those of the Shinobi village? Here ya go, keke." Packing the weed in a comically large ziploc bag—coined "the Super Pooper Scooper Container" by the Vollachians—the Vollachian weed smuggler tosses the baggie at Al's vet.
"Thank yo—WOAAAHH!?"
Tripping while trying to catch the bag, Al's vet accidentally hits his hand full force into the baggie, sending it flying across the world.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"You think I can have another ten—!"
"I'll show you ten seconds, keke."
They make out in an infinite ten second loop.
Subaru looks down with his hands covering his face.
"Fuck, this might be the worst dish of all time..."
"It's not that bad, I suppose! Betty's Subaru shouldn't be so gloomy, look!"
Dragging the bag of sugar across the counter to the pot, Beatrice attempts to carefully pour it into the pot. Unfortunately, the sugar is far too heavy for a great spirit as small as Beatrice to handle, and it all dumps into the pot at once.
"..."
"The salt can balance it out, in fact! It's not that bad yet, I suppose—look, Subaru!"
"...I admire your efforts, Beako, but—!"
Dragging the bag of salt across the counter to the pot, Beatrice attempts to carefully pour it into the pot. Once again, the salt is far too heavy for Beatrice to handle, and it all dumps into the pot at once.
"...Fuck my life, in fact."
"Same."
Beatrice and Subaru look down with their hands covering their faces. Is there anything that can manage to salvage this—
—a comically large bag drops onto the counter, stopping at just the right place to avoid knocking over the pot. Beatrice and Subaru look up at it, then at each other.
"—Of course! Herbs, in fact! They will make this dish better, I suppose!"
"Beatrice, what even is that?"
"It seems like a type of herb bioengineered recently. Betty remembers hearing about something like this first made in Vollachia a few months ago."
It was, in fact not bioengineered—this "herb" was just regular Kararagian weed spiked with ground Bocco fruit powder and gunpowder, courtesy of Old Man Olbart.
"Okay...but how's that supposed to help our brownies?"
"From what Betty read, it was inspired by a type of herb Mother loved to use in her foods. When Betty asked what it was, Mother told Betty that it made every food amazing."
"A magical herb that makes all food amazing!? THIS is what I mean by fantasy adventure!"
They both grab one end of the baggie. Together, in an act of bonding between contractor and spirit, they pour the entire bag of Vollachian-style weed into the pot.
"Hey, Subaru and Betty! Are those brownies you guys are making?"
"Puck!?"
"Bubby!?"
"Oops. I forgot I had to go be a deadbeat. Here's a convenient way for the author to skip the baking process! AL GOA!"
Using a very useful and necessary spell to immediately bake the brownies, Cuck leaves the grand stage once more.
"Did some observer just say GRAND STAGE!? Now THIS is my jam!"
"Did someone just say JAM!? Cap'n, did I tell you how genius that invention of yours was? I could live on the streets eating only jam for weeks!"
"Did someone just say STREET!?"
"I'm Oregon level, by the way."
Subaru shouts, "GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN!"
"Sorry, Boss!"
"Sorry, Cap'n."
"Sorry, Street Tier."
"I'm still Oregon level, by the way."
Subaru lets out a sigh, looking at the finished brownies.
"Beako, are you really sure this turned out okay?"
"Trust Betty, if there's anything you can trust Mother on, it's culinary arts, in fact."
"Even tea?"
"Culinary arts excluding any drink, I suppose."
"Any!?"
"Oh, Subaru-kun~! I'm hoping the brownies turned out alri—!"
Roswaal takes a look at the brownies. Roswaal takes a look at Subaru. Roswaal takes another look at the brownies. The brownies have SubaDona art engraved on them.
"Al Goa."
Aiming a finger at his head, Roswaal burns himself alive.
"Good riddance." "Good riddance, in fact."
"Now that Roswaal won't bother us, let's dig in, I suppose."
God, please forgive me, for I have made this concoction, Subaru thinks with more angst than Arc 6.
Subaru and Beatrice each take a single brownie square, with their enthusiasm varying. "Cheers..." "Cheers, in fact!"
They both take a bite, and—
"AAAAGHHHHH!"
"RUN, SUBARUUU!"
Knocking over practically everything in the hallway, Subaru and Beatrice attempt to flee from the Witch of Envy. Subaru hits his hip on a table corner, his eyes teary from the sheer pain of having every bone in his lower body shattered. Beatrice slams face-first into a wall. Being high was seriously complicating their escape—why would they name it high if it lowers your coordination? Are the scientists stupid?
That doesn't matter right now, though, because the Witch of Envy was right on their tail. If they were to stop at any moment, they would be toast. Taking a turn around a corner and hiding in a room, Beatrice and Subaru stay very, very quiet.
"..."
"..."
Not knowing how to lower his volume, Subaru shouts, "DO YOU THINK SHE'S GONE YET?"
Beatrice, not knowing that his volume was far too high, shouts, "BETTY THINKS SHE LOST US, IN FACT."
"Guess what you're on."
Subaru and Beatrice look at their environment. They're on the street.
"Fuck." "Fuck, I suppose."
Subaru wags his finger at Beatrice, scolding her. "Beako, don't say that! That's a swear word, and children like you shouldn't be saying that!"
"Betty is far, far older than—!"
They're too high to notice the huge fist coming at them at light speed—fast enough to kill street tiers. Just who is able to save our heroes?
"That's enough."
"REINHA—What the hell!?"
"I won't let you hurt them...not in my state—Oregon Nutshot!"
"Street Block!"
"Oregon Bisector!"
"Street Block!"
"Oregon Anti-Block!"
"Street Double Blo..."
Opening the closet door, Emilia finds Subaru and Beatrice snuggled up right next to each other, a stark contrast to their screaming a few minutes prior.
Not wanting to wake them, Emilia closes the door on the father-daughter duo, leaving them to their sweet—or not so sweet—dreams.