Chapter Text
When the clock struck 5, and it was time to leave work for the day, Kevin quickly packed his bag, —an old leather satchel which was practically tearing at the seams, hopped on the train home, and sank deep into the office chair in his bedroom in front of his computer. It was his home within a home, a safe spot that he could always return to at the end of the day. Inside the casing of a gray-box-style Dell computer was an entire universe, within the reach of Kevin’s fingertips. Separate from the computer resting underneath his desk was the screen, big, cheap, he’d managed to get a really good deal during last year’s Black Friday, but getting it home on the bus was another story.
There was a lot one could do with a computer and a fair internet connection, for example indulging in funny cat videos, getting a nasty virus from clicking the wrong link, sailing the seven seas on Pirate Bay, but Kevin only really cared about the chat forums.
The endless stream of people, the friends he made, losing arguments, getting his IP address leaked. He loved all of it.
At some point Kevin had to admit to himself it was getting out of hand, maybe. But that was a problem safely sorted away on a top shelf of the privacy of his own mind.
The familiar tune of the startup music sounded through his cheap speakers, a loud humming noise he’d heard a million times before, as his fingers slowly turned the volume button, the cold plastic just as familiar to him as the notes.
While waiting for the login screen to appear, Kevin gently placed a kiss on top of his rabbit’s head, he closed his eyes as his nose dipped into the soft black fur, nuzzling close as Bo-Håkan nibbled on some greens, in that quick-like manner that only rabbits do.
Kevin quickly returned his focus back to the screen as soon as he could log in.
New private chat started by: J4kob_0 (report?)
J4kob_0: hi
D1g1tal_Bunny: hiya
J4kob_0: just wanted to say i saw your thread on the Marie Antoinette movie
J4kob_0: had to give it a watch lolz
D1g1tal_Bunny: ya?
J4kob_0: was alright, not big on chick flicks
D1g1tal_Bunny: oh lol
D1g1tal_Bunny: is it a chick flick?
J4kob_0: isn’t it?
J4kob_0: i mean it’s a girly movie
J4kob_0: made for girls
D1g1tal_Bunny: LOL
J4kob_0: you watch a lotta movies?
D1g1tal_Bunny: duh i love movies
D1g1tal_Bunny: that’s why i spend so much time on movie forums :-P
J4kob_0: yeeea i figured
J4kob_0: fav movies?
D1g1tal_Bunny: my fav movie is always the one i just watched lol
D1g1tal_Bunny: you?
J4kob_0: LOL fairs
J4kob_0: the shining probs
D1g1tal_Bunny: horror fan?
J4kob_0: not usually, i just liked that one
D1g1tal_Bunny: hahahaa ok
J4kob_0: brb pizza delivery
J4kob_0: k i’m back
D1g1tal_Bunny: that was quick
J4kob_0: ran up the stairs lolz
D1g1tal_Bunny: rofl
D1g1tal_Bunny: what kinda pizza
J4kob_0: margherita
D1g1tal_Bunny: are you a 12 year old boy?
J4kob_0: wtf
J4kob_0: i’m 24
J4kob_0: and a MAN
D1g1tal_Bunny: just messing with u :-P
J4kob_0: :-(
J4kob_0: are my pizza preferences too childish for your excuisit mature taste
J4kob_0: exquisit*
J4kob_0: exquisite*
D1g1tal_Bunny: lol
J4kob_0: fck
J4kob_0: any movie recs ?
D1g1tal_Bunny: yea always!
D1g1tal_Bunny: depends on the occasion tho
J4kob_0: for tomorrow duh
J4kob_0: it’s friday
J4kob_0: and i’m gonna order another pizza to eat alone in front of the tv
J4kob_0: in my underpants ;-)
D1g1tal_Bunny: that’s kinda sad
J4kob_0: rude T-T
D1g1tal_Bunny: soz
D1g1tal_Bunny: have u seen the thing?
J4kob_0: what thing
D1g1tal_Bunny: no lol
D1g1tal_Bunny: that’s the title
J4kob_0: ohhhhhhh
D1g1tal_Bunny: it’s a horror movie but it’s sorta silly
J4kob_0: i’ll check it out
J4kob_0: thx ;-)
D1g1tal_Bunny: np!
D1g1tal_Bunny: let me know what u think of it
J4kob_0: i promise
private chat ended with: J4kob_0 (report?)
Kevin stared at the letters displayed across his screen for a while.
Weird.
Not weird bad, weird intriguing. This Jakob-guy had over the span of only a few minutes: insulted Kevin’s movie taste, asked for a recommendation, and sent a plethora of winky face emoticons?
Unsure where to go from here, Kevin sighed and closed the chat-window. He took a quick break from the screen and made his way over to the fridge to find himself something to eat, ignoring the mountain of dishes piling up in his kitchen waiting to be taken care of.
The empty shelves and the mouldy pieces of fruit was a clear signal that Kevin was in desperate need of a grocery store run. And how he dreaded it.
Still, he threw his coat on, walked to the nearest store, and paid for his groceries.
The name popped back up into his head again on the way home.
Jakob.
He knew a guy from work called Jakob, not that interactions between them had been particularly friendly. Quite the opposite actually, Jakob was loud and annoying, he was probably overcompensating for something Kevin didn’t care about. He didn’t see much of Jakob while at work, as they were in different departments. And Kevin thanked god for that.
He wrote it off as a coincidence, and tried to ignore the feeling of unwelcome worry that it stirred inside his gut.
Once back inside the safety of his apartment, Kevin quickly made himself a cup of instant noodles, ate it, and went to bed, giving himself a pep-talk along the lines of ‘tomorrow is Friday.’ ‘You can make it to the weekend Kevin.’ before drifting off.
𐔌՞. .՞𐦯 ⋆✉︎ ༘✧
Endless meetings, billions of discussions, going over miniscule details that didn’t matter in the slightest. Kevin hated everything. And to top it off, during the lunch break, whilst stuck in a meeting that dragged on for ages, someone had the nerve to steal the stew he packed for lunch, forcing him once again out in the cold weather to buy food.
He paid for an overpriced and understuffed burger and returned to his desk to eat it alone. Hoping no one would come by and strike up a conversation with him.
—He felt it necessary to explain, that it wasn’t because Kevin was a massive loner, or some sort of loser, he was just a bit introverted. Besides it was a Friday afternoon, most anyone with a 9-5 would be tired at this point.
Suppressing a yawn, Kevin looked around for his colleagues, no one was staring daggers into the back of his neck, good.
He opened up the chat-forum in a small window, only to stare at Jakob’s name. His pointer hoovering over the ‘start chat’-button in hesitation for a second. Should he be doing this on company time? Probably not, but it wasn’t like productivity was hanging in the air in the office either way. And he supposed it didn’t matter as long as no one saw him.
New private chat started with: J4kob_0 (report?)
D1g1tal_Bunny: hiya
J4kob_0: hellooo bunny ;-)
D1g1tal_Bunny: omg ew don’t call me that !!
J4kob_0: T-T
J4kob_0: but why have it as a username if i cant call u bunny?
D1g1tal_Bunny: just
D1g1tal_Bunny: shush
D1g1tal_Bunny: did you watch the thing yet
J4kob_0: nooo :-(
J4kob_0: still stuck at the office for another hour or so
D1g1tal_Bunny: same
J4kob_0: what do u do for work?
D1g1tal_Bunny: marketing, bleh
J4kob_0: whaaaat? you don’t like it?
D1g1tal_Bunny: it’s whateves
D1g1tal_Bunny: u?
J4kob_0: customer service
D1g1tal_Bunny: even worse lol
J4kob_0: yah it’s a pain in the ass
J4kob_0: one thing worse than the customers is the ppl i work with
D1g1tal_Bunny: yea?
J4kob_0: ya
J4kob_0: i mean they’re not as bad as the marketing ppl
J4kob_0: but its not by a long shot :-P
D1g1tal_Bunny: rude
J4kob_0: i didn’t mean u -_-
J4kob_0: omg
D1g1tal_Bunny: hahahhahaaa
J4kob_0: lolz
J4kob_0: any plans for tonight?
D1g1tal_Bunny: nope
D1g1tal_Bunny: i’ll probably just order something to eat and stay up until 1am
J4kob_0: sounds amazinggg
D1g1tal_Bunny: i know right B-)
D1g1tal_Bunny: but now…
D1g1tal_Bunny: back to work
J4kob_0: I’ll be thinking of u :-* wink wink ;-)))
D1g1tal_Bunny: pls don’t …
J4kob_0: BYEEEE
J4kob_0: c ya
private chat ended with: J4kob_0 (report?)
That report-button looked quite tempting to Kevin for half a second, before he reread the message again, and suppressed a tiny backflip his heart did at the letters on the screen.
i’ll be thinking of u :-*
He cringed at himself, had it really been… that long? Maybe it had.
Either way, was that really the worst thing in the entire universe? —To feel his heart flutter a little when this Jakob-guy’s name flashed on his screen? Was he really a terrible, shallow, horned up guy for allowing someone to flirt with him? Was it really that horrible to want some attention?
Kevin had spent a good portion of his adult life like this, —alone, with his computer, not being a very social member of society. Sure a part of him understood that he needed social interactions apart from those he was forced into by his line of work. But he just couldn’t be bothered most of the time. Something can be good for you and make you exhausted at the same time, he reasoned.
—Usually when one locks themselves up in their apartment, only to spend most of their valuable and limited time on this earth browsing online forums and talking to strangers online, it’s not because they want to.
Usually.
Kevin was the lone exception, he just liked talking about movies. Did being the lone exception make him alone, and thus just the same as everyone else? It was like that whole number thing, where every number is significant and the first number to not be significant is significant because of that. He’d read a wikipedia article about it, The interesting number paradox, or something?
Wait, what was he saying?
Either way, Kevin still cursed himself for feeling this way about someone who — in reality probably wasn’t even who he said he was. And he probably wasn’t even gay so there would be no weird online-relationship between them—
What the fuck?
Kevin quickly closed the chat-tab and buried his face in the notes he had taken at the meeting earlier today, because in what world is that a reasonable thing to think about.
Maybe he was getting desperate and horny and weirdly isolated to the point where any male validation, platonic or not, came as a surprise gift to him with a bow on top, and sooner or later he’d start to develop feelings towards this Jakob guy, and then he’d have to cut contact with him.
No, no nono! This couldn’t be happening.
He used all his focus on his work to avoid confronting his thoughts, still, it didn’t stop him from stealing glances at his watch until he could go home, and then try to not think of Jakob until he fell asleep.
Jakob’s name popped up in his skull once again on the train home, and then once more when he got home and hopped in the shower. Dangerous territory…
The more he thought of it, the more he tried excusing his behavior and reason with that tiny nagging voice in his head telling Kevin that whatever would come of this would be very very bad.
But the feelings of regret for an opened can of worms he had to deal with didn’t come alone. The thoughts of everything that could go wrong was paired with thoughts of everything that could go right. Maybe it didn’t have to end in disaster? Maybe it didn’t have to end at all?
𐔌՞. .՞𐦯 ⋆✉︎ ༘✧
New private chat started by: J4kob_0 (report?)
J4kob_0: heyy ;-P
D1g1tal_Bunny: it is SO late omg… O_o
D1g1tal_Bunny: but hi
J4kob_0: yah
J4kob_0: didn’t think you’d be online tbh
D1g1tal_Bunny: ohh no i’m a night owl
D1g1tal_Bunny: so what’s up?
J4kob_0: i tried watching the movie
D1g1tal_Bunny: yeah?
J4kob_0: it was terrible, i fell asleep halfway through
D1g1tal_Bunny: oh my god
J4kob_0: sorry :-(
D1g1tal_Bunny: woowww…
D1g1tal_Bunny: my feelings are DEEPLY hurt
D1g1tal_Bunny: i’m gonna block you now…
J4kob_0: i’ll miss you :-((
D1g1tal_Bunny: nvm actually
D1g1tal_Bunny: would be kinda boring
J4kob_0: yayyyy
J4kob_0: also i was wondering
J4kob_0: why is your username digital bunny?
J4kob_0: couldn’t stop thinking about it when at work
D1g1tal_Bunny: you think of me when you’re at work? lolz
J4kob_0: duhhh :-P
D1g1tal_Bunny: what’s your boss gonna think?
J4kob_0: can we not -.-
J4kob_0: it’s friday night
D1g1tal_Bunny: you’re the one who brought it up
J4kob_0: wow rude
J4kob_0: dodging the question, are we?
D1g1tal_Bunny: OKAY, sorry… -.-
D1g1tal_Bunny: my username is digital bunny because i have a pet rabbit
J4kob_0: very cute
J4kob_0: fitting for u ;-P
D1g1tal_Bunny: GOODNIGHT
J4kob_0: noooo D:
J4kob_0: come back
D1g1tal_Bunny: …
D1g1tal_Bunny: ok i’m back
D1g1tal_Bunny: and here’s a pic of him
D1g1tal_Bunny attached an image (open) (report?)
J4kob_0: AWW
J4kob_0: very cute
D1g1tal_Bunny: ikr
D1g1tal_Bunny: y’know speaking of work
D1g1tal_Bunny: there’s a guy at my office called Jakob
J4kob_0: omg
J4kob_0: what if it’s me?
D1g1tal_Bunny: wholeheartedly doubt it
D1g1tal_Bunny: he is so fucking annoying
J4kob_0: harsh
D1g1tal_Bunny: omfg
D1g1tal_Bunny: obvs not talking about u T-T
J4kob_0: still
J4kob_0: i choose to be offended
D1g1tal_Bunny: stupid :-P
D1g1tal_Bunny: did you ever order pizza to eat in front of the tv in your underwear?
J4kob_0: wouldn’t you like to know
D1g1tal_Bunny: well… did u?
J4kob_0: no :-(
J4kob_0: decided to make myself a healthy meal instead
D1g1tal_Bunny: sad
J4kob_0: i knowwww
J4kob_0: idk what’s sadder, eating pizza alone in my underwear, or not eating pizza alone in my underwear
J4kob_0: if you were here we could eat pizza in our underwear together ;-)
D1g1tal_Bunny: wowwwww
D1g1tal_Bunny: how do you manage to turn every message into something flirty
J4kob_0: it’s one of my many skills actually
J4kob_0: speaking of
D1g1tal_Bunny: where is this going
J4kob_0: im going to bed
D1g1tal_Bunny: phew…
J4kob_0: you should too
D1g1tal_Bunny: as in ..?
J4kob_0: go to sleep
J4kob_0: not with me
D1g1tal_Bunny: Hahah!
J4kob_0: …yet ;-P
D1g1tal_Bunny: -.-
J4kob_0: see u tomorrow !!!!!!
D1g1tal_Bunny: you promise?
J4kob_0: hopefully
J4kob_0: goodnight
D1g1tal_Bunny: night :-*
private chat ended with: J4kob_0 (report?)
Kevin clicked the off-button and turned around in his office chair as his computer powered down behind him, Bo-Håkan replied with a tiny squeak as he puzzledly tilted his head towards him.
“What am I doing?” Kevin knelt down to fix one of Bo-Håkan’s ears which had turned inside out from sporadically jumping around his enclosure. He sighed and pressed his lips together in a crooked smile at the rabbit, who’d probably disapprove if he knew what Kevin was up to.
It was difficult as is, being homosexual, he didn’t need to intentionally make it harder for himself by reaching for something he couldn’t have. Kevin needed to remind himself, —he knew that nothing would come of this. It would just be some stupid flirting, and then he’d fall in love with him, and then he would get his heart broken, again.
But if he could keep it as this, harmless flirting. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad? If he could postpone an eventual love, and might not even turn into anything closely related to love, for all he knew. Could it really be all that bad?
“Am I flying too close to the sun?”