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Hope lay on the bed in nothing but her bra and underwear, staring at the bracelet Landon had bought her for her eighteenth birthday.
She felt nothing for it.
She had smiled, kissed him, and told him it was perfect, but to her it was nothing more than a piece of cold metal scraping against her skin.
Landon kissed her neck intensely.
His hands fumbled with the buttons of his jeans while she stared blankly at the ceiling without making a sound.
His hand moved to her chest, trying to touch her breast beneath the fabric of her bra, but without success. It was too tight.
“Can you take this off?” he asked.
“What?” she asked in confusion. She hadn’t even realized he was talking to her until she felt the cold air against her neck where his mouth had been.
“Can you take your bra off?” he repeated, looking at her with an expression she couldn’t decipher. “It’s in the way.”
“Oh.” she muttered coldly, shifting to undo the clasp of her bra.
When she finished, she lay back down and continued staring at the ceiling.
She heard him sigh, but it wasn’t a satisfied or aroused sigh. It sounded frustrated. Not in a good way.
“What’s going on with you, Hope?” Landon asked, that unreadable look still on his face.
“Nothing,” she answered. “Do you want to keep going?”
“You don’t sound very excited about it.”
And he was right. She wasn’t.
She sighed irritably. “So do you want to keep going or not?”
“What’s been going on with you lately, Hope?” he demanded, buttoning his jeans back up. “You’ve been acting really weird ever since I got back from—”
“Or maybe you’re the one acting weird,” she snapped. “Don’t blame me because things aren’t going exactly the way you want them to.”
He walked out of the room and slammed the door behind him.
She picked up her shirt and pulled it back on. Everything inside her froze again.
The spark of anger faded, replaced by a strange numbness.
Landon was right. Something really was wrong with her.
She didn’t know why, but ever since she’d become a vampire everything had felt cold. Even after she got her emotions back, it stayed that way.
She felt stuck.
She’d thought that when Landon returned, maybe she would finally feel like herself again.
But it hadn’t happened.
She still felt nothing.
A knock sounded on her bedroom door.
“Hope,” Josie’s voice called from outside. “I saw Landon leave looking upset. Is everything okay?”
Josie Saltzman.
The caring angel.
So many times Hope had wanted to slap her across the face and scream that it was none of her business.
Mostly because she could still see the way Josie looked at Landon.
Like a heartbroken girl staring at the love of her life.
Hope wanted to scream at her: Wake up. He isn’t yours. He isn’t with you. He left you for me, so stop being pathetic.
But she didn’t.
Because Josie didn’t deserve that.
Hope might have felt numb, but she still knew her actions had consequences.
“Everything’s fine,” she answered quickly in an emotionless voice, continuing to stare at the ceiling.
“Okay,” Josie said from the other side of the door. “Are you sure?”
Hope rolled her eyes.
“Yes.”
What did she have to do to be left alone?
“Can I come in?”
“Jesus Christ, Josie, just leave me alone already!”
“I’m only trying to help,” Josie said, and Hope could hear the hurt in her voice.
Wonderful.
“Then don’t,” Hope replied, still staring at the ceiling.
Something was wrong with her. She knew it.
But she didn’t have the energy to fight anymore.
She pulled the blanket over herself and prepared to sleep.
She relaxed the moment her supernatural hearing picked up Josie’s footsteps moving away.
What she didn’t expect was for her bedroom door to burst open a few minutes later thanks to Josie’s twin sister.
“What the hell do I have to do to get some peace around here?” Hope sighed. Not angrily. Just tired.
“What the hell did you do to my sister?” Lizzie demanded.
Hope heard the door slam shut and sat up to look at her.
“Nothing.”
“Bullshit,” Lizzie snapped, sitting on the edge of Hope’s bed. “What the hell is wrong with you lately? Why does everyone who talks to you end up angry or crying?”
“What do you want from me, Lizzie?”
“I want you to wake up!”
“Great,” Hope muttered. “Are you done? Because I’d really love to go to sleep now.”
Hope did not expect the slap that came next.
Hope grabbed Lizzie by the throat and slammed her hard against the wall.
Lizzie gasped sharply, staring at Hope.
“Who the hell do you think you are?!” Hope shouted. “You come into my room, scream at me, and slap me?”
“At least it woke you up a little!” Lizzie yelled back.
Hope tightened her grip.
She saw Lizzie struggling to breathe, panic flickering in her blue eyes.
“H-Hope.”
Hope loosened her hold slightly, letting her breathe again.
“What the hell do you want from me, Saltzman?”
A pair of red lips crashed against hers.
Lizzie pulled away from the kiss, staring at Hope in pure horror.
But it was too late.
Hope felt a flicker of something she hadn’t felt in a very long time.
Desire.
Real desire.
And so she slammed her lips back against Lizzie’s with force.
She heard Lizzie let out a soft moan and open her mouth, allowing Hope’s tongue inside.
That was all the permission Hope needed.
Using her supernatural speed, Hope shoved Lizzie onto the same bed she’d been lying in with Landon only moments earlier.
She didn’t feel guilty.
Her shirt disappeared within seconds, and so did Lizzie’s, while their mouths continued battling each other, tongues fighting for control.
Hope bit down on Lizzie’s lower lip.
Another moan escaped her.
Hope found herself really liking that sound.
With trembling hands, Lizzie started fumbling with the buttons of Hope’s jeans while Hope didn’t waste any time, lifting Lizzie’s skirt just enough to pull off her underwear.
Hope looked into Lizzie’s eyes and saw lust burning inside them.
At that moment, she let her fingers glide along the inside of Lizzie’s thigh.
She watched Lizzie breathe harder, caught somewhere between spreading her legs wider and closing them completely.
Their lips met again, and Hope’s free hand slid over Lizzie’s bra in slow circular motions, trying to feel the hardened nipple beneath the thin fabric.
Lizzie let out another small, breathy moan.
Hope felt a strange spark low in her stomach.
She knew that if she looked at her underwear, it would probably be wet.
Unlike earlier with Landon.
“Are you going to keep teasing me or are you actually going to—”
Hope clamped a hand over Lizzie’s mouth.
“If we’re doing this, I need you to stay quiet.”
“Why?” Lizzie asked, offended beneath Hope’s hand.
Because Hope couldn’t let this become real.
Not yet.
Instead of answering, she kissed her again, forcing Lizzie’s lips apart and pushing her tongue deep inside her mouth.
She grabbed Lizzie’s breast through the fabric and squeezed hard.
She felt Lizzie gasp against her lips.
Hope pushed Lizzie down onto the bed and slid her hand between her legs again.
Wetness that hadn’t been there before now coated the inside of Lizzie’s thighs.
Lizzie let out a sharp moan and tried to grind against Hope’s touch.
Hope immediately pulled her hand away.
“Hope,” Lizzie whined in frustration.
“I said no talking,” Hope warned, trying to hide the desire in her voice so Lizzie wouldn’t realize how badly she wanted this too. “You speak again and we’re done.”
Lizzie instantly pressed her lips together.
Hope grabbed the back of Lizzie’s head and forced their mouths together again.
Then Hope remembered something.
She glanced toward the door and, with nothing but telekinesis, forced the lock shut.
The last thing she needed was for Landon to come back trying to fix what happened earlier and find them like this—
In one sharp movement, to stop herself from thinking, Hope pushed her fingers inside Lizzie.
Lizzie moaned so loudly that Hope had to cover her mouth with her hand.
“Do you want the whole fucking school hearing you?” Hope hissed angrily.
Lizzie shook her head.
Then she started moving her hips in soft motions, trying to create friction against Hope’s fingers and the most sensitive spot inside her.
Hope didn’t cooperate.
Lizzie opened her mouth like she was about to say something, but one look from Hope made her snap it shut again.
Hope pressed her lips to Lizzie’s neck and sucked hard.
Not biting. Not really. Her fangs had come out, but she didn’t let them sink in.
She just sucked at the skin, knowing a purple bruise would form there later, and she didn’t care.
Lizzie kept trying to move against her fingers while Hope still refused to help her.
Hope could feel Lizzie’s wetness coating her fingers, and she rested her forehead against Lizzie’s shoulder, trying to steady herself.
She bit her lip to stop her own moan from slipping out.
And then, finally, she started moving her fingers.
She wasn’t entirely sure she was doing it right. It had been a long time since the last time she’d been with a girl.
But Lizzie definitely wasn’t complaining.
If anything, the opposite.
Hope’s other hand stayed over Lizzie’s mouth, though somehow Lizzie still managed to make muffled sounds beneath it.
Lizzie threw her head back and spread her legs even wider.
Hope returned to her neck, covering it in wet kisses, licking at the skin while desperately considering biting her.
Drinking Lizzie’s blood.
Landon liked when she did that.
She wondered if Lizzie would too.
Lizzie’s movements became faster and faster, her eyes slipping shut in pleasure.
Hope knew she was close.
Lizzie let out her loudest moan yet.
“I’m g—”
She tried to speak, but Hope replaced her hand with her lips instead, continuing to move her fingers inside Lizzie through her orgasm.
When it was over, Hope collapsed beside her and took a deep breath.
And just as quickly as the spark had ignited, it died.
Lizzie tried to kiss her, but Hope turned her head away.
“I think you should leave.”
“Seriously?” Lizzie asked, clearly not taking her seriously. She ran a hand over Hope’s stomach in slow circles. “You don’t want me to return the favor?”
Hope looked into her eyes.
Lizzie looked happy.
Hope didn’t feel happy.
“No,” she said simply. “I want you to leave. Now.”
Lizzie sat up and stared at Hope angrily. “What the hell is wrong with you?” she demanded. “We just did… that, and now you’re just going to ignore it and go back to acting like a bitch to me?”
“Please leave,” Hope said, her gaze drifting back to the ceiling. “I’m tired. I want to sleep.”
“I can’t believe you.”
Lizzie climbed out of bed, unlocked the door, and stormed out.
That evening there was supposed to be a party in the woods.
A celebration of their victory.
Hope didn’t feel like she’d won anything. If anything, she felt trapped, like people had expected too much from her for too many years and now everything was collapsing.
But she had promised Landon she’d go.
So she got out of bed, tied her hair into a loose bun, didn’t bother changing out of the clothes she’d been wearing all day, and headed toward the woods.
Landon was there talking to Kaleb and MG, looking completely carefree.
He glanced up and spotted her.
“Hey, babe,” he greeted, walking over and wrapping his arms around her.
He kissed the top of her head.
Hope immediately remembered what she’d done with Lizzie.
What the hell was she supposed to do now? About Landon?
So she kissed him.
Hard, but not hard enough to hurt him.
Then she took the drink from his hand and downed it in one swallow, the bitter taste filling her mouth.
It helped.
“So I’m guessing you’re not mad about earlier?” he asked breathlessly when they pulled apart.
“Not at all,” she replied before kissing him again.
When they separated, he was breathing heavily.
Hope noticed Lizzie glaring at them from across the clearing.
A second later, a tree crashed to the ground.
“Lizzie, for fuck’s sake!” Kaleb shouted, barely managing to avoid getting crushed. “Control your magic!”
Josie looked back and forth between Lizzie and Hope, who were still staring at each other.
Then Hope’s eyes shifted to Josie.
And what she saw there—
That fucking concern. That pity.
Like Josie knew something was wrong with her.
She had no right to look at her like that.
So Hope did something she knew would hurt.
She kissed Landon hard and started dragging him toward a hidden corner of the woods.
He let her.
The second they were hidden from prying eyes, Hope started pulling his shirt off.
She kissed his neck and began fumbling with the button of his jeans.
“Hope, slow down,” he asked, but she ignored him and kept trying to undo his jeans unsuccessfully.
“Hey, Hope—”
She knew she was hurting him, but she couldn’t stop herself.
Tears started running down her face until finally she ripped the button clean off his jeans.
“Hope, what are you doing?!”
“Fuck!” she shouted, trying to stop the tears spilling down her cheeks.
“Hope—”
“Just leave me alone.”
“Hope.”
“I said leave me alone!”
She screamed and slammed her foot violently against the ground.
“What’s been going on with you lately?” he demanded. “You’ve been acting so… not like yourself.”
That made her angry.
Really angry.
“Really?” she snapped. “Because you know who I am, right? Why? Because we’ve slept together a few times? Because you bought me a birthday present?”
“Hope,” he said, looking hurt. “You know it’s more than that between us.”
“Whatever you say.”
She didn’t have the energy to fight anymore, so she just walked away.
Hope returned to her room and the first thing she did was sit down on the floor and cry.
She felt so horrible it tore her apart from the inside.
She pulled her knees to her chest and wished more than anything that she could talk to her mom or dad right now.
Her crying worsened, but silently.
Tears streamed down her cheeks, but not a sound escaped her lips.
Her bedroom door opened again.
Lizzie stepped inside, anger written all over her face.
It vanished the second she saw Hope.
“Hope?” Lizzie dropped to the floor beside her, concern flooding her expression. “What’s wrong?”
Hope quickly wiped her tears away and forced a smile onto her face.
A painfully fake smile.
“Everything’s fine. I’m fine.”
She tried to stand up, but Lizzie grabbed her hand.
“Hope—”
“I said I’m fine,” Hope insisted quickly. “You have no reason to worry.”
She finally managed to stand, and Lizzie immediately stood too.
“Hope,” Lizzie said softly, “you’re scaring me.”
“Maybe I can make you forget about that worry,” Hope offered before crashing her lips against Lizzie’s.
Lizzie kissed her back.
Lizzie’s mouth opened and Hope slid her tongue inside.
And then Lizzie hugged her.
Held her tightly against her chest.
And Hope broke.
She pulled away from the kiss and collapsed onto the floor, her hands still clutching at Lizzie — or at least the parts of her she could still reach, which at the moment were her legs.
“Hope,” Lizzie whispered, kneeling beside her and brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.
Hope let out a small broken sound.
“I think something’s really wrong with me, Lizzie,” she whispered as a tear slipped down the corner of her eye. “I think I need help.”
Lizzie pulled Hope into a tight embrace and whispered gently into her ear, “Everything’s going to be okay.”
And that finally made Hope fall apart completely.