Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

This doesn’t feel like Hogwarts anymore.

“Forward!” Remus yells while throwing out stunners and protection spells. He was leading a group of older students across the grounds. Many of them had him as a professor in what felt like another lifetime ago. He hopes he prepared them for what they were jumping into.

Then he sees it, a flash of pink. She wasn’t supposed to be here. Then he hears it, her laugh. Bellatrix has spotted her, too.

He throws a couple protections and starts to shift his way towards his wife. His eyes never leave her. He sees Bellatrix throw a curse, but Tonks blocks it.

In normal circumstances, he knows his wife has the upperhand, but Bellatrix is not a normal circumstance. He lands a couple stunners at the Death Eaters pushing up the grounds and continues on his path.

“Remus Lupin. We finally meet again.” A cold voice yells his way.

“Dolohov.” Remus states without even glancing his way. He doesn’t need to look to know who that lifeless voice belongs to.

Dolohov sees where Remus is focused.

“Would you look at that? Bella is finally going to prune the filth from her family line. I think I will lend a hand and take care of the half-breed for her.”

“You don’t get to speak about her.”

Suddenly a flash of green light hurls itself at Remus, he dodges, skidding across the stone. He hurls a stunner back at Dolohov. He had already moved before it left his wand. Remus steps back as he throws up a shield. His arm shudders as he blocks, barely in time. They fall into a rhythm, until it breaks. He stumbles back further. His feet wobble beneath him. He blocks a barrage of curses, but his eyes betray him.

He looks.

She slipped.

His wand falters.

He sees green shoot from Bellatrix’s wand. Time stands still.

His mind flashes back to 12 Grimmauld Place. A young Auror tripping over an umbrella stand, laughing about it, and barreling into his life.

She dodges the curse and it misses her by inches. It hits a stone wall behind her and the whole area goes up in dust as the stone crumbles around her.

Suddenly, he feels burning in his shoulder. He turns and realizes Dolohov has backed him into a corner, a hex had hit square in his shoulder. Burning the tweed of his jacket. He isn’t sure he really cares anymore.

Voldemort's voice booms across Hogwarts, from the depths of the dungeons to the highest spire.

"You have fought valiantly, but in vain... Every drop of magical blood spilled is a terrible waste. I therefore command my forces to retreat. In their absence, dispose of your dead with dignity. Harry Potter, I now speak directly to you... Join me in the Forbidden Forest, and confront your fate. If you do not do this, I shall kill every last man, woman, and child who tries to conceal you from me. One hour.”

Remus glances around, the battle is faltering. Dolohov isn’t.

Dolohov smirks and throws his wand forward. A purple flash starts coming from his wand.

Remus shuts his eyes.

So this is how it ends?

The weight of Teddy in his arms.
Lily’s eyes staring out of Harry’s face.
Three friends becoming animals before his eyes.
Sirius, alive and loud in Grimmauld Place.

Too many regrets. A life too brief.

Love. Nymphadora.

Her brown eyes. Her always changing hair. He always preferred pink. It was pink when they first met, as she came stumbling into Grimmauld Place for her first Order meeting. She was unashamed of who she was. He fell then. Pink for their wedding. He let slip it was his favorite. If he must go now, thoughts of his wife are the perfect vision.

But nothing happens.

He opens his eyes and sees Flitwick in front of him blocking the spell.

“Come on Remus! You have a little boy to go home to.”

Teddy.

Remus grips his wand tighter and groans as he steps to his feet. He jumps into action, fighting alongside his old professor, ignited by the thoughts of his son. Remus blocks, while Flitwick pushes forward attacking.

Dolohov miscalculates. They strike quickly. Stunning spells are fired in rapid succession. Dolohov stumbles to the ground.

He doesn’t get back up.

“Let’s go join the others, Remus. I’m sure we will need to assist with healing.” Flitwick says and turns to head back into the castle.

Where is she?

Dora…

He breaks into a run towards the castle.

He doesn’t realize he is shouting her name until his throat burns.

They had a plan. She was supposed to stay back.

They hugged goodbye.

She was his strength to fight.

Now all he sees is a killing curse barely missing her and her disappearing into the battle.

“DORA!”

He runs into the Great Hall, lungs burning. He’s pushing through crowds. Faces he knows, faces he doesn’t.

“NYMPHADORA!”

Faces start turning to him. He is normally composed, afraid to tear down his armor. He doesn’t care.

“TONKS!”

Someone grabs his arm and stops him. He tries to push off until he turns and is face to face with Kingsley Shacklebolt.

“Kingsley, have you-...have you seen Dora? Is she-...is she still-...,” Remus stammers out.

“I haven’t seen her. I am sorry, Remus. They are compiling a list of the missing…and the dead.”

Kingsley pats Remus’s shoulder and then moves on. There is still work to be done.

Missing? Dead?

His head starts to spin. The spiraling that normally pushes him to run brings him to his knees.

Why did he waste so much time? Why did he run for so long? He hasn’t told her everything, yet.

He hasn’t told her how loving her was the bravest thing he has ever done.

That creating Teddy with her will be his greatest achievement.

That being with her has taught him he can live again.

Why had he been so scared of being happy for so long?

“REMUS!”

He can’t look up. He spent so long pushing her away. If he looks up and she isn’t there, he isn’t sure how he can go on.

Their relationship was trouble for him from the start. He tried to keep her at arms length, but her brightness kept putting cracks into his armor until he was on his knees. Her words are echoing in his heart.

“You’d know perfectly well who I’ve fallen for, if you weren’t too busy feeling sorry for yourself to notice.”

The words that exhilarated him and terrified him at the same time. He had already known he loved her early on. The privilege of at least getting to have her in his life would have been enough. But then she said those words and he chose to do what he had always done best; Run.

“REMUS!”

His mind drifts to a little boy with turquoise hair. He spent too long giving up.

"The man who taught me to fight dementors—a coward.”

Those words woke him up from the biggest mistake of his life. The mistake of letting fear win over love. The fear of being a monster and inevitably becoming the monster.

Can he choose to stay and fight again? Teddy must be the reason.

He will stay. He will fight.

He lifts his head up.

And he sees her. Alive. Her clothes are ripped, her hair is fiery red, dust covers her face. She's the most beautiful thing he has ever seen because she is here with him.

“Dora!” He jumps up yelling.

Everything slows down when their eyes meet. An unspoken conversation before he crosses the room to take her in his arms.

“I thought-”

“I couldn’t find-”

“I can’t live-”

But the sentences trail off.

He pulls back, “Are you hurt anywhere? Do you need healing? I couldn’t find you. I can’t lose you Dora.”

“Remus, breathe. You aren’t losing me. If you think a battle will take me away after how hard I had to fight for us in the first place, then I need to knock you over the head. Git.”

Remus starts, “Dora. I told you I would never leave you again. But I thought-”

“Remus. I am here. I am alive. We’re not leaving each other again.” Dora says, cutting him off.

“-er…Professor Lupin?” A voice says, pulling them back into reality.

“Yes?” He says, with a twinge of longing at a past life.

“Can you help us reinforce some wards?”

He nods. He will never run again.

Back to the fight. Easier, with her hand in his.

Chapter Text

The war was over and Remus Lupin was still here.

Remus and Tonks found a quiet corner in the Great Hall to just be together in the aftermath of their victory. They thought of all they had lost. Moody. Sirius. Dumbledore.

They thought of their son, resting at home with his grandmother. They couldn’t wait to return to him, alive, but the air in the room was something they weren’t ready to part from just yet. They wanted to sit in the victory of the pinnacle of their work. To cherish the feeling of what they fought for for themselves and their son. To see the glimpses of the world they were fighting for.

Their quiet did not last. Many previous students came through to speak with Remus. Professors rushing by trying to find all their students. Members of the Order of the Phoenix celebrating. Families and friends grieving their losses.

And in the rush of the crowd, Remus spotted him. 

Harry.

He wasn’t moving to anyone. He wasn’t celebrating or crying. He was going through the motions of the millions of interactions approaching him.

For Remus, he wasn’t looking at the Boy Who Lived or the Chosen One. He saw a reflection of his past self. A young man who didn’t know how to take up space.

He turned to Tonks, who was watching his eyes. She just nodded at him and it was all he needed. They started walking to Harry.

“Wotcher Harry.” Tonks said.

Harry looked at them like he just returned to the room.

“Hey.” He said quietly. “I am really glad you are both ok.”

“Are you alright?” Tonks asked.

“Yeah. I am just a bit tired I think.” Harry said with a shrug.

Remus knew that feeling right away. The emptiness that comes after survival. No more missions. No more battles. Nothing left to fight.

Remus looked at everyone. Celebrating, mourning. Brushing by them. Then he thought back 17 years ago, to himself who had nowhere to go and everything had already gone.

“Harry…” Remus paused and looked at Tonks. “You know you’ll always have a home with us.”

“Oh. I… er-...thanks. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. Sirius left me Grimmauld…” Harry managed. He appeared caught off guard.

“The offer will always stand, Harry.” Tonks said. “The house is a bit crowded, gets a bit furry around the full moon, but Remus makes a great cup of tea and my mom keeps us fed.”

“You’re family…I want you there.” Remus said with a smile.

Harry looked between them with an unreadable look on his face.

The days passed in a flurry of names, faces, and silences. The best they could do was hold their loved ones tight.

Remus and Tonks went to Hogwarts often to help wherever they could. It was quiet, but not at peace. Rebuilding was going to take time and everything felt like it was paused.

The Tonks’ family home was where they sought refuge, during and after the war. It was where Harry chose to go. Remus still isn’t sure why.

It was a chaotic morning in the Tonks residence. Andromeda was cooking up breakfast, Tonks was feeding Teddy before she left for Auror duties, Remus was at the table pretending to read, but really just looking at his wife.

Harry stood in the doorway watching it all. The domesticity of the scene before him. He still wasn’t sure how he was to fit in here.

He notes the look on Remus’s face looking at his son and wife. He still isn’t sure how Remus went from running to mornings like this.

“Harry! Stop standing in the doorway and come have some breakfast.” Andromeda said and she started making him a plate.

Harry entered the room slowly and took a seat. Remus moved to get him a cup of tea but Andromeda stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

“I got it.” She told him.

“It is best to do as Tonks women say, Harry. That is my advice to you in this house.” Remus teasingly whispers to Harry.

Without looking up, Dora responds with a cheeky smile, “And when have you listened to what I have to say, dear?”

“Well it turned out ignoring you was a terrible strategy. I learned my lesson.”

Harry sees Andromeda smile in the background to herself, but her eyes look tired. He looks around at the people with him and really starts to notice the scars and bruises. A war just ended, and they are having morning breakfast peacefully.

“Alright family. I need to head off to Hogwarts. The Aurors start the assessment of the battle today.” Tonks said with confidence, but her eyes betrayed her. She was tired.

She passed Teddy to Andromeda, ruffled Remus’s hair, winked at Harry, then entered the Floo and she was gone.

Remus was still watching where she just left from. Anxiety written across his face.

“I am going to take my grandson out for some fresh air. You two enjoy breakfast.” Andromeda says, mainly to Remus. They exchange a look and then she is out the back door to the garden.

“Eat. You’ll feel better.” Remus tells Harry.

“I don’t get it, Remus. You have done this twice now. You experienced loss both times. The first time you ran. And now you are having family breakfast. So what changed?”

“That is a big question to ask a man before he has finished his tea.” Remus says before taking a sip of his tea.

“Remus, come on.”

Remus sighs, looks towards where Dora just left, the giggles of his son float in from outside.

“It's a hard question to answer. When I first started fighting these wars, I knew that the results wouldn’t change my circumstances in life. I would still struggle for work, I would still live in poverty, and I would still face immense prejudice wherever I went. But I had James, Sirius, and…well and Peter. But what I saw in those werewolf camps was painful. I struggled a lot when I was coming and going. From full meals at the dinner table, to scraps off the ground. Then Sirius…we suspected each other, but you and I both know how wrong we were. And in one night, I lost the only thing that tethered me to this world and I felt condemned to a life of misery. I was fighting for them and I am the one that walked out of it.”

“You could’ve had me. I wouldn’t have had to live with the Dursleys.” Harry said.

Remus shook his head, “Dumbledore wanted you safe outside of the wizarding world.”

“What about that house was safe for me?”

Remus stilled. He gripped his mug tighter.

“It wasn’t.” He paused. “But it wasn’t the only reason I stayed away…I felt that you deserved someone better than who I was after that war.”

“I-...” Harry started.

“No, Harry let me finish. Who I was after that war and until very recently was not someone who was reliable. I survived the war physically, but something in me didn’t survive. I didn’t know how to live. I’m still figuring that out. I still struggle everyday to take up space. To try and believe I deserve any of this. And back then, I didn’t even want to try.” 

Harry stilled for a moment. Taking in Remus's words.

Very quietly, Harry asked, “Then what changed? Because 8 months ago you were inside Grimmauld Place trying to run again. Then the next time I see you, you are overjoyed about being a father. So how did you change?”

Remus took a deep breath and said, “You called me a coward.”

“I didn’t mean-” Harry quickly said.

“No, Harry, you were right.”

Harry stilled at those words. Thinking back about that confrontation.

“I had spent years convincing myself that loving people would eventually hurt them. That it was selfish of me to want. So I tried to do what I always do. I ran. The problem was she was so persistent.” He said, smiling at the end, and then continued, “She refused to believe the things I believed about myself. She kept seeing parts of me that I had already buried.”

Harry nodded along and then asked, “When did you realize you loved her enough to stay?”

“Oh well it was never about if I loved her enough. Her and I both knew love was not the problem. I was.” Remus managed. “Loving her is so easy. Believing I deserved her was the impossible part.”

“I don’t get it. So, you married her, Tonks got pregnant, and then you ran again? Why?”

Remus looked down at his tea for a long time.

He took a deep breath in.

“When Teddy became real, my fears came rushing back. I realize now that they probably had never gone away. I loved Dora. I loved our son. I wanted to feel the joy that Dora felt when she told me, but instead I felt immense guilt.”

The grip on his mug tightened, close to breaking it. His eyes were shut as he continued on.

“I felt that I would eventually destroy them. So I convinced myself that they would be safer without me.”

Harry thought back to Grimmauld Place. Seeing it through new eyes.

He always remembered the anger. But now, he could only see fear.

Harry is pulled back by a sigh from Remus.

“I can’t really explain myself fully. But I can show you what I mean.”

Remus got up and left the room.

Moments later he returned with a wooden box.

He moved the plates to the counter with a flick of his wand and set the box down. He started to open it, but stopped.

“Harry, I have only shown these to Dora. The night I came back to her. She had all the hesitancies you have expressed, but deeper. She questioned if I even loved her. And if I did, did I love her as much as she loved me. This is my proof. The things I had never managed to say out loud.”

He opens the box and pulls out a stack of worn letters. Some looked newer, some looked ancient. Harry picked one up and examined it. The edges were worn, the creases were soft, like it had been opened and folded again numerous times.

Remus looked suddenly uncertain.

“Go on.” Remus says.

Harry looks back at him and nods.

He unfolds the parchment. The handwriting is unmistakably his former professor’s.

Dora.

I am at the camp tonight. I didn’t eat. I snuck my portion to the kids. They barely get anything. No one should have to live like this.

I haven't been sleeping recently. It has been too cold here. Instead, I lie awake, looking at the stars. When I am really tired, I swear Sirius is right in front of me. He never responds when I call his name.

You would hate it here. I imagine the insults you would come up with for the people here. For Greyback. You would be throwing hexes the second you saw this place. Trying to get us all out of here. 

The misery is in the air. It would wear even you down.

I guess I already did that, though? 

I think you’ll see that I am right soon. I am too old, too poor, and too dangerous. You deserve someone young and whole.

The thought of you finding that happiness gives me strength to get through each day. I think of your laugh, your smile, your bright pink hair. Somehow just the thought of you can bring a smile to my face, even here.

Remember that late night at Grimmauld with Sirius? We had gotten off our mission and shared some Firewhiskey with him. He was already plastered, but we figured we would join him that time. Your cheeks were so rosy, your hair changing colors so fast. It was pink, then gold, then a gaudy green that you swore was intentional. I couldn’t stop looking at you that night.

I love you. I’m sorry. You deserve better than letters that will never be sent.

-R

Harry lowers the parchment to the table. He looks up at Remus. 

Harry isn’t sure he has ever seen him look so nervous. So exposed.

Remus is looking down at the table, absently picking at a splinter. His shoulders are slouched.

“Remus…” Harry starts, but the words trail off.

“I never sent any of them.” Remus said quietly, responding to the question Harry hadn’t asked, “But I kept writing them.”

Harry glanced back down at the letter. 

I love you. I’m sorry.

“When did you start?”

Remus exhales then starts, “Around the time I realized I loved her…I couldn’t say it back then. I couldn’t even write it right away.”

“When?”

Remus looked up and met Harry’s eyes.

“Two weeks after I met her.” Remus replies sheepishly.

Harry smirked, then asked, “What did she say?”

“Well, she slapped me when I walked in the door. So the conversation started great.”

Harry chuckled.

Remus continued, “We went back and forth for a bit. And I knew that if I was going to lose her I didn’t want her to think I didn’t love her deeply, so I got the letters.”

He pauses.

“She was angry with me.”

A smile starts to tug at his face.

“Then she kissed me.”

Harry and Remus both start laughing. Remus starts to pack the letters back into the box.

Andromeda walks in with Teddy in her arms. He is a little fussy.

“Here I will put him down.” Remus says and starts getting up.

“Oh no Remus, I can handle putting him down.” Andromeda says.

“Really, Andromeda, I want to.”

She sighs and passes Teddy to his father.

“Hey there Ted. Let's get you down for a nap.” Remus says to his son as he exits the room.

Andromeda starts cleaning up with a flick of her wand.

“I see he showed you the letters.” She says casually.

“You know about them? He told me only Dora has seen them.” Harry responds quickly.

“Remus wanted me and my husband to read them the night he came back. I told him that his actions mattered more than his words to me.”

“And now?” Harry asks.

Andromeda stopped and thought for a long time. 

Sounds of Remus talking softly to his son drift down the hallway. 

A small smile appears on Andromeda’s face.

“He stays.”

Chapter Text

The war was over. The moon rose anyway.

In the days leading up to a full moon, Remus had always taken to quietly hiding away. Years of believing himself to be a burden had settled deep into his habits. Harry was learning what that looked like.

Remus stopped lingering in doorways, stopped reaching for Dora when she passed, and he barely touched his tea.

Teddy was none the wiser at what was brewing inside the house. But his mother was watching. She grew softer on her edges. Her jokes softened and her teasing faded. Gentler, if Nymphadora Tonks could be gentle. Andromeda watched from a distance, making sure he ate his meals.

Harry took note of all of this.

Remus did, too.

By the evening before the full moon, he had barely spoken at all. He was keeping to himself, napping in a chair with a book left open beside him. The only one asleep in the house was Teddy. Everyone else was tip-toeing around Remus, trying very hard to get him to engage.

When moonrise crept closer, Remus attempted to make a quiet getaway. Harry was helping Andromeda fix something in the kitchen and Dora was checking on Teddy.

Remus quietly slipped out the back door. The air was chilly, the path illuminated by his wand. As he turns the corner to the cellar entrance he is met with his wife, leaning against the house, arms crossed.

It was never a good sign for her arms to be crossed.

He took her in. She looked tired. Not angry. Somehow this was much worse.

“Hello dear. It is almost time you should head inside.” Remus said gently, trying to charm his way out of the situation.

“Remus Lupin. You don’t get to just sneak away.” She responded. “Honestly, disappearing quietly only works if I don’t know you that well.”

Remus let out a sigh, his shoulders slumped, and the facade dropping.

“Alright, alright. It is almost time.” Remus said, defeated.
He walked past her and unlocked the cellar entrance and began to head down. And of course, the moment he tried to shut the door, Dora slipped past him.

“Dora…” Whatever argument he intended to make faded quickly.

“You don’t have to keep trying to leave before you’re gone. Now let me be your loving wife and make sure you’re set.”

Tonks lifted her wand to begin reinforcing the wards, but Remus grabbed her hand and pulled her to him.

“Thank you.” He said quietly into her hair.

Remus pulled away and handed her his wedding ring.

“Keep that safe for me.” He told her as he pushed her towards the exit. “I got this.”

She nodded and closed her hand around the ring. Her steps echoed as she climbed out the cellar.

“Remus.” Dora said while looking down into the cellar.

“Yes?”

“I’ll come get you in the morning.”

The cellar door shut and Remus took a deep sigh. He felt the moon coming.

He settled himself in the center of the room.

Moonrise.

-

Remus woke up on the cold floor of the cellar. He tasted blood in his mouth, every muscle in his body ached. The cold of the cellar had settled deep into his bones. His head pounded hard enough to blur the room around him.

He groaned as he tried to sit up. He felt himself start to slip, but then two arms wrapped around him pulling him to sit up against the wall.

“Hey sleepyhead.”

Nymphadora.

Relief washed over him.

Remus felt a blanket drape itself over him and practiced hands started checking for injuries. He could smell the dittany before he felt it sting the cuts on his arms.

Something cool pressed against his lips.

“Drink.” She said softly.

Remus obeyed without protest. The pain potion burned, but the warmth slowly began spreading through his body.

Dora brushed damp hair out of his face.

“Think you can stand?”

He nodded weakly.

“Brilliant. Let’s get you dressed and inside before Mum starts brewing more potions.”

She helped him to his feet and into a pair of sweatpants and a t- shirt. He draped his arm around her shoulders and they made their way out of the cellar. He leaned heavily on her as they climbed the steps of the cellar. The morning light hit his face, driving some of the cold from his body.

They entered the house and she walked him over to the table. A cup of tea waiting for him at his seat.

Andromeda was busy making breakfast, with Harry at her side. Both trying, and failing, at looking casual. Dora took a seat next to him.

Remus’s eyes started adjusting and he looked around. His tea was still steaming. His favorite sweater was hanging off his chair. Harry finished making a plate and placed it in front of him.

He felt himself start to relax, wrapped in the love of his family.

“Eat. You’ll feel better.” Harry said to him with a smile and a wink.

“I am heading to the Burrow for a bit today. I’ll be back later.”

“Be safe, Harry.” Dora called out to him.

“Should I expect you for dinner- What am I thinking, Molly will fill you up.” Andromeda said aloud.

Harry chuckled as he slipped his shoes on and bounded out the door.

“Come on Moony. Time to eat.” Dora whispered to Remus.

Remus nodded, smiling slightly, and reached for his fork with an unsteady hand. It slipped and clattered to the floor.

From upstairs, Teddy began to cry.

Remus began apologizing.

“Remus, he is a baby.” Dora said as she started to stand.

“I got it dear.” Andromeda said while leaving the room.

Dora silently held out his wedding ring to him. Remus stared at it. All that it symbolizes washing over him. He shakily reached for it and slid it back onto his hand.

Teddy’s cries started drifting into the kitchen before Andromeda appeared carrying him, shushing him along the way.

“Oh dear.” Dora said with a love drenched voice.

He reached for Remus, who immediately hesitated. He looked at Dora who was just watching their son. He looked down at his hands, his ring catching the light.

“Wake up, Remus. Your son wants you.” Andromeda said, lowering Teddy to him.

Remus took him in his arms. Teddy eased in, a fistful of his father’s shirt in his hand. Remus gathered him into his chest closer. Teddy happily burrowed further into his father while making a happy noise.

Like nothing had changed.

Remus gently kissed his head, then shifted to get a bite of his food.

“There he is.”

Remus glanced at his wife. “Who?”

“My husband.” Dora said as she reached over to place a hand on his arm. “I have to share his inner turmoil with the moon and I thought I was losing this time.”

Remus let out a small chuckle.

“Sorry to disappoint you, dear.”

“Oh, you disappoint me constantly.” Dora replied easily. “But I can’t replicate the tea you make, so I have to keep you around a bit longer.”

Remus shook his head and took another bite of his breakfast. The sound of Dora’s laugh lightening his soul.

-

Remus woke alone.

He reached to the other side of the bed to find it cold and empty.

He started to open his eyes. The sun was still shining through the windows. The house sounded quiet.

Alone.

He was always alone in the end, wasn’t he? The monster pretending to belong among them.

Dora’s laugh echoed up the stairs.

Light.

Remus closed his eyes.

He heard footsteps getting closer. The door creaked open.

“I was just coming to wake you, but you took care of it yourself.” Dora said lightly.

Remus didn’t answer. He didn’t look up.

She sighed softly and pulled the door closed behind her.

“Dora, before you and Teddy, this part was easier. There was no one waiting for me afterward.”

“That sounds lonely.” Dora said softly as she walked over to the bed. “You say it was easier, but it sounds like you just had no one there to see what it was doing to you…it wasn’t easier, Remus. That was just being alone.”

“No. No one had to watch it.” Remus said, still staring at his hands.

“Stop acting like letting us see you is a cruelty.” Dora said as she sat next to him.

“Hey,” she said as she took his hands, “Shutting us out is what is hurting… Remus, I chose to go down to the cellar. I chose to bring you back up. Your son chose you when he was upset. When will you see that?”

“One day Teddy will understand what I am. Will he choose me then?” A tear rolled down his cheek as he finally looked at her face.

“Stop mourning a future that hasn’t happened yet, Remus.”

“I don’t know how to do that, but I’d like to try.” Remus choked out.

Dora pulled him to her.

“Then let’s try.”

Chapter Text

For most of his life, Remus Lupin had been temporary.

He didn’t teach at Hogwarts for a full year. He moved around throughout his childhood. He outlived his friendships. Staying was something he was starting to learn to do.

A part of staying was helping to rebuild. Hogwarts was in ruins and as a senior member of the Order of the Phoenix, and a war hero, being there to help was a given.

Remus was new to rebuilding. He had started by learning to stay in his family. But not just stay, be present. Allow himself to have happiness. He was also learning to stay for Harry. To be a father figure, or something, to him. To Remus, this was more than he could ever ask for. It was already more than he believed he deserved, but he was working on that.

Remus apparated to the outskirts of Hogwarts. Dora was taking the day off to be with Teddy. He made his way up the path, breathing in the fresh air. It was a chilly morning and he felt it through his worn robes.

He had only just stepped into the castle when Neville Longbottom spotted him.

“Good morning, Professor Lupin! Professor McGonagall asked me to have you start assessing the damage in the Defense classroom when you got here.”

“I can do that and I have not been your professor for a while Neville.” Remus said back and then turned on his heel to head off to work.

Remus was evaluating the damage near the Defense Against the Dark Arts room, as well as inside the room. They were working through the building, instead of doing everything at once. The DADA area was next.

The railing to the office was crumbling some, the ceiling had given away in a corner, and the desks were reduced to splinters.

He sighed as he took notes. Of all the places they sent him, they sent him to the one that was the most painful to be in.

A reminder of the first, and only, job he ever loved.

He was looking at the ceiling when Minerva’s voice cut through his evaluation.

“How is it over here dear?”

“There shouldn’t be much work to do over here.” Remus said.

He then pointed towards a corner in the ceiling and said, “I think that corner might need to be reinforced. Oh! And there is some damage on the railing to the office, but it's really just cosmetic. Nothing urgent.”

“Well, it is your classroom, so order for any repairs you deem necessary.”

Remus froze.

My classroom? Why would it be my classroom?

His fingers tightened on his clipboard.

Minerva continued on, “Are you done with your assessment to hand in? If you want to be ready for next term, we need to get moving on the repairs.”

Remus exhaled and shook his head.

“Minerva, I resigned for a reason. Those circumstances haven’t changed.”

“No, Remus, but you have.”

“I-...” Remus started.

Minerva held up her hand, cutting him off.

“Society is not fixed, there will still be prejudice. But you are the person I want teaching these students.”

Remus looked around at the damage and then turned to face her. Her eyes were set, challenging him to argue.

Remus was always foolish.

“Minerva. Why me?” He said animatedly with his hands.

He continued on, “This room has been cursed with temporariness for a decade and so have I. What can I offer this school, you, and these students when I couldn’t even finish teaching a full year?”

He turned and walked towards the window. Looking out onto the grounds of the first place that felt like home to him. Even his home was temporary for him. He was focused on not being temporary to his family. That was his priority.

“Because you were good at it, Remus.” Minerva said and she crossed the room towards him.

She leaned back onto the window sill next to him.

“After everything these past few years, is that still how low you think of yourself?”

Remus let out a huff.

“I’m still figuring it all out.” Remus started and then he turned to her, “I loved teaching here. I loved seeing the children’s faces light up when they got something right. I loved watching their determination when something was difficult. And I loved getting to see them overcome their fears.”

“And when will the Professor listen to his own lessons and overcome his fears? Because I need a defense professor and you are the best option there is,” Minerva shot back, “My goodness, you must put Nymphadora through a lot.”

Remus let out a laugh at that and turned around to lean back next to her.

“I definitely do. I am working on that.”

“Remus, I have known you since you were a little boy. You have never given yourself the credit you deserve. Well, the world already knows you are a werewolf. There is no secret to keep. So are you accepting the position?” Minerva said, her tone growing irritated.

Minerva isn’t wrong. The objections were because they found out he was a werewolf. If he started the job again, everyone already knows about it.

He told Dora that he wanted to try. Part of staying settling down into a job, right?

“Well-...,” Remus started.

“What position?” Harry cut him off.

“Mr. Potter, I thought I told you to take some time off from helping. You are here almost every day.” Minerva shot back.

“Sorry Professor. I really was going to take the day, but Teddy has been fussy all morning and I wanted to escape.”

Remus perked up at his son’s name. He pushed himself off the window.

“You left Dora to fend for herself?”

“No, Andromeda came by for tea. She gave me the idea to escape here actually. Now stop changing the subject. What position?”

Harry was moving towards them as he spoke. He settled on a broken desk in front of Remus and Minerva.

“I have offered Remus his old job back. He is being difficult.” Minerva snapped. “Everything must be a tragedy with him.”

“Oh brilliant! Remus, you were the best professor. After everything they have been through this year, they deserve a professor who actually cares for them.” Harry said with a smile on his face.

Remus started to smile at that, crossing the room towards the damaged staircase.

“Well-...”

“Professor McGonagall!” Neville said loudly as he walked into the room.

“Yes, Mr. Longbottom, what do you need?” Minerva said, straightening up.

“Minister Shacklebolt is in the Great Hall checking on the repairs. He asked me to come get you.”

“I will be with him soon, thank you.”

Neville nodded, waved at Harry, and left the room.

Minerva and Harry both turn back to Remus, who had moved to stand in the front of the class, amongst the rubble.

“Remus, why aren’t you accepting the job?” Harry said.

“I-...”

“You are the perfect candidate for this job. I will not take no for an answer.” Minerva said as she approached Remus. Harry followed her lead.

“That’s-...”

“Seriously, Remus, don’t say no to this.” Harry sighed.

Remus laughs, throwing his hands in the air.

“Will either of you two let me answer? I have been trying to say yes.”

“Oh.” Minerva and Harry say in unison.

“I have to see the Minister, we will talk further soon.” Minerva said with a smile and then weaved her way through the broken desk to exit.

Harry joins Remus at the front of the classroom.

“You know, when I was leading Dumbledore’s Army, you were the teacher I was trying to be. I wanted to be for them what you were for me.”

Remus dips his head, “What was I?”

Harry smiled, “You saw me.”

Remus looked down at the rubble at his feet.

Harry smiled, eyes searching his memories.

“Remus, students still talk about you. The Boggart lesson became infamous here. All the students that didn’t have you didn’t believe us! You have to do that lesson this year.” Harry excitedly said, painting a picture in front of them with his hands.

Remus laughed, thinking back to a group of third years, huddled in a line, watching Professor Snape in Neville’s grandmother’s clothes.

“Yes, I think I will have to do that.” He said fondly. “The students still talk about the lessons?”

“Oh loads! Remus, what you taught us about facing our fears helped keep people alive during the war.”

Remus turned his head, trying to hide that he was tearing up.

He did not fool Harry.

Harry smiled to himself.

“When I started the DA with Ron and Hermione, people were skeptical. But then they heard I can cast a non-corporeal patronus. It impressed them, but that was all your doing.”

Remus stole a glance at Harry, pride shining in his eyes.

“No, Harry. I only showed you the steps to that.” Remus said.

Harry shook his head, then looked around the ruined classroom.

“A lot of how I taught the DA was from how you taught. The lessons, the direction, the encouragement. I wasn’t sure what I was doing at first, but then I thought of the best teacher I have had, you, and I started mirroring. Eventually, I found my footing, but you got me there. You were still teaching us long after you weren’t our professor anymore.”

Maybe the year he taught was not temporary, but the beginning of a chain reaction.

One lesson after another.

One student becomes the next.

Remus looked around the classroom again, taking in the damage the war dealt to his beloved classroom. Yes, he had some work to do to get it up to his specifications.

He shut his eyes for just a moment and he began to hear the sound of quills scratching on parchment, nervous spells being cast, and the joy of getting it right.

He opened his eyes back to the ruined classroom. The anticipation building inside him.

“Come on, Harry, I gotta submit this repair evaluation and then see what else needs done.”

Harry nods and they begin heading to the Great Hall together, weaving through countless volunteers. They almost immediately have to start yelling to hear each other over the noise.

“Should we have a big dinner to celebrate tonight? I can owl home!” Harry exclaims as he steps to the side to make room for a levitating bench to pass.

Remus doesn’t hear the second part as hammers bang nearby.

“What?”

“I can owl home!”

“No, we don’t need anything big. A dinner with my family is all I need.” Remus says with a smile.

“Good morning, Filius.” Remus throws over his shoulder.

“Good morning, Remus! Ah, you too Mr. Potter.” Professor Flitwick says, barely looking over as he directs a group on restoring a section of hallway.

“Morning Professor!” Harry yells, then jogs to catch up with Remus.

“When are you telling Tonks?” Harry says as he falls back into step.

“Hmm? What Harry?”

“Tonks! I want to see her reaction!” Harry says exasperated.

“I will tell her tonight. Don’t beat me to it either.” Remus said, stopping and pointing his finger at Harry.

A fifth-year's voice cuts through the volume, “Harry! Can you come help us take a look at this staircase?”

Harry glances over and yells, “I will be over!”

Harry turns to see that Padma and Parvati have pulled Remus aside. Harry weaves through to catch up, hearing the end.

“Oh, he is just the best, I swear.”

“Does he change his hair like Auror Tonks?” Padma asks.

Harry hears an easy laugh escape Remus. He notes that he never heard him so settled.

“All the time, but he loves the color blue.” Remus says with a smile, turning to see Harry.

“I’ll see you at home, they need my help with the stairs.” Harry said as he headed towards the voice calling for him.

“Of course Harry. Padma, Parvati, let me know if you need anything. I have to get this report in.”

Remus smiles and turns into the Great Hall, looking around for Minerva or Kingsley to give his report to.

If the hallways felt like chaos, the Great Hall is something completely different. The room was filled with students, former students, Hogwarts staff, and Ministry officials. They were all clumped around the room, deep in discussions. One of the tables was set, checking in volunteers and assigning duties.

Remus strained his eyes looking through the crowd.

“Professor Lupin!”

Remus turns to see Neville heading towards him.

“Is that the report? I can take it. Are you able to head to the courtyard to help with some of the smaller repairs?”

Remus nodded, “Yes, I can head there now.”

“Thanks, Professor!”

Remus turns to head out of the Great Hall, brushing past a group reading through clipboards.

Halfway there he stops.

A smile grows across his face.

He didn’t correct him.

-

Home felt as lively as Hogwarts had.

Remus walked in and was greeted with the sounds of Tonks laughing, Andromeda lightly scolding, and Teddy giggling.

He followed the noise, and the smell of dinner, towards the kitchen.

He stopped in the doorway to take in the sight before him.

Andromeda was pulling food out of the oven.

His wife, leaning against the counter, was facing Harry, who was sitting at the table holding his son.

They were all in fits.

“What is so funny?” Remus interjects from the doorway.

“Remus!” Tonks exclaims, “Look what our son is learning to do.”

On cue, Harry stands from his chair and turns Teddy to face his father. Teddy was sporting jet black hair and the attempt at a scar was forming on his forehead.

Remus looks from his son to Harry. He looked quite pleased with himself.

“Well, he loves his godfather, doesn’t he?” Remus says with a big smile, joy bursting through him.

“Those three have been up to no good since Harry got back.” Andromeda grumbled to Remus, her back still turned. She appeared to be working on plating dinner.

Remus glances back at the lopsided scar on his forehead and lets out a chuckle.

Teddy reaches for his dad. Like a force pulled him, Remus was in front of him quickly to take him from Harry’s arms.

“Did you have a good day, Ted?”

Teddy responds by wiping his wet hand across Remus’ face.

“Oh, that's disgusting.” Harry says as he turns to help Andromeda bring the plates to the table.

“Oi! Don’t talk about my son like that Potter.” Tonks quips to Harry.

“Only if it's true, Nymphadora.” Harry said with a grin as he set plates around the table.

“Don’t call me Nymphadora.” Tonks fired back as she threw a towel at him.

Harry caught it with a smirk, threw it on the counter, and headed to the table with the last plate.

“That good, huh?” Remus says, his attention never pulled from his son.

Remus handed Teddy off to Tonks, kissed her on the cheek, then headed to wash his hands.

“How was Hogwarts, Remus?” Andromeda asked as she settled into her chair.

Remus turned as he dried his hands, “Oh it was the usual. We got started on some assessing classroom areas that only need some minor work. Well, minor compared to other areas of the castle.”

Harry froze and stared at Remus.

“Even a little progress feels like we are rebuilding to something better.” Andromeda responded as she began to pick at her food with a fork.

Remus settled into his chair without looking up.

Tonks narrowed her eyes at him and said, “What aren’t you telling us, Remus?”

“What do you mean?”

Harry choked on his food. Remus moved his water to him with a flick of his hand.

“Shall I ask Harry? His reaction tells me you are leaving something out.” Dora responded, shifting Teddy in her arms.

“Oh, it’s nothing big.” Remus said and then took a bite from his plate.
“Then, what is it?” Andromeda asked.

“Well, I was assessing the Defense Against the Dark Arts room today and realized a new set of robes would be great for my first day back teaching.”

“You were offered a job?” Dora exclaimed.

“Teaching?!” Andromeda gasped.

“Remus, stop messing around with them.” Harry begged.

Remus looked around at them and laughed. Joy lighting up his face.

“Minerva offered me my old job back today and I accepted. I am going to be a Professor again.”

“Oh congratulations Remus, that is amazing and well deserved.” Andromeda said her voice catching slightly, “That school is lucky to have you.”

Harry then shot a response to Andromeda about the day.

Through the noise, Tonks was looking at her husband with glassy eyes.

Remus looked back at her.

And for once he was starting to see the man she saw.

Then he smiled.