Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

  Charred oak carried within the thin air of a winter morning. Feng Xin's mother stopped by his apartment early, with a container of heated hong shao rou and very stern assessment of his lacking physical health. Her eyes widened as she swatted at him, pointed out the shadows under his eyes, the uncombed locks of his hair as if he were one wrong decision close to rock bottom and clicked her teeth in dismay.

"Take better care of yourself or I'll do it for you!"

Feng Xin tried to assure her that it was only exam week withering him down, but she knew better than that. Her cold fingers wrapped a scarf around his neck tight enough he almost choked. 

"Now I need to go. Save some of that for your friend, the pretty one."

Feng Xin raised a brow," Xie Lan? Shi Qingxuan?" 

His mother squinted her eyes at him," Don't play dumb. I'm going."

  Feng Xin was still confused as to who he should be sharing the dish with when he made it to the last class of the afternoon, Daoism and Chinese Culture. It was a required elective for most third years, so many of the students he knew well enough to pass the time by chatting it up in the back row. Quan Yizhen was snoring, arm thrown out far enough he had to turn as he moved towards a seat by Xie Lan, who was sending a very long and most likely very private text to his devoted dog of a boyfriend.

"Hey," Xie Lan offered him a warm grin, hand pressed up on one side of his head when he finished," just a warning, but he's in a mood today."

"When isn't he?" Feng Xin muttered.

"I'm sure I could help with that," came a voice from behind. The two turned to see Pei Ming, leant forward to eavesdrop, a low smirk present on his lips. "You're talking about Mu Qing, right? I'll warm him up in no time during Shi Qingxuan's party tonight."

"Like hell you will," Feng Xin shot back.

   It's not like the two were friends, but he wasn't about to let Pei Ming steal Mu Qing's virginity like it was some trophy. He was notorious for sleeping around, but for the past week he'd been dropping hints about having a specific target in mind. He reeked of confidence and whatever the hell cologne was too thick for Feng Xin's liking. He was an idiot if he thought his charm would even touch Mu Qing's shield of apathy, but still, better safe than sorry. Mu Qing would be even worse to hang around if he'd somehow lost to Pei Ming's attempts.

Xie Lan tapped his lips with a finger, eyes glancing to the front row where the man himself entered.

   Feng Xin stiffened in his seat.

His long dark hair was pinned back, strands waving slightly where they came undone across pale cheeks. His dark eyes held the depths of an abyss, cold like the blade of a knife as they kept to the center of the stairs. Feng Xin remembered the way they'd widened with his touch, the way his lips had parted with pleas, and then he choked.

"Fuck," he whispered.

This was not the time. 

This was not the time to think of pale, long legs parting for more of Feng Xin's access, the way his usual scowl was scorched into offerings, pleasant, soft whimpers, Feng Xin's name. These midnight dreams would be his ruin if he didn't get laid soon. Of all the people to get a hard on for, couldn't it have been someone he actually enjoyed spending time with? Someone who wasn't Mu Qing??

   The man slipped the bag from off his shoulders and lowered it into an empty seat, taking the other, isolated in two rows away. He flipped his hair back, bit the edge of his lips, and Feng Xin watched like a man possessed. There was something so stiff about Mu Qing that bled into elegance. Feng Xin wondered aimlessly what it would look like if the guy ever wore a genuine smile, but he'd be the last to know. 

Right. The hong shao rou. 

Xie Lan cleared his throat gently.

"Are you two fighting again...?"

   It was impossible to have heard his question from so far, but Mu Qing turned his head. Feng Xin immediately met his gaze, long enough to see the man roll his eyes and turn back away, as if it hadn't even been worth his time to check.

"Probably," Feng Xin said in exasperation. 

   Shi Qingxuan never threw lame parties, it wasn't in their nature. Feng Xin considered spending his night alone in his apartment, but he had his own reasons for attending... none of which involved Pei Ming. It wasn't even his problem to begin with. If Pei Ming wanted to shoot his shot and fail abysmally, then Feng Xin was encouraged to allow it. It might even be funny watching the guy be rejected, except it was an indoor pool party. 

   People were drenched. They skimped on fabric, revealed the horned up bodies of college kids enticed by copious amounts of liquor. Even Hua Cheng, who had even the slightest of decency to offer Xie Lan space during friendly gatherings followed him like a private body guard. The man even lifted his chin and glared at Feng Xin for even sparing a glance their way, as if he were the creep!

  About fifteen minutes in, Feng Xin decided he needed another drink and shoved off the pool's edge. He wasn't normally over stimulated by noises, but the screams of excitement and drunk laughter were giving him a headache. He grabbed a towel and wiped off his face, only to find himself transfixed by a different kind of thirst when he lifted his head. 

  Mu Qing.

He was leaning against the brick wall, a red cup dangling from his fingers. As usual, he'd come overdressed. It wasn't like him to show skin, and part of Feng Xin was grateful for it. He wore the same dark shirt and slim fitting pants that he'd noticed Pei Ming had very much appreciated after class. 

  Mu Qing's gaze assessed the other side of the pool with its usual coldness and then Pei Ming sauntered into his line of sight. He approached him with a lazy grin, propped himself up on the wall to stare at Mu Qing before saying something Feng Xin was too far to catch.

Mu Qing's fingers seemed to tighten on his drink, but overall his expression remained the same. He listened to a few more words, as Feng Xin subconsciously maneuvered through the crowd to get closer. Just as he was in earshot, he watched Mu Qing brush past Pei Ming with a dismissiveness that should have been satisfying had the rejected man looked any less confident. 

  A friend nearby whistled low.

"You always choose the tough ones," he was saying to Pei Ming," I heard his parents are like major religious freaks. Doubt he'll open his legs so easily."

"I know how to crack a virgin," Pei Ming replied with ease. 

"What I wouldn't pay to-" The friend's eyes widened.

"Pay to what?" Feng Xin asked with a glare.

   The words were out of his mouth before he could stop and think. Since when did he actively defend Mu Qing? Their words were nothing more than drunken play. It's not like he believed Pei Ming was actually capable of crossing certain lines. If Mu Qing wasn't interested in the end, Pei Ming would drop it, at least after a handful of flirting attempts. 

It took a moment before the friend blinked in surprise. "Touchy Feng Xin... Didn't think you'd care."

"I don't," Feng Xin snapped," but at least I have respect."

   He turned around, snatching a bottle of vodka from the drink table to find somewhere less crowded. He took a short swig and scrunched his face together in disgust. The sharp burn wasn't even comforting.

Yin Yu offered him a single nod as he passed. Feng Xin wasn't sure what he was doing, but then he caught his devoted follower drunkenly humming with his head in his lap. The two might as well as make it official at this point. 

"Feng Xin!" Xie lan's voice came from the corner. While he didn't drink, he was enjoying the atmosphere, Hua Cheng's arm wrapped around his shoulders, sparing Feng Xin only a short glance before pressing whispered words into his lover's ear.

  "San Lang," he chided playfully.

Feng Xin lifted his gaze to the ceiling. Why had he agreed to come again? He could have been couch rotting or studying for the exams.

"Are you alright Feng Xin?"

He blinked, casually raised the vodka with a shrug. Warmth settled in his stomach that only grew as he took another drink. It was a bitter delight now.

"I think I'm going to head home before I forget how to drive."

"Are... you sure?"

"Yeah, yeah," Feng Xin assured," I have a high tolerance." Though, that tolerance was close enough he decided to not have another sip. He gestured to the couple with the bottle. He would have asked Xie Lan to text him when he got home to let him know he was safe, but for some reason he felt that might be an insult to the man holding him in his arms and he was too tired to argue with anyone else.

   "Be safe," Xie Lan said in parting. 

"Yep."

Feng Xin cut through the house, shoving past grinding couples and a raging beer pong game. He would have offered a goodbye to Shi Qingxuan, but he was a bit addled and the vodka had only dampened his mood.

  The quiet street was a stark contrast to the party inside, a slight relief. He sucked in a breath and took a step off the sidewalk towards the long line of cars, and then stopped.

Mu Qing. 

   He was moving again before he could even comprehend it. 

"Hey!"

Mu Qing spun around, bunched up in a dark coat, arms wrapped around himself to brace the cold breeze. In the lamp light of the street, shadow caressed parts of his jaw, almost hid the scowl of his lips that opened with an irritated response.

"What do you want?"

"I-" He wasn't even sure. " Are you okay?"

It came out in his buzzed state, sounding softer than he'd intended.

  Mu Qing's eyes widened a fraction, a crack in the ice before it rapidly sealed over. He scoffed," Save the hero complex for Xie Lan, yeah?"

"I just meant-" Feng Xin blinked repeatedly when his vision began to fog. Had he really had that much to drink or was it the lack of sleep coming for him? The moment lapse in which he searched for an answer only pissed the man off more.

"Gods," Mu Qing said," Are you drunk?"

"No!" Feng Xin snapped," Geez, I just noticed you left immediately after Pei Ming hit on you, so I was just making sure you were okay."

  Mu Qing stared at him, and then without much anger, muttered.

"Fuck off."

Feng Xin bit his tongue. He didn't sleep either that night. When he'd gotten home, he'd tried, pissed off at himself for even bothering to check on the bastard. He'd really acted as if Feng Xin's concern was a curse. He was so fucking pretentious. Mu Qing really was the worst.

   The next morning in class, Mu Qing held the same attitude. He always did. He slid into the same seat two rows over. Feng Xin pretended to admire the notes of the previous lecture on the board whilst glancing back to watch the man unpack his things in his usual delicate and precise manner. He had a place for everything. Even his pencils were neatly aligned, discarded hoodie folded neatly in the seat beside his, like some kind of robot. 

Mu Qing only offered words to Xie Lan, who often took turns sitting with either one of them to keep the peace, not that Mu Qing seemed to care. He only muttered a clipped," Pass the handout," when the exam started rotating. 

  Feng Xin slumped in his own seat. He tried to focus on the words of his booklet, but his attention kept swaying. The second question in and he found movement in his peripheral, dark strands of hair being pushed back by pale fingers, the way his finger tapped against his deck lightly when he was struggling with a question. 

Feng Xin rubbed his eyes, forcing himself back to his test.

How does the Zhuangzi use humor and absurd stories to challenge conventional viewpoints on knowledge and death? Provide Examples.

How the hell was Feng Xin supposed to know? He'd been texting during this lecture.

  Mu Qing leaned back in his chair, one long leg stretched into the aisle, glaring at his paper as if it had personally offended him. He brought the end of his pen to his mouth and bit down gently.

Feng Xin stopped.

Last night he'd had another dream, Mu Qing, breathless, head thrown back with that same mouth open on a gasp. He'd told him to fuck off too, only to plead for mercy the next. His teeth had laid claim on his shoulder, fingers too leaving long red marks against Feng Xin's back. 

  It wasn’t even just the sex. Well, it was, but there was a growing, desperate curiosity that bordered on obsession. What would Mu Qing actually look like without his defense? Obviously he’d try to hide himself, but eventually he’d be nothing more than a victim to pleasure. Would he beg? Was he as rough as his words or did he become malleable underneath the right hands? Did he hide the noises he made? Shit, Mu Qing wouldn’t know either. It would surprise him, the first time he’d be opened up-

   Feng Xin's pencil snapped in half.

Several heads turned. Mu Qing's gaze flickered over, dark eyes cool and utterly disinterested. They scanned Feng Xin's flushed face, the broken pencil and dismissed him entirely. 

   FUCK.

He couldn't keep doing this. This was actually insane. He was in the middle of a goddamn midterm and he was getting a hard on over Mu Qing's lips. He had to get laid, that was the only solution. It didn't even matter who it was at this point, because at this rate even a sneer in his direction was liable to twist his anger into a horrible sexual frustration. 

Of all people, why the hell did it have to be him?!

  The end of the day was a mercy. Feng Xin was one of the first people to make it outside.

"Feng Xin."

He turned to find Xie Lan following behind him, his expression soft with concern.

"Are you sure everything's alright? You've been really tense lately."

Sure, if failing another exam whilst he was cursed to act like a hormonal teenager who would rather jerk off than sleep was alright. Feng Xin forced a grin, the muscles of his face aching with the effort.

"Yeah, I just pulled a double this weekend and studying isn't my strong suite."

"You should get some rest," Xie Lan said, but his attention drifted past his shoulders, a subtle shift in posture. "Hm."

  Feng Xin followed his gaze.

Pei Ming had just left the halls, talking easily, one hand gesturing and right beside him was Mu Qing. It wasn't the sight of them together that struck a nerve, but their friend's face. (Xie Lan's friend anyways) Mu Qing was smiling. It was small, closed mouth, but it softened the severe line of his lips, made his eyes crinkle at the corner.

Pei Ming said something else, clapped a hand on Mu Qing's shoulder, and parted with a wink. Mu Qing's smile faded back to its usual neutrality as he continued down the sidewalk towards them.

   "You're friends with Pei Ming?" Xie Lan asked when he was in earshot.

" Something like that."

A sharp dismissive tch clicked from the back of Feng Xin's throat before he realized it.

"What?" Mu Qing asked.

"Nothing…Just figured you were smarter than that. Guy's a walking STD."

Mu Qing rolled his eyes," Shut up. He's just helping me with a paper."

"Right, I'm sure that's all he wants to help with."

"What's your problem?" Mu Qing took a step in his direction," You’ve been acting weird all week.”

"I just don't like seeing people get played."

"It's none of your damn business."

Xie Lan quickly stepped in between them with a nervous grin," Alright, both of you. Mu Qing... just be careful, alright? He's got a reputation, but if it makes you happy…”

  "Thanks mother."

 He glanced back at Feng Xin, whose jaw was clenched tight. A flicker of something mean and challenging sparked in Mu Qing's gaze. He shrugged again," Maybe I'd be happy fucking Pei Ming."

The words hung in the space between them. The words hadn't been meant for Feng Xin, just another way to press Xie Lian for having the audacity to worry for him, but they hit him like a physical blow. A vivid, unwelcome image flashed: Mu Qing, that black tee pushed up, that sharp mouth slack, Pei Ming's hands roaming his body-

"Great. Fantastic. Have fun with that," His voice was too loud, drawing glances from passing students," Just don't come crying to anyone when it blows up in your face."

   He was grabbing for something out of his bag in a fit of rage before he fully processed his own movements. He shoved the container his mother had given him at Mu Qing with a glare, who looked genuinely confused for a moment.

”Take it.” 

Feng Xin’s cheeks burnt as he took off in the opposite direction. Fucking Mu Qing of all people.

Chapter Text

  From studying to working at his mothers little restaurant off of Con Av. Feng Xin didn’t have a lot of time to consider his options other than an entire pot of coffee and two cold monsters to get him through his shift. He hadn’t even dreamt last night, but everytime a stray firework went off or someone’s car passed with loud ass music, he jumped from his sleep in a fit. He’d gotten a good few hours before he realized his alarm never got set, which resulted in extra cleaning duties whilst Yin Yu looked over some kind of math he had no business trying to understand. 

“What are you even doing?” He asked when he was finished wiping the four tables down for the lunch rush he wasn’t too convinced would even come. Most of those who did ordered to go anyways. 

“Ah, I’m doing Hua Cheng’s homework so he has more free time to go on dates with Xie Lan.”

Feng Xin narrowed his gaze.

“And… what are you getting out of this?”

“Most of the time he pays me, but I needed a favor this time.”

   Ah. Feng Xin wasn’t so nosy he was going to ask what it was, that and the front bell dinged to signify they actually had a customer. Feng Xin tightened his apron and lifted his head to greet them, only to find another impossible challenge of the day. What the fuck. What the fuck. Wh-

“Mu Qing!” His mother darted from her little office to greet him with open arms. Feng Xin watched, unamused, as the two hugged a polite greeting. Of course. She was always up to something. “Did you like the dish? I have a new one I would love for you to test!”

“Okay,” Mu Qing said, and because he was so pale, unable to hide the blush rising to his cheeks as she ushered him to a table and he set about removing his coat. Very quickly she pointed to her son,” Bring him a drink while I start his bowl.”

“But-“

“Can’t you see Yin Yu is busy? Go help your friend!”

   Under his breath, he muttered,” He’s not my friend,” but he obeyed, because it was his mother and in her youth she knew how to make his father listen well enough. He scowled at the cup of tea, some herbal fancy stuff she kept for Mu Qing alone, even if he rarely had time to visit. He set it down on the table and furrowed his brows, staring.

“Are you wearing eyeliner?”

Mu Qing glared,” Don’t start.”

It looked nice.

“You’re the one who came in.”

“For your mother,” he reminded.

   Feng Xin let out a deep sigh before going back behind the counter. Now it was just weird. He could only pretend to rearrange the spare straws and take out containers so long before it was obvious he had nothing else to do. Yin Yu cleared his throat, an obvious smile behind his fist. His mother brought her new rendition of xiao long bao, with a new seasoning and herbal mixture she’d yet to even allow Feng Xin to try. 

“I hope you enjoy it,” she said. Her hand came to Mu Qing’s shoulder before she leaned in to whisper, something that made the man stiffen in his seat before nodding nervously. Feng Xin started to spray the counter.

Mu Qing took a tentative bite, and his mother watched closely as he savored the broth. 

“It’s good as always,” he said, sounding almost fond. 

“Hey!” Yin Yu snapped,” not the paper!”

   The cleaning spray drenched a corner where Feng Xin had swept aimlessly, and he managed to stop himself in time from ruining it completely. Yin Yu pressed the paper to his chest with a frown. 

“You should have dinner with Feng Xin sometime,” his mother said suddenly, alerting both of her employees behind the counter. “He learned from me, but he eats all alone in that little apartment of his. How about tonight?”

WHAT? And Feng Xin couldn’t cook!

"Oh-" Mu Qing set his cup of tea down, not even bothering to look in Feng Xin's direction," Actually I can't. I promised a friend I'd study with them tonight."

Friend? Pei Ming wasn't a friend, and Feng Xin seriously doubted they were going to just end up studying. He scoffed to himself. Don't care. Not even a little. Nope. 

   The study lounge was quiet. Feng Xin hadn't even really planned on stopping by after his shift, but it just happened to be on the way to his place. He was merely... checking out some books to learn...things. 

   A few students were scattered in chairs, some with headphones, faces lit by the laptop glow. Feng Xin strolled around the bookcases towards the private study rooms, catching a table with stray papers and a mess of highlighters Pei Ming had yet to finish cleaning up. The other chair beside him was empty. Pei Ming heard him approach and lifted his head, a slow, knowing smirk spreading across his face. 

"Hey," Feng Xin said," Long night?"

"Ah, you could say that," Pei Ming said with a theatrical sigh," Mu Qing just left actually. He's a very quick study." 

He made the words sound like something sexual.

   What was Mu Qing even doing entertaining this fool? It wasn't like him. 

Feng Xin cleared his throat. 

"Look, man... I just wanted to-" He decided to try for something remotely civil," He's not like the others you hang with, you know? He takes things seriously. He gets hurt. He doesn't show it, but he does."

Gods. He couldn't have phrased that worse, but it was the truth. Feng Xin had fought with Mu Qing enough to know his tells, when he hid something that truly bothered him rather than the usual snippy remarks. He was cold, but he wasn't inhuman. 

Pei Ming’s smile didn’t fade. It curved with a sharper edge, as he leaned back against the table, arms crossed.

“He’s a big boy. He makes his own choices.”

“I know that,” Feng Xin said,” Just don’t fuck around with him. Okay? He doesn’t deserve that.”

“Why,” Pei Ming said slowly, drawing the word out,” do you care so much again?”

The question was a trapdoor opening beneath Feng Xin’s feet. His mind went blank. Why… did he care so much?

  Pei Ming watched him flounder for a second longer, then he let out a soft, incredulous laugh. He picked up a yellow highlighter from the table, turned it over in his fingers. His gaze never left Feng Xin’s.

   With a deliberate slowness that was completely filthy, he brought the highlighter’s cap to his lips and ran the tip of his tongue along its length. 

“Relax,” he said, his voice a low, mocking whisper,” I’m always careful with the pretty flowers, especially the ones with thorns.”

  The confrontation had been his own impulsive fault. Feng Xin had crossed a line. For the next two days that he didn't have class, he spent it immersed in work and studying anywhere that wasn't the college campus. He jogged in the cold mornings, used the gym to disperse the tension that coiled in his stomach. Xie Lan reached out a few times, checking in, and Feng Xin did his best to assure him he was fine. He was.

   He was coming out of the gym when it happened, hair still damp from the shower, when a figure detached itself from the shadows of the bike racks and stepped directly into his path.

Mu Qing.

"You," he shoved at Feng Xin hard," absolute fuckwit!"

Feng Xin didn't budge, but he stepped back to keep from another," What?"

"You went to Pei Ming," Mu Qing's voice was quiet, lethal in its control," You gave him some pathetic speech about how fragile I am, how he shouldn't fuck around with me."

The words, thrown back in his face, were a bit embarrassing. Yeah... he had done that.

"Who told you?"

"He did. He thought it was hilarious. ' Your guard dog was by earlier,' he said,' Very protective.'" Mu Qing took a step closer. Feng Xin glanced at his clenched fists, catching the faint tremor of his anger, the humiliation. "What are you a fucking knight in shining armor?"

"I was just-"

"You were just what? Inserting yourself where you don't belong? Again?" Mu Qing's laugh was a short, brutal sound. "I told you. I make my own choices. I deal with my own consequences. I don't need you running interference, you self- righteous prick. You think I can't handle a guy like Pei Ming? You think I'm some naive little idiot, who needs big, strong Feng Xin to scare off the wolves?"

"That's not what I think!" Feng Xin shot back, his own temper shooting off," I think he uses people! I think he'll get what he wants and you'll be left picking up the pieces."

"And what's it to you if I do?" Mu Qing screamed the words. A couple of students across the lot turned to look. "Why do you even care? You hate me! You've made that abundantly clear for years! So just fucking hate me and leave the rest of it alone! Stay out of my business! Stay out of my life!"

  He shoved past Feng Xin hard. 

Feng Xin stood rooted to the spot, the words echoing within his own head. Why do you even care?

His gym bag slipped from his numb fingers, hitting the pavement with a thud. He watched as Mu Qing retreated, the proud line of his shoulders, the way he ignored Quan Yi Zhen's wave from a set of benches. The truth, terrifying, raw, finally settled over Feng Xin.

He cared.

Chapter Text

   This entire ordeal was absolutely ridiculous. Feng Xin stared at himself in the university's restroom mirror for a long moment. His fingers clenched along the edge of the sink. It had been four days, since Mu Qing and his argument, but it was different. All of their other arguments before felt like a mere ritual, a habit. This had been full of... he wasn't even sure what to call it. 

He'd fucked up, and worse, he cared. Mu Qing was his friend, whether or not the other man wanted to admit it. So, why? When Xie Lan offered his advice, it was met with at most a dismissive comment or roll of the eyes. Why did it piss Mu Qing off so much when Feng Xin did the same? Did he really hate him that much? 

  Feng Xin turned his head towards the restroom door before deciding he couldn’t hide out the entire lecture. Eventually he’d have to either apologize or take this loss. He shoved it open, nearly knocking into Shi Qingxuan who had decided to present themselves in feminine attire for the day. His eyes widened as he stumbled back.

”Oh! Sorry about that,” Shi Qingxuan waved a hand apologetically,” I saw you go in and I really needed to talk to you.”

”Could we do this later?” Feng Xin asked, averting his gaze.

”Don’t be so stiff,” they said with a knowing grin,” You always get so nervous when I dress up.”

”I do not! I’m just really busy right now!”

“If you say so,” Shi Qingxuan stepped forward, and very hastily Feng Xin stepped back with heat rising in his cheeks.

”I have to go!”

"Alright! I'll check with you later then!" Shi Qingxuan called out after him.

   Feng Xin found himself outside Xie Lan's apartment. Thankfully, he noticed Hua Cheng's car wasn't parked in its usual space. Thank the gods. He couldn't deal with his presence at the moment. 

   The door swung open to warmth and a faint floral incense. Xie Lan's apartment felt similar to a little cottage, tea always being brewed, adorned with many flowers and indoor plants. Feng Xin's old beanbag slumped in the corner, the one he'd brought over their first year in college. On the backdoor, he saw Mu Qing's familiar black hoodie. 

"You look like you still haven't slept," Xie Lan said mildly, stepping back to let him in," Come in. I just made tea."

Feng Xin dropped down to his favorite cushion and threw his head back with a sigh.

"That bad?"

"Mu Qing," he admitted," I fucked up a little."

   Xie Lan nodded softly as he moved to pour Feng Xin a cup of tea. He situated himself on the couch, his own cup steaming with a citrus scent. 

"I've noticed you two were acting even more difficult."

Feng Xin ran a hand through his hair. He managed to get the gist of the story, sparing the few embarrassing details about all of his motivations. 

"I just told Pei Ming to back off. Was I wrong?" He scoffed to himself," and then he runs straight to Mu Qing to laugh about it, and Mu Qing just... fuck, am I the bad guy?! He's my friend. A pain in the ass, but he's our pain in the ass. You know how he gets. He acts like caring about him is some horrible offense. That fucker Pei Ming is going to just makes things worse for him and he'll just internalize all that shit and let it fester. I don't want to see him get hurt. Is that so criminal?"

Xie Lan stared at him with wide eyes, lips parted in surprise. He cleared his throat gently and his cup made a soft tap against the coffee table as he set it down. 

"...No," he said finally," I don't think you're a monster," and after a moment," but your delivery could use some work."

"I know," Feng Xin admitted in defeat," but he wouldn't listen. He never fucking listens to me. He just assumes the worst."

"Have you tried speaking to him since then?"

"What? Why would I do that?"

Xie Lan let out a sigh," Feng Xin."

"It's pointless. If he wants to stay mad, he'll stay mad."

Xie Lan only gave him an impassive look, one that always seemed to say plenty. It withered Feng Xin down until he felt like a mere child being softly reprimanded. 

"Fine... I'll talk to him."

Not that he thought it would do much, but piss him off even more.

  All he could do was stare at the text.

F: Can we talk?

Dots had appeared. Stopped. Minutes after.

M: Maybe

M: After my date

  Was this it then? Mu Qing wasn’t wrong. It was his life, his decisions, his consequences. He’d felt the same protectiveness over Xie Lan when he’d first started talking to Hua Cheng, but this felt sour, like a slow acting poison he’d willingly sipped. If only he hadn’t allowed himself to continue daydreaming about what his subconscious conjured in the night, maybe he wouldn’t have felt some strange possessiveness. 

  The silence in his apartment was driving him mad. He shoved half unpacked boxes from the start of the term into a corner. He'd meant to clean up, distract himself with the discarded notes of lectures, but he couldn't find it in himself to move unless it was to the fridge for a cold beer. 

By the time he was on his third, he was stuck on the couch watching a rerun of a basketball game. He could call his ex, get an easy lay, but there wasn't much motivation for that either.

Were Pei Ming and Mu Qing having sex right now?

  As talented as his devoted exes claimed him to be, Pei Ming couldn't make it good for Mu Qing. He didn't know him well enough, didn't know his hidden quirks and tells. It was his first time. It would hurt. 

Feng Xin inhaled a sharp breath.

Had Mu Qing even been kissed before? His ice cold demeanor often scared those who thought him pretty, and he was... Mu Qing was really, really pretty. 

  Feng Xin felt unhinged despite the fact he wasn't moving. He finished his beer and didn't bother getting up for a fourth. He just sat there, the empty bottle dangling from his fingers and tried to fight the useless, seething anger inside of him.

Pei Ming didn't deserve what Mu Qing was giving him.

  It was past midnight when the knock came. Soft. Unconfident.

Feng Xin blinked. Who in the hell would come this late? He stuffed his beer onto the mess of the coffee table and surged forward to open the door, the room tilting lightly, but not enough he wouldn't be able to fight whoever thought to disturb his sulking.

Mu Qing stood in the hallway, long hair loose and slightly wind tousled. The eyeliner was smudged, just a dark shadow beneath his eyes. He'd changed from his clothes earlier that morning, a thin gray sweater, a large duffel bag slung on one shoulder.

  Feng Xin wrenched the door open.

Mu Qing didn't meet his eyes, but he entered, staring somewhere past Feng Xin's shoulder.

"Hey," Feng Xin said, sounding odd even to himself.

"I..." Mu Qing lowered his head," I didn't know where else to go. Hua Cheng is at Xie Lan's right now, so I- I can leave, if it's too much."

"What's wrong?"

"It's not a big deal. Just for tonight, until my parents calm down."

   Feng Xin shut the door behind them. It was obvious enough the man didn't want to explain himself, which was fine by him. Mu Qing trusted him enough to even be an option, something about that made him feel a little lighter, if not for the way he held himself now. His parents. It had to be something about his date. Maybe they'd found out it was with a man.

"You can take the bed," Feng Xin heard himself say," I'll take the couch."

"Don't be stupid. It's your place."

"It's a shitty couch. You'll complain all morning and my back is already wrecked from practice. Just take the bed." It came out with more force than he'd intended, the ghost of their old, easy bickering, though there was no real heat in it now.

  Mu Qing looked at him then, dark eyes exhausted. He gave a short nod. "Fine."

What happened? Are you okay? Do you need me to break someone's knees?

Feng Xin knew better than to ask about the date. He forced everything back and let the man take control of his room for the night. Through the thin walls he heard the shower start, just as he'd finished his pallet on the couch. Mu Qing, sleeping in his bed, it made him feel something that wasn't quite arousal. 

   Feng Xin felt useless. All he could offer him was a bed for the night? What about tomorrow? Mu Qing had mentioned his parents, it couldn't have been good. They'd fought before, but he'd never ran away, or worse, had he been kicked out?

He didn't know the right thing to say. He was afraid of saying the wrong thing, in the wrong way. When morning came, he feared he'd only make matters worse. He was good at that.

  Feng Xin must have slept, because the grey light of morning was seeping through the blinds when a soft clatter from the kitchen jolted him awake. Feng Xin blinked, his neck stiff from the couch, blanket twisted around his leg. The smell of bitter coffee wafted throughout the apartment, a promise to ease the horrid stale beer taste lingering in his mouth. 

  He pushed himself up and trailed forward to find Mu Qing at the counter, his back to him while he adjusted the coffee machine. He was still in the same grey from last night, hair a dark cascade down his back, slightly tangled from sleep. The sight was so ordinary, so jarringly domestic that Feng Xin found his chest aching with another new feeling.

  "You don't have to do that," Feng Xen said.

Mu Qing didn't turn. "It's just coffee."

"You want breakfast?" Feng Xin asked, still slightly hesitant. So far so good. This didn't have to become a mess.

"I can make myself something."

Feng Xin smiled slightly. At least he was feeling good enough to continue being stubborn.

"Sit your ass down. Eggs and bacon, okay?" He grabbed a pan without waiting for a response. He needed to do this, even if the man pried and stabbed at every word. It was better than telling Mu Qing that he was worried about him. Mu Qing, for some reason, never understood. He hated when Feng Xin was too soft. It made him skittish, like a feral cat being offered a hand. 

   Mu Qing didn't offer any insult though, and he even found a stool to sit on whilst Feng Xin set to cracking some eggs. The silence wasn't uncomfortable, yet.

"So...uh," Feng Xin studied the heat of the stove," How was your date?"

Shit. He'd really meant to hold himself back. 

  Mu Qing was quiet for so long that Feng Xin thought he was just going to ignore the question. He stirred his coffee with a soft click of the spoon against the ceramic cup.

"It was fine. Boring. He spent an hour talking about his car's horsepower. Tried to ask me to stay at his place. I rejected that idea." His tone was flat," I came home and an hour later my father had a meltdown."

Feng Xin flipped an egg. The yolk wobbled. "Because he found out."

A sharp, hollow laugh escaped Mu Qing. "The neighbor saw us. Mrs. Ling is part of my parent's prayer circle, so naturally she called my father immediately."

"I don't get it," Feng Xin said," You could have just been getting a ride home from a friend."

"You... don't get kissed by your friends."

  Feng Xin froze.

"He uh," something felt like fire in his throat," He kissed you?"

Mu Qing rolled his eyes, deciding to ignore that comment,” I'll find somewhere else to stay tonight.”

"Stay as long as you want. Seriously."

"I can't just camp out in your room. It's your space."

"Just accept it. For once in your life, just let someone fucking help you without it being a whole thing."

He saw Mu Qing flinch, his shoulders tightening before Feng Xin forced himself to take a breath. The eggs were going to burn at this rate. 

"If it makes you feel better, you can help around the house. Clean up a bit. Earn your keep or whatever," he said, somehow balancing between gentleness and an overall casual indifference. 

  Mu Qing's eyes swept over the chaotic living space, and a flicker of his old, sharp disdain returned.

"God knows it needs it."

It was clearly an insult, a slight jab at Feng Xin's domestic incompetence, but Feng Xin felt a sudden giddy relief punch through the tension in his ribs. He ducked his head to hide the smile, pretended to search for seasoning.

Mu Qing had just agreed to stay.

For once, he felt like he'd done something right.

Chapter Text

   Mu Qing had, true to his word, "earned his keep". He spent the first few days after class organizing his entire apartment. There were places that Feng Xin hadn’t even been aware one was supposed to be deep cleaning. He wasn’t a complete slob, but he would never have even thought to dust along the top of the window panels, or to sweep from underneath the fridge. It also seemed to give the man something to do, because even if Feng Xin insisted laying off on other chores because despite the situation, he was a guest, he outright refused. 

   Even Feng Xin's laundry that often overfilled in the hamper before he found the time was neatly folded and placed respectfully in a dresser. 

Mu Qing moved through the space with only a slither of his usual sarcasm. Even when Feng Xin dropped his sweaty gym bag on the floor, the man had only let out an annoyed sigh before taking it to the laundry room. It felt oddly domestic. Still, a week in, and Feng Xin learned how to be crafty about returning the favors. 

  Other than giving up his bed, he felt it wasn't enough. He needed to do more. He needed to prove something, even if he wasn't too sure what that was yet. 

He bought Mu Qing's favorite tea, the expensive, floral kind, and left the box on the counter. He came home with extra containers of his mother's food, ignoring her raised brow each time. He did these things clumsily, leaving little hints in plain sight. He stopped using 2 in 1 shampoo the moment Mu Qing had scrunched his nose in disgust. 

  Maybe he just wanted to convince the other man that they could be friends after all.

It all almost went south on a Wednesday night. Feng Xin had only wanted to fold the laundry, take a chore off Mu Qing's back since he'd already decided he would be the one to cook dinner. He'd loaded up the hot clothes in a wooden basket and trailed to his (Mu Qing's) bedroom, taking his time folding the man's things, throwing his own in a messy pile in the bottom drawer. 

  It was when his fingers brushed the soft fabric of something a little more airy that he stopped for a moment. It was a pair of briefs, not the kind Feng Xin wore. It was laced, with a delicate, open web of it across the front, the sides just thin straps.

Feng Xin's brain short circuited. 

Mu Qing wore these. Feng Xin fought the images it conjured, but it was there. He immediately saw the dark lace against pale skin, slender lines of his hips, the dip of his stomach, lying right there, in Feng Xin's bed, just feet away from where Feng Xin slept on the couch. 

FUUUUUUUCK.

   "What the hell are you doing?!"

Mu Qing grabbed for the underwear and shoved Feng Xin roughly. He only had a moment to catch the bright red in the man's cheeks before he was being pushed towards the door while being screamed at.

"Don't touch my stuff! Get out!" The door slammed shut behind him," You're the worst!"

"I..." Feng Xin stared at the door perplexed," was just trying to do laundry," he muttered to himself. 

   He sat on the couch for a long moment after that. How could he continue on, knowing what he knew? He had finally gotten past his midnight dreams, only to be met with such intimate information and the sight of how captivating a blushing and embarrassed Mu Qing was. Part of him wanted to tease him, but this was a dangerous game. 

For one, Feng Xin realized he looked like a complete perv right now... and he was, probably.

During dinner, shared between awkward silence and green tea, Feng Xin mustered the courage to apologize. He cleared his throat, tried to find the words that would be genuine and not a reason to lash out. It took a while.

"Hmph," Feng Xin pursed his lips," So..."

Mu Qing raised his eyes in a glare.

"Shi Qingxuan is throwing a little gathering tomorrow night and I was curious if you wanted to go... with me."

Honestly, if he'd apologized it would have just further embarrassed Mu Qing. Better to forget it, except he most likely wouldn't. 

"..."

"You can just say no," Feng Xin offered.

Mu Qing brushed hair back behind his shoulder," Whatever, we can go together."

  Feng Xin wasn’t going to even bother showing up, but in his defense, what else could he have done? They hadn’t fought in a week, and he would rather suffer the night of loud music and drunken games than be the one who killed their streak. Shi Qingxuan had mentioned a small get together, but he knew better. When the two of them came through the front door Quan Yizhen was already hooting and hollering much to everyone's dismay, Yin Yu berating him about something to do with the buffet spread out onto a long dining table. 

  Shi Qingxuan met them at the door.

"You showed!" They offered them both two plastic, red cups, as if they'd sensed their presence," We were just about to start a game. Come on, come on... Don't scowl, Mu Qing, it'll be fun."

Feng Xin eyed his roommate.

"Just let me know when you want to leave."

  No one questioned why they'd arrived at the same time. No one else but Xie Lan knew about their new living conditions, and that was only because he'd stopped by Mu Qing's place and found out himself. He'd promised to keep it a secret, but by the looks of Hua Cheng's smirk, he hadn't considered his own boyfriend in it.

Everyone who wasn't busy mingling amongst themselves sat in a circle in the living room, a bunch of vodka and EJ spread in the center. Pei Ming smirked and offered Mu Qing a little wave in greeting, to which the other man seemed to ignore. Good. Feng Xin felt a swell of pride and victory.

  "For those of us who drink," Shi Qingxuan smiled at Xie Lan who was most likely downing gingerale," The game is truth or drink! Simple enough?"

"I'll drink for you gege," Hua Cheng said to Xie Lan, who had an arm wrapped around his shoulders. Ugh.

"Thanks, San Lang."

Mu Qing and Feng Xin shared a look.

"Let's see..." Shi Qingxuan tapped a finger to their chin," Since I'm the host I'll start with the first question."

"Hmm..." They eyed someone new that Feng Xin didn't recognize, a dark haired man, eyes cool and uninterested. "Let's all tell about our first time! You don't have to spare the spicy details, but you can if you want."

  The man Shi Qinxuan had yet to stop staring at raised one of the vodka bottles and took a swig.

"I choose drink."

"Mm, unfortunate," Shi Qingxuan murmured," I knew yours would be interesting."

  Pei Ming chuckled, and since he was beside the man decided it was his turn. He eyed Mu Qing, searching the crowd for their reactions.

"Honestly, I can't remember mine. It was in high school, there was confetti that stuck everywhere. It was all a beautiful, blurry dream."

This guy had no shame.

Some of the men howled in laughter, a few others commented about his game. Feng Xin eyed Mu Qing, only to find he didn't look bothered in the slightest. 

Xie Lan was next. He went pink instantly, from the tip of his ears down to his throat. San Lang, coiled beside him like a panther, draped his arm even closer around him, whispering something into his ear. 

"It was...um... It was good. Really good. He was... very patient," he mumbled something else unintelligible into his hands as San Lang smirked, looking quite pleased with himself. The circle erupted into cooing whistles. 

  "Like we don't know who that was about," one of Pei Ming's friends muttered.

"How delightful," Shi Qingxuan clasped their hands together. "What about you Feng Xin?"

It's not that he held any shame about speaking like this, but it felt weird now. He cleared his throat, felt a scorching gaze meet his face.

"Uh, It wasn't anything special. My ex..." they all knew plenty about her if they had gone to the same highschool, which most of them had," She talked me into it. We broke up shortly after."

"Wow," Pei Ming said," Was it that bad?"

"Shut up," he said. "She wasn't my type." He had no idea why he even bothered mentioning that. It only gave the man more ammo.

"Oh," he mused," I guess that makes sense."

"Mu Qing?" Shi Qingxuan prodded.

   Everyone glanced in his direction. Mu Qing had gone still. The darkness of his eyes stared at the center of the circle.

"Truth?" Shi Qingxuan prompted softly.

Mu Qing's lips parted, but no sound came out. A flush crept up his neck, stained his cheeks and then very quickly he lunged for a bottle and downed the remaining three swigs like his life depended on it. He coughed and brought a hand up to his mouth.

"This game is stupid," he managed.

The circle was dead silent.

"Okay!" Shi Qingxuan said, a little too brightly," That's a drink! Moving on!"

   For the next hour Mu Qing became a quiet shadow at the edge of the party, a bottle finding its way into his hands again and again and again. Feng Xin watched, a knot of hopeless worry building in his chest. He tried to intercept, even offer the man some water, but Mu Qing just gave him a glassy eyed look and pouting scowl.

  By the time the music softened and people started to pair off and leave, Mu Qing was profoundly, sloppily drunk. He wasn't as loud as Quan Yizhen, but he stumbled, muttered words to himself on the couch.

"Come on," Feng Xin said," We're going home."

Mu Qing looked up at him, and for the first time since they'd known each other, lifted his hand for guidance, his eyes meeting his with a rebellious smirk.

"Feng Xin... My legs won't let me."

   It was hell getting him to the car. Mu Qing was clingy in a way that unsettled Feng Xin. He kept tight hold of his arm, whispered into it when his legs swayed off the sidewalk. He hadn't needed to explain himself. Xie Lan had looked a bit worried when he'd seen his state, offered them a doting but exasperated sigh before parting.

"Hey," Feng Xin warned," Cars this way."

"Stars are moving," Mu Qing informed.

"Yeah, sure they are."

   He buckled him in since it didn't seem like he could do it himself. 

"You're so good at that..."

"Clasping a seatbelt?" Feng Xin asked, not bothering to hide the amusement in his tone.

"Yeah."

   It was worst the ride back. Mu Qing, sweet, drunk Mu Qing whose hair was curled with the sweat of his drunken state. His head was thrown back against the seat, lips parted in a delighted grin, lids half closed.

"Ha!"

"Hm?" Feng Xin asked.

"Pei Ming is a... a pervy worm."

Feng Xin couldn't help but snort. "Yeah. He is."

"A shiny, smug worm in a designer jacket," Mu Qing said. He turned his head against the glass to look at Feng Xin," You... You're not a worm."

"Thank you."

"You're a... a big thing. A bear. Not furry. A smooth bear," he nodded at himself, satisfied with his assessment. 

Gods. Feng Xin pursed his lips to hide the smile. This was new. He should have gotten Mu Qing drunk a long time ago. He thought it was a pleasant thing, even after they struggled with the stairs to their apartment. Mu Qing was boneless, giggling as he tripped over his own feet.

"The stairs are going to eat me A'xin."

   Feng Xin felt something tighten in his chest, but better to press it down for later, when the drunken bastard was asleep. He was too adorable like this, too easy to forget how thin a line their friendship balanced on. 

"Come on, one at a time."

He looped an arm around Mu Qing's waist, hauling him up. Mu Qing's arm draped around Feng Xin's neck, his face tucked close to his jaw. Every breath was warm against his skin. This was dangerous he thought.

"You're very strong," Mu Qing whispered," I really..." he brushed closer to his ear," like it."

Nope. Feng Xin was a gentleman. His breath caught as he fumbled for the keys, finally shoved the door open after a moment. He half carried, half dragged Mu Qing inside and led him towards the bedroom. When he plopped down against the mattress, he was staring at Feng Xin ungaurded.

"Can you stay with me tonight?"

   It was a drunk request. Meaningless. Feng Xin didn't answer, just sat on the edge of the bed and watched as his friend's chest rose, until his eyes began to close.

He wished, with a desperation that scared him, that Mu Qing could always be like this. He could be pliant, unbothered with his requests, play silly little jokes and say his name like that again. Morning would come though, and the walls would go right back up, leaving Feng Xin to remember the Mu Qing that thought he was a smooth bear and liked his strength.

  With a tired sigh, Feng Xin tucked him in and left for the couch. It wasn't until he lied down and tried to get his own heart to stop racing that he heard it. Soft whispers, almost like a sob shattered between breaths, came from the parted door to the bedroom. Feng Xin shifted, worried that for a moment he might be crying. 

  A soft moan escaped, and Feng Xin froze.

No fucking way.

Mu Qing was not drunkenly getting off in Feng Xin's bed.

He heard it though, in the quiet of the living room, the breathing attempted to be muffled as if in his haze he still had shame. Feng Xin swallowed hard, slouched back against the couch. His body was reacting, even with just the noises. They were so raw and pleasant. He wondered what had gotten the man so riled up that he even had enough energy to do such a thing.

  Feng Xin's fingers clenched against the fabric of his jeans. 

Whimpering. Mu Qing couldn't remember this in the morning. He would never show his face again. 

It lasted only for a few minutes, when his breath became so audible Feng Xin had to force himself to remain still. And then-

"Ah- F-Feng Xin."

  What. The. Fuck.

Feng Xin choked on air. 

He blinked.

No.

He hadn't heard that right.

Mu Qing hadn't just...

  Feng Xin stared at the door. There was no denying it. Drunk or not, Mu Qing had just cum with his name.

Chapter Text

   Again, Feng Xin didn't sleep at all. He'd laid on the couch, the echo of his own name, raw and broken, playing on an endless loop. Mu Qing had said his name. He could do nothing more than stare at the ceiling until the bedroom door parted at seven in the morning. 

  Mu Qing emerged, a bundle mass of linens clutched to his chest. He moved as if he still believed Feng Xin to be asleep, so he played for a bit. The hungover beaut padded into the kitchen where the washer was and shoved the sheets inside until it hummed to life. From the living room, Feng Xin slowly 'stirred from sleep', making a sound of stretching and a half baked yawn. A wild, giddy feeling spread over him, cutting through the exhaustion. This was too good to be true. The knowledge he had felt like a dangerous, delicious thing.

"Morning," Feng Xin said as he strolled into the kitchen to start their coffee.

"Morning."

"You're doing laundry early."

"Yes."

Feng Xin kept his voice light, innocent enough," Everything... okay with the sheets?"

   Mu Qing went perfectly still. The hum of the washer was the only sound, then slowly he turned to face him. He gave away nothing, though his cheeks were stained with a pink he could have easily blamed on the hangover. 

"I felt like washing them."

Feng Xin nodded a little," Right. Did you spill something?" He quirked a brow," Did you get so drunk you vomited? There's no shame."

The flush deepened, and Mu Qing scoffed.

"Shut up. It’s basic hygiene. I bet you didn't even bother to wash them before letting me sleep on them."

  Wow. Mu Qing was really going to pin this on him? After making a mess with such showmanship? He was almost asking to be teased.

"You're being pretty defensive," Feng Xin informed as he leant up against the counter with an elbow," You can tell me, Qing’er. Did you spill something?"

Mu Qing rolled his eyes," Just drop it, you obnoxious asshole. Do you have to comment on every single thing? Is your brain so empty that my laundry schedule is the most fascinating subject you can-"

“I was just checking,” Feng Xin informed, his gaze scanning Mu Qing’s perfect facade. How often did he use irritation to hide his embarrassment? “You looked pretty upset… about the sheets.”

"I'm not upset. I'm annoyed. You're annoying. That's my permanent state of being around you," he stalked past the couch towards the bathroom," I'm taking a shower. If you're curious, its because I want to!"

  Feng Xin bit back a laugh that was nothing but fond. He'd play nice for the rest of the day, of course. If he pushed too far, Mu Qing's mere annoyance might actually become hostile and it was better that he didn't know what Feng Xin knew. They had a good thing going, no reason to fuck it up just because he liked to think about Feng Xin drunk. 

"..." Feng Xin let out a long sigh," I'm never getting any sleep."

  The group (Xie Lan, Mu Qing and himself) often had lunch at this small little diner not too far from the university. It became less and less a thing the older they got, but none of them were willing to move spots since first discovering it their junior years of high school. Hua Cheng never came, thank the gods. Feng Xin wouldn't mind too much if the man didn't immediately steal all of Xie Lan's attention. 

Feng Xin slid in first, Mu Qing taking the seat opposite of the two. 

"A coffee might help the hangover," Xie Lan offered.

"Will it help the headache that living with Feng Xin causes?"

Feng Xin bit back a grin, catching Xie Lan's gaze. Nothing could sour his mood. Mu Qing could bite all he wanted, but he had said his name. Feng Xin, not Pei Ming, the slimy, pervy worm. 

  "Probably not," Xie Lan said, scratching at his cheek," but its nice to see you two getting along so well. I have to admit I was a little worried when you told me you were living together."

The two looked at one another. This... was them getting along? Hadn't they still managed to bicker between every lecture? Xie Lan had always been optimistic. 

"He's alright," Mu Qing said, which surprised Feng Xin. That was the closest thing to a compliment he'd ever received from the man, sober anyways.

  He was pretty sure it was the first time they didn’t start an argument during lunch either. The food came out, Mu Qing ordered his usual salad with a side of grilled chicken and Feng Xin found he’d lost his appetite to his own thoughts. 

Had it been the first time?

He stared at Mu Qing from across the table. He was mildly pleased with his salad, long fingers guiding his fork around all of the lettuce in favor for the sliced cucumbers. A bit of ranch found its way onto one when he went to pour it, and with a mild sigh of annoyance, licked it clean from his thumb. 

   Feng Xin swallowed the lump in his throat.

The lavender sweater he wore was a little large on him, revealing parts of his collar bone where it revealed a dark tank top underneath. His skin was so smooth. It would definitely bruise easy if someone wasn’t careful. 

He wondered if Mu Qing was the type of person to enjoy being marked. It didn’t seem like he’d be, but he’d surprised Feng Xin before. 

My name.

”I knew you’d be here!” 

   The group turned, and Pei Ming strutted into the diner with a victorious glint to his gaze as he slipped into the booth beside Mu Qing. The man nearly chocked, but he quickly regained his composure to eye the man with a wide eyed glare.

”You knew I’d be here?”

”Yeah,” Pei Ming said,” Feng Xin has Snapchat location on.”

”I wasn’t aware you were even in my contacts…” Feng Xin said. He’d have to block him after this.

And why would he just assume that the two would be together?! No, if he knew that, then why would he bother showing up?

   Pei Ming propped a hand up under his chin,” I had no other choice. You weren’t answering any of my texts and you were way too drunk at Shi Qingxuan’s party to have a serious conversation.”

Xie Lian coughed lightly,” Uh, shouldn’t you two continue this conversation somewhere private?” He directed this at Pei Ming, because they all knew well enough Mu Qing wasn’t the type to air out his dirty laundry in front of witnesses. 

   Mu Qing though, was annoyed.

”You can say whatever you need to right here. I don’t like having my lunch interrupted.”

Yes! Give him the cold shoulder!

Pei Ming took this in stride. He leant forward, threw an arm around the back of the booth.

”Fine. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have kissed you when you were clearly nervous after our date, but I was excited… which is no excuse. I really enjoy your presence Mu Qing, and I’d like a do over if you’d be willing to grace me with it.”

  Pei Ming glanced across the table,” Uh, your guard dog is glaring at me again.”

”He’s not my guard dog,” Mu Qing snapped.

”Sorry,” Pei Ming said just as quickly,” Sorry. It was a joke... I really did come with good intentions. If you give me a do over, I promise to make it up to you.”

The silence stretched. Mu Qing stared at Pei Ming, long enough the man removed his hand from behind his space.

Say no. Tell him to get lost. Laugh in his face.

  Mu Qing took a slow sip of his water. Feng Xin could see it, the calculations happening behind that beautiful, impassive face. Had he been nervous about being kissed because it was in front of his house or because he'd genuinely liked Pei Ming? No. Mu Qing had been bored. He'd said so himself. 

"I'll think about it," Mu Qing said finally.

Pei Ming's shoulders relaxed a fraction," Fair. That's all I can ask for," a smile grew," Take your time thinking about me."

  I'll think about it?

Feng Xin didn't hear what Xie Lan said to change the topic, or what either of the two said in response. Feng Xin spent the rest of the lunch staring at his food in thought. Most of it didn't make sense. 

He'd been angry before at Mu Qing for being so careless, but now, there was something heavier with the idea of the two going on another date where kissing might be an option. What was wrong with him? It shouldn't even matter this much.

It didn't. 

He was just a little taken aback.

  He thought about what it would have been like to be Mu Qing's first kiss.

  Feng Xin spent the remainder of his day off studying for the last exam before the end of the term. It's not like he could hide away in his room, but stuck in the corner of his couch was close enough. He didn't pick at Mu Qing, didn't want to start a fight. The man had his own things to do anyways. He had a major project for graphic design due, so for the most part Feng Xin had no trouble keeping his mouth shut.

If only he could silent his own mind.

Why... did it bother him so much?

Why couldn't he stop imagining Mu Qing laughing at stupid jokes because Pei Ming wasn't even funny?

  This was stupid. Pei Ming was stupid. Feng Xin... wasn't the brightest either.

He groaned to himself, throwing back his head against the couch cushion. What more could he do to convince Mu Qing that this guy just wasn't right for him?

"I put dinner in the oven," Mu Qing said, after hours of staring at a bright screen. Feng Xin had to blink and consider his words before he found meaning.

"Oh, cool."

"You're not going to take a break from that?"

Feng Xin raised his gaze from the laptop screen to see Mu Qing leant against the back of a stool, watching him.

"Probably should." It was a dead end anyways. He shut the laptop, stretched out his arms and pulled himself from the couch to awaken one of his legs. Mu Qing was wearing shorts, the kind that revealed long pale thighs, the kind whose fabric almost disappeared behind his dark faded shirt. Wait.

"Is that my shirt?" Feng Xin asked.

"Oh," Mu Qing pinched the fabric," I ran out of stuff to wear. I didn't bring a lot of clothes... I can take it off."

"No!" Feng Xin said, eyes widening," I mean, no. That's not necessary. I have uh, plenty of clothes."

  "Okay," Mu Qing muttered. He turned, fussing with a stack of mail, and Feng Xin found the words slipping before he could stop them.

"Why would you even consider it?" Feng Xin's voice was lower than he'd intended, like it was something that he'd been thinking too deep on. He had, but there was no need to make it so obvious to Mu Qing. 

"Consider what?" The man already sounded annoyed.

"Pei Ming. A do over."

  Slowly, Mu Qing turned.

"It's still very much not your business."

"Isn't it?" Feng Xin asked.

This sparked a flame. Mu Qing breathed out harshly, snapping the mail back to its place on the counter. "Gods, just because I live with you doesn't mean you have the right to control my life."

"I'm not trying to."

"Ever since-" Mu Qing cut himself off, pursed his lips, something deeper than the anger in his gaze," You've been acting weird and its really starting to piss me off."

"Weird?" Feng Xin stepped forward," I'm acting weird? You're the one who..." No. He couldn't just say that when he wasn't willing to deal with the consequences. Mu Qing was already upset with him, no need to send him running. 

"Spit it out," Mu Qing snapped," Why do you care so much about what I do with my life? Why do you give a single fuck about who I fuck?"

"Because we're friends!" Feng Xin yelled. Didn't he see that?

"Xie Lan doesn't act like this."

   Feng Xin ran a hand across his face and tried to calm his breathing long enough to see sense. There were words fighting for the surface of his tongue, and he was losing the will to bite them back. 

"Pei Ming is a worm," he reminded.

"What... are you even talking about?"

"Just forget it."

"No," Mu Qing grabbed at his arm as he turned to leave," I won't, actually. You find it important enough to nag me about it, so man the fuck up. Why are you being so difficult?"

Feng Xin lowered his gaze to the fingers along his arm, and sighed in defeat. He lifted his face to Mu Qing. His words felt like an accusation, a question he desperately needed an answer to.

"You said my name."

"What?"

"You said my name."

  The effect was instant. Mu Qing's eyes went wide, the angry blush on his cheeks draining into a pallor of horror. His lips parted into a soft, shattered breath. 

So you do remember something.

His fingers dropped, and he appeared so different from any way Feng Xin had seen him before, small, almost uncertain. Feng Xin thought to move before his ice wall came down as a shield. If he was going to run away, at least Feng Xin would know what it was like to kiss him. 

  It was the desperate final attempt of a man who had no other words. Feng Xin pressed his lips to his, half expecting to be shoved away instantly, surprised when the man only stiffened. Feng Xin ran a hand across his shoulder, moved to cradle the back of Mu Qing's head as he parted their lips slow, gentle.

Kiss me back.

With a sound like a punched out gasp, Mu Qing moved.

  His hand came up to fist in the fabric of Feng Xin's shirt, pulling him closer, deepening the kiss with a force that was unlike Feng Xin's own cautious pace. His teeth grazed Feng Xin's bottom lip, the same way his words might entice a fight. He growled into Mu Qing's mouth in response, licking inside when he was granted access, tangling his fingers through long hair. 

The two didn't stop.

They parted long enough to catch the meaning of each other's gaze. Mu Qing was out of breath, glanced to the bedroom, cheeks flushed red. 

  They stumbled back with their physical argument. Feng Xin pushed out an arm to open the bedroom door, heat coiled in his stomach with the impossibility that this was happening... Mu Qing was tangling his hands into his clothes, trying to get closer with every frantic kiss. He had to be dreaming again.

Feng Xing broke away, panting, forehead pressed to Mu Qing's.

"You touched yourself," he murmured," In my bed. You fucking thought about me and touched yourself."

"Shut up," Mu Qing hissed, but he was arching into him, a desperate plea.

Feng Xin's mouth found his jaw, his throat, kissing a line, bordering between the threat of a bite enough to make the man gasp. 

"Was it your first time?"

"Fuck you," Mu Qing said, fingers tightening against his chest.

"Yeah," Feng Xin whispered," Yeah, maybe."

   He dragged Mu Qing through the doorway, hands smoothing over the thinness of his waist. He didn't have time to think anymore. He only knew what he wanted, and that it was being offered to him so willingly. 

  Mu Qing dropped to the mattress, dark hair spilt over the new sheets, lips already swollen from their devoted blessings, wet with their shared saliva. Feng Xin ran his gaze from the bareness of his feet, up to his long legs, to the collarbone poking out from his own shirt. He removed his, tossing it to the floor only to find Mu Qing's heavy, half lidded gaze.

He'd never looked at Feng Xin like this before, and it was driving him insane.

  There was no sign of hesitation, only a man with an unbearable heat, aching to be relieved. Feng Xin shoved himself forward and kissed into his mouth again. His fingers skimmed underneath his shirt, found the warmth of a smooth stomach, a body that trembled against him. Mu Qing’s own explored the muscles of Feng Xin’s arms, his shoulders and as his thighs came to part for more of Feng Xin’s body, fingernails drug gently against the scape of his back.

”Is this how you imagined it?”

”S-“ Mu Qing made a small noise when a thumb brushed across his nipple experimentally.” Shut up.”

Feng Xin smirked. He did it again, teasing the edge of his fingernail against the nub. Mu Qing’s thighs tightened around his waist, eyes closed shut as he fought a reaction back.

”How can I?” Feng Xin asked,” when you’re so pretty like this.”

  It was immediate. Mu Qing couldn’t stifle the desperate noise that escaped, stop the way his fingernails dug into Feng Xin’s back as his body hitched up into his.

Feng Xin caught on quick. Mu Qing liked being praised.

“Did you know that?” Feng Xin whispered. He pressed slow, wet kisses into his stomach. His free hand skimmed along the band of his shorts, careful, not yet certain Mu Qing was willing to go further. “Did you know how pretty you were, Qing’er?”

  “You’re an idiot,” but it came out hoarse and rushed, behind an arm raised to hide his face and then moments after,” Stop playing around. Just… touch me already.”

Mu Qing was so demanding and needy, and it was the hottest fucking thing Feng Xin had ever witnessed.

”Show me your face.”

”Feng Xin!”

Mu Qing’s body arched again, and in the fabric of his shorts, it was so obvious how detrimental his pleads were. Feng Xin took the arm hiding his face by the wrist, and risking it, guided Mu Qing’s hand to his jeans. Mu Qing stiffened, but he eased himself, trailed his gaze where his fingers felt the length of Feng Xin pressed hot against confinement. 

   The wariness in his eyes fought against the desire of his body. Feng Xin thought to help him relax. He stopped teasing him long enough to slide his fingers into his shorts, finding with exhilaration the same fabric he'd almost gotten punched over. He was smaller than Feng Xin, but he was pressed hard against his hand, leaking enough to dampen his pretty underwear.

Fuck. 

  Feng Xin crashed their lips together, lowered the clothes from Mu Qing’s hips enough he sprung free into his hand. He could do so much with him, wanted to unravel him completely, but he was desperate. He couldn’t tease him anymore when all he wanted to do was make Mu Qing cum. 

  Mu Qing’s fingers trembled, but he seemed determined in his movements, curious despite the frantic pace. He fussed with Feng Xin’s jeans between their quickened, breathless kiss and guided him outside his briefs.

Feng Xin hissed, panting against Mu Qing’s lips. How was his touch alone already close to sending him over the edge? It would be far too embarrassing if he came so quick, so he distracted Mu Qing. His thumb pressed over the man’s head, smearing the pre cum into his skin, delighting in the tremors, the gasps.

  It was becoming a mess. Their kisses became sloppy, breaths shared as they started stroking each other, occasionally pulling a cry from Mu Qing's lips that drove Feng Xin to press crazed kisses into the nape of his neck. He pushed into Mu Qing's palm, imagined fucking into him, a nice hot place, pulling him deeper. 

Fuck.

I think-

Mu Qing tightened his hand, let out a ragged moan as he came, whimpering almost like the pleasure brought him pain and Feng Xin lifted his face, because he had to see. He had to know.

His eyes slitted shut, lips remained open, body tensing, only to fall limp as he coated Feng Xin's hand.

I'm in love with him.

  Feng Xin was drawn over the edge and he grunted out his bliss, until he was staining the other hand working dutifully, until they both stilled. For a long moment all Feng Xin could do was stare at him. His heart was racing, but even as his orgasm high faded it refused to give into the quiet.

He shifted, taking his body weight to fall by Mu Qing on the mattress.

  When Mu Qing’s breathing finally calmed, he laughed to himself.

"I should check on dinner."

"Mu Qing-" Feng Xin reached a hand out to his arm, but was caught by the way he flinched away, stiffened immediately as he pressed himself back into his underwear. His body was rigid with tension, eyes when they met his, cold and distant. 

“We’re done,” he informed,” Can we skip the summary?”

  Feng Xin let out a rough breath.

”You… don’t want to talk about what just happened?”

”Why?” Mu Qing tilted his head,” It was good, wasn’t it? What more do you want?”

  Feng Xin felt something twist within his stomach as he pulled himself up. Right. It was good. His jaw clenched and all he could do was feel the chill the man offered, nothing like moments before when he was in his arms.

”Nothing,” Feng Xin said,” It was your first time, right? I thought-“

”I’m not a child. I get it.”

… Get what?

”Get cleaned up. I’ll take a shower after I make sure we didn’t just burn our meal.”

”Okay,” Feng Xin said.

He felt at loss for words, and then as Mu Qing stopped at the door, he said,” Also if you tell anyone else I’ll kill you.”

   “Fair enough.”

It didn’t feel fair though. It felt he’d finally gotten a piece of the truth, the real raw presence of Mu Qing only to be punished for it. Didn’t matter. Now that Feng Xin knew, that… he was in love with him, there was no fucking way he was letting him go so easily. 

Chapter Text

  Feng Xin was reading too much into things. Obviously, he couldn’t just be in love with Mu Qing. It had been a spur of the moment sex induced idea. He wasn't even nice to Feng Xin. He never agreed with anything he said, was always leaving snide remarks and rolling his eyes at any attempt made to be friends. He was also paranoid as hell. There were so many times that Feng Xin had tried to help him only for him to be accused of trying to get at him instead! He was distant. He was cold. There was nothing in Mu Qing's personality that should even catch Feng Xin's general interest. 

  Mu Qing liked soft, herbal things. He enjoyed pretty things, like cats or long, silky ribbons he sometimes used to tie in his hair. The man himself was adorned with an elegance that often surprised those when his face twisted with the cruelty of his words, the fight. If Mu Qing was anything, it wasn't weak. 

  He wasn't a robot either. He laughed at things, he just always cut himself off before anyone noticed. He smiled, behind his hand, most of the time at Feng Xin's expense. He cared in a way that wasn't for show. He didn't act any different from those he assisted, in fact they were most often the victims of his brute attitude, but he helped. He didn't do anything to impress anyone. His actions were always his own.

  So, what motivation exactly had led to his actions the night before?

Feng Xin finished another sit up with a glare in the direction of the counter where it had happened.

Mu Qing had kissed him back, jerked him off, and it had been great. Fantastic. So why was the bastard pulling away now?

  He finished another sit up, like he'd been doing for the last twenty minutes to keep his mind from continuing its desperate attempts at an explanation. He was about to go another round of 'this is how I can't be in love with him' when the front door opened, and Mu Qing stopped to stare at him.

"You don't own any shirts?" He asked pointedly.

"What?" Feng Xin huffed as he shifted to a sitting position," I'm working out."

"And sweating all over the living room floor."

  Feng Xin's jaw clenched, and he made a show of grabbing his shirt from the couch to pull it on. Who was Mu Qing to tell him what he could or couldn't wear in his own damn living room? Fuck him. But also, fuck him.

"Where were you?" he asked.

Mu Qing blinked, as if he’d lost his train of thought," Oh, I just grabbed a coffee with your mom."

"...Why?"

”Because I wanted to.”

“Cool, cool.” Why was this so weird now? He could sense the tension and it just looked like Mu Qing had forgotten about it completely. Well, Feng Xin wouldn’t let him. After a moment, he stretched, letting out a long sigh. “I was just finishing up. Probably going to take a shower.”

”You should,” Mu Qing said,” You look drenched.”

”Our water bill has been pretty high.”

”Okay??”

”I wish… there was a way to like, save on… water.”

  Mu Qing inhaled a deep breath, put fingers to the bridge of his nose and exhaled.

”I can’t believe you just tried that. No, you know what,” he almost looked fond if not for the obvious disappointment.” I’m not surprised at all. Go take a shower, idiot.”

Feng Xin glared at nothing in particular. “Fine.”

  
  For three days Feng Xin was cursed to remember how he’d failed miserably. Pei Ming could have done better than that! Saving water?! And he hadn’t even been smooth about it. Gods, even if he did happen to actually be in love with Mu Qing, which he was still kind of on the fence about, there was no way he had an actual chance. 

  Safe to say, he’d been moping. Xie Lan thought it was due to the exams, but even after their grades were posted and the university held a celebration before break, his mood still hadn’t lightened. He walked beside his friends now, trying for the life of him not to glance at Mu Qing at all.

”Those bastards don’t know what intelligence is! I should have gotten perfect marks! Our professor is just a whiny bitch with no bone to chew! I’LL GIVE HER ONE OF MINE.”

”Hey, isn’t that your cousin?” Mu Qing asked as they passed a raging student.

Xie Lan very quickly raised a hand, as if blotting out the sun.

”…Let’s just go the long way.”

  Fen Xin looked to Mu Qing who had thought to do the same. Normally they’d share looks of disgust or annoyance, but now they merely looked surprised by the gesture, as if neither of them had planned it. Feng Xin turned his head abruptly and scowled at a nearby water fountain instead. 

“So Xie Lan, what are you planning on doing during the break?”

”Oh,” their friend pressed a hand underneath his chin,” I haven’t given it much thought, but I’m sure San Lang has something planned.”

”Knowing him, he’ll probably take you out of the country again,” Feng Xin said, ignoring the raised brow Mu Qing sent his way with a silent question.

Why are you still being weird?

  “What about you two?”

Mu Qing rolled his eyes when Feng Xin offered nothing in his face as an answer.

”Feng Xin will probably be too busy worrying about the water bill to do anything fun,” Said Mu Qing.

Feng Xin felt a heat of anger and embarrassment rise in his cheeks.

”Oh… are you two struggling? I have a savings account if you need-“

”And Mu Qing’s probably going to do something stupid like burn dinner, because he’ll be too busy-“

”Shut up! Shut up!”

”I wasn’t even going to say what you thought I was going to say!” Feng Xin snapped back.

”I told you to shut up! You’re such a baby. Can’t you act like an adult for one fucking minute?”

”Can’t you?!”

  Xie Lan sighed softly.

”I’m sorry I asked.”

   Feng Xin was almost certain now. He was in love with this annoying bastard. He set on the couch in the late night, crossing off a to do list that hadn't actually been accomplished. During the break, he'd have to figure out a schedule outside of work to stay out of Mu Qing's way. How was he supposed to last 4 weeks before the next term? 

Mu Qing mentioned something about getting a job, but even then he'd have to play it safe. It was better this way. The less of Mu Qing, the less insane this whole thing made him feel.

  The door to the bedroom opened. Feng Xin didn't lift his head from his scribbles, kept his shoulders tense. He heard the footsteps, but they stopped just before the coffee table. He had no choice but to spare a glance.

Mu Qing had his arms crossed, staring down at him as if he were a child in need of a reprimand. He wasn't a fucking baby.

The silence stretched.

Feng Xin narrowed his gaze. "What?"

"Are you going to sit and mope here the entire break?"

"I'm not moping."

Mu Qing rolled his eyes," Could have fooled me."

"Go away," Feng Xin said," I'm busy." He scribbled a frowny face into: Clean out the fridge.

   Mu Qing sighed a long, weary sigh before dropping down into the lounge chair. He didn't sound as pissed, but Feng Xin didn't trust it. There was clearly something he wanted to say, probably tell him to man up and shut up again. Feng Xin reached out for his water on the table, took a sip.

"Do you want to have sex again?"

He choked, coughing up a mess as the words hit him with full force. 

"Fuck- What?" Feng Xin lifted his head, eyes wide. 

A small grin of amusement twisted on Mu Qing's face.

"What kind of joke is that?!"

"It's not. I enjoyed it, and you clearly did too," Mu Qing crossed his legs, nice enough to offer him a napkin to pat his soaked shirt. "We're pent up, and we find each other physically acceptable. We could be... friends with benefits."

"Friends with benefits," Feng Xin repeated.

"Don't complicate it. We keep it a secret and stop whenever we'd like."

"Don't complicate it..."

"Are you going to just keep repeating everything I say?" Mu Qing asked in annoyance.

   It was already complicated, but for the life of him Feng Xin couldn't say no. If this was the only way he'd ever be able to have even a part of Mu Qing, then he was selfish enough to accept. Mu Qing didn't ever have to know about his secret. He could touch him... more than once, no complications.

”I really can’t tell if you’re joking,” Feng Xin admitted.

Mu Qing leant forward, biting the edge of his lip. Almost as if it was hesitant, he very slowly lowered his fingers to Feng Xin’s knee. 

“It’s not that difficult. Would you, or would you not like to fuck me?”

Well, when he said it like that…

"There would have to be rules," he said finally.

Mu Qing shrugged, pulling his hand away," Like?"

"You can't date other people while we're doing it."

"That's fine," Mu Qing said," I didn't plan on it."

Fuck you, Pei Ming.

"And you're not allowed to just push me out. If you feel some type of way, say it. Maybe after sex have a five minute conversation or something."

Mu Qing flinched, actually looking sheepish," Ah, I... I'm sorry about that. It was my first time, and I was a little nervous."

   The honesty startled Feng Xin. He'd never willingly admitted to being nervous, or apologized from what he could remember. It sated his frustrations for now. He cleared his throat, trying to soften his tone.

"You... need a safe word, in case I do something you don't like."

Mu Qing tapped his chin," How about 'Stop that right now, you dense idiot.'"

Feng Xin stared.

"Fine. My safe word is coconut."

"Good." Feng Xin sat up," Is there anything you'd like to add?"

   This was strange. They were having a genuine conversation and it was about sex. Sex with Mu Qing. He was going to be with Mu Qing. 

"If we're going to be sleeping together you might as well as share the bed," Mu Qing said suddenly," as long as you keep to your side, I don't see the issue."

And they were going to share a bed??

"Cool," Feng Xin said.

"Yep."

"...Now what?"

Mu Qing smirked at him," I'm going out. Your mother invited me to dinner."

"Why wasn't I invited?"

"Beats me."

Chapter Text

   How did one pursue a hook up after agreeing to the terms of a 'fuckbuddy' situation? It felt rude just straight up asking for it, but he was also a little nervous Mu Qing would straight up reject him. He also wanted to respect him. While this entire thing was only a physical agreement, it didn't mean he didn't value Mu Qing's feelings. He might not be ready. He'd admitted to being nervous the first time. 

How could Feng Xin be the one to break the ice?

He sat and waited on the idea for three days. He thought to allow Mu Qing to make the first move. That... had been a mistake.

  "What's wrong with you?" Mu Qing asked.

Feng Xin raised his head from the TV, brows furrowed as he propped a cushion in his lap and ignored the long advertisement for Dove soap. He could think of a few things that question might pertain to, like the dishes he had lazily washed before stuffing into the dish washer, or the way his laundry had yet to be moved from his gym bag to the hamper. 

"Do you just not have a sex drive?"

"What?" Feng Xin lifted his head with a frown," What makes you think that?"

"You haven't even..." a sigh of frustration escaped the man," You know what? I don't care. This was clearly too much. Let's just forget it."

"Mu Qing-"

"I'm going to take a nap."

   Feng Xin was across the room before he'd even decided to move. He caught Mu Qing by the wrist, felt the man tense from his touch.

"Excuse me for trying to be respectful."

Mu Qing didn't turn.

"I don't want respectful," he said, almost in a whisper.

  Feng Xin waited to see his face, the mixture of agitation and something almost self conscious, as if it had been Mu Qing's fault for his lack of desire. He'd never thought Mu Qing would be the type to think so little of himself. He always held an air of arrogance, but now, lifting his head to stare at Feng Xin, he looked worried.

"If I'm not your type just tell me that."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Feng Xin asked, though his tone was far more gentle than his words," If you weren't a virgin I would have come to you the same night we made the agreement."

   Mu Qing narrowed his gaze," I'm not a virgin," he reminded.

"In some ways you still are."

"Well..." he bit the edge of his lip," You could fix that."

Feng Xin was just a man. How could he possibly be told this, looked at with those dark eyes suggesting he be ravished for the first time? It wasn't even a question. Mu Qing had already agreed. He leant forward, and froze when a knock on the door had them both turning towards the front of their shared space.

  Mu Qing laughed," You've got to be kidding me."

"Give me a second."

Feng Xin straightened himself out and yanked open the door with a readied glare, only to find the last person he'd been expecting.

"How do you know where I live?"

Yin Yu bowed in greeting, procuring with both hands a single envelope.

"Hua Cheng told me to hand deliver this since you're not answering his texts."

"Is that who's been texting me??"

How the hell was he supposed to know that? And why was Yin Yu his delivery boy?!

Unknown number: You will agree to attend this hotpot or I will personally escourt you

Unknown number: I've been informed that the last message I sent might have been construed as a threat. Let me be clear, it was.

"I told Xie Lan that we'd be busy today," Mu Qing informed. "Hua Cheng isn't going to bully us into cancelling our plans."

Yin Yu only bowed his head further, stretching out the envelope.

"He is very proud of his new cooking skill and as he's leaving the country tomorrow, Hua Cheng has made it very clear that disappointing him isn't an option."

Feng Xin furrowed his brows. He'd never received any type of invitation from Xie Lan.

  He eyed Mu Qing, who had his arms crossed, his lips a thin scowl. They’d… had plans? Had Mu Qing just sat on this idea all morning? 

It was obvious what his eyes were saying.

Was Feng Xin really going to have to decide whether or not he wanted to have sex or eat something that would most likely poison him? It should have been an easy decision, but this was Xie Lan. He’d be gone for the rest of the break and Mu Qing…

   “We could just leave right after lunch,” he suggested weakly.

”Pft,” Mu Qing turned his head away,” Why am I not surprised?”

This was going to go well.

    There first sign to run should have been the smell. It wasn't horrible, but it wafted through the entire hall, something like chili... and lemon? The two eyed one another, but then Mu Qing scowled again and made a clear noise of annoyance. He'd been like this since the two had gotten in the car.

"What was I supposed to do?" Feng Xin whispered as they made their way to the front door," Tell him we couldn't show because we were having sex?"

"I don't know. You could have said anything. You're good at making excuses."

"What's that supposed to mean-" He was cut off by the door opening.

Xie Lan's eyes widened, a large grin over taking his face. "Please, come in. I just finished," He wiped his hands on the apron he had, welcoming them inside with a warmth that seemed to penetrate even Mu Qing's frustrations for the moment. "How are you two? Mu Qing, you look tired. Are you already studying for the next term?"

  Hua Cheng loomed over Xie Lan like some kind of ghost. He followed his boyfriend to the dining room where he pulled out a chair for him, eyeing the two with a knowing glint to his sharp eyed gaze.

"I told you that they'd show gege."

"Your apartment smells," Mu Qing informed.

"Oh! That's probably the sauce. I used three different kind of pepper. Sit, sit!"

  They arranged themselves on cushions around the low table. Feng Xin sat close to Mu Qing, that way he could hear every comment muttered under his breath and be a safe distance from the two love birds who'd decided cooking poison was a fine way to enjoy the time. The broth was bubbling red, the scent alone enough to burn his eyes. 

Xie Lan watched Hua Cheng press the bowls in their respectful places, a hand propped up under his chin. The man was being way too helpful! He clearly knew this was torment!

Hua Cheng offered Feng Xin a bowl with a grin.

"It's my own recipe," Xie Lan said," Pork bone, scallop and a special kind of herb!"

  Feng Xin stared at his filled bowl, and then the way Hua Cheng tried his own. He made no expression, only a soft smile when he swallowed.

"It's a little salty, gege, but its much better than last time."

"Really, San Lang?" the smile was instantaneous," I'll remember that for my next pot. It'll be perfect soon enough."

Maybe... Xie Lan really had improved.

  "Do not eat that," Mu Qing whispered gravely.

The thing was, that now he had to. Hua Cheng could do it. It couldn't have been that bad. He grimaced, and then raised the spoon to his lips. It was sweet... and then bitter, almost like a powder mixed in with the sludge. His stomach clenched immediately, and he paled. He couldn't see between the tears in his eyes.

"Wow," He chocked out," That's very unique."

Xie Lan's face lit up again.

"You like it? Have more! The herbs are very good for vitality!" 

  Hua Cheng's lips curved into a smirk before he brought another spoonful to his lips. The fucking bastard. There was no way he was still eating this shit!

“You haven’t tried it,” Hua Cheng said pointedly towards Mu Qing,” Is there something wrong?”

“Yeah. I’m a vegetarian.”

Feng Xin eyed him and in a pained whisper,” Since when?”

”Since right now.”

  It happened then, the horrible screech of organs beneath his skin. Feng Xin stumbled from the table, screamed out an apology and beelined it for the guest bathroom. He vomited more than what he'd eaten, like his life force had been pulled from his lips with each sickening gag. When he was finished, he felt twenty pounds lighter and as if he'd stumbled upon military grade poison. 

He could have been having sex instead.

  By the time they made it home that late afternoon, Feng Xin was a dying mess. Xie Lan had apologized profusely. Feng Xin tried to blame his sickness on old takeout the night before, but the man didn't really seem to believe him. He slouched onto the couch before Mu Qing insisted he come to the bed. 

"It's not like you're contagious," he said.

He propped a pillow up, even offered Feng Xin some water when he fell back against the mattress.

"I told you not to eat it."

"I was being nice," Feng Xin said between sips. He set the cup down, found clarity long enough to realize Mu Qing was sitting on his side of the bed like a mother checking over a child. 

"You're always nice," Mu Qing accused, and quieter," to everyone but me, anyways."

Feng Xin met his gaze with a small grin. Mu Qing wasn't nice to anyone.

"You don't like it when I'm nice."

"No..." Mu Qing huffed," I guess not. It makes things easier."

"...Makes what easier?"

   Mu Qing leaned forward and poked Feng Xin between the brows.

"Don't be such an idiot next time."

  Feng Xin stilled for a moment. How could he feel like death but notice things like this? The tension of Mu Qing's brows, the way his hand felt warm as it dropped and skimmed his arm... all disappointment had settled aside for something akin to comfort. 

"I'm sorry," Feng Xin said," for ruining our plans."

Mu Qing scoffed, but it didn't have much force.

"Just get some sleep."

   Feng Xin did, after so long of fitfulness, he fell into the darkness of slumber. Later in the night he blinked back his sedation to find the outline of Mu Qing's back, his long dark hair spilt over one of Feng Xin's shirts. For a while he thought to reach out, but why would he do that? What would he even say if the man wasn't actually asleep? 

At least with their agreement he would have an excuse to hold him, if they ever actually found the time. 

  His mother kept him preoccupied most of the week. He managed to fulfill his responsibilities in a timely manner while also glaring Yin Yu down. He’d tried to reopen the idea of taking Mu Qing’s request/scowling demand to further deflower him but things kept interrupting. Xie Lan’s hotpot, his stupid 9-5, an incident next door that had the fire alarm going off and this morning, Mu Qing’s surprise interview… It was maddening! 

   Feng Xin was perfectly fine paying all the bills, but Mu Qing suggested how stupid the idea was, if he ever planned on going anywhere. Where else would he go? Feng Xin thought they were just fine living together. It was pointless even thinking about moving out. 

“Feng Xin!” His mother called,” I need you to stay after to deep clean the freezer.”

No. NO. NO. NO.

He had to do it today before Mu Qing regretted ever asking. It had to be today.

”I can’t.”

”Excuse me? What infliction do you have now?”

Feng Xin scowled at the menu hanging from the wall. He’d have to play the right cards.

”I’m making dinner for Mu Qing tonight.”

Very slowly, his mother lowered the take out menu and instead of slapping his shoulder, tilted her head in surprise.

”Mu Qing?” She raised the menu to point,” you better not be playing with me or that boy.”

  Feng Xin thought if she ever found out they were living together she’d lose her mind. 

“I’m not,” he said. If anyone was being played with, it felt like Feng Xin.

   The moment he closed the door to the apartment he listened for movement in the bedroom. He caught the sight of Mu Qing's bag, laptop poking out. He sighed in relief. It felt as if the entire week had been nothing but consistent interruption, and now that he had a moment to think he was starting to question himself again.

Could he really just make a move? Wasn't that weird?

  He thought back to that look Mu Qing had, when he'd nearly called the whole thing off. He'd questioned Feng Xin's desires as if the man wasn't the reason he was always so sleep deprived. Feng Xin should be begging him. Did the man not realize how many others would have drooled at the idea of even being called by him if they weren't so scared?? 

  He inhaled a deep breath and knocked on the bedroom door.

"Mu Qing?"

"Come in."

  Mu Qing was brushing his damp hair, not yet turning to look at him. Based on the tension of his shoulders alone, Feng Xin assumed the day had been just as stressful as his. 

"How was the interview?"

Mu Qing stopped his movements.

"It was fine." Short, no clear irritation. 

"What uh, what was the position for?"

"Receptionist," Mu Qing said. His short answers were worst than his usual snarky comments, because at least those Feng Xin had practice responding too. 

  Silence persisted, and then Feng Xin let out a long sigh. Mu Qing had never not been difficult.

"Mu Qing, look at me."

Mu Qing turned his head. His dark eyes revealed nothing. 

"You're the most attractive person I've ever met."

He blinked, lips parting in surprise. Mu Qing slowly lowered the brush to the bed, waiting, maybe for a but.

"And maybe it's not a big deal to you, this whole situation, but I promise you it's not something I'm just shoving to the side. I want to do this. You're literally giving me the okay to..." Feng Xin cleared his throat," I'm a man, okay? I have a sex drive and I want it, so just because I haven't yet doesn't mean that I don't." 

   He caught the slight curl to his lips. At first it seemed like he might make a joke at Feng Xin's expense, but then he turned his entire body to face him, shoving back dark hair behind his shoulder.

"Then prove it." 

  Feng Xin stepped forward, lowered his gaze to Mu Qing’s lips, back to his face where a soft pink painted itself across his cheeks. It was wrong, wasn't it? To feel like this for him and still take what he was offering, knowing damn well he only ever wanted an uncomplicated, no strings attached thing?

It had to be, but Feng Xin wanted it.

He wanted Mu Qing.

He pressed his lips to his, a gentle, you can still reject me kiss. His fingers brushed over the shade of red as he pulled away.

"It might hurt."

"I can take it," Mu Qing said.

A small smile grew on Feng Xin's face," We'll see."

Chapter Text

   They were breathless after a while. Mu Qing's lips were swollen with the lingering saliva of their last defense. He was half pinned by Feng Xin's body, shirt tossed on the floor, nipples red and hard from Feng Xin's desperate exploration of teeth and lips. He'd grazed his hands down the smooth plane of Mu Qing's stomach so many times that lines appeared from where his fingernails had grabbed him.

   Mu Qing made a soft noise when he dropped down for another kiss.

His thighs tightened around Feng Xin's waist, pulled him closer, fingers tangled in his hair. 

"You're taking forever," Mu Qing complained. 

"I'm trying to relax you.”

And maybe himself. He’d had sex before, researched what it meant to be with a man, but this was Mu Qing. This was his first. If Feng Xin made this a horrible experience he’d eat an entire pot of Xie Lan’s cooking. 

  “If I get anymore relaxed I’m going to fall asleep,” Mu Qing snapped, half heartedly, on a shattered breath that betrayed him. He’d been squirming the entire time, body hitching forward discreetly as if Feng Xin wasn’t aware of every detail of the beautiful man underneath him. He couldn’t hide a damn thing, not when Feng Xin was possessed to remember it. 

  He was right though. This was taking forever. 

Feng Xin lifted himself up only long enough to remove his own shirt. He caught the half lidded gaze that followed the muscles of his torso, the way a tongue licked a bottom lip in another short breath. 

“You’re staring,” Feng Xin noted with a grin.

”Yeah…”

Mu Qing’s eyes widened the moment he realized.

”Shut up.”

He was so damn cute.

   Feng Xin’s last set of nerves were completely eviscerated now that he had Mu Qing’s devoted attention. He’d make it easy on him by being the first one to get naked. He maneuvered off the bed long enough to take his jeans off, pretended like he didn’t notice he was still being watched when he stripped himself of his underwear. 

   He’d been hard since their first kiss. If Mu Qing had any doubts about his desires he only had to look now, see the evidence leaking from his head, remember the hard heat that had just been pressed into his thigh. 

Mu Qing made a soft noise as he fell back against the pillow, lashes fluttering as another wave of red shaded his cheeks. Feng Xin went straight for Mu Qing’s underwear. They were so pretty, sliding down his long legs, dangling on one ankle before he lifted his foot in aid. 

   Feng Xin wanted to mark his inner thighs, pull the knees that pressed together to hide what was already laid bare. He wanted to trail his tongue on every part of his flesh, devote his entire night to tasting the hard cock pressed up against his flat stomach. His. Mu Qing was his for the night. Why would he rush something like this? He could paint his pale skin in decorations, fill him while they slept, make him-

“You’re staring,” Mu Qing said. 

”How could I not?”

  Mu Qing laughed at this, shifted a little higher to get comfortable and then with a glare that was so like Mu Qing, parted open his legs to reveal himself. 

“I’d rather you just fuck me.”

  The bottle of the lube cap made a loud enough noise that Mu Qing flinched, fingers grasping the sheets before Feng Xin even reached over to touch him. 

“Nervous?”

”That you’ll write a novel before you put it in?”

Feng Xin pressed his lips to the inner of his thigh and watched Mu Qing’s lie fall apart. His tongue caressed the warmth of his skin as fingers trailed lower, parted between his cheeks. He pressed a coated finger against his hole, watched as the man’s gasp stole any remaining fight. Mu Qing’s body was a vice, every clench of muscle pressed, unwilling to obey the slow movement of a finger around its rim. He pushed inward, and Mu Qing’s breath hitched. The lube enticed it to open just enough that the first part of his finger was indulged in tight heat. 

   Mu Qing dropped his hips with a stifled noise, face hidden in the pillow he’d grabbed from Feng Xin’s side. Had he ever touched himself here before? He was so sensitive that Feng Xin doubted it. 

   He was so tight that his finger had began to hurt with pressure, wondered how long he could press himself in until he lost circulation. Mu Qing’s body didn’t know what it wanted. The first ring of muscles fought him, but the depths of his walls held him in desperation with each slow thrust. He searched for that place he’d read about, curving his finger, watching as the man lost all his snarky words to become a trembling mess.

It was maddening. Mu Qing was fucking himself back after a while of being stretched, as if he could take anymore than what he already had, like he wasn’t already so full that Feng Xin could even think of adding another finger. 

“Does it hurt?”

”Just different,” a small voice came.

“Keep the pillow from your face.”

“I’m ready,” Mu Qing whispered.

  Feng Xin raised a brow,” You’re ready for what?”

Did he really think taking one finger was similar to taking him? 

He pressed the tip of another after adding a little more lube. This time he was certain it had to hurt. It almost felt like he was splitting him, that he waited a moment, when the very top knuckle settled inside for a reaction. 

“Mu Qing?”

”I’m fine!” He said from behind the pillow. He was squeezing it into a hug now.

”Pillow,” he reminded.

  Mu Qing didn’t listen this time either, but he also wasn’t hollering or hissing in pain so he’d allow him this small comfort… for now. There was no way he was fucking him without seeing his face. 

It didn’t take long before he could stretch both fingers inside, and Mu Qing’s breaths had all become audible and short, small noises escaping almost like whimpers if they hadn’t been swallowed by his shield. It was intoxicating. Mu Qing had never looked more vulnerable, cock leaking as his body rocked back, hole opened and waiting, the pleading that stopped Feng Xin completely.

   “Feng Xin,” he whined,” You have t-to put it in right now, okay? I don’t want to mess it up.” 

He gasped,” I’m serious!”

Feng Xin no longer had any control. 

His fingers slipped out with a wet plop and Mu Qing flinched, toes curled into the sheets, a straying hand lowered to squeeze his cock.

”Were you about to cum, Qing’er?”

Mu Qing made a pained sound, just as Feng Xin reached to pull the pillow away. Fuck. Fuck. Don’t cum. If you fucking cum just because he’s pretty you’ll never live it down. 

  How the fuck was this happening? How had Feng Xin tore down the ice walls of Mu Qing and made him look like this? His face was beet red, eyes glazed over, like a man fighting the warmth of a heavy wine. Some of his damp hair was pasted against the marks on his neck, nipples still hard from abuse, and those long fingers holding himself because he had no other choice. 

  “My pillow-“

”You don’t need it,” Feng Xin said,” I want to look at you,” and because he couldn’t help it, he lowered to kiss him before whispering soft, gentle words. 

“Qing’er, you’re so good at this. I’ll give it back if you want, but please let me see your pretty face.”

A moment.

”Fine.”

   Feng Xin smoothed his hair down and kissed him once more before adjusting himself. He made sure to slide a pillow underneath Mu Qing’s back, pulled him closer with ease since the man had gone pliant in his hold. Mu Qing watched him rip open a condom, entranced as he guided it onto himself, must have finally studied his size and froze.

”It’s definitely going to hurt,” he said.

”If it hurts, we’ll stop.”

”No…” Mu Qing raised his hips as Feng Xin guided his head to press against him,” I can take it.”

  Feng Xin inhaled a sharp breath and then pushed, just the tip into the muscle he’d worked over. Mu Qing made a soft, pained hiss, his nails digging into Feng Xin’s biceps.

“No rush. Just get used to it,” Feng Xin gritted out, holding himself perfectly still.

  Mu Qing shifted his hips, as if there were any comfortable position he might find and after what felt like hours, let out a frustrated sigh. 

“Just put it all in.”

”…Are you absolutely positive?”

Feng Xin felt like a caged animal, but the least he could do was wait. Mu Qing was the one doing all the real work. 

“Just… do it slow, you monster.”

   Feng Xin bit back a grin. He obeyed though, one hand smoothed over Mu Qing’s waist, the other curved around his thigh and slowly pushed past the remaining resistance, one inch at a time. He stifled his own noises with low, hissed curses, couldn’t help the fingernails digging into Mu Qing’s skin to steady himself. So fucking tight. Feng Xin didn’t want to break him. He wanted to feel everything. 

  Mu Qing had his eyes closed, fingers clenched into Feng Xin’s arm, broken gasps stopping him short. Feng Xin was certain that he could have kept right there and gotten off to the way his insides sucked him off alone.

”Too much?”

”Is it in?” Mu Qing asked. It felt as if he were pleading for it be.

  Feng Xin rubbed soft circles into his waist.

”Half way.”

”HALF?” He choked out a sob, throwing his head back,” No wonder you never bring anyone back home. W-Who would do this?! They’re insane.”

”Do you want me to take it out?”

”No,” Mu Qing said immediately, but he wasn’t finished, face twisted in pain.” I hate you. You’re so- Ah. Don’t move yet!”

  He hadn’t. 

Feng Xin almost told him to relax, but he felt that might defeat the purpose and only rile him up. His hips were turning, situating himself around Feng Xin’s girth while he continued whispering and gasping out his complaints. 

“Qing’er,” he whispered. “You don’t have to take it all. I promise I can get off like this. You look so good right now that I might soon,” he tried for the same tone he’d used before, doting, mesmerized without shame of Mu Qing’s presence.

  It worked. The man arched his hips, hissed between the soft lull of pleasure induced.

“Just this much,” Mu Qing pleaded.

Feng Xin waited, and when his body had found the point of surrender, that his fingernails had stopped cutting into his skin and he’d started to move himself, Feng Xin took him by the thighs and let him have it. 

   He let Mu Qing set the pace, only pushing forward to meet him, each time dragging back only to be pulled further in, until the muscle gave in completely, as if it welcomed him, needed him. The wet sounds of the lube and the slightest tap of the bed frame matched their shared breaths, until Mu Qing drowned it out with pleasant sighs. The blissful high coated the uncomfortable position, that the man no longer complained, found something, cried out when Feng Xin reached out to touch him.

  “Tell me-“ Mu Qing’s thighs fell open, one leg raised to tighten around Feng Xin’s waist,” is it good?”

“Fuck,” Feng Xin groaned, his pace stuttering. “You feel… god, Mu Qing…”

The man whimpered, half lidded gaze lowering to where Feng Xin stroked him.

”I like it,” he said,” It… hurts, but it-“ 

  He cried out, loud, his entire body vibrating as his head fell back again and his lips opened with the godliest of moans. “That,” he gasped.” That again.”

”This?” Feng Xin fucked into him, a hand lowering to his back to find the same angle. Every time he found the soft muscle with his head, Mu Qing came apart in his hold. He’d lost his words, lashes wet with the tears that spilled, a symphony of noises so unguarded escaped. Feng Xin sunk deeper with a sudden thrust, and Mu Qing wailed.

  He came with a shattered cry, his body clamping down around Feng Xin in a series of relentless, pulsing waves. The sensation tore Feng Xin’s own orgasm from him, his cum covered fingers gripped Mu Qing as he released into the condom, imagined for seconds during his high what it would be like to fuck his seed deeper. He collapsed forward, catching his weight on his elbows, burying his face in Mu Qing’s sweat-damp neck.

  For a moment there was nothing, and then reality became more concrete, and he realized he was holding Mu Qing, who seemed to just be doing the same.

"...Get off of me," the man said, though he sounded far too weak to bring forth any real anger. 

Feng Xin shifted and fell back against the mattress at his side, tossing the tied condom into the trash, not checking to see if he missed. 

"Shit."

They'd have to work Mu Qing up to his full size, and Feng Xin needed to seriously reconsider his endurance, but for now, he turned his head to find Mu Qing was already staring, chest still rising as he caught his breath. He looked as if he were planning revenge.

  "You okay?"

"You're kidding me, right?" Mu Qing huffed, wincing as he moved to sit," I feel disgusting. And before you give me that kicked puppy dog look, I'm talking about the lube. I don't like it."

“ Want me to run you a bath? I could make dinner while you soak."

"I'd like that, actually."

Tell me everything you like.

"Do you want to add anything?" Mu Qing asked, a little hesitant.

"Hm?"

"You got mad last time when I just left, so..."

"Oh, uh." Feng Xin couldn't think of anything but wanting to do it again, but that would probably just piss him off. Honesty was the best policy though. "You were amazing. I especially like the part where you got embarrassed because of how good it felt and tried to hide your-" A pillow slammed into him before he could finish.

"Forget I asked!"

   Feng Xin added lavender to the bath and watched as Mu Qing entered, holding himself, covered once again in Feng Xin's shirt. He took small steps to the tub, leaned forward to feel the water with his hand.

"Thanks."

"Take as long as you need. I'll find something to throw together."

Mu Qing nodded, though he looked as if he wanted to say something else. After a moment, he only gestured for the door with his head," Just take some ingredients out. I'll cook."

  Maybe the high of their ecstasy had yet to fade, but there was definitely something different. Mu Qing wasn't as hostile, for one. He wondered if anytime they argued he could just suggest they have sex again. It clearly worked.

  What was most important was making sure Mu Qing wasn't doing that thing where he suffered in silence. He had to watch for signs, just in case. People sometimes felt weird about doing it for the first time. Hells, he definitely had.

"Fish?" Mu Qing had come from the bath after a while of Feng Xin staring down salmon and assorted vegetables after getting dressed. Mu Qing's dark hair was braided over one shoulder, and the scent of his soap mingled with the lavender oil of the bath. "Why do you have an eggplant out?"

"I wasn't sure what went with it."

  Mu Qing chuckled, and it sounded so fond that Feng Xin did a double take. Even his tone was playful as he berated him," How do you work at a restaurant but never seem to know what you're doing?" he moved for the asparagus," I can cook anything you'd like, but we'll have to limit your options."

Feng Xin's heart was racing more than it had been during sex.

"My uh, mom usually does all the cooking."

"That poor woman," Mu Qing said.

   Feng Xin leaned up against the counter and watched him get to work. He made some kind of cream sauce, cut the vegetables with ease in a way that had Feng Xin staring at his fingers. For once, he didn't seem to mind Feng Xin observing. 

"Who taught you how to cook like this?" He asked.

Mu Qing smiled," My mom."

"She would be proud of you, feeding the hopeless like this."

"You're not hopeless, you're just lazy sometimes," and after a moment," Āyí cooks too, but it was different when..."

When his dad remarried, just six months after his wife's passing, it hadn't been easy on Mu Qing. He'd only been fourteen at the time. Feng Xin remembered the shifts, the way he'd distanced himself from both Xie Lan and him. It felt only in recent years that he'd tried to find his way back, as if they'd ever left.

  "I meant it, Mu Qing. She'd be proud of you."

Mu Qing looked down at the pot, but Feng Xin knew he was seeing memories instead, some fond, some that had his fingers clenching around the ladle. 

“Do you think… she would have cared?” He asked quietly.

Feng Xin thought he knew what he was talking about, but just in case he asked,” about what?”

”Me… liking men.”

“I know she wouldn’t have,” he said. “Your mom loved you more than anything. All she ever wanted was for you to be happy.”

  Mu Qing lifted his head to meet his gaze.

”I’m trying… to be happy.”

”I know,” risking it, Feng Xin pressed a hand to his wrist,” but you don’t have to do it alone.”

Mu Qing cleared his throat, pulled his hand away and nodded once.

“Dinner is about to be finished.”

   It was enough for now. Mu Qing didn’t have to open up all at once. The fact he’d even mentioned his mother was a feat in itself, and to Feng Xin of all people. He wouldn’t take this trust for granted. He wouldn’t mess this up.

Chapter Text

   Feng Xin's life was great. He had three weeks left before the next term, had a decent enough job (thanks, mom), and a roommate that liked to have sex when he annoyed him. Sometimes Feng Xin would look forward to an argument, not anything serious, but enough to get that look in Mu Qing's eyes that promised a lack of sleep. 

  Mu Qing had become much more confident since their first night. He wanted to try new things, and Feng Xin was more than happy to help him out. Sometimes they'd go slow, when both had finished long shifts and just needed to relax. Sometimes, Mu Qing liked to just lie back against all the pillows and be taken apart. They'd done it enough times in a week that he didn't tense when Feng Xin fingered him to completion, or once, when Feng Xin had risked it and taken him into his mouth. He hadn't seemed to mind that either.

  There wasn't much Mu Qing wouldn't let him do, except for one or two things Feng Xin had offered. In time, Feng Xin hoped. Who wouldn't want to go down on the epitome of godly beauty? 

   There were times that it felt a little surreal. They were doing all these things, but he was 100% certain if he asked to cuddle on the couch Mu Qing would lose his fucking mind. Friends with benefits... had its limits. Feng Xin wasn't going to disrespect him by asking for anything else, but if occasionally he could steal a moment or two that felt like there might be something else going on, he sure as hell was going to take it. 

  "There's something seriously wrong with you," Mu Qing said.

Feng Xin blinked, looked at Mu Qing, then back to what he'd been staring at for a good ten minutes in thought. 

"Oh- uh, no I wasn't..." very quickly, Feng Xin tossed the cucumber back to the pile of produce and headed back to the cart where Mu Qing had been studying their list," Did we get everything?"

Mu Qing did a look over, bit at the edge of his pen.

"Hmm, we're forgetting something, but I forgot to write it down."

"Sounds like you were a little distracted."

Mu Qing sent him an accusatory glare.

"I was."

"Eggs?"

"You saw me get those before you started lusting after the cucumbers."

  Feng Xin let out a deep sigh and pressed his body into the handle of the cart. He propped his chin up with his hand. 

"Beer?"

"You said you were going to stop drinking as much."

"Yes," Feng Xin said," as much, which implies I'll still have a little."

Mu Qing huffed," You can get beer, but I'm not putting out if you drink. I hate the smell."

He didn't bother mentioning how he didn't seem to mind vodka. It wasn't worth the risk in this case. He really did try to be helpful, but how was he supposed to know what Mu Qing had forgotten? It couldn’t have been anything too important. 

   “Wow.”

Both of them whipped their heads to find Pei Ming, a basket full of champagne, chocolate and condoms.

”Condoms,” Feng Xin said in disbelief. They’d forgotten condoms.

”Ah,” Pei Ming lowered his gaze to his basket,” This is awkward. Unless…" he raked his eyes over the two and caught something interesting in Mu Qing. A laugh escaped, and he shook his head before muttering,” That’s why you blocked me. I wondered when you two were going to start sleeping with each other. It's about damn time."

"Wh-" Mu Qing's jaw clenched, fingers curled against the handle," Don't just start spewing bullshit. In what universe would Feng Xin and I be sleeping together?"

Okay, ouch.

"Relax," Pei Ming said," I'm not going to tell anyone, but if you're really worried about anyone finding out, maybe wear a turtle neck when you're both out shopping together like some domestic pair."

  Mu Qing immediately shot a hand up to cover the hickey on his neck. It hadn't been his fault. Feng Xin had left it before leaving the house. It had probably slipped his mind.

"You can unblock me," Pei Ming mused," I could show the both of you a good time."

"Annnnd, we are leaving," Feng Xin said," Nice seeing you Pei Ming."

"It was nice seeing you two.”

   Seriously, what had Mu Qing ever seen in that guy?? 

Feng Xin took control of the cart and shoved it forward, only to glance at his side to find Mu Qing still had a hand pressed against his mark. 

"It's not even that big."

"What if we run into someone else we know?"

Feng Xin bit the inside of his cheek. No. He would not let this get to him. Don't be an ass. Don't be an ass.

"Why were you completely fine with telling everyone you were interested in fucking Pei Ming, but you can't even bare to be seen having a mark beside me, because someone might insinuate I put it there?" 

   Mu Qing rolled his eyes.

"You're so dramatic."

"And you're afraid of giving straight answers."

Mu Qing stopped in the center of the aisle. They had at least four more to go before they made it back to the personal hygiene for condoms. 

"It looks way more obvious with your hand there by the way."

Mu Qing dropped it and then continued walking again. This was not the kind of argument that led to great sex. This was the kind where they ate dinner in silence and skipped the fun time before bed. Was it so wrong to want to know? Feng Xin didn't care who thought what. Hells, he'd gladly announce that he was the only one who had been graced enough to see Mu Qing naked, that he'd deflowered him, made him cum multiple times in a week alone- No. He needed to remember he was upset. 

  "Are you fucking ashamed that its me?"

"What?!" Mu Qing turned on him, half whispering," Lower your voice. No. I'm not ashamed, Feng Xin. I just don't want people knowing about my personal life."

"Again, Pei Ming-"

"I was never serious about Pei Ming!"

  Mu Qing froze, as if surprised by his own words, or the fact he'd just shouted it in the middle of the vitamins where a few elders turned to scowl.

"I... What I meant to say," he amended in a much quieter tone," is that I never planned on sleeping with him, okay? It's different for us. We're actually... doing it, so I'd rather just not give anyone the idea. It's embarrassing, and no, not because it's you, idiot. I just don't want people to know I'm in this kind of situation."

Feng Xin mulled it over. 

"So, theoretically if we were just dating you wouldn't have an issue telling anyone?"

Mu Qing flushed red," What? Why are you bringing that up?!"

"I was just asking! Its theoretical!"

"Do you mean hypothetical?"

"Whatever," Feng Xin purposely looked towards the stocked items instead." I was just curious."

  Mu Qing rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath," Just go grab the condoms."

Feng Xin didn't bother mentioning how he still hadn't answered his question. 

   Feng Xin spent the next week wondering what qualities he had that made dating him seem like an unbelievable option. Mu Qing was clearly attracted to him, and their sexual preferences aligned quite well. Mu Qing liked to be praised and ordered around, and Feng Xin was more than happy to do both. He had a running list of everything the man reacted to, so it clearly wasn't anything physical. 

  Personality conflict? That was more likely, but even then most of the time they got along just fine. They enjoyed arguing. They threw insults around like pet names, but it was never so serious that he'd ever actually detested being around Mu Qing. Mu Qing didn't seem comfortable when Feng Xin was nice anyways. He had to do it sneakily, throw in some attitude here and there so he didn't catch on.

  Was it his... financial status?

Feng Xin immediately threw that idea out. Mu Qing had grown up struggling, and even if he had been more accustomed to a certain lifestyle, he wasn't a gold digger. 

What was it? Why did the idea of being with him make Mu Qing so on edge?

  "Yin Yu, am I a catch?"

"Huh?"

Feng Xin leaned up against the counter, watching the empty dining area.

"I know I'm hot, but is my personality good?"

Yin Yu looked from side to side, as if the question had been meant for someone else. Finding no one, he let out a tired sigh and stopped wiping the counter. 

"What's this about exactly?"

"Just curious."

"I don't know much about this kind of stuff."

  Feng Xin threw his head back in defeat. Who else was he supposed to ask?

  He considered calling Xie Lan, but then he'd have to explain why he was calling. If Mu Qing wanted their situation to be a secret, did it necessarily mean he had to keep his own? Wouldn't it be a little obvious if he admitted to being in love with Mu Qing only for Xie Lan to come back from break and notice a misplaced comment or hickey?

Would they even still be sleeping together then? Mu Qing hadn't put a time limit on this thing. He'd only said 'until we want to stop.' Feng Xin never wanted to stop! Feng Xin rubbed at his eyes and then face planted into the pillow.

  Moments later, the front door opened. He shifted into a proper sitting position and quickly grabbed for a textbook to look like he'd been busy instead of having an existential crisis. He listened to the steps, and when the bedroom door pressed open, he closed it, offering a grin that fell just as quickly.

"You look stressed."

Mu Qing fell back against the bed with a frustrated sigh. 

"Sometimes I need to take my own advice," he admitted.

"Which is?"

"Shut up," Mu Qing informed, "Uh, this is going to be so embarrassing."

   "Now I have to know."

Mu Qing huffed as he pushed himself up into a sitting position. He still wore the buttoned up shirt, partly open now, the watch Feng Xin had let him wear because he never did. 

"Mica is a transfer from like some other country or something, but she kept going on and on about her rich, French boyfriend and how he'll be taking her to the business dinner next weekend, which whatever, I don't care." Mu Qing's wild eyed gaze said differently," but then she has the audacity to make a joke at my expense. I hadn't RSVP'd yet, so naturally she assumed I wasn't going. 'Oh, don't be ashamed if you can't find a date in time. You can just go alone or Janette from downstairs is single.' JANETTE? Fucking Janette?? Like I could only hope the forty year old wine auntie was available to save my self esteem just because I'm a low life receptionist?"

Feng Xin nodded, to show he was listening, also because he was not too sure where this was going.

"Anyways," Mu Qing said in defeat," I told her that I have a hot boyfriend who just came back from a business trip and I was only waiting to RSVP because he might be jet lagged..." he turned a dark red as he looked away," So you need to buy a suit and clear your schedule for the 23rd."

  Feng Xin did a double take.

"Wait."

"Please don't make this difficult."

"No, no, I wasn't planning on it," he said," I'm one hundred thousand percent in."

"...really?"

"Hell yeah, I love lying to rich people."

And, out of every single person to play hot, rich boyfriend, he'd thought of Feng Xin. There was no way he was letting this opportunity slip through his fingers.

Chapter Text

   "And remember, if it feels too goo to be true, it probably is-"

Feng Xin turned a knob off on the radio with a squinted gaze. For the past few days leading up to the twenty third, Feng Xin had formed an actual plan, one that didn't listen in on really pathetic Dr. Love podcasts. He smoothed a hand over his cheek and recited his lines mentally in the rearview mirror again. This was only the first step.

The main goal: Impress Mu Qing with his improv skills enough the man realized that Feng Xin was a catch.

   First Step: Find a suit.

He could have went thrift shopping, picked for hours on end what matched, what was secretly designer, all that; but it would be, while uncomfortable, much easier this way. He let out a deep breath and stepped from his car to make it towards his mother's restaurant. The small sign 'Happy Hunan" was in dire need of a fix, so he made a mental note to get help from Yin Yu in the week to secretly repaint and hang it. 

  "What a surprise!" his mother greeted immediately, the small bell ringing on the door as he closed it behind him. "You don't work until tomorrow morning. You're not in trouble, are you?"

Feng Xin scratched at his cheek," No, I just need the key to dad's storage..."

She blinked, and in the corner one elder man slurped on his noodles.

"You're in trouble, aren't you? I told you that I won't do it, but you can pawn anything you need of his. Tell me. Is it rent?"

Feng Xin looked back at her office, scowling at nothing in particular. This was way more than uncomfortable.

"I need one of his suits."

"One of his suits?" She stepped forward to peer at him with tight brows. 

  "I have a thing."

"A thing?"

"With Mu Qing."

Her eyes widened, lips parted in a soft gasp of surprise, and then she shook him by the arms. "You have a date! You asked Mu Qing on a date!"

Feng Xin inhaled a deep breath again. He didn't like asking this of her. His father was a sore subject. He was a total scum bag who'd rather sell his soul for the finer things in life than take care of a kid and a doting wife. The last time Feng Xin had seen him, he'd had a billboard up for property development that would most likely take a lot of people's homes. 

  "I just need to look presentable, and like I have a lot money."

The woman lowered her hands, smiling gently," You don't need any of that, but I understand. You want to impress him."

"Yes," Feng Xin said, chewing the inside of his cheek. They'd never spoken like this. She'd always seemed to favor Mu Qing for some odd reason, but it was only recently that he caught onto the fact she desired him to be her future son in law or something. With her help, maybe... 

   His mother squeezed his hand and nodded once.

"Stay here, I'll get the key."

Second Step: Swallow pride

   Feng Xin liked to think that he was a humble man, but when it came to asking favors of Hua Cheng... He'd rather swallow his entire foot. He paced in his bedroom, suit lied out, a few pieces of jewelry his mother had insisted he take, just in case. It took a moment for the call to connect, distant echoes of music could be heard before a click of the door, and then Xie Lan cleared his throat.

"Ah, sorry about that," he sounded a bit tired, but not unhappy," It's been a little crazy with the festival going on."

"No worries."

"...Is everything alright?" 

   Feng Xin dropped down to the mattress.

"I need a favor."

"Oh, sure." Xie Lan agreed," What's the favor?"

Pride didn't have a place in this request, he reminded himself.

"Can I borrow one of Hua Cheng's drivers? Just for tomorrow night."

It was silent for a moment, and then the phone shifted with a scratch of something like fabric. Feng Xin knew it was in Hua Cheng's hand before he even spoke.

  "It's hilarious that you need something from me, but remain too much of a coward to call me yourself," the man mused. "Were you afraid I'd say no?"

"Hua Cheng..." Feng Xin gritted his teeth, trying for something respectful enough," If you agreed to help me out, I... would be immensely uh, grateful and try to pay you back."

Eventually. 

Xie Lan could be heard whispering.

"It might be really serious, San Lang."

Obviously! Feng Xin would never be in this situation otherwise. He couldn't make out the other words that were shared between the two, but eventually, he heard Hua Cheng chuckle, the kind where he had something cynical planned for specifically Feng Xin or Mu Qing.

   "Fine," he said," Just send me the addresses and times. I'll let my driver know."

"Tha-"

"But it will end up costing you when I return."

Of course, it would. Feng Xin could feel his stomach lurching from the thought of another hot pot, but he'd deal with that near death experience later.

Third Step: Research the enemies

"Why does it look like your plotting something over there?"

   Feng Xin shut the laptop, lifted his head and forgot what he'd been about to say, because, damn. Mu Qing had only half his attire situated, a rich purple buttoned up, not enough to be gaudy, but something smooth like a nice wine. Feng Xin wasn't sure. He didn't fucking know colors, but it looked nice. The top three buttons were undone, and he had earrings in, simple golden hoops. His dark hair was half pinned up, bangs framing his face in a way that accentuated his jaw. The dark dress pants he wore cupped his thighs and his ass. Gods, Feng Xin loved that ass. 

Mu Qing flushed.

"You look good," he said, and cleared his throat," Presentable."

   Feng Xin didn't bother looking down at the suit he had on. Presentable? Come on, Mu Qing, don't you want to say I look sexy or something?

  “Well,” he drawled out,” you look like you belong in a magazine. 10/10. Would ask for your number and beg for your attention in a bar.”

”Pft,” Mu Qing turned his head as he finished the buttons of his shirt. “We’re not pretending yet.”

“Just getting into character.”

”Well, put your shoes on. I’m about to call an uber.”

  Feng Xin stood up from the bed and slipped his hand into his pocket to pull out a golden chain, a dark onyx sculpted into the intricate make . He wasn't sure how much it actually cost, but if it was his father's, it would definitely do the trick.

"For added effect," he said," May I?"

Mu Qing blinked in surprise, brows furrowed, though he pushed his hair over his shoulder and allowed him to step closer into his space.

"This better be fake."

Feng Xin clasped it over his neck, let his fingers smooth over his pale skin longer than necessary. 

"What? You think I robbed a jewelry store?"

"I never know with you."

Feng Xin smiled, took in the soft scent of the jade in his oils.

"And we're not taking an uber.”

”We can’t show up in your car…”

Fourth Step: Lie his ass off

   The Rolls Royce pulled in at exactly six. He tried to hide his pleased smirk, but Mu Qing's shock wore him down. He was just about to open the door for him, when the driver stepped out, looking too familiar.

"What the hell, Yin Yu?? You drive for Hua Cheng?"

Yin Yu smoothed down the suit he wore and then moved to open the back seat. 

"Some times, when its necessary."

   Mu Qing wrapped a hand around Feng Xin's arm, whispering in alarm.

"You asked Hua Cheng for a favor?" 

"You were going to call an uber."

"An uber doesn't require you to owe that devil!"

   The man was far too worried before their first fake date. It's not like Hua Cheng was going to ask for his soul, and he had a little protection, being Xie Lan's friend. 

"You're tense," Feng Xin said," Can't you just trust me tonight? I wouldn't do anything to mess this up for you."

  While the stiffness in the man's shoulders didn't fade, he lowered into the car and took a few deep breaths. It wasn't like Mu Qing to be so visibly unsettled. It made Feng Xin that much more determined to take control of the situation, even if that meant doing things he really didn't want to do... but that was worst case scenario. 

   The drive was quiet, a little awkward since Yin Yu could potentially share anything he heard or saw straight to Hua Cheng. Mu Qing kept scrolling through his phone, shifting as if he were uncomfortable. Very discreetly, Feng Xin leant into him to whisper.

"Just stay on my arm the entire night. I'll do all the talking."

"And let you blow our cover?"

Feng Xin grinned. It sounded like they were spies trying to break into get some prized jewel.

"Trust me," he said, because one of these days, Mu Qing might actually listen.

  The dinner was being held in a hotel banquet room, and for the first hour there was to be a lengthy presentation on this year's quotas and just how they'd established the majority of their clients. The hotel itself was owned by one of them, a wealthy looking man who was already sipping down champagne and greeting everyone that entered.

Feng Xin held out his arm," Come on, it's just dinner."

Mu Qing wrapped his fingers around him, leaned in as they slow walked down the grand hall.

"You don't understand. These people are vipers. I've been with them for less than two weeks and they already want to skin me alive."

"Mu Qing," he reminded in a whisper," Don't forget who you are, just because these people have money."

  As they turned into the large entertainment room, set aside before the meeting with long tables full of drinks and boring snacks, he caught a crowd starting to form. Some were in groups to themselves, others swayed across to greet one another after speaking for seconds with someone else.

Feng Xin would have been four glasses down of alcohol if it weren't for the fact he already had to remember so much.

  "Mu Qing," came a voice, a woman perched on the arm of a man, smiling as if she had something sour between her teeth," I have to admit I didn't think you'd show. Is this the jet lagged boyfriend?"

Mica, huh?

Feng Xin lowered his arm in order to press a hand to Mu Qing's back. 

"For now," he said," until I can find a ring worthy of that finger."

  Mu Qing made a soft noise that was almost inaudible, and as a waiter passed, took a glass of champagne and took a long sip. When he lifted it from his lips, he forced a casual grin.

"Don't mind him, he's a hopeless romantic."

"Ah," Mica said, eyeing Feng Xin with a dark interest, a little too close until her man cleared his throat to garner her attention.

He looked to the man, pretended to find familiarity for a moment and let out a chuckle," Lionel Martin, was it? Weren't you on the board for the BS industries back in uh-" he snapped a finger," 2018?"

  Mica's eyes widened, lifting her head to give him a questioning look.

Lionel pursed his lips, raised his glass," I don't normally make it a habit of mentioning how I've worked for the major competitor, but yes. I was persuaded by the intelligence and work ethic that the Wang Industries has for both their employees and the citizens they deal with," he smiled," I assure you, I'm one of the most loyal out there."

"Of course," Feng Xin said," I have to admit, I had my fair share in investments, but then that whole incident with the leak... I'm glad we both got out when we did."

"Right, right... I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name."

"Ah, Feng Xin," he said, holding out his hand to shake, ignoring the stare he felt in his direction. 

   "Feng?" Mica asked.

No. Gods, no. Please, do not ask what you're about to ask. That was my trump card!

"Is there any relation to Feng Rui, by any chance?"

Fuck you, Mica.

Feng Xin played it cool enough, didn't let the agitation leak into his tone.

"Ah, that's...my father."

Mu Qing leaned into his side.

"I knew it!" Lionel said," I thought you looked familiar. Your father is an ace. I've been trying to get in contact with him since I graduated. Do you think you could set up an appointment by any chance? I have so many ideas that I know would be well worth his time."

   Mu Qing shifted, enough that Feng Xin's arm fell to his side, so that he could take it again.

"Please, let's save this conversation for when he isn't dragging himself to a boring dinner for my sake after being so jet lagged. Darling," he offered Feng Xin his glass," Can we get some fresh air before the presentation starts? It's so stuffy in here."

Feng Xin offered them both a grin," It was nice meeting you two."

"Of course," said Mica, who hadn't blinked since she'd found out who his father was. Just how well known was he to invoke a reaction like that?? He felt dizzy, if not for the way Mu Qing kept attached to him the entire way to the large balcony where a few others smoked off cigars and had drinks.

  Mu Qing turned and smoothed down the front of Feng Xin's suit, probably to look as if they were merely sharing a lover's conversation to anyone who might wonder. 

"You okay?" he asked.

Feng Xin caught the hand that dropped, smiling wide.

"Yeah, of course. It's just weird hearing about him, but at least now they definitely won't question my finances."

  Mu Qing sighed, and didn't seem too bothered by the fact they were practically holding hands, pressed against Feng Xin's chest.

"You... were amazing in there," he said in a whisper," Did you really recognize him?"

"Pft, no. I just did a lot of research before coming."

  Mu Qing smiled, a genuine, earth shattering smile. This was why he was here. This was worth every discomfort. 

"Mica seems like a bitch," he added low.

The smile widened. Mu Qing's gaze raised to his, then lowered to his lips. 

"Thank you, for doing this. I wouldn't have been able to without you."

"Yes, you would have, but I’m glad you asked. You know, there isn’t much I wouldn’t do for you.”

  Mu Qing’s cheeks flushed red, but he didn’t turn away like he usually did. His fingers curled slightly into the fabric of Feng Xin’s shirt.

”Sometimes you say things that makes me think…”

”What?” Feng Xin asked in a whisper, and when Mu Qing’s hand finally dropped, he moved to push hair back from his face. He was so fucking beautiful that it hurt and he was staring at Feng Xin as if he’d just realized something that might change everything. See us. See what we could be.

"Feng Xin?"

   That voice. Feng Xin's entire face paled as he turned, and met the face of woman he hadn't seen in years. She took a step forward, eyes widening when she realized she’d been right.

"Jian Lan?" he whispered. 

Chapter Text

   They barely had enough time to share looks of disbelief before the presentation started. By the time an hour had passed and Feng Xin had learned that he really hated business, the tables had been set with the first course. He didn't think of her. The entire time that he'd been pretending to listen, he'd thought of Mu Qing, the way he'd frozen in her place, the way his ice wall had crafted itself so perfectly that he was reminded of when they were just teenagers again. He thought of the way it had looked like Mu Qing was leaning in for a kiss outside the balcony. 

   Without the promise of sex, didn't a kiss say everything? Or would Mu Qing just play it off as part of the act if he'd been given the chance? Maybe he'd just meant to lean in to keep anyone else from looking their way. 

  The seating situation wasn't great. Mica and Lionel sat across from them, Jian Lan and her date, on the other side of the circular table. 

Mu Qing raised another glass of champagne to his lips and downed it.

"My love," he whispered, just in case someone heard," would you like some water?"

"No," Mu Qing said back.

"I thought the presentation was rather lacking," Lionel informed to no one in particular," but he did bring up a few good points. We could increase our sales by 25% with the west side alone if we pushed for alternative routes."

Mica put a hand to his arm," Please, I've heard enough of statistics. Wouldn't you rather get to know everyone?" 

  Lionel chuckled, raising a glass," Apologies. Do you all know each other then?"

"I can't say I've had the privilege," Liu Mu, who had an arm thrown across Jian Lan, eyed Mu Qing from his place with a low smirk," I do recognize our new receptionist, of course. Pleasant to the eyes, as always."

Mu Qing almost spit back into his cup, but he was graceful, cleared his throat gently.

"I was curious," Mica started," why the boyfriend of a man whose father is the Feng Rui is working as a receptionist, but I didn't want to sound rude."

  Feng Xin caught the fingers clenching along Mu Qing's thigh and dropped his own hand, squeezing his. He wasn't wrong. These people were vipers.

"Isn't it obvious?" Feng Xin asked.

Everyone looked to him, and Jian Lang's eyes lit with interest. 

"Isn't it too easy to live off of someone else's success? He could have everything in the world if he only asked, but he'd grow bored soon enough," Feng Xin ran a thumb across Mu Qing's hand in soft, slow circles," It's one of the reasons why I fell in love with him. Unlike... many people here, he'd rather experience the struggle of taking steps than not at all."

  Mica's smile faltered. Of course, it did. While she had a high position, she relied heavily on Lionel to continue her high maintenance lifestyle. 

In response, she lifted her glass," To each their own."

He, again, felt Jian Lan's gaze and tried to remind himself not to reveal too much. She knew the truth. She could out them at any moment. It didn't seem like it was her intention, but six years could change a lot about a person and they hadn't exactly left on the best note.

  Over the course of the night Feng Xin took control of any conversation directed their way. Once, Lionel pressed again about his father, and that was the only time Mu Qing actively led to change the topic. For the most part though, the man was awfully quiet. He knew it had something to do with Jian Lan, he just wasn't sure what. 

  Everything that had happened in the past had been a bit complicated. 

"Wait, so you're saying you two already know each other?"

Jian Lan nodded once," Yes, you could say that Feng Xin and I were very close childhood friends."

"That's sweet," Mica said, not sounding like she cared.

"Do you still see Xie Lan these days?" Jian Lan asked.

Feng Xin broke his gaze from Mu Qing and lifted his head," We still talk. He's on vacation right now, but I'm sure he'd enjoy seeing you again."

"Yes, that would be nice. I'd like to get together sometime."

   Mu Qing finished another glass, and had yet to touch his dessert. When Mica asked someone else a probing question, Feng Xin took the break to whisper to him in concern.

"Do you want to leave now?"

"Why?" he whispered back," You seem to be enjoying yourself."

Feng Xin shifted in his chair and very quickly said," It's getting late. While it was nice speaking to you all, I have other matters to attend to tonight." 

He pressed a hand to the back of Mu Qing's chair," My love?"

  Mu Qing moved to follow, taking the arm that was offered.

"You two make such a lovely couple," Jian Lan informed, but there was something strange to her gaze that he couldn’t decipher. 

"Don't forget about mentioning me to your father," Lionel said.

"Of course."

  Mu Qing was quiet during the ride home, but it was to be expected. He thanked Yin Yu, and then went up to their apartment feeling like a complete failure. This whole night he was supposed to be proving something, and while Mu Qing had been grateful for his help the smile he'd allowed to surface outside that balcony was replaced by a thin line. 

  Mu Qing undid the tie from his hair and let out a long sigh.

"I need a new job."

Feng Xin met his gaze as he turned. There was no fire of a hidden rage in the darkness of his eyes, or even the cold waters he often found himself drowning in. It was quieter, thoughtful and then it wasn't. 

He stepped into Feng Xin's space, lifted his chin as fingers came to fuss with the opening of his suit. 

"Did you enjoy seeing her?" he asked.

"Who? Jian Lan?"

   There was a fire, but it wasn't rage. Feng Xin wasn't sure if this was some kind of test, but he answered honestly. 

"It was tiring me out," he admitted," Next time we go out to dinner, maybe we can skip all the extra people."

Mu Qing's fingers dropped. They slid down his chest, a thumb teased one of his buttons as he leant forward. 

"Would you like to take me out to dinner?" he asked.

"Would you say yes?"

   Mu Qing was an enigma. Feng Xin could never know what words set him off, which ones he wanted to actually hear. And his responses, sometimes, seemed so far from the tone that Feng Xin was often left in shock. 

"Feng Xin," he said, whispering low,” Stop holding back. You can… tell me what you want.”

Before Feng Xin could even comprehend the reality of the situation, Mu Qing pressed him back into the couch. He dropped, eyes widening in realization. He meant sex. He’d almost thought- 

“You’re always so gentle. You can order me around, you know?” He dropped into his lap, lips parting close enough for a kiss, only to whisper into his mouth,” You could make me take you raw.”

  Feng Xin felt his lips against his, only for a moment before they were pressed against his neck as curious hands started undoing buttons with ease. His own came to rest against the lower part of Mu Qing’s back, tightening in the fabric when his tongue darted across his skin.

”Ah- Are you sure you’re okay?” Feng Xin asked.

“I like it when you leave marks. Did you know that? You can leave more when you put it in.”

”Mu Qing-“

  His tongue was replaced with teeth. He bit down hard, sucking into his skin, lapping his tongue over with a moan that vibrated through both their bodies. Mu Qing was leaving a mark. The thought alone destroyed any sane thought. How could he ask now, whatever it was that was on Mu Qing’s mind? How could he think when he was rolling back onto him, making such pretty noises like he needed it more than anything? 

“Are you-“ fuck, he was already hard,” Don’t you want to talk?”

  Mu Qing reached down to play with the button of his pants. His fingers caressed him through the fabric, squeezing gently.

“I’d rather you fuck me until I can’t anymore.”

Shit, he could do that too. 

“What’s your safe word?” Feng Xin asked.

Mu Qing’s warm breath tickled his ear.

”Coconut.”

  Feng Xin turned them into the sofa, and Mu Qing’s back hit the cushion as Feng Xin maneuvered over him, one hand pressed beside his head, the other slipping underneath his shirt. He leaned down to kiss him, teasing his bottom lip with tongue until the man obeyed and opened his mouth. 

  When he released him, Feng Xin stared down at him, his pretty half lidded gaze. 

”Good,” he said,” be good for me and remember that.”

  In the dim light of the morning, Feng Xin blinked back the fogginess of past memories warped by dreams. He wasn't sure when they'd finally passed out, only remembered the way Mu Qing had spilled notes as Feng Xin played every part of his body. He'd asked a couple times, whether or not he could continue, but Mu Qing had only sobbed into him, a trembling mess that he'd wanted more. It had been the first time that they'd slept together, that Mu Qing hadn't seemed willing to let go. 

  It had been the first time that Feng Xin had no barrier as he was consumed by Mu Qing's heat. It had been the first that when they finished, Mu Qing refused to be cleaned.

"Tomorrow," he'd whispered, chest rising with his slowing breaths. His eyes had almost closed, body heavy against the mattress, Feng Xin's mess mixed with the lube trailing down his thigh. 

  Feng Xin peered over at the still sleeping beauty. The sheets were tucked into his waist, bare torso painted in bites and bruises. Feng Xin reached out, only to stop before the marks along his neck, the ones that he'd begged for, a dark reminder against his pale skin. Feng Xin shifted to lie on his stomach, fingers curling underneath it.

Had he messed up? There had obviously been something else on Mu Qing's mind last night, but if he knew one thing about the man, it was that if he didn't want to talk that nothing would make him. 

  Feng Xin didn't know how much longer he could love him and not say a word, not slip and give it away. Even this, stretching to cup his cheek, acting as if he merely wanted to push hair from his face was a dangerous risk. He wanted to kiss him awake. He wanted to ask what he'd been about to say on the balcony. 

  There were three frantic knocks on his front door.

"Fucking hell," he muttered.

He only threw on some sweats, careful to shut the door quiet enough to not wake Mu Qing. It was eight in the morning, who the hell was interrupting their peace?!

  "Well, well," his mother said," were you planning on showing up at all?"

Feng Xin's eyes widened, brought a hand to cover his body as if she hadn't been the one to birth him herself. She held tight to a bag full of cartons of food, pushed past him with a shake of the head.

"You're lucky we closed today," she shifted the bags onto the counter," There was a plumbing issue. No worries though, I called my neighbor. He's a very-"

She froze when she turned, mouth agape, eyes wide in horror before a small hand came to smack him across the arm. 

"You!" She yelled," You had one date with the man and you have the mark of defilement! Don't tell me you pressured that poor boy with your dumb little lines-"

"Ma," he said urgently," It's just a hickey."

"Just a hickey?" And then more things caught her gaze. Slow realization dawned. She looked to the clothes piled on the floor in front of the couch, the pair of shoes that were most definitely not Feng Xin's. "... He is still here."

   Feng Xin laughed, a little nervously," It's not like that. You raised your son right. We didn't do anything that wasn't-" gods, he wished he'd at least had coffee before this conversation," He's always here. We've been living together for a while now."

"Living together..."

"Yes," he said," We just didn't want to mention it. It's a very personal thing. You know how his parents are."

His mother eyed the bedroom door and then her son. After a moment, she smoothed the arm of her jacket, shaking her head in disbelief.

"And you haven't even proposed yet," she muttered to herself," for years you two have been in love, and what do you have to show for yourself? I feel terrible for him, really. All the flirting, and now your defilement mark and this poor boy is stuck with a ringless finger. It shames us. You have all the time in the world. You could be engaged for years, but at least-"

She stopped abruptly.

"I made you breakfast. Make sure he eats," she turned her head away from the living space and turned to leave. "We will be talking more about this."

  Feng Xin stared at the door when it closed.

For years?! When had she come up with that idea? And why had she left so suddenly?

He ran a hand across his face, checked through the food, everything that had been prepared, most likely saved before the plumbing issue. She'd only meant for the best, but it was still a little frustrating. He couldn't just outright tell her the situation, but he also couldn't let her keep believing that the two would eventually be engaged. 

  Out of curiosity, he glanced at the hallway mirror and arched his neck.

He'd definitely left a mark of defilement as she'd called. The idea in itself, while inconvenient, had him biting back a grin. 

  Eventually the morning light was bright enough that he didn't have to turn his own on. The moment he'd heard the shower running, Feng Xin set to heating up the food and placing it on the small dining room table. He made Mu Qing the tea he liked, only when he heard the water turn off, so it was still fresh and hot. A part of him was worried. Mu Qing had asked for a lot of things last night, and he wasn't sure how it would affect him now. Did he regret not using a condom? Or allowing Feng Xin to mark him up like a canvas? 

  He situated into a seat like a child waiting a reprimand from a teacher.

Mu Qing came out, wet hair wrapped high in a towel. He was wearing one of Feng Xin's shirts again, the one he often wore to bed now. It dropped across his collar bone, trickles of water still collecting from the strands of hair peeking out from the towel onto his skin. 

"You ordered food?"

Feng Xin raised his mug," Mom brought it over. Sit. You're probably starving, right?"

He didn't add,' because of all the calories we burnt doing it more than once last night.'

  Mu Qing sat in the chair across from him, taking the mug offered, inhaling its scent with a sigh of relief. Feng Xin really couldn't tell what sort of mood he was in yet.

"Xie Lan gets back today," Feng Xin informed, trying for casual, though he really would have to wear a turtle neck if he wanted to be seen by anyone for a few days. Feng Xin didn't mind his own mark. In fact, he'd readily show everyone if the man wasn't so worried about people connecting the dots. "I was thinking we all get together to choose the same electives. We might as well get it out of the way."

  "Fine," Mu Qing said, sounding tired," I don't have anything else planned."

"..." Feng Xin picked at his food," How did you sleep?"

"Fine."

"Is there something wrong?"

Mu Qing lowered his tea to the table. He took a moment before he answered the question, and when he did, he narrowed his gaze at Feng Xin, like it should be obvious enough.

"You tell me."

"Huh?"

"Jian Lan-" Mu Qing took in an audible breath," I just need to know whether or not we're going to continue sleeping together now that your first love is possibly back in the picture. If not, I'll have to find a replacement."

  A replacement.

Would it really be that easy for Mu Qing?

He felt like all the warmth of their nights had been stripped away. Is that all it was to him? Nothing more than getting off out of convienence? He felt sick. Stupid.

"I don't know yet," Feng Xin said," but when I do, you'll be the first I’ll tell.”

Mu Qing raised his mug as if to toast, a thin smile," That's all I can ask."

What the fuck, Mu Qing?

Feng Xin really didn't know him at all.

Chapter Text

   Well, obviously Feng Xin was an idiot. 

"I'll let you know...? What the fuck was I thinking?"

The air might have stilled long enough that the hike up the long, winding trail wasn't as cold, but he still wasn't sure why he was having this mental breakdown in the midst of people he couldn't stand. Actually, it was really only Pei Ming and Hua Cheng, but Mu Qing had kind of put him in a tight spot. 

"Why don't we all go hiking? The weather will be warm enough this weekend!" Xie Lan had sounded so genuinely interested in finding the peak of the small mountain that led to some old shrine, that it had been hard to say no. 

"You should invite Jian Lan," Mu Qing had said.

"Jian Lan?" 

"Feng Xin didn't tell you?" Mu Qing had smirked and crossed his arms, and yes, he'd been wearing the turtle neck. "They're reconnecting."

  This had resulted in a very strange and bitter atmosphere. Now Xie Lan thought Feng Xin was just walking around with a hickey Jian Lan had given him, and he was being forced to hike next to them both! He tightened his fingers around his bag and glared in the direction of thick trees hiding the rest of the path. This was stupid. Why couldn't he just keep his damn mouth shut?

  Mu Qing said things all the time, but that didn't necessarily mean it was the complete truth. And why was he standing so close to Pei Ming? Feng Xin arched his neck, staring at the two on the other side, whose arms brushed as they continued walking. Who'd even invited him?

"You look miserable," Jian Lan said, catching up to him. 

Hua Cheng and Xie Lan led, often times seeming to forget they weren't in fact alone. 

"I am," Feng Xin responded.

"Hm," she smiled slightly, catching where his gaze continued to stray," Are you and Mu Qing fighting?"

"No."

"Is it about me?" She asked.

"We're not fighting."

  She let out a soft sigh, and for a moment Feng Xin looked at her to find she was staring at him with something close to relief. She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, shaking her head with a chuckle.

"You two haven't changed at all. I mean, you are far more grumpier."

"Sorry," he managed, because even if it had kind of been on the spot, he was the one who'd invited her. He didn't need to be an ass just because Mu Qing felt like making a point. "I know... you're aware that whole dinner was bullshit, but it kind of ticked me off."

"Which part?" 

"He thinks I'm trying to 'reconnect.'"

"Pft," she rolled her eyes," He's definitely still the same."

  And sounding less amused," I don't blame him for feeling a certain type of way about me. He might have been annoying when we were younger, but he never deserved what they did."

Feng Xin stopped in his tracks.

"What are you talking about?"

Jian Lan's brows furrowed," At the lake, before summer ended."

  At the lake, before summer ended?

Realization seemed to settle in, and she looked over at Mu Qing who had chosen that exact moment to glance their way. Feng Xin caught his gaze before it was abruptly cut off by a turn of the head. Mu Qing was probably calling him an idiot under his breath. 

"I'm sorry, I thought after all these years he might have mentioned it to you."

"Mentioned what?" Feng Xin demanded. 

"It's not my place to say."

"You fucking brought it up," he snapped, unable to hide the sudden coldness, the worry that stretched into horror," Did someone do something to him? Who was it?"

"Does it matter?" She asked," He got what he wanted in the end."

It did matter though. It mattered a lot. 

   When they broke for lunch on a more stable part of the mountain, the long grass had already began to sway with the wind underneath the swelling of gray clouds. They settled over the scattered green, the dark wood that had lost its leaves, the bushes that tangled with thorns and vines down a few steep parts of the cliff. Feng Xin thought it smelt like rain.

  He chewed into his sandwich without much effort. He'd felt sick with frantic thoughts ever since he'd spoken to Jian Lan. Why couldn't she just tell him if it wasn't that big of a deal, and why didn't he already know? He couldn't remember much of that particular summer, only that it had been a handful of his friends, and the same time he'd lost his virginity. Mu Qing had come back from their trip more agitated than usual, but he didn't think he noticed anything that would have alarmed Feng Xin. 

Was Jian Lan just making all this up?

He only had one choice. Ask Mu Qing himself. He threw his remaining bread to the ground and snatched his bottle of water before traversing over to the tree, where Pei Ming was talking shit.

"Do you want me to keep flirting to make him jealous?" Pei Ming asked, just as Mu Qing lifted his head and took notice of Feng Xin's presence. The man threw his head back with a sigh.

  "Oh, Feng Xin," Pei Ming greeted with a scowl, and then threw an arm around Mu Qing," Can't you see I'm trying to get intimate over here?"

"Enough," Mu Qing said as he shoved his arm away. 

"Fine, fine," Pei Ming held both hands up in defense," I'll go see how the pretty lady's doing. It looks like Feng Xin messed that one up."

   When he was out of earshot, Feng Xin dropped down near the ledge beside Mu Qing, offering him his water.

"I have some."

There was tension in his jaw, and his fingers were picking at the strands of grass like they'd done him a disservice. It betrayed the way his lips curled into a smirk.

"You really suck at flirting. She doesn't look like she's enjoying your presence at all."

"I wasn't flirting with her," Feng Xin informed.

"I'd hope not," Mu Qing said," you look like you swallowed some of Xie Lan's lunch."

"Mu Qing, what happened six years ago?"

   Mu Qing inhaled a sharp breath, and then he laughed. "Why are you always so damn vague?"

"At the lake, before summer ended."

So, there was something. Feng Xin caught the shift with ease, maybe because he'd been looking for it, maybe after all this time he was finally learning how to read Mu Qing. The way his determined gaze remained on the grass, but distanced itself, as if he weren't truly seeing anything at all and the way his lips twitched, the way his thumb drug across the bottom of his finger, back and forth- Feng Xin took it in, and very slowly he leaned in to whisper.

"What happened? I remember every single person that went on that trip. If you tell me, I'll take care of them."

Mu Qing pulled back abruptly," Why are you bringing this up?"

"Because I want to help."

"No," Mu Qing flinched as if he'd been struck, face twisting almost in disgust," You don't get to come here and try to air out my dirty laundry after six fucking years. Jian Lan brought this up? You both can go fuck yourself."

  He stood up, grabbed his bag and took off down the path. Feng Xin rushed after him, just as Xie Lan called out to them.

"Uh, we were just about to head back! It looks like it's going to start raining soon!"

"Just stay here," Feng Xin said," We'll be back."

Mu Qing was fast, but he'd learned from experience, running after him. Thunder struck, but the rain had yet to spill over onto the land. If they all left now they wouldn't get stuck in something potentially dangerous. 

"Mu Qing!" He yelled," Where the hell are you going?"

"Why are you following me?" 

"Didn't you just hear Xie Lan? It's about to-" rain soon. He blinked past the first few drops. "We should really get back to the others."

  Mu Qing almost tripped, but he leveled himself against a tree. Feng Xin caught up with him, grabbed for his wrist which was snatched back with the same force of his words.

"Don't touch me," he snapped. 

“Get away from the edge then!” 

Mu Qing took another step back, as if he’d rather fall than be touched again, as if it had been Feng Xin that had hurt him. It was already too late. The rain had started to cover the ground in a wet sludge, beating down on the man who looked close to losing it completely. 

“Please,” Feng Xin begged, just as an array of purple ignited within the dark mass closing in.” I didn’t mean to make you upset. Mu Qing, look at me. I'm on your side."

  Mu Qing laughed," You really expect me to believe that? Was this your whole plan? Get me to put out and make me f-feel like you might actually care?"

"What are you talking about?!"

“I won’t ignore it anymore! You’re the one who had t-to bring it back up like an asshole! What did I ever do to you?! Why couldn’t you just forget like I did?!”

”Mu Qing,” he said,” I promise you I have no idea what you’re talking about. I just wanted to help.”

Feng Xin wasn't sure what was going on, but this was the closest to breaking he'd ever seen the man, and he didn't know what to do. He tried again to reach for him, and this time Mu Qing didn't fight. His arm went limp in his hold, and he lowered his head.

“You’re such a-“ Mu Qing took in a sharp breath,” I hate you. I hate you so fucking much sometimes.”

”I would never do anything to hurt you, Mu Qing. You have to believe that,” he said,” Look at me.”

   Mu Qing raised his head, the fierceness in his gaze gave way to his uncertainty, that for a moment he could only stare.

”You can hate me all you want, but I can’t have you believing that. I would never. Do you know how important you are to me?”

"…You really don't know?" He asked. 

  Feng Xin moved to cup his face, pushing wet hair from his cheek, eyes wide as he searched his.

"I don't know," he said." Please, Mu Qing, let me in."

Fingers came to tangle in the fabric of his coat, and then Mu Qing pressed his head into his chest in defeat.

"I want to go home," he whispered. 

"Okay," Feng Xin brushed shaking fingers through his hair," Okay, let’s go home."

  The others didn't question them when they returned. Feng Xin wrapped his arm around Mu Qing's shoulders. He kept him close, mentioned how he felt ill when Xie Lan looked their way. The worst part of the storm wouldn't hit for another hour, so they had a little time to get back to the car. Xie Lan kept apologizing about the strange weather, as if it weren't some omen in itself. 

  Jian Lan raised a brow that he ignored. Pei Ming was surprisingly useful in distracting her. When the rain stopped enough for them to see clearly, he took the lead and mentioned how he was free that weekend. She ate it up with a few jokes at his expense, but he didn't seem to mind.

  Feng Xin didn't care about any of that. How could he when he'd never seen such a conflicting desperation and relief in Mu Qing's face. For once he was grateful he'd taken his piece of shit car and not been driven by someone else. Mu Qing situated in the front seat, closed his eyes for a moment before whispering.

"Can we pretend I didn't just... do that?"

"Feel an emotion?" Feng Xin asked, and he looked at him. He was staring at the drops along the window now, fingers curled tight against his thigh. "You don't have to tell me what that was about right now, but could you just let me take care of you tonight?"

"You don't have-"

"I want to,” Feng Xin said. "Please."

He'd never used that word so many times in a span of an hour. 

Mu Qing didn't answer. He was quiet the rest of the ride home. 

   Feng Xin made an easy soup for dinner after they'd both dried off and gotten dressed into comfy clothes. Mu Qing situated himself on the couch, half curled up with his bowl propped up on his knee. Feng Xin wrapped a blanket around his shoulders before taking a seat beside him. The best thing he could do was not push him.

"Ah, this is better, isn't it?"

Mu Qing played with the spoon in his bowl while staring down at the contents.

"It is," he agreed.

"Do you want to watch something? I paid our Netflix bill."

  Feng Xin tried his best to sound casual as he scrolled through the menu. Comedy? It didn't really feel like the time, but it was best to keep things light. He clicked the first movie that popped up, arching a brow in Mu Qing's direction.

"You remember the first time we tried pot and watched that weird cartoon with the talking rocks?"

Mu Qing pressed his bowl to the coffee table and pulled the blanket tighter over his shoulders.

"They weren't rocks," he informed," They were mushrooms."

"Were they?" he asked. Please tell me what to do. I'll do anything.

  Mu Qing shifted back into the couch, let his head fall against Feng Xin's shoulder. Feng Xin remained still, afraid if he moved even the slightest inch the man might retreat.

"This entire time..." he whispered," I thought that you had been a part of it. I thought when you'd brought it up, that you were trying to..."

Feng Xin very slowly brought a hand to brush through his hair.

"I'm relieved," Mu Qing said, and after a moment," Did I mess everything up?"

"No... you couldn't ever mess this up."

   Mu Qing raised his head to look at him, his own hand lowering to Feng Xin's arm, hesitant, trembling slightly. 

"You're not in love with Jian Lan?"

"No," Feng Xin whispered.

  Mu Qing nodded once, opened his mouth to speak, and then sighed as he dropped his head again.

"I'm tired," he admitted. 

Mu Qing didn't have to say anything else. It was enough that he was alright. Feng Xin moved and offered him a hand as aid, which he took, his hands cold even with the heater kicking in. He didn't have time to fully lie back before Mu Qing was moving to his side to nestle in. He wrapped himself around Feng Xin's arm, put his head on his shoulder as he brought the comforter up. 

  "You cold?" Feng Xin asked.

"Mhm."

"Come here."

His hand slipped underneath him to find itself against Mu Qing's lower back, pulling him even closer so that he could lie pressed against his chest. For a moment, Feng Xin had to wait for his heart to stop racing. Eventually, his fingers began to trace patterns along the fabric of Mu Qing's shirt.

"This okay?"

"Yes."

Mu Qing wrapped an arm around him in turn, his bare thigh brushed up against Feng Xin's and then he let out a soft, content sigh.

"Thank you."

Feng Xin grinned," You don't have to thank me, Qing'er. I enjoy this."

   It wasn't long before Mu Qing slipped into sleep, but Feng Xin continued rubbing patterns into him, slow, grounding. He stared at the ceiling, wondered how it had come to this.

 I thought you had been a part of it.

Something coiled in his gut, tightened further through his ribs until it reached his heart. Feng Xin didn't know what had happened, but it had made Mu Qing like this. He thought he'd be patient, wait until Mu Qing trusted him enough to speak and then figure out who had been involved and destroy them.

Chapter Text

   Feng Xin had a dream about Mu Qing again. This time though, the heat of lust was lost in his own longing. He dreamt of the same lakeside deck, how they'd used to push their feet in the water and tease each other while everyone else went for a swim. Mu Qing was more slender, nearly seventeen, eyes wide with awe. Had he really used to look at Feng Xin that way?

"I have to tell you something," He said in a hushed whisper.

"Tell me," Feng Xin said, pushing his shoulder into his.

"It... might make you mad."

"Mad?" Feng Xin laughed," When have I ever really been mad at you, silly? Just tell me."

  Mu Qing opened his mouth, but the words were silent, fading into the darkness as reality settled in. Tell me. 

   Crazy thing was, that when he opened his eyes he still saw Mu Qing. The man was propped up on one arm, over him, watching with a dark eyed gaze and a mischievous grin. Feng Xin blinked, felt a sudden warmth of fingers trail along the band of his sweats.

"Good morning," Feng Xin muttered, though it sounded like a question.

"Morning," Mu Qing said. His thigh pressed into his own as he leant forward, covers pooling over his waist. 

  Feng Xin brought a hand to Mu Qing's thigh with a raised a brow. It couldn't have been another dream. One of them would have been tied up by now. Fingers pushed past the barrier to take hold of him through his briefs.

"Whatcha... uh doing there?" Feng Xin asked, torn between the grogginess of sleep and the fire set the moment he'd laid eyes on Mu Qing. It reminded him of the night after the business dinner, the way he'd put on a show, seducing him with his words, the heated allure of his body's movements. Was he trying to distract him so early in the morning? He'd noticed that quite quickly about Mu Qing, that when he didn't want Feng Xin to talk, he'd use sex to shut him up. It's not like he'd planned on bombarding him with questions about the day before, but the man seemed determined in his line of actions. 

"We're still friends with benefits," Mu Qing whispered, and he lowered down Feng Xin's body while pulling down the barrier of his morning wood. "You need my help, don't you?"

"Mm," Feng Xin let out a short breath. His fingers found themselves in the strands of Mu Qing's hair as he shifted, lips trailing mere inches from his cock," You don't need to do that."

  Mu Qing's dark eyes raised to meet his as he took hold of him, let his tongue swipe a slow, teasing line up to the underside of his head. From this angle, Feng Xin could make out the patterns of red and purple beneath dark strands of his hair that fell over his face and chest. Feng Xin leant forward, collected Mu Qing's hair into his hands to keep out of his way, which only seemed to further entice the man into opening his lips for him.

  He took Feng Xin in, the slick, perfect heat of his mouth vibrated with the soft whimper he let out, as if tasting Feng Xin was enough to send him over the edge. He was so devastatingly beautiful, the sight alone had Feng Xin breathing rough, fingers tightening his hold as he let him take the lead. 

  Mu Qing pressed down, throat bobbing with the intrusion. He'd only done this once before, but he was so insistent on wetting all of Feng Xin's cock, so desperate to chase his release that it didn't matter what methods he used. The thought of Mu Qing alone was enough Feng Xin knew he wouldn't last long. 

"Wait. Slow down," Feng Xin rasped," Be careful, Qing'er. Don't want to hurt your pretty throat-"

  Mu Qing hollowed his cheeks, pressed down until Feng Xin hit the back of his throat. He lasted only a few seconds before he was breaking off, a string of saliva joined the head and Mu Qing's lips before he was moving down to collect the pre cum leaking out. He had no shame in his messy devotion, continued switching from sucking him off to jerking him while he played with his tip.

  Pleasure coiled, tight and urgent, and Feng Xin cursed as his head fell back against the pillow. 

"Mu Qing, I'm going-" he gasped out a warning," Baby, I'll get it on your face."

  The name had slipped, along with the last of his control. The warning had only made Mu Qing stroke him to completion, lips open, tongue still working him over as he was racked with the waves of his pleasure. Feng Xin lifted his gaze at the last moment, watching with a dazed look, the way his seed coated the red of Mu Qing's swollen lips and the way the man lowered to collect anything more.

  Fuck. There was no way Feng Xin was every going to win an argument ever again. 

He took a few minutes to steady himself, found Mu Qing still staring at him with a look similar to the sirens that seduced the men off of ships before drowning them. He thought he'd willingly go at this point.

"Get dressed," Mu Qing said," I'll make breakfast."

He pushed off of the bed, leaving in just Feng Xin's shirt, a man victorious from a battle that Feng Xin had no chance in. It couldn't happen again. 

  The next time the two had sex, it would be after he confessed. Continuing this any longer, not knowing what had happened six years ago to affect Mu Qing like this...taking advantage of their fuck buddy situation seemed wrong. He was 100% going to admit his feelings.

"Call off work," Feng Xin said when he made it to the table.

Mu Qing who had already fried up some eggs, looked over at him from the island.

"I can't," he said, and he smirked a little," Why? Did you lose all your brain cells when you came? Need a second round?"

Feng Xin narrowed his gaze at him.

"You don't play fair." 

  Mu Qing took the toast from the toaster, and then slid his breakfast onto the table in front of him. He licked the edge of his bottom lip.

"You don't seem to mind."

"Call off," Feng Xin tried again.

"Can't..." Mu Qing settled down with only a cup of coffee for his meal," I really can't afford it."

"You don't pay any bills." Not that he wanted him to. If it were up to him, Mu Qing could spend his time studying and doing things he actually liked. He wouldn't need to worry about finances for the rest of his life. 

"My uh, scholarship dropped for this term."

  Feng Xin's eyes widened," What? Why didn't you tell me?"

Mu Qing raised his cup and took a few sips, shrugging. The line of tension grew in his shoulders, set in his jaw. The mischief from earlier that morning faded.

"I'll figure it out," he said.

He always did this. Whenever he struggled with anything, even as a teenager who had no control over the larger aspects of his life, he pretended like it was nothing worth troubling anyone over. He'd much rather shoulder the burden and suffer alone than reveal the fact he was just a fucking human. Feng Xin had once thought it was arrogance and pride, but growing up, he started to wonder if Mu Qing actually believed anyone would offer a willing hand if he sought for one. 

   "We..." Feng Xin said," will figure it out."

Mu Qing smiled slightly, but it was all for show.

"You've already helped me," he said. "I already owe you."

"When the fuck did I say you'd ever owe me? Maybe I like living with you, you ever consider that?"

"I guess it is nice to have sex whenever you feel like it," he joked.

"Don't do that..." Feng Xin said," You're not here because I was trying to get into your pants."

  Mu Qing stared at him, the same distance he used to have, iced over, the old Mu Qing. No matter how much progress they made, he was always so heavily guarded. How was he not exhausted? 

"I need to get ready for work," he said, clearing his throat." I'll see you at five?"

"Yeah," Feng Xin said, giving up for now. "See you at five."

   Feng Xin had the spare time to seek aid. He'd tried on his own for long enough, and if anyone could share some light on this whole situation, why not the one guy who was in a devoted and while strange, healthy relationship? Feng Xin swallowed all of his remaining pride and knocked on Xie Lan's door. He'd texted before coming over, but part of him hoped he'd forgotten. This could be a mistake. He was about to ask for love advice, for their mutual friend, who still didn't know what 'you're really important to me,' meant. Hadn't he been obvious enough to stop this whole charade?? Feng Xin had a feeling that if he asked Mu Qing on a date, he would still somehow think that Feng Xin wasn't serious about him.

  "Hi," Xie Lan perked, holding open the door," San Lang is making lunch, but he's giving us some privacy. You sounded like... you needed it."

"Yeah," Feng Xin said," and a beer if you have one."

"No, sorry."

Feng Xin plopped down into his favorite chair, and watched as Xie Lan settled properly into his own. He tapped his foot slightly, hummed a low tune under his breath, scratched at his cheek. 

  "I'm just trying to get my thoughts together," Feng Xin informed.

"No rush. I am a little curious to what this is about though," he gave him a sympathetic look," Does it have something to do with the hike?"

Feng Xin opened his mouth to speak, and then caught the stack of boxes in the far corner. He narrowed his gaze. "Are you moving?"

"Oh, uh," Xie Lan grinned," San Lang asked me to move in with him. It'll be a slow process, since my lease isn't up until February, but I thought I'd start now."

"Congrats," Feng Xin said without much enthusiasm.

   "Feng Xin..." the man prodded gently," what's going on?"

"I..." he inhaled a deep breath," Okay, so this is going to sound kind of insane, but just bare with me."

"Alright."

"I agreed to be Mu Qing's fuck buddy because I didn't want to admit that I was in love with him, but now It's really coming to bite me in the ass. I haven't gotten over it, and I really think I should tell him, but ever since the hike I found out that some shit happened six years ago at the lake that fucked him up. Am I supposed to keep pressing him for information, do I cut my losses and tell him how I feel or do I just pretend like nothing happened? I considered doing that, but then he keeps-" Feng Xin threw his hands up in defeat," I'm a man, okay?! If someone offers me sex, I'm very willing to accept! He knows it too!"

   Xie Lan stilled.

He took his time processing the information, and then slowly reached down to offer Feng Xin a cup.

"Tea?" he asked.

"Please."

  Feng Xin sipped his drink for a long moment, feeling like the worst idiot to ever idiot. Had he really just said all that? Xie Lan though, was very gentle with his tone.

"So, you and Mu Qing have been sleeping together, but now that you're uncertain about past uh, traumas, you don't know whether or not lying to him about your feelings is the right thing to do."

Feng Xin leaned back in his chair with a sigh.

"Yeah, actually." He was really putting his psychology major into work here.

"And... you don't know what happened?"

Something about his tone had Feng Xin sitting up straight. His eyes caught the glint in Xie Lan's immediately.

"You know," he said.

"I... was the one who helped him."

"Tell me," he said immediately," because for some fucking reason Mu Qing thought I had a part in it."

   Xie Lan set his cup down on the coffee table, hands clasped together in his lap. There was a tension in his shoulders that wasn't often there. He let out a soft sigh, shaking his head.

"I told him that I wouldn't."

"Xie Lan! Mu Qing will never tell me, and how am I supposed to make sure nothing like that happens again, if you don't!" and more gentle, pleading, he added," He's our best friend. I would never use this information against him. I just can't stand knowing something happened and having no clue how to help."

  Xie Lan smiled slightly, though it was hardened by the situation as he peered at Feng Xin. 

"Are you truly in love with him?"

"Yes!" he said," I've never felt this way about anyone. I know that sounds insane, knowing us, but I'd do anything for him."

  "Were you aware that Mu Qing's been in love with you since he was fourteen?"

What?

Feng Xin's brows furrowed," That's impossible."

"Is it?" Xie Lan asked. "He used to follow you around everywhere. That summer, he did too. Everyone had started to notice. They started to question whether or not he liked women." 

They'd been, what, nearly seventeen then? 

"I literally never once suspected he might like me."

"You were preoccupied," Xie Lan offered," but it doesn't change how he felt. Every time you grabbed him to go off for the day, when you thought to share your bed, he thought perhaps that you might have felt the same. He'd planned to confess the last night, even though I told him it probably wasn't a good idea. I knew you... had other things you were involved with."

"Jian Lan..." Feng Xin whispered.

Xie Lan nodded," He didn't take my advice. He went looking for you in the old wisher forest."

"I told Bai Long-"

"Bai Long is the one who told him to look there."

   Slow, horrible realization began to seep into Feng Xin. Mu Qing had been in love with him since he was fourteen. He'd wanted him. He'd went to look for him.

"Did he...see?"

"I believe he did," Xie Lan said. "He never told me what happened between the time he'd left and when I found them, but he was soaked in beer, had... ashes smeared on his face. Bai Long and his friends-" Xie Lan's fingers curled into his palm," they were trying to sexually assault him."

…Sexually assault him. 

   "They were mocking him," Xie Lan said," but I made it in time. Bai Long didn't fall off the deck drunk that night. I hit him over the head with a beer bottle."

Mocking him.

Feng Xin couldn't breathe. Every new detail made him feel physically sick. He'd helped that bastard the morning after.

"I helped Mu Qing wash up and thought to get you, but he refused. He said that you'd told them to do it. That you wanted them to get the message through his head."

"And he...believed that?" God, Mu Qing.

"I think after seeing you and Jian Lan, he wanted to believe it," Xie Lan let out a deep breath," I swore to never mention it to you, and I almost did a few times, but I didn't think you could ever feel the same way. I thought it might be easier after all, if he knew how to move on. I'd watched him chase you for years, Feng Xin and it was doing more damage than good and nothing I said could convince him that you weren't that person."

  "Wait..." Feng Xin swallowed a painful lump in his throat. "This whole time he's thought that? Then why did he..."

Mu Qing had let him in, had given him his virginity, his trust... thinking that Feng Xin had orchestrated that? Pieces to the puzzle began to connect.

Is this why he'd thought Feng Xin hated him? Why he pulled him closer only to push him away? 

Feng Xin was going to be sick.

  "I'm only telling you this so you can better understand the situation," Xie Lan said," Mu Qing's always loved you. There's never been anyone, but you, so please, just be honest with him. It'll save you both from future pain."

Feng Xin couldn't speak.

Mu Qing loved him.

Mu Qing had still loved him while thinking he was a monster.

"I..." he fumbled for words, took in a shaky breath," I have to go."

Chapter Text

   What the hell Xie Lan?

It had only hit Feng Xin half way down the street to Mu Qing's job that one of his best friends had really kept this from him for years! He claimed to have tried to convince Mu Qing of his innocence, but wouldn’t the best option have been to tell him so that they could straighten it out?! He felt like he was going mad. There was no way this wasn't some fucked up reality tv show that everyone else was a part of but him. 

  Had he not told Feng Xin because he’d thought he might actually have had something to do with it??

No. 

He stopped marching down the sidewalk like a maniac and ran a hand across his face. Xie Lan's parents had died that year. He'd most likely tried his best, even with dealing with their loss...

   This wasn't Xie Lan's fault in the first place. This was Feng Xin's. He should have realized what was happening. Mu Qing hadn't changed over night, but it had been obvious enough. He'd pulled away, gotten angry... and then the start of their senior year, it was like they'd never been friends at all. Feng Xin had choked it off to stress, and then the natural clash of their personalities. He'd been so busy with athletics, trying to ace every score, so that he could do better for his mom... He'd noticed. He'd fucking noticed something was wrong with Mu Qing and hadn't done a damn thing, but fight him back, because at least fighting meant they could still be in each other's presence. 

   Take a breath. Remember what you're doing.

What was he doing?

He'd parked his shitty car in one of those pay as you go parking spots and almost made it to the office when he realized that he had no clue what he was about to say. Mu Qing had been in love with him! Years ago... that didn't mean anything now if the man had given up his feelings with the end of that summer. Just because he was willing to sleep with him now wasn't enough proof. Feng Xin had to go into this willing to be rejected. 

   He was. At the end of the day, Mu Qing deserved to know the truth. 

Feng Xin drew in a steadying breath and fixed his gaze on the building ahead. Security stood beneath the dark awning, the glass doors reflecting the lights. He took a step forward and then a car door swung open and someone yanked him forward by the arm into the back seat.

The door shut with a solid thud.

“Hey! What the fuck?!” Feng Xin twisted, elbowing the bald man beside him on instinct, only to be pushed back against the leather seat by someone on his other side.

“Relax,” a voice came from across the car, threaded with unmistakable amusement.

A lighter clicked. The glow briefly lit the interior as a cigar caught, smoke curling into the air with a rich familiar note of jade and earth. 

“We’re not going to hurt you.”

Feng Xin lifted his head, irritation already forming on his tongue, then stopped short.

“Dad?”

   Feng Rui chuckled.

"It's been a while. I see you can still fight."

He ashed his cigar with a tap against the tray, and with a single glance to the side had the two men in suits release Feng Xin completely. The bald one lowered to pour a glass of champagne, offering it to him.

"We weren't trying to rough you up or anything."

"I'm good..." Feng Xin said, unable to look at anything else, but the man across from them. "I’d love to know why you just grabbed me off the street though! What are you even doing here?!”

”I wanted to meet with you, figured you’d be less inclined to speak if you had an option.”

”I’m too busy for this shit.”

   Feng Rui tilted his head with a knowing glint to his gaze.

"That’s why I’ll make it quick. I have a job offer. It would be beneficial to us both if you were to accept."

"Fuck you," Feng Xin said," Why would I ever want to work for you? After what you did to ma?"

"I never intended to leave you two. It was her... personal views that stood against what we could have built," he informed with a sigh," I upheld all of her wishes after I left. I didn't contact you until you contacted me."

"I didn't contact you!" And what did he mean by personal views? Did he mean morals??

   Feng Rui blew out a long puff of smoke before smothering the cigar completely. Feng Xin held back any coughs, let his anger fuel his pride as he glared at the man in his stupidly over priced suit in his stupid fucking ride. 

"I don't know why you're acting so hostile," Feng Rui continued," when you had the decency to name drop me for credit at some pathetic little dinner presentation. Did you really think I wouldn't find out? Someone claiming to be my son introduces himself out of no where? I thought you'd meant to send a signal with how obvious it was you desired the attention."

  Feng Xin huffed," Okay, I've heard enough. Let me out."

"I meant what I said. This would be immensely beneficial," Feng Rui slipped a card from his suit pocket, holding it out to him. "It's easy work. If you need to sit on the idea, at least take this. Buy yourself a new car or something nice for that roommate of yours."

"Have you been following me?!"

Feng Rui gestured a hand to the bald man, who nodded once and moved to get out and hold open the door.

"I've been checking in," Feng Rui informed," Just think on it. In a year you could be flying private jets to have lunch in Prague. He might enjoy that."

   Feng Xin had half the mind to throw the card and tell him to fuck off again, but for the life of him, he couldn't. He got out, turned his head towards the office building.

"Just know, that if you do decide to use my gift, I'll assume that's your agreement to meet again."

Whatever. Just get lost.

He waited for the limo to drive away before he released the breath he'd been holding. This shouldn't have come as a surprise. He knew eventually that his father would reach out, but to think of all the times... when he needed it the most. 

   Feng Xin lowered his gaze to the blue card in his hand, ran a thumb across the numbers. Fuck. He was going to have meet with the bastard again.

  Feng Xin did not in fact, barge into the office and demand that Mu Qing come with him so he could impulsively confess. He was patient. He thought things through. He paid all of Mu Qing's term based on the courses he had laid out in his planner the first chance he had. So what if he had to deal with that guy again? He could handle him, and it's not like agreeing to the money meant agreeing to the job, whatever the hell it was.

  He sat at their small dining table. This lasted thirty minutes, with hands clasped in front of him like he was a parent looking over a bad report just waiting for their kid to get back from school. 

"Dinner," he said out loud. "I should make him dinner."

Was that too much?

"No, fuck, it's a normal thing we do. That's..." He shoved his face into his hands and sighed in defeat. What the fuck was he doing? 

  How could he face Mu Qing? How did he even start this conversation?! Hey, I know you spent the last six years thinking I hated you enough to have some bastards jump you, but let's be together? Hey, I love you? Hey, let's not have sex as fuck buddies, but like a normal couple?

It was all wrong. If he slipped and said something that upset Mu Qing, then they'd just end up arguing, or worse, Mu Qing might leave. 

  Feng Xin thought dinner was the safest option. He'd be nice, feel him out. If Mu Qing had a bad day at the office, he'd refrain from saying anything at all until he was in a decent enough mood.

Mu Qing in a decent mood? If he did that, he might never get the chance at all!

  He made grilled salmon, since they had a lot of it left in the freezer and added a side of rice and stringed beans. By the time he was plating the food, he heard the familiar sound of Mu Qing's key connecting in the lock. He stiffened, pretended to be busy washing what he'd already finished cleaning.

  Mu Qing closed the door behind him and set to taking off his shoes.

"You cooked?” he asked.

"It won't be as good as yours, but..." he lost his words for a second, when he turned to look at him. The elegant beauty of his movements, even just standing there messing with a strand of hair out of annoyance, was far too much for Feng Xin to witness. 

"What?” Mu Qing snapped, though it didn’t sound as if he were truly upset. “Do I have something on my face?”

”No uh-“ Feng Xin quickly turned to shut the water off,” You’re just really pretty.”

  And the fact you might be in love with me too is driving me insane, he thought. 

Mu Qing laughed,” Alright. Someone’s pent up.”

Feng Xin slid the plates onto the table, murmuring low.

”No, just stating the facts.”

He moved a seat out, fingers curled over the back. It was just dinner. Why was he so nervous now? It’s not like he’d already confessed, and if he was any more obvious Mu Qing was more than likely to get upset. Causality just seemed wrong, but he had to start some where. This whole thing was getting on his damn nerves!

   “Are… you hungry?” He asked.

When he lifted his head to look at Mu Qing, he found the man was staring at him. His brows were furrowed, lips a thin line. If only he’d known years ago what he knew now… 

“I could eat.” Mu Qing said, though he moved to the other chair and looked at the food with a hint of suspicion as he sat. Did he think Feng Xin was trying to poison him?

   Feng Xin joined him, watched as Mu Qing’s fingers fussed with the top buttons of his shirt, the way his marks were slightly less visible, but still there. They were still enough to catch people’s attention, enough to warn anyone who might think to have an eye for him. He was still wearing the necklace Feng Xin had given him from before.

”How was your day?” Feng Xin asked.

Mu Qing took a bite of the fish and pursed his lips.

“It’s overcooked.”

“Really?” Feng Xin cut into his with a frown,” Damn it! I was trying to keep the rice from burning, so I left it a little longer. Next time I’ll just order out.”

   Mu Qing chuckled.

”It’s not that serious. It’s still edible.”

At least he was laughing, even if it was at Feng Xin's expense. His own food was being played with, pushed around as his stomach continued twisting into tight knots. There was no getting past this.

"I..." Feng Xin started," uh, I took care of your tuition."

Mu Qing lifted his head, a tension creasing his brows.

"You came up with forty five hundred?"

   He didn't want to mention his father. It would take away from the whole point of this conversation. Feng Xin didn't need to be comforted, but he also didn't want to outright lie.

"The dinner ended up giving me a business opportunity. I didn't take it yet, but they offered me a financial incentive."

"A financial incentive."

"Yeah," Feng Xin shoved his fish into a wad of his rice.

"And you used it for my tuition..."

  Feng Xin lifted his head to look him in the eyes. At first Mu Qing seemed to be picking at his explanation, which was fair. It sounded suspicious, and apparently he was a pretty suspicious guy.

Mu Qing stiffened in his chair, fingers curled into fists on the table. 

"Why... would you do that?"

"What?" It had caught Feng Xin off guard. 

It almost sounded like an accusation, but it was too quiet, as if Mu Qing had meant to question himself. There was a shift, from the wide eyed shock to the sudden stillness that broke with a heavy breath. 

"I didn't ask you to do that."

“I wanted to.”

   Mu Qing pushed himself away from the table and stood, hands pressed against the old wood.

"I'm not some damn charity case. I would have figured it out."

"Why are you acting like this?" Feng Xin asked," Why can't I just help you because I want to? Never once have I looked at you and seen a charity case."

Mu Qing... he was so damn difficult.

"You could have used the money for something else. Your mom's shop, or-" Mu Qing's breathing began to become uneven with his frustration," I don't know, a new car!"

  Had anyone offered to help him before? Was this the same face he'd made when Xie Lan had stepped in to wash the ash from his skin? Feng Xin wondered if he'd ever been different. He couldn't think of a single time that Mu Qing had asked for something, maybe when they'd been younger, but even then it had been so hesitant. It made Feng Xin want to do even more. 

"I just did the first thing that came to mind," he admitted. "It wasn't selfless at all. I didn't want to start a term without you there, and I'd rather you be at home than working extra hours to try to make the cost."

  Mu Qing shook his head, pressing his fingers between his brows as if the idea alone caused him a headache,” You never make any sense."

“Is it me?” He asked” Because you seem to understand everyone else just fine…” 

Stop talking. 

 “I don’t get it. I really don’t.”

Stop talking.

”Get what?” Mu Qing questioned.

STOP TALKING.

"How could you believe that I'd ever be capable of hurting you?"

   Mu Qing's fixated gaze darkened. His fingers smoothed over the table, and just as Feng Xin stood, he came to a stop directly before him. Feng Xin already knew the mistake he'd made. It's not what he'd asked, it was the infliction. It was the desperation that knew the truth. 

"What exactly do I believe, Feng Xin?"

"I was worried-"

"Who told you? Jian Lan?” His voice was terrifying this calm, but Feng Xin saw it. There was a thunderous storm that was fixing to echo hell. All Mu Qing needed was a confirmation.

  Feng Xin let out a deep breath.

”I went to Xie Lan-“

He was cut off by the sharp sting of Mu Qing's hand slapping against his cheek. The pain was nothing compared to the way Mu Qing's fingers were trembling when he pulled it away. 

Hit me, it's okay.

"You went behind my back-" he sounded close to boiling over," You knew that I didn't- I couldn't-" so lost," W-what all did he say?"

He's scared, Feng Xin thought. 

"He told me everything."

"Fuck," Mu Qing let out a ragged breath followed by a laugh," That's great. That's... really, really great."

  "Mu Qing-"

"No," he flinched away when Feng Xin reached for him, crossed the living room to grab for his laptop bag, stuffed the first sweater he found lying on the arm of the couch. "Let's all gossip about poor Mu Qing like he's some fucking-" he laughed again," Fucking Jian Lan started this shit. I had everything under control. We were fine the way we were! You and your stupid fucking nosey- And you, act like you care and..."

"Mu Qing," he whispered.

"It was none of your business," He snapped. 

"Wasn't it?" Feng Xin stepped forward," I wanted to know what I was being accused of. You sat there for six years believing a lie, because you'd rather hate me than talk about your feelings. I... was wrong to go about it the way I did, but isn't it tiring keeping all this in?" Aren't you tired, Mu Qing?

  "Well," Mu Qing's shoulders tightened, and very quietly he said," You don't have to worry about it anymore. Those feelings... I stopped having them a long time ago, and I don't blame you anymore."

"You stopped having them?" Feng Xin asked. "Which ones?"

Mu Qing narrowed his gaze. "The ones you just fucking mentioned."

"Which... are?"

"Why would it matter if I no longer have them?" Mu Qing asked with a thinly controlled patience. It wavered immensely when he caught Feng Xin's fixated gaze. "You're trying to humiliate me. Xie Lan already told you."

"No," Feng Xin said.” I just want to hear you say it. Not that I deserve it after going behind your back, but if I'm about to be rejected, at least I'll get to hear it once."

  Mu Qing dropped his bag. 

"What did you just say?"

"I'm sorry," Feng Xin said, and he took another step into his space,” I had no right and honestly I’m still beating myself up for the fact I never thought to ask before. I knew something had changed, but I thought that it didn’t really matter if you were always upset with me as long as you were still in my life.”

”I’m not… always upset with you,” he said, all anger had drained from his voice for something uncertain, small. He watched Feng Xin carefully, picking apart every word. 

”If you’d come to me before, maybe I would have realized it earlier,” Feng Xin said. Maybe they wouldn’t have spent years like this, fighting battles that no one ever won. 

“Realized what?” Mu Qing asked. 

“That…” Feng Xin lowered his hand to Mu Qing’s wrist,” I’m in love with you and even if you stopped loving me a long time ago, I need you to know that. I need you to believe this about me more than anything else, because then- at least then, you won’t ever have to worry about what my intentions are or if you’re accepting too much, because it’s not a transaction. I just…Fuck, Mu Qing I just want to love you. That’s it.”

  The wrist he’d been holding shifted, so that Mu Qing’s fingers squeezed his own in a tight grip. When he finally had the courage to look into Mu Qin’s eyes again, he saw the widened shock, his pale face frozen as his fingers continued to hold him like he might fall.

“You love me…” he whispered. “You… just said you love me.”

Feng Xin’s heart might give out for running so fast. He hadn’t realized how heavy this secret had truly been until he’d been allowed to release it. The relief was staggering. The fascinating clarity that overcame Mu Qing in stages was mesmerizing. 

   At first it was like he’d been drugged into a daze. He awakened slowly, found how the world had shifted in the darkness. Mu Qing spoke the words, but then seconds passed as he thought them through, laid the idea bare for him to analyze, repeat, whatever it was in his head that happened every dam time Feng Xin said a word. He was patient though. He let Mu Qing hesitate, grow suspicious by the meaning as his brows furrowed, lips tightened into a thin line. 

“You’re serious,” Mu Qing said.

Feng Xin hesitated, then forced himself to move. He lifted a hand, gently brushing Mu Qing’s hair back behind his ear before cupping his face.

For a moment, Mu Qing just looked at him, like he couldn’t quite make sense of what he was seeing, and then the tension went out of him all at once. He tipped forward, dropped his forehead against Feng Xin’s chest. The fingers on his loosened, only to travel forward to grip a fistful of his shirt with a broken breath. 

“You…” He could probably hear how fast Feng Xin’s heart was racing,” You love me,” he repeated. 

“I love you,” Feng Xin said.

”This isn’t a joke…”

”No,” he promised,” It’s not a joke.”

  For a second, it felt like he might pull away, like habit would win, like he’d gather himself back up and retreat behind something sharp and untouchable. Instead, his grip tightened, and he leaned in closer, pressing in as if testing whether Feng Xin would still be there if he did.

Feng Xin lifted his arms and wrapped them around him, slow and careful at first, giving him time to pull back.

Mu Qing didn’t.

His hand twisted tighter in Feng Xin’s shirt as he let himself be held, shoulders finally losing their rigid set. He exhaled, shaky and uneven, and then sank fully into the embrace, like something in him had finally given way.

  For a long time, Feng Xin held him, and could almost see the ice cold walls break.

Chapter Text

   It felt like coming home after being worn through a battle he’d been forced to fight. Mu Qing fit so well in his arms, was so keen to share his warmth in a way that was unlike before. They kissed without thought of the euphoric high of a satiating bliss. He could taste the lingering salt that coated Mu Qing’s lips, ran his thumb across the cheek that had yet to dry and pulled away, whispering.

”This is a very strange rejection.”

”Shut up.”

He pulled Feng Xin in by his shirt, stifled a soft noise when Feng Xin’s hands tightened on his waist. He could kiss Mu Qing a million times and still need further exploration. How did they feel when he was guiding him by the lower back, closer into his body? What did they taste like when Mu Qing breathed out his name in a sigh? 

“Say it back,” He whispered. His lips grazed Mu Qing’s cheek, under his ear, gently towards the nape of his neck.

“Y-“ Mu Qing’s fingers clenched around his arm,” You already know.”

   “I said it so many times,” Feng Xin informed, but he didn’t mind saying it again. Maybe Mu Qing would blush, the way he did when Feng Xin broke off to cup one part of his face, stare directly into his eyes. “I’m really confused, Mu Qing. You’re kissing me back because we’re friends with benefits?”

Mu Qing’s gaze wavered,” Stop playing around. You know how I feel.”

”And you slapped me in the face,” Feng Xin added, biting back a grin. His thumb smoothed over his cheek, and he lowered his head to rest against the nape of Mu Qing’s neck. “It hurt. You’re really strong.”

”You deserved it,” Mu Qing said, but his tone softened, and very quietly, he whispered into Feng Xin’s ear. “I… love you too, idiot.”

   It was like falling, the first few seconds he opened his eyes. In those moments that his heart chased the edge of the cliffs, he thought everything about the night before had been a dream. The blurred edges of reality sharpened underneath the warmth of a body pressed back into his. Mu Qing’s long, dark hair fell in waves over Feng Xin’s arm. He thought that even if it were a dream this was more than he’d ever be worthy of. 

   His fingers skimmed the bare skin of Mu Qing’s waist as he shifted. His lips pressed against the back of his head, nose scrunching when strands of hair began to tickle him. They hadn’t slept much that night. Feng Xin had been too involved in his presence, desperately sought the depths further than being one flesh could provide. 

   Mu Qing had clung to him, had let Feng Xin intertwine their hands as they found completion. No shame stifled names in shattered moans. It was everything. It was so delicate that Feng Xin worried of breaking something by trailing his fingers down Mu Qing’s stomach as he slept. Was he allowed this? Was Mu Qing going to run away now?

  A soft content sigh escaped the man in his arms, fingers stretched gently over Feng Xin’s hand. 

Feng Xin pressed another kiss to his head, whispering into his hair.

”How long have you been awake?”

”Mm,” Mu Qing nestled back, bare body hot against his own,” I’m not.”

   It was still early morning, from what Feng Xin could make of the light filtering in through the parted curtain. Once it hit his dresser, he’d have to make up some excuse to his mother when he called in, because there was no damn way he was leaving Mu Qing like this. Mu Qing, who sounded so at ease, body lax as Feng Xin continued tracing lines up and down his skin.   

  “I…” Mu Qing left out a soft sigh,” have to get ready for work.”

Feng Xin pressed his lips to the nape of his neck, breathing in the soft scent of jade from yesterday’s cologne and something distinctly Mu Qing. 

“What’s that?” He asked,” You said you’re coming down with a fever?”

“Ah,” Mu Qing gasped, grabbed the hand that had began to trace the inner of his thigh,” That tickles.”

  Shit. If Mu Qing made noises like that, how was Feng Xin ever supposed to get out of bed? He didn’t tease him though, at least not like that. He kept his hand in place, continued to soak in their shared warmth. Maybe if he didn’t move at all, Mu Qing would fall back asleep. 

“It’s cold today,” he informed.

”It’s winter,” Mu Qing said.

”I’m offering you a free heat source all day. Think about it, you could stay in bed, catch up on one of those shows you like. I could make you breakfast, we could-“

”Mm,” Mu Qing tightened his hand over Feng Xin’s,” Are you always going to be this clingy now?” He didn’t sound like he minded it too much. 

  Feng Xin risked the peace by asking the question that had been on his mind all morning.

”Depends…” he started,” Are we still friends with benefits or… can I tell my mom she can stop worrying so much about how I treat my own boyfriend?”

Mu Qing tensed, but moments later a shaky breath escaped.

”Mu Qing?”

  He shifted, enough that he could see the red shading over part of Mu Qing’s cheek. Feng Xin’s heart started racing again. 

“Boyfriend,” Mu Qing whispered. “Thats… fine.”

  Nothing could mess this up. Nothing could take away the joy that being able to love Mu Qing like this granted, even if the man was still incessant on going in to work, even talking Feng Xin into doing the same. Mu Qing. His boyfriend. His. 

  There was a new, brighter shade coating the usual dim winter mornings as he opened the shop door and greeted his mother. She immediately clocked him. Her hands smoothed over his arms as she lifted her wide eyed gaze to his face.

“You never show up on time lately, and with such a smile!” She raised a hand to cup his cheek,” Is this it then? Did you finally man up and do the right thing?”

  Feng Xin let out a soft sigh, glancing at Yin Yu who was purposefully organizing the menus into straight lines. 

“We’re together,” he informed, unable to find even her nagging the slightest of annoyance,” Not engaged, but eventually… just let me take things slow, alright? I don’t want to scare him away, but I promise I’m serious about him. You don’t have to worry about that.”

His mother’s hand slipped from his face, and very gently she pressed it to his chest and smiled. 

“I know I can be a bit much, but I’m happy. That boy has been waiting for years! At first I thought it was just platonic, but he liked talking about you too much! Ah, I’d be his mother if I could. Such a sweet boy.”

  Feng Xin grinned,” He is. He’s really… sweet.”

Well, he had his moments. He might have let his guard down, but that didn’t mean Mu Qing was likely to change his whole personality. Feng Xin didn’t think he’d mind it. There was something nice about the way Mu Qing reacted to affection, something so private that he didn’t want the rest of the world to know the pleasure. Those were his moments. 

M: You get off at 5 today, right?

F: Want me to pick you up? We could grab dinner somewhere 

M: Actually can you take me by my dads? I have a lot of stuff to get before the new term 

F: Yes sir. 🫡

   They continued texting throughout the day. Normally they didn’t bother unless it was to pick at one another during class or mention Xie Lan in passing. This was new. This was nice. The shop had a handful of customers during lunch, but he managed to serve them drinks while replying in a timely manner, so his boyfriend (gods, this was great) wouldn’t think he was being ignored. Yin Yu shook his head in disbelief.

”I’m surprised your mother isn’t yelling at you to get to work.”

”Mhm,” Feng Xin said.

F: You should quit your job and come work here. My mom would give you the easy work and you could make me lunch 

M: Why would I make u lunch

F: 😛 because u love me duh

M: I’m blocking u

  A few hours later Feng Xin did actually have lunch, leant back against the crates of potatoes in the kitchen. He occasionally chewed on a loaf of bread and slice of meat from the deli next door, far too enthralled with the morning’s delight.

Mu Qing was his boyfriend. 

Mu Qing trusted him enough to ask for a ride back to his parent’s place. His dad would most likely be at work. He’d always worked late when they were kids, but it was still something Mu Qing most likely felt vulnerable about. He hadn’t seen him since moving in with Feng Xin.

F: How u feelin

M: Like I should quit and work for ur mom

F: I told her

F: She likes u a lot

M: I like her too

F: can I have a selfie?

M: ????? 

M: You're actually so annoying 

F: I had a really rough morning and I thought seeing ur face would make me feel better

M: bye

  Feng Xin chuckled to himself and threw his stale bread into the trash before stretching. Just as he was on his way back to the register, a new message arrived.

<Image attached>

  His eyes widened in awe. Mu Qing was flipping him off, naturally, looking fucking elegant doing so. He wasn’t even looking towards the camera, but it was what he’d asked for, a little motivation to get through the day. Feng Xin immediately downloaded the image and sent back a last response. 

F: You’re so fucking pretty it’s not fair

   Shi Qingxuan sent out a mass group text to alert everyone of a new term party, to which Feng Xin waited on responding too. He was a new man. He was a dating man, which meant checking with your hot boyfriend before RSVPing for a party. The entire day dragged until Mu Qing shut the passenger door shut and let out a sigh of relief. 

"I quit," he muttered.

Feng Xin raised a brow," Oh?"

"I'll talk to your mom... if you were serious about the offer."

"I would love for you to be around me all day," Feng Xin informed, smiling as he took in his presence," I'd actually show up to work on time and someone else could help her out in the kitchen when Yin Yu's off."

  Mu Qing nodded once.

"Okay. Let's get this over with then. My dad shouldn't be home."

Feng Xin could see the tension within his body as he pulled on his seatbelt and smoothed out the fabric of his pants. He stared straight forward, and when the car hadn't moved, turned with a glare.

"Feng Xin," he said.

Feng Xin tapped his own cheek," Uber tax."

"What??"

"Come on," Feng Xin said," I missed you all day and then you teased me with that selfie-"

"You told me to send it!"

  Feng Xin let out a dramatic sigh, and it really was difficult hiding the growing grin. Just as he was about to give up and stop teasing him, Mu Qing pressed forward and quickly kissed his cheek. When he pulled away, he turned his head to stare out the window. 

"There, idiot. You can drive now."

"I've been rejuvenated."

"Oh my god," Mu Qing muttered.

   No one was home at the Mu household, but he parked down the street to be safe. He hadn't been expecting any of the doors to be unlocked, but Mu Qing easily fished out a spare key under a false rock and they went through the back door.

  It was a quaint, little house. The kitchen they passed through had stacked mail everywhere on the table, and the stairs creaked as they moved towards Mu Qing's bedroom. Feng Xin had never been inside. He hadn't ever been invited over either, but then again, they'd always hung out at Xie Lan's place when his parents had still been around. When the door opened, his heart fell.

  Sharing a cramped apartment was nothing compared to what Mu Qing had spent years trapped in. He didn't even have a bedframe. It was just a single mattress shoved into a corner of a closet sized room. He had enough space for a bedside table that looked like he also used it as a desk. 

  Feng Xin scanned the bed, a single stuffed animal of a kitten (so fucking cute) and a thin pillow also shoved into the corner. Mu Qing cleared his throat.

"I just need clothes, and uh that drawer over there cleaned out."

He moved towards a closet and grabbed a box of trash bags," This should be fine. We can double bag anything heavy."

  Feng Xin didn't make any unnecessary comments. He knew Mu Qing wouldn't like it, and there was nothing to say to ease the fact he was sneaking into his old place to get his things. He managed to undo a trash bag, growing upset all over again, because what the fuck? Did Mu Qing not even have another spare backpack? Luggage? Why did the entire home look just fine, but his bedroom barely had any comfort?

  "This drawer?" he asked.

"Yeah," Mu Qing said. He'd started to pull clothes from hangers and toss them into another bag.

Feng Xin opened the drawer and stopped. Wait... Was that what he thought it was? He lifted a single gold ribbon from on top of a mess of supplies and remembered the day with ease. It had been junior year. He'd run a track meet during some school event, one that Mu Qing had to be eliminated from for hurting his ankle. 

"I won this for you," he'd said. 

"You kept this?"

Mu Qing very quickly turned, eyes widening as he grabbed for it.

"No! I don't know," he said," It's a convenient book mark. Stop looking so smug!"

"Aw," Feng Xin said, grinning wide," don't be embarrassed. I only won that race because I wanted to impress you at the time." It wasn't a lie. He could have given that ribbon to anyone. Many of the guys took the trophies home and often gave the girls their ribbons as a way to flirt. He'd wanted to give it to Mu Qing. He thought he'd felt bad about his hurt ankle, but now he knew it was just a repressed gay crush.

  "Can you hurry up?" Mu Qing asked quietly.

"Okay," Feng Xin eased up on the teasing," I'll behave."

They got a bag and a half full before making their way down the stairs. Feng Xin was just grabbing for Mu Qing's stuff when the flash of lights hit the back door towards the garage. Mu Qing inhaled a sharp breath.

"It should be Āyí," he informed. Mu Zihan wasn't often an issue. If anything, Feng Xin had never heard her speak ill of Mu Qing, but she also told her husband everything. Then again this was information coming from Xie Lan, who apparently liked to keep secrets. He braced himself, shifted to appear in front of Mu Qing when the door opened and she froze with a reusable bag of groceries hanging from her arm.

"Mu Qing?" Her eyes widened as she took in Feng Xin," Is this your friend? Why didn't you tell me you were coming over? I could have had your things ready."

  "I'm already finished," Mu Qing informed. "We were just leaving."

"You..." her shoulders dropped and she took a step forward," You could stay. Your father wanted to speak with you. He thinks you two can truly get past this."

Mu Qing huffed," Get past what?"

"..." she eyed Feng Xin," You know..."

"I'm gay," Mu Qing said deadpan," and not even just a little bit. Tell dad you met my boyfriend when he gets home."

She gasped, almost dropping her bag. 

"Mu Qing-"

"Nice to meet you," Feng Xin said, lifting the bags. He enjoyed her horrified expression, only long enough to gesture for Mu Qing to take the lead. He didn't miss the way Mu Qing immediately deflated as he passed, the way his fingers brushed against Feng Xin's coat from behind. 

   If his father had been present, Feng Xin knew the situation might have become something a little more violent. He wouldn't have been able to just stand there and let him speak his mind about his son. Thank the gods, he wasn't. 

"You okay?" he asked, after he'd situated Mu Qing's things in the back seat. A bag full of clothes, his single stuffed animal and school things... Feng Xin thought the next check he received he was going to spoil Mu Qing with anything and everything. Their room was going to be covered with the things the man enjoyed. 

Mu Qing strapped his belt.

"Yeah, she doesn't bother me anymore."

"You ready to go home or you want to grab something to eat?"

Mu Qing fussed with his ponytail end, shrugging a little.

"We could get something to eat," and very quietly, he added," we've never been on a date."

"Alright," Feng Xin said," Let's go on a date."

Chapter Text

   The sun began to set, and as the light faded, their breaths drifted into the air in soft, cold wisps. Mu Qing was bundled up in one of Feng Xin’s hoodies he’d found in the back seat. After ordering two coffees, Feng Xin rubbed his hands together for warmth, and then glanced up, his gaze softening at the sight of his adorably scrunched up boyfriend.

“Here,” he said, and he stretched to take both of Mu Qing’s hands in his. He blew hot air into them before gently rubbing them together. “Next time I take you on a date, it’ll be something fancy.”

Mu Qing met his gaze, and then lowered to where their hands met.

“This is fine,” he said,” I don’t mind it.”

   Feng Xin pressed a kiss to his thumb before releasing his hand, watching as the man pulled back, not sure whether the red in his cheeks was still from the cold or blush in response. He’d like to think the latter. How had he taken so long to realize that Mu Qing cared about him like this? They could have been on hundreds of dates in the last few years. 

   “Is this okay?” Feng Xin asked,” I haven’t asked what you’re okay with yet. I mean… I know you didn’t want people finding out about us before.”

“Well,” Mu Qing played with the edge of his coffee cup,” it would have been embarrassing. If anyone knew I’d liked you back then, they would have assumed I was just desperate.”

  He had a point. Being friends with benefits with someone you’d actively sought years before might have looked a particular type of way, especially if people didn’t think Feng Xin had been serious about him. Who else had known back then? It had been so obvious to everyone but him apparently. Man, he was so damn dumb sometimes.

  “I mean… I was pretty desperate then.”

Mu Qing furrowed his brows.

”I-“ he laughed,” Uh, well, it might have taken me a while to understand why I felt the way I did, but this isn’t new for me. When you asked if I wanted to be friends with benefits, I’d already been…” He couldn’t just say that, could he?

“What?” Mu Qing asked.

“I might have been suffering from intense insomnia because I couldn’t stop dreaming about you.”

   Mu Qing stilled. His face revealed nothing. Was it that weird? Or did he think he was just trying to make him feel better? Feng Xin leant forward to explain himself, when the waitress sauntered over with a pen and pad.

”What can I get for you two tonight?”

Feng Xin straightened and eyed the menu, flipping it over to scan it quickly. He didn’t really care for food, but he knew from experience that Mu Qing wouldn’t touch his if he didn’t order any himself. 

“I’ll grab the cheeseburger, everything on it and uh-“ his gaze moved to Mu Qing,” You’re going to get that salad you like, right? The southwest deal.”

  Mu Qing’s eyes widened in surprise, and he nodded once, the waitress scribbling their info down with ease as she popped a bubble she’d been blowing. 

“Alrighty, you two enjoy.”

It was silent again. Feng Xin hadn’t felt any awkward pauses since they’d both confessed, but now it kept the harsh echo of plates and murmurs from reaching their personal bubble. He stretched his leg, let it press against Mu Qing’s.

  “This is weird, isn’t it?” Mu Qing asked suddenly.

It seemed that when they weren’t bickering, Mu Qing genuinely didn’t know how to act. He’d softened his edges since they’d started sleeping together, but it was different now. They were dating… and to be honest Feng Xin had never had an actual relationship. Even if he had, Mu Qing wasn’t like everyone else. 

“I mean…” Feng Xin played with the edge of his straw,” If it makes you feel better you can call me an idiot.”

Mu Qing rolled his eyes, but he was pleasantly docile, not that his sharp words were any less. 

“I never thought you were an idiot,” he informed,” but be honest, you purposely pick at me.”

”You mean flirt?” Feng Xin acquired.

Mu Qing opened his mouth to speak a retort, but found himself in the same pattern that was theirs alone. His lips twitched, and finally, his leg pressed back against his with effort. Just as he was about to lay on another line that would most likely press another of Mu Qing’s buttons, a familiar voice rang out in glee.

”Hey! You guys! You never messaged me back!”

  Shi Qingxuan waved over to them, eyes bright with excitement as they pulled on the arm of someone Feng Xin faintly recognized from one of their earlier parties. He looked just as disinterested as Feng Xin felt. 

"Where's Xie Lan?" Shi Qinxuan asked," Is he in the restroom?"

"He's not here," Mu Qing informed, letting out a tired sigh," Isn't it rude to drag your date from a table just to speak to someone?"

"Oh?" Shi Qinxuan lifted their head to the dark haired man they had hold of, smiling wide at his cold demeanor," Ming-xiong doesn't mind. He's just not very talkative with strangers. He- WAIT," his eyes widened when he realized what Mu Qing had said." Xie Lan isn't here? Then... you two are eating alone?"

Mu Qing inhaled a sharp breath, pressing his fingers between the skin of his brows. 

"That's funny. I didn't think you two could get along enough for that. Did you two become friends during the break?"

  Ming Yi leaned forward to whisper something low, causing Shi Qinxuan's eyes to widen. They playfully swat at the man's shoulders, laughing out loud. 

"Please, you don't know these two, haha," he shook his head," They're the last two people who would ever be on a date!"

Gods.

"If we agree to go to your party, will you leave us alone?" Mu Qing asked.

"Sounds fair to me," Shi Qinxuan said. "I'll see you two later, haha! A date!"

  The two stared at one another for a very long time when Shi Qinxuan moved back to their respective booth. Was it so hard to believe they could be a thing?! Feng Xin threw his head back and let out a sigh of his own. How bad was it that people laughed at the idea of him dating his own boyfriend?

  The night of the party came quite quickly after that. They'd been dating nearly a week, with two days left until the next term. Feng Xin had made every excuse to not hang out with any friends, solely to have more time alone with Mu Qing. He half expected his father to show because of their deal, but he hadn't, and for that he was relieved. His mother would only throw a fit, which he couldn't blame her for. 

  She was far happier too. The moment he brought Mu Qing in to suggest that she pick up an extra hand in the kitchen, she'd acted as if she were being told they were engaged. She'd tightened her hands over Mu Qing's and practically squealed with excitement. 

"Of course! Of course! You'll be much more useful than my son has been! Oh, I hope he's learning how to cook for you. He doesn't do much in the kitchen unless its tasting the ingredients!"

"Mom!" 

"What I say is true," she chided, but not without warmth. 

  Mu Qing fit right in. He spent most of his time prepping, but very often Feng Xin would find an excuse to peek inside and share a few words. During their shared lunch, they'd eat on stacked crates, knees pressed close together, shared words a little hushed just in case. 

At home, they'd cook together. Feng Xin would hover over him and feast on every word, sometimes touching him until he was told it wasn't hygienic or that he was far too clingy, but it always ended the same. Mu Qing never truly rejected his affection. It was only recently that Mu Qing had felt comfortable enough to chase it, offering coy remarks, pleasant, innocent touch just to stay close. It was driving Feng Xin fucking insane. 

  "Wear the other shirt," Mu Qing said. He looked up at the mirror as he adjusted his necklace, long enough to catch Feng Xin's dark clothing. "You look better in that shade of green."

Feng Xin immediately moved to take off his shirt. If he'd learned anything in the last week, it was that Mu Qing was most often right and even when he wasn't, he gave too good of head to argue. He sauntered forward, wrapped a hand around the man's waist, lips pressed to the nape of his neck.

"Are we going to tell him tonight?"

Xie Lan would be there. It would be the perfect time to break the news. Well, if he hadn't already guessed with the way Feng Xin had rushed out of his place...

"Who says we have to tell anyone?" Mu Qing asked as he turned to him, his own fingers teased the band of Feng Xin's pants," Let them figure it out themselves if they're so damn curious."

Mu Qing was probably right again.

  Shi Qingxuan’s party was just the same as all his others. The two living spaces he had were completely different vibes. One was more laid back, covered in a thick layer of smoke as people piled onto the couch and laughed over a long story about high school days. The other was so frantic and bright with the different array of colors flashing to someone’s attempt at DJing, that Feng Xin immediately pressed a hand to Mu Qing’s back and guided him away. 

  He found a more private corner beside the long table of drinks, took a moment to admire the way his boyfriend looked in the dark shirt he wore, tight fitting along his waist, lowered enough to reveal his marks of devotion pressed hours before. He was wearing the eyeliner again, and it was giving Feng Xin a hard on. 

  “Do you want something to drink?” He asked.

It was a party, if Mu Qing wanted to get as drunk as he desired and touch himself in their bed later while Feng Xin watched this time, then he was more than prepared to remain a sober babysitter. 

“Just one,” Mu Qing said, and he scowled at the passing partygoers with a sigh,” I don’t know why we even bothered to show.”

”Because-“ Feng Xin said, make shifting him a light mixed drink that wouldn’t cause the floor to sway,” as much as you hate parties, you like your friends.”

Mu Qing took the solo cup from him, taking a small sip. 

“Shi Qinxuan is more Xie Lan’s friend than mine.”

  Feng Xin didn’t argue with that, though Shi Qinxuan was one of the few people that had a taste of Mu Qing’s facade of coldness only to find it endearing. It was like trying to tame a feral cat with constant risk of being scratched. 

”Then stay by my side all night,” Feng Xin leaned in close to speak, a hand lowering to press against his waist,” I only ever came to these things to keep an eye on you.”

“What? Were you stalking me?” Mu Qing asked, not sounding like he’d mind it too much.

”I was on Pei Ming watch,” he informed,” that guy was really starting to piss me off.”

”Sounds like you were jealous,” Mu Qing mused.

Feng Xin caught his gaze, let his finger curl in one of Mu Qing’s belt loops. It felt like he’d never be able to distance himself from the man. Even after a week of constant touching, every time he reached for him, it felt like the first time all over again. 

“You know I was.”

  A soft, almost inaudible clear of someone’s throat over the music had them both lifting their heads. Feng Xin realized that the two must have been a little close to be having a simple conversation, but he couldn’t find it in himself to pull away completely. Besides, it was just Xie Lan, who didn’t seem surprised at all by their proximity. 

  “I don’t want to interrupt you two, but it’s felt like forever,” he greeted, smiling gently with his cup of ginger ale in hand, before he glanced down at Mu Qing's neck” It seems you two worked things out after all.”

”Observant as always,” Mu Qing said.

   His entire demeanor tensed, and he lifted his chin and turned to stare at something else while taking a long sip of his drink. They might have figured things out, but Mu Qing was truly the most stubborn person Feng Xin had ever met. No wonder Xie Lan could never convince him of his innocence. If he wanted to hold a grudge, no one could convince him otherwise. 

“Mu Qing…” Xie Lan said,” I really am sorry. I never would have told Feng Xin if I didn’t truly believe it would help.”

  Mu Qing sloshed the drink he had in his hand, as if it were fine wine and he was at a tasting. 

“You two look good together,” Xie Lan tried again.

  Two arms stretched over both Feng Xin’s and Mu Qing’s shoulders suddenly, and a familiar, obnoxious voice drawled drunkenly.

”Don’t they?” Pei Ming asked,” These two are my favorite little midnight fantasy-“

”Fuck off, Pei Ming!”

”Seriously,” Feng Xin snapped, and they both shoved him back at the same time,” What’s wrong with you?”

  Pei Ming stumbled, holding two hands up in defense.

”Okay, woah. I thought we were cool. I helped you two get together,” he pointed at Xie Lan, who didn’t seem whether to know if he should guide the man away for his safety. “I’m their number one fan. And youuuu, look so strange without your lil puppy following you.”

  Xie Lan scratched part of his cheek with a chuckle.

”Oh, San Lang, he’s talking to an old friend. I wanted to give him some privacy.”

”I get it,” Pei Ming said,” I’m looking for some privacy too. You two want to get a room or-“

”Oh my god,” Mu Qing muttered,” Why don’t you go bother Shi Wudu? I think I saw him outside earlier.”

“Fine, fine- I’ll just party all by myself,” Pei Ming pressed a hand to Feng Xin’s arm before parting. He wasn’t actually that bad when he was flirting with them both. Feng Xin didn’t care as long as he wasn’t singling Mu Qing out.

  Xie Lan didn’t linger for much longer either. They made small conversation about the new term, found out the three shared similar classes and made a small excuse about going to see if Hua Cheng had finished before allowing them reprieve. Feng Xin kind of felt bad for Xie Lan. While he didn’t seem to mind waiting for Mu Qing’s attitude to fade, he didn’t think he deserved it. That slap alone was hard enough it should have absolved them both. 

  Feng Xin raised a brow when Mu Qing went to pour himself another drink.

”If you want we could sneak around, find a guest room…”

“You have no shame,” Mu Qing muttered.

”How could I?” He half whispered, following him around the table towards the crowded room," You're wearing the marks I left with such pride. It's really a turn on."

”Stop that,” Mu Qing slapped him along the arm,” You’re just as-“ he stopped, eyes widening in the middle of a swaying crowd of dancing drunks. All of the furious blush from before paled immensely, and when Feng Xin lifted his head to follow his gaze, found a man they hadn’t seen since late high school. Bai Long.

   "Shit, is that you?" Bai Long met Feng Xin's gaze almost immediately, pushed past someone in the crowd as he shoved his cap back to cover dark strands of a sweat drenched forehead. "Oh shit! Feng Xin! Hey, man it's been ages."

Feng Xin stepped forward, only to feel the vice grip along his wrist. Bai Long, the fucking bastard who'd sent Mu Qing out to find Jian Lan and him, the one who'd humiliated him along with a handful of others, the one who-

"They were trying to sexually assault him."

"They were mocking him."

Feng Xin couldn't hear anything but his own heart pounding for a moment.

  "Oh... fuck, is that-" Bai Long tilted his head, seemed to catch something of great interest," Oh my god, it is! Mu Qing, you got taller, fuckin'  filled out well, huh?"

"He's drunk," Mu Qing whispered, his fingers tightened even more, his warning sharper than any words he'd used," Leave it alone."

Feng Xin couldn't think. His fixated gaze only darkened as he stared at the man before him. What would have happened if Xie Lan hadn't stepped in? Where did he get off thinking he could just hurt someone like that? If he killed him in a crowd full of people, would anyone even bat an eye!? He was nothing but scum. 

  "Feng Xin," Mu Qing said, the fingers that held him were trembling, and when Feng Xin tore his gaze away to look at him, was taken aback by the vulnerability in his demands. 

Even drunk, Bai Long caught on quickly. He lifted his chin, eyeing the way Feng Xin was held back by a request alone, even if he didn't seem to understand it was his own life being threatened. He laughed to himself, shaking his head.

"Oh, are you two fucking now? That... I bet he's ecstatic, used to- he used to be obsessed bro."

  "Please," Mu Qing said," Don't make a scene."

Feng Xin inhaled sharply through his nose and turned away.

His jaw ached from how tightly it was clenched, but Mu Qing didn't need him to lose control as much as every twitch of his muscle ached to rip apart Bai Long's own. Mu Qing, whose face had paled, stricken with past horror at the sight of Bai Long, sighed in relief. 

"Hey!" Bai Long called," Don't ignore me! I'm not judging you man... You can still be straight! It's not gay if you're the one giving it out. I-" he wiped something from his face," I woulda kept him too. Fuck, you look like a woman bro."

  Bai long was in a fit of his own growing drunken rage, trying for any sort of reaction from Feng Xin. He'd never enjoyed being pushed aside, and now like this, so dramatically asking to be hit, enticed a few people from the crowd to watch. 

"You were never even all that! Fuck you then, didn't want your attention anyways. Walking all proud cause you can fuck anyone you want! Well news flash, asshat, I hit it first!"

  His fist crashed into Bai Long’s jaw with a sharp, brutal crack before he even realized he'd turned. The impact snapped his head violently to the side and sent him stumbling straight into the crowd behind him, bodies jerking away in startled shouts as drinks splashed across the floor.

For a second, the entire party seemed to freeze.

Bai Long caught himself against someone’s shoulder, one hand flying to his split lip in stunned disbelief. Blood smeared across his mouth as he looked back up.

"Wha tha fuck man?"

"Take it back," Feng Xin said.

"Huh??"

"What you said," he stepped forward, just as Xie Lan moved past a few people to see the commotion himself. His eyes widened in shock when he realized who it was. "Tell everyone you're talking out your ass."

  Bai Long scanned the room, chest heaving unevenly as he cupped his cheek. The drunken confidence he’d been riding on had cracked clean through.

“The fuck are you talking about?” he scoffed, though his voice wavered. “I didn’t say shit.”

Feng Xin took another step forward.

“Say it,” he repeated.

The crowd shifted nervously around them. Someone lowered their phone. Someone else muttered for them to chill out, but nobody actually moved in between them.

Mu Qing’s grip tightened around Feng Xin’s sleeve again. “Feng Xin.”

He didn’t look away from Bai Long.

“You’re drunk,” Bai Long snapped, trying to laugh it off now that the attention had turned against him. “You seriously hit me over a joke?”

“A joke?” Feng Xin echoed quietly.

That tone made Bai Long visibly hesitate.

Shi Qinxuan pushed through the crowd completely, gaze flicking between the two before landing on the blood gushing along Bai Long’s mouth. “What happened?”

“Nothin’,” Bai Long muttered immediately, wiping his lip again. His eyes darted around the room, suddenly aware of how many people had heard him. “Guy’s fucking crazy.”

“Take it back,” Feng Xin said for the third time, voice low enough that it carried worse than shouting.

For a long moment, Bai Long just stared at him, then his eyes flicked away first.

“…Fine,” he muttered. “I was talking shit, alright?” He spat red onto the floor beside him. “Happy now?”

Not even a little bit.

Chapter Text

   Feng Xin stopped to take a seat at the edge of the sidewalk, feeling over his knuckles, the bitter idea that he only landed one punch before Shi Wudu broke the crowd up with a pleading Shi Qinxuan for the party to continue was like a slow poison. Why hadn't he finished the job? He should have broken his fist into the guy's face. How could he let him walk away knowing what'd he'd tried? 

  He deserved to be sober for what Feng Xin wanted to do to him. He deserved to feel it.

He exhaled a sharp breath and ran his fingers through the back of his hair, tightening in the strands with frustration.

"I heard he punched him, because he accused him of sleeping with Mu Qing," someone said as they passed towards the driveway.

"Mu Qing?" a laugh," Those two are notorious enemies."

"They were kind of standing really close, and didn't you see those marks?"

  Mu Qing's footsteps stopped just beside him, and then he lowered down to offer Feng Xin an ice pack.

"Ignore them," he said," Take this."

"Don't need it."

Mu Qing stretched out his legs with a sigh, set the ice pack against the cement and stared off towards the large house still enveloped in the remaining party. After a few seconds, Feng Xin felt Mu Qing's head press against his shoulder. 

"I told you that I didn't want to make a scene," Mu Qing informed, though he sounded more tired than angry. When Feng Xin glanced down at him, he was rubbing his thumb along the edge of his finger in thought. "You can't punch everyone I have an issue with. It would be too long of a list."

  "This is a little different," Feng Xin said. "He's the reason you stopped trusting me. He... fuck, I'm getting pissed off again."

"Stop it," Mu Qing said," I'm not delicate. I mean, yeah it threw me off, but it's not like he gave me serious trauma or anything. It was just an asshole being an asshole."

"How could you say that so easily?" 

  Why did Mu Qing always belittle anything he'd experienced? His parents, his childhood, even his mother's passing, the way her own sister remarried to become his step mother... He treated it like it was nothing more than a string of bad luck. He acted like he wasn't allowed to be affected. 

"Feng Xin," Mu Qing said, moving to squeeze his knee," I'm really okay. The worst thing about tonight wasn't seeing Bai Long again. It was the way he affected you. You shouldn't get upset on my behalf."

"..."

Feng Xin rubbed the crease in his brows.

"We're going to have to unpack that eventually."

"Sure," Mu Qing said, not sounding like he thought so," but for tonight, let's go home. Stop thinking about all this-" he leant forward to whisper into his ear," instead think about what you'll do to me when we get there."

   It was so typical of Mu Qing to distract him like this, but after ensuring a worried Xie Lan that they were going straight home instead of Feng Xin hunting down the drunken bastard, he didn't have much choice. He discarded his coat on the couch and exhaled a deep breath. The ride over had been quiet, and as soon as the door closed Mu Qing pulled him in by his shirt.

"Stop moping," he said," I hate it. You're like a kicked puppy."

"Sorry," Feng Xin muttered.

“Ugh,” He pulled him even closer, fingers tightened in the collar of his shirt,” You’re insufferable.”

  He pressed a kiss to his lips, until Feng Xin’s rigid stance melted, and his own hands lowered to hold him by the waist. He couldn’t keep using such a weakness against him! When Mu Qing pulled away, he was still trying to lean in for more.

”Come on,” Mu Qing teased,” Let’s save on our water bill.”

”I really wish you’d stop bringing that up.”

  It didn’t really save them much of anything when the two would easily stay twice as long together. Feng Xin took extra time running shampoo through Mu Qing’s long hair, massaging it into his scalp with devoted attention. There was not a spot on his body that wasn’t coated with the suds of soap on Feng Xin’s fingers. The rag dropped when Mu Qing turned to wrap his arms around his neck, teasing him again with slow, shallow kisses. 

  Mu Qing pressed his palm against his wet chest, head thrown back to make room for the lips that traveled against his throat. He sighed softly into Feng Xin.

”Y-Your turn,” he gasped.

He was just as reverent in his duty. He pulled on strands of Feng Xin’s hair playfully, and when he turned massaged into his shoulders, pressed a kiss against his back. 

“I love your body,” Mu Qing informed.

The compliment came so suddenly that Feng Xin was thrown off. It was not often Mu Qing praised him with compliments. He’d much rather act coy, leaving hints to his true thoughts. Feng Xin felt a new kind of heat rise, in his face. 

  “Yeah?”

“Especially here,” Mu Qing’s own body had pressed into his, a hand snaking around to reach for him, where he squeezed gently for emphasis. “I think it needs more attention.”

”Shit,” Feng Xin breathed into the tile,” Won’t argue with that.”

  By the time they were laid up in the bed, still bare and a little damp from their shower, Feng Xin was sedated away from any previous anger. It didn't mean he wouldn't find the first opportunity to find out if Bai Long happened to attend the same college, but for now, he rest with an arm thrown back underneath Mu Qing's head. His fingers skimmed down his back as he admired the bland ceiling above them.

Mu Qing shifted to lie on his side, throwing a thigh over his own.

"Does your hand hurt?" he asked.

"Pft," Feng Xin held up his fist," Not really." He wished it did.

"Remember when I almost broke your nose?"

"In Mrs. Loui's class," Feng Xin said automatically, smiling slightly," I called you an arrogant son of a bitch with no class."

"Fair," Mu Qing said," I did insinuate that you followed Xie Lan around because you wanted to suck him off."

Feng Xin laughed," You didn't insinuate shit. You said,' why don't you go continue sucking his dick since you're always kissing his ass?'"

  Mu Qing hid half his face in his chest," I was a little upset with Xie Lan back then, but I know he meant well."

"He always does..." he waited a moment, risking it," He really didn't want to tell me, but I was practically begging. I just showed up at his place ranting about how I was in love with you. He was caught off guard."

A soft sigh escaped Mu Qing.

"I know," he admitted," I'm not actually upset with him, but let him believe it for a little longer."

"...I guess."

  Mu Qing raised his head, brought a hand to tangle his fingers in Feng Xin's wet hair. It was strange, talking like this. Even just admitting that he wasn't actually upset with Xie Lan was progress, even if Feng Xin didn't understand why he'd want the man to continue worrying over it. It just seemed unfair. 

"We should get some sleep," Mu Qing finally said.

  That night, Feng Xin dreamt about that day, in almost perfect clarity.

The summer held a muggy heat that only the cool lake water could mend for those more sensitive to the climate. Sometimes he took off jogging in the early mornings, but that morning in particular he grabbed a handful of bacon from the dining table where one of the girl's from class laid out a mini buffet. A dozen or so students from class had rented out the cabins for two weeks of 'supervised' fun, which really meant that Bai Long pretended to inform his father and everyone else's parents trusted him enough to not pay it too much attention.

  "Jogging again?" One of the girls asked, just beside Jian Lan who was reading something on her phone.

"I was, but if you keep cooking for us like this I might just stuff myself instead." Right. He hadn't been nervous around women then. 

"Mm," the girl said dreamily," I'm glad you like it."

Trying to be sneaky, she nudged Jian Lan, clearing her throat. "Did uh... you hear about the forest?"

"What about it?" Feng Xin asked, moving to take a seat. He grabbed a few other breakfast items, every so often glancing towards the stairs. 

"Apparently, there's a cute little cave with flowers that a lot of people are starting to use to uh... you know, depetal flowers."

"Su yan," Jian Lan chided. 

"What? I thought you two might be interested!"

   Feng Xin chuckled, shaking his head at the idea. There was no way he was losing his virginity in some cave. Any girl deserved better than that too. He took a mouthful of biscuit just as steps descended, again catching his attention.

Mu Qing. 

He wouldn't have been able to attend if it weren't for Xie Lan covering his part in expenses. Feng Xin was glad for it. He was a very quiet and often times isolated person, but the two had kind of taken him under their wing since they'd met three years prior. 

  He liked to think they had their own little group apart from the others.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," Feng Xin greeted.

"... I thought you and Xie Lan had a room upstairs? Isn't he in the next cabin?"

Feng Xin's lips twisted in a grin," You got a crush or something? Why do you know where he sleeps so well?"

The truth was, that he'd stayed up all night talking to him and by the time they'd finished it had just seemed unnecessary to make him walk all the way to his own cabin. There was nothing wrong with sharing a bed, and it's not like there wasn't enough room in his. Still, he didn't want to embarrass Mu Qing either.

  "Ew, no," the girl said, and she made a hushed whisper to Jian Lan who only scowled in response.

"Anyways," he said, ignoring the women to admire the absolute mess of bed hair Mu Qing was sporting," Want to go by the deck before Xie Lan wakes up? We could walk that trail again."

Mu Qing's eyes widened slightly, face turning red. It was adorable. Anytime Feng Xin mentioned walking by the deck, he always got so nervous. He had a deep suspicion that he didn't actually know how to swim and was scared Feng Xin might suggest swimming.

  "Don't worry," he said," Just to walk."

"Okay..." Mu Qing said," I guess. I'm not really doing anything else."

"Cool," Feng Xin reached over to pat the long strands of hair on his head," First you should probably brush your hair. Looks pretty crazy."

  He walked Mu Qing back to his cabin and waited outside so he could take his time getting dressed. By now the sun had almost risen enough for the birds to start screaming their mating calls, or whatever made them so damn loud, but it wasn't too hot that they couldn't enjoy a long walk. 

Walking by, Bai Long and his two buddies stopped to greet Feng Xin.

"Jogging?" one asked.

"Oh, Mu Qing and I are going to walk the deck."

It led down the coast, straight into a little path where it dropped into the forest. It was his favorite part about the trip, walking, that is. 

"He... kind of just follows you around all day, doesn't he?" Bai Long mentioned.

"I mean, he doesn't really know any of you yet."

"Yeah, but even if he did..." Bai Long glanced at his friend," I don't know. You ever think he does that cause he knows you have money or something?"

  Feng Xin immediately turned from where he'd been watching the door.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I'm not trying to be rude, I just think that he might have uh, ulterior motives, maybe?"

Just as he spoke, Mu Qing came out from his cabin with a small bag strung across his back on one shoulder. He caught sight of the group and his shoulder's tensed with unease. 

  Feng Xin ignored them. It was very much like Bai Long to judge those less fortunate. It wasn't just Mu Qing he was suspicious of, but it irked him he thought to voice such things. He always seemed to watch Mu Qing, like he was waiting for him to slip and give something away. 

"We'll see you guys later," Feng Xin said," Tell Xie Lan where we are if he asks."

"Sure will," Bai Long said.

   Mu Qing was quiet until they got far enough away that the others were just a blur in the distance. He kept his pace slow, occasionally glancing his way only to find that Mu Qing was already looking at him. 

"Were they talking about me again?" he asked.

"Yeah,” Feng Xin sighed, feet coming to the wooden deck to look out past the small waves hitting the shore. "I'm sorry about them. Bai Long is an ass, but he's pretty harmless. He'll grow to like you, just has to get to know you."

"Doubtful," Mu Qing said.

"Hey, don't be so pessimistic. There's a lot to like."

"...like what?"

  Feng Xin met his gaze again, and he offered him a wide smile in return.

"Like how smart you are, how you topped the fencing team last year even though you just started, and you're really funny."

"Funny?"

"Yeah, I think it's funny when you tell people off when you get irritated. You're always so clever about what you say, and it's so quiet that sometimes I almost miss it."

  When Mu Qing still didn't seem convinced, Feng Xin tried again.

"I know a lot of the girls probably fawn over you secretly."

"They hate me too," he said matter of factly.

"Nah, if they do, it's out of jealousy. You got nicer hair than them and you're naturally pretty, so it probably makes them feel inferior."

  Mu Qing stopped walking then. His fingers tightened on the strap of his bag, and Feng Xin looked back to find that he was staring at him, perplexed. He seemed to be battling his own mind, maybe the idea that women could be both jealous and interested. 

"Feng Xin..."

"What?" He tilted his head," Did I embarrass you again?"

"No, you always say things like that," Mu Qing moved a hand to push hair back behind his ear. Slowly, he began to walk again, this time not looking at him. "I want to tell you something, but I think you'll be mad."

"Pft, mad? When have I ever actually been mad at you, silly?"

  Mu Qing rolled his eyes, but there was something clearly bothering him. He waited patiently, and they made their way to the edge of the deck where the green of the forest opened up to their usual path.

"Can I tell you later then? I don't think I want to right now."

"Fine by me," Feng Xin said," It's our last day, so let's make the most of it."

  They finished their walk in record time, though mostly because Mu Qing didn't open up as he often did when it was just the two of them. Sometimes they'd tease each other, make jokes as they found cool things to study, but that morning he was quiet. Everyone sat at the bonfire for lunch, roasted mushrooms and veggies passed around, and Xie Lan bundled up close to them with a towel from a recent swim.

  Shi Qinxuan stayed close to their brother, who was the closest to parental authority they had. Shi Wudu had a few friends with him too, but Feng Xin wasn't in their class, so he didn't know their names then and he didn't bother learning. 

"Feng Xin," Jian Lan whispered," Can I talk to you?"

Feng Xin lifted his head from where he'd been reading over Mu Qing's shoulder. He'd been invested in a new book, and occasionally Feng Xin would read whatever page he was on to cure his boredom.

"Sure," Feng Xin said, lifting himself up. "I'm coming."

  He followed her towards the back of her cabin that she shared with two others, her bathing suit still wet, water trickling down her neck. He wasn't naive. Jian Lan had spent the last two weeks flirting with him, and her friends had made plenty of comments about how they'd look together. Most of the time he just ignored it, but he couldn't forever.

"I..." Jian Lan bit her lip," You haven't accepted any of my advances. I'm really confused here."

"Oh," Feng Xin said, he guessed that moment was right now. 

"Oh?" she asked," You've been so polite. There was multiple times when you could have taken advantage of the situation, but you didn't try at all! Is there something wrong?"

"No, not at all," Feng Xin assured her," You're amazing, Jian Lan. I'm just... I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now."

"Who said anything about being serious??"

  Feng Xin's eyes widened. 

"Okay, that wasn't what I meant either. I don't... I'm not-"

"What a coward," she said, sounding more resigned than anything. "It's fine. I just needed an answer."

   Later that night, when the group had broken into the last of their alcohol to celebrate their freedom, Feng Xin let himself get drunk. It had been a fine day, but Jian Lan's initial reaction had kind of thrown him off. He didn't think himself a coward, but maybe that's what it was. Why else would he reject her request? She didn't even care for anything serious. He was at that age where everyone was having sex.

What was holding him back? She was attractive enough. 

  Three drinks in and he found himself by the deck alone. He wasn't sure where everyone else was. Xie Lan and Mu Qing didn't drink, so they were probably upstairs together. He thought of Mu Qing again, how he'd wanted to tell him something that seemed pretty important. 

He thought that he hadn't lied when he'd called him pretty.

"Feng Xin!" Bai Long called.

"Hmm?" he asked, downing the last of his mixed drink. The floor was a bit uneven, but he had enough sense to understand the severity in his tone.

"Jian Lan wants to talk to you. She told me to let you know she'd be waiting."

"Jian Lan.." he murmured.

"Don't be stupid," Bai Long said with a sigh," Get your drunken ass up."

  Feng Xin had thought of Mu Qing again.

"Okay... where is she?"

"The uh, flower cave."

"Ah." That was a strange place to go to talk, he thought, but he'd been a bit clouded then. He hadn't put two and two together. "If I go..." What about Mu Qing? He'd wanted to talk. "Can you tell Mu Qing to wait for me? We... were supposed to talk too."

  Bai Long scoffed," Whatever. I'll make sure he knows."

Chapter Text

  Feng Xin woke with a sharp inhale, the dream still clinging to him like sweat.

The room was dim and gray with early morning light. His blanket had twisted itself halfway off the mattress sometime during the night, sheets dragged down with it in a tangled heap around where he lay on the floor. The side of his face ached from the hardwood. Beside him, the bedside drawer hung half open, crooked from where he'd apparently hit it in his sleep.

For a long moment he didn’t move.

  His pulse still hammered unevenly beneath his ribs, the dream replaying itself in fractured flashes, music too loud, laughter, the sting of alcohol in his throat. He remembered everything about the day before, but why couldn't he remember losing his own damn virginity? He knew it had happened. He'd felt nervous at first, and when he realized what was happening, he remembered almost throwing up. 

  "What the hell...?" Mu Qing's voice came from the bed, and then his head peeked over the edge to find Feng Xin strewn about. 

A puff of air was concealed with a hand, broken pieces of laughter that Mu Qing struggled with.

"Morning," Feng Xin muttered weakly. He pushed himself up and felt the back of his head. Okay, ow. He had a damn knot back there. 

  "Pfff-" Mu Qing dropped his hand and threw his head back," I'm sorry, you're just so-" there was something so soft about a laughing Mu Qing, a rare occurrence that ebbed the slight pain in his head. If this was all it took, he'd willingly face plant onto the floor every morning. 

His dream of the past was shoved into the dark corners of his mind. There was only a day left before the new term. He didn't have time to consider questions better left unanswered. Mu Qing was happy, wasn't he? If Feng Xin could bide his time until Bai Long and him were alone in a room, then he could pretend to be okay, and he was for the most part. 

  He almost received another injury when they both made it into work. His mother swatted a menu at him, yelling loud enough Yin Yu stopped cleaning the counter to observe with a bewildered look.

"Stop marking him up! He's not a chew toy!" 

"Ma!" Feng Xin pulled back his arm," It's not like that!"

   He couldn't just say Mu Qing begged for him to do exactly that, so he sputtered, looked to his boyfriend for aid only to receive a small, helpless shrug in return. His mother moved over to examine the new color amongst Mu Qing's skin with a shake of the head.

"I have concealer in the office. Come, quick, before someone calls the authorities for abuse." She whipped her head back as she took Mu Qing by the arm," And if you two are going to be doing that, respect him enough to leave it somewhere less noticeable!"

"Heh," Yin Yu let out a breath.

"Hey," Feng Xin warned.

"She's not wrong."

"Shut up."

   The morning was busier than usual. Mu Qing remained in the kitchen to prep ingredients, every so often lifting his head to find Feng Xin leaning up against the door to sneak a few words. 

"Having fun?" Feng Xin asked.

"You're going to get in trouble again."

"She's busy in the office filing paper work." He glanced back just to make sure her door was still closed though, before admiring Mu Qing again. He was cutting green onions for one of their favorite lunch time dishes, hair pushed back into a bun and net. It kind of looked adorably silly. 

   Something in the front crashed just as the bell hanging from the front alerted them of another entry. Feng Xin's brows furrowed as he moved to check the commotion, only to find Yin Yu crouched out of sight, head shoved into his knees.

"Feng Xin!" Quan Yizhen waved from the door, bright eyed and beaming as he came closer," Where's Yin Yu? Doesn't he work here?"

Of course.

Feng Xin smirked, leaning forward against the register with a hand propped up under his chin. 

"Oh Yin Yu? Yeah, he works here."

"Is he here now??"

   Should he or should he not be a total asshole? Twas the question. It was way too tempting, but also Yin Yu had done him a few solids the past few weeks when he'd been too busy to show up for work. Feng Xin did kind of owe him. 

"No, sorry. He had to run an errand."

"Oh," Quan Yizhen pouted.

"Did... you still want to order something?"

He might of owed him, but being forced to crouch while Quan Yizhen ate lunch wouldn't kill him. Yin Yu from the floor slapped weakly at his leg.

"Okay, sure. Can I get the number two and the number three? Wait, what does it mean by special?"

  Yin Yu began to yank furiously at the edge of Feng Xin's pant leg. 

"Why don't you just order both specials? It might take longer to eat, but I think you could manage it."

"Sure, sure," Quan Yizhen tapped his chin as if he were still considering it. "And I think the biggest drink you have. Oh, I almost forgot, why were you so mad at the party?"

  Feng Xin sighed, rubbing the side of his face.

"And Pei Ming too. He punched him even more times than you did! I wanted to join, but Yin Yu said I shouldn't fight just because other people are."

"Wait, did you say Pei Ming?" Feng Xin asked. 

"Yeah, he heard you were upset about something and then he went to go punch him. Yin Yu-"

"Pei Ming..." Feng Xin furrowed his brows," punched Bai Long?"

By this time, Mu Qing had caught some of the conversation and moved to lean up against the kitchen's doorway with a raised brow. Feng Xin and him both shared a look as Quan Yizhen continued rambling.

"It wasn't so bad, Pei Ming was drunk, so the fight was really lame. Everyone kept ignoring me when I wanted to know what happened, and even Yin Yu said it was none of my business. Next time, you can tell me, and I'll punch Bai Long too."

  Huh, Pei Ming.

There was a thought.

"Guess he isn't so bad after all," Feng Xin said.

"He is our number one fan," Mu Qing muttered.

   The rest of the day was slow enough that he didn't have to make up excuses to go see Mu Qing, he just left his position and let Yin Yu bother with it. During their shared lunch break, Mu Qing shoved a bowl at him that was still steaming from being freshly cooked.

"Stop eating stale bread," Mu Qing said.

"Aw," Feng Xin grinned," You made me lunch, cause you love me-"

"I made you lunch because you're a pathetic excuse for a cook! Eat it, now. Stop playing around."

  Mu Qing loved him. Mu Qing was dressed in an apron and making him lunch. Which god did he need to praise for this immensely pleasing turn of events?? He brought his favorite crate over and moved to sit next to the man, their legs pressed close together as he blew on his hot and sour soup.

"You'd be such an amazing housewife."

"What the hell did you just call me?!"

"...House husband?"

  Mu Qing scowled at him, taking apart his own meal which looked like a warmed up bowl of rice and leftover chicken. 

"You even know how to sew..." Feng Xin added after a moment," You could mend my clothes after a hard day's work, and I could massage your feet and run you a bath-"

Mu Qing's fingers tightened over his dish.

"Stop talking like we're some old married couple."

"Well," Feng Xin said, and quieter," not yet."

  Mu Qing choked, even though he hadn't yet taken a bite of his food. His eyes widened as he brought a fist to his chest, a rising warmth coloring his cheeks. 

"Fucking hell-"

Feng Xin grinned to himself. When he lifted his gaze, he caught his mother by the doorway, hands clasped together and a warm smile on her face. She caught his gaze and shook her head, though she still looked relatively pleased before leaving them be.

  Married... He'd never really considered the idea before, not really. They hadn't been dating that long, after all, but now that he was joking about it, the thought kind of stuck with him. How long would be appropriate to wait until he started looking around for rings? A few months...? Would Mu Qing even be open to it? Was he being too forward by thinking that was even a possibility? 

  Feng Xin wasn't sure, but he knew, if he were ever going to get married, it would have to be to Mu Qing. 

  The first few days of the term went without a problem. Hua Cheng wasn't even going to classes, but he still managed to show up to walk Xie Lan to his first. This kept most of the eyes off of Feng Xin and Mu Qing, who had caught a few words of gossip when they'd first entered the halls again. It was the same shit as before.

"Do you think it's true?"

"It can't be! They'll be fighting before their lunch break."

"Uh, wouldn't they make such a hot couple though??"

  Feng Xin ignored it all. Why were people so damn nosey? It's like they had nothing better to do than observe every movement the two made, that even a shared glance raised suspicions worthy of whispers. Part of him wanted to be prideful about it. Yes, Feng Xin had somehow convinced this elegant, blunt man into the warmth of a relationship. Now leave them alone!

"Gege, I'll miss you..."

"Aw, San Lang it's only an hour and a half!"

"It could be a minute and I'd miss gege."

What the fuck? Feng Xin and Mu Qing both shared a look of disgust. Even if they were past their era of being suspicious of Hua Cheng and his devotion to their best friend, it didn't mean they'd signed up for this shit. 

  "Just get it over with and kiss him goodbye," Mu Qing muttered. 

"Seriously," Feng Xin added. 

And why were they waiting for him?! Oh, right. Mu Qing didn't actually share this class with Feng Xin. He just happened to go past his own to continue to walk with the rest of the group. 

"..." Feng Xin glanced his way again. "So, uh, I'll see you after?"

Mu Qing raised a brow, and only just now seemed to notice what he'd been doing. His crossed arms dropped down at his side.

"Right..."

...

...

"Okay, bye."

   Feng Xin stared at him for half a second in disbelief before grabbing his wrist to stop him from getting too far. He’d said it himself, he was fine with this, so why was he acting so damn hesitant now?

Mu Qing looked back at him, confusion flickering briefly across his face before it flattened into that usual guarded expression.

“What?”

Feng Xin clicked his tongue under his breath, suddenly aware of Hua Cheng and Xie Lian very obviously pretending not to watch.

“Walking tax," he said.

Mu Qing’s ears reddened almost instantly.

"Feng Xin, I don't have time for this today."

  Feng Xin stepped forward, one hand still around Mu Qing’s wrist while the other came up to briefly cup the side of his face. Mu Qing went still immediately, eyes widening just a little before narrowing again out of pure reflex and then Feng Xin kissed him.

  It wasn’t dramatic like Hua Cheng and Xie Lian made everything. It was just a quick, warm press of lips that lingered for a second longer than Feng Xin originally intended, because Mu Qing had gone completely motionless in surprise.

Behind them, Xie Lian made a soft, delighted sound.

"See you after class," Feng Xin said, smirking at him playfully.

"MOVE OUT OF MY WAY, MOTHER FUCKERS. SO WHAT?! YOU NEVER SEEN TWO MEN KISS?? I'M GOING TO BE LATE AGAIN, FUCK! SHUT UP, PEI MING YOU WHORE."

  Xie Lan's eyes widened as he ducked.

"Ah, I have to go!" he said, squeezing Hua Cheng's hand before parting to escape the sight of his cousin marching through the halls. When Qi Rong passed the two, he glared and grumbled under his breath, but much to their relief, didn't seem to notice that Xie Lan had been standing there with them. 

 The guy was far too obsessed, though even if he'd thought to double check, his eyes landed on Hua Cheng and he immediately started walking away faster while still yelling to himself. 

"THAT ASSHOLE DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE!"

  The rest of the hour passed without much commotion. Feng Xin got in some good notes, sent a text that Mu Qing ignored and shared a few small words with Xie Lan. The group was in the clear now. Xie Lan made Mu Qing a dish as another apology, Mu Qing forgave him and even waited until after he'd left to throw it away. Ever since, the constant bickering ceased, and now they were... well, just like they'd used to be before the last day at the lake. 

   It was outside around lunchtime that Feng Xin felt the cold tethers of reality bind him slightly. He caught the baldness before the suit, the same man who'd shoved him into his father's ride from across the campus. He was talking to someone. Ming Yi...? Wasn't that his name? Feng Xin stiffened where he sat at the bench.

"I'll... be right back," he said to Xie Lan and Mu Qing. "Forgot something in my car."

"Bring me a hoodie," Mu Qing said.

 Feng Xin looked back at him with something fond before pushing forward. The man had caught his movement, and just as Ming Yi parted, turned the corner towards the parking lot. 

What... exactly was going on? Why was one of his father's henchman or whatever the fuck they were here at campus, talking to Shi Qingxuan's new boyfriend? He turned the same corner, and the large man lifted a cigarette to his mouth with a soft sigh.

"It's getting a little warmer out, almost spring."

"Yeah," Feng Xin said," I didn't come here to talk about the weather. Are you following me again?"

The man pulled out sunglasses from his pocket and shoved them onto his face. 

"We never stopped."

... Feng Xin hadn't expected the honesty. 

"What were you doing talking to Ming Yi?"

"That's none of your concern at the moment," the man informed, and he flicked a card that seemed to appear out of thin air. It was paper, a thin white business card with a single address and time. "Here. You agreed to meet with him."

  "I get it," Feng Xin said, snatching the card," I wasn't dodging him."

"Good..." The man nodded once," See you then."

He took off his sunglasses, snubbed out his cigarette and continued moving forward. Feng Xin blinked in confusion. Why did he bother putting the glasses on if he was just going to use them for dramatic effect for a few seconds?? He peered down at the card, rolling his eyes, only to freeze.

"WHY THE FUCK IS HE MEETING ME AT A DENNY'S?"

Chapter Text

   Feng Xin wasn't sure what to expect. He'd spent the last week analyzing the business card like it might offer anymore information than just the two lines: His father's company, and in ink a single location and time. Did he just want to grab breakfast or something? Even if he did, why would he choose something so domestic compared to his usual high maintenance desires?

  He thought about mentioning it to Mu Qing, but then he'd have to explain how he got into this situation and he wasn't sure how he'd feel about having his tuition paid by a man he knew Feng Xin detested. It's not like there would be anymore meetings after this. He'd only agreed to one. He just had to show up, maybe eat a free meal and leave. 

  So, why did he feel such an ominous presence that only grew with the passing days? He kept an eye out for Bai Long, but no one knew what school he actually attended or who'd even invited him to the party to begin with. Shi Wudu didn't know him well enough, and Shi Qingxuan swore up and down that they'd never associate with someone who was so classist.

  Feng Xin was left festering in his rage with regret for not having put the man in a hospital bed when he'd had the chance. Mu Qing might not have thought it was a big deal, but sometimes it was all Feng Xin could think about. Still, if he wanted Bai Long to suffer, he couldn't do it in a way that brought more trouble to Mu Qing. That would be defeating the purpose. 

  "What are you thinking about so hard?" Mu Qing plopped down onto the couch, in nothing but Feng Xin's shirt and a pair of dark shorts. He stretched, pressed his feet into Feng Xin's thigh, who immediately moved to rub them.

Feng Xin eyed the card where it laid almost covered by his laptop on the coffee table. He should probably just tell him...

"Mm, right there," Mu Qing said, and he arched his foot, growing laxed against the other arm rest of the couch. 

"You work tomorrow afternoon?"

"Mhmm," but Mu Qing was far too invested in his comfort to hold a conversation for the moment. It was addicting too, every step, every new form of care that Feng Xin was allowed to give. He loved when the man was brought to the sedation of relaxation, when he ran him baths or touched him without end. One day, he wanted to care for Mu Qing without the slightest hesitation, regardless of what it was. He wanted Mu Qing to be so used to it that it became second nature.

  "I have an appointment tomorrow, so I'll be a little late."

Mu Qing's lashes parted when he opened his eyes slow. A single hand propped up his head with dark waves of hair spilt over his shoulder. 

"Is everything okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," he ran a thumb along the top of his foot," it's kind of a job interview, but I'm only going because I agreed to it a while back ago. I'm not actually looking."

"Oh, you mean the financial incentive you used?" Mu Qing chuckled," You don't want to seem like an asshole by not giving them the time."

"Exactly."

...

"It's with my dad."

Mu Qing blinked.

“Your dad… gave you the financial incentive?”

Feng Xin let out a quiet breath through his nose, something halfway between a laugh and a grimace.

His thumb stilled against Mu Qing’s ankle. “Apparently when I name dropped him at the party, he took it as an invitation back into my life.”

  Mu Qing swung his legs from his lap, letting his feet drop to the floor. He'd half expected anger. He'd been pissed about his tuition being paid when it was just a nameless company.

"And you’re only telling me now?” His voice lacked any real bite, touched more by quiet annoyance than anger. 

 “I didn’t want you feeling worse about taking the money," Feng Xin admitted. He also didn't want to keep any secrets from Mu Qing.

 "How do you feel?" he asked.

“I think he’s serious about the job offer,” Feng Xin admitted. “But I have no clue what the hell it actually involves... maybe he thinks I'll forgive him if he throws enough money my way."

Mu Qing studied him for a moment before shaking his head faintly.

“Then he doesn’t know you very well at all.”

A small smile pulled at Feng Xin’s mouth.

   He lifted a hand, brushing a loose strand of dark hair back behind Mu Qing’s ear. Mu Qing leaned into the touch, turning his face until the warmth of Feng Xin’s palm rested against his cheek. After a second, his hand came up too, fingers curling loosely around Feng Xin’s wrist.

The softness of it made something ache quietly in Feng Xin’s chest.

“You know me, though, right?” he asked, voice lower now.

"I'm sorry," Mu Qing whispered," that I ever believed that I didn't."



  The day that he went to meet his father, he thought back to those words. Did it really matter anymore? If Mu Qing knew him, he didn't need the acknowledgement of a man who didn't give a shit about him as a person. He didn't need to keep his promise and attend this shit show of a meeting, but he did, because there was one thing that was still bothering him.

  There was something off.

When he entered the run down denny's diner, his gaze narrowed at the thing wrong in question. Ming Yi sipped on a cup of coffee, lifting his dark gaze to take Feng Xin in, along with his father across from him who was wearing more casual attire. The bald and muscular man from before were on either side of Ming Yi, as if he too, were being forced into the meeting. 

   The only thing that contradicted that thought was the general apathy that surrounded the man. 

"What the hell is going on?" Feng Xin asked in exasperation, and he slid into the booth beside the old man, ready to get this over with. "And why are we at a Denny's?"

"He Xuan wanted pancakes," Feng Rui informed naturally, and when he gestured towards Ming Yi, Feng Xin did a double take.

"...He Xuan?"

"Ming Yi is just a nickname for work purposes," He Xuan informed.

"I'm so fucking lost."

  Feng Rui chuckled, just as the waitress piled plates of pancakes in the center of the table. She lowered two containers of syrup, smiling wide at He Xuan.

"As you requested, the regular and blueberry. Your sausage and eggs are right on the way... Does anyone else want anything?"

Feng Rui grinned at her," That'll be fine. Maybe get a cup of coffee for my son over here."

  Don't fucking call me that.

"I'm fine," Feng Xin said. "I'm not staying long."

The waitress seemed to read the room and nodded once, clicking her pen closed before moving to another table. The table was silent, aside from the clank of silverware as He Xuan moved to begin diving into his meal. Feng Xin felt like he just walked into a dream. 

  Feng Rui sighed, leant back against the wall so that he was facing Feng Xin in a more eased position. 

"What all do you know about my work?"

"You... sell land or something," Feng Xin shrugged, annoyed," I don't know."

"Land," Feng Rui said with a grin. "On paper, sure."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Feng Rui looked at him for a long moment, while He Xuan was still going ham on breakfast. The two others remained stiff and complacent. 

“It means people with money tend to want certain problems handled quietly.” His tone stayed casual, “Sometimes that’s property. Sometimes it’s permits. Sometimes it’s making sure the right people agree to the right things.”

Feng Xin stared at him.

“That sounds insanely illegal.”

A laugh escaped Feng Rui’s nose. “Illegal is a strong word. People ask for help. I provide it.”

“And what exactly do they give you in return?”

Feng Rui’s smile widened slightly, but it never reached his eyes.

“Usually enough to make it worth my time.”

Feng Xin blinked once and frowned harder.

“…Are you in the fucking mob?”

That finally got a genuine laugh out of Feng Rui, “No, but you’re on the right page. It’s fine if you don’t understand the details. You only need to understand what I can do for you.”

”I don’t need you to do anything for me,” Feng Xin said. And he certainly didn’t need witnesses watching his father attempt to buy him off for being a shit dad. And why the hell was Ming Yi here having a damn feast?? None of his questions were being answered.

  Feng Rui gestured with a single hand, and in response, the bald man pulled a file from inside his jacket (kind of mob like) and placed it on the table. He Xuan greeted the waitress as she set two new plates down in front of him. Did the guy have a parasite or something? Shit dude, fucking breathe.

"I'm offering you an easy job, Feng Xin. Your mom's little shop isn't going to pay the bills forever, and you'd like to play provider, wouldn't you? What was his name, uh-" he snapped," Mu Qing? Certainly, you'd rather him live in luxury than that shitty little apartment."

"You're not allowed to speak his name," Feng Xin snapped.

"How unruly," Feng Rui said with a sigh. "Just take a look, you'll find you might actually be enticed into doing the job yourself."

  Feng Rui nodded towards the file, and the bald man stretched it forward into his hand. Feng Xin snatched it, shifted back to take a look, because now he had to know what his deal was.

He had not been expecting a file on Hua Cheng of all people.

"... what am I looking at?"

He Xuan paused momentarily to look at him, but moments later he was diving back in.

"That's your friend's boyfriend, isn't it? Weren't you ever curious how he happened upon the funds he has? Not even a little bit?"

"I mean... I figured it was old money."

What the actual hell was happening? Fuck. Feng Rui had peaked his interests. He couldn't just leave if it involved Xie Lan. 

  "His alias is Crimson Rain Sought Flower, and he's been a pain in the ass ever since I made a name for myself. Every deal I try to become invested in, he fucks with me. He buys out my clients, knows things he shouldn't... It's all very inconvenient. It wasn't until recently that I learned his real name."

"And?"

"I want to end him, and before you give me that look, I meant.. in a financial sense. He plays dirty. I need someone close enough to put a pin in his operation. I need his sources, his secrets, I need to know what he has a shipment company overseas bringing on the land that should have been mine to begin with."

Feng Xin closed the file just as quickly.

"You want me to spy on my friend's boyfriend? You're fucking nuts."

  Feng Rui sighed," Why? No one makes that much money and knows as much as he does without being crooked. Who knows what he has on him? He could be trafficking humans for all we know. He could easily pin it on that friend of yours when the time comes. I've seen it happen."

No. Hua Cheng was obsessed with Xie Lan. 

"You think he's suspicious too, don't you?"

Feng Xin's jaw clenched. 

Sure, there were things about the man that didn't make sense, but as long as he wasn't hurting Xie Lan, why should he care? He'd come out of no where. Xie Lan had suffered for years after his parent's death, had pulled away, become nothing more than a shadow of himself. It wasn't until he'd met Hua Cheng that he'd began to live again. As much as Feng Xin didn't like the guy, he'd saved his best friend when he couldn't.

  "I'm going to have to decline," Feng Xin said.

"I figured you'd say that. You're a very loyal person," Feng Rui said," but I wonder... how long will that loyalty last when it comes to your own well being... when it comes to his."

"Are you threatening me?"

"No," Feng Rui laughed," Of course not. I just know how this world works."

He Xuan set his silverware down and wiped a napkin to his face. He let out a stifled yawn and leaned back into his chair, looking more bored than anything. 

"Is this meeting over?" he asked," I have plans."

"Let's stop it here for today. He Xuan, I'll be expecting to hear from you soon. Feng Xin..." Feng Rui moved to clasp his shoulder," Come to me anytime should you change your mind."

  Feng Xin left feeling worse than he had before entering. None of what had just happened made any real sense, but that was beginning to become a normal occurrence in his life. Crimson Rain Sought Flower... Did Hua Cheng really have some illegal business that was backing him? If he did, was Xie Lan aware? No, he couldn't have been. Xie Lan didn't do things like that. 

 The ride home he replayed the entire meeting over and over again only to come up with nothing beneficial. Obviously, he couldn't take the job, but did he just stay silent about this?? Did he call Xie Lan? What if this was all just some mind game his father had set up- and again, why the hell was Ming Yi going by a false name? How had he gotten involved with Feng Rui?

It was all too much to process. 

  He was exhausted when he reached his apartment door. He threw his keys on top of the island counter and stopped. 

“Mu Qing?” He called out.

The apartment was way too quiet. 

"Qing'er?"

  His heart started to race with uneasiness. The meeting had thrown him off, that he thought of the worst possible situations. Had his father known he would deny him? Would he even consider using Mu Qing against him? What if he'd just went out to go shopping? What if-

Mu Qing came from the bedroom naked, one shoulder resting lazily against the frame, dark hair falling loose around him. His eyes were narrowed slightly with quiet, mischievous amusement.

“Was it as bad as you thought?” he asked, voice smooth as honey.

Feng Xin stopped mid step.

For a moment, every thought in his head vanished.

“You know…” His voice came out rougher than intended as his gaze dragged slowly over him, his long pale legs, the elegant line of his waist, the soft curve of his mouth already threatening a smile. “I can't remember a single thing about it."

  Feng Xin pushed forward, and Mu Qing pulled him in just as quickly as their bodies met. A gasp was shared between a desperate kiss, and Feng Xin couldn’t help but try to lose himself in the gift presented. They made their way to the bedroom, all thoughts transfixed on Mu Qing’s presence alone.

Feng Xin walked him backward, their mouths never parting until Mu Qing’s calves hit the edge of the mattress. They tumbled onto the bed in a tangle. Feng Xin followed him down, covered his body with his own.

  He shrugged out of his jacket, broke the kiss just long enough to yank his shirt over his head, then descended again to lick into Mu Qing’s mouth. There would never be enough of this in his life.

  He kissed his way along Mu Qing’s jaw, down the column of his throat, sucking a dark mark over his pulse point. Mu Qing arched beneath him, a breathy sigh escaping his lips. His fingers threaded through Feng Xin’s hair as he gasped.

”Feng Xin,” he said, sounding desperate already,” Do whatever you want.”

A heat curled in Feng Xin’s belly. He propped himself up on one elbow, his other hand trailing a possessive path from Mu Qing’s nipple, down his stomach, through the dark, fine hair, coming to rest high on his inner thigh. He leaned close, his lips brushing the shell of Mu Qing’s ear.

”Whatever I want?” He asked, his fingers teased along his thigh. “What if I want to taste you somewhere new?”

  It was a risk. Feng Xin had asked once before, but that had been while they were still friends with benefits. He’d easily move on to something else if the man looked even a little bit hesitant, but Mu Qing was watching him with a half lidded gaze. The words that slipped fell with his control.

”I’m yours,” he whispered,” Do whatever you want.”

“Fuck,” Feng Xin breathed. Those words alone would be enough to end him. I’m yours. “You have no idea what you do to me.”

  He moved down Mu Qing’s body with a new purpose, his lips and tongue mapping a trail of worship. He kissed his sternum, laved his nipples until they were hard and swollen, traced the lines of his abdomen with open mouthed kisses. He pressed a kiss to the inside of his thigh, then the other, inhaling the clean, musky scent of his skin.

  He hooked his hands under Mu Qing’s knees, pushed his legs up and apart.

”Qing’er, don’t keep that pretty face from me.”

He’d grabbed his pillow, reminding Feng Xin of their first time, the soft words he’d used to lull him out from hiding. This time, he allowed him it a while longer. Feng Xin would be a little too preoccupied for the moment to enjoy the bliss worn in his expressions.

Feng Xin kept hold of him, and then leaned in.

  The first touch of his tongue was a slow, flat lick from the base of his balls up to the tight, hidden furl of his hole. Mu Qing jolted, a sharp, choked gasp tearing from him. His whole body tensed. Feng Xin did it again, slower, more deliberate, circling the tight ring of muscle. He groaned against his skin, the vibration pulling another broken sound from the man above him. 

  “Oh god,” Mu Qing whimpered, his fingers twisting in the sheets. Pillow long forgotten at his side.

Feng Xin didn’t rush. He took his time, learning him, soft, shallow licks to firm, broad strokes. He teased the sensitive skin around the edges, feeling it twitch and flutter under his tongue. When he pressed inwards, testing the resistance, Mu Qing’s hips jerked off the bed.

  “F-Feng Xin,” Mu Qing called.

”You okay?”

”Don't stop,” he pleaded.

Fuck. This had no right to be this fucking hot.

  A feral grin spread across Feng Xin’s face. He dove back in, greedier now. He ate him out with a desperate hunger. His tongue fucked into him in shallow, relentless thrusts. The sounds were obscene, wet, slick, sloppy sounds that filled the quiet room.

  Mu Qing was unraveling above him, his control shattering into a thousand pieces. He was panting, moaning, a continuous, pleading stream of noise. His legs trembled violently where they were hooked over Feng Xin’s shoulders.

  “You taste so fucking good,” Feng Xin growled, pulling away to suck a bruise onto the delicate skin of his inner thigh. “I could do this for hours.”

Mu Qing was sobbing now, little gasping cries. “Please… please, I need…”

“Tell me, baby,” though Feng Xin already knew full well.

“Touch me. Please.”

Feng Xin slid a hand up his trembling thigh, over his hip, and wrapped his fingers around Mu Qing’s  cock. He gave him one slow, firm stroke, and Mu Qing cried, his back arching off the bed.

  He set a ruthless rhythm, his mouth working hungrily at his hole, his hand pumping his cock in tight, twisting strokes. He could feel him getting close. His thighs were shaking uncontrollably, his stomach muscles clenched. 

“Gonna come,” Mu Qing gasped, his voice shattered. “Feng Xin, I’m gonna—”

“Come for me Qing’er.”

Mu Qing came with a strangled cry that sounded like it was torn from the very center of him. His release shot over Feng Xin’s fist and his own stomach in hot, pulsing stripes, his body seizing in a violent, endless convulsion. Feng Xin worked him through it, gentling his hand but not stopping his mouth until Mu Qing was squirming from overstimulation, pushing weakly at his head.

  Feng Xin broke away, catching his breath, saliva coating his own chin and lips from where he’d tried to suffocate himself in the high of Mu Qing’s taste. He lowered his head to rest against his thigh, and for a long moment they both tried to regain sanity. 

“Fuck…” Mu Qing said eventually,” I… I should have let you do that a long time ago.”

Feng Xin lifted his head and beamed up at him.

”We can make up for lost time.”

Chapter Text

   Feng Xin was loyal to a fault. There were times when his life might have become easier had he been able to betray someone's trust. It just wasn't in him. He'd rather suffer than know he'd crossed that line. And yet, for the past two weeks, he couldn’t help but watch Hua Cheng's every move to determine whether or not he was worthy of suspicion. Obviously, he wasn't going to take his father's shit job, but the meeting had thrown him off. 

  Xie Lan was his best friend. Wouldn't it be wrong if Feng Xin didn't at least try to see if the words had any credit? 

Even the crease in his brows followed with the mumbling of a frustrated student held the light that loving Hua Cheng had nurtured. He could be having the worst possible day and genuinely smile because of that damn bastard. Who was Feng Xin to question it?

  "Pay attention," Mu Qing muttered from beside him, hand propped up under his chin as the professor droned about historical deaths.

Feng Xin leaned into his space, very discreetly lowering a hand to his thigh under the lecture table.

"Xie Lan said he couldn't come to class today, isn't that a little weird?"

"Why are you thinking about Xie Lan while groping me?"

"I'm not-"

"Shhh!" Someone from behind hissed. When Feng Xin looked back, he caught Lang Qianqiu, muttering something under his breath about the lack of respect for those who liked to learn. He was just upset his tutor would rather play hooky than show up to explain whatever chapter they'd opened that day. 

  Mu Qing rolled his eyes, whispering back.

"He's out with Shi Qingxuan and his boyfriend."

"...his?"

Mu Qing inhaled a deep breath.

"Yes, Feng Xin. His. He wasn't wearing fake boobs today, so it made sense."

Feng Xin leaned forward even more into his space.

"I don't trust Ming Yi. Doesn't he seem kind of odd to you?"

"Why are you suddenly so interested in everyone but me lately?”

"What-"

"Mr. Feng, why don't you answer the next question?" The professor and her crooked glasses lifted her sights on the back row. Feng Xin forced a smile as everyone turned to stare. "How did geographical features influence the development of ancient China?”

   Feng Xin blinked. 

"Uh," he said," The uh water and soil helped fertilize things, and there were regional differences... isolation..."

Mu Qing pursed his lips, gaze narrowed down at his table as if he were fighting a sudden onset of pain. 

"Biomechanics, was it?"

"Yeah?"

The professor made a soft click of her tongue behind her teeth and rolled her eyes.

"I see," she grinned at him," don't forget that your brain is also a muscle, Mr. Feng. It would be best to keep with your studies, even if it's off the field."

  Okay, wow. He opened his mouth to apologize for not paying attention, because this hadn't been the first time, when Mu Qing spoke first.

“Feng Xin understood the question well enough to answer it. An imprecise explanation is not the same as ignorance.”

Mu Qing continued without hurry, voice even, almost detached.

“And considering he spends most of his time representing this university on more than one field, I would assume his schedule is already contributing enough to the institution without commentary on the condition of his brain, which isn’t a muscle, by the way. It’s an organ.”

  The professor smiled a thin smile, eyes nearly closed.

"Thank you, Mr. Mu, Please open your textbooks to page 210."

Feng Xin could only stare at his boyfriend in disbelief. He'd never had Mu Qing stand up for him before, and he was kind of obsessed. After the lecture, Mu Qing slung his laptop bag over one shoulder and lowered his gaze to where the professor was stacking a bunch of loose papers. 

“Wait for me in the hall,” he said.

Feng Xin arched a brow, but he listened, because Mu Qing’s mood had already shifted to the darkness of marsh waters. It’s not like the professor didn’t have a right to be a little upset, but being called out in front of everyone was embarrassing. He worked his brain plenty, whether it was archery, running track or taking stupid notes that were forced by being core curriculum. 

  “Hey, Feng Xin!” 

He stopped in the hall and froze at the sight of two female students, one of them he vaguely recognized being a classmate. 

“I can’t believe Mu Qing spoke up like that for you. You two must be really close friends,” she said. “Doesn’t he hate everyone? Goes to show how amazing of a person you are, getting someone like that to vouch for you.”

  Feng Xin flinched away when she moved a hand, as if she thought it was okay to just randomly touch someone’s arm without even offering her name. 

“Uh… I have… He’s not…”

Why the fuck did he stop thinking straight when it came to women?! What was wrong with him? He wasn’t even attracted to them like that. There was no reason he should feel so on edge. She didn’t even seem to notice his discomfort, that or she didn’t care.

”Me and Su Shie were just going to find something to eat. Did you maybe want to join us?”

  No, it wasn’t even just the idea of women. He’d noticed it a long time ago, it’s the moment they singled him out, the moment he couldn’t hide behind the situation.

“I- “ he chuckled,” I don’t eat.”

”…Huh?”

“Ladies,” Mu Qing’s presence immediately lowered his defense, and he let out a soft breath of relief as a hand came to wrap around his arm. Mu Qing leaned into his shoulder, the display affectionate enough to speak for itself. “He’s going to have to disappoint you. This one’s mine.”

  “Wh-“

”It’s true then??”

Mu Qing smirked and pulled at Feng Xin’s arm gently, guiding him away from the two women staring off in bewilderment. Feng Xin thought it should have been obvious by now. They sat together any chance they had, Feng Xin regularly had an arm thrown around his shoulders and when he liked to tease Mu Qing he’d kiss him before going into class.

  These women were far too oblivious.

”I don’t understand,” Mu Qing said when they weren’t in ear shot,” You weren’t always like this. Back in high school you’d always flirt back.”

”I have a boyfriend now,” Feng said with uneasiness. 

Mu Qing glared at him, stopped short in a private space of the hall next to an empty class.

”You think I don’t notice when you’re freaking out? I notice everything about you, idiot. I’ve only been watching you since I was fourteen,” he said the last part with a faint red tinting this cheeks, despite his frustration that drove him to continue pressing,” You’re not like this with Jian Lan, but it started after her. At first I thought maybe you were nervous, but…”

”What?” Feng Xin asked.

”You don’t seem nervous. You seem… scared. I don’t know if that’s the right word, but it bothers me.”

  Feng Xin rubbed at his eyes, and a small smile etched its way onto his face. He’d stopped processing any words after Mu Qing had admitted to watching him. Before, he’d always imagined his glares were nothing but a judgement, and when they’d confessed to each other he never really thought back and realized just how many times he’d glanced to Mu Qing in the past only for the man to already be looking. 

  “A’Xin.”

”Sorry,” Feng Xin said.” Can we get out of here? It feels weird talking like this.”

Mu Qing lowered his gaze to where Feng Xin’s pinky finger hooked under his, sighing softly. 

   When they rounded the corner of the parking lot the sun had finally broken past the clouds rather than mild gray of winter he’d become accustomed too. He was going to miss Mu Qing stealing his hoodie. 

“Stop by that old diner for lunch?” Feng Xin asked, though he didn’t get an answer.

Mu Qing was too busy staring at the key in the ignition that had yet to start the car. Feng Xin tried again. Only a few clicks, and an exasperated groan as Feng Xin shoved his face into the steering wheel. 

“… I think I need a jump.”

It was a piece of shit, but couldn’t it wait to do this until he could afford it? Feng Xin contained all his current fury in opening the hood, Mu Qing following behind to stare at it with a squinted gaze. Feng Xin didn't bother mentioning he knew that Mu Qing knew shit about cars. 

"Hey, you need a jump, kiddo?"

  Feng Xin turned, and was just about to give out his thanks when a man in a plaid shirt and baseball cap stopped his beat up truck just along the sidewalk. When he took off his hat to set it aside on his dash board, his bald head reflected with the light of the sun, and Feng Xin stared.

"...Never mind, we'll be fine."

"Don't worry on my account. I was just riding out to the lake anyways, but saw you might need some help."

What the hell was this guy doing dressed like this?! Was he the one who fucked up his car?? Feng Xin mentally went through the five stages of premeditated murder, but he kept his voice surprisingly calm. There was no point in making Mu Qing worry by acknowledging he actually knew this bastard. 

"Help then, and make it quick!" (It was still calm for how he felt!)

  Mu Qing raised a brow as he stepped off to the side, but he said nothing as the two men set to trying to jump start his car. It wasn't a surprise that it failed. He had half a mind to ask if they'd replaced his battery while he'd been attending class. The baldy went through the motions, shaking his head with a distraught grunt.

"Well, I'm sorry about that. The best I can do is offer you a ride home. I got a mechanic who could come pick it up. Don't worry about being charged. It'll be my good deed of the day."

"Son of a bitch," Feng Xin snapped," Good deed of the day, my ass!"

Mu Qing finally moved to press a hand to Feng Xin's arm, eyes widening in surprise.

"Feng Xin... it'll be fine," and in a lower whisper," Let's just accept his offer. There's no need to yell at the guy."

  The bald man smiled at them.

"It's Lui Wei," he greeted.

  Lui Wei, who was apparently nothing more than a country fisherman who liked to take rides through the city, was really beginning to piss Feng Xin off. His father was playing a dangerous game involving Mu Qing. Even if he wasn't aware, this shit was crossing a line. He'd tried to deny a ride, said they could find someone else, but Mu Qing had pulled him to the side and looked him over like he was the crazy one.

"What's the matter with you? Let's just go."

"Stranger danger," Feng Xin had said.

"We could take him," Mu Qing had replied.

So, now they were stuffed into the front seat of a truck. Feng Xin pressed his knees together in the middle, hunched over so he didn't push into the stereo. 

  "So, you two a couple or something?" Lui Wei asked. A bump in the road had Feng Xin's head tapping the ceiling.

"Watch the road," Feng Xin snapped," and it's really none of your damn business."

Lui Wei whistled low, glancing at Mu Qing.

"He's not a people person, is he?"

"... He's had a rough day," Mu Qing said, though it sounded as if he wasn’t sure himself. After a moment, he felt Mu Qing's fingers against the hand he had clenched around his broken belt to keep the strap in place. 

"Seriously," Mu Qing whispered," What's your problem?"

  "You said the Front Ridge complex? Nice little spot, but I heard its a bit high."

Stop acting like you don't know where it is.

"And you're both students? Can't be cheap. I admire the struggle though, takes a hard working mindset to get somewhere in life, well- unless by some miracle someone just wants to shove money down your throat."

"Please stop talking," Feng Xin muttered.

"Alright, alright," Lui Wei stopped the truck, just at the front of the awning for those with parking passes. "Keep that card I gave you, has all the information for the mechanic. You two be safe, you hear?"

  "Thank you," Mu Qing said, and when Feng Xin only glared at the direction of the door when they moved to get out, he rolled his eyes and pushed him forward to their apartment. "You're not usually this difficult," he said, stopping only once to offer a few gentle words for the elderly lady that lived beside them. She was currently potting a plant in the hallway, and offered them both a sweet little wave.

"Did ya hear?" she asked.

"Hear what?" Mu Qing inquired.

"The rents going up. What a pity. I can barely afford to put milk in the fridge."

  Feng Xin pushed inside their apartment, and lo and behold, the notice had already been slipped under their door. They didn't renew their lease for another month, but that wasn't much time at all! He snatched the paper and read over the terms, eyes widening in disbelief.

"A three hundred fucking dollar increase?!"

Mu Qing shut the door behind him.

"Feng Xin," he said in warning.

"Three hundred damn dollars for what? They can't even fix the damn dishwasher! This place isn't worth what we pay already."

"A'Xin," Mu Qing grabbed him by the wrist before he could even turn to start pacing. His dark eyes were far steadier than he felt," You're freaking out. Can you sit down, please?"

  Feng Xin dropped down onto the couch, crumpled the paper in his hands and tossed it. 

"I can't do this right now."

His head fall back against the paint chipped wall, and then he leaned forward to drag his fingers through strands of his hair, feeling a horrid heat settle into his skin. How was he supposed to provide for Mu Qing, give him the things he deserved if he couldn't even fathom how he was supposed to manage this? The card his dad had given him wasn't an option. If he used it again, it would just be asking for him to fuck with his life... That's if it was even still active. 

   "I... I'll figure out the car situation. Maybe it just needs a new battery." He could save money if he put it in himself, but that was still an easy two hundred and with classes going on its not like he could pull extra shifts. He was already working the weekends.

"We could... ask someone to borrow the money," Mu Qing suggested, which was very unlike him. He'd rather suffer than ask someone. 

"I already owe Hua Cheng a favor," Feng Xin informed," And... it doesn't matter. I said I'd figure it out."

  Mu Qing stared at him for a long moment before moving to stand in front of him. He lowered, fingers finding the edge of Feng Xin's knees, lashes dark against the paleness of his skin, similar to the obsidian gaze that rose to meet his.

"We," Mu Qing said," will figure it out."

They were the same lines Feng Xin had offered not so long ago.

   The tension in his shoulders released, though a new throbbing headache was beginning to penetrate the last of his patience. 

"We will," he agreed," I just... think I need a break."

"I could give you a break," Mu Qing offered, and his head dropped, cheek pressed against Feng Xin's thigh. It was difficult to think about anything with him like this, so eager to help, the crafted offer handled with care.

Feng Xin ran his fingers through strands of his hair, to which he made a soft, content noise. Just like a cat. Feng Xin smiled in adoration. Broke as hell, he thought, but definitely not broken. 

  Later that night they shared a steaming bath of scented lavender salts, Feng Xin's shoulders touched the edge of the tub while Mu Qing sat between his thighs. The wet strands of his hair gathered along Feng Xin's chest as the man dropped his head, breathing deep enough that he almost thought Mu Qing had fallen asleep again.

Feng Xin's fingers spread over his thigh, pulling a soft sigh from his lips.

"No more," Mu Qing breathed.

"No?" he whispered, he grazed his teeth along the bottom of his ear," but you were so good for me, Qing'er. I feel so rested from my break."

  Mu Qing pressed his knees together, his own fingers clenched around Feng Xin's legs. It really wasn't fair, but he couldn't help but take advantage of the moments he was like this. He had his safe word. He could always stop Feng Xin if he truly hated being teased. 

"You're already open," Feng Xin reminded. Both of his hands lowered to take hold of his thighs, parting them further apart despite Mu Qing's struggle to hide. He fell back further against Feng Xin, a whimper stifled with a gasp. "I could just put it right in."

"N-" Mu Qing clenched his fingers harsh against Feng Xin's skin," No more."

"No? What if-"

  A series of knocks rung out from the front of their apartment. 

Mu Qing shifted, slid his hand along Feng Xin's leg in a coaxing manner.

"Ignore it," he whispered," You can put it in again, A'Xin."

"Helloooo," came a voice muffled by the door, and another few insistent knocks that were about to be Feng Xin's entire motive for murder.

He cursed under his breath and very gently lowered Mu Qing's leg. 

"Stay here," he said," I'm coming back."

  Mu Qing shifted forward enough to give him room to get up. He only grabbed a pair of shorts, pulling them up over his wet body as he made his way to the door. Pei Ming stood at the doorway, bag of takeout in either hand, and a curious arch of his brow when he took Feng Xin in.

"Was I interrupting bath time?"

"You were, and I'd really like to get back to it now," he informed. 

"I would have messaged both of you, but again, I'm still blocked. I heard about the whole car incident and thought since I had to drive by your place anyways I could bring over dinner and offer my services until you get it fixed up."

  Feng Xin eyed the take out, remembered the way drunken Pei Ming had gotten in a few good punches on Bai Long, and decided it still didn't make it okay to interrupt what was going to be the third time that evening. 

"Seriously," Feng Xin said," now isn't a good time."

Pei Ming smirked at him, a knowing glint darkening his gaze.

"You can go and finish while I set the table. I don't mind at all."

"Ugh, just let him in" Mu Qing said, and they both looked over to find the man dressed in a long shirt and his favorite sleeping shorts, hair drenching the parts of fabric where it rest.

  "Why did you get out??" And for the love of all the gods, put something else on. He was showing way too much of his legs for Pei Ming to be here!

"I heard Pei Ming," Mu Qing informed," and I was getting dizzy from the heat."

Pei Ming grinned at them both, again, raising the take out bags as he pressed forward. He scanned the area, brows tense when he realized there wasn't much to look at and then dropped the food onto the table and put a hand to his side.

"This is more dire than I thought. You two live here...?" He frowned with distaste. "If I were taking care of you both, I'd have you in the penthouse."

  Mu Qing moved forward and whispered to Feng Xin in passing.

"Go put on a shirt."

  Why were they having dinner with Pei Ming again? 

While Feng Xin wasn't one to turn down free food, especially now that he wasn't sure when it would be safe to go grocery shopping with their new budget, he wasn't necessarily sure dining with him was worth it. Pei Ming wasn't a gentleman, but that didn't mean he was a bad guy... 

"I really wouldn't have minded if you two wanted to finish before sitting down," Pei Ming informed, chopstick raised with a thick piece of meat," or better yet, we all could...?"

"I was fine when you were flirting with me," Mu Qing said pointedly," but I need you to stop coming onto Feng Xin."

"You were fine when it was with you?" Feng Xin asked just as quickly.

"Don't take it the wrong way."

"What other way is there to take it??"

  Pei Ming chuckled, swallowing his food, and then moved to prop a fist under his chin.

"You two are adorable. I really did only stop by to check in though. I don't mind driving you places, if you need it."

"That's... actually really nice of you," Mu Qing said.

"I'm actually a nice guy when you get to know me."

"Pft," Feng Xin rolled his eyes, but he didn't argue with him. If he was offering to help them, Feng Xin would swallow his pride and allow it for the time being. There was no telling what was wrong with his car. “Is that really the only reason you’re here then? To bring us dinner?”

  Pei Ming leaned back in his chair, brought an arm to rest along the back of the empty one at his side. All of his teasing nature fell for the seriousness of his following words.

”I heard you were asking around about Bai Long. You wanted to know why he’d attended the party in the first place,” he smirked, tilting his head to stare at Feng Xin,” But first, what is it he said that pissed you off exactly? I heard rumors, but I don’t believe any of them.”

Mu Qing lifted his head from where he’d been staring at his food. 

“What rumors?”

”You know, the usual,” Pei Ming waved his hand around,” Bai Long accused you of sleeping together and you got upset or he announced to everyone that he’d fucked you first, shit like that. Hardly anything believable, but still worthy of being hit for.”

  Feng Xin’s fingers clenched into his palm.

”You’re not far off,” he said,” He couldn’t stop running his mouth.”

”Ugh I know,” Pei Ming said,” I was drunk, but he was slobbering by the time we got into it. Kept shouting about how he was telling the truth and that he could prove it because he knew about a birthmark or something,” he rolled his eyes,” I gave him a black eye.”

  Feng Xin froze.

He could hear his own heartbeat. 

It was painful.

He couldn’t think.

He swallowed.

”Mu Qing,” he said.

How the fuck did Bai Long know about his birthmark?

Chapter Text

  The moment the front door closed behind Pei Ming, Feng Xin still couldn't move from his seat. Pei Ming had caught the sudden shift in the air, excused himself, all while Mu Qing insisted that he stayed. It was silent for a long time after that. Feng Xin stared down at his hands, for a moment, thinking if he didn't speak, none of this would exist. The questions he had to ask would already have answers that didn't cut into him. 

  Mu Qing was the first to break the silence.

"I know what you're thinking, but don't. I-"

"How far..." Feng Xin felt the bitter words leave, the expanding emptiness within his chest," How far did he get before Xie Lan got there?"

There was no way that Bai Long should know. There was no explanation other than that he'd seen it himself. It was so delicate of a place, so intimate, that Feng Xin had only taken notice when he'd first taken Mu Qing himself. 

  "It's not like that," Mu Qing said quickly," He just- They weren't- Fuck, okay, Bai Long just tried to get me to suck him off, but nothing happened! Xie Lan came before anything happened."

Feng Xin was surprised how still his hands were despite the way every part of him was shaken. 

"...then how did he know?"

"I don't know!" Mu Qing said," Maybe he just said it because he was drunk and spewing bullshit!"

  Feng Xin could taste the blood in his mouth from biting down so hard. Maybe it was just bullshit, but Mu Qing had a habit of keeping things from him. It was too much of a coincidence for him to ignore. A lot of people had birthmarks, but why would he bring it up as evidence? 

"You think I'm lying?" Mu Qing asked.

"No..." Feng Xin lifted his head," Was it the only time he tried something?"

  Right fucking there.

It was in the shift, the way Mu Qing's eyes widened in surprise, and the hesitation only for him to stand there in defeat.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Feng Xin snapped," What else has he done?"

He shouldn't have listened. He should have ended his life right there in front of everyone when he had the chance. He pulled himself from his chair, moved to stand in Mu Qing's space. 

"Mu Qing, tell me."

  He couldn't care that Mu Qing was glaring at him, that he felt uncomfortable for having to speak about the past. All Feng Xin could think about was bashing Bai Long's head in. He needed to know every damn detail. 

"I don't like it when you're like this," Mu Qing informed, gaze steady, though his chest rose with his short breaths" You lose all your damn brain cells when you're angry."

"Mu Qing!"

  He lifted his chin in defiance, his own jaw tense, fingers clenched to fists at his side. Mu Qing only averted his gaze when he finally spoke.

"He questioned me about you. I denied it enough times, but some things are just too obvious to lie about. He offered to help me," Mu Qing let out a short breath," He wasn't forceful, at least not until that night. He didn't do anything but say shit that I should have punched him over... Nothing ever happened."

"Then how... did he know?"

"I. Don't. Know."

   They were at a stalemate. Feng Xin pulled away to process everything. He couldn't take his anger out on Mu Qing. He knew that. Mu Qing didn't deserve that. He exhaled a sharp breath and dropped down onto the couch, wringing his fingers through his hair.

"All of this could have been avoided if I hadn't been so damn stupid!"

Mu Qing blinked, seemed to regain himself, and he moved to lower beside him. He brushed a hand to Feng Xin's to loosen the grip he had of his hair gently.

"It wasn't your fault, A'Xin."

"It was," Feng Xin said," I should have known what she wanted. If I hadn't been drunk, I could have left, and I could have found you. None of that shit had to have happened."

   Mu Qing lowered his hand into his lap.

"...you were drunk?"

Feng Xin scoffed at himself," If I would have stayed sober that night I would have went to you. I'm such a fucking idiot. I don't even remember shit."

"You... would have went to me."

Something in Mu Qing's voice had Feng Xin lifting his head to look at him. He had paled immensely. 

"Feng Xin, you went to the cave to meet with her... but you didn't know what it was for?"

"I told you I was an idiot."

"And you were drunk, and she knew this. You were so drunk that you don't remember."

  Feng Xin stilled, not liking the sudden darkness that overcame Mu Qing's face. Had he not realized that before? That Feng Xin hadn’t just chased her down and forgotten him? He’d thought of Mu Qing before, dreamt of him even in his drunken haze, but his mistake was still his mistake. His actions had caused a ripple effect that lasted years. 

  “I’m sorry,” Feng Xin said,” And I don’t… I believe you, okay? I just can’t stop thinking about everything you went through. Even if he just happened to guess you had one, it makes me want to rip his throat out for even mentioning it.”

”What about what you went through?” Mu Qing asked. His eyes were rimmed with redness, that Feng Xin found his anger slip away for concern. He reached for his arm, just as Mu Qing finished his words,” Feng Xin, what you’re describing is rape.”

  “… what?” 

“You were drunk,” he said,” I’ve know that bitch long enough to know she drinks one wine cooler and calls it a night. She wasn’t even buzzed, was she?”

”I mean… she doesn’t like being hung over, but I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

Mu Qing turned to face him,”Feng Xin,” he spoke slow, deliberately emphasizing each word as if Feng Xin hadn’t been listening. “You were drunk. You don’t remember it. You didn’t consent.”

  Feng Xin did a double take. The way he described it made sense, but it hadn’t really been like that. Jian Lan was complicated, but he wouldn’t throw words around so easily. My Qing was looking at him as if he’d actually…

”This wasn’t the point of this conversation,” he said. And he remembered some things, just... not most of it. 

”Oh my god,” Mu Qing said,” Is this because she’s a woman? You do realize if you reversed the roles you’d completely fucking agree with me?!”

”I think we need to get some sleep,” Feng Xin said. “We’re both tired-“

”I’m going to fucking kill her.”

”No, no. None of that.”

”What do you mean?! You can rage over something that didn’t happen, but Jian Lan actually-“ Mu Qing had never looked so upset.” I can’t believe you’re defending this. All of this, everything you’ve blamed yourself for is her fault!”

  Feng Xin rubbed the side of his face.

"Please," he said," Let's just drop this for now."

"Tch," Mu Qing turned his head away," It's fine if you push, but the moment I decide to bring up an actual issue, you shut down."

"I'm not shutting down, I'm just tired."

"Fine, then go to bed."

   Feng Xin wasn't even sure what to do at this point. He kept still in their bed, turned towards Mu Qing, who had his back to him. He wasn't shutting down, as he'd called it. He just seriously didn't think it was as serious as Mu Qing was making it out to be. How could he blame Jian Lan when it was his actions that had led to it? He'd been careless, and even worse, he'd upset Mu Qing again.

  His hand outstretched to the man, hesitating for a moment. He didn't want to fight. This whole thing had only ever been about finding out the truth. He believed Mu Qing. He really did. 

"Feng Xin," Mu Qing whispered.

"Yes?"

"...You can hold me."

  Feng Xin let out the breath he'd been holding, and moved immediately to wrap an arm around his waist, pulled him into his body, just as Mu Qing pressed back. Feng Xin's lips lowered to the nape of his neck. His fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt.

"I'm sorry," Feng Xin whispered. "I didn't mean to get upset with you."

"It wouldn't be us if we didn't yell at each other from time to time."

Feng Xin pressed a kiss into his skin.

"We're getting better," he said," aren't we?"

"I think so," Mu Qing said. 

  They didn't speak for the rest of the night, but they didn't part from each other either.

  The next morning, right after his five hour shift, Feng Xin made use of the university's gym and set to knocking some anger out with a punching bag. He didn't take many breaks to breathe, lost himself in the salt of his sweat, the red in his vision when he imagined a face underneath his padded fists. He thought of the bills he'd found on his mother's desk, his fucked engine, the rise of rent. He thought if he hadn't made one fucking mistake, then maybe he wouldn't feel so uncertain about everything else. 

Pei Ming had never gotten the chance to explain why Bai Long had been at the party in the first place, but at this point it didn't really matter. He'd shown.

"He just tried to get me to suck him off."

  Feng Xin slammed his fist, harder, with such urgency that he was beginning to grow lightheaded. Sweat dripped from his head like drops of rain, until he was gasping, clinging to the bag as he fought for air.

"Lot on your mind?"

He whipped his head back to find Xie Lan, watching him from the bench, his bag set aside. He wasn't even sure when he'd entered.

Feng Xin used the bottom of his tank top to wipe the sweat from his face.

"Stupid project."

  Xie Lan hummed softly and patted the spot on the bench beside him. When Feng Xin moved to join him, he felt the sudden throbbing of yesterday's headache return. 

“We haven’t gotten to talk much since the start of the term,” Xie Lan said,” You and Mu Qing have been enjoying yourselves, haven’t you?”

Feng Xin laughed at this, though he was far too tired for it to hold any amusement.

”For the most part.”

Xie Lan gave him that look, the one he wore when he knew something was up but was giving you the chance to come forward yourself. Feng Xin took a long sip from the water bottle he had stashed in his bag after throwing aside his thin gloves, pretended to be busy digging for something else afterwards. 

“How are you and Hua Cheng?”

  Xie Lan immediately softened, eyes lit with affection at the mere mention of the man.

”We’re great,” he said, a smile pulling at the edges of his lips,” I… don’t think I’ve ever felt this way before.”

Feng Xin studied the fingers clasped comfortably in Xie Lan’s lap.

”He treats you right then?”

Xie Lan looked at him, tilting his head with a curious glint to his brown eyes. It’s not like it was the first time he’d ever asked, but after two years Feng Xin supposed he should have known better by now. 

  “He treats me with the upmost care,” Xie Lan informed. “You don’t need to worry.”

That’s all Feng Xin ever did nowadays, worry. 

“But that’s not what’s really on your mind,” he said, offering him an empathetic grin,” What is it, Feng Xin? I’ve never seen a project upset you so much.”

”Who says I’m upset?”

Xie Lan tilted his head with a brow raised.

”Ugh,” Feng Xin dropped his head,” I’m just figuring things out. Kind of complicated right now.”

”I’m here for you, if you’d ever like to talk…” Xie Lan pressed a hand to his arm, garnering his attention, and when Feng Xin looked at him he suddenly felt like they were kids again, before everything got so difficult, before they stopped relying on one another… 

“Thanks,” Feng Xin said.

  He couldn’t drag Xie Lan down again. He was happy. 

  There was, however, one person he could bring down. Out of everyone who knew about Bai Long, Pei Ming was the only who’d come forth to press the issue any further. Feng Xin waited for him outside of his last class the next, the only hour in which Mu Qing would be across the halls in an elective art. Pei Ming came from the door and immediately turned his head back.

”Feng Xin,” he greeted, a slight quirk to his brow,” Were you waiting just for me?”

”Can we talk? No bullshit.”

”I know what this is about,” he gestured for Feng Xin to follow with a tilt of the head,” Come along, my dear.”

”Don’t call me that.”

   The side courtyard was empty, aside from the janitor moving around to pick up cigarette buds from the smoking section. Feng Xin leaned back against the brick wall, ignored the two students that used the same door or the way they stared at Pei Ming and him as if they were up to no good. When they were out of earshot, Feng Xin spoke.

  “You didn’t get to finish last night.”

”No,” Pei Ming said, sounding a bit defeated,” I didn’t…”

It took Feng Xin a moment to register his tone, and when he did, he wanted to punch him.

”Stop playing around!”

”Sorry, sorry-“ Pei Ming raised a hand in defense.” You really could have worded that better. I’m here to help.”

”Then help,” he snapped,” What do you know about Bai Long. Why was he at the party? And how come no matter where I look, I can’t seem to find the fucker?”

The bastard didn’t even have an active social media.

  Pei Ming stuffed his hands into his pockets, letting out a tired sigh.

”According to him, Jian Lan told him to go.”

”What?”

Jian Lan… what game was she playing at? She’d been the one to tell Feng Xin in the first place. She’d acted as if she’d felt bad about the situation, but then why would she go out of her way to force a meeting with him? It could be more bullshit Bai Long said drunk. He couldn’t take his word for it.

  “And if you really want to find him, just stop by the Grey docks. He works there. Guess he couldn’t stay at home after being kicked out of college. His parents most likely disowned him.”

“Do you know why?”

Pei Ming shrugged.” I don’t know. My family used to have ties with his, but supposedly there was an incident with one of his roommates. Heard he had to pay a lawyer a good sum to not get locked up. When I heard you’d picked a fight with him, I figured he’d done something else.”

  Feng Xin’s jaw clenched.

”The Grey docks…”

Who else had he hurt then? It wasn’t too far of a guess what kind of crime he’d nearly been convicted of. 

“What I said at dinner…” Pei Ming was uncharacteristically serious, his eyes darkening as he stared off towards the parking lot,” It meant something to you both. Tell me, should I have killed him back at the party then?”

  Feng Xin chewed the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood. There was no one else he could talk to about this. Pei Ming himself had thrown a few good punches even being drunk, and he knew what kind of bastard Bai Long was, probably already connected the dots by their reaction alone. 

“Probably,” Feng Xin said.

Pei Ming was quiet for a long moment, and then he said low.

”You want to pay a visit to the docks?”

  They waited until nightfall. Feng Xin didn't like lying, and he wasn't planning on making it a habit, but he could hardly tell Mu Qing he was staking the docks out in hopes of learning where Bai Long lived. He couldn't do what he wanted in public, so this was the only option. He'd told Mu Qing that he was going to the gym, and while he could tell there was something on Feng Xin's mind, he didn't press it. 

  They were still in a complicated place, but not so rough that Feng Xin thought they'd have any real issue should Pei Ming stick to his word and not mention anything about their plans. 

They sat in his car for an hour and half, when Pei Ming pointed at the man's car and offered Feng Xin a bottle of whiskey.

"Might as well," Pei Ming said," It might be a while."

Feng Xin took a good few swigs as his gaze hardened at the large gate. There was no getting past this. If Feng Xin didn't go through with this, he might never learn the truth.

"You have a plan?" Pei Ming asked.

"Rough him up," Feng Xin said, tasting the liquor on his tongue, felt the burn in his throat," Scare him. Make him talk."

  Pei Ming shoved his jacket aside and grinned.

"I'll take care of that," he said, and Feng Xin caught the edge of a gun.

His eyes widened in shock.

"Where the hell did you get that?"

"I bought it," Pei Ming said," It should have him pissing himself."

  Feng Xin grabbed for the whiskey again and downed even more until that familiar warmth settled in his stomach. If they were going to do this, then they couldn't cut corners. Bai Long really needed to feel like his life was at risk. 

"It loaded?" he asked.

"Shit, I'm not actually trying to kill the guy."

"Just making sure."

Pei Ming smirked, but he'd been on edge ever since they'd agreed to this. He didn't ask questions, but he knew enough. Pei Ming really wasn't that bad of a guy after all. 

  Most of the time was spent in quiet after that. Feng Xin had his phone on silent, but every so often he would check on his messages. He'd been gone for two hours. Mu Qing might start asking questions soon. He wasn't even sure what he'd say when he did.

"He's moving," Pei Ming said. 

  Feng Xin's gaze sharpened on the car reversing from the parking lot. He didn't have to speak for Pei Ming to start his own and wait for enough to distance to start following. He wasn't sure what he'd do if Bai Long pulled into somewhere with high traffic. He couldn't make a scene in an apartment complex, and he didn't want to wait any longer. His entire body was tense with the actions his mind unfurled like crazed whispers. 

"He tried to get me to suck him off."

They drove for eighteen miles, further away from the city, along the coast towards the peninsula. The trees grew thicker, and each new home was further and further apart, some more difficult to see with long paths leading to the property. 

   Pei Ming parked his car off to the side of one, waited a moment, until the lights of Bai Long's car were no longer visible. He glanced to Feng Xin.

"You still want to do this?"

"Go," Feng Xin said. 

  The path was dark, every so often there was a curve that Pei Ming had to slow down to take, large limbs of trees stretched towards the road. The only light beside the car was the wooden deck outside a small trailer. Bai Long's car was already parked. It didn't look like anyone else lived there, but if they did, Feng Xin would figure it out.

"Alright..." Pei Ming took one last swig," Let's do it."

   Feng Xin and Pei Ming moved towards the front door, pulled back the screen door. 

Well, he wasn't going to just knock... was he? He moved to twist the knob, huffing in disbelief. The dumbass kept his door unlocked. Even if it was the middle of no where, he should really be a little more cautious. 

Pei Ming nodded once, and then Feng Xin shoved open the door.

Bai Long was in the middle of opening a box of leftovers on his crowded kitchen table, and when he heard the commotion, rushed forward to find the two with a wide eyed gaze. Feng Xin scanned the living room, the pile of dirty clothes on one side of the couch, empty pizza boxes stuffed along the coffee table, opened bottles of drinks half finished. 

"You're a slob," Feng Xin said.

"What-" Bai Long looked back and forth," Excuse the fuck out of me. Who invited you into my goddamn house?!"

  Pei Ming scrunched his nose up in disgust.

"It stinks in here. You should really consider cleaning."

"AGAIN. WHO THE FU-" He froze mid sentence. His gaze fixated in horror at the raised gun. Pei Ming hadn't meant to waste time. Feng Xin could respect that. "Hey, hey," Bai Long said," I was just kidding man. You want a drink? Whatever it is man, we can talk about this. I was drunk at the party. If I said anything-"

"Sit the fuck down," Feng Xin said, and he took a step forward," We're going to talk."

Bai Long backed into the edge of the coffee table, almost falling back, knocking a few glass bottles onto the floor in the process. The sight would have been enjoyable had Feng Xin not desired blood.

"I'll make this simple," Feng Xin informed," You're going to tell me everything that happened on that little trip we had, every detail that you remember, and if I think you're holding back I'm going to have Pei Ming shoot your dick off. Does that sound fair?"

  "Listen, please, I-" 

The back of Feng Xin's hand slammed into the side of his face. It wasn't enough to hear the crack. His fingers tightened into the man's hair before he'd even registered his own movements, shoved Bai Long into the wood with such force that it shifted the entire table when his face made contact. He must have bitten the inside of his mouth, because blood was already pooling down his lips. 

  Feng Xin held him down by gripping the strands of his hair. 

"Does that sound fair?"

"YES! FUCK, J-Just let me talk. I'll tell you everything!"

Feng Xin glanced back at Pei Ming, who's eyes were wide in surprise, but he didn't look as if any of the sudden violence really bothered him. The hold of his gun had become laxed, and he moved to take a seat in one of the dining room chairs he'd dragged over.

Feng Xin let out a deep breath, and then he released Bai Long. 

"Talk," he said. "We're listening."

Chapter Text

   Mu Qing's mother had once told him that when a boy liked you, they noticed things. They remembered miniscule details that you'd never once even thought to offer, details that even you might not have noticed yourself. When Feng Xin had pointed out that Mu Qing only ever wore ribbons in his hair on days that he smiled most, Mu Qing wondered if this was what she'd meant. 

  The lake was a taste of freedom for the first time. His father's rules were always so heavy on his shoulders, that it was nice, just being there with his feet in the water. He didn't need much else. Feng Xin offered more. He chased him down in the early mornings, peeled fruit with him on their long walks, laughed under the stars about things that didn't make sense. 

  He liked being there, even if some of the others didn't think it was right. Mu Qing was pretty skilled at ignoring them. He didn't care what they thought, not the assholes that orbited around Feng Xin like he was some god. It's not like Mu Qing could blame them anyways. People liked being seen by him. Jealousy was an ugly thing. 

  "I think..." Feng Xin stared up at the ceiling of his room. Most of the others had their own, aside from Mu Qing and Shi Qinxuan. He'd immediately offered to room together when he'd learned that Mu Qing would be coming. "I think uh, shit."

"You forgot what you were saying again?" Mu Qing asked. 

They were lying down on Feng Xin's bed, heads almost touching. 

"Sorry," Feng Xin said with a chuckle," my brain doesn't want to work tonight."

Mu Qing raised to sit, admired the shape of Feng Xin's jaw, the curve of his lips as he smiled a lazy grin. He was growing from a lanky teen to a wide shouldered man. The muscles of his body were lithe, but firm, and the hair along his stomach poking out from his tank top had gone from mere peach fuzz to a dark trail that Mu Qing studied too often. 

"I can go," Mu Qing said, averting his gaze," so you can sleep."

  As he moved, a hand came to his wrist. It felt warm, larger than his own that clenched against the sheets.

"Stay," Feng Xin said," It's late. My beds big enough for two people."

Mu Qing's own wasn't that far. It wouldn't have been any trouble, but Feng Xin had asked, sounded as if he truly didn't want him to leave. He felt his heart, every throbbing beat.

"Okay," he whispered. "I'll stay."

   The next morning, he woke up alone. Feng Xin's place in the bed was warm, and he pressed his palm into the sheets with a soft smile to himself. In the middle of the night, Feng Xin had reached for him. He did that often. He was a natural cuddler it seemed, would grab anything remotely close and hold it tight. The first time it had happened Mu Qing hadn't been able to sleep at all in fear he'd shift and wake him.

Now, he let himself pretend that Feng Xin was doing it intentionally. He wasn't stupid, but he also couldn't imagine Feng Xin doing it with someone like Bai Long. Maybe it could mean something that it was Mu Qing in his bed, and no one else. 

  They had almost two weeks. It was plenty time for him to gather the courage to confess. He would never have imagined humoring the idea before, but Feng Xin had started to show signs that it might be mutual. His hope was really turning him into a blind fool. 

"Jian Lan, Feng Xin has been admiring you all week! Are you two going to do it??"

"Well," Jian Lan lowered her sunglasses, leaned forward to apply more sunscreen as most of the group fought each other in the lake. 

  From his own towel off to the side, Mu Qing glanced from his book to listen in.

"Let's just say there's a pretty big chance. He might seem like a natural flirt, but he's actually really shy."

"Ugh, I bet he's big," one of her friends said.

"He seems like he'd be good with his hands," Jian Lan informed," Ugh what I wouldn't do to just ruin that adorable innocence of his."

Mu Qing inhaled a sharp breath. The words were out before he could stop them.

"You need to respect him. Feng Xin isn't going to sleep with you just to do it. He's not like that."

  Xuě Qiū, he believed her name was, scrunched up her face in disgust.

"Excuse me? Who are you again?"

"That's Mu Qing," the other girl said beside Jian Lan," Xie Lan and Feng Xin's little pet."

"Right," Xuě Qiū muttered. "I remember you. Aren't you like obsessed with him or something?"

Jian Lan chided her, not sounding too serious.

"Let's be nice," she said, though she eyed Mu Qing as if she'd only just realized he was there and it was quite an inconvenience. She cleared her throat, finished smoothing down her legs with sunscreen and offered Mu Qing a tight, thin smile. "Mu Qing, you should really be careful. People might get the wrong idea about you if you're always speaking up when it involves him. They'll think you want Feng Xin for yourself."

  "Your opinion means nothing to me," Mu Qing informed.

Jian Lan tilted her head, eyes darkening.

"It will," she said, though he didn't ask what she meant by it. He had a feeling he'd find out. Probably something stupid. 

  Just then Xie Lan came from one of the larger cabins with a large tray of lemonade, Shi Qinxuan following behind with his own full of tea. The girls lifted their heads, waving them over, and the men who'd gone off to fight the water poured over to share a refreshment. 

The only one that wasn't present was Shi Wudu, who had probably taken another long phone call from his friend back home. Feng Xin grabbed a lemonade and tea from the tray, spoke something Mu Qing couldn't catch to Xie Lan, and then moved to lower a glass in his reach.

"You prefer tea, right?"

  One of the girls gasped softly, but Mu Qing was far too fixated on what was being offered. Why... hadn't he given it to Jian Lan instead? His heart was racing so much that it hurt. Mu Qing forced himself to reach for it, feeling the heat rise in his face as Feng Xin moved to sit on his towel with his own drink.

"Thanks," he said, sounding hoarse.

Maybe...

Just maybe it was mutual after all.

   "I think I'm going to tell him," Mu Qing informed Xie Lan one afternoon. They were making bracelets out of charms and beads that Shi Qingxuan had given him as a gift. He was nice, just a little energetic for Mu Qing's taste.

"Mu Qing..." 

"What?" he asked, pressing another silver bead onto the string with a squinted gaze. When it finally passed through the hole, he lifted his head to find Xie Lan was giving him a gentle look of concern. "He let me stay in his bed again... and he grabbed my wrist when we were walking. I think he might have tried to hold my hand, but Bai Long came rushing over to ask him something."

  Xie Lan smiled, though his eyes weren't as hopeful as Mu Qing felt.

"Just be careful, okay?"

"Feng Xin wouldn't hate me, even if he didn't feel the same."

"Not of Feng Xin," Xie Lan said.

"Oh," Mu Qing glanced over from the benches and towards the group of men roasting chicken at the fire. They hollered over something, all laughing drunk. Right. Even if they found out, they respected Feng Xin. They wouldn't make it an issue, even if...

Even if Feng Xin didn't want to be friends. 

   "You're not hiding something, are you?"

Mu Qing had come to the shore alone later in the night. Most often around this time the group was having fun at the bonfire. Feng Xin liked to drink, but it wasn't really anything Mu Qing wanted to be around. It would just mean watching Feng Xin flirt with whoever offered him attention. He didn't want to watch his hand smooth over Jian Lan's thigh as she leaned in to whisper.

He was drunk.

It didn't mean anything.

It still bothered him.

   "...What?"

The question caught him off guard, and Mu Qing turned to find Bai Long looking down at him from a large hill of rocks. He lowered down, smelling of something sharp and bitter. He didn't stumble though, on his way into Mu Qing's space.

"I mean, I noticed this whole time not once have you taken any clothes off... not even your shirt. I was just curious if maybe you had some wicked scar or something."

  He hadn't talked to Bai Long much, but then again he'd only ever singled him out to impress his friends. He was never kind, but they'd never been away from the jeering eyes of a crowd. Mu Qing thought his tone sounded conversational enough despite the lack of decency it had. Who just went around asking things like that?

"No," Mu Qing said, brows furrowing," I just burn easily."

"Oh..." Bai Long nodded," That makes sense."

   An awkward silence ensued. Mu Qing pursed his lips.

"You uh," Bai Long scanned the area for a moment as if someone might be listening in," Be honest, you fuck men, right?"

Mu Qing froze. His eyes widened in shock, chest rose with a sudden, shaky breath.

"What?" he asked," Wh- Why would you even think that? Fuck off."

"Hey, hey, I wasn't trying to be rude man. I was just curious. You look... I don't know, you look like you would and you always drool over Feng Xin. It's kind of obvious, no offense. The long hair doesn't help either."

"Seriously, fuck off."

"Ah," Bai Long sighed and took a step forward into his space, causing Mu Qing to take a step back. His tone was laced with amusement, and something teasing, "Don't be so nervous. I won't tell anyone... I was just, you know," he tilted his head, gesturing back to the bonfire across the grounds," Feng Xin's got his own thing going on man. I'd hate to see you get your heart broken. If you're into dick, I could help you out. It's not my thing, but you look just like a fucking chic."

  Mu Qing blinked, and for the longest time he wasn't even sure how to answer that. What the actual fuck was wrong with this guy?

"Bai Long," he said, voice even despite how much that had just set his nerves," I need you to get out of my face. Don't speak to me like that again."

Bai Long huffed," Or what, huh? Going to go run to Feng Xin? I was just trying to help. I know how your kind is, gets so fucking needy they'll just about open their legs for anything."

  The slap landed before Mu Qing even realized he'd moved. Both of them seemed shocked by it, and before Bai Long could even fully register it, Mu Qing took off in the other direction. He knew he'd just made a mistake. He'd just pissed off someone who knew his weakness. He could only hope that Bai Long had been acting out drunk and in the morning saw sense. 

   It wasn't the last time that Bai Long tried something during the trip. At first, he acted as if the conversation had never happened, but when they were alone, which Mu Qing tried his best for that not to happen- Bai Long would change. He didn't seem upset, but like a man certain of a victory to a game only he played. 

  Mu Qing couldn't even enjoy himself with Feng Xin when there was a group now. He was worried that it was being read into, every glance in his direction, every soft word. The only time Mu Qing could release the tension in his shoulders was during their long walks, and at night, when Feng Xin invited him into his room. Even those were being warped by Bai Long's gaze.

"I stopped by your room the other night to see if you wanted a drink," he said, a knowing glint to his gaze," but Shi Qinxuan said you weren't staying there last night."

"No, I hung out with Xie Lan and Feng Xin. They're my friends."

Bai Long smiled wide, laughing to himself, standing too close in the main kitchen, where many of them gathered to have meals together. It was empty now.

"So defensive. I was just stating what happened."

  Mu Qing inhaled a deep breath.

"Please," he said in a whisper," I just want to hang out with my friends." It was the entire reason he came. He didn't want any issues. He'd tried so damn hard to act a certain way just to avoid them.

"I want that for you too," Bai Long said," You don't have to be so tense with me," and he leaned forward, enough that his breath was hot against Mu Qing's face as he whispered," You should be tense around the women though. They really, really don't like you. If you want, I could tell them to stop fucking with you. Would you like that, Mu Qing?"

"What I want is for you to leave me alone."

  Bai Long sighed, pulling back.

"Always so difficult," he mused. Fingers raised to pull playfully on Mu Qing's pony tail," That's fine. I'll help you out anyways."

Mu Qing narrowed his gaze. Seriously, this guy was starting to piss him off. 

“Don’t touch me,” he said,” in fact, don’t feel the need to speak to me. I don’t know how else I can tell you to fuck off, because you don’t listen when I say it directly.”

”Wow…” Bai Long said. His entire facade dropped for a glare,” You’re going to need someone to keep you warm, cold bitch.”

   Mu Qing did his best not to think about anything involving Bai Long or the girls, especially when he was with Xie Lan and Feng Xin. It was nice, when the world was quiet and all Mu Qing could hear was the horrible dad joke Xie Lan gave and the consuming laughter of the only person who found dad jokes funny. 

He pressed a hand to his forehead and shook his head. 

"It's really not that funny," he informed.

  Feng Xin was slamming his fist against the deck, tears in his eyes as he tried to catch his breath. Xie Lan smiled with a touch of pride, brought his legs from the water to begin drying them off with a towel.

"Its nice to know someone appreciates my efforts."

"What effort?" Mu Qing asked," I saw that line on the back of a cereal box!"

"Ha! Oh my god," Feng Xin wiped at his eyes," That was too good. You should really look into stand up comedy."

"You'd be laughed off the stage," Mu Qing informed. 

  An arm came over his shoulders, so suddenly that Mu Qing froze underneath its warmth. Feng Xin had leaned in close, shaking off the last of his laughter.

”Aw come on,” he said,” Don’t be a sour pouch.”

”A what?”

Feng Xin smirked,” A sour pouch. You can admit we’re funny. It won’t kill you.”

No, Mu Qing thought, but you might.

   Xie Lan cleared his throat gently and glanced over at Feng Xin.

”Come on, stop teasing him.”

Was he ever physical like this with anyone else? Mu Qing thought that he always had a respectable distance for Xie Lan, only ever touched him in ways that couldn’t be misconstrued. They hadn’t ever shared a bed either. His cheeks warmed, and he smiled slightly, looking at Xie Lan.

  "I uh," Mu Qing fussed with his thin jacket, felt the beads between his fingers," I made you two something."

Feng Xin lowered his arm from his shoulders to give him room, watching as he lifted two different bracelets. It wasn't something he'd normally do, just give out gifts like this, especially something so sentimental... but neither Feng Xin or Xie Lan laughed. 

"You made these, Qing'er?"

Mu Qing's eyes widened slightly, and he forced his hand out towards Feng Xin," Just take yours, idiot. It's not that big of a deal. I just didn't know who to give them to."

  They both had black marble beads, though where Xie Lan's was soft with his colors, white and blue, Feng Xin's had more of a warmth in his orange and browns. It wasn't anything that special. Mu Qing thought it was actually kind of embarrassing.

"We'll keep them safe," Xie Lan said with a grin," It suits us well."

"Yeah, they're cute," Feng Xin added, admiring the one along his wrist. 

Feng Xin was so damn embarrassing. 

   That night, Feng Xin had a few too many drinks. Mu Qing was almost his height, but the man had filled out much faster, that it was a bit difficult holding all of his body weight as he led him to his cabin. Feng Xin leaned into him, nestled his face into the crook of his neck.

"I can walk," he informed.

He was slumped into him, his own arm thrown over Mu Qing's shoulders as he kept a hand to his waist. When they found the wall of his cabin, Feng Xin pressed Mu Qing forward into the wall, or maybe he tripped. It didn't matter, Mu Qing was horrified at the sudden proximity.

 Feng Xin pressed in even closer, and it wasn't until he let out a soft sigh of content that Mu Qing realized he'd meant to hug him. Very slowly, Mu Qing raised a hand, and then pat him on the back.

"A-Alright. We should really get you inside."

"Mu Qing," Feng Xin whispered," Qing'er. So pretty."

"Feng Xin, please-" Mu Qing felt his entire face grow hot, his fingers fumbled to pry the man's arm from where they'd slid down to his waist. Feng Xin mumbled something else into his shoulder.

   "Feng Xin," a voice came.

Mu Qing felt the warmth of their bodies thin like ice. He hastily pushed away, with more force than before, enough that Feng Xin stirred and took three steps back in confusion. 

"Do you need help upstairs?" Jian Lan asked, her eyes scanned the man before her and then narrowed in direction of Mu Qing.

Feng Xin rubbed at his eyes, laughing slightly.

"No...I'm okay. Uh-" his hand smoothed over Mu Qing's arm," Good night Mu Qing."

   Mu Qing inhaled a sharp breath. He could have at least wished Jian Lan a good night too! It would have caused him less problems. Feng Xin was surprisingly able to make it to the door with ease, nothing like when he'd been stumbling from the shore in Mu Qing's arms.

He pretended to ignore this fact and moved towards the path leading to his own cabin, stopped short when Jian Lan spoke.

"It's pathetic," she said.

Mu Qing didn't turn around, but he stopped in his tracks.

"Do you really think he could ever love you?" she asked, and she moved towards him, enough that their gazes met," He gives you attention like a man would a stray. He feels bad for you. He knows you thrive off it. Don't misunderstand his kindness."

  Mu Qing swallowed the lump in his throat, unclenched his fingers from his side. 

"Does it frighten you?" he asked, catching the way her brows furrowed," If you truly believed any of what you'd just said, you wouldn't have felt the need to speak to me."

"Why would I be frightened when he's already promised to fuck me before the trip ends?"

  Mu Qing felt the air escape, his throat constrict. She was lying. Feng Xin wasn't like that. He wouldn't touch someone without loving them. She was trying to get a reaction.

"Good night, Mu Qing. Try not to make a fool of yourself."

   It continued like this. Mu Qing found moments of reprieve, even spoke to Shi Qingxuan long enough that the two would sometimes do each other's hair before bed. It was easier sleeping with it braided, less of a mess to worry over in the morning. The two hadn't had any hearts to hearts, but Mu Qing had grown accustomed to his kindness, now that he knew the man was genuine. 

  One night though, as Shi Qingxuan pulled his hair back to begin the process, he asked him something that unsettled the peace.

"Do you ever wish you weren't a man?"

Mu Qing thought the question had been directed at him, but when he turned, he saw the conflict within his gaze.

"What do you mean? Do you... not want to be a man?"

  Shi Qingxuan played with strands of Mu Qing's hair, brows nit tight together.

"It's not that exactly. Sometimes I enjoy being a man, but sometimes I don't feel right being one. I just... feel like if I could change at will, I might decide to be both."

"You could," Mu Qing said," be both. On the days you don't feel like a man, just don't be a man."

Shi Qingxuan laughed to himself," You really are delightful, you know that? I'm glad we became friends."

Friends... Mu Qing hadn't even realized that it had happened. 

   Mu Qing's little sense of security and peace didn't last long. It was nice, having friends, goofing off without the stronghold of authority weighing them down. It was worth taking shit from the girls, from Bai Long and his friends. It was worth it in the moments that Feng Xin looked at him, in their secret places, with words that held hints. He'd decided the night before when Feng Xin had turned into him, whispering nonsense in his sleep, that the last day of the trip was the day that he would finally confess. 

Mu Qing couldn't wait. The thought of returning back home into that stupid room that felt like a prison, in a school he detested, and still be forced to hide these feelings would be too much. If Feng Xin rejected him, at least it would be one less thing he wasn't certain over. 

  If he accepted... then wouldn't that make everything else so easy?

The morning of the last day started like any other. Mu Qing rose from Feng Xin's bed, found the girls already bringing breakfast over for Feng Xin and Xie Lan. Jian Lan scowled at him, but Feng Xin didn't notice. He never did. 

  Mu Qing was a coward. He didn't speak on their morning walk.

"Later... I'll tell you later."

He wanted to scream at Feng Xin for respecting him, for not pushing until he had no other choice. Why was it so difficult? Why couldn't he just blurt it out? At least then if Feng Xin's face changed, he could run away. This limbo was torturous. 

  Jian Lan called him behind a cabin to speak. Mu Qing pretended to be studying the lines of his book. When Feng Xin returned, his face hadn't changed much, but Jian Lan immediately found Mu Qing to glare at him. Did that mean the talk hadn't went well? Mu Qing hoped. 

  He thought of Feng Xin all day. He thought of what it would feel like pressed into another hug, but sober this time, and maybe Feng Xin would run his fingers through his hair and call him pretty again. He'd call Feng Xin an idiot, but he wouldn't mean it. Feng Xin could kiss him in anyway he'd liked, but he wondered more than once, if he'd be gentle, demanding, or would it be his first? Feng Xin had never mentioned kissing anyone before, but who really brought stuff like that up? 

"Mu Qing," Xie Lan said softly," Are... you sure you want to talk to him here?"

"Why not?"

"I just don't want to see you get hurt. Feng Xin is impulsive, and when he's around the others, sometimes he doesn't think."

"What are you talking about?" Mu Qing asked. 

  Xie Lan faltered," Last night... I heard he and Jian Lan kissed."

Mu Qing stopped walking. He stared at the edges of the lake's shore, the small waves that brushed over rocks and long, eelgrass. 

"It doesn't change anything," he said finally.

"Mu Qing..."

"It doesn't," he snapped. "So what if they kissed? That doesn't mean anything."

   It didn't mean anything. It couldn't. It...

   The sun had almost set. Mu Qing wrapped his arms around his knees, stared off towards the sky like it might slow in its transformation just because of his desire. He needed more time. If he made it back home without talking to Feng Xin, then he never would. He’d already messed that up though. He’d pushed Feng Xin to go hang out with his other friends when he’d asked Mu Qing what he’d needed to say. 

“Are you sure? It looked serious,” Feng Xin had said.

”It’s nothing. Just go,” Mu Qing had pleaded,” I have a headache so I think I’m going to drink some tea and lie down.”

  Except, he hadn't lied down and he couldn't get rid of the pressure caused by his own thoughts. Jian Lan and Feng Xin had kissed. Feng Xin reached for him when no one else was watching, sometimes he stared at him with such confliction in his gaze that Mu Qing swore they might be thinking the same thing. They'd kissed.

"Fuck," Mu Qing breathed, and very slowly, his head turned towards the fire from across the campsite. "Stop being such a damn coward."

  Mu Qing inhaled a deep breath, and then he lifted himself from his cabin's deck and moved. He made it to the bonfire and scanned the premise, except Feng Xin wasn't there at all, only Bai Long and his friends. Had he already gone to bed? It was too early for that.

"There you are!" Bai Long raised a bottle of beer in greeting, smiled wide at him before trailing forward," Feng Xin was just looking for you."

"He was? Where is he?"

  Bai Long smirked at him. His breath smelt like the yeast of the beer.

"The wisher forest. You know, around the cave."

"The..." Mu Qing's eyes widened. "The love cave?"

Feng Xin was waiting for him... in the wisher forest? By the cave?! He wasn't sure if Bai Long was just teasing him, but the man seemed more amused by the idea itself to feel the need to be creative. Why would Feng Xin even wait there? Wasn't it a little... Well, wouldn't his friends think something else was going on??

  "Did he say why?" he asked.

"Listen man," Bai Long shrugged," He said he had a message for you, and that you probably wouldn't understand unless you came to the wisher forest. That's all I know. I think Xie Lan was looking to tell you, but guess you missed him."

A message at the love cave in the wisher forest...

Mu Qing's fingers trembled, something like hope felt similar to heavy grief within his chest. Bai Long could have kept this a secret, pretended he didn't know, but if Xie Lan did ,then it would be too obvious that he'd tried to mess things up. 

   The cave was located about half a mile from the opening of the forest, but there were jagged edges of hills and steep drops to banks, so it took a little while in the creeping dark for Mu Qing to navigate it under the stars alone. 

By the time he neared the clearing, lanternlight glowed through the trees in scattered gold. Someone had hung dozens of them around the cave entrance, their flames swaying gently in the wind. Warm light spilled over the stone walls, over blankets and baskets abandoned outside, over footprints pressed deep into the earth.

Voices echoed faintly from within.

Mu Qing slowed. 

   It was like unpeeling the mask of a monster, only to find that it was not bone and black ichor, but the flesh of human, wicked and deranged all the same. This skin was pale, long dark hair covered its back, hid the face of the woman moving in a desperate rhythm. Mu Qing stood there, in the brush, waiting for something... another plausible reason. Anything. 

  He watched large hands smooth over this pale waist, and then for Feng Xin to shift, only to be pressed back down on the rock again. She was crying out, blissed pleasures, loud enough to echo throughout the opening of the cave. 

He's not like that. 

A message... that Mu Qing couldn't have received anywhere but the wisher forest.

He's not.

"Ah- Aren't you glad Feng Xin," Jian Lan rolled her hips slow, hair fanning and blocking Feng Xin's face," that you didn't give that little brat a chance?"

   Mu Qing ran.

  Branches lashed against his face as he shoved through the undergrowth, the sharp sting barely registering beneath the roar inside his skull. The forest warped around him in streaks of black and silver, roots snagging at his boots, low branches clawing through his hair like grasping hands trying to drag him back towards that cave.

Jian Lan's voice still rang in his ears.

Aren't you glad that you didn't give that little brat a chance?

His stomach twisted so violently he nearly stumbled down the slope. Feng Xin hadn't denied it, hadn't pushed her away. Mu Qing could still see the shape of his hands against her waist, could still hear those muffled sounds swallowed by the stone walls.

The Wisher Forest whispered through the trees.

   Mu Qing's breathing turned ragged. He didn't know if the ache tearing through his chest was humiliation or grief, only that it burned hot enough to make his eyes sting. He wanted to leave. Immediately. He wanted to walk until his legs gave out and never look back toward this cursed lake again.

The campsite lanterns finally flickered through the trees ahead.

  Just as he moved from the line of trees, someone grabbed him by the arm to hold him back.

"Hey, hey-" Bai Long said," Why are you in such a rush?"

"Don't touch me!"

Mu Qing pulled himself free and stumbled back from the force. Some of Bai Long's friends laughed, took short swigs of their beer as they sat around the fire.

  "Shit," Bai Long said," It didn't go well, did it? I can't believe Feng Xin actually did it! Man, I thought he was just fucking around. That... that sucks. You must be pretty disappointed, huh? Thought you were getting fucked tonight only to find-"

Mu Qing swung at him.

The crack of knuckles against bone split through the campsite.

   Bai Long stumbled sideways with a sharp curse, nearly losing his footing before crashing shoulder-first into one of the logs surrounding the firepit. Beer splashed into the flames with a violent hiss.

The laughter died instantly.

Bai Long pressed a hand to his mouth, eyes wide in stunned disbelief.

He'd never punched someone before. The image of Feng Xin beneath Jian Lan still burned behind his eyes though, ugly and relentless, and Bai Long's words had shoved something sharp straight through the center of him.

Thought you were getting fucked tonight.

The humiliation of it made him sick.

  Mu Qing turned sharply, but he only made it two steps before Bai Long caught him by the back of his collar.

"Whoa, whoa, where d'you think you're going?" 

Mu Qing jerked violently. "Let go."

Bai Long laughed under his breath, though there was no humor in it now.

"You crack me in the face and I'm supposed to calm down?" Bai Long was larger than him, could easily pin him down if he needed, and his friends-

Mu Qing's heart started to race. Urgently, angrily, he said again," Let me go."

"Nah," Bai Long said lightly," I think you need a drink."

  Mu Qing twisted to pull away, but Bai Long suddenly grabbed a fistful of his hair near the base of his skull and yanked hard enough to force his head back. Pain shot across Mu Qing's scalp, but he continued fighting him, dragging his fingernails across whatever he could access.

"Stop—" The beer in Bai Long's free hand pressed into his closed lips. The glass forced them apart and the cold liquid flooded into Mu Qing's mouth before he could turn away. Bitter alcohol burned across his tongue, some of it drenched his face when he failed to swallow.

  He choked.

Laughter exploded around the fire.

"Holy shit, dude," someone laughed," He needs way more man. He isn't calm at all."

Mu Qing shoved hard against Bai Long's chest, gagging as beer spilled down his chin and throat, soaking into the collar of his shirt in a sticky mess. His chest was heaving, and just as he tried to find a deeper breath, Bai Long turned his wrist and the rest of the contents of his beer splattered across his head.

   “You didn’t even finish it.”

Something broke then. Maybe it was seeing Feng Xin like that, the fact he’d actually had hope, or the way Bai Long’s disgusting laughter had always pissed him off, but suddenly he didn’t care for the risks. Mu Qing lunged for Bai Long, yelling out in frustration as he shoved him forward. He threw his fist, hit something solid, almost stumbled back when someone else grabbed for him. 

“Bitch is feisty,” Sung Zhan shot off. His hand pulled back Mu Qin’s arm and made a soft ticking sound with his tongue. “Whatcha gonna do about that Bai Long?”

  “Feng Xin told me to have fun.”

Feng Xin wouldn’t say that.

He wouldn’t do that.

He’s not like that.

He… He’d fucked Jian Lan. He’d sent his message. He’d…

”Fuck man, I hate that sad little face,” Bai Long said,” Why don’t you just give up? Feng Xin wanted to spare you the trouble, you know? There’s plenty of other cocks to shove up that hole.”

  “S-Shut up,” He pulled his fist, only to have it tightened in Sung Zhan’s hold.

Bai Long gestured with a hand. His other friend took hold of Mu Qing’s arm, fingers dug into his flesh so hard that he wouldn’t be surprised if it drew blood. Bai Long stepped forward, meeting his deadly gaze, and then smirked. 

“It seems a shame to waste all that beer.”

  He grabbed Mu Qing by the throat and then flattened his tongue against his neck, glided it across his drenched cheek, along his eye that shut tight while he trembled with unease. 

“He’s shaking,” Sung Zhan said. “I think we scared him enough-“

”Scared him?” Bai Long laughed when he pulled away,” He isn’t fucking scared. You think this is about scaring him?”

”I… thought that’s what we were doing.”

  Bai Long licked his lips, fingers still held Mu Qing by the throat, but they didn’t apply too much pressure. 

“Ask me nicely to stop playing around, and maybe I’ll stop.”

Mu Qing shivered in revulsion, and at the very moment Sung Zhan loosened his grip, Mu Qing brought his leg up and kicked Bai Long in the dick as hard as he could. 

  The shock gave him a split second to free himself, but even as Bai Long stumbled down the other one was too quick. Mu Qing’s head hit the ground, echoed out in horrid pang as his breath caught. He wasn’t even sure how it had happened. 

Sung Zhan yelled,” Yao Da! You could have fucking killed him!”

”Shut up! Didn’t you see what he just did?!”

  Mu Qing blinked back the double vision, tried to move, only to find someone on top of him. Fingers tightened in his hair again, turned him until his cheek was pressed into the ash and dirt not far from the fire. His hair was yanked so hard that he cried out, and fingers shoved themselves past his lips, coated his tongue with bitter ash until he bit down hard.

”Fucking bitch,” Yao Da slapped him hard, and it was the first time that Mu Qing had ever felt afraid of the men. It hurt. Vomit felt like coming up, and every time he swallowed the horrid scorching taste stopped him short. “Almost broke my fucking finger!”

  “Stop!” Sung Zhan said,” The others will be back from the lake soon. Come on, it’s been enough!”

From the other side, Bai Long grunted and whined as he stood up on wobbly legs, still cupping himself.

”Fuck that. I was going to let him off easy, but he ruined that. Get off him,” he shoved his friend away, only to replace him, pushed his legs against Mu Qing’s arm as the rising hum of pain in his head only increased. “ You want to touch my dick so bad, huh?! Feng Xin was right about you. Said you wouldn’t be easy, that you’d put up a good fight-“

   Mu Qing whimpered when his hair was pulled again, though this time it was forward, until his lips were pressed against the confinement of Bai Long’s jeans.

“You’re going to kiss it until it feels better,” Bai Long rubbed himself into Mu Qing’s chapped bottom lip, stuffed himself tight against his face until he could barely find a breath. “And if you bite it, I’ll lay you down in the fire.”

”Bro… I can’t do this shit,” Sung Zhan said,” You’re doing too much.”

“Then fucking leave,” Bai Long shot back. 

  Mu Qing couldn’t see if he left, only cough and cry out when he finally had room. His legs kicked out as he turned his head only to have it yanked back into place. Bai Long pulled himself out of his jeans, started rubbing himself in front of his face.

The tip of Bai Long’s cock pressed into his lips.

”Open,” Bai Long directed. 

“Kind of getting a hard on watching him struggle,” Yao Da admitted,” I don’t even swing like that… you sure you want to risk putting it in his mouth? His other hole can’t bite.”

   Just as Bai Long opened his mouth, a thick glass bottle was beaten over his head. It didn’t crack, but it sent him tumbling down into the dirt. Yao Da cried out in surprise.

”Xie L-Lan, we were just fucking around! We weren’t going to do any thing! H-He started it!”

  Mu Qing shifted, head still throbbing as he pulled himself up enough he could see the form dragging itself on the ground. Bai Long wasn’t unconscious, but he was cowering. He saw Xie Lan, fingers clenched around the bottle like a threat. He stepped forward, but Mu Qing couldn’t make out the expression of his face.

”Mu Qing,” Xie Lan said, very gentle,” Do you want me to call the police?”

“N-No.”

”How unfortunate for them.”

“Please! Come on! He’s the one who was doing it!” Yao Da yelled. 

   Xie Lan raised the bottle again.

”Please,” Mu Qing breathed out,” Just leave them. Just… I just want to leave.”

If Xie Lan made a mess, everyone would know what had happened. He couldn’t bare that thought. He couldn’t bare a single thing.

   He couldn’t feel a single thing. It was as if the world had blurred, yet his vision was startlingly clear. Something had disconnected, his thoughts were single words, and yet too complicated to search for meaning. The warm bath water became cold after a while, and he didn’t even flinch at the rag pressed against his face to clean the dirt and ash.

”I know that… you probably don’t want to talk right now, but you can press charges at any moment, alright? And when I find Feng Xin-“

”Don’t.” Mu Qing stared at the tile of the bathroom,”…It was his idea.”

“Mu Qing-“

”He wanted to send a message. It’s the whole reason he asked where I was… to get me to go to that cave. He wanted… He was…”

  Maybe he hadn’t realized Mu Qing would have picked a fight that bad, thought that he’d willingly be open to the comfort Bai Long’s facade offered. It didn’t matter. Mu Qing hadn’t been important enough to reject face to face. He had to…

”If you’ve ever cared about me at all as a friend, then you won’t say a thing about this,” Mu Qing said,” to anyone, ever.”

“I really don’t think Feng-“

”Please!” Mu Qing’s breath shattered, and his tears had broken past the last of his barriers until he was a sobbing mess,” Please, Xie Lan. Please. I don’t- I don’t want things to change. I don’t want to think about this anymore. J-Just please, for me.”

  Xie Lan’s hand lowered the rag to the edge of the tub. His eyes were wide, pained.

”It’s okay. I promise. I’ll do whatever you need.”

Mu Qing nodded, dropped his head into his knees as he sucked in a sharp breath. 

He wanted nothing more than for Feng Xin to tell him that he was wrong.

Chapter Text

   Seconds passed. Blood dripped from Feng Xin's fist. 

"It wasn't really our fault! He swung on me, man. We were just joking and he attacked us!"

Bai Long had given enough to paint a sickening picture, even if they all followed with his excuses etched into the canvas of his horror. Seconds had passed when he finished. Seconds. Minutes. Who could say how long it took to become like this?

The blood fell in a line over his cracked knuckles. The room was quiet.

Pei Ming lowered his gaze.

  "I... think he's dead."

Feng Xin nodded slowly, felt a numbness encase him, a safety measure. He wasn't sure how long he stood there, how long it took to rake his gaze over the mess of Bai Long's face, the blood that seeped out of his wound from where his head had hit the side of the table. He hadn't planned this, but what had he thought would happen if Bai Long were to admit what he'd done?

  A part of him had known the risk.

"We should-" Pei Ming rubbed the side of his face, had his gun stuffed back into his pants as he began to pace," Fuck, I don't know. I've never killed anyone before."

"You still haven't," Feng Xin said, not recognizing his own voice.

"I mean..." He stopped, knelt before Bai Long's body and let out a rough sigh. "It happens. We just need to figure this shit out, erase evidence we were ever here."

  Pei Ming was considerably controlled for the situation, but Feng Xin still had yet to move. It was strange, looking at something he'd done and yet not quite feeling as if he'd done it. This was a body. It was limp. It would never move. 

What would Mu Qing think?

"Feng Xin," Pei Ming said," You need to snap out of it."

  The door opened, and they both turned to find the suited men, one bald, one a bit scraggly in appearance. Feng Xin blinked. The blood continued to drip. He had to step aside to keep the pool from touching his shoes.

"Mother fucker," Lui Wei muttered, and he lifted a phone to his ear. Someone was already on the line. "You were right. What do you want me to do with the body?"

"Who the hell-"

"Your father's on the line," Lui Wei said, and Pei Ming's eyes widened as he looked to the outstretched phone back to Feng Xin. 

   Naturally, they would have been tailing him. Maybe his father had grown suspicious when they'd sat at the docks for so long only to follow someone home. Maybe his father knew exactly who Bai Long was. Feng Xin took the cell and placed it to his ear.

"Feng Xin, listen to me. This is your first body, correct? You're in shock, that's normal. I just need you to do exactly as I say and let me take care of this mess. Get into the car, have your friend drive you home. I've already reached out to your roommate and given an excuse to your whereabouts. Don't answer any questions. Don't tell anyone where you were. Is that clear?"

  Feng Xin met Pei Ming's gaze.

"Yes," he said.

"Good. I'll reach out to you, but for right now I need you to carry on exactly as you would normally. My men will take care of what's necessary." 

It was strange how his father's voice lulled him into the state of reality, eased the tension in his shoulders. Feng Xin offered the phone back to Lui Wei and moved towards the door.

"Pei Ming, we should go. They're going to take care of this."

"...Okay?" 

   Pei Ming kept looking back, though it wasn't until they were in the car that the man finally spoke. He strapped his belt, put both his hands on the steering wheel.

"I was not aware that you had clean up duty on speed dial. Is... this not your first time?"

"My dad," Feng Xin said. "Just drive me home. They'll take care of it."

"Right, you said that."

  He hadn't yet started the car. He closed his eyes, his lips moved but Feng Xin couldn't hear what he was saying. Was he... praying? No, that didn't seem like something Pei Ming would do. When he lifted his head back to stare at the house again, Pei Ming started the engine. 

"We don't say shit," Pei Ming said," We weren't here. We... Fuck, I had no idea you had it in you."

"Drive," Feng Xin said," Please. I don't want Mu Qing to wonder why I was gone so long."

  Mu Qing had already called, but Feng Xin didn't want to talk like this. He needed to see him face to face. His breathing had evened, but he still had the blood, stained dry in crusts where he’d broken the skin along his knuckles. He’d have to clean it before going inside, but even then would Mu Qing need to know? Would he ask for details about his night?

  Feng Xin closed his eyes. He let the vibrations of the car and the uneven path melt his body to the seat. He could feel his own body again. He thought he should be sick. Isn't that how they portrayed it in the media? Shouldn't he be puking out his guts from the guilt, from crossing that line no human was meant to cross? He just felt tired, and even if his thoughts collided still against the images of that broken face in the trailer, he couldn't fathom any other choice. If he'd known what would have happened before following Bai Long home, he knew with every part of his being that he would have still went.

  The only thing he regretted was dragging someone else into this mess. 

"There's wipes in there," Pei Ming said after a moment. They'd been parked in front of the apartment for a few minutes, taking in everything, in mutual silence. He kept biting at the edge of his thumb, looking around as if he worried they were being tailed again. When Feng Xin didn't move, Pei Ming grabbed the car cleaner and offered the container to him. "Come on, Mu Qing will freak out more if your hands look like that."

This was enough convincing to stir from his idle thought.

  "Sorry," Feng Xin said, and he set to wiping down the scraped skin, enjoying for a moment the way it burnt being cleaned. It was better than being a dazed mess. He knew he needed to pull his shit together. Bai Long didn't deserve for him to feel anything. He was dead. Feng Xin had killed him. Feng Xin had... killed someone.

He'd hurt Mu Qing.

He would have done it again.

If Xie Lan hadn't been there...

"Are you going to be okay?" Feng Xin asked suddenly.

Pei Ming chuckled, though it held nothing but exhaustion, and then his hand dropped to squeeze Feng Xin's shoulder tight.

"I'm the son of Pei Hui," he informed," This isn't the first time I've witnessed something like this, but at least now I can say it was pretty justified."

  Feng Xin huffed, shaking his head.

"Shit, Pei Ming."

"Don't worry about me," he said," Just go up there and let your man take your mind off things... I think I'll call it an early night."

  Feng Xin had no excuse to keep him any longer. He had no departing words. He wasn't even sure what he was really doing trying to take his time up the apartment stairs. He wanted to see Mu Qing, but... what if he saw the truth on his face? What if what he'd just done ruined everything they'd worked towards? 

  These hands that wanted nothing more than to hold him... had taken a life with such ease. Even if the fall hadn't killed Bai Long, would Feng Xin have found it in him to stop? Where was his guilt? Would he find it in the darkness, staring at the ceiling without sleep? Did it make him a monster if he dreamt with ease?

All of these questions came, each step, and the heavy echo of apartment murmurs. Feng Xin turned his key and stepped into his own. Mu Qing turned, immediately, from the couch to stand and face him. 

  "Your dad said there was a fight and that he-" his gaze lowered, eyes widened at the sight of his fists. "What happened?"

Feng Xin closed his eyes for a moment. What had his father said to him? What lie was he about to have to tell just to ease Mu Qing's worries? There wasn't a chance Feng Xin would involve him in this. 

   When he opened his eyes, Mu Qing was standing directly in front of him. His fingers had reached to graze the top of his skin that wasn't bruised and scabbed. 

"Feng Xin?"

He grabbed Mu Qing without thinking, arms locking around him hard enough to nearly stumble them both backward. A rough, broken breath tore from his chest as he buried his face against Mu Qing’s shoulder. 

  It was worth it. Everything he'd done that night, even if he never had a sane thought again, was worth punishing the monster that had thought to hurt him. Mu Qing would never have to see the man's face again. 

"A'Xin," he whispered, just as his own arms moved to return the embrace. He was so warm and perfect in Feng Xin's arms, his voice so gentle with concern. "Are you okay?"

"I love you," Feng Xin said, clinging tighter," I've loved you for so long, and I'm so sorry that I didn't realize that. I-I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most. I-" he inhaled another broken breath, fighting back the stinging tears," I'll never leave you. Everything I am is yours. There is no one else who will ever have me like this."

  "Feng Xin," Mu Qing pulled away to search his face. His own eyes were wide with shock, bright with the words Feng Xin spoke so reverently as he brought his hands to cup Feng Xin's face. "Talk to me. Why are you crying?" 

"I love you," Feng Xin said again, and then he kissed him, hands tightening at Mu Qing’s clothes. His tears dampened the edges of the kiss, breaths uneven against his mouth. All he could feel was warmth, Mu Qing’s hands against his face, Mu Qing still there, still holding him. When the kiss broke, Feng Xin lingered to feel the warmth of Mu Qing's breath against his lips, his own hand rising to stroke his cheek in return. "I'm sorry I was late."

"Idiot," Mu Qing muttered, eyes softening," You think I care about that? Why are you crying, A'Xin?"

”Because I’m an idiot,” Feng Xin said. He pressed his lips against his again. It was a pleading gesture. Please don’t ask me questions. 

  Mu Qing sighed against him. His fingers lowered to grasp Feng Xin’s arm.

”Fine,” he whispered,” But you’re talking later.”

  He pulled Feng Xin with him, taking slow steps back toward the bedroom, neither of them willing to fully break the kiss for more than a breath. Every quiet sound was swallowed against the other’s mouth.

  Their foreheads brushed briefly before Feng Xin kissed him again, slower this time, deeper, until the tension in his shoulders began to loosen beneath Mu Qing’s hands. Mu Qing’s fingers slid into his hair, gasped when Feng Xin tightened his grip over his waist.

  He fell back against the mattress, his legs opened out of habit to encompass more of Feng Xin’s body. He followed like a devoted worshipper, praises touched him with an aching need to forget. It was as if he knew without having to be told, that every time a gruesome broken image echoed within, Mu Qing erased it with another touch. His fingers were like golden lights in the dark walls closing in. 

  Mu Qing broke the disassociation with his breathless, urging movements. His fingers traced the deep tremors along Feng Xin’s back, while his legs pulled him closer, begging, pleading to release Feng Xin from his pain.

He soaked, cleansed himself of any sin deep within Mu Qing’s presence. There was no rush. Their fingers locked together, and Mu Qing arched into him.

”A’Xin- Ah, you can-“ his eyes traced every feature of Feng Xin’s face, made a soft noise when he pressed against Feng Xin’s growing heat,” You can f-fuck me. That will make you feel better, right?”

  Feng Xin pressed his face into the nape of Mu Qing’s neck and inhaled deeply.

”Can I just hold you tonight?”

The question alone seemed to send Mu Qing to an edge deeper than bliss. Their intertwined hands parted, only so that Mu Qing could wrap his arms around Feng Xin, tangle his fingers in his hair again.

”Yes,” Mu Qing breathed,” You can hold me.”

  Nothing.

Feng Xin slept so deep that when he awoke, before his vision had even cleared, he thought to the heavens and thought a wordless prayer. There was no forgiveness, because there was no guilt. Feng Xin was redeemed in Mu Qing. His face was stuffed into his chest, their legs messily entangled in the sheets, his own hand shoved into his shirt. It rose with every slow breath against his warm stomach. There was nothing more precious. There was nothing more worthy than blood.

  He pulled himself away, only far enough that he could watch him sleep. His lashes fluttered, dreams behind his eye lids. His lips were parted, gentle breath laxed, and his fingers rest against the waist band of Feng Xin's shorts. To be like this forever...

Feng Xin stretched and pressed the back of his hand to Mu Qing's cheek.

"Mm," he muttered," Not yet."

"Keep sleeping," Feng Xin whispered. 

  The alarm clock read ten minutes to their alarm. Very discreetly, he reached over Mu Qing and turned it off.

"...Feng Xin."

"Come on," he said," Let's take a sick day."

  His father had informed him to live as he normally would, but how could he go to class like this? He truly did feel sick. 

Mu Qing stirred more visibly, shifted until his head lifted enough to reveal the storm of dark hair from a deep slumber. 

"What about that assignment that's due today?"

"I think I'm feverish," Feng Xin said. "I need you to nurse me back to health."

Mu Qing narrowed his gaze, raised his leg to press against his morning wood. That, too, was definitely because of his illness.

"If I agree to stay home with you, are you going to tell me why you were so upset?"

  He didn't want to think about these things so early in the morning. He didn't want to lie, when he was so desperate to only ever tell Mu Qing truths. 

"..."

"Feng Xin."

"I got into a fight. It was... bad. I had to call my dad to bail me out before I got into real trouble."

"You're not going to tell me any details, are you?"

Feng Xin let out a soft sigh and turned, pressed his hand to his waist. He distracted himself for a moment, tracing small patterns into Mu Qing's skin. He lifted his gaze to him, let the truth slip with secrets still embedded onto his tongue.

  "There was an asshole who tried to hurt someone innocent. I stopped them from every thinking about doing it again. It made me... wish that I had been there at the lake to do the same."

Mu Qing exhaled a small breath.

"It was never your fault."

"In ways it was," Feng Xin stopped his tracing, pictured Bai Long's crushed in nose, the table's edge that had caused his death. "But it's all over now. I won't ever make a mistake like that again."

  Mu Qing moved from where he lie beside him to hover, dropped a leg over his waist, a hand eased beside his head. The mess of his hair fell against Feng Xin's shoulder. Mu Qing had grown so much since then. The vulnerable flush of a young man had hardened into this confident coldness, the shielded walls. He must have clawed at the brick of those walls long enough to find the painted god waiting. He was always breathtaking.

"I think you're right," Mu Qing said in a whisper, and he pressed his forehead down to Feng Xin's. "I should nurse you back to health today."

  No matter how far the tide pulls, it must eventually return to shore. 

Mu Qing didn't realize it, but he was the only clarity that Feng Xin knew. They held each other for another half hour, sharing sweet, lazy kisses with curious hands, at least until Feng Xin's stomach growled audibly and Mu Qing shot up.

"You didn't eat dinner, did you?"

"Uh, come back."

"Absolutely not," Mu Qing said," You're not about to starve on my watch."

"What?" Feng Xin tried to grasp his wrist," I'm not going to starve. Come back. Mu Qing!"

   Moments after he left him to start making noise in their kitchen, Feng Xin stared up at the ceiling in defeat. Even in caring for Feng Xin, Mu Qing was really quite stubborn. He closed his eyes, took in a long, deep breath.

The scrapes and bruises on his fist ached. It was dull compared to the harsh pulse underneath his skin. 

Blood dripped.

It crawled on the hard floor underneath his shoes.

He'd had to step away.

The face of a man left with open, gasping lips, that stilled. There was no breath.

   He thought of Mu Qing's face.

He thought of holding Mu Qing, the way he'd laughed on the docks with his feet in the water. He thought of how easy it would have been to have stayed sober, to have gone to him instead.

  His hands found Mu Qing's waist, before he'd even processed the fact he'd moved from the bedroom to the kitchen. The smell of the grease from the bacon didn't stir his hunger, but the presence of Mu Qing cooking away for his health did enough to stir his body into submission. He'd do whatever it was Mu Qing desired, even if it meant stuffing his face past the point of nausea. 

"Feng Xin," Mu Qing warned," You'll distract me."

"You're so fucking beautiful," Feng Xin whispered into his neck.

  Mu Qing turned, eyes wide, brows furrowed as he held the spatula. His gaze narrowed a moment later.

"You're not fucking me until I see you eat."

"Pft," Feng Xin's fingers teased in the waist band of his shorts, but he didn't push it. It's not what he'd been looking for anyways. "You're really crude for a nurse."

"You're the one with your hands down my shorts."

"Your body feels nice against my fever."

Mu Qing bit back a grin at this. "Right, your fever."

   When they finished breakfast, Feng Xin took the rest of the morning slow. They caught a rerun of an old show on TV, Mu Qing's head in his lap. By the second episode, he'd fished out a book he'd been reading while Feng Xin played with his hair mindlessly. Occasionally he'd tried to read the lines of his book out of curiosity, but they were far too small, and Mu Qing kept raising it closer and closer to his face, as if he were trying to hide something.

"...What's that you’re reading?"

Mu Qing shifted," Uh... nothing good. It's a history thing."

"If it's not good, why are you reading it?"

"Uh because I want to, duh."

  That was strange, wasn't it? Feng Xin wasn't much of a reader, but if he were, he definitely wouldn't read something he didn't enjoy. It kept his mind occupied enough though that he didn't realize the moments Feng Xin lost track of his own mind. It had happened a lot more than he'd like. 

  It happened again during their bath. Mu Qing pulled him back just as quickly with his soft sighs of content. Feng Xin pulled him further into his lap, pressed slow kisses against his wet shoulder, clung to him as if he were a life raft and he was in danger of drowning. 

"You've been so clingy today," Mu Qing informed.

"Sorry," Feng Xin whispered. "It's been a rough week."

  As long as he was holding Mu Qing, nothing else could touch him. He didn't have to ask questions. Time didn't have to press like a steel weight against his chest.

"It has, hasn't it?" 

They'd fought about the past, still didn't have a working car, found out rent would go up... and Feng Xin had killed a man. He felt more at grief for what he'd lost than what he'd taken. He still wasn't sure what his father would ask for, how he'd use this situation to his advantage. 

Fuck. Feng Xin was so damn tired of thinking.

  Feng Xin spread Mu Qing's legs, fingers tightened into his skin.

"Qing'er, I need you to help me relax again."

Help me forget.

Chapter Text

   Mu Qing’s pulse pressed against Feng Xin’s palm where he held his wrists in place. Their sheets were ruined an hour ago, smeared lube from the forgotten bottle, his own seed trickled against sweaty, trembling thighs around his waist. He’d lost count that night, every fall of their high was only a short rest before they climbed again. The red lines along Feng Xin’s arm and back stung, an enticing delight, but nothing compared to the marks pressed against Mu Qing’s smooth stomach, higher across his chest, the red, swollen nipples coated in his saliva. 

   Mu Qing was full of his cum, so much that every time he was fucked further into the mattress more came out with the squelching noises that followed with his soft pleas. Feng Xin pressed kisses all over his face, rolled his hips, and shock of intense pleasure pulled his muscles forward until he was releasing again. 

   “N-No,” Mu Qing gasped, and his hips arched, body a perfect curve as he took what was offered. Every time that Feng Xin finished, he released whatever hold he had of Mu Qing and let his body fall into him. His fingers ran through his hair, adorning him with gentle words when his breathing allowed. 

“So good Qing’er. You did so good for me. You said you couldn’t do it, but look-“ Feng Xin shifted, pressed his palm into Mu Qing’s cum splattered on his stomach, a line of it strung from his head.” So pretty.”

”I-I can’t. No more,” He whimpered, eyes wet and unfocused, body pliant against him. “I can’t cum anymore.”

”Coconut?” Feng Xin whispered.

”Yes,” Mu Qing’s legs were shaking,” No more. Coconut.”

  Feng Xin pulled out, watched in a dazed awe as the mess spilled further onto the sheets. He propped himself up with one hand, lowered his gaze to Mu Qing’s visible relief.

”Are you okay?” He asked, bringing up a hand to hold his cheek,” Was I too rough?”

Every round he ensured that Mu Qing was alright, that he didn’t accidentally hurt him while chasing for the edge, but what if that last round had been too much? 

  “S’good,” Mu Qing said,” Just… no more.”

“I’m sorry, baby,” Feng Xin’s voice couldn’t hide the fondness, the slight tease invoked by the sight of a delicate, gasping Mu Qing. “You were perfect. Remember our first time? Couldn’t even take it all, but you tried to so hard for me. Look at you now…”

”A’Xin,” he pleaded. 

“Stay here,” Feng Xin whispered, and he pressed a parting kiss to his lips.” I’ll run you another bath.”

   It went like this the following days. Feng Xin would find himself thinking too deep, but Mu Qing welcomed him, always. Their endurance had certainly improved, but he was beginning to worry that Mu Qing couldn’t take much more. He was sore in class, his half lidded gaze barely managed to grasp the concepts on the board. Feng Xin had almost felt guilty, had Mu Qing not already grown accustomed to Feng Xin’s new drive, that when they returned home after class or work, he’d started to undress himself without being asked. His enjoyment was a necessity. Feng Xin would stop the moment the word left his lips, or if he’d become so drained that his soft moans had ceased. 

    It was fine like this, and then his father called.

There were three hours before the initial meeting he’d scheduled, and Feng Xin wasn’t going to deny him. He’d cleaned up his mess… it was the least he could do, show up and hear him out. He wasn’t sure what he’d say to Mu Qing, who’d finished an assignment and was reading that new favorite book of his on the couch. 

  A knock on the door stirred him momentarily.

”I don’t want company,” Mu Qing informed, flipping a page. He slouched further into the cushions, brought the pages close to his eyes. His poor body needed the rest. Feng Xin thought to get rid of whoever had interrupted their peace, only to find Pei Ming, slouched against the wall.

  “I figured you’d need a ride,” Pei Ming said, offering him a grin,” and I didn’t feel comfortable going to meet your father without knowing what to expect.”

”He called you?”

Pei Ming moved past him, pressed a hand to his shoulder in greeting.

”His men left a message this morning.”

  He’d said it low enough that Mu Qing didn’t catch it, but upon his entry he immediately stiffened with irritation. 

Pei Ming raked his gaze over the man, and then chuckled low.

“No wonder you were wearing a scarf,” he mused,” Feng Xin is so rough. Would you like me to teach him manners?”

”Why do you think it’s okay to just show up unannounced?” Mu Qing asked, not looking up from his book.

”I wouldn’t have to if you’d unblock me,” Pei Ming informed, sounding like a broken record. He fussed with the leftover apple slices Feng Xin hadn’t finished on the island, taking one into his mouth. When he finished, he offered them both a knowing smirk,” How are my two favorite men?”

  He wasn’t going to kick Pei Ming out. Even if the man appeared unbothered by the entire situation, Feng Xin was well versed in men who knew how to hide their feelings. What he’d made him an accomplice of… it was far too much to chide him for playing around. 

“Tired,” Feng Xin said,” You said you wanted to go to the gym, right?”

Mu Qing narrowed his gaze over his literature.

”You two are going to the gym together…?”

”Why do you sound so surprised?” Pei Ming asked, having the audacity to look offended with a hand to his chest. “Feng Xin and I are friends now. I enjoy his company… amongst other things.”

   The book lowered in Mu Qing’s lap. He stared at Feng Xin, something close to suspicion, but then it faltered and he merely shook his head.

”Whatever,” he said,” Just don’t involve me… and don’t change in front of him either.”

”You’re making me sound like a deranged animal. I can control myself,” Pei Ming said.

  Mu Qing raised a brow.

”Then control yourself.”

   1200 Syndic Av.

His father's meeting location was a tower hotel that could easily cost his entire month's rent for a single night, maybe more. Heaven and Blessings... It didn't sound like it should. The large black skyscraper had security outside, an awning for those to leave their cars to the valet. Inside, a chandelier hung from the high arched ceiling, a long staircase wrapped around the dark reds and gold of the decor. 

Many business men set to the bar and dining hall, some entertained by the tight fitting dresses of the women who served drinks. 

  Pei Ming removed his sunglasses and whistled low.

"Your father owns this?”

"I guess."

Lui Wei had been waiting for them. It was still strange every time he saw the man, now that he'd decided to leave the country fisherman act for his usual suit and tie. He nodded once in greeting, hands clasped in front of him.

"Your father wants to meet downstairs."

"... The basement?" Pei Ming asked, and very quickly he whispered to Feng Xin," Is he going to kill us?"

"What? No." Feng Xin thought about it," I don't think so."

  Lui Wei only smiled, which looked awful on the man, and then turned to show them the way. There were two thick, iron doors that he thought was an elevator at first. The man raised a badge from his front pocket to a small screen off to the side, and it beeped once in confirmation before sliding open. 

Oh, it was an elevator.

"Have you ever seen the matrix?" Pei Ming asked. He'd entered the small space, leaned into Feng Xin as he spoke," I haven't, but I imagine it would be similar to this."

"Your friend likes to talk," Lui Wei said.

"Well," Pei Ming responded with a chirpy grin," I do tend to talk when I'm nervous, and you're a very suspicious looking man. Where the hell are you taking us? My father is Pei Hui-"

The elevator jolted, causing him to stumble back even more into Feng Xin, who caught him by the elbow.

  "Seriously, be careful," Feng Xin muttered.

Pei Ming pulled his elbow back with a frown, as if he'd had his feelings hurt from being reprimanded. He was so dramatic...

When the doors reopened, an entire new floor changed the scenery of the Heaven and blessings into something more off putting than the name. 

  Velvet curtains draped from the ceiling in rich dark colors, partitioning off narrow and private booths where silhouettes shifted lazily behind the fabric. Tinted bulbs cast the hall in shades of amber and crimson, softening faces into something dreamlike beneath the clouds of smoke that rose with something sweet.

  Women draped across velvet couches with glittering mouths and half lidded eyes. Beautiful men in silk shirts leaned against doorframes, jewelry glinting at their throats and wrists, their laughter low and practiced. 

Pei Ming blinked.

"Um," he closed his mouth, tried again," Feng Xin, darling, why are we at a qīnglóu?"

"This way," Lui Wei instructed.

   He continued down the long hall, separating two large dining areas that sat before a long glass bar. A few women looked at them, lounged their lithe bodies along the walls, beckoning them forth with a curl of the finger, a seductive smirk.

Feng Xin inhaled a sharp breath. 

Ignore them. Ignore them. They’re not there. You’re not here. You’re at home. 

  “Looking kind of pale,” Pei Ming whispered.

”S-Shut up. Let’s just get this over with.”

Of all the places, he’d rather be meeting at a Denny’s again!

  Lui Wei led them to the farthest room, behind two black doors that opened up to an office. Dark wood shelves lined the walls beside expensive liquor and neatly arranged records. A massive desk sat near the center of the room, black and glossy enough to mirror the light, reflect the man sitting behind it with a delighted grin.

"Feng Xin," Feng Rui greeted," And the youngest son of Pei Hui. What a pleasure."

Feng Xin's fingers clenched to fists at his side.

"Why the hell did you invite us here of all places?!"

Pei Ming eyed Feng Xin, a curious quirk to his brow. The man behind the desk chuckled, soon garnering everyone's attention. His glass of whiskey was almost empty, and he gestured with his hand for Lui Wei to bring two more glasses, which were filled and placed in front of two chairs. 

"Sit. We have things to discuss."

   Feng Xin sat, but he didn't touch the drink. He'd tried to make it a new habit to only drink with those he trusted not to take advantage of the situation. His gaze hardened on the desk, waiting for the man to get on with it. He could only be at the 'gym' so long.

"You've made a mess," Feng Rui informed, sounding pleased," They tell me that he was hardly recognizable as a man."

Feng Xin sucked in a breath.

"Needless imagery," Pei Ming said. He leant forward, plucked the glass from the desk. "I'm a bit... squeamish, so if you could save the details."

  Squeamish? Feng Xin thought he was anything but. 

"Of course," Feng Rui mended. "That's not entirely why I brought you two in. I did have to reassure myself that my son and his..." his gaze narrowed," friend, wouldn't feel the need to absolve themselves of any guilt by going to the authorities. It would make my job much more difficult."

"No," Feng Xin unclenched the fingers that had grasped the fabric of his pants. "We're not... We appreciate you... for helping us out."

The words tasted bitter.

  Feng Rui laughed, head thrown back. How could his mother have ever loved this man? Had he ever been anything more than this?

"Good, good. Now that I've helped you, how about you help your old man out in return? Of course," he gestured lazily with his hand," I'll still be nice and give you a hefty amount of cash for your troubles. I know things have been really tough lately, as Lui Wei says."

Feng Xin glared in the man's direction. 

"You want to hire us for something dirty?" Pei Ming questioned. He sipped on his drink and leant back, his legs crossed, arm slung out on one side of the arm rest of his chair. "I don't bend for money, but... if Feng Xin agrees."

Shut the fuck up.

  Feng Rui blinked. 

"Anyways," he said," It's come to my attention that there will be a party at Hua Cheng's next month. It's one of the few times that his place will be open to those close enough to get an invitation. It would be the perfect time for you to leave a few bugs, just enough to help out our continued investigation."

Pei Ming's brows furrowed.

"Hua Cheng? Xie Lan's boyfriend?"

Feng Rui ignored him.

”As Xie Lan’s best friend there’s no doubt you’ll be invited. It is his birthday after all, isn’t it? I’ll be sure to send him a gift.”

  What exactly was he looking for? Why go through so much trouble to bug his place for information unless there was something specific? He wasn't so much of an idiot that he thought Feng Rui was telling him the whole story, but he also knew his options were limited. 

"Xie Lan is moving in," Feng Xin said," I won't invade his privacy like that."

"I would never ask you too. I just need a few set in his office."

Feng Xin bit the inside of his cheek. It still wasn't right. 

"There's no way I'll be able to get into his office undetected. His place is huge, he probably has more than one."

  Feng Rui sighed, lifted a finger to gesture for Lui Wei to move. He left the office, and Pei Ming finished his drink in one long swig. He no longer looked comfortable, his charm had faded with the knowledge that they were planning against Hua Cheng. This man had faced him once or twice, when he'd thought to make casual flirtatious remarks in Xie Lan's direction a year or so ago. He'd never tried it again. 

"I understand what I ask you probably goes against your morale standards, but let's be honest. It appears you have no issue changing them if the situation sees fit."

Feng Xin stood from his seat," Like you didn't fucking plan for this? You were tailing me, for what? To wait to see me screw up until I needed your help? Would you have even called for me if I weren't so close to someone who could get me to Hua Cheng?"

  Feng Rui shook his head, setting his drink down with a clank.

"Don't be paranoid. I came to you because you spoke about me. The rest was just a nice coincidental opportunity." 

"I find that hard to believe."

  The door opened, and He Xuan stepped inside with a bowl of something steaming. He looked worse off than Feng Xin, eyes rimmed with shadows and a deep scowl set on his lips.

"I was eating my lunch," he informed Feng Rui," Could this not have waited?"

"... Ming Yi??" Pei Ming asked. His eyes were growing wider and wider with confusion the longer the meeting went. "Somebody please explain to me what the hell is going on."

"You're worried that you won't be able to find and access the location. He Xuan here will have that covered. While he... tends to other business plans, he'll direct you."

  "He Xuan???" Pei Ming questioned.

"Other business plans?" Feng Xin snapped," Why are you only giving me half ass answers? Why is he fucking going around calling himself Ming Yi?" His eyes turned dark as he looked at the man," Don't tell me you're dating Shi Qingxuan to get closer!"

He Xuan's eyes went cold at the mention of the man, though the intimidation was cut by the bowl of noodles he had tucked into his arm. 

"My relationship with Shi Qingxuan is none of your concern."

"It is! They're my friend!"

Pei Ming threw his head back against the chair. "He Xuan..." he muttered to himself.

"Enough," Feng Rui said," You each have a task. It's simple. You either accept what I've given you or deny my aid..." he tilted his head at Feng Xin," and trust me son,  you'll really, really want my aid."

   What other options did he have? Deny him? Have his father drop the news that Feng Xin had killed Bai Long? Would he do that to his own son?? 

The situation was already becoming too much for him to control alone. The only thing he needed more than anything was for Mu Qing to remain unaffected. If he did this, it didn't necessarily mean he had anything on Hua Cheng. Maybe a few business deals gone wrong... If he was doing something nefarious enough to send him to prison, then maybe Feng Xin was doing Xie Lan a favor. What could really happen? He Xuan had access to the place, couldn't he just as easily be the one to place the bugs?

  "And you," Feng Rui finally acknowledged Pei Ming's presence," are aware of the issue your father was released from not too long ago. Save him the trouble of owing me a favor by offering your assistance. I won't ask much of you, not yet anyways."

Pei Ming looked over at Feng Xin. His eyes had settled on him, not the way they normally did, but similar to how they'd met in the car. A mutual understanding.

"I don't care about any of that. I'll do it for Feng Xin and Mu Qing."

"Ah Mu Qing," Feng Rui said," such a sweet looking kid. Yes, it would be best to keep him from such a mess."

  Pei Ming, Feng Xin thought, you absolute fool. 

  Pei Ming had hummed along to a song the entire time back, but the moment he stopped the engine his face grew serious again. He leaned back in his seat and let out an audible sigh.

"It's not that much he's asking of us, considering."

Feng Xin didn't look his way.

"We don't even know what he's asking. None of what he's doing makes any sense."

There was something he was missing. He wasn't sure if it was a single piece to the puzzle, or if he'd yet to even find the correct board. He felt no matter what choice he made, the outcome would be pleasant in the eyes of Feng Rui. The fucking bastard. 

  "You didn't have to agree to this," Feng Xin said. "I already put you through enough."

"Pft," Pei Ming rolled his eyes." Trust me, this is really nothing. My family works in the same way. At least now... I'm working for two people I genuinely enjoy being around."

Feng Xin stared out the front window for a long moment, and then in defeat, he pulled out his phone and went through his contacts. Pei Ming's lips twitched when he unblocked his name.

  "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

He moved to get out, but Pei Ming grabbed for his wrist. His thumb smoothed over Feng Xin's skin, his gaze lit with a fire that said more than enough. 

"Now that we're hiding such a deep secret, I'd hate for Mu Qing to feel left out. Let me come over tomorrow. I'll make you two dinner."

Feng Xin yanked his wrist back.

"No thanks."

"You're right. Too small. How about my place?"

"Sometimes, I'm not sure if you even know whether or not you're joking."

  Pei Ming smirked, let his thumb run over the bottom of his own lip. 

"I assure you, when it comes to you two, I'm never joking."

"Good night, Pei Ming." 

Feng Xin shut the car door and hurried up the stairs before the man could further attempt to persuade him. Seriously, the guy had no shame! 

Chapter Text

   Hua Cheng was spoiling Xie Lan. He had three different events planned for his birthday alone, and two of those things were private, one on some island he owned. He owned an island, by the way, which Feng Xin still couldn't fathom. Just how rich was this guy?! He had no other choice if he wanted to continue being a loyal friend. He had to convince Xie Lan to cancel the party. That would be the perfect excuse for him not being able to place the bug.

  "I... don't understand?"

Feng Xin propped a hand up under his chin, pressed against the outside bench of the university campus. Xie Lan furrowed his brows at his suggestion to simply just have a small get together instead. Mu Qing offered no aid from where he sat next to him, book in hand.

"Shi Qingxuan throws parties all the time. Aren't you partied out? We could go to your favorite restaurant."

He was grasping at strings.

"I mean... It's just... San Lang really wanted to do something nice for me."

"And he can," Feng Xin said," by taking you out. He's already doing so much. The guy needs a break sometime."

  Why was Xie Lan being so difficult? He was doing this for him!

"He's already planned a lot for it. It would be rude to just have him cancel so close," Xie Lan informed, playing with a ring hanging from a silver chain. Feng Xin hadn't noticed that one before. It was most likely another gift from the gracious, perfect San Lang. Ugh.

"Why are you being so pushy?" Mu Qing asked. "If he wants to throw the party, let him throw it. It's not that big of a deal."

"Why are you never on my side?"

"I wasn't aware there were sides," Mu Qing informed, lifting his gaze from the book to stare at him. "Seriously, what’s your problem today?”

”I-“ Feng Xin huffed, turned his head away to pout at the welcome sign towards the library. “I don’t have a problem. If anything was my problem it would be that damn book you can’t put down long enough to help me out.”

”… You’re jealous over my book?”

”No!” Feng Xin exhaled, not wanting to be mad either, even if this entire situation sucked. “Lets just go to class.”

  When he turned around in the hall, he realized that no one had actually followed him. They were acting like he was the one with the problem. Was it so bad that he didn’t want to bug Xie Lan’s rich, annoying boyfriend? This was more stress inducing than what he’d already done. He couldn’t even mention it to them, which killed him the most. Not too long ago, Feng Xin would have told them everything. He would have ranted to Xie Lan and then been reprimanded by a scowling Mu Qing until everything turned out alright. 

  Now he was being treated like a child in need of a time out. He huffed, continued walking down the hall and was abruptly grabbed by the arm and forced into an empty class. Pei Ming’s hand pushed against the wall, standing too close for comfort.

”They’re asking about him,” he half whispered, urgently.

”What?”

”Bai Long. His parents are looking for him. They’re asking every major family if we’ve been in contact.”

   Feng Xin inhaled a short breath. No, this had been expected. It had been nearly a month, and Feng Rui had warned them about this. The fact it had taken a few weeks for them to even notice something was amiss should have been relief enough. Was Bai Long even hated by his own family? Were the police involved? They had to be.

“Did they suspect anything?”

”No,” Pei Ming said,” but I wanted you to know before it got out. We might be questioned, because we both had an altercation with him in front of more than one witness. Someone might say something.”

”Let them,” Feng Xin whispered when he heard footsteps, but it was a university hall, he wasn’t too paranoid. If anyone happened to glance at the room, it would merely look with Pei Ming’s arm still raised, that he was cornering a faceless student. It was just Pei Ming being Pei Ming. “My father won’t let us go down. He needs us after all.”

   “Your confidence is genuinely alluring,” Pei Ming said, but his voice had changed. It dripped with something darkly sweet. 

Just as Feng Xin was going to tell him to fuck off, someone cleared their throat. 

They both turned. Pei Ming dropped the hand he had pinned beside Feng Xin’s head and faltered, letting out a nervous chuckle. 

“Mu Qing, hello. I was just..” he forced a grin,” Feng Xin and I were chatting about you actually. You look divine today. A majestic, elegant god deserving of-“

”Save it,” Mu Qing said. His eyes met Feng Xin’s, saw his slight discomfort and then rolled his eyes. He didn’t look too pissed that they’d just been huddled together to have a secret conversation, which for Mu Qing was odd. “Don’t be late.”

  Pei Ming and Feng Xin watched after him when he turned to leave.

“I’m going to have to start flirting with him more,” Pei Ming informed,” or else he’ll start to think I have favorites.”

”What??”

   The rest of the week Feng Xin spent mentally preparing for the shit show this party might become. Every time he even looked in He Xuan's direction, he was always with Shi Qingxuan. It was mostly after class when he'd come to pick him up, an arm throw around his shoulders, hard line of his lips, a darkness in his gaze when it met Feng Xin's. 

The asshole was most likely using Shi Qingxuan, but to what end? Even when he returned home to relax on the couch, he couldn't help but try to pry apart everyone's reasoning. What exactly was it his father wanted? He didn't know enough about the man to gauge his actions and make sense of them, so he gave up quite quickly. 

   There was another thing on his mind recently too.

Now that, Mu Qing and him were together, that meant certain things didn't have to be hidden away anymore. He found the bracelet stuffed into a shoe box he used for paper work in his closet. They'd gotten into a fight their senior year of high school, when their friendship became so warped that they'd both pretended to forget they ever had one, so the bracelet had left his wrist to collect dust. Feng Xin slipped it on, and remembered the nervous face Mu Qing had, had when giving it to him. He'd been so cute.

   "Do you want rice with-" Mu Qing stopped at the doorway of the closet.

His gaze lowered to Feng Xin's outstretched wrist. His eyes widened.

"You still have it," he whispered, not blinking as he took the beaded bracelet in. Had he thought Feng Xin had thrown it away or something?

His expression was so tender that Feng Xin didn't tease him. He pressed closer, moving into Mu Qing's space. His eyes traced the soft tinted pink of his lips, the smooth paleness of his cheeks, the dark obsidian of his eyes.

"I didn't understand it then," Feng Xin said low, his fingers touched the edge of Mu Qing's wrist," but my heart used to race when I looked at it. It was my favorite thing in the world. How could I lose it?"

   Mu Qing raised his hand to push it gently against his chest.

"You're such a sap," he said, not sounding displeased, but certainly not comfortable. His fingers tightened their grip against the fabric of his shirt. "You've always been so gentle with everyone. I never thought it would be with me, now look at you..."

Feng Xin smiled slightly," I'm not always gentle."

A small smirk played at the edges of Mu Qing's lips," No... not always."

He was not so gentle when he kissed him, pulling him in deeper to their shared closet space.

Their sweet peace did not, unfortunately, last long. 

   Pei Ming and him had only shared a few words in passing leading up to the party, but eventually Mu Qing's patience wore thin. He'd acted completely indifferent, but as they were getting dressed before heading to Hua Cheng's place, Feng Xin's phone rang. 

"You unblocked him?"

Feng Xin folded the collar of his buttoned shirt, half glancing to the contact. He could see the eggshells layering their wooden floor. His father had thrown another card his way, but he tried keeping it inconspicuous by not making large transactions, so for the first week or so he still got rides from Pei Ming until it was more believable that he'd saved up the cash himself. He fixed up the entire car, and as old as it was, he probably still had a few good years left with it.

  He had enough money to buy a car, but that would be way too obvious. He had to be sneaky about these things. He'd been spoiling Mu Qing too. He bought his favorite groceries, mentioned how he'd been couponing, picked him new clothes that were "thrifted".

"It felt weird keeping him blocked when he was regularly giving us rides."

Mu Qing bit the edge of his lip and narrowed his gaze. He stared for a long moment, and then stepped forward, the phone had went silent with the missed call. 

"Are you fucking him, Feng Xin?"

"Is... that a serious question... or?"

"Why are you letting him pin you against the wall of empty classrooms? You two have been acting weird as fuck, and I'm tired of pretending you aren't."

Feng Xin rubbed the side of his face, feeling as if he were on a reality tv show. Him... fucking Pei Ming? Mu Qing had to have lost his shit.

"Wow," he breathed out," Why are you just now bringing this up?" 

That happened a week ago! He had plenty of time then to be upset about it. At the time though, he'd looked mildly annoyed. 

  Mu Qing lifted the phone. There were three notifications. One was the missed call, underneath were two unread messages from before.

I have an idea that might help us slip out of the party discreetly.

Call me back asap.

Oh. Well, okay, that just looked... 

Fucking Pei Ming, why did he have to make Feng Xin's life more difficult? He snatched the phone from Mu Qing’s hand and tossed it on the couch. Really, Mu Qing? This is what you think?

  “You’re paranoid as hell,” Feng Xin muttered. 

Mu Qing tilted his head with a dangerous intent to his gaze, and then he smiled, which was actually quite intimidating to Feng Xin. He never knew what to expect when his lover used this method of arguing.

"Paranoid," he said, humming softly," Okay, then call him back on speaker. Don't tell him I'm here."

Ok. Fuck.

"You don't trust me?"

"I trust you," Mu Qing informed, and he trailed down to the couch to pluck the discarded phone," but it doesn't make sense to me... You hated Pei Ming. You're a jealous asshole, actually, and all of a sudden you two are sneaking off to whisper and now he wants to ditch the party with you? Is he that charming, A'Xin?"

He stepped into Feng Xin's space and pressed the phone to his chest," Has he kissed you yet? He likes to use his tongue so quickly."

"Hey!" Feng Xin barked," Enough of that shit. I can't believe you right now. Give me the damned phone."

  For all the gods, please don't mention anything. Feng Xin dialed Pei Ming's number and glared at Mu Qing as it rang. Kissing Pei Ming, that's the last thing he wanted to think about. As soon as a muffled sound let out, Feng Xin pressed the speaker button.

"Hello, thank you for finally answering me. I was beginning to feel a bit cold."

For fuck's sake...

"Listen, I know that we agreed to uh... skip out on the party for a bit to smoke, but maybe it would be best if we didn't. Or maybe, we could invite Mu Qing, right? I know he doesn't like it, but he might feel left out."

Was he talking too much? He chanced a glance at Mu Qing, who didn't have any visible emotion.

"Invite Mu Qing?" the voice on the other end clearly followed well enough," I told you I would, but you were so worried about his comfort."

"Well... I'll just ask him to be sure."

Pei Ming chuckled," Mmm, you do that. Tell him I miss him while you're at it."

   Feng Xin hung up the phone, and stared at Mu Qing. Sure, they were acting different, but to immediately assume that?  Mu Qing didn't even seem to believe it himself, that when the phone call ended, he didn't really react. He shrugged instead, as if he'd never doubted it to begin with. It felt more that Mu Qing knew something was off, but he was working through ways trying to get Feng Xin to confess, and it seemed he thought throwing him off guard with the first accusation that made sense might do the trick. When it didn't, Mu Qing merely tried another method.

 "What are you two smoking?"

"What else would we be smoking?" Feng Xin asked.

"I don't know... crack?"

"Okay, don't piss me off."

Hua Cheng had rented performers from nearly every corner of the city.

   Acrobats suspended from long ribbons descended slowly from above like celestial spirits, their jeweled costumes scattering light across the crowd as they twisted through the air. Along the edges of the room, musicians played on elevated platforms hidden behind red curtains. 

  One corridor held masked dancers moving in eerie synchronization beneath lanterns, their sleeves trailing like smoke as guests gathered to watch. Another room had been converted into an indoor garden where performers painted calligraphy directly onto sheets of silk while seated beside shallow pools filled with floating candles.

Everything had been arranged around Xie Lian's tastes with almost obsessive attention.

White flowers had been woven through the decorations despite their fragility. There were handcrafted lanterns floating in the indoor waterways, each painted with scenes from old stories Xie Lian once mentioned liking in passing years ago. Even the servants carried silver trays filled with foods tailored specifically toward things Xie Lian enjoyed.

   Yin Yu stood at the doorway, taking invitations in hand as if he were nothing more than Hua Cheng's personal employee. Seriously, did this guy get paid?

Feng Xin kept a gentle hand to Mu Qing's lower back, even if he was being impossibly argumentative since Pei Ming's messages. How the hell was he supposed to sneak off now without alerting him? 

"You two made it after all," Xie Lan greeted, a glass of something clear in his hand. His body was adorned in beautiful white silk, jewels hung across his neck, silver with diamonds embedded along the thin chain along his wrist. He looked similar to an adorned angel, his earrings even had a certain elegant catch. There were flowers braided into parts of his hair pushed back. 

  "Shi Qingxuan did that?" Mu Qing asked, and as if he didn't want to be heard, said low," You look nice."

Xie Lan smiled warmly, lifting his drink," You look very nice too, Mu Qing."

Feng Xin lowered his gaze to admire Mu Qing again, except like always, he found himself staring longer than necessary. His fitted black suit sculpted his body with precision. Underneath his matte black blazer was a soft gray button up, left open enough to reveal the pale skin of sharp collar bones, the necklace from their business dinner long ago. The fingers that reached for a glass of wine from a passing server were adorned with silver rings, painted dark nails filed neatly. His long legs were no mystery in their fit, that he would have drooled had they not been in the presence of others to get them down his body.

   Feng Xin forced himself to look up, where Mu Qing's hair had been styled just enough to look careless. Dark strands fell across his forehead in disarray while the rest was brushed back loosely in gentle waves from his recent shower. He was so beautiful naturally, that he hadn't even needed to apply the eyeliner, lashes dark and full, a soft pale tint of lip gloss to further bring out his lips.

"Why don't you two get something to eat?" Xie Lan suggested.

Mu Qing and him had been having a full conversation while Feng Xin got a hard on from his irritatingly beautiful boyfriend. 

"Going to find Hua Cheng?" Mu Qing inquired.

"Mm, I have a feeling that he'll find me."

"Heh," Mu Qing raised his glass as if to toast," Have fun."

  When Xie Lan parted with a few words, Mu Qing elbowed Feng Xin in the side hard.

"Ow! What the fuck?"

"Are you going to space out the entire night?"

Feng Xin blinked. He took a moment to register the question and then sighed, rubbing his side. "It's not my fault you're so pretty. Geez."

Mu Qing scoffed, but something softened in his gaze, as well as the soft pink rising to his cheeks that he hid by turning his head. He kept his glass close to himself, seemed to scan the party for something specific. 

"I don't see your new boyfriend anywhere."

"Please don't call him that," Feng Xin pleaded," You'll get him excited."

  While Pei Ming was no where in sight, it wasn't long before Shi Qingxuan was making enough idle chatter that the two turned upon hearing them laugh. Feng Xin sighed in relief. He was dressed masculine today, thank the gods. 

"Mu Qing! Feng Xin!" He waved to them, tightened his fingers over He Xuan's arm before pulling him along to greet the two with a wide grin.

Feng Xin and He Xuan stared at each other, having a silent conversation.

Are you using Shi Qingxuan or not??

None of your damn business.

"It's been so long since we've been able to talk," Shi Qingxuan was saying to Mu Qing," I really do miss you. Now that it's out that you two are actually dating, we need to get some lunch together to gossip!"

  Feng Xin quickly turned his head. This was his opening.

"Why not now?" he asked," I was just going to find a restroom. Maybe you two could find a seat by the buffet."

He pressed his hand a bit lower on Mu Qing's back.

"I won't be long."

He Xuan cleared his throat, pressed a fist to his lips.

"I'll show you. It is a bit difficult to find."

   Feng Xin felt like the worst liar in the world, but Shi Qingxuan didn't seem suspicious of his lover at all. Mu Qing, on the other hand, was sending Feng Xin a look that screamed suspicious and if you're up to something, you're dead when we get home. Feng Xin took in a deep breath and adjusted the collar of his shirt as He Xuan guided him towards the grand staircase. 

"There's three offices," he informed," The two that you and Pei Ming need to worry about are on the second floor. Yours is the east end. I've already messed with the cameras, but I have to return them to their original point in ten minutes," He Xuan pressed three small devices into Feng Xin's hand," Place the bugs underneath the desk, around the bookcase, somewhere he wouldn't normally think to look and then meet back here."

  Feng Xin really did feel like some kind of spy.

"East end of the second floor... Okay," he stuffed the devices into his pocket, eyeing the entire floor to see if he caught Hua Cheng's presence. 

"Don't worry," He Xuan said," I'll make sure you don't get caught. Just hurry."

   Feng Xin gave a stiff nod, though the reassurance did little to settle the tension wound tight beneath his ribs. The moment He Xuan stepped away, the noise of the party seemed to swell around him again.

He forced himself to move naturally.

Not too fast. Not too cautious.

Just another guest wandering where he pleased... with the hopes Hua Cheng didn't skin him alive. 

The grand staircase curved upward beneath his feet, polished black marble reflecting fractured gold from the chandelier overhead. Every step felt louder than it should have. Halfway up the stairs, he glanced over the railing.

   Below, Shi Qingxuan was still talking animatedly to someone near the bar, entirely oblivious. Mu Qing stood there with a wine glass in hand, posture elegant and composed, but his eyes lifted at the exact same moment.

Their gazes locked.

Mu Qing narrowed his eyes immediately. Well, fuck. Maybe he'd assume the first floor bathroom was out of order or something. Why weren't they at the buffet?? Shi Qingxuan had one job, and it was to distract his already fuming lover!

   The second floor was quieter. He had to forget that Mu Qing was most likely going to kill him with a glare when he returned. 

The hallway stretched long in both directions, lined with dark wood paneling and low amber lights that cast everything in a dim, intimate glow.

East end.

Right.

Feng Xin shoved his hands into his pockets and started walking, trying to ignore how painfully aware he was of every security camera mounted in the corners. Even knowing He Xuan had disabled them didn't stop the instinctive unease crawling up the back of his neck.

  The doors grew farther apart the deeper he went. Most were shut completely, though one stood slightly ajar, revealing flickering candlelight and the quiet murmur of voices before someone inside laughed softly and closed it again.

Definitely not the right office.

At the very end of the corridor stood a pair of tall black doors trimmed in gold.

Unlike the others, there were no decorations around them. No artwork. No flowers. Nothing softening the sharpness of the entrance. It felt deliberate, like the hallway itself understood it should keep its distance.

Feng Xin slowed.

This had to be it.

  His heartbeat thudded hard against his ribs as he approached, fingers brushing against the bugs hidden in his pocket. For one brief second, he considered turning around and pretending he'd gotten lost, but he'd committed to this. He'd murdered a man, and now he had to pay the consequences by betraying his friend's trust. Hopefully, it didn't affect much. 

  He shut the door, scanned the office for anything that might immediately threaten his life, and then stepped forward when the coast seemed clear. No one could ever be too safe when it came to the man Hua Cheng. Overall, it looked like an ordinary office. 

Feng Xin pulled the small devices from his pocket and moved without pause. He stuck one to the underside of a bookcase, another behind a piece of art work that- Holy shit, was that a painting of Xie Lan?? It had to be. The only difference is that he was wearing the robes of a god. It was ethereal, beautiful and very, very disturbing. This guy was obsessed. 

  "Ignoring that..."

Feng Xin moved towards the desk and dropped down low enough to press the last device underneath. There. Spy work was exhilarating and he never wanted to do this shit again. When he pulled himself up, he caught the single file partially opened as if it had been closed in a rush. 

No. No. There's already been way too many lines crossed.

Feng Xin bit the edge of his lip, and then flipped a page over with his finger. 

Shi Wudu's face in black and white ink stared at him.

"Shi Wudu?"

  The door burst open and he yelped, the files became a mess when his hand swept the area and stumbled back against the chair. Pei Ming laughed to himself as he closed the door behind him.

"Playing with files?"

"What the hell are you doing here?! I had the east end!"

Feng Xin bent to pick up the files and rearranged them with a deep scowl. He wasn't embarrassed. There was no reason to be. When he set them back to their normal position, he moved from behind the desk and rubbed the side of his face.

"It's none of my business, but do you know if Shi Wudu has any connections to Hua Cheng by any chance?"

They were old friends; If anyone should know, it would be Pei Ming. 

   Pei Ming raised a brow, leant up against the desk.

"Not really. They might have done business, but it shouldn't be anything serious. Why? Is that what you were just snooping through?"

"It's none of our business..."

Pei Ming raised a brow, leant forward and snatched the file from its place to flip it open to a random page. Feng Xin only shook his head, but he watched closely, his own interest peaked. 

Pei Ming's eyes widened the further he read, muttering words that didn't make sense.

"Protocol E-ming... shared value... corresponding dates..."

The amusement vanished from his face almost instantly, replaced by something sharp and alarmingly serious. His eyes moved rapidly across the page again, fingers tightening slightly against the edge of the folder.

"What?" Feng Xin whispered harshly," Is it bad?"

Pei Ming didn't answer immediately.

Instead, he flipped another page, scanning line after line before sucking in a slow breath through his teeth.

"...I think I know what Feng Rui is after."

Feng Xin frowned. "What does that even mean?"

The office door handle clicked.

  Before Feng Xin could even process what was happening, Pei Ming grabbed him violently by the wrist and yanked him forward. The folder snapped shut as Pei Ming shoved it carelessly back across the desk.

In one horrifying movement, Pei Ming seized the waistband of Feng Xin's pants and jerked them halfway down his hips before slamming himself down to his knees.

The office door opened fully.

Feng Xin barely had time to look up before he saw Mu Qing standing in the doorway.

Silence.

  Pei Ming's eyes widened in realization.

Mu Qing's eyes slowly lifted from Feng Xin's half undone pants to his face. For one terrible second, Feng Xin couldn't breathe, and then Mu Qing laughed, a quiet, disbelieving sound beneath his breath.

"Mu Qing-"

Mu Qing looked away immediately, pressing his tongue hard against the inside of his cheek. His expression twisted into something unreadable, hurt flashing through his eyes so quickly Feng Xin almost thought he'd imagined it. 

Of course, he would think the worst.

Feng Xin was standing in Hua Cheng's office with Pei Ming on his knees in front of him. There was absolutely no explaining this.

Mu Qing gave another soft laugh to himself, gaze fixed somewhere over Feng Xin's shoulder now.

"...Right," he murmured quietly, and then turned around to walk away.

Panic hit Feng Xin instantly.

"Mu Qing, wait!"

He jerked his pants back into place and turned on Pei Ming furiously.

"What the fuck was that?!"

Pei Ming stood abruptly, looking just as horrified now that the adrenaline had worn off.

“I thought it was someone else!" he hissed back," It was the first thing that came to mind!"

  Out in the hallway, Feng Xin could already hear Mu Qing's retreating footsteps disappearing farther down the corridor. Something twisted painfully in his chest. No. Absolutely not. He was not letting Mu Qing think this for any longer than necessary! What the fuck was He Xuan even doing if not helping them not get caught?! The bastard had to have noticed Mu Qing tailing him!

"MU QING!" he shouted down the hallway before immediately lowering his voice again, "Wait, would you just let me explain?!"

Behind him, Pei Ming hurried after him with a grimace.

"In my defense," he said quickly," I genuinely thought it was Hua Cheng opening the door."

Feng Xin rounded on him while still walking.

"HOW is that better?!"

   He grabbed for Mu Qing's wrist, who turned on him, trying to fight him back.

"Let go of me! I don't want to hear your stupid excuses anymore!" Mu Qing yanked his wrist back, eyes wide as he took a step back," I- I don't even know where to start. I never once actually believed that you two were doing anything. I thought, I don't fucking know, doing something weird, but-" he inhaled a sharp breath," Fuck." Mu Qing's fingers were trembling. He looked on the verge of vomiting. 

"No, no, no," Feng Xin said quickly," We aren't. He thought you were Hua Cheng. We're not fucking each other. I would never in a million years cheat on you."

"He's right," Pei Ming affirmed.

"Shut up," Feng Xin snapped, and then softer towards Mu Qing," We can't talk here. Can we please, just go somewhere private so I can explain everything to you? If it makes you feel better, I'll even let you punch me first."

  Mu Qing didn't look as if he knew what to believe. He looked back and forth between them both, his jaw clenched. After a while, he turned his head.

"Fine," he said," you get five minutes."

Chapter Text

   They couldn't risk being found in Hua Cheng's office, so Feng Xin opened different doors until he found a bedroom. It's dark silk curtains were drawn, a single journal left out along a large bookcase. It didn't look well lived in, but it had shoes neatly arranged on a rack and lamp still lit on the bedside table. It was most likely a staff's bedroom, which at least if they were caught trespassing in, wouldn't immediately result in death...that is if Mu Qing didn't kill them first.

   Mu Qing sat on the bed's edge. Pei Ming slouched into a chair in the corner, finding an interest in the book case beside him. He traced a few titles, eyeing Feng Xin as he shut the door. 

The smile that curled Mu Qing's lips was lethal, and he sounded much too calm when he spoke.

"Well, your five minutes started. Please, tell me another lie. I want to see how creative you can be."

  Pei Ming and Feng Xin shared a look.

"I would never cheat on you," Feng Xin said immediately.

"And I would never sabotage your relationship," Pei Ming added at once, lifting both hands defensively. "I mean, sure, under different circumstances I'd gladly get on my knees if the two of you invited me to-"

"Pei Ming."

"Right. Sorry."

Feng Xin dragged a hand down his face before exhaling heavily.

  Mu Qing rolled his eyes so hard it bordered on theatrical. He crossed one leg over the other and leaned back slightly against the mattress, attention drifting toward his own fingernails as though this conversation ranked somewhere beneath a mildly inconvenient business meeting.

"By all means," he said flatly. "Continue your defense."

"Okay, so..." Feng Xin went straight for the truth, half of it anyways.

"Pei Ming and I are working for my father, who has a business rivalry with Hua Cheng, so he enlisted us to bug his office, but I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to think I sold out."

  Mu Qing stared at him.

"...that's the worst fucking lie I've ever heard."

"I'm not lying!" 

"He's not," Pei Ming added.

Mu Qing held up a hand as if trying to process the sheer stupidity before him," Why would Pei Ming be working for your father?" His eyes snapped back toward Feng Xin. "Actually, no, why would you?"

Feng Xin opened his mouth, but Mu Qing cut him off immediately.

"You would never betray Xie Lan just because things got difficult," he said, "You are many things, Feng Xin, but disloyal has never been one of them." 

  It was strange how that sounded like an accusation in itself.

Fuck. Mu Qing knew him too well.

What the hell was he supposed to say?

That he hadn't had another choice?

That he'd already crossed lines he could never uncross?

That he'd killed the man who hurt Mu Qing and signed away pieces of himself afterward just to keep their lives from collapsing?

   "I uh," Pei Ming cleared his throat," I'm doing this for Shi Wudu. I don't know what Hua Cheng has on him, but I read enough to know it's not good. Feng Xin is loyal, so much that he'd force himself to work with Feng Rui to find out what's going on. Hua Cheng has a file in his office that mentions a lot of people, important people..." his eyes softened on Mu Qing," And if we find out he's corrupt, then what does that mean for Xie Lan?"

Mu Qing's gaze faltered.

"Why... didn't you just tell me that then?"

He'd directed this question to Feng Xin, who stepped forward, lowering to his knees before Mu Qing. His fingers pressed against Mu Qing's own, squeezing gently.

"I was ashamed," he admitted," I didn't want to admit that I'd given into him. Qing'er," his voice was very intimate, hoping to coax him from his anger," Look at me. I love you. I would never willingly hurt you."

  Mu Qing inhaled a deep breath, but then he met his gaze. He looked so tired, as if the anger had stolen the last of his strength, but it had become such a habit it was his only comfort. Slowly, he pressed his fingers to Feng Xin's.

"Is it that bad?" he whispered," Hua Cheng?"

"We're going to find out."

"We should go back and take the file," Pei Ming added.

  Feng Xin turned to tell him just how risky that would be when the door opened. Again! He whipped his head back and widened his eyes at the presence of He Xuan, with Shi Qingxuan hanging on his arm with a soft 'oh' in surprise. It must have looked...

Feng Xin realized he was still on his knees in front of Mu Qing, and that in the corner watching them was a very languid Pei Ming. FUCK, PLEASE DON'T READ INTO THIS.

He Xuan curled the hand that had pushed the door open into a tight fist. He tilted his head and glared, voice colder than even Mu Qing's had been.

"I understand that you three have a unique dynamic, but in what world did you think it was appropriate to do it in my bedroom?"

  Pei Ming's eyes widened.

"Your... you live here?"

Shi Qingxuan averted their gaze, just as Pei Ming shot up from his seat. "What are you doing bringing him back here?! If Shi Wudu finds out, he's going to kill you!"

  Ming Yi, or He Xuan, or whatever lived in Hua Cheng's home??

Why did nothing ever make sense?

"You were instructed to go back to the party after your restroom break," He Xuan informed with a thinly veiled patience. "So I suggest you do just that."

Shi Qingxuan rubbed a hand along his arm, pouting at him as if he were nothing more than an unruly child disappointed it had started to rain.

"Aw, don't be upset Ming-xiong."

"Pft," Pei Ming bit the inside of his cheek, crossed his arms, looking as if he were too close to revealing He Xuan's actual intentions. While Feng Xin wasn't sure why he was going by a false name, he knew it wouldn't be a good idea to just blurt out something to entice a reaction. 

  Feng Xin acted quickly, just as Mu Qing stood from where he'd been sitting.

"We'll get back to the party. Sorry uh, we thought this was a guest room..."

"No harm done," Shi Qingxuan said," It can get a bit stuffy with a crowd. I hope you three enjoy yourselves!"

He was too innocent for his own good... Maybe leaving him alone with He Xuan wasn't such a good idea after all, but Shi Qingxuan was also an adult. So what if He Xuan wanted to take that innocence for his own? It really wasn't any of their business, so long as it remained consensual.

  Pei Ming though, genuinely looked on the verge of throwing fists for the sake of his friend.

"Come on," Feng Xin said, and to Pei Ming specifically," We can continue this later."

  When he didn't look as if he'd move, Feng Xin stepped forward to grab for Pei Ming's arm.

"Sorry... again," he muttered, dragging the man from the room while Mu Qing followed behind. The door shut immediately behind them, a little harshly. He really didn't want to get involved this deep.

"Pei Ming," he warned," We can't do anything."

"Can't we?" he asked," Shi Wudu doesn't live far. He should know that double faced bastard is taking advantage of his brother."

Mu Qing let out a deep sigh.

"... I am going to drink, because it's a party, and I'm tired, and tomorrow after my hangover fades, you two are going to tell me everything you know."

  Shi Qingxuan...

Feng Xin felt bad considering, but what did he know? He Xuan worked for Feng Rui, but he lived with Hua Cheng? His name wasn't Ming Yi, and he was actively dating the man who was related to the person that Hua Cheng seemed to be investigating for some unknown reason. If he acted like an idiot now, he'd probably only make matters worse.

"Pei Ming," he said again," Seriously, you know we can't make a scene. Shi Qingxuan looked perfectly fine with being left alone."

"I know!" he snapped, which was unlike the man who often wore the air of charming indifference. It was kind of nice knowing the guy cared. "Let's just... get back to the party. I read enough to know where to start."

"Good," Feng Xin said," We can discuss things later when there isn't a possibility of someone else walking in."

If it happened a third time, Feng Xin would lose his shit. 

  He tried his best to keep his mind from the couple, or anything that had transpired in the last hour for his sanity alone. This was Xie Lan's birthday, and even if he was no where in sight and was probably being adored in Hua Cheng's lap at the moment, it was no place to fuss. Mu Qing seemed to agree, because he snatched an entire bottle of wine from one of the tables the server had placed it at and held it up.

"I don't know about you two, but I've had enough for the night," he downed a large swig, throat moving with the bitter liquid until he broke off in a soft breath, followed by a wince," Hah, sucks for you. You're my sober driver."

"Mu Qing..."

"No," he said, using the bottle to point at him," You're a damned liar. I don't care what noble intention you had, because you lied. So, I'm going to get shit faced and you're going to make sure I make it home, and then tomorrow morning if I'm still mad, you're going to grovel like a bitch."

  Pei Ming eyed Feng Xin.

"The fucking gym," Mu Qing said, laughing to himself," I almost believed you, but you've had way too much energy in bed lately to be working out for four fucking hours."

Feng inhaled a deep breath.

Tonight, was going to be a very long night. 

   Cold night air swept through the open space, carrying the distant sounds of music and conversation from inside. The deck overlooked dark water glittering beneath the city lights, lanterns casting soft gold across the wood. It had been hours, hours of Feng Xin chasing his boyfriend around as he drowned his insides with every passing drink the servers offered. 

Mu Qing squatted near the railing like a deeply offended cat.

His hair hung loose now, collar slightly open, sleeves pushed unevenly up his forearms. 

Feng Xin sighed and lowered himself beside him.

Mu Qing didn't protest when Feng Xin rubbed a slow hand across his back. Instead, he leaned forward slightly beneath the touch, eyes half lidded as he stared out over the water.

After a long silence, he muttered bitterly, a bit dazed," Loook everyone, my boyfriend. Big secret. He... keeps secrets, but he's noble. Noble liar."

  Feng Xin pressed a hand to his cheek, pressed the loose strands of hair behind Mu Qing's ear.

"You're really mad, huh?"

"No," Mu Qing said, hugging himself," I just have secrets. You're... not allowed to."

"Neither of us should keep secrets," Feng Xin said. Despite the exhaustion from following him all night, he could feel nothing but fondness for the man in front of him.

"And Pei Ming! You told Pei Ming! Not even... you hate Pei Ming."

"I don't hate him, and I didn't tell him either. He just happened to find out."

  Mu Qing lifted his head and pouted. His gaze went unfocused, and then he lowered half his face to rest on his raised knees.

"We're a couple," he stated.

"Yes..."

"And... if we're a couple..."

Feng Xin waited for him to find his words with the upmost patience.

"Then you can only have your dick sucked... I- I have... If I'm there," he said.

"My dick is yours," Feng Xin confirmed.

"And," Mu Qing stretched uncomfortably, pushed his head into Feng Xin's shoulder," I want t-to... my book."

"... huh?"

   Just as he was about to ask what that meant, someone cleared their throat from the wide doors, and he turned to find Pei Ming staring at the two with a slight grin. 

"He's drunk as hell," Pei Ming said in surprise," Sorry, I ditched for a bit. I had to get some air."

"Wormy Pervy," Mu Qing greeted.

"What did you just call me?" He didn't sound upset by the nickname, more so amused and a bit affectionate. He set his glass down on the ground and lowered to situate himself in their space. "I'm a worm?" he teased," that's not nice."

  "Worm," Mu Qing repeated, smiling despite his earlier pouting," A'Xin. My book."

"What about your book?" Feng Xin asked. His fingers came to play with his hair again,  catching Pei Ming's gaze that followed with interest. He never had any shame about staring. 

"Does he mean that absolute debauchery he reads in class?"

Feng Xin raised a brow at Pei Ming, which only made the man laugh.

"Oh, come on. You tell me he's been glued to that thing and you've never opened it yourself? I have a copy of my own, so naturally I was a bit shocked to find Mu Qing so invested."

  Feng Xin shrugged," It's a book."

"Okay," Pei Ming said," You know what? Do me a favor and open it tonight. Read a little into chapter three."

"...ah," Mu Qing blushed, but it could easily be the alcohol," No. Not three."

Pei Ming leaned forward with a smirk.

"No? It's so juicy though. Don't you want Feng Xin to have fun reading your book?"

"Y-" Mu Qing shoved his face into Feng Xin's arm.

"Stop that, you're making him nervous."

"I sure I am," Pei Ming said in delight, and he raised his dark eyes to meet Feng Xin's again. His voice was less teasing for him than it had been for Mu Qing, though it still held an air of intimacy Feng Xin didn't enjoy. "Come by my place tomorrow for breakfast. There's a lot that needs to be discussed, but for now, just enjoy what you have. Not many of us know what that feels like."

  Feng Xin rolled his eyes.

"You could, if you stopped playing around with people."

"Oh Feng Xin," he said.

Feng Xin didn't get it.

   Later that night, when Mu Qing was convinced the stairs were moving again, he forget everything about the shit show reality was to care for his lover. It felt like before. Mu Qing clung to him, crying his complaints when he fell back against the mattress. They'd left the party soon after speaking to Pei Ming, after Xie Lan was adorned with piles of gifts and they all toasted in his honor. Mu Qing had stuck to his side after that, like a second layer of his skin.

  Now, when they were separated as Feng Xin moved to pull off his shoes, the man threw a fit.

"A'Xin, come back," he called. 

"I'm right here," Feng Xin informed him. He stripped him of his pants, moved to begin unbuttoning his shirt.

Mu Qing let out a gasp, finger clenched into the sheets.

"Ah," he whimpered," N-No, wait."

"Baby, I'm just getting you ready for bed."

Stop moaning like that. I'm just a man!

  Mu Qing grabbed for his wrist weakly, biting down on his lip as he squirmed. His shirt had been unbuttoned, but he refused to move for Feng Xin to slip it off, and his dark underwear was tinted where he'd gotten hard from all the innocent touching Feng Xin had done in order to help.

"A'Xin," he whispered," It hurts."

"What hurts?"

"Right here," he informed, and he squeezed himself, throwing his head back in response," A-And, inside. It hurts inside."

  "Qing'er, you're very drunk," Feng Xin said, though his gaze lowered to watch him. Mu Qing grew irritated quite quickly with the fabric barrier, so he pushed his hand inside and began to rub himself slow, a visible wetness formed where the head of his cock pushed into the lace. The leg outstretched beside Feng Xin's waist dropped, and staring at Feng Xin, his free fingers brushed forward to find his own nipple.

"A'Xin," he whispered again," A-Am I pretty?"

"So pretty," Feng Xin said.

This pulled a moan from his lips, and he pinched himself. The nipple he attacked became red and hard. It would probably devastate Mu Qing to feel someone's tongue on it. His hand was moving faster now, as if all he needed were these few words to find release. He was drunk, but his fixated gaze was far too focused on Feng Xin to be evident enough.

   "Are you going to cum, Qing'er?"

Mu Qing stopped, breathless already, a tense line between his brows as he shook his head.

"No!"

He shifted, pressed half his face into the pillow and raised his hips. He'd stopped touching himself, only so that he could lower his hands to move his underwear down his ass, part his own cheeks, putting himself on display.

Feng Xin froze.

"Please," he whimpered.

"...Fuck."

"A'Xin, make a mess," he pleaded.

For the fucking- Fuck. fuck... 

"I can't, Qing'er," he said, and he couldn't look away either. His own body reacted, a scorching heat penetrated the muscles of his body, rose him to a painful stiffness in response. "You're drunk. I'm not- I don't..."

  Mu Qing always got like this drunk, but that didn't mean he actually wanted it. He'd been mad earlier. He could regret this. Feng Xin didn't ever want him to regret being with him. He knew how it felt...

"Please," Mu Qing pressed a finger down, arched his hips even higher so that Feng Xin could make out the tight pink of his hole, the way it struggled against even the tip. He was insistent though, that prodded it open enough, sunk down onto himself with what must have been saliva slicked skin. 

"I can watch baby," Feng Xin said, and gods, he was," I can tell you how pretty you are while you fuck yourself. How about that? You want to be good for me, put on a show?"

   Mu Qing cried into the pillow, pushed his finger in deeper. His thighs clenched as if he'd find more girth, hips rocking into the mattress desperate for some kind of pressure. Maybe he'd regret this too, but Feng Xin would die if he didn't let Mu Qing finish this.

   Feng Xin reached for the lube on their bedside table and very gently lowered a hand to his waist, causing the man to hitch.

”Take it out. I’ll make it easier.”

Mu Qing must have misunderstood him, because he obeyed immediately and rolled himself onto his back. In the process his underwear fell onto one ankle, and he opened his legs as wide as he could and waited.

”I’m not fucking you tonight,” Feng Xin whispered. He took Mu Qing’s hand in his and applied a small amount of lube onto his fingers,” but you can touch. I just don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

”I can touch?” My Qing asked.

”Yes-“ Feng’s breath stopped short when one of his feet came to press against his straining, miserable cock. “No,” he said,” Not me. You can touch yourself.”

  “A’Xin isn’t fair.”

Feng Xin narrowed his gaze, wincing when Mu Qing began to stimulate his head with a slight pressure.

”Hey,” he reprimanded, not harshly,” You’re not behaving.”

”Mm,” Mu Qing finally lowered his fingers back, though this time he couldn’t get it in as deep, though even just an inch or so seemed enough to entice him to continue. He used his stomach muscles to fuck himself, hips rolling into his lubed finger, while the other hand wrapped around himself to stroke, slow, teasingly. He did not release his foot.

  “Tomorrow,” he gasped, smoothing his thumb over his head, precum oozed out to coat the rest of his length. “Tomorrow,” he said again,” you’ll fuck me.”

”If you want,” Feng Xin said.

If Feng Xin didn’t die from blue balls. The next time they drank he was going to need Mu Qing to agree to all of the above before taking a sip. He watched as a crazed, possessed man, his lover open himself up, until no words longer escaped. There were only soft, pained noises, fighting for that desperate release. The entire time Feng Xin talked him through it.

  “Add another finger Qing’er.”

”That’s it. Feel how hot you are inside. A’Xin loves it.”

”Be a good boy and make a mess. I promise I’ll clean it up.”

When he had finally spilled over his fingers in rocking waves, Feng Xin allowed himself this one mercy. He lowered and scooped up the cum coating his stomach with his tongue, and when he finished cleaning Mu Qing up with a rag, he excused himself. 

  Feng Xin hadn’t needed to masturbate ever since they’d started sleeping together. It was urgent, and frustrating and when he finished he leaned against the sink and cursed himself. Mu Qing was dead asleep when he returned to the bedroom, arm slung over his face, snoring lightly. He was so cute when he wasn’t angrily teasing him to the brink of insanity.

  He brushed a hand to his cheek and pressed his arm away from his face before moving throughout the house to finish their nightly routine. He watered the plant Xie Lan had gifted Mu Qing a few weeks ago, turned the lights off to the entryway, and then stopped when he noticed Mu Qing’s favorite book on the edge of the couch. 

“Chapter three huh…”

  Curiosity won him over. He slumped back into the couch and flipped through the pages, occasionally hearing murmurs from Mu Qing in the midst of his slumber.

He smiled to himself, and then lowered his gaze back to the words on the page.…

It took only four sentences for him to sit up in shock, and horror began to unravel as he scanned another page. He flipped it. It was worse than the first! How was Mu Qing reading this shit with a straight face?!

  At school??

”We can’t,” said Alex, breath hot against his lover’s ear. He’d been engulfed in heat from his ass, and now he was swallowed from the front by their shared toy, a young, tanned male who whimpered in reprieve. He knew nothing but what he could provide, a man in his prime, who was solely devoted to being used, and using those that owned him in return.

  “Mu Qing…” he said with a frown,” what garbage is this?”

He flipped through a few more pages, but it was filth! Two men who owned another, just fucking on every other page, and then.. well, there were like a few pages of devoted love and internal strife, but this was essentially just porn!

  Feng Xin slouched further in the couch and started on the first page. There was no way that this was actually good.

He stayed up all night.

Chapter Text

  Feng Xin stirred from his sleep with a darkness across his face, and for a second he thought he’d gone blind, but then the pages of the opened book slid off and made a thud against the floor. His outstretched leg dropped from the arm rest of the couch. Had he really fallen asleep in the living room, reading... the most devastating and climatic work he'd ever experienced? 

“How the hell does anyone survive reading that?” he muttered.

  With a groan, Feng Xin pushed himself upright and shuffled toward the bedroom, dragging a hand through his hair.

Mu Qing's mouth was slack, pressed up against his own arm, dark lashes fluttering as he began to stir from the creak of the door. He'd had a hand outstretched to Feng Xin's side, and when he awoke, his fingers curled as if searching for him.

  Mu Qing blinked slowly into consciousness before immediately squinting. His gaze dragged lazily over Feng Xin, pausing at the jeans he still wore from yesterday.

“You sleep at all?” he asked hoarsely.

“Eventually," Feng Xin said.

“...Out there?”

   Feng Xin caught the hurt woven with the ache of his hangover, as if it had been some kind of punishment on Feng Xin's part. 

"I hadn't meant to," he informed," I always prefer to sleep with you."

Besides, Mu Qing had every right to be upset. He could curse him out all night, and Feng Xin would still wrap him into his arms. He wondered if Mu Qing remembered anything about the night before, how affectionate and inviting he'd been, how Feng Xin had to run to the bathroom afterwards like a horny teenager. 

  Mu Qing shoved his face into his hands with a groan.

"My head is going to explode."

"I'll get you some Tylenol," Feng Xin said, and feeling as if he were about to stand on a landmine, added weakly," You can take your time before we go to Pei Ming's."

"Why the hell would we go to Pei Ming's?"

"... Because we're having breakfast... to discuss things."

  Mu Qing shot him a glare sharp enough to kill, before dragging himself off the bed. The second he stood, he paused with another wince, fingers pressing briefly against his temple.

“Unbelievable,” he muttered. “You’re unbelievable.”

"I could cancel?"

"Oh?" Mu Qing laughed, but it was stopped short when another pang seemed to throb against his head," Cancel on Pei Ming?" He clicked his tongue against his teeth and pushed past Feng Xin to the dresser, muttering to himself as he did," Like he wouldn't just show up unannounced anyways. 'Hey, let's make Mu Qing's life easier by making him go out bright and fucking early to talk about events you'll probably lie about anyways.'"

  Feng Xin sighed deeply.

"I told you not to drink so much."

"'I told you not to drink- Shut up," he mocked, grumbling.

All the gods in heaven have mercy.

  Mu Qing took a few hours to calm himself enough with three pain pills and a couple of bottles of water before Feng Xin even considered asking if he was ready. He sent a quick text over to Pei Ming and tried to put something soft on the radio, though Mu Qing did genuinely look a bit better. He was quiet too, because he had his book stuffed into his face again.

  Pei Ming lived further into the city, so for the first fifteen minutes of traffic, Feng Xin left his lover alone to think about the key facts. They were meeting to discuss the file, nothing else. Feng Rui had bugs on Hua Cheng now, but he probably didn't know much.

Did he even know about He Xuan living there?

If he had, why couldn't he just use his proximity to gain access to more information, or hells, bug the office himself?

There were too many things that didn't make sense for Feng Xin to ignore, especially if it would somehow involve Xie Lan. 

  Feng Xin glanced at Mu Qing. Now it involved him too. The best thing he could do was find out what his father was searching for and determine the least painful option from there. 

"What part are you reading?" he asked suddenly, trying to get himself out of his head.

Mu Qing slouched further back in his seat, shrugging.

"Nothing too interesting."

Feng Xin bit back a grin. How the fuck did this guy have such a stone face? He'd read the entire novel and had to hide his own in the dark from secondhand embarrassment and heated shame. Mu Qing just appeared as if he were reading about tax brackets. Really, he couldn't help it. He wasn't physically capable of holding himself back from this rare opportunity.

  "Have they fucked in the stables yet or is that the next chapter?"

Mu Qing stilled. When Feng Xin had the chance to glance away from the road again he caught the horror in his widened eyes, the way he slowly lowered the book into his lap. The hair pushed back behind his ear revealed the red tinting his skin. 

"You've-" Mu Qing swallowed," You've read this?"

Feng Xin's lips curled into a wide grin.

"Oh yeah, I finished it last night."

"What?"

He looked as if he desired to throw himself from the car. He shut his book and pressed it to his chest, fingers tightening as a beautiful red soaked his pale cheeks. He had not yet blinked.

  "I was curious," Feng Xin said casually," You seemed to really enjoy it. I've never been into threesomes, but they definitely did it right in that. Man-"

"Shut up," Mu Qing said," please, shut up."

"Aww, Qing'er, don't be embarrassed."

"I'm not embarrassed, idiot! Just drive the car!"

   By the time they made it to Pei Ming's penthouse, it was closer to brunch. While he'd never been to visit the man himself, he knew the high maintenance luxury of those he'd grown up around. This could have easily been his own place, had his mother bore the strife of remaining married to a monster. He was grateful that she'd chosen life instead.

   Pei Ming opened the door with nothing but a dark robe and low slung briefs. His chest was still wet with his shower, drops of water trickled down his skin. His dark eyes glinted with amusement as he pushed back wet strands of hair and leant up against the doorway with an arm raised.

"Hello," he greeted," Please, make yourselves at home."

Feng Xin and Mu Qing shared a look. 

"We can wait out here while you get dressed," Feng Xin offered.

"Pft," Pei Ming moved to allow them entry," there's no shame in enjoying a nice view. I already had breakfast sent up. Come on," he smirked at Mu Qing," is our little drunk feeling better?"

  Mu Qing lifted his chin, and Feng Xin noticed how he looked everywhere but at the half naked man. Good. There was literally no need to enjoy anything. While they traveled through the seating area, Feng Xin caught the nice sent of an incense, sandalwood maybe, something distinctly masculine. Was Pei Ming wearing cologne so early?

  The scent died underneath the heated meat, the assortment of bagels and eggs lined up like a buffet on the long glass table. There was a large bowl of fruit, different bottles of syrup, coffee creamers that he'd never even knew existed, and different kinds of bread.

Was he feeding the entire fucking building?

Mu Qing lowered into a seat, scowling at the table as if it had personally offended him.

"Let's hurry up and talk, so I can go home."

"Ah," Pei Ming pouted and he lowered into his own seat, lifting a cup that had been filled with black coffee," You were so soft drunk. Wormy Pervy just wants you well fed."

  Mu Qing turned his head to him.

"Wormy what?"

"He doesn't usually remember anything when he drinks like that," Feng Xin informed. He sat down beside his lover, half tempted to reach for his knee, but he looked like he might bite, so he refrained.

"How unfortunate," Pei Ming mused. "Go ahead, fill yourself and then we'll chat. There's no use discussing these matters on an empty stomach. That tea is specifically for hangovers if you'd like water from the kettle."

"..." Mu Qing continued to glare, but then he moved for a cup," Fine, but no games."

  Other than the fact Pei Ming refused to go get dressed, the man was on his best behavior during breakfast. Occasionally, Feng Xin would glance his way to find that he hadn't touched anything on his plate. Pei Ming was leant back in his dark chair, sipping on his coffee, staring at the two as if he were watching something monumentally interesting. Feng Xin wondered how many people had sat where they sat. 

  "I wasn't sure what you two might enjoy, so I just ordered everything."

Feng Xin chewed into pieces of sausage. Mu Qing ate half an almond muffin and then pushed his plate forward, though much to Pei Ming's obvious delight, he continued to drink his tea. Why was it that the man seemed more giddy about the fact they were eating his food than someone might be after getting lucky? If he thought this was some kind of foreplay, Feng Xin would be sure to advise him differently. 

  "May I use your restroom?" Mu Qing asked.

Pei Ming grinned," Second door on the left," and probably because he couldn't help himself," it's a bidet."

"I don't care. I just need to wash my face."

He pushed his chair back and left, leaving Feng Xin to stare at Pei Ming awkwardly.

"He's uh... still not feeling well."

"Of course," Pei Ming said," It's fine. I don't mind it."

  Feng Xin stabbed uselessly at the remains of his breakfast. Across from him, Pei Ming lowered his cup onto the table. A knowing smile began pulling at the corner of his mouth. Gods, he was about to start, wasn't he?

“So, did you read it?”

Ah.

Feng Xin leaned back in his chair with a low groan, already regretting every decision that had brought him there this morning. He set his fork down and leveled Pei Ming with a glare.

“Yeah,” he admitted. “What the hell kind of stuff are you two into?”

  Pei Ming leant forward, his tongue brushing his bottom lip, and his eyes raked over Feng Xin as if he were undressing him. It made him feel like grabbing the first thing he could to cover up, but it was just Pei Ming, and a part of him had grown used to his advances without even realizing it. His rejection was more so habit at this point.

"Stop that," Feng Xin said.

"Stop what?" Pei Ming asked.

"Stop... staring at me like I'm a piece of meat."

  Pei Ming chuckled, propping a hand up under his chin, but he averted his gaze to stare at Feng Xin's hands instead.

"Who do you think he imagines himself as the most?"

"I'm not having this conversation with you."

"Fine," Pei Ming said, sounding a tad disappointed, and then," I always imagined myself as Alex."

Alex?

  The stable boy who gets fucked by the ML bottom while sucking off his lover in chapter eight?

Feng Xin lowered his tense shoulders, brow raised in genuine surprise. 

"I actually hadn't been expecting that. I always pictured you as Hou Qui or something."

Pei Ming's eyes sharpened immediately.

"You picture me?"

"NO! Fuck, you know that's not what I meant! I just-" Feng Xin pointed a finger at him," Stop that! You know how people perceive you."

IT WASN'T WHAT HE'D MEANT. OBVIOUSLY.

  Pei Ming was much more like Hou Qui, the player of the situationship! He was the one who caused the internal strife from not knowing how to commit! 

Thankfully, Mu Qing arrived shortly after, because he couldn't bare to say anything else in case he fucked himself more. He really shouldn't be allowed to talk at all. Pei Ming was like a panther waiting to pounce.

"Breakfast is finished," Mu Qing informed," Can we talk now?"

"Please," Feng Xin muttered weakly.

  Pei Ming leaned back in his chair, crossed his arms over his bare chest and chuckled. 

“Fine,” he said,” There isn’t much I could read before we were interrupted, but it was enough to be worrisome.”

”Don’t say interrupted like I’m the issue,” Mu Qing complained.

He was a ball of adorable fury. Feng Xin remained quiet because he enjoyed not having any bruises. He was still owed a punch that he’d willingly offered.

  “My bad,” Pei Ming amended,” before we were graced with an ethereal presence.”

”…”

”Anyways, I found something about an E-Ming protocol, and behind all that were different names of major families, including Shi, Feng and even Xie… though I suspect there were even more I didn’t have a chance to find.”

”Xie?” Feng Xin asked.” What? Why would Hua Cheng have a file on Xie Lan’s family?”

“What else?” Mu Qing asked. He no longer sounded annoyed. His interest had been peaked. 

   Pei Ming shrugged, slinging an arm across the empty chair beside him,” Not much. There wasn’t anything not accessible by the public, but what really caught my attention was this protocol. It didn’t explain itself. It only had locations and dates. I thought it was a little odd, but then I realized a pattern. The dates seem random, but the locations are always the head estates of the families in question.”

”So…” Feng Xin prompted.

”They were crossed out. It looked quite similar to a shopping list…” Pei Ming said,” There were only three dates left. I have a suspicion that they’re looking for something. If it’s Hua Cheng involved, I’d say it’s probably something dangerous.”

  “Pei Ming, I think maybe it was just a list of estates,” Mu Qing said,” Why in the hell would Hua Cheng leave information like that on his desk? You know he likes knowing everything in the world to impress Xie Lan. He’s probably planning on buying everyone out.”

”Xie Lan’s estate was on the list!” Pei Ming argued.” The one that burnt years ago. Explain that.”

”Maybe he was planning on doing something with the land?” 

Pei Ming sighed, frowning. “Ah come on, humor me a little. What do you think Feng Xin?”

   What did he think? Well, it was highly unlikely he was just going around looking for things in random estates, but he didn’t think he was planning on renovating anything either. 

“I think we should be questioning Ming Yi. If anything is suspicious it’s the fact the dude works for my dad and lives with Hua Cheng.”

”Tch, you mean He Xuan?” Pei Ming asked.

”That’s another thing, why hide his name?”

”Have you two considered the fact it’s not really any of our business what they decide to do?”

   Pei Ming and Feng Xin looked at each other. It really was. The only way they’d be free from Feng Rui was to find out what it was the man wanted and possibly break out of his control in the process of receiving it. To Mu Qing though, who knew nothing about their situation, must have thought they were merely being nosey. 

“Xie Lan could be at risk,” Feng Xin said,” My father wants something from Hua Cheng, and it’s nothing good. He says it’s just business rivalry, but I know him. He’s feigning for something.”

  He wanted it so bad that he’d had Feng Xin followed, that he didn’t think before making Pei Ming apart of it. 

Mu Qing sighed as he dropped back down into his chair, gesturing with his hand.

”So… you can’t do anything with this information.”

”Au contraire,” Pei Ming informed with a grin,” because that file was thick enough to stretch a whore. I’m very certain if we get another look there will be something to work with.”

  Feng Xin and Mu Qing glanced at one another with a frown. 

“Alright!” Pei Ming said,” Let’s plan our next escapade into Hua Cheng’s residence. Who wants to go first?”

”Actually I have a better idea,” Feng Xin said.

”Please do tell.”

“We go for He Xuan… if anyone’s hiding anything it’s him.”

  He Xuan might have enough dirt that they wouldn’t have to lift a finger. He’d do all the talking himself. 

Chapter Text

   He Xuan, despite the overall mystery with his presence and lack of information online, lived a very routine life style. Feng Xin's job was to follow him when he wasn't working or attending classes and Pei Ming was supposed to fill in for when he did. Of course, they still needed to sleep and preform the basic necessities for functioning, but for the most part they tailed him most of the day. Five days straight. 

  "This isn't getting us anywhere..." Feng Xin groaned, pressing his head to the steering wheel as He Xuan moved towards the cafe, the one he went to every single morning to meet with Shi Qingxuan. 

Mu Qing, who had nothing better to do that day, situated himself into the passenger's seat with a scowl in their direction. He had his notes pressed against his knee, and when Feng Xin lifted his head, he noticed Mu Qing had began to scribble mindlessly instead.

"Why are you doing this?" Mu Qing asked.

  Feng Xin bit the inside of his cheek and caught the sight of Shi Qingxuan, their arms wrapped around He Xuan's neck. They were wearing a skirt today. It blew in the wind, but He Xuan fingers gently smoothed it down as he leant into kiss them, slow, like it would physically pain him to release. 

"Seriously..." Mu Qing said," why not just do a deep google search on the guy instead of being weird?"

"I did," Feng Xin said, continuing to stare," Nothing comes up. It's the weirdest fucking thing..."

Everyone shows up in some way or another. Even when he'd been looking for Bai Long he'd found him tagged in photos, a reward he'd received in class, but He Xuan might as well as be dead. "Maybe it's not his real name either."

  "Are you really doing this for Xie Lan?" Mu Qing asked.

"And you," Feng Xin said, turning to look at him," If my father doesn't get his way, he knows I care about you. I wouldn't put it past him to use you against me."

"..." Mu Qing sighed, and then he shifted to take out his favorite book instead. "Well, I can't really argue with that. The guy's an asshole."

  They just needed one misstep. If he was really working for Feng Rui, why wasn't he doing anything out of the ordinary? Feng Xin had expected alley way meet ups or a shootdown in a warehouse by now. Instead, he had to watch this public display of affection and sit in the car for thirty minutes when they went inside to go order. 

"Ughhhhhhhh."

"Should have brought a book," Mu Qing said under his breath, staring down at his own. "Are you going to keep doing this? I'm tired of getting home late."

"We agreed to a week," Feng Xin said," He might not move until the weekend."

   At least the two were headed inside now. 

Feng Xin pushed his seat back. He thought to play music, but that would only interrupt Mu Qing's peace. He tried to relax in the silence, but the minutes were painful, and he'd never been one who delighted in scrolling through his phone.

"You're rereading it?" 

Mu Qing pressed a thumb to keep his place on the page.

"For the plot," he informed. 

"Right."

  Yeah fucking right. The plot was fine, and it even had a few good twists, but overall it was still just porn. Beautiful, tragic porn.

Feng Xin couldn't help himself.

"Who uh..." his fingers tapped against the steering wheel," who do you think you'd be? Like... if you had to choose."

  Mu Qing lifted his head to read Feng Xin's expression. He'd become much less embarrassed now that they'd shared their genuine interest in this sort of novel. In the past few days Mu Qing had even offered to share recommendations, so long as Feng Xin didn't sleep on the couch again. 

"Hm... I don't know. I'm not really experienced with this type of thing," he said, and he averted his gaze as he added," I've only ever been with you."

Feng Xin hated the fact that he couldn't say the same.

"Does that bother you?" Feng Xin asked," I mean... are we lacking?"

"Lacking?"

"Sexually, do I meet all your needs?"

Mu Qing slowly shut his book.

"I mean you're reading that," Feng Xin said," I was just curious that if maybe you needed to, because I wasn't doing something right. Maybe in the bedroom you aren't happy."

  He was not trying to have this conversation stuck in his car, but it had come out. He could understand reading it once, maybe even twice to enjoy the heated moments, but Mu Qing just seemed so invested. 

"A'Xin, I love our sex life."

"But...?"

Mu Qing leaned forward, a small smile curling along his lips.

"There are no buts. I don't have to be unhappy to enjoy a work of art."

"So... you don't want that?"

Mu Qing chuckled. Now Feng Xin was the one being teased. 

“What? Another man in our bed?” He asked, laughing at the thought,” Please. I’m too possessive.”

  Feng Xin relaxed his fingers that had been fussing with the steering wheel, nodding once. Okay, cool. His worries were completely-

“Not that I’d be against it ever. I just wouldn’t want you to pay attention to anyone else.”

”…What?”

Mu Qing smirked at him,” A’Xin, stop looking so worried,” he moved closer into his space, his hand trailing along his arm,” I’ve been in love with you for a very long time. It won’t change. I don’t need anything, but your undivided attention.”

”You have it,” Feng Xin admitted, his gaze lowering to Mu Qing’s lips.” I’m obsessed with you.”

”Obsessed?” Mu Qing whispered.

   They both leaned in, and Feng Xin caught Mu Qing's lips in a reverent kiss. He parted them open with restrained hunger, gently adorned his mouth with his tongue as he pulled him closer, only to be blocked by the middle console. 

Mu Qing drew back just enough to breathe hot against his mouth, eyes half lidded beneath the dim light of a gray morning.

"Let's go home," he murmured.

  There was a knock at Feng Xin's window. 

He blinked, and when he turned his head he stared into the eyes of a man with no patience. He Xuan glared at him, and when the window was rolled down, tilted his head with a sigh of exhausted disbelief. 

"Hey guys!" Shi Qingxuan popped up from behind him, waving at Mu Qing.

"Why are you following me?" He Xuan asked.

   "Ah... about that," Feng Xin chuckled," Do you maybe want to talk in private?"

He Xuan looked as if he'd like to kill in private, but that would concern Shi Qingxuan, who he didn't seem to desire disappointing. 

"Shi Qingxuan, keep Mu Qing company."

"Ah sure, it's been a while since we've gotten to talk. You two play nice, okay?"

"Maybe," He Xuan muttered.

   Feng Xin and He Xuan walked around the cafe's side door where they kept the large dumpsters and loose boxes from their early truck. The man leaned back against the brick and pulled out a tiny vape, to which Feng Xin raised a brow.

"..."

"Don't look at me like that, Shi Qingxuan doesn't know I smoke, but he'd be able to smell the cigarettes."

"Pft," Feng Xin eyed the pink and red device," it just looks so out of character. What flavor is it?"

  He Xuan took a long puff and glared at Feng Xin.

"Strawberry short cake."

Fucking hell. Feng Xin knew if he started laughing that this man would just further wish for his death, but how could he be intimidated when he was sucking off that cute little thing? Strawberry Short Cake?? 

"You seem to care a lot about Shi Qingxuan's opinion for someone who's lying to him constantly," Feng Xin said.

"You're the one to talk," He Xuan remarked," Does your man know you've dropped a body yet?"

  Feng Xin shut his mouth. 

"Why the hell are you following me anyways? You get a hard on watching me and Shi Qingxuan everyday?"

"I want to know what's really going on," Feng Xin said," What's Feng Rui's beef with Hua Cheng? And how could you live with him after willingly letting us bug his place?"

He Xuan blew out another long line of smoke, and yes, it did smell quite dessert like.

"That's it?" He Xuan asked. He sounded unimpressed. "I don't mix my personal life with my career. Feng Rui's my boss. I do as he demands. My living situation has nothing to do with it."

  "But... he's actively working against him."

"Doesn't matter," He Xuan said," Hua Cheng respects it."

"Is it because he knows Feng Rui won't find anything?"

At that, He Xuan let out a quiet laugh under his breath, more amused than warm.

“You’re in over your head,” he said. “Just do what you’re told. Trust me, you don’t want to get involved too deep.”

“What’s E-ming Protocol?”

  He Xuan rolled his eyes.

"Go home."

"Come on, just give me something! You think I like taking orders from that fucking bastard? Just..." Feng Xin inhaled a sharp breath, eyes searching for some sort of empathy the man might possess. "Please. I just need something. I can't live under my dad's rule and take care of Mu Qing. I don't know what he'll ask me to do next."

  It might not even just be placing a bug. He'd hidden Feng Xin's sin with such ease. Who's to say he wouldn't ask him to repeat it? 

"If you really want to burn the root, you'll have to be willing to become enemies with a lot of important people."

"W-What does that mean?"

He Xuan stuffed his hands into his coat pocket and stepped forward. His next words were whispered low.

"This isn't about business. Feng Rui is searching for his life, but so are a lot of other people, and they think it's in the hands of Hua Cheng."

"Is it?" Feng Xin asked.

He Xuan grinned, shrugging. 

"No clue, but it doesn't matter to me. I'm not the one drowning."

  Feng Xin was left with more questions than answers. 

By the time they made it home that night after a six hour shift at his mom's place, they were both pretty tired. He texted Pei Ming to let him know the whole tailing He Xuan was off. It's not like they'd learn anything else. 

Drowning... burning the root...

"Ugh," Feng Xin dropped down onto the mattress, wringing his fingers through his hair. At first, he really did want to assume that nothing was happening besides a rivalry between two business men. People didn't get followed and pushed around for business though, not the kind that was legal anyways. 

  "Can we take a break from playing detectives?" Mu Qing asked. 

Feng Xin lifted his head, eyes widening in awe, immediately moving to sit up.

  Mu Qing stood near the edge of the room with a black silk robe draped loosely over his frame. It hung open slightly at the throat, exposing the sharp line of his collarbone and the pale skin beneath. When he lowered onto the bed to fluff his pillows, the faint blush of his nipples peaked from the opening of fabric.

"You're wearing the robe I bought you."

Mu Qing raised a brow," Was it not meant to be worn?"

"I just, well," Feng Xin couldn't blink. He'd missed even a second of this. "Come here."

  Long legs graced Feng Xin's presence, brushed against his thigh as Mu Qing lowered his head to peer at him.

"Yes, A'Xin?"

"How the fuck are you so perfect?"

Mu Qing's lips parted with a delicate breath, eyes half lidded, a heat radiating from his lithe body. His fingers brushed against Feng Xin's shoulder, to the back of his head to tangle in his hair. He made a soft, content noise when Feng Xin's fingers skimmed his underwear, began to slowly drag it down his thigh-

  The door was beat against by someone who had no damn respect.

Feng Xin's jaw clenched.

"If it's fucking Pei Ming, I'm going to lose my shit."

He smoothed a hand across Mu Qing's waist, pressing a kiss to his head," Don't move an inch."

   Two men stood in the corridor. One was older, heavy eyed and broad through the chest, dressed in a charcoal coat over a wrinkled button down. The younger one beside him held a phone in one hand and a slim notebook in the other, tie loosened like he’d stopped caring hours ago.

A badge flashed briefly.

“Feng Xin?” the older detective asked.

“Yeah.”

“I’m Detective Zhuge. This is Detective Lee.” His eyes flicked past Feng Xin once, casually surveying the apartment behind him before returning. “Sorry to bother you this late, but we'd appreciate it if you could spare us a few minutes of your time to answer some basic questions.”

  Feng Xin felt his entire heart drop into the pit of his stomach. He glanced back towards his apartment, moved forward to speak.

"Listen uh, I'm going to be honest with you, I have a very naked man in my bedroom right now. Is this about something serious?"

Detective Zhuge looked past his shoulder, as if he either wanted to check for proof or he, himself, enjoyed the idea. It was hard to say when Feng Xin could barely fucking think. He was acting on pure adrenaline alone. They had to fucking know. Why else would they be there?

  "I wouldn't suggest rescheduling," Detective Zhuge informed," but it is your right. It might be easier to just get it over with. If... you have company, perhaps taking a trip down to the station would be more appropriate. Shouldn't take up much of your time."

"I..." Feng Xin couldn't breath. He had to fucking breathe. This might not even be about Bai Long. It could be something else entirely. He had to breathe. "Just give me a second, okay? I'll... tell him to get dressed."

"Take your time," Detective Lee said.

   Fuck. Fucking Fuck.

   Feng Xin had no choice but to act as he would, if he were truly naive. Mu Qing dressed quickly, eyes wide when he'd heard, but the worry that swelled was nothing compared to the horror in Feng Xin. He made the detectives tea, and then sat on the edge of the couch and lowered his gaze to his own mug. 

Detective Zhuge lowered into the dining room chair they'd pulled into the living room. It was silent for a moment, as if they wanted them to feel the sense of dread, like it wasn't already heavy in the room.

  Feng Xin was going to puke.

"Again, we apologize for just showing up out of nowhere, but your name came up a couple of times when we questioned a few others."

"Who's?" Mu Qing asked," for what?"

Feng Xin chewed the inside of his cheek.

"Did something happen?" he asked. Did my father not hide the body well enough?

  The detectives looked at one another. Detective Lee set his mug down onto the coffee table, moving his clasped hands into his lap.

"You two both attended a party January the third, is that correct?"

Mu Qing glanced at Feng Xin with furrowed brows. He shouldn't be there, but Feng Xin couldn't just tell him to leave and going to the station would only worry him further. Feng Xin had to play it cool. Be fucking cool.

"Shi Qingxuan's party?" Feng Xin asked," Yeah, everyone on campus went. Why?"

"Is it also true that you had an altercation with a young man named Bai Long?"

He couldn't breathe. He had to breathe. 

"Bai Long?" Feng Xin forced a laugh," Yeah, we get a little rowdy when we drink."

"Why..." Mu Qing scanned both of the detectives," why are you asking about something that happened a month ago?"

  Detective Zhuge met Feng Xin's gaze, eyes penetrating every barrier of control he had. He tried to refrain from gripping his own leg. Relax. He was relaxed. He couldn't think about lying to the cops. He couldn't think about lying to Mu Qing.

"Bai Long stopped showing up to work shortly after. It was assumed that he skipped out of town, but very recently his body was found on the eastside of the peninsula," the detective leaned forward," if you don't mind me asking, what exactly was this altercation about? Apparently, it was serious enough another one of your friends thought to step in."

  The ice was breaking. Feng Xin was the one who would drown.

Mu Qing's eyes widened, and then he very quickly interjected," Wait, wait. Stop. Why are you questioning him like he did it?"

"It's proper procedure," detective Lee informed," We have to cover all of our bases."

"Well consider it covered, because Feng Xin cried when they had to put down a dog that tried ripping his arm off."

"Mu Qing," he said, gently, even if his heart had lodged itself into his throat. "Let them... I'll uh- answer your questions."

   The detective gestured for him to continue. He swallowed the lump in his throat, rubbing his hands together, and then shifted to sit up straight.

"Honestly?" he said," I don't remember what it was about. I was pretty drunk myself, but I think he said something sly. I only punched him once though, we didn't uh- fight, really."

"It wasn't about your current relationship then?" 

Of fucking course people were talking shit. Who had they already spoken to? Pei Ming? No. He wouldn't just give up answers like that, especially when he was involved. He couldn't be that stupid. 

There had been a lot of witnesses...

"Probably," Feng Xin said," like I said...I was pretty drunk."

"Did you drive home that night?"

    Feng Xin felt like his entire body was on fire. He couldn't do anything but add more fuel. What the fuck was he doing? He had to stop. There had to be some sort of escape. They didn't know shit. They couldn't prove shit. Breathe. 

"What?" he asked," Drive drunk? That'd be irresponsible."

Detective Zhuge glanced at Mu Qing.

"And it's our understanding that you were Bai Long's ex, is this correct?"

"Excuse me?" Mu Qing asked," What? No. Absolutely not."

"That's strange, considering he had a few photos of you saved on a drive."

   Feng Xin could not withhold the immediate reaction.

"What kind of photos?" he demanded. 

Lee leaned forward to whisper something into his partner's ear. Meanwhile, Mu Qing looked to Feng Xin, he could feel his gaze, but all he could do was stare forward and try not to break.

Photos?

What fucking photos?

Bai Long had no right to have a damn thing.

   Detective Zhuge cleared his throat.

"When's the last time you physically saw Bai Long?"

"What damned photos?" Feng Xin asked.

"Mr. Feng," Lee warned," I assure you it would be much easier for us all, if you allowed us to continue with our questions."

"After you answer mine," he snapped," We have a right to know. Mu Qing never gave him permission to keep photos. They haven't talked since senior year."

  "Mr. Mu, did you or did you not have a sexual relationship with Bai Long?"

Feng Xin inhaled a sharp breath, but just as he went to speak, Mu Qing grabbed him by the arm. 

"Bai Long..." Mu Qing let out a deep breath," I... I let him take the photos, but we never had a sexual relationship. We- I was eighteen, and I hadn't seen him since, other than the party."

  Feng Xin stilled.

...what?

What did he...

Eighteen? 

That was a year after...

"And you weren't made aware of this until recently, Mr. Feng?"

"No," Mu Qing answered, fingers tightening on Feng Xin's arm," He wasn't aware."

"I apologize for the intrusion, but we must cover our bases."

"Get out," Feng Xin said, breathless.

"Mr. Feng-"

"I said get out."

Lee cleared his throat. "Very well. We can continue this at a later time. Please, excuse us, and be willing to answer more questions at a later date. We will have more."

   The two men let themselves out. Zhuge shoved his notebook into his pocket and as they walked down the stairs the two detectives considered everything they'd observed. It wasn't until they got down to their vehicle, that they finally spoke.

"You think he did it, don't you?" Lee asked.

"There's probable cause," Zhuge said," but I'd like to speak to Pei Ming still. They're both from prominent families, best to get them to answer questions before they lawyer up."

Lee shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets," I think he did it."

"You think everyone did it."

"True... but something's off about that guy. You saw how angry he got when he found about the photos?"

   Zhuge raised his gaze to the apartments.

"Feng..." he sighed deeply," this is going to be a nightmare."

Chapter Text

    Feng Xin was exhausted. 

How could a single man cause so much strife even after death? 

It wasn’t fair. Why did they have to hold someone’s else’s vicious desires with weak hands? What the fuck had they done that was so wrong that the two could never know peace?

He no longer strangled underneath the detective’s gaze, but the words in parting, the damned secret released that had the two men sitting in silence. What could he do? With his own poison close enough to drink, how could he lash out on Mu Qing, who had never once wronged him? None of this was his fault, but there was anger there and Feng Xin couldn’t be angry at a dead man. He’d already punished him for it.

So, where would this anger go?

”Feng Xin…”

”Let’s…” Feng Xin stared at the coffee table of untouched tea, voice very quiet,” Just talk to me. I won’t yell.”

   Mu Qing pressed his legs to his chest, fingers gripping the edge of his own knee.

”I wasn’t lying… Bai Long really never did anything else,” he said,” those pictures were my fault.”

”Tell me,” Feng Xin said.

Mu Qing swallowed, took in a deep breath, sounding as if he were afraid, but of Feng Xin? Feng Xin would never hurt him. He must know that. 

“It was stupid. I’d been struggling for a long time, with myself, about the things I was… and I guess that was my breaking point. You remember the summer party, when we were about to graduate?”

”Mm.” 

Feng Xin couldn’t find actual words to speak.

”I was really bad that night. I… I was losing everything. I didn’t want to do it anymore,” Mu Qing made a soft noise, a laugh almost had it not been so weak,” I didn’t tell anyone, because I’d already pushed everyone away. It wasn’t just about what happened with us. It was everything. I tried to drink enough to, you know, I thought I could sleep like that. Bai Long was… nice to me then. He even apologized for what happened, but obviously I thought it was just bullshit. I didn’t care at the moment. I liked the idea that he desired me. It was my final year, right? I teased him. We found a guest bedroom, and…”

Mu Qing let out a deep breath.

”I wanted to hurt myself by doing it. I know that doesn’t make sense, but to me it did. I thought I could give him what he wanted to take, so I played along. I let him… take those pictures.”

  Feng Xin’s anger fell away, for the deep, gut wrenching pain that existed solely for Mu Qing’s sake.

”I was going to let him fuck me, but-“ Mu Qing smiled, a sad, broken thing, but something warm, like a fire being kindled in the middle of a blizzard,” You called me. I think it had been a butt dial, but even back then, all I had to see was your name… I left the party, and I never spoke to Bai Long again.”

There was no need to ask if there were anymore secrets, because Feng Xin could feel the raw truth of Mu Qing’s words, unlike before when he’d held back. The weight was both unsettling and freeing for them both.

Feng Xin closed his eyes. It felt as if every time he did his best to protect Mu Qing something else prepared to hunt him, if not Bai Long, but the consequences of his own hands. Where would Mu Qing go if he was arrested? Back to his father’s place? It couldn’t happen.

   “Say something,” Mu Qing whispered.

Feng Xin turned to look at him, and then he brushed a hand over his knee, and pulled him into his chest. A quiet gasp escaped the man, but moments after his fingers tightened in the fabric of Feng Xin’s shirt. His own hand smoothed down Mu Qing’s back, soothing, distracting. Feng Xin would never willingly leave him, but if he had to murder Bai Long again, he knew he would. 

“He’s dead,” Mu Qing said.

For you. It was all for you.

”Does that upset you?” Feng Xin asked, pulling back only enough to see every shift within his face.

   Mu Qing’s brows furrowed, and the hand that came to brush against Feng Xin’s cheek trembled slightly. He shook his head, didn’t seem to find what he needed in Feng Xin’s gaze.

”After the party…” Mu Qing’s breath shallowed,” A few days after, your hands…”

”Qing’er, what are you about to ask me?”

Mu Qing’s hand dropped down to Feng Xin’s shoulder, squeezing tightly.

”Your father called me. He said you’d had a fight, that it wasn’t anything serious, but your hands.”

   Feng Xin still had to protect him from Bai Long. It would be selfish to let him know this, especially now that the police were investigating. The less he knew, the better. Mu Qing didn’t need to hold the weight of this. 

“You think I did it?” He asked.

”No,” Mu Qing said quickly,” No. Of course not. I’m sorry, I’m just… this entire thing is insane. They didn’t even tell us how. Or, shit, I guess I’d rather not know,” he pulled back completely,” Who do you think even did it?”

“Could have been anyone,” Feng Xin said,” Bai Long had enough enemies.”

  Mu Qing pursed his lips. He was probably imagining it. Feng Xin moved to run his thumb along the tight knit in his lover’s brow gently.

”Don’t think too much on it. The police will do their investigation and that’ll be that.”

”Right…”

   His first thought was to immediately go to his father after class and demand an explanation. Someone had either fucked up or he’d done it intentionally. Had the body washed up on shore? Did a stray dog dig at the ground until it found the leftover bones? Feng Xin wasn’t even sure how a body would look after a month, and he didn’t need to either. The image might actually make him sick now that he’d been the cause. 

In the library, after lunch, he searched for Pei Ming. Some of the other students had mentioned seeing him huddled in a corner with his laptop when asked. That was considerably strange for Pei Ming, who detested studying. He was there though, and he lifted his head when he heard closing footsteps, and Mu Qing stopped at Feng Xin’s side.

”Pei Ming?”

  Feng Xin’s eyes widened,” What the fuck happened to your face?”

He pushed forward to stand over his table, shifted the hat he wore to take in the bruising along his cheek, the cut in his lip.

Pei Ming grinned, lifting his head to offer them both the same, unbothered charm. He shoved his laptop to the side, threw an arm around the back of the chair he was slouched in.

”Sit down. I’ve got good news about the whole E-Ming protocol.”

”Your face,” Feng Xin reminded.

”Uh, don’t pay attention to it. The cops came by asking questions and my dad found out,” he caught Feng Xin’s gaze, a flicker, a promise that he hadn’t overshared.

”Your dad did that?” Mu Qing asked.

”Wow,” Pei Ming scanned their reactions with wide eyes,” the way you two are looking at me is like… huh, I should get beat by my dad more often.”

  Neither of them found this amusing, but Pei Ming had already brushed their concern aside to switch tabs on his computer.

”Okay, so I went ahead and did some digging on the locations that were in the file, since it’s clear that He Xuan is a dead end and your sweet, overworked Pei Ming has found it!”

”Found what?” Feng Xin asked, though after he glanced at Mu Qing to share the same look of disbelief. 

“Every single one has been sold to a new owner under the name of… want to take a guess?”

”… You can’t be serious.”

”Hua Cheng owns every single one, now tell me that isn’t suspicious.” Pei Ming said, though he definitely wasn’t finished,” Shi Wudu sold his estate, but he currently still resides there. Same with Feng Rui… all of his estates fall under Hua Cheng’s control. Nothing else has changed, but on paper he’s owned these properties for years.”

What? How was that possible? First of all, why the hell would any of these people willingly give up their property to Hua Cheng? And why wasn’t he kicking them to the curb? It would very much be in his nature to do so. 

   Mu Qing, who had been against the idea of investigating altogether, moved to sit across from Pei Ming and slid the laptop in front of himself. He searched the different tabs, the names listed, transfer of ownership… 

“He’s not lying.”

”Now why would I lie?”

Mu Qing ignored him, looking to Feng Xin.

”And He Xuan didn’t share anything when you two spoke?”

Well, at the time Feng Xin had said nothing, but now it seemed more relevant.

“He said something about drowning… and how Hua Cheng had their lives or something.”

  Pei Ming gestured with a hand to the laptop. The bright light of the library only darkened his bruised face, and Feng Xin stared at it for a moment. It pissed him off for some reason. Pei Ming and him were accomplices, they had a secret, that not even Mu Qing was aware of, so didn’t that in some way make Feng Xin responsible? 

  “Doesn’t he realize who he’s dealing with?” Feng Xin asked, and he hadn’t realized how he’d raised his hand, a single finger brushed against Pei Ming’s face, just underneath the mark. 

Mu Qing looked at them from over the laptop, but he didn’t necessarily have any type of expression. His brows furrowed when Pei Ming forced a grin on his face.

”Feng Xin…?”

Feng Xin dropped his hand and sighed, deciding to move on quickly as he lowered to sit on the table.

”Let’s speak to Shi Wudu then. He’s your friend. Maybe he can tell us why Hua Cheng is buying everyone out.”

“Sure, but shouldn’t we see someone first?”

   Feng Xin’s gaze darkened.

”He can wait.”

If Feng Rui was following both of them, then he should have already known they’d been questioned. He either didn’t care or he was playing it safe. For now, Feng Xin would rather speak to Shi Wudu, at least there was a chance they’d get answers. His father was liable to just spout bullshit and throw more money at him. 

  Shi Wudu’s estate was further in the country side, a large and proud three story home broke off to a guest house and acres upon acres of nature. This was the place, according to Pei Ming, where he’d go to get away from the drama of civilization and watch the deer graze, the large birds dip into the man made lake while he sipped on his favorite liquor and ignored his work calls. It looked more like a country club to Feng Xin. There was enough space to start a business. It was so unnecessary for one single man who rarely visited nowadays, but that was Shi Wudu for you. Arrogant. 

  Pei Ming pulled up, and immediately slouched and lowered into his seat with a gasp.

”Shit,” he said,” tell me when she’s gone!”

”What?” Feng Xin lifted his head from the back seat, moving forward to rest on Mu Qing’s and caught the sight of a woman. She had long dark hair pushed back, pretty, soft features without anything extravagant one might assume for one of Shi Wudu’s friends. “The woman getting into a car?”

“…That’s my ex,” Pei Ming muttered.

”Pft,” Mu Qing rolled his eyes,” You have so many that I’m surprised you remember them so easily.”

Pei Ming lifted his head, but not enough to be noticeable and sent Mu Qing a scowl.

”Yushi Huang is different!” He said,” She broke up with me.”

”Oh?” Mu Qing smirked,” did someone actually break your heart?”

”What? No. It’s just embarrassing.”

  Feng Xin pressed his elbow up against the back of the seat and watched her drive down the path, wondering if it was even possible, breaking Pei Ming’s heart… The idea was almost laughable. 

“She’s gone,” Feng Xin said. 

“Does she know what you drive?” Mu Qing inquired.

”…” Pei Ming blinked,” Fuck, I hadn’t even thought about that. Which car did I take-“ he raised his gaze and pressed a palm to the edge of the steering wheel as he lifted himself. “I’m never going to live this down.”

  Feng Xin didn’t particularly feel bad for him when it came to this. If he hadn’t played around so often, maybe this Yushi Huang would never have broken it off to begin with. It was actually odd when they went so long in the day and Pei Ming hadn’t attempted to seduce either of them with his teasing words or fixated gaze. His entire demeanor shifted when they came towards the front door. While he seemed to relax, his playful nature faded underneath the proper stance of a Pei child. 

  One of Shi Wudu’s staff opened the door, lowering his head in greeting.

”Mr. Pei, the young master is outside in the back. Please, he’ll be pleased to have the company.”

”Looks like he’s had enough company,” Pei Ming informed.

The man didn’t seem to know how to address this, so he merely kept his head lowered as the group passed the large foyer. The back had a wide deck outlooking another man made lake. This one had a ground fountain in the center, lounge chairs outlining the stone bordered by freshly cut hedges. Shi Wudu stood with a glass of something dark in his hand, staring past the rippling body of water.

”I wasn’t expecting a house visit,” he informed, turning to greet them with a frown,” I’d heard rumors, but I’d never expected them to have any merit. Pei Ming, I wasn’t aware you were into men, let alone so greedy to have two.”

Pei Ming smirked at him,” You know I’ve always been greedy, but it’s very rare for me to find men this alluring.”

Shi Wudu almost smiled.

”Have a drink,” he said, and Feng Xin was surprised to find the same man from the door already moving with a serving plate of poured drinks.

Pei Ming took a glass, rolling the liquid in slow motions before taking a sip.

  Feng Xin didn’t know much about Shi Wudu, even if they’d grown up in the same friend group. He was mostly just the paternal figure, the one who stood in the back to ensure Shi Qingxuan didn’t get into trouble. Almost everyone he spoke to thought the man was cold and stiff. 

“So… Yushi Huang paid you a visit.”

”Hm, yes. She offered to help me with the land.”

”Ah,” Pei Ming found a lounge chair and lowered, eyeing Feng Xin and Mu Qing,” Well, next time you see her, tell her how well I’m doing.”

  Feng Xin cleared his throat. They could talk about Pei Ming’s relationship issues later. 

“Right,” Pei Ming smiled, though he looked far more uncomfortable than what was natural.” We didn’t come to introduce our new relationship or… talk about the past. This is a more delicate situation.”

”Delicate?” Shi Wudu asked,” What does it concern?”

”Hua Cheng,” Feng Xin said, stepping forward. 

  Shi Wudu lifted his gaze, eyes darkening as if the name itself was an insult to his family. 

“That man is more trouble than he’s worth.”

”Which is apparently a lot,” Mu Qing said,” considering the fact he owns you.”

Well, that wasn’t fucking delicate. He eyed Mu Qing to say just that with a look alone, but his lover only shrugged and rolled his eyes. 

Pei Ming was quick to interject before Shi Wudu could shut them down.

”Why does he own your estates? You’d never sell out, especially since Shi Qingxuan’s almost graduated. It’s not like you.”

“I will not speak about Hua Cheng,” Shi Wudu informed, and a thinly veiled patience arose in his tone, the way his eyes pierced the glass Pei Ming held.

“Then what about Ming Yi?” Feng Xin asked.

”Ming Yi?” Shi Wudu’s brows furrowed,” Shi Qingxuan’s friend?”

”…I wouldn’t say friend.”

”Excuse me?” The man took steps into Feng Xin’s space. Those words were enough to destroy his cold aura for a scorching rage,” Has he done something to Shi Qingxuan for you to make such assumptions or are you talking out your ass?”

“Calm down,” Mu Qing said, and Feng Xin hadn’t realized how close he was to his side,” Don’t come at him like that.”

“Come on, you know Shi Qingxuan has a crush. That’s all he meant,” Pei Ming said from the chair, and glanced to Feng Xin to send him a wide eyed gaze with a quick gesture for him to discontinue the conversation. “We’re only mentioning him, because we just learned that he lives with Hua Cheng.”

  Shi Wudu continued to glare at Feng Xin, but then he let out a deep breath and turned back to speak with his friend. 

“You should know what this is about. Hasn’t your father mentioned anything?”

Pei Ming raised a brow.

”No, last time I saw him he was too busy slapping me around to explain much.”

Shi Wudu scoffed,” So he’s the one who did that? Honestly, Pei Ming, kick the guy’s ass.”

”Again,” Pei Ming said,” not here for that, though if you knew anything about an E-Ming protocol...” 

  The fact he’d just recently been hit on seemed to soften something in that rigid arrogance. Shi Wudu ran a hand across his face and took another glass from the man waiting on them after setting down his first.

”Just as we thrive off of our parent’s success, we are also bound by our parent’s mistakes,” he informed, letting out a deep breath.” E-Ming Protocol is just another name for what you already know. Hua Cheng bought us all out, years ago. I’m not sure why it’s coming up now.”

”Why?” Pei Ming questioned,” Does he have something on you? Your father?”

  Shi Wudu’s lips curled, but it held no amusement. 

“You’d have to ask Hua Cheng that. I didn’t want to give him shit, but my father came to me practically begging for me to go along with anything he said,” his fingers tightened over the glass,” he said if I didn’t sell, that Shi Qingxuan could be in danger.”

”…What the actual hell is happening?” Mu Qing muttered.

”How was it that you came across this again?” Shi Wudu questioned. 

“Oh uh, kind of went through a file left on his desk,” Pei Ming said.

”Huh.”

”What?” 

“Be careful,” he told them,” Hua Cheng didn’t just leave a file on his desk. He left it for you. Everything he does is calculated. I don’t know what he has planned or why it’s taken him years to begin, but apparently, he wants you involved.”

  Well, that fucking sucked. 

  Shi Wudu couldn’t offer them much, but at least now they knew the basics. Hua Cheng had control over major family names, enough that Shi Wudu’s own father had succumbed to the fear of his sons’ safety. He’d been in control for years, but hadn’t moved until recently. Feng Rui must have known how exactly, to be so obsessed with getting intel. 

They were all jagged and unique pieces to a puzzle, and then there was He Xuan. He knew things, but he worked for Feng Rui, who opposed Hua Cheng, but at the same time the man allowed He Xuan to live with him…

”My head fucking hurts,” he said, leant back against the diner booth.

Mu Qing circled his spoon in dark coffee, lips pursed, brows furrowed tight. He must have been doing the same jumps in his thoughts. He had a better chance of understanding it than Feng Xin.

OH, and on top of all this, the fuckery didn’t end there! Now Feng Xin and Pei Ming had to worry about being called into an interrogation room because his father had fucked up his job. He didn’t have the energy to go and see him that night, so he let his burger get cold and stared at the table instead. 

  “Does anyone have a plan?” Pei Ming asked, scratching at his cheek,” like other than go ask every single person we know?”

“Go ask Hua Cheng?” Feng Xin proposed.

”A’Xin,” Mu Qing whispered, and then louder so Pei Ming could hear,” Don’t be an idiot. He wouldn’t tell us anything and he’d just laugh at us. He obviously knows we know something is happening.”

“I won’t be an idiot when you stop being an asshole,” Feng Xin muttered, though there wasn’t much heat behind his words. 

  Pei Ming sighed.

”I’m going back to steal the rest of the file.”

”Pft,” Mu Qing rolled his eyes,” And just exactly how are you planning on getting invited back in? Hua Cheng isn’t a people person, and without a party to distract him, it would be too obvious.”

  All of their phones vibrated at once.

They gave each other questioning looks before moving for their phones.

Bold Storage

0101 Park Av.

Unit 103

Pei Ming narrowed his gaze.

”Let me guess, no one has this number saved?”

  Mu Qing inhaled a deep breath.

”I just want one normal day, is that too much to ask?”

Chapter Text

   The storage facility sat alone at the edge of the city’s district, a windowless concrete block wrapped in layers of chain link fencing topped with razor wire. Cameras tracked silently from mounted rails above reinforced steel doors, and bordering the back was nothing but the depths of ocean waters. A code was needed to enter, and to leave. The storage facility had two floors, three different sections spanning a wide range. 

“Even if we do come back at night, how the hell do we get past security?” Feng Xin asked from Pei Ming’s passenger seat. 

They hadn’t lied to Mu Qing this time by saying they’d be at the gym, but they didn’t mention the fact they always had someone tailing them. If it wasn’t Lui Wei, it was some other dude in a suit. 

“Not to mention those idiots,” Feng Xin said, gesturing with his head across the street. By now, they didn’t even bother trying to hide it. It’s not like it would change a damn thing. 

  “Whoever sent us that message wants us in, so I think it’s worth a little risk,” Pei Ming smirked at the car, not seeming to be worried in the slightest,” Let’s check it out after hours, just to see. I’ll come up with an idea to get rid of these assholes in the meantime.”

He fished for something in his middle console, and Feng Xin frowned when it was a small bottle of twisted tea. Pei Ming shucked the cap off and finished it in a few gulps. Had he always drank like this?

”Ah, that hit the spot,” Pei tossed the bottle out the window into the patch of grass along the curb. “We should get to your dad’s before Mu Qing starts worrying.”

”…”

”How is he by the way?” Pei Ming asked,” Have you considered telling him anything?”

  Feng Xin dropped the thumb he’d been chewing on and pressed an elbow against the door. His entire damned body felt entangled in itself, shivers of electric nerves pulsated like a heartbeat. He just wanted to sleep.

”About that?” Feng Xin scoffed,” Don’t be stupid.”

”You might know Mu Qing better than I do, but I’m pretty sure he’d be more pissed about the lie than the actual murder. You’re just asking for him to get hurt.”

”Shut your damned mouth,” Feng Xin snapped, but it came out tired, without much of the force he’d like. 

  Pei Ming’s eyes softened.

“You’re not alone, you get that right? I was there too. Whether or not you ever decide to tell him, at least remember that.”

He was not used to Pei Ming sounding so serious, that his voice sounded different, almost like another person. His eyes held a complexity that was a stark contrast to the casual apathy tinged with a charismatic jab. It made Feng Xin feel uncomfortable. He didn't want to talk about things like this. He didn’t want to think of Mu Qing ever finding out, because Pei Ming was right. Why cut a man before being stabbed? Feng Xin had already lied.

  “Let’s just go meet this bastard.”

He didn’t want to be late. Mu Qing was making lunch.  

   The building was full for a Wednesday afternoon. Many men smoked off cigars and pulled curtains closed to enjoy the flexible bodies of the young men and women provided. A few, who recognized Feng Xin, offered him a curled finger in greeting, a smirk that aimed to touch the most intimate parts of his body. He hated this fucking place.

Pei Ming dropped an arm around his shoulders and chuckled, eyeing one woman in particular. She’d come out of her private booth to tilt her head, brush long golden hair from her near naked breasts. 

“Sorry ladies,” he said,” this one doesn’t swing that way.”

  Feng Xin had half a mind to throw Pei Ming’s arm from him, but he felt his throat constrict with the lack of air and decided for a moment to use his body as a shield against the looming gazes. He hated his father for building a place like this.

  He didn’t knock. He shoved open the door to his office and Pei Ming lifted his arm, just as Lui Wei approached from behind. He must have taken the elevator after them, and to their surprise was not followed by his usual partner. From his desk, Feng Rui lowered his glass of whiskey and grinned. 

“I thought you’d be in sooner.”

”Fuck you.”

Feng Rui chuckled,” Now, now, I know you’re a little pissed off, but imagine my state. I hired men to perform a job and for the amount of money I pay these fools it should have been done without question.” His smile drained into a glare when he looked past them to Lui Wei.

  Lui Wei didn’t speak. 

“What happened?” Feng Xin demanded.” You said you’d take care of it.”

”I assure you, I did. Lui Wei lacks a partner now, but someone had to pay for their mistake.” He moved to light a cigar from his ash tray, leaning back in his chair,” Don’t let the police intimidate you, and don’t answer any further questions unless one of my lawyers is present. This situation is handled as far as I’m concerned.”

  Feng Xin’s jaw clenched.

”That goes for both of you,” Feng Rui added to Pei Ming, and just as he blew a puff of smoke in their direction, his phone rang. He rolled his eyes at the inconvenience, but he answered, the entire time meeting Feng Xin’s glare head on. “Hm, my appointment? He’s just in time. Please, send him down.”

He clicked the call off and tossed his phone onto his desk.

”Sir,” Lui Wei started,” I followed them from a storage unit. Neither of them got out of the car.”

  Feng Rui raised a brow, lips curling slightly.

”Really?” He asked, sounding far too casual,” care to explain, son?”

Don’t call me that you sick bastard.

”We noticed we were being followed so we pulled over,” Feng Xin said,” when we realized it wasn’t the police we headed your way. We’re not idiots.”

”No… you’re honestly too smart for your own good. You no longer follow He Xuan around. Have you been disappointed in the lack of information he’s provided?”

”I just want to know what the fuck is actually going on.”

  Feng Rui took another long puff, rolling the part he held along his fingers, admiring the side as if it were some exorbitant item.

”I know that you remain suspicious of me, but you should believe everything I do is for your own good.”

”Tch.”

Pei Ming stepped forward.

”What business do you have with my father then?”

Peng Hui? Was he grasping at straws or did he know something Feng Xin didn’t? He eyed his friend, whose eyes had turned cold.

”Your father is a business man, such as myself. Is it so strange that we’d meet?”

”Considering what we do know, yeah.”

”And what do you know?” Feng Rui asked.

”…” Pei Ming lifted his chin with arrogance. Good. He knew better than to offer a snake anything. They were far too skilled at sizing up their meals before strangling them dead. 

  Feng Rui found this amusing, so much that he laughed until he snuffed his cigar out. He shook his head, eyeing the two as if they were nothing more than high school kids playing a funny prank in a principal’s office.

”The bugs you two placed have helped us discover new shipments, though I can’t say we’ve been successful in finding anything worthy enough to celebrate. In time, perhaps.”

”What are you looking for?” Feng Xin asked,” Haven’t we done enough to earn that? We couldn’t betray you if we wanted to.” 

Feng Rui had all the control. One wrong step, one sour mood, and the two would be behind cells, maybe even dead. Isn’t that what had happened to Lui Wei’s partner? 

  “Fine,” he said, surprising them both,” I will offer you something if it will ease your nerves. Have either of you two studied theology?”

”…What?” Feng Xin asked.

”Despite the differences in religion, many have their stories of the great fall. Lucifer, the golden child, thought to create a pact with his siblings, to deny God of His righteous plans and to create… a freedom for those who followed. The demons became his true brethren, connected with a blood oath that offered power. This power though, like all, comes with a price.”

What the fuck…?

”Um,” Pei Ming’s brows furrowed,” I’m not really following.”

  Before they had a chance to ask him what drugs he was on, a loud voice echoed from outside the hall.

”Don’t even think about touching me! I don’t work here!” 

Mu Qing??

Both of their eyes widened, and the door pushed open, a fuming man with long, dark beautiful hair and his narrowed obsidian gaze stole the attention. Feng Xin blinked. 

  “Ah, Mu Qing,” Feng Rui greeted.

”Shove it,” he said,” Do you know how tired I am? He said one hour. Why is he still here? I made lunch and now it’s cold. Whatever you needed to say could have been a text message.”

Lui Wei looked over towards the bookcase.

”He’s only just gotten here. Maybe he failed to tell you of his other his plans?” Feng Rui smirked over at his son,” He’s very lively, this one. I can see why you enjoy his presence.”

”What did he make for lunch?” Pei Ming asked in a whisper.

“I don’t care what his plans were,” Mu Qing continued,” You told me that you wouldn’t take up any more of his time.”

”You're right. I apologize. The next time I need to speak to him I’ll contact you directly.”

Had… Mu Qing been speaking to his father outside of his knowledge? He wasn’t sure whether to be concerned or turned on, the way Mu Qing had no intention of backing down, the way Feng Rui was trying to pacify him.

  “Feng Xin, Pei Ming, let’s go.”

They looked at one another, and decided it was best to do as he said. Mu Qing was such a force of nature that the men at the bar didn’t try their attempts again. He was fuming until they made it back up to the elevator, and Feng Xin stopped at the car.

  “Ridiculous,” Mu Qing said. “Why are you two just letting him walk all over you?”

Pei Ming shrugged, not yet finding it in him to step away to go to his own car. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and frowned.

“You made lunch?”

  Mu Qing pressed his fingers to the nit in his brow and shook his head, a deep breath settling with the drop of his shoulders. He kind of reminded Feng Xin of his mom then, but he knew better than to say as much. When his mother had been more youthful sometimes she’d throw the first thing she could from the kitchen counter when she was upset. 

“Sorry Pei Ming, I only made enough for two.”

  Lately, his endeavors to flirt with the two hadn’t resulted in a mere sigh of dramatic defeat, or even be considered as such. It felt like Pei Ming just didn’t like to be alone, and that considering the situation, he wasn’t sure who else to follow around. Feng Xin kind of felt for the guy. With everything they’d done, Feng Xin went home to Mu Qing, to hold him…

Who did Pei Ming go home to, but himself?

”No problem. I’ll call you two later tonight about the other issue.”

  Lunch was cold, but Mu Qing reheated the grilled chicken and sides with only a little extra force after getting undressed into something more comfortable, his usual teasing shorts and one of Feng Xin’s shirts.

He put the second plate down in front of Feng Xin and lowered into his seat.

Seconds passed where they both remained silent. Nervously, Feng Xin cleared his throat. 

”You said one hour,” Mu Qing said. 

”I’m sorry, Qing’er. We just did surveillance around the storage unit. I didn’t mean to take so long.”

“What did he want?”

   Just to let them know another man had been murdered. Mistake or not, Lui Wei’s partner hadn’t deserved death and yet Feng Rui spoke of it as the most obvious consequence. What if the man had children? What if he was only working under a boss like him to pay his family’s rent?

Maybe he was another monster like Bai Long.

”He wanted to check in to see if I’d learned anything about Hua Cheng.”

”Pft,” Mu Qing rolled his eyes and began playing with the food on his plate, pushing it back and forth.” Why have you bug the place if he was still going to ask questions?” 

  Lately it had been rough. Mu Qing was finally in a place where he felt comfortable enough to express his feelings, and Feng Xin had been too involved with everything going on to truly appreciate that. He’d held him the night before, whispering his devotion, promising for things to be different. It had to be different. 

“Qing’er,” Feng Xin said,” Come here.”

Mu Qing sighed and set his napkin down, while his face was scrunched together with annoyance, he moved obediently, stopping just before Feng Xin’s pulled out chair. His fingers played with the fabric of Feng Xin’s collar, brows pressed together with his usual, sharp scowl.

  “Did I make you upset today?” Feng Xin asked. His own hand came to caress Mu Qing’s bare thigh, trailing forward underneath his shorts. 

“Not you,” he admitted, a soft breath escaping. He was sensitive now. His thighs closed, shifting discreetly, but Feng Xin knew all of his body’s cues. He knew that when Mu Qing’s fingers tightened into Feng Xin’s shirt that the heat was coiling from traveling hands that tangled in his underwear. Feng Xin lowered to kiss his stomach, pushing the barrier of his shirt up as he moved higher, leaving wet and slow lines across his taut muscle. “The food…” Mu Qing whispered.

”The food can wait,” Feng Xin said. “You were upset. Is it because I haven’t been giving you enough attention?”

  He turned his head, part of it resting where he’d just devoted his affection. Mu Qing was staring at him with a half lidded gaze.

”I’m fine…”

Feng Xin watched him closely, drug down his underwear and shorts as if he had all the time in the world.” Should I stop then? You’ve been so good lately. I’ve been making all this trouble and you haven’t even yelled at me.”

  Mu Qing’s thighs were already trembling where he pressed them in a silent demand to open further.

”And you’re so sensitive. I haven’t fucked you in a few days…”

“A’Xin,” he said,” Stop teasing me.”

Feng Xin raised a brow, and then in one movement pulled Mu Qing in by his waist into his lap. The man lowered, pressed forward to kiss him, opening his mouth obediently when Feng Xin licked his bottom lip. The warmth of him had his thoughts twisting into nothing but a feverish need. There wasn’t a single part of Mu Qing that he hadn’t ran his tongue across, but he plunged deeper, thrusting and turning in his mouth. 

  They only parted when they could no longer hold their breath, but even then Feng Xin was kissing him, short, pleading movements. Mu Qing’s lips were wet with saliva, shallow breaths audible as he shifted to allow Feng Xin easier acces into his underwear. He tugged them down under his ass.

”D-Don’t fucking start if you aren’t going to finish.”

”Lift your shirt,” he ordered.

Mu Qing raised his shirt, revealing the blush of nipples, hard under the cold air of their apartment, just begging to be teased. He really hadn’t been touched enough lately. 

His hands smoothed up Mu Qing’s sides, thumbs tracing the subtle arch of his ribs. “So pretty,” he whispered,” I can’t believe I have you like this…”

Mu Qing clenched his thighs against his hips.

”Have me,” he said.

   Feng Xin grinned, and then bent his head and took one nipple into his mouth. At first he merely pressed a kiss, and then he teased the tight bud with only a flick of his tongue, until Mu Qing was arching forward into his face. He grazed it with his teeth, just a hint of bite, and then lowered to suck it, purposely making it sound messier, flicking it occasionally, circling the precious flesh making Mu Qing a gasping mess. He switched to the other when the nub had began to darken from attention.

  Mu Qing was writhing desperately, grinding himself down against the firm muscle of Feng Xin’s thighs, seeking friction.

“Shhh,” Feng Xin soothed, his mouth leaving a wet, cooling trail across his sternum. “I’ve got you, baby.”

  He cupped Mu Qing’s face, who kept his hands tangled in his raised shirt. He opened his mouth when Feng Xin prodded two fingers against his lips, moaning against them, sucking them in with nearly closed eyes. 

One hand slid around to the small of Mu Qing’s back, supporting him, while the other trailed down, over the curve of his ass. The finger slick with saliva circled his hole.

”It won’t be easy like this,” he whispered. 

  Mu Qing whimpered, shoved his face into the nape of Feng Xin’s neck.

”It’s fine,” he said,” I-I’m prepped.”

Feng Xin stilled, brought a hand to rest along Mu Qing’s neck, not harshly but just the way he liked it, a firm guidance he always followed without question. He lifted his head, his Adam’s apple moved against Feng Xin’s palm.

”You’re prepped?” Feng Xin asked.

”I touched myself earlier.” 

  Feng Xin huffed in surprise, a smile curling his lips as he imagined it for a moment. Mu Qing didn’t have any toys that he knew of. Had he fingered himself open to completion or just loosened himself in hopes this would have happened sooner rather than later?

Both ideas had Feng Xin painfully pressed in his jeans.

“I’ll have to be sure,” he said, pressing the tip of his longest finger forward. The tight muscle fought him still, but Feng Xin only had to wait for it to open around him until it sucked him in. His throbbing walls were still hot, but he could feel the slick lube inside easing his movements. Mu Qing must have taken his time.

  “Nngh,” Mu Qing’s shattered breaths broke out, and very carefully Feng Xin tightened the hold he had of his throat, thumb trailing soft lines as he continued to penetrate him further. His entire finger reached the depths it could without any tension, but he’d still struggle to take it. Even three fingers spreading him on a long night were never usually enough for the first moments of being fucked. It was never easy, but Mu Qing was so good. Mu Qing took the pain until it faded to pleasure. He was always so damned good.

  He curled his finger, searched the place that would channel the euphoric bliss brought by being explored. He knew Mu Qing well enough, had touched him in so many different positions and angles that it wasn’t difficult. He brushed a soft part inside him, the small, delicate button, and then Mu Qing cried out a ragged, distraught moan. Feng Xin’s hand slipped from his throat. He tugged on Mu Qing’s shirt instead.

”Take it off and put your arms around me,” he instructed.

  Mu Qing did as he was told, throwing himself around his shoulders to breathe hot into his neck the moment his shirt fell to the floor forgotten. 

“Touch me there again,” Mu Qing pleaded.

Feng Xin’s mouth returned to Mu Qing’s nipple, sucking it deep. He added a second finger, just as slow, even though Mu Qing pushed back and stretched himself with impatience. Feng Xin wondered if he enjoyed the burn or if he was so desperate for something else to fill him that he didn’t care. 

  The sounds were obscenely wet, the slick slide of fingers pumping in and out of him, paired with the soft, sucking noises from Feng Xin’s mouth. Mu Qing was incoherent, a shaking, pleading mess in his lap, his own fingers now clawing at Feng Xin’s shoulders through his t shirt.

“Can’t… I need…” Mu Qing sobbed, his hips moving in tiny, frantic circles, fucking himself on Feng Xin’s hand.

“What do you need?” Feng Xin whispered against his skin, his own control was lost. The sight of Mu Qing coming apart like this, so wanton and vocal, would always win. There would never be a battle that the man couldn’t disarm Feng Xin if he only pleaded like this. 

  In answer, Mu Qing’s hands fumbled between them. He yanked down the zipper of Feng Xin’s jeans and shoved the fabric aside. He reached into Feng Xin’s boxers, wrapping his hand around the thick, heavy length of him. Feng Xin hissed,” Fuck Qing’er.”

He helped shove more of his own clothing down just enough to free himself fully. His cock stood rigid against Mu Qing’s shorts. His fingers left him with a wet plop.
 
  Not wanting it to be a barrier later, Feng Xin grabbed Mu Qing by the hips and used one hand to steady his back and shoved both of his legs over one shoulder. Mu Qing hands dropped to clutch his knees for support, long enough for Feng Xin to drag his underwear and shorts off. He could fuck him like this, but Feng Xin wanted him to be comfortable. He parted one thigh and let it drop back into place, thinking he’d be slow with his new intrusion, but Mu Qing had become quite impatient that the moment he shifted, he lowered to take Feng Xin into his hand and rub his leaking head into his throbbing entrance. 

   He sunk down when it caught the muscle, circling his hips. Every few inches he stopped to allow himself to stretch properly, but only for seconds before pressing down for more. When he bottomed out, the last of his resistance swallowing the rod in impossible heat, Mu Qing almost fell back, if not for Feng Xin’s guiding hand.

“Qing’er, baby,” Feng Xin pressed his forehead to his, unable to keep words from spilling,” You’re so good. I’ve never felt like this with anyone. So fucking perfect. You make me insane.”

  It felt like he was being sucked off by a hot mouth, that even if he had no further length to shove in, he thought if he just forced himself further he could somehow experience more of Mu Qing’s depth. He wanted to be as far as he could, fuck into his stomach, until Mu Qing always felt him. He could be another necessary organ, since his body already welcomed him like this. It had never known another man. It would always think Feng Xin was its rightful piece. 

   Mu Qing whimpered, but then he took Feng Xin by surprise. He was the first to move. He used Feng Xin’s shoulders as leverage and lifted himself, only to sink back down and tremble when he had no other choice but to continue deep. Feng Xin hitched his hips, tangled his fingers in Mu Qing’s hair as they began to meet each other’s pace. The chair creaked, the wet sounds of the lube and pre cum being fucked back in only enticed them to rush for more. Every so often, when Mu Qing had met his rhythm, Feng Xin would pull him down by the waist and he’d reach another deep place, that rolled into that soft button, and Mu Qing would cry.

  “Ngh, N-No,” Mu Qing clutched and drug his nails into the back of his neck,” N…A-A’Xin. Too much.”

It set Feng Xin off.

The phone in his pocket rung.

”Shit-“ He wanted to ignore it, but it was so obnoxiously loud that even Mu Qing stilled and shoved his head into his chest.

”A’Xin,” he said.

  Feng Xin tugged at his pocket and tossed the phone onto the table. He raised his gaze to Mu Qing, cupping his cheek. The elegance was painted with a glazed desperation. His lashes fluttered when Feng Xin tightened the muscles of his stomach and rose his hips into him slow.

”The fact you can get distracted is proof I’m not fucking you hard enough.”

He pulled out and pre cum stained Mu Qing’s thighs in a smeared streak.

”Ah, No! Put it back!”

  Feng Xin shoved Mu Qing’s thigh from one side of his hip and forced him to turn, until his back fell against him.

”Put it back in yourself.”

  Mu Qing lowered, one hand found the table’s edge, his lithe body arched as he shoved himself back again. His toes pressed to the floor, long dark hair caressing his bare back as Feng Xin took hold of his waist.

  He set a brutal pace, echoing the room with slaps of skin and the movement of the table against the floor now that Mu Qing was too weak to remain sitting up. His dark hair spilled over the wood, arm pressed into half his face as the other drug its fingernails in for leverage it couldn’t find. He was fucked into confusion, every word that spilled mixed into another, broken by gasps and cries. He said Feng Xin’s name, he begged him to stop, but Feng Xin knew better. Mu Qing wanted to feel like his pleasure had been earned, that he’d reached the top of his painful rise held by need. 

  Even given the chance, when Feng Xin checked, Mu Qing refused to say his safe word. 

Mu Qing’s orgasm ripped through him with a violence that bordered on agony. A silent scream etched on his face as his release coated the hand touching himself. His body clamped down on Feng Xin’s cock in a series of vicious spasms.

  Feng Xin hips slammed up a final time and then filled him with his seed until his vision blurred, holding Mu Qing down, impaled, as he shuddered through his own climax. Just as Mu Qing went boneless, collapsing against Feng Xin, the phone clicked. 

  Both of their heads whipped up.

”What…” still breathless, Mu Qing moved for the phone and just as Feng Xin wrapped an arm around his chest to steady him, they looked down at the ended call. 

Fucking Pei Ming.

Chapter Text

  No one spoke for a very long time. Feng Xin and Mu Qing had slipped out with ease, through a broken emergency door and entered into a car Pei Ming didn’t often drive. It shouldn’t have been too difficult, now that Lui Wei was working alone. Mu Qing hadn’t even questioned the new route. He must have already suspected Lui Wei. Feng Xin wondered if the man was allowed shift breaks or if he truly just followed them around 24/7. The idea couldn’t be any worse than the fact Pei Ming had just sat on a call and listened to them fuck.

”…”

“So uh,” Pei Ming tapped the steering wheel as he slowed to a red light. He glanced at Mu Qing in the passenger seat, who was purposely staring out the window with a glare. 

“Hope you enjoyed the show,” Mu Qing said bitterly, though even from the mirror and dark sky Feng Xin could see the red tinting his cheeks. It was only more apparent each street lamp they passed further into the city. 

  “Hey, I’m not the problem this time. I called for a reason!”

”And then stayed on call the entire goddamn time,” Feng Xin retorted. 

Gods. Feng Xin wasn’t even sure how far into it they’d been before he’d shoved his phone onto the table. How could he be so stupid?? He should have checked to make sure he’d denied the call when it stopped ringing. It was probably when they switched positions, which was horrifying. They’d been so loud. To someone’s outside ears it might have sounded like a very violent and unforgiving act. 

  “Not on purpose,” Pei Ming said,” At first I wasn’t sure what was going on, but then- well, I got excited and my phone got yanked from my hand in a sharp turn. I was in the MIDDLE of going seventy. I couldn’t just fish my phone out from the passenger floor!”

Mu Qing turned his head,” Wait, so you didn’t hear anything?”

”Oh, I heard everything. I had it on speaker.”

Mu Qing narrowed his gaze.

“Ugh,” Pei Ming groaned,” The things you two do to me. It’s going to be so difficult to behave. Honestly, didn’t know you two were so vocal. Mu Qing, my darling, if you need to sit back and rest we’ll understand.”

  “The code,” Feng Xin pressed, because if he didn’t bring it up then Pei Ming would probably just keep going.

Pei Ming sighed, offering them reprieve from their embarrassment.

”Right. Didn’t you two get the text? Well, I’m sure you looked at it after you were uh…finished. Whoever’s sending us information has good timing.”

“What about the key for the actual unit?” Mu Qing asked.

”Hope for the best?” Pei Ming inquired, eyes flashing at Mu Qing. His gaze raked over his body, his face, a pleasant smile spreading across his lips. This was Feng Xin’s fault. He had no one to blame but himself, and well, the fact Mu Qing could entice an army from his voice alone. 

  “Hey,” he chided,” eyes on the road.”

”You do like being in control, don’t you A’Xin?”

He was never going to live this down. 

  The storage unit was dimly lit, one of the lights hanging over the fence flickered similar to the old horror movies Feng Xin had snuck and watched as a child. Not a single car was parked either, which might have been weird for a 24/7 location, but who in their right mind would travel so far and risk being mugged? At first he’d thought that Hua Cheng might own this unit, but a guy like him would have much better security detail. Feng Xin wasn’t even too sure the cameras worked. They blinked red, but none of them moved. 

  In the day time it looked like any normal public storage, but at night, when the clouds were full of thick gray, it looked like a desolate abandoned place of murder. 

“Well, we weren’t followed as far I can tell,” Pei Ming said as he parked. 

Mu Qing undid his belt.

”The moment this seems wrong, we leave.”

”It already seems wrong,” Feng Xin admitted, but he followed them out. The units were locked in a stale building that their code unlocked, and the bright lights were movement sensitive, that the long hall in front of them immediately flickered on with one step. Every so often the hallway would turn into a corner for a utility closet or a row of carts used to help with luggage. 

  Feng Xin brushed his fingers against Mu Qing’s sleeve.

”I hate these kinds of places,” he said.

”Are you scared?” Pei Ming teased,” You can hold onto both of us if you’d like.”

Feng Xin ignored him, counting down each unit in his head.

54, 56, 58…

”This place is bigger than I expected,” Mu Qing said, and they turned another corner. 

Feng Xin truly felt as if the walls would close in on them if they weren’t quick enough. The hall at the intersection had three broken lights, and the one that worked, flickered like the lamps outside. Was it possible to get motion sickness like this?

  “Ah, here we are,” Pei Ming slowed.

100, 101, 103.

There was nothing distinct about this unit, other than the fact when Pei Ming lowered to the lock it was already undone. He snatched it from its place, but he didn’t move to open it for a moment.

”Pei Ming,” Mu Qing insisted,” Come on. There’s no need for suspense.”

”Fine, but if there’s a body in here, I’m sleeping at your place.”

It was a joke. Of course Pei Ming had seen a dead body before, but there was something horrifying about finding one you didn’t recognize in a place like this. Feng Xin wouldn’t even argue with him at that point. He thought that would be the end of his peace. 

  Feng Xin and Mu Qing stood side to side, their arms brushing, and watched as Pei Ming lifted the door to the room. 

It was empty. Feng Xin blinked.

No, not empty…

They all lowered their gaze to the single, tiny flash drive in the center of the cement. 

“Seriously,” Feng Xin said with a long breath,” It’s starting to feel wrong.”

Had he mentioned he hated places like this?

  Pei Ming moved, but Mu Qing pressed a hand to his arm, holding him back. His brows were furrowed tight, an uneasiness in his gaze until he dropped his hand completely. Maybe he’d meant to warn him about rushing in, but they didn’t have much choice. Who could ignore something like this? 

Pei Ming finally lowered to take the drive into his hands, turning it over in his palm. He shrugged, looking back to them from where he knelt.

“Well, I guess that’s that.”

”I don’t like this,” Mu Qing said,” We don’t even know who sent us here or who that belongs too. We could be asking for trouble.”

”Aren’t we already?” Pei Ming questioned.

He moved to stand and tossed it at Feng Xin, who nearly dropped it in a struggle before glaring at him. They wouldn’t know shit until they tried to find what it had stored, but even that might be another issue. If they found something disturbing, who would they even blame?

  My Qing opened his mouth to speak, but the front doors slammed loud enough they all jumped.

Lui Wei?

It was best to act natural. They weren’t doing anything illegal, that they knew of. They had the passcode, and the unit had been unlocked. It wasn’t like they’d broken in. Still, the hair on the back of his neck stood straight and the muscles of his body tensed.

”Let’s go out the back,” he whispered. Just in case.

  They were careful with their steps, though the person who’d just entered didn’t seem to care. Each footstep echoed out, and something loud drug behind, thump, thump… as if this person had dropped the weight a few times down stairs. Feng Xin didn’t think he’d see any from the front, and it wouldn’t make sense for them to already be descending. 

They turned another corner, the units were more spread out.

210…212…214

The person stopped moving. Shit. The lights. Wouldn’t it be obvious someone was already there??

Relax. It was just a person, not like those horror movies with the ghosts. It was very normal for someone to be there at the same time. 

  “Ha…” a very calm voice began to speak,” I can… see them.”

All three of them froze.

He’d never heard that voice before. The footsteps continued, quicker though, without the weight that followed. It was running. It was running in their direction.

Pei Ming’s eyed widened, and Mu Qing grabbed for Feng Xin and without thinking, they rushed towards the first opening that they could find. It was a small closet, a supply closet full of cleaning products and brooms. The lights from their hall shut off, casting them in complete darkness as they struggled to fit comfortably. Someone wedged themselves in between, and when Feng Xin reached forward he felt the familiar structure of Mu Qing’s waist. 

  Pei Ming must have been on the other side. 

The running had ceased. The footsteps though were coming from the other side of their hall, and occasionally a loud bang erupted out. Feng Xin imagined a mad man bashing his head into each unit. What the fuck? What the fuck!

”Pei Ming,” a harsh, half whisper came from his lover,” are you fucking kidding me. Right now?”

Pei Ming whispered back frantically,” It’s not my fault! The body reacts like this when it’s scared too! And we’re-“ another bang,” You’re pressing into it.”

Feng Xin’s eyes widened the moment he came to an understanding, and very quickly, he shifted, knocking loose bottles that was thankfully drowned out with another loud echo. He pushed Mu Qing to the other side, and fit himself in between, except now that he was facing Pei Ming, he was now the victim to the man’s nerves. 

  Feng Xin inhaled a sharp breath, shoved his hand to fit against the wall. He really couldn’t breathe, and the fact there was some possible psycho out there looking for them while Pei Ming was hard against his thigh was not helping!

”The phone call…” Pei Ming whispered, as if that were a probable cause. 

“Shut up,” Feng Xin hissed,” Just… Stop moving.”

  The lights to their hall turned on again.

Flickering. Footsteps came closer.

Feng Xin held his breath.

The back door to the unit opened with ease, and the steps ceased. From the small lines of the utility closet, Feng Xin caught the dark attire, the immaculate dress shoes that turned when another person entered.

  “Why don’t you take that mask off now and show me your real face?”

HE XUAN??

Something clicked back, a gun, Feng Xin realized quickly.

The masked man chuckled. His lower body didn’t move from its position, but Feng Xin couldn’t make out the rest.

”You’re giving away secrets…” he said, sounding quite calm despite the fact he’d been banging something around. “He Xuan, He Xuan,” the voice taunted,” what name did your family scream as they burnt?”

Gun shots rang out, but only one seemed to hit the man. His body made a loud noise when it collapsed against the cement. Feng Xin saw He Xuan’s shoes step towards the body, and even the dark hair that shielded his face when he knelt to press the gun to the white mask.

”Tch,” The masked man berated him with the noise alone, and then in one smooth movement raised his wrist, and in seconds white smoke exploded and filled the room. Feng Xin stumbled back and very quickly told the others to cover their mouths. Whatever the fuck it was, they didn’t need to breathe it in! His eye stung, so he closed them tight, his chest heaving in shallow breaths warming his palm. He heard movement, a curse that rang out from He Xuan, another body drop. 

  What the fuck were they supposed to do?!

Something was being dragged again. Feng Xin couldn’t open his eyes though. He felt someone’s hand tighten around his wrist, another squeezed his shoulder. 

Minutes. Feng Xin heard the door slam shut again. He didn’t open his eyes, not until Pei Ming let out a rough breath. 

“It’s clear,” he whispered.

  The hand on his shoulder released. 

“Quick,” Mu Qing tore open the door and they stumbled forward. There was a blood trail on the floor, leading to the back. “Stop staring. We need to get out of here.”

”Right..”

Feng Xin forced himself to look away, and they took off from where they’d come. He thought if anyone had made it out he wanted it to be He Xuan at least! Whoever the hell the other guy was clearly wasn’t in his right mind!

  Their footsteps hit the outside in a frantic rush. Pei Ming fumbled with his keys and Feng Xin tightened on the drive behind them. There were no other cars. Whoever had come must have parked on the backside. He didn’t think of it. There wasn’t any time to worry about anyone else. 

  Pei Ming jabbed the code half out the window and sped off onto the main road. 

  An hour later they sat on Pei Ming’s couch. It was closest. The entire time he stared down at the drive while Pei Ming threw himself into a chair across from them. 

“I knew we shouldn’t have gotten involved,” Mu Qing said. 

“He Xuan…” Pei Ming muttered,” What the hell? Shi Qingxuan is going to have a fit.”

”We don’t know it was him that got dragged out,” Feng Xin replied.

  “It was,” Mu Qing said, fussing with the hem of his sleeve,” Whatever was in that smoke probably knocked him out. It gave me a headache.”

”Fuck.” Feng Xin wanted to throw something. 

Pei Ming lifted himself suddenly and moved towards his bedroom. When he reappeared he had his laptop out, and he situated it on the coffee table in front of them. When the laptop thrummed to life, Mu Qing lowered beside Feng Xin and held out his hand for the drive.

  At first, nothing showed on the screen. Pei Ming tried adjusting it, and it flickered, a dark screen overtook the program. It blinked. 

“What am I supposed to write?”

”It probably wants a password,” Feng Xin said. 

Pei Ming bit his lip, running a thumb across the bottom, and then leaning forward he typed the same code of the unit. The moment he hit enter his entire screen blinked rapidly, a series of colors imprinted itself before them, and then the laptop died.

”… You didn’t think to bring the charger?” Mu Qing asked.

”It’s fully charged!”

  He hit the keyboard, and when that didn’t work he slapped the side of the screen.

”Ah come on!”

”Pei Ming,” Mu Qing said,” Calm down. You probably just gave yourself a virus. Honestly, how could you just stick that thing in there without a thought?”

Pei Ming tangled his hands into his hair, and threw himself back against the couch.

”Why bother giving us the damn thing if they weren’t going to send the password?”

“Maybe they still will.”

  Feng Xin looked to Mu Qing, surprised for a moment. While he’d seemed distraught by the entire ordeal when they were trying to escape without being unnoticed, he didn’t seem to be bothered at all now. He was too good at pretending. Feng Xin threw an arm around his shoulders, staring to the destroyed laptop with a sigh in defeat.

”Pei Ming, would you mind if we spent the night? I think it would be best to stay together considering.” That and he didn’t want to make the man drive them all the way back. He seemed to already be at his wit’s end. 

“Yeah,” Pei Ming turned his head, eyes lightening up. It was like a completely different version of Pei Ming. How easy. “Of course, Oh my god, really?”

”Pft,” Mu Qing rolled his eyes and threw off Feng Xin’s arm. 

“A sleepover,” Pei Ming mused. He shut his laptop off and turned his entire body in their direction, an interested glint in his gaze,” We can worry about this later, but for right now, what are you two in the mood for?”

”…”

”For dinner,” Pei Ming mended, smirking,” Obviously.”

  Between the psycho and Pei Ming, Feng Xin wasn’t sure which one would be more stressful to deal with for an entire evening. 

Chapter Text

   Again, the meal was a bit overboard. Feng Xin had never seen so many options for meat, rows of sushi and …whatever was on Pei Ming’s plate that he was swishing around. He had his hand propped up on his chin, smirking at them as they finished their meals, and a glass of whiskey dry in front of him. When he noticed Feng Xin, who must have been staring into space, he raised the glass in his direction.

“Drink?” He asked.

Feng Xin eyed Mu Qing.

“We’re good.”

The last thing he wanted to do was be drunk in a penthouse with a man who enjoyed undressing them with his eyes so blatantly. 

  Mu Qing wiped his mouth with a napkin.

“Do you have extra sheets for the couch?”

“The couch?” Pei Ming asked, and he took another swig. It had been his second glass. He was already starting to fall languid and unreserved, well more than usual. 

“Did you think we’d be sharing a bed?” Mu Qing responded, though it was more challenging than annoyed. 

“Easy,” Pei Ming nearly spilt his drink gesturing at him.”I was going to give you two the bed. I’m not an asshole.”

   Mu Qing rolled his eyes. The rest of the evening was spent in mild entertainment, which mostly consisted of Mu Qing trying to read the book he’d borrowed from Pei Ming’s personal library while Feng Xin watched their host start drinking straight from the bottle. When he turned the corner after washing the dishes, he nearly knocked into a chair and glared at it, mumbling in distraught.

“Be nice to me,” he said,” Don’t try to embarrass me by tripping me… not in front of our guests.”

Feng Xin glanced at Mu Qing.

“He’s arguing with a chair.”

  Mu Qing sighed, though he offered no further response and only slouched further into the couch. Would it be wrong for them to just leave to go sleep in his bedroom? Did Pei Ming normally chug a bottle of liquor every night?

He chewed on the inside of his cheek and watched as the man sauntered forward. 

“Pei Ming,” he called,” Are you… alright?”

”Hm?” he lifted his head and pointed to himself, and then lowered his gaze to the bottle and chuckled, as if he’d only just been caught. “What? You two said you needed space… so I-“ he shrugged,” It’s been a long month. Bodies just keep piling up. He Xuan is probably dead, and Bai Long is dead.”

Feng Xin stiffened in his seat.

”Okay, I think that’s enough.”

”No,” Pei Ming argued, moving forward to stand in front of him.” I get to feel this. You get to bottle it up, and I get… a bottle.”

  Mu Qing raised his gaze from his book.

”My dad first, and then you, and now this masked guy- Maybe I’m tired of seeing this shit. Ever think about that, huh?”

“Pei Ming,” Feng Xin warned.

  He needed to shut up before he said something stupid. Feng Xin tried to gauge whether or not Mu Qing caught his slip, but his lover only seemed exhausted by the entire ordeal. He placed his book flat on the pages and finally tried to help.

”Maybe it’s time for bed.”

”Go ahead,” Pei Ming said, shoving the bottle onto the coffee table with a grunt as he lowered into the recliner,” It’ll just be good old Pei Ming out here. Don’t worry about making a mess. I have a maid. Heh.”

  Feng Xin sighed and lowered a hand to Mu Qing’s knee.

”Why don’t you get a shower in and I’ll make him a pallet on the couch?”

”Fine by me,” Mu Qing said, eyeing Pei Ming.

He didn’t have a lot of patience for many people, but it seemed that Pei Ming had worn him thin. He might have had a drink himself if not for the current situation. He squeezed Feng Xin’s shoulder and pressed a kiss to the side of his head, whispering,” Take the bottle before he remembers it.”

”Aw, how sweet,” Pei Ming cooed, laughing to himself,” I love you guys.”

  Feng Xin waited for the bedroom door to shut before he moved himself. First, he grabbed the bottle to put it away from his line of sight, and then he maneuvered to the hallway closet to find the spare sheets and pillow Pei Ming had mentioned before. He didn’t feel right about kicking him from his room, but Pei Ming would probably only argue now.

”Come on,” he said, after he’d finished smoothing out the blankets,” You should get some sleep.”

Tomorrow, they’d have to find out a way to check on He Xuan and figure out whether or not that meant speaking to Feng Rui or Hua Cheng. Shit, not to mention the fact he had a shift at work tomorrow. He couldn’t keep leaving his mother hanging. She already worked too hard. 

“I’m really tired,” Pei Ming said,” of everything. I thought when I moved out, that… it would stop.”

Feng Xin sighed,” If you’re tired you should sleep.”

  Pei Ming’s eyes met his, and for a moment they were far too serious for him to be drunk.

”We killed a man…” he whispered,” and I can’t stop thinking about it.”

  Feng Xin stilled. He knew Mu Qing had went for a shower, but with the words spoken out loud he still felt a sense of uneasiness. This entire time he’d worried for what this would mean for Mu Qing, shoved aside his own gut wrenching horror, pretending the justification erased what his hands had done, but never once had he truly considered Pei Ming might be suffering. 

  They had killed a man, and Feng Xin had slept like a baby. 

Pei Ming held himself in such a comfortable and charming manner that he thought they were the same.

Feng Xin’s eyes softened, and very quietly he set his pillow into the corner of the couch.

”Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What?” Pei Ming laughed,” were you going to make me forget? You… have Mu Qing, and I- Wait, where’s my bottle?”

”Pei Ming,” Feng Xin said gently,” You’re allowed to talk to me, the same way you said I could.”

  The man lowered further in the recliner, an arm wrapped around himself. 

“I like being around you two. I don’t think about it as much,” he informed, and he brought his knee up to rest his cheek against,” I’m sorry… I am… I’m not easy to get along with. I play a lot. I know I do.”

”Mu Qing and I don’t actually mind it too much,” Feng Xin said.

”Pft.”

Gods, he was drunk. Why was Feng Xin always on babysitting duty? When was it his turn to lose his mind to a drink?

  He took in a deep breath and moved from his place to stand in front of Pei Ming, who had shoved his face down as if he’d passed out. Feng Xin hesitated, and then he lowered a hand to the wrist hanging off his knee. The man immediately stirred, eyes widening in surprise.

”Come on, let’s get you comfortable.”

Pei Ming stood, gaze cast to the floor, swaying slightly, head dropped. 

“Is He Xuan dead?” He asked, mumbling low,” Shi Qinxuan will be upset. Shit- I… He’s Shi Wudu’s brother.”

“I don’t know…” Feng Xin admitted.

”He can’t be,” Pei Ming grabbed a hold of the fabric of Feng Xin’s sleeve, holding it tightly.” No one else can die. Even if they’re Bai Long. No one else.”

   Pei Ming's head pressed forward into his chest with an audible breath. Feng Xin had never been good at this kind of thing. As much as he'd wanted to, even in the past, there were times that Xie Lan had needed him and he'd only been able to offer physical comfort. He had no words of wisdom, not for this. Hesitantly, Feng Xin raised a hand and pressed it to Pei Ming's back, which stiffened, and then loosened as he moved further into his embrace.

  Alright, nothing weird about this. He was just kind of holding Pei Ming. He hadn't even been aware the guy had emotions until recently. In ways, he was similar to Mu Qing in these regards.

He wasn’t sure how long he just stood there, or when Pei Ming lifted his own hand to tighten in the back of Feng Xin’s shirt, but eventually the door parted open and Feng Xin turned his head to see Mu Qing with wet hair. He leant up against the bedroom doorway and raised a brow. 

   At first Feng Xin thought he’d say something dismissive, tell Pei Ming to just lie down on the damn couch. Mu Qing rolled his eyes and then said in a clear voice,” Pei Ming.”

Pei Ming’s fingers clenched even tighter, but the rest of him didn’t stir.

“He’s such a handful,” Mu Qing informed, akin to a mother attempting to coax a child to bed.

”I…” Feng Xin’s eyes asked him for help,” What do I do?”

”Pei Ming… Do you want to sleep in the bed?”

Huh?

”Your bed,” Pei Ming muttered.

”If you promise not to play around, we can share it.”

…What?

  Pei Ming whipped his head up at this. His hand dropped and stared at Mu Qing, just the way Feng Xin did in utter disbelief.

Pei Ming said, with startling seriousness, “I can behave.”

“You say that like anyone believes you,” Feng Xin muttered.

Mu Qing ignored him and held out a hand anyway. “Come on. Bed. Before you pass out standing up.”

Pei Ming looked at the offered hand with wide eyed awe.

You are a handful, Feng Xin thought.

  Still, Pei Ming took Mu Qing’s hand carefully, and allowed himself to be guided towards the bed. The moment they reached it, Pei Ming abruptly let go and dropped face first onto the mattress.

“…Unbelievable,” Feng Xin said.

Pei Ming made a satisfied sound into the blankets and spread himself out shamelessly across the center of the mattress before turning to lie on his back, eyes half lidded and staring at them with an intent that couldn’t be labeled behaving. 

“You’re in the middle,” Feng Xin informed,” Move over.”

A muffled, contented hum was the only response. Obviously, he should sleep on Feng Xin’s side as to not disturb Mu Qing, but the man was without reason. 

  Feng Xin crossed his arms. “This is why he should sleep on the couch.”

“He won’t stay there,” Mu Qing replied flatly. “And if we try to move him now, he’ll probably become dead weight on purpose.”

From the bed came an entirely too innocent, “I would never.”

“You would,” they said together.

Pei Ming laughed softly into the pillow.

Feng Xin rubbed a hand down his face. “So what now?”

“Just let him have the middle.”

“What?”

“He’s drunk. It’ll keep him from whining.”

“I do not whine,” Pei Ming informed the pillow with deep dignity.

  Feng Xin looked between the two of them, then at the bed. This was all because Feng Xin thought it was necessary to console him. Mu Qing would never have thought of the idea if he’d just forced Pei Ming to lie down. Shit, he was drunk! It’s not like it wouldn’t have taken long, but Pei Ming had these stupid puppy dog eyes and Feng Xin… felt bad. It wasn’t normal for Pei Ming to look that upset. It made him uncomfortable.

“Move over,” Feng Xin grumbled at last.

  Pei Ming pouted, but he did as he was told, and moved… an inch.

”Son of a bitch,” he muttered under his breath. 

Mu Qing actually smirked at him, as if he were enjoying this whole endeavor. He brought a hand to the pants he’d been wearing and lowered them down his thigh, causing the drunken man to lift his head with a fixated gaze. Thank the gods he wasn’t wearing his favorite underwear. Even though the tight hipster briefs he wore weren’t much better.

Feng Xin sputtered, ”Mu Qing!”

“What?” he asked,” I’m not getting naked.”

“Are you serious right now??”

”Don’t be a baby,” Mu Qing said, and he moved to the mattress, the entire time being watched. Feng Xin firmly believed he did this to further agitate him; Mu Qing lifted his shirt, revealing the pale, slender frame underneath. His wet hair fell down his shoulders, and Pei Ming lifted a hand as if wanting to reach for it. “Pei Ming, do you want to sleep in your clothes?”

  “No,” he said immediately.

His hands worked over the band of his own pants, wriggling his hips with a little more effort. Mu Qing took pity on him and helped remove them, the entire time Feng Xin could only stare. Like, what the actual fuck was happening? He was openly watching his boyfriend undress another man after stripping himself, and he was just standing there like an idiot! Mu Qing finished removing Pei Ming’s shirt and tossed it on the floor, quickly taking hold of Pei Ming’s wrist when he tried to move for his underwear.

”No, just those. You can’t sleep naked. Feng Xin will have an aneurysm,” Mu Qing bit back a grin and glanced at him,” Feng Xin, you’re still dressed. It’s already hot in here and I don’t know where his thermostat is.”

Feng Xin inhaled a sharp breath as he tugged his shirt off.

”You need to stop reading so many books,” he muttered. He undid his own jeans, again, Pei Ming had not yet blinked. He looked to be mesmerized by everything, though he was very well behaved when it came to Mu Qing’s orders and did not try to remove his underwear again.

  “Pretty,” Pei Ming said.

”He thinks we’re pretty,” Mu Qing teased from the bed.

”You live to push my buttons.”

”Always,” he promised.

  When Feng Xin shifted on the bed and they maneuvered the covers over them all, Mu Qing reached over to turn the lamp light off. Moments after, Pei Ming shifted and pressed his face into Feng Xin’s shoulder. His breath was hot and languid against his skin. 

“Mm,” he breathed out,” Mu Qing, wanna cuddle with us?”

”Ha!” 

Feng Xin glared at him from over Pei Ming’s head. 

  An arm snaked around Pei Ming’s waist, fingers brushing up against Feng Xin’s stomach. He nearly jumped when Pei Ming joined that hand, smoothing across his arm, long curious fingers until they intertwined with Mu Qing’s. A warm thigh brushed up against his, Pei Ming’s lips opened in a content sigh again. WHAT THE FUCK WAS HAPPENING?

”Does this bother you?” Mu Qing asked, sounding more serious.

Feng Xin lifted his gaze to the ceiling, and let out a soft sigh of defeat. 

  “He better be drunk enough to not remember this.”

”A’Xin I can make him move if it really upsets you. He just… seemed sad.”

Feng Xin brought a hand to rest on top of theirs.

”Let him have this,” he said after a long moment. It wasn’t too bad. They were just sleeping, and Pei Ming was a respectful drunk, who seemed more inclined to soft affections than any action that would require manhandling. It was still fucking weird. Not too long ago he’d wanted to deck the guy for taking Mu Qing on a date, for being his first kiss… 

  Pei Ming though, had become like a thorn in his side. It poked at him when he’d punched Bai Long at the party, pierced him when he’d offered to take him to the docks, and lately it just kept digging itself further and further until he no longer realized the pain it caused. The more and more Feng Xin chased this path in his own life, the more people kept getting hurt. When would it stop? 

He thought, if he hurt the right people, then maybe it would be enough.

   The black out curtains had them knocked out until the alarm clock on the bedside table read 11:03. Feng Xin stretched, for moments as he blinked past the grogginess he wasn’t in his right mind, that he leaned forward towards the warmth in his arms and pressed a kiss to the hair tickling his chin. He stifled a soft yawn, and then lowered his head, eyes widening at a startled Pei Ming. 

The man pulled himself into a sitting position immediately, tangling his fingers through his hair.

”You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” he said.

”Huh?” Mu Qing said from the other side.

”I… I finally got to sleep with you two, and I don’t even remember it?!” He looked more distraught than Feng Xin had ever seen him.

“Who topped?” He asked,” Who- No, just give me a full run down. Don’t leave out any details!” 

  Feng Xin glanced at his boyfriend who’d just shifted to rest against the head board, looking rather refreshed. He made a sound that almost sounded like a laugh.

”Relax, Pei Ming. We didn’t do anything last night. You were just a pathetic drunk that needed attention.”

He lowered his legs to the edge of the bed and raised his arms to stretch, which only further outlined the muscle of his shoulders, the beautiful arch of his back. Pei Ming turned his head and the hands in his hair dropped.

”Stop-“ Feng Xin prodded at Pei Ming’s back with his foot. This only made Pei Ming turn to him. His eyes widened slightly, trailing down Feng Xin’s chest, to which when he realized, covered it with a blanket. “Get a hold of yourself.”

“Sorry,” Pei Ming said, but he was still staring,” I really… I wasn’t fully prepared to wake up to this.”

  Mu Qing moved to stand and grabbed for their clothes, no rush to his movements, as if he didn’t truly mind being stared at. Feng Xin did. 

“Can you give us a ride to the shop?”

Both Feng Xin and Pei Ming blinked.

”Oh, sure,” he popped his neck and kept to the bed, not yet ready to move,” When do you two get off? We should really stop by Hua Cheng’s place.”

”Ugh,” Mu Qing groaned.

“I mean… he’d know better than anyone else if He Xuan made it home,” Feng Xin added. He was halfway to pulling up his jeans when someone knocked on the door, which had Pei Ming stiffening on the bed.

”There’s only one person they just allow up without calling me,” he rubbed at his eyes, wincing when he accidentally touched the mark under his cheek,” Shit, you two just… stay here.”

Chapter Text

   The little shop was vibrant that afternoon. Feng Xin’s mother had taken the initiative to start her own advertisement, which enlisted the aid of warm colored art strung along the windows and flyers on every other pole. Pei Ming pulled up while she was mending one that fought with the cold wind. At first she blinked at the extravagant ride in disbelief, but then very quickly she sauntered over to shove a flyer at the passenger side window. She froze when she saw Mu Qing.

  “You… rode in the car of another man?”

”Mom,” Feng Xin said from the backseat, poking his head out,” Relax.”

She lowered the curled flyer stack and let out a soft sigh of relief.

Pei Ming grinned at her.

”Just dropping off the kids,” he explained,” I’m Pei Ming. I think you’ve met my father once or twice.”

Right, before she’d chosen to divorce Feng Rui for being a corrupt fool. 

“Oh!” She exclaimed,” You’re the youngest, aren’t you? Look at you, so handsome!”

  Mu Qing rolled his eyes.

”He knows.”

It was very obvious that her comment would go straight to Pei Ming’s head, but considering the month he’d had, Feng Xin didn’t think that was too much of an issue. 

“Sorry we’re late,” Mu Qing added, offering his future mother in law a soft look. 

“Oh, no worries. It’s not like we’re busy anyways.”

  She stepped back to give him room to get out, and Feng Xin followed with a sigh. If he’d been the one to apologize his mother would have shaken him by the shoulders or hit him with the flyers. In her eyes, Mu Qing could do no wrong. If he had in fact driven to work with a man as handsome as Pei Ming without him, it would somehow be Feng Xin’s fault. 

  “Does your rich friend want lunch?” She asked in a whisper, though it was very clear, and Pei Ming immediately leant forward.

A slow smirk curled its way onto his lips as he eyed the two.

”I’m starving.”

  Well, Feng Xin’s mother was just another victim to Pei Ming’s charm. He couldn’t help, but watch as she loomed over the table to get his honest review of her dishes. He said something that Feng Xin couldn’t make out, and then his mother swatted him playfully on the shoulder.

“Is he your boyfriend now?” 

Feng Xin blinked and turned to look at Yin Yu, who was busy writing something down in a language he didn’t know the origin of. 

“Excuse me?”

“He drives you from class, takes you to work, stares at both of you like you hung the sun and moon,” he informed, all in a very neutral tone, and flipping a page, added,” and I’ve heard the rumors.”

”Since when were you involved in gossip?”

  Yin Yu did not have the chance to answer, because the front door’s bell jingled and a pack of customers wearing the university logo sauntered in. His mother immediately clasped her hands together in shock, and then excitement as she barked at Feng Xin to prep sides. This had never happened before. Occasionally they’d get a family or business men that had become regulars, but never had they been so crowded that all three of them were forced into work. 

 Yin Yu sat the customers and handled the order paper for Mu Qing and his mother, while Feng Xin waited around tables asking what they’d like. Most of the time they could do this at the register, but not a single person wanted takeout, and just as he finished seating one, more showed up. It wasn’t until he lifted his head to find Pei Ming staring at him with a wide grin that he realized what had occurred. He passed his table, refilling his tea with a narrowed gaze.

”How did you do it?” He asked. 

“I posted it on social media. Your foods good here, maybe you’ll start being busy like this year round.”

Feng Xin stilled at that. He wasn’t sure if this was some sort of coincidence, that maybe Pei Ming had only meant to share his meal and hadn’t realized the ways this would benefit the overworked woman who was so desperate for her business to thrive. This alone would help her fix the lighting in the kitchen, and if they kept coming back she might be able to afford the things this place had needed for months. He didn’t have time to question it. Before Feng Xin walked away, he lowered a hand to Pei Ming’s shoulder and squeezed. Thank you.

  It took three hours for them to clear enough Feng Xin had enough time to start doing some dishes. His mother was chattering amongst the customers with a delighted and rushed voice, throwing flyers into bags for those who couldn’t find a table. When the echo of a crowd died, she started singing as she moved towards her office for a break. A hand lowered along his back, and Feng Xin lifted his head to look at Mu Qing, who was smirking playfully in his direction.

”You’re smiling,” Mu Qing said, leaning into his space. 

“I like seeing her happy like this.”

Mu Qing’s eyes softened, and he brushed a stray hair behind Feng Xin’s ear.

”He’s not so bad, huh?”

”Pft,” Feng Xin turned his head away, but his smile hadn’t died,” He’s alright.”

  Someone cleared their throat from the entry way and they both turned to see Yin Yu staring at them.

”There is a woman here for you,” he informed. 

“A woman?” Feng Xin asked

”Yes, I’m pretty sure.”

  Mu Qing immediately stiffened, and Feng Xin took his hands from the dishwater to dry them on a paper towel.

A woman… 

It could only be one person. It’s not like he had a long list of women he willingly spoke to. Why would she come though? Before he could even turn the corner, Mu Qing grabbed for his arm. His fingers held him tightly, eyes narrowing at the hallway.

”Don’t give her the time of day.”

”Mu Qing-“

”She doesn’t deserve shit,” he said,” She’s lucky I don’t take a kitchen knife to her throat.”

Fucking… Okay?!

  Feng Xin very gently put his hand on top of the one gripping him.

”Just give me a minute.”

Mu Qing curled his fingers more, but then he let out a huff, turning his head away.

”Whatever.”

   Feng Xin moved to the front of the store and passed Yin Yu, who had been listening in.

When the hell had this man become so nosey?

Jian Lan met his gaze with a very tense knit in her brow, eyes widening as he stepped into view, as if she hadn’t believed he would come. What? Was he supposed to just hide in the back until she gave up? He ignored the way his mother came from her office. She must have sensed the fact Mu Qing was upset or something. 

“Let’s take a walk,” Feng Xin said.

He didn’t look at her as he passed, moving towards the small back alleyway with the dumpsters. When he turned, she was staring at him with a thoughtful look.

  “It’s been a while,” she said.

”What do you want?” He asked. He didn’t have much patience for her anymore. While he didn’t get the story on her involvement, she had a role to play in Mu Qing’s past. She’d been the one to start the shit over again by bringing it up. He was grateful he knew now, but he didn’t trust her intentions. 

Jian Lan sighed, tightening her coat.

”I didn’t want to come, but it’s been on my mind.”

”What?”

She lifted her chin, eyes meeting his.

”Feng Xin… What happened with Bai Long?”

   He blinked. It was nothing close to what he had been expecting. He was quick to play it off, immediately guarding anything that might convey emotion for something cold.

”You’re here for him? I heard he got killed,” he found a flickering sign from the corner store to stare at,” They say how?”

”I think you know how,” she informed.

Feng Xin laughed.

”Was this your excuse to come see me? It’s kind of pathetic.”

”Feng Xin,” she warned,” I know Mu Qing had something to do with it.”

   This struck him. Feng Xin had to do a double take. She thought… Mu Qing had done it?

”You’re out of fucking line,” he said.

”Who else? He’s the only one who had any real issue with Bai Long! Sure, he was an asshole, but everyone knows they had an encounter at that party. The time matches.”

”I said,” he stepped closer into her space,” you’re out of fucking line.”

Jian Lan raised her gaze, and for a moment, her eyes widened in shock at his hostile display, but she very quickly mended her face into something calm. She turned her head away.

”What is it about him?” She asked in a quiet voice, and when Feng Xin didn’t answer, said more desperately,” Even back then, you were so willing to let him bring you down. I don’t get it. He’s nothing special.”

  Feng Xin felt all the rules he had about hitting a woman deteriorate underneath his anger, but he held back. He shouldn’t make a scene, but the words were inescapable. 

“At least he doesn’t have to wait until someone’s drunk off their ass before taking off their clothes,” he watched as the words shaped her face, wanted her to feel crushed beneath them. “Maybe you murdered him. You already showed what kind of person you were when you forced me.”

Jian Lan scoffed,” Forced you? Don’t play victim.”

“I wouldn’t have fucked you sober,” he snapped, and he realized now that she had been backed up into the wall, but he couldn’t care. His voice lowered, finding a strange delight in her discomfort that twisted with his rage. “You knew that though, didn’t you? I rejected you, and you were so damn jealous when you saw the attention I was giving to Mu Qing that you had to come up with a plan. Is that it? Was it you, Jian Lan? Did you tell Bai Long to have his fucking fun with him while you fucked me unconscious?”

  “F-Feng Xin, stop,” she said, eyes widening. She looked as if she’d approached a vicious dog she’d once thought was tame, only to realize she had no escape. Her fingers curled into fists at her side. “You’re not… This isn’t you.”

”Don’t come looking for me again,” Feng Xin said,” We’re done.”

He didn’t look back when he turned to walk away. 

  After his shift he was still fuming. Pei Ming had picked them up shortly after, and they all drove in silence to Hua Cheng’s estate. There was a thick tension in the air, one that Pei Ming wasn’t aware of because he’d left during the lunch rush. When they arrived, the man turned to look at them, his brow raised.

”Did I do something wrong?” He asked,” None of you even commented on the fact I drove over the curb.”

”It’s been a long day,” Feng Xin said,” but no, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

”You didn’t either,” Mu Qing informed, surprising him.

He’d thought that Mu Qing had been upset with him for going out to speak to Jian Lan, but his eyes were far too soft when their gazes met when Feng Xin moved to open the passenger door for him.

”You’re not mad at me?” He asked in a whisper.

”What?” Mu Qing’s brows furrowed,” Am I really that much of a bitch? Why would I be mad at you?”

”Because… I spoke to Jian Lan.”

”Jian Lan?” Pei Ming asked,” Your ex? You’re not cheating on us, are you?”

Us? This guy really needed a class on boundaries, but Feng Xin didn’t correct him. Pei Ming was obviously kidding, and he was too tired if he wasn’t to argue. They all slowed towards the grand doors, no one moving to ring the bell just yet.

  “I told her to fuck off,” Feng Xin explained.

Mu Qing bit back a grin, but he moved forward to ring the bell instead of responding. Better to not speak about her any longer. Just her name itself felt like an omen.

  For a few minutes they just stood there awkwardly like Girl Scouts waiting to sell their cookies. Just when Feng Xin was beginning to lose his patience, one of the staff members opened the door. He immediately scowled in their direction.

”You have not been invited. State your reasoning for interrupting the masters.”

”Uh…”

”I’ll take this,” Xie Lan’s voice came, and shortly after he stood at the door, grinning in pleasant surprise, though faltering when he set his eyes on Pei Ming. “Hi… This is new.”

”Can we come in?” Feng Xin asked,” We’re sorry to just come over without texting.”

  He’d completely forgotten that Xie Lan lived there now. He could have at least come up with some excuse, but even that would have been too much. He hated lying, especially to his best friend, who in the past month he hadn’t had much time to speak too. He missed him. He missed when he could just show up at his apartment and have tea. When had things gotten so complicated? 

“Of course,” he said, moving aside to allow them entry,” I was just surprised. Is everything okay?”

 Pei Ming stopped short and eyed Xie Lan with a smirk.

”Everything is perfect. How’s your love sick puppy?”

Mu Qing answered this question when he froze in the foyer and stared at the wall in horror.

”Obviously still sick… what the hell?”

  All along one wall were different paintings in different styles that portrayed Xie Lan, as if the foyer itself was a temple meant for worship. There was even incense burning in a bowl with a familiar, earthy scent. Xie Lan scratched at his cheek, blushing lightly as he stopped walking.

”Ah that,” he said,” They’re nice, aren’t they? San Lang is really talented.”

“That’s not the word I’d use,” Mu Qing said.

A dark chuckle caught all their attention. When they turned, Hua Cheng emerged from the hall, situating the cuff of his dark sleeves. His gaze pierced straight through.

”It’s hilarious how jealous you become when anyone wants to admire him,” he said to Mu Qing.

Here we go…

”I’m not jealous! One painting is fine, but this is just creepy!”

Xie Lan sighed softly.

”How about some tea?”

  All three of them sat on the same couch, Feng Xin feeling a bit squished in the middle despite the fact both Pei Ming and Mu Qing had enough room to scoot over. Xie Lan eyed them, but he didn’t say anything as he poured tea into the last empty cup. He situated back into the chair and smiled softly. It seemed that no one knew how to break the silence, so Feng Xin cleared his throat.

”So uh… How have things been? We haven’t gotten much of a chance to speak in between classes.”

Gods, did he have to do everything? He wasn’t even sure how to bring up He Xuan yet without it sounding strange. It would be rude not to converse with Xie Lan a bit before.

”Ah. It’s been quiet,” Xie Lan winced slightly when he leant forward, moving a hand to his shoulder. It wasn’t until Hua Cheng came from the other room again to eye him in worry that the others seemed to notice something was wrong. Xie Lan moved to undo his jacket, and Hua Cheng dutifully helped him slip it off. Just along the opening of his shirt, Feng Xin caught the white wrap underneath. “Thank you, San Lang.”

”I’ll bring your medication.”

”…Medication?” Feng Xin asked, when Hua Cheng moved.

  Mu Qing’s gaze settled on the man’s shoulder with a narrowed gaze.

”It’s a fencing injury. I overworked myself, but I’ll be fine.”

”Doesn’t look like a normal brace,” Mu Qing informed.

Feng Xin eyed him from the side. What was he getting at, sounding suspicious like that? It’s not like Xie Lan would lie. If anyone was suspicious it was the man who doted on him. Did he know what He Xuan had been doing last night? Was it his drive? There were so many questions, but he couldn’t ask any of them without giving themselves away, or alerting Xie Lan.

   “Mm. I have a brace, but I didn’t feel like wearing it today. This helps a bit.”

”Right,” Mu Qing said.

There was silence again. Pei Ming made a clanking sound with his cup when he reached to take a long sip. His elbow brushed Feng Xin’s when he moved to set it back down. 

“It’s so quiet in here,” he said,” Is He- Ming Yi around?”

Xie Lan blinked in surprise.

”No, I don’t think so, but he’s probably at Shi Qingxuan’s. Why…? Is something wrong?”

”No,” Feng Xin said with a grin.” Not at all. He told Shi Wudu he’d speak to him. The guys so protective of Shi Quingxuan. He doesn’t seem to like him hanging out with him so much.”

  “Well,” Xie Lan clasped his hands into his lap,” I can assure you that he genuinely cares for Shi Qingxuan. I don’t think he has anything to worry about.”

… He should be worrying about whether or not he was alive, but again, the less he worried the better. Hua Cheng came back in with what appeared to be a muscle rub, and leant forward to whisper into Xie Lan’s ear, causing him to blush.

”Sorry,” he told them,” could you excuse me for a moment?”

”Sure, sure,” Pei Ming said, throwing an arm over the back of the couch,” Take your time.”

  Everyone waited for Hua Cheng to assist him in getting up and when they were out of earshot Mu Qing turned to Pei Ming.

”You have the drive somewhere safe right?”

”Of course,” Pei Ming said, patting the chest pocket of his jacket,” I’m not letting this thing out of my sight.”

”Good,” Mu Qing said,” but I don’t know if it was a good idea bringing it with us. Come on, a fencing injury? He was fine the other day.”

”Woah, wait-“ Feng Xin whipped his head with wide eyes,” What are you trying to say?”

”It’s bad timing. The night He Xuan shoots someone in a mask, Xie Lan ends up with an injury and then he had to leave the room to apply his medicine?”

  This was so far fetched it would have been funny if Mu Qing wasn’t seriously humoring this idea. 

“He probably left because he didn’t want to take off his shirt in front of us. You know Hua Cheng is protective of his virtue.”

”Pft,” Mu Qing rolled his eyes. “How convenient.”

”Why the fuck would Xie Lan drag He Xuan out of a storage unit?”

”Maybe because of the flash drive? I’m just saying don’t brush it off. Just because he’s our friend doesn’t mean he isn’t apart of this,” he said, his gaze darkening,” The only people I trust right now are you and Pei Ming.”

  Pei Ming smiled at this, happy to be considered. 

“Mu Qing… do you remember what happened the last time you thought one of your friends were suspicious? You hated me for years.”

”This is different,” he snapped in a whisper,” We have no idea what’s on that drive. Keep your eyes open. Don’t give away too much.”

Feng Xin glanced at Pei Ming to see if he agreed, but he was far too busy being delighted in having Mu Qing’s trust. This was going no where. 

   By the time they made it to their apartment it was late afternoon. Feng Xin tossed his house key onto the counter and his phone vibrated in his back pocket. Feng Rui. He inhaled a sharp breath and answered the call, watching as Mu Qing moved to begin undressing before he’d even made it to the bedroom.

”Aren’t you slick?”

”Didn’t Mu Qing tell you to stop bothering me?” He asked. 

“Where were you? Lui Wei didn’t see you leave your apartment.”

”Funny thing,” Feng Xin said,” It’s actually none of your damn business.”

”Don’t be like that. We’re on the same side.”

  Feng Xin heard the flick of a lighter flame, could picture the thick smoke escaping the man’s lips. He trailed around the living room and slouched down onto the couch.

”If we were on the same side, you wouldn’t feel the need to have me followed.”

”I do it for your own protection…” he paused, and then chuckled low,” Be nice to him. It seems he’s had a hard day.”

”Be nice to who-“

The phone cut off, just as Mu Qing emerged in nothing but one of his shirts. He was definitely ready for bed. Feng Xin raised a hand out to him, and he moved to take it with a slight scowl. When Feng Xin raised his fingers to caress his thigh, he played with the edge of his underwear, wanting to erase his unease.

”Relax,” he said,” We’re off tomorrow. No more thinking.”

“Who was that?”

”No more thinking,” he repeated, pulling him forward into his lap. He pressed his palm to his lower back, another hand raising to rest against his stomach. “Besides, I still need to punish you for what you pulled at Pei Ming’s.”

   Mu Qing dropped a thigh over his, looping his arms over his neck. This… is what was important. They could hunt for He Xuan all day long, but if Mu Qing wasn’t content, there was no point. This was all for him. 

“What did I pull?” Mu Qing asked, eyes meeting his. “It made him happy.”

”Ha, yeah I bet. Seeing you half naked makes me happy too.”

Mu Qing bit back a curl of his lips, moving forward, whispering into his ear.

”What else makes you happy, A’Xin?”

  Feng Xin could think of a thousand things. He was happy when Mu Qing smiled, when he was half asleep and mumbling into the pillows, when he pouted because he didn’t get his way, when he balanced being snarky and wanting to show affection, when he let Feng Xin inside, when they touched each other in the late nights, the early mornings, when-

BANG.

Mu Qing flinched, and they both turned to the door. It slammed open, and He Xuan, bleeding and gasping, looked at them before dropping to the ground. At first, Feng Xin thought he’d fallen unconscious, but he pulled himself into a sitting position, grabbing at his side. There were dark gashes in his arm, dried and scabbed over, bruises on his face as if he’d been repeatedly beaten over the course of the night. He looked like fucking death, and he was bleeding still, his entire shirt soaked.

”Don’t-“ He Xuan said as Mu Qing moved for his phone,” fucking call anyone!”

”I was calling an ambulance!”

”No!” He hissed out, gathering himself on the coffee table. He winced, gritting his teeth as he removed his shirt to reveal the deep wound, though it didn’t look to be flowing as much as what stained his shirt. Maybe if a doctor could stitch it- “Get me something to fix this.”

”Excuse me?” Feng Xin asked. He couldn’t process this instruction. He’d never had a guy just burst into his apartment bleeding all over the place. Why hadn’t he gone to Hua Cheng?? Or Feng Rui? Literally anyone else?!

”Dental floss, fishing line, something I can stitch this with,” he barked out,” Fuck, don’t be useless.”

  Mu Qing pressed Feng Xin to the side to move past him, coming back with a long string for making bracelets and a thin needle.

”Will this work?” He asked. “Feng Xin grab the alcohol.”

Feng Xin forced himself to move, reaching for what he could find in the medicine cabinet. 

”Yes, perfect,” He Xuan raised his hand from the wound, letting out a deep breath, as Mu Qing handed the items over. For this next part, Feng Xin turned his head to stare at the wall. What was the issue with going to an emergency room? Was working for Feng Rui so bad that he was a wanted criminal? It would make sense, with the whole alias, but then it might have been easier to find him from the beginning. 

“The masked guy did this?” He asked.

  He Xuan laughed, and Feng Xin could smell the alcohol as it was poured,” What do you think?”

He didn’t seem surprised Feng Xin knew what had happened, that or he was in too much in pain to realize. 

“Did you find out who he was?” Mu Qing asked. “And when you shot him, did it hit his shoulder?”

”Mu Qing,” Feng Xin warned.

For moments He Xuan was quiet, and when Feng Xin turned back he saw him finishing up his work. His breathing was less shallow, but he still seemed to struggle after tying the wound closed. With a vague gesture he muttered,” Alcohol that I can drink.”

  Mu Qing sighed and moved to grab bottle of E&J that Feng Xin had completely forgotten about from on the top of the fridge. The man accepted it with a grunt, and then flicked the lid and tossed it back. His throat bobbed with a long series of swigs, until he wiped his mouth clean of what fell down his chin. 

“Your phone,” he said.

”What?”

“Are you deaf? Give me your phone.”

   Feng Xin huffed. Was this guy seriously making demands right now? He tossed it his phone at him with a glare. If he was about to call Feng Rui for a ride, he could just as easily catch the guy outside. He wondered suddenly if Lui Wei was coming up anytime soon. 

He Xuan dialed a number and eyed them both.

”Privacy,” he said. “I’ll answer your questions after.”

Mu Qing sighed and pressed a hand to Feng Xin’s arm before gesturing for the bedroom. This didn’t keep them from eavesdropping though. This guy was still suspicious after all. Injured or not, he wasn’t to be trusted. They both leant up against the cracked door to hear his voice.

  “It’s me.”

Who was he even talking to?

”Don’t worry about that. Listen, I might be gone for a few days.”

His voice, despite his straightforwardness, seemed much softer than his earlier demands.

”I’m fine. Really. Just… don’t go looking for me, okay?” And in a much quieter voice,” I need you to stay away from Shi Wudu for a bit.”

…Shi Qingxuan?

”Because I- Damn it, because I said so. Just do this one thing for me.”

He stopped talking for a moment, and Mu Qing brushed up against Feng Xin’s side to get closer to the opening of the door.

“You might get hurt. And I-“ a pained breath,” Just listen to me.”

  Stay away from Shi Wudu for a bit…? Why? Was he the masked man?? No, if that were the case, they would have recognized his voice. Even if someone could easily deepen it, they’d known Shi Wudu so long it would have been too obvious. Same goes for Xie Lan. It couldn’t be either of them. He felt if he brought this up, Mu Qing would easily dismiss this idea entirely. He’d suggest a voice changer or something. He’d say their adrenaline was so high that they wouldn’t have been able to decipher the voice at all. 

The door opened, and Feng Xin and Mu Qing stood up straight. He Xuan narrowed his gaze.

”I’m taking a shower.”

”Sure,” They both said, embarrassed at having been caught. 

  He moved past them, and Mu Qing and Feng Xin caught the dark ink spread across his upper back. A skeleton fish. It was the markings of an old family. 

The door to their bathroom shut.

Feng Xin’s eyes widened.

”…”

”Isn’t that…”

”The crest of one of the families that burnt in the Xie fire?” Feng Xin asked slow, his heart dropped.

”…The family that had a youngest son imprisoned for that fire?”

”Yeah,” Feng Xin said.

Well, fuck.

Chapter Text

   The fire of the Xie estate still continued to haunt the public. 15 people lost their lives that night. Feng Xin remembered reading about it, seeing it on every broadcast. It had been a small, intimate celebration of an engagement turned into a brutal lock in where the victims were tortured before trapped to burn to death. One of Xie Lan’s cousins was supposed to unite them as one. It was quite controversial for those who knew of their history, but for many it had been a time of hope. The He family was small, half their lineage torn by war or crimes of their father. This would have helped their name survive. This would have erased the blood on their hands, instead of staining the skin of their youth.

   Xie Lan had almost attended that celebration. Sometimes Feng Xin thought that he blamed himself for not dying along with his parents. He was such a common surname that it was very likely that he had no idea just who was living with him. 

  “Found it,” Mu Qing said, moving the laptop into Feng Xin’s sight. They stood leant against the kitchen counter, keeping an eye on the door, and the moment Feng Xin glanced at the screen he immediately found familiarity with the name.

”He Duyi, arrested for arson, destruction of property, ten counts of first degree murder and five counts of man slaughter…” Feng Xin‘s eyes widened,” Amongst these victims were the head of the Xie estate and the- fuck. Right here.”

  Mu Qing sighed and pressed fingers to the nit in his brows.

”No wonder you couldn’t find him when you searched. He’s supposed to be dead. If that isn’t suspicious then I don’t know what is.”

”…You think he had something to do with it?”

Mu Qing glared at him.

”Come on. You really think one guy tortured and murdered fifteen people by himself? It doesn’t make sense, and why change his name?”

   He was right. Even if they were drunk off celebratory champagne, how had fifteen people been limited by a single man? Even when it had been reported it had never made sense. Why would a near victim to the Xie fire change their name if the perpetrator had already been dealt with? 

  The door opened. He Xuan stepped out in nothing but loose basketball shorts that Feng Xin recognized as his own. He pushed his wet hair back and glared in their direction before moving past them to open the fridge. He grabbed for their cold cuts and cheese, tossing it on the counter. Mu Qing and Feng Xin stared.

”Help yourself,” Feng Xin muttered. 

“You try being tortured for hours on end,” He Xuan replied as he grabbed for the bread.

  His bruising was swollen a bit, the jagged cuts along his arm had scarred over, but they were still gruesome enough Feng Xin didn’t feel like looking too long. Very slowly, he closed the laptop shut and watched as He Xuan prepared a three layered sandwich followed by their rolled up bag of potato chips. 

“Are… you okay?” 

That seemed like an appropriate question at the time, but He Xuan only gave him a deadpan stare. 

“Fair,” Feng Xin muttered. 

  If this guy had helped kill fifteen people then it was probably best they let him eat first before interrogating him for information. Feng Xin wasn’t sure. He couldn’t imagine the all knowing Hua Cheng willingly allowing someone dangerous close to Xie Lan. 

“Who was he?” Mu Qing asked, when He Xuan had finished off the meal to go for something else in the fridge. “He obviously knew you.”

  He Xuan let out a long sigh before pulling out the rest of their cold cuts. 

“You know, I didn’t really get a chance to ask.”

“You said you’d answer our questions,” Mu Qing informed.

”Ask something I know the answer to.”

”Were you the one who sent that text?”

He Xuan stilled, wincing slightly when he lowered a hand to check his wound. Seeing it wasn’t reopening, he lowered into one of the island’s chairs. 

“I was,” he said. 

“Why? What’s on it anyways?”

  The man closed his eyes for a moment, as if fighting an incoming headache before he leaned into the counter and lost the scowl on his lips. He was exhausted. He must have struggled getting to their apartment, and bleeding out… His voice no longer had that irritated cold tint.

”You weren’t going to let it go. You wanted to get involved, so I let you. That drive holds something a lot of important people want for themselves… and I was running out of options.”

“What does that mean?” Feng Xin asked.

”It means that as much as it annoys me to admit it… I need your help.” He said the last few words quiet, sounding strained. 

  He Xuan needed help? They weren’t even sure what side he was on or what this was even about. Since the start, they’d been grasping at straws. A part of Feng Xin told himself to back out now, convince Mu Qing to forget about it. 

“You have to give us something to work with,” Mu Qing said,” because right now I don’t see any reason why we should.”

Exactly. 

“If you don’t, Xie Lan’s life could be in danger.”

”What?” Feng Xin immediately stilled at this. He Xuan had his full attention.

”Hua Cheng has the ability to protect him, because of the drive. If it didn’t exist, Xie Lan wouldn’t be able to leave his side like he does. If it were destroyed or stolen… he wouldn’t ever be able to live a life as he does now.”

”What the fuck is on it??”

He Xuan’s eyes darkened. 

“The truth.”

”Please stop being so damn cryptic,” Mu Qing muttered.

“It doesn’t matter,” He Xuan said,” Yours is a fake anyways.”

  Feng Xin felt every ounce of patience leave his body. What the fuck did he mean it was a fake?! Hadn’t they just risked their lives getting it? He Xuan must have read something in his expression, because he laughed suddenly.

”What? You thought Hua Cheng would have trusted you with the real one?”

“So Hua Cheng’s the one pulling the strings,” Feng Xin muttered weakly. 

  He Xuan stuffed another piece of turkey into his mouth. By the end of the talk Feng Xin would have to go grocery shopping again. 

“Of course, he is,” He Xuan said,” That drive I sent you for was just a means to bait someone. Whoever that masked bastard is wants it more than anyone else.”

”Does this have something to do with why you changed your name?” Mu Qing asked suddenly. 

  He Xuan’s jaw clenched, and the glare he sent Mu Qing’s way was far colder than his usual arrogance. His lips curled, and then he stood from his seat, just as there was a frantic banging on the door. He Xuan grabbed for the butcher knife and tilted his head towards the noise. 

”Answer it,” he ordered. 

“Put that thing down,” Mu Qing hissed.” It’s probably our seventy year old neighbor. You’ll give her a heart attack.”

”Banging like that?” He quipped.

”… she’s on new meds.”

  Feng Xin took in a deep breath, not because he was scared an actual psycho was at their door, because they had one inside their apartment and he was fully prepared to let them hash it out, but because he was fucking tired of people coming over. He yanked it open and Shi Shingxuan immediately pushed for entry before Feng Xin could muster a word. 

“I know he’s here. I’m not- Oh my god!” Shi Qingxuan froze and He Xuan, who still had the knife in his hand very quickly lowered it onto the counter in shock. “What happened?! Your face- Are those stitches??”

  Shi Qingxuan came over to cup his face, faltering when He Xuan winced in pain. 

“I’m fine,” he muttered,” how the hell did you even know where I was?”

”You called me on Feng Xin’s phone!” His fingers hovered over the bruising with wide eyes,” Who did this? Ming-Xiong, who hurt you? What happened to your side?!”

“Why do you know where he lives?” He Xuan demanded, flashing a look at Feng Xin that was as sharp as the butcher knife he’d just been wielding. 

“Stop evading the question! I knew something was up. I could tell before you even called me! Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”

  While He Xuan was being fussed over Feng Xin and Mu Qing watched side by side, whispering amongst each other.

“We should ask Hua Cheng for more information,” Mu Qing said. 

“Do you think this has something to do with E Ming Protocol? Shi Wudu said he wasn’t sure why his father signed over.”

“Hard to say,” Mu Qing crossed his arms, his gaze narrowing at the two,” but if he gave us a fake drive the idiot is putting us in danger. What if the guy saw him come here?”

  That led to another question. How had he even managed to escape? Now that they knew the drive was worthless, if it came down to it, why not just throw it the psycho’s way? If they just knew what was on it, then they could at least work on finding out who this bastard was. 

“Uh,” Mu Qing groaned,” It was supposed to be our day off tomorrow.”

Feng Xin had already planned to forget the shit show that reality was and stay in bed for as long as possible. They were going to have take out and watch old movies, and then get distracted and ruin the sheets more times than he could count. 

“H- Ming Yi,” Feng Xin said,” Shouldn’t you two uh… leave?”

  Shi Qingxuan lifted his head, brows still furrowed with worry. Feng Xin hadn’t been paying attention to what lie he’d been told, but it must have been something believable enough. He Xuan lowered onto the couch, letting out a long sigh with his head thrown back against one of the pillows.

”I’ll leave in a few days. I need time to heal, and I can’t risk moving around too much.”

A FEW DAYS?? No. Absolutely fucking not. 

“We don’t have a guest room,” Feng Xin informed.

”Huh? Why can’t you just stay at my place?!” Shi Qingxuan nearly yelled. “Stop being so difficult. I could take care of you.”

  He Xuan lifted his gaze to him, and they seemed to have a silent conversation for a moment, because his worried lover suddenly lowered his shoulders in defeat before muttering quietly.

”Then I’ll stay here by your side until you feel it’s okay to move.”

“Again, it’s our apartment.”

Mu Qing pressed a hand to his wrist. When Feng Xin turned his head to him, he whispered low.

”I don’t think it’s a good idea to leave Pei Ming alone with the drive right now, fake or not.”

How were they being forced to give up their own space? He Xuan wasn’t even their friend. Feng Xin was relieved he was alive, but he didn’t feel so grateful that he’d willingly leave them alone in THEIR apartment. There was barely enough room for two people. He couldn’t invite Pei Ming over and offer up their bed. That would just lead to misunderstandings! She Qingxuan would most definitely be questioning it.

  “You can’t get a hotel?” He asked.

”Not safe to move,” He Xuan informed.

”Ugh,” Feng Xin rubbed at his face,” This is getting ridiculous.”

”Come on,” Shi Qingxuan pleaded,” He just got mugged. He doesn’t feel safe leaving, okay? I promise we’ll stay out of your way and when he feels better tomorrow I’ll take him back to my place, so one of our family doctors can look him over.”

HA! Mugged? That was such a lousy excuse, but while Shi Qingxuan was intelligent, he was also quite naive. 

“Whatever,” Feng Xin said, eyeing Mu Qing,” I guess we’ll spend the night at Pei Ming’s again.”

”…Again?” Shi Qingxuan asked curiously,” Are you three regularly having sleepovers? I didn’t realize you were so close.”

“Don’t touch any of our shit,” Feng Xin said instead of answering. 

  It’s not that he hated Pei Ming’s place or company, but he’d really rather be in bed. Especially now, when the clouds were full of grey and white lightning erupted within, just as the first few drops of rain began to fall. It was the perfect weather to stay cuddled up in. Feng Xin pulled their shared bag over his shoulder and told the men at the desk which room they were trying to access. The first time the man had to call up to announce their presence, but this time the receptionist merely waved them in. Had Pei Ming put them on the list?

  It might have been better if he hadn’t, so Pei Ming wouldn’t have been caught by surprise. When he opened the door, in a shirt half unbuttoned, Feng Xin caught the sight of a tanned woman with long dark hair, falling over the thin sleeves of a red dress. She was sitting at the bar, eyes glancing over towards the entryway with a smirk.

Pei Ming immediately relaxed, offering them a pleased grin. 

“I was just getting ready to slip into something more comfortable,” he explained, catching the sight of the bag with a raised brow,” Would you two like to join me?”

Feng Xin scoffed,” Never mind. Go entertain your company.” 

“I promise that I’d much rather entertain you.”

“Come on,” Feng Xin said, pressing a hand to Mu Qing’s arm,” let’s go.”

”Feng Xin-“

”What?” He asked,” You want to stay in his bed after he gets finished? Let him play around, I don’t give a shit. We’ll get a hotel.”

”Hey, hey-“ Pei Ming’s eyes widened, “As much as I love the fact you’re getting jealous right now, I promise you I’m not planning on fucking my own sister.”

…Sister?

”I’m not jealous!” Feng Xin snapped. 

“Sounded like it,” Mu Qing muttered low, which resulted in a glare in his direction that only seemed to further amuse him. 

  Just then, the woman moved towards them, taking the two in with an interesting glint to her gaze. Her lips curled slightly as she stopped on Feng Xin’s face. 

“You weren’t lying,” she told Pei Ming,” I can see why you decided to switch sides. It’ll only piss father off, but if you get bored… Send them my way.”

”Bored?” Pei Ming asked with a grin,” Doubtful.”

”Shame,” she commented, eyeing them in a way that Feng Xin couldn’t doubt their shared blood. She really was just the woman version of Pei Ming. She continued to stare at them as she stepped out into the hall, offering Pei Ming a few parting words,” Text me if he comes by again. I’ll pull the only daughter card.”

”Thanks,” Pei Ming said, smiling slightly. He waited until she was out of earshot to further open the door to allow them entry,” And just so you know,” he informed Feng Xin as he passed,” I haven’t fucked anyone in a really long time.”

”I do not care,” Feng Xin said.

”Pft.” 

Feng Xin looked back to see Mu Qing biting back a humored grin. These two were such a handful to deal with together. Mu Qing liked pushing his buttons and Pei Ming liked to please.

 When the man learnt that He Xuan was alive though, the amusement in his idle chatter with Mu Qing ceased on the couch, and a visible tension released from his body with a soft sigh. 

“Good, good…”

  They told him everything they knew and he mulled on it with the drive in his hand, brows furrowed tight.

”So I should just toss it?”

”We can’t risk it. If this psycho thinks we have it at any point, it might just save our lives,” Feng Xin informed. 

“Kind of feels like we’re sitting ducks,” Pei Ming said.

Well, he wasn’t wrong. He Xuan had mentioned important people wanting this drive, and naturally the only people Feng Xin could think of were the people listed in the E- Ming protocol. Why would they want it though? What was on it that was so horrible that Hua Cheng had leverage on everyone?

  “That’s not the only thing…” Mu Qing said.

”Oh?” 

“He Xuan is one of the listed victims to the Xie fire.”

Pei Ming blinked. He pushed back against the couch, nodded once.

”Hm,” he leaned forward again, running a finger across his bottom lip in thought,” So is it safe to assume that the drive has something to do with it?”

”Pretty sure,” Mu Qing said,” which is another reason to suspect Xie Lan.”

”You’re reaching,” Feng Xin informed.

”Am I? He had a shoulder wound, and now a possible probable cause. Maybe he’s trying to get revenge for the fire, now that he’s learned something about it after all these years.”

  Feng Xin rubbed the side of his face in frustration. It literally made no sense at all. For one, Xie Lan wasn’t that type of person and even if he was, why would he allow He Xuan to stay alive if he were apart of it? Even if he truly were a victim, changing his name to protect himself, Xie Lan wouldn’t have beaten him. Either way the story didn’t stand. 

“It might not even have anything to do with that,” Feng Xin said. “We still don’t know anything, and I think until we do that it would be best to stay together.”

”Absolutely,” Pei Ming agreed.

  Please, he just wanted to play sleepover for as long as possible. They could only talk in circles for so long before there wasn’t much else to speak about. They agreed to sit on it for the night, maybe to consider speaking to Hua Cheng himself (which had always been the last resort because he was so damn difficult), before they all tried to relax. Feng Xin had tried, at least, but the whole situation was the only thing he could think of. While the two kept quiet in the living room, Feng Xin opened Mu Qing’s laptop and began to do his own research. 

He read over the articles about the fire, searched the name He Duyi. Before the fire, he’d been a well liked and respected member of the He family. He Duyi had been one of the few who didn’t willingly resort to violence, and someone devoted to their studies.

What had changed? What brought a man to torture and kill fifteen people?

  He died a year after he was imprisoned, his eyes gouged out, brutally tortured in his cell. No one had been punished for his death. It had been so neatly swept under the rug that it was the first time Feng Xin had ever heard of it. Something like that should have made the news. He began to chew the inside of his cheek as he tried to look more into the obituary. 

“Stop!” Mu Qing’s voice rang out from the living area, a laugh following,” Give it! I haven’t even started this one yet!”

Pei Ming chuckled, and then something thumped onto the floor and a pained noise escaped. 

  Very quickly, Feng Xin got up from his spot to see what the commotion was, freezing at the sight.

Mu Qing had one hand braced against the cushion beside Pei Ming’s head, a book lying face down on the floor beneath them where it had slipped from his grasp. The two of them had landed in an awkwardly close tangle, and from underneath him, Pei Ming stared up with wide eyes.

  Feng Xin cleared his throat.

Mu Qing turned his head, a soft breath escaping before he maneuvered away from Pei Ming. He fixed his hair dutifully, straightening his posture.

”Uh, we were just talking about how we might order a pizza.”

There was a deep shade of red invading his face, and he wouldn’t quite look Feng Xin in the eyes. Pei Ming though stared at him as if he were about to be yanked from the couch, playing it off with another low chuckle.

”There’s a place around the corner…” he added weakly.

  …

Why the fuck were they acting so weird?

  They did end up ordering a pizza, an extra one because Mu Qing liked mushrooms and Feng Xin would rather have his meat piled up than be separated by fungi. He chewed into a piece, sat on the floor by the coffee table as they watched something random on TV. Every so often he’d eye Mu Qing, who finished a single slice and went straight back to his book after cleaning his hands. 

“Is that the book you two were fighting over?” He asked.

“I was just trying to warn him it might not be his favorite,” Pei Ming said, eyeing him from the love seat,” It’s not like the other one.”

”I can handle a little violence,” Mu Qing quipped. 

“Wouldn’t call it violence…”

  Mu Qing stopped, eyes narrowing on a line in the book.

”Is he about to…”

”Yes,” Pei Ming affirmed,” yes, he is.”

“That…I don’t think that’s logical at all.”

”It could happen.”

”It wouldn’t fit.”

”…” Feng Xin stared. “What the fuck are you reading?”

  No, seriously. Mu Qing had a habit of getting ideas every time he opened a novel. He needed to know if he should be worried. 

“It’s about a detective and someone he’s chasing.”

“And…”

Mu Qing shook his head, shutting the book. Before Feng Xin could pry further his phone rang in his back pocket. He tugged it out and hit answer, shoving it to his ear whilst moving for a napkin to wipe his fingers.

  “Hello?”

”You answered on the first ring, how responsible.”

”Ugh, what do you want?”

Feng Rui chuckled.

”I need you to pay my office a visit. There’s… something here for you.”

”Don’t care.”

”Oh I think you will.”

“I think you’re wrong.”

There was a pause, and then Feng Rui seemed to be moving something heavy, maybe a large chain? There was no telling with him.

”What does the name Yao Da mean to you?”

Yao Da…

Feng Xin’s eyes widened. Yao Da, Bai Long’s best friend? Why would…

”I’ll explain the situation when you get here, but trust me, you’ll want to hurry.”

”Fuck,” Feng Xin snapped,” Wait for me. I’ll be right over.”

  What the fuck was he planning now?

Chapter Text

   Yao Da.

While Bai Long had told them everything, he’d been a bit hesitant about mentioning any names. How could even someone like him remain loyal to a friend? It hadn’t been difficult putting the pieces together, whoever had helped humiliate and harm Mu Qing back then could be no one else but his sworn brother. Feng Xin was bitter with hatred, but Yao Da hadn’t appeared to be punished, so he’d pushed it back like the bile in his stomach when Bai Long’s skull had smashed into the edge of that table. 

  Feng Rui too often liked to play, so when Feng Xin was allowed access to the basement level of his building, he kept his mind open to the possibilities. Lui Wei and one of his new partners, a tall, wide shouldered man with curls of dark hair, didn’t lead him to the office as usual. They went further, descended down steps to another level Feng Xin hadn’t even known existed. The air was cold and thin, and beaming lights brightened the cement of the floor, the chained weapons and tools secured on the wall. 

“What is this?” He asked.

Lui Wei spared him a glance.

”Our interrogation room,” he informed. There was a hint of humor in his tone, but his eyes were far too serious for him to be joking. 

An interrogation room… more like an area set aside for torture. He wondered suddenly, as they turned the corner, if Mu Qing was still upset about him leaving abruptly. He hadn’t lied. He did have a meeting with his father, but he hadn’t mentioned it involved Yao Da. 

   There a was a single chair in the middle of the floor. Yao Da had his head dropped, wrists pinned together behind the chair with zip ties. The air smelt faintly of something sweet mixed with a sharp chemical. It’s nothing he’d ever smelt before.

”Ah,” Feng Rui adjusted tools along a rolling desk cart. Feng Xin could make out a hammer, syringes and medicine bottles, pliers, a torch. There were so many things in the toolbox underneath that he couldn’t be certain what else. “You’re right on time.”

”What the hell is this?”

”As you know I work diligently to cover the tracks of those who work underneath me to ensure their security. I couldn’t half ass this, not for my own son,” he pushed the cart to Yao Da’s side, checking his pulse for a moment, before smiling at the man.” Good, good. I almost thought we’d killed him with that last dose.”

”…” Feng Xin’s gaze narrowed on Yao Da. Why was he there? How did his father know of the connection?

  “I was going to let this go,” Feng Rui continued,” but the idiot thought he would blackmail us. Can you believe that?”

Yao Da blinked, head still far too heavy for him to lift it himself. He mumbled something weakly that Feng Xin couldn’t make out. 

“I’ll let you make the final decision, of course. It’s time you stepped into a more serious role.”

”What?” Feng Xin’s eyes widened,” You want to me to say whether or not he dies?”

”I’ll make it easy for you. Yao Da is very willing to testify against you. There’s plenty he could say to point the finger in your direction. If you kill him now, everything he has on you would disappear. If you don’t, I’ll drop him off in the middle of the forest and he will remember nothing but getting so high he was out for the entire day.”

  “What could he have on me?”

Feng Rui gestured vaguely, and the dark curly haired man stepped forward to offer him a cellphone. He nodded once in thanks, smirking as he pulled Yao Da by the hair to lift his head. The phone immediately unlocked.

”I told you, we’re very thorough. I secured everything off of Bai Long that would directly affect you. Granted, I had no idea he had a hard drive of those types of pictures… but we all overlook things.”

Feng Xin’s eyes sharpened.

“Yes, son. I know all about the little project, and fortunately I caught the messages in time.”

”What messages?”

”The one’s that would give you probable cause for Bai Long’s murder.”

  Feng Rui offered him the phone.

”Go ahead.”

There were screenshotted messages shared between the two, and Feng Xin lowered his gaze to read over them.

BLong: Idk what his fuckin problem is. He hit me over that bitch

YaoD: U know y

YaoD: Should have fuckd him when u had the chance

YaoD: Brooo I just thought of smthn

BLong: What??

YaoD: How funny wud it be if u showed off those pics? Feng Xin wouldn’t be so cool anymore

YaoD: Tired of him thinking he’s better

BLong: He’d kill me. Like might actually hunt me down

YaoD: Don’t b a pussy. Not ur fault his man a whore

  Feng Xin’s entire body stiffened as he set the phone down onto the cart. 

So that had been their plan all along? If Feng Xin hadn’t taken care of Bai Long to begin with, they would have tried something else.

  Why? Why couldn’t they just leave Mu Qing the fuck alone? He wouldn’t have to be standing there, determining if he could take another life, a decision more concrete than the first. These messages were a day after the fight at Shi Qingxuan’s party. How fucking long would they continue to be an issue? Even after Bai Long’s death, he was still causing problems.

His heart was racing.

He couldn’t breathe in deep enough. His finger clenched against himself.

Felt Xin thought of the way Mu Qing looked on the couch, admitting to the pictures. The shame in his eyes, the trembling in his voice, the way he confessed as if it were anything needing an apology, it was never his fault. None of this would ever be Mu Qing’s fault. 

  By killing Bai Long he’d protected Mu Qing. Who knew how he would have sent those pictures? 

They would never stop. 

“Kill him,” he said,” if you know it won’t be pinned on us. Kill him.”

Feng Rui laughed out loud.

”Come on now, you know that’s not how this works.”

  Feng Xin heard the gun clatter amongst the tools as his father dropped it in front of him. He shoved his hands in his pockets, circled around Yao Da, who barely stirred.

”You just need to put one in the chamber,” he informed,” I detest using these things. It’s so… detached, but I’d hate for Mu Qing to wonder why your hands are stained. Unless, of course, you’d like a pair of gloves? The hammer works quite well-“

”Shut up,” Feng Xin snapped. “I’m not like you! I don’t take pleasure in shit like this!”

Feng Rui tilted his head, dark gaze watching him close as he stepped forward into his space.

”No?” He whispered,” Is your heart not racing in anticipation right now? Did you not feel a sense of completion when you bashed Bai Long’s head in? You’ve kept your cool despite everyone asking questions. It’s almost as if this comes natural to you, just…” his lips curled,” like your father.”

  Feng Xin’s jaw clenched, and he grabbed the gun, cocked it back and aimed directly at Feng Rui’s head.

“Mm,” the man hummed,” You wouldn’t be a Feng if you didn’t aim for your father at least once.”

”Stop fucking talking.”

Lui Wei moved his hand for his own gun, but Feng Rui held a hand out.

”You’re scaring my men,” he informed,” Let’s stop playing around now.”

  Feng Xin lowered the gun with a glare. He’d be an idiot to shoot this man, but it didn’t mean he didn’t want to. Wouldn’t his life be easier then? After all this was over, would he ever be rid of Feng Rui? 

Yao Da murmured, something incoherent. 

When he’d killed Bai Long it had, in ways, been an accident. He’d blacked out. There was no single moment that he’d made the decision. 

This was different. 

He had to actively pull the trigger. 

  Feng Xin inhaled a sharp breath and held it as he raised the weapon to the man’s temple.

”Back away slightly,” Feng Rui informed,” The kickback might harm your wrist.”

Feng Xin tightened his hold of the gun and slowly stepped back.

”Perfect.”

He’d never shot a gun before. He knew he was a good aim from archery practice alone, but this was so different. Would the blood splatter everywhere like in the movies? 

  His phone rang. He blinked, slowly brought it up to see Mu Qing’s name. With one hand still aiming for Yao Da’s head, he answered it.

”Are you okay?” Feng Xin asked.

”I’m sorry, A’Xin.”

”What’s wrong?”

“I didn’t mean to get upset about you leaving. I’m sorry that I accused you of hiding things. I’m not… I’m still not good at this, being honest, I mean. But I’m trying. I’m being honest right now when I say that I’m worried.”

  Feng Xin took in a deep breath.

”Worried?” He repeated quietly. 

“I don’t trust Feng Rui. Every time you leave, you come home looking… different. I just don’t want you to handle this on your own anymore. Please, just come back. If you’re in his office now, just tell him to fuck off and leave. We don’t have to deal with Hua Cheng or He Xuan right now. We can take a break.”

”A break,” he murmured. “Qing’er there is no break until this is over.”

”Please, I can’t explain it, but I have this bad feeling that if you don’t come back right now, then there will be trouble.”

  Feng Xin lifted his gaze to Yao Da. Trouble, huh?

Fuck. Feng Xin set the gun down.

”I’ll be there soon,” he said. “We can take a break.”

There was no other weakness that could disarm him so quickly. Feng Rui rolled his eyes when the call disconnected, took out another gun and shot Yao Da in the head. It echoed out, ringing in Feng Xin’s ear from the proximity. 

“Is that all it takes? A nice pair of legs and you’re suddenly soft?” He chided him, gestured with the gun for his men to clean the mess up,” I’m disappointed in you.”

  Feng Xin didn’t look. He didn’t want another image in his head. 

“A long time ago…” Feng Xin said.

”Hm?”

”I was seven the last time I worried about disappointing you.”

  Even if he’d thrown a lousy check their way until he’d turned eighteen, he’d long stopped considering his father a provider before he’d even left them. There was nothing to prove. He wouldn’t let this man shape him, not when Mu Qing was there, waiting for him.

”Word of advice, son, but relationships like this don’t last. He’s your weakness. If you keep going he’ll be the entire reason you’re put into a position like this.”

Feng Xin’s eyes hardened.

”I’m nothing like you. I don’t know what you’re so scared of, what Hua Cheng has over you, but that is your weakness and it’ll be your end.”

   Feng Rui laughed,”Threatening me? That’s more like it.” He leant into his space, whispering to him low,” Be honest with yourself. Why are you fighting so hard to look good in front of someone who would just as easily open their legs for someone else?”

Feng Xin grabbed for his shirt, and the man stumbled back against the car with a wicked grin. His men stiffened, but he paid them no mind.

”You can see it, can’t you? The way your friend wants him,” his voice dripped with venom,” I wouldn’t be surprised if they were already sneaking around.”

”That’s none of your damn business!” 

  Feng Rui pressed the tip of the gun to his pants, smirking in delight. One muscle flinch, and Feng Xin would be bleeding out without a dick. Fucking bastard had issues.

”Don’t think with this head,” he said, and then he raised the gun to his own,” Think with this one.”

”You’re sick.”

“One day, you’ll understand that everything I’ve done was for you.”

  The words echoed in his head for a long time even after he left. He should have shot him when had the chance. Would society even care to be rid of someone like him? All he caused was issues. He brought nothing good into this world… 

  When had ever done a single thing that wasn’t for himself? Pretending it was for Feng Xin, as if those words were anything but taunts. When this was all over, maybe Hua Cheng would lend him a helping hand. For now, he could only strive for more information and gain everything he could to make Feng Rui weak. The drive, fake or not, was the one thing he had over on him. He wanted something, and there was a very good chance it was this. 

I wouldn’t be surprised if they were already sneaking around. 

  It’s not that he didn’t trust Mu Qing. He wasn’t an idiot though. He saw the way Pei Ming looked at him, the way they shared laughter over things Feng Xin couldn’t grasp. It wasn’t jealousy that consumed him, but there was something there that made his heart stir enough he knew it wouldn’t be wise to ignore. 

  An acknowledgment, maybe. What was he acknowledging? The way Mu Qing had blushed in that position, the way he’d so willingly pulled Pei Ming into their bed? It should have angered him. 

  He should have been upset that when he opened the door that he found Mu Qing lowered on the floor, face watching whatever was on TV, Pei Ming’s fingers running through his wet hair as he finished off a long braid. He should have been, right? 

  Mu Qing rose from his spot to pull Feng Xin into a tight hug, squeezing his arms around his neck.

”I’m sorry I got upset,” he whispered,” I just don’t like the way he talks to you, like you’re just one of his men.”

  They parted, and Feng Xin’s eyes softened as he moved to cup his cheek.

”Did he do something?” Mu Qing asked.

”Not more than usual.” 

Pei Ming looked at him from the couch, eyes questioning. When had it become like this? That Pei Ming knew how to ask him things without muttering a word? That he knew how to answer or know the signs of relief lowering the man’s guard?

  “You were right,” Feng Xin said,” We need a break. We can worry about Hua Cheng and He Xuan later.”

A day wouldn’t kill them. If Feng Rui wanted anything else he’d have to come to Pei Ming’s penthouse himself. With security guarding the elevator access, he felt pretty safe there, masked psycho or not.

He gently tugged on Mu Qing’s braid, seeking to change the subject.

”Pei Ming did your hair?”

“Mm,” Mu Qing lowered to take his hand into his, eyes meeting his,” It was getting late and I wasn’t sure when you’d be back, so we thought we’d get ready for bed. That’s when… I don’t know, I started worrying a bit.”

”No need,” Feng Xin said. “I told him to fuck off like you said.”

“Good. You should really listen to me more.”

Pei Ming chuckled playfully, hand propped up under his chin as he watched them. He tilted his head a bit, must have caught something in Feng Xin’s gaze.

”Seriously,” he said,” there isn’t anything you want to share?”

“Not right now.” Feng Xin replied. “We’re on break.”

  Mu Qing raised a brow.

”So… he did do something.”

“He was just being an asshole.”

”Oh,” Pei Ming said,” that explains the scowl.”

”Wasn’t scowling.”

”You were, then you tried to hide it and failed.”

  Okay why the hell was he being so difficult right now? Had they not just agreed to drop it? Pei Ming’s comment had only alerted Mu Qing though, who looked quite furious at the idea of Feng Rui. This entire day had been a shit show. Yao Da was dead, whatever. He’d saved some part of his humanity through Mu Qing alone, but his father hadn’t stopped there. He always tried to keep pushing whatever buttons he could find. 

  “It’s not that big of a deal, he just said some shit to try to bother me and then I left. Now I’m here.”

”What did he say?” Mu Qing questioned.

”For the-“ Feng Xin inhaled a deep breath,” Does it matter? It was all bullshit anyways.”

”It matters because it affected you enough that you don’t want to repeat it,” he informed.

  Feng Xin sighed and dropped down into the recliner. 

“Fine.” He said, noticing how they both stared at him expectantly. They really couldn’t let this go, could they? “He just… insinuated that I should I give up, because you two were probably fucking behind my back. Happy?”

  Mu Qing’s eyes widened and Pei Ming paled immensely.

”Oh…” Mu Qing said.

”Oh?”

”I mean that’s…” he turned his head, a light blush invading his cheeks,” I just wasn’t expecting that.”

”Obviously we’re not,” Pei Ming informed. 

“Obviously, I know that! I trust my own boyfriend!”

”Hey, hey-“ Pei Ming held up his hands in defense,” Just trying to help. You seemed pretty upset mentioning it.”

“I’m not upset! I’m annoyed. He really thought he’d get at me as if I’m an idiot that can’t read a room!”

  Mu Qing faltered.

”A’Xin?”

“I’m not stupid,” he muttered.

Why couldn’t he stop talking?!

”Just because I trust you two doesn’t mean I don’t see what’s going on.”

“… And what’s going on?” Mu Qing asked. “Because I’d love to know myself.”

”You…” Feng Xin’s jaw clenched,” If I weren’t in the way you two… Fuck this. I’m going to bed.”

  Mu Qing grabbed him by the wrist, eyes darkening with his resolve. He stepped forward into his space.

”In the way? Is that what you think? What, that if you hadn't confessed I’d be fucking Pei Ming?”

”I… I think we’re all tired,” Pei Ming said.

“Am I wrong?” Feng Xin asked, feeling something tighten in his chest. Was he angry? He should be angry, shouldn’t he? He was definitely frustrated. 

“Tch,” Mu Qing stared at him in disbelief. “Yeah, you are actually. The only way I’d fuck Pei Ming is if you were involved you big dummy.”

”…”

”…”

What?

Chapter Text

   There were times in their lives, knowing each other for as long as they had, that they were stunned into silence, grasping for meaning in the awful red of shame. Mu Qing immediately stopped, eyes widening as if the words spoken hadn’t been his own. His gaze faltered. His fingers curled into his palms. 

“That…” he bit the edge of his lip, and then before Feng Xin could even fully register what he’d just admitted, he took off towards the bedroom. The door shut quite quickly.

  What…?

”I know I’m the last person you probably want to hear from,” Pei Ming said, and Feng Xin was taken by surprise to see him standing so close. When had he moved? “but, I think you should be nice to him. He’s clearly embarrassed, and I think he expects you to be upset.”

”Upset…” Feng Xin was just thrown off guard. He’d clearly been into those books, but he never actually imagined Mu Qing would say something like that out loud! In front of Pei Ming! 

  Pei Ming brushed fingers over his arm, eyes meeting his.

“I care for you both,” he admitted.

”This isn’t the time to play around,” he said, pulling his arm away from his touch. Pei Ming really didn’t know when to quit. This was the whole reason Mu Qing was confused like this! “Why don’t you just make a pallet on the couch for the night? I think that would be best.”

  Pei Ming smiled, though it didn’t reach his eyes.

”As you wish.”

  Feng Xin didn’t give him much thought as he moved to the bedroom. Mu Qing had a sheet thrown over his head and was mumbling to himself, incoherent words. They stopped when he heard Feng Xin’s footsteps.

”No,” he said, muffled in the pillow he was holding,” We don’t have to talk about it. I’m tired. You’re tired. Haha, wow so tired.”

”Qing’er.”

Feng Xin lowered to sit at his side, eyes softening as he pulled back the sheet. Half of Mu Qing’s face was hidden, but the side he could see was painted red.

  “Just kill me,” he whispered. “It would be less painful.”

“Pft,” Feng Xin moved to brush hair away from his hot cheek. “It’s not like you to regret speaking.”

”I’ve had better moments.”

   Something light and soft tugged at Feng Xin, a warm adoration for the man below. He was so fucking cute, even if this state was caused because he’d openly admitted to wanting to fuck another man. He should be upset. 

“Talk to me,” Feng Xin said. “Did you mean it?”

Do you think about fucking Pei Ming?

”Uh,” Mu Qing grasped his pillow even tighter,” Can’t you pretend I never said anything? It’s not that big of a deal. I just…”

”Just?”

  Mu Qing let out a deep breath before moving to sit up. He averted his gaze, similar to a child who’d just been reprimanded and now had to confess his wrongs in polite detail. Adorable. No wait, Feng Xin was supposed to be listening. 

“I’ve never… felt as safe and cared for than I do being with you,” Mu Qing said, and then slowly he met Feng Xin’s gaze,” Pei Ming is… He likes us, and he’s funny, and well, he’s attractive too. I just thought…”

Feng Xin let him finish.

”I thought that… it would be nice to make him really happy. I want to see… I don’t know. I like how you act when he’s playing around, and… he acts different too.”

  Feng Xin sighed gently. 

It didn’t make any sense, and yet it did. 

“Are you upset, A’Xin?”

”No,” he said, lowering a hand to smooth over his knee,” I’m not upset.”

How could he be? Mu Qing trusted him, enough that he’d willingly admit all of this. Was there ever a time in the past he’d thought that he’d ever see such vulnerability from him? If he got upset now, Mu Qing would just pull away and hesitate the next time something was on his mind. 

  What did he do now though?

Feng Xin chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment, his thumb tracing patterns over the sheets. What was he supposed to say to this? He couldn’t just ignore it. 

“So you just want to see…?”

“… I don’t know.”

Feng Xin sighed,” I can’t give you what you want if you don’t tell me.”

Mu Qing’s eyes widened.

”I wouldn’t ask that of you. It’s not something I’d want to do for myself! It would have to be for everyone. You’d- You would have to want it.”

  Want it? What? He would have to assume that Pei Ming was a top when it involved men, and Feng Xin definitely wasn’t going to take it, so… wouldn’t it be Mu Qing? How the hell was he supposed to feel thinking like that? Could he even picture it?

  He tried. Sharing a part of Mu Qing like that, knowing someone would touch him so intimately in ways only he had… It would be more than difficult. Someone else inside him. His lips parting in a pained gasp. Feng Xin stared forward, eyes widening slightly.

It would have to be for everyone.

What would Feng Xin get out of this? How could it possibly be for everyone?

  He had the power to allow this. Mu Qing wouldn’t fight for it if he rejected the idea. He needed Feng Xin’s approval. In ways, he would be gifted with the fact that the pleasure his lover experienced was solely because of his willingness. It was a lot to think about. He wasn’t even sure how he viewed Pei Ming entirely, if he trusted him enough to not hurt Mu Qing. 

  If he did, did it truly only have to happen once? 

Did Mu Qing really want this?

What did it mean that Feng Xin was genuinely considering it? If they could do it together, if he could control every aspect of it… he didn’t think it would be so bad. 

“A’Xin?”

Feng Xin hadn’t realized how long he’d been quiet. He cleared his throat, squeezing his knee gently.

”Tomorrow… let’s all go out together. I’ll have an answer then.”

”You don’t have-“

”Please,” Feng Xin interrupted,” Just give me a day to think about it. If I can’t fathom doing it, I’ll be honest. If… I decide it’s something I might be interested in doing, then uh… I’ll let you know tomorrow night.”

  Mu Qing eyes lit up, and he nodded, biting back a curl to his lips. Gods, why was he so fucking pretty? He had half a mind to accept now just to see how happy it would make him. Sure, it didn’t make much sense, but nothing did lately. Together, he’d said, as long as they were always together. 

  His mind didn’t shut off in the night. Even his dreams asked questions he didn’t have the answers to. Could he allow this? Was this just a fading fantasy growing underneath the weight of their stress? Did it have to be him? Better yet, was there anyone else who Feng Xin would even consider allowing into the same bed?

  Flashes of images, the pale thighs he’d kissed in the deep nights, the exhale of relief, tightening muscles holding him, it was an anchor. 

”A’Xin,” his voice called, between the curling pleasure.

  His own release painted the pink of his lips, glistening with shared saliva, as the sounds of wet skin slowed into bliss. 

“Get dressed,” he said to Pei Ming, so early in the morning that the sky had yet to blare its light between the parting of the curtains.

Pei Ming lifted himself from the couch, stifling a yawn as he scratched at his neck. He blinked back the grogginess and then raised his gaze to meet Feng Xin.

”Huh?”

“We’re all going out,” he informed,” I… made plans.”

”Uh,” Pei Ming rubbed at his eyes,” Sure. Isn’t it like five in the morning though?”

”I’m going to need all day,” he admitted,” if I’m going to let you touch him, I need to figure something out first.”

”T- Wait,” he was immediately alert,” Touch him? You mean-“

”Get dressed,” he repeated. 

   It was about six in the morning when Feng Xin coaxed Mu Qing out of bed. Sometimes he loved to sleep in, and Feng Xin would have to run a bath, entice him into the warm water and make sure he was fully aware before moving to gather his things for the day. It would finally be warm enough that they wouldn’t have to wear thick coats, and he offered Mu Qing the clothes he had packed whilst the man complained in the midst of his bath. 

“It’s so fucking early,” he said,” When did you start becoming a morning person? It was always me having to drag you up… and I already showered last night! This is abuse.”

”Didn’t sleep well, Qing’er?”

Mu Qing dropped an arm over the large tub and scowled.

”How could I?” He mumbled,” And when I finally did, you started talking in your sleep. You’re so dirty, A’Xin.”

”Hm?”

”You were so hard too,” Mu Qing continued,” I almost put it in just to get you to shut up.”

”Mu Qing!” He said, eyes wide,” Stop that. Take a bath and get dressed.”

  Mu Qing smirked at him.

”Or what? You’ll fuck me?”

Feng Xin pressed a kiss to his head, fighting with every part of his body to remain calm,” Maybe later,” he whispered.

Mu Qing went quiet at this.

   They had breakfast at a small diner, nothing fancy, mostly because Feng Xin didn’t want to accidentally run into anyone they might know. Pei Ming sat across from them, arm thrown back against his seat, playing well behaved for the time being. The waitress tried to flirt with him, to which he dutifully ignored with a polite steer of conversation about the different creamers for their coffee. 

“So… what’s on the agenda?”

Mu Qing fussed with a sugar packet, running a thumb across the letters. He’d been quiet all morning. 

“The festival starts today,” Feng Xin said.

”Wait,” Mu Qing lit up at this,” We’re going to the festival?” He just as quickly tried to play off his excitement with a shrug, lowering his voice,” I mean, I thought you hated crowds. It’s probably not going to be that interesting anyways.”

Pei Ming chuckled,” I’ve never been. It seems like something couples or families do together.”

  Feng Xin couldn’t imagine him attending either. It didn’t feel like a Pei Ming thing to do. It was too domestic. When he pictured the man, he imagined bottles of champagne and fancy cars with high rise buildings… not booths of stuffed prizes and fried desserts. 

“Is that a no?” Feng Xin inquired of them both.

”I guess it’s fine,” Mu Qing said,” We’re on a break anyways.”

  He was such a little liar. He was obviously looking forward to it. Pei Ming, on the other hand, didn’t try to hide his delight. He was still smiling at them both as the waitress came back to deliver their coffee. She was quite beautiful, someone Pei Ming would certainly be interested in if he weren’t so busy admiring the two across from him.

Feng Xin felt something odd in his chest stir.

Was he getting sick?

  The festival itself was beautiful from afar. The annual spring celebration had pastel strings from every pole and lanterns painted with flowers and different symbols invoking the change of seasons. The boardwalk had a line of different booths, large rides constructed for the event alone overlooking the blue water. Even so early in the day, many people gathered with their children and loved ones to partake in its activities. 

  Feng Xin had never felt so out of place. 

Mu Qing wrapped a hand around his arm as he scanned the entrance in wonder. Had he ever attended? It wouldn’t seem like something he’d do by himself, but who else would have taken him? The thought kind of made Feng Xin sad. He should have, all those years. They could have made it a first date. 

  “I think I’m going to barf with joy,” Pei Ming said, and when they looked at him, he only chuckled,” Kidding. It doesn’t look so bad, as long as you two aren’t trying to ride anything.”

The drive was safe in Feng Xin’s pocket, but he also didn’t feel like risking mechanical heights just in case. He would treat it like a priceless egg, that and he’d lived enough of an adrenaline filled life for him not to need the extra help. 

“No rides,” he agreed, eyeing Mu Qing,” Unless you want…”

”No,” Mu Qing said, and his eyes widened slightly,” But… can we try that?”

  Feng Xin’s gaze squinted in a booth’s direction. It had a bunch of targets, arrows lined out on the table, just waiting to be thrown. He caught the hanging prizes and was immediately reminded of the little kitten Mu Qing had in his old childhood bedroom. He hadn’t packed it up when they’d went over, maybe because he was embarrassed about having it. That wasn’t right. He should be allowed to like cute things. 

“I just know your aim is really good,” Mu Qing added, sounding casual,” You like throwing things, don’t you?”

”I love throwing things.”

 Pei Ming bit back a knowing grin, but he didn’t say anything as he moved forward to the booth. The man looking it over turned. 

“Yin Yu??”

”It’s a part time gig,” he informed, shrugging. “You want a shot or not?”

  Seriously, just how many jobs did this guy have? It felt as if Feng Xin ran into him everywhere. What’s worse, is not too long ago Yin Yu had asked about the three of them so abruptly at the shop, and now this was only going to further his suspicions! 

Whatever. It wasn’t anyone’s business anyways. Even if they were, why should he be ashamed?? It’s not like Pei Ming wasn’t attractive. He was certain anyone who truly thought they were all together probably found them to be a very lovely… whatever it was called. Triple? Truple? Group something. He was close enough. 

  “Show off for us,” Pei Ming teased from the side.

Yin Yu only stared at them deadpan before moving out of the way of the targets.

  Feng Xin lowered cash down and quickly assessed the corners. For an amateur this would be nearly impossible to hit within the thirty seconds provided, not to mention the center that moved. He was pretty sure it was rigged in some ways. It might not even stick if he hit the bullseye. 

   He needed a total of 300 points to win the top prizes, which meant, failure was not an option. Not only was his pride on the line, but there was no way that he was leaving without one of those damn kittens. 

“You got this,” Mu Qing whispered.

He sure as hell did. 

  One. Two. Three.

Every target was hit with precision, even with the distraction of two men staring at him, with Yin Yu’s passive, annoying gaze. He tried not to look too proud when he turned back to them. He’d even hit the smaller ones in the far back. 

”Just takes practice,” he said.

”Your talent is immensely alluring,” Pei Ming informed with a smirk.

“Alright, pick anything on the wall,” Yin Yu said. 

  Feng Xin lifted a spare arrow and pointed at the fluffy gray kitten hanging from loose string. Mu Qing blushed when he procured it and offered it out to him with a knowing grin. 

“What?” He asked, trying to play it off. 

“Well, if you don’t want it I guess I could find someone else-“

”I’ll take him!” He said,” I mean,” he tugged the kitten into his arms with a roll of the eyes.”I’ll find somewhere to put him.”

  Adorable. 

Pei Ming met his gaze from over Mu Qing’s shoulder, smiling at them. 

  It wasn’t as bad as he thought. They explored every booth, tried out free samples and chatted with a few locals about mundane things like the weather. Pei Ming stopped them to try a game where you had to guess which hat the coin was in and found the trick the employee played by hiding it underneath his sleeve. When he pointed it out, the man tossed a small squid stuffy in his direction and demanded they leave. 

  “And this one needs a home too,” he informed Feng Xin, smirking as he pushed it into his arm. 

Mu Qing chuckled,” It looks just like you.”

Its eyes were wide and dark, with a tiny frowny face that was too cute to be truly angry. Pft. If anyone, it looked like Mu Qing. 

  “We have to win Pei Ming something now,” Mu Qing said.

”But I’ve already won,” he said, throwing his arms over both of their shoulders. 

  Did he have an off switch? Seriously. Could Feng Xin really allow someone like Pei Ming to touch Mu Qing? He didn’t care when it came to himself. It wouldn’t bother him to get off with another man together, because it didn’t mean anything in the end. That’s exactly why he had to be sure about this. Pei Ming played too much, and he didn’t think this was just casual for Mu Qing. He clearly adored Pei Ming in some way, like a school girl crush or some shit.  Feng Xin was fine with that, what he wasn’t fine with was allowing someone access to possibly taking advantage and disrespecting Mu Qing in any way. 

   One moment Pei Ming was a gentleman, someone he trusted enough to talk to about murder and the next, he was smirking and laying lines you used at clubs. 

  It wasn’t an easy decision. If he agreed to this, what happened after? Would Pei Ming count them off his list and move to the next couple he found attractive? Did he expect anything else to happen? Did Feng Xin care??

”A’Xin, do you not like it?”

Feng Xin blinked, lowering down to look at their shared meal. They had some type of loaded fries, and Mu Qing was slowly nibbling on them while he stared at him in concern. The kitten and squid sat beside each other in the middle of the bench, and the tiny black dog with an obnoxiously long tongue they’d both shot fake guns to win for Pei Ming. The man had immediately kissed its head, looked close to kissing theirs before naming it Fengqing. He was so obnoxious sometimes…

“Are you enjoying yourself?” Feng Xin asked.

”I am,” he admitted,” It’s nice. It feels like we’re all on a date, doesn’t it?”

”Eh…” He wasn’t sure what he’d call this. “I should probably go make sure Pei Ming didn’t get lost. You want a soda?”

”Ew,” Mu Qing said.

”Right, sorry. I’ll see if they have some kind of tea.”

  He couldn’t think straight at all. What was he even doing?! Why had his first thought when Mu Qing admitted to thinking about fucking Pei Ming been to take them on a date? Pei Ming was going to take what he could and then go off-

He stopped as he turned the corner, very quickly moving back against the wall. Pei Ming was speaking to old friends, and from there Feng Xin could hear how tense it was getting. 

“My sister is pretty pissed man. Says you rejected her. That’s not cool, you could have at least given her the time of day.”

Pei Ming sighed,” I didn’t mean any disrespect by it. I’m… not really looking for a relationship right now.”

”Bro, duh, she knows that! Everyone knows that! You’re making her feel like a a humpback whale. She just wanted to have a drink with you.”

These idiots were Pei Ming’s friends?? Gods, at least Shi Wudu was semi normal if a little arrogant. What were they part of a frat? 

“What I meant, is that I have something really good going for me and I’d hate to ruin it by playing games.”

”Huh??”

“Listen, I know this surpasses your understanding, but I’m tired. Tell your sister I apologize, but as far as I’m concerned, I’m off the market.”

  … Feng Xin wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but it hadn’t been that. Before he was caught eavesdropping, Feng Xin turned around abruptly and went back towards the benches. Mu Qing’s brow raised as he plopped down beside him again.

”Where’s my tea?”

”Long line,” he said.

He sighed, propping a hand up under his chin,” Did you find Pei Ming at least?”

  Oh, Pei Ming? The guy he’d just overheard defend them despite the fact he had no idea whether or not he’d ever get a chance? What did he even want from them?? Was he that curious about sex with two men?

Fen Xin was getting a headache. Feng Rui would laugh at him if he could see him now. His mother would faint. 

  “You’re not okay,” Mu Qing said, frowning.

Before he could speak, Pei Ming came around the corner with two drinks in hand. He offered them both a grin as he set them down in front of them.

”Sorry bathroom line was long. One of these is a tea, and the other is a… weird Hawaiian thing? I don’t know, if you don’t like it I can trade it in.”

Feng Xin lifted his gaze. 

Just what did Pei Ming want exactly?

  They stayed a few hours longer, until the weather had grayed and he feared it might start raining on them. Feng Xin offered to drive back, an hour ride through the wet greenery, and the drops of water that began to beat on the window. He turned the seat warmers on, glancing back to see Mu Qing watching the shore pass. His brows were furrowed tight, lips pressed into a thin line. In his lap, he held the gray kitten close.

  Pei Ming looked over at Feng Xin from the passenger side after a while.

”He’s asleep,” he commented, sounding fond.

”He didn’t sleep well last night.”

”That makes two of us,” Pei Ming said,” I was up all night worried that you two were arguing.”

When Feng Xin didn’t say anything, he added,” I thought I’d ruined something. I know I tease a lot, but I’d hate myself if I ever got in between you two.”

“You wouldn’t,” Feng Xin said,” Mu Qing and I aren’t like that. We… talk about things.”

”Good,” Pei Ming said,” I mean, I figured. He’s so helplessly in love with you that it’s adorable… and vice versa. You two are like… so goddamn cute.”

”Pft,” Feng Xin cracked a grin at that,” You’re such an ass kisser.”

Pei Ming smiled,” I mean it though.”

   Feng Xin glanced in his direction again, fingers curling tight over the steering wheel. The day was almost over. He’d told Mu Qing he’d at least tell him if the idea was out of question then, but part of him still wasn’t certain. 

“Today was nice,” Pei Ming said,” I don’t think I’ve experienced anything like it. My father wasn’t really the type to bring us out to things like this. He’d have a fit if he knew I went with you two…” he threw his head back with a sigh,” Damn, should have taken pictures.”

”I think I saw Mu Qing take some,” Feng Xin informed. “I don’t think any of our dads weren’t pieces of shits.”

”Right, right,” Pei Ming grinned at this,” Which is insane because we turned out so amazing.”

  Heh. A murder, a murder accomplice, and… well, Mu Qing had turned out alright. 

Chapter Text

   Mu Qing stirred shortly after they arrived, stretching out his body with a content sigh. He leaned against the head rest of Pei Ming’s seat, kitten still squished into his arms. 

“Will you order from that sushi place again?” He asked Pei Ming. 

“If it pleases you,” he replied. “While we wait, maybe I can show you another book more to your tastes. That other one was so violent. Even I had a hard time getting through it.”

  Feng Xin remained quiet on their way up to his place, noticing the receptionist offer them a curious gaze and quick greeting to Pei Ming. She looked quite disappointed that it wasn’t her being guided back up. He wondered, for a moment, if she ever had been. The first thing he did when entering was place the drive somewhere safe, in a secured box Pei Ming offered him that he set in the crook of books along his bookcase. His fingers guided themselves along new titles, all while Mu Qing stood watching him with a thoughtful look.

”Go ahead and make yourselves comfortable,” Pei Ming raised a book,” I’ll order food and you can tell me what you think about this one.”

He’d been on his best behavior all day. Even now, with the words Feng Xin had spoken before they’d gone out, he remained a complete gentleman. Mu Qing ran hands through his hair, frowning when it wasn’t easily parted to his liking.

”Give me a moment, I need to brush my hair.”

  Feng Xin watched him leave, and just as Pei Ming turned he grabbed for his arm, eyes meeting his in surprise.

”Listen,” Feng Xin said low,” I can’t guarantee this will ever happen again.”

Pei Ming’s brows furrowed.

”If he looks even the slightest bit uncomfortable, you stop.”

His eyes widened, realization framing his face.

”His… safe word is coconut.”

  Pei Ming inhaled a sharp breath, and he nodded slow, mesmerized. For the first time since knowing him, he looked completely thrown off guard, uncertain. The devoted attention he played with such ease had dwindled into an honest, raw want. Pei Ming’s fingers came to the hand that was holding his arm and squeezed.

”I won’t mess this up,” he said. “For either of you.”

  Feng Xin turned his head away and dropped his hand. They’d been Pei Ming’s focus for so long that it shouldn’t have bothered him, but his nerves were running wild with the way he was being looked at now. He wasn’t sure why he’d thought it would be set on Mu Qing alone. 

  He pressed open the bedroom door, where Mu Qing was sat on the bed, brushing out small tangles in his hair from the wind. He lifted his head, and froze. Very slowly he put the brush down and looked from Pei Ming to Feng Xin in question. 

“…Is everything okay?”

Of course, he would ask this. With all of the bullshit constantly going on, his first thought would be trouble. 

  Feng Xin sighed, gathering his own courage. His heart wouldn’t stop beating harshly against his chest. It felt like the first time all over again. He’d given this plenty of thought. He loved Mu Qing, and Pei Ming wanted them both. This was one experience he could offer, without refraining out of selfishness alone. 

“Qing’er,” he said.

Something in his voice stirred Mu Qing to stand. His eyes widened, cheeks already reddening as Feng Xin moved to cup his cheeks with his hands. 

“Do you still want this?”

  A soft gasp escaped him, and his gaze searched Feng Xin’s before glancing back to Pei Ming. He must have seen something in his face, that his uncertainty melted underneath a definitive need. He nodded once, almost as if he were far too entranced to answer any other way. His fingers curled in the fabric of Feng Xin’s shirt. 

That’s it. Be honest with me. 

  Mu Qing met his lips the moment he leaned in. A soft noise escaped from Mu Qing when he deepened the kiss, let his tongue press into the hot, wet span of his mouth. With every reaction, from the way his tongue sought his own to the way his fingers trembled in desire against Feng Xin’s clothes, only made him more determined to give his lover everything he wanted. 

  When they broke away, with soft kisses in parting, Feng Xin lowered his hand to Mu Qing’s stomach and he turned, meeting Pei Ming’s transfixed gaze. 

Pei Ming blinked, taking in a deep breath. He hesitated stepping forward, until Feng Xin shifted to allow him access. 

  Mu Qing still had a hold of Feng Xin when the other man stepped into his space. His dark eyes lifted to him. If there was ever any doubt that Mu Qing wanted this, it died in the moment that he waited for Pei Ming. 

  Pei Ming was gentle, let his fingers trace along his arm, up his shoulder, to cup the same cheek Feng Xin had moments before. Feng Xin couldn’t look away. He couldn’t stop from noticing how the tension in Mu Qing’s body released when Pei Ming kissed him. It was slower, more hesitant at first, and then it wasn’t. Another noise of surprise was swallowed by depths, and Mu Qing was so keen to allow him entry. Feng Xin felt something hot coil in his body as his lover tilted his head, tongue chasing Pei Ming’s. 

  He was gasping when he was released. Pei Ming bit back a grin, eyes lit with an intense desire, before he reached over and grabbed Feng Xin by the front of his shirt and kissed him too. 

  It had taken him by shock. Feng Xin hadn’t imagined Pei Ming would go for him like this, that at first he remained stiff, and then he allowed it- was a little rougher kissing back. He didn’t feel the need to hold back with Pei Ming. Curiously, he pressed a hand against his waist, felt the vibration of Pei Ming’s soft hum of approval against his lips. 

   Fuck. 

“Tch,” Pei Ming pulled away and chided him playfully,” Already hard?”

”Shut up.”

They both smiled at this, because this was ridiculous, wasn’t it? What the fuck were they even doing? 

  Mu Qing pressed a hand to the front of Feng Xin’s jeans, eyes widening in awe and sedated by his own high. He must have enjoyed watching the two kiss, because he didn’t seem so nervous anymore.

”A’Xin,” he whispered. Fuck. This was hotter than he wanted to admit. 

  Feng Xin kissed him, pushed hair over his shoulders so he could trail his lips along the nape of his neck. His fingers lifted his shirt, and Mu Qing obeyed with ease, lifting his arm to be rid of the fabric, revealing the soft blush of his nipples against the pale skin of his beautiful, lithe body. 

“I might actually die because of you two.”

  Pei Ming couldn’t seem to stare long enough, perhaps trying to memorize every detail presented, though battling his desire to touch. 

“…This is okay?” He whispered, to Mu Qing.

Mu Qing opened his mouth, but a stifled noise defeated his answer, because Feng Xin was rubbing a thumb against a nipple. He continued to kiss into his neck, only parting to eye Pei Ming darkly.

”He knows his safe word,” he said.

  Pei Ming didn’t hesitate then. Mu Qing had one arm wrapped around Feng Xin’s head as he continued sucking and leaving light marks. His fingers gently tangled in Pei Ming’s hair, gasping when he felt his lips against the soft plane of his stomach. Those lips continued upwards, occasionally Feng Xin would break off to watch, catching the moment his tongue found Mu Qing’s other nipple. His lover couldn’t hide the noise that escaped then.

”He’s sensitive,” Pei Ming whispered, running his lips across the nub, circling his tongue slow, enticing gasps and heavy breaths in return.

  “Does that feel good, Qing’er?” Feng Xin asked.

Mu Qing tightened the hold he had of Pei Ming, biting down on his lip hard.

”Yes,” he whispered. “C-Can we move to the bed?”

Feng Xin lowered a hand to Mu Qing’s waist, and Pei Ming stepped back, already moving to throw his own shirt somewhere in the corner. He’d seen Pei Ming shirtless before, but Feng Xin had never taken the time to allow himself to look. He looked smaller in clothing, but there was a line of muscle on his stomach, around the broad shoulders that shifted to aid Mu Qing from his pants. Feng Xin blinked.

  Had he worn those underwear thinking he’d be undressed? 

Pei Ming stopped there, eyes widening in awe all over again.

”Oh my god, you’re so perfect. I like these. They’re so pretty.”

Mu Qing made a soft noise, his knees pressed together, face red as he turned his head away. Pei Ming had found his weakness, and based on the way he turned to Feng Xin, a small victorious curl to his lips, he knew it. 

  “Don’t you think so, Feng Xin?”

Feng Xin dropped down to the mattress after throwing his own shirt, catching Pei Ming’s gaze as he moved to press a hand between Mu Qing’s knees.

”He is pretty,” he whispered,” Qing’er, show us more. Will you open your legs for us?”

  Mu Qing, already pressed firm in his tight underwear, toes curling into the sheets in response to their words, obeyed without question. He dropped one leg and spread for them, lowering a hand to tease along the band of the last barrier of fabric. 

“Fuck…” Pei Ming ran a hand up his thigh, and then lowered to press a wet kiss that had the man squirming underneath him.

”Ngh-“ Mu Qing tangled fingers in his hair again. “Please.”

  “Please what?” Feng Xin asked.

“Fuck me.”

Pei Ming glanced at Feng Xin, a silent question. Having sex was one thing, but was he really going to let him inside? This wasn’t Feng Xin’s choice. He moved over Mu Qing, kissing him again to ease any tension that might still be present, pressed his lips to the edge of his ear, whispering low.

”Who, baby? Who do you want inside you?”

”B-Both,” he pleaded, and something Pei Ming must have done with his lips had him gasping again,” Take turns.”

  Feng Xin sat up, coaxed Mu Qing to lie back halfway into his lap, back pressed against his chest. When Pei Ming saw this, his eyes immediately sharpened. 

“Lube and a condom,” he directed. He didn’t say that he was letting Pei Ming go first because he wanted to be the last one inside Mu Qing. He’d let Pei Ming think he was being nice. “If you don’t know how to prep a man, then I’ll do it. It’s not like with a woman.”

”Oh I did my research,” Pei Ming informed, and he sauntered over to his drawer and grabbed both items. While he sounded certain, his fingers fumbled for his pants much longer than it should have taken. Feng Xin watched as his underwear dropped down his legs. Well. They were about the same size. Mu Qing might not have too much trouble. 

   He paused, as if being allowed this much still didn’t permit him to fully undress Mu Qing. 

“Go ahead,” Feng Xin said, running a hand across Mu Qing’s chest,” He gets impatient.”

Pei Ming situated himself in front of him, and then reverently he hooked his fingers in the fabric of his underwear and began to pull them down his thighs. 

  Mu Qing was already leaking pre cum, and he kept his legs open to reveal himself. Pei Ming squeezed himself into his hand, as if the sight alone almost had him on edge. Feng Xin couldn’t blame him. While Pei Ming coated his fingers in lube, Feng Xin sought to distract him, kept teasing his nipples long after they’d hardened. He was already arching his hips gently, gasped when he felt the cold finger trace against the inside of his cheeks.

  “Still okay?” Pei Ming asked again.

”Do it,” Mu Qing pleaded,” Inside. Please.”

His hand grasped for the arm wrapped around him. His lips were breathing hard against Feng Xin’s skin.

Pei Ming pressed inside, a single finger, and Feng Xin could tell the moment his muscles opened, because his head was thrown back and he was falling limp in pleasure already. He stretched his legs further, and a slow, wet sound followed Pei Ming’s movements.

  “How does it not hurt?” He asked,” He’s so tight.”

”He doesn’t mind a little pain, but still-“ Feng Xin kissed the top of Mu Qing’s head,” Try to be gentle.”

He was. Feng Xin could read every part of Mu Qing’s body. He searched for any signs of distress and found that he was quite content being opened up like this. So much, that the man lowered to begin touching himself, slow, easy strokes. Feng Xin was hard pressed against his back, aching for his own release. 

  “A’Xin-“ he breathed,” L-Lower me. I want-“

He made another soft noise when Pei Ming pressed another finger with his own. Feng Xin knew of his heat, how addicting it was. He was going fucking mad not feeling it himself. He’d never really been patient either. 

“What Qing’er? What do you want?”

”In my mouth.”

Feng Xin shifted, grabbed a pillow from the side and pressed it gently underneath his head before moving from him. Mu Qing moved his hips slightly to meet his angle, taking him into his hand, pressing a gentle kiss to the underside of his leaking head. 

  This should not be so fucking hot. Mu Qing was so desperate to please though, that even as he was being fucked by two fingers he needed to take in more. He was so needy, licking up and down Feng Xin’s cock, moving to wrap his lips around his head. He sucked on him, pleasantly slow, as if he didn’t mind taking all night tasting him. His tongue traced the slit, collecting the precum and moaning with a dire vibration against him. Feng Xin tangled his fingers into his hair, pressed forward slightly. 

  “Ngh,” He broke off, only enough to speak again. “Put it in now. I’m ready.”

”…”

Feng Xin lifted his gaze to find Pei Ming staring at them with dark eyes.

”I must be dead,” he said.

”Pei Ming,” Mu Qing pleaded,” I’m ready.”

  The man blinked out of his daze and grabbed for the condom. There could be nothing more deadly than the way Mu Qing breathed out someone’s name in the midst of bliss. Feng Xin wanted to see it all, that he continued to brush Mu Qing’s hair but watched Pei Ming’s every movement.

  He stroked himself into the condom and then adjusted himself. Feng Xin helped by taking Mu Qing’s legs and pulled them forward, which only excited the man into continuing moving his lips. He pushed his face further into Feng Xin, hitting the base of his throat, saliva already coating his throbbing length as he was pierced. Pei Ming hissed at the sensation.

”Fuck,” He steadied a hand on Mu Qing’s waist,” Definitely dead.”

”Gentle,” Feng Xin reminded.

“Mm,” Pei Ming waited, chest rising frantically as his eyes closed shut for a moment,” I’m trying. Didn’t know-“ Mu Qing rocked his hips slightly, enough more of him was taken inside that Pei Ming let out a near pained gasp. “Fuck, didn’t know it would feel like this.”

”What are you a virgin?” Feng Xin teased. 

  He had no room to talk. He was the exact same way the first time they’d fucked. 

“Might as well be.”

Mu Qing pulled away for air, coughing out his own gasp. Feng Xin’s head pressed against his cheek, coating it in saliva and traces of his pre cum he’d yet to finish chasing. 

“A’Xin, I can take more,” he whispered.

Pei Ming inhaled a deep breath and then pushed forward, until he was bottomed out and he nearly fell victim to the tight warmth surrounding him. Mu Qing in turn arched his head back against the pillow.

  He was cautious with his first initial thrust, and Mu Qing was so drowned by being taken that for a moment he didn’t touch Feng Xin, even as he continued brushing through his hair, whispering soft words of encouragement.

”You’re doing good Qing’er.”

”You’re taking him so well.”

Pei Ming was a man lost to war. He pressed his body closer into Mu Qing’s, drug out moans when he found a good pace, every time he pushed back in his face twisted in coming ecstasy. Wet sounds began to fill the room. Pei Ming’s fingers tightened over a thigh for a better angle, and he snapped his hips, causing Mu Qing to cry out. 

  When Mu Qing didn’t seem to be in any pain, Pei Ming continued this desperate pace. The headboard of his mattress hit the wall repeatedly, until they were all high off the sound.

  “Ah Ngh- A’Xin.”

”I’m here Qing’er,” he whispered. ”Does it feel good?”

”F-“ Another thrust had his fingernails digging into Feng Xin’s arm,” feels good,” he cooed.

“Yeah?” Feng Xin began to stroke himself,” So you like Pei Ming fucking you?”

  “Mhm-“ He squeezed his eyes shut, became limp as his hole continued to be used. “I like it A’Xin!”

”Tell him,” Feng Xin whispered.

“P-Pei Ming,” he moaned,” I l-like you fucking me.”

  There was no telling how long he’d taken, how many times he’d slapped his skin into Mu Qing’s, how many gasps and moans had escaped from the two, but these words alone ended it. Pei Ming left no time for his own breath, fucking the lube further in, until he spasmed, grabbed harshly on the thigh he held and came with a distraught moan. 

  Mu Qing lowered his hand and squeezed himself tight.

”A’Xin-“

”I know, baby.”

Pei Ming barely caught his breath before Mu Qing was shifting. He made a noise when Pei Ming’s softening cock pulled from his hole, and another when Feng Xin guided him to change positions. He dropped beside Pei Ming’s thighs, a hand raised to rest against him.

Feng Xin released himself of his jeans and underwear completely, throwing them onto the floor as he guided himself between his legs. 

  “You-“ Pei Ming let out a shaky breath,” want me to grab a condom?”

Feng Xin met his gaze as he stroked himself to Mu Qing’s hole.

”No. We always do it raw.”

He pushed inside, finally what he ached for, to be consumed by the tight heat that was his alone. Mu Qing’s body knew it, had become so accustomed that he opened so willingly. He sheathed himself completely and gestured with his head for Pei Ming.

”You’re not finished until he cums. Suck him off.”

  Mu Qing arched his back, was already doing most of the work. Shallow thrusts, not deep enough for him to be content. His needy Qing’er, wanting for so much that they’d readily give. Pei Ming immediately moved, just as enticed as before to touch. He wasted no time taking Mu Qing into his mouth, lowering, bobbing his head slow as Feng Xin began to move. Every time, Mu Qing met his thrusts, which sent him further into Pei Ming’s mouth who was working him over in desperate devotion to please. 

  Feng Xin tangled his fingers into Pei Ming’s hair, guiding him back down when he thought to give up too soon. Once he broke off, saliva coated his chin, eyes reddening from the strain of his throat. He didn’t look like a man who wasn’t where he wanted to be, so Feng Xin coaxed him down, rolling his hips into that sweet, soft part. 

  Mu Qing was a gasping, whimpering mess. When it became too much, Feng Xin allowed Pei Ming reprieve, only for the man to pull him into another kiss, wet and messy as his hips snapped forward, again and again. It wasn’t until he lowered to touch Mu Qing that he realized Pei Ming was already stroking him off. 

  He came inside him, with Pei Ming’s tongue wrapped around his, and their joined hands were dirtied with what followed, Mu Qing’s release, hot and slurred with both their names.

Fuck.

Chapter Text

   Feng Xin awoke, in the dim light of the morning with Mu Qing’s arms wrapped around him, face pressed into his bare chest. He blinked back the grogginess. They were at Pei Ming’s still, but they were alone, with only the door cracked to allow the faint sounds of someone moving pans in the kitchen. Feng Xin pieced together what he could of his current reality. They were still bare underneath the dark sheets, and as he moved a hand to trace along Mu Qing’s back memories flashed before him too quickly.

   They’d done it. They’d actually let Pei Ming hit, and he could do nothing but blame himself. It wasn’t an awful feeling, not when Mu Qing smiled against him, held him even tighter with a soft murmur mid dream. If he was happy, then the actual shame of falling victim to Pei Ming’s charm wouldn’t upset him so much. 

   Still… had that actually happened?? 

And what, was the guy making them breakfast? How was he supposed to face him? This was going to be so damn embarrassing.

Something sweet wafted through the air followed by the enticing grill of meat. He groaned to himself, brushed his hand through Mu Qing’s hair. 

“We have work today,” he whispered.

”No,” Mu Qing murmured back,” comfy.”

“Baby,” Feng Xin lifted his shoulder, noticing how Mu Qing only squeezed his eyes shut tighter. He hadn’t slept well the past few days, so now that he’d been thoroughly worked out it only made sense he wanted to sleep an entire day away. “Should I just leave you here then? Work all by myself?”

  “Mm,” Mu Qing agreed.

Feng Xin bit back a grin and kissed the top of his head.

”Fine,” he whispered,” I’ll work half the shift and have Yin Yu cover the rest. How’s that sound?”

”It won’t be busy,” Mu Qing said, and he blinked, lifting his head to stare at Feng Xin,” It’s never busy on Tuesdays. You work… I’ll sleep for a little longer.”

  He closed his eyes again, snuggling closer.

How was he supposed to be responsible if he was this damn cute?

”Uh Qing’er.”

  This would never be easy. He lied there for another twenty minutes, because he didn’t want to stir him completely and then managed to move him to the other pillow with practiced grace. He pulled the covers over Mu Qing’s bare shoulders and then frowned deeply.

  It wasn’t right. No man should ever have to leave a sight like this to wash dishes all morning. Mu Qing was so comfortable though, that it would seem like a sin to pry him from the bed. He clearly had no regrets about what had occurred last night. Not that it was in question, but neither did Pei Ming, who had only a loose pair of sweats on as he flipped something on the stove. He half turned when he heard the footsteps, smiling wide in greeting. 

“Good morning, handsome.”

  Feng Xin sighed deeply before moving for the coffee machine. It was one of those fancy ones that used the pods. He ran through the different kinds and plopped one in, trying to ignore the fact he was being stared at. 

“Did you sleep well?”

Feng Xin pretended to be busy with the buttons on the side of the machine, so he didn’t have to look at him.

”I’m going into work for a few hours. Can you keep an eye on Mu Qing? Call me if he seems down.”

“Oh?” Pei Ming moved to his side,” Did he seem like he might be?”

”No,” Feng Xin said, fingers curling over his coffee cup. “But he’s never had a threesome before, so… just to be safe.”

  Anytime they experimented with something new, Feng Xin liked to make certain Mu Qing wasn’t hiding his discomfort. Sometimes they had to talk about things, nothing major, but it was always good to know what Mu Qing didn’t like or what he specifically wanted more of. 

“Right,” Pei Ming said,” I guess this is kind of new for me. Normally they’re out the door before I have the chance to ask them if they enjoyed it, but it’s safe to assume they did.”

”…”

”But obviously,” Pei Ming said very quickly,” I’ve turned over a new leaf. See?” He turned to lift the pan from the heat,” I’m even making breakfast, which could have been in bed if you weren’t so responsible.”

  “Pei Ming…”

“Hm?”

”What happened last night… It can’t happen again.”

Pei Ming set the pan down and took a moment, shoulders tense before he turned back to look at Feng Xin. He smiled, nodding slowly,” I… Of course. I wasn’t trying to uh, over step.”

”It would confuse him,” he said.

“I don’t think it would,” Pei Ming informed,” He seemed pretty aware of what he wanted. If anyone seems unsure-“

”Pei Ming,” Feng Xin warned.

His laugh almost seemed forced as he moved to lean back against the counter. 

“I know my place.” he said,” Don’t worry.”

  He wasn’t trying to be an asshole, but how could he let the guy think this would be a normal occurrence? He was a good friend, but he wasn’t… 

  Feng Xin took his coffee cup the moment the machine beeped in completion and raised it to his lips. It was bitter without creamer, but he took a few long sips and made a lousy excuse about running late to work. Maybe, Feng Xin was a coward for not wanting to have a full discussion, or maybe the few words he’d offered were all Pei Ming really needed to hear. It’s not like he owed him anything.  He’d fucked Mu Qing, isn’t that what he’d wanted after all? He shouldn’t be so selfish to think there would be anything else. 

  Still, Feng Xin felt something like guilt as he left the penthouse to call an uber. It was just Pei Ming. It was better not to give it too much thought. 

  When he arrived in front of the shop, the sun was actually visible. The air was stale, a light heat drug itself across Adin Avenue, and just along the brick wall underneath the corner store sign were two detectives, smoking off a cigarette like they were in some shitty, low budget crime film. Feng Xin narrowed his gaze and slowed his steps towards them. 

What now?

“Feng Xin,” Detective Zhuge greeted,“You haven’t been home in a few days. Everything alright?”

”I’ve been staying with a friend.”

”Oh?” Lee chuckled, snubbing out his cigarette against the wall.” Here we thought you were avoiding us.”

These two were so fucking annoying. Feng Xin had no patience left to offer. He was already twenty minutes late. 

”How could I be avoiding you, if I wasn’t aware you were looking for me?”

“Fair, fair…” Zhuge tilted his head,” but really, where were you?”

”With a friend,” Feng Xin repeated.

Lee raised a brow, “You’re being difficult this morning.”

”I’m trying to get to work.”

“Ah,” Zhuge looked over at the small little shop, nodding his head. “I’m sure your mother wouldn’t mind you being a little late to answer some more questions. Would you like us to explain to her the situation? You know, so you don’t get a reprimand?”

   These motherfuckers. 

“She won’t mind,” Feng Xin said,” but my lawyers might. Unless you make an appointment, I have no business speaking to you.”

”Feng Rui’s lawyers, huh?”

Feng Xin’s jaw clenched. It didn’t matter what they knew. They had nothing on him. One guy had screwed up and Feng Rui had shot him on the spot. He seriously doubted anyone else had made another mistake if they valued their lives. He just had to play it cool, not offer them anything. 

  “I wonder if Mu Qing has the same lawyers.”

Feng Xin snapped his head in Lee’s direction.

”He doesn’t have anything to do with this, but yeah, what’s mine is his.”

”Doesn’t have anything to do with this…” Zhuge bit back a grin,” So he doesn’t have anything to do with Yao Da’s disappearance either?”

Leave me the fuck alone. He didn’t even have the ability to act surprised, though he was sure pretending to care might actually be more suspicious than his genuine reaction. He stuffed his hands into his light jacket, shrugging.

”No offense to the guy, but he’s kind of an idiot. He probably did go missing, but he didn’t need anyone’s help doing that,” Feng Xin said,” If you have any other pressing concerns, try to catch me when my mother doesn’t need a dishwasher.”

  “You can’t hide behind your father forever,” Zhuge informed.

”Tch,” Feng Xin had already turned to leave though, and he raised a single hand in parting to show he’d heard. They had nothing. They were grasping at straws so desperately it was almost amusing. They were less worrisome than the masked psycho out there. 

   Mu Qing stirred not too long after Feng Xin left. He rubbed at his eyes, feeling his body yearn to sink further into the mattress. It was so comfortable compared to theirs back home, that he wouldn’t mind staying a few more days just for better rest. The air was nice on his hot skin, and the smell of fresh coffee enticed him to stare at the door. If only it could float into his hands, then he wouldn’t have to leave the comforts of the blankets. Honestly, Feng Xin needed to take notes. His father was paying him enough nowadays that they should be able to upgrade on more than a few items.

  It was the perfect place to be left sore. His fingers traveled to the tender parts of his neck, where he knew colors probably popped against pale skin. He’d never openly admit how much he loved seeing them the morning after. The rest of his body was surprisingly clean. Normally Feng Xin ran him a bath or wiped him down, but he’d fallen asleep so quickly in his arms that he didn’t think he’d have the chance. A gentle warmth spread at the thought of Pei Ming cleaning up after them, just as the man himself opened the door, a tray of food and cup in hands. 

  For a second Mu Qing thought of covering up, but it was pointless now. Pei Ming had seen worst than his bare chest. 

“Good morning,” Pei Ming greeted,” May I?”

He gestured to the bed, and Mu Qing shifted, so the man could lower the tray onto the mattress. Mu Qing mumbled a gentle good morning in return, feeling a heat rise in his face. He really wished Feng Xin hadn’t gone into work and left him alone like this. It was already embarrassing as is, but at least if he were there, Feng Xin could do all the talking, take the attention away from him. 

  “You… made all this?”

French toast, sausage, a side of scrambled eggs with a bowl of different fruits. It looked nice. He picked up a piece of strawberry and took a bite. Pei Ming was watching him, as he lowered down to sit. He didn’t mind it, had grown accustomed to his admiration, but he still wasn’t sure how to take it. Normally, Feng Xin told him to stop.

   “Eat up,” he said,” It’s good to replenish the body.”

”You’re not going to eat with me?” He asked.

Pei Ming picked up a piece of a sliced cantaloupe, his gaze still fixated as he took his own bite. Mu Qing thought that the man was unfairly handsome. Both Feng Xin and him were on a different level. They could have had anyone they wanted, and yet, there Mu Qing was, the morning after. 

  He lowered his gaze to the food, taking in a surprisingly steady breath.

”How do you feel?” Pei Ming asked.

Mu Qing bit the edge of his lip.

”Honestly… a bit out of it.”

”In a good way or…?”

Mu Qing couldn’t help the smile that followed. It had been everything he’d wanted. They’d been attentive and gentle, and the way Feng Xin had taken control had his heart racing. He truly was too good to him. 

“In a good way,” he said softly,” I feel good.”

”Good,” Pei Ming repeated, and they looked at each other. Pei Ming’s smile grew. 

  Not so long ago, Mu Qing had not thought it was impossible to wake up feeling this happy. Even with everything happening outside, the darkness that hunted them, Mu Qing couldn’t want for anything more. 

  Feng Xin was arms deep in dish water when his phone vibrated, but just in case it was Mu Qing, he wiped his hands and looked at the caller ID. He Xuan? He almost did answer it, even if it was most likely some stupid question about his apartment, only for his mother to shout from the front that she needed him at tables. Apparently, they could get busy on a Tuesday. He tossed his phone onto the counter and sighed. It didn’t look like he’d be getting out early.

  When he stepped out he caught the crowd, and even a familiar face at the front table. Feng Xin raised a brow as he moved to them, offering Xie Lan a light grin and then the man across from his furrowed brows. Why did he look so familiar?

”Sorry, we wouldn’t have come if we’d known you’d be so busy. I wanted to show Jun Wu around though. You remember him, don’t you?”

Jun Wu… Wasn’t he like his father’s old friend? Feng Xin had been under the impression everyone involved in the Xie family dispersed after the fires. He must have still kept a close eye on Xie Lan throughout the years to make sure he was doing alright. 

“Ah, yeah. I remember. It’s nice to uh… serve you?”

Jun Wu chuckled lightly.

”It’s appreciated. What would you recommend to drink? I see you have a notable list of freshly brewed teas.”

  Feng Xin did his best to explain the different things they had, but he couldn’t help but notice the man didn’t seem to be paying attention. He was too busy eyeing Xie Lan, who had his gaze set on the drink menu. Was this guy some kind of creep or was he just doting on someone he saw as a son?

Feng Xin didn’t have any kids, obviously, but he didn’t think he’d stare at them like that.

“We’ll take two of those then,” Jun Wu informed when Feng Xin finished the last of the items.

“Alright…” he made a note, narrowed his gaze to the man in question. How much older was he anyways? Did Hua Cheng know Xie Lan was hanging out with him? He had to. Hua Cheng was a stalker of great skill.

  He didn’t have much time to think further on it, because they were swamped back and forth. He busted tables, cleaned dishes, came back around to take drink orders all until it faded into background noise.

  When he finally got a chance, Feng Xin grabbed for his phone. He had eight missed calls, all from He Xuan, two from Pei Ming and a few missed messages he didn’t open yet. It rang forever, and he swallowed the horrible lump in his throat. Please. Feng Xin couldn’t take any bad news. What if he was being rushed to the hospital? What if the masked psycho came by his place and hurt Shi Qingxuan? There were so many possibilities that his mind conjured up.

  “Feng Xin! Damn it! Answer when the fuck I call!”

”What is it? What happened?”

”I don’t know where you are right now, but get to Hua Cheng’s. The bastard knows you have the drive.”

  A heavy weight shadowed the world around him. He felt like he was being submerged in ice.

He knew?

He’d expected this. Right? If anything, the safest place was Pei Ming’s penthouse. There was security. No one could enter so easily and he wouldn’t just allow a stranger up. 

  Pei Ming had called him.

His fingers trembled as he lowered his phone to open the messages. 

PeiM: You told me to call if he seemed down. He was fine but then he left cause a friend was picking him up to head to work. Idk he seemed off

PeiM: Did he show up? Smthn just felt off and he wouldn’t let me drive him. Is he upset with me?

  These messages were from two hours ago.

Fuck. No. This wasn’t-

“Feng Xin?” He Xuan called out. “Did you hear me? Head to Hua Cheng’s.”

No. No. No. Mu Qing wasn’t-

He was at Hua Cheng’s. He was safe. He was…

Feng Xin couldn’t breathe. He forced the phone back to his ear.

”Mu Qing…” he said,” Is he there? At Hua Cheng’s?”

He Xuan inhaled a sharp breath.

”Do not fucking tell me you three separated.”

  He left the restaurant without informing his mother that he was taking her car. She was in the office. It would take too long. He swerved in and out of traffic, the entire time he had no true sense of what appeared before him. He’d never felt like this. He’d never been so damn scared, and it worsened every missed call. 

“Pick up,” he repeated,” Fuck, don’t do this shit to me. Pick up.”

  Mu Qing had probably lied. He probably felt uncomfortable around Pei Ming, but didn’t want to go into work. He had friends…

Fuck. Who would he even be with?? 

He kept calling and calling, until he found himself in the parking garage. Feng Xin was such a fucking idiot. Why would he leave them? Who the fuck would Mu Qing go see? No. This was fine. He wouldn’t just go downstairs to meet with a stranger. That wasn’t like him. He knew the risks. Obviously, he was smarter than that. 

  He tried again, started pacing outside the car, and his eyes lit up when he heard Mu Qing’s cell. It was his ringtone. Why was-

He slowed to a stop. Why was his cellphone on the ground of the parking garage? He’d dropped it. It made sense. He’d been in a rush to leave and that’s why he wasn’t answering his calls. Feng Xin was putting too much thought to the worse thing. When he saw Mu Qing later he was going to chew him out. 

   He lowered and took it, surprisingly not damaged. There was a message box open.

Feng Xin stared down at a picture. It was a picture of himself, at the restaurant, from earlier that morning. 

Underneath, was written: Is this proof enough?

Chapter Text

   There was nothing like this. The vibrations of his fear invoked a heavy nausea. His vision blurred. Every breath threatened to be choked out from him. He’d never known what it meant to fear for your life. He thought if he’d ever learned that it would be his own, not something precious. Not Mu Qing. 

   The door slammed open as he shoved himself forward like a drunken mad man towards the bookcase. He heard a voice, couldn’t make out the words. Everything was silent but his own frantic heartbeat. The drive was missing. He tightened his fingers against the box, almost dropped to his knees if his shaken state wasn’t armored in rage. Mu Qing had the drive. If he handed over the drive, wouldn’t he be safe? 

  Not if it was found to be a fake.

A hand touched his shoulder. He flinched, shoved Pei Ming away only to grab for him by the shirt.

”You had one fucking job!” He yelled,” One-“

Think. What did he do? Why couldn’t he fucking think? He could barely stand. The air was too thin. Mu Qing was gone. Mu Qing-

“I think you’re having a panic attack. Talk to me-“ Pei Ming reached for his hand, the one tangled in his shirt. 

   “Don’t fucking touch me,” he snapped. He threw the box of papers and pens, stumbled back to fall against the couch. His fingers tightened into his own hair. FUCKING THINK. Where would they go? He needed to find him, but where?

Mu Qing was gone. 

“Feng Xin!” Pei Ming lowered, eyes wide. He reached for him, only to hesitate and drop his hand. In a softer voice,” Please… talk to me.”

”He’s gone...”

”What?”

”He took the drive. He’s gone.”

  Pei Ming dropped down completely. Disbelief first, and then a slow dawning horror crossed his face.

”Why… couldn’t you do this one damned thing?”

Feng Xin didn’t recognize his own voice, broken, jagged with confusion and anger. 

Mu Qing was gone.

He blamed Pei Ming.

He blamed himself.

He had to think. 

“We need to get to Hua Cheng’s. He’ll know what to do.” Pei Ming said.

   Feng Xin didn’t want to imagine it, but it came in flashes, the way He Xuan had busted into their apartment bleeding, the way he’d stitched his wound. What would Mu Qing face?  If any gods were out there, would they listen to the desperate prayers to keep him safe? If anyone deserved this, it was Feng Xin. He should have been the one taken. Whatever the fuck was on that drive be damned. 

Please.

   Mu Qing lifted his head. He’d counted the hours in the car, where his wrists had been tied with thick rope, and now back behind the chair in the middle of a room of cement. Something stale and bitter filled the air, windows without glass blew the stench further in the hot space. Somewhere in the halls water dripped. He lost his mind focusing on it, but it was far easier thinking of this than the man standing before him. His long dark hair was tied back, the white mask, half smiling, half frowning staring at the computer screen he had set on the only other piece of furniture, a chipped wooden desk. 

  There was another figure, a smaller one, wearing a dark mask with no features. It followed the white like a shadow, didn’t speak at all. 

“Are you scared?” The white mask asked. He sounded amused.

”I’m-“ Mu Qing swallowed a painful, dry lump in his throat,” I gave you the drive. That was the deal.”

  The white mask hummed, inserting it into the side of the laptop. He tilted his head. His fingers tapped against the wood of the desk.

“I need a password.”

Mu Qing glared.

”It’s not my drive. Ask Hua Cheng! I have nothing to do with any of this!”

  His anxiety had boiled into rage, and the white mask trailed forward. He grabbed Mu Qing by the hair, a sharp pain bit into his skull as his head was forced back. 

“No?” He asked,” You know nothing?”

”Nothing,” Mu Qing hissed,” I’m useless to you, so just let me go.”

The fingers tightened into his hair, felt like they’d be ripped from the follicle if he moved even an inch. He squeezed his eyes shut. This asshole wanted him to be afraid. He wouldn’t give it to him.

”I wouldn’t say you were useless,” the white mask said, and without the barrier, Mu Qing thought he might see a horrifying grin. “You see… I know all about you. Only son to a father, who despises your existence. Your self esteem is so low that you’re driven to men who worship you for a lousy fuck, and for what? So they can both enjoy prison behind bars for murdering a man that hurt your feelings? It’s pathetic.”

  He dropped Mu Qing’s head, and a short gasp escaped him.

What?

Did he mean Bai Long? 

He froze. A thumb had come to caress his cheek. 

“Pathetic… but I wouldn’t say useless.”

   They all met in one of Hua Cheng’s private dining rooms. He Xuan was tearing apart his vape with hit after hit, lounged back in a chair as if he owned the place. Feng Xin sent Pei Ming to bring his mother’s car back to the shop, and based on the constant vibrations of his phone she’d already found out. He couldn’t just tell her his reasoning… that he’d failed Mu Qing again. How many times was he going to get hurt because Feng Xin was a goddamn idiot?

  He needed answers. He needed to know what to do before he lost his mind. 

“There’s nothing we can really do at this point,” Hua Cheng informed, eyeing He Xuan darkly for blowing smoke in his direction.

The man forced a grin and shoved it back into his jacket.

”What?” Feng Xin slammed a hand down onto the table,” What the fuck do you mean you can’t do anything? You bought out an entire town and you’re telling me you can’t find this bastard?!”

”If Mu Qing’s given him the drive, then he’ll most likely contact us soon for the password,” He Xuan explained,” He won’t kill Mu Qing. He’ll use him as leverage.”

”As he tortures him!” He yelled,” Why don’t any of you give a shit?”

  He Xuan’s jaw clenched, and very slowly he dropped his chair to the ground as he sat up. He would know better than anyone what this psycho was capable of. How could they just sit there and say there was nothing? Feng Xin couldn’t accept that. If it were Xie Lan, Hua Cheng would already have a master plan to rescue him. The more time they wasted the more-

Fuck… the more Mu Qing had to suffer. 

   “Please,” Feng Xin said,” I’m begging you. I know- Listen, I know he’s not-“ he let out a sharp breath,” I need him to be okay. He’s everything to me. Don’t you get that? If it were Xie Lan you’d do anything to make sure he was safe.”

Hua Cheng stared at him for a long moment, and then he sighed in defeat. He uncrossed his arms and trailed forward to where Feng Xin stood, speaking to He Xuan.

”Get the footage from the parking garage where he was taken and see if you can’t find a license plate number. I doubt it’s connected to anyone relevant, but it’s a start.”

  Thank the gods. Feng Xin had been so overcome with his worry that he hadn’t even considered this as an option. It had to have picked something up. They could trace it. They could find Mu Qing. He just hoped it was in time before he was hurt. Gods, he was probably terrified. 

    
   It wasn’t true. He couldn’t take any of what the white mask spoke and seriously consider it. Feng Xin wasn’t a murder, and neither was Pei Ming. Hadn’t he just spouted what was common rumor? It would have been too easy to know with the right ear that they’d been questioned. Feng Xin wouldn’t lie to him. Feng Xin was going to find him. All he needed to do was not piss the two masked men off in the process. 

   How long had it been?

His throat hurt. He could no longer swallow comfortably and a horrid tension in his head grew stiff in his neck. The white mask had left for a while, leaving only his shadow to stand directly before him. Mu Qing tried to read his frame alone for familiarity. He was slim, the hood that rested over his head concealed his hair. His hands were pale. 

Mu Qing’s eyes squinted.

”Xie Lan?” He asked. “Xie Lan, is that you?”

The shadow tilted his head.

”If it’s you- I’m sorry. You don’t have to do this though. We can work things out.”

   Wouldn’t it make sense? He hadn’t exactly been a good friend, and Xie Lan must have always had a slight resentment for the trouble Mu Qing caused. A laughter filled the room. The white mask stepped inside, hands clasped behind his back as he trailed forward. The shadow stepped away.

”You’re not exactly panting in fear,” the white mask said in amusement. “Is it because you knew this would happen? Some part of you must feel as if you deserve this.”

”This chair is uncomfortable,” Mu Qing said. 

“Ah,” the white mask kicked the side of the chair, and Mu Qing was sent to the ground, the cheap wood snapping with ease and he was left against the cement with a sharp pang in his shoulder. He struggled to a sitting position, hands still bound behind his back. 

   “Is that better?”

Mu Qing wanted to ask for water but the bastard would probably give him something from outside. He’d rather die of thirst. 

“You think you’re funny?” Mu Qing asked.

”I do find myself amusing,” the white mask admitted,” but I also tend to sell myself short at times. Perhaps you could help.”

He leant forward, lowering to be face level.

”Why don’t I try out some things on you and see if it makes you laugh?”

   My Qing lifted his chin, meeting the dark gaze behind that mask. Feng Xin would come, but before that, he’d find a way to make this asshole eat his words. 

“Go ahead,” Mu Qing said,” Try to make me laugh.”

   
  Feng Xin took another long hit of a cigarette and let the smoke blow out past the balcony. The sliding doors opened, but he didn’t look back to see who it was. Pei Ming came to stand beside him, scrunching his nose up as he turned his head to look him over.

”Didn’t know you smoked.”

”I don’t,” he said, staring at the lit end. He’d needed something to do. He was stuck waiting. Time gnawed at his skin. 

“Your mother is…” he let out a soft sigh.” Well, I did the best I could. She thinks you and Mu Qing got into a fight.”

  Feng Xin took another long drag and offered it out to him. How long would this take? He couldn’t stand another fucking minute. What was happening to Mu Qing now? Pei Ming reached for the cigarette and took his own drag, almost gagging when smoke filtered out. He very hastily handed it back. 

  They were quiet for a long moment after Feng Xin threw it out. Pei Ming took in a deep breath, clenched a hand against the railing.

”I’m sorry…” he whispered. “I should have… Shit. I’m so sorry.”

Feng Xin closed his eyes for a moment and when he looked back to Pei Ming he could see his own self hatred reflected back. He wanted to blame him. He wanted someone to take the fall for this. If only they’d stayed together…

  “It’s not your fault,” he said.

”It is.” Pei Ming said.” You two let me in, and I couldn’t do this one thing. If anything happens to him-“

”It won’t.” It couldn’t. 

He’d had to convince them to look for solutions, but Pei Ming, he truly believed he’d give up anything to ensure Mu Qing’s safety, and right now… that had to be enough. Trembling fingers reached for Feng Xin’s shoulder, a short breath escaping. He squeezed.

”You two are all I have.”

   The balcony door opened again. It was He Xuan.

”We found something,” he said,” The car that took Mu Qing.”

It had to be enough. 

Chapter Text

    Feng Xi had been sick that day. It had been the first time since they’d started dating that Mu Qing felt he could provide something other than the nagging comments he didn’t actually mean or deal with the growing anxiety that while Feng Xin loved him, he didn’t actually need him. He often worried he’d figure it out, but that day Feng Xin hadn’t stirred from bed long after the sun had risen past the window they’d often share coffee next to. His voice was hoarse, followed by the small sniffles of an overgrown child. Mu Qing raised a hand to his forehead and let out a soft sigh.

”I told you to stop overworking yourself.”

”Qing’er,” he whispered faintly. “I was going to put you in my will.”

”Don’t joke like that.”

   He made him tea that was supposed to clear your sinuses and kept a cold compress on his skin. He sat by his bed the entire afternoon, while he took naps on and off, watching him sleep, pushing back sweat drenched hair and thought… that he’d never loved anyone like this. He’d never wanted to fight a virus as if it were a man. 

   “Mu Qing,” Feng Xin mumbled. It wasn’t until Mu Qing looked from his book that he noticed the man was still sleeping. Something tight unfurled within his chest. He couldn’t go back to reading the lines on the pages of a psychological thriller when Feng Xin was dreaming of him. He leant forward, answered anyways.

”Yes, A’Xin? What is it?”

“Mm. Are you going to marry me?”

Mu Qing’s eyes widened. He almost dropped his book.

”Cause… I want to… do that.”

  He was sleeping. He didn’t mean that. It was too soon. They’d only been dating for-

“Qing’er, wife.”

Pft. Mu Qing swatted at him playfully, but not hard enough to stir him, biting back a grin as he shook his head.

”Absolutely ridiculous,” and then, he leant forward to kiss his bare shoulder,” of course, I’ll marry you, idiot,” he whispered.

  He woke up, too weak to fight the hands keeping his bound wrists above his head, half his face pressed into the cement. Something jagged and sharp cut into him again, parted open his skin until his entire body shook. A choked sob escaped. How deep could the blade go? Cold blood seeped out of his wound, drenched the hair pasted to his shoulders, and further down his back. 

  “Back with us?” The white mask mused. “I have one letter left.”

He lifted his knife, what appeared to be an old wooden handled blade. The air bit into his pores, until a new line filled red like a river, a pain he felt even in his legs despite how the carving had stopped against his spine. A’Xin. I’ll marry you. Please come back.

“It is a bit difficult to use skin as a canvas, but… the art is quite worth the struggle. Don’t you agree?”

  The shadow loosened his hold, but it didn’t matter. Mu Qing couldn’t move if he wanted to. It felt like he was being slowly ripped apart, that his skin would certainly never touch the parts the white mask had forced open. How long? He was sure he could die like this. He feared what was left would only be bone. 

  Feng Xin please.

”Not so eager to speak now, are we?”

It hurt. It hurt so fucking much. The noises that came from him were so primal and raw that he didn’t recognize his own voice. He was scared. He wanted Feng Xin. He wanted his mom.

  “One more,” the white mask informed again, and he pressed. The tip of the blade pried more flesh to its will, tearing, pulling it further and further until a long line of agony shot throughout his lower back. 

Please. Please stop. 

He screamed.

   Feng Xin heard a scream. His brows furrowed as he turned his head from the front door. They’d driven three hours to find the address connected to the driver’s license. The CCTV hadn’t given much away, other than this and that Mu Qing had willingly followed a hooded man into the car. Feng Xin had even tried to call the number back that had sent the photo, but as He Xuan warned, it was already disconnected. This was their only lead, an older woman who was currently screaming about a wrong answer that appeared to be some game show she was watching. 

He let out a heavy sigh and knocked harder.

”Relax,” He Xuan said from beside him,” Let me do the talking.”

”Why are you even here if you don’t actually care?” He asked. 

“To make sure you two don’t get yourselves killed,” He Xuan replied, eyeing him and Pei Ming as footsteps could be heard crossing through the living room. 

  When she opened the door, a frail woman with short curly hair peeked at them, brows tight. When she looked to Pei Ming, her eyes widened as she frantically widened the space of the door to greet them.

”Oh my, what handsome men. Are you selling something?”

”Ah,” He Xuan smiled, which looked odd on him, and he shifted to pull a wallet from his jacket pocket, opening it to reveal a badge.

”Hi, I’m detective Bond, these are my partners. They’re currently shadowing me in training. Would it be alright if we came in and asked you some questions for a current investigation? We promise not to take up too much of your time.”

… Why the fuck did he have a fake badge ready?

  The older woman curled her fingers around the door.

”A detective huh? Well, I guess that’s alright. Mind the dogs. They bite sometimes.”

She moved out of the way, moving slow as she crossed her cluttered living space. The dogs in question were stuffed, and Pei Ming squinted his eyes at them as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. How was she connected to the psycho masked man? Feng Xin thought perhaps it was her son, or someone she knew well. She didn’t look like she could physically drive with the thickness of her glasses, but who knew?

  She struggled plopping down onto a flower printed couch, and He Xuan lowered into the recliner, looking far more at home than he should. Feng Xin and Pei Ming reluctantly lowered to sit beside her. 

She cleared her throat, and it sounded like she really needed to spit something out.

”What brings you three wonderful men here?”

”Uh, the investigation…” Feng Xin said.

“Right, right. Is this about my taxes?” She asked,” Oh golly, I don’t know much about it. I’m so old, by the time they finish all this mess I’ll be buried in my backyard right next to Susie.”

”…Susie?” Pei Ming asked.

”One of my dogs, honey,” she patted Pei Ming’s knee, leaning into his space to whisper,” You’re quite a handsome young man. Are you seeing anyone? My niece is a nurse. She would love to check your health.”

  “Do you own a silver Chevy?” Feng Xin interrupted,” It has damage in the rear end?”

”Oh!” The woman, Cheryl he believed from what He Xuan shared, clasped her hands together. “Would any of you like some tea?”

Fucking hell. This was going to waste their time. 

He Xuan tilted his head, smiling lightly. 

“Please stick to the questions, Mrs. Hiltbottom. It’s very important we find out where this car is.”

The woman blinked. “Oh! My car. No… Not my car,” she said, shaking her head,” I did have a car, but I sold it to a gentleman a few days ago. Yes. Yes, he was quite handsome.”

”You saw his face?” Feng Xin asked.

”Well…” her thick brows furrowed at this,” Yes. I don’t see why I wouldn’t have.”

”What did he look like?” He Xuan asked.

  The woman scratched her neck, fingers trembling from old age as she considered the question. She hummed to herself.

”Well, he had gorgeous long hair, and dark blue eyes… or were they brown? It’s hard to say. He was attractive though, and tall. He looked like a very elegant man.”

”Do you have any way of contacting him?” Feng Xin asked.

”…I don’t believe so. He had a lot of important doctor things to do. Why? Is he in trouble?”

”No,” He Xuan said, before Feng Xin could speak,” He’s not in trouble. We need his medical advice. Did he say where he was staying by any chance?”

”Not sure, but it was somewhere in town. Yes… He said he enjoys the diner quite a lot. You might be able to find him there.”

The diner? It was a small town, there couldn’t be much of anything else. It had to be him, unless the psycho stole the car after it was recently sold. He felt his heart rate pick up, and he was on his feet before she had the chance to continue talking about anything else. 

“Let’s go,” he said. Before it got dark. 

  The entire town was covered in miles of forest, the main road was half paved, often times with deer crossing marked or old signs so tattered from age that it was impossible to read. He Xuan eyed Feng Xin from the driver seat. They’d picked up on a back road, searching for any signs of the car as they passed a fishing store and a rundown outlet. Occasionally, Feng Xin would look down at Mu Qing’s phone and clutch it tightly. It was as they were pulling up to the only diner in town that Pei Ming received a call. 

“Hello,” he said, voice low.

”What? How did you-“ Pei Ming straightened his gaze, meeting Feng Xin’s,” No, sir. Yes… Understood.”

Pei Ming let out a deep sigh when the phone disconnected,” My father wants to know if we have possession of the drive.”

”What?!” Feng Xin turned back to look at him directly,” Did you tell him?”

”Of course not! I don’t even know why he’d be interested.”

”Everyone is,” He Xuan informed,” the real one anyways, could put a lot of people away for good.”

“…I think it’s time you tell us what the fuck is actually going on. Mu Qing is risking his life for this.”

He Xuan, to their surprise, nodded once.

”Fine,” he said,” but inside. We shouldn’t act suspicious. We’re being followed.”

”What??”

  There was a room buried within the cement, a latched door that kept Mu Qing separated from the rest. It had a single window with bars, only thin enough to see the light leaving the sky. He couldn’t stand. The shadow had to drag him inside, where he lay on his stomach against the cold ground. Even if they had offered him his shirt back, all of his skin burnt. The white mask had spoken the word after finishing, the writing etched into his skin would scar, and he’d be left with…

He closed his eyes tight, as if it would stop the hot tears from escaping. This is what he’d chosen. Feng Xin would have done the same. That single threat over the phone, the fear of a bullet being embedded into his head, shared with such a vicious imagery… This was worth it, but it didn’t make it easy. He lied there for hours, it seemed. Every shift of his body only reminded him of the blade’s edge. He trembled. Breathing hurt. 

 The door to his room opened. Mu Qing opened his eyes to see the shadow step forward. He closed the door behind him, and then leaned down with a bottle of something clear. It smelt like alcohol, a rag wrapped tight in his palm. 

“A’Xin,” he whispered,” P-Pei Ming.”

The shadows shushed him gently and then lowered the rag towards his mouth. He urged him to take it, and Mu Qing made a pained noise as it was pressed between his teeth. He couldn’t think straight. Was this another part of their torture?

 The shadow waited, and then his wrist turned the opened bottle over, and Mu Qing screamed into the gag as it bit into his open flesh, eating off of the blood and pierced skin. It burnt. It itched down his body, pouring red against his side and onto the hard floor. He repeated the process, until the entirety of his back was searing hot, and he tried to hide the noises, but it was almost worse than the initial cuts. When he was finished, the shadow took out the rag from his mouth, pressed a hand to his cheek. He swiped tears from them with his thumb. 

The shadow raised himself, but not before pressing something into Mu Qing’s clenched palm, and then footsteps could be heard through the numbing madness, and the door shut behind him.

 It wasn’t for a long time that Mu Qing opened his hand. It was a light blue pill, one he could have sworn that his mother used to take. Just who was this person to hold him down to be hurt, only to come and tend to his wounds and offer something like peace?

  The three sat at the empty diner, aside from a single trucker drinking coffee at the bar. The detective’s car was visible from across the street, and if Feng Xin hadn’t been so filled with worry he might have recognized it sooner. They’d driven three hours tailing them? What the fuck did they want now? It was the last of his worries. Maybe in the end they would realize there were more pressing issues than a dead asshole and his ‘missing’ friend. 

“Talk,” Feng Xin said, eyeing He Xuan’s cup of coffee. It wasn’t normal for the man to not be stuffing himself, so he found it strange he hadn’t ordered five things on the menu yet. 

  He Xuan sighed.

”How much do you know?”

”… nothing,” Pei Ming offered.

”No one’s told us shit.”

“What do you know about the Xie fire then?”

So it was about that…

Feng Xin leaned forward to speak, not that anyone was paying him attention, but he knew it wouldn’t be wise to say this shit out loud.

”We know you’re supposed to be dead,” he whispered.

He Xuan didn’t seemed surprise they’d found out, and he took a long sip of coffee, as if it had alcohol in it. The cup clanked against the table as he set it back down.

  “They framed an innocent man, who was later tortured and killed in prison. That drive is the proof of what occurred that night. No one knows who gathered the evidence, but it came into Hua Cheng’s hands years later. Many people want their hands on it, because of the power it offers. That, and the moment the word gets out to the public it is very likely Xie Lan’s life will be at risk.”

”They were trying to wipe out everyone in the Xie line, weren’t they?” Feng Xin asked,” but who?”

“E- Ming protocol…” Pei Ming whispered.

  He Xuan nodded.

”Yes. Everyone involved was forced to sell their land to Hua Cheng in fear of him selling the information.”

That meant…

“Both of your fathers are involved, along with Shi Wudu and his own. It’s suspected that the one who made the drive was planning on using it for his own gain, so it’s impossible to go public until we learn who it is.”

  What the fuck?

None of this made any sense. Why? What did the Xie family ever do to them?

”…Have you seen it yourself?”

He Xuan’s eyes grew dark.

”I didn’t need to. I was there.” He glanced at the passing waitress and waited until she was out of earshot to continue,” The Xie family and the He were going to unite. There was a lot of money involved, a lot of underhanded tricks. Your fathers found something to gain with this, and what better way to reshape history than to burn the most powerful people to the ground? I’m not sure how they planned to steal their fortune, but I’m sure the one behind this all had a plan. It wasn’t until recently that we had thought to trick him into showing us his hand… but things went wrong. We didn’t expect him to be working with someone else.”

  Feng Rui… you fucking bastard. Is that how he’d become as powerful as he was now? Had he made a deal with the devil?

”Where’s the drive now?” Pei Ming asked.

”Only Hua Cheng knows.”

The door to the diner opened, and they all turned. A bald man cleared his throat and adjusted his sunglasses.

Fucking hell, as if the trailing detectives weren’t enough?! Now Lui Wei! Feng Xin couldn’t do this. It was getting dark. No one knew about this supposed doctor and they still had nothing leading them to Mu Qing.

He was going to lose his damn mind.

The man shuffled forward and promptly took a seat beside He Xuan, smiling.

  “What do you want?” Feng Xin snapped.

”I’m here to help save Mu Qing, obviously.”

”…”

”Feng Rui wants the drive, so I volunteered to fetch it for him, but mostly I just really like your boyfriend. He’s funny. I like how he yells at my boss, and if he’s dead, he can’t do that.”

Lui Wei glanced at He Xuan, raising a brow.

”Why are you here?”

He Xuan rolled his eyes, slouching back against the booth.

”Doesn’t matter. We’ll take all the help we can get.”

Chapter Text

Maybe it was all just a bad dream.

The tethered reality split for the warmth of moments that Mu Qing couldn’t remember. Maybe those were dreams too. He wouldn’t mind it much. They were nice. He saw Feng Xin and Pei Ming in a new apartment, somewhere farther from the city, with a pretty pond and a white picket fence. He thought of being held, and chased the times he actually had been, intertwined legs and bare bodies flushed together. 

  He just had to keep breathing. It wasn’t dire yet. This nightmare would subside. 

The burning ache only returned within the hours he’d dreamt, only for seconds, long enough to think of his bed and them. Something poked against the cement along his chest. His heavy fingers reached for the slight discomfort, tightening around the chain, and he laughed to himself. His voice was so hoarse that he found no noise escaped. The necklace. Feng Xin was coming. Pei Ming would come too, wouldn’t he?

  Was it so selfish or naive to want that? 

They might have been arguing, knowing them, the situation. Mu Qing hoped that wasn’t the case. He tried to imagine them working together, but he could only remember Feng Rui… They’d done it then with no problem, but that had been before. Mu Qing still hadn’t been able to talk to Feng Xin about what they’d done. Did he hate it? Did… he like Pei Ming too?

  The door to his room opened, and he lifted his head, dropping it against his arm just as quickly. His body was hot. It was too much work to move. He felt like sleeping again.

The shadow came forward, knelt with a bottle of water in hand. Ever since Mu Qing had taken that small, pretty pill, he’d become less worried by this person’s presence.

”Xie Lan,” he whispered,” I know it’s you.”

The shadow shook his head, and then opened the bottle to bring it to Mu Qing’s lips. If he could stretch fast enough, maybe he could rip the mask just to see. What difference would it make? If it were really him, he’d helped the white mask cut into him, had brought him there… No matter the kindness he showed now, he had to remember that they couldn’t be friends.

  Water dripped, and he swallowed, his eyes widening at the soothing coldness to the desiccated glands of his throat.

”S’good,” he mumbled, wanting for more.

The shadow tipped it more, and he let the excess water drip down Mu Qing’s chin as he drank. Whoever this shadow was, Mu Qing didn’t care.

   Lui Wei did help. He caught the sight of their trail while trailing them… If anyone else popped into the picture, Feng Xin was going to have a fucking aneurysm. The bald man traded jackets with him, pushed the hood over his head and offered He Xuan his car keys. 

“I’ll get rid of them. You three continue looking.”

”… You want me to trade cars?” He Xuan asked incredulously,” Do you even know what mine is worth?”

”Yeah, we all know your rich boyfriend bought you a car, congratulations. The cops are expecting Feng Xin to leave in yours.”

He Xuan stilled at this, eyes darkening. Had… Shi Qingxuan actually bought him that car? With everything he’d learned, Feng Xin still had no idea what to think about their relationship. While he’d been on the phone at least, it had seemed that his feelings were genuine. 

“Don’t fuck it up or I will kill you,” He Xuan finally said, tossing him the keys. 

   Now, there was nothing but miles of dark green, barely lit by the falling sun. The moon, at least, was almost full. It would have to be enough, because not many of the streetlights actually worked without flickering off every few seconds. This entire place was a psycho’s playground. If he’d bought the car a few days ago, there was no telling if the man was still actually in town. She’d mentioned a diner he enjoyed, sure, but she’d also warned them about stuffed dogs biting. They could have just been wasting more time.

Why hadn’t the bastard called? Didn’t he want the password?

  “Where did he take you?” Feng Xin asked, as he searched every car for the license plate they passed. Most were parked in tattered homes looking broken down. 

“Some warehouse in the city,” He Xuan said,” but he wouldn’t use the same place.”

”How did you escape?” 

“There was someone else there,” he informed,” I got one over on them the first chance I could.”

Pei Ming leant forward suddenly, pointing and nearly shouting. 

“There! That’s the car!”

  The car stopped, screeching with its worn brakes. Feng Xin felt his chest tighten, eyes widening at the lot. It was an old motel, red lights of the name only half working. Thank the heavens. Mu Qing was there. He had to be. Feng Xin slammed the door shut and rushed to the car. Same license plate. Fuck. This had to be it. 

  The door was unlocked. Feng Xin searched the contents of the car, Pei Ming opened the other side and grabbed a pile of reciepts from the backseat, going through every single one with a frustrated sigh.

”This is Cheryl’s shit.”

“He’s here,” Feng Xin said, shutting the door, and looking back to the motel. The fucking bastard was dead. 

  There was a man in the office, half his hair flew with the rotating fan, beady brows scrunched together as he scanned an old car magazine in his lap. He barely lifted his gaze when they entered. 

“Excuse me,” Feng Xin said,” We need a room key. Our friend told us to meet him here, but he didn’t say what room. We have the license number though.”

”…” The man cleared his throat and tossed the magazine onto the desk,” What’s the name?”

Feng Xin and Pei Ming looked to He Xuan, who sighed as he drug out his wallet.

”Detective Bond. I’m going to need you to cooperate with us.”

”… You’re detective Bond?” He asked, staring at him,” Is your first name James?”

  He Xuan plucked a pen from the container and began to write on the first thing he could find, which happened to be a tissue, the words were thin and scraggly. When he finished he set it down in front of the man.

”Don’t waste my time. Find the room.”

The man examined the tissue, then their group, shaking his head.

”Always get the fucking weirdos.”

   It took fifteen minutes. He had to go through every rented room and examine the details before he offered another keycard out to the second floor, 203. He Xuan already had his gun out, gaze steady and dark as they came to the door. Feng Xin swiped the card, heart racing, only to be entrapped by what lied behind it. The room was spotless, aside from the hundreds of pictures pinned to the walls, spread out on the bed, the desk. Feng Xin’s eyes widened as the door shut behind them. He Xuan moved to check the bathroom, raising his gun when he pushed open the door, only to sigh in defeat.

”He should be here,” he said.

  “What… the hell?” Pei Ming scanned the walls. There were pictures of He Xuan, walking out of stores, holding hands with Shi Qingxuan, speaking to Feng Xin. There were close ups of Xie Lan, Feng Xin and Mu Qing. He had everything. The three spread out to examine them, and when Pei Ming came to the desk he very quickly turned one over.

”What?” Feng Xin asked.

”Nothing,” he said, flipping another,” These aren’t important.”

”Let me see-“

Feng Xin grabbed for it, faster than Pei Ming could pull them back, and a few fell to the floor face up. His gaze narrowed. They were pictures taken from outside, zooming in on a car, Pei Ming leaning in, brushing Mu Qing’s hair back, the kiss they shared. The third pic had Mu Qing nearly in his lap. He’d always thought their first kiss had been something simple. 

  “I told you it wasn’t important!” Pei Ming said.

How long had this bastard been following them? This was before they’d ever gotten involved with Feng Rui! Unless…

”Have you two been sneaking around?”

”What?! You’re kidding me, right?” Pei Ming took the pictures from the ground, shoving them back down onto the desk. “You want to have this conversation now? We would never do that!”

”Guys,” He Xuan warned, though his own gaze was set on other things, the pictures of Shi Qingxuan and his brother. His eyes darkened as he traced a thumb against his boyfriend’s face. “He must have been investigating everyone involved with the Xie family.”

He meant Xie Lan. He was the only one left. 

“So where the hell is he?” Feng Xin asked.

There wasn’t anywhere in walking distance that he could be. The motel had a single trail leading to the depths of the forest, blocked off by a chain linked fence. Feng Xin turned towards the door.

  “The forest,” he said. 

“You want to hike… at night to an unknown location?” He Xuan questioned,” Don’t be stupid.”

”It’s Mu Qing!” 

“You don’t have to come,” Pei Ming said, eyes meeting Feng Xin’s with certainty,” but I am.”

   A phone rang. It was none of theirs. They all turned to the motel phone, and He Xuan trailed towards it, Pei Ming and Feng Xin followed to listen in close. A smooth and gentle voice answered.

”I see you’ve found my room,” it said.

Feng Xin snatched the phone from He Xuan before he could answer.

”Where is he? You want the password? Let’s make a deal.”

”Don’t rush me,” the white mask said, sounding amused. Why did his voice sound so damn familiar?! He couldn’t place it. It was deep, and he couldn’t tell if it was being forced, but it was far too relaxed for a maniac. “You’re the one who broke in.”

”Where the fuck are you?!”

”Tch,” he sighed,” I was having so much fun with Mu Qing, but I suppose it is time to talk business. Is He Xuan there? My monitors picking up three people. Tell him I say hello.”

”The password-“

”Yes,” he said,” that ridiculous attempt to keep me out. Let’s see… How about you meet me, alone, without any weapons and we’ll have an exchange?”

”Wait,” Pei Ming said, but the white mask chuckled.

”You can come along, Pei Ming. I’m very aware of your unique situation, but allow anyone else to follow you and I’ll shoot your toy in the face.”

  Fuck. What were they supposed to do? The chip was a fake! If they didn’t bring weapons, wouldn’t it just be imprisoning themselves? Did it matter? If anything happened to Mu Qing, Feng Xin thought it might as well already be happening to himself. Based on the way Pei Ming’s eyes hardened with his own resolve, he thought the man felt the same.

“Let me hear him,” Feng Xin said,” so I know that he’s okay.”

“Heh.” There was movement, something echoed. The door must have been heavy, creaking as it was opened. Feng Xin’s fingers tightened over the phone. Pei Ming leaned even closer, and then a soft noise passed through.

”Qing’er,” he called.

”Tell him you’re alive,” the white mask said. “Tell him how much fun you’re having.”

“A’Xin-“ a rough voice whispered,” I’m okay.”

  A horrid sense of dread and relief collided within him, and he had to fight back the tears as his fingers trembled. He wasn’t okay. He didn’t sound fucking okay. 

“I’m coming,” Feng Xin said.

”We both are,” Pei Ming added quickly. 

“Okay…” Mu Qing whispered, only for something to drop, and the white mask took over with a light chuckle,” He must be tired. He’s had a very long day.”

”Son of a bitch, where?! Don’t fucking touch him again.”

”Ugh, you’ve always had such rough manners.”

”Says the asshole hiding behind a mask,” Feng Xin snapped.

”Mm,” the white mask hummed, another loud creak echoed as the door slammed shut. “You’ll see my face one day. For now, I’m going to message you a location. Remember to follow my rules, or you’ll be finding Mu Qing in a very, gruesome way.”

   He Xuan couldn’t deny them this. He’d come to ensure that the two didn’t get themselves killed, but if they decided to go on what he considered to be a ‘suicide mission’, then well, it was their fucking choice. Feng Xin had the password to the fake drive now. He Xuan warned him to only give it away if it came down to it, and to “run the hell away or hide” when they did. Obviously, as soon as the white mask found out what had happened, they’d all be killed. 

Feng Xin had killed a man for less. Whoever this bastard was, he was underestimating what he’d do when it came to Mu Qing. 

The walk was three miles through thick shrub, passing water that fell into a deep bank. They had to pass on a wooden bridge, one that had more space than boards. The trees were growing thicker, the moon’s light barely offered them enough to keep from nearly stumbling on large rocks and sudden drops of land. Once, because Feng Xin was going as quickly as he could, he nearly stepped right off of the hill’s edge, and Pei Ming caught him by the wrist before he did. 

“Be careful,” he said. 

“…Thanks.”

  There was a large cement building, half of it shattered from age, crumbling in within itself. The other had no glass windows, but thick metal bars. The opening had no door, but there was light, bright and strung across the ceiling. The moment they stepped forward, someone from behind the trees cocked a gun back. A person with a dark hood tilted their head at them. 

Another figure emerged from the front. 

“Hello,” the white mask greeted.

Even with a gun pointed to their heads, Feng Xin was still biting back the urge to beat this man. He’d make it slow, pull his face from the bone along with that mask. 

  “You must have ran here,” he said.

”Where is he?”

The white mask raised a hand, gesturing for them to follow inside. Pei Ming stayed close to him. The main room had nothing but a desk, puddles of water from where it dripped from the holes in the ceiling, pipes cut into the wall, crumbling cement in the corner where it had nearly caved in. Where was he? The dark masked man parted from them, long enough for a door in the hall to open. When he reappeared, he had Mu Qing, an arm thrown over his shoulder to aid him, his body limp, eyes glossed over and unfocused. He stumbled to the center, dropping, only for Feng Xin to catch him. A soft pained cry emitted from his lips, and Feng Xin’s eyes widened at the blood staining his own fingertips. He lowered with Feng Xin, collapsing in his lap.

  Pei Ming let out a shattered breath.

”His back,” he whispered.

He knelt before them, brought shaking fingers to Mu Qing’s hair matted with old blood and sweat. He was breathing so slow, face pressed into Feng Xin’s arm. Feng Xin was careful not to touch him too much, as he shifted, lowered his gaze to his skin.

“Do you like it?” The white mask asked. “I thought it was fitting.”

  Every fear that had been eating away at him came forward like a thick, vile poison. His beautiful, pale skin had been shredded with a blade, a single word carved into his entire back.

Whore. 

Feng Xin grabbed Pei Ming by the arm, and the man moved to take Mu Qing into his embrace, who seemed to be unaware of what was happening. He nestled close though, fingers tightening against the fabric of Pei Ming’s pants.

Feng Xin lunged for the white mask man the moment he got to his feet. Red covered his entire vision as he slammed him back against the desk. A gun pressed into him, just between his shoulder blades. His fingers tightened in the shirt of the white masked man, entire body shaking with rage.

He’d kill him. He’d fucking kill him.

He never should have touched him.

  “If he tries anything, shoot him,” The white mask commanded coolly,” I only need one of them to tell me the password.”

”You son of a bitch! What did he ever do to you!? Why couldn’t you have taken me?”

”Because…” he said,” I wasn’t sure what I’d write on you. Selfish? Too plain. Murderer? Tch, too many letters. I considered stupid, but… this just felt so much more pleasing.”

Feng Xin raised his fist. The gun pressed even harder into his skin.

”A’Xin,” a voice came,” Come back.”

  Feng Xin let out a shattered gasp as he turned his head. Mu Qing had his eyes open, reaching out his hand. Pei Ming looked close to tears even though his gaze had darkened, his jaw clenched tight. He brought a hand to the back of Mu Qing’s head, whispering gently.

”He’ll come back. Stop moving, darling. Rest.”

Feng Xin released the white mask, and the gun lowered from his back. 

”I’m here,” he whispered as he dropped down to him,” We’re about to leave. Just hold on for me, okay?”

“How easy it is to tame mutts,” The white mask said as he stood straight. He wiped the parts of his shirt where Feng Xin had grabbed him, as if it left him unclean. There were stains, Mu Qing’s blood that had found its way onto Feng Xin’s palm. “Now, should we continue? I’d like to get this over with before the sunrise.”

“Aren’t you going to tell us what this is all for?” He asked,” You did all this, for what?”

The white mask laughed lightly,” What? We’re not in a movie, Feng Xin and even if we were monologues are often saved for the villains. I’m no villain.”

”You’re fucking kidding me.”

“Just because I like to have a little fun with those who deserve it?” he stepped forward, tilting his head,” Mu Qing suffered for your crimes, you see. You murdered a man, and you-“ he said to Pei Ming,” helped him cover it up. I could have let this slide, an eye for an eye, but then you turned around and started working with Feng Rui. He’s almost as bad as Shi Wudu and his father.”

  Mu Qing’s fingers clenched around Feng Xin’s arm where he’d reached for him, eyes closed tight.

”You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

”Don’t I?” He asked. “I’ve known you for a very long time, child. In fact, it’s quite amusing that you don’t seem to recognize me, even after serving me such a delicious meal the other day.”

That voice…

Why the fuck was it…

Feng Xin’s eyes widened as he lifted his head.

”…Jun Wu?”

  The white mask stepped even closer, and then moved to lower his mask, revealing the smirk of his face, eyes penetrating their struggles in delight. Jun Wu. Why? 

“You must be asking yourself, why?”

”…”

”The Xie fire was a tragedy, but it was a necessity. Xie Lan relied on the wrong people for so long, that it was becoming unbearable to watch. Naturally after the massacre, I thought to bring everyone to justice only to find the evidence was snatched away and lost. I spent years trying to recollect it, only to find out the bastard Hua Cheng had it.”

Feng Xin glared at him.

”If you wanted justice then why do any of this?! We had nothing to do with any of it! He Xuan was a victim too!”

”You misread my intentions,” Jun Wu informed,” but I don’t plan on explaining myself to those who won’t be here long. After all, I can hardly let you three leave, now that you know who I am. It wouldn’t be good for Xie Lan to get the wrong message.”

  “Then I guess we’ll die with the password,” Pei Ming said.

”Or… I torture you slowly, and if that doesn’t work, I open your toy’s legs and impale him with a pipe. It’s your choice. You could die together, quickly if you so choose.”

He was a monster. He wasn’t going to touch another fucking hair on Mu Qing. His phone vibrated once for a pending message.

“Dianxia,” Feng Xin said.

”Hm?”

”That’s the password.”

  Pei Ming’s eyes widened as he lifted his head to meet his gaze. A single light flickered. He Xuan had warned them. 

“Hua Cheng did what?!”

”It was a precaution.” He Xuan had said.

Feng Xin took in a deep breath. Well, this was a last resort after all.

  Jun Wu smiled to himself, and then stepped over to his open laptop. The drive had been inserted already, only needed a few click of the buttons. Feng Xin eyed Pei Ming, who nodded once. Very slowly, he lifted Mu Qing, hand at his waist to steady him.

The shadow raised their gun.

”Where do you three think you’re going?” Jun Wu asked. He didn’t seem worried. They had a gun pointed at them after all, where could they go? 

Jun Wu entered the word, clicking enter and for a heartbeat, nothing happened, and then the screen lit green.

ACCESS GRANTED.

A sharp electronic chirp echoed throughout the room. The laptop emitted a second beep. A shrill alarm followed, screaming from the speakers, and Feng Xin shoved Mu Qing into Pei Ming’s arms as gentle as he could despite the frantic speed, moving to cover them both.

  Jun Wu barely had time to turn his head. The blast erupted directly from the laptop. Metal and plastic shattered, sending debris outward in every direction. A jagged shard from the mother board launched straight into his eye. The sound that tore from his throat was inhumane, and he staggered back against the wall, grabbing for the metal rod hanging loose.

”Go!” Feng Xin shoved at Pei Ming, and the shadow figure stood there, maybe in shock, but the gun had lowered. He Xuan stepped into view from outside with two guns outstretched.

He smirked, looking at Jun Wu.

”Less of an explosion than I thought for Hua Cheng, but this will do.”

He shot the man in the knee, and then the other. The shadow dropped his gun, raising both his hands. 

“An ambulance is coming. I’ll stay here until Lui Wei gets here. You three get back to the motel.”

  “Kill him,” Feng Xin said.

”Not yet. Hua Cheng wants him alive.”

Jun Wu lifted his head, blood gushed over the hand covering his eye, kneecaps most likely busted. He wasn’t going anywhere soon. Feng Xin wanted to crush his face in with his shoe, but Mu Qing was stumbling back, tightening a hand over Pei Ming’s arm.

He moved to his side, lowering slightly. 

“Can you wrap your arms around me, Qing’er? I don’t want to hurt you.”

  Mu Qing looked towards the shadow for a moment, but then he blinked, wrapping his arms around Feng Xin’s neck. He was careful as he stood, kept his hands pressed to Mu Qing’s thighs. His bare skin felt hot to the touch against Feng Xin’s back. He was alive though. Feng Xin’s heart hadn’t ceased in its racing. 

“I knew…” Mu Qing’s breath tickled the back of his neck, and then his hot cheek pressed against him,” I knew you guys would come for me.”

”Always,” Pei Ming said.

Mu Qing was alive.

This had to be over, right?

What more could happen now?

Chapter Text

   Feng Xin didn’t have time to worry about how He Xuan planned to move them without the police getting involved. Nothing concerned him more than Mu Qing’s health, the way when they tried to separate him for questioning, out of fear he was one of the men who caused the wounds, Mu Qing cried out for him, fought frantically to lift himself from where he lied on his stomach. He said what he could. There was a psycho out there, his motel room was proof enough, and Feng Xin had given them the opposite directions to where he’d saved Mu Qing. It should offer He Xuan a little time. The rest he played off as shock. He didn’t know what had happened, if the stalker was still around. He’d only managed to find Mu Qing through a desperate phone call. 

  Sitting at the hospital while they tended to his injuries was worse. The detectives found him in the waiting room. Lee raised a brow as he plopped down into a seat next to Pei Ming, Zhuge on the other side of Feng Xin.

”Crazy story,” Zhuge said.

”I’m not in the mood,” Feng Xin snapped.

Even if Mu Qing was okay, he couldn’t have anyone else making their lives harder. Mu Qing needed him there. 

“Hey…” Zhuge leant into his space, whispering low,” We get it. We don’t think you actually had anything to do with this. Wouldn’t make sense, but you have to work with us. Is this the same guy who killed Bai Long?”

”I don’t know,” Feng Xin said,” but… probably.”

  It didn’t hurt to place blame. 

“Hm,” Zhuge rubbed the side of his neck,” Well… we’ll be reaching out again, but not like before. Relax, kid. I heard your boyfriend’s going to be fine.”

Physically. 

Pei Ming let out a deep sigh, hands clasped together in his lap. He hadn’t spoken a word since they’d arrived. What could they say to one another? Jun Wu was a man who they didn’t know much about. There was no reason to pry the situation apart. Hua Cheng had custody of him. If he didn’t kill him before Feng Xin returned, he’d do it himself, after torturing him for hours on end. 

  A nurse came from the double doors, holding up a clipboard.

”Mr. Feng?”

Feng Xin and Pei Ming both stood, just as Zhuge patted his shoulder in parting. They didn’t pay them any further mind. 

“How is he?” Feng Xin asked. “Can we see him?”

The nurse glanced at the clipboard in her hands before nodding.

“His wounds have all been cleaned and treated, and we've given him a tetanus shot as a precaution. A few of the deeper lacerations required stitches, but most of the cuts have been dressed and bandaged to reduce the risk of infection.”

She paused, noticing the tension in their faces.

“He's been given medication for the pain and should be resting comfortably for now.” A faint smile touched her lips, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. “The good news is that he's expected to make a full recovery.”

“And the bad news?” Feng Xin asked.

”He’ll… be sore for a while, and it’s very likely there will be thick scarring.”

  Scarring. Feng Xin inhaled a sharp breath. Was Mu Qing going to be stuck with that fucking word-

“I understand that he must have been through a very traumatic ordeal, all of you, but the best thing you can do for him is to just be there. He’s been asking about you, both of you. He was worried you weren’t here.”

Feng Xin wiped at his face, only just now realizing he’d been crying. He nodded once.

”Please, take us to him.”

Control yourself. For Mu Qing. 

 The nurse led them back, and when she opened the door, Mu Qing was lying on his side, back to the wall. His hair hadn’t been cleaned yet. He had an IV stuck into his wrist, and he was staring faintly in their direction. His eyes widened when they moved to his side. The nurse smiled gently at Mu Qing, checking his liquids.

”Can you uh- bring me a rag or something? To clean him up?”

”We were about to send a nurse-“

”It’s fine,” Feng Xin said,” I want to do it.”

”Alright, I’ll send someone in with a sponge.”

”Thank you.”

  Fuck. Don’t fucking cry right now. Just hold it in.

Mu Qing watched as they drug seats to sit in front of him. It was a little crowded, but neither of them minded much. Feng Xin reached out and took his hand into his, brushing his thumb across it. 

“Hey, Qing’er.”

”Mm,” he murmured,” They said I have to lie like this. I don’t think it’s comfortable.”

”No?” 

“Can I go home?” He asked. He sounded so sleepy, probably high off his ass from whatever they’d given him. Good. He needed to relax, even if only for a moment. “I want… to go home, all of us.”

  Pei Ming smiled at him, but he seemed to be struggling too.

”You should be able to go home soon. It’ll be a long drive though. They want to make sure you’re comfortable enough for it.”

”I am,” Mu Qing said,” I lied, about not being comfortable.”

Both Feng Xin and Pei Ming smiled at this. Mu Qing pouted, pressing his face into his arm. He stifled a yawn and rubbed a hand over his face. His fingertips had blood embedded in them, but other than the cuts against his back, he seemed to be fine. It could have been so much worse. He could have been dead.

  Feng Xin forced the thought away.

”I…” Mu Qing stared at something on Feng Xin’s shirt,” I don’t want to be alone ever again…Okay?”

”You’ll never be alone,” Feng Xin said.

“And…”

”And?” Pei Ming asked, sounding fond and sad at the same time. 

“We’re going to move into a fancy house,” Mu Qing informed,” all of us. With a fence. And…” he was beginning to droop his head, eyes fighting to stay open. He blinked again. “I don’t want to lie on my side,” he informed,” It’s not comfortable.”

   Just then a new nurse came forward with a bucket of warm water and a sponge, a few cleansing wipes in hand. She set it on the table, offering Mu Qing a soft look.

”Let me know if you need anything else, okay? Just press that button right there.”

“I won’t need anything,” Mu Qing said confidently,” These… My husbands are here.”

She chuckled, grinning warmly,” Alright sweetie. I’ll see you in an hour for your medication.”

 Feng Xin cleaned every part of him that was stained with his own blood, cleaned the dirt from his face, gentle movements, all that Mu Qing hummed in content to whilst Pei Ming kept him occupied on smaller, easier topics.

  The hospital staff were more than happy to provide anything he needed. It was a few hours drive back home, so they suggested letting him rest there until the worst of his pain subsided, as to not further agitate the new wounds. Mu Qing, between the wait for his next dose, didn’t like this at all. They took shifts. When Pei Ming was out shopping for something clean for them all to wear, hygiene products and a thicker pillow for Mu Qing’s side, Feng Xin was keeping him occupied with whatever was on TV. The first day they spent making jokes, but most of the time Mu Qing slept on and off. He was always happy to see one of them when he awoke. No one heard from He Xuan, but they didn’t really care to press for information. Mu Qing was the only one that mattered now.

   The night after, Feng Xin tried to chug as many energy drinks as the waiting room had in the vending machine, but his body was tired and he could barely keep up with every new nurse that came into the room to check vitals and his IV bag. They peeled back the bandages, enough to check for any sign of infection, and Feng Xin knew that if Mu Qing had been of a completely sober mind he’d throw a fit. Rightfully. He couldn’t fathom it. How would he take this? Every time Feng Xin thought about it he wanted to face Jun Wu again. He’d been so worried about getting Mu Qing help though… he was always leaving people alive and regretting it. Thank the gods He Xuan shot both his knees. Thank Hua Cheng for piercing his eye with whatever the fuck drive that was. When he found out who the other masked man was, they would get it too.

  “Sleep,” Pei Ming said,” I’ll watch over him.”

Feng Xin lifted his head where it had dropped against his fist.

”I… I should stay up.”

”Feng Xin,” he said,” Please. I’m here for both of you, alright? It’s not just Mu Qing that I-“ he cut himself off with a sigh,” Just get some sleep.”

”Just… for a few minutes. Wake me if he gets up.”

”Sure,” Pei Ming agreed.

  The morning that followed consisted of many phone calls. He talked to his mom, and since the news had spread quite quickly that he’d driven out of town only for Mu Qing to be hospitalized, he had no other choice but to come up with some kind of lie. She didn’t know any details, so he wasn’t really sure how she’d found out in the first place. She was horrified to hear that he’d been the victim of an angry drunk outside the hotel. He had to at least make the injury make sense! He’d be out of work for a bit, and what if she was nosey, which she always was.

“He broke the glass on the car? How horrible! Did you kick his ass?”

”Ma!” He said, and quieter,” Of course I did. I’m very lucky they didn’t arrest me.”

”Well… you just keep me updated, alright? Tell him I send my love.”

”Of course.”

He wasn’t sure if she actually believed him, but for now, he couldn’t care.

  Come visiting hours, two familiar faces popped in, surprising them. Fucking He Xuan.

“What are you two doing here?” He asked,” Tell me you didn’t bring Hua Cheng!”

Shi Qingxuan and Xie Lan almost glared at him, but the moment they saw Mu Qing stirring from sleep they very quickly found a place to stand at the corner of the bed.

”He doesn’t know I’m here,” Xie Lan said, and softly,” How could we stay at home knowing he was like this?”

Shi Qingxuan’s eyes widened when he caught sight of the bandages.

”Oh, poor Mu Qing. How are you feeling? We brought you snacks!”

Mu Qing raised his head, and then very slowly uncurled his finger from his palm.

”What kind of snacks?”

  They sat with him the entire day, talking lightly, offering to braid his hair to keep it from his face. Their presence seemed to help him, that Feng Xin didn’t push them too much. Whatever Mu Qing wanted, he would get. The nurse gave them a thick pile of papers for aftercare, which mostly consisted of redressing the bandages and when to make an appointment to have the stitches removed. They left him with pain pills, but nothing as strong as what had been sent into his IV. When they returned home, they didn’t go back to the apartment. He’d argued sleepily, feeling the soreness kick in, that Pei Ming’s bed was much more comfortable and… safer. If he didn’t go outside, no one was getting in. 

  Pei Ming was more than willing to allow him to heal at his place. They didn’t leave for anything, always ordering in or cooking together. Mu Qing didn’t want them to be left alone. 

Mu Qing had nightmares.

He cried in his sleep, clung to the first person he could find, which was mostly Feng Xin, but sometimes he’d wake up and see Mu Qing lying on his stomach, head pressed to Pei Ming’s chest. The man would look over at him, as if being caught doing something wrong and whisper above Mu Qing’s head.

”I didn’t want to wake you,” he said,” he was crying again.”

Feng Xin never had the heart to pull him away. If Pei Ming could bring him comfort then he’d allow it. 

  It was when the meds stopped working so much, that things began to become difficult. Mu Qing had to have his bandages redressed. It was required to keep the area clean, and check for any sign of infection, but now Mu Qing was grasping his reality. He’d close his eyes tight, shaking his head.

”No,” he said. “It’s fine. I’d know if it needed redressing.”

”Mu Qing-

“I said no!” His fingers clenched in the sheets. He gasped for air, shaking his head again,” Please, A’Xin. Don’t make me.”

  He didn’t want anyone to see it. The humiliation and anger that tightened on his face was too heartbreaking. How could Feng Xin force him? How could he look into his eyes when he asked,” Did… they say it would go away when it healed?”

How could he lie?

How could he tell Mu Qing that he might have this mark forever?

Mu Qing began to hide behind his walls again. He asked if the white mask was dead. Feng Xin told him he was being slowly tortured to it. This eased the tension in him slightly. 

“Good,” he said. “I wish I was the one doing it.”

  Feng Xin was worried. He didn’t know how to help him. He could only be there, and hold him partially when it was allowed. He could only distract him with so many movies and card games, tell so many stories… but nothing took this pain away. One night he kept clutched to the edge of the sink, taking in sharp breaths after Mu Qing fought him again, only to break down when Feng Xin finally checked his back. The word was still there, less red, but raised along the edges, the parts that weren’t stitched had began to imprint their presence, a permanent reminder of what had been done. How the fuck did he fix this?

Pei Ming pressed a hand to his arm gently.

”Hey,” he whispered.

Feng Xin blinked back tears, but they fell, hot and sticky to his cheek as he turned. He shoved his face into Pei Ming’s shoulders and hugged him tight, as if he was afraid of dropping if he let go. Pei Ming held him there, and for a long moment neither of them spoke. 

   Mu Qing sat on the edge of the couch, staring blankly at the empty screen in front of him. Feng Xin hadn’t been to work in so long, that his mother had insisted in hiring someone else. Pei Ming kept their rent paid, but he still wasn’t sure when they’d go back, if ever… At this rate, he was lost. He lowered down at Mu Qing’s side, offering him silence for as long as he desired. 

It wasn’t too long. Mu Qing had something on his mind. 

“I’d like to see him,” Mu Qing said,” If… he’s still alive. Both of them.”

”What?” Feng Xin’s eyes widened. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

”It would make me feel immensely better.”

”… Mu Qing.”

  He turned his head to meet his gaze, eyes sharp. His lips curled slightly. 

“What? He’s completely harmless.”

”I know that, but…”

”But what?”  He asked,” I want to see the man suffer, after everything he’s done, but that’s too much? You didn’t seem to mind when you were beating Bai Long’s head in.”

  The words caught him off guard. Feng Xin froze. Mu Qing caught on quite quickly.

”So it’s true. You killed him, then? And you lied to me.”

”I was trying to protect you.”

”Bullshit,” he said, eyes reddening with a mixture of frustration and hurt,” You were trying to protect your peace, and you-“ he eyed Pei Ming, who had just walked in from the bathroom,” you helped him hide it. Both of you lied to me.”

”…” Pei Ming’s eyes widened,” I…”

”That’s why you’re working for Feng Rui. He helped you cover it up. We’re in this mess, because you couldn’t fucking listen and leave Bai Long alone. You never would have known your father wanted something from Hua Cheng if he didn’t force you to search!”

  He was right, but the truth was painful. He might as well have said “I’m like this because of you.” Mu Qing was acting out in pain, so he tried to keep it from affecting him, but it was true…

This was his fault. 

Mu Qing turned his head away from them both.

”Take me to Jun Wu. I want to see him.”

Feng Xin looked to Pei Ming, who shook his head slow.

How could they deny him now?

”… I’ll call Hua Cheng,” he said.

Anything Mu Qing wanted.

Chapter Text

  They were in trouble. Feng Xin and Pei Ming were both at loss for words. Mu Qing was no longer that pouty and sad patient they’d cuddled and taken care of, but a fierce and very angry man who desired some type of emotional vengeance.

  He was wearing one of Pei Ming’s shirts, something loose since he still had his stitches, and his long dark hair fell past his shoulders, hiding parts of his face. The could only follow him helplessly up Hua Cheng’s steps to the front door, and hope that seeing Jun Wu didn’t break him again.

  He wasn’t sure how many important people actually knew about what had occurred, but the phones were silent. Peng Hui didn’t reach out to his son, at least not as far as Feng Xin was aware, and his own father, didn’t bother checking in. Maybe they’d heard the drive had been destroyed in an explosion and this entire hunt could be over. Maybe they knew it was a fake.

He Xuan opened the door, meeting Mu Qing’s gaze with a heavy sigh.

”Why the hell are you here?” He asked,” Shouldn’t you be resting?”

”Hua Cheng said I could see them.”

  Feng Xin eyed Pei Ming. To He Xuan they most likely looked like they’d been thrown through the wringer. They’d done everything in their power to convince Mu Qing to reconsider, but they’d been caught in a lie, and Mu Qing was more than ready to weaponize this to get his way. They couldn’t blame him either. He had every right after all.

”Jun Wu has been unconscious all day,” He Xuan informed,” but you can speak to his shadow.”

”Unconscious?” Pei Ming asked.

”Hua Cheng couldn’t get him to speak anything but nonsense. The woman’s the same.”

Mu Qing’s eyes narrowed.

”The woman?”

  He Xuan gestured for them to follow. The main foyer was empty, aside from the strange paintings Hua Cheng had hanging from the wall. The staff dispersed in their chores, but none were present down stairs, where a long hallway opened up to a large, brightly lit basement. There were two separate rooms, walls made of a thick glass to reveal the inhabitants, the single padding for a bed, the blood trail in Jun Wu’s as he slept strung up by his wrists.

Mu Qing’s lips twitched as he stepped forward. The woman sensed movement, and she lifted her head, eyes widening at the sight of them. She was unbound, so she lifted herself, pressed a hand to the glass. Mu Qing’s eyes widened when their gaze’s met.

”Ling Wen?”

  Mu Qing’s neighbor??

”You’ve got be kidding me,” Mu Qing said,” You?”

Hadn’t she been the one to call his father about Pei Ming? 

“Open the door,” Mu Qing said,” I want to speak to her up close.”

“I think it would be wise if you stayed behind the glass,” He Xuan said. 

“Pft,” Mu Qing rolled his eyes and stepped towards her, head tilting as he examined her state. She was doing much better than her boss. Was it because she was a woman that Hua Cheng had left her unscathed or because he didn’t care enough about her involvement? And when the hell had he built what appeared to be bullet proof glass in a basement? 

  “Open the door,” Mu Qing said again. 

He Xuan rubbed his forehead with another tired sigh and pulled out a key card. There was a base at the side, a number pad and a tiny screen. When he inserted the key card into the bottom, the metal attachments to the door unlocked themselves, and he pushed it to the side enough to allow someone entry. The woman immediately removed herself from the glass, backing into the center, lowering to her knees in submission. 

“Fine,” he said,” but don’t let her get into your head.”

Mu Qing moved past him, and Feng Xin did the same to follow. Pei Ming kept to the entrance, close enough to watch, to hear her hoarse voice in greeting.

”Mu Qing,” she whispered,” I’m so glad that you’re alright.”

”Are you?” He asked, eyes darkening,” You didn’t seem to care when you were holding me down to be tortured, or how about when you had me kicked out of my home, because you couldn’t keep your mouth shut?”

Ling Wen closed her eyes tight. She shook her head, and when she looked back up at him, her eyes were glossed over with unshed tears.

”I only told your father about Pei Ming because I knew the involvement Pei Hui had with Jun Wu. I was worried that he’d bring you into their mess. It had nothing to do with the fact he was a man!”

  Mu Qing looked unmoved by her emotional display.

”If you were truly sorry, you’d tell me everything I wanted to know,” He Xuan said from the side, leant up against the door. 

Ling Wen glared in his direction, turning away just as quickly with a huff.

“Why did you do it?” Mu Qing asked. “Why work with him?”

“I had no other choice,” she said,” You don’t understand what he wanted. Jun Wu has been after Xie Lan’s hand for so long, and he’d do anything to get it. H-He had a plan. He gathered the evidence after paying them off, and he was going to use it to play the hero… I couldn’t let him do that, but I couldn’t risk him knowing I was working against him.”

”Xie Lan’s hand?” Feng Xin asked. Did she mean…

”Yes,” she answered,” but if the evidence got out it would throw everything to chaos! It was already bad enough that Xie had to suffer. I couldn’t… Jun Wu wanted control of everything,” when Mu Qing’s face didn't change, she grew desperate,” I helped you! I knew the drive was a fake the moment I heard the password! The real one-“

”You know the password to the real drive?” He Xuan asked.

  Feng Xin’s brows furrowed. Wasn’t it Hua Cheng that had created it? If the real one had one as well, wasn’t it that man who’d put it there out of precaution? Why did Feng Xin feel like he was missing a key part of information?

“Watch out for this one,” she whispered,” He Xuan isn’t who you think he is! Why do you think Jun Wu let him live? Shi Wudu could have-“

”Don’t speak that name in front of me,” He Xuan snapped,” Not after everything you’ve done.”

Mu Qing lowered, too close in her space for either of Feng Xin’s or Pei Ming’s comfort. 

“How do I trust anything that comes from your mouth?”

Ling Wen reached for him, grabbing him by the arm to pull his ear close to her lips. She only had a moment to whisper before Feng Xin was pulling him back, eyes sharp as he stood in between them. Mu Qing didn’t appear hurt, but his eyes had widened, and he nodded once in understanding at her.

”What did she say?” He Xuan demanded.

  Mu Qing raised his chin, smiling slightly.

”She told me not to forget to lock the door on the way out.”

  Clearly, Mu Qing was lying, but he didn’t feel the need to share whatever it was that was spoken in a span of a few seconds. They got lunch at an Italian place nearby, the entire time Feng Xin and Pei Ming fought to get on his good side. It must have still irritated him to sit upright, that every so often Mu Qing would shift, move his legs to the other end of the chair, leaning back against the rest on his side.

”Feel better?” Feng Xin asked after a slow bite of his chicken.

”Seeing Jun Wu like that?” Mu Qing’s gaze turned deadly,” I would have done worse. Hua Cheng is being lazy.”

“Qing’er,” Feng Xin said,” You know, we’re really worried, right?”

Mu Qing stilled at this. He hadn’t touched his food, just spun it around his fork.

”I didn’t…” he let out a long sigh,” I didn’t mean what I said, about Bai Long. I mean, it’s not your fault, but that doesn’t mean I’m not mad you two lied to my face. That part is your fault.”

Pei Ming looked equivalent to a kicked puppy.

”What can we do to make it right?” He asked, sounding hopeful.

  Mu Qing considered this. He smiled slightly, though it had been a while since his eyes had been touched with actual amusement, and not something darker. He set his fork down, and looked at the two.

”I saw Shi Qingxuan’s post online about a party he’s throwing.”

”You… hate parties,” Feng Xin said.

”We have three projects to finish if we want to salvage what’s left of the semester, but I need a break. I want to go. I want to see my friends.”

That was good news, wasn’t it? The fact Mu Qing saw Shi Qingxuan and Xie Lan as friends? He might have been drugged when they’d visited the hospital, but their presence had helped. It might be good for him. He’d just have to be careful not to do too much. 

“Alright…” Feng Xin agreed, still feeling a bit uneasy for some reason. He’d just watch him constantly, but not make it known that he was doing it out of worry. 

“And,” Mu Qing added,” I think for this week, it would just be best if you two let me have my way.”

Well, okay. 

Pei Ming raised a brow at this, but he had a hand propped up under his chin and was smiling fondly at the man. 

“You can have your way anytime. Think of us as your dutiful servants.”

  He was still angry, that much was obvious, but he wasn’t acting out in a typical Mu Qing way. He didn’t reply with snappy comments or roll his eyes. No, what he was doing now was far worse. He used their care for him like a double edged blade, and whether or not it was intentional, Feng Xin found it didn’t matter. His anger was laced with hurt, and in his desire to get even, he brought his own blade to himself. 

They went to the party together. Many students no longer found it strange that three drove in together. The rumors had spread throughout the campus, that now people only eyed them with interest, but no longer sought to ask questions themselves. Feng Xin didn’t really care anymore. Whatever was going on wasn’t so easily explained with words. They were living together after all, even if only for a while, and they were always in the same space. He’d cried with Pei Ming… He’d held the man, and they’d both found solace in another when it came to worrying over Mu Qing’s health. That stood for something, even if he wasn’t sure what. 

  “Uh, are you sure you want to be drinking?” Feng Xin asked.

Mu Qing, upon entering the large home had reached for the first bottle he could find to take a long swig. He pushed his hair back, wiping his chin where the liquor dripped. 

“I thought you two were going to let me have whatever I want,” he said.

”If whatever you want doesn’t hurt you.”

”Hurt me?” Mu Qing laughed, holding up the bottle and examining the contents,” You think after everything, a little drink is going to hurt me?”

  Pei Ming reached for Feng Xin’s arm, discreetly, eyes glancing at the bottle with his own concern. What if he got too drunk and ripped his stitches or something? Obviously, the last thing Mu Qing should be doing was playing so carelessly with his body!

”Relax,” Mu Qing said, stepping into his space,” I just want to have fun, let go a little.” 

He took another swig and his eyes widened at the bitter taste, but he was laughing, not in a way that eased either of their worries.

”You two are so stiff!”

“Mu Qing!” Shi Qingxuan came forward, greeting them with a surprised grin. “I didn’t know you were coming! I’m glad you’re feeling better. Do you want to come and play a game? I was just looking for Ming Yi to join as my partner, but you can step in for him.”

A game… Feng Xin narrowed his gaze.

”I think he’d rather find somewhere quiet to sit.”

“I think,” Mu Qing said, mocking him,” that I want you to stop babying me. Shi Qingxuan needs a partner.”

  Pei Ming let out an audible breath. 

“Do you two want to join?” Shi Qingxuan asked.

”Nope,” Mu Qing answered for them. He set the bottle back down onto the table, glancing at Shi Qingxuan with something wild in his gaze. He was looking for trouble, looking to possibly push at every button the two men trying to guard him had. Again, they kind of deserved this. The man smirked as he moved forward into Feng Xin’s space,” Want to kiss me goodbye? You might miss not breathing down my neck.”

  Feng Xin didn’t have a chance to respond, because Mu Qing pulled him into the kiss by the collar of his shirt. He reminded himself to not reach for Mu Qing’s back, and instead very gently pressed them to his waist when it seemed the man was not interested in a single peck. His mouth was pressed open with a teasing tongue, and Mu Qing grinned between his lips in victory. When they parted, Mu Qing let a hand slide down his chest.

“Bye,” he said. 

Mu Qing bit the edge of his lip and just when it seemed he’d turn to leave them, moved to kiss Pei Ming too. The man’s eyes widened in shock, but Feng Xin noticed he was very easily persuaded. He closed his eyes, leant into it, squeezed a hand around Mu Qing’s arm as he deepened the kiss.

“…” Shi Qingxuan cleared his throat,” Well.”

“Bye to you too,” Mu Qing said with a smirk. He pat him once and then turned, leaving them to stare off after him in a daze.

“You’re not about to punch me for kissing him back, are you?”

Feng Xin’s eyes followed Mu Qing, hand in Shi Qingxuan’s so they didn’t get lost in the crowd. 

“That’s the least of my worries,” he admitted. 

  They spent the entire night looming around the area. Occasionally they’d check on Mu Qing, and occasionally he’d send them annoyed looks glossed over with the drink he had in his hand. They ended up in the kitchen leant up against the island, because it had a good view of the group playing some type of card game that involved shots. Mu Qing didn’t look too out of it… yet. 

“When do you think we should call it quits?” Pei Ming asked, tone heavy with concern.

It really did feel like they were both on babysitting duty, except Mu Qing could make all his own decisions and they had no choice but to follow along. 

“Whenever he decides we can,” Feng Xin answered. He pushed back and crossed his arms, staring directly at Mu Qing now. He was laughing, head pressed against Xie Lan’s sober shoulder. At least he was there. Xie Lan would come to them if he thought Mu Qing was in any danger of alcohol poisoning. 

  “Is he going to be okay?”

”I don’t know.”

Pei Ming rubbed the side of his face.

”I’ve never been this worried about someone before, but… he’s with us. It’s over now, the worst part anyways.”

”Is it?” Feng Xin asked. What had Ling Wen said to him? Why was Jun Wu still alive? What more could Hua Cheng need from him? From her? He wanted to bury this part of their past, but it was etched into Mu Qing’s skin. He wouldn’t forget so easily. Feng Xin lowered his hands to cling to the edge of the counter, dropping his head to stare at the tile of the ground. How the hell were they supposed to just finish out the semester when nothing made sense anymore? 

  “He’s having fun,” Pei Ming whispered,” Maybe we’re just being paranoid.”

Maybe he just wanted to feel like a normal college student for once.

Feng Xin nodded.

”Yeah, maybe.”

A hesitant hand hovered over his own, and as it lowered, a warm thumb brushed over the side. Feng Xin didn’t move. He could feel Pei Ming’s gaze on him, felt the nerves of his own body react to the sudden touch. It wasn’t anything new. They’d touch each other in much more intimate ways, but this felt strange. When had it become such a common thing for Pei Ming to reach for him?

  He swallowed the lump in his throat. Pei Ming pressed his fingers in between his, slowly, offering him time to shift. He could so easily move his hand and pretend like they weren’t doing this. Pei Ming would let him play it off. 

He didn’t, and he wasn’t sure why.

  Mu Qing was drunk, hung over Feng Xin’s shoulder for another piggy back ride on the way to the car. He was in a better mood, at least, even if it was alcohol induced. He leant over the front seat with one of the pillows they kept for his comfort, hugging it to his chest. He murmured something about Shi Qingxuan being pretty and nice, and Feng Xin brought a hand to brush through his hair as he started Pei Ming’s car. The ride home was filled with light music, and Mu Qing was half asleep, often speaking slurred about things that they couldn’t make out.

”I… wanted to bring something up earlier,” Pei Ming said suddenly.

Feng Xin clenched his hands on the steering wheel, glancing back for a moment. The man looked nervous, almost. 

“Is it going to piss me off?” He asked.

”I never know,” Pei Ming admitted.

Fair enough.

”What is it?”

  Pei Ming leant forward, glancing down at Mu Qing, perhaps to check whether or not he was actually drunk. He pressed an arm to the back of his seat and spoke low, so he didn’t stir him awake.

”I was thinking about moving out. The penthouse feels… I don’t know, it’s not really my vibe anymore.”

”Okay? Mu Qing and I should probably head back to our place soon anyways. Don’t let us stop you.”

Pei Ming bit the edge of his lip, chuckling slightly.

”That’s… well, it is about you two, actually.”

”What are you trying to say?”

Honestly, Feng Xin thought, Just get on with it.

”I found a nice spot out of the city. It has two bedrooms… has a nice backyard, two living rooms, an office.”

“…”

”It’d be a bit big for one person though,” Pei Ming continued. “If you want to wait to start working again until after college, I could take care of the rent,” very quietly he added,” there’s a patio, if you like that.”

  Feng Xin stopped at a light.

”You’re asking us to move in with you?”

”You two would have your own room,” he informed,” I know that would make you more comfortable, and well, we do well together, don’t we?”

They… Feng Xin hadn’t been expecting this. Since when had Pei Ming been looking around for places? How long had he been planning to ask them to come with him? 

“That’s a lot,” he said.

”There’s no time limit. I’m telling you now, so you can think about it.”

  Feng Xin couldn’t, not now anyways, not without speaking to Mu Qing. Sure, they were good friends and he relied on Pei Ming in ways he’d never been able to with another friend, not like the way he had with Xie Lan. Pei Ming felt deeply about Mu Qing, that it was different. He wasn’t sure how to say it in any other way. 

They’d crossed such intimate lines though, wasn’t it already confusing enough?

Weren’t they already so bound by everything that had happened that it would be too easy to imagine sharing a permanent space? He made Mu Qing happy, being around. He made Feng Xin… well, there wasn’t really words for that either. It was easier not thinking about Pei Ming at all.

”I’ll consider it. I have to talk to Mu Qing first.”

”Naturally,” Pei Ming said with a grin. “Our little drunk gets the final say.”

Our. Since when had it stopped bothering Feng Xin when Pei Ming said things like this?

”White fence,” Mu Qing murmured into his pillow,” and children cats.”

Feng Xin glanced back to Pei Ming.

”Does it have a fence?” He asked, jokingly.

Pei Ming smiled wide,” I could build one.”

Chapter Text

  Two weeks after the traumatic night, Mu Qing finally had his stitches taken out. It had been two weeks refraining from any extraneous activities, which meant that he stewed in any frustration and found no physical outlet for TWO WEEKS. That was the longest they’d ever gone since dating. It wasn’t for a lack of trying either. Feng Xin had woken up once, Mu Qing with his hands down his pants, playing innocent, trailing fingers up and down his thigh until he reached for him. 

  Feng Xin had nearly choked on air. Pei Ming was on the other side of them, fast asleep, mouth slack against his own arm. He’d been tempted. What was a silent hand job to a man who wouldn’t know any better? Besides, if Pei Ming did find out, he didn’t think he’d be too upset. Still, he’d like to think they had some decency left. 

  The days that Mu Qing wasn’t angry with them, he still was. He never revealed his back, but he wore fitting shorts around that could easily be underwear, bit at the edge of his lip as he stared with a fixated gaze at whoever was in the room.

  He didn’t want to be touched, not unless he initiated it. There were still times he was deep in thought, fingers running along his shoulder as if he were thinking about the word further down. Those were the nights he slept on the other side of the bed, with one of the others in the middle, turned away from them both. 

  The week following his stitch removal was not like this.

How were they supposed to do anything still at Pei Ming’s though? Wouldn’t that be weird? They really should have went back to their place, but instead they’d only visited a few moments to grab more of their things! He might as well as just agree to Pei Ming’s suggestion and move in with him. A house would be nice. They wouldn’t even need to worry about rent, not that they even paid it now. Feng Xin didn’t know. The past two weeks had been confusing as hell. 

  He had yet to bring it up to Mu Qing.

”So you’re serious then?” Mu Qing’s voice came from the kitchen.

Feng Xin slowed his steps in the hall, curiosity winning over as he turned the corner to find a bare chested Pei Ming. He leant forward into Mu Qing’s space, whispering something low.

Mu Qing rolled his eyes, but when he pushed him away it was only playful.

”Please,” Mu Qing said,” I highly doubt that.”

The hand that he’d raised to push against him hadn’t yet removed itself.

Were they about to fuck in the kitchen or something?

Feng Xin cleared his throat, but instead of looking ashamed like he’d assume Mu Qing would, the man only turned with a grin. His hand lowered to Pei Ming’s arm instead.

”A’Xin, do you want to join us?”

”…Uh, what exactly are you two doing?”

”Obviously making dinner,” he said,” What else would we be doing in a kitchen?”

  Feng Xin narrowed his gaze and looked to Pei Ming, who shrugged a little helplessly. They did have ingredients out, but that still didn’t explain the reason Pei Ming didn’t have a shirt on and why he was being groped so openly. He decided not to make a fuss though, because it had been a while since Mu Qing was in a good enough mood to call him A’Xin. What he hadn’t been expecting was for Pei Ming to trail his own hand across his lower back as he passed for the bottle of cooking wine. He looked up, only for Pei Ming to reveal nothing in his face.

Well, it was to be expected, the sudden new touches. It’s not like Pei Ming had been able to get any either. He’d said it himself, he hadn’t been seeing anyone lately. Just three guys touch starved… in a shared space.

 They cooked dinner together with minimal fuss. Mu Qing brushed hair back behind his shoulder and Feng Xin thought about how he’d use to kiss his neck with such ease. His fingers clenched around the knife he used to cut the vegetables. Honestly, was there no end to this need? 

  They finished a few assignments after dinner, where Feng Xin remained distracted by the way Mu Qing bit at the edge of his pen when a question was too difficult to answer right away. He kept receiving texts. Feng Xin was sure it was just Shi Qingxuan or Xie Lan, but still, he thought they’d received enough attention lately. During class, Mu Qing had become more determined to give them more of his time, leaving Pei Ming and him to discuss things alone. He didn’t mind it. Pei Ming was easy to talk too, but at home, he thought it best to have him focused on them.

  Sometimes when it wasn’t too late, they’d watch a movie together on the couch. Mu Qing had become accustomed to lying on his side, so he pressed his head into Feng Xin’s lap, and lied his feet in Pei Ming’s. It was hard to pay attention to the movie, because when Feng Xin looked over, he noticed Pei Ming rubbing the man’s feet, almost mindlessly, as if it were so natural for him to do so. Mu Qing let out soft, content sighs, brushing his fingers over Feng Xin’s thigh.

This was weird, wasn’t it? He thought it should be, but the touch felt so damn nice that he wanted for anything. His own fingers brushed through Mu Qing’s hair, began to trace along the nape of his neck. Mu Qing shifted, lips open against his shorts. Fuck. What was the movie about?? It was a historical drama he thought. It was a serious film about the suffering of peasants in the Middle Ages, and something about a romance. There were horses. Think about the dirty streets of the poor!

 He was hard.

When the movie ended, he had no actual clue what the fuck was going on.

He didn’t know what was going on when they got into bed. They switched that night, Feng Xin in the middle, which wasn’t common, but he didn’t mind it much. It was warm on both sides, and Pei Ming always had the air on blast. It was twenty minutes in, long enough for Mu Qing to fall into a light slumber, for Feng Xin to realize he was still wide awake. His arm wrapped around Mu Qing, face pressed into his neck. A single hand moved to his waist, and then froze.

Had… Pei Ming thought it was Mu Qing?

Did he normally hold him at night when Feng Xin was asleep?

 He waited, and the fingers retreated slowly, until Feng Xin acted without thinking, taking the hand that had been resting on Mu Qing’s stomach to grab the one currently holding him. He heard a soft breath in response.

What was he doing? 

Why had Feng Xin grabbed him?!

He released the hand, swallowing a lump in his throat as he moved back to Mu Qing. Pei Ming shifted behind him, pressed forward slightly until his thigh found the back of his. Feng Xin didn’t move. Minutes passed, and then, the hand returned, a little more confident than before. 

  Pei Ming’s warm fingers traced the bare skin underneath his shirt, and Feng Xin closed his eyes in response. It felt nice, relaxing almost if he weren’t running around so bothered all the time. Hesitantly, he shifted back, a plead for him to continue without having to admit it out loud. He just needed something to sleep. This gentle, curious hand coaxed him into something soft. 

…Annnnd, he was hard again. 

  Honestly, Feng Xin was just going to throw decency out the window and fuck Mu Qing properly. It’s what he wanted. There was no reason to deny him, even if doing it another man’s bed, Pei Ming’s of all people, felt like he was breaking some sort of unspoken rule. It was just… confusing, okay?! Their friendship was growing and they’d gone through some pretty tough shit together and he was riled up, so it was completely normal to react in such a way when Pei Ming was the one who’d reached for him first! That’s what he was telling himself anyways.  

“Wait-“ Feng Xin lifted himself from the couch when Mu Qing came from the bedroom fully dressed, hair pinned back and his laptop bag hanging off one shoulder. “Why does it look like you’re going somewhere?”

”I have an appointment.”

”Is Pei Ming taking you?”

… Maybe he could rub one out.

”I’m getting a ride.”

”From who?” Pei Ming shot out, coming from the kitchen.

Mu Qing rubbed the tension between his brows and let out a deep sigh.

”A friend. Can you two stop treating me like a child? I’ll be fine. I have pepper spray.”

”What friend?” Feng Xin asked.

“A girl from class. We’re studying together, at the library. You can check my location if you don’t believe me.”

A girl from class? Since when did Mu Qing start making new friends? It’s not like Feng Xin didn’t believe him, it was just odd.

”I’m trying to get my life back together,” Mu Qing informed,” which would be easier if you two didn’t constantly worry every time I put on my shoes.”

  Right. They probably weren’t helping him feel any better by ‘breathing down his neck’. Feng Xin forced the tension in his shoulders to drop and said with even more effort.

”Enjoy yourself.”

Mu Qing shook his head, smiling slightly.

”Ugh, you two are too much.”

He moved to Feng Xin, leaned forward to press a kiss to his lips in parting. When he pulled away, he eyed Pei Ming from where he leant against the wall separating the kitchen and dining area. Mu Qing tilted his head with a light smirk.

”Go ahead,” Feng Xin said without thinking.

  Mu Qing raised a brow in his direction.

”What?” He asked with a shrug,” You want to kiss him goodbye too.”

Genuine surprise crossed both of the men’s features. Mu Qing crossed the room though, kept looking back to Feng Xin, as if he weren’t sure if he were joking. He hadn’t asked at the party, but now that they were all living peacefully, it wasn’t like he had any reason to try to pull a reaction from them both out of anger. He stepped before Pei Ming, who was staring at Feng Xin with wide eyes.

”Too much…” Mu Qing whispered, sounding fond, and then he pressed a much gentler peck to his lips than he had before. When he turned back to Feng Xin, his eyes were lit with interest. “You two should really start kissing more.”

“What?” Feng Xin asked.

”I’ll be back in an hour or so… Have fun.”

   Well, that wasn’t going to happen. How was Feng Xin supposed to sneak away and dream about Mu Qing’s legs wrapped around him when Pei Ming was there? He remained on the couch, watching crime shows back to back and tried not to boil over when a commercial about cologne was a little over the top with its sensual message. About thirty minutes in, Pei Ming lowered onto the couch beside him. He ignored his presence for the most part, until he could feel his stare so much that half his face had become hot.

He turned, gaze narrowing.

”What?”

Pei Ming lowered an arm onto the cushion, pressed his fist to the side of his head with a growing grin.

”I can’t just admire you?”

”Save the lines for Mu Qing,” he said.

”Come on,” Pei Ming teased,” You’ve noticed it too, haven’t you? The energy…”

”I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  Pei Ming sighed as he shifted, his fist dropped, an open palm pressed against his leg. Feng Xin lowered his gaze to it. Just breathe. It’s just Pei Ming being Pei Ming. He’s always been weird. 

“Mu Qing’s forgiven us,” Pei Ming continued,” He’s… said some things.”

”What are you getting at?”

Pei Ming chuckled, running a thumb across the bare part of thigh where his shorts had ridden up. It wasn’t awful. It was actually quite nice, which was exactly why Feng Xin should be telling him to stop. This was fucking weird, and he had to know it. They didn’t do this. He wasn’t supposed to be the victim to his practiced charm! Where was Mu Qing??

  “I get it. You’re not sure how to take me.” Pei Ming stopped his movements, eyes meeting his again, slightly more serious,” but you need to know that I care about you both. I… want you both.”

”Pei Ming,” he warned. 

“Mu Qing’s given me the okay,” he informed, leaning forward,” He wants me to. We talk about it a lot. He says you might feel the same.”

Mu Qing… what?

Pei Ming pulled his thigh closer to his own as he moved, and Feng Xin froze. He was going to kiss him. They had no excuse like the threesome had given them. This was genuinely something between the two of them. Feng Xin didn’t have Mu Qing there, telling him what to do. He panicked, turned his head away just before Pei Ming tried to press their lips together. The man sighed, but his voice still sounded warm and unguarded. Feng Xin could feel his breath against his cheek.

“Feng Xin, it’s okay.”

“Okay?” He asked, not daring to turn to face him. It wasn’t like Feng Xin to falter like this. Was he really losing his mind?

”Kiss me,” Pei Ming said,” and if you hate it we never have to do it again. Does that sound fair?”

  “Fuck,” Feng Xin muttered,” Maybe I am losing my damn mind.”

Pei Ming opened his mouth to speak, but Feng Xin had already turned his face to meet his. He pressed his lips against his, eyes widening at his own reaction. It felt as if his body moved before his mind could fully comprehend it. The hand on his thigh tightened slightly, and Pei Ming met him just as easily as his words, parting his mouth open, his other hand moving to cup his face. It was less hungry than the sex. It was strange, and Feng Xin wasn’t even sure if he liked it, but then he was moving still. He was grasping at the fabric of Pei Ming’s sleeve as his eyes closed in acceptance.

  He fell back against the cushions, a breath escaping in the momentary pause when Pei Ming shifted to press against him. The man lowered, swiped his tongue along Feng Xin’s bottom lip in question. He allowed this, the heated moment was silencing any sanity he had left, that he was willing to chase Pei Ming’s taste with his own. 

He was fucking insane.

There was no other explanation. 

His leg raised to press against Pei Ming’s waist. A friction stirred him awake, and he gasped between moments he was allowed air, only to be attacked again. He was losing this battle, head tilting in need for more warmth, fingers tightening in Pei Ming’s hair. He wanted this. He wanted the urgent hands skimming his thigh, underneath his shirt. 

  Pei Ming met his urgency, rolled into the hardening length pressed into his stomach. Feng Xin threw his head back against the arm rest of the couch, and he arched into him. He couldn’t think. He only knew that his body wanted its release and this man had promised to give it to him. A hand slid underneath his back, pushed him into something hard and wanting. He should be pushing him away, but Feng Xin was already a mess. He had been for two weeks. 

The fingers in Pei Ming’s hair grasped for his shirt instead, the other rose to his arm, each wave of continuing bliss could be felt in every part of him. He gasped against his lips, and they began to rock against the couch, grinding against each other, kisses growing sloppy and desperate. He was going to die. He was sure of it. If he didn’t cum now, he’d never see the light of day.

  Mu Qing had said this was okay, right? He’d wanted it. There was no retreat. Feng Xin tightened his thighs, until they were so closely pressed against one another that they only needed shallow movements to rub each other off with their bodies. Pei Ming broke off, but his lips pressed into the nape of Feng Xin’s neck, tongue tasting his skin, causing him to hiss out in his sensitivity, trembling when he began to suck a mark. He should tell him to stop. Fuck. He didn’t want to, not right now. 

  He came with a sound that was embarrassing the moment his ecstasy shattered and crossed him over into the bright light of a thunderous orgasm. He had to have left marks against Pei Ming’s arm with how tight he clung to him, and then dropped, just as Pei Ming’s own noise of completion was finished with a hot breath against Feng Xin’s ear. They both took moments catching their breath. Pei Ming still had his face stuffed into the nape of his neck.

Very slowly, Pei Ming lifted himself, dropped to his side of the couch. 

…

What the fuck had he just let happen?

…

  Feng Xin kept in his spot, unable to move.

Pei Ming laughed to himself, still a little breathless.

”So… safe to say you didn’t hate it.”

”Fuck off,” Feng Xin said, but he was so weak it didn’t have much force. 

   Feng Xin dropped his hand. 

“Son of a bitch!” He turned his head from the mirror, catching Pei Ming leant up against the entrance to the bathroom,” What the hell were you thinking?! Did you really have to mark me??”

It wasn’t large, but it was obvious enough!

Fuck. What would Mu Qing think?

He’d told them to kiss, not to makeout and get off like two horny teenagers. This was bad. This was embarrassing, and all Pei Ming could do was stare at him and smirk.

”Relax,” Pei Ming said,” if you hate it so much, you should have told me to stop.”

”You-“ The front door opened, and Feng Xin brought a hand to his neck in deep turmoil. 

  Mu Qing was on the phone, and based on the tenderness in his tone, he must have been speaking to Feng Xin’s mother.

”Yes, of course. It’s been way too long.” He tossed something on the couch, glanced at Feng Xin with a raised brow, though he didn’t lower his hand even when the man seemed to notice immediately,” Alright. How about dinner tomorrow? My place…? Ah, no, no problem. You don’t have to bring anything. Well, you can bring that. Okay… I love you too. Bye.”

He let out a soft sigh, and then he turned completely to narrow his gaze at Feng Xin.

Shit.

   His lover stepped forward, brows furrowing, lips curled in an amused grin as he eyed his hand.

”A’Xin?”

Pei Ming bit back his own.

”Seriously, Pei Ming, did you have to rough him up? He looks so ashamed.”

Feng Xin’s eyes widened,” What?!”

He’d lowered his hand without thinking, and Mu Qing took a good long look at the mark imprinted in his skin and laughed. He quickly covered his lips with his hand. 

“Sorry,” Mu Qing said.” Sorry, A’Xin. You’re just… cute sometimes.”

What the fuck was happening? Feng Xin wasn’t cute. This wasn’t funny. Seeing his distraught, Mu Qing quickly straightened his face, moved to place both his hands against his chest. He still had to fight back a smile it seemed. Was he really this happy about this?

”Maybe we should go somewhere private and talk,” he whispered.

”…Anywhere away from that bastard is fine.”

“Give us a moment,” Mu Qing told Pei Ming, who gestured for them to do just that before Feng Xin was being led by the hand to the bedroom. He must have still been in shock.

  Feng Xin lowered onto the mattress, feeling Mu Qing’s gaze like a fire as he drug his hands across both of his own cheeks. Seriously, this wasn’t healthy. He wasn’t in his right mind even after the orgasm. Could a lack of sex really affect a man like this? They weren’t any help either, sharing secret looks between themselves, eyeing Feng Xin like he was hilarious. 

“A’Xin… are you okay?” Mu Qing finally asked.

”Why aren’t you upset? We were dry humping each other on the couch.”

Now that he’d said it out loud, he wanted to die.

”Did you enjoy it?”

”I-“ Feng Xin closed his mouth, shaking his head.” That’s not the issue here. Why did you tell Pei Ming that it was okay? That… you wanted us to… I’m just confused. This has been a very strange… I don’t even know what to fucking call it.”

Mu Qing smiled, but it was more fond than teasing now. He stepped before him and pressed his hands to Feng Xin’s shoulders.

”We deserve to be happy. Pei Ming cares about us, and I think it’s pretty obvious we both care about him,” Mu Qing said, running a thumb across his fresh mark,” but if this isn’t what you want, we can call it off right now. I love you, A’Xin. Your happiness means everything to me.”

Feng Xin lifted his gaze to meet his,” …but I wanted to get married to you one day.”

  Mu Qing pressed his forehead to his,” Idiot, we can still get married.”

“Oh.” Well, okay. He’d freak out internally about that later. “How does… three men doing something like this even work?” 

”You mean dating?”

”Yeah.”

“I don’t know,” Mu Qing admitted, lifting his head,” but probably like how we are now, but with more fun things involved.”

Fun things. What they had been doing on the couch… had been fun. He didn’t mind Pei Ming. No, fuck, now was the time to be honest with himself as much he hated it. Mu Qing and Pei Ming needed him to be honest. 

He genuinely cared for the man. He… was attracted to him in ways that didn’t make sense, in a completely different way than he was attracted to Mu Qing. He wanted to worship Mu Qing, devote his energy to pleasing him, adorning him with reverent touches. Pei Ming, on the other hand, challenged him, enticed him to use brute force only to sometimes lose it to Pei Ming’s witted charm. Was this okay? Mu Qing seemed so certain of what he wanted that Feng Xin couldn’t find it in him to be anxious. 

  If it went wrong… He’d still have Mu Qing. He firmly believed there was nothing that could come between them. 

“We can try it out,” Feng Xin said, finally.

Mu Qing’s eyes lit with excitement.

”Wait, really?” His fingers tangled in the back of Feng Xin’s hair,” Don’t say yes just for me. You really want to do this?”

He was fucking beautiful. There was nothing better than being the reason he smiled like this. Even if some part of him wasn’t struck by a confusing curiosity when it came to Pei Ming, he might have actually said yes just to see it. Everything else… they’d figure it out, if Mu Qing could just keep smiling like this.

  “He’s going to be even more annoying,” Feng Xin said.

Mu Qing nodded, pressing closer to him,” Oh, he most definitely will.”

Fuck it. After everything they’d been through…

Feng Xin leaned forward and pulled him in by the waist to close the distance. They shared a gentle kiss, and Mu Qing melted into it.

Chapter Text

  When they finally emerged from their private conversation, they found him lingering exactly where they'd left him, leaning against the back of the couch and pretending to inspect his nails. The act lasted all of three seconds before he noticed them. His head lifted immediately. For all his attempts at appearing indifferent, there was far too much hope in his eyes.

  Mu Qing guided Feng Xin forward by the hand, and Feng Xin caught the way he was trying and failing not to smile. He still wasn't entirely sure what he'd just agreed to. No, that wasn't true. He knew exactly what he'd agreed to. The problem was that he had no idea how any of this was supposed to work. There were no rules for this, at least none that Feng Xin knew, but he couldn't back out now simply because it was unfamiliar. They all deserved better than that.

  Pei Ming's gaze flickered between them, growing brighter with every passing second.

"Don't keep me in suspense," he demanded.

"We talked," Mu Qing said.

Gods. This was awkward.

Feng Xin rubbed a hand across the back of his neck.

"Uh..."

His eyes darted toward the wall, then the ceiling, anywhere but Pei Ming's face.

"You wanted both of us, so..." He grimaced. "Fuck. What do I say?” He asked Mu Qing quietly. 

Pei Ming immediately straightened, his eyes widening. As much as he liked to lean back into his confident charm, he looked far too excited and nervous to play it off with any smooth line. He read both of their faces, seemed to find something that was answer enough because he moved forward, lips curling into a wide grin.

"Is this actually happening?" Pei Ming asked.

  The sheer disbelief and joy in his voice was enough to make Mu Qing's smile escape entirely. He gave a small nod. That was apparently all the confirmation Pei Ming needed, because moments later, he cupped Mu Qing’s face and pressed a long kiss to his lips. When they finally separated, Pei Ming looked almost dazed. His gaze immediately shifted toward Feng Xin, hope and disbelief still written plainly across his face, as though he expected someone to tell him he'd imagined the entire thing.

Feng Xin rolled his eyes. Fuck it. If they were going to do this, might as well as go all the way. 

He grabbed a fistful of Pei Ming's shirt and pulled him into another kiss. It was nothing like their time spent heated on the couch, but it did something, might as well have altered the chemistry in Feng Xin’s brain. He didn’t actually hate kissing Pei Ming. It was just different. 

   When he stepped back, Mu Qing was watching them. Something dangerous flickered behind his eyes, a spark that hadn't been there moments before.

Pei Ming laughed breathlessly, one hand settling against Feng Xin's arm as though he couldn't quite stop touching either of them.

"Shit," he said. "I can't actually believe this is real."

"Did you two need an hour after getting off on the couch like horny teenagers or is it safe to assume we’re getting naked soon?” Mu Qing asked.

Pei Ming met Feng Xin’s gaze, eyes lit aflame. 

"You heard him."

  Nerves were destroyed underneath the weight of desire. The hesitation from their first time was replaced with desperation. Pei Ming opened Mu Qing’s mouth with his own, pressed his tongue inside to swallow his warmth. They were barely in the bedroom before Pei Ming dropped down to his knees before him, sought for the band of his pants, eyes wide in reverent awe as they slid down his pale thighs and to the floor with his underwear. The shirt he wore barely covered himself, and Feng Xin moved behind him, trailed his fingers over his bare ass as he pressed wet kisses against the nape of his neck. 

  “Qing’er,” Feng Xin whispered.

”Mm?” He’d become distracted too easily, fingers tangling in Pei Ming’s hair in response to the hot breath against the head of his cock. 

“Want to taste you,” Feng Xin said.

Every question and concern he had about this situation had been pushed aside for the waking dreams he’d had since they’d last touched. He wanted Mu Qing. He wanted this. 

“Taste me,” Mu Qing whispered. His voice drawled out to a soft noise of a pleasant breath, encompassed by lips swallowing him from the front. As Pei Ming worked him over, Feng Xin began to follow to his knees. He left his devotion in kisses against his ass, devoured his skin in gentle love marks, until his hands parted him open and he licked a long line against the tight muscle of his heat. Mu Qing gasped, and Feng Xin lifted his gaze long enough to see Pei Ming lift one of his thighs over his shoulder. Mu Qing pressed a hand to Pei Ming to steady himself, pressed back into Feng Xin to entice him to take what he wanted. 

  Pei Ming was making wet, hungry sounds with each bob of his head until he found an easy rhythm, and every noise that shattered the silence only had Feng Xin pressed hot into his own briefs. The tip of his tongue flicked itself across his hole, circling the tight muscle, enticing it to open for him. There was nothing more addicting than the way it clenched against him every time he pressed forward and Mu Qing didn’t seem to know whether to thrust into the mouth swallowing him or the one devouring him from behind.

  When Feng Xin wanted more depth so hungrily, he found Pei Ming’s hands had already moved to make it easier. He held Mu Qing open for him, who was gripping one hand in Pei Ming’s hair still and the other reaching to pull Feng Xin closer. The dual sensations must have been driving him insane. Good. 

  He ate like a man who’d never tasted the sweet fruits of a gods’ banquet, suffering from the lack of air merely to have moments more of the divine harvest. Eventually, the tension loosened around him, that he could push inside and fuck him with his greed. His own hand came to Pei Ming’s, gripping tight as he tried to reach further depths. Mu Qing’s body almost fell limp against him. Ragged gasps begged them to slow. 

“S-Stop!” He cried out, whining his pleas,” Too much. You have to-“

Pei Ming’s swollen lips parted from him, and Feng Xin’s chest rose frantically in search for air as he emerged. He could have cum like that, without even a single hand down his shorts. One day he hoped to die an old man with the taste of Mu Qing lingering on his tongue. 

 “Fuck,” Mu Qing laughed out breathlessly, and the thigh hanging on Pei Ming’s shoulder dropped. “Are you two trying to kill me?”

”He can still speak full sentences,” Pei Ming said, eyeing Feng Xin,” I don’t think he’s had enough.”

  His hand guided his shirt higher up Mu Qing’s stomach, and then he trailed his lips further up, as he rose from the floor. He caressed his navel, found a nipple to latch onto as he continued watching Feng Xin. In the light, the glistening saliva against the worked bud looked so evocative that it wouldn’t have been in man’s nature to ignore the other yet to be hardened by touch. Feng Xin raised to press his face into Mu Qing’s neck, sucking the skin, biting down enough to entice another broken sound as his hand moved to rub the other. He pinched it between his fingers, let his fingernail drag across the tip until it was obediently firm. 

  Pei Ming broke off, for a moment the heated flow of his movements stilled in the mesmerization of his gaze. His fingers brushed against Feng Xin’s arm, and he leant forward, sharing the taste of Mu Qing’s precum still coating his tongue. A hungry groan escaped, and it took a moment to realize midst battle, that it had been Feng Xin. He grabbed a fistful of Pei Ming’s hair. They parted only briefly, before Pei Ming stole another kiss. Feng Xin could feel the way his lips had curled into a delighted smirk and the hand that lowered to cup the hard length waiting in his shorts.

”I don’t think you’ve had enough either.”

   Mu Qing blinked. Feng Xin had noticed it before, but it seemed that every time the two men touched in front of him that he was on the precipice of bliss. Pei Ming seemed to catch on just as quickly. After savoring the taste of Mu Qing’s lips, leaving him standing there in a daze, he tugged on Feng Xin’s shirt.

  He took turns, favoring the men with his adorning kisses as they undressed. Pei Ming nearly got lost in his own shirt out of excitement, and Feng Xin laughed as he moved to help him out of it. A curious hand, one that was allowed this now, much differently than their first time, pressed an open palm against Pei Ming’s chest. It slid further down the warm muscle of his stomach until his fingers curled into the band of his pants.

  When they were naked Mu Qing rose his fingers to his own shirt and froze. It seemed he’d forgotten in the old motion of undressing, his new anxiety, the one that had him clenching against the fabric and staring at the bed as if it would swallow him whole. His two lovers acted quickly. Feng Xin pressed Pei Ming back against the mattress, whose naked body was akin to the same godly plane Mu Qing had been created from, though where Mu Qing’s lithe body mesmerized those who were allowed to look, Pei Ming was more like a sculpture that Feng Xin wasn’t certain how to touch. 

  He missed seeing all of Mu Qing desperately, and for moments he found the bitter resentment for what had been done to him, but it was shadowed by his desire to bring the man comfort. He pressed a hand to Mu Qing’s waist and guided him to straddle Pei Ming. He did so without complaint, even barely stifling a noise when he dropped and all of Pei Ming’s glory rubbed the parting of his cheeks. 

  Pei Ming distracted him further, brushed a hand through his hair and whispered something against his mouth before licking into it. Mu Qing grasped his shoulder. He shifted further into his lap when Pei Ming sat up, and Feng Xin thought for a quick moment, fuck, they actually look good together. Mu Qing pressed his face into Pei Ming’s neck when he moved to whisper into his ear.

”No,” Mu Qing whispered back,” I don’t…I don’t think he would let you.”

Feng Xin paused from where he’d been opening a new bottle of lube,” Let him what?”

Mu Qing blushed red, parts of his face hidden with his hair.

”He wants to fuck you,” he said.

”Pft, keep dreaming.”

Feng Xin wasn’t a bottom. 

  Pei Ming curled his lips at this, pouting playfully at him from over Mu Qing’s shoulder,” Maybe next time.”

Honestly, he played too much. He was just about to inform him of that, had Mu Qing not pushed Pei Ming down again with a hand to his chest, and then lowered his lips to it, putting himself on display for Feng Xin. He spread his legs, used trembling fingers to part himself.

”Prep me well then, A’Xin.” He arched his back, let out another desperate noise when Pei Ming began to make love to his neck,” I-I want to take you both…” His fingers clenched tight against himself,” together.”

Pei Ming stilled. 

Feng Xin let out an ungodly amount of lube into his hand out of surprise.

“Like last time?” He asked, not sure if he’d heard him right.

“At the same time,” Mu Qing mumbled shyly. 

  Fuck. No. Wait. Fuck.

Could they do that?

Wouldn’t it hurt?

Feng Xin’s internal dialogue was easily read on his face, and Pei Ming met his gaze with wide eyes. The man cupped Mu Qing’s face into his hands, as if he still weren’t certain that this was all actually taking place and checked him, found something that made him grin wide. Mu Qing dropped a hand to steady himself.

”You’re so pretty,” Pei Ming whispered,” and I think I’m going to die.”

“Wait, Qing’er, are you sure you want to do this?” Feng Xin asked,” It might hurt a lot. You haven’t…” You haven’t been fucked in a while.

”I want to try,” Mu Qing said.

  Pei Ming was staring at him with immense adoration and lust intertwined. He didn’t look away from him when he spoke to Feng Xin.

”He knows his safe word,” he reminded, using the same words Feng Xin had their first time. And in a softer voice,” We’ll be gentle, won’t we?”

“I trust you,” Mu Qing affirmed.

He lowered then, settled between Pei Ming’s thighs. Feng Xin ran a tentative finger between his cheeks, stared in wonder at the sight before him. At the same time? Mu Qing seemed so sure of this, that Feng Xin had no other choice than to trust that the man would know his limits, speak up if it was too much, but even then he had to be careful. He had to look for signs of pain. 

  He had to pretend he wasn’t so hard that it was painful, try to not lose his own mind.

His finger breached the first part of muscle. He knelt down to kiss against the shirt covering his back, pressed forward, until heat clung to him, tight, enough to truly worry him. There was no way they were both going to fit… There was a little resistance when his knuckle sunk further, but Mu Qing moved his hips, wet sounds emanated from where he’d wrapped his lips around Pei Ming’s head.

  He opened him slowly, let Pei Ming distract him with his pleased murmurs, the words “pretty” and “fuck” escaped so many times that Mu Qing was growing more confident. The parts of him that thought too much were being sedated into a pleasant high. He wanted more. He pushed back on the second finger Feng Xin offered, lube coating his insides to ease the stretch. 

When Feng Xin looked over at them, Mu Qing had half his face resting against Pei Ming, licking up a long line along his cock, rubbing his lips against the head with a half lidded, glossy gaze. 

“Ngh, A’Xin,” he murmured,” Add another one.”

”Have you been touching yourself here?” He asked.

”Mm,” Mu Qing looked away,” I was careful.”

  No wonder he showed no hesitation. He was taking the stretch without any sign of true discomfort, pliant to Feng Xin’s movements, desperate for something more. When had he found the time in the midst of healing from his injuries? How long had he waited until the burn of starvation had been too much to handle? 

“Qing’er…”

And there Feng Xin had been, driven to desperation that he ended up dry humping Pei Ming on the couch. Not anymore. He was going to take what was being offered, remind the body writhing with his fingers alone what being full really meant. He pushed a third in, just the tip and Mu Qing gasped out loud, shattered words were so broken that Feng Xin wasn’t sure what he spoke. If not for the way Mu Qing fucked himself back, took the hot stretch like it was his only cure, Feng Xin might have hesitated. 

 He was reminded of their first time when Mu Qing had been so scared to take all of him, could barely relax around the intrusion. He felt some sense of pride that he could work him up to this, curling his fingers inside him, parting them slightly to feel against his clenching walls.

How deep could one man possibly go? How much more could Mu Qing physically take? 

“Ngh-“ Mu Qing dropped his head, crying out against Pei Ming’s stomach,” N-no. Wait. I’m ready.”

Pei Ming smirked, lowered his gaze, and when Feng Xin followed he found Mu Qing squeezing himself tightly. He had a decent view from the opening of his legs.

”Three fingers won’t be enough,” Feng Xin informed him.

”It will,” Mu Qing whined,” Please, A’Xin. It will.”

  Pei Ming brushed hair back behind Mu Qing’s ear, gentle in his tone, as if he could wait all night long despite the hunger in his eyes.

”We’re thicker than three fingers,” he said.

”I can take it,” Mu Qing insisted. “L-let me show you.”

Feng Xin sighed,” We’ll try, but you need to be honest about how it feels.”

”Duh.”

Pei Ming bit back a grin, though it was short lived when Mu Qing positioned himself back into his original position, ass rubbing against the cock he’d just been toying with in his mouth. Saliva coated his cheek, pre cum pressed like lube against his skin. Pei Ming’s eyes widened slightly, glancing to Feng Xin.

  “Wait,” Feng Xin said, taking hold of Mu Qing’s arm,” He doesn’t have a condom yet.”

”No condoms,” Mu Qing informed.

… He couldn’t just say it out loud, but seriously, fucking Pei Ming raw was… dangerous. He had much more experience with different people!

”I… I’m clean,” Pei Ming said, catching his concern,” I have my papers in my dresser if you’d like to check,” and when Feng Xin still didn’t seem certain he added quietly,” I got tested when we started hanging out.”

This was new territory. Feng Xin had felt some type of way about Pei Ming entering Mu Qing in the first place, but he’d allowed it. He’d enjoyed the idea of Mu Qing feeling safe enough to share his desires, and that had been that. Feng Xin was the only man who’d been inside him without a single barrier. He was the only one who’d filled him to the brink with cum. His body knew Feng Xin. 

  This body, beautiful and pale and wanting, was his.

“A’Xin?”

They weren’t just passing Mu Qing around like he was a piece of meat. This was different. They all held something more intimate than the need to get off. Pei Ming had been there for them, cried for them, risked dying at the hands of a psycho masked man to save Mu Qing…

It wasn’t just two lovers sharing their bed with a friend anymore.

This was them. 

“Fuck,” Feng Xin lowered a hand to Mu Qing’s waist. “Okay,” he said,” no condom.”

  While every part of his possessive nature was screaming at him to hold on, it was drowned out by the fascination in Pei Ming’s face. Since when did he care about making him happy? This choice had been his own, but something lightened within him when he looked at them both.

  It was a slow process. Even without the stitches Feng Xin was wary about moving too quickly, and he was still mentally trying to dissuade his need to possess the body he’d been trusted to care for. He guided him by the waist, Mu Qing’s own hand came to Pei Ming’s chest for leverage, rising up as he aligned Pei Ming with his other. His head dropped back slightly as he sunk down, letting out a soft sigh of content when the girth pressed further inside. 

Feng Xin couldn’t deny the sight wasn’t fucking breathtaking. He could already imagine, as he had the past few weeks, being held within him. He was seated so well, on the brink of ecstasy, waiting so patiently for Feng Xin to join them. Mu Qing looked back over his own shoulder, perched in Feng Xin’s lap, straddling Pei Ming’s. 

Feng Xin had to rest his own legs against Pei Ming’s thighs for it to work. The position was much more intimate than the last time. Pei Ming traced his fingers down Feng Xin’s skin, coaxed him forward with a pleasant sigh when he met the depths of bliss. He stroked himself as he pressed into the muscle already parted open. When Mu Qing shifted, Feng Xin’s head brushed past the remainder of Pei Ming’s length, and the man hissed out in his sensitivity, but remained perfectly still.

  This felt dangerous. Feng Xin couldn’t fathom how this would work, but Mu Qing had insisted. It took a few attempts, pushing in different angles, different small shifts of Mu Qing’s body for him to find a place for himself. When his head caught, forcing open what was already wrapped so perfectly around another he took the initiative to try pressing forward. His arm wrapped around Mu Qing’s chest, thumb running against his parted lips. 

  It was a searing heat, the clench of walls were almost painful as he stilled to allow Mu Qing time to breathe. Feng Xin uttered out curses, broken whispers in the silent room, their harsh breaths the only sound between their movements. Pei Ming’s fingers clenched painfully against him, and he was glad for it. Better Feng Xin be the anchor torn into than Mu Qing.

Another inch was taken captive, his own body didn’t know the difference between the inner walls of Mu Qing and the thick length of the straining man underneath. It felt as if he’d split him open, but Mu Qing was doing so well. His hair fell back against Feng Xin’s shoulder as his head dropped completely. He was halfway when the man finally cried out, and Feng Xin stilled when he felt the hot tears against the hand cupping half of his face. His eyes widened, worried that he’d moved too fast.

  “Th-“ Mu Qing’s fingers clenched into his own palm,” That’s all, A’Xin. N-no more.”

”We can stop,” Feng Xin said.

”No! Right there,” Mu Qing pleaded, and he rolled his hips once, gasped against Feng Xin’s thumb before taking it into his mouth. He sucked on it, tried another testing thrust, and Feng Xin saw stars.

What the fuck was happening?

Pei Ming moaned out, hitching his hips automatically, only to still himself with a tight, pained expression. Mu Qing wasn’t allowing them to think. Feng Xin wasn’t even completely inside, but it didn’t matter. Every time he pushed back, he was being stroked and rubbed, his head had found an enticing part within him, against Pei Ming that he might as well have been swallowed completely. 

  He had no control of the situation. Mu Qing had taken it from them both.

”Does it feel good?” Pei Ming asked between a breath, his finger nails still continued to drag themselves across Feng Xin’s thigh. 

Mu Qing’s legs had began to shake in the midst of fucking himself back, and once, panting from overexertion, Mu Qing led trembling, curious fingers along his opening, the two men pressed tight inside and whimpered out a pleased noise. He’d fucked the lube back out, and it coated parts of what he couldn’t take, Feng Xin’s stomach, and the precious pale thighs straddling Pei Ming. 

“I-“ Mu Qing’s own fingers left long lines of red across Pei Ming’s chest,” It’s so much.”

”Too much?” Feng Xin asked.

”Can you-“ another moan interrupted his words, but he was determined to speak them, even when Feng Xin began to tease the nipples under Mu Qing’s shirt. “A-Ah, cum inside. A’Ming too.”

  Pei Ming’s eyes widened in shock. It was hard to tell if it was from the request or nickname alone, but then Feng Xin didn’t have much time before Pei Ming was gasping and arching his entire body. His body spasmed gently, a warm release coated Mu Qing inside, trickled down Feng Xin’s cock, white thick globs that he was forced to fuck back in himself when Pei Ming fell limp underneath. He released himself from Mu Qing’s tight body, chest rising frantically, and Feng Xin finally pierced Mu Qing the way he wanted, until his head could brush against that soft button waiting inside. The movement was easier, lube and cum came out each time he pushed inside, wet, sloppy sounds of skin on skin filled the room. 

  He snapped his hips, and Mu Qing dropped into Pei Ming’s chest, lips pressed against his skin as he reached down to stroke himself with frantic need. Pei Ming raised a hand, almost pressed to the man’s back only to remember at the last moment and situate it on his waist instead. He was barely present, but even in his post orgasm he sought to please them.

“Fuck it deeper for me,” Pei Ming whispered to Feng Xin.

This broke the lines of his reality, the single cord tethering his mind and body snapped. 

“Cum for us baby,” Pei Ming said, tangling fingers into Mu Qing’s hair. “Show us how much you like it.”

”I-I love it,” Mu Qing gasped, and then he trembled into submission, strings of his own pleasure painted Pei Ming’s stomach just as Feng Xin reached his own. 

  The mess of their delight painted the air with their scent. He didn’t think he could cum this much, but even when he pulled out to offer Mu Qing relief, a bead of white rolled over his head to smear in the mess collecting along Mu Qing’s taint. In a daze, Feng Xin watched Pei Ming lift a finger to the mess on his stomach as Mu Qing rolled onto his side beside him. He gathered what he could and pressed it to his own lips, savoring the taste with a pleased hum.

  Feng Xin acted without thinking, lowering down with a primal need. 

His tongue caressed Pei Ming’s stomach to collect what was left, the familiar savory taste that was Mu Qing alone filled his mouth, coated his throat when he swallowed. His lips parted again, and Pei Ming gasped underneath him.

”Ah, wait. I can’t get hard again.”

Mu Qing could be heard from the side, sounding both amused and exhausted,” It’s definitely trying to.”

  Feng Xin dropped to the other side of Pei Ming and closed his eyes. He only reopened them when he heard the shaky laughter that emanated from Pei Ming, who was staring at the ceiling with a look of bewilderment. 

“Shit,” he said, brushing a hand through his hair, bare chest still rising with his quick breaths. Feng Xin thought if anyone was going to join them, that he wasn’t too upset it was Pei Ming. “I can’t… Am I dead?”

“Shouldn’t we be asking Mu Qing that?” Feng Xin asked. He leant on his side, looking over at the man, who was running a hand along his own stomach in what appeared to be deep thought.

He didn’t seem to hear, and when he noticed both men staring, he lifted his head.

”What?”

“Feeling okay?”

”Oh,” Mu Qing’s lips curled into a beautiful grin, blushing red across his cheeks. “I’m just thinking.”

”Thinking?” Pei Ming questioned,” You haven’t been fucked out of your mind then? Should we go again?”

“I’m just…” Mu Qing looked at them both, moving to lie on his own arm,” I’m happy.”

Happy. It was all Feng Xin could ever want for, Mu Qing’s happiness. 

   In the early morning, Feng Xin woke up against Mu Qing’s side. His face was pressed into the pillow as he lied on his stomach, arm strewn out against Feng Xin’s own. For a moment he admired the soft beauty of his slumber, only to catch the movement from behind him. Pei Ming had not yet realized anyone was awake. He was too encompassed by the strand of hair he was pushing back behind Mu Qing’s ear as he stared at him in awe. His hand lingered, and then he lifted his head to meet Feng Xin’s gaze and smiled.

His fingers stretched over Mu Qing’s shoulders, and without speaking, he lowered them to Feng Xin’s face, trailed a thumb across his bottom lip. Feng Xin let out a short breath. 

  This was not what he’d been expecting, and it threw him, that he could only stare in his groggy state until Pei Ming finally spoke.

”I’ll make breakfast,” he whispered. “Keep him company.”

”Okay,” Feng Xin whispered back.

  It was a strange thing, between the three of them, though Feng Xin thought he was the only one who really noticed. They had breakfast together at the dining room table, after Mu Qing had a long and cleansing shower, wet hair thrown back behind one of their shirts. His legs brushed against Feng Xin’s under the table as he stirred his tea.

Pei Ming was quiet, which should have been concerning, but Feng Xin needed the time to think. Having sex was easier than whatever this was. They… were all in a relationship now, weren’t they? What exactly did that mean? Were Pei Ming and Mu Qing going to be having sex without Feng Xin? Were there certain boundaries they should be talking about now before it became too familiar? It felt as if he were the only one seriously considering these things. 

  “Your mother wants to come by the apartment to have dinner,” Mu Qing informed suddenly.

Feng Xin blinked. Right. He’d overheard. 

“I guess we could pretend that we still live there,” he said.

”Or,” Pei Ming suggested from the end of the table,” you could invite her here? I mean, eventually-“ he stopped himself, raising a brow at Feng Xin.

”What?”

”Did… you ever bring up what I asked in the car?”

”Oh, uh, no. I was waiting for him to heal completely.” 

“Bring what up?” Mu Qing asked.

  Pei Ming propped a hand up under his chin and gestured for Feng Xin to have the floor. Sneaky bastard. He wanted all of the reward and none of the work!

”Ugh,” Feng Xin set his cup of coffee down,” Fine. Pei Ming wants us to move into a house with him.”

”And now that we’re official,” Pei Ming added,” we could use the spare room as another office, or whatever you see fit. Honestly, I just want you two close by and this penthouse is a little much. It doesn’t feel domestic enough.”

”Domestic?” Feng Xin asked.

  Mu Qing stood up from his chair and placed his hands on the table.

”A house? A’Xin, what the hell? Why couldn’t you ask me when you found out?”

“Why are you yelling?”

”I’m not!” He said, and then he quieted his tone,” We could have a house, and we could adopt stray cats and-“ his eyes had widened with the excitement of possibilities. “A backyard. I want somewhere to sit outside and read, underneath an awning and plants, lots of plants like Xie Lan used to have at his place.”

”You can have anything you want,” Pei Ming said.

”And a library,” he said.

”That too.”

  Feng Xin huffed, though he was far too fond seeing the man like this to find anything annoying about how Pei Ming had brought it into the conversation with such ease. He’d always thought that Mu Qing would say yes, and now, he was even more certain that it was probably for the best. Pei Ming was easy to live with. If anyone had told him they’d be in this situation months ago though, he’d have told them to fuck off and laughed in their face.

”That settles that,” Feng Xin murmured.

”When are we moving?” Mu Qing asked. “Can I see it?”

Pei Ming eyed Feng Xin, and for fuck’s sake, he couldn’t help the smile that grew. It was ridiculous how sweet Pei Ming could really be. 

  Now, only if his mother didn’t kill him when they messed up and said the wrong thing. 

   She had an armful of plastic containers of food when Feng Xin opened the door to the penthouse. Her immediate reaction was one of complete amazement, but that quickly settled into something suspicious as she lowered the food onto the kitchen counter. Just hours before Mu Qing had set to cooking the meats, and Feng Xin had aided in prepping the vegetables. Halfway through the process, Pei Ming entered to check their work, which mainly consisted of hovering over Mu Qing’s shoulder, hand pressed to his waist as he whispered low. Feng Xin stopped in cutting onions to eye the two, not because he felt guarded, but because he didn’t know what to expect now. There was always a surprise he felt unprepared for lately. 

Pei Ming kissed Mu Qing’s cheek and then pulled away, smirking at Feng Xin as he stepped to his side.

”What?” Feng Xin asked.

”I’ve taken out the good wine,” Pei Ming informed, fingers skimming his back. His cologne rolled off of him effortlessly. His body pressed into him lightly, and Feng Xin couldn’t do much with his own hands covered in the battle of an onion war. “Does your mother prefer white or red?”

“White… I think.”

”Good,” he said,” I’m aiming to impress.”

  He parted, but not before placing a kiss to his shoulder. The simple act of affection threw him, but he didn’t speak against it, not even when Mu Qing looked at him with a humorous glint in his gaze. These two would certainly be the death of him one day.

  That was, if his mother didn’t kill him first.

She turned around from that same counter, her eyes squinting at him.

”Where is my future son in law?”

Just as she asked, Pei Ming came into view, dressed in a dark long sleeved buttoned shirt, the cuffs of his sleeve folded neatly to reveal a watch that could most likely pay the rent three times over. He offered the woman a grin in greeting, to which she immediately stiffened in surprise. They hadn’t exactly told her why they were meeting at the penthouse or to whom it belonged too.

”Mrs. Feng,” he said, offering out a hand, and when she reached to shake, he lowered a polite kiss that seemed to ease her sudden tension. “It’s a pleasure to be hosting you. I hope my place suits your tastes.”

“Oh,” she said,” This is yours? It’s very nice.”

Leave it to Pei Ming to smooth over his mother’s worries. 

“But… where is Mu Qing?”

”Oh, he’ll be out shortly. He had to get dressed.”

Feng Xin immediately glared at Pei Ming in response. Couldn’t he have made up a lie? It was already strange that they were using a friend’s place to host dinner, but now Mu Qing was changing there?

  His mother caught on quite quickly, brows furrowing.

”Ah, he uh spilt some wine on his clothes by mistake,” Feng Xin informed her. 

“I see,” she said. 

She saw too much already. Feng Xin wasn’t sure what sort of thoughts were swimming around in her head, but under no circumstance could she find out the truth about the nature of their relationship. It was new, and even if it wasn’t, how could one possibly explain this to an old fashioned woman who strived for her son to have a simple, healthy marriage one day? 

  When Mu Qing did emerge, they were having wine in the living room. Feng Xin bit the inside of his cheek. His mother immediately stood and lowered her glass to offer the man a hug, hands squeezing his arms.

”When I heard about what happened I was so worried! Feng Xin said you weren’t accepting visitors, but it just didn’t feel right!”

”It’s fine,” Mu Qing said gently, smiling at her,” I’ve healed for the most part. I’ve… been taken care of well.”

”Have you?” She asked, eyeing Feng Xin with a frown,” You know, if you ever need a place to stay I still have Feng Xin’s bedroom made up. You can pop in anytime! I know my son can be a bit much. He can be so rough, and I tell him all the time he needs to learn how to be more sensitive, but he loves you. Of course, he does. Just give him time, he’ll shape up.”

”Ma,” Feng Xin groaned.

”He really does treat me with the upmost care,” Mu Qing said.

”No more out of town trips!” She continued,” and carry pepper spray. Alright? We can’t have you running into anymore trouble.”

Mu Qing laughed, but it was sincerely fond. 

  When they did finally manage to sit down for dinner, Pei Ming watched them with something curious growing in his gaze. He sipped on his wine, brushing a leg against Feng Xin’s, who tried to appear unbothered as he cut into his steak.

”So…” his mother started,” how long have you two been staying here?”

Feng Xin nearly spit out his wine. 

“Huh?”

”Don’t huh me, boy. It’s not polite,” she said,” You think I didn’t come over to bring my future son in law food when he was so injured? It was late, so I thought to leave it at the door, but to my surprise the lady next door informed me that you hadn’t been home for a while, and I didn’t see your car in your usual spot.”

  Pei Ming offered nothing, but a shrug at Feng Xin.

“There’s mold in the kitchen and laundry room,” Feng Xin informed,” Pei Ming is helping out until we find a more suitable place. I didn’t want to risk Mu Qing’s health.”

”Mold?! Oh that landlord is so rotten!”

Mu Qing bit back a grin and reached for his wine, though something flickered in his gaze, something dangerously familiar. It was the look he used to give him when they weren’t exactly friends, the challenge set in place before he threw something unexpected out to trip him up.

”We found a house,” Mu Qing said.

“A house? Is it in the city? How…” she raised a hand to stop herself,” No, it’s none of my business.”

”How can we afford it?” Feng Xin assumed weakly.

”Well, yes. It’s so high nowadays, and you just quit your job, which by the way has been filled by one of Yin Yu’s friends. The poor boy is so helplessly in love, but I don’t think it’s mutual.”

”Ma…”

”Right, I’m getting off track. How is it that you’re affording rent?” She leant forward, eyes narrowing,” You haven’t asked your father for help, have you?”

  Feng Xin suddenly felt the air from the room escape. Is… that what had been on her mind? He’d been so caught off guard, that he didn’t have a lie for this. He’d done everything in his power to keep her from finding out that he’d ever met with him, but what could he say? It was the truth, part of it anyways.

“I’m not… No. What?”

”Feng Xin,” she said, and glancing to Pei Ming,” I apologize for questioning my son in such a setting, but if you knew who his father was, you’d be worried too.”

”Feng Rui?” Pei Ming asked,” Oh I’ve heard of him. I’ve seen his billboards, but Feng Xin isn’t getting help from him. I would know. I’m his best friend.”

  Pft. Best friend??

Well, it was better than saying they were currently seeing each other in a dynamic that his mother wouldn’t even know the meaning of. She’d have a heart attack if she knew all of the things that had transpired just last night.

”There’s something you’re not telling me.” 

“…”

“I haven’t been talking to that ba-“ he quickly changed the word he’d been about to use, clearing his throat,” him. I haven’t seen him since… you know.”

”Fine,” she said, wiping her face with a napkin,” Like I said, it’s none of my business, but I do worry. If you want Mu Qing to live a comfortable life, then getting a house would be rather difficult. You’re not working two jobs, are you? I can fire that boy, if you’d like. You can take a few more shifts and we’ve been busy enough I can even give you a raise-“

”Ma,” Feng Xin said,” We’re fine. Pei Ming is paying the rent.”

  She stopped, scanning his face before glancing to the man in question, who looked quite pleased at having been mentioned. Mu Qing finished his wine and reached for the bottle to pour more with a soft shake of his head. 

“He’s moving in with us,” Feng Xin continued. “So stop worrying so much. This has nothing to do with dad.”

”Well, why wouldn’t you just say that?!” And then very quickly added,” I know times are hard! There’s no shame in needing a roommate. What a gentleman, moving from this beautiful place to help you two. I’m very grateful you have such a caring best friend.”

  Pei Ming raised his glass as if to toast.

”I’d hardly call myself a gentleman. In truth, they’re helping me out. I get very lonely.”

Mu Qing laughed, and then pressed a hand to his lips.

”Sorry,” he said, coughing lightly,” Went down the wrong pipe.”

Feng Xin sent him a pained look. These two were working against him today.

  The worst of it came afterwards, when Feng Xin offered to walk her to her car after she’d said her goodbyes and forced all the leftovers on them for safekeeping. She was silent in the elevator, but before she opened her car door she lingered, stared up at her son with a frown.

”Pei Ming…” she asked,” is he into men?”

“Maybe,” Feng Xin said with a shrug. Wasn’t it better to play naive? He wasn’t actually sure anyways. Pei Ming had only ever slept with two.

”Hm,” she said thoughtfully.

”What?”

”Nothing, nothing,” she shook her head,” It’s just… I would reconsider letting him move in with you. He’s a lovely boy, and so handsome… the way he stares at you two though! You’re asking for trouble. What if he sweeps Mu Qing off of his feet and kicks you out?”

  Feng Xin took in a deep breath. Maybe he should have just admitted speaking to Feng Rui after all. 

“I don’t think you need to worry about that,” Feng Xin said. “Pei Ming is… in a committed relationship.”

”Still,” she whispered, as if there was anyone else present,” Mu Qing is a special person. Don’t mess around by inviting attractive men to live with you!”

“Okay, ma. I’ll reconsider.”

 It was always best to ease her worries. Sometimes he wanted to yell at her for being so overbearing, but she’d already sacrificed so much for him, and she always meant well. If she found Pei Ming alarming, then there was probably good reason from her perspective. It’s not like he hid his avid interest in the men, the fixated stares over his glass of wine. 

“And feed Mu Qing more!” She said,” He’s been losing weight!”

”I promise I’ll take care of him.”

”And yourself. There’s shadows under your eyes like you didn’t get any sleep!”

He hadn’t.

  He was beyond exhausted when he returned to the penthouse. He pressed open the door, heavy with his mother’s tension. She’d gone off for another twenty minutes about different things, which he kind of deserved. He hadn’t exactly been forthcoming lately, and he really had stopped showing up to work at the worst time. 

“What?! Oh, he’s going to kill you!” 

Mu Qing’s laughter rang out from the dining room, and when Feng Xin turned, he found him finishing off the last of his wine. Pei Ming had the audacity to look sheepish for what he’d done.

”…Kill him for what?” Feng Xin asked.

”Ah,” Pei Ming brought a finger to his lip,” You see, I may have mistaken your mother’s leg for one of yours during dinner.”

”He was playing footsie with your mom!”

  Feng Xin let out a very deep sigh. 

“Sorry,” Pei Ming offered wryly,” if it makes you feel better, you can make a fool of me in front of mine when she returns to the country.”

”You’re not planning on telling her, are you?” Feng Xin asked.

”Why not? I’m very proud of our situation, and it’s not like there aren’t rumors already. My father’s probably called her up to berate her for birthing such a nuisance of a son.”

Feng Xin’s eyes softened, and Mu Qing said,” You’re not a nuisance.”

The man lifted his empty glass and when he realized, set it down, something warm settling in his gaze.

”As far as I’m concerned, you two have the only opinions that matter.”

  And just what was Feng Xin’s opinion of the man? He hadn’t had much time to think, other than the obvious questions there were, but not to really wrap his head around the situation. Mu Qing and Pei Ming had no visible signs of awkwardness or concern. Could he even voice his own without sounding like an asshole who couldn’t make up his mind? 

Shit. Was he overthinking? Maybe he should just-

“I have to go,” Mu Qing said suddenly, peering down at a text on his phone. 

“What?”

”The group project needs me,” he said,” but it shouldn’t be too long.”

”Do you want a ride at least?”

Mu Qing smiled at them, moving to stand from his seat and grab a light coat hanging in the hallway closet.

”No need,” as he moved, he pressed a kiss to the side of Pei Ming’s head and then one to Feng Xin’s cheek,” See you in an hour. You two behave… or don’t. I don’t care.”

  He was out the door before Feng Xin could even process a response. 

Pei Ming settled back into his seat with a slow, growing smirk.

”I say we misbehave.”

   Mu Qing closed the door to the car that pulled up moments after receiving the text. He’d been warned that he’d have little time to prepare, but he was just relieved it hadn’t been during dinner with Feng Xin’s mother. It was hard enough lying to the two people that he cared about most. This was a necessary step into freedom. It’s what he kept telling himself anyways. 

“I have some bad news,” He Xuan said from the driver seat. 

“What else?” 

“Jun Wu is dead.”

Mu Qing eyes darkened on the road ahead.

”The only bad thing about that is that I didn’t do it myself,” he glanced to He Xuan,” Hua Cheng finally had enough?”

”He said things about Xie Lan that he couldn’t forgive.”

  Mu Qing hoped it was bloody. He hoped the pain didn’t recede until his soul was shattered in the void of nothingness. Without thinking, a hand came to his shoulder. There was a slight ache in his back from sitting so long. It only pissed him off more. He would have loved to see Jun Wu suffer. 

“What about Ling Wen?”

”She’s still open to speaking with us.”

Good. This entire thing would be pointless if she stopped talking. Jun Wu was dead, but the pain he spread through the fires wouldn’t fade into history until those involved suffered too. It was time for Mu Qing to stop being a damned victim. He’d learn everything he could, and when the time was right, he’d make the high and mighty fall.