Chapter Text
~KIP~
Kip’s jaw is on the floor. He can’t help but stare at the screen in horror. He knows hockey is a physical sport. A violent sport. It’s hockey. It's not exactly a secret.
He’s never seen Scott drop his gloves before. He’s never seen him get into an actual fight.
Kip is under no delusion that he doesn’t hurt or get hurt on the ice. He’s seen the bruises. Dressed the wounds. Just as he knows other partners have as well.
But slamming an opponent into the boards with a bit more aggression than necessary and punching Shane Hollander in the face are not the same thing.
Now that he’s thinking about it, Shane Hollander isn’t one to drop gloves either. Granted, he hasn’t been a hockey fan for very long - nor is he a hockey fan as much as he is just a Scott Hunter fan - but he does know that the man is well known for being the perfect image of a clean and ideal player.
Away games are harder for Scott, he has realized. Last time he was able to get the man to open up about it, he admitted he’s worried that he’s lost his ‘It factor’, which is not something Kip had ever heard anyone say in reference to any professional sports player… or whatever the proper word would be.
It was easy to figure out what he meant, though; he’s heard the podcasters say that Scott might be on his way out. That he’s having a harder time keeping up with the newer players. Kip doesn’t think he’s that old. Not in general by any means, but also in the world of hockey.
He’s learned a few things about hockey over his time with Scott. Not very much, but definitely more than he knew before. By a landslide. So he knows that Scott still has several good years left in the MLH if he wants them.
He plops himself down on Scott's couch and pulls out his phone.
Kip
Are you okay? You don’t normally
get into fights on the ice.
He knows Scott won’t be able to respond for a while. Even if the game is over, he still has to do the post after interviews, of which he imagines there will be a lot of, considering the fight. He’ll have to shower and talk to the guys as their captain.
He sets his phone down and walks away. If he doesn’t, his anxiety over Scott will get the best of him. The game is over, the screen now focusing on a shirtless and sweaty Scott, who has Kip’s mind wandering to things that should not be overtaking his concern.
“You and Shane Hollander are two of the least likely to drop gloves,” a far too enthusiastic reporter says from behind a mic. “Can you tell us what happened tonight that caused you to get into it?“
Scott laughs, but it’s entirely unnatural. Kip knows all of Scott’s laughs by now. His natural, genuine laugh. His sweet laugh. His awkward chuckle. His avoidance scoff. And this one, his annoyed huff of laughter that's always paired with the effort to hold back an eye roll.
“It’s always high emotions after the buzzer, win or lose. We just caught each other at a bad time, and things escalated more than they normally would.”
It’s a perfect non-answer. One that the journalist is clearly not happy with, but Scott moves his attention to someone else.
To Kip’s surprise, there aren’t any more questions regarding the fight between him and Shane. He’s seen the way they hound Ilya Rozanov and Ryan Price over and over again about their fights. That feels so opposite to Kip. He would think the press would be more likely to hound the players who almost never fight. Ilya Rozanov throws his gloves down about as much as the sun rises.
Now that the game is over, he turns the TV off and cleans up the dishes from the meal he made after putting the half he saved for Scott in a Tupperware and putting it in the fridge.
By the time he goes back over to the couch, grabbing his book and glasses off the side table, he has four new messages.
Scott
I can’t believe you still worry about me
getting hurt.
You know I play hockey for a living, right?
You’re sweet. I am okay. Just miss you.
I always play better when you’re in the stands.
Kip
I wish I could have been there tonight
Scott
I know
Me too
Scott doesn't say what Kip knows they're both thinking. That wishing things could be different doesn't make it any better. In all actuality, Kip thinks it makes it worse sometimes. The longing. The pining. All it does most of the time is draw more attention to all the things they don't have just because of how shitty the MLH culture is. Not that the world itself would be safe for them, but even so, the MLH feels decades behind.
Kip
When do you get back?
Scott
We land around noon.
Should be home around 2
Not soon enough
Kip
I miss you
Scott
I miss you more
Kip doesn't even try to hide his smile. Not that he would need to, he's alone in Scott's apartment. But still, sometimes he feels embarrassed about how hard and fast he has fallen for the man.
It's not unusual for him. Kip has always had a tendency to fall head over heels almost instantly. It's one of his worst qualities. Or his sweetest, if one were to ask Kyle, but Kyle has always been biased toward him. It's one of the reasons Kip loves him so much. He doesn't know what he would do without his best friend keeping him sane.
Without Kyle, Maria, and Elana to stop him from following every handsome man that smiles his way right off a cliff and into his own demise.
Kip fully expected the three of them to do the same with Scott. Elana specifically. She's always been so protective of him. He loves her for it, but it can be a bit much at times. To his surprise, she is quite supportive of them. Not to his surprise, she had to give him a stern talking to beforehand. The other two, though, have had one less conversation with the man. Which is to say, they have had none. He finally gave up the rouze that he was nothing more to Scott than the man who makes his smoothies, but that's all.
Scott wasn't entirely thrilled, but he did say he was happy that he had support. And apologized for keeping that from him. It was sweet. And they had make-up sex after. Really fucking hot make-up sex. And after, Scott said he was excited to meet them.
Someday.
It's always someday. Kip has begun to hate the word with a passion that he didn't think was possible to apply to something as simple as a grouping of letters.
He shakes himself from thoughts, hoping that he stopped the spiral before it can start spinning ever downward.
Kip
How's Hollander?
Also not much of a fighter, right?
Scott
Definitely not
He's probably fine. I instigated it so he
shouldn't get chewed out too bad
Kip
Oh it looked like he threw his
gloves down first
Scott
He did but I said something dumb
It's a long story
Kip tries not to grimace at what he knows is coming. He was going to spend the night back at his dad's tonight. He misses him. He feels like he hasn't been home in forever. His dad has almost assuredly figured out that he isn't actually staying with Elana by now.
It hurts him to think about what his dad could be thinking. What he might think Kip is up to. No way would his dad think he was fucking some married guy, right? He said that to Elana at the bar as a joke, but it's been weighing on him.
Surely his dad knows him better than that, right? If he were in his dad's shoes, he has no idea what would be going through his mind. He won't even blame his dad if that is what he was thinking. It's not like Kip has given him anything to go off of.
He decides it's better to rip the band-aid off now rather than allow Scott the pain of asking the question first. In all reality, he doesn't think it will really make a difference. Not to Scott anyway, the pain will be there regardless. But if he pretends like he's protecting Scott, too, it makes setting boundaries that much easier.
He has no idea whether that's healthy. And if he's honest with himself, he's too scared to find out.
Kip
I look forward to hearing all about
it when you get home tomorrow ❤️
Maybe the heart softens the blow, maybe not. That was the entire point of it, but as the three dots bounce in a line, his anxiety only spirals. Maybe the heart was only more salt in the wound. Maybe he should just stay here. Talk to Scott on the phone and let him tell Kip all about the fight.
It would be nice, actually, to hear his voice. To joke and laugh and talk all night until they fall asleep on the line. It sounds so lovely.
But he misses his dad so much. And he knows George misses him, too. Kip can hear it in his voice every time he calls now. The irritation that Kip is off doing god knows what with god knows who, and lying to him about it.
Kip has never been one to lie, and especially not to his dad. Even when he was in the closet, his dad was his safe space. Scott asked him once if it was hard to come out to his dad even though they were close, and Kip had to really think about it. His prolonged silence made Scott worry that he had hit a nerve, but it was the opposite.
It wasn't until that moment that Kip even realized he had never actually come out to his dad. He never had to. He doesn't know if that's because George just always knew, or because Kip mentioned it off-handed one day that he liked a boy in his younger years, and his dad just acted like it was normal. What he does know is that George never made him feel anything other than normal.
It was normal, of course, but not to some parents. Not to a lot of parents, actually. His heart still breaks for Kyle and all the shit he had gone through with his parents. With their lack of acceptance of who he is.
They say they still love him, Kyle says they still love him, but Kip doesn't see how that can possibly be true. He doesn't see how you can claim to love your child unconditionally but deny a fundamental part of who they are. If one were to ask him, they love who they want him to be. Not him. And that's bullshit.
He knows Kyle thinks it's because of who he was with, and Kip has no doubt that the who of it all was a large part of it. But he also has no doubt that if it were a thirty-year-old man taking advantage of a teenage girl, they would have protected her. So fuck them.
So Kip knows he won the jackpot with his dad. He's been nothing but loving and enthusiastically supportive of everything about Kip. And he's so goddamn tired of lying to him.
Eventually, the floating dots come to a stop, and Kip braces himself for... something. He doesn't know. He's never really told Scott that he's unhappy. Never hinted at the idea that he wanted to be anywhere other than his stunning and lavish as hell apartment. Part of that is due to the fact that he didn't even realize it himself. The other part is just a coward. They communicate well, Kip knows, but at some point the shoe has to drop, right?
When Scott finally does reply, Kip has to blink several times for the words to sink in. Maria tells him he has a habit of jumping to conclusions; maybe she's right after all.
Scott
Text me when you get back
to your dads? Be safe 😘
Kip
Of course
I love you
Scott
I love you too, babe
I can't wait to come home to you
It should be too early for them to be saying it to each other, he knows this. He also doesn't care. He does. He loves this man so fucking much. And he believes Scott when he says it back.
Even with Kip's tendency to fall too hard too fast, it has always been different with Scott. That was even more intense. It didn't feel like he was falling, indefinitely waiting to be caught by someone who he isn't sure will be there. No, this time, it felt like Scott was already there, hovering in the air with his arms out as soon as the ground beneath him gave way.
It was wonderful. A dream, even.
So he can hardly be blamed for anticipating the loud blare of an alarm to jolt him out of it.
There is a particular kind of peace that settles in his bones as the taxi takes him to his dad's. Kip isn't entirely sure when home shifted from his dad's house to Scott's apartment, but if he's honest with himself, neither place really feels like home anymore.
He's hiding too much of his life from his dad now. It's like he has this whole new life that, under normal circumstances, would be the next step. He would have packed his boxes, let his dad help him, kiss him on the cheek as he drove away from Kip and his new life.
If Scott's place were truly his home, he would be able to have his friends over. He would cook dinner for his dad and have him over to get to know his boyfriend. He wouldn't be telling everyone that he's staying with Elana as he watches Scott's away games on a giant TV that practically takes up the whole wall on a sofa that could easily seat twenty with only a bowl of popcorn and a bottle of Coke.
He's floating in some kind of limbo between the two, waiting to either fall back or move forward.
He takes a deep breath as he walks up to the door. Pulls his key out, stares at it, and wonders when the last time he had actually used it was.
"He lives," his dad shouts from the kitchen.
The fake enthusiasm is evident. Kip can tell he's trying to tamp it down. Trying to just be happy that Kip is here in what feels like centuries. If it feels like centuries to him, Kip wonders, how much longer must it feel like to his dad?
"I live," Kip responds.
His tone is a perfect mirror of his dad's. An attempt to be happy as his soul feels crushed into irreparable pieces. When George comes around the corner, the look of concern on his face is evident.
"Hey?" Any irritation that was lingering has vanished completely. Replaced entirely by worry. "What's going on? Where have you been?"
George wasn't planning on asking, Kip can tell. He was going to wait until Kip was ready to open up, despite how excruciating it would be.
He wants to tell him so fucking bad. It's been eating at him. He knew it was hurting him, but it wasn't until he saw that look on George's face that he broke.
Once the tears came, he couldn't stop them. Next thing he knew, he was in his dad's arms, crying into his shoulder as he shushed him sweetly. As much as he loves Scott, he's realizing that this is the first time in so, so long that he feels safe.
"My boy," George says, in that way that he always has ever since he was a kid.
When he would come home from school after being outed with tears streaming down his face from some dumbass jock throwing slurs at him. The first time he got his heart broken by a boy who said he was just 'trying out the gay thing' and decided it wasn't for him after all.
And now. When Kip doesn't know what he's doing with his life anymore because he's fallen for a man who is still in the closet and he really, really, doesn't want to go back in to be with him.
"My boy," his dad says again.
"I'm sorry," Kip says. Before his dad can tell him he has nothing to be sorry for, because he knows for a fact that will be the next thing out of his dad's mouth. But that's not what he needs right now. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore."
They stay there, Kip wrapped up in his dad's arms, as if he can still protect him from the evils of the world like he could when he was a child. Kip loses track of time. It could have been an hour, could have been five. All he knows is that when the tears stop, he feels emotionally wrecked, but infinitely lighter.
When they finally move to the couch, George is simply watching him. His gaze isn't heavy or judgmental, just patient and insistent. His dad isn't going to let him get away with any lies or non-answers, and he doesn't want to.
Kip needs this. He needs to have his dad back on his side.
"I started seeing someone."
George nods his head. Kip can see the 'no shit' in his eyes, but he doesn't say it. Because his dad would never. He simply waits for Kip to be ready. Like he always does.
"He uhm," his voice cracks, his lack of confidence showing through like a northern star. "He's a little bit of a public figure. So he can't come out."
Kip watches as his dad's shoulders drop in disappointment. Not at Kip, never at Kip. His dad has never been disappointed in him. But definitely at the situation that Kip has put himself in.
"Oh, my sweet boy," George whispers. The words are more for himself than for Kip, but they feel like a boulder nonetheless.
Kip can't help but feel the need to defend Scott. He doesn't deserve disappointment anymore than Kip does. The position he's in isn't his fault either. "You'd like him, Dad, I swear. He's so sweet and kind. He's so attentive. He's really good at communicating, and he's-"
"Is he going to force you back into the closet?" George interrupts, shocking Kip silent. The silence lingers when he doesn't know what to say. "I believe you. All the things you're saying about him. You have too good judgment of character to fall for an asshole. So I do not doubt that this man you've fallen for is a good man. But is this position he's in going to force you back into the closet?"
Kip can feel the tears again. The lump in his throat that he is already having a hard time swallowing down. When he answers, the words are so quiet. So unsure. Kip hates it.
"I don't know."
George scoots closer, holding his face in both palms of his hands like he is holding something fragile and precious.
I'm a grown man, Dad, he thinks, even while he takes comfort and leans into the much-needed touch.
"I love you so, so much, Kip. And if this man loves you too, he won't want that for you."
This time, Kip can't swallow the lump in his throat. He can't bring himself to voice any of the words that want to come out.
He doesn't want that for me.
It's not his fault.
He wants to come out.
He doesn't like the position he's in either.
In the end, he doesn't say any of that because he knows that in this moment, it doesn't matter. This isn't a situation where the intention matters more than the outcome. They matter to an extent, of course.
Scott would never want to put him back in the closet. That doesn't change the fact that it still might happen.
Kip nods, making sure to keep eye contact with his dad. Making sure that his dad knows he's not just listening to his words, but he's hearing them.
Even if he fucking hates them.