Chapter Text
Pomni was already tired of Caine's adventures. After a while, nothing felt truly new; everything was a little predictable. And the routine was starting to feel kind of boring.
At first, the routine was comforting, it reminded her of her previous life working at a supermarket chain. But then, she started to treat it like a job: go on adventures, complete the tasks, then go back to the circus and do nothing but wait for the next one.
She would rather let mold grow on her digital bed than go on another silly adventure.
Suddenly, after a rough night staring at the ceiling, Caine transported every member of the circus just after sunrise to announce his new adventure.
“Morning, my cupcake-heads! Today, we have a new exciting adventure in the world of...!”
“Sorry, Caine” Pomni said, sounding despondent. “I’ll pass. I’m not in the mood.”
“What happened? Are you feeling okay?” Ragatha asked, her face full of concern.
“I’m fine. I just want to go back to my room.”
As she turned her feet, ready to head back to her dark room, Caine appeared right in front of her with his arms wide open.
"Wait, hold on! Are you trying to skip my incredible adventures that I prepare just to entertain you beautiful and smart humans? But you're really going to love this one!” Caine insisted desperately, making exaggerated, frantic movements. "Just give it a chance! I’m sure it’s going to blow your mind this time!”
Pomni sighed. Not convinced, but willing to give it a shot. “Fine. What’s today’s adventure, Caine?”
"Glad you asked, my chocolate chip muffin! Today’s adventure is called ‘A Lottery-Drawn Life!’”
Zooble crossed their arms.
“Ugh, and what is that supposed to mean?” Zooble complained, almost rolling their eyes.
“That sounds stupid. I’m in!” Jax announced with fake enthusiasm.
“But you didn’t even listen to the explanation” Zooble countered indignantly, annoyed at how little Jax seemed to care.
“Does it matter? I just wanna have some fun! I’m bored! You guys are so lame, ugh.”
“Fun isn’t what you want. You just want to [BEEP] everything up!”
Caine floated between them, interrupting their imminent fight.
“Now, now! Let’s save all that delicious, spicy aggression for the simulation, my little aggressive appetizers!” Caine shouted, his teeth chattering like a wind-up toy.
Before Jax could retaliate, Caine’s eyes popped out of his head and turned into two swirling, hypnotic lollipops. A blast of canned applause and a shower of digital confetti erupted from nowhere, momentarily blinding Zooble.
"Today, we’re pivoting to something much more complex! Much more dramatic! Much more... uncomfortable!”
He gestured wildly to a holographic screen appearing above the hat.
"In ‘A Lottery-Drawn Life’ we are stripping away your circus roles and tossing you into the unpredictable chaos of BUBBLEDREAM CITY! It’s a hyper-realistic domestic roleplay adventure! You’ll have houses, social standing, and even biological functions that I’ve coded with only a 40% chance of glitching!”
Caine did a mid-air somersault.
“But there’s a catch! Your destiny is at the mercy of the Grand Hat of Randomness! You might be a tycoon, a toddler, or a total disaster! It’s the thrill of a life you never lived, without that pesky ‘freedom of choice’ to slow you down! Now, everyone, step up and prepare to see what the universe has in store for you!”
He thrust his gloved hand into the hat and began to swirl it so fast a vacuum started sucking the air around them.
"In this world, you aren’t just prisoners– I mean, performers! You will be the fundamental pieces of an advanced social simulation!” Caine pulled out the first golden card. “GANGLE! You shall be the city’s SUPERHERO! Wherever there is injustice, your ribbons shall be there!”
Gangle looked at her trembling ribbon hands.
"Me, a hero? But I... I can’t... I don’t even know how to fight” she adjusted her comedy mask, trying to look brave, but her ribbon arms continued to wobble like spaghetti. “I’m not sure if I can protect anyone...”
“Next!” Caine pulled another card. “KINGER! You’ll be the neighborhood DOG! Loyalty, instinct, and plenty of digital fur!”
“A dog?” Kinger shook, his eyes wide. “Does that mean I can bury my insect collection in the backyard?”
“Exactly!” Caine didn’t even wait, pointing straight at the purple rabbit. “JAX! You will be a devoted HUSBAND! A pillar of the community, wearer of the ring, and master of the Sunday backyard barbecue!”
Jax stood frozen. He looked at Caine with pure, unfiltered contempt.
“A what? Caine, draw again. Now. I’m not being anyone’s ‘husband.’ This is ridiculous, it’s humiliating, it’s–”
"IT’S YOUR DESTINY!” Caine shouted cheerfully, ignoring the protests.
Zooble let out a dry laugh, pointing at Jax.
“Look at that, the rebel bunny has to ask for permission to leave the house. How the mighty have fallen, huh, Jax?”
“Oh, you think that’s funny, ZOOBLE?” Caine snapped her card out. “Because you are the new MAYOR! And the news isn’t good: you’re losing in the polls to a literal sack of flour! Better start kissing babies and promising to fix the potholes!”
Zooble crossed their arms, their headpiece spinning with irritation.
"I hate politics. And I hate that sack of flour. I’m resigning already.”
"No resignations in my circus!” Caine bounced over to Ragatha. "And our dear ragdoll will be a FOUR-YEAR-OLD CHILD! Infinite curiosity and plenty of energy to play with Rover-Kinger!”
Ragatha gave a nervous smile, already feeling her mind becoming a little... light.
“Four years old? Well, at least kids don’t have existential crises, right?”
Finally, Caine floated down to stop in front of Pomni. A heavy silence fell over the group. He pulled the last card with a dramatic flourish.
“And for our little, unmotivated Pomni... you shall experience the miracle of life! You will be the neighborhood’s PREGNANT LADY!”
Pomni’s jaw dropped.
She looked at her own stomach, still flat, and then back at the others.
“What?! Me... pregnant?! I don’t even... how does that even work?!”
“Don’t try to understand the logic, just feel the digital hormones!” Caine screamed, positioning himself in the center of them all. “Prepare yourselves, my little simulacra! Real life or something like it awaits!”
Caine snapped his fingers, and the void of the Circus dissolved into a hyper-saturated, suburban dreamscape. The sky was a dizzying shade of cerulean, and the grass looked like it had been individually painted with neon green watercolors.
"Welcome to your new life in Bubbledream City!” Caine’s voice echoed from the clouds, accompanied by a triumphant trumpet fanfare. “A place where destiny is decided by the luck of the draw! Enjoy your new lives, my little superstars!”
Gangle gasped as her ribbons shimme red, suddenly adorned with a bright gold cape and a mask that actually stayed on her comedy mask. She struck a heroic pose, her chest puffing out.
“I... I feel brave!” she squeaked, looking up at the skyscrapers. “Citizens, do not fear! The Masked Ribbon is here to... oh, look, a cat in a tree!” she immediately dashed off, her cap fluttering heroically behind her.
Nearby, Kinger let out a confused yelp that quickly turned into a series of enthusiastic barks. He dropped to all fours, his royal robe replaced by a sparkly collar and a tag shaped like a bone. His eyes darted around frantically before he began spinning in circles, chasing his own tail with more focus than he had ever shown toward his insect collection.
“Look at the puppy!” Ragatha giggled. Her voice was higher, bubbly, and she had shrunk down to half her size, wearing a polka-dot dress and holding a giant, oversized lollipop. She wobbled toward Kinger on shaky toddler legs. “Doggy! Play with me, doggy!”
Jax stood in the middle of the sidewalk, staring down at his hands in pure horror. He was wearing a stiff, beige suit and a wedding band that felt like a shackle on his gloved finger. He pulled a crumpled marriage certificate out of his pocket.
“A husband? Are you kidding me, Caine?” Jax growled, tugging at his tight tie. “I’m supposed to be the one causing the chaos, not the one paying a mortgage and asking how someone’s day was!”
“Oh, shut it, ‘Honey’ ” Zooble snapped, adjusting a sophisticated sash that read MAYOR across their mismatched limbs. They were standing behind a podium that had sprouted from the concrete. “I have an election to win against a literal sack of flour that’s polling higher than me. At least you don’t have to give a speech about sewage systems.”
Then, there was Pomni.
She stood frozen, her hands trembling as she looked down. Her jester outfit was stretched tight over a very prominent, very round belly. She felt a strange, heavy weight in her digital core, a physical sensation of “fullness” she couldn’t explain.
“Caine” Pomni whispered, her eyes wide with a mix of exhaustion and absolute bewilderment. “What is this? How is this even… functional?”
Jax walked over, leaning down to poke her stomach with a devious smirk.
“Hey, watch out, Pomni. If you trip, you might just bounce all the way back to the Circus. Does this mean I have to drive you to the hospital in a digital minivan? Is that part of the ‘husband’ gig?”
“Don’t touch me, Jax” Pomni groaned, swatting his hand away.
Despite her depression, a flicker of genuine shock had replaced her boredom.
She looked around at the chaos: Gangle trying to fly, Ragatha hugging a barking Kinger, and Zooble screaming at a campaign poster.
Jax stumbled back, his eyes bulging as the NPC lady, a tall, vibrantly colored character with a head shaped like a giant, shimmering perfume bottle, sprinted toward him across the neon-green lawn. “HONEYYY!” she shrieked, her voice a piercing, melodic warble that echoed off the suburban houses.
Before Jax could even crack a sarcastic remark, she launched herself through the air.
The impact was like being hit by a freight train made of satin. They both went down in a heap on the sidewalk, the marriage certificate fluttering away in the breeze. Despite the fact that she had no actual mouth, just a smooth, crystalline surface where a face should be, she began pressing her “face” against his with a loud, wet mwah sound effect.
“Where have you been?!” she cried, squeezing him so hard his purple ears flattened against his head. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you, honey! You were supposed to pick up the groceries three nanoseconds ago!”
Jax flailed his lanky limbs, trying to pry her off. “Get... Get this living room freshener off me!” he choked out, his face turning a darker shade of purple. “Caine! What the heck!”
Zooble leaned over their podium.
“I don’t know, Jax. She seems like she has a lot of ‘growth potential’ for your character. Very dedicated. Maybe you should take her to the polls so she can vote for me?”
Pomni watched the scene, her hands still resting over her round stomach. The absurdity of it all was overwhelming.
“Caine...” she said, looking up at the sky. “If I have to go through a digital labor because of you, i swear to God...!”
The NPC lady finally dragged a breathless, disheveled Jax to his feet, ignoring his desperate reaching for the exit that didn’t exist. She began pulling him toward a house with a white picket fence.
Pomni stood alone on the sidewalk for a moment, her hands trembling over her heavy, round stomach. She looked at her friends: the superhero, the dog, the toddler, the mayor, and the captive husband, all being swept away by the current of Caine’s new madness.
“What... What the [BEEP!]”