Chapter Text
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Late at night, when she couldn’t sleep, Grace repeatedly found herself pondering over the events that led her to this moment. The domino effect that brought her to this current situation. There were several spots of the house she'd waste away the night hours, but her favorite was the master bath. The large tub had high walls, confining but not suffocating. Sometimes she'd drag blankets and pillows into it, forming a pseudo nest. Not that she'd ever allowed herself that luxury. No, ever since her presentation, Grace had never experienced a true heat. Traveling with her mother didn't allow for a sense of safety. Then, after Alyssa's death, there was just no time, or so she told herself.
A heat is a time when emotions are at their most sensitive, when a person is vulnerable and needs the help of others. Grace simply didn't have that luxury. The nights spent curled up in the tub seemed to help the underlying urges that suppressants couldn't quite quell. That and caring for her adopted children, Emily and Rose.
Rose came as an addition to Chris, who seemed like a lot at first but was essentially a rather large, muscular teddy bear. Fierce when it was needed, but also gentle and kind. Rose was only six when their families merged, and because of their similar appearances, no one questioned anything. They just assumed she belonged to Chris and Grace.
Then there was Emily, a carbon copy of herself, a clone. If people thought she looked like Leon, that was just a bonus. The only downside was that, because Emily was created, she would never have a designation. Sure, she could pass as a beta, but Grace already dreaded the obstacles the poor girl would have in life because of it.
Grace curled up deeper into the tub, walls seeming so much higher than they actually were. It had been nearly a year since the events at Rhodes Hill, and so much had changed. No longer working at the FBI, Leon got her a remote job with the DSO. The man had bonded with her quickly following the near-death experience they shared. Grace blamed it on his rut that immediately followed, the urge to protect and care at an all-time high. She just happened to be in the area of effect. Once it had passed, Leon assured her it wasn't the case, but that he genuinely cared for her. A desire to form a pack with both her and Emily wasn't a want; it was a need.
It took a bit of convincing, but Grace eventually agreed, and the three moved into a house outside of DC. Rather large and grand, but it was theirs. Only a few months after that, she met Chris through Leon, the man carrying his adopted daughter on one hip. Whenever days off aligned, Chris would stop by with Rose and see how Grace was with both girls. The two men would talk amongst themselves somewhere off to the side. Grace assumed it was just work things or alpha nonsense. Instead, she was eventually approached one night after the girls went to bed by Chris, who asked if she would be interested in him being her alpha alongside Leon. As such, she would, in turn, be the mother to Rose.
Grace had grown up alone, no friends, just Alyssa. Never had any prospects of a relationship, and deemed it pure luck when Leon admitted to wanting her in a pack. To have another alpha who could have anyone they so chose also want her was mind-boggling. When she failed to answer, Chris began to flounder, trying to reword his proposal before Leon jumped in to save him. The younger man explained that they could just be a pack; sex need not be involved if. Grace didn't want it. This was about trust, vulnerability. They all had seen each other at their worst, and Chris trusted Grace with Rose, something that wasn't easily given. This was about family over anything else.
Grace had blushed at the idea of sex, not entirely opposed to the idea but unsure why either man would want that with her. The idea of family, however, resonated so deeply that it brought tears to her eyes. That concept alone made her agree. She admitted to loving Leon and that, in time, she could love Chris as well, but they would have to take it slow. Everyone was happy with that.
Guilt ate at her. Both Chris and Leon had experienced a rut or two since officially forming a pack with the five of them. Grace had not had a single heat. Anytime the men asked, she'd brush it off, claiming it would happen soon or it was late. They'd forget this over time. Not on purpose, just busy with work, and she'd be able to prolong it further. Suppressants looked like vitamins, blended in with her other meds; no one was wiser. She knew the risks of lengthy suppression use, but the idea of being so emotionally vulnerable, perhaps even having to deal with past emotions enhanced to the extreme, terrified her.
Grace already had anxiety, sometimes so bad it made her vomit and hyperventilate until she passed out. To experience that intensified sent chills down her spine at the mere thought. Thanks, but no thanks. That was a problem for future Grace. A soft knock on the door frame pulled her from spiraling thoughts. Chris stood there in a nightshirt and boxers, rubbing sleep from his eyes. Leaning up, pale hands grasped cold porcelain, peeking over the edge of the tub at him.
“Couldn't sleep?” His voice rumbled softly. Grace shook her head, nose brushing against the side wall as she did. Long legs crossed the room in two strides, squatting down next to her. A large hand cupped the back of her head, lightly massaging Grace's tender scalp. “Think your heat is coming soon?”
A small shrug, head turning into his palm as it came around to cup her face. It was warm, comforting. Both men were significantly larger than she was. At first, it was scary, knowing how easily they could hurt her with the strength beneath their skin. Now, she felt safe because of it. A soft, contented purr echoed in her throat before she could stop it, pink coloring her cheeks.
Chris chucked, “Don't be shy, ‘s cute.” Grace pouted, burrowing back down into her small nest, earning a muffled laugh from the man. “You don't have to hide anything from us, ya know? We're a pack, we trust each other.”
The woman couldn't help but look away, feeling the guilt rear its ugly head again. They trusted her so deeply. It wasn't that she didn't reciprocate; it was the fear of spiraling so deeply that they wouldn't want her anymore that clouded all judgment. Chris grasped her hand, thumb brushing over knuckles. “Wanna come back to bed? Leon keeps trying to cuddle me, and we both run far too hot for that.”
Deciding to be somewhat vulnerable, Grace raised her arms, allowing Chris to lift the omega into his arms, nose lightly scenting her neck. They had mentioned her smell was subtle but sweet, hard to place. Obviously, it was dulled due to the suppressants, but Alyssa had once said she smelled like milk and honey with a hint of chamomile. Her mother had claimed it was instantly soothing, very true to her nature. Scenting Chris in turn, the aroma of tobacco and wool with an undertone of sage, making her feel cozy in his arms. It was complimentary to Leon’s: bourbon and leather, along with a pinch of clove, rich and warm just like the DSO agent.
Chris gently set her down in the middle of their comically large bed. Luckily, the master suite itself was oversized, too. Leon immediately latched on, pulling her into him, nose burying itself into blonde locks. She felt Chris crawl in behind her, now swaddled in warmth.
“Where you go?” The younger man murmured sleepily.
“She was in the tub again,” Chris replied, arm draped over her waist.
“Gonna get sick if you do that.” Leon's arms were wrapped around her shoulders. Chris reached across, placing a large hand over the back of the other man’s neck in a soothing gesture. It wasn’t uncommon for alphas to pair together in a pack setting. Usually, each would have a prospective mate and grow a family that way. In their case, both alphas were mated to Grace and to each other. They’d known one another for years, had butted heads once or twice, but they shared the same values. She was well aware that the pair slept together and actually encouraged them. It wasn’t that she didn’t desire to have sex with them, but if a heat wasn’t possible, intimacy was most certainly off the table.
“Not how it works. Besides, she had her own little nest in there.” Leon perked up at that, any ounce of drowsiness instantly disappearing from his system. Grace just burrowed into his chest, not wanting to meet his excited eyes.
“Grace, are you starting a heat?” Both of the alphas desperately wanted to take care of her during an omega's most vulnerable moment. Sure, they fulfilled the need during their ruts, but it was completely different with a heat. It satisfied an alpha's baser instincts and made them preen at knowing they had taken care of their omega. “We could see if Claire can babysit the girls for a few days so you don’t get too stressed.”
Chris could see Leon already reaching for his phone, one arm letting go of Grace, which earned a grumble of discontent from the woman. The older alpha leaned over, pulling Leon back to where he’d been, “Calm down, let’s just wait and see. We can worry about this in the morning.”
“Not worried, just excited is all.” He had returned his face to Grace’s hair, mumbling the words into it. It was like a knife in her chest, knowing how much they both yearned for her heat. Yet she continued to deny them by taking suppressants.
While a pack in writing, they weren’t officially bonded. They needed Grace’s heat for that, for both alphas to leave a mating mark on her. It didn’t need to be done during sex, though some partners did as such; it just needed to happen when an omega was at the peak of their heat. It allowed an alpha to have a dulled sense of their omega's emotions at all times. This connection would help if a mate were ever in danger. They didn’t have that, and she knew it drove both men crazy while away on assignments. All because she was scared of letting go.
Both men’s breathing began to even out as they slipped back into sleep. Meanwhile, Grace was still wide awake, thoughts swirling in her head. She knew this couldn’t go on forever, that eventually her body would reject the suppressants. There had been countless studies on long-term use, and the side effects were not pleasant. Hell, some omegas required hospitalization in order to get their systems back in order. That was the road she was walking down at this moment, and while there were many turns to take to avoid that destination, she kept on charging forward. The brakes were there, but she couldn’t stop.
Letting the scents of both men surround her, allowing a sense of calm to wash over her. They made her feel so safe, and all she did was constantly betray them. The sun would rise soon, girls up not long after and she’d need to be ready. Grace would do anything for this family, this pack. Would easily lay down her life for each one of them. Yet, letting herself be emotional and physically vulnerable was too much. Too steep of a price to pay.
It was always a problem for tomorrow, crossing that bridge when they came to it. And Grace knew it would all come back to bite her in the ass, that she was risking all of this over a heat. Was gambling both of her mates and children staying in her life when everything came to light. An omega who didn’t care for themselves wasn’t fit to care for pups, and it would be so easy for her alphas to take them away from her. As sleep finally began to tug at the edges of her mind, Grace couldn’t help but wonder how long this could last before everything came crashing down.
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