Archive of Our Own

"And you really thought I would tolerate this?"

Their house feels colder than it usually does during the winter. Sam stands in the corner of the room shivering despite the multiple layers he put on earlier. He feels like the coldness seeped deep into his bones. That's the only logical explanation for why he is frozen in place, letting Jodi chew him up the same way she did when Sam was a kid.

"I didn't think anything," he answers quietly. It's not a lie; he has spent the past ten years of his life doing everything to not think about what his mother would say about this part of himself.

"Right, because you never think." Sam should be used to it, but he isn't. The dig hurts in all the places it was meant to hurt.

"That's— I'm an adult. I can choose who I go out with." His voice is a bit louder now, because if he doesn't try to stand his ground, he'll eventually freeze into solid ice.

"But not when you're choosing to go out with men, for crying out loud! Do you not see how ridiculous this is?" Apple, tree. Sam takes something after his mother, after all. She also raises her voice.

"No, I don't, because it's not ridiculous! Can't you just be happy for me for once?" Sam doesn't like how desperate he sounds. He's going to lose both the fight and the war and he's painfully aware of it.

Jodi sighs and leans against the kitchen table dramatically. "I can't be happy when you're making a wrong decision. I always knew there was something off about that kid. Doesn't surprise me one bit he turned out that way. But you? My heart hurts when I imagine you with him."

"Then don't fucking imagine it," Sam mumbles, realizing they'll start talking in circles soon.

"It's gross. I don't understand why you would let him do that to you. We didn't raise you like that."

The weight that squeezed Sam's chest drops down to his stomach. "First of all, I'm not… letting him do things to me, I have agency, believe it or not. Second of all, mom, this isn't about sex. And even if it was, that's between me and him."

"I thought you would marry a nice girl, settle down, have kids… I thought you're friends with the farmer girl, whatever her name was. She's polite and hard working…"

"Mom. Don't."

"I just don't get it, Sam. Why would you do something like that?!"

"Because I love him! Because that's who I am! You never liked who I am, you're always disappointed in me, so just— Let me have this. Please."

"You can't possibly have love in a relationship like that." Jodi turns away from Sam. "Just wait until your father hears about this."

"I want to tell him on my own terms," Sam says, his voice only slightly louder than a whisper. Again, it's true; he wanted to come out to his father when he felt ready, whenever that would be. He should've known his wishes were hardly ever respected.

"And say what, exactly? I'm telling him tomorrow. We'll see if you still have stupid ideas after that."

"Mom—"

"Leave. Leave, I can't stand to look at you."

Sam grabs the nearest jacket and steps outside. When the cold air hits his face, he realizes his cheeks are wet. He takes a shaky breath and then breaks down in tears. Crouched down in the snow, ugly sobs wrecking his whole body, Sam cries until he feels like he's ready to stand up again.

All that because his stupid brain forgot to put the photo away. Abby finally got the polaroid camera she's been saving up for since forever and she dragged him and Sebastian out for a "romantic winter photo shoot". It was less romantic and more cold and wet, but the photos came out cute. He left them on his desk, meaning to put them somewhere safe later. Because he might just be the unluckiest person in the universe, his mother had to find the one where they're kissing. Her initial reaction would make someone think it's Sam getting photographed at an orgy.

Still, it feels almost good to have it out in the open. No more sneaking around. Sam thinks most of his neighbors knew already anyway.

There is no way to go but up, so Sam literally goes up. It seems everyone is either out drinking or already asleep. The town feels dead. Or maybe it's just Sam. He walks on autopilot until he reaches Sebastian's house. He probably could just walk in, but he can't bear the thought of running into any of his family members. Shit, does he have his phone with him?

After checking every possible pocket and concluding that his phone won't magically appear in any of them, Sam gives up. He opens the door and dashes through the corridor. Here goes nothing.

"Sam? I didn't know you're co— What happened?" Sebastian opens the door to his room and Sam collapses into his arms. Is it relief? Sam doesn't know.

"Sam?" Abigail gets up from her place on the floor, pausing the movie.

Right, Abigail. They were supposed to be having some sort of movie night for a new release Sam wasn't interested in. Sam feels bad about crashing in and ruining it, but when he opens his mouth to apologize, no words come out. His mind is finally catching up and he feels like crying. Again.

"She knows."

"What? Sam, who knows? What are you talking about?" Sebastian sits him down on the bed and brings him closer.

"My mom. I am stupid and left the fucking photos out in the open. Her reaction was… uh."

Abby's face drops and Sebastian's hands around him tighten. The silence is uncomfortable.

"You're not stupid. You shouldn't even have to hide them in the first place." Abigail sits down next to them and takes Sam's hand in hers. "I'm so sorry."

"No, don't be. I'm sure she'll come around eventually. I guess we both overreacted."

"Abby is right, though. Keeping this is a secret was not good for either of us."

"I'm so—"

"Shh. Don't. I know you were going to tell her eventually." Sebastian kisses the top of Sam's head. "I do hope you're right and she'll change her mind, but… well, I don't know what she said to you exactly, but I know that it's not something you want to hear from a parent."

"It hurt. I mean— Whatever. What were you guys watching?"

Luckily, they both take the hint and not push Sam to say more about the incident. He knows he will probably talk it through with them again, but only once he calms down. As he says, it's "digesting". Maybe he'll be fine once he digests it, maybe not, but at least it won't linger in the back of his mind until the end of time.

Abigail passes him a box of ice cream which he gratefully accepts. Seb tries to explain five previous movies in the franchise in the most concise way possible. He's somewhat successful, although the only thing Sam is able to grasp is dinosaur invasion and spaceships.

They're all cuddled under a blanket on the floor, watching the movie projected on the wall. Even though Sam still has zero interest in aliens fighting dinosaurs, it's the best possible way he could've spent this evening. He feels safe. They're his people. Sam is their person. Whatever happens, he has at least two people on his side.

"We could have a marathon and watch all the previous parts," Abby suggests with a mischievous smile.

"Yeah, yeah," Sam murmurs back, nevermind the fact his eyes are closed and he's ready to go to sleep. Seb is warm, the movie is good as buzzing background noise, he needs an out. "Why not."

When Sam wakes up, he's no longer on the floor. It takes him a moment to connect the dots. He's still in Sebastian's room, curled up next to him on the bed, the sheets tangled in their legs. Okay, so his nap might've lasted a bit longer than anticipated.

He doesn't move to not wake Seb up, but he feels him stirring against him minutes later. They exchange a sleepy good morning and then Sam gets kissed all over his face.

"How are you feeling?" Seb asks, his lips brushing against Sam's, morning breath be damned.

"…Weird. I don't think I'm ready to face all of that. I think I overreacted, I didn't get kicked out or anything, but…"

"You're still allowed to feel hurt, Sam. None of it is your fault."

"I know. I know."

They roll over and kiss until Sebastian brings up that they should really brush their teeth. Life is so good in those moments. Brushing teeth with your boyfriend is something so mundane, but Sam wants more of it in the future. He hopes he will get to do this for the rest of his life.

"I'll go with you, if that would make you feel better. I don't know if I can change your mother's mind, but at least you won't have to do it alone."

"That's… thank you."

He will never be alone.