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My mother said I'm too romantic
She said, "You're dancing in the movies"
I almost started to believe her
Then I saw you and I knew...
A grin is plastered across his face as he crosses the threshold into the living room. He can't seem to wipe it off, but he's not sure he wants to. He feels giddy, like he's floating in space, and for someone who has actually been to space, even that doesn't compare.
His mother doesn't look nearly as happy.
"Was that Cindy I heard outside a moment ago?"
He's thinking about when he can see her next, inhale the intoxicating jasmine scent of her hair, maybe even kiss her and play it off as a spur of the moment thing. They've had more classes together as juniors so they've been revisiting their old rivalry, and frankly, mentally sparring with her is an addiction that he's fallen back into a little too easily.
"Jimmy?"
"Huh?" He snaps out of his daze. "Oh, yeah, that was her."
"Are you sure that's a good idea?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, didn't she spend all of elementary school bullying you?"
"Bullying is a strong term."
"At the very least, you were always at each other's throats."
Admittedly, she is right. Hardly a day had gone by when they hadn't bickered, back then.
"Things are different now." He points out.
"Are they?" Judy sounds skeptical.
"Mom, what's the big deal?"
"I think..." She weighs her words carefully. "You should be careful."
"Careful?" He frowns. The giddiness disappears, replaced by frustration.
"Her mother is a piece of work. And I'm willing to bet the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in this case."
"That's unfair."
"Do you have a crush on her?"
"MOM!" His face reddens. He would give anything to be swallowed up by the ground just about now.
"I'll take that as a yes." She shakes her head. "Listen, Jimmy, I just want what's best for you. And I think Cindy is...a nice girl," She manages, although it comes out sounding very contrived. "But I don't know if you want to get involved with her."
"I think I can decide that for myself, I'm almost seventeen. I'm going to college soon."
"Girls like her are...complicated. I've heard a lot about the Vortex family and how dysfunctional they are during book club. And it's not pretty, what goes on across the street. I don't want her distracting you or breaking your heart because she's emotionally immature."
"Sounds like you're blaming her for her home life." He accuses.
Judy sighs. "No, that's not it. I just think you need to be cautious. Getting too close to her might be more than you bargained for."
Suddenly, the screen door creaks open. To his horror, Cindy steps in, looking ghostly pale and holding a manila folder full of graph sheets.
Judy goes silent. "I realized I forgot to hand off these calculations to Neu—er, Jimmy for our chemistry lab."
"Cindy, I—"
"It's okay, Mrs. Neutron, I have to go." She rushes out without even so much as a glance in Jimmy's direction.
Judy turns to her son the minute the door closes, and tentatively hands him the file. "Jimmy, I'm sorry, I didn't realize she was here—"
"Thanks a lot, Mom." He takes the file, drops it on the sofa, and then runs out after Cindy.
"Vortex, wait."
She's already on her side of the street. He lays a hand on her shoulder and she spins around furiously.
"Girls like her are complicated?" She jabs him in the chest with a perfectly manicured nail.
"Cindy, you weren't supposed—"
"Oh, that makes it so much better, doesn't it?"
"Just listen to me." He tries. In vain.
"No." Her voice trembles as she says it, but she's firm.
"I'm sorry. I don't share her opinions."
"No? You don't think I'm from a broken home? Too dysfunctional for the great genius?"
"I promise you, none of that matters to me—"
"Oh, wow, what a great sacrifice you'd be making. Don't martyr yourself on my account." She sneers.
"I don't think she meant it that way."
"Then how did she mean it?" Her voice breaks, betraying her. She swipes angrily at her eyes but can't control the hot tears coming down her cheeks.
He wants so badly to pull her into an embrace, but it doesn't quite feel right. Like maybe he'd be overstepping. So he settles for taking her hand in his, and his heart pounds so loudly, he wonders if she can hear it.
"You know—" He swallows the lump in his throat. "You know damn well how I feel about you."
"Do I?" She retorts.
"I'm sure your mom isn't exactly over the moon about me either." He tries to stay calm, but being vulnerable is difficult for him.
"I didn't expect it from your mom. Head of the PTA, always baking pies, polite."
"She never would have said it if she knew you would still be around."
"Well, of course she doesn't want her precious prodigy fraternizing with damaged goods."
"I don't think you're damaged goods."
"Well, maybe she's right, ever think about that? I'm not perfect little Betty Quinlan."
"Did I ever say you had to be?" He's growing annoyed again.
"I'm sure Judy would have no qualms about you dating her!" She remarks.
"To be fair, she didn't spend years berating me and cheering when I fucked up!" He shoots back.
"Go be with her, then." Her bottom lip quivers, and he can tell she's trying her best to hold it together. He's never seen her like this. In all the time he's known her, she's always been confident and unbothered. It's a bit distressing to see this more...sensitive side of her.
"Don't tell me who to be with, Vortex." He gets right up in her face, the tip of his nose grazing hers ever so slightly.
Her defenses fail for a second. She closes her eyes and he can feel her breathing become shallow. She trails her lips softly across his cheek, landing at the side of his mouth, and pauses for a second before kissing him, her hands snaking up into his messy brown hair. The force of it almost sends him falling backwards, and then before he can even gather the wits to reciprocate, she pulls away, disgusted with herself.
She buries her head in her hands. "Oh my god. I didn't mean to do that."
"Strange thing to do if you didn't mean it." He quips, half in a haze.
"I have to go." She sprints the remaining distance to her house without turning back.
He walks back home dejectedly, a tingling sensation still dancing across his lips. The taste of her lingers hauntingly.
He feels more confused than ever. And for the first time in his life, he's also mad, really mad at his mother.
He storms into dining room, where she's setting the plates for dinner. She immediately looks up, concern clouding her face.
"Jimmy, I'm so sorry. Do you want me to apologize to her?"
"Don't you think you've done enough?"
Judy goes deathly quiet.
"She's hurt. Anyone would be. And she isn't...some faulty invention that could go off at any time."
"Of course not."
"I—I think—I love her." He announces, and the words feel foreign on his tongue. Yet, he knows they are true. He might be young and inexperienced in matters of the heart. But he is old enough to register what the strange affection he's secretly harbored for her for years means.
"Oh, Jimmy." Judy can scarcely believe her only child is growing up so fast. And yet, she can't help but feel proud of him for standing his ground, for letting his heart's voice overpower his reason.
Besides, Cindy may not be the partner she pictured for him, but when is love ever convenient? Hugh certainly hadn't been the easy choice.
"I know you you can't stand her, but you've got to let me figure things out for myself." He declares.
"I have no intention of getting between you if this is what you really want. But you're still young and I just want you to be happy. So does your father."
For the rest of the week, Cindy ignores him. She doesn't raise to his bait, she doesn't look in his direction, she doesn't even gloat when she out-performs him on their AP European History unit test.
On Friday, when she's coming home from her student government meeting, she finds a familiar face waiting for her by the porch.
"Mrs. Neutron?"
"You can call me Judy, dear."
"Is something wrong?" She fishes in her pocket for her house key.
"I wanted to apologize. I shouldn't have been talking about you that way."
Cindy shrugs and gestures for Judy to come in. "You're just looking out for him."
"Who's looking out for you?" Her gaze drifts to the filled ash tray on the table and the half finished bottle of Sancerre. Sasha won't be back for a couple hours.
"Not to be rude but I have homework to do, Judy."
"Of course, dear. I just wanted you to know I don't want to be another cause for anxiety in your life."
"Respectfully, I don't need your pity. Or anyone's." Cindy says, setting down her backpack.
"I'm not saying this out of pity. You're always welcome at ours. Jimmy cares a great deal for you."
"I don't know if that's true."
"Cindy, he was so mad at me yesterday. And I don't know if I'm making things worse by saying this but I think when I hurt you, I hurt him. I don't think he's given much thought to your family."
Cindy’s jaw tightens. “That’s generous of you,” she says after a beat. “But Jimmy doesn’t get points for not thinking about my family. Just like you don't get points for trashing it."
"That's fair. But you know him. Maybe better than I do. And I think you know he is fond of you in his way. "
Cindy finds herself nodding. Judy is right. Truth be told, she's a little touched that he's stood up for her to his mother, because no one else has ever even attempted to, least of all her own father.
"I'm sorry." She sighs.
"Whatever for?"
"I don't think I made the greatest impression all these years antagonizing your son."
Judy isn't exactly sure what to say and studies her for a moment, as if recalibrating. “You didn’t antagonize him,” she says finally. “You challenged him. Jimmy has always responded better to resistance than to approval.”
Cindy snorts despite herself. “That explains a lot.”
“I’m serious,” Judy says. “He’s stubborn. And proud. And when someone sees through him, he doesn’t know whether to argue or listen.” She hesitates. “He listens to you more than you think. And that's what worried me. Your opinion matters to him even though he's never said so much in words."
Now it is Cindy's turn to feel a bit unsettled.
"I have to be honest. I didn't like you much, especially when you were kids."
"And now?" Judy can hear the eagerness for validation coloring Cindy's tone and it makes her sad.
"I like you more than I trust you." Judy allows.
"Trust is earned." Cindy concedes.
Later that evening, Jimmy floats outside her window in his jet pack and taps on the glass.
She opens it and taking his hand, crawls out onto the roof beside him. She'd much rather take her chances on the shingles than in her room where her mother might hear them and start screaming. Still, they have to keep their voices low.
"So, you talked to my mom." He starts.
"I think we have an understanding."
"Good." He says awkwardly.
And then ventures another apology. "Look, I'm truly, sincerely sorry. I know what you overheard must have hurt. And I promise I laid into her for it."
"You don't have to justify yourself, Neutron."
"I just think if anyone is going to be ill-mannered to you, it should only be me."
"Gee, how romantic." She says dryly.
"You know what I mean."
"You've been making a lot of assumptions lately." She snickers. "And you know what they say—"
"Yeah, yeah. Be real with me, Vortex. Why do you even give me the time of day?"
"Sounds like a mystery for Nancy Drew to solve."
"C'mon."
"Because you deserve so much better. I've been awful to you. And you still put up with me. And not just that—" Her voice breaks again and she curses under her breath. Fuck.
"You stick up for me."
"Of course I do. That's what friends do, right?"
"Is that what we are?" Her voice is soft and searching, almost as if she's daring him to test the waters.
He presses a hand to her cheek and leans in to kiss her. "You tell me."
Her heart flutters, overcome by a Gordian knot of emotion. This boy will be the death of her, if she isn't the death of him.