Chapter Text
Living was, simply put, exhausting. The moments you enjoyed life could be counted on one hand. The rest was spent clawing your way through crowds, scraping your nails against desperate bodies all fighting for the same thing—success.
You hated it, loathed it even, but your family urged you to keep pushing forward. You did as they asked, not wanting to be a burden, not wanting to squander their goodwill.
Heavy expectations were handed to you like boulders, and you were expected to push them up the hill like Sisyphus. But every time, they tumbled back down, dragging you along with them into a watery pit of bitter disappointment.
What began as bright, clear skies in your life quickly turned into dark, stormy nights.
While other kids would be rolling in dirt, catching leaves in their hair and scrapes on their knees and the overall joy of childhood. You would be stuck indoors watching longingly, feeling disconnected from those experiences as you forced yourself to study.
When school came along, it was made painfully clear the way you were treated wasn't normal. While your peers got praise for their achievements, you faced punishment for falling short.
One particularly painful memory that hurts you to this day was when they berated you when you had failed a test.
You absorbed their words, eager to learn from your mistakes but then they started comparing you to your peers; saying how smart they must be, how they wouldn't have had struggles doing the test, how proud their family must be—which was untrue because you saw first hand how your peers did as badly as you.
You were only in kindergarten at the time.
The rain stormed relentlessly. Each step through the wet, damp ground felt like sinking deeper under an unbearable weight, with no idea how to escape. The moon seemed to mock you, shining down as if to say it was superior for staying above the clouds.
Despite your efforts to meet your family’s expectations, they only became more demanding.
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“Your friend next door just won two sports events, why aren't you being more active?”
“Why can't you be more like your cousin? Bright, intelligent, beautiful... You're just mediocre in comparison.”
“Your friends are horrible! I forbid you from keeping them. You'll be homeless by the time you're an adult around people like that.”
Flash a fake smile, a grin, laugh it all off and don't forget the cherry on top. “I'm sorry, I won't do it again. I promise.”
You felt like Atlas, barely holding up the world, and the more it grew, the more it made you feel more defeated.
At some point, you tried to stop caring about their expectations. You withdrew, becoming a ghost in your own home, interacting only when necessary. Their insults and neglect became numb spots on your soul, occasionally pierced by their more direct forms of aggression.
Endure and the pain will lessen.
Eventually, they stopped trying and left you be. Their attention went to something more worthwhile in their eyes.
Your younger sibling.
Someone who always got what they wanted without ever getting the same calloused hands that you have.
You watched them get handed gift after gift, things that you would work your ass off for the chance of being handed.
Jealousy reared its head inside of your chest, igniting a hateful flame. You were so envious of them. They were spoiled rotten by your family and we're fawned over to the point it was excessive.
But you? You were ridiculed and laughed at for even having the audacity to ask for new things when your old ones were worn.
You wanted them to hurt, to feel the cracks that littered your skin, to experience the emptiness of being ignored, the biting chill of being alone
Your wish had been granted one day when the charm of your sibling, who was once the center of everyone's affection, was eventually cast aside like an old toy no longer amusing enough to play with—just like you were.
At first, you felt vindicated. You had wanted them to feel what you had always wanted this to happen… But as your sibling stood in the torrent of pain, vulnerable and small, you realized something. It wasn't satisfaction you felt—it was a strange, bitter sympathetic sadness.
The heat that had once fueled your jealousy evaporated, as you stared at your sibling who was now standing alone in the cold rain, much like you are. It didn't help that your family, having now lost interest in your sibling, subtly pushed the responsibility of caring for them onto your shoulders.
It was a forced task, one you resented.
Why should you, of all people, tend to the sibling who had basked in the sunshine while you were left in the shadows?
….But they're in the same shadows now, your wish was granted but the monkey paw curled and now you have to suffer the price. Begrudgingly, you took them in, the weight of the task pressing on your already burdened heart like more stones stacked atop your Sisyphusian boulder.
For a while, you went through the motions, doing what was necessary but nothing more.
You mostly ignored their presence, offering only the bare minimum of care. You didn't coddle, praise or encourage them. Despite your efforts to avoid them, your sibling clung to you. At first, it irritated you—the way they seemed to depend on you, the way their small, hopeful eyes looked to you for warmth and comfort.
Their rays of light slipped through your cracks and softened your stance. Little by little, their presence chipped away at the bitterness you'd carried for so long.
“Go away.” You spat out when they made soft steps towards you to show you a picture.
Undeterred, they held up the image. It was a crude drawing of you two holding hands under a rainbow with a waterfall and a house. It was cliche but it managed to put the slightest uptilt to your lips.
“...not half-bad.” You mumbled.
The skies, though still dark, began to break apart in patches, revealing glimpses of sky blue.
You didn’t expect it but when you finally let your sibling into the doors of your heart, their presence became your anchor—The only light in a world that had once been nothing but storm clouds and shadows.
You’d find yourself looking at them, their small smile, their bright demeanor—how you could’ve ever wanted them to suffer. You would carry any weight, face any hardship, just to make sure they never had to endure what you did.
And in the deepest, most vulnerable part of your heart, if anything happened—you hoped you would leave this world before they did, not out of selfishness, but because living in a world without their presence was a reality you never want to witness