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Alexithymia
[n.] An inability to describe emotions in a verbal manner
20XX Spring - Tokyo
He never was expressive.
But he did understand from the young age of five that was a problem for his peers and adults, they were creeped out or just didn't want to deal with it.
That's why.
That's why he's in the paediatrician waiting room with his father, in that bright, vomit of colors which was starting to strain his eyes. "Aizawa-san and little Shouta?" The nurse with a slight mutation quirk called out to them. Her hair was made out of glass softly reflecting tea colourful wall moral every angle but it was dim and pleasant. A delightful vision for the eyes.
His father got up and hold his son pulling him with the motion. "The doctor is waiting for us Shoucha," The man hummed as the two entered the more professional looking room, still retaining the childish nature thanks to a few colourful painting hanging on the walls.
"For what do I own the visit Aizawa-san?" The plain looking man greeted, the only characteristic that made him look like a doctor was his white coat.
He, like his usual, remain quiet while his father started to talk. "Well, you are aware that my little Shoucha is mostly a quiet child but me and my wife are starting to worry because he's not expressing at all with a peers especially vocally. Us, his parents are aware of his suble action and that's exactly why we are worried. What if others don't understand him in the future?"
Shouta was disinterest so slowly he started to unfocus the voice of started to blur and fade into the background like white noise.
Yet even if they tried to help him be more, slightly more expressive.
Nothing worked.
21XX - Musutafu, UA's entrance exam
Robots.
Ro--- fucking --bots.
The fact that he couldn't even break one was disappointing.
disappointment was actually an understatement.
he was mad yet not even a line of finger tinted his face. The boy remained calm. He started a plan B, just for eventualities like this. He can prepared. He only needed to enter the general education or business courses.
Atiya his parents looked at him in sadness and pity, he didn't know how to tell them that he was fine and he wasn't sad at the physical part of the exam. He couldn't be.
Shouta it is going to be a hero.
That's his only objective and when two weeks later the letter arrived, he knew.
He got in.
21XX Spring - Musutafu, Sport Festival
He was there.
Shouta made it to the last bit of the competition and he's the only one not in the hero course.
The raven haired boy was ecstatic but only sound he made was a similarly impatient top of the foot. He was there, he needed to win and he did but... Those green eyes during the second round of the 1v1.
In seconds, he crashed the hero student into the cold pavement outside the ring while cancelling whatever his quirk was. His mistake was looking at him.
He was looking at him with sparks in his eyes.
It was different. Different from everyone else.
The blond looked at him with something akin to admiration.
And he broke his nose.
Shouta later admitted to himself that he freaked out and ran away as soon as the match ended not even glancing up at the other boy. Too bad he was going to be changed into the boy hero class.
21XY Winter - UA High
Shouta had a pleasant(?) surprise. He definitely didn't expect this when entering the hero course.
He made friends.
Like actually friends, not cats as his usual, actual humans.
Yamada, that blond boy from the sport festival. He and another boy from his class didn't stop bothering him so in the end he got attached. Shouta also learned that said boy was the vice representative of his class. Then there was Shirakumo, this bulky boy he was sitting next which coincidentally was close friend with Yamada.
Of course there were other acquaintances from his class but the class representative, Iida, was weirdly close to them. Maybe it was because he and Yamada more than once hanged out together, Shirakumo included. Frankly he liked that legacy boy, he was nice enough and even if he was a teenager, he was very mature almost motherly so.
Outside of classes, a girl a year older was doing the same thing all over, bothering him and his friends. Yet the other three seemed happy about it and he had to agree that the girl seemed to know how to cheer them every time.
Even if he preferred when she didn't talk about that.
In all of this, Shirakumo and he were the closest and the fact that the cloud boy was also the first one to get his friendship definitely helped. But of course they were a trio. There was also Yamada. Same as Shirakumo, the blond and him were close and became friend first.
So the three of them bond together.
Yet something was different. It was the same different as in the Sport Festival. He noticed that Yamada and him had a different relation.
From Shirakumo and him.
From Yamada and Shirakumo.
There was tension. A peculiar tension.
Maybe it was the product of the he unconsciously planted in the second round of the Sports Festival. A plant of what? Clearly he didn't understand, he was bad at this.
Shouta also didn't understand why he couldn't look at Yamada's eyes without his throat closing up and his heart speed racing up. It happened every. Single. Time. He looked at Yamada.
Someone might say it was bad. But it wasn't. It was good, great even because when he wasn't with him, his chest ached in a way that pain him too much and it felt wrong.
21XY Summer - Internships
Oboro is dead.
How does one grief?
He's gone.
Oboro is dead.
He wasn't fast enough.
So Oboro is dead.
Hizashi and him stood frozen in the rain as the paramedics brought the corpse away.
Oboro is dead.
He's in front of the rumble he got burried under.
Oboro is dead.
Why was that?
The blond grabbed his hand their fingers intertwined in a tight squeeze.
A reassurance.
The will not to separate but Shouta didn't feel it.
Eyes on the blood stained pavement.
With an empty look.
With a blank mind.
It was because he wasn't strong enough.
21ZX Autumn - Tokyo
Shouta was trying to avoid Hizashi, he deserved better than a friend like him but whatever he did or try the blond somehow was able to track him down and speak to him.
His heart ache when he heard this voice. Hizashi's voice was different from his persona of Present Mic, a different only he was able to see, it was depressing to see him try because he knew he wasn't strong enough to finally be with him, with Hizashi again. One day he will be strong enough but today it's not it.
His chest might painfully ache as he turns to walk away from the blond but he knows Hizashi has Nemuri with him. He he was strong on his own but Shouta isn't.
So he salutes him as Eraserhead hoping he doesn't follow him further. The raven haired man has work to tend to.
He is sorry.
He desperately hopes Hizashi will understand him, in a way. Only hopes.
21ZX Winter, Christmas night - Tokyo
Shouta always found something poetic in the cold season.
Was it the snowfall of the snowflakes near the Christmas Eve.
Was it the children live happiness while playing in the snow now candid white of the parks, making snowman and woman, angels on the floor.
Or was it the tragedy in every winter book and TV novel where the main character of the story slowly fade away, tinting to snowy floor in hot red blood.
He found it ironic.
It was happening to him.
To die on Christmas with no one caring for him.
He glanced up at the starless sky only clouds racing his eyes. Clouds.
Maybe Oboro was looking down at him in... something. Was he mad at him, did he pity him, will he cry seeing him die?
A tud of an object falling on the ground.
"SHOUTA"
Hizashi.
"You're..."
"I am calling an ambulance"
The blond was stopping the bleeding with his scarf, the one here door having gone when in his civilian clothes.
"It's arriving"
How could he forget.
"Shota, look at me"
How stupid of him.
"Don't close your eyes"
Hizashi was still waiting for him to be done. He was waiting. For him.
"Stay awake please"
Oboro had to wait, Hizashi needed him more.
The ambulance arrived.
21ZX Winter - Tokyo, Hospital
He tried to open his eyes but the light was too bright, it hurts his eyes too much to continue to. In the room was a steady beeping of machinery and the smell of sterile fresh one could only really experience in hospitals rooms.
He remembered what happened, Hizashi...
Oh.
Oh.
He can't believe it, once again he worried him.
Hizashi was there so of course he remembered, of course he did.
How long has it passed? If he had to guess at least two days. He turned his head and open his eyes.
"Shouta" has he walked his exercise the first thing he saw was Hizashi.
The blond man was looking at him with white eyes under the square red glasses he always had on when in his civilian clothes. He was smiling softly soon as he noticed that Shouta was staring at him.
His blond lock were messy and somewhat greasy. Unusual for Hizashi's meticulous hair routine, he knows the other has. It was pulled up in a half hair bun style, one that makes the blond features prettier than they already are.
"Hizashi" The raven haired man responded in his usual stoic monotone. "How do you feel?" Hizashi asked, tenderly rubbing his thumb over Shouta's knuckles, "If you still are in pain I can ask the nurse to give you more painkillers,"
He looked at him with the same green eyes two years ago, the sentiment behind and transforming over the events they been through together. "Yeah, I would appreciate it if you did 'Zashi" The rugged man replied after a few minutes.
Hizashi asked for a nurse. He was thankful for it.
"Sho'" The blond called out to him, taking his attention "Christmas is over but I bought you a gift."
A gift? "You didn't have to---" "I know but I wanted to." He shut him, sitting up to get something from a paper bag decorated with horrid western Christmas patterns. Hizashi gave him a big fluffy black cat plushie.
The corners of his lips twitching as Hizashi handed him the soft stuffed animal. "I knew you would love it,"
"Some things never change do they?" The blond warmlysmiled at him, he chuckled slighly at himself before adding quietly "Please don't leave me again."
He hurt him.
"I missed you"
He did too.
Kami , how much did he miss Hizashi, maybe that was his wake up call to stop ignoring him. Oboro's way to say 'You idiot! Realize it once and for all!!'
He understands it more now.
"I won't leave."
21ZY Spring – Musutafu
"Oh come on Shouta, it's just two boxes at this pace we will take forever to finally move everything in!" Hizashi lamented pouting heavely making his stupid looking mustache just slightly adorable. The gold shining on his locks and face giving him an angelic look.
They just arrived in Musutafu, both having accepted offers to be teachers at UA. How nostalgic.
Even if Hizashi had definately enough money to buy a mansion, he never liked extravagant but quiet houses so when both had to find a place to stay, it was innevitable that the blond would ask him to become roomates in the new apartment he wanted to buy.
And honestly why would he ever deny Hizashi's requests? Specially if it was a logical and convenient meaning he had to accept the offer.
Having someone there for you at home is crucial with an heroic career and a two (techinically five) income household is better than one. Logic.
"Sho' move your ass up here!" Hizashi squeeks in front of the apartment door, hands full with boxes waiting for him to, again, unlock the front door. "You are the one with the keys, I can't get in if you don't hurry up." The raven haired man sighed deeply. He gently shifted the two stacked boxes on his left hip, fishing from his pockets a key on a singular metallic cat keychain. He twisted it and unlocked the reinforced door.
"Nya-key."
The blond whispered.
"Hizashi. Don't. Please."
He reprimanded the other harsly looking behind his shoulders where his best friend was giggling maniacly under his breath. "Hizashi..." Shouta called him out one last time before putting down on the floor the boxes labbled under his name "Go get your other clutter from the car, I'll help if you bribe me with loads of good quality coffee."
"Oh, Sho', dear but I thought you loved me inconditionately, Shouch—-" "Don't call me that. It's childish."
"But Shoucha---" "Stop."
"Hehe and, so is Sho' better?" Hizashi teased poking his cheek as they took the elevetor "By ten folds." Hizashi laughed and even snorted slightly before covering his mouth. It's an annoying sound only he can make sound so addictive, so damn sweet.
It made his heart rate spike, heart-warmingly so, so much his cheeks flushed in pink. The raven haired man tuched his chin in his grey capture weapon but it doubles as a scarf and thankfully he had it always on.
Shouta really didin't want this to ever, ever end.
21ZY Musutafu – Summer, Tanabata 七夕
Hizashi dragged him out to the Tanabata, the fastival of the lover stars, forcing him in a yakuta he bought specifically for him. He didn't understand the importancy of him being there but apparently Hizashi wanted him there so badly he almost begged. The yukata itself was an obscene dark red but it was a gift from the blond who had a more elaborate matching one.
As they entered the festival the warm lights of the lanterns illuminated the two of them softly. He looked to his left, to Hizashi who was focusing on the path foward. His golden locks shining on the orangish hues of the burning fires around them, even if only for a second Shouta found himself breathless at the sight of his best friend.
"Sho'! Food!!" The green eyed man said pointing at the numerous food stalls of all genre. "I am paying let's get star snacks" He adds dragging him throught the crowd. His wrist ached, Hizashi was gripping it numblily tight almost like he feared losing him. Maybe he did.
They got a sweet treat after a little waiting. It was a lollipop candy disgustingly sacchirine but the mix of caramel and rock hard marmelade in the snack satisfied the small sweet tooth, the raven haired man always tried to conceal. "This is extreamely sugary."
"Still," The blond responded "You are eating it."
"I am."
They stopped in time to watch the festive parades with few newly gradueted hero-students, marching bands and school troupes bringing music and rythm to the show (That was Hizashi favorite part) and other entertainers giving color and charm to the march.
Even if they where in the last row it was still beautiful to see but Shouta couldn't help to steal glances at Hizashi stupidly happy smile. He was still holding his wrist, maybe unconsciusly and not as tight as before.
But it was there.
He slid his hand higher.
Holding the blond hand.
Finger intertwining.
Hizashi turned slightly to him buut said nothing.
After taking their time, they arrived to the temple. A prayer. Two prayers. They decide to wish, writing on tanzaku, the pretty colorful paper strips. Just one more brushstroke. Then they hanged the stripes on bambo branches.
Hizashi,as his usual, dragged him around to bring them to a quiet and unknown spot. Hidden by a few green brances.
They stood there, silently, until fireworks started to pop high in the night sky colorfull explosions celebrating the reunion of Orihime and Hikoboshi. And with his eyes locked on the fireworks, he failed to notice Hizashi staring at him.
Then a soft press on his left cheek. A tender kiss from the blond.
Oh.
Oh.
That explained the feeling.
It was...
"I love you,"
Love.
"Shouta."
"I..."
"Me too,"
"Hizashi"