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On a clear starry night, in a clearing in the woods, a man stands alone.
(Chanse) There's someone very important to me, someone I'd do absolutely anything for. I met him here, at this very spot. It was here that our friendship grew, and also my feelings for him too. We always meet here at the same time on the same day, year after year without fail to watch the stars together. He should be here soon, I'm not worried at all.
I wait...and find my mind wondering, as it always does, I wonder if I should tell him how I've fallen for him. It feels wrong to keep these feelings from him, but maybe in the end it's for the best. I mean, why would a beautiful flower like him ever want to be with a lame loser like me?
What if he doesn't even show up today? He wouldn't do that to me...would he?
[Tommy] "Hey Chanse you okay?"
(Chanse) I was so deep in my worries that I didn't even notice him appear right in front of me. The sight of him makes my heart race in my chest, he looks even more radiant than usual tonight.
[Chanse] "Oh hey Tommy, yeah I'm all good why do you ask?"
[Tommy] "You seemed surprised to see me that's all."
[Chanse] "I was worried you weren't going to show up tonight."
[Tommy] "I always do, I wouldn't miss it for anything."
(Chanse) When he talks like that it makes me feel like I'm somebody pretty special to him, I wish I could be so much more than that.
[Tommy] "But really though you're okay? You were so lost in thought you didn't even see me walk right up to you. Here, I saw this today and picked it for you."
[Chanse] "You found a gaillardia? I haven't seen any at all this year, where did you get it?"
[Tommy] "There's a patch of them not too far off the trail if you want to go see them, I remember you telling me they're your favorites."
(Chanse) I'm happy he remembers what I tell him, and it's nice he brought me a flower, I just don't know how much this gesture really means. He's always bringing me flowers, does he do it because he wants to make me happy or just because he feels obligated to?
[Chanse] "Thanks Tommy, I didn't bring anything for you though."
[Tommy] "You're here with me, that's more than enough."
[Chanse] "So uh...how was your day?"
[Tommy] "It was great, I got to spend a lot of time in my sunny garden tending to all my flowers."
(Chanse) That's probably why his soft skin is glowing more than normal.
[Tommy] "So what about you? I bet you were brooding all day weren't you?"
[Chanse] "I so wasn't brooding..."
(Chanse) That look, that damn look. He can snipe through my whole facade with a single look.
[Chanse] "OK fine maybe I was brooding a little so what? I have a lot on my mind right now."
[Tommy] "Hah I knew it, you can't hide anything from me."
(Chanse) You'd be surprised what I can hide from you. When you smile at me like that...I really want to say it. Those three little words that could ruin everything.
[Tommy] "So what were you thinking about?"
(Chanse) You. Only you. Always you.
[Chanse] "Oh just stuff, I don't want to bore you under these beautiful stars. Let's just talk about you instead, did something good happen today."
[Tommy] "Maybe it did, how can you tell?"
[Chanse] "You're practically glowing, come on tell me the news."
[Tommy] "Oh I really can't pull the wool over your eyes can I? Well here goes, Chanse I think I'm in love."
(Chanse) And there it is, I knew exactly what he was going to say but even so my heart still sinks hearing him say it.
[Tommy] "Oh Chanse I really think he might be the one, I just can't stop smiling when I think about him."
(Chanse) Some small naive part of me hopes that he's talking about me but I know in my heart it will never be me. This isn't first time Tommy has told me about one of his "loves" and it probably won't be the last either.
[Chanse] "Oh that's so great, who is he? Do I know him?"
[Tommy] "I don't think you'd know him, he's a very talented artist from the village and he's such a kind pure soul, I don't think I've ever met anyone like him in my life.
(Chanse) You've met me, why can't you see me right in front of you?
[Chanse] "Wow you must really like him huh?"
[Tommy] "I really do, he makes me so happy."
(Chanse) Sinking yet again, I could make you happier.
[Chanse] "Does he know how you really feel?"
[Tommy] "Not yet, I'm going to tell him soon..."
(Chanse) Why has he paused? He's almost hesitating...
[Tommy] "I should tell him right? It's not going to ruin anything by saying I love him is it?"
(Chanse) No don't tell him, stay here with me we don't need anyone else. That's what I want to tell him, I want to shout it from the rooftops but I can't, I can't tell him because that would be selfish. Who am I to stand in the way of his happiness? I'm nobody.
[Chanse] "You definitely should tell him, if he makes you this happy then there's no point delaying what your heart knows to be true."
(Chanse) I try to smile for his sake but this is killing me.
[Tommy] "Alright then I'll do it tomorrow, gah I'm so nervous just thinking about it. What if he doesn't feel the same way?"
[Chanse] "Then he's the biggest fool in the world, any guy who doesn't seize the opportunity to be with someone as wonderful as you is a damn fool."
(Chanse) Trust me.
[Tommy] "Oh come on I'm not that great really."
[Chanse] "Yes you are, you are so kindhearted and honest, you are incredibly fun to be around, you're beautiful inside and out-..."
(Chanse) Shit, why did you just say beautiful? Of all the words you could've chosen why beautiful?
[Chanse] "Um maybe I said too much..."
[Tommy] "No it's fine it's just...you've never called me beautiful before, do you really think so?"
[Chanse] "Yeah I do, honestly I'm pretty jealous of you in that regard. You look like a literal angel and I'm just plain commonfolk."
[Tommy] "Hey now less of that, you're beautiful too and it hurts that you can't see that."
[Chanse] "Thanks man, so uh do you know what you're going to say to him tomorrow?"
[Tommy] "Sort of, I have a couple things in mind but I think my heart will know what to say when I see hi face. God that's so damn corny isn't it?"
[Chanse] "It is extremely corny but it is also quintessentially you, I always thought you would be at home in a corn field with the scarecrows."
[Tommy] "Hey now what happened to respecting your elders?"
[Chanse] "Tommy you are barely 2 years older than me, and I was just repeating what you said. It's a self report more than anything."
They share a laugh, Chanse's tinged with sadness.
(Chanse) Wow Tommy has had plenty of "loves" but this one seems different, he seems genuinely smitten by this guy. The window might actually be closed, you may have actually missed your chance for good.
[Chanse] "Alright maybe it's not exactly corny but it is romantic, he's a really lucky guy to have someone as sweet as you pining over him."
[Tommy] "Hey for my sake let's hope he thinks so to. Anyway I better get going, thanks for being here Chanse I've been so nervous about this I guess I needed a vote of confidence from my best friend."
(Chanse) Best friend, yeah that's me. That's all I'll ever be. He'll never see me as anything more than that, I'll always be looking in from the sidelines. His hand on my shoulder, his touch is so warm and filling I wish it would never end.
[Tommy] "I'm so lucky to have someone like you in my life, someone I can be completely open with and tell anything at all, the best friend I could ever possibly ask for."
(Chanse) There it is again, the F word, it cuts through my heart like a knife no matter how many times I hear it.
[Chanse] "Of course, I'll always be here for you no matter what."
[Tommy] "I know, that's one of the things I love about you, I'll see you later to tell you how it goes."
Tommy hugs Chanse before turning to leave.
(Chanse) And just like that his warm caring touch is gone, replaced by the cold evening air. Without even thinking I reach out for his arm...don't go...stay with me...but it's too late, he's already gone, it's like reaching for a ghost. I'm once again alone under the stars with nothing but my thoughts, anxiety never makes the best company.
It's better this way, really it is. I never want to lose the bond we already have and if that means never telling him my true feelings towards him then so be it. It's my burden to bear, he doesn't need it weighing him down too.
Chanse sniffles as he zips up his jacket and looks up at the stars, telling himself that it's just because of the chill of the night drawing in as a tear runs down his cheek.