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Witch, Please

Summary:

A Low-Effort Account of High-Stakes Nonsense

Holly is done with saving the world. After a war, funeral after funeral, and one unfortunate wish made to a magical room with no sense of boundaries, she ends up somewhere very far from home—and very much someone else’s problem.

Now she runs a not-entirely-legal bakery in a city where flour is political, dragons are supposed to be terrifying (hers is the size of a teacup), and minding your own business is practically a crime. She’s got no interest in thrones, titles, or noble nonsense.

Which is exactly why the nobles won’t leave her alone.

All Holly wants is to survive, stay unimportant, and keep her pastry case full. But when a certain highborn woman starts showing up for tea, Holly finds herself dragged—reluctantly—into court gossip, royal secrets, and a mess big enough to topple a kingdom.

She didn’t come here to change the world. But the world keeps showing up at her door.

Chapter 1: The Countess & The Cup

Chapter Text

No one paid much attention when the girl bought the building.

Why would they? It was the kind of place even the wind passed over – crooked and crumbling, with half the roof fallen in and ivy growing in through the walls. The wood was soft with rot. The shutters hung like tired eyelids. The stone stoop was cracked through the center like something had once tried to claw its way out.

Some said it was cursed. Others called it haunted. Whatever it was, it had long since collapsed inward, half-swallowed by mildew, rot, and disinterest.

And then one morning, without fanfare or fuss, the girl bought it.

She was young, not child-young, but just into womanhood young. She wore her black wavy hair loose and wild. Her clothes were odd, worn, but appeared of fine quality. Her hands were clean, her fingers soft without callouses seen in most of the working class. Her accent didn’t belong to any part of the city, though she spoke clearly.

She paid for the building in full. She unflinchingly handed over a pouch of strange gold coins – far more than a family could make in an entire year – without haggling, signed her name in a tight, slanted script no one could read, and set about fixing what should’ve stayed broken.

People saw her at all hours sweeping out soot and broken tile, hauling firewood, hammering something with too much determination to be healthy. She fixed things. Mended things. Dusted off old brick like it deserved a second chance. Sometimes she sang to herself. Sometimes she talked to a lump of something curled in her pocket.

She didn’t hire anyone. She didn’t complain. She just kept going.

They gave her a week before she’d walk away. Instead, the shutters went up – sun-yellow and neat, like buttercups pressed into place.

The crooked sign above the door was taken down, scrubbed clean, and replaced with a new one carved by hand. It hung from black iron hooks polished to a soft shine. The words were painted in warm gold:

The Countess & The Cup

It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t flashy. But it was…hopeful. Like the building had finally remembered what it meant to be useful.

The door was sanded smooth. The hinges oiled. Lavender was planted beneath the windows. The cracked glass was replaced with panes that let bright in light and made the whole building feel warm and safe.

People still didn’t go near it. Not until the scent came.

Cinnamon, first – the real kind, warm and sharp like memory. Then golden sugar. Melted butter. Roasted herbs. Toasted onion. Cheese browned just at the edge. And smoke, faint and sweet, like something baking too long in a hearth because someone got distracted reading.

It curled through the alley, into open windows, around laundry lines and chimney stacks. It settled in the lungs and stayed there, like it had always been waiting for a place to land.

And people, without quite meaning to, turned towards it.

It wasn’t like a tavern and not quite like a bakery. It felt like something in between. A bakery-tavern that served drinks and had small brown tables surrounded by yellow wooden chairs.

Most bakeries served bread and pies, took coin, and then shooed their customers away. This one not only offered customers to linger…but encouraged it.

Most taverns served alcohol and had barmaids that yelled too loud at unruly customers. This one had no alcohol, the girl never raised her voice, and unruly customers found themselves inexplicably in the street without being able to recall how they got there.

The inside was decorated almost like a greenhouse, with plants lining every available surface and dangling from pots hanging from the ceiling. What wasn’t covered in greenery, was covered in flour and treats instead.

There were shelves lined with warm things that steamed softly in the morning light. Trays that clinked with crusts so golden they looked sun-kissed. Tiny tarts with sugared tops and fruit tucked inside like a secret. Soft rolls, twisted into knots and brushed with honey. Savory pastries folded around roasted garlic, caramelized onion, or bits of sharp cheese that melted in your mouth but left a little fire behind.

Each morning, something new appeared behind the little glass counter – never labeled, never repeated. Some had flecks of herbs. Some had seeds on top that crackled between your teeth. Others tasted like nothing you could name but reminded you of home, if home had ever been quiet and kind.

And then there were the drinks.

She served hot chocolate so rich it clung to the tongue, with a bitterness that balanced the sweetness like it knew restraint. Tea brewed in pots of painted cast-iron – sometimes floral, sometimes smoky, sometimes both. And coffee, black as pitch and offered with sugar, honey, and various flavored extracts. Served in delicate cups too delicate for comfort but too perfect to put down.

People didn’t know the names of what they were ordering. But she never minded. If someone pointed and said, “That one,” she gave it to them with a smile and sometimes, if they looked particularly tired, slid a second one across the counter without charging them.

No one ever saw her bake, though the saw the evidence of it. No deliveries ever came, though her shelves were always fully stocked. The baskets never ran out. The back room stayed shut.

Someone swore she whispered to the oven. Someone else said she had flour on her nose and magic in her fingers. But no one really wanted to know, because the food was warm and the tea was good.

And for the first time in a long time, a tiny, quiet part of King’s Landing felt like safety…even if no one knew how the prices worked. At first, it almost felt like a trap.

The pastries were warm. Fresh, spiced, and flaky in a way that meant real butter – a lot of it. The herbs were never bitter, the cheese was sharp and clean, and some of the rolls had this whisper of clove, cinnamon, or cardamom that no one in Flea Bottom had tasted in years.

Even the flour tasted…different. Fine-ground and clean. Not a single hint of mildew or grit.

The drinks were even better – hot things poured from mismatched kettles that smelled of roasted bean, toasted grain, or dark bark steeped with things no one could name. Some tasted like winter markets. Others like citrus from far-off ports. All of them cost less than a copper or two.

And that was the strangest part.

Spices, everyone knew, were for the nobility. Cinnamon? A luxury. Cardamom? Imported. Nutmeg? Don’t be ridiculous. No small shop in King’s Landing – certainly not one tucked between a dilapidated wine merchant and a shady brothel – should’ve been able to serve them at the prices she charged. And yet, there they were, folded into sweet things, hidden in stews baked into bread, stirred into mugs that steamed like they remembered warmth long after you left.

The prices weren’t just fair – they were absurd. Lower than the cost of making the thing, as far as any other baker could tell. There were whispers of smuggling, alchemy…devilry.

But the girl – Holly, as the locals learned – just smiled when asked. Shrugged, sometimes. Offered something warm and said, “Try this instead.”

And that was usually the end of the questions.

Because when a girl in worn boots served you food that made your eyes sting and your chest ache and your belly feel full for the first time in days…you didn’t argue.

You just came back.

It wasn’t just the food that made people curious…it was her.

The girl behind the counter. The one with flour on her sleeves and a quiet sort of confidence. She moved like someone who belonged somewhere else – chin high, shoulders relaxed, never hurried even when the shop was full. She looked everyone in the eye, didn’t flinch at yelling, and never raised her voice in return.

She wore layers of warm yellow and black, colors like old gold and hearth soot. Her dress was simple but well-made, dyed a soft marigold with full sleeves embroidered in delicate black thread. Over it she wore a black apron embroidered with golden flowers, leaves, and curling vines – as if someone had stitched an autumn garden into the fabric. The quality of the dress and apron were high, the embroidery flawless, but the girl wiped her flour covered hands on them like she didn’t notice.

A deep front pocket sagged with use, and the apron ties wrapped twice around her waist before knotting with careless ease. Her boots were scuffed but well-kept, always laced tight. The sort of outfit made for work, but it never seemed to wear her down. If anything, she wore it like armor.

She spoke with crisp, careful words. No slurring, no drawl. Her accent wasn’t from the Reach, or the Crownlands, or anywhere familiar at all. Too neat. Too clipped. Not foreign exactly – just wrong in a way no one could place.

She used strange phrases. Thanked people too much. Called customers “love” and “darling” and sometimes “ser” even when they clearly weren’t. She never seemed afraid, not even when the Goldcloaks stopped in. Not even when men from the brothel next door leaned in too close.

And people noticed.

They noticed how clean the place stayed, even during the lunch rush. How her aprons were always starched. How her curls were always pinned back, except when they weren’t, and then somehow it looked intentional.

She never wore silks. No gold or gemstones. Just a single old-fashioned key on a chain around her neck, and a dark ring on her finger that looked plain until the light caught it wrong. But the way she walked, the way she stood – like she’d been taught – made people talk.

More than one passerby noticed the colors. The golden yellow. The black apron. Even the embroidery – flourishes of curling leaves, gold thread catching the light – looked a bit too deliberate.

Baratheon colors, some whispered. She must be a cousin. A bastard, maybe. Sent away.

When asked, the girl only smiled.

“They’re my house colors,” she said, and then – grinning like it was the best joke in the world – “No, not Baratheon. Hufflepuff.”

That name meant nothing to anyone. But she said it like it should.

So the rumors adjusted. She wasn’t just noble – she was foreign nobility. Holly Hufflepuff, they called her after that. The name stuck to her like cinnamon sugar, and she never corrected it.

Then there was…the Countess.

The first time anyone saw it, they thought it was a trick of the light. A glint of metal. A twitch of motion. Something too small to be real and too alive to be a bird.

It darted from her pocket as she leaned over the counter one morning – just a flick of shadow and shimmer, like sunlight catching on something with wings. Several customers blinked. One swore. No one said anything right away.

But it happened again, and again.

A flash of bronze scales. A whipcord tail, barbed at the tip, curled around her wrist. Tiny claws gripped the edge of the pastry case as it peered at a raisin bun with exaggerated suspicion before snorting a puff of smoke that smelled faintly of mint and ash from a mouth of tiny jagged teeth and a beaked mouth. A jagged crown of blackened-bronze horns swept back from its head, continuing down its spine in a serrated ridge—like a broken crown that never quite stopped.

A girl screamed once. She pointed and shouted “Dragon!” and half the room laughed – until the creature blinked at them from the rafters and let out a hiss so sharp it rattled the copper spoons.

After that, people stopped laughing.

It was no illusion. No trick of candles or shadows. The thing had wings. It flew. It perched on her shoulder and chittered in her ear. It curled up in her apron pocket like a cat, and when it yawned, you could see the heat of it, the little sparks curled behind its teeth.

A dragon.

Teacup-sized. Red-eyed. Sassier than sin.

She called it Countess Erzsébet Báthory the Second.

Most people couldn’t say that twice if they tried. So it became Zeezee to the street. Zeezee who stole bites of puff pastry when she thought no one was looking. Zeezee who growled at drunk men and chased flies with tactical precision. Zeezee who snored like a kettle and slept in a mixing bowl by the hearth.

And Holly – Holly Hufflepuff, Holly with the strange clothes and stranger name – treated her like royalty.

Not a pet. Not a beast. But something old and precious and deeply loved.

A few concerned citizens tried to report it. One went to the Keep. Another sought out a septon. One woman swore she’d speak to a Goldcloak the next time she saw one.

But by the time they arrived…they’d forgotten what they were meant to say.

Not entirely. Just enough. Enough to hesitate. Enough to second-guess. Enough to say, “It’s probably nothing.” And go back home with the taste of honeyed bread still on their tongue.

People stopped caring where the girl came from after that. If she had a dragon and wasn’t dead, she was either too powerful or too lucky to question.

Probably both.

After a while, no one could quite remember when the shop opened.

Some swore it had always been there, tucked at the end of the alley like a secret waiting to be found. Others insisted it was new, barely a season old. But even they admitted – grudgingly, over bites of warm bread and sips of dark, spiced tea – that it felt older…familiar. Like a place from a dream you forgot having, or a memory someone else gave you.

The alley was the kind people didn’t wander down without a reason – narrow, crooked, with stones that sweated in the heat and signs that dangled on one hinge. Most didn’t notice the black-painted door at the end. And those who did often found they’d forgotten it again by the time they reached the next street.

To the left, a brothel with velvet curtains too faded to tempt. To the right, an old wine-seller’s place, its windows cobwebbed and its sign bleached near blank. But if you followed your nose – warm sugar, burnt butter, something sharp and citrusy – you might stumble on a little shop called The Countess & the Cup, and a girl with flour on her sleeves who served kindness in teacups.

It was the kind of place you couldn’t find twice on purpose, but somehow always stumbled into just when you needed a snack.