Chapter Text
"S-Shit…" Scout muttered to himself, the adrenaline that the battlefield provided wearing off quickly as he found it became harder and harder to move, let alone walk as he moved into the back lines, his eyes darted everywhere for something to bandage himself or even one of those mystery concoctions the medics sometimes left scattered in the field beforehand. Despite all of his familiarity with the surroundings, the nausea and desperation beat his senses down and soon enough it became clear that no small aid would be able to help the gash on his side, that even if he found himself some bandages it would only take so long before the bleeding claimed him.
He sighed, hitting one of the nearby walls rather harshly, yet he paid no mind to it. Already his body felt cold below his skin, his senses dissipating methodically and his vision going black as he accepted; respawn it is…
By the time Scout took notice of his surroundings again, his head hung low, but he was not in their base, nor the one they'd wrestled out of the REDs, but still in the same dimly lit corner he thought himself for granted. His side was quickly being sewn back together and in front of him stood an imposing silhouette, clad in dirty white and looking down at him none too pleased, Scout smiled at the familiar face, although if he had to guess it probably didn't look very convincing.
"Y-You look good like this doc… Y'know, all mad and stuff-" He chuckled to himself and took the hand that was offered to him, not before he hesitated, double guessing if the man wouldn't pull his hand away at the last second, but that wasn't like the doctor.
"Save that for later," Medic intervened before Scout could start his preamble, his steps were quick towards the front lines but not enough to call it running. Scout took the hint and tailed after him. "What the hell were you thinking?!' He nearly yelled, taking the batter by surprise, he hadn't expected such an outburst from one of his many close calls.
"That I looked sick…! I mean did you see me out there?" He said with faux confidence that died away promptly when he noticed the other was not entertaining his antics. The mood grew a lot thicker between the two as Medic went on how foolish he was and the display was… Oddly familiar; Scout still remembers being a child and getting yelled at by his mother while he sat at the back of her car, cramped with the sheer size of his family and just nowhere to run to should he want to put an end to her rants. Back then he did, and he still wants to as Medic went on and on about the trick he tried to pull and so many reasons as to why it had failed, the only difference being that now he could technically run away, but he did not, he knew the doc would give him hell back at the base if he tried. Sometimes he'd doubt himself thinking he could still smell of their old, beaten up car's carpet and the warmth that always amplified that scent. Though maybe he was just hallucinating, the medigun could tend to wounds but it wasn't like it could replenish blood… Or maybe it could, it wasn't like Scout knew the inner workings of Medic's machines that well, he hardly knew how the teleporter worked.
"—And that's not even the problem!" a yell, slightly higher than the ones that came before it, broke Scout's reminiscence and pulled him back to the irate conversation Medic was having, which honestly was with himself at this point. "You could have gone in and hurt yourself like a dummkopf," Scout was about to interject when the Medic's gaze met his. He knew Scout a little too well to be caught off-guard. "But why didn't you come to me?" There was a lilt to his voice, something like betrayal— No, disappointment… Which stung Scout worse than any angry comment that had come before it.
"You could have done all the tricks you wanted to do but why didn't you come back?" To me left unspoken. "You could've died from the bleeding," By now they had reached the entrails of the enemy base, their own payload being forced inside amidst the chaos and screaming of the other dozen men that fought in such tiny space. "I… We need you alive, Scout." That was the last audible thing the doctor had said to him, everything else being drowned by the fighting, including the sigh that escaped Scout's lips when he moved his eyes away from Medic and forward, outlining what was the best path he could take to the REDs backline.
Scout knew his actions had not been motivated by the lack of sense from the blood-loss nor the adrenaline rush that always told him to do things on his own. This was much deeper than that; a root that was ingrained uncertainly into his heart and that fought for prevalence at every tug. He knew that Medic was aware of that and that the hands that tugged at those weeds were his own. But the struggle was futile, and as he charged through narrow dark corridors he knew that the roots only pulled tighter, strangling. That the next time he would get hurt, he would not run to his Medic, he would hide away in another dingy corner and hope that he wasn't found.
That day had been a success, not only the fight for the payload but any disputes they'd had afterwards. Perks of being in our turf Scout assumed.
As much as Scout would like to lie and say that it wasn't new for them to win in a landslide like this, it very much was and it wouldn't be fooling anyone to say otherwise. At times he had stopped to think if the REDs had been replaced, or if they were just letting them gain the upper hand to then choke them all the more cruelly. But no, whenever he found himself suspecting a trap, the voice in their intercoms would announce the end of their time, and therefore announcing the BLUs victory once more. He'd noticed the surprise in his teammates faces that mirrored his own, hell, even Spy couldn't help but raise an eyebrow as that lady's voice.
Such an uncommon occurrence was quickly preyed on; Demoman raised the thought to Soldier and as soon as Soldier had something in his mind, you simply couldn't make him think any different. He'd proposed a night of drinks, mainly what Demoman himself had concocted since it would be a stretch to say any of them were willing to drive or walk to a nearby bar after the gruelling hours of work they'd had. The morale of the team was in an all-time high so it didn't take much convincing to get nearly all of the team on board. Soldier would have insisted more if he could locate Spy or Sniper, one cloaking his way out of the argument he would inevitably have with Soldier, and the other long gone since they had stepped foot into the base.
Scout too would have denied it if he could, but between being left alone in his room, a screaming match with Soldier and the fact that Medic had joined them, he felt himself forced to tag along. He wasn't really fond of crowded, drunken spaces like what would become of their base's lobby, one drunken maniac was more than enough. In his mind he had it all laid out too! But Scout found his plan crumbling when he saw the look of surprise, then outright fondness that crossed Medic's face.
Scout knew that whatever they had going on wasn't… conventional, but it had at least gone on well for a while; if you asked Scout, he wouldn't call himself Medic's boyfriend, but the affection between the two was not a secret to anyone. It had, surprisingly, bloomed from their onslaught of common defeats on the battlefield; Scout, always fast and daring, found himself hurt more often than he wasn't and by proxy he was under the doctor's care more times than he could feasibly count. At first it was a burden, a very, very visible burden that twisted Medic's face into a permanent scowl when he had the runner around. Even more guilty he was when he crept into medbay, a cut arm or a burnt leg from a wrestle much from his origination. Medic had to tend to him all the same, but his disapproval was always unmasked, harsh and clear as he afforded Scout some of his thoughts while he roughly handed the minor to major harm done to him by their own team. Scout was further reminded of his home whenever that happened, how coming back home beaten and bruised meant his mother further work she simply didn't have time for.
Medic was so much like that and seeing him do the same unhappy face his own mother did spurred him into action then; the upcoming matches had a degree to change that hadn't gone unnoticed, especially since the instances of their triumph weren't many to begin with. Scout's over-vigilance over their Medic rivalled Heavy's own; he'd butt heads with RED's Scout whenever he saw him advancing, disallowing the easy picks at their doctor. His attention would then usually move to the RED Sniper, tracking his location through trial and error as well as the red dot he would see panning around the field. Taking the camper down was easier than the Scout, he hardly ever saw it coming, his death devoid of any reaction.
That allowed the BLU team clean pushes, and with that backstabbing snake being taken care of by the BLU's Pyro, Medic's build of his übercharge was uninterrupted and constant. It was always a joy to watch the doctor's face lit up in surprise or plain satisfaction when his machinery hummed with complete power, more than that, Scout felt proud of himself every time, as if the unusual happiness on the doc's face was the biggest of praises and the sweetest of thanks. It was with this pride he'd stride back to his base, not looking to be outright thanked by the doctor, but satisfied with his own ability to come back somewhat unscathed, his injuries small enough to be patched on his own.
Yet, he still remembers the day Medic had knocked on his door; he'd barely heard it, the three-taps he'd come to associate with the doctor sounded shy, as if Medic trusted not his resolution when he decided to visit Scout. For his part, the runner had been patching his leg from previous lacerations he'd sustained in the battlefield, his past time in medbay had taught him and earned him enough resources to be able to do it on his own — they'd take long to heal, but it was better than to bother the doc with something he could do himself.
He'd invited him in and watched his look of hesitation be replaced with one much sadder, something Scout could not place, something that told him he should be sorry, that feeling of giving his ma worries he did not mean. It was clear even for the Scout that whatever planned reasoning Medic had died right then and with a fumble of his words and hands he would shut himself up and walked over to the bed. He was awkward, the certainty Scout had always seen him wear and flaunt failing him as he got close, and if Scout could be honest? That was a very nice look on him.
"May I?"
It still rang in his ears from time to time, he'd never heard Medic that unsure, nor has he heard the tone since. Scout had replied with a sheepish refusal, something along the lines of 'I got it Doc,' and 'no need to worry 'bout me', but he hadn't budged, muttering some about Scout being foolish and outright taking the needle out of his hands. Scout was ready to object and take it back, but any halfhearted attempt died on his throat as he watched Medic kneel in front of him, taking his ankle with practised care Scout had since come to learn he missed. This attention certainly felt much sweeter when he needed not to worry about the guilt eating him alive for wanting it.
His breath hitched and his hands, previously holding the stolen items, came to rest on the sides of his body after a moment off pondering. Medic took that as his approval and began sewing his leg back together, mending the flesh and bringing skin closer so the gap would be mostly gone. All the while Scout struggled to breath, fearful the slightest heave would let go of a pained noise he didn't want to make, didn't want to bother the doctor with. Deep down he knew that what he felt wasn't pain though.
At some point Scout had to avert his eyes from the doctor, unable to handle the occasional glance he would receive confirming his well-being. The pain was mixed with something else, laced with a tint of desire he'd not known then, but knew thoroughly now. He'd used his hand to help hide his state as well, biting at his knuckle whenever the twinge became particularly sharp and hoping it would also help hide the hint of red that had coloured his cheeks. A fruitless endeavour, for Scout needed not to see the smile that crossed Medic's face, he could feel it along with the eyes that wouldn't leave his face, rendering him helpless under the doctor's care.
While the tension Medic had shown earlier was gone, there was something much thicker that replaced the look in his eyes and it felt downright patronising when Scout dared to look back, a knowing gaze that shook Scout whole for not even he knew what was there to be inferred.
Only when Medic deemed his job done did Scout allow himself to breathe again, completely oblivious to the oxygen he had been holding in or how loud it was to let out. That peace of mind was short lived though, as Medic decided to plant a kiss to the boy's knee before he rose from the ground, the look on his face doing nothing to hide how pleased he was with the runner's reaction.
Silence then befell them, something clung to the air and while they both recognised it, neither had made a move. Medic fixed his clothes and made sure his legs were okay to go while Scout's senses refused to come back to him. It seemed like Medic didn't even expect to be thanked for it, as he began to leave while Scout was stunned. Clearly whatever he had on his mind before had long since been forgotten, buried below that thick layer that had enveloped them.
Scout moved on auto-pilot once he'd registered the steps that distanced him from the doctor and damn near launched for his arm, holding him in place and seemingly stunned too. Medic looked back with an inquiry in his eyes and Scout could tell him nothing that could justify the hole he'd dug for himself, so he might as well dig it deeper.
"Thank you"
Barely a whisper, so quiet and devoid of anything that made Scout his own person that Medic could hardly believe it came from him, but most surprising of all was the upcoming contact of the back of his own hand and Scout's lips, something done clearly out of lack of better judgement. They had both been frozen in time by that action, staring at each other with mismatched emotions.
Medic's face shifted to that of utmost confusion, but the most innocent kind, that which could not carry any ill towards Scout or what he'd just done. He had not pulled his hand though, entranced by the fierce look that stared back at him, something strong-willed, hope? Most likely hope; hope that the boy hadn't read all of this wrong, that he'd been reading Medic right and that this all wasn't a big misunderstanding that would haunt him until he retired or died for good in the battlefield. And even then, below all those hopes of saving himself from a tragic, most awkward cohabiting with the doctor, was the hope that… those feelings existed, that those feelings for him weren't just his imagination playing him a cruel prank.
It had taken the doctor very long to shake himself off of the stupor, time mostly spent watching Scout's expression and only being ripped out of it as he watched him deflate, inflicting a sense of pity Medic was unfamiliar with. His hand was let go and Scout's confidence seemed to have too, he looked away, mouth running wild with any sort of explanation for what he'd just done, most of those words being completely filled away from Medic's own brain as his whole demeanour softened while Scout wasn't looking, or at the very least, not paying attention.
"Scout?" He tried once to no reply, Scout still too absorbed in panic to hear the call. Medic had expected that, but he hadn't expected Scout to miss the second, or the third time he'd tried to get his attention, much less the fourth. By now his empathy had almost completely vanished, the little that was left being powered by some sort of affection he'd come to develop, but never to explore.
Medic sighed and stepped back close to the runner on the bed. He evaluated his options for a second before ultimately deciding to hug the other man, shutting his ranting right up as he went still and silent. Once that was done he stepped back and aimed to lightly hold Scout's frozen hand, giving it the same treatment he'd received just a moment ago and watching gleefully as the boy's face was set alight with red.
"No more of this," his eyes moved to the fresh stitches and then back up, although if he had to guess, Scout hadn't registered it at all. "If you're ever hurt, I want to see you in my office, am I understood?" Scout's breath hitched but before he could take another one in, he found himself nodding dumbly to the request— no, to the demand. His heart was beating so hard he found it difficult to hear anything but it's noise, not only that but the tone his voice had carried could certainly flip Scout's whole demeanour in a blink at any time, even if he hadn't put that theory in action. It wasn't one he'd heard often, hell, never was it directed to him either! It was that sultry, downright seductive tone he'd overheard before, whenever he saw the doc faux-flirt with one of his coworkers. Needless to say his brain was working overtime to pull himself together, all the previous attempts had gone out of the window, undone by Medic's simple efforts.
By the time Scout found himself in control again, he was shaking and he was alone, he'd barely noticed Medic walking away, confidence back into his steps as he left, clearly satisfied.
After that, it was hard to tell if Scout was looking to get hurt, or if his mind racing a million miles every day just made him worse in the battlefield. Either way his performance had taken a devastating punch after the meeting between the two. While he could still keep Medic relatively safe, he was giving much more in the process, an arm, sometimes a leg — hindering him essentially useless without his main strength —, sometimes he wouldn't even crawl back from Sniper's hiding place. Yet whenever he returned home battered, a victory in the field or not, he couldn't find that same guilt within himself, maybe because of that talk but most definitely because when he limped into medbay, he would find Medic waiting with the most inviting of smiles, making him forget any doubt, discomfort or upsetting defeat outside, all that mattered was within the walls of his Medic's office then.
That tension he'd felt in his room was now tenfold but it's edge was surprisingly sturdy; neither of them had made a move, neither dared to break that limit of contact pre-established that cataclysmic day. It wasn't as though they didn't want to, but this tightrope they walked felt as imposing as it could be, one wrong step would send them tumbling into a territory of avoidance and broken trust. And trust each other they did; everyone did trust Medic aside of his tendencies, he could do his job and so much more and overlooking his moral compass, he had never done something to inflict them permanent harm, temporary? Almost definitely, but his body modifications were at least positive if not harmless.
This trust therefore had extended to what the two had going on, which was undeniable, but impossible to label. At least not while Scout denied himself the thought and denied outwardly to any hint of their relationship.
Now, it wasn't as though Scout didn't have any feelings for the doctor, they both knew that! But he was as stubborn as it could be when it came to admitting it outright, even if it was clear as day that his visits were longer than they should be and that their eyes lingered a bit too long on each other. He would swear up and down to his teammates that he and Medic had not a thing for each other, but had a plethora of explanations that overlapped and out-ruled a poorly concocted story. It was a tiring display for nearly everyone but it was especially tiring for Medic; while most of them had given up this lost cause at the first rant or the second, there were still some of them that enjoyed ruffling up Scout's feathers and see him scramble for an explanation for his sudden disappearances after battles. Things had to come to a stop, so Medic decided to take matters into his own hands.
Battle was mere minutes away when he'd heard it, his own belongings cast aside in favour of battle gear when Scout's voice rung into his ears with that intonation that prompted himself to sigh before he could register in a single word. From the looks of it, he and Spy had worked up a fight in the early morning, with it coming back to bite Scout minutes before they were let out fo the gates of their temporary base. Spy was not a man to argue with and Scout knew that, but his pride hindered his knowledge useless when he entertained his mocking and headbutted his way into a lost argument for the entertainment of the crew and the Frenchman most importantly.
That was however, the perfect opportunity for Medic to cease, his plan being fantasised many times over for fruitless results as he'd never had a chance this perfect before. He walked over, a grin on his face that had elicited a worried look from Heavy, who'd been by his side most of this preparation period. Nevertheless he'd ignored the bigger man in favour of his plan, reaching the arguing duo without being spotted by Scout, whose defences had become even more feeble, clearly at the end of his straw-made arguments.
"And one more thing pal—"
"Scout," Medic said louder than the two could've possibly been, startling the attention of about anyone else that wasn't looking — which consisted of hardly anyone with how high their voices had been before —, that would have included Scout if he had time to turn around before his collar was grabbed and he was yanked towards the doctor.
A kiss. That was the prompting for a kiss he had no rights to refuse, how could he when his lips were already against Medic's with that pull alone? He had no reaction to that, his whole being frozen and only melted when he was let go, when he realised he couldn't even find the strength to stand on his own. He stumbled a step, and then another, and then his senses were punched back into him with the uproar that came from the rest of the crew. Medic was nowhere to be found amidst the chaos, but before he left he had certainly said;
"Good luck out there, liebling." It was so quiet, but amidst the fractal silence that had enveloped that room, it was as loud as a shout could be.
"Well, that should do," Medic said with a chuckle when he was far away from the commotion and back to tinkering with his machinery and the charge that had barely enough minutes left to build before they were let out.
"Doctor is a cruel man" He'd heard though the voice was hardly disapproving, in fact Heavy sounded much more entertained by the antics than upset with his methods. If anything was to be grieved it was how loud everyone else had become.
"Am I? I thought I was being quite reasonable," he shot back, thoroughly pleased.
To no one's surprise, that battle had been a disastrous landslide, they were scarcely able to push halfway before the announcer's voice rung out. Upcoming fights that day didn't fare much differently, Medic had not been killed once, but where he was over exceeding everyone else was lacking behind, especially his Scout, barely able to secure his supposed responsibilities' success and definitely not doing so in time. His lacking performance was clear to the enemy team too, preying upon the opportunity of an easy handicap of BLUs fastest offence. He'd been shot by the enemy Sniper more times than he could count in both hands, hell, even the REDS Spy was able to land some lucky stabs! That just didn't happen, shouldn't happen.
So when he was given the green light to flee away from his coworkers barrage of mockery, he took it right away, traversing through their main base so quickly and mindlessly he hadn't even noticed Medic was already gone when he'd left the group.
His plan was to lock himself up in his own room until dinner or the next sunrise, his emotions too stressed he couldn't find a better way to cope with the situation at hand, so he would do what he did best when a problem struck; run away. Except that plan, too, was shut abruptly when upon reaching his room he'd find the doctor, aware that he wouldn't be visiting for the day when he was sent to spawn so constantly it had already fixed him up by the time they were sent away.
He'd spent the whole day imagining how he would storm into his office and give him a piece or the majority of his mind, but upon seeing him again he merely… sighed, locked the door and walked closer, hesitantly letting himself melt into the hug that was offered to him by his Medic. Contrary to their normal, they didn't exchange any words now, simply treasuring that affection for what it meant and what it confirmed; the kiss had been a welcome step, even with all the ruckus it had brought about.
"You're a bastard, y'know that right?" Medic only chuckled and nodded as a response, letting his head fall against Scout's shoulder in resignation from his worries. The runner hadn't noticed his demeanour until now, the way his whole body was tense made for an awkward hug, but he did love it all the same, if not more now that he got Medic this meek around him. "Hey," He said as an idea struck him. "Get up, yeah?" And he did, Scout kept that instance of obedience in the back of his mind for later, for now though, he had something he ought to do.
Medic had always been significantly taller than he was, so the stretch wasn't big, but it was very noticeable as he brought himself up to kiss the Medic, his arms melting off of the hug for his hands to soothe circles around the doctor's hips. He heard a little whimper of surprise and then he felt the weight that rested over him mindlessly, willing… Trusting.
"There, even now," Scout said once they'd broken apart, something that felt much longer than it probably was.
"Even now."
All of this is to say… Scout had grown distant again. Sure their relationship was real and had bloomed very much past that point, it was now… shrivelling, and that scared him deeply.
He could tell that his Medic was aware of his sudden shift, how he couldn't allow himself near the doctor as often as he did before. What would be nearly daily visits to the man's office, filled with pampering and lingering touches now felt hollow, a saddening sometimes weekly visit that was filled with awkward looks and unsure movement before they both settled for distance if not for the necessary touched of a doctor. There were many things that pissed him off about that, but first and foremost; they had gone so far and it took so goddamn long!
Scout didn't exactly crumble right away after that kiss, the development of their relationship a steady, growing passion that meant so much Scout didn't know he could even take, let alone be good at. But slowly, and with much, much help from Medic, he let himself go, let himself loose, even if it was only behind the closed doors of medbay, it still meant something, it meant the whole world if he could be honest.
And watching all of that crumble, all of that go away because of something not even Scout could point, but knew was within himself? Now that was torture. He knew Medic had nothing to do with this, if anything Medic was the only reason why they hadn't broken off yet, believing Scout had something to fight for that the runner simply couldn't agree with.
The second thing that upset him the most was… how utterly terrified that thought made him. Let it be known Scout would never say this out loud, hell, he would die taking this to his grave, but he was so deeply, utterly alone… He'd felt alone before, amidst a loud house of many brothers and a mother that was equally as fierce it felt almost impossible, but Scout knew what he felt was loneliness, a feeling that denied himself the knowledge that he was part of something, because he truly wasn't. He was only his brothers' brother. nothing more, nothing new and that wouldn't change. So when he'd started looking for a job and a new place to live, he'd hoped he would feel some new kind of connection, even if it meant working like a slave to afford a tiny apartment, if it meant to have a place he'd known as his, he would gladly come back the next day for more.
So when he found himself within this unit, utterly cast aside as the crew barely showed him about…? Panic started growing on him, a kind of panic that builds through the course of days of paranoia, of looking around for the slightest hint that he was doing something wrong, that he'd upset someone, that whatever was suffocating him at the moment would jump at him swinging. It never did, it would be the burst of this pathetic bubble, but as long as he was still inside? It felt like he was dying.
But Medic… Medic was the only person to have stepped into that bubble. The others surely did have their moments in Scout's eyes, but they were much like his brothers in the end, a group of men he used to live around. But Medic? Medic felt different, he was different! He gave him the attention— no, he gave him the certainty that he wasn't invisible, that his place within this unit was something real that could be validated if he would just let himself believe it. He felt as though, as long as he had the doctor within an arm's reach, he still had a place to return to, a hand to gift back the bone that was given to him. And he couldn't let it go.
He was pushing himself as of recently, trying to figure out what was the problem as he tried to force back that familiarity he had with the doctor, but whatever he did simply wasn't working, not only that but it was certainly burning him out too, making him so devastatingly tired of this relationship sometimes he found himself wondering if the pit he'd fall should he let go of the doctor's hand would be too deep. Those thoughts were quickly shut down though, making way for at least a temporary wave of determination as he tried a new approach to his own issues, only to watch the boulder slide downhill moments later.
All those reasons combined were why he felt almost forced to join that party, not exactly fond of the idea of getting drunk and showing more than he could manage, but willing to try for the look of hope and pride his Medic had given him. If things went south he could just leave early but if things went north maybe he could lure Medic back to his bedroom that night.
"yeah it… it's gonna be fine," he muttered mostly to himself, looking for some sort of reassurance, determination, even though it really sounded like a last hail mary before a bad decision. He was familiar with that feeling, and just like any other time, he still followed through with it.
Things had… escalated somewhat. Medic watched with interest from afar as Scout was all but dragged around by the Demoman and Soldier. Aside from his poor decision-making that day, Scout had been a solid team player and the others had decided to pamper him for it. Medic had chuckled when the idea was brought up, for he knew all of Scout's aversion for drinking would be out of the window at the first sliver of praise that was thrown at him.
It worked like a charm on the runner, the unintentional manipulation getting into his head so fast it was almost comical to see. He'd taken drink after drink, even if that meant way over his alcohol limit. Scout was a lightweight after all, but what had been previously done to his body made his limit higher than your average person, so even if he was as drunk as he could be, he wouldn't die from it, Medic hadn't allowed him.
He'd been dragged away by the two, with Pyro following behind mostly out of curiosity for what would happen, as Pyro himself didn't quite drink, but he did enjoy staying around for the — somewhat flammable — shenanigans that had a tendency to occur. Scout by now had completely forgotten his initial denial in favour of boasting and flexing all that he may or may not have done that day, his epics bleeding into what had actually happened and overshadowing his instances of poor judgement. It was quite the entertaining display, especially when his voice was so devoid of self-doubt, something that had grown to be quite rare as time and his own struggled had gone on.
Nobody else could see it, but Medic believed himself to be much better at reading the Scout's behaviour and noticing the microscopic way his face would twist or his voice would low every other time he tried to overextend his merits. He had been troubled as of late and that extended to his cocky attitude, breaking at what he knew for it. Or maybe it had always been there, that shadow of insecurity that Scout carried anywhere he went, it just so happened that now Medic could see it too, maybe even better than Scout could see it following him. He'd had a taste for Scout's true pride, how he would actually act when he was happy with himself and he couldn't mistake that mask for it any longer. The whole of his personality right now looked a lot like that, his walls mostly down, gone and showing the foolish, overtly pleased boy he'd seen only shielded away from unloving eyes, within his medbay's confines.
"Are you alright, son?" Thick with an accent, unbridled by the alcohol, he heard Engineer's voice by his side. He had sat himself by Medic without the man even noticing, clearly too entranced with Scout's behaviour to pay him mind before.
"I'm older than you are," Medic said, uncharacteristically so for someone who'd grown used to the name.
"I'll take that as a no then," Engineer replied with a chuckle and a sip to his own drink. It didn't look like something they had around for this celebration, so Medic assumed he'd brought it himself from his room or elsewhere. Now that he thought of it, even if he hadn't seen her drink, he'd seen Pyro with something similar before. "Say, what's bothering you now?" Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe Medic was plain tired, but he couldn't afford Engineer many niceties right now, even if the man's question came from a place of true worry and not obnoxious curiosity. In that sense they were much alike, common sense out of the window should their curiosity get in the way.
"Nothing is." Not even a threat or a joke to lighten the mood made its way to Medic's head, he was simply done with the other's prodding even it didn't really have time to take shape, but he dreaded what it could become. His eyes drifted from the labourer and closed in on Scout again. He hadn't noticed, but his whole body softened upon laying eyes on his boy again.
"You're tense, boy." Medic did not return his attention to the Engineer, but his words had not failed to reach him. "Are you gonna do something about it or are you just going to fuck him with your eyes?"
"Pardon?" The doctor jumped at that, disdain and shock clearer in his voice than it normally would be if he was level-headed. In fact, if he was level-headed, he would have shot back at the snickering Engineer with something of the same calibre, but Medic could only gawk and wait for the man to compose and explain himself.
"C'mon boy, what are you gonna call it? Bird watching?" Medic frowned, not quite enjoying the accusation. That hadn't even crossed his mind! Even though it had been a while… Still he didn't quite enjoy the accusation being thrown his way. He didn't reply, he couldn't possibly form any sentence that wasn't damning to his defence. "See Doc, you ain't as good at lying as you think, at least not to me." He wasn't, and neither was Dell, they knew each other more than they probably should. "And you've been acting up the whole month, I'm tired of patching up the boys because they don't wanna be up to chance with you." It was said in a playful tone, but it still stung somewhat, his whole being so troubled he couldn't even do his job right? Medic sighed, his gaze softening as he came to agree to much of what was being said.
"I say you do something, tonight's a good night. At least give it a try," Engineer said as he shook Medic with a hand on his shoulder, his tone serious, lacking some of that whimsy of jokes that was there just a moment ago. "The boy likes you."
"I know that," Medic replied quickly, disallowing self-doubt.
"Then go for it." Engineer softened, high-spirits surfacing again. "You know how he is doc, he's not gonna say no, that's for sure." The implications made Medic let out a chuckle, Scout could be many things, but he certainly wasn't subtle, or quiet for that matter.
He sighed and weighted his options, it wasn't like many of the mercenaries still had their senses to see what he was doing, Soldier wouldn't suspect a thing and Demoman might have due to his constant state of drunkenness, but that was a battle for him to pick another day, right now he was shortsighted, focusing the Scout in a mix of tipsy, loving and outright desperate. Had he not known this was his own need building up and held back by denial and sorrow, he would have thought Dell had hit him with a curse, making these walls come tumbling down and his desire crashing at him in waves.
He got up, no need to lie anymore, he couldn't even begin to fool himself and certainly couldn't lie to the man by his side. They nodded a goodbye to each other, aware that Medic wouldn't be returning that night.
"Scout?" He called and waited, the boy took a very long time to turn, his senses so dulled he'd become the contrary of himself; slow.
"Yeah?" He could hardly hold his beer, his hand trembling, light. Medic already envisioned having to haul him back to his room, or medbay, since it was the closest room from where they were and he doubted Scout could wait much longer once or if he knew what Medic was hoping for.
"Come here," Medic said as he lightly tugged at Scout's wrist, his other hand setting down his drink safely. It was mostly useless to reason with him, but he knew from experience that Scout would abide to whatever he said and follow whatever he did. He did hear some noises of disappointment from his other teammates, but most of them had half a mind to let the two leave without asking any questions, it wasn't like Medic was planning to answer them and much less likely that they even wanted to know.
"Where are we going?" Scout inquired after some time being hauled away from the celebration, his speech so slurred it was hard to make out. Medic had started growing regretful of the thought, hesitant. Maybe he should really drop him off at his room though, any more time outside and he would be found dead in the morning, or in a very compromising position, which does somewhat equate to being dead to Scout.
"To your room, you've drank enough already," Medic said, trying to shove down his own needs at the moment, not that Scout would mind — if he even remembered it — but it wasn't as fun to have Scout barely responsive, and even when it was Medic was the one to do that to him. For a moment the thought of 'lack of autonomy' crossed the doctor's mind, something so absurd it made him chuckle, but it was true, was it not? Being the one responsible for a subject's state was different than having them be handed off to you already altered; Medic had come to realise just how much he enjoyed the thought of ownership — not exactly of someone's freedom, but of someone's bodily autonomy —, the thought being fuelled not by the forcefulness which could grant him what he looked for, but the trust that was implicit between him and his subjects. Not all of these men had allowed him such faith, there were some of them that would not step foot into medbay unless they had one missing, so the feeling in which he revelled was like a rare sight or an expensive delicacy bought or witnessed after much effort.
The certainty which glazed their eyes whenever Medic had to work on them was honestly dizzying, something dangerous if allowed to fester within Medic's heart, which just so happened to be unguarded, allowing him to indulge in the most unethical of his ideas and reach the most impossible of breakthroughs, all because he knew his abilities were just short of a god, but that one day he would surpass him, reigning over life and death from the belief of these men alone. So to have all that work thrown out of the window, and be granted someone whose state of mind was not altered by himself? That didn't feel right, Medic was not one to care much for morals, so this action wasn't fuelled by it, but he was someone fuelled by his own indulgence and curiosity, and the thought of taking that unwanted gift just didn't spark either.
He was taken out of his personal excusing when he felt himself be tugged into the nearest room, medbay, of course. He had been correct about Scout, who cornered him against the door with newfound strength Medic didn't think he could exert anymore. The boy immediately locked him in place, nuzzling against his neck while his hands brought Medic's hips close, grinding to his own. He said not a word, some noise coming out of his mouth but largely falling into mindless nonsense, once again proving Medic right that this boy was long gone.
In a show of not only strength but also incredible self-control, Medic pulled Scout off of him and all but hauled him to one of the rarely used hospital beds. He laid the runner down, trying to detach himself but failing miserably as Scout clung to him, almost knocking the doctor off his feet.
"C'mon doc… 's been so long, I know ya want it too! Don't lie to me." Medic didn't reply entirely because he couldn't prove Scout wrong, he did, in fact desire Scout as much as he visibly desired Medic, but this wasn't quite how he'd wanted it to go.
"Maybe tomorrow, if you can stand for yourself," Medic humoured, finally being able to free himself from the other's iron grip. Scout had frowned but slowly melted into the bed, as exhausted as he was drunk it seemed.
"Fine! fine…" Scout sighed and clearly deflated, evoking near pity into the doctor if he wasn't so distant from the concept. "You should at least lay down with me though," He said, voice lowering at every word. "If I can't fuck you at least gimme a hug." Barely a whisper. How curious… Scout had never been any cuddly, very rarely and usually on a bad day would he ask to be held like this, but here the opportunity was… And Medic would be just cruel not to take it.
It was awkward to arrange both bodies on such a small and frail bed, which left most of Medic's weight on top of the runner, but Scout for his part didn't seem to mind it, most likely enjoying the proximity all the same, if not more now that it was strangling. It was… A surprisingly comfortable position, all things considered. It allowed Medic a degree of contact he had not felt with the Scout for such a long time, had not allowed himself to feel since things began to sour between the two. It was nice to be able to hold him like this, breathing into his cheap perfume he insisted on putting for a battlefield and being treated the same way by the other, the same level of adoration in his cloudy eyes.
"Doc…" He started, of course he did, even exhaustion couldn't beat the boy's talkative personality down. "Are ya sure…? I mean I… Y'know, you don't have to be the one taking it if you wanna…" His desperation was seeping into his voice and body; even though Medic's weight was all over him, he still found room to move his hips against the doctor's body, which he didn't mind. That desperation, too, was a charming display of humanity, how desire could render the body so animalistic without checking in with the brain.
"Scout," Medic replied as a warning. Thorough his fondness of Scout's lack of control he hadn't stopped to think about what he had just said. That for once he 'didn't have to be the one taking it', Medic almost felt compelled to laugh. "You should rest, you've done very well today, liebling," he tried again, hoping that would derail Scout's train of thought.
"I-I'm serious, I mean, I don't get why you've never done it before," Scout continued to spout, making the doctor feel his frustration rising at every word. He held the runner's waist tighter within their hug, trying uselessly to tune out what Scout was telling him.
"I'm fine as we are. And you never let me anyway." His mouth provided before his reason could interject. Not that he minded, he rather enjoyed it in fact. Scout had never allowed him the grace, never with a solid excuse but a lot of attempts at it which had always prompted Medic to assure him he didn't need them. But Medic had known then as he knew now; Scout wouldn't let himself crumble in front of another like this, he couldn't bare to lose his footing. He'd always been like this, be it out in the open against a dozen men crazed by bloodlust, or locked away in his room with the only company of his doctor, he couldn't allow himself to fall in front of another's eyes, he had to best them, and being in control just so happened to be the best way he found to keep himself afloat. Medic had no problem with that, he'd let it go on for as long as Scout wanted, but as of lately and without his own interference, he'd come to realise how much that gnawed at the runner; while Medic had no problem with their arrangement, Scout seemed to grown more resentful of it each day, sour of his own inability to let it go.
"I…" Scout's hands tightened ever so slightly at Medic's clothes shoulders, wrinkling the fabric in a tug that was overflowing with need. His throat tightened against his words, doing its best not to let them out. Medic looked up at him, noticing how conflicted he looked; red cheeks and watering eyes couldn't hide the unbridled look of lust he carried, burrowing further against his Medic, his search for completion now shameless as he rocked against the doctor. "You… you could've just done it."
Medic's breath hitched.
"Y'know… just- just do it like you do everything else. Ya never asked to start kissin' me." That… that was true. "Ya could've just fucked me against a wall for all I care." If Scout had known the effect his words had on the Medic, maybe he would have stopped talking, for his own good more than anything. Medic's hands began to roam on their own, lifting Scout's shirt and planting themselves back around his waist, his grip possessive and bordering the painful. He did so to ground himself, find any semblance of self-control when he was feeling himself slip so quickly, a dam threatening to break.
"Ya never asked for anything before, you just… did it." Stop, Medic's mind provided, his eyes mirroring the same lust Scout had in his own, making the moment they exchanged looks all the more intense. He could tell that Scout felt small like this, nearly hidden away by Medic's body on top of his own, so pliant, so helpless should Medic let go of restraint. "And I… I always liked it," He said as he forced his shaky eyes to face his doctor, honesty dripping from every part of his being.
This honesty gave room to a tint that coloured his eyes a different way however, below all that adoration and desire that dared to drive the boy mad, there was a hint of something else too; fear. And Medic couldn't help the way he craved to see more. In the back of his mind he was provided with the thought of a fox whose prey rabbit had been caught in between its paws, the poor thing done struggling but whose eyes could not betray the horror it felt. Medic couldn't stand this neglect any longer as he manhandled Scout how he wanted him; his legs spread so Medic could nestle in between them, his own erection sitting hot against Scout and making them both shudder. He lowered himself against the runner again, one of his hands making its way into Scout's clothes and under his waistband, palming at his need above the damp fabric.
"Is that so?" He purred against his boy, letting out a laugh as he felt his whole body shake, almost as if he were attempting to break free from the overpowering hold Medic had on him. "Tell me, what do you want me to do?" Scout didn't reply right away, his hands clawing at Medic's clothes in a desperate attempt to keep him close. He fucked against the doctor's hand and wanted to hear his voice as low as it was against his neck again, but he was denied both feelings as Medic took away most of that dizzying proximity, only their hips still pressed together.
"Scout," Medic said surprisingly level, which evoked more fear into Scout than if he had barked out his name. The doctor's hand shifted its focus, instead travelling up Scout's short hair and tugging at it cruelly, making the runner whimper as pain and pleasure made rounds over his body. The weight he had missed finally met his body again, pinning him against the mattress as he felt the other's thick breath against his straining neck. "Tell me how I should use you."
"P-Please…" He gasped, being granted the mercy of his hair being let go, although he wasn't sure if he was happy about that. "J-Just… Just fucking take me," Scout began, being promptly awarded with Medic's other hand against his erection, offering pressure for the other to rut against but nothing more. "You have the keys to my room… You could've just fucked me while I was sleepin'" Proud and mad by his boy's work, Medic also gifted him with kisses and lovebites to his neck which elicited the sweetest of sounds "Y'know… Drugged me with somethin' and used me till I woke up"
"Scout…" Medic whimpered as his hips thrust against the runner harshly, shaking the boy's body and the mattress alike. Scout reciprocated his noises, moaning loudly and yet mostly from the faux-feeling of being fucked. They were both too deep into this to make sense of their states of undress, or lack thereof, this degree of sensation too addicting to let go even for a moment.
For once Scout was more considerate than his lover, his free hand moving in between them and past his doctor's waistband, wrapping around his neglected cock and prompting Medic to thrust against his hand as he'd allowed Scout to do before.
"G-Good boy…" By now Medic couldn't allege he fared any better than Scout, his voice failing him as it was drown in desperation. Their breaths mingled, leaving the air around them thick and suffocating in the best way it could be. The heat of their bodies only intensified by the way their clothes clung to their sweat coated bodies. Had they been able to think more than to crave one another, they both would have known how near their limits were, but amidst this timeless haven they dared not to think of an end.
"Just… Haah… 'm yours doc, just take me… You can fuck me like a toy, just…" He heaved for air. "No need to ask for it..." Scout had been overwhelmed by sensation for a while, but it was at this point that he let himself cry from it, his voice fracturing even further, to the point had Medic not known him so deeply he wouldn't have been able to tell what he was saying. "I-I trust you…" he cried at last, his body tensing up as he finally came against the heat of Medic's hand.
Medic hadn't been too far behind, his own release hitting him as he sunk his teeth against Scout's neck hard enough to puncture, leaving him to cope with how arousing the taste of his lover's blood was on his tongue. He spilled onto Scout's palm and watched with half-lidded eyes as he brought it up to his face and mindlessly began to clean it, the runner's tired tongue doing its best so he drank it all up, unabashedly looking to be praised for a job well done.
Despite the way his lungs screamed for air, Medic didn't allow himself respite, diving in to kiss Scout over and over again, messy as he could taste himself on the other's tongue which only drove him even madder. Eventually his kisses trailed off towards the runner's jaw. He spilled a plethora of 'good boy's and 'mine' against his lover's bruising skin and by the time he'd reached the newly formed wound on the junction of his neck he'd noticed Scout's lack of response; he'd fallen asleep.
Everything felt… a lot heavier all of a sudden, the sleep, the discomfort from the heat and most importantly his conflict hitting him all at once. Medic was exhausted, there was no denying, but facing the Scout that now laid unconscious in his office made his stomach flip, telling him he shouldn't rest just yet but try to digest what he had just done and what he had just heard.
Medic had never doubted the trust Scout confided in him, but he was certainly far off how deep that trust was. This was just proof this boy would foolish dive in head first into Medic's worst antics and humour his worst theories, that he'd let Medic do anything to him.
His chest swelled with pride, his throat tightened due to the building arousal that dared — and lost — to fight his exhausted body. Medic had so much in store for this boy yet he'd never allowed himself to do it, but now? It felt idiotic that he hadn't before. Their entire relationship was built on this, this unspoken permission, this blind trust, and doubting it was what was bringing them such disarray. Worry and doubt painted over Scout's visits to medbay only because Medic hadn't felt it was right to touch him, much like Medic's propositions that had died off once that insecurity began to build.
Scout would never tell Medic what he wanted, he would never tell Medic what he needed outright, but Medic had always known, he knew Scout better than he did himself, and that thought seemed to terrify as much as it excited him. This train of thought reminded Medic of the look in Scout's eyes then, the fear they carried once Scout realised Medic had full control over him, that regardless of how much he thrashed he wouldn't be able to get away from below his claws — and even then he had not tried to, submissive to a fault. Medic felt sick, he wanted to see that again, he wanted to drown on the look Scout had given him, so much fear mixed with so much devotion, telling Medic that Scout was his more than any string of words could ever.
He finally propped himself out of the bed, taking a break to make sure his whole body agreed with the idea of standing up again, but once he did he began to wonder, plan out how he'd use this information for the better of their relationship. He used the remaining of his energy to clean both of them up and fix Scout into a more comfortable position on the bed, unsure if he could truly lift Scout all the way to his room when he could barely lift himself. Lastly he wondered if he should patch the runner's neck with his medigun. As much as he'd like not to hear the boy's rants first thing in the morning, he also couldn't help but view it as a sign of ownership, one of many, but perhaps the clearest that he'd left on Scout's body.
Not many of his thoughts were coherent by the time he'd finished cleaning, so he put a pin on the idea of concocting a course of action. Medic smiled at the sleeping man and ran a hand over his hair. He knew how to break at him now and he was overjoyed to do so, but that should come in due time. Scout would come back to him in due time.
There was some mumbling in the morning, followed by a shout as Scout woke up.
The problem with having a 'high' alcohol limit you see, is that your pain in the morning will be equivalent, straight up inhuman. Scout scowled as he turned around, thinking about how this bed felt much smaller than his own but not daring to take a look due to how blinding sunlight was. It took a while for the pounding, rhythmic to his heartbeat to soften, but once it did and he allowed himself to look and he noticed he had been right, this wasn't his room, but medbay.
"Herr Scout!" Medic walked over, offering him what he assumed was medicine for the ache, or at least hoped so. He couldn't deal with any of Medic's stunts this early and painfully in the morning. The doctor had greeted him a good morning and he mumbled it back.
"W-What happened? Everythin' hurts…" That was true, his head hurt like hell, but even more did his body which felt like it had been crushed, but then again he did fight a war most days of the week. He couldn't remember a thing though, especially regarding the night before, but if his location was worth a guess he either had a fantastic night or an awful one.
"Oh that would be the wrestling from yesterday," Medic replied. "You and Soldier were left on your own for a little too long, and the next thing we knew you were both beaten bloody!" A terrible night it was then. Scout sighed, trying to crank his arm only to find a sharp pain riddling the junction between his shoulder and neck. "I've done what I could with the medigun, but I suppose the pain didn't go away then?" Medic sounded concerned, a hint of guilt seeping into Scout.
"Yeah but don't worry doc, I got this, I'll be runnin' miles 'round that prick in just a bit, he won't even know what hit him," Scout chuckled, trying to defuse that worried look from his doctor's eyes, but they just intensified in alarm.
"Oh don't. Herr Soldier is much in the same boat as you, he just left earlier, doesn't seem to remember much from last night either." If Scout had more of his wits with him, he would have been able to notice that no bed but his own seemed undone, or the fact that the morning had been so quiet for a place that housed soldier. But he did not, nodding blindly to what Medic spouted at him. It had all but become white noise to Scout, he just agreed, that until he heard something awfully similar to 'good boy' amongst the nonsense. His eyes immediately shot open — even if that hurt like hell — and he scrambled back to his senses.
"The hell did you just say to me?" He inquired but immediately felt regret wash over him as he realised how it must have sounded.
"Huh? I'm telling you how last night went- Scout were you not listening?" Ah shit… "Ach no matter. Can you stand?" Scout tried and despite his mind-numbing pain, it seemed like his legs could tough it out at least until he got to his own room, seeing they had no routine to follow that day.
"Yeah, yeah, thanks for the help doc." Scout smiled sheepishly. His hand hovered for a moment before he set it down, changing his eyes' course from Medic to the door. However early it was, it clearly was too early for him to be fumbling like this. "I-I'll be going now." Yet before he could take a single step…
"Oh I almost forgot!" His medic said playfully, and then he pulled Scout into a kiss. Scout nearly fell over both from his already shaky legs but from the force with which he was pulled. Medic took that chance to deepen their contact, forcing his tongue into Scout's mouth and drifting his free hand to his thigh, squeezing his much larger hand around it.
Scout hadn't even been given the chance to react before it was all gone, the only thing supporting it had even happened being the ghosting feeling over his leg and the taste of the doctor on his lips. If he wasn't lightheaded before, he sure was now, words failing him even though he was free to go.
"I…" He was blushing like a girl, almost as tactless as when they had first kissed, honestly it was quite pathetic to watch. "T-Thanks doc, see ya." He decided to end it there, tailing it for the exit before Medic could derail him more than he already had.
"I'll see you around, liebling," he ended with a chuckle, mostly to himself.
Scout's lucidity was wholly back into his body now, one fake-out into that gut punch of a kiss really did a number on him. He damn near ran down the halls with how lost in thought he was, and that meant he didn't quite register anyone else around him, even though he knew they were there. He hadn't exactly stopped to check which faces he had and which he hadn't seen until he was startled by a tug to his shirt, knocking him airless and pulling him back towards the offender. It was Pyro, the heavy breathing coming from within the suit implying she'd been tailing Scout for a little while.
"Watcha want mumbles?" He said, as if he would get an answer. He was released but as signed he stayed still, watching as Pyro dug into his uniform and pulled out some stark coloured sticky bandages. They had all sorts of patterns to them, he noticed them all while Pyro struggled some of them open and then tugged him again — kindly this time — and covered a spot on the crook of his neck. "Wh- What the heck? What's that for?" He was ready to take the adhesives out when she told him not to, her hands closing and opening in a manner he'd come to associate with her way of saying 'animal' or, more likely, 'bite'. "A-Ah… Thanks Pyro." The little freak nodded happily, bouncing off with some of those bandages still attached to her suit.
Well, maybe he didn't have that bad of a night after all.